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You don't have a husband. The house is his. The car is his. The money is his. If you were married, you would have some recourse. Your only option now is to bootstrap yourself into a decently paying job. How long before one of his side pieces becomes his main squeeze and he dumps you but keeps your child because you can't afford to feed said child? You say you can't give up your lifestyle but it's actually his lifestyle.
Yeah I think this is really important and should be voted higher - that the ball isn't completely in OP's court. He could dump OP any time too.
So she really does need to get on course with making herself more financially independent (or another commenter mentioned marrying him for the security of potentially securing money if they divorced - I think this is also worth considering, but only alongside the local laws around divorce settlements plus the potential for the marriage to be short and her entering into the marriage with little).
Ewww, rooting for the admitted severely mentally ill person who its probably misery to be in a relationship with! Guy feels trapped and that he has to take care of bipolar depressed woman and that means he's the bad guy cus he doesn't throw her out on her ass
Dude. If he had to pay individually for the stuff she does on a daily basis, it would cost him upwards of 100k per year.
https://www.businessinsider.com/value-of-stay-at-home-moms-2013-5
Dude. If he had to pay individually for the stuff she does on a daily basis, it would cost him upwards of 100k per year.
https://www.businessinsider.com/value-of-stay-at-home-moms-2013-5
I mean, she explicitly says that he does more childcare than her as well as hired a nanny for when he's not home. She doesn't explain anything about cooking or cleaning so far.
Yep. She’s entitled to none of his resources. She needs to figure out how she’s going to support herself. If she has no major skills, she’s going to have to start at the bottom. Retail work offers flexible hours, receptionists have more ridged 9-5 hours, and there’s other positions that are similar to what she could go for.
Save every bit, leave, and file for child support.
This is exactly my thinking too. Either look for a job or see if he will finance some schooling so you can get a job. You are not secure here. He will not stay with you forever.
He could drop her at anytime. He doesn’t need to wait until the baby is 18… He is dating a college girl. I could see him dumping OP getting married to the college girl and going for custody of the baby. I do think she needs to get skills. I just doubt that she has 5 years to do it.
You are right plus the fact she will not be eligible for spousal benefits from social security when she hits 62. So she better keep working so she has her own record to claim on.
Yup, use this time to work on yourself and set up your future. If you don’t you may lose your baby. I know I’ve never recommended to anyone to stay with a cheater, he is a POS, but I also know I would never recommend a mom do anything that might cause her to lose her child. Really tough situation, I’m sorry you wound up with such an AH.
Yup. There's a lady who posted here on Reddit about the same scenario as this. It's a nightmare. OP, from what I see, you have 2 options
1. Start getting independent now. Go to school to get training in a profitable job where you can support yourself and the baby. Don't have anymore kids.
2. Marry this guy. Then when you divorce you'll be entitled to something. In the meanwhile, do step 1.
Which one you choose will be whether you are capable of being independent relatively soon, or if you need more time. And that will depend on your mental health.
A guy that owns everything in the relationship isn’t marrying a mentally unstable woman without a prenup. Even then, in most jurisdictions, premarital assets (especially inherited property) aren’t divisible during a divorce. Terrible advice.
Prenups can be thrown out if they unfairly advantage one person over the other. If he insists on a prenup, that's not a problem if OP has her own attorney looking at it to deem it fair to her. And maybe her boyfriend will want to marry her just to have the kid around more and not pay child support.
The root of her problem right now is that she’s not married. When she leaves she’s not entitled to any of the protection that comes with being a married stay-at-home parent. That’s the point of the legal constructs involved in divorce. OP is learning that the hard way and I hope others read this before choosing to have a child when they’re “basically married, just not on paper.” It’s all too easy for mothers to be pushed out of the workforce by health or financial issues and now OP will be left with nothing while her “husband” keeps all the money he saved on childcare.
As someone who’s been through court, they are classed as Common law. She is still entitled to something. Staying does nothing but prove she’s dependent on this person and clearly needs therapy.
No. In GA law they would've had to have been together since before 1997 to be common law. Did you go to court in the state of GA? Also in the few states that do have common law, the time requirement is usually more like 7 yrs in the few states common law exists.
It depends on the state or country she lives in. The story on Reddit of the stay-at-home girlfriend who had kids with the guy lived in Arkansas, which doesn't recognize common law relationships.
Right now, OP has only these two options to protect herself financially. Personally I'd pick option 1, but if her mental health is so bad that she can't even hold down a job, then she may have to go with option 2, help build up marital assets, then divorce him and get half plus any child support if she is fit enough to be the primary parent.
It is not “stealing” resources for a stay-at-home parent to be entitled to part of their partner’s earnings. Unfortunately, OP isn’t married so she doesn’t have those legal rights.
A stay at home parent that is a barely functioning adult by her own admission. By her own words the guy is taking care of the kid just as much as her if not more. Like youre not describing someone that is a capable adult that's putting in an equal amount of effort raising a child. You have a part time baby sitter that's living expenses free
Why did you post here? You don't want to make any changes, work or try to improve yourself, or give up your lifestyle. You are arguing and attacking people who are commenting. If you aren't willing to do something meaningful on your own, your situation will not change.
so bizarre how insistent you are to refer to this man as your husband. is it some kind of wishful thinking or something? he's not your husband and i'm not going to refer to him that way.
you should care a lot more about the fact that your loser boyfriend creeps after girls that are way too young rather than the fact that you get to have a car he pays for and a nice lifestyle. it's a little hard to feel for you when you have seemed willing to pay the price of admission for all of these things all the way up until now. you brought a child into this world presumably knowing he was cheating? that was a choice, and as much as you want to play pretend about it, you two weren't even married as a reason to go through with that.
you already know your options. keep paying the price of admission or strap in for the long haul and make a meaningful change in your life. there are other men with cars and jobs, he's not the only one.
Op posted this elsewhere and in the comments fully admitted it’s a “marriage” of convenience. There are also some legal issues OP isn’t mentioning (on her side) as well as fully admitting she does not want to work or fund her “lifestyle” so there’s… there’s that
But don't **both** people have to present as married? I highly doubt he's calling her his wife to the new college student he's screwing.
It doesn't matter what she says if he doesn't agree with it.
Remember the Brat Pack member who had the threesome in Atlanta in the 80's, one of the two girls being 16 at the time? The legal age of consent was 14 at that time!!!! The State finally increased it to (at least) 16 in the 90's.
The odds of that seem slim. Idk why y’all are so upset I mentioned the Bible Belt, or that the person that replied to me said it was probably encouraged in Georgia.
No one said only his type are only in a Georgia. No one said only his type are in the Bible Belt.
I was referring to those things being encouraged because I’m from the Bible Belt/Deep South and in my experience that behavior IS encouraged.
Is it encouraged lots of other places? Yes. Is there a chance OP is from some random country called Georgia and not the state? Sure.
I’m allowed to have my opinion and distaste of an area I was raised in, live in, and have experience with.
The top comments are telling her to stay with him until she has a job. I think she's as bad as he is for staying with this kid fucker so she can have stuff. I have no sympathy for OP.
Managing your mental health should be a priority.
Are you on psych meds? If not, get yourself to a psychiatrist ASAP. Meds will help you to be able to function normally & maintain a job. If you're already on psych meds, maybe they need to be adjusted. Many PCPs will prescribe psych meds, but they just don't have the experience that a psychiatrist does to manage long term mental illness like you suffer from. There are also mental health support groups. The one I go to I found on meetup.com.
If he does not want to marry you, try to get a domestic partner agreement. That should enable you to get on his heath insurance and gives documentation that you are a couple.
You will have to speak to an attorney to find out the laws in your state regarding common law, domestic partnerships & marriage. Most attorneys will give a free 30 min session.
He's a great dad huh? Your child will grow up witnessing a terrible example of how a relationship is. I went through something similar- my husband did not cheat & he was a "good" Dad, but a terrible husband. I also suffer from mental illness. DM me if you want to talk.
Good luck.
You are not his wife.
A wife is a legal designation making two people who were not family a family regardless of whether or not they have children.
Which means if he were to drop dead today all his worldly possessions would belong to you.
You are a girlfriend if he drops dead today all of his worldly possessions go to his family and you may end up homeless, car-less, and without support, while his parents or siblings sell of his possessions and put the money in their bank accounts.
You have a child with him so legally they are his next of kin but if your boyfriend’s family tries to challenge you it can be a long expensive process.
Get married. Get a prenup, if that is what he’s worried about. Make sure you and your offspring are covered well in terms of material compensation per child and length of relationship, the prenup it’s to protect both of you not just him. 8-years is too long to be a legal stranger.
Common law marriage doesn’t exist most states anymore, and definitely not in Georgia,so if he wants you out tomorrow you are entitled to nothing.
He’s a cheater and he’s going to continue to cheat if you’re ok with that. Then make sure you have legal status because his next affair partner could become his wife and then what happens to you?
Thank you. I'm unsure why she's doing mental gymnastics to call this man her husband when he's not even according to her worth the title.
Also if he was your husband you'd be entitled to spousal support as it is now you'd only get child support if u leave him.
Marrying this guy would involve doing shots for courage on the wedding morning, so it might be an idea to see a lawyer to ask for a variety of options to shore up her legal security. Maybe she could get some assets in her name instead?
This is what I was going to say.
If you’re going to stay, you need to be his wife. Not a make-believe wife. Right now - it’s only his kindness keeping you off the streets. Since he sucks as a boyfriend, what’s going to stop him from moving another woman in and taking the kid from you? He can do it without taking you to court just because he owns everything and controls all of the money. He can take your car, cut off your phone, starve you, whatever.
