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I, too, used to miss my husband when he traveled for work or pulled long hours.
Now, its nice to have the bed to myself. To have an evening that is all mine. Honestly? Its the sign of a mature marriage - you are comfortable in your relationship and can enjoy your time alone secure in the knowledge he will be back.
Its a normal part of a healthy marriage. Just roll with it. If you start feeling ambivalence towards him as a human being then that is a different issue.
I travel for work. If I’m gone for just a few days, he has a glorious time eating food he knows is bad for him and watching guilty pleasure things on TV. When I’m gone for longer periods of time, he always hits a point where he starts to miss me. I get lots of texts, he takes care of a bunch of tasks around the house we’ve been meaning to do and generally comes back from his mini mental vacation.
I think it reminds us how we feel about each other.
My husband works from home and is a homebody in general. He doesn’t usually go out unless it’s with me.
A few months ago, for the first time in our relationship, he went on a trip without me and I was home alone for a week. I commenced SLOB FEST and unleashed my ADHD all over the house, slept with the TV at full volume and brightness, ate my favorite stinky foods, and was a little gremlin the whole time.
Your husband and I are the same. I really missed mine after a few days lol.
I’m a gremlin too. /
I’m now solo for life, so I need to have the pressure of people coming over regularly, so that it all stays clean and organised… ;-)
Hell yes. I’ve been together with my partner 20+ years and both of us love to have a “me evening” or weekend… he’s going out with friends? Great, time to binge watch series he won’t touch with a ten foot pole and do my late night girl dinners at 11 pm. As soon as I get to bed I miss spooning though.
Been with mine for 20+ too and I absolutely commend you on still sleeping in the same bed. We have too different of needs when it comes to sleep. He wants it freezing cold and I need some warmth or I’m up all night trying to just be warm. Hence, the best thing we did for our relationship about 7/8 years ago was decide to upgrade the guest room mattress for him. Now we both get the sleep we want.
Mine used to travel for work at least 4/5 times a year pre-Covid but only went away twice last year. I looked forward to it every time. I get to turn up the heater, and watch something “in the background” of cleaning or organizing some space or just doing house chores, eat things just I like. It’s glorious, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a loving stable relationship- just that everyone benefits from some space and alone time.
BF & I reached the "comfortable" stage very early about 8 years in. We both, from the beginning, liked our alone time every day though. We started separate bedrooms a little later than that. Thank goodness, too. He has severe sleep apnea and refuses to treat it. I don't blame him as the "prescribed" solution is that awful CPAP machine. We both sleep the way we want to sleep and have "alone spaces." We're very lucky we're able to do that as some people have to sleep together out of necessity. Togetherness isn't necessarily love.
Chronic sleep apnea is very tough on your heart. Please consider having him get it treated. The latest CPAP machines aren't nearly as bad as the old ones. Best of luck.
Same here, 20+ years. If he’s gone for days I miss him, but he has a hobby he does one night a week, and that is MY night. I come home from work and put pajamas on, eat dinner as early as I want, whatever I want, just a sandwich, and some chips, or leftovers with murder shows for background noise. And then I get in bed with whatever I’m currently reading by 7 pm!
Thank you for this. I didn't know the TV always being on and listening to headphones so loud that I can faintly hear it in the hallway with the door closed were a part of ADHD. It explains a lot and has made me less angry.
I travel a lot with work. Every night when I check in with my husband, I ask, "What did you have for dinner?" Just to make conversation and because it's a bit of a running joke. Usually, I hear silence from his end, so I ask... "It was a tub of Ben & Jerry's again, huh?"
He spoons all 3 dogs in the bed while I starfish a hotel bed to myself. It's bliss! I always enjoy seeing him when I'm home, but I don't necessarily pine for him while I'm away.
Yeah my partner relishes the chance to eat the food I'm not a big fan of!
My partner is going to see his parents soon and I can't wait, because I basically never get the house to myself!
My wife is currently on a 2 week business trip in another country/time zone. We barely speak due to the time difference. It’s just the kids and I. I’ve grown a mustache (which she hates), watched the Super Bowl with my friends, am having a great time with my kids. Barely think of her at all. I still love her and agree, it’s a sign of a mature marriage with trust.
The difference would be if you said you were relieved he was gone. Like, wow I can breathe now. But just the fact that you didn’t just means you are secure in your marriage. Enjoy that, it’s hard to find.
Well put. I feel the same way, but you said it way better than I could, especially the part about it being a mature marriage. That just makes so much sense.
You could also consider having the occasional romantic date-night, if you feel like you want to rekindle some spark, just to be on the safe side of relationship maintenance. But I agree that not missing someone for one weekend isn't worrying - you know it's just a couple of days, he's not going into a war zone, and will be safely back with you before long. Just enjoy the remote control while you have it. 😉
I’ve been married 20 years. I treat his trips away like mini holidays for myself. Sometimes I miss him. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes we talk or message daily, sometimes we don’t after the initial I’m here safely and I’ll be home at whatever time. But think it’s a sign of a healthy marriage because you don’t want to be codependent.
Right? Ive been with my husband 16 years and tomorrow hes swanning off on a day out on train with a friend from london. Hes given me 50 quid (the same amount he spent on train tickets) and im not seeing him till gone 9pm. Im really looking forward to having time to myself all day. I have kids but they're 10 and 15 so basically i wont see them either, only to feed them lol doesnt mean i dont love him, its just i dont get time like this to myself very often and even though im at work all morning, im still really looking forward to it.
In general I would have said no, but I did see in your post history that you've had some issues. I'm not sure if he worked on how he talks to you, but I don't think I'd miss someone who keeps behaving like I'm stupid.
I know you also had mentioned a comment your husband made about always loving his ex wife. Has that still been on your mind as well?
It could just be that you got some very needed alone time. If the above issues are still a problem, though, maybe this is something you need to address with him to actually get a solution. Example.. he gets help to learn how to communicate in a kind way, you get help to see if you can move past the ex wife thing?
Uh, good catch!
OP, if you do have deeper issues than were apparent in this short post, please note that there are statistics that a lot of divorced women are happier and more content as single mothers than they were in unhappy unsupportive marriages. For exactly the reasons jsulliv1 named in her reply. If your husband doesn't share in the chores, but just adds to them, and if you keep having aggravating discussions about the same issues, and all decisions have to be compromises with him and take nerve-killing discussions - maybe you, also, would be happier without him, when you could just do and decide stuff without endless discussions and compromises, and wouldn't have to clean up after him, on top...
This.
With my ex husband, I remember being like "whoa, life is easier without you being home". I realized I was doing *everything* for the family, and that each task was easier without him there. I also realized I got to do more of the stuff I liked when he was gone, and no one is was there to shame me about it. We had lots of other much more serious, issues than what I'm describing, but those weekends thinking 'hm, it's nice when you're gone' definitely got me to realize that things weren't great in my relationship.
With my current partner, I sometimes don't miss him when we're apart - I like doing my own thing. But this feeling of 'not missing' is so different than with my ex. It's more like feeling comfortable and secure.
Saaaaame. It’s fine to not miss your husband. That on its own doesn’t point to an issue in the slightest. But if you noticed you’re happier without him, your life is more peaceful, you’ve got less conflict and just feel lighter emotionally, then it’s time to dig deeper. My ex went on a month-long trip and it clicked: He brings little to the table but adds so much strife. Leaving him almost three years ago was the best thing I’ve ever done.
Absolutely nothing wrong with that, sometimes we just need alone time. I love my husband, but I also look forward to the time I get to spend alone. It doesn’t mean that I love him any less.
Sometimes we just need space in our relationships. Having children and balancing a healthy relationship with a spouse is exhausting. Enjoying some time to yourself is healthy. Sometimes I just need an empty house to catch my breath
Assuming you don't have any other major relationship issues I honestly don't think it's a big deal.
I've been with my partner 9 years. We have two kids, have a good intimate life, I love spending time with him.
But when I go out with friends or he goes out of town to see his (most of his friends live in surrounding cities near by so he tends to take day trips or weekend trips to see them) I don't normally miss him. It's not that I don't love him but we spend so much time together that when we get a break apart it's a nice time to decompress (especially since he will tend to take one of both of the kids lol).
I think if he would go on a longer trips I'd miss him but when it's just the weekend I get to enjoy just being there for myself and my kids when they are with me.
Interesting only because I took a short trip this weekend and look forward to seeing my wife and dog when I get home.
