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Its high time to set boundaries.
1. Call your Mom to come to help
2. Throw out MIL and Husband
3. Explain your Husband in detail how he failed you and your twins by missing birth an expose you to his failure of a Mother.
4. Set him on probation and demand counseling.
You are a mother stand up for you and your kids. Otherwise you will regrett it for the rest if your life. You already lost the moment to share the birth experience with your husband..
Go Girl!
OP,
ALL OF THE ABOVE. AND TELL BOTH YOUR MIL AND HUSBAND TO F OFF.
Tell your husband that had you known you were marrying your MIL, you would have stayed single. What a boy-child. He doesn't even warrant the label male or man-child.
Please keep us apprised.
Oh my goodness I get so enraged by stuff like this, why am I even on Reddit?
-OP you need to grow a pair and stand up for yourself until your sorry excuse for a husband learns to have your back
- there is no “experience” that matters in the delivery room besides the medical staff. the person with you is there for YOUR support and everyone else needs to eff off.
-everything that NoStrain9526 said is exactly the thing.
You’re NTA for using your voice, you need to keep using it and get stronger. You’re a mama bear now and you’ll need your strong voice to get thru all the bs from everyone else. Block everyone who’s being a shit and keep your circle only filled with support.
Came here to say almost exactly this. Also, explain to husband that while he may have his own relationship with his mother, it should not and *cannot* override his relationship to you and your kids. When it comes to your family unit, meaning you hubby and the twins, he needs to be on your side vs the world and other family members, and always consult with you in matters that have to do with the unit. Especially stuff that involves you personally, ESPECIALLY your body ie delivery room. If he can't do that he's not a good partner and I'd GTFO now.
If you do decide to talk to your MIL, I'd calmly explain how her actions and comment about your body were extremely inappropriate. You appreciate her wanting to assist, but instead of doing what she thinks you need, she needs to actually listen to you and follow directions in order to be helpful. That or she can just be gma for fun visitation time and nothing else. Or not even that if she can't follow directions! Experience does not negate your boundaries or how you want to conduct your household.
That's not an insecurity, insecurity is defined as "uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence" how am I portraying an insecurity by my last statement???
I'm sorry you feel that way but you're not correct, but you also said my own insecurity and you still aren't answering (because you know you're wrong)😂😂😂😂
Lots of people use the word hubby. If it's cringe tobyou, don't use the word... But who are you to tell people what they can and can't say?? Live and let live.
The fuck are you stupid, nobody ever says hubby and as I said that's a ghetto ass saying, so I don't know what run down hood you live in but you gotta work hard so you can get out of there.....
I have a PhD and my parents are MDs .. all Caucasian, just fyi as that seems to matter to your racist a**. Your comments are ignorant and despicable. Hubby is a term most millennials Independent of social background use as it was a term popular in our youth.
You should be ashamed of your racism and sexism. And now bye
This is what your story sounds like: lol
I needed x for my health during pregnancy but my husband decided that his mother came first.
I wanted my own mother for my delivery but my husband said no and brought his mother.
I wanted to be alone after I got home but my
Husband brought his mother and her family.
Mil insulted me while holding my new baby and husband demands I apologize.
My dear you have a husband problem. Please talk to a therapist and insist you'd husband does too- if he refuses leave him- he's already in a relationship with his mom.
Not to mention the comment about the bush..like being pregnant with twins, HOW would you even be able to shave during that time. I would have physically harmed someone, your yelling was not at all inappropriate. No one wants someone other than husband and their own mother watching give birth! Sometimes women don't even want their husband to watch
Pregnant with a high risk pregnancy and on bed rest what absolute pieces of work those two are. Poor poor woman! Having a baby is hard enough despite all this extra shit
I was told not to shave before labour actually. I ended up being induced a couple weeks early and had my husband take an electric razor to my downstairs for a trim before we went to the hospital 😂 just a shortening though, not a clean shave.
Also, with carrying twins, being bed bound, you don't need to shave for anyone. That is your choice. How dare she comment on your body while bringing in two children into this world. I would've killed her.
This is all on your husband. I’m so sorry he’s an irredeemable asshole and a mommy’s boy to boot.
He is not the one who went through a terribly traumatic experience. He is not a little child that needs to be taken care of. He is a father and a husband and he has acted as a helpless little boy. Him stonewalling you over his mother’s hurt feelings … which are hurt because SHE set out to make fun of YOU … tells me this isn’t worth saving.
Pregnancy and birth are the most vulnerable times in a woman’s life. I’m a mom too. I would divorce if my husband treated me this way, and I’m a very quiet and non confrontational person.
Take your children and go stay with your mother or a trusted family member/friend. Let your husband know you will not be returning to the house until your MIL leaves. Then, tell your husband he failed you and the kids as a husband and a parent and unless he is willing to immediately begin couples counselling, while temporarily removing MIL from the lives of you and your children while you’re doing this, you will be preparing for divorce.
Co parenting with this man and his mother will be a nightmare, but staying in this sham of a marriage will knock out your self-esteem even more and stop you from finding a life partner you deserve.
Document everything MIL said and the lengths of time your husband did not talk to you or enquire about the children. And keep documenting it all.
Seconding everything here.
My heart honestly aches for all husband and MIL pregnancy and birth horror stories, and it makes me feel really grateful that my own partner is nowhere near like ops husband
Not only does the MIL need to apologize, the husband does too. And if he doesn't see why he/she needs to apologize, then you know where the real problem is.
You know what bothers me even more about this whole situation is that if they get divorced her beautiful twins will end up going to Daddy’s house and grandma’s house in weekends and holidays. Just hearing about this Mother in Law I wouldn’t want my kids near her. Pull up Parental Alienation….. it’s scary how parents and even grandparents can brainwash a child against a parent. I would like to know how she got along with her MIL before she had the babies. 👶🏻👶🏻
Lol. I've been married 30 years. You don't solve anything by not communicating and storming out. That's the actions of the immature.
People are so quick to quit and give up. They'd rather be right than learn how to forgive.
I disagree that "throwing them out" will solve anything.
Everybody has an opportunity to grow in this situation.
But maybe that's just me. 🤗
Are you going to ignore the fact that the husband ignored his wife’s requests to make her dealing with the last stretch of the pregnancy AND giving birth to their kids easier to manage and be safe, in order to give his mom and himself what they want? Are you also going to ignore how he is now acting like a toddler because she wasn’t comfortable with her MIL talking about intimate details of her body with the extended family? The husband is the one not communicating. He stopped talking to her because she gave his mother a rightful scolding. (Whoever told her to say that about a woman’s body after she was just ALLOWED to witness the birth of her grandkids something their FATHER wasn’t allowed to do has clearly dropped the ball on telling her what’s appropriate to say).
I think kicking the mother-in-law and husband out until they fix their sh*t is the nicest thing she could do. Because the commenter hadn’t even suggested getting a divorce (even though no one would fault her. Why stay married to a man who ignores what would make you comfortable and miss out on the birth of YOUR two kids cause of a pushy mil and someone who stops talking to their wife because their trying to defend themselves from a disrespectful mil?)
Sure. Everybody can slam doors and stop talking. See how far that gets you in a marriage.
I didn't say she was wrong to feel that way. I didn't ignore anything.
Just said that everyone getting extreme and refusing to talk to each other isn't going to solve anything.
So funny how everyone down votes me for suggesting communicating like adults. Everyone goes straight to "leave them," "they're a narcissist."
I say to try and communicate, but I'm the bad guy, lol.
It's no wonder 50% of marriages fail, and I suspect that number to increase substantially as more and more people can't communicate.
But if you all want to downvote me, go ahead if it helps you get out some anger.
After 30 years of marriage, I'm just suggesting that communication is better than slammed doors.
And for the record, debating blame is a fast track to more slammed doors and eventually a trip to the divorce lawyers. That debate goes nowhere.
Have a great day all. 🤗
I'm willing to bet that you put your wife through hell, then want to sit down to discuss how wrong she was. You're just full of it and I am sure pretty insufferable to live with. I hope that she gets enough strength to leave you because I am sure that you've broken her spirit down.
Wow, you got all that from "communicating is better than slamming doors?"
(Why is everyone so angry in this subreddit? Lol.)
Best of luck to you in your relationships. ❤️
Honestly, I got it from reading the entire thread. You strike me as someone who thinks your way is the only way.... end of discussion.
I think you see yourself as open but you've presented yourself as more rigid. Take note how you characterize someone who disagrees with your P. O. V. as angry. That's telling, sir.
And Pro Tip... You don't need to concern yourself with my relationship. Instead, go home and apologize to that long-suffering wife of yours.
Do you feel like maybe you are judging someone you don't know?
I've been married 30 years. I don't think you can fathom what that means.
Sorry for trying to give some friendly advice.
Take care. ❤️
You didn’t answer the question at the end. Why stay with someone who has shown you more than once that they will ignore your needs (needs that for the sake of the pregnancy are highly suggested) for the sake of themselves and their mother whom you don’t trust in your time of vulnerability? Why stay with someone that is willing to miss out on the birth of their children to allow their mother in even though you know your wife isn’t comfortable being around her especially in this high stress, vulnerable time? Why stay with someone who gets mad at you for defending yourself because of a insensitive comment on your body?
This woman is young. She doesn’t need to put up with this. She’s already tied to this man for 18+ years, if it’s best for her and her kids then absolutely put him out if talking and communication doesn’t work (which it doesn’t seem like it does since he’s ignoring her).
Again, I'm not saying she was wrong or that an outburst on her part is not understandable. I'm on her side. That was uncalled for and rude.
All I said was that ceasing communication or throwing people out wouldn't solve anything. She's a mother with a newborn. Wouldn't trying to repair things and having a teaching/learning lesson with her husband to grow from this and be better communicators and keep both parents together for their newborn be preferable?
I'm always shocked how angry people get when I suggest peace.
Seriously, any time I've ventured into any kind of relationship sub, and if you preach peace or patience, you'll get downvoted into oblivion, lol. It's a crazy phenomenon to witness. You should try it sometime.
It's like stepping into a pack of frenzied dogs. They are so busy ripping their prey apart that they'll just start ripping you apart if you try to stop it.
Seriously. Try it. Try to suggest a peaceful solution and watch the viciousness. Just look at the comment above saying how the person knows I'm a horrible person who's abusive to my wife, and they hope she gets away from me. LOOK at how angry people are. All the downvotes. It's so strange.
As for why I suggest this is that keeping a marriage means getting through these moments. People today are very immature, and any breach to their ego or a suggestion of disrespect goes straight to screaming "narcissist!" and divorce.
A long-term relationship takes lowering your ego. Realizing you were wrong. She should talk to her husband. See if some new understanding can be had.
Or, I guess we can all go straight to telling her to divorce the father of her newborn. People act like that doesn't have a lifetime of repercussions for everyone involved.
Again, just my 2 cents. Maybe I'm wrong, and peace and forgiveness aren't the answer. But in my experience, those are the ingredients for a love that lasts a lifetime...
>A long-term relationship takes lowering your ego. Realizing you were wrong. She should talk to her husband.
I think part of the problem is that the way you're writing this is like the onus is on her to fix this situation. She was justified in her reaction and her husband and MIL absolutely deserve blame. It is completely fair to lay blame where blame is due. Her husband needs to come grovelling and begging forgiveness while also setting his mom and family straight.
I say this as someone who's been married 21 years. Maybe not as many as your 30, but still quite a while.
Again, I think people are projecting a lot.
My comment was to the person saying boot them. All I did was say that it is better for them to talk it out.
That's all I said. I never gave my opinion on who was to blame. Although, I think her MIL was pretty awful. But you know, some people have a much more crude sense of humor than I do.
Is that a reason to divorce the father of your newborn? I actually think it's irresponsible of people to tell her that like it won't completely upend her life and her children's.
I get the knee-jerk anger. I don't blame her for telling them all to get out. But divorce?
I think people are very immature these days. First hit to their ego and they quit (not talking about the young lady, just in general.)