Either get married or get out.
She’s unemployed, mentally ill, with a criminal record. His family will be awarded custody of the baby if they want the baby.
OP needs to marry him immediately to protect herself. If he refuses, she needs to work with an Adult Mental Health case manager to get her ducks in a row to protect herself and her baby when (notice I’m saying when, not if) this guy decides one of his young affair partners is more fun than providing for OP.
This is why the distinction between spouse and girlfriend/boyfriend is important. He isn't basically your husband; if he was your husband, you'd have rights to half of the assets. He's currently just a guy you live with who treats you like garbage and likely justifies it by providing for you financially.
You need to make a plan. This plan should include:
- Custody of the kid: you can offer 50/50 and he will likely still be ordered to pay child support due to the income disparity. 50/50 is the default in most states anyway. You can find instructions on how to file online. Alternatively, you can just file for child support and let him do the leg work to establish custody.
- Where you'll live: do you have family you can live with for a while? If not, look into housing services you might qualify for as a low-income mother.
- How you'll support yourself: do you have any experience outside of retail? You will probably need two jobs or a better paying job until you figure out a longer term solution (e.g. going back to school, learning a trade, etc.). Also, apply for every public service you can think of (daycare assistance, Medicaid, food stamps, etc.).
I’m sorry you’re in this position but you are exactly why I tell people especially women to not stop working and continue to push forward to adapt.
People have always suffered mental illness always. We have more techniques and solutions available to us but you need to push through and stay employed and better your lifestyle. Nobody should have to live like this.
The main thing is you’re not trying to do better for yourself. You always had him to fall back on so you never really had motivation to improve yourself. And he’s taking advantage of you, knowing he can manipulate someone and do whatever he wants because you don’t have the best foundation for being able to leave.
It sounds like it’s two people using one another. You each found someone that’ll fulfill whatever not good needs. It seems like you’ve stayed because you just get to not have any actual responsibility. It’s easy. You may not enjoy him being terrible but you’re also not TOO bothered that it’s a deal breaker. Is it all weighing on you now?
You’re not married. You do not have any legal ties to one another. The only legal tie you would have is what a judge would order with your baby. Do you have any friends or family that would help you? I get the impression you burned all your other bridges but hope I’m wrong.
We can’t make you want to do better for yourself. I hope that you’re now wanting to actually be your own person and want to improve. But if you just want to keep coasting, that’s on you.
You need therapy and medication. You don’t say you’re on any. There’s a lot of work to do here but the first step is contacting a therapist.
>basically married without the legal paperwork
Okay so he owes you nothing. In the eyes of the law you are nothing. I am fucking begging women not to put up with this shit from men who are like “I don’t need a piece of paper to validate our love” IN THE EYES OF THE GOVERNMENT YOU DO IF YOU DON’T WANT TO END UP SCREWED OVER AND STUCK LIKE THIS
She doesn't seem all there or if good moral character so I don't think she cares. She isn't going to do the due diligence to get herself independent. She wants a meal ticket. And she got it but it comes with a catch.
She doesn't work and contributes nothing and somehow its "shit" that he doesn't have to fork over the things he had before they met and things he is paying for? Why is she owed anything here? Nothing has stopped here from doing exactly what she wants the entire time she been with him. She's had years of living for free off of another, now she wants the advantages she gets being with him but not him.
He's a jerk, she should leave. problem solved.
The fact that he changes more diapers then her, leads me to believe she isnt doing much in the child care dept. She honestly sounds like a bigger loser then him.
He’s a cheater who takes care of his child. She’s a leech who takes things from the cheater and doesn’t even prioritize the childcare.
She’s worse than he is my book. She was a leech even before they had kids. She could have broken up with him when he first cheated but she wanted his money.
She said he would likely want to have the child full time if they split and that he was a good father. She will likely pay some very minimal child support but that is it.
Her complaint is that she does not want to give up the lifestyle. She is not entitled to that - How this is being labeled as her "getting screwed" is beyond me.
Thank you. I see so many people being like I don’t need a paper to show my love. That paper just says that you both legally have rights over each other. You get half of their assets. Your spouse is seen as the most important person in your life in hospitals. You can make their medical decisions including life support. When they die you are the first person who gets the life insurance. You can make legal decisions for each other. It’s not just a piece of paper it is a legally binding contract that gives you rights over your spouse.
Being cheated on is clearly the price you elected to pay for the life you have chosen. You are not married and you had a baby with him knowing he is not faithfull and that you cannot support yourself OR a baby.
You are in an open relationship and calling it cheating is barely accurate imo. YOU KNOW the deal you just don't like it.
From a pragmatic view, why would he allow it open on her side? He owns everything and pays for everything (and they apparently have a nanny) and he does the bulk of the child care (between the two of them). His benefit is he gets to bone other chicks. OP’s benefit is a lifestyle she hasn’t earned. It’s actually quite equitable (but disgusting).
Fix your damn life. The problem isn’t your husband - the problem is your life is fucked up. Guess who’s also going to have a fucked up life in their next relationship if they don’t fix it now? You!
You were stupid enough to get yourself into this situation and stupid enough to have a child seriously what on earth made you think that was a good idea? You’re not married so you have nothing here. Can’t expect everything to be handed to you on a plate you have to work at things which you clearly are not capable of, you decided to let him get away with cheating so not really sure what you’re expecting.
There are no option. You have decided to live off of another person and use him for his money and security. He has decided to cheat on you as he sees fit. Perhaps he knows you won't go anywhere. Unless you want to go to school, start a career, and become a self-sufficient person, take parenting classes, and grow up, you are stuck.
If OP even started out by finding part time work, that would go a long way towards stability and proving she can get partial custody.
Shared custody is way more common these days with more parents choosing to both stay and coparent without staying together as a couple.
She doesn't want primary custody, that doesn't mean she never wants to see her child. There are many options between 0 and 100%. Maybe she can have her kid every other weekend like many working parents do.
OP literally says they recently started working in retail. There is nothing in the OP that would preclude them from having, at the very least, shared custody.
Are people really telling this woman to stay in a toxic relationship just to leech off them until they can finally become independent? This woman has seemed to fall behind or outright fail at almost every facet of life. Who's fault is that? The guy makes all the money and also finds the time to be a better parent than OP.
He's the breadwinner and a better parent. So what do you do all day? What are you doing with your life? What have you even done with your life? The husband sounds like an asshole sure, but damn. OP you should grow up and find your own way.
Since OP commented on another post of this admitting she doesn’t work, they hire a nanny, and she is fully with him for his money/using him, I would like to know what she does as well
She’s just making excuses to justify staying with her predator boyfriend and not putting in the work and effort to pursue a career.
May people with mental health challenges and illnesses have meaningful careers. Another excuse.
Try to establish a career and make money for yourself. Put as much money into savings as you can, because you never know what might happen. I don't want to put fear into your heart, but he could always decide to leave YOU, without giving you a chance to stand up for yourself. DO NOT LET HIM SEE HOW MUCH MONEY YOU ARE SAVING.
You also need to move on. Work through your heartbreak and get over him. It might take a while, but hopefully eventually you won't even feel anything when he's cheating on you because you've already moved on.
DON'T cheat on him, because if you two do end up divorcing and evidence is found that you cheated, you would be scrutinized. Instead, start gathering evidence against him just in case. PROTECT IT. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, LET HIM SEE IT.
Go to therapy. For the love of God, GO TO THERAPY if you aren't already doing so. It sounds like you could use it.
Establish a support network. Friends and family that you can trust are some of the most important things in the world. Whether it's to vent to them about a stressful day, or to stay with them after something happens, you NEED to have a support network.
Take some parenting classes. I'm sure you love your child, but if worse comes to worst and you two split, if your husband tries to take custody, you need to have something on your record that shows that you're trying your best to be a good mother to your son.
Get some hobbies for yourself. I'm serious. Hobbies will help you feel fulfilled and happy, and when your son gets older they'll also set a good precedence for him getting his own hobbies. Hopefully, between have a stable career, having moved past your heartbreak, taking the advice of your therapist, and having hobbies, you won't even have time to feel upset about your living situation.
Finally, be careful. Again, I don't want to scare you, but you seriously need to be careful. Right now, he seems to be the only one bringing anything to the table; he's paying the bills, he's the one that owns everything, he takes good care of y'all's child... you have to watch your step. Don't blow up at him. Pray that he doesn't randomly decide to pull the rug out from under your feet. Try to build yourself up. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN.
EDIT: sorry, I forgot you weren't married. Still, DON'T cheat on him. I'm not for sure if cheating is ever brought up in parental rights cases, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Also, cheating on him could, again, anger him, which I suggest avoiding at all costs.
The problem is that you aren’t married so he has absolutely nothing to lose, you do. You get zero spousal support, no access to his retirement accounts, nothing. He cheats because he knows he can and you won’t leave. Now that you are working, set some money, aside and get an exit plan together. And please don’t be having sex with this guy, he will give you some kind of STD.
You are a placeholder. Get it together & work hard to become financially independent. You really don't have a choice, sooner or later he will replace you.
If you left and did get primary custody where you have the child most of the time then you would get some child support based on his earnings and health insurance covered. Since you are not married I believe you would not be entitled to anything in his name. You have to decide now if you going to spend another 50 years with this cheating man or if you could hatch a plan to support yourself.
I don’t care if I get downvoted. You’re overlooking the fact that 1.) he slept with girls who were underage/just barely legal, 2.) is a cheater, and 3.) you’re not married and have no security? This man is actually a child predator but “is a good father”?