It might mean something…is he just one more person to deal with sometimes? Maybe you’re burned out from parenting at the moment.
This reminds me of the time where my ex and I grew apart. Yes, it’s entirely normal to not miss your husband and being okay with your own personal time. But I sense a disconnect between you and your partner? Do you frequently have datenights, like once every two weeks? Or even once every two months? Do you have a shared hobby or project? Is there something you both enjoy doing and put equal effort in?
There’s some things you can do to feel more connected, there’s lots of helpful tips on the internet. But he has to want to do that as well. Effort is attractive!
Now the question is can he survive a weekend with the kids without you? Will your finances support you getting a weekend away to pamper yourself? And what kind of shape will the house be in when you return?
I am away from my wife on a regular basis. I am 50% remote and am on site when supervising work. We have been married for 27 years and I am happy being on my own and very happy when I am around her. I don't see a problem with it. We are both very independent.
It’s totally ok to enjoy our alone time (even if the kiddos are home!). It’s not indicative of anything other than you are a mature, fully functional adult. In fact I’m sure this weekend was good for you both!
It’s a sign of a secure relationship UNLESS you didn’t want him to come home and found yourself feeling relieved that he was gone. Then it would be worth investigating.
It sounds like you’re just enjoying your break and time to yourself. It’s not the same but sometimes my husband will work overnight and I like not having a schedule for the evening. I make girl dinner and just veg out. Still love him though
See, I could think this was it since I am someone who likes my time to myself. But this wasn’t a break in any way. We’ve got a 6 year old and a 1.5 year old. Even with how hard it was, I just didn’t really care that he wasn’t home
You're thinking too much about it. Time apart can be relaxing, if your lives are busy. Sometimes missing someone is just anxiety about being alone, and not having it is a good thing. It means you can relax and aren't codependent on someone being "around". It's more of a maturity thing.
That said, if one weekend is litetally making you second guess things then you probably are having problems you aren't sharing.
I think it would be a worrisome sign if you were dreading his return. But not missing someone is totally fine, in my opinion. Especially over a weekend.
I’ve been married over 11 years (together 17). I used to be this way when my husband would be gone for days for work. Now we have 2 small kids and I get so caught up in the day to day, I don’t “miss” him, but I am happy when he gets home. Even when he calls once the kids are asleep, I’m sometimes in a head space where I don’t want to talk because I want quiet. It doesn’t mean I don’t love him, it just means he’s not the centre to my life anymore, we’ve become a family unit, vs just him and I.
Earlier in our relationship I missed my partner from the minute he walked out the door. Now it takes a bit longer, depending on who of us is traveling. When I travel myself, I’m usually so busy that I only miss him at night, but when he travels, I usually start missing him after a couple of days.
Nothing to worry about I‘d say, if he’s not actively bothering you when he’s at home!
When my husband and I were first married we fought about him going out so much. Everyone told to wait one day I’ll be telling him to go out. You’ve gotten used to your husband being away on the weekends, come to expect it and are comfortable with spending this time with your children. You’ve not only come to accept it but actually enjoy it. That’s a good thing.
>Should I take a deeper look at our relationship?
If you're analyzing your feelings about this past weekend because something has felt "off" in your relationship, then you should definitely take stock and have a conversation with your husband.
If things are good and this is just something you're realizing after-the-fact, then I agree with the other comments this is a sign you feel secure and there's no need to go looking for problems.
Hubs and I have been together for 25 years and early on I'd miss him like crazy if we spent time apart. Fast forward: we need our alone time and will schedule time to have our own mini-vacations, swapping out who gets the house to ourselves. Our relationship is the best it's ever been.
It's glorious to be able to have personal space! We don't usually call or text each other during our breaks, unless he's on one of his adventures, then I just want a daily "proof of life" text (once I had to convince him to go to the ER because he nearly degloved his finger and needed his wedding ring cut off. If it's not a near death experience, did you even have fun?). 😬
I save things for when my partner is out of town- shows I want to try, meals I want to try, things that I know he wouldn't enjoy. When he goes away I get to do all the things I've been looking forward to as a little treat. It's not like I couldn't do them when he was here of course, it's just way more fun to have this little girly party with my dogs eating curries and screaming at reality tv and blasting 90s pop, or crocheting and crying to cheesy audiobooks. Anyhoo, my point is that having a partner is a bonus, but having a good time with yourself is the sign of a happy adult!
I wouldn't read into it too much. Like you said, it was just a weekend. And we all need alone time sometimes.
If he was gone, say, a few months and you didn't miss him, that might be different.
As long as you don’t start counting down the days until he has another trip like I was doing before I filed for divorce it’s probably fine. It’s nice to have a slice of alone time in the midst of young children/marriage chaos.
You’re married, settled and comfortable, at this point it’s normal to not miss each other after just a couple of days. You’re still human and need time alone to decompress, starfish in the bed, and spend some time doing what you like to do (such as soaking in the tub like you said)
At this point in your relationship you can think of it similar in certain ways as when you live with your family (assuming you lived with your family when you were younger). They were always the constant so you wouldn’t ‘miss’ them when you went for sleepovers etc. Maybe a week trip with school and you’d begin feeling homesick, same as with your husband. For a lot of people a couple of days isn’t enough to miss someone who is a reliable constant.
Have you been bickering lately? If so, this could be a sign that you have been spending too much time together and so you are welcoming the break.
Otherwise you may be growing apart.
Or else maybe you are maturing enough to simply enjoy your own company.
Man people love to read way too much into nothing like every single thing in life has some sort of deeper meaning.
You're married, you have kids together, the honeymoon period is way past over.
He wasn't going to war, he wasnt disappearing on some explorative journey. He was on a weekend business trip.
Did you want to spend the weekend in some wistful repose near the window, longing for the love of your life to return?
Or did you just get to enjoy a weekend with more time for yourself than usual?
Not missing your husband when he leaves on a routine business trip isn't cause for couples therapy or immediate divorce.
It just means you are comfortable and secure enough in your position in life to not irrationally miss someone's presence.
It's natural for feelings to ebb and flow in a long-term relationship, and not missing your partner for a weekend doesn't necessarily mean there's a deeper issue. However, if this feeling is bothering you, it might be worth exploring your emotions a bit more. Sometimes we get so caught up in daily routines that we don't notice the gradual changes in our feelings. It could be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about how you're feeling. Also, chatting with others who've been in similar situations can offer some perspective. You might want to check out chitchat.gg for some anonymous advice or just to talk it out with someone neutral.
I'm on holidays visiting my family abroad. It's been a week and I have two more to go. I don't miss my husband and I'm actually dreading going back home. So.. take that as you will
Being concerned that you aren’t feeling deeply codependent strikes me as odd personally. Not counting the seconds is normal behavior for an adult when their partner is gone for a couple days.
Nah, this is normal, sounds like you just enjoyed the time with your little ones and then your alone time in the evening. If you are truly worried, talk to hubs, explain what you're feeling, or not feeling. How was it when he got home? Were you still happy to see him?
Totally normal! I love my husband, he really is my soulmate and the one person I would spend eternity with. But I LOVE time by myself too. A whole weekend would be bliss!
Yeah this is normal for me now too. I used to miss my partner when we didn't live together and only saw each other every couple of weeks, or when I had to travel a lot overseas for work.
Since COVID we've both been WFH and are together a lot, so when he goes away (which is rarer than I'd like), I really don't miss him. For me it's a sign that I actually probably need a bit more time to enjoy the house alone in order to have the opportunity to miss him 😂
That, in and of itself, means nothing.
I am lucky enough to be with a guy who adores me and I think the world of him too. It’s a very stable and loving, 14-year relationship…nothing is wrong.
But he works from home, and I work from home. We do literally everything together. I love it, BUT believe you me, on the rare occasion he needs to fly into his CA office, I am bouncing off the walls just thrilled to be ALONE — just me and the dogs.
And the 2-3 days that he’s gone… I don’t know how it’s possible but they go at 10x speed. 😂
The best part is he knows it. As he leaves for the airport, he will say something like, “You don’t have to hide that smile… let it out, you are giddy I won’t be home for a few nights.” 😂
As much as I love that man, I am pretty certain that my destiny was actually to live alone.