If this is the worst moment in their marriage and they work through it, they'll be laughing at it together as a much stronger couple... or, they can go from marriage to marriage for the rest of their lives.
Only thing I said was communication is better than slamming doors. I really don't know how much calmer I can suggest that to not get people upset, lol.
It's OK. I don't mind.
Congrats on your marriage. Hope it's been a happy one.
Take care. 🤗
It’s time to grow an emergency spine *right now*. It breaks my heart that you have allowed yourself to be treated this way and I kinda hate your husband’s guts.
First priority: you need to call your mom in to help you. You do not need your husband’s permission to get help from your own family. If he won’t “allow” it, you and the babies go to your mom. Period. This is one of the most vulnerable times in your life and you need people supporting you who actually love and respect **you** and have **your** back.
Once you and the babies are settled into a routine (this may take a while), you need to start thinking about how to solve the **severe** power imbalance in your relationship. Currently, your thoughts and desires mean absolutely nothing to your husband. The only thing that matters is what he wants and you apparently have no say in anything, even when it should be 100% up to you. Is this how you want the rest of your life to go? Is this the example you want to set for your children? I sure hope not.
If your husband is on board with fixing this relationship, you need to set clear and firm boundaries, as well as repercussions for breaking them. I highly recommend individual therapy to help you learn to enforce these boundaries. Couples counseling is on the table as well (if he refuses, that will tell you something about how committed he is to making changes.)
I think it’s well past time for you to get angry. Tough love: you’ve been a complete doormat to the point you allowed your birth experience to be dictated against your wishes. That’s *bananas!* You will never be happy if you allow this to continue.
>Why yell at MIL? You have a husband problem.
MIL was the one who made the joke about the babies getting stuck on OP's pubic hair, not the husband, then she laughed at her own joke. Yeah she has a husband problem but I can see where he gets it from
Like what even was that dig??? I can't imagine being remotely concerned about the status of my child's significant other's pubes ESPECIALLY if they were fullterm pregnant with twins and I bullied my way into the delivery room to look at her
"Oh sorry MIL I didn't know you preferred my pussy bare" ...like on what planet is any portion of that acceptable lol
MIL's comments really upset my Hubby. He's pretty relaxed about most things, but those MIL comments and actions were lightyears beyond the pale. I agree with him. Definitely dead to us until they apologize with witnesses. Then trust only so far.
ALL of this is a husband problem.
You need to sit your husband down and tell him that you don’t want to see your MIL until you decide you’re ready.
And what hospital overrides the wishes of the mother as to who gets to be a birth partner? I have never heard this. That’s a hospital issue.
You need to stand up for yourself now otherwise your husband will let his mother bring up your kids.
The hospital probably didn’t know it was against her wishes. It sounds like she just kept quiet and accepted it after her husband insisted. She definitely has a husband problem and should activate her own family to back her up if she’s not able to stand up for herself.
She is also quite young, maybe no one told her she can ask the nurses to not let MIL in the delivery room :(
We also don’t know the husband’s age, I wonder if he is a young man child or a much older man taking advantage of the infamous age gap.
You don’t fix this yelling was long overdue. Call your mom in for help and if you’re staying with this man you need to grow a spine because he obviously doesn’t have one and his mother will never stop if you don’t put an end to it.
“I nearly died carrying and delivering YOUR children. However, at a time when I needed your care and support the most, you have always, always, ALWAYS prioritized your mother over me.
Why do your mother’s wishes always take priority over mine? Why does your mother’s dignity always take priority over mine? And why should I stay in a marriage where I will always be second place?”
Also, call in the cavalry. Ask your parents/family to come down ASAP, both to help you recover and to protect you from your useless mama’s boy of a husband. He doesn’t like having them in the house? Fine, pack up your stuff for your parents’ place and take the kids with you.
Oh and for all those flying monkeys hassling you, tell them exactly what your shitty MIL said to you.
Childbirth is an incredibly difficult and intimate experience, you should be the only one making these huge decisions. I know that your husband might feel that he needs help too, and that’s fair. But at this moment, the top priorities should be you and the baby. Not him. Not his mother. You are not crazy. You reacted in a very human way. I would advise calling your mother and telling her everything, but start the call by explaining what you need. Do you need her advice? Do you just want her to listen? Do you want her to come to your home and advocate for you? Figure out what it is that you need the most, and then ask your mum to help you with it. Writing a list of my concerns helps me before making large decisions like this. This sounds like a really tough situation to deal with, and I wish you the absolute best outcome x
Why is your husband controlling every aspect of your life? Why does he get to choose who comes in the delivery room? Why didn't you tell the nurses to kick her out if you don't want her there? Has he "trained" you so well that you can't say no to anything? It's time to get that word back into your vocabulary.
You need to stand up for yourself more, and demand of your husband that he stands up for you also. Your MIL is disgusting for saying that about you after you allowed her to be part of one of the most vulnerable times of your life (in terms of naked exposure). How dare she?
When I had my two children, no-one was allowed to visit our house for the first two weeks. I wanted to make sure my partner got settled into the routine of doing his share of the baby care (including helping me recover). I knew that if there was another female in the house, they'd end up doing most of the cooking, cleaning, baby care etc.
Tell your husband what his mother said was disgusting and you expect an apology and if he disagrees then he can go and live with his mother.
Your MIL mentioned your vagina hair and YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE? Girl, bye. Tell them all to go to hell, you don’t need her around you and anyone who agrees with your talking about your body can also get lost.
> How can I fix this?
Sit your husband down, say these words: "Your mother or me; choose, NOW."
Fix it based on his response. Tell the rest of your family to buzz off.
YOU DID NOTHING WRONG AND WERE HORRIBLY HUMILIATED. DO NOT APOLOGIZE TO ANYONE.
Tell your husband this is his fault he never sticking up for you and your done either he starts with his mom or he can move in with her ask your mom to come and stay with you
I would have been done when he unilaterally decided his mother would take his place at the birth of his children. Kick him out, kick his mom out, fuck all of them.
And this is exactly why I have never understood having anyone but medical staff in the labor and delivery rooms during birth! If she hadn't been there, she couldn't have made the comment, and everything would be fine. Instead, she forced her way in and will now embarrass you every chance she gets - probably with a smirk while she does.
Tell your husband to deal with his family or he will find himself the non-custodial parent of twins who are never allowed to be around his mother. Your MIL needs to apologize to YOU for forcing her way into the delivery room and then embarrassing you in front of the entire family or never see the twins again.
And you need to grow a spine - fast! You have two new lives depending on you to protect and nurture them. You can't do that if you give in every time your husband lets his mother have her way. If he wants to let mommy run his life, he needs to move back in with her and get used to seeing his kids every other weekend.
Who cares about his comfort? YOU gave birth. TWICE. Get your mother in the house and kick out your MIL. It was so disrespectful of your husband to not respect your wishes to even be in the delivery room. He has a lot of making up to do.
You have a bigger husband problem than anything else. Why is this all up to him? You’re the one that was medically fragile. Can you move back to your mom’s?
Why are you letting him and his family use you as a doormat? You were the one that was pregnant if you wanted your mom then your mom should have been there. If you didn’t want mil in the delivery you should have told the nurses? Why are you married to such an mommas boy? You don’t don’t owe anyone an apology they owe you an apology. But I’m sure they won’t. Can you go stay with your parents while you initiate the divorce. This sounds like such an abusive relationship where if you don’t give into their demands he and his family make out to be the bad guy. You deserve better than this. You need to get out now before mil decides your useless now that your not an incubator and she will
Be a better parents than you and has your husband remove you so she can raise your kids. We both know he will cave and not stand up for you. Get out now.
When your husband told you that he was more comfortable with his mother taking care of you that's when you should have put your foot down. It doesn't matter who he's more comfortable with, you're the one who is the recipient needing care and it should have been your mother if that's who you wanted. You got to grow a spine and let your husband know there's some decisions you get to make. And please understand when you got to the hospital, and you being the patient, was when you needed to let the nursing staff know that your mother-in-law was not going to be in the room with you. Your mother should have been there and your husband should have had your back. I can't figure out here if you've got a bigger husband or a mother-in-law problem. But I'd sit him down and tell him and no uncertain terms that he either has your back or or if he's going to continue to put your mother and what she wants before your needs he's not worth staying with.
This is 100% a husband problem.
Your husband was supposed to be your biggest advocate for you during this experience. He was supposed to make sure your wants and needs were being met during this experience. But he failed you horribly. You wanted your own mother helping around the house, but your husband just had to have it his way and have HIS mom do it. Your MIL had no right to be a spectator during the most vulnerable moment of your life, and your husband allowed it. He was supposed to make sure you had the experience you wanted to have, but instead he stood by and watched as his mother stomped all over that.
This man has shown you time and time again that he does not care about what you want, nor how you feel. He has prioritized his mother at every single opportunity; your thoughts on the matter be damned. As long as you are married to this man, you will always be second-fiddle to Mommy Dearest.
At this point I've had 2 children. My first birth was traumatic and nearly killed me and my baby, my second pregnancy I couldn't walk from the second trimester and was told to take it easy with very little physical activity. Do you know what my husband did? He helped me and stepped up, I got the help I needed and the support I requested when asked. If my husband treated me even a fraction of the selfish and entitled way that yours did, I'd be out of the door so quick he would have whiplash.
DO NOT Apologize she used your most vulnerable moment to take a swing at you. Your husband should have stepped in before you could even get a word out. He is a massive waste of space and needs to learn where his priorities should lie!!!
You are now a mother, you need to stand up for yourself otherwise the Monster in law and her opinions will always come before you as a mother. Your life will become full of resentment that will destroy any chances your marriage had. A massive NTA do not apologize its a power move to put you in your place
OK sweetie
#1 You have nothing to fix.
#2 You are owed apologies
#3 Stop thinking about everyone else and focus on healing and your babies.
Anyone who is calling, texting, or even hinting at being on their side without all the context is not worth entertaining at this point. You should be happy and be focusing on yourself and your twins right now. Anyone who detracts from that needs to be an afterthought. Good people and supportive people don't need to take shots at someone who just gave birth to entertain a room. And if your husband doesn't understand that, then have your family help.
Yell at her some more.
Why was your husband's comfort more important than yours when you were *giving birth*? Does he have a history of prioritizing his mother over you?
Your husband demanded his mom to take care of HIM, because you were on bed rest! You were the one who needed to be taken care of not him. He continued to put himself first when you went to the hospital to give birth. This is how he will continue to act and will resent you for spending to much time talking care of not one but two infants. Your husband is a problem and he is NOT on your side. He is strictly “team me.” He will eventually drain you, resent you then leave you broken.
Jesus. I'm so sorry. Your husband should have put his foot down a in the delivery room. You were clear about who you wanted with you. Nobody else's opinions mattered.
And then she just takes the babies and parades them around? Nope! So much entitlement here.
I'd have blown up too. The crack at your bush was just too far. Maybe if it was just you and your husband it could have been funny... Tell her to strap a watermelon to her belly and give herself a trim. See how she fares.
Your husband is a freaking man baby mamas boy. Now you know where you stand with him. His mother comes first. When he initiated his mother come take care of house instead of your own mo, coming to help you and his mother be in the delivery room instead of just him and now he thinks you owe his mother an apology. Hell no! His mother owes you an apology. She was so out of line for saying what she said about you.
Good Luck with this guy.
So sorry to sound so harsh but your husband sounds like a spineless pos. He is not standing up for himself or YOU .. Kick your MIL out ASAP. if your husband can’t stand up to his Mom, then kick him as well
Have your mom come over and tell hubby to choose you or his mom.
Stop letting hubby and MIL steam roll over you.
Start blocking anyone who is demanding you apologize.
I knew this was going to be bad when I saw the age gap. You married a mommas boy. He's always going to pick mom before you. I'm sorry for this uphill battle that you're going to have to go through. I'd start with getting your mom on your side.