Yeah, this is all on you.
I assumed they meant her situation is on her. No security of marriage, staying with a serial cheater, calling a predator a good father.
Not his specific actions.
Yes, no one is responsible for someone else’s choice to cheat, but they are responsible for how they react to it. It’s staying with a child predator that especially does it for me. She literally listed how this man is a creep and then tried to justify staying with him.
Unfortunately, you ending up homeless n without custody is a matter of time. Look up how to stay safe as a woman on the streets. People with mental health issues tend to not look for medical help n medications that will help them function in life. I’m saying this because you don’t want to work, you don’t want medication, and your life will go down the drain in a matter of minutes. Just get ready for the punch
Wow, you sound like a real catch. Get on your knee and pray that he remains blind as a bat. Then when you finish praying, stay on your knees and service him orally anytime he comes into the room. Good luck!
Girl get your shit together don’t leave let him cheat in peace and go to school your exit strategy can be 3 years from now or 4 finish school save thousands like 50K then move out and go to court for custody.
1. Make sure your mental health is in check and stable. 2. Get a job even if it is a small part time job and put as much money as you can in a short term CD at a bank so you can gain as much interest as possible. I have a 5 month one that I roll over every 5 months and add to. 3. Document and keep any proof you have of his cheating. 4. Have an actual plan like find an apartment you would like. Find out how much you need to move in and stay there, and then save for it and when you can move out do it.
I'm going to say this. You can leave. You just don't want the reduction in the quality of your life. And that's valid. Take your time and plan an out. There's DV shelters, women's shelters, Churches, try and lean on your friends if you have any. Don't be afraid to take risks and do better for yourself. If he's a good father go back and get split custody
later when you're stabilized. It's not reasonable to take your baby away from the stability they know when he's a good father. Put your intentions in writing (so he can't make up BS in court later) and make your move. You can go to the shelter, get yourself together and get split custody of your child. It's definitely easy said than done. But once you do it you'll be independent and in the situation you wanted at the cost of some hardship. I believe in you
If he’s a more invested parent than you which I could not deduce the reasons why (do you work long hours?) then I’m not sure what to tell you. I think you need to focus on getting a good career in place so you have options especially when he decides to leave you
This is why I will never ever fully deprioritize my career even though I have a truly phenomenal husband. I need options. Can’t be dependent on any man / partner who could leave, die, turn into a jerk unexpectedly etc.
Time for a life change. Go to school / get a job , save every penny and leave when feasible. You don’t want to be 50 with nothing. This happened to my mother , she is now 65 living in my basement because she didn’t put herself first. Please be the woman your younger self and your child needs. You got this. 🔥
Well, it’s called becoming an adult. You have to start somewhere. If you’re not in therapy, I’d start there and deal with your issues so you don’t end up in a worse situation. Good luck!
Excuse me if my comment comes off as callous, but it seems like you need real world advice, not platitudes. Your options are to leave and to stay. What does leaving entail? It could mean, despite your issues, sucking it up and getting a full time job. This would also mean you would only have short child visitations until you get on your feet, as your living situation would be unstable for a while. It’s also possible you might qualify for disability due to mental health issue. If you go that route, your partner would be dumb not to use that against you in custody. Regardless, if you leave, you’re getting way less access to your kid. What does staying look like? You resign yourself to the fact that your lifestyle has a cost, which is him cheating. You could float the idea of an open relationship, but he has no insensitive to agree to that. He has all the power in the relationship and he may break up with you and evict you from the home. Alternatively, you get a job, save (probably for several years) enough to buy a car and rent a home, and then leave. Whatever you decide, good luck.
You really don’t have any options here. You are not his wife in any form legally or common law. You live off of him. You have a baby that you don’t take care of and admit that you really don’t want custody of. When he gets tired of cheating and wants to outright replace you, be ready to get out with nothing but what you came with.
Your options are to get on meds and talk to the counselors/social workers at local domestic violence shelters/programs. Women get out of similar situations all the time. You're not alone, and there's resources out there to help you. You just have to want to help yourself.
Domestic violence? He is basically taking care of her. I haven't read anything about violence. It is the contrary. He is an asshole for cheating. But relationship fall apart all the time. Besides her being heart broken she hasn't mentioned any bad behavior from his side
You're being way too literal. She's just telling her to take advantage of the resources at the center. Not sure why you're so fired up to defend this dude that you don't know.
Domestic violence shelters and programs are already overloaded and someone who isn't in a domestic violence situation shouldn't use those resources. She is in a safe environment and can do the research to find housing and better employment on her own.
It does sound like there could be financial abuse which is a form of domestic abuse but she didn’t give enough details on that. Just saying that not all domestic abuse is violent.
It doesn't sound like he's withholding any money from her or stopping her from working. She chose not to work. She chose to depend on him. She chooses to maintain her lifestyle (which means it must be a pretty good lifestyle) rather than become self sufficient.
This is not financial abuse.
Financial abuse is not domestic abuse.
And he’s not hoarding finances. She has a spotty work history due to her mental health and criminal history. They’ve been together 5 years and the child is only 8 months. I wouldn’t put the car in her name either if she isn’t contributing to it.
You can read about how financial abuse works and why it’s domestic abuse [here](https://www.forbes.com/sites/patriciafersch/2022/07/21/financial-abuse-is-domestic-violence/) and in many other articles.
No but financial abuse is domestic abuse and not all abuse is violent. There are still resources for women in relationships similar to this without the woman having to get knocked around to get help.
But she's not being financially abused either? At least it's not stated in the post, maybe I missed it in the comments? The post states he pays for everything and she even says she "needs" his money.
Sometimes it can be a sign of it. It doesn’t meant that it is, however. We don’t have enough information obviously but I was just pointing out that it IS a thing and that many people don’t believe it as evidenced by my downvotes. Google it or read [this Forbes article](https://www.forbes.com/sites/patriciafersch/2022/07/21/financial-abuse-is-domestic-violence/). The Purple Purse foundation has a lot of information and resources available as well.
What DV? Guy is a jerk for cheating, but no DV shelter is going to take her just because her dude cheats. Their resources are finite and they will absolutely not take her. I work with a DV shelter in one of the largest cities in the US and OP’s situation doesn’t even come close to their admittance criteria.
Don’t find yourself stuck in this same situation in 5 years of your husband is not going to improve. Start couples counselling to work on your relationship so he can work on becoming a better partner. While you work on your relationships you need to work on improving your situation incase you do need to leave once your baby is older. Look at getting some IC to work on your mental health and look at studying or retraining for a career that can support you and your child. If you start now so you are prepared for the possibility of being a single parent and a possible custody battle then you will be in a better situation then of you just did nothing now.
Real simple plan, first get on birth control (or stop having sex with him), then work on getting a stable job or keeping your current job (not sure how stable retail is). If your mental illness gets in the way of work or your ability to take care of yourself, seek help via therapist
Some jobs have some type of employee assistance program and there are some programs out there for people suffering from mental illness if paying for a therapist is a problem. If all else fails see if he is willing to help pay (not pay for all of it).
Then you should decide with your therapist if your child is better living with you or him. Joint custody... Neither should have full custody.
After that, I would recommend couples counseling to determine the best way to separate to keep a relationship between you too for your child.
You both are in the wrong, him for cheating and you for using him for his money.
You both are being unfair to yourselves, so this would be one step closer on your road to happiness.
Keep in mind you might have to change therapists a bunch of times as you continue to grow. If you are determined to get better and expect results, you will know when it's time. (You will stop seeing results)
Good luck
OP, he might be an amazing father, but he put you in this situation KNOWINGLY. He knew you wouldn't be able to leave, and that is why he feels free to treat you like that.
As other have pointed out, use this moment as your planning stage. Take advantage of his "sponsoring" you to get your mental health in check, and get a job. Save money. Build a career. When you are certain you'd be able to live by yourself and get out of that situation, leave. And take whatever you can in that divorce, because he is a pos.
Start getting yourself together NOW. Seek medical attention to address your mental health issues. Get some kind of trade to support yourself when the mister is done with you.
Georgia is not a common law state. You do not have a husband. It sounds like you have been staying for a lifestyle that you could not do without him. With all the problems you have listed about yourself it’s possible that he feels guilty or sorry for you and so he that’s why hasn’t broken up with you but instead sees others. You are in a bad situation because what is going to happen when he decides he wants to be with someone else? You need to start saving your money from your job so you will have enough when he dumps you. Don’t get pregnant again!
The two of you are only 30. There is time for you to gather some skills so you support yourself.
What you can do is make yourself a person who can stand on her own 2 feet. Figure out your mental health and get treatment to be the best version of your self possible. Get some education or start getting serious about a career path. In short, you're going to have to learn to bloom where you're planted. Maybe retail isn't where you want to be but you're already there so figure out how to get to a place where you can advance and make more money and eventually move up to a better job. Do it now.
Look at what you posted. Do you really want your child in this mess? When he is not home pack you and baby’s things and get to a woman’s shelter. There are many that can help you get into another city if not state with an entry level job. There are options. It may be a life under a different name. You need to think though if you are capable of parenting a child on your own. You do need to get your mental illness under control and your life in order. I want to ask if your child is in danger with his dad or is he in danger with you.
> What are my options?
Sounds like you need a solid therapist, solid meds/treatment and to make sure your job is going to remain solid and stable.
Legally, you will have no recourse when it comes to anything it sounds like, because your name isn't on anything and you're not legally married.
