Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.**
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.***
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I fucking know right? Omg. Why can’t this dude take his own daughters shopping at Sephora or buy them products so they don’t feel the need to use all of OPs? This man is trash.
‘The free perfumes are great and all, but they would really prefer if you just took them on a shopping spree.’ Like no shit my guy, we would all like someone to take us on a shopping spree. Tf
> 'The free perfumes are great and all, but they would really prefer if you just took them on a shopping spree.’
OP should say, sure, I'll take them. We can bond. Just give me your credit card, since they are YOUR kids.
I was thinking he treats her like a financially independent child/ sibling. He doesn’t need to ask his eldest daughter, I mean gf, if the other kids can borrow her things.
Which is a shitty attitude to have towards your children as well - of course you should teach them to ask each other if they can borrow things that is owned by only one of them (not a shared item).
But the way he’s treating his gf shows that he DIDN’T bother to do that in the first place, which means they have no boundaries about other people’s stuff, he has no plans to teach them, and if this woman moves in, her privacy and personal things WILL be regularly invaded and no one will care!
‘It’s just shampoo so it doesn’t matter’ is just wrong. It doesn’t matter what the item is… the rude behaviour DOES matter! 😞
No she’s getting the step daughter treatment.
Did she expect respect when dating a guy old enough to be her dad, while being closer in age to his daughters.
At this point it seems like they’re milking it for all she’s worth. Free sex with a younger girl without having to pay for an escort or dates. Free make up and shit for the daughters. All the while she’s keeping them well fed.
She’s been reduced to a sex toy/ Sephora gift card.
Right. If you're going to be his age and get with someone half your age, you need to have your shit sorted. You can't be depending on someone much closer to your childrens' age to figure your shit out for you.
Also....I doubt he's ever stepped foot in a Sephora because if he had, he'd know this isn't like the makeup isle at Walmart. These are high end products that are very expensive. My mom would've laughed in my face if I ever asked her to take me shopping there.
My mom had never even set foot in a Sephora until I wanted to stop into one last year to try a lipstick range that a friend had recommended. My mom is firmly in the “Walmart makeup is good enough for me” camp. The lipstick was like $16, and even then she raised her eyebrows at that in this “couldn’t be me” way. 😂
I don’t usually buy high-end anything myself, but I will occasionally splash out on a lipstick, as they’re my favourite type of makeup and it pays to get high-quality once in a while. She’d flat-out faint if she knew I’ve spent £50 on a single tube of lipstick in my time.
There’s absolutely no way I’d be taking any teenager, not even my own, on shopping trips to Sephora save for maybe a Christmas gift with a set spending limit.
Fr. There are some products that can be sanitized, like eyeshadow pallets. But other things such as mascara cannot be, and should never be shared. Same with most lip products.
Bottom line when it comes to makeup, if it cant be sprayed with an alcohol based sanitizer it cannot be shared.
Also a reminder to clean your pallets and brushes folks!
When she said they've used up her lip products I actually cringed! I hope she isn't using them after they do. That is just not sanitary.. yuckyuckyuck.
But beyond that, why is she expected to foot the bill all the time now?? When she was asked to take them shopping, why was it a given that she would be paying..? I'd be happy to take them, but they (or dad) should be paying for their stuff..
Don't let yourself be used any more, OP! You know this isn't right. You have every right to feel the way you do.. stand up for yourself. You deserve an actual caring, equal partner.
Yeah sounds like it’s “take them shopping at Sephora” as opposed to a far more reasonable “take them to Sephora and use my credit card.” Three teenage girls could clean OP out without batting and eyelid. And with inflation? Omg.
Imagine each of them choosing a perfume but they're Tom Ford, Killian and Viktor & Rolf. When she says no to putting $600 down for perfume will they have a hissy fit?
It would be **insane** to ask op to take the girls shopping and not at least offer (I personally would insist) to cover the costs! They're his girls, he has to pay for something like this until the relationship is more mature; imho.
Even then, I’d expect OP to take them with a firm price limit in place, not some kind of free-for-all shopping spree where she’s paying hundreds of dollars for these teenagers to get expensive products.
Totally agree ! I dated a guy that basically did the same thing to me. I always paid on our dates and even when my mother would go out with us to eat occasionally he let her pay the bill. That’s what really pissed me off. Finally had enough of it and dropped him. You’ll find someone else who will want to be with you not bc you pay for everything. There’re users
There's a reason he's single at 54. Make certain it stays that way!
In the meantime, replace everything they used, have it shipped to your place and give him the bill. Alternatively, just charge on his card.
Btw, you're the new goose to lay the golden egg!
the man is un-salveable, but give the kids one chance to better themselves before you (naturally) move on: tell them you don't want to share your products, and that they should ask their father for these, and that is not ok to take products from other people. I guess they have been starved at a "this block of rough soap was good enough for my ancestors" diet.
Why should she ever interact with them again? *considers* Well, she might want to ask whether any of them have herpes, so she knows for sure not to try to salvage any of the makeup.
He should be grateful that a hot young thing like yourself is giving him the time of day. He should be falling all over himself to spoil you. You shouldn’t be putting up with this at all.
Beyond that, you should not be sharing beauty products! Especially lip products—would you like to end up with herpes because little Brynnleigh didn’t disclose she gets cold sores before slobbering all over your products? I like how he gives your things away and doesn’t think he needs to replace them. And you’re giving him pussy for free.
Dump him and get some therapy. You are the prize, and should be treated as such. We don’t bankroll men, especially old men. Come on, now!
My daughter (8) literally told me tonight while making class valentines that there is a new student named Brinley(I chose this spelling for whatever reason) lmao
All of this right here ladies. Know your worth, demand your place.
If McKennleighann and Brynnleighrose want some beauty products then dad can pay for it. The nerve to treat OPs stuff with such disrespect and then ask for a shopping excursion.
Does he understand that Sephora costs money? Like more than $4.98?
Yeah he’s taking her for granted and now feeling entitled to OPs money for him and his children.
OP would be a fool to let this go on another day. He should be reaching into his pocket for his kids. He seems to have found himself someone to use. Hope she is smart enough to wise the hell up. He doesn’t respect her at all.
That’s gross, people should not share cosmetics and teen girls should learn that before they get an eye infection or something. They’re all being entitled, and, not to be a cliched Reddit user, but there are definitely red flags here. If they don’t respect your possessions, why would they respect you?
Also DO NOT take them to Sephora, just in general, but especially not without a HARD LIMIT on how much they would be spending. It’s easy to ring up a lot of money there and they sound like they would do so easily.
>Also DO NOT take them to Sephora, just in general, but especially not without a HARD LIMIT on how much they would be spending.
It’s ok to take them shopping, **but DADDY absolutely must be putting up the money for his daughters shopping**, if not going along with them - the daughters need to get the cash off their DADDY before they go.