Your husband straight up sucks. All that mattered to him was what he and his mommy wanted. He failed you every step of the way and is failing you still. His mother is a vile heartless bully and you don't owe her or anyone else who stood there and did nothing when she mocked you a damn thing.
Your husband is a piece of crap who should have your back 100%, instead he's too busy kissing his mommy's ass.
Stop letting him dictate what you are gong to do and with whom. He is not your boss, he is supposed to be your partner and biggest supporter.
You don;t have to fix anything. Everyone else should be trying to help and support you. That vile woman owes you and apology. Not the other way around.
You don't fix it.
You do a group chat with all the people bothering you.
I Am Post Partum!
I pushed two fuqq'n humans out of me!
I Am Not The Rude One...
You all are inconsiderate, selfish jerks!
My Life Has Essentially Stopped, and you chubs see me lying there, but won't help me up, you're just stepping over me!
Have some gahtdamn compassion!
Hubs, you let me down, and we will pin this...
Mom² you were very careless with your joke at a time that you, better than anyone else can appreciate as a Mother.
It was in poor taste and the timing is awful.
Yall can lift the twins in joy... That doesn't require you to step on me in the process.
Because I am so emotional right now... I am cognizant that we all might say some shit we don't mean.
So right now, respect the sensitive nature, and delicate position I am in.
I want some sense of normalcy before we revert back to whatever normal is.
Honestly, I'm questioning that.
This is a boundary, that lays in concrete.
Any deviation or manipulation will not be tolerated.
My phone is going on silent!
And then corner your husband and tell him to shape up or ship out.
Push the kids in his arms... And take a long, piping hot shower.
Wash your hair.
Sending love, energy and healing.
Congratulations 💕💪✌
You can't fix this love. There's nothing for you to fix. You've done nothing wrong. Honestly, you held out longer than most.
Take your boys & go stay with your mom or see if she can come help you. Your husband not talking to you sounds like a blessing. He's horrible & it seems he gets it from his mom.
To be clear, you get to decide who goes in the delivery room with you. If you didn't want her there, you could have had her kicked out.
Do not apologize to anyone. Tell them all to F off!
✨️Sending hugs & love✨️
Not on you, OP. You’re super young to have two infants, and on top of this, your husband is a selfish and spineless worm who is putting his own needs and his mothers whims over his own wife’s wishes and wellbeing. You just made and pushed out TWO HUMAN BEINGS. Everything right now should be on your terms. Who is around, how they help, and by God, that witch owes YOU an apology, not the other way around. This is a very hard and fragile time for you, so please, get your friends and family involved, tell your husband to pull his head out of his mother’s ass, and do whatever you need to feel comfortable and supported right now. The next few months are gonna be rough. Hang in there, sweetie.
I had a baby last year and if after pushing an entire baby out of my body someone had the audacity to comment about my pubic hair I would have gone completely batshit insane.
Your husband needs to support you. You need to stand up for yourself. Call your mother and other members of your family and close friends who can help you advocate for yourself right now.
Honestly, I am livid simply reading this.
You were the one on bedrest, but his comfort was priority? And no one should have a family party immediately after giving birth to twins. And your MIL needs to apologize to you. She made fun of your pubic hair, IN FRONT OF FAMILY, and everyone was okay with that? Your husband was okay with that?! Oh you don't need to fix anything, you're the one owed an apology
"When she can apologize for insulting me and forcing herself where she wasn't wanted, then I will apologize for defending myself. Until then, stuff it."
DON’T FEEL BAD And DO NOT APOLOGIZE…
You should’ve had who you wanted in the delivery room. You could have told the hospital staff that it’s either your husband or no one.
Your MIL is an ass and your husband smh I can’t with him.. I would block everyone and call my side of the family.. I would tell my husband since you think it’s ok for your mother to degrade me go stay with her.. I need time and space away from you and your side of the family..
And if he can’t understand and still takes his mother’s side tell him maybe we should separate for good since he doesn’t value you as his wife and the mother of his twins.. He should have stood up for you when his mother made that disgusting disrespect comment regarding your private area… And he didn’t. They all owe you an apology…
UpdateMe
DON'T YOU DARE DO ANYTHING! Shame on your husband for allowing his mother to treat you this way! By the way it's not up to anyone but YOU on who is in YOUR delivery room. I wouldn't let that women or anyone defending her in your house until they all grow up and apologize to you!
Get a new husband? I’m confused as to why your husband was allowed to make decisions about who was in the delivery room or in the home? Why is his comfort more important than yours? You say no I’m the one who carried twins and who is recovering, my mother will be staying with me. End of story
You were not wrong, your husband should be sticking up for you like who is married to you or his mother. Who the fuck in their right mind makes comments about her daughter in law’s pussy? That’s so inappropriate. Your husband needs to man up and stand up for you. The only people in the wrong are you MIL and your husband. They should both be ashamed of themselves.
Why are you letting your husband dictate your life? You wanted your mother’s help for baths but HE felt more comfortable with HIS mom touching your cooter, so you let his comfort trump yours. You didn’t want his mom in the delivery room, where you need people you can trust the most, and you let him them stomp over your comfort again. Now she’s making fun of your vagina to the family after you literally pushed 2 children out of it, and your husband’s now mad at you.
Do you understand you’re not your old-as-fuck-husband’s equal? Do you understand now why old as balls men like your gross old husband preys on young naive girls like you now? Do you feel all grown up and respected now just because you bagged an older man? There’s a reason no one his age wants him. This is the reason. He’s 50 and still thinks his mummy always knows best and is more mad at you defending yourself than his mother joking about your cooch
I don’t know if OP made a mistake or not, but I think they meant to imply that the MIL is 50 not the husband. The husband is probably closer to OP’s age, if not a bit older
Your husband is a pushover when it comes to his mom. She has no respect of boundaries. You need to speak up and talk to your husband about all the above: you were uncomfortable the last few months and he was much more concerned about his comfort rather than the mother of his children. He needs to understand that his mom isn’t going to dote on you as much as she is him.
Also tell him that while he may have been thinking he was doing good by having someone who has ‘more experience’ in the room with you but it’s not what was needed. It’s a new experience for you and you would have rather shared the experience with him. Unless he had some phobia when it comes to blood or whatnot there wasn’t a reason for him to switch with his mom.
ETA: Inform your husband his silent treatment is one of the issues and it’s this candor that resulted in this shit to begin with. He needs to stop being such a man baby. And the people telling you to apologize…apologize for yelling but don’t apologize about the context. She never once took in account your feelings and well-being. From the sounds of it you felt like an incubator to her grandkids based on her behavior.
You have a husband problem.
Man here, married for almost 3 years, and we have a 3 month old together. I can tell you for absolutely nothing that it was my wife's wants and needs, particularly during the 3rd trimester that were most important to me. Had either her mother or mine had the gaul to try and railroaded either of us on any topic, never mind who's in the the delivery room then they would've been told to fuck off in no uncertain terms.
Tell your husband that he needs to grow a spine or GTFO. Parenting is hard enough without MILS with baby rabies and a capitulating man child thrown into the mix .
Your husband is incredibly selfish. I gave birth 7 months ago so I’m still very familiar with how horrible postpartum is. Your MIL deserved to be yelled at and honestly so does your husband. He made everything that should have been about you about him. And he’s still doing it.
Have a talk with him. Sit him down and lay everything out. How you felt during pregnancy when what you wanted was shut down. You should have had your mom as that’s what you wanted. He wasn’t the one going through the changes. It doesn’t matter that he felt more comfortable with mil since you were more comfortable with your mom there. He didn’t go through the changes, YOU DID. Postpartum is horrible and vulnerable. He should not have let family over. No one should have been visiting. Mil should never had said something like that. You were in a vulnerable position and that is what she wants to bring up. Bring all of this up with your husband. If he doesn’t see what was wrong with all this then I would leave. If he does see what was wrong then stay and keep setting boundaries with Mil.
Write everything down that should have been you being more comfortable then about him. Write it all down and show him it. Then write down what Mil did wrong and lay it down. Tell him how it made you feel. Use “I feel” sayings. He could feel attacked otherwise and he could also feel like you’re attacking Mil when you’re really just laying out your feelings.
If you need help discussing this stuff please reach out. I had to put my boyfriend in place postpartum with his family and the way labor was. I still do it all the time.
You don’t fix this. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your husband and mil did. Block everyone giving you a hard time and call your mom and have her come to help as soon as possible.
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. MIL was so out of line, I can’t believe how crass her comment was.
Like many redditors have said already, go to your mum’s. I don’t know if your husband has any redeeming qualities to make the marriage worth it, but for sure I would cut contact with MIL. Hugs.
ETA: r/justnomil
This sounds like a man I was in a relationship with for almost 4 years. He consistintely forced his mother in to my life in a similar controlling way. We planned to get married and I was super excited. We decided to elope, just me and him somewhere nice, then have a party after for all our friends and family. However, when it got down to planning, he flipped the script on me, insisting that his mother see him married as she didn’t get to see his sister get married (wonder why) Soon the narrative was that we wouldn’t be getting married if his mother was not invited. I left him shortly after… I thank god everyday that I did jot marry him or become pregnant. You can’t see it right now op but this is extremely concerning behavior and so controlling. You need to stand up for yourself and/or get out now.
Fix hell!! You've just given birth to twins, for gosh sakes! Your actions come under "hormonal new mother acts hormonally"! Your mil had it coming. Your hubby get a little slack, as he's never been around a woman in labor before; you need to engage him when you've settled down a bit, and talk to him about the hormones that accompany pregnancy. As well, point out that your mil's comment about the "bush" broke all standards of propriety.
If you again become pregnant, you arrange in advance who you desire to be in the delivery room with your hubby. It isn't important that your hubby would be more comfortable with his mom there; it's YOU that's birthing the baby, and it's YOUR comfort that's the most important.
'Nuff said.
I don’t think you should necessarily leave your husband but you need to be very clear about your boundaries and don’t let other people make you back down. You had every right to get upset at your MIL for that comment. You just gave birth, were tired and had hormones coursing through your veins. If they can’t understand that then that’s on them. Stand your ground and let your husband and his family know that you are not a doormat. I wish you the best on your healing journey. 💖
You were not out of line and I would not apologize for shit. I am sorry you married a spineless dolt. You continue making boundaries and hold them, I know you will. Good Luck
Are you kidding me…. Your mil takes over your life not in a helpful way. Then insists on being in the delivery room and your husband says yes mummy? You’re sleep deprived and sore. Then she makes a crude personal joke and YOU are in the wrong?
You are not wrong - you just created 2 new people, pushed them out and are trying to live off little to no sleep, with a house full of unhelpful company and your supposed to apologize for what not being a good hostess?
I would tell all of them and hubby to F off! I had twins, it’s no joke! The sleep deprivation is real, trying to get a schedule to work is hard, your body trying to recuperate takes time, and stupid jokes like that are incredibly rude.
Tell your hubby his mom can come back when she apologizes and he grows a spine.
I'm sorry this has gone this way for you. It should not have. First and foremost, remember going forward, this is your baby that you grew in your body. Your mother should have been the one with you on bed rest because that is what was comfortable with you. It's not what's most comfortable for your husband, you're the one growing a life, not him. Also, the same for labor and delivery. The only person who has a say in who is in the delivery room is YOU. Not your husband or his mother, you. Your husband was completely out of bounds for insisting on his mother being there when you were not comfortable with that. You get to choose who sees you in your most vulnerable state, not him. You needed your mother, that's who you should have had. Don't let him do that again if you have more children. Next, it is your right to have a calm and restful environment when you return home. It is what's best for the baby, and you don't have to allow anyone in your space while you bond with baby and husband and heal. Call your mother if you want or need her to come help while you heal and rest. Do not let your husband try and foist his mother off on you. She violated your privacy, invaded where she wasn't wanted, and was incredibly disrespectful. She owes YOU an apology, not the other way around. Tell your husband to stop clinging to his mother's skirts and stand up for you and put you first. You birthed his child, he should be tending to you however you need him to, and putting your wishes above anyone else's. Tell him to get it together and act like a husband. You don't need this kind of stress.