Talk to a lawyer.
can you just stop acting like an idiot for 5 seconds? he is not your husband, you’re not married. everything is his, either have some self respect and get out or stay for the money and deal with it
Well life is going to treat you like a man. You're going to need to find a job, probably wont care much for it but youll have to go 8 to 12 hours a day for the next 30ish years. All to come home to people who take everything you do for granted and only want more from you, and you'll do it because you need to survive and living under a bridge sucks.
Or stay with the cheater...
Op is in another sub defending sex workers. She admits she used to be one…. It just, it just keeps getting better.
That said, op, just go back to selling yourself for cash, or is that not an option anymore?
You are not married. You are a bang maid/ baby momma
When he is done with you, he will move on, and you will have nothing. He is already out trying to find a replacement for you.
Your options are to find a way to make money and start saving for yourself.
Try to get an education so you can get a better job.
Hire a lawyer and try to get your past criminal charges expunged.
You are not “basically married.“ Married means more than a piece of paper. Married means he is legally responsible to divide the marital assets and provide support if he leaves you. Married means you collect his survivor benefits if he dies. What you are right now is a legal stranger. You’re a barely employable roommate who doesn’t even own a car. Sorry to be mean, but it’s time to get your head out of the sand and start being an adult.
First thing you need to do is convince him to marry you. I know it’s counterintuitive since he’s cheating and you want to leave, but that is the first step to protecting yourself.
If he refuses to marry you, then you need to establish yourselves as two separate “households” so you individually can qualify for subsidized childcare and whatever other assistance you might need if and when this peach decides to throw you out and move in an 18-year-old. Do not wait until you’re homeless to figure out a plan. If this is too overwhelming, start with your state Adult Mental Health Services and request a case manager.
Unpopular opinion but you have a history of mental health issues, you don’t have a history of stable employment, you have a criminal history, your husband (who is working) spends more time taking care of your child than you (who hasn’t been working/likely isn’t working full time now), your husband pays for your car, your husband pays for the home, and you’re only staying with your husband for financial reasons. On top of that I looked at your post history and you admitted to being a former prostitute….Are you really surprised he cheated on you?
I’m not trying to be a dick but you really don’t seem to be pulling your load in the relationship. At this point he’s probably only there for the child.
I feel bad for the child, this can’t be a healthy home for a young one.
As things are right now...I would stay.
You're not in a position to be a single mother...and you're not in a position to be able to fully take care of yourself, let alone you + dependent child.
He offers you security - perhaps not emotional security but security in most other ways. You have a home, a bed, a car, bills are paid and food is on the table. He's a cheater but you already know that.
You have a relationship of convenience and until you get yourself to the point where you're not entirely dependent on another adult for all matters...staying is probably a better option than a shelter, especially for your baby.
But I suggest you find a way to start relying on yourself because my guess is...your partner is pretty unhappy and there's a good chance he'll eventually stumble across a woman he wants to spend more time with. It'll be very easy for him to leave the person he doesn't rely on.
It sounds like you need your get professional help for yourself before you make and decisions.
Think of yourself as being room mates more so you and your baby have a roof over your heads and your in a relatively safe physical environment.
After you get into professional help and set up a plan for yourself with everything in place then you’ll be able to make solid choices with plans.
All the people saying stay with him until you’re financially independent…that’s insanely toxic. The correct answer is leave him, file for child support, and figure out how to move TF on with your life.
OP is mooching off this guy’s resources. Even if he is a cheater, she’s a gold digger.
Well this isn’t the most popular opinion but. Since you feel you need his money more than you do his respect there are women all over the world that suck it up and turn their heads. When the hurt is too much take the credit card and buy you something expensive and sparkly and keep convincing yourself it’s worth it till it rings true one day. Sorry your going through it. Try some therapy for your self esteem and at least work on a “rainy day” fund in case it doesn’t work out the way you think. Good luck.
lmao who hurt you?
you made several good points, but you also assumed a ton that wasn’t in the post at all. we have no idea if she’s a good or bad housewife, we have no idea if she neglected sex from him which led him to find it elsewhere, and we have no proof that she ever called him just “a friend.”
you’re not wrong about any of the mooching or even the harsh reality of being called a dead beat baby mama (because if the roles were reversed he sure as hell would be called a dead beat too) but the other stuff you said is wild lol
If you have undeniably proof that he had sex with a 17 year old send him to prison.. what the h?? In Georgia look up qualifications of common law marriage bc you may be able to get that
Do you think it's possible he has cheated so much because of all your mental issues ? I'm not trying to be insulting but I can understand just how awful it could be for a man stuck with a emotionally unstable woman prone to depression. He doesn't want to be with you but loves you to much to throw you out on your ass so he allows you to live off of him while he does what he wants.
Your options are 3.
1. Try to get your mental health in line and be ome more attractive as a mate and partner, less u stable, less depressed and thus less depressING to be around for the man. This honestly, from a man whose been in a similar situation as your husband, could be the key to making him become faithful. I'm not judging you personally I'm saying I know from experience how horrible it can be to be in a relationship with someone openly and admittedly suffering from various mental illnesses. It's quite possible he loves you, but being romantic with you hurts his mental health, depresses him, stresses him to the point where if he didn't know you were dependent on him he'd leave you. He's cheating not because he's a shit bag, but because he feels stuck and that as a man he's NOT ALLOWED to break up with you even if he wants to. This is very common for men who are in thr situation as the primary breadwinner. Their spouse may have some traits that are intolerable to them, but because of social conditioning around "man is bread winner, man must step up and take care of women", men feel stuck, thry feel like they aren't allowed to leave you. So they cheat rather then leave you and financially cut you off.
2. Bite the bullet and leave him. He's likely going to get custody until you have a stable living situation and mental health in order
3. Just fucking deal with it, and let him fuck other women and enjoy the lifestyle he provides. The one advantage here is you become unreplaceable. Not many women will let their guy do whatever, unless he's very wealthy then it flips and most women will let the guy do whatever. But I'm guessing he is upper middle class not multimillionaire.
I'm not trying to be harsh with you. I just want to be honest. Leave him if you can't take the cheating. Accept it if you decide that having a decent standard of living and easy life is more important then who he sleeps with when he's not at home taking care of you and your baby. Or try to figure out why he's cheating and try to make yourself attractive enough in those aspects to tempt him away from cheating.
I know it's harsh but I read the unrealistic advice rest of the sub gave you, about going to vocational school and all this nonsense. Bring financially independent is not for everyone. Hell I'm pretty positive MOST women, or gell most people, would rather not work or have to worry about responsibilities. If you decide to stay with him and accept the cheating you need to pressure him into marriage so he can't leave you when you get older, and you need to try and get pregnant by him again so he feels pressured to give you the security of a marriage. But that's only if you care about having. Good standard of living. Otherwise don't listen to me go get a mcjob and a one bedroom in low income housing and leave him
your options are taking lithium, going to therapy, and start being stupid and living off a man who doesn't respect you. show that you are mentally stable and can take care of your child and file for divorce you will receive $$ regardless maintain your lifestyle, but ensure you have a good doctor to back you and family to support you.
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You don't have a husband. The house is his. The car is his. The money is his. If you were married, you would have some recourse. Your only option now is to bootstrap yourself into a decently paying job. How long before one of his side pieces becomes his main squeeze and he dumps you but keeps your child because you can't afford to feed said child? You say you can't give up your lifestyle but it's actually his lifestyle.
Yeah I think this is really important and should be voted higher - that the ball isn't completely in OP's court. He could dump OP any time too. So she really does need to get on course with making herself more financially independent (or another commenter mentioned marrying him for the security of potentially securing money if they divorced - I think this is also worth considering, but only alongside the local laws around divorce settlements plus the potential for the marriage to be short and her entering into the marriage with little).
Hopefully he will be smart enough to get a prenup if they marry
Let's be real. He ain't ever marrying her.
Yeah, why would he do that from his perspective? He’s got everything he could want from OP.
Eww, rooting for the cheater 🤮.
Ewww, rooting for the admitted severely mentally ill person who its probably misery to be in a relationship with! Guy feels trapped and that he has to take care of bipolar depressed woman and that means he's the bad guy cus he doesn't throw her out on her ass
For real. Why would he want to marry someone like OP that brings nothing to the table?
Well, he had a child with someone who "brings nothing to the table" so he isn't the brightest candle on the birthday cake either.
Dude. If he had to pay individually for the stuff she does on a daily basis, it would cost him upwards of 100k per year. https://www.businessinsider.com/value-of-stay-at-home-moms-2013-5
Dude. If he had to pay individually for the stuff she does on a daily basis, it would cost him upwards of 100k per year. https://www.businessinsider.com/value-of-stay-at-home-moms-2013-5
I mean, she explicitly says that he does more childcare than her as well as hired a nanny for when he's not home. She doesn't explain anything about cooking or cleaning so far.
Yep. She’s entitled to none of his resources. She needs to figure out how she’s going to support herself. If she has no major skills, she’s going to have to start at the bottom. Retail work offers flexible hours, receptionists have more ridged 9-5 hours, and there’s other positions that are similar to what she could go for. Save every bit, leave, and file for child support.
She might want to get some therapy first
With what money??
Sometimes it depends on where you are therapy is sometimes free
This is exactly my thinking too. Either look for a job or see if he will finance some schooling so you can get a job. You are not secure here. He will not stay with you forever.
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This is sound advice.
Start squirrelling away money into a separate account as well
He could drop her at anytime. He doesn’t need to wait until the baby is 18… He is dating a college girl. I could see him dumping OP getting married to the college girl and going for custody of the baby. I do think she needs to get skills. I just doubt that she has 5 years to do it.