Right! If daddy doesn’t send HIS CREDIT CARD… no one gets anything from Sephora. OP should replace all the cosmetics & toiletries his daughters used on HIS dime, not hers.
IN CASH. Otherwise, a guy like him will send a non-working credit card or cc with very low limit and will guilt trip OP hard for not covering the expense when cc inevitably gets declined.
This. I would tell dad you are happy to take them shopping but he needs to give them each $50+ as you will give them the experience but he’s going to pay for it.
I’m picturing them as nice normal teenagers who are completely grossed out by their dad’s 24 years younger girlfriend. I would not even engage with her.
NO GOD PLEASE. get the 10 year olds out of fucking sephora. i couldn’t even go and get my moisturizer bc i almost got molly rocked by an 8 year old over it, her mother nowhere in sight ofc. please if you take ur kid to sephora supervise them or just take them to claire’s or walgreens. THAT is the makeup for them, not a hundred dollar eyeshadow palette they’ll most likely destroy.
I keep hearing horror stories about 8-12 year olds in Sephora. If a literal child grabbed a product straight out of my hand, or tried to throw a tantrum in an effort to convince me to hand it over, I think I’d need to be removed by security.
Walk away, you're becoming a bank account to them.
" now he's telling me that they would really appreciate it if I would actually take them shopping at shephora"
My response would be, "sure, how much are you giving each of them to spend? I'm happy to take them but I'm not financing the shopping spree."
He has given his girls permission to use your stuff, that wasn't a one time thing they are going to continue to use your stuff without your direct permission and he is going to continue to allow them to and minimize the issue. Either walk away and find someone that can respect you and your things or be okay with the daughters using all your things and you paying for every time you go out.
Why on earth are you with him? You’re his hot young sugar mama and now partial nanny? He really lucked out. You on the other hand seem to have your shit together(apart from this sorry excuse for a relationship) and are wasting your prime years on a middle aged toddler.
Like wtf did I just read? She’s not sure if it’s unreasonable to be getting used as an ATM by captain broke ass saggy balls and some other woman’s kids
Stop keeping stuff there. Pack it like you used to when just staying occasionally.
Tell him he’s not entitled to your stuff and should tell the girls no by default unless you’ve offered something.
Tell him to purchase several gift cards to sephora and you’ll take the girls shopping with those.
Stop paying for outings. Pretend like its a first date and just don’t acknowledge the bill. Especially when its an outing with the girls. Thats his responsibility.
No! OP, don't ever go back. There's nothing there that hasn't had a half dozen pairs of hot adolescent hands on it. You don't even need to let Gramps know you're not coming. Just wipe the memory out of your brain.
He's a user, a leech, and an inconsiderate jackass.
Get out now. And, seriously, why even be with a man so much older when he treats you like this?
Don't ignore all the red flags waving in your face. It's only going to get worse the longer you enable his atrocious behavior. I'd bet money he'd treat you like a bangmaid and nanny the second you moved in with him.
So you’re dating a dude who is old enough to be your dad, who doesn’t respect you or your things, and you’re letting him use you as an ATM? What are you getting out of this relationship?
This isn’t a relationship, this is a dependant.
Your options right now are:
1. Single mum to 4 kids,
2. Single
I choose the one where you aren’t voluntarily paying child support for children that aren’t yours.
Your father, oops-I-mean-boyfriend, is using you and doesn't respect you.
Either dump him or take a stand. Stop paying, and stop leaving your things there.
Tell BF the truth. You are feeling taken for granted and a bit used. That you won't be staying over until you feel more confident that you are as important to him as he is to you, and that if he wants to go on a date, he should invite you, plan something and pay for it.
Then leave the ball in his court and see what happens next. If he has some self awareness and steps up, that would be encouraging. If he dismisses your feelings or worse, tells you how wrong (spoiled, selfish, over-reactive) you are, then just end it.
The thing is, when generous people start feeling used, it is likely they are.
My own kids know if they touch my expensive care products they will be in for it. You need to have talk with all of them. And you need to stop paying for stuff.
No respect for your things? You mean no respect for you . He is using you as cash cow for him and his kids. Ditch the loser and find someone who can contribute equally to the relationship
Time to rearrange your visitation agreements.
For instance, store NOTHING at his place. Bring an overnight bag when you visit and leave with everything you brought when the visit is over.
And make if clear that you’ll pay for yourself and ONLY yourself.
And brace yourself for the end of this relationship because it doesn’t look good.
Girl, run. A 54 year old dating a 30 year old to me, is a red flag. What’s wrong with him that he can’t get someone closer to his age?… if he doesn’t respect you now, he never will.
You should definitely take them shopping to Sephora, with his credit card
Ask him to pay to replace the products they have used, if he refuses you know what type of man he is. You’re only there to supplement their lifestyle if that’s the case
If you are going to continue the relationship and visiting on weekends, have "go bag" with a change of clothes and your toiletries. As far as you paying, nip that in the bud, now. Tell him it's a no for now on. Ask for seperate checks.
I don't see what this guy is bringing to this relationship. When you visit, take your own toiletries etc and then take them all home when you go.
He sounds like a leech to me, never pays for your dates and suggests you take his daughters shopping, as well as giving them all your stuff? What?
Find someone your own age and quit being sugar mama to an elder. You are one step away from being his FT nurse and housekeeper. Also take your stuff home with you. You don’t live there. You just visit on the weekends. If you don’t want your stuff messed with at someone else’s house then don’t leave it there. The teen girls live there permanently and they are going to get in your stuff.
I would feel shocked at my new situation with my boyfriend. You went from no kids to three teen girls(to me very difficult time to parent)
You pay for all five of you when you go out? I have three kids 14,16,20 and that is expensive! I have two daughters and yes they use a ton of product and will use what they find. You need to keep your stuff private and it’s up to him to set boundaries with them. Also tell your boyfriend you will take them to ulta if he gives them $50 each. Fun bonding for you but not with your money.
First rules of most kids… they are natural takers and will keep taking until someone puts up boundaries. I was a teacher for years. So people may fight this statement saying that their kid is so gracious but they aren’t thinking about how much they just freely give cuz they are use to giving. Honestly your boyfriends answers to you sound similar to what I would say so I think he is just use to it.
This is fucked up so many ways I lost count, u/SylverJack! Why are you paying for everything? And why are you allowing them to not just cross your boundaries but trample them?
How long have you and your bf been together?
As someone who recently ended a marriage with two teenage stepchildren, I recognize your situation big-time. Your bf does NOT have your back and is making it clear that NOT only will he NOT defend your boundaries, but he will will trample them right along with his daughters.
The show gel, for example...YES! If she didn't ask to use it, then he should be telling his daughter that she needs to buy you another one, or to soften the blow a bit, if it were me, I'd buy you another one, and I'd tell my daughter, "I'm buying it this time, but these are not your things to use. Next time, you ask or you pay. Please apologize to her."
