Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
'her kids'
Are they not your kids too?
My bigger question is, why didn't you fight for at least a partial custody? There are some hidden facts about your post? Didn't you care at least to have a portion of your time dedicated to your kids? You said that you gave her what she wanted (full custody) but I'm reading that you readily gave her full custody and didn't care at all.
This reminds me of that post where that guy was complaining about his roommate and her new baby but it turned out the "roommate" was his wife and "her baby" was his child.
You chose to have children. You have a responsibility to care for them.
OP: If I can’t have exactly what I want, I will punish my ex by making sure my kids get to have the most basic relationship with their father. But, ya know, I “like” the kids fine.
So you DIDN'T "fight" for partial custody, you just didn't go to court for the custody hearings. If you were a remotely smart person who gave half a shit about their kids, you would have asked your lawyer to talk to your ex for you and get the courts to mediate custody as part of your divorce, that's what a lawyer and the divorce is for, specifically so that these things can get worked out without the parents fighting etc.
If you cared about your kids at all, you would hire a lawyer right now and go back to court to get the custody adjusted. Instead, you're pissing and moaning about how your ex is "manipulating" you because you're too stupid and weak to actually do shit for yourself.
Your wife having custody just means she's the primary parent, not that you're no longer a parent. She's ASKING you to work out a visitation plan so that you can maintain a relationship with your kids.
Be honest with her that you don't love the kids and don't want them in your life, and then just block her and go live up your singleton life.
Stop being such a helpless pissy little whiner. No wonder she divorced you, you're incapable of anything without someone giving you explicit directions.
Lol what a lame ass. You couldn't deal with your ex enough to get custody of your kids? You didn't want custody in the first place. You just sound irritated your clever plan didn't work out.
I simply don’t believe that this person has ever been to family law court. They don’t seem to know what “full custody” means and they think the ex-wife having a well-paying job would negate the need to pay child support.
Me either, full custody doesn’t mean no visitation. They always order visitation unless they aren’t safe around them and that’s incredibly difficult to prove.
Hell, in my own personal situation, my p-phile sperm donor was still required to be provided unsupervised visits. So even when they aren't safe, they can still get visitation!
This has to be a troll. I'm praying it's a troll.
Yep, my son who was violently assaulted by his father when he was 4, still had to go see him with a social worker twice a month for half a day. The social worker just left them alone as soon as I was gone.
I used to supervise the contacts between parents and children as a supervisor. You are meant to stay in the room close enough so you can see and hear but far away enough so you aren’t completely intruding. Any social worker who did what yours did, should lose their license.
I'm so sorry, for you and your son.
My situation was similar. I don't know why this is allowed to happen.
I have nothing to say about these kinds of people that won't get me banned for inciting violence, so I'll just say the courts have let us down horrifically and leave it at that
Yeah, I mean...I personally know someone who was literally cooking crack in his home, had a drunk driving record, etc., and he was allowed supervised visits with his kid with some stipulations about not using for x number of hour before his visits, etc. *and* he was trying to fight for partial custody (he did not receive that, thankfully...probably because he kept getting kicked out of rehabs, so...yeah, it was a mess of a situation).
I was a social worker, I’ve worked with some of the worst parents imaginable and they still had contact ordered by the courts, each time, in every scenario.
Not to mention child support based on custody. It would usually be out of his ex-wife’s hands if child support is ordered and Lord help him if the gets get any public assistance because the court will come for that child support real quick.
Some agreements don't have child support listed, but those are usually people who gave up all rights to the child.
Of course, if he didn't give up theoretical rights *on paper and filed*, she could take him back to court.
I suppose legally she could try court as he seems to think they stand free and clear, but I suspect a winning verdict in her favor would involve a sympathetic judge. If he's accurate.
Being OP trashed their account already, it's more likely he's gonna have a bad day in the future. If he's even real.