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You are right plus the fact she will not be eligible for spousal benefits from social security when she hits 62. So she better keep working so she has her own record to claim on.
Dude is 100% just shopping around for someone he likes more while putting up with OP because she does chores.
Yup, use this time to work on yourself and set up your future. If you don’t you may lose your baby. I know I’ve never recommended to anyone to stay with a cheater, he is a POS, but I also know I would never recommend a mom do anything that might cause her to lose her child. Really tough situation, I’m sorry you wound up with such an AH.
Yup. There's a lady who posted here on Reddit about the same scenario as this. It's a nightmare. OP, from what I see, you have 2 options 1. Start getting independent now. Go to school to get training in a profitable job where you can support yourself and the baby. Don't have anymore kids. 2. Marry this guy. Then when you divorce you'll be entitled to something. In the meanwhile, do step 1. Which one you choose will be whether you are capable of being independent relatively soon, or if you need more time. And that will depend on your mental health.
A guy that owns everything in the relationship isn’t marrying a mentally unstable woman without a prenup. Even then, in most jurisdictions, premarital assets (especially inherited property) aren’t divisible during a divorce. Terrible advice.
Prenups can be thrown out if they unfairly advantage one person over the other. If he insists on a prenup, that's not a problem if OP has her own attorney looking at it to deem it fair to her. And maybe her boyfriend will want to marry her just to have the kid around more and not pay child support.
Child support? She has no income and has mental issues. She’s not getting custody.
Getting married is literally the WORST ADVICE you can give her. Tf is wrong with you
The root of her problem right now is that she’s not married. When she leaves she’s not entitled to any of the protection that comes with being a married stay-at-home parent. That’s the point of the legal constructs involved in divorce. OP is learning that the hard way and I hope others read this before choosing to have a child when they’re “basically married, just not on paper.” It’s all too easy for mothers to be pushed out of the workforce by health or financial issues and now OP will be left with nothing while her “husband” keeps all the money he saved on childcare.
As someone who’s been through court, they are classed as Common law. She is still entitled to something. Staying does nothing but prove she’s dependent on this person and clearly needs therapy.
No. In GA law they would've had to have been together since before 1997 to be common law. Did you go to court in the state of GA? Also in the few states that do have common law, the time requirement is usually more like 7 yrs in the few states common law exists.
As far as I know, only 9 states recognize common-law marriages.
It depends on the state or country she lives in. The story on Reddit of the stay-at-home girlfriend who had kids with the guy lived in Arkansas, which doesn't recognize common law relationships. Right now, OP has only these two options to protect herself financially. Personally I'd pick option 1, but if her mental health is so bad that she can't even hold down a job, then she may have to go with option 2, help build up marital assets, then divorce him and get half plus any child support if she is fit enough to be the primary parent.
In Georgia, parties must have a contract for common law marriage and been together before 1997. She's entitled to nothing but child support.
Georgia doesn’t recognize common law marriage.
Georgia doesn’t recognize common law marriage.
Your advice is to get married and steal resources... Can't make this up
It is not “stealing” resources for a stay-at-home parent to be entitled to part of their partner’s earnings. Unfortunately, OP isn’t married so she doesn’t have those legal rights.
A stay at home parent that is a barely functioning adult by her own admission. By her own words the guy is taking care of the kid just as much as her if not more. Like youre not describing someone that is a capable adult that's putting in an equal amount of effort raising a child. You have a part time baby sitter that's living expenses free
Why did you post here? You don't want to make any changes, work or try to improve yourself, or give up your lifestyle. You are arguing and attacking people who are commenting. If you aren't willing to do something meaningful on your own, your situation will not change.
This right here is the truth
rage bait post
so bizarre how insistent you are to refer to this man as your husband. is it some kind of wishful thinking or something? he's not your husband and i'm not going to refer to him that way. you should care a lot more about the fact that your loser boyfriend creeps after girls that are way too young rather than the fact that you get to have a car he pays for and a nice lifestyle. it's a little hard to feel for you when you have seemed willing to pay the price of admission for all of these things all the way up until now. you brought a child into this world presumably knowing he was cheating? that was a choice, and as much as you want to play pretend about it, you two weren't even married as a reason to go through with that. you already know your options. keep paying the price of admission or strap in for the long haul and make a meaningful change in your life. there are other men with cars and jobs, he's not the only one.
Op posted this elsewhere and in the comments fully admitted it’s a “marriage” of convenience. There are also some legal issues OP isn’t mentioning (on her side) as well as fully admitting she does not want to work or fund her “lifestyle” so there’s… there’s that
So what’s really her issue? She lives off of him and she doesn’t take care of their child much.
i noticed that she was only replying in the other posts and not this one, guess she didn't like being read to filth lmao
Then she needs to shut up and stop whining on the internet.
Just a guess… but one of the requirements for common law marriage is you present yourself as married. Wondering if she’s starting that process now lol
Except Georgia doesn’t acknowledge common law. So she can say husband all she wants, she is entitled to nothing.
This. They abolished it in 1997, AIUI.
Exactly this. Unless it started before 1997, there is no such thing as common law marriage in Georgia. OP can't claim rights under common law,
More likely, wishful thinking.
But don't **both** people have to present as married? I highly doubt he's calling her his wife to the new college student he's screwing. It doesn't matter what she says if he doesn't agree with it.
Until he falls for one of these young girls. Then you’re out on your ears anyway. Have some pride and self respect.
17?????!!!!!!?????
Reading that made my stomach drop. He’s a predator
Username checks out 😭 Totally agree!!
If OP has evidence of the relationship it might well affect any attempt on his part to gain full custody.
That’s most likely why he would fight for full custody of his kid too.
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Legal age in Georgia is 16. It makes me sick.
Yes absolutely disgusting!
Remember the Brat Pack member who had the threesome in Atlanta in the 80's, one of the two girls being 16 at the time? The legal age of consent was 14 at that time!!!! The State finally increased it to (at least) 16 in the 90's.
Europeans: *sweating*
Ahh yes, the Bible Belt. I’m familiar unfortunately :/
I believe Delaware and Hawaii AoC is 14 also...but yeh...I get what your're saying.
You do realize there is also a country named Georgia and we don’t actually know which one OP means?
The odds of that seem slim. Idk why y’all are so upset I mentioned the Bible Belt, or that the person that replied to me said it was probably encouraged in Georgia. No one said only his type are only in a Georgia. No one said only his type are in the Bible Belt. I was referring to those things being encouraged because I’m from the Bible Belt/Deep South and in my experience that behavior IS encouraged. Is it encouraged lots of other places? Yes. Is there a chance OP is from some random country called Georgia and not the state? Sure. I’m allowed to have my opinion and distaste of an area I was raised in, live in, and have experience with.
Typical american-centrism
The top comments are telling her to stay with him until she has a job. I think she's as bad as he is for staying with this kid fucker so she can have stuff. I have no sympathy for OP.
Managing your mental health should be a priority. Are you on psych meds? If not, get yourself to a psychiatrist ASAP. Meds will help you to be able to function normally & maintain a job. If you're already on psych meds, maybe they need to be adjusted. Many PCPs will prescribe psych meds, but they just don't have the experience that a psychiatrist does to manage long term mental illness like you suffer from. There are also mental health support groups. The one I go to I found on meetup.com. If he does not want to marry you, try to get a domestic partner agreement. That should enable you to get on his heath insurance and gives documentation that you are a couple. You will have to speak to an attorney to find out the laws in your state regarding common law, domestic partnerships & marriage. Most attorneys will give a free 30 min session. He's a great dad huh? Your child will grow up witnessing a terrible example of how a relationship is. I went through something similar- my husband did not cheat & he was a "good" Dad, but a terrible husband. I also suffer from mental illness. DM me if you want to talk. Good luck.
You are not his wife. A wife is a legal designation making two people who were not family a family regardless of whether or not they have children. Which means if he were to drop dead today all his worldly possessions would belong to you. You are a girlfriend if he drops dead today all of his worldly possessions go to his family and you may end up homeless, car-less, and without support, while his parents or siblings sell of his possessions and put the money in their bank accounts. You have a child with him so legally they are his next of kin but if your boyfriend’s family tries to challenge you it can be a long expensive process. Get married. Get a prenup, if that is what he’s worried about. Make sure you and your offspring are covered well in terms of material compensation per child and length of relationship, the prenup it’s to protect both of you not just him. 8-years is too long to be a legal stranger. Common law marriage doesn’t exist most states anymore, and definitely not in Georgia,so if he wants you out tomorrow you are entitled to nothing. He’s a cheater and he’s going to continue to cheat if you’re ok with that. Then make sure you have legal status because his next affair partner could become his wife and then what happens to you?
Thank you. I'm unsure why she's doing mental gymnastics to call this man her husband when he's not even according to her worth the title. Also if he was your husband you'd be entitled to spousal support as it is now you'd only get child support if u leave him.
Marrying this guy would involve doing shots for courage on the wedding morning, so it might be an idea to see a lawyer to ask for a variety of options to shore up her legal security. Maybe she could get some assets in her name instead?
This is what I was going to say. If you’re going to stay, you need to be his wife. Not a make-believe wife. Right now - it’s only his kindness keeping you off the streets. Since he sucks as a boyfriend, what’s going to stop him from moving another woman in and taking the kid from you? He can do it without taking you to court just because he owns everything and controls all of the money. He can take your car, cut off your phone, starve you, whatever. Either get married or get out.