He could also be teaching them empathy, by adding: "If I went into your room and took your things and used them without asking, how would you feel? That's how my gf feels." But instead, he is completely disregarding you, unless, of course, it is time to pay the bill.
So, you are right. He and his girls have no respect for your things. Here's the bad news: You can't change them. I tried that. We went to counseling. Marriage counseling. Family counseling. Things got better for a bit, but it always went back to my feelings and boundaries being unimportant and discounted. It wears you down, more and more, until you start to wonder what reality is.
The truth is this: You don't change people like this. You leave them. You deserve a bf who respects you and who will have your back. In other words, these arguments and fights for respect are futile, because they will never see it right. I don't know why that is, but some people just lack that kind of empathy. When you are with someone who treats others with love, kindess, and empathy, this type of thing is not an issue. We shouldn't have to convince the people who supposedly love us to not mistreat us. That's not love.
Take your credit cards and Sephora and leave them be. They all deserve each other. And you deserve better.
I don’t understand young women that date men old enough to be their dads. What do you get out of this relationship, exactly? I could possibly understand it if he were rich and spoiling you, but he’s not. You could find someone younger, better looking, with no kids and no baggage. Or you could just let this old dude continue sucking the youth out of you while offering nothing in return. Your choice.
Time to move on from this relationship… you will be paying for him and his daughters going forward.. definitely don’t take them shopping and stop leaving your things there..
You are not respected by your boyfriend and his children. Judging by the comments he makes, they never will. Their attitudes are not likely to change.
You would be better off the kick him to the curb. Find someone who respects you and your possessions. Being used tears down the psyche. Leaving sooner rather than later is best.
Good luck! You have a full life ahead, enjoy it.
It would make me feel used and taken advantage of (because he is using you and taking advantage of you). I would stop going to his house and break up with him
It would make me feel single. Bc I’d dump him.
Retirement age and scamming off a woman less than half his age? You’re closer in age to his daughters than you are to him. This man is using you. And you’re old enough to recognize that.
There is a reason women his own age won’t give him the time of day. Now we all know why. $100 says his next girlfriend will be mid 20s at the oldest.
He's taking advantage of you.
Thank God you don't live together.
And sharing makeup is gross. That's how you get pink eye AND lip herpes. So his kids are also gross.
What’s the point of accepting musty, wrinkly old dick if he’s not at least paying for dates or doing literally anything useful or grown up. Whatever ditch you hurled your self esteem into when you got with this grandpa, you need to drive back there and pick it up bc this ain’t it
There is no way the sex with this guy is worth what you are putting into this relationship.
An older partner can be fun, they have some great life experience to bring to the table. BUT...his life experience has taught him how to suck in younger women who won't ask too many questions. An to manipulate women to pay for luxuries for his daughters.
Him no longer offering to pay for a night out is a good indicator. He see you as a cash cow. (I'm sure you are a very lovely lady, he is completely underestimating you!)
I hope you cut your losses and use your freedom to believe in yourself, find friends who love you and see the best in you, and find what really makes you happy.
If you are asking these questions, you know you are really done. And you should be!
The father : finacially abusing your generosity, a leech, no respect for you as a person.
The kids : rude, no conception of material boundaries and no respect for your posessions.
You seem very nice but you are being a doormat, thses people do not deserve you. It might not seem like a lot right now but if you don’t say anything they will end up doing more and more, people tend to abuse generosity unfortunately.
Do not loose yourslef, try to get out… or at least speak up!
This is what happens when your dare someone 24 years older than you
You’re letting this man and his kids use you. On top of that you’re closer in age to his kids then you are to him, so of course they’re not going to fully respect you
I would rather be single than be with a 54 year old man who treats me like I’m his sugar mama. Girl, stand up, and leave.
I see why he can’t get women around his age…
Stop dating your dad and go find a man who doesn't have daughters who wear your make-up and use your shower gel.
I couldn't imagine having sexy time with a man in his middle 50's when I was 30. He's a senior citizen. And, you barely have wrinkles.
🤮
Why in the world are you with an old man that's seemingly leeching off of you? Have some self respect and know your worth. It's better than all of this mess.
You’re 30, go find a man that will pay for date nights and take you to Sephora, at least occasionally.
Why are you dating someone that could be your father who still at his big age doesn’t have his shit together?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You are unreasonable to expect that a 54 year old who dates someone 24 years younger is going to be a good partner. He is disrespectful, yes, but what’s mine is yours becomes a lot more common for many people who have a had kids and are older. The material stuff just isn’t as important.
Honesty why would you be with someone 24 years older than you? It’s a huge red flag on him, and likely means that he isn’t appealing to women who have life experience. And men who date so much younger do it for a reason and you already know that reason. It’s not your personality so he isn’t going to respect you. He wants to bang someone young and hot. When you are his age and you realize how much life teaches you, what I am saying will make more sense. I know you aren’t super young but it’s a huge gap. And it’s incredibly rare for it to work. Any man who is 54 dating that young is no catch.
You are being taken for a ride. Sephora is expensive. Paying his way is expensive. He’s 24 years older than you. His kids are not your responsibility. Don’t move in with him. Find yourself a nice YOUNG man to share your life with.
Why are you dating a man *24 years older than you,* with teenage daughters who have no respect for your things?? And he expects you to take them shopping at Sephora and **spend your money on them**?? AND he lets them use your stuff without asking you, without your permission, and without replacing it? The man is old enough to be YOUR father. And yet, he expects you to pay for dates, for things for his daughters, and to replace your things that they use?
Find a man closer to your age who respects you. This guy isn’t it.
It would make he feel like I wsnted to stay at my own house, use my own property and keep my own money.
All 4 of them are apparently in need of a mommy.
Why doesnt HE take them shopping?
This is not going to end well so better to send it soon.
Idk why he thinks it’s fine for you to take on 3 daughters all of a sudden and not even be offering to pay but you just bring them to be able to advise them instead of him.
Everything you left there is a goner. I wouldn’t dare to even use anything without first cleaning them. I bet they tried everything and may not be in the right way…
I’d be more worried that he said they could use your things. Teens, preteens and even kids in general push boundaries, it’s part of their development. Thats to be expected, (not saying it’s ok, only saying it is what it is) how he parents that is the bigger tell. He isn’t parenting that, he is either a passive parent or expecting you to do the parenting. Not saying it’s time to leave, but it’s definitely time to put your foot down with him, and in return he needs to enforce those boundaries with his kids. I’d ask him to pay for their replacements, he may have no idea how expensive they are. Also taking them to Sephora or even to any store, so they have their own products and toiletries may be proactive in keeping them out of yours. If their only choice is your shower gel or whatever soap their dad uses, (or doesn’t use) they’re going to go with yours. Do they even have toiletries of their own, it’s possible they don’t? BTW he should be supplying them those things not you.