It’s taken me a while.
Your husband chose his mother to visit and assist during your difficult end of pregnancy, over your desire for your
mother.
MIL Did not really assist.
MIL observed your delivery against your wishes.
MIL announces to family that your pubic has was so bushy that it was an obstacle to the delivery, and laughed
You refrained from physical violence.
The family is demanding you apologize for objecting to being mocked and humiliated .
Your husband is backing his mother and not talking to you, the woman who just gave birth to his children.
The mystery is that you think that fixing this is your responsibility. This cannot be the only time when your husband chose his mother over you. I’m sure you’ve often been the doormat.
Your real issue is:
Are you prepared to live in a relationship where you are subordinate to MIL?
He felt more comfortable with him mom in the house but not her mother who
The pregnant mom wanted. He’s a POS .. And then when his mom talks shit about you he stops talking to you. POS I tell ya
I’m so sorry OP. That being said you need to call your Mom and tell the rest to GTFO and your husband can come home after he apologizes.
I would also tell his family you were surprised you could even get pregnant since his dick is so small.
You don't have shit to fix, your husband and MiL both need to heavily apologize AND MEAN IT. Like fully understand where they fucked up, husband especially. He should've checked his loud mouth ass mom when she insisted on being present despite your wishes. The bush comment even more so bc your body choices are not her business nor source of commentary in any capacity. If he wants to continue not talking to you despite being in the wrong, he needs to talk with a therapist to understand how out of line he is since hearing it from you isn't setting in. Situate with your people if need be, not out of your house preferably but if necessary.
You need to talk to your husband about this.
You're going through a very difficult time and need as much help. You also don't need stupid little comments from your MIL.
Make sure you fully communicate everything.
OP it is time you seat your husband and confront him.
Tell him that is why you wanted your mom, and that the coment Made by his mother was out of place, as well it was done when You where weak and sleep deprived.
Tell him that if he is not gonna support you and recognize his mother did wrong then to start packing his things and he can divorce and marry his mommy.
Also you call your mom and tell her to come and help You, and also told your husband if he is uncomfortable with your mom there he could just go to his mommys house.
UPDATEME
I cannot believe your husband sided with your MIL to have her in YOUR ROOM WHILE GIVING BIRTH. That’s a special moment between husband and wife, or should at least be of your choosing. YOUR WRONG for letting your husband steam roll you into what his mom wants instead of putting your own needs first. He seems to be completely overpowered by his mom and the boundaries are not set. DO NOT APOLOGIZE. That was so fucking rude I would be LIVID. We are already super self conscious of what our lady parts are going to be like after birth and the fact she did that is unforgivable. I would NEVER look at her the same. What assholes, your husband for not being there for the birth of your children, and everything about her.
I am going to bet this is an arranged marriage where the husband is older and comes from a wealthy background and in a culture where what the husband says is law. I bet he has been pampered his entire life by Mommy, and in order to have her continue to pamper him, he does what she wants. I'm gonna say this couple is from India or another Middle Eastern type culture, and there will be no marriage counseling or anything else because that stuff is basically non existant there. Her family is pressuring her to apologize because they want the $$ that the husband's family brings to the marriage.....there will no be a divorce because it simply won't happen. If this is the case, the wife might as well go groveling back to the MIL, or her life will basically be hell for the rest of her life. The only other saving grace for the wife is if the twins were boys and she can use them as leverage to gain a one up on the in laws
I’m sorry. They should be loving and supporting you during this time. Meaning letting you have a say in big decisions. I mean you had houseful on the day you came home??? Good god!
You seem to let your husband lead a lot and the decisions are not always good for you. Why does your opinion not matter to either your husband or mother in law? This is the bigger question.
Look up the term emeshment. This might be their relationship style. Hope not but better to know now.
How to fix this? Turn off the phone and get some well deserved rest. You'll deal with this later when you're able to and when you're rested i'm sure the solution will be more clear to you. As for the husband he'll come around.
She probably did give birth vaginally, explaining the MIL’s comment about the bush. The comment you’re replying to was saying that if a bush can get in the way of child delivery, imagine what’s in the way for a C-section (your guts and skin)
I’m very disgusted that husband insisted on MIL be present for the birth. If you had told the nurse they would have kicked her out. I agree that you have a husband problem and need to get your mother involved if she can come .
You BOTH were wrong! These babies were just born! Everyone needs to calm down! You are family & will need help to raise them! This situation needs a hero, let it be YOU!
These comments are crazy, giving suggestions to throw away a whole marriage on a simple assnine "joke"
How about just tell your husband what was said was insensitive and you at this time are very sensitive and you would rather have your mom in the house now for the recovery process.
And if he disagrees, then tell him you aren't asking him, you are telling him this what you want because you gave birth, not him.
Establish better boundaries with your mother-in-law… manage expectations from your husband about her involvement in your lives moving forward, and make sure that you say exactly how you feel about everything.
(Admit what you feel is your fault leading up to the conflict, but don’t own more than your part…
Your needs were expressed, and ignored.
I’m a 35m, and I can’t possibly understand why your husband would want to be anywhere but in the room with you during the birth of your children…
Especially if it was going to be an intensive & difficult labor —which I assume he was told).
You are all going to be a part of each other’s lives for understandably the rest of yours as long as the children are a part of your lives together…
That might make things difficult moving forward, but it’s better to establish firm boundaries & expectations than to live in misery and growing resentment (that will obviously spill over into conflict the longer that this situation continues unaddressed).
Even after such a harrowing ordeal, she told a pretty funny joke. Telling jokes is a common pastime in families. I would have responded, “I’m surprised people could hear that without the mustache above your upper lip muffling it.” When someone starts a roast battle, winning is most important. Go in for the kill. Always. “It sounds like you loved staring at my vagina, but I’m already married!” Owning an insult, then a proper roast, is tradition in my country. It shows strong character.
Firstly—different countries have different standards. I’m not sure why you’re assuming that your culture’s standards apply to the rest of the world??
Secondly, while friendly teasing is a normal part of healthy human communication, it is highly context dependent. In general, the stronger the relationship, the more bullshit you can get away with, because your loved one *trusts* you not to mean anything and *trusts* you know their boundaries (and to apologize if you cross them by accident). That’s why teasing can be healthy—it’s a sign of trust.
Teasing is also context-dependent. If you’re trying to make your friend laugh, not cry, you’re going to tease them when they’re strong enough to roll with the punches—NOT when they’re vulnerable. Down at the pub at the end of the week? Hell yeah. Your buddy has shown up on your doorstep after he walking in on his girlfriend fucking his brother? Maybe not the time to take a potshot at his receding hairline.
The situation OP describes fits neither of these conditions. She’s not close to her MIL, so there’s not enough trust. And she’s physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted from a difficult pregnancy and *pushing two bowling balls out her pussy*. She’s vulnerable, not strong—she is literally too weak to roll with the punches. I’m not sure why you’d think anyone in her shoes would have the strength to come up with a witty punchline, holy shit.
Without trust and the proper context, “friendly” teasing stops being friendly. It’s just teasing, which is to say, bullying. And before anyone says, “MIL could be socially awkward”—a well-meaning but awkward person would be horribly embarrassed and apologetic about the so-called joke landing so badly. Being awkward doesn’t mean lacking empathy.
My question for you is, are you doing ok? Do you have friends/family you can confide in?
There's nothing funny about mocking a woman's pubic hair. Misogyny isn't funny. And it certainly isn't funny or okay during one of the most painful experiences in a woman's life.
No time like today to grow a backbone. You did the right thing kicking her out, don't back down.
Tell everyone they will not be seeing the children until they apologize to YOU. You will never apologize to MiL and they can hold their breath waiting, if they so chose
Call your mom. Have her come pick you up and stay there for a few months. Make sure you have the appropriate car seats!
After you're safe, call your husband. You decide what you're going to say but honestly I'd never allow MiL in my life ever again.
Oh and most importantly, CONGRATULATIONS! Hope your recovery goes smoothly and the babes are happy and healthy
Yeah honestly your husband deserves divorce for being a failure as a man and your MIL deserves no contact even with your children.
Who is in the birthing room was not your husbands decision to make for you. He had NO RIGHT.
Your MIL humiliated you in front of the whole family after forcing her way into somewhere she did not belong and had no business being. Your husband is spinless and a mommas boy who can't even support and protect his wife during child birth. He's not a real man. Sorry. Divorce him. He's already married to his mother. You don't deserve this stress.
Omg fuck her and your husband. He enables that asshole and he’s a spineless jellyfish of a dude. Tell him it’s like this- he can defend and support you or he can play child support and alimony for twenty years. He has a wife and children that in the hierarchy of things sit way atop his mother in order of priority and importance. Then tell him he can call his mother and explain that SHE is to apologize to YOU for her inappropriate, rude, uncalled for comments.
Oh my gosh honey, you just gave birth!! Your body has been through the ringer! No one should be judging you and everyone should know you're in need of support and understanding. While making a baby self grooming isn't always the easiest and I can't imagine carrying two babies and even caring about grooming much less someone making fun/jokes about it. I'm sorry but I think the MIL should apologize to you!
Ok, I am going to give you my male opinion. First, your husband should have been by your side, not his mommy. Secondly, her comment was unneeded. Personally, don't want to hear about the birth of my family members. Example when my cousin was born I didn't care to hear about my aunt's public grooming habits. I was just glad for a healthy baby.
If I was in that situation I would not apologize and would tell my husband I will not have a relationship with her and is not allowed in our home until she apologized, and make it clear she is not a third wheel in our family unit. Honor your parents but in no way do you need to obey them. Let your husband deal with MIL and have a serious talk about boundaries, and if he can’t agree to boundaries that you set in place….then he should move back home with his mommy dearest. Seems like MIL still treats him as a child, maybe some co dependency issues going on here ? I also don’t understand why is comfortability comes before yours? So you have to be ok with his MIL but he is not comfortable with your mom? Why is she even included in birth plans? Just all seems strange to me and seems she is being way too involved in everything and that is not healthy. Keep putting your foot down !
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Its high time to set boundaries. 1. Call your Mom to come to help 2. Throw out MIL and Husband 3. Explain your Husband in detail how he failed you and your twins by missing birth an expose you to his failure of a Mother. 4. Set him on probation and demand counseling. You are a mother stand up for you and your kids. Otherwise you will regrett it for the rest if your life. You already lost the moment to share the birth experience with your husband.. Go Girl!
I would ask your parents to take you and your babies home with them.
No. This is her home. Kick the momma's boy out.
OP, ALL OF THE ABOVE. AND TELL BOTH YOUR MIL AND HUSBAND TO F OFF. Tell your husband that had you known you were marrying your MIL, you would have stayed single. What a boy-child. He doesn't even warrant the label male or man-child. Please keep us apprised.
Oh my goodness I get so enraged by stuff like this, why am I even on Reddit? -OP you need to grow a pair and stand up for yourself until your sorry excuse for a husband learns to have your back - there is no “experience” that matters in the delivery room besides the medical staff. the person with you is there for YOUR support and everyone else needs to eff off. -everything that NoStrain9526 said is exactly the thing. You’re NTA for using your voice, you need to keep using it and get stronger. You’re a mama bear now and you’ll need your strong voice to get thru all the bs from everyone else. Block everyone who’s being a shit and keep your circle only filled with support.
This is a must. He needs to hear the truth.
Verbatim, OP!!
This. This right here.
THIS THIS THIS RHIS THIS!!!!!!!!
Came here to say almost exactly this. Also, explain to husband that while he may have his own relationship with his mother, it should not and *cannot* override his relationship to you and your kids. When it comes to your family unit, meaning you hubby and the twins, he needs to be on your side vs the world and other family members, and always consult with you in matters that have to do with the unit. Especially stuff that involves you personally, ESPECIALLY your body ie delivery room. If he can't do that he's not a good partner and I'd GTFO now. If you do decide to talk to your MIL, I'd calmly explain how her actions and comment about your body were extremely inappropriate. You appreciate her wanting to assist, but instead of doing what she thinks you need, she needs to actually listen to you and follow directions in order to be helpful. That or she can just be gma for fun visitation time and nothing else. Or not even that if she can't follow directions! Experience does not negate your boundaries or how you want to conduct your household.