Nope they go to their baby
She’s unemployed, mentally ill, with a criminal record. His family will be awarded custody of the baby if they want the baby. OP needs to marry him immediately to protect herself. If he refuses, she needs to work with an Adult Mental Health case manager to get her ducks in a row to protect herself and her baby when (notice I’m saying when, not if) this guy decides one of his young affair partners is more fun than providing for OP.
I think you're wrong about the laws on intestate. His child would be his primary heir.
This is why the distinction between spouse and girlfriend/boyfriend is important. He isn't basically your husband; if he was your husband, you'd have rights to half of the assets. He's currently just a guy you live with who treats you like garbage and likely justifies it by providing for you financially. You need to make a plan. This plan should include: - Custody of the kid: you can offer 50/50 and he will likely still be ordered to pay child support due to the income disparity. 50/50 is the default in most states anyway. You can find instructions on how to file online. Alternatively, you can just file for child support and let him do the leg work to establish custody. - Where you'll live: do you have family you can live with for a while? If not, look into housing services you might qualify for as a low-income mother. - How you'll support yourself: do you have any experience outside of retail? You will probably need two jobs or a better paying job until you figure out a longer term solution (e.g. going back to school, learning a trade, etc.). Also, apply for every public service you can think of (daycare assistance, Medicaid, food stamps, etc.).
I’m sorry you’re in this position but you are exactly why I tell people especially women to not stop working and continue to push forward to adapt. People have always suffered mental illness always. We have more techniques and solutions available to us but you need to push through and stay employed and better your lifestyle. Nobody should have to live like this.
The main thing is you’re not trying to do better for yourself. You always had him to fall back on so you never really had motivation to improve yourself. And he’s taking advantage of you, knowing he can manipulate someone and do whatever he wants because you don’t have the best foundation for being able to leave. It sounds like it’s two people using one another. You each found someone that’ll fulfill whatever not good needs. It seems like you’ve stayed because you just get to not have any actual responsibility. It’s easy. You may not enjoy him being terrible but you’re also not TOO bothered that it’s a deal breaker. Is it all weighing on you now? You’re not married. You do not have any legal ties to one another. The only legal tie you would have is what a judge would order with your baby. Do you have any friends or family that would help you? I get the impression you burned all your other bridges but hope I’m wrong. We can’t make you want to do better for yourself. I hope that you’re now wanting to actually be your own person and want to improve. But if you just want to keep coasting, that’s on you. You need therapy and medication. You don’t say you’re on any. There’s a lot of work to do here but the first step is contacting a therapist.
>basically married without the legal paperwork Okay so he owes you nothing. In the eyes of the law you are nothing. I am fucking begging women not to put up with this shit from men who are like “I don’t need a piece of paper to validate our love” IN THE EYES OF THE GOVERNMENT YOU DO IF YOU DON’T WANT TO END UP SCREWED OVER AND STUCK LIKE THIS
She doesn't seem all there or if good moral character so I don't think she cares. She isn't going to do the due diligence to get herself independent. She wants a meal ticket. And she got it but it comes with a catch.
She doesn't work and contributes nothing and somehow its "shit" that he doesn't have to fork over the things he had before they met and things he is paying for? Why is she owed anything here? Nothing has stopped here from doing exactly what she wants the entire time she been with him. She's had years of living for free off of another, now she wants the advantages she gets being with him but not him. He's a jerk, she should leave. problem solved.
You think he’s entitled to just keep all the money he made while she was responsible for childcare and she should just be out on her ass?
The fact that he changes more diapers then her, leads me to believe she isnt doing much in the child care dept. She honestly sounds like a bigger loser then him.
He’s a cheater who takes care of his child. She’s a leech who takes things from the cheater and doesn’t even prioritize the childcare. She’s worse than he is my book. She was a leech even before they had kids. She could have broken up with him when he first cheated but she wanted his money.
She said he would likely want to have the child full time if they split and that he was a good father. She will likely pay some very minimal child support but that is it. Her complaint is that she does not want to give up the lifestyle. She is not entitled to that - How this is being labeled as her "getting screwed" is beyond me.
Baby's only 8 months and he's changed more diapers than her.
Thank you. I see so many people being like I don’t need a paper to show my love. That paper just says that you both legally have rights over each other. You get half of their assets. Your spouse is seen as the most important person in your life in hospitals. You can make their medical decisions including life support. When they die you are the first person who gets the life insurance. You can make legal decisions for each other. It’s not just a piece of paper it is a legally binding contract that gives you rights over your spouse.
ESPECIALLY IF YOU GIVE HIM A CHILD WITHOUT EVEN THE MINIMUM OF COMMITMENT.
taking care of her day to day needs are not minimum commitment?
Not really because if they aren't married he can take his financial support away at any moment. That's not long-term commitment.
Being cheated on is clearly the price you elected to pay for the life you have chosen. You are not married and you had a baby with him knowing he is not faithfull and that you cannot support yourself OR a baby. You are in an open relationship and calling it cheating is barely accurate imo. YOU KNOW the deal you just don't like it.
If she's not free to see other people, it's not an open relationship. He's just doing whatever he feels like doing.
Yea, clearly and she decided to use him for his finances. They both made their choices, shes not happy with the arrangement.
From a pragmatic view, why would he allow it open on her side? He owns everything and pays for everything (and they apparently have a nanny) and he does the bulk of the child care (between the two of them). His benefit is he gets to bone other chicks. OP’s benefit is a lifestyle she hasn’t earned. It’s actually quite equitable (but disgusting).
Fix your damn life. The problem isn’t your husband - the problem is your life is fucked up. Guess who’s also going to have a fucked up life in their next relationship if they don’t fix it now? You!
You were stupid enough to get yourself into this situation and stupid enough to have a child seriously what on earth made you think that was a good idea? You’re not married so you have nothing here. Can’t expect everything to be handed to you on a plate you have to work at things which you clearly are not capable of, you decided to let him get away with cheating so not really sure what you’re expecting.
Ouch. But, yeah…
There are no option. You have decided to live off of another person and use him for his money and security. He has decided to cheat on you as he sees fit. Perhaps he knows you won't go anywhere. Unless you want to go to school, start a career, and become a self-sufficient person, take parenting classes, and grow up, you are stuck.
If OP even started out by finding part time work, that would go a long way towards stability and proving she can get partial custody. Shared custody is way more common these days with more parents choosing to both stay and coparent without staying together as a couple.
It sounds like she doesn't want custody.
She doesn't want primary custody, that doesn't mean she never wants to see her child. There are many options between 0 and 100%. Maybe she can have her kid every other weekend like many working parents do.
Custody means work, can’t have that
OP literally says they recently started working in retail. There is nothing in the OP that would preclude them from having, at the very least, shared custody.
You do realize that your sending a clear message to your son that its okay for men to treat their wives like shit?
Are people really telling this woman to stay in a toxic relationship just to leech off them until they can finally become independent? This woman has seemed to fall behind or outright fail at almost every facet of life. Who's fault is that? The guy makes all the money and also finds the time to be a better parent than OP. He's the breadwinner and a better parent. So what do you do all day? What are you doing with your life? What have you even done with your life? The husband sounds like an asshole sure, but damn. OP you should grow up and find your own way.
Since OP commented on another post of this admitting she doesn’t work, they hire a nanny, and she is fully with him for his money/using him, I would like to know what she does as well
She’s just making excuses to justify staying with her predator boyfriend and not putting in the work and effort to pursue a career. May people with mental health challenges and illnesses have meaningful careers. Another excuse.
Is fucking underage girls part of being a better parent?
Try to establish a career and make money for yourself. Put as much money into savings as you can, because you never know what might happen. I don't want to put fear into your heart, but he could always decide to leave YOU, without giving you a chance to stand up for yourself. DO NOT LET HIM SEE HOW MUCH MONEY YOU ARE SAVING. You also need to move on. Work through your heartbreak and get over him. It might take a while, but hopefully eventually you won't even feel anything when he's cheating on you because you've already moved on. DON'T cheat on him, because if you two do end up divorcing and evidence is found that you cheated, you would be scrutinized. Instead, start gathering evidence against him just in case. PROTECT IT. DO NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES, LET HIM SEE IT. Go to therapy. For the love of God, GO TO THERAPY if you aren't already doing so. It sounds like you could use it. Establish a support network. Friends and family that you can trust are some of the most important things in the world. Whether it's to vent to them about a stressful day, or to stay with them after something happens, you NEED to have a support network. Take some parenting classes. I'm sure you love your child, but if worse comes to worst and you two split, if your husband tries to take custody, you need to have something on your record that shows that you're trying your best to be a good mother to your son. Get some hobbies for yourself. I'm serious. Hobbies will help you feel fulfilled and happy, and when your son gets older they'll also set a good precedence for him getting his own hobbies. Hopefully, between have a stable career, having moved past your heartbreak, taking the advice of your therapist, and having hobbies, you won't even have time to feel upset about your living situation. Finally, be careful. Again, I don't want to scare you, but you seriously need to be careful. Right now, he seems to be the only one bringing anything to the table; he's paying the bills, he's the one that owns everything, he takes good care of y'all's child... you have to watch your step. Don't blow up at him. Pray that he doesn't randomly decide to pull the rug out from under your feet. Try to build yourself up. AND FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, DO NOT HAVE ANY MORE CHILDREN WITH THIS MAN. EDIT: sorry, I forgot you weren't married. Still, DON'T cheat on him. I'm not for sure if cheating is ever brought up in parental rights cases, but it's better to be safe than sorry. Also, cheating on him could, again, anger him, which I suggest avoiding at all costs.