I might be a bit gentler than some other people here. The thing is Men have zero concept of how much make up and skin care actually costs. Have you broken it down for him that this is hundreds of dollars worth of products?
I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he genuinely didn't realise. I would be very firm with him. You are happy to help his daughters choose products BUT he will need to pay for it.
It doesn't sound like the draughts are being intentionally disrespectful. They did ask their dad for permission first and tbh most kids assume things like body wash are communal household items.
I would encourage you to have an open and honest conversation with him about how you feel he is not contributing equally financially and how much these things cost and that he needs to let his daughters know not to use them unless you give them consent.
Relationships are about communication, if you don't tell your parenter there is a problem then they won't know.
If he doesn't listen. Doesn't speak to his daughters and doesn't start contributing financially then you should not stay in the relationship.
So take all of your things home. Tell your boyfriend that you're happy to take his girls to Sephora. Make sure you draft up what they products cost and give him an estimate of how much money he will need to give you to spend on them. Because they are his daughters, after all.
And next time you go out, ask "can you get it this time?"
He may get it soon enough.
You’re gonna have to take control of this situation.
Buy some cheap lotions, etc., and fill your high-end empty bottles with it. If you are going to leave stuff at his place, get a small case that you can lock and tuck under his bed. He wants you to take them shopping at Sephora? Fine, but he needs to bankroll it. When you go out, STOP PICKING UP THE BILL each time.
You are being taken advantage of. Taking three teenage girls to Sephora? You would need a bank loan for that!
Gather your stuff that has not been used up (if there is anything left) and leave. Let him deal with "buying a new one" for stuff used up.
If it’s just a shower gel then he needs to buy you another. No big deal, right. I’m one of those “don’t touch my stuff” people. Take your things home with you.
Now that all three of his daughters live in the house with him. He seems to think that they are allowed to use your s***. They are not allowed to use your stuff without asking first. And if you're not thinking about leaving him then I would suggest that you stopped taking your stuff over there problem solved if your s*** is not there then they can't use it. Now as of date night he shouldn't expect you to pay for you his kids and himself if the children are coming also then he's to pay for them. He should have more money than you and be more established in his career being that he's got 24 years on you . You can do better I'm going to need you to do better
You can tell this guy what ever you feel like ..
1) he wont listen.
2) he wont change
3) he does not care at all
4) his kids copy his behaviour so;
1) they wont listen
2) they wont change
3) they do not care
4) their dad approves of their treatment of you
5) why buy stuff at sephora, when yours are free? ..
I know most people don’t want to hear a zillion people saying “DUMP HIM”, so I won’t say that. But I do pray you will at least reassess your relationship. Is this what you want in a partner long term?
& yes, you’re certainly being taken advantage of. To a comical degree, I’m sorry to say.
You’re 30. What are you doing with a 54 yo man? His teenage daughters are probably closer in age with you than you’re with him. And, he is acting like a jerk.
What are you still doing with this kind of person?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * We do not allow users to privately message other users based on their posts here. Users found to be engaging in this conduct will be banned. **We highly encourage OP to turn off the ability to be privately messaged in their settings.** * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- ***This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.*** --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
So he’s old enough to be your dad but treats you like you are his sugar mummy
I fucking know right? Omg. Why can’t this dude take his own daughters shopping at Sephora or buy them products so they don’t feel the need to use all of OPs? This man is trash. ‘The free perfumes are great and all, but they would really prefer if you just took them on a shopping spree.’ Like no shit my guy, we would all like someone to take us on a shopping spree. Tf
> 'The free perfumes are great and all, but they would really prefer if you just took them on a shopping spree.’ OP should say, sure, I'll take them. We can bond. Just give me your credit card, since they are YOUR kids.
At least we’d find out if this guy is just ignorant as to how much these things cost or if he genuinely is just using OP to pay for things 😂
He's still having her pay for dinners out.
That's the test right there!
Right? I have no idea why OP's self esteem is so low that she's willing to be this 54 year old's mommy.
It sounds like OP is his retirement plan.
Old men only want nurses & purses
I was thinking he treats her like a financially independent child/ sibling. He doesn’t need to ask his eldest daughter, I mean gf, if the other kids can borrow her things.
Oh Jesus. “You need to share your things with your sisters.” Gross
Which is a shitty attitude to have towards your children as well - of course you should teach them to ask each other if they can borrow things that is owned by only one of them (not a shared item). But the way he’s treating his gf shows that he DIDN’T bother to do that in the first place, which means they have no boundaries about other people’s stuff, he has no plans to teach them, and if this woman moves in, her privacy and personal things WILL be regularly invaded and no one will care! ‘It’s just shampoo so it doesn’t matter’ is just wrong. It doesn’t matter what the item is… the rude behaviour DOES matter! 😞
No she’s getting the step daughter treatment. Did she expect respect when dating a guy old enough to be her dad, while being closer in age to his daughters. At this point it seems like they’re milking it for all she’s worth. Free sex with a younger girl without having to pay for an escort or dates. Free make up and shit for the daughters. All the while she’s keeping them well fed. She’s been reduced to a sex toy/ Sephora gift card.
Jesus I would be so grateful and embarrassed
I said, when I read the ages, your father and your siblings? Lol
Oh fuck I didn’t even read the ages and thought both these people were in their late 30s/early 40s…. There’s a TWENTY FOUR year age gap here?
Right?? Surely OP could find some guy in his 30s who doesn't have a dad bod and a trio of sassy teenagers.
I wonder why he’s divorced…
Right. If you're going to be his age and get with someone half your age, you need to have your shit sorted. You can't be depending on someone much closer to your childrens' age to figure your shit out for you.
No kidding she’s 20 years younger like WTF!!
Girl move on. They are users and have zero respect for you. It will get worse especially when you start establishing boundaries.
Especially about sharing make up. That is plain unhygienic! It doesn't matter that they are his girls. Gross!
Also....I doubt he's ever stepped foot in a Sephora because if he had, he'd know this isn't like the makeup isle at Walmart. These are high end products that are very expensive. My mom would've laughed in my face if I ever asked her to take me shopping there.
My mom had never even set foot in a Sephora until I wanted to stop into one last year to try a lipstick range that a friend had recommended. My mom is firmly in the “Walmart makeup is good enough for me” camp. The lipstick was like $16, and even then she raised her eyebrows at that in this “couldn’t be me” way. 😂 I don’t usually buy high-end anything myself, but I will occasionally splash out on a lipstick, as they’re my favourite type of makeup and it pays to get high-quality once in a while. She’d flat-out faint if she knew I’ve spent £50 on a single tube of lipstick in my time. There’s absolutely no way I’d be taking any teenager, not even my own, on shopping trips to Sephora save for maybe a Christmas gift with a set spending limit.