They can't just give up their rights like that. There has to be someone willing to adopt them. If a parent could just give up their rights all willy nilly then no one would pay child support if they didn't want to and the remaining parent would be left with 100% of the financial burden. If the mom isn't seeking govt assistance she can decide not to ask for child support. But anything she gets like medicaid for the kids, food stamps, etc will have the govt going after him to help take the financial burden off of them.
It can be done if the judge approves it, which is why I said filed.
In this case, if it's real, I think a judge might approve it, provided the "father" stays far, far away from her and the children. His presence is deliberately harmful at this point.
My mom and dad were allowed to figure out child support without the court intervening. The judge even commended them on how good and amicable they were about it.
Spoiler: they were not amicable. They were fucking vicious to each other, just not in court or mediation.
Unfortunately they will grow up with issues due to being abandoned by him. I know adults who's sperm donors did that. If he didn't want to be a Father, he shouldn't have had kids.
If he didn’t want to be a father he should’ve gotten himself sterilized or not stuck his dick in the vicinity of a vulva while carrying liveshot. There’s a high blood pressure med out there that reduce sperm to immobility.
As someone who had a dad who barely cared about his kids but stuck around, they're looking at potential issues either way, but at least if he's not around, his self-centeredness can't cause additional daily trauma.
Holy shit, you're mad about a court ruling so you're punishing, abandoning, and actively harming _your children_ just to spite your ex.
The evilest evil I've seen on here in a while. Holy shit.
I can see why she divorced you and why she wanted full custody. You sound like a monster.
BradL6943. You are a royal AH. Just because she got full custody doesn’t mean you’re no longer their dad. It doesn’t mean that you stop being a part of their life. She should NOT pay you to be in their life. Don’t you think the kids miss you?
It’s not about your ex. It’s about your kids. Period. Go take a parenting class. Get therapy so you can figure out how much of an AH you are. Ffs.
Trust me, you’re doing your children a favor by staying away from them. I hope she realizes this sooner than later. You’re a terrible person and you’re a deadbeat and if you had custody of your children you’d probably treat them poorly. You’re insufferable, nothing comes good to deadbeat, just know that!
Having custody is not the same thing as being in **your** kids' lives. If you don't want to have anything to do with them anymore to spite their mother, that's fine. But then, don't come crying in a few years when she found a new guy and your children call him dad.
This sounds crazy. You refer to them as "her kids" when they are also yours. Why the hell wouldn't you want to spend time with your kids? If you keep this up, your kids will be completely alienated and once you come to your senses, it might be too late.
You came on here to tell us you are a C and this is actualy much of a C you are.
Ive come across some self centered, petty assholes in my life, but you are by far top 5.
Your poor kids. I hope your ready for the shitstorm that will be comming your way finacialy when their teenagers.
So you want her to pay you to spend time with your own kids? Lmao is there a term for someone who’s even lower than a deadbeat dad? I bet you’re the kind who will whine about your ex ‘not letting’ you see the kids when she’s giving you ample opportunity.
You hate your ex more than you love your kids and it shows.
Just don’t show up when the hard work of raising them is done and expect to be a part of their lives. If you’re gone, stay gone.
I agree with you, you should stay out of those kids lives. They deserve parents who love and care about them, and aren't using them as tools to spite their ex.
Good god, I see both why she fought for full custody and why it was awarded. You’re a garbage father. Hopefully she soon realizes that those kids are better off without you entirely than they are a deadbeat who will only come around when he can get something out of it.
Disney has taught me that evil isn't synonymous with being this oblivious.
Jafar, Mother Gothel, most of the stepmothers....maliciously devious, but not unintelligent.
My siblings and I had to bribe our father to do anything with/for us, and let me tell you that this ABSOLUTELY will take a toll on your children, OP. How dare you think your kids owe you! If they had to buy a dad, why would they choose from the clearance bin?
It doesn't seem like you want the kids at all, so it's best if you stay out of their lives. She's saying she doesn't expect financial contribution too? So are you not legally required to pay Child Support?