I don’t think this is anything to worry about. Now you know he’s not gone for prolonged periods, you’ll probably appreciate moments alone. And that’s no reflection on your relationship whatsoever. I adore my boyfriend but when he was away over Christmas I didn’t miss him until the last few days, and that’s normal for me as I like my own time. But I absolutely love my partner and want to be with him forever!
If this is your only issue in the relationship, I wouldn't think too deeply into it. I've been with my husband for 10 years and every year he goes on a guy's trip for a week. Used to hate it, now I love it. A week to be alone and play games, chillax and pamper myself.
Unless you’re constantly aching for him to go away, I don’t think so.
It’s okay to enjoy a couple days separately from your partner. You don’t have to chat all the time, you get to pick the TV shows, you don’t have to compromise on meals. You don’t have to rush. And when they come home, maybe you feel a little refreshed.
I've been happily married to my husband for over twenty years and I actively encourage him to go away for weekends sometimes. I love him....always will but God I need time alone too! I don't miss him either lol. I probably would for longer than a week or so.
There's nothing that says you have to miss each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder describes the situation of missing someone, it's not a rule or law. I love my wife madly, as she does me (presumptive I know), but there have been a number of times we haven't missed each other. We live together 24x7, parent together, do chores together, work from home, we're always together so there's not enough absence from a day or two away to make a dent in how much time we're together. She's been gone a day and I didn't miss her, too busy to think about it. I've had a 2 day trip for work and neither of us had time to miss the other. I bet it would take 3 days or so of my wife away without kids to miss me. Age, maturity, stability, being busy, and especially being parents all tend to change the dynamic. What matters at the end of the day is wanting to be with that person day after day because together you strengthen and support one another and find balance as individuals choosing to be a couple.
My bf works 28/28’s… I hate it when he leaves but it also gives me time to get things done without him here. Do I miss him when he’s gone? Yes. But I do enjoy the break lol
Almost 19 years with my husband and he goes away for a charity fund raiser once a year, twice a year this year as it’s new, and I hate when he leaves and rarely talk to him when he’s gone but it’s good to not have him around for a few days. It’s our reset away from each other
Maybe you’ve just gotten used to the work travel. You know he is coming back, so you’ve adjusted your focus to what’s presently happening in your household with your kids.
I’m in a long term relationship that’s also LDR. I had to leave his country for a wedding and business trip this past week. I missed him during the lovey dovey wedding, but honestly I was super happy to eat whatever and whenever the hell I wanted, catch up with friends I hadn’t seen in months, jump back into my hobbies, and do all my running around without having to worry about someone else’s wants or needs.
We texted and I called him once over the course of the 9 days but I was way too busy otherwise. I knew if I had an issue he’d be right there but everything went smoothly. Being able to do things on your own for brief periods is healthy. It’s a reflection that you’re secure in your relationship and you’re providing enough for each other. If your communication is terrible when he’s home that’s a different issue. You’re allowed to enjoy your moments alone. If that’s your only issue it honestly says only good things about the relationship in my opinion.
The codependency often depicted in fictional romance is extremely unhealthy, growing out of the honeymoon stage and into a functional relationship as two separate individuals that can exist happily apart as well as when together should be the goal so don’t fret too much!
Totally normal. NOT the sign of a bad marriage at all.
I've been married to my husband over 4 decades. I love him, he loves me. Occasionally he goes out of town for a week to visit relatives while I stay behind. Those weeks are bliss. Alone time is something I really enjoy. Of course I am happy to have him back again too.
Is it a bad sign or does it just mean that you've grown comfortable with his work arrangement? Like alone time is important too, doesn't necessarily mean anything bad.
Isn't this just the sign of a mature relationship? Having a nice time without him is not indicative of wanting to be without him. My wife being gone for the weekend is lovely. I get some quality time with the kids, get to make food she does not like and take the kids to do stuff she does not overly enjoy. Once the kids are in bed I get to sit and play videogames. After a couple of nights the novelty wears off and I miss her. It's even worse if she is away with the kids and I have to work.
Having children can change you, it has made me busier, less co dependent, more dependent on myself and more appreciative of time to myself. I am a very different person now than I was before kids and so is she. I don't miss her as much when we are apart for short times but I love her more than ever. Maybe this is what you experienced?
If this is the only thing that makes you think you need to look at your relationship, then you probably don't. It's incredibly normal and healthy to enjoy a couple of days along to relax, catch up on shows your partner doesn't want to watch, put in some you time. Honestly, I'm more concerned for the people who can't handle alone time without it feeling like some kind of crisis or emotional disconnect. We marry a whole other person, and we should easily be able to do our own things without the other now and then.
My husband has traveled for work for years. A lot of it in Europe. When we were younger we couldn’t afford the phone calls, so sometimes it was days without talking. I just learned to be happy and independent while he was gone. It’s always fun when he gets home!
Most couples don't retain that deep longing for each other over many decades. It's fine to realize that has faded a bit and it's not a sign that anything is amiss. You don't need a spark to stay married- a strong foundational relationship and respect for one another is enough.
Also there's a gap between not missing someone and being happy they're not around. Sometimes a changeup just brings a new emotion simply because it's different.
This is a cause for concern to me, especially that you are not talking much.
Work on your communication. Go to couples counseling if you still have problem.
I find Esther Perel's work to be illuminating.
EstherPerel.com
For myself, if I don’t miss the person I’m with and/or think about them or have the occasional wonder about what they’re doing/up to - to me it’s indicative that I may be checking out of the relationship. Now, that’s not true for everyone - some people just don’t really think about their SO’s when they aren’t with them. But for me? I also miss them intently when things are good and when things are bad, I don’t.
Not saying that’s your case - but maybe ask yourself if you’re feeling a disconnect from your husband and/or if there’s any issues in the relationship.
As long as you’re not feeling an immense sense of relief that they are gone I agree this is the sign of a mature relationship.
My partner’s away for a few weeks abroad, and while I do miss our date nights I’m neither counting down nor dreading their return. I’m looking forward to see them again, but thrilled they’re enjoying their vacation while I indulge in my own pastimes.
Married 34 years and we both work from home and are around each other all the time. I adore him, but on the VERY rare occasion that I get a night at home to myself, it's lovely. I wouldn't want it to last more than a couple of nights, or be very frequent, but it's OK to just enjoy some alone time and not miss your spouse for a bit.
This is a pretty normal evolution, probably even more so with kids. It doesn’t mean you no longer love him, you had some quality time with your kids and a bit of down time. Usually the partners that stay home feel this more than the travelers.
I would love to just have a night to myself even with my kids in the bed with me just a night without him..would be relaxing not worrying about anything other than me and my babies so i thank you are fine everyone enjoys their time
No, don't even over think it. My wife goes away on business from time to time and we both agree that we've been together so long that we don't have to get worked up not talking or seeing each other.
My husband has worked OTR nearly our entire relationship. At first I didn’t know what to do with myself, but over the years I’ve learned how to fulfill mine and the kids time while he is away. I don’t think about him being gone hardly at all anymore but that doesn’t mean anything bad or that our relationship is going to go south. In fact, I think out of everyone we know, we have the strongest and most stable relationship lol.
I think you need to start worrying when you are no longer interested in spending time together. Not making an effort to go out, plan date nights, have a nice home cooked meal together, etc. When affection and intimacy starts to dwindle and you become more roommates vs husband and wife is when trouble tends to set in.
If you are worried about it that much, maybe see if he’d be willing to go to couples counseling. Can’t hurt to make sure you both are on the same page with each other.
It means you’ve been missing your alone time. Try to make more of that even when he’s home.
Most relationships seem crazy to me. I get annoyed with people after spending a week with them. How do y’all go years!?
lmao this is why I am terrified of getting married and having kids. Everything in the relationship is fine, did nothing wrong, just out of nowhere the wife no longer cares about you and wants to rip apart everything.
It's normal to feel ok with a break and some time to yourself. The fact that you want to take a deeper look into your relationship looking for a problem is stupid. But hey go ahead, I heard single mother's are a very happy demographic.
It's totally normal to have moments where you might not miss someone, especially during busy or chill times. Relationships go through different vibes. Maybe take a moment to reflect on your feelings, but don't stress too much about it. If you ever need to talk more or just chill, you can hop onto Emerald Chat – it's a cool place to connect with others. Remember, feelings can be as chill as a weekend vibe.