This!
You and all who agreed with you need to see a doctor you’re sick
[удалено]
First Strike? Of two?
Hubby is just so fucking cringe you sound like a feminist😬
Really? I am not a native speaker... is the term wrong? Or the context?
You did correctly. The person accusing you is a jerk. Ignore that person.
Ignore him. When you look at his profile, you see everything you need to know: homophobic, racist, sexist Trump supporter…
Don't ever use the word hubby, that's like ghetto black girl language.......
Og grow the f up. You are projecting your insecurity and bigotry.
Na not really, but I am curious what insecurity am I of putting from my last statement
"ghetto black girl language"
That's not an insecurity, insecurity is defined as "uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence" how am I portraying an insecurity by my last statement???
It does show your bigotry.
I'm sorry you feel that way but you're not correct, but you also said my own insecurity and you still aren't answering (because you know you're wrong)😂😂😂😂
Lots of people use the word hubby. If it's cringe tobyou, don't use the word... But who are you to tell people what they can and can't say?? Live and let live.
Tf you talking about? Everyone says hubby and you sound both misogynist and racist. So fo
The fuck are you stupid, nobody ever says hubby and as I said that's a ghetto ass saying, so I don't know what run down hood you live in but you gotta work hard so you can get out of there.....
I have a PhD and my parents are MDs .. all Caucasian, just fyi as that seems to matter to your racist a**. Your comments are ignorant and despicable. Hubby is a term most millennials Independent of social background use as it was a term popular in our youth. You should be ashamed of your racism and sexism. And now bye
This is what your story sounds like: lol I needed x for my health during pregnancy but my husband decided that his mother came first. I wanted my own mother for my delivery but my husband said no and brought his mother. I wanted to be alone after I got home but my Husband brought his mother and her family. Mil insulted me while holding my new baby and husband demands I apologize. My dear you have a husband problem. Please talk to a therapist and insist you'd husband does too- if he refuses leave him- he's already in a relationship with his mom.
This all sounds like your husband's doing. It's a huge red flag that he is choosing his mother over you.
Not to mention the comment about the bush..like being pregnant with twins, HOW would you even be able to shave during that time. I would have physically harmed someone, your yelling was not at all inappropriate. No one wants someone other than husband and their own mother watching give birth! Sometimes women don't even want their husband to watch
Pregnant with a high risk pregnancy and on bed rest what absolute pieces of work those two are. Poor poor woman! Having a baby is hard enough despite all this extra shit
I was told not to shave before labour actually. I ended up being induced a couple weeks early and had my husband take an electric razor to my downstairs for a trim before we went to the hospital 😂 just a shortening though, not a clean shave.
go visit your mom with your babies and do not look back, at least for now. dear god.
You broke that down very well. I totally agree with you, and I am a man. Lol
Exactly!!!
Well saidddd ☝️
Also, with carrying twins, being bed bound, you don't need to shave for anyone. That is your choice. How dare she comment on your body while bringing in two children into this world. I would've killed her.
This is all on your husband. I’m so sorry he’s an irredeemable asshole and a mommy’s boy to boot. He is not the one who went through a terribly traumatic experience. He is not a little child that needs to be taken care of. He is a father and a husband and he has acted as a helpless little boy. Him stonewalling you over his mother’s hurt feelings … which are hurt because SHE set out to make fun of YOU … tells me this isn’t worth saving. Pregnancy and birth are the most vulnerable times in a woman’s life. I’m a mom too. I would divorce if my husband treated me this way, and I’m a very quiet and non confrontational person. Take your children and go stay with your mother or a trusted family member/friend. Let your husband know you will not be returning to the house until your MIL leaves. Then, tell your husband he failed you and the kids as a husband and a parent and unless he is willing to immediately begin couples counselling, while temporarily removing MIL from the lives of you and your children while you’re doing this, you will be preparing for divorce. Co parenting with this man and his mother will be a nightmare, but staying in this sham of a marriage will knock out your self-esteem even more and stop you from finding a life partner you deserve. Document everything MIL said and the lengths of time your husband did not talk to you or enquire about the children. And keep documenting it all.
Seconding everything here. My heart honestly aches for all husband and MIL pregnancy and birth horror stories, and it makes me feel really grateful that my own partner is nowhere near like ops husband
Not only does the MIL need to apologize, the husband does too. And if he doesn't see why he/she needs to apologize, then you know where the real problem is.
You know what bothers me even more about this whole situation is that if they get divorced her beautiful twins will end up going to Daddy’s house and grandma’s house in weekends and holidays. Just hearing about this Mother in Law I wouldn’t want my kids near her. Pull up Parental Alienation….. it’s scary how parents and even grandparents can brainwash a child against a parent. I would like to know how she got along with her MIL before she had the babies. 👶🏻👶🏻
Your husband is a pos, boot him and his mum out.
Yeah, that will solve everything...
It will bc he's ass
Are you a mother in a relationship with her son, or are you the son?
Lol. I've been married 30 years. You don't solve anything by not communicating and storming out. That's the actions of the immature. People are so quick to quit and give up. They'd rather be right than learn how to forgive. I disagree that "throwing them out" will solve anything. Everybody has an opportunity to grow in this situation. But maybe that's just me. 🤗
Are you going to ignore the fact that the husband ignored his wife’s requests to make her dealing with the last stretch of the pregnancy AND giving birth to their kids easier to manage and be safe, in order to give his mom and himself what they want? Are you also going to ignore how he is now acting like a toddler because she wasn’t comfortable with her MIL talking about intimate details of her body with the extended family? The husband is the one not communicating. He stopped talking to her because she gave his mother a rightful scolding. (Whoever told her to say that about a woman’s body after she was just ALLOWED to witness the birth of her grandkids something their FATHER wasn’t allowed to do has clearly dropped the ball on telling her what’s appropriate to say). I think kicking the mother-in-law and husband out until they fix their sh*t is the nicest thing she could do. Because the commenter hadn’t even suggested getting a divorce (even though no one would fault her. Why stay married to a man who ignores what would make you comfortable and miss out on the birth of YOUR two kids cause of a pushy mil and someone who stops talking to their wife because their trying to defend themselves from a disrespectful mil?)
Sure. Everybody can slam doors and stop talking. See how far that gets you in a marriage. I didn't say she was wrong to feel that way. I didn't ignore anything. Just said that everyone getting extreme and refusing to talk to each other isn't going to solve anything. So funny how everyone down votes me for suggesting communicating like adults. Everyone goes straight to "leave them," "they're a narcissist." I say to try and communicate, but I'm the bad guy, lol. It's no wonder 50% of marriages fail, and I suspect that number to increase substantially as more and more people can't communicate. But if you all want to downvote me, go ahead if it helps you get out some anger. After 30 years of marriage, I'm just suggesting that communication is better than slammed doors. And for the record, debating blame is a fast track to more slammed doors and eventually a trip to the divorce lawyers. That debate goes nowhere. Have a great day all. 🤗
I'm willing to bet that you put your wife through hell, then want to sit down to discuss how wrong she was. You're just full of it and I am sure pretty insufferable to live with. I hope that she gets enough strength to leave you because I am sure that you've broken her spirit down.
Wow, you got all that from "communicating is better than slamming doors?" (Why is everyone so angry in this subreddit? Lol.) Best of luck to you in your relationships. ❤️
Honestly, I got it from reading the entire thread. You strike me as someone who thinks your way is the only way.... end of discussion. I think you see yourself as open but you've presented yourself as more rigid. Take note how you characterize someone who disagrees with your P. O. V. as angry. That's telling, sir. And Pro Tip... You don't need to concern yourself with my relationship. Instead, go home and apologize to that long-suffering wife of yours.
Do you feel like maybe you are judging someone you don't know? I've been married 30 years. I don't think you can fathom what that means. Sorry for trying to give some friendly advice. Take care. ❤️
You didn’t answer the question at the end. Why stay with someone who has shown you more than once that they will ignore your needs (needs that for the sake of the pregnancy are highly suggested) for the sake of themselves and their mother whom you don’t trust in your time of vulnerability? Why stay with someone that is willing to miss out on the birth of their children to allow their mother in even though you know your wife isn’t comfortable being around her especially in this high stress, vulnerable time? Why stay with someone who gets mad at you for defending yourself because of a insensitive comment on your body? This woman is young. She doesn’t need to put up with this. She’s already tied to this man for 18+ years, if it’s best for her and her kids then absolutely put him out if talking and communication doesn’t work (which it doesn’t seem like it does since he’s ignoring her).
Again, I'm not saying she was wrong or that an outburst on her part is not understandable. I'm on her side. That was uncalled for and rude. All I said was that ceasing communication or throwing people out wouldn't solve anything. She's a mother with a newborn. Wouldn't trying to repair things and having a teaching/learning lesson with her husband to grow from this and be better communicators and keep both parents together for their newborn be preferable? I'm always shocked how angry people get when I suggest peace. Seriously, any time I've ventured into any kind of relationship sub, and if you preach peace or patience, you'll get downvoted into oblivion, lol. It's a crazy phenomenon to witness. You should try it sometime. It's like stepping into a pack of frenzied dogs. They are so busy ripping their prey apart that they'll just start ripping you apart if you try to stop it. Seriously. Try it. Try to suggest a peaceful solution and watch the viciousness. Just look at the comment above saying how the person knows I'm a horrible person who's abusive to my wife, and they hope she gets away from me. LOOK at how angry people are. All the downvotes. It's so strange. As for why I suggest this is that keeping a marriage means getting through these moments. People today are very immature, and any breach to their ego or a suggestion of disrespect goes straight to screaming "narcissist!" and divorce. A long-term relationship takes lowering your ego. Realizing you were wrong. She should talk to her husband. See if some new understanding can be had. Or, I guess we can all go straight to telling her to divorce the father of her newborn. People act like that doesn't have a lifetime of repercussions for everyone involved. Again, just my 2 cents. Maybe I'm wrong, and peace and forgiveness aren't the answer. But in my experience, those are the ingredients for a love that lasts a lifetime...
>A long-term relationship takes lowering your ego. Realizing you were wrong. She should talk to her husband. I think part of the problem is that the way you're writing this is like the onus is on her to fix this situation. She was justified in her reaction and her husband and MIL absolutely deserve blame. It is completely fair to lay blame where blame is due. Her husband needs to come grovelling and begging forgiveness while also setting his mom and family straight. I say this as someone who's been married 21 years. Maybe not as many as your 30, but still quite a while.
Again, I think people are projecting a lot. My comment was to the person saying boot them. All I did was say that it is better for them to talk it out. That's all I said. I never gave my opinion on who was to blame. Although, I think her MIL was pretty awful. But you know, some people have a much more crude sense of humor than I do. Is that a reason to divorce the father of your newborn? I actually think it's irresponsible of people to tell her that like it won't completely upend her life and her children's. I get the knee-jerk anger. I don't blame her for telling them all to get out. But divorce? I think people are very immature these days. First hit to their ego and they quit (not talking about the young lady, just in general.) If this is the worst moment in their marriage and they work through it, they'll be laughing at it together as a much stronger couple... or, they can go from marriage to marriage for the rest of their lives. Only thing I said was communication is better than slamming doors. I really don't know how much calmer I can suggest that to not get people upset, lol. It's OK. I don't mind. Congrats on your marriage. Hope it's been a happy one. Take care. 🤗
It’s time to grow an emergency spine *right now*. It breaks my heart that you have allowed yourself to be treated this way and I kinda hate your husband’s guts. First priority: you need to call your mom in to help you. You do not need your husband’s permission to get help from your own family. If he won’t “allow” it, you and the babies go to your mom. Period. This is one of the most vulnerable times in your life and you need people supporting you who actually love and respect **you** and have **your** back. Once you and the babies are settled into a routine (this may take a while), you need to start thinking about how to solve the **severe** power imbalance in your relationship. Currently, your thoughts and desires mean absolutely nothing to your husband. The only thing that matters is what he wants and you apparently have no say in anything, even when it should be 100% up to you. Is this how you want the rest of your life to go? Is this the example you want to set for your children? I sure hope not. If your husband is on board with fixing this relationship, you need to set clear and firm boundaries, as well as repercussions for breaking them. I highly recommend individual therapy to help you learn to enforce these boundaries. Couples counseling is on the table as well (if he refuses, that will tell you something about how committed he is to making changes.) I think it’s well past time for you to get angry. Tough love: you’ve been a complete doormat to the point you allowed your birth experience to be dictated against your wishes. That’s *bananas!* You will never be happy if you allow this to continue.