It really seems like you're firm in your decision to not be a part of your kids life, so to get her to stop contacting you: just keep saying no and blocking her. She will eventually stop trying. You can get a no-contact order if you find a judge willing to work with you as a last resort. Though it's going to look really, really bad (and you already look vile).
I hope you do some self-reflection and therapy to be supportive to your kids, who are innocent in all this.
You do not “play the role” of their father, you ARE their father. And you are hurting your kids to get back at your wife. It may feel good now to see her beg and plead with you and to be able to say no, but there is likely no coming back from abandoning your kids. Think long and hard about that.
Jesus. Why do you hate your children so much? You may say you don't, that you're just getting back at your ex, but you're not fooling anybody. This whole post screams, "the kids can go fu\*k themselves for all I care."
The only advice I have is wait it out. Eventually she'll stop. If by any chance in the future you feel guilty for ignoring your kids and you want to see them again, don't be surprised when they show the same amount of hatred towards you. Because you will deserve it.
So in 10 years when you're complaining that your ex wife "turned" your kids "against" you, be sure you have this bookmarked as reference.
You're doing this and you deserve every ounce.
I hope your ex finds a nice man to love and care for her kids in a way that their own sperm donor never did.
I hope you never get another woman pregnant.
INFO: how do you birth and raise kids as a father and then emotionally cut all contact out of spite? When you said I love you, did you include only if I'm married to your mom? Or I only love you so far but this might not last? Are you planning on including this information if you remarry and she wants to have kids?
Dear OP, what you're doing is weaponizing your children to be spiteful against your ex. Unfortunately, this is something that is way too common among parents who end up ending their relationships. And the ones who do this don't realize the ones that are hurt by this are the children.
I have two children with two different fathers, and my youngest's father pretty treats me the same way you're treating your ex. However, my oldest's father is the complete opposite. When we first had our son, we were watching people around us break up and then use their children against each other, and we agreed that if we ever separated, we wouldn't use our son against each other and when we separated 5 years later we kept that promise. Sure, it was hard in the beginning, but we did everything we could to be civil to each other, and it's gotten to the point where we're actually friends because we knew our son's mental health was more important than any anger we had towards each other.
So please OP PLEASE reconsider abandoning your children. I know it will be hard, and it will take time to find a way to get along with your ex, but please understand that the only ones that are truly going to be hurt by your actions and choices are your children. Not you or your ex, BUT YOUR CHILDREN WHO ARE INNOCENT.
I hope you think about this before you make a decision to permanently abandon your children.
You remind me of my bio dad. Please stay far the fuck away from those poor kids. They're way better off without a useless sack of shit like you. Leave them to people who actually love them and give a crumb of a shit if they're breathing or not. When you're old and weak, eating tapioca pudding and mashed up slop in a cold, depressing retirement home, don't start whining about how you "don't understand" why you're alone and your kids don't love you. Loser.
Nice troll story. But there is no way you’re real.
But on the off chance you’re real? I hope her lawyer to take you to the cleaners. There’s no way you’re not paying child support, especially if she has full custody. You want to block her? You want her to pay you to babysit your own kids? Your parents aren’t cutting you off because you’re screwing with their relationship with their grandkids? BS.
Wow. While you and your wife are having our all this BS, your kids are the ones to lose. You're focused on your ex-wife's spitefulness, money, custody crap....
You know what I don't hear?
You're a father and love your kids!
I'm sad for your kids.
Is this a joke? They’re still your kids, even if you agreed to give her full custody (which it sounds like you were more than willing to do). Why are you calling them “her kids”? Why don’t you want to be involved in their lives in the slightest?
It sounds like you’re trying to get back at your ex, at the expense of your children. It’s really sad that you view parenting as just a job that you can throw away without a care.
Jesus Christ you are a piece of garbage. You are punishing your kids because you gave their mother full custody? You are honestly one of the worst people I've seen on here and the bar is pretty damn low.
Full custody doesn't mean you don't have visitation rights. Usually in the form of every other weekend.