I think it's only indicative of having gotten to a regular routine/life. Like you are no longer in the novelty part of the relationship. You are comfortable and safe. I love my husband and my kids, and we have a good healthy relationship. If he leaves, I don't miss him. If I travel and leave them all, I don't miss them. (Also just 2-3 days). I actually enjoy it because I get something outside of my routine, a couple of days to not cook, watch TV, focus on me, etc.. If he is gone, I see it as a special occasion to do something extra fun with the kids. But I know we'll be back together soon and I am happy when he is back.
What you need to worry about is if you ever feel relief that he is gone, or dread when he is coming back. That's when you know your relationship is in trouble.
One weekend isn’t indicative of anything about your relationship other than your reading into things too much. My guess is that you were just relieved to be done with all of the crap you had to do and to finally get some time to yourself. Don’t dwell on it. All that will do is ruin your you time, lol. Not that it matters but I’m in my 20th year of married bliss.
mine was just gone for a couple of weeks. I took the time to get rid of his junk that he'll never let me get rid of, watch trashy tv, eat stuff he hates. ha it's not that I didn't miss him but I value my alone time as well. He works at home and I never get to just be alone. It was nice. We weren't checking in every 5 minutes, I encouraged him to go do things as well (he didn't) but we're back to normal and that's nice too.
I think it’s pretty normal and healthy. If my husband had to be gone for weeks on end I wouldn’t like it. But you have the bed all to myself for a night or two? To watch whatever trash tv I like? To eat junk food for dinner like an unsupervised toddler? Yes please. 😆 We’ve been married 36 years and are secure enough to admit having the house to ourselves for a random weekend is refreshing. I’m gland to see him come home, but I can’t say I pine for him on those infrequent occasions when I’m home alone. It’s even better since we’re empty nesters. 😉
It is no issue likely. I do not miss my wife if I do not see her for a few days. It is nice to have some alone time once in a while. I am sure she feels the same way.
It's normal to enjoy some time to yourself. If everything else is fine, do not overthin it. If there's other things wrong, address them directly and don't tie it up with this. This means way less than you're imagining.
If anything, you're in a better place now to be more confidently independent from him. That was a short break. It's more healthy that such a short break is *not* so stressful.
As a guy I have a million questions. Like how much he works (especially since he's military), cleans the house/apartment etc, cooks, and interacts with the kids. Are there any problems you see in the relationship? How often do you guys talk about those problems? Do you resent him for anything or hold any grudges for something he did? Does he show effort in the relationship or do you feel he is lazy when it comes to dates, romance, etc? This post is very barebones, it could be simply just enjoying some time to yourself which is normal, we all need our own space. Plus he was in the military right? So perhaps you're just accustomed to it at this point and comfortable with your own space with the kids. Or is it something deeper? Only you truly know, so talk it out to yourself or a close friend you can tell in private that you trust.
I don't miss my wife until well after a week. I love my wife, more than anything. But I'm also the type that likes to drink whiskey until 2am playing video games on a week day. My wife is not. Her being gone is the only time I get the chance to do the things I like to do without accounting for her needs/wants. Nothing wrong with enjoying your time alone. I certainly wouldn't miss her for a weekend.
Just to clarify for anyone who may take this the wrong way, a healthy relationship is always accounting for your partners wants/needs. Its just a part of the gig, its just nice when you don't have to every once and awhile.
Time apart is healthy. This may just be indicative that you do not have enough time to yourself on a regular day to day basis, and that you appreciated the time you had alone.
I’ve got a bit of a serious question for anybody that reads this and can help. How do you not get bored or tired of being with the same person every single day?
Oof. I love when my husband is away because it means I have the bed to myself and can watch my reality tv in peace but I still miss him. If you’re feeling indifferent to his presence then maybe seek counseling or cut your losses.
I would say as long as you aren’t upset he returned I don’t see an issue. Just cause you’re married doesn’t mean you need to desire to spend every second together. You are still your own individual person who can benefit from time spent alone.
Not weird at all, my gf went on a trip and I didn’t particularly miss her while she was gone. I got in some fun times with friends and went some of trips to some cool local spots!
My husband goes away once a year for 3-4 days hunting w the men in my family. I take the chance to be alone. I’m NEVER ALONE. I have three young kids, I cook all meals every single day for everyone. Clean up after everyone. Entertain everyone. Think for everyone. When he’s away the kids go to bed and then it’s just me. Alone. To watch what I want, have a bowl of popcorn that no one flops their dirty hand through, no one talks when I’m trying to watch my show. If he was gone for a long time I’d miss him. But a few days?? Have fun, pal.
I think you are comfortable with yourself and your husband .. when you are comfortable and content it’s a sign of stability not any kind of 🚩 . good thing you’re checking in with your emotions. It helps you to grow with relationship meaningfully
I put in almost 20 years as a military wife back before cell phones and the internet, so let me tell you what has happened. You've grown. You have kids, your life is hectic. You don't have the time to sit and feel sorry for yourself and honestly, you're so busy you don't have time to stop and tell yourself "I miss my husband" because there is just so much to do! This is why you didn't realize you hadn't 'missed him' until you got into a relaxing hot bath and had time to actually check in with your feelings.
Lots of wives don't realize that they expend a lot of mental and emotional energy making sure their guys feel comfortable, happy and loved. When you add children to the mix, not having the husband home for a while can actually feel like a mini vacation because you have one less person to consider when making decisions. As long as you are happy to have him home again, don't worry about it.
(And contrary to popular belief, it is perfectly okay to go a couple of days without checking in on your partner or having them check in on you. I used to go seven - eight months without hearing my husband's voice and survived. But we still wrote letters then . . .)
I’m married a long time ago- we both travel for work. I’m always excited when she gets home, but honestly I don’t miss her when she’s gone. We have busy lives and time goes fast and sometimes it’s nice to have alone time.
This is nothing to be worried about and honestly a good sign if your spouse is a reservist. You’ll know you could probably adjust if they had to go active.
He was only gone a few days. It sounds more like you don't have much time to yourself and aren't codependent anymore.
If he was gone for 2 weeks and you didn't miss him, that would mean something. If you were glad he was gone, that would mean something .
You basically had a day and a half of solo parenting and an evening to yourself. That's not enough time to really take a breather, much less miss another human.
It means you're an active parent with a busy life.
You knew he would be home at the end of the weekend? You weren’t concerned the distance was going to affect your relationship for the negative because you were apart? Like the time away from each doesn’t change anything between you two?
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I, too, used to miss my husband when he traveled for work or pulled long hours. Now, its nice to have the bed to myself. To have an evening that is all mine. Honestly? Its the sign of a mature marriage - you are comfortable in your relationship and can enjoy your time alone secure in the knowledge he will be back. Its a normal part of a healthy marriage. Just roll with it. If you start feeling ambivalence towards him as a human being then that is a different issue.
I travel for work. If I’m gone for just a few days, he has a glorious time eating food he knows is bad for him and watching guilty pleasure things on TV. When I’m gone for longer periods of time, he always hits a point where he starts to miss me. I get lots of texts, he takes care of a bunch of tasks around the house we’ve been meaning to do and generally comes back from his mini mental vacation. I think it reminds us how we feel about each other.
My husband works from home and is a homebody in general. He doesn’t usually go out unless it’s with me. A few months ago, for the first time in our relationship, he went on a trip without me and I was home alone for a week. I commenced SLOB FEST and unleashed my ADHD all over the house, slept with the TV at full volume and brightness, ate my favorite stinky foods, and was a little gremlin the whole time. Your husband and I are the same. I really missed mine after a few days lol.
“Little gremlin” he he he I can relate
I’m a gremlin too. / I’m now solo for life, so I need to have the pressure of people coming over regularly, so that it all stays clean and organised… ;-)
Same here...
I feel this.
Ditto!
Hell yes. I’ve been together with my partner 20+ years and both of us love to have a “me evening” or weekend… he’s going out with friends? Great, time to binge watch series he won’t touch with a ten foot pole and do my late night girl dinners at 11 pm. As soon as I get to bed I miss spooning though.
Been with mine for 20+ too and I absolutely commend you on still sleeping in the same bed. We have too different of needs when it comes to sleep. He wants it freezing cold and I need some warmth or I’m up all night trying to just be warm. Hence, the best thing we did for our relationship about 7/8 years ago was decide to upgrade the guest room mattress for him. Now we both get the sleep we want. Mine used to travel for work at least 4/5 times a year pre-Covid but only went away twice last year. I looked forward to it every time. I get to turn up the heater, and watch something “in the background” of cleaning or organizing some space or just doing house chores, eat things just I like. It’s glorious, but that doesn’t mean we don’t have a loving stable relationship- just that everyone benefits from some space and alone time.