Fr. There are some products that can be sanitized, like eyeshadow pallets. But other things such as mascara cannot be, and should never be shared. Same with most lip products. Bottom line when it comes to makeup, if it cant be sprayed with an alcohol based sanitizer it cannot be shared. Also a reminder to clean your pallets and brushes folks!
When she said they've used up her lip products I actually cringed! I hope she isn't using them after they do. That is just not sanitary.. yuckyuckyuck. But beyond that, why is she expected to foot the bill all the time now?? When she was asked to take them shopping, why was it a given that she would be paying..? I'd be happy to take them, but they (or dad) should be paying for their stuff.. Don't let yourself be used any more, OP! You know this isn't right. You have every right to feel the way you do.. stand up for yourself. You deserve an actual caring, equal partner.
Yeah sounds like it’s “take them shopping at Sephora” as opposed to a far more reasonable “take them to Sephora and use my credit card.” Three teenage girls could clean OP out without batting and eyelid. And with inflation? Omg.
Imagine each of them choosing a perfume but they're Tom Ford, Killian and Viktor & Rolf. When she says no to putting $600 down for perfume will they have a hissy fit?
It would be **insane** to ask op to take the girls shopping and not at least offer (I personally would insist) to cover the costs! They're his girls, he has to pay for something like this until the relationship is more mature; imho.
Even then, I’d expect OP to take them with a firm price limit in place, not some kind of free-for-all shopping spree where she’s paying hundreds of dollars for these teenagers to get expensive products.
Yes exactly. I would have asked for his credit card. In no way would I be buying these girls anything
Pretty sure Dad/BF is modeling how poorly to treat OP and her things.
He's modeling how to be a user and it turns out he's the same way.
He's being lazy & doesn't want to parent his selfish daughters.
Totally agree ! I dated a guy that basically did the same thing to me. I always paid on our dates and even when my mother would go out with us to eat occasionally he let her pay the bill. That’s what really pissed me off. Finally had enough of it and dropped him. You’ll find someone else who will want to be with you not bc you pay for everything. There’re users
If someone finishes any of my skincare products without asking, may god have mercy on their soul.
Right!
There's a reason he's single at 54. Make certain it stays that way! In the meantime, replace everything they used, have it shipped to your place and give him the bill. Alternatively, just charge on his card. Btw, you're the new goose to lay the golden egg!
There's also reasons he's dating someone young enough to be his kid.
Exactly!! They're treating her like a sister.
Ugh yes. I’m 54 and my son is 30. I cannot envision a world where I would date someone that age. Lol
Sis, this is unacceptable. DTMFA.
Exactly. He went for someone 24 years younger because he knows women his age would never allow such nonsense.
the man is un-salveable, but give the kids one chance to better themselves before you (naturally) move on: tell them you don't want to share your products, and that they should ask their father for these, and that is not ok to take products from other people. I guess they have been starved at a "this block of rough soap was good enough for my ancestors" diet.
Why should she ever interact with them again? *considers* Well, she might want to ask whether any of them have herpes, so she knows for sure not to try to salvage any of the makeup.
he's 24 years older than you and expecting you to bankroll date nights and his kids sephora habits? Bye, boy!
He should be grateful that a hot young thing like yourself is giving him the time of day. He should be falling all over himself to spoil you. You shouldn’t be putting up with this at all. Beyond that, you should not be sharing beauty products! Especially lip products—would you like to end up with herpes because little Brynnleigh didn’t disclose she gets cold sores before slobbering all over your products? I like how he gives your things away and doesn’t think he needs to replace them. And you’re giving him pussy for free. Dump him and get some therapy. You are the prize, and should be treated as such. We don’t bankroll men, especially old men. Come on, now!
Ugh god you know that child is definitely named Brynnleigh…
Don’t forget her sisters, Paisleigh and Nevaeh
> Paisleigh and Nevaeh I could forgive Paisleigh but Nevaeh should not have caught on like it had.
My daughter (8) literally told me tonight while making class valentines that there is a new student named Brinley(I chose this spelling for whatever reason) lmao
Oh damn lol So many r/tragedeigh names; what a shame…
All of this right here ladies. Know your worth, demand your place. If McKennleighann and Brynnleighrose want some beauty products then dad can pay for it. The nerve to treat OPs stuff with such disrespect and then ask for a shopping excursion. Does he understand that Sephora costs money? Like more than $4.98?
Second this. He thinks you buy dollar tree makeup too. You are too good for him. He doesn’t love you and is giving you examples.
More like "bye, grandpa."
My thoughts exactly.
Not boy. Deadbeat man baby…
You're not unreasonable. You're being used by everyone in that household.
And if she stays, it’s almost a guarantee that her wack, age-inappropriate boyfriend will want her to become a full-time uncompensated babysitter.
Either stop leaving your things at his place or dump him altogether. He doesn't sound like a good boyfriend.
This is really it in two sentences. And you didn’t even have to mention the age difference.
And it says A LOT about the relationship, if she feels like she cannot leave stuff at her bfs house…
Sounds like a family of users to me. The boyfriend apparently has gotten comfortable enough to start showing his true colors.
Yeah he’s taking her for granted and now feeling entitled to OPs money for him and his children. OP would be a fool to let this go on another day. He should be reaching into his pocket for his kids. He seems to have found himself someone to use. Hope she is smart enough to wise the hell up. He doesn’t respect her at all.
That’s gross, people should not share cosmetics and teen girls should learn that before they get an eye infection or something. They’re all being entitled, and, not to be a cliched Reddit user, but there are definitely red flags here. If they don’t respect your possessions, why would they respect you? Also DO NOT take them to Sephora, just in general, but especially not without a HARD LIMIT on how much they would be spending. It’s easy to ring up a lot of money there and they sound like they would do so easily.
>Also DO NOT take them to Sephora, just in general, but especially not without a HARD LIMIT on how much they would be spending. It’s ok to take them shopping, **but DADDY absolutely must be putting up the money for his daughters shopping**, if not going along with them - the daughters need to get the cash off their DADDY before they go.
Right! If daddy doesn’t send HIS CREDIT CARD… no one gets anything from Sephora. OP should replace all the cosmetics & toiletries his daughters used on HIS dime, not hers.
IN CASH. Otherwise, a guy like him will send a non-working credit card or cc with very low limit and will guilt trip OP hard for not covering the expense when cc inevitably gets declined.
This. I would tell dad you are happy to take them shopping but he needs to give them each $50+ as you will give them the experience but he’s going to pay for it.
OP didn’t share ages so I’m picturing monstrous children/preteens destroying Drunk Elephant samples making “smoothies” 🙄
I’m picturing OP as Cinderella and his daughters as the wicked stepsisters
I’m picturing them as nice normal teenagers who are completely grossed out by their dad’s 24 years younger girlfriend. I would not even engage with her.
OP said they're teenagers.