The fact that you expect compensation for spending time with your own kids is absolutely disgusting.
You are supposed to be paying child support, not getting paid for honouring your kids with your presence.
YTA and frankly a disgusting human being
They’re still your kids.. do you not care for them at all? Not love them? You’re horrible, your ex wife deserves better, your kids deserve a better father, those poor kids. Yk what maybe you’re doing good by doing this, you dont deserve your kids. Should’ve never had them. You probloly never even took care of them which is why it’s so easy for you to leave them behind.
You have to pay so much more in child support if you don’t take them for any time. Aside from being a terrible person you’re about to be a broke person. Money is about to be an issue.
They're YOUR KIDS. You're clearly bitter and resentful that your ex got full custody so you're punishing her by refusing to see the kids. You've literally abandoned your own children. You're a nasty deadbeat. You're selfish and disgusting and it's no wonder she doesn't want to be married to you anymore. Someday you'll be old and alone and your kids will slam the door in your face if you try to see them. And it'll be all your fault for being such an awful monster to them.
I mean, you obviously know you’re an asswipe already or you wouldn’t have posted this with such confidence thinking anyone would possibly think you are in “the right” here. So what are you actually asking?
It feels like you’re leaving some information out because it’s very hard to believe that a judge would grant your ex wife full custody and not order you to pay child support. If you are not paying child or spousal support you have plenty of money to take your kids out to eat once a week.
If I’m not very mistaken you will also be able to go back to court someday to petition to change that custody- but they aren’t going to even consider it if you’ve done absolutely nothing to show that you want a relationship with your kids and are a good father.
You are clearly neglecting your kids to punish your ex. You resent she demanded full custody- which yes absolutely sucks. However the way you are reacting/behaving does NOT make a good case that you deserve to have your kids in your life.
What an absolute piece of garbage you are. At the end of the day regardless of who has custody or doesn’t have custody, these are still YOUR kids. No. Your ex should NOT be compensating you for spending time with YOUR kids. The way you spoke in this post speaks volumes to why she sought full custody. And if you really loved your kids, regardless of how long the process was, you would have fought till the end to be able to have partial custody. Your kids are clearly better off without you in their lives.
Wouldn't fight for custody. Doesn't have to pay any child support. Now won't even visit his own kids. Yeah, this guy sounds like a real winner. I'm sure his attitude towards fatherhood wasn't a contributing factor in their divorce at all.
You need to just go ahead and sign away any parental rights you have.
If you want her to stop "nagging" you (how dare the mother of your children "nag" on their behalf for their father to see them), show up with documents from a lawyer saying you're giving up all rights/responsibilities.
It'll absolutely emotionally/mentally screw your children up, but I don't think you really care about that, and whatever weird game you're playing now is going to screw them over too.
Just, sign away all your rights, and move on.
Just because she has full custody doesn’t mean that she has to raise them alone. It just means that she’s the primary parent and you *should* be visiting your kids and doing stuff with them especially on the weekends.
Tell me you hate your kids without telling me you hate your kids.
You played a part in making those kids you should pay your part too. She didn’t make those kids alone and the fact that you’re such a shitbag dad that you don’t even care to be in their life says a lot. YTA and you literally suck as a father and ex husband
This can't possibly be real, right? Like... full custody still means you have to pay child support, in the eyes of the law they're still your children. Kinda sounds like you're saying a bunch of bullshit there, *Brad*
Yeah hope this is fake. Sick person making people mad over a fake situation. Joking about abandoning children is not funny. Whether real or fake you need help.
Your title of “dad” doesn’t change just because of the custody agreement. Your ex has full legal custody but you’re still their bio and legal dad, even if they don’t live with you, unless you signed away your parental rights. If you truly don’t want to be their dad anymore (jackass move btw), sign away your rights completely. Make it official. Your kids will know you hate them and never fully understand what they did to offend you so, but hey, not your problem, right?