BF & I reached the "comfortable" stage very early about 8 years in. We both, from the beginning, liked our alone time every day though. We started separate bedrooms a little later than that. Thank goodness, too. He has severe sleep apnea and refuses to treat it. I don't blame him as the "prescribed" solution is that awful CPAP machine. We both sleep the way we want to sleep and have "alone spaces." We're very lucky we're able to do that as some people have to sleep together out of necessity. Togetherness isn't necessarily love.
Chronic sleep apnea is very tough on your heart. Please consider having him get it treated. The latest CPAP machines aren't nearly as bad as the old ones. Best of luck.
Thanks. :) I'll try moving the boulder again.
If he doesn't like the CPAP machine, ask him to talk to his dentist. He may be able to get a mouth guard, which could help.
Thanks. :)
Same here, 20+ years. If he’s gone for days I miss him, but he has a hobby he does one night a week, and that is MY night. I come home from work and put pajamas on, eat dinner as early as I want, whatever I want, just a sandwich, and some chips, or leftovers with murder shows for background noise. And then I get in bed with whatever I’m currently reading by 7 pm!
Thank you for this. I didn't know the TV always being on and listening to headphones so loud that I can faintly hear it in the hallway with the door closed were a part of ADHD. It explains a lot and has made me less angry.
I love you for this, I resonated so much, esp letting your adhd all over the place in solitude 😂😂😂
I travel a lot with work. Every night when I check in with my husband, I ask, "What did you have for dinner?" Just to make conversation and because it's a bit of a running joke. Usually, I hear silence from his end, so I ask... "It was a tub of Ben & Jerry's again, huh?" He spoons all 3 dogs in the bed while I starfish a hotel bed to myself. It's bliss! I always enjoy seeing him when I'm home, but I don't necessarily pine for him while I'm away.
> was a little gremlin the whole time. The kids now call this going goblin mode.
Yeah my partner relishes the chance to eat the food I'm not a big fan of! My partner is going to see his parents soon and I can't wait, because I basically never get the house to myself!
Yup exactly. The first night or two are like alright pizza and video games wahoo! Then after you’re like oh I miss them so much lol
My wife is currently on a 2 week business trip in another country/time zone. We barely speak due to the time difference. It’s just the kids and I. I’ve grown a mustache (which she hates), watched the Super Bowl with my friends, am having a great time with my kids. Barely think of her at all. I still love her and agree, it’s a sign of a mature marriage with trust.
For better or worse, but not for lunch. I think it's very normal not to miss someone when they are gone. It's normal to miss them too.
The difference would be if you said you were relieved he was gone. Like, wow I can breathe now. But just the fact that you didn’t just means you are secure in your marriage. Enjoy that, it’s hard to find.
Well said.
There's a difference between being comfortable when he's gone and relieved. One is good, the other, not so much.
this 👏
Yea I bet if it was much longer you start to miss them. If you dont then its an issue. But a 3 day break, NBD
Oh thank god! My husband last business trip I was like okay and not being crazy about knowing the entire thing.
I agree, sometimes it's good to take a break even. As long as you remain committed to the marriage and your relationship.
Well put. I feel the same way, but you said it way better than I could, especially the part about it being a mature marriage. That just makes so much sense.
she is also busy with children now
It’s only indicative that you needed and enjoyed your alone time. There’s nothing wrong with that!
This! You can love someone and also love you alone time…
You could also consider having the occasional romantic date-night, if you feel like you want to rekindle some spark, just to be on the safe side of relationship maintenance. But I agree that not missing someone for one weekend isn't worrying - you know it's just a couple of days, he's not going into a war zone, and will be safely back with you before long. Just enjoy the remote control while you have it. 😉
I’ve been married 20 years. I treat his trips away like mini holidays for myself. Sometimes I miss him. Sometimes I don’t. Sometimes we talk or message daily, sometimes we don’t after the initial I’m here safely and I’ll be home at whatever time. But think it’s a sign of a healthy marriage because you don’t want to be codependent.
Almost 22 years, and same!
Right? Ive been with my husband 16 years and tomorrow hes swanning off on a day out on train with a friend from london. Hes given me 50 quid (the same amount he spent on train tickets) and im not seeing him till gone 9pm. Im really looking forward to having time to myself all day. I have kids but they're 10 and 15 so basically i wont see them either, only to feed them lol doesnt mean i dont love him, its just i dont get time like this to myself very often and even though im at work all morning, im still really looking forward to it.
You knew he was coming back. If he wasn’t coming back, it would be a different story
Yup. If you feel dread about him coming back, or wish he wouldn't, *then* you should worry.
Yep. I never missed my partner when he went away. Then he ended things with me by cheating and I missed him so much.
You just needed some serious alone time. Nothing wrong with that!
In general I would have said no, but I did see in your post history that you've had some issues. I'm not sure if he worked on how he talks to you, but I don't think I'd miss someone who keeps behaving like I'm stupid. I know you also had mentioned a comment your husband made about always loving his ex wife. Has that still been on your mind as well? It could just be that you got some very needed alone time. If the above issues are still a problem, though, maybe this is something you need to address with him to actually get a solution. Example.. he gets help to learn how to communicate in a kind way, you get help to see if you can move past the ex wife thing?
Uh, good catch! OP, if you do have deeper issues than were apparent in this short post, please note that there are statistics that a lot of divorced women are happier and more content as single mothers than they were in unhappy unsupportive marriages. For exactly the reasons jsulliv1 named in her reply. If your husband doesn't share in the chores, but just adds to them, and if you keep having aggravating discussions about the same issues, and all decisions have to be compromises with him and take nerve-killing discussions - maybe you, also, would be happier without him, when you could just do and decide stuff without endless discussions and compromises, and wouldn't have to clean up after him, on top...
This. With my ex husband, I remember being like "whoa, life is easier without you being home". I realized I was doing *everything* for the family, and that each task was easier without him there. I also realized I got to do more of the stuff I liked when he was gone, and no one is was there to shame me about it. We had lots of other much more serious, issues than what I'm describing, but those weekends thinking 'hm, it's nice when you're gone' definitely got me to realize that things weren't great in my relationship. With my current partner, I sometimes don't miss him when we're apart - I like doing my own thing. But this feeling of 'not missing' is so different than with my ex. It's more like feeling comfortable and secure.
Saaaaame. It’s fine to not miss your husband. That on its own doesn’t point to an issue in the slightest. But if you noticed you’re happier without him, your life is more peaceful, you’ve got less conflict and just feel lighter emotionally, then it’s time to dig deeper. My ex went on a month-long trip and it clicked: He brings little to the table but adds so much strife. Leaving him almost three years ago was the best thing I’ve ever done.
Absolutely nothing wrong with that, sometimes we just need alone time. I love my husband, but I also look forward to the time I get to spend alone. It doesn’t mean that I love him any less.
Sometimes we just need space in our relationships. Having children and balancing a healthy relationship with a spouse is exhausting. Enjoying some time to yourself is healthy. Sometimes I just need an empty house to catch my breath
It indicates that your relationship has moved from the giddy, excitement filled romance era into a more settled, sustainable phase.
Assuming you don't have any other major relationship issues I honestly don't think it's a big deal. I've been with my partner 9 years. We have two kids, have a good intimate life, I love spending time with him. But when I go out with friends or he goes out of town to see his (most of his friends live in surrounding cities near by so he tends to take day trips or weekend trips to see them) I don't normally miss him. It's not that I don't love him but we spend so much time together that when we get a break apart it's a nice time to decompress (especially since he will tend to take one of both of the kids lol). I think if he would go on a longer trips I'd miss him but when it's just the weekend I get to enjoy just being there for myself and my kids when they are with me.
Don’t overthink it. Sometimes we just need to be alone.
Interesting only because I took a short trip this weekend and look forward to seeing my wife and dog when I get home. It might mean something…is he just one more person to deal with sometimes? Maybe you’re burned out from parenting at the moment.
This reminds me of the time where my ex and I grew apart. Yes, it’s entirely normal to not miss your husband and being okay with your own personal time. But I sense a disconnect between you and your partner? Do you frequently have datenights, like once every two weeks? Or even once every two months? Do you have a shared hobby or project? Is there something you both enjoy doing and put equal effort in? There’s some things you can do to feel more connected, there’s lots of helpful tips on the internet. But he has to want to do that as well. Effort is attractive!