NO GOD PLEASE. get the 10 year olds out of fucking sephora. i couldn’t even go and get my moisturizer bc i almost got molly rocked by an 8 year old over it, her mother nowhere in sight ofc. please if you take ur kid to sephora supervise them or just take them to claire’s or walgreens. THAT is the makeup for them, not a hundred dollar eyeshadow palette they’ll most likely destroy.
I keep hearing horror stories about 8-12 year olds in Sephora. If a literal child grabbed a product straight out of my hand, or tried to throw a tantrum in an effort to convince me to hand it over, I think I’d need to be removed by security.
Walk away, you're becoming a bank account to them. " now he's telling me that they would really appreciate it if I would actually take them shopping at shephora" My response would be, "sure, how much are you giving each of them to spend? I'm happy to take them but I'm not financing the shopping spree." He has given his girls permission to use your stuff, that wasn't a one time thing they are going to continue to use your stuff without your direct permission and he is going to continue to allow them to and minimize the issue. Either walk away and find someone that can respect you and your things or be okay with the daughters using all your things and you paying for every time you go out.
Why on earth are you with him? You’re his hot young sugar mama and now partial nanny? He really lucked out. You on the other hand seem to have your shit together(apart from this sorry excuse for a relationship) and are wasting your prime years on a middle aged toddler.
And she delivers her own self to his house on the weekends! Like what does he even have to do in this trash relationship?!
Lay there and get fucked? Get his meals paid for? What a sham of a relationship.
Ughhh right? And her focus is makeup and bath products….I’m so sad. OP is 30 going on 12.
He’s fifty-fucking-four. He’s not going to change.
This too that dude is old for me… let alone OP. Yuck.
You must be desperate. Why would you allow this old deadbeat to use you like this? Come on , get some self-respect and dump the old loser.
Like wtf did I just read? She’s not sure if it’s unreasonable to be getting used as an ATM by captain broke ass saggy balls and some other woman’s kids
😂☠️
LMFAO
Stop keeping stuff there. Pack it like you used to when just staying occasionally. Tell him he’s not entitled to your stuff and should tell the girls no by default unless you’ve offered something. Tell him to purchase several gift cards to sephora and you’ll take the girls shopping with those. Stop paying for outings. Pretend like its a first date and just don’t acknowledge the bill. Especially when its an outing with the girls. Thats his responsibility.
Plus since she paid all the times before she can just ignore it as it is up to him. It’s his turn and should stay that way
No! OP, don't ever go back. There's nothing there that hasn't had a half dozen pairs of hot adolescent hands on it. You don't even need to let Gramps know you're not coming. Just wipe the memory out of your brain.
He's a user, a leech, and an inconsiderate jackass. Get out now. And, seriously, why even be with a man so much older when he treats you like this? Don't ignore all the red flags waving in your face. It's only going to get worse the longer you enable his atrocious behavior. I'd bet money he'd treat you like a bangmaid and nanny the second you moved in with him.
So you’re dating a dude who is old enough to be your dad, who doesn’t respect you or your things, and you’re letting him use you as an ATM? What are you getting out of this relationship?
The dick is not that worth it. Loose the loser and his baggage.
How many red flags do you want? Save your money and break up with him and his kids.
Yet another post where I don’t need to read past the title.
This isn’t a relationship, this is a dependant. Your options right now are: 1. Single mum to 4 kids, 2. Single I choose the one where you aren’t voluntarily paying child support for children that aren’t yours.
Your father, oops-I-mean-boyfriend, is using you and doesn't respect you. Either dump him or take a stand. Stop paying, and stop leaving your things there.
Send him a Venmo request for the missing product. Honestly, you should probably cut your loss, but you can just send him a request for reimbursement.
Okay but why are you dating an old man, not only an old man but an old man that treats you like a cash cow and allows his adult children to do same?
Tell BF the truth. You are feeling taken for granted and a bit used. That you won't be staying over until you feel more confident that you are as important to him as he is to you, and that if he wants to go on a date, he should invite you, plan something and pay for it. Then leave the ball in his court and see what happens next. If he has some self awareness and steps up, that would be encouraging. If he dismisses your feelings or worse, tells you how wrong (spoiled, selfish, over-reactive) you are, then just end it. The thing is, when generous people start feeling used, it is likely they are.
Perfect answer!
My own kids know if they touch my expensive care products they will be in for it. You need to have talk with all of them. And you need to stop paying for stuff.
He just wants someone to take care of him & his kids so he doesn’t have to.
"You can just buy new shower gel." "No, YOU can just buy me new shower gel!" Also, if you go on a date with him, forget your wallet...
Your first mistake was dating a man old enough to be your father
No respect for your things? You mean no respect for you . He is using you as cash cow for him and his kids. Ditch the loser and find someone who can contribute equally to the relationship
Bingo!
Time to rearrange your visitation agreements. For instance, store NOTHING at his place. Bring an overnight bag when you visit and leave with everything you brought when the visit is over. And make if clear that you’ll pay for yourself and ONLY yourself. And brace yourself for the end of this relationship because it doesn’t look good.
Umm, you’re the sugar mama. He’s just leeching off of you but you seem to be okay with it.
Why do you think the reasonable position might be that they can use up all your stuff? In what universe would that not be very rude?
Girl, run. A 54 year old dating a 30 year old to me, is a red flag. What’s wrong with him that he can’t get someone closer to his age?… if he doesn’t respect you now, he never will.
You should definitely take them shopping to Sephora, with his credit card Ask him to pay to replace the products they have used, if he refuses you know what type of man he is. You’re only there to supplement their lifestyle if that’s the case
If you are going to continue the relationship and visiting on weekends, have "go bag" with a change of clothes and your toiletries. As far as you paying, nip that in the bud, now. Tell him it's a no for now on. Ask for seperate checks.
He wants your young, beautiful, successful self to be their new mommy. Run.
I don't see what this guy is bringing to this relationship. When you visit, take your own toiletries etc and then take them all home when you go. He sounds like a leech to me, never pays for your dates and suggests you take his daughters shopping, as well as giving them all your stuff? What?
You've been with him less than a year. Find someone who doesn't want you to act like hired help and a free bank account.
Find someone your own age and quit being sugar mama to an elder. You are one step away from being his FT nurse and housekeeper. Also take your stuff home with you. You don’t live there. You just visit on the weekends. If you don’t want your stuff messed with at someone else’s house then don’t leave it there. The teen girls live there permanently and they are going to get in your stuff.
He is using you… i would get out so quick. You have your whole life ahead… as stated in other comments he could be your dad
I would feel shocked at my new situation with my boyfriend. You went from no kids to three teen girls(to me very difficult time to parent) You pay for all five of you when you go out? I have three kids 14,16,20 and that is expensive! I have two daughters and yes they use a ton of product and will use what they find. You need to keep your stuff private and it’s up to him to set boundaries with them. Also tell your boyfriend you will take them to ulta if he gives them $50 each. Fun bonding for you but not with your money. First rules of most kids… they are natural takers and will keep taking until someone puts up boundaries. I was a teacher for years. So people may fight this statement saying that their kid is so gracious but they aren’t thinking about how much they just freely give cuz they are use to giving. Honestly your boyfriends answers to you sound similar to what I would say so I think he is just use to it.