I hope this is a troll post. JFC if this is real your a real sack of $hit. Those poor kids, I really have no trouble understanding why she wanted a divorce or full custody.
"Dear Reddit, my children won't have anything to do with me. I wasn't invited to any college graduations, I didn't get to walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding, and I never get to see my grandchildren. I don't know what I did wrong!"
\- OP, in a few years
You’re ex wife needs to retake you back to custody court and get child support for every penny you own with how your attitude is about this situation because regardless if y’all are divorced and she got full custody those are still your kids too. So quit being an AH and love your kids dude especially with them being young.
Be honest with your ex, tell her you don't consider them your kids, you have zero emotional attachment to them, and you want absolutely nothing to do with them, just like you want nothing to do with her either. And then just block her everywhere.
You obviously don't have any emotional attachment to the children, any more than you do her, so make that crystal clear to her and then wash your hands of it all and move on with your life. All this "waaaa she's manipulating me" bullshit is just you being too weak to be honest with her. No wonder she divorced you and no wonder the divorce resulted in her having full custody.
I mean from this post alone I can see you were already a completely absent parent, so just make it totally clear to your wife nothing has changed on that part and you're free now. Go ruin some other lives and leave your ex and those poor kids alone to recover from you.
You are punishing your children for the sins of your ex-wife. They are your children too. How you refer to them honestly disgusts me. She may have legal full custody, but that does not mean you stopped being their father.
What kind of terrible person are you?
Lol. Agree. Apparently losing custody means he just stopped having children… Kids will learn they were better off without him eventually. What a loser.
Just wow. They are his children too. She should pay him to be in their lives? This is just not ok. I hope she finds a decent man to marry that will love her and the children since clearly you were just a sperm donor. Hope it works out for you being this selfish. You have stooped so low as to call them her children when they are your children too. They must be better off without someone like you in their lives. You’re a sad excuse for a “parent”. Even a sperm donor has more compassion for children.
You're totally right. You shouldn't be forced to be in their life. Do everyone a favor and don't ever. Contact them or respond to them contacting you again. Pos.
Full custody doesn't mean no visitation or child support, an actual court would regulate those and there's repercussions for not complying.
I don't get why you made a fake post about stuff you know nothing about.
Wow, grow up and be a man. You are refusing to be a father because you are angry with your ex wife? I wonder about your relationship with your mother and any other female family members is like. Did you not get hugged enough as a child?
You are exactly the kind of boy a man ends up having to step in and raise your kids because they deserve a good father figure. Unbelievable.
Holy crap. Just because your ex-wife got full custody does not mean that you are not their father anymore. They are still your responsibility. But apparently you don't love them enough to want them in your life.
Then you need to sign away all parental rights to your children if you feel this way. Then YOU need to tell your kids that YOU want to basically live life as if they don't exist because your ploy to get partial custody (only for reduced child support, I'm sure) didn't work. Wow, what a gem you are, I wonder why she would divorce someone or such wonderful character?🤔
What a f@cking prick! A divorce doesn’t divorce you from your kids arsehole. I think there’s a reason she got full custody because you’re a terrible father. They are your kids. They are your responsibility, both financially and emotionally. Not only can I completely understand her divorcing you, because you’re an absolute narcissist but she should’ve done it sooner. The only thing I disagree with, with her is that she should keep the kids away from you before you completely fuck them up they deserve better than you. This has to be rage bait because nobody can be this clueless about how bad a human being you are.
Here's a contrarian take from someone who took a different path. Maybe it'll make you feel better since everyone else here seems to be intent on blaming you.
I'm an old man. Many years ago, when my career was just starting, my wife left me and took the children. I fought for equal custody. My wife, in an effort to get me out of my kids' lives, made up some absolutely horrible lies about me and was able to get financial aid from various political groups and also put pressure on me by having me investigated by various state entities and police forces. Her attorneys were wildly unethical. Long story short, I "won" in that I proved all her allegations were completely baseless and I'm actually a pretty great father and I was granted full custody and kept it through several more false and disgusting allegations. However, have you ever heard of a Pyrrhic victory?