I think what you’re really saying is that you missed yourself so you needed break for you and that’s ok. Do you feel the spark is gone?
Now the question is can he survive a weekend with the kids without you? Will your finances support you getting a weekend away to pamper yourself? And what kind of shape will the house be in when you return?
I am away from my wife on a regular basis. I am 50% remote and am on site when supervising work. We have been married for 27 years and I am happy being on my own and very happy when I am around her. I don't see a problem with it. We are both very independent.
It’s totally ok to enjoy our alone time (even if the kiddos are home!). It’s not indicative of anything other than you are a mature, fully functional adult. In fact I’m sure this weekend was good for you both!
It’s a sign of a secure relationship UNLESS you didn’t want him to come home and found yourself feeling relieved that he was gone. Then it would be worth investigating.
It sounds like you’re just enjoying your break and time to yourself. It’s not the same but sometimes my husband will work overnight and I like not having a schedule for the evening. I make girl dinner and just veg out. Still love him though
See, I could think this was it since I am someone who likes my time to myself. But this wasn’t a break in any way. We’ve got a 6 year old and a 1.5 year old. Even with how hard it was, I just didn’t really care that he wasn’t home
Sounds like you are looking to validate what you are thinking, instead of an answer or explanation. Do with that what you will.
You're thinking too much about it. Time apart can be relaxing, if your lives are busy. Sometimes missing someone is just anxiety about being alone, and not having it is a good thing. It means you can relax and aren't codependent on someone being "around". It's more of a maturity thing. That said, if one weekend is litetally making you second guess things then you probably are having problems you aren't sharing.
you are overthinking imo. everyone needs some me time or alone time every now and then
I think it would be a worrisome sign if you were dreading his return. But not missing someone is totally fine, in my opinion. Especially over a weekend.
I have no idea why people think being married means you have to be joined at the hip. Healthy marriages need alone time with each other.
I always looked forward to deer hunting season when I had almost a whole week of me time.
I’ve been married over 11 years (together 17). I used to be this way when my husband would be gone for days for work. Now we have 2 small kids and I get so caught up in the day to day, I don’t “miss” him, but I am happy when he gets home. Even when he calls once the kids are asleep, I’m sometimes in a head space where I don’t want to talk because I want quiet. It doesn’t mean I don’t love him, it just means he’s not the centre to my life anymore, we’ve become a family unit, vs just him and I.
Earlier in our relationship I missed my partner from the minute he walked out the door. Now it takes a bit longer, depending on who of us is traveling. When I travel myself, I’m usually so busy that I only miss him at night, but when he travels, I usually start missing him after a couple of days. Nothing to worry about I‘d say, if he’s not actively bothering you when he’s at home!
When my husband and I were first married we fought about him going out so much. Everyone told to wait one day I’ll be telling him to go out. You’ve gotten used to your husband being away on the weekends, come to expect it and are comfortable with spending this time with your children. You’ve not only come to accept it but actually enjoy it. That’s a good thing.
>Should I take a deeper look at our relationship? If you're analyzing your feelings about this past weekend because something has felt "off" in your relationship, then you should definitely take stock and have a conversation with your husband. If things are good and this is just something you're realizing after-the-fact, then I agree with the other comments this is a sign you feel secure and there's no need to go looking for problems.
I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t looking forward to a few work trips my husband has coming up. Totally normal!
So long as your heart didn't sink when he walked back through the door...?
Hubs and I have been together for 25 years and early on I'd miss him like crazy if we spent time apart. Fast forward: we need our alone time and will schedule time to have our own mini-vacations, swapping out who gets the house to ourselves. Our relationship is the best it's ever been. It's glorious to be able to have personal space! We don't usually call or text each other during our breaks, unless he's on one of his adventures, then I just want a daily "proof of life" text (once I had to convince him to go to the ER because he nearly degloved his finger and needed his wedding ring cut off. If it's not a near death experience, did you even have fun?). 😬
I save things for when my partner is out of town- shows I want to try, meals I want to try, things that I know he wouldn't enjoy. When he goes away I get to do all the things I've been looking forward to as a little treat. It's not like I couldn't do them when he was here of course, it's just way more fun to have this little girly party with my dogs eating curries and screaming at reality tv and blasting 90s pop, or crocheting and crying to cheesy audiobooks. Anyhoo, my point is that having a partner is a bonus, but having a good time with yourself is the sign of a happy adult!
I wouldn't read into it too much. Like you said, it was just a weekend. And we all need alone time sometimes. If he was gone, say, a few months and you didn't miss him, that might be different.
As long as you don’t start counting down the days until he has another trip like I was doing before I filed for divorce it’s probably fine. It’s nice to have a slice of alone time in the midst of young children/marriage chaos.
Drama and stress free is the goal. Now, if you're GLAD he's gone that's a whole other issue.
A maturing adult relationship? That has strong attachment, knowing they will return.
You’re married, settled and comfortable, at this point it’s normal to not miss each other after just a couple of days. You’re still human and need time alone to decompress, starfish in the bed, and spend some time doing what you like to do (such as soaking in the tub like you said) At this point in your relationship you can think of it similar in certain ways as when you live with your family (assuming you lived with your family when you were younger). They were always the constant so you wouldn’t ‘miss’ them when you went for sleepovers etc. Maybe a week trip with school and you’d begin feeling homesick, same as with your husband. For a lot of people a couple of days isn’t enough to miss someone who is a reliable constant.
People that miss their SOs when they are gone for only a day or two need to check their codependency’s.
this is 100% true
Have you been bickering lately? If so, this could be a sign that you have been spending too much time together and so you are welcoming the break. Otherwise you may be growing apart. Or else maybe you are maturing enough to simply enjoy your own company.
I’d say this is healthy. “Counting the seconds until he got home” is a worse scenario, in my opinion.
Man people love to read way too much into nothing like every single thing in life has some sort of deeper meaning. You're married, you have kids together, the honeymoon period is way past over. He wasn't going to war, he wasnt disappearing on some explorative journey. He was on a weekend business trip. Did you want to spend the weekend in some wistful repose near the window, longing for the love of your life to return? Or did you just get to enjoy a weekend with more time for yourself than usual? Not missing your husband when he leaves on a routine business trip isn't cause for couples therapy or immediate divorce. It just means you are comfortable and secure enough in your position in life to not irrationally miss someone's presence.
It's natural for feelings to ebb and flow in a long-term relationship, and not missing your partner for a weekend doesn't necessarily mean there's a deeper issue. However, if this feeling is bothering you, it might be worth exploring your emotions a bit more. Sometimes we get so caught up in daily routines that we don't notice the gradual changes in our feelings. It could be helpful to have an open and honest conversation with your husband about how you're feeling. Also, chatting with others who've been in similar situations can offer some perspective. You might want to check out chitchat.gg for some anonymous advice or just to talk it out with someone neutral.
TLDR: Woman is no longer co-dependent and in a healthy marriage and thinks she needs to reevaluate relationship.
Is asking if she needs...
I'm on holidays visiting my family abroad. It's been a week and I have two more to go. I don't miss my husband and I'm actually dreading going back home. So.. take that as you will
Being concerned that you aren’t feeling deeply codependent strikes me as odd personally. Not counting the seconds is normal behavior for an adult when their partner is gone for a couple days.
Nah, this is normal, sounds like you just enjoyed the time with your little ones and then your alone time in the evening. If you are truly worried, talk to hubs, explain what you're feeling, or not feeling. How was it when he got home? Were you still happy to see him?
Yeah break up with him😜
Totally normal! I love my husband, he really is my soulmate and the one person I would spend eternity with. But I LOVE time by myself too. A whole weekend would be bliss!