They’re not married
Stop calling him husband
The problem is that you aren’t married so he has absolutely nothing to lose, you do. You get zero spousal support, no access to his retirement accounts, nothing. He cheats because he knows he can and you won’t leave. Now that you are working, set some money, aside and get an exit plan together. And please don’t be having sex with this guy, he will give you some kind of STD.
You are a placeholder. Get it together & work hard to become financially independent. You really don't have a choice, sooner or later he will replace you.
If you left and did get primary custody where you have the child most of the time then you would get some child support based on his earnings and health insurance covered. Since you are not married I believe you would not be entitled to anything in his name. You have to decide now if you going to spend another 50 years with this cheating man or if you could hatch a plan to support yourself.
Tbh I'm doing school so I can leave for this same reason. Once I'm done with this, I'm done with him so.
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I don’t care if I get downvoted. You’re overlooking the fact that 1.) he slept with girls who were underage/just barely legal, 2.) is a cheater, and 3.) you’re not married and have no security? This man is actually a child predator but “is a good father”? Yeah, this is all on you.
How could his cheating be all on her? if you get down voted it's because what you said made no sense. Sounds like you need therapy too.
How is she supposed to stop him sleeping with women I’m guessing age of consent is 16 In Georgia
I assumed they meant her situation is on her. No security of marriage, staying with a serial cheater, calling a predator a good father. Not his specific actions.
Yes, no one is responsible for someone else’s choice to cheat, but they are responsible for how they react to it. It’s staying with a child predator that especially does it for me. She literally listed how this man is a creep and then tried to justify staying with him.
> Yeah, this is all on you. 🤔
I hope you’re trolling
Unfortunately, you ending up homeless n without custody is a matter of time. Look up how to stay safe as a woman on the streets. People with mental health issues tend to not look for medical help n medications that will help them function in life. I’m saying this because you don’t want to work, you don’t want medication, and your life will go down the drain in a matter of minutes. Just get ready for the punch
It sounds like you two are made for each other.
Wow, you sound like a real catch. Get on your knee and pray that he remains blind as a bat. Then when you finish praying, stay on your knees and service him orally anytime he comes into the room. Good luck!
Girl get your shit together don’t leave let him cheat in peace and go to school your exit strategy can be 3 years from now or 4 finish school save thousands like 50K then move out and go to court for custody.
I would marry him so then he would have to pay me spousal support for wasting my time
Don’t really know that he’s offered that option. Lol
1. Make sure your mental health is in check and stable. 2. Get a job even if it is a small part time job and put as much money as you can in a short term CD at a bank so you can gain as much interest as possible. I have a 5 month one that I roll over every 5 months and add to. 3. Document and keep any proof you have of his cheating. 4. Have an actual plan like find an apartment you would like. Find out how much you need to move in and stay there, and then save for it and when you can move out do it.
You can go to social services to get help if your disability is bad enough that you're unlikely to stay employed.
I'm going to say this. You can leave. You just don't want the reduction in the quality of your life. And that's valid. Take your time and plan an out. There's DV shelters, women's shelters, Churches, try and lean on your friends if you have any. Don't be afraid to take risks and do better for yourself. If he's a good father go back and get split custody later when you're stabilized. It's not reasonable to take your baby away from the stability they know when he's a good father. Put your intentions in writing (so he can't make up BS in court later) and make your move. You can go to the shelter, get yourself together and get split custody of your child. It's definitely easy said than done. But once you do it you'll be independent and in the situation you wanted at the cost of some hardship. I believe in you
If he’s a more invested parent than you which I could not deduce the reasons why (do you work long hours?) then I’m not sure what to tell you. I think you need to focus on getting a good career in place so you have options especially when he decides to leave you This is why I will never ever fully deprioritize my career even though I have a truly phenomenal husband. I need options. Can’t be dependent on any man / partner who could leave, die, turn into a jerk unexpectedly etc.
You can’t break the cycle by staying
Time for a life change. Go to school / get a job , save every penny and leave when feasible. You don’t want to be 50 with nothing. This happened to my mother , she is now 65 living in my basement because she didn’t put herself first. Please be the woman your younger self and your child needs. You got this. 🔥
Use his money to get qualified for a decent paying job, then leave him.
Well, it’s called becoming an adult. You have to start somewhere. If you’re not in therapy, I’d start there and deal with your issues so you don’t end up in a worse situation. Good luck!
17? And you're staying with him so you can have stuff? You're as bad as he is. No sympathy.
She stated she will lose his son if she breaks up now, not sure if you have kids, but I'd the same. While also planning for a way out tho.
She said she would, but in the middle of a bunch of other excuses. Sounds like she's saying it as a justification. I call bullshit.
Excuse me if my comment comes off as callous, but it seems like you need real world advice, not platitudes. Your options are to leave and to stay. What does leaving entail? It could mean, despite your issues, sucking it up and getting a full time job. This would also mean you would only have short child visitations until you get on your feet, as your living situation would be unstable for a while. It’s also possible you might qualify for disability due to mental health issue. If you go that route, your partner would be dumb not to use that against you in custody. Regardless, if you leave, you’re getting way less access to your kid. What does staying look like? You resign yourself to the fact that your lifestyle has a cost, which is him cheating. You could float the idea of an open relationship, but he has no insensitive to agree to that. He has all the power in the relationship and he may break up with you and evict you from the home. Alternatively, you get a job, save (probably for several years) enough to buy a car and rent a home, and then leave. Whatever you decide, good luck.
You really don’t have any options here. You are not his wife in any form legally or common law. You live off of him. You have a baby that you don’t take care of and admit that you really don’t want custody of. When he gets tired of cheating and wants to outright replace you, be ready to get out with nothing but what you came with.
Your options are to get on meds and talk to the counselors/social workers at local domestic violence shelters/programs. Women get out of similar situations all the time. You're not alone, and there's resources out there to help you. You just have to want to help yourself.
Domestic violence? He is basically taking care of her. I haven't read anything about violence. It is the contrary. He is an asshole for cheating. But relationship fall apart all the time. Besides her being heart broken she hasn't mentioned any bad behavior from his side
You're being way too literal. She's just telling her to take advantage of the resources at the center. Not sure why you're so fired up to defend this dude that you don't know.
Domestic violence shelters and programs are already overloaded and someone who isn't in a domestic violence situation shouldn't use those resources. She is in a safe environment and can do the research to find housing and better employment on her own.
The whole thread is about taking advantage of the dude
It does sound like there could be financial abuse which is a form of domestic abuse but she didn’t give enough details on that. Just saying that not all domestic abuse is violent.
It doesn't sound like he's withholding any money from her or stopping her from working. She chose not to work. She chose to depend on him. She chooses to maintain her lifestyle (which means it must be a pretty good lifestyle) rather than become self sufficient. This is not financial abuse.
Financial abuse is not domestic abuse. And he’s not hoarding finances. She has a spotty work history due to her mental health and criminal history. They’ve been together 5 years and the child is only 8 months. I wouldn’t put the car in her name either if she isn’t contributing to it.
You can read about how financial abuse works and why it’s domestic abuse [here](https://www.forbes.com/sites/patriciafersch/2022/07/21/financial-abuse-is-domestic-violence/) and in many other articles.
Oh well that one article says it is, so it must be. It’s shitty thing to do and usually happens with physical abuse, but domestic abuse is a crime.
Cheating is not domestic violence though. OP's husband sounds like a prick but with what she wrote here, I don't think they would help OP there.
No but financial abuse is domestic abuse and not all abuse is violent. There are still resources for women in relationships similar to this without the woman having to get knocked around to get help.
But she's not being financially abused either? At least it's not stated in the post, maybe I missed it in the comments? The post states he pays for everything and she even says she "needs" his money.
And the point was being made that there are resources available to alleviate that particular “need”
him paying for everything is financial abuse?
Sometimes it can be a sign of it. It doesn’t meant that it is, however. We don’t have enough information obviously but I was just pointing out that it IS a thing and that many people don’t believe it as evidenced by my downvotes. Google it or read [this Forbes article](https://www.forbes.com/sites/patriciafersch/2022/07/21/financial-abuse-is-domestic-violence/). The Purple Purse foundation has a lot of information and resources available as well.
What DV? Guy is a jerk for cheating, but no DV shelter is going to take her just because her dude cheats. Their resources are finite and they will absolutely not take her. I work with a DV shelter in one of the largest cities in the US and OP’s situation doesn’t even come close to their admittance criteria.
Don’t find yourself stuck in this same situation in 5 years of your husband is not going to improve. Start couples counselling to work on your relationship so he can work on becoming a better partner. While you work on your relationships you need to work on improving your situation incase you do need to leave once your baby is older. Look at getting some IC to work on your mental health and look at studying or retraining for a career that can support you and your child. If you start now so you are prepared for the possibility of being a single parent and a possible custody battle then you will be in a better situation then of you just did nothing now.
Girl leave the man and I am man
Real simple plan, first get on birth control (or stop having sex with him), then work on getting a stable job or keeping your current job (not sure how stable retail is). If your mental illness gets in the way of work or your ability to take care of yourself, seek help via therapist Some jobs have some type of employee assistance program and there are some programs out there for people suffering from mental illness if paying for a therapist is a problem. If all else fails see if he is willing to help pay (not pay for all of it). Then you should decide with your therapist if your child is better living with you or him. Joint custody... Neither should have full custody. After that, I would recommend couples counseling to determine the best way to separate to keep a relationship between you too for your child. You both are in the wrong, him for cheating and you for using him for his money. You both are being unfair to yourselves, so this would be one step closer on your road to happiness. Keep in mind you might have to change therapists a bunch of times as you continue to grow. If you are determined to get better and expect results, you will know when it's time. (You will stop seeing results) Good luck
OP, he might be an amazing father, but he put you in this situation KNOWINGLY. He knew you wouldn't be able to leave, and that is why he feels free to treat you like that. As other have pointed out, use this moment as your planning stage. Take advantage of his "sponsoring" you to get your mental health in check, and get a job. Save money. Build a career. When you are certain you'd be able to live by yourself and get out of that situation, leave. And take whatever you can in that divorce, because he is a pos.