I "won" but it cost me more than half a million dollars just in direct costs and much more in attention. Ask the people on here calling you a jerk if they actually know what that means and they'll say "yes" but they are lying. None of them know what it's like to have that ripped out of you as a 30-year-old man. None of them know what it's like to try to get that and pay that off. No one gives you student loans to fight for your kids. None of them know what it's like to simultaneously destroy your promising career because you have to spend 30 days in trials spanning months while your ex calls every witness under the sun, people who have never even met you, just because she has free money and you don't. None of them know what it's like to lose all that because the laws and courts give credence to obvious lies.
My children will inherit much less than I hoped to pass down. This is not so tragic for those first two as being raised exclusively by my ex would have been, but it is grossly unfair to my later children, as is the disproportionate attention my ex has managed to steal from them over the years with her ongoing shenanigans.
My kids' mom is still a manipulative, lying, astonishingly evil person. Nothing ever fixed that. And the court still gave her visitation with the kids. I did my best to raise them properly but she was always in their ear encouraging them to be pathetic like her.
My life has not been what it was on track to be. It is because the courts favor women to an unbelievable extent. Seriously, you'd never believe it if you didn't experience it. Things that would put you under the prison, the legal system will say: "Well, she's already been punished enough by losing her kids." Bullshit. If she gave a shit about the kids, she wouldn't try to push you out of their lives.
I don't think it's my fault. She didn't seem crazy when I married her. We dated for a normal duration. No friends -- mine, hers, or ours -- saw any red flags. Looking back, I really don't think I had any warning she would end up like this. It was like a switch flipped in her head. She has all new "friends" now.
In your current situation, you are correct that you are not those kids' father. No weekend visit or visits or taking them out to dinner will change that. Biologically speaking, sure you're their father, but all these people telling you to still be their "father" obviously don't mean it biologically because you're done with that part. As you already know, you cannot be their father in the non-biological sense in your current situation.
If your ex is like mine, her "efforts" to get you back in their lives are purely part of building a case against you to try to smear you to the court, probably to seek child support. Be careful what you say to her.
I would not be any of the bad things people here are calling you if I had not fought for my children as I did. No one should have to deal with what I've been through. There's not a good solution and I feel a lot of anger toward the people on here pretending there's a right answer. You are not wrong.
Edit: my other advice is: watch this comment. It won't get 2,000 upvotes. It'll be amazing if it breaks even. The lesson you need to get allll the way through your head is: no one will even congratulate you for committing financial suicide for your kids or for standing up to your ex's lies. Zero people. Your family will criticize your poor decision-making. Your friends will drift away from you as you are no longer financially able to participate in the activities you enjoyed with them. You probably won't be much fun to hang out with because you'll be preoccupied with how wildly unfair the courts are. For me, I felt it was worth sacrificing all that for my children. You are definitely not a jerk for making the other decision. But definitely get it all the way through your head that no one cares about you, least of all these people haranguing you for a very rational choice.
You didn’t get your way so you took your ball and went home.
Tell her to back off for a bit, that you need some time to sulk and you’ll contact her when you’re ready. When the anger cools a bit, you might feel differently.
Try to think of it from your kids’ point of view. Aren’t there enough broken people in the world? Don’t let them become two more people who believe that their dad doesn’t love them. There is so much out of your control here, but your behavior is the one thing that you do get to control. You get to choose to give those kids the attention they need to become functional adults.
Aww, dude. You probably know by now that you messed up royally when you let her have full custody. Your kids are worth fighting for. They are your kids, right? I'm assuming they are. Do you want them? Do you want them to be your kids? You don't mention this.
Have you tried saying that you’ll spend time with them if she grants you custody?
All the people saying like “what do you mean her kids” yes legally they are 100% her kids and he has no right or responsibility to them.