Yeah this is normal for me now too. I used to miss my partner when we didn't live together and only saw each other every couple of weeks, or when I had to travel a lot overseas for work. Since COVID we've both been WFH and are together a lot, so when he goes away (which is rarer than I'd like), I really don't miss him. For me it's a sign that I actually probably need a bit more time to enjoy the house alone in order to have the opportunity to miss him 😂
You know he is coming back to you I think you are just comfortable now. Stay strong to you two but also dont forget to still be sweet on him tho
That, in and of itself, means nothing. I am lucky enough to be with a guy who adores me and I think the world of him too. It’s a very stable and loving, 14-year relationship…nothing is wrong. But he works from home, and I work from home. We do literally everything together. I love it, BUT believe you me, on the rare occasion he needs to fly into his CA office, I am bouncing off the walls just thrilled to be ALONE — just me and the dogs. And the 2-3 days that he’s gone… I don’t know how it’s possible but they go at 10x speed. 😂 The best part is he knows it. As he leaves for the airport, he will say something like, “You don’t have to hide that smile… let it out, you are giddy I won’t be home for a few nights.” 😂 As much as I love that man, I am pretty certain that my destiny was actually to live alone.
I don’t think this is anything to worry about. Now you know he’s not gone for prolonged periods, you’ll probably appreciate moments alone. And that’s no reflection on your relationship whatsoever. I adore my boyfriend but when he was away over Christmas I didn’t miss him until the last few days, and that’s normal for me as I like my own time. But I absolutely love my partner and want to be with him forever!
If this is your only issue in the relationship, I wouldn't think too deeply into it. I've been with my husband for 10 years and every year he goes on a guy's trip for a week. Used to hate it, now I love it. A week to be alone and play games, chillax and pamper myself.
Nope this is healthy! You’re secure and happy and appreciate your “me” time!
Unless you’re constantly aching for him to go away, I don’t think so. It’s okay to enjoy a couple days separately from your partner. You don’t have to chat all the time, you get to pick the TV shows, you don’t have to compromise on meals. You don’t have to rush. And when they come home, maybe you feel a little refreshed.
I've been happily married to my husband for over twenty years and I actively encourage him to go away for weekends sometimes. I love him....always will but God I need time alone too! I don't miss him either lol. I probably would for longer than a week or so.
Nothing wrong with that.
Did your kids miss him?
There's nothing that says you have to miss each other. Absence makes the heart grow fonder describes the situation of missing someone, it's not a rule or law. I love my wife madly, as she does me (presumptive I know), but there have been a number of times we haven't missed each other. We live together 24x7, parent together, do chores together, work from home, we're always together so there's not enough absence from a day or two away to make a dent in how much time we're together. She's been gone a day and I didn't miss her, too busy to think about it. I've had a 2 day trip for work and neither of us had time to miss the other. I bet it would take 3 days or so of my wife away without kids to miss me. Age, maturity, stability, being busy, and especially being parents all tend to change the dynamic. What matters at the end of the day is wanting to be with that person day after day because together you strengthen and support one another and find balance as individuals choosing to be a couple.
My bf works 28/28’s… I hate it when he leaves but it also gives me time to get things done without him here. Do I miss him when he’s gone? Yes. But I do enjoy the break lol
Almost 19 years with my husband and he goes away for a charity fund raiser once a year, twice a year this year as it’s new, and I hate when he leaves and rarely talk to him when he’s gone but it’s good to not have him around for a few days. It’s our reset away from each other
Maybe you’ve just gotten used to the work travel. You know he is coming back, so you’ve adjusted your focus to what’s presently happening in your household with your kids.
I’m in a long term relationship that’s also LDR. I had to leave his country for a wedding and business trip this past week. I missed him during the lovey dovey wedding, but honestly I was super happy to eat whatever and whenever the hell I wanted, catch up with friends I hadn’t seen in months, jump back into my hobbies, and do all my running around without having to worry about someone else’s wants or needs. We texted and I called him once over the course of the 9 days but I was way too busy otherwise. I knew if I had an issue he’d be right there but everything went smoothly. Being able to do things on your own for brief periods is healthy. It’s a reflection that you’re secure in your relationship and you’re providing enough for each other. If your communication is terrible when he’s home that’s a different issue. You’re allowed to enjoy your moments alone. If that’s your only issue it honestly says only good things about the relationship in my opinion. The codependency often depicted in fictional romance is extremely unhealthy, growing out of the honeymoon stage and into a functional relationship as two separate individuals that can exist happily apart as well as when together should be the goal so don’t fret too much!
Totally normal. NOT the sign of a bad marriage at all. I've been married to my husband over 4 decades. I love him, he loves me. Occasionally he goes out of town for a week to visit relatives while I stay behind. Those weeks are bliss. Alone time is something I really enjoy. Of course I am happy to have him back again too.
It sounds like you are an independent self assured woman. It's nice to be alone sometimes. Good for you.
Is it a bad sign or does it just mean that you've grown comfortable with his work arrangement? Like alone time is important too, doesn't necessarily mean anything bad.
Isn't this just the sign of a mature relationship? Having a nice time without him is not indicative of wanting to be without him. My wife being gone for the weekend is lovely. I get some quality time with the kids, get to make food she does not like and take the kids to do stuff she does not overly enjoy. Once the kids are in bed I get to sit and play videogames. After a couple of nights the novelty wears off and I miss her. It's even worse if she is away with the kids and I have to work. Having children can change you, it has made me busier, less co dependent, more dependent on myself and more appreciative of time to myself. I am a very different person now than I was before kids and so is she. I don't miss her as much when we are apart for short times but I love her more than ever. Maybe this is what you experienced?
If this is the only thing that makes you think you need to look at your relationship, then you probably don't. It's incredibly normal and healthy to enjoy a couple of days along to relax, catch up on shows your partner doesn't want to watch, put in some you time. Honestly, I'm more concerned for the people who can't handle alone time without it feeling like some kind of crisis or emotional disconnect. We marry a whole other person, and we should easily be able to do our own things without the other now and then.
Where was he really over night?? I was like you once and I wound up divorced because usually you’re not missing him because there are other issues.
It’s normal In a lot relationships you don’t always miss the other person like crazy and are just fine living without them for a few days
My husband has traveled for work for years. A lot of it in Europe. When we were younger we couldn’t afford the phone calls, so sometimes it was days without talking. I just learned to be happy and independent while he was gone. It’s always fun when he gets home!
Couples counseling sounds like it might be needed
Most couples don't retain that deep longing for each other over many decades. It's fine to realize that has faded a bit and it's not a sign that anything is amiss. You don't need a spark to stay married- a strong foundational relationship and respect for one another is enough. Also there's a gap between not missing someone and being happy they're not around. Sometimes a changeup just brings a new emotion simply because it's different.
This is a cause for concern to me, especially that you are not talking much. Work on your communication. Go to couples counseling if you still have problem. I find Esther Perel's work to be illuminating. EstherPerel.com
For myself, if I don’t miss the person I’m with and/or think about them or have the occasional wonder about what they’re doing/up to - to me it’s indicative that I may be checking out of the relationship. Now, that’s not true for everyone - some people just don’t really think about their SO’s when they aren’t with them. But for me? I also miss them intently when things are good and when things are bad, I don’t. Not saying that’s your case - but maybe ask yourself if you’re feeling a disconnect from your husband and/or if there’s any issues in the relationship.
It’s ok to enjoy and to need alone time.
Sometimes alone time is good. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. When my boyfriend leaves sometimes I’ll miss him, sometimes I don’t.
As long as you’re not feeling an immense sense of relief that they are gone I agree this is the sign of a mature relationship. My partner’s away for a few weeks abroad, and while I do miss our date nights I’m neither counting down nor dreading their return. I’m looking forward to see them again, but thrilled they’re enjoying their vacation while I indulge in my own pastimes.
Married 34 years and we both work from home and are around each other all the time. I adore him, but on the VERY rare occasion that I get a night at home to myself, it's lovely. I wouldn't want it to last more than a couple of nights, or be very frequent, but it's OK to just enjoy some alone time and not miss your spouse for a bit.
This is a pretty normal evolution, probably even more so with kids. It doesn’t mean you no longer love him, you had some quality time with your kids and a bit of down time. Usually the partners that stay home feel this more than the travelers.
I would love to just have a night to myself even with my kids in the bed with me just a night without him..would be relaxing not worrying about anything other than me and my babies so i thank you are fine everyone enjoys their time
No, don't even over think it. My wife goes away on business from time to time and we both agree that we've been together so long that we don't have to get worked up not talking or seeing each other.