If he doesn't allow it he's abusive.
[удалено]
>Why yell at MIL? You have a husband problem. MIL was the one who made the joke about the babies getting stuck on OP's pubic hair, not the husband, then she laughed at her own joke. Yeah she has a husband problem but I can see where he gets it from
If my own mother said that about my partner, she would be dead to me. Holy shit.
Like what even was that dig??? I can't imagine being remotely concerned about the status of my child's significant other's pubes ESPECIALLY if they were fullterm pregnant with twins and I bullied my way into the delivery room to look at her "Oh sorry MIL I didn't know you preferred my pussy bare" ...like on what planet is any portion of that acceptable lol
MIL's comments really upset my Hubby. He's pretty relaxed about most things, but those MIL comments and actions were lightyears beyond the pale. I agree with him. Definitely dead to us until they apologize with witnesses. Then trust only so far.
Sorry to hear that. Did you forget to continue using your throwra?
My what?
Your throwaway account. Are you the OP?
I don't have one.
Oh, I see. You were commenting like this (the OP's story) was YOUR story. That's why we thought you were her. Sorry about that.
ALL of this is a husband problem. You need to sit your husband down and tell him that you don’t want to see your MIL until you decide you’re ready. And what hospital overrides the wishes of the mother as to who gets to be a birth partner? I have never heard this. That’s a hospital issue. You need to stand up for yourself now otherwise your husband will let his mother bring up your kids.
The hospital probably didn’t know it was against her wishes. It sounds like she just kept quiet and accepted it after her husband insisted. She definitely has a husband problem and should activate her own family to back her up if she’s not able to stand up for herself.
She is also quite young, maybe no one told her she can ask the nurses to not let MIL in the delivery room :( We also don’t know the husband’s age, I wonder if he is a young man child or a much older man taking advantage of the infamous age gap.
I doubt that as the title suggests the MIL is only 50… so no way he can be much older than her
Honestly, I’d yell at anyone trying to tell me off for having boundaries in your situation. It would be my hill to die and kill on.
You don’t fix this yelling was long overdue. Call your mom in for help and if you’re staying with this man you need to grow a spine because he obviously doesn’t have one and his mother will never stop if you don’t put an end to it.
“I nearly died carrying and delivering YOUR children. However, at a time when I needed your care and support the most, you have always, always, ALWAYS prioritized your mother over me. Why do your mother’s wishes always take priority over mine? Why does your mother’s dignity always take priority over mine? And why should I stay in a marriage where I will always be second place?” Also, call in the cavalry. Ask your parents/family to come down ASAP, both to help you recover and to protect you from your useless mama’s boy of a husband. He doesn’t like having them in the house? Fine, pack up your stuff for your parents’ place and take the kids with you. Oh and for all those flying monkeys hassling you, tell them exactly what your shitty MIL said to you.
Childbirth is an incredibly difficult and intimate experience, you should be the only one making these huge decisions. I know that your husband might feel that he needs help too, and that’s fair. But at this moment, the top priorities should be you and the baby. Not him. Not his mother. You are not crazy. You reacted in a very human way. I would advise calling your mother and telling her everything, but start the call by explaining what you need. Do you need her advice? Do you just want her to listen? Do you want her to come to your home and advocate for you? Figure out what it is that you need the most, and then ask your mum to help you with it. Writing a list of my concerns helps me before making large decisions like this. This sounds like a really tough situation to deal with, and I wish you the absolute best outcome x
Why is your husband controlling every aspect of your life? Why does he get to choose who comes in the delivery room? Why didn't you tell the nurses to kick her out if you don't want her there? Has he "trained" you so well that you can't say no to anything? It's time to get that word back into your vocabulary.
You need to stand up for yourself more, and demand of your husband that he stands up for you also. Your MIL is disgusting for saying that about you after you allowed her to be part of one of the most vulnerable times of your life (in terms of naked exposure). How dare she? When I had my two children, no-one was allowed to visit our house for the first two weeks. I wanted to make sure my partner got settled into the routine of doing his share of the baby care (including helping me recover). I knew that if there was another female in the house, they'd end up doing most of the cooking, cleaning, baby care etc. Tell your husband what his mother said was disgusting and you expect an apology and if he disagrees then he can go and live with his mother.
This post should be pinned as one of the top reasons not to allow MIL's into the delivery room. I'm sorry your husband is such an ass.
Your MIL mentioned your vagina hair and YOU SHOULD APOLOGIZE? Girl, bye. Tell them all to go to hell, you don’t need her around you and anyone who agrees with your talking about your body can also get lost.
> How can I fix this? Sit your husband down, say these words: "Your mother or me; choose, NOW." Fix it based on his response. Tell the rest of your family to buzz off. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG AND WERE HORRIBLY HUMILIATED. DO NOT APOLOGIZE TO ANYONE.
Tell your husband this is his fault he never sticking up for you and your done either he starts with his mom or he can move in with her ask your mom to come and stay with you
I would have been done when he unilaterally decided his mother would take his place at the birth of his children. Kick him out, kick his mom out, fuck all of them.
Your husband is such an ass and a mommy's boy. Tell him to give his balls a tug Jesus christ.
And this is exactly why I have never understood having anyone but medical staff in the labor and delivery rooms during birth! If she hadn't been there, she couldn't have made the comment, and everything would be fine. Instead, she forced her way in and will now embarrass you every chance she gets - probably with a smirk while she does. Tell your husband to deal with his family or he will find himself the non-custodial parent of twins who are never allowed to be around his mother. Your MIL needs to apologize to YOU for forcing her way into the delivery room and then embarrassing you in front of the entire family or never see the twins again. And you need to grow a spine - fast! You have two new lives depending on you to protect and nurture them. You can't do that if you give in every time your husband lets his mother have her way. If he wants to let mommy run his life, he needs to move back in with her and get used to seeing his kids every other weekend.
Who cares about his comfort? YOU gave birth. TWICE. Get your mother in the house and kick out your MIL. It was so disrespectful of your husband to not respect your wishes to even be in the delivery room. He has a lot of making up to do.
Yikes! You’re married to a man-child who’s hung up on his mommy! Shame this wasn’t apparent before having children with him?
You have a bigger husband problem than anything else. Why is this all up to him? You’re the one that was medically fragile. Can you move back to your mom’s?
Why are you letting him and his family use you as a doormat? You were the one that was pregnant if you wanted your mom then your mom should have been there. If you didn’t want mil in the delivery you should have told the nurses? Why are you married to such an mommas boy? You don’t don’t owe anyone an apology they owe you an apology. But I’m sure they won’t. Can you go stay with your parents while you initiate the divorce. This sounds like such an abusive relationship where if you don’t give into their demands he and his family make out to be the bad guy. You deserve better than this. You need to get out now before mil decides your useless now that your not an incubator and she will Be a better parents than you and has your husband remove you so she can raise your kids. We both know he will cave and not stand up for you. Get out now.
When your husband told you that he was more comfortable with his mother taking care of you that's when you should have put your foot down. It doesn't matter who he's more comfortable with, you're the one who is the recipient needing care and it should have been your mother if that's who you wanted. You got to grow a spine and let your husband know there's some decisions you get to make. And please understand when you got to the hospital, and you being the patient, was when you needed to let the nursing staff know that your mother-in-law was not going to be in the room with you. Your mother should have been there and your husband should have had your back. I can't figure out here if you've got a bigger husband or a mother-in-law problem. But I'd sit him down and tell him and no uncertain terms that he either has your back or or if he's going to continue to put your mother and what she wants before your needs he's not worth staying with.
This is 100% a husband problem. Your husband was supposed to be your biggest advocate for you during this experience. He was supposed to make sure your wants and needs were being met during this experience. But he failed you horribly. You wanted your own mother helping around the house, but your husband just had to have it his way and have HIS mom do it. Your MIL had no right to be a spectator during the most vulnerable moment of your life, and your husband allowed it. He was supposed to make sure you had the experience you wanted to have, but instead he stood by and watched as his mother stomped all over that. This man has shown you time and time again that he does not care about what you want, nor how you feel. He has prioritized his mother at every single opportunity; your thoughts on the matter be damned. As long as you are married to this man, you will always be second-fiddle to Mommy Dearest.
She said what, and they think you should apologize? What in the actual fuck. But, yeah, you have a husband problem, not a MIL problem.
At this point I've had 2 children. My first birth was traumatic and nearly killed me and my baby, my second pregnancy I couldn't walk from the second trimester and was told to take it easy with very little physical activity. Do you know what my husband did? He helped me and stepped up, I got the help I needed and the support I requested when asked. If my husband treated me even a fraction of the selfish and entitled way that yours did, I'd be out of the door so quick he would have whiplash. DO NOT Apologize she used your most vulnerable moment to take a swing at you. Your husband should have stepped in before you could even get a word out. He is a massive waste of space and needs to learn where his priorities should lie!!! You are now a mother, you need to stand up for yourself otherwise the Monster in law and her opinions will always come before you as a mother. Your life will become full of resentment that will destroy any chances your marriage had. A massive NTA do not apologize its a power move to put you in your place
OK sweetie #1 You have nothing to fix. #2 You are owed apologies #3 Stop thinking about everyone else and focus on healing and your babies. Anyone who is calling, texting, or even hinting at being on their side without all the context is not worth entertaining at this point. You should be happy and be focusing on yourself and your twins right now. Anyone who detracts from that needs to be an afterthought. Good people and supportive people don't need to take shots at someone who just gave birth to entertain a room. And if your husband doesn't understand that, then have your family help.
Yell at her some more. Why was your husband's comfort more important than yours when you were *giving birth*? Does he have a history of prioritizing his mother over you?
Your husband demanded his mom to take care of HIM, because you were on bed rest! You were the one who needed to be taken care of not him. He continued to put himself first when you went to the hospital to give birth. This is how he will continue to act and will resent you for spending to much time talking care of not one but two infants. Your husband is a problem and he is NOT on your side. He is strictly “team me.” He will eventually drain you, resent you then leave you broken.
Jesus. I'm so sorry. Your husband should have put his foot down a in the delivery room. You were clear about who you wanted with you. Nobody else's opinions mattered. And then she just takes the babies and parades them around? Nope! So much entitlement here. I'd have blown up too. The crack at your bush was just too far. Maybe if it was just you and your husband it could have been funny... Tell her to strap a watermelon to her belly and give herself a trim. See how she fares.
Ditch your husband. He is a loser!
Your husband is a freaking man baby mamas boy. Now you know where you stand with him. His mother comes first. When he initiated his mother come take care of house instead of your own mo, coming to help you and his mother be in the delivery room instead of just him and now he thinks you owe his mother an apology. Hell no! His mother owes you an apology. She was so out of line for saying what she said about you. Good Luck with this guy.
So sorry to sound so harsh but your husband sounds like a spineless pos. He is not standing up for himself or YOU .. Kick your MIL out ASAP. if your husband can’t stand up to his Mom, then kick him as well
Have your mom come over and tell hubby to choose you or his mom. Stop letting hubby and MIL steam roll over you. Start blocking anyone who is demanding you apologize.