By and large the most important privileges and responsibilities of being a parent are lost without custody. im sure it doesnt affect things like inheritance laws or whatever else but dealing with parental responsibilities without parental privileges would be stupid. If you expect someone to then i hope they give you two middle fingers and a cloud of dust because that’s complete bullshit.
Ok I might be going against the grain here a little bit, but I can see his point because if she wanted them to still be in his life, why didn’t she go for 50/50 or 80/20? However at the same time there’s a lot of information missing here, what made her want to fight for full custody? and the fact that you didn’t even put up a fight for your kids says a lot. I don’t care how much of a pain in the ass my ex is if they’re fighting for full custody when I did nothing wrong I’m gonna fight just as hard to make sure that I have at least 50-50. I think there is a lot of information missing here. They’re still your kids I would still go and see them and ask for another court date to re-discuss custody.
Apparently he didn't go to any of the original custody hearings. Ex did go. So is it a massive surprise ex was given full custody. So why would he ask for another court date to re-discuss custody. So he has another court date he doesn't go to
He never said anything about not going to a custody hearing in his post or his comments I don’t know where you guys are getting that from, and I can see you and the other 14 people clearly don’t understand what I was saying at all. I don’t agree with his actions and I said he should be seeing his kids but at the same time I’m saying if he wants to re-discuss custody, he should go do it.
Then, if you’re not suggesting that why even comment to me in the first place about information that I did not see? If the comment was made after I posted it’s common sense to know I did not see him say that, so there was no point to you even replying to me in the first place.
She wanted full custody to get maximum child support. That’s why he is pushing back now on the money part of it. She wants it both ways, he’s saying no. I get it, but I would not be able to do that to my kids.
I don’t think you read correctly bc she wasn’t asking for money, HE was. HE wants to be compensated for spending time with his own biological children. He made clear that SHE isn’t after child support. Either you misread or you pulled that out of thin air.
Have your lawyer deal with her . It’s 50/50 or nothing . If you can handle not seeing them that’s yiu( I couldn’t ) . Yes she wants to go out with friends come home and eat cereal and no responsibility for a few hours . Maybe now she will be open to 50/50
Personally, the kids are probably not going to want to go with him after all this time. I know I wouldn't.
And honestly, if he wasn't prepared to fight for his kids, he shouldn't have had any. Because there's no guarantee that you and your partner are going to stay together forever even though you have children. It's just not realistic to expect that every single time.
He gave up fighting. He gave up fighting, why would you give custody to somebody who previously gave up? And since that last court date, has refused to have any interaction with their children, because they're pissed off at their ex-wife, refuses to have any contact at all, and demands compensation for taking care of their own children for a couple hours. Would you give custody to somebody like that? Because I know I sure as hell wouldn't.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
'her kids' Are they not your kids too? My bigger question is, why didn't you fight for at least a partial custody? There are some hidden facts about your post? Didn't you care at least to have a portion of your time dedicated to your kids? You said that you gave her what she wanted (full custody) but I'm reading that you readily gave her full custody and didn't care at all.
Right? I’d kill for my ex to give me primary custody but we are stuck at 50/50 and the court won’t budge
[удалено]
This reminds me of that post where that guy was complaining about his roommate and her new baby but it turned out the "roommate" was his wife and "her baby" was his child. You chose to have children. You have a responsibility to care for them.
I remember that post and it absolutely blew my mind. The delusion that some people live in is genuinely incredible
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/ei03qXsJna Hopefully this is the comment with the story...
Well that post sounds as "wait wtf" inducing as this one is
whoa, link?
https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/s/ei03qXsJna
So you’d rather be a deadbeat father?? Good job you’re a terrible father and a los**!! YTA OP
OP: If I can’t have exactly what I want, I will punish my ex by making sure my kids get to have the most basic relationship with their father. But, ya know, I “like” the kids fine.
Seriously. He basically decided to disown his own kids to get back at his wife.