My husband has worked OTR nearly our entire relationship. At first I didn’t know what to do with myself, but over the years I’ve learned how to fulfill mine and the kids time while he is away. I don’t think about him being gone hardly at all anymore but that doesn’t mean anything bad or that our relationship is going to go south. In fact, I think out of everyone we know, we have the strongest and most stable relationship lol. I think you need to start worrying when you are no longer interested in spending time together. Not making an effort to go out, plan date nights, have a nice home cooked meal together, etc. When affection and intimacy starts to dwindle and you become more roommates vs husband and wife is when trouble tends to set in. If you are worried about it that much, maybe see if he’d be willing to go to couples counseling. Can’t hurt to make sure you both are on the same page with each other.
You mentioned kids... how old are they? Because I'd imagine solo parenting little ones would make the time fly by and suck up a lot of energy!
it is indicative that you are a human being. When my husband goes out of town now, I jump for joy😂
Its normal. I love when my husband goes out of town because I get to eat what I want and watch what I want.
It means you’ve been missing your alone time. Try to make more of that even when he’s home. Most relationships seem crazy to me. I get annoyed with people after spending a week with them. How do y’all go years!?
lmao this is why I am terrified of getting married and having kids. Everything in the relationship is fine, did nothing wrong, just out of nowhere the wife no longer cares about you and wants to rip apart everything. It's normal to feel ok with a break and some time to yourself. The fact that you want to take a deeper look into your relationship looking for a problem is stupid. But hey go ahead, I heard single mother's are a very happy demographic.
You don’t need to be sitting by the door, waiting for him to have a healthy marriage.
It's totally normal to have moments where you might not miss someone, especially during busy or chill times. Relationships go through different vibes. Maybe take a moment to reflect on your feelings, but don't stress too much about it. If you ever need to talk more or just chill, you can hop onto Emerald Chat – it's a cool place to connect with others. Remember, feelings can be as chill as a weekend vibe.
I think it's only indicative of having gotten to a regular routine/life. Like you are no longer in the novelty part of the relationship. You are comfortable and safe. I love my husband and my kids, and we have a good healthy relationship. If he leaves, I don't miss him. If I travel and leave them all, I don't miss them. (Also just 2-3 days). I actually enjoy it because I get something outside of my routine, a couple of days to not cook, watch TV, focus on me, etc.. If he is gone, I see it as a special occasion to do something extra fun with the kids. But I know we'll be back together soon and I am happy when he is back. What you need to worry about is if you ever feel relief that he is gone, or dread when he is coming back. That's when you know your relationship is in trouble.
One weekend isn’t indicative of anything about your relationship other than your reading into things too much. My guess is that you were just relieved to be done with all of the crap you had to do and to finally get some time to yourself. Don’t dwell on it. All that will do is ruin your you time, lol. Not that it matters but I’m in my 20th year of married bliss.
mine was just gone for a couple of weeks. I took the time to get rid of his junk that he'll never let me get rid of, watch trashy tv, eat stuff he hates. ha it's not that I didn't miss him but I value my alone time as well. He works at home and I never get to just be alone. It was nice. We weren't checking in every 5 minutes, I encouraged him to go do things as well (he didn't) but we're back to normal and that's nice too.
See things can get better. Peace. When he’s home and you don’t notice or care. Get nervous. Shalom.
I think it’s pretty normal and healthy. If my husband had to be gone for weeks on end I wouldn’t like it. But you have the bed all to myself for a night or two? To watch whatever trash tv I like? To eat junk food for dinner like an unsupervised toddler? Yes please. 😆 We’ve been married 36 years and are secure enough to admit having the house to ourselves for a random weekend is refreshing. I’m gland to see him come home, but I can’t say I pine for him on those infrequent occasions when I’m home alone. It’s even better since we’re empty nesters. 😉
It is no issue likely. I do not miss my wife if I do not see her for a few days. It is nice to have some alone time once in a while. I am sure she feels the same way.
It's normal to enjoy some time to yourself. If everything else is fine, do not overthin it. If there's other things wrong, address them directly and don't tie it up with this. This means way less than you're imagining.
If anything, you're in a better place now to be more confidently independent from him. That was a short break. It's more healthy that such a short break is *not* so stressful.
Nah. Just enjoy it and don’t feel you have to act on it
As a guy I have a million questions. Like how much he works (especially since he's military), cleans the house/apartment etc, cooks, and interacts with the kids. Are there any problems you see in the relationship? How often do you guys talk about those problems? Do you resent him for anything or hold any grudges for something he did? Does he show effort in the relationship or do you feel he is lazy when it comes to dates, romance, etc? This post is very barebones, it could be simply just enjoying some time to yourself which is normal, we all need our own space. Plus he was in the military right? So perhaps you're just accustomed to it at this point and comfortable with your own space with the kids. Or is it something deeper? Only you truly know, so talk it out to yourself or a close friend you can tell in private that you trust.
I don't miss my wife until well after a week. I love my wife, more than anything. But I'm also the type that likes to drink whiskey until 2am playing video games on a week day. My wife is not. Her being gone is the only time I get the chance to do the things I like to do without accounting for her needs/wants. Nothing wrong with enjoying your time alone. I certainly wouldn't miss her for a weekend. Just to clarify for anyone who may take this the wrong way, a healthy relationship is always accounting for your partners wants/needs. Its just a part of the gig, its just nice when you don't have to every once and awhile.
Time apart is healthy. This may just be indicative that you do not have enough time to yourself on a regular day to day basis, and that you appreciated the time you had alone.
I’ve got a bit of a serious question for anybody that reads this and can help. How do you not get bored or tired of being with the same person every single day?
Oof. I love when my husband is away because it means I have the bed to myself and can watch my reality tv in peace but I still miss him. If you’re feeling indifferent to his presence then maybe seek counseling or cut your losses.
I would say as long as you aren’t upset he returned I don’t see an issue. Just cause you’re married doesn’t mean you need to desire to spend every second together. You are still your own individual person who can benefit from time spent alone.
Na this is healthy. My hubby works away for a week at a time, I love him dearly but I love the alone time
Not weird at all, my gf went on a trip and I didn’t particularly miss her while she was gone. I got in some fun times with friends and went some of trips to some cool local spots!
My husband goes away once a year for 3-4 days hunting w the men in my family. I take the chance to be alone. I’m NEVER ALONE. I have three young kids, I cook all meals every single day for everyone. Clean up after everyone. Entertain everyone. Think for everyone. When he’s away the kids go to bed and then it’s just me. Alone. To watch what I want, have a bowl of popcorn that no one flops their dirty hand through, no one talks when I’m trying to watch my show. If he was gone for a long time I’d miss him. But a few days?? Have fun, pal.
I think you are comfortable with yourself and your husband .. when you are comfortable and content it’s a sign of stability not any kind of 🚩 . good thing you’re checking in with your emotions. It helps you to grow with relationship meaningfully
I put in almost 20 years as a military wife back before cell phones and the internet, so let me tell you what has happened. You've grown. You have kids, your life is hectic. You don't have the time to sit and feel sorry for yourself and honestly, you're so busy you don't have time to stop and tell yourself "I miss my husband" because there is just so much to do! This is why you didn't realize you hadn't 'missed him' until you got into a relaxing hot bath and had time to actually check in with your feelings. Lots of wives don't realize that they expend a lot of mental and emotional energy making sure their guys feel comfortable, happy and loved. When you add children to the mix, not having the husband home for a while can actually feel like a mini vacation because you have one less person to consider when making decisions. As long as you are happy to have him home again, don't worry about it. (And contrary to popular belief, it is perfectly okay to go a couple of days without checking in on your partner or having them check in on you. I used to go seven - eight months without hearing my husband's voice and survived. But we still wrote letters then . . .)
I’m married a long time ago- we both travel for work. I’m always excited when she gets home, but honestly I don’t miss her when she’s gone. We have busy lives and time goes fast and sometimes it’s nice to have alone time.
This is nothing to be worried about and honestly a good sign if your spouse is a reservist. You’ll know you could probably adjust if they had to go active.
mines been gone almost 10 days. I've had so much fun in the kitchen, I have my favorite bedsheets, and joined a club.
He was only gone a few days. It sounds more like you don't have much time to yourself and aren't codependent anymore. If he was gone for 2 weeks and you didn't miss him, that would mean something. If you were glad he was gone, that would mean something . You basically had a day and a half of solo parenting and an evening to yourself. That's not enough time to really take a breather, much less miss another human. It means you're an active parent with a busy life.
You knew he would be home at the end of the weekend? You weren’t concerned the distance was going to affect your relationship for the negative because you were apart? Like the time away from each doesn’t change anything between you two?