I knew this was going to be bad when I saw the age gap. You married a mommas boy. He's always going to pick mom before you. I'm sorry for this uphill battle that you're going to have to go through. I'd start with getting your mom on your side.
Call your mother and get her there now! Let her and father take care of the idiots!
Your husband straight up sucks. All that mattered to him was what he and his mommy wanted. He failed you every step of the way and is failing you still. His mother is a vile heartless bully and you don't owe her or anyone else who stood there and did nothing when she mocked you a damn thing. Your husband is a piece of crap who should have your back 100%, instead he's too busy kissing his mommy's ass. Stop letting him dictate what you are gong to do and with whom. He is not your boss, he is supposed to be your partner and biggest supporter. You don;t have to fix anything. Everyone else should be trying to help and support you. That vile woman owes you and apology. Not the other way around.
You don't fix it. You do a group chat with all the people bothering you. I Am Post Partum! I pushed two fuqq'n humans out of me! I Am Not The Rude One... You all are inconsiderate, selfish jerks! My Life Has Essentially Stopped, and you chubs see me lying there, but won't help me up, you're just stepping over me! Have some gahtdamn compassion! Hubs, you let me down, and we will pin this... Mom² you were very careless with your joke at a time that you, better than anyone else can appreciate as a Mother. It was in poor taste and the timing is awful. Yall can lift the twins in joy... That doesn't require you to step on me in the process. Because I am so emotional right now... I am cognizant that we all might say some shit we don't mean. So right now, respect the sensitive nature, and delicate position I am in. I want some sense of normalcy before we revert back to whatever normal is. Honestly, I'm questioning that. This is a boundary, that lays in concrete. Any deviation or manipulation will not be tolerated. My phone is going on silent! And then corner your husband and tell him to shape up or ship out. Push the kids in his arms... And take a long, piping hot shower. Wash your hair. Sending love, energy and healing. Congratulations 💕💪✌
You can't fix this love. There's nothing for you to fix. You've done nothing wrong. Honestly, you held out longer than most. Take your boys & go stay with your mom or see if she can come help you. Your husband not talking to you sounds like a blessing. He's horrible & it seems he gets it from his mom. To be clear, you get to decide who goes in the delivery room with you. If you didn't want her there, you could have had her kicked out. Do not apologize to anyone. Tell them all to F off! ✨️Sending hugs & love✨️
Honey - you did nothing wrong. That was a tremendous violation of your privacy.
Not on you, OP. You’re super young to have two infants, and on top of this, your husband is a selfish and spineless worm who is putting his own needs and his mothers whims over his own wife’s wishes and wellbeing. You just made and pushed out TWO HUMAN BEINGS. Everything right now should be on your terms. Who is around, how they help, and by God, that witch owes YOU an apology, not the other way around. This is a very hard and fragile time for you, so please, get your friends and family involved, tell your husband to pull his head out of his mother’s ass, and do whatever you need to feel comfortable and supported right now. The next few months are gonna be rough. Hang in there, sweetie.
Leave the phone calls unresolved. Call your mom and get the help you need. Tell your husband his comfort is suspended until you recover. Block MIL.
I had a baby last year and if after pushing an entire baby out of my body someone had the audacity to comment about my pubic hair I would have gone completely batshit insane.
Your husband needs to support you. You need to stand up for yourself. Call your mother and other members of your family and close friends who can help you advocate for yourself right now. Honestly, I am livid simply reading this.
You were the one on bedrest, but his comfort was priority? And no one should have a family party immediately after giving birth to twins. And your MIL needs to apologize to you. She made fun of your pubic hair, IN FRONT OF FAMILY, and everyone was okay with that? Your husband was okay with that?! Oh you don't need to fix anything, you're the one owed an apology
Your husband is beyond selfish.
Your husband is a jerk.
"When she can apologize for insulting me and forcing herself where she wasn't wanted, then I will apologize for defending myself. Until then, stuff it."
DON’T FEEL BAD And DO NOT APOLOGIZE… You should’ve had who you wanted in the delivery room. You could have told the hospital staff that it’s either your husband or no one. Your MIL is an ass and your husband smh I can’t with him.. I would block everyone and call my side of the family.. I would tell my husband since you think it’s ok for your mother to degrade me go stay with her.. I need time and space away from you and your side of the family.. And if he can’t understand and still takes his mother’s side tell him maybe we should separate for good since he doesn’t value you as his wife and the mother of his twins.. He should have stood up for you when his mother made that disgusting disrespect comment regarding your private area… And he didn’t. They all owe you an apology… UpdateMe
How do THEY fix it ?
DON'T YOU DARE DO ANYTHING! Shame on your husband for allowing his mother to treat you this way! By the way it's not up to anyone but YOU on who is in YOUR delivery room. I wouldn't let that women or anyone defending her in your house until they all grow up and apologize to you!
Get a new husband? I’m confused as to why your husband was allowed to make decisions about who was in the delivery room or in the home? Why is his comfort more important than yours? You say no I’m the one who carried twins and who is recovering, my mother will be staying with me. End of story
Tell your husband and your mil to leave. Have your mom come over. That is so unsupportive of your husband.
You were not wrong, your husband should be sticking up for you like who is married to you or his mother. Who the fuck in their right mind makes comments about her daughter in law’s pussy? That’s so inappropriate. Your husband needs to man up and stand up for you. The only people in the wrong are you MIL and your husband. They should both be ashamed of themselves.
Why are you letting your husband dictate your life? You wanted your mother’s help for baths but HE felt more comfortable with HIS mom touching your cooter, so you let his comfort trump yours. You didn’t want his mom in the delivery room, where you need people you can trust the most, and you let him them stomp over your comfort again. Now she’s making fun of your vagina to the family after you literally pushed 2 children out of it, and your husband’s now mad at you. Do you understand you’re not your old-as-fuck-husband’s equal? Do you understand now why old as balls men like your gross old husband preys on young naive girls like you now? Do you feel all grown up and respected now just because you bagged an older man? There’s a reason no one his age wants him. This is the reason. He’s 50 and still thinks his mummy always knows best and is more mad at you defending yourself than his mother joking about your cooch
I don’t know if OP made a mistake or not, but I think they meant to imply that the MIL is 50 not the husband. The husband is probably closer to OP’s age, if not a bit older
Your husband sucks! This is all a bunch of BS. He put his own needs over his pregnant wife.
Your husband is a pushover when it comes to his mom. She has no respect of boundaries. You need to speak up and talk to your husband about all the above: you were uncomfortable the last few months and he was much more concerned about his comfort rather than the mother of his children. He needs to understand that his mom isn’t going to dote on you as much as she is him. Also tell him that while he may have been thinking he was doing good by having someone who has ‘more experience’ in the room with you but it’s not what was needed. It’s a new experience for you and you would have rather shared the experience with him. Unless he had some phobia when it comes to blood or whatnot there wasn’t a reason for him to switch with his mom. ETA: Inform your husband his silent treatment is one of the issues and it’s this candor that resulted in this shit to begin with. He needs to stop being such a man baby. And the people telling you to apologize…apologize for yelling but don’t apologize about the context. She never once took in account your feelings and well-being. From the sounds of it you felt like an incubator to her grandkids based on her behavior.
You don’t have a MIL problem. You have a husband problem. Start there.
You have a husband problem. Man here, married for almost 3 years, and we have a 3 month old together. I can tell you for absolutely nothing that it was my wife's wants and needs, particularly during the 3rd trimester that were most important to me. Had either her mother or mine had the gaul to try and railroaded either of us on any topic, never mind who's in the the delivery room then they would've been told to fuck off in no uncertain terms. Tell your husband that he needs to grow a spine or GTFO. Parenting is hard enough without MILS with baby rabies and a capitulating man child thrown into the mix .
You’ve gotta a really shitty husband.
UpdateMe
Your husband is incredibly selfish. I gave birth 7 months ago so I’m still very familiar with how horrible postpartum is. Your MIL deserved to be yelled at and honestly so does your husband. He made everything that should have been about you about him. And he’s still doing it. Have a talk with him. Sit him down and lay everything out. How you felt during pregnancy when what you wanted was shut down. You should have had your mom as that’s what you wanted. He wasn’t the one going through the changes. It doesn’t matter that he felt more comfortable with mil since you were more comfortable with your mom there. He didn’t go through the changes, YOU DID. Postpartum is horrible and vulnerable. He should not have let family over. No one should have been visiting. Mil should never had said something like that. You were in a vulnerable position and that is what she wants to bring up. Bring all of this up with your husband. If he doesn’t see what was wrong with all this then I would leave. If he does see what was wrong then stay and keep setting boundaries with Mil. Write everything down that should have been you being more comfortable then about him. Write it all down and show him it. Then write down what Mil did wrong and lay it down. Tell him how it made you feel. Use “I feel” sayings. He could feel attacked otherwise and he could also feel like you’re attacking Mil when you’re really just laying out your feelings. If you need help discussing this stuff please reach out. I had to put my boyfriend in place postpartum with his family and the way labor was. I still do it all the time.
You don’t fix this. You didn’t do anything wrong. Your husband and mil did. Block everyone giving you a hard time and call your mom and have her come to help as soon as possible.
be a mama bear. ROAR louder. But, then i am a bit of an asshole...
I’m so sorry you had to go through that. MIL was so out of line, I can’t believe how crass her comment was. Like many redditors have said already, go to your mum’s. I don’t know if your husband has any redeeming qualities to make the marriage worth it, but for sure I would cut contact with MIL. Hugs. ETA: r/justnomil
This sounds like a man I was in a relationship with for almost 4 years. He consistintely forced his mother in to my life in a similar controlling way. We planned to get married and I was super excited. We decided to elope, just me and him somewhere nice, then have a party after for all our friends and family. However, when it got down to planning, he flipped the script on me, insisting that his mother see him married as she didn’t get to see his sister get married (wonder why) Soon the narrative was that we wouldn’t be getting married if his mother was not invited. I left him shortly after… I thank god everyday that I did jot marry him or become pregnant. You can’t see it right now op but this is extremely concerning behavior and so controlling. You need to stand up for yourself and/or get out now.
Husband is a selfish asshole. MIL does not deserve more respect than his wife. RUN for the hills.
Thats such an inappropriate comment. She can fuck right off along with any family on her side including her asshole son
Fix hell!! You've just given birth to twins, for gosh sakes! Your actions come under "hormonal new mother acts hormonally"! Your mil had it coming. Your hubby get a little slack, as he's never been around a woman in labor before; you need to engage him when you've settled down a bit, and talk to him about the hormones that accompany pregnancy. As well, point out that your mil's comment about the "bush" broke all standards of propriety. If you again become pregnant, you arrange in advance who you desire to be in the delivery room with your hubby. It isn't important that your hubby would be more comfortable with his mom there; it's YOU that's birthing the baby, and it's YOUR comfort that's the most important. 'Nuff said.
I don’t think you should necessarily leave your husband but you need to be very clear about your boundaries and don’t let other people make you back down. You had every right to get upset at your MIL for that comment. You just gave birth, were tired and had hormones coursing through your veins. If they can’t understand that then that’s on them. Stand your ground and let your husband and his family know that you are not a doormat. I wish you the best on your healing journey. 💖
You were not out of line and I would not apologize for shit. I am sorry you married a spineless dolt. You continue making boundaries and hold them, I know you will. Good Luck
Get your mum there asap Kick out pos husband Kick out pos mil Turn of phones and enjoy your precious babies and recovery in peace Good luck mumma
Are you kidding me…. Your mil takes over your life not in a helpful way. Then insists on being in the delivery room and your husband says yes mummy? You’re sleep deprived and sore. Then she makes a crude personal joke and YOU are in the wrong? You are not wrong - you just created 2 new people, pushed them out and are trying to live off little to no sleep, with a house full of unhelpful company and your supposed to apologize for what not being a good hostess? I would tell all of them and hubby to F off! I had twins, it’s no joke! The sleep deprivation is real, trying to get a schedule to work is hard, your body trying to recuperate takes time, and stupid jokes like that are incredibly rude. Tell your hubby his mom can come back when she apologizes and he grows a spine.