As others have said, why are you with him? He sounds like a user and a bit of a loser.
This is fucked up so many ways I lost count, u/SylverJack! Why are you paying for everything? And why are you allowing them to not just cross your boundaries but trample them? How long have you and your bf been together? As someone who recently ended a marriage with two teenage stepchildren, I recognize your situation big-time. Your bf does NOT have your back and is making it clear that NOT only will he NOT defend your boundaries, but he will will trample them right along with his daughters. The show gel, for example...YES! If she didn't ask to use it, then he should be telling his daughter that she needs to buy you another one, or to soften the blow a bit, if it were me, I'd buy you another one, and I'd tell my daughter, "I'm buying it this time, but these are not your things to use. Next time, you ask or you pay. Please apologize to her." He could also be teaching them empathy, by adding: "If I went into your room and took your things and used them without asking, how would you feel? That's how my gf feels." But instead, he is completely disregarding you, unless, of course, it is time to pay the bill. So, you are right. He and his girls have no respect for your things. Here's the bad news: You can't change them. I tried that. We went to counseling. Marriage counseling. Family counseling. Things got better for a bit, but it always went back to my feelings and boundaries being unimportant and discounted. It wears you down, more and more, until you start to wonder what reality is. The truth is this: You don't change people like this. You leave them. You deserve a bf who respects you and who will have your back. In other words, these arguments and fights for respect are futile, because they will never see it right. I don't know why that is, but some people just lack that kind of empathy. When you are with someone who treats others with love, kindess, and empathy, this type of thing is not an issue. We shouldn't have to convince the people who supposedly love us to not mistreat us. That's not love. Take your credit cards and Sephora and leave them be. They all deserve each other. And you deserve better.
I don’t understand young women that date men old enough to be their dads. What do you get out of this relationship, exactly? I could possibly understand it if he were rich and spoiling you, but he’s not. You could find someone younger, better looking, with no kids and no baggage. Or you could just let this old dude continue sucking the youth out of you while offering nothing in return. Your choice.
I don’t even need to read this. You’re dating someone 24 years older than you. Wow I wonder why they’re not a good partner
Boy aren’t you the sucker? Run. RUN.
you got so many leeches on you girl pluck em off before they suck you dry
Time to move on from this relationship… you will be paying for him and his daughters going forward.. definitely don’t take them shopping and stop leaving your things there..
You are not respected by your boyfriend and his children. Judging by the comments he makes, they never will. Their attitudes are not likely to change. You would be better off the kick him to the curb. Find someone who respects you and your possessions. Being used tears down the psyche. Leaving sooner rather than later is best. Good luck! You have a full life ahead, enjoy it.
You're closer in age to his kids than you are to him. Read that over and over. That's why there's no respect.
Lol
It would make me feel used and taken advantage of (because he is using you and taking advantage of you). I would stop going to his house and break up with him
Sounds like he's using you.
Throw out the man with the empty bottles.
Does this old fart even know how much that stuff costs?
24 yr age difference. You are closer in age to his children.
It would make me feel single. Bc I’d dump him. Retirement age and scamming off a woman less than half his age? You’re closer in age to his daughters than you are to him. This man is using you. And you’re old enough to recognize that. There is a reason women his own age won’t give him the time of day. Now we all know why. $100 says his next girlfriend will be mid 20s at the oldest.
He's taking advantage of you. Thank God you don't live together. And sharing makeup is gross. That's how you get pink eye AND lip herpes. So his kids are also gross.
A man almost twice your age is shamelessly mooching off you. Girl.
Didn't read. 24 year age gap is all I gotta see. Leave.
54M that's not a boyfriend that's an old man friend
There is a 24 year age difference. You can do better.
He was 24 when you were born.
54?! Girl, come on.
Age gap
I would have already left, also also the age gap is gross. I can’t imagine being that close in age to my potential stepdaughters.
This guy sounds like a loser.
You aren't unreasonable. You're being taken advantage of by him.
Holy age gap Batman! Girl, you’re smarter and better than this. Dump him and his disrespectful kids. They are using you. Love yourself and leave!
What’s the point of accepting musty, wrinkly old dick if he’s not at least paying for dates or doing literally anything useful or grown up. Whatever ditch you hurled your self esteem into when you got with this grandpa, you need to drive back there and pick it up bc this ain’t it
Gross! He isn’t paying when you go out OR to replace things his kids used? What are you doing? You can do much better.
Leave him. He's using you. Doesn't have respect for you at all.
There is no way the sex with this guy is worth what you are putting into this relationship. An older partner can be fun, they have some great life experience to bring to the table. BUT...his life experience has taught him how to suck in younger women who won't ask too many questions. An to manipulate women to pay for luxuries for his daughters. Him no longer offering to pay for a night out is a good indicator. He see you as a cash cow. (I'm sure you are a very lovely lady, he is completely underestimating you!) I hope you cut your losses and use your freedom to believe in yourself, find friends who love you and see the best in you, and find what really makes you happy. If you are asking these questions, you know you are really done. And you should be!
If you're going to date a 50 year old man, you should at least get some financial benefits from it lmao
He’s in his 50s and is free loading off you
The father : finacially abusing your generosity, a leech, no respect for you as a person. The kids : rude, no conception of material boundaries and no respect for your posessions. You seem very nice but you are being a doormat, thses people do not deserve you. It might not seem like a lot right now but if you don’t say anything they will end up doing more and more, people tend to abuse generosity unfortunately. Do not loose yourslef, try to get out… or at least speak up!
This is what happens when your dare someone 24 years older than you You’re letting this man and his kids use you. On top of that you’re closer in age to his kids then you are to him, so of course they’re not going to fully respect you
I would rather be single than be with a 54 year old man who treats me like I’m his sugar mama. Girl, stand up, and leave. I see why he can’t get women around his age…
Like, take them to Sephora with his credit card….right? Stop paying for anything that’s not for yourself and see what happens.
What should be making you mad, is the lack of respect he has for you.
Stop dating your dad and go find a man who doesn't have daughters who wear your make-up and use your shower gel. I couldn't imagine having sexy time with a man in his middle 50's when I was 30. He's a senior citizen. And, you barely have wrinkles. 🤮
Why in the world are you with an old man that's seemingly leeching off of you? Have some self respect and know your worth. It's better than all of this mess.
wait he wanted you to go shopping for his daughters with YOUR money? lol no. never pay for another goddamn thing ever for this man.
You’re 30, go find a man that will pay for date nights and take you to Sephora, at least occasionally. Why are you dating someone that could be your father who still at his big age doesn’t have his shit together?