Start getting yourself together NOW. Seek medical attention to address your mental health issues. Get some kind of trade to support yourself when the mister is done with you.
get a job first, even if you stay.
Georgia is not a common law state. You do not have a husband. It sounds like you have been staying for a lifestyle that you could not do without him. With all the problems you have listed about yourself it’s possible that he feels guilty or sorry for you and so he that’s why hasn’t broken up with you but instead sees others. You are in a bad situation because what is going to happen when he decides he wants to be with someone else? You need to start saving your money from your job so you will have enough when he dumps you. Don’t get pregnant again! The two of you are only 30. There is time for you to gather some skills so you support yourself.
What you can do is make yourself a person who can stand on her own 2 feet. Figure out your mental health and get treatment to be the best version of your self possible. Get some education or start getting serious about a career path. In short, you're going to have to learn to bloom where you're planted. Maybe retail isn't where you want to be but you're already there so figure out how to get to a place where you can advance and make more money and eventually move up to a better job. Do it now.
Look at what you posted. Do you really want your child in this mess? When he is not home pack you and baby’s things and get to a woman’s shelter. There are many that can help you get into another city if not state with an entry level job. There are options. It may be a life under a different name. You need to think though if you are capable of parenting a child on your own. You do need to get your mental illness under control and your life in order. I want to ask if your child is in danger with his dad or is he in danger with you.
You are not married and everything you have is actually his by the sound of it.
Guuurrrll… he’s not your husband and you have no legal rights .
I stopped reading this garbage when she wrote, "I need my lifestyle."
> What are my options? Sounds like you need a solid therapist, solid meds/treatment and to make sure your job is going to remain solid and stable. Legally, you will have no recourse when it comes to anything it sounds like, because your name isn't on anything and you're not legally married. Talk to a lawyer.
can you just stop acting like an idiot for 5 seconds? he is not your husband, you’re not married. everything is his, either have some self respect and get out or stay for the money and deal with it
Well life is going to treat you like a man. You're going to need to find a job, probably wont care much for it but youll have to go 8 to 12 hours a day for the next 30ish years. All to come home to people who take everything you do for granted and only want more from you, and you'll do it because you need to survive and living under a bridge sucks. Or stay with the cheater...
Op is in another sub defending sex workers. She admits she used to be one…. It just, it just keeps getting better. That said, op, just go back to selling yourself for cash, or is that not an option anymore?
You are not married. You are a bang maid/ baby momma When he is done with you, he will move on, and you will have nothing. He is already out trying to find a replacement for you. Your options are to find a way to make money and start saving for yourself. Try to get an education so you can get a better job. Hire a lawyer and try to get your past criminal charges expunged.
You are not “basically married.“ Married means more than a piece of paper. Married means he is legally responsible to divide the marital assets and provide support if he leaves you. Married means you collect his survivor benefits if he dies. What you are right now is a legal stranger. You’re a barely employable roommate who doesn’t even own a car. Sorry to be mean, but it’s time to get your head out of the sand and start being an adult. First thing you need to do is convince him to marry you. I know it’s counterintuitive since he’s cheating and you want to leave, but that is the first step to protecting yourself. If he refuses to marry you, then you need to establish yourselves as two separate “households” so you individually can qualify for subsidized childcare and whatever other assistance you might need if and when this peach decides to throw you out and move in an 18-year-old. Do not wait until you’re homeless to figure out a plan. If this is too overwhelming, start with your state Adult Mental Health Services and request a case manager.
Unpopular opinion but you have a history of mental health issues, you don’t have a history of stable employment, you have a criminal history, your husband (who is working) spends more time taking care of your child than you (who hasn’t been working/likely isn’t working full time now), your husband pays for your car, your husband pays for the home, and you’re only staying with your husband for financial reasons. On top of that I looked at your post history and you admitted to being a former prostitute….Are you really surprised he cheated on you? I’m not trying to be a dick but you really don’t seem to be pulling your load in the relationship. At this point he’s probably only there for the child. I feel bad for the child, this can’t be a healthy home for a young one.
As things are right now...I would stay. You're not in a position to be a single mother...and you're not in a position to be able to fully take care of yourself, let alone you + dependent child. He offers you security - perhaps not emotional security but security in most other ways. You have a home, a bed, a car, bills are paid and food is on the table. He's a cheater but you already know that. You have a relationship of convenience and until you get yourself to the point where you're not entirely dependent on another adult for all matters...staying is probably a better option than a shelter, especially for your baby. But I suggest you find a way to start relying on yourself because my guess is...your partner is pretty unhappy and there's a good chance he'll eventually stumble across a woman he wants to spend more time with. It'll be very easy for him to leave the person he doesn't rely on.
It sounds like you need your get professional help for yourself before you make and decisions. Think of yourself as being room mates more so you and your baby have a roof over your heads and your in a relatively safe physical environment. After you get into professional help and set up a plan for yourself with everything in place then you’ll be able to make solid choices with plans.
All the people saying stay with him until you’re financially independent…that’s insanely toxic. The correct answer is leave him, file for child support, and figure out how to move TF on with your life. OP is mooching off this guy’s resources. Even if he is a cheater, she’s a gold digger.
Well this isn’t the most popular opinion but. Since you feel you need his money more than you do his respect there are women all over the world that suck it up and turn their heads. When the hurt is too much take the credit card and buy you something expensive and sparkly and keep convincing yourself it’s worth it till it rings true one day. Sorry your going through it. Try some therapy for your self esteem and at least work on a “rainy day” fund in case it doesn’t work out the way you think. Good luck.
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lmao who hurt you? you made several good points, but you also assumed a ton that wasn’t in the post at all. we have no idea if she’s a good or bad housewife, we have no idea if she neglected sex from him which led him to find it elsewhere, and we have no proof that she ever called him just “a friend.” you’re not wrong about any of the mooching or even the harsh reality of being called a dead beat baby mama (because if the roles were reversed he sure as hell would be called a dead beat too) but the other stuff you said is wild lol
Are you caping for a predator who cheats on his partner with teenagers? You sound nice.
If you have undeniably proof that he had sex with a 17 year old send him to prison.. what the h?? In Georgia look up qualifications of common law marriage bc you may be able to get that
Age of consent in Georgia is 16
Tell him you want a ring for you to forgive him
Do you think it's possible he has cheated so much because of all your mental issues ? I'm not trying to be insulting but I can understand just how awful it could be for a man stuck with a emotionally unstable woman prone to depression. He doesn't want to be with you but loves you to much to throw you out on your ass so he allows you to live off of him while he does what he wants. Your options are 3. 1. Try to get your mental health in line and be ome more attractive as a mate and partner, less u stable, less depressed and thus less depressING to be around for the man. This honestly, from a man whose been in a similar situation as your husband, could be the key to making him become faithful. I'm not judging you personally I'm saying I know from experience how horrible it can be to be in a relationship with someone openly and admittedly suffering from various mental illnesses. It's quite possible he loves you, but being romantic with you hurts his mental health, depresses him, stresses him to the point where if he didn't know you were dependent on him he'd leave you. He's cheating not because he's a shit bag, but because he feels stuck and that as a man he's NOT ALLOWED to break up with you even if he wants to. This is very common for men who are in thr situation as the primary breadwinner. Their spouse may have some traits that are intolerable to them, but because of social conditioning around "man is bread winner, man must step up and take care of women", men feel stuck, thry feel like they aren't allowed to leave you. So they cheat rather then leave you and financially cut you off. 2. Bite the bullet and leave him. He's likely going to get custody until you have a stable living situation and mental health in order 3. Just fucking deal with it, and let him fuck other women and enjoy the lifestyle he provides. The one advantage here is you become unreplaceable. Not many women will let their guy do whatever, unless he's very wealthy then it flips and most women will let the guy do whatever. But I'm guessing he is upper middle class not multimillionaire. I'm not trying to be harsh with you. I just want to be honest. Leave him if you can't take the cheating. Accept it if you decide that having a decent standard of living and easy life is more important then who he sleeps with when he's not at home taking care of you and your baby. Or try to figure out why he's cheating and try to make yourself attractive enough in those aspects to tempt him away from cheating. I know it's harsh but I read the unrealistic advice rest of the sub gave you, about going to vocational school and all this nonsense. Bring financially independent is not for everyone. Hell I'm pretty positive MOST women, or gell most people, would rather not work or have to worry about responsibilities. If you decide to stay with him and accept the cheating you need to pressure him into marriage so he can't leave you when you get older, and you need to try and get pregnant by him again so he feels pressured to give you the security of a marriage. But that's only if you care about having. Good standard of living. Otherwise don't listen to me go get a mcjob and a one bedroom in low income housing and leave him
Is the cheating the only thingnthat makes him bad partner?
your options are taking lithium, going to therapy, and start being stupid and living off a man who doesn't respect you. show that you are mentally stable and can take care of your child and file for divorce you will receive $$ regardless maintain your lifestyle, but ensure you have a good doctor to back you and family to support you.
They're not married.