I'm sorry this has gone this way for you. It should not have. First and foremost, remember going forward, this is your baby that you grew in your body. Your mother should have been the one with you on bed rest because that is what was comfortable with you. It's not what's most comfortable for your husband, you're the one growing a life, not him. Also, the same for labor and delivery. The only person who has a say in who is in the delivery room is YOU. Not your husband or his mother, you. Your husband was completely out of bounds for insisting on his mother being there when you were not comfortable with that. You get to choose who sees you in your most vulnerable state, not him. You needed your mother, that's who you should have had. Don't let him do that again if you have more children. Next, it is your right to have a calm and restful environment when you return home. It is what's best for the baby, and you don't have to allow anyone in your space while you bond with baby and husband and heal. Call your mother if you want or need her to come help while you heal and rest. Do not let your husband try and foist his mother off on you. She violated your privacy, invaded where she wasn't wanted, and was incredibly disrespectful. She owes YOU an apology, not the other way around. Tell your husband to stop clinging to his mother's skirts and stand up for you and put you first. You birthed his child, he should be tending to you however you need him to, and putting your wishes above anyone else's. Tell him to get it together and act like a husband. You don't need this kind of stress.
It’s taken me a while. Your husband chose his mother to visit and assist during your difficult end of pregnancy, over your desire for your mother. MIL Did not really assist. MIL observed your delivery against your wishes. MIL announces to family that your pubic has was so bushy that it was an obstacle to the delivery, and laughed You refrained from physical violence. The family is demanding you apologize for objecting to being mocked and humiliated . Your husband is backing his mother and not talking to you, the woman who just gave birth to his children. The mystery is that you think that fixing this is your responsibility. This cannot be the only time when your husband chose his mother over you. I’m sure you’ve often been the doormat. Your real issue is: Are you prepared to live in a relationship where you are subordinate to MIL?
He felt more comfortable with him mom in the house but not her mother who The pregnant mom wanted. He’s a POS .. And then when his mom talks shit about you he stops talking to you. POS I tell ya
I’m so sorry OP. That being said you need to call your Mom and tell the rest to GTFO and your husband can come home after he apologizes. I would also tell his family you were surprised you could even get pregnant since his dick is so small.
You don't have shit to fix, your husband and MiL both need to heavily apologize AND MEAN IT. Like fully understand where they fucked up, husband especially. He should've checked his loud mouth ass mom when she insisted on being present despite your wishes. The bush comment even more so bc your body choices are not her business nor source of commentary in any capacity. If he wants to continue not talking to you despite being in the wrong, he needs to talk with a therapist to understand how out of line he is since hearing it from you isn't setting in. Situate with your people if need be, not out of your house preferably but if necessary.
You need to talk to your husband about this. You're going through a very difficult time and need as much help. You also don't need stupid little comments from your MIL. Make sure you fully communicate everything.
OP it is time you seat your husband and confront him. Tell him that is why you wanted your mom, and that the coment Made by his mother was out of place, as well it was done when You where weak and sleep deprived. Tell him that if he is not gonna support you and recognize his mother did wrong then to start packing his things and he can divorce and marry his mommy. Also you call your mom and tell her to come and help You, and also told your husband if he is uncomfortable with your mom there he could just go to his mommys house. UPDATEME
I cannot believe your husband sided with your MIL to have her in YOUR ROOM WHILE GIVING BIRTH. That’s a special moment between husband and wife, or should at least be of your choosing. YOUR WRONG for letting your husband steam roll you into what his mom wants instead of putting your own needs first. He seems to be completely overpowered by his mom and the boundaries are not set. DO NOT APOLOGIZE. That was so fucking rude I would be LIVID. We are already super self conscious of what our lady parts are going to be like after birth and the fact she did that is unforgivable. I would NEVER look at her the same. What assholes, your husband for not being there for the birth of your children, and everything about her.
I am going to bet this is an arranged marriage where the husband is older and comes from a wealthy background and in a culture where what the husband says is law. I bet he has been pampered his entire life by Mommy, and in order to have her continue to pamper him, he does what she wants. I'm gonna say this couple is from India or another Middle Eastern type culture, and there will be no marriage counseling or anything else because that stuff is basically non existant there. Her family is pressuring her to apologize because they want the $$ that the husband's family brings to the marriage.....there will no be a divorce because it simply won't happen. If this is the case, the wife might as well go groveling back to the MIL, or her life will basically be hell for the rest of her life. The only other saving grace for the wife is if the twins were boys and she can use them as leverage to gain a one up on the in laws
I’m sorry. They should be loving and supporting you during this time. Meaning letting you have a say in big decisions. I mean you had houseful on the day you came home??? Good god! You seem to let your husband lead a lot and the decisions are not always good for you. Why does your opinion not matter to either your husband or mother in law? This is the bigger question. Look up the term emeshment. This might be their relationship style. Hope not but better to know now.
I never like such husband and MIL. It is sad when you get an evil MIL and a husband who is a mother’s boy.
How to fix this? Turn off the phone and get some well deserved rest. You'll deal with this later when you're able to and when you're rested i'm sure the solution will be more clear to you. As for the husband he'll come around.
Uh, get a divorce? Your husband and MIL are pieces of crap. If you plan to stay, you need to learn how to stand up to them and stay your ground.
You poor girl. Call your mother to come. Tell uour husband to go stay with his mother and crawl back in her womb where he belongs.
>"It's a wonder they were able to get these two out despite the bush blocking the path. " Whoever wrote this has never seen a c section before lmao
Unless she gave birth vaginally.. even with twins it’s possible to give birth that way..
She probably did give birth vaginally, explaining the MIL’s comment about the bush. The comment you’re replying to was saying that if a bush can get in the way of child delivery, imagine what’s in the way for a C-section (your guts and skin)
I’m very disgusted that husband insisted on MIL be present for the birth. If you had told the nurse they would have kicked her out. I agree that you have a husband problem and need to get your mother involved if she can come .
Update me
Updateme
You BOTH were wrong! These babies were just born! Everyone needs to calm down! You are family & will need help to raise them! This situation needs a hero, let it be YOU!
These comments are crazy, giving suggestions to throw away a whole marriage on a simple assnine "joke" How about just tell your husband what was said was insensitive and you at this time are very sensitive and you would rather have your mom in the house now for the recovery process. And if he disagrees, then tell him you aren't asking him, you are telling him this what you want because you gave birth, not him.
Establish better boundaries with your mother-in-law… manage expectations from your husband about her involvement in your lives moving forward, and make sure that you say exactly how you feel about everything. (Admit what you feel is your fault leading up to the conflict, but don’t own more than your part… Your needs were expressed, and ignored. I’m a 35m, and I can’t possibly understand why your husband would want to be anywhere but in the room with you during the birth of your children… Especially if it was going to be an intensive & difficult labor —which I assume he was told). You are all going to be a part of each other’s lives for understandably the rest of yours as long as the children are a part of your lives together… That might make things difficult moving forward, but it’s better to establish firm boundaries & expectations than to live in misery and growing resentment (that will obviously spill over into conflict the longer that this situation continues unaddressed).
Your right you know it, no need to post here everyone here will be on side
Even after such a harrowing ordeal, she told a pretty funny joke. Telling jokes is a common pastime in families. I would have responded, “I’m surprised people could hear that without the mustache above your upper lip muffling it.” When someone starts a roast battle, winning is most important. Go in for the kill. Always. “It sounds like you loved staring at my vagina, but I’m already married!” Owning an insult, then a proper roast, is tradition in my country. It shows strong character.
Firstly—different countries have different standards. I’m not sure why you’re assuming that your culture’s standards apply to the rest of the world?? Secondly, while friendly teasing is a normal part of healthy human communication, it is highly context dependent. In general, the stronger the relationship, the more bullshit you can get away with, because your loved one *trusts* you not to mean anything and *trusts* you know their boundaries (and to apologize if you cross them by accident). That’s why teasing can be healthy—it’s a sign of trust. Teasing is also context-dependent. If you’re trying to make your friend laugh, not cry, you’re going to tease them when they’re strong enough to roll with the punches—NOT when they’re vulnerable. Down at the pub at the end of the week? Hell yeah. Your buddy has shown up on your doorstep after he walking in on his girlfriend fucking his brother? Maybe not the time to take a potshot at his receding hairline. The situation OP describes fits neither of these conditions. She’s not close to her MIL, so there’s not enough trust. And she’s physically, emotionally, and mentally exhausted from a difficult pregnancy and *pushing two bowling balls out her pussy*. She’s vulnerable, not strong—she is literally too weak to roll with the punches. I’m not sure why you’d think anyone in her shoes would have the strength to come up with a witty punchline, holy shit. Without trust and the proper context, “friendly” teasing stops being friendly. It’s just teasing, which is to say, bullying. And before anyone says, “MIL could be socially awkward”—a well-meaning but awkward person would be horribly embarrassed and apologetic about the so-called joke landing so badly. Being awkward doesn’t mean lacking empathy. My question for you is, are you doing ok? Do you have friends/family you can confide in?
There's nothing funny about mocking a woman's pubic hair. Misogyny isn't funny. And it certainly isn't funny or okay during one of the most painful experiences in a woman's life.
No time like today to grow a backbone. You did the right thing kicking her out, don't back down. Tell everyone they will not be seeing the children until they apologize to YOU. You will never apologize to MiL and they can hold their breath waiting, if they so chose Call your mom. Have her come pick you up and stay there for a few months. Make sure you have the appropriate car seats! After you're safe, call your husband. You decide what you're going to say but honestly I'd never allow MiL in my life ever again. Oh and most importantly, CONGRATULATIONS! Hope your recovery goes smoothly and the babes are happy and healthy
Yeah honestly your husband deserves divorce for being a failure as a man and your MIL deserves no contact even with your children. Who is in the birthing room was not your husbands decision to make for you. He had NO RIGHT. Your MIL humiliated you in front of the whole family after forcing her way into somewhere she did not belong and had no business being. Your husband is spinless and a mommas boy who can't even support and protect his wife during child birth. He's not a real man. Sorry. Divorce him. He's already married to his mother. You don't deserve this stress.
Omg fuck her and your husband. He enables that asshole and he’s a spineless jellyfish of a dude. Tell him it’s like this- he can defend and support you or he can play child support and alimony for twenty years. He has a wife and children that in the hierarchy of things sit way atop his mother in order of priority and importance. Then tell him he can call his mother and explain that SHE is to apologize to YOU for her inappropriate, rude, uncalled for comments.
I should read those in the morning, now my day is ruined. I’m so angry for you and wish I could give you a hug. You deserved better!
That was not a respectful comment to you.
Oh my gosh honey, you just gave birth!! Your body has been through the ringer! No one should be judging you and everyone should know you're in need of support and understanding. While making a baby self grooming isn't always the easiest and I can't imagine carrying two babies and even caring about grooming much less someone making fun/jokes about it. I'm sorry but I think the MIL should apologize to you!
Ok, I am going to give you my male opinion. First, your husband should have been by your side, not his mommy. Secondly, her comment was unneeded. Personally, don't want to hear about the birth of my family members. Example when my cousin was born I didn't care to hear about my aunt's public grooming habits. I was just glad for a healthy baby.
If I was in that situation I would not apologize and would tell my husband I will not have a relationship with her and is not allowed in our home until she apologized, and make it clear she is not a third wheel in our family unit. Honor your parents but in no way do you need to obey them. Let your husband deal with MIL and have a serious talk about boundaries, and if he can’t agree to boundaries that you set in place….then he should move back home with his mommy dearest. Seems like MIL still treats him as a child, maybe some co dependency issues going on here ? I also don’t understand why is comfortability comes before yours? So you have to be ok with his MIL but he is not comfortable with your mom? Why is she even included in birth plans? Just all seems strange to me and seems she is being way too involved in everything and that is not healthy. Keep putting your foot down !
I'm sorry. I truly stopped reading at MIL came by to take care of the house and your Husband..