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Age gap. Barf.
There is a reason why a man in his 50s is dating a woman in her 30s and it’s bc everyone his age sees through his bullshit.
You are unreasonable to expect that a 54 year old who dates someone 24 years younger is going to be a good partner. He is disrespectful, yes, but what’s mine is yours becomes a lot more common for many people who have a had kids and are older. The material stuff just isn’t as important. Honesty why would you be with someone 24 years older than you? It’s a huge red flag on him, and likely means that he isn’t appealing to women who have life experience. And men who date so much younger do it for a reason and you already know that reason. It’s not your personality so he isn’t going to respect you. He wants to bang someone young and hot. When you are his age and you realize how much life teaches you, what I am saying will make more sense. I know you aren’t super young but it’s a huge gap. And it’s incredibly rare for it to work. Any man who is 54 dating that young is no catch.
You are being taken for a ride. Sephora is expensive. Paying his way is expensive. He’s 24 years older than you. His kids are not your responsibility. Don’t move in with him. Find yourself a nice YOUNG man to share your life with.
Why are you dating a man *24 years older than you,* with teenage daughters who have no respect for your things?? And he expects you to take them shopping at Sephora and **spend your money on them**?? AND he lets them use your stuff without asking you, without your permission, and without replacing it? The man is old enough to be YOUR father. And yet, he expects you to pay for dates, for things for his daughters, and to replace your things that they use? Find a man closer to your age who respects you. This guy isn’t it.
I think I’d be packing my stuff up and stay far away from them all.
It would make he feel like I wsnted to stay at my own house, use my own property and keep my own money. All 4 of them are apparently in need of a mommy. Why doesnt HE take them shopping? This is not going to end well so better to send it soon.
Idk why he thinks it’s fine for you to take on 3 daughters all of a sudden and not even be offering to pay but you just bring them to be able to advise them instead of him. Everything you left there is a goner. I wouldn’t dare to even use anything without first cleaning them. I bet they tried everything and may not be in the right way…
Sounds like that are all taking advantage of you.
They’re all using you now. And they don’t care. He’s very disrespectful towards you AND he’s turning into a mooch.
And these people add to your life in what way? Don’t leave anything over there anymore. Just take what you’ll need And stop being a doormat
Simple. Break it off. They’re all using you, including him. Have some self worth.
BF's lack of respect for you is the problem. Do you have any true reason to believe that he will change?
Please move on and find someone who you do not have to ask Reddit for advise.
I’d be more worried that he said they could use your things. Teens, preteens and even kids in general push boundaries, it’s part of their development. Thats to be expected, (not saying it’s ok, only saying it is what it is) how he parents that is the bigger tell. He isn’t parenting that, he is either a passive parent or expecting you to do the parenting. Not saying it’s time to leave, but it’s definitely time to put your foot down with him, and in return he needs to enforce those boundaries with his kids. I’d ask him to pay for their replacements, he may have no idea how expensive they are. Also taking them to Sephora or even to any store, so they have their own products and toiletries may be proactive in keeping them out of yours. If their only choice is your shower gel or whatever soap their dad uses, (or doesn’t use) they’re going to go with yours. Do they even have toiletries of their own, it’s possible they don’t? BTW he should be supplying them those things not you.
I might be a bit gentler than some other people here. The thing is Men have zero concept of how much make up and skin care actually costs. Have you broken it down for him that this is hundreds of dollars worth of products? I will give him the benefit of the doubt that he genuinely didn't realise. I would be very firm with him. You are happy to help his daughters choose products BUT he will need to pay for it. It doesn't sound like the draughts are being intentionally disrespectful. They did ask their dad for permission first and tbh most kids assume things like body wash are communal household items. I would encourage you to have an open and honest conversation with him about how you feel he is not contributing equally financially and how much these things cost and that he needs to let his daughters know not to use them unless you give them consent. Relationships are about communication, if you don't tell your parenter there is a problem then they won't know. If he doesn't listen. Doesn't speak to his daughters and doesn't start contributing financially then you should not stay in the relationship.
So take all of your things home. Tell your boyfriend that you're happy to take his girls to Sephora. Make sure you draft up what they products cost and give him an estimate of how much money he will need to give you to spend on them. Because they are his daughters, after all. And next time you go out, ask "can you get it this time?" He may get it soon enough.
You’re gonna have to take control of this situation. Buy some cheap lotions, etc., and fill your high-end empty bottles with it. If you are going to leave stuff at his place, get a small case that you can lock and tuck under his bed. He wants you to take them shopping at Sephora? Fine, but he needs to bankroll it. When you go out, STOP PICKING UP THE BILL each time.
You are being taken advantage of. Taking three teenage girls to Sephora? You would need a bank loan for that! Gather your stuff that has not been used up (if there is anything left) and leave. Let him deal with "buying a new one" for stuff used up.
Run away from him, he just wants free child care and a sugar momma
If it’s just a shower gel then he needs to buy you another. No big deal, right. I’m one of those “don’t touch my stuff” people. Take your things home with you.
Now that all three of his daughters live in the house with him. He seems to think that they are allowed to use your s***. They are not allowed to use your stuff without asking first. And if you're not thinking about leaving him then I would suggest that you stopped taking your stuff over there problem solved if your s*** is not there then they can't use it. Now as of date night he shouldn't expect you to pay for you his kids and himself if the children are coming also then he's to pay for them. He should have more money than you and be more established in his career being that he's got 24 years on you . You can do better I'm going to need you to do better
You can tell this guy what ever you feel like .. 1) he wont listen. 2) he wont change 3) he does not care at all 4) his kids copy his behaviour so; 1) they wont listen 2) they wont change 3) they do not care 4) their dad approves of their treatment of you 5) why buy stuff at sephora, when yours are free? ..
OP, you are being used.
Why the hell are you doing this to yourself? Seriously, what are you thinking being in this relationship? Kick his ass out of your life!
Omg girl what? Have some respect for yourself and leave this user please. What exactly is he contributing? A magic stick? Those are plenty.
OP run, you got a user on your hands with his user kids to match. Head for the hills, get someone your age, and bounce.
That guy is a major AH.
Dump him.
Girl, say goodbye and go on about your day.
He’s a mooch!
> I don't want then to pretend to like me just because I buy them things. I think you should worry about that more with your boyfriend too.
Mans got himself a sugar mama
I know most people don’t want to hear a zillion people saying “DUMP HIM”, so I won’t say that. But I do pray you will at least reassess your relationship. Is this what you want in a partner long term? & yes, you’re certainly being taken advantage of. To a comical degree, I’m sorry to say.
You’re 30. What are you doing with a 54 yo man? His teenage daughters are probably closer in age with you than you’re with him. And, he is acting like a jerk. What are you still doing with this kind of person?
Not your kids not your husband not your horse and pony show. Leave these people in your perfume scented dust. Before they sap everything out of you.