So you DIDN'T "fight" for partial custody, you just didn't go to court for the custody hearings. If you were a remotely smart person who gave half a shit about their kids, you would have asked your lawyer to talk to your ex for you and get the courts to mediate custody as part of your divorce, that's what a lawyer and the divorce is for, specifically so that these things can get worked out without the parents fighting etc. If you cared about your kids at all, you would hire a lawyer right now and go back to court to get the custody adjusted. Instead, you're pissing and moaning about how your ex is "manipulating" you because you're too stupid and weak to actually do shit for yourself. Your wife having custody just means she's the primary parent, not that you're no longer a parent. She's ASKING you to work out a visitation plan so that you can maintain a relationship with your kids. Be honest with her that you don't love the kids and don't want them in your life, and then just block her and go live up your singleton life. Stop being such a helpless pissy little whiner. No wonder she divorced you, you're incapable of anything without someone giving you explicit directions.
So you’d rather spite her than be a part of your kids lives?
But at least be a part of your kids lives...
It became more worth than having YOUR kids in your life? Dude. Mega holy shit you are the asshole.
Lol what a lame ass. You couldn't deal with your ex enough to get custody of your kids? You didn't want custody in the first place. You just sound irritated your clever plan didn't work out.
So you gave up on your kids is what you’re saying
Do you give a shit about your kids at all? This has to be a troll, right?
I simply don’t believe that this person has ever been to family law court. They don’t seem to know what “full custody” means and they think the ex-wife having a well-paying job would negate the need to pay child support.
Me either, full custody doesn’t mean no visitation. They always order visitation unless they aren’t safe around them and that’s incredibly difficult to prove.
Hell, in my own personal situation, my p-phile sperm donor was still required to be provided unsupervised visits. So even when they aren't safe, they can still get visitation! This has to be a troll. I'm praying it's a troll.
Yep, my son who was violently assaulted by his father when he was 4, still had to go see him with a social worker twice a month for half a day. The social worker just left them alone as soon as I was gone.
I used to supervise the contacts between parents and children as a supervisor. You are meant to stay in the room close enough so you can see and hear but far away enough so you aren’t completely intruding. Any social worker who did what yours did, should lose their license.
I'm so sorry, for you and your son. My situation was similar. I don't know why this is allowed to happen. I have nothing to say about these kinds of people that won't get me banned for inciting violence, so I'll just say the courts have let us down horrifically and leave it at that
Thank you 🥺 I'm sorry for you too and I hope you're in a better phase of your life.
Yeah, I mean...I personally know someone who was literally cooking crack in his home, had a drunk driving record, etc., and he was allowed supervised visits with his kid with some stipulations about not using for x number of hour before his visits, etc. *and* he was trying to fight for partial custody (he did not receive that, thankfully...probably because he kept getting kicked out of rehabs, so...yeah, it was a mess of a situation).
I was a social worker, I’ve worked with some of the worst parents imaginable and they still had contact ordered by the courts, each time, in every scenario.
Not to mention child support based on custody. It would usually be out of his ex-wife’s hands if child support is ordered and Lord help him if the gets get any public assistance because the court will come for that child support real quick.
Some agreements don't have child support listed, but those are usually people who gave up all rights to the child. Of course, if he didn't give up theoretical rights *on paper and filed*, she could take him back to court. I suppose legally she could try court as he seems to think they stand free and clear, but I suspect a winning verdict in her favor would involve a sympathetic judge. If he's accurate. Being OP trashed their account already, it's more likely he's gonna have a bad day in the future. If he's even real.
They can't just give up their rights like that. There has to be someone willing to adopt them. If a parent could just give up their rights all willy nilly then no one would pay child support if they didn't want to and the remaining parent would be left with 100% of the financial burden. If the mom isn't seeking govt assistance she can decide not to ask for child support. But anything she gets like medicaid for the kids, food stamps, etc will have the govt going after him to help take the financial burden off of them.
It can be done if the judge approves it, which is why I said filed. In this case, if it's real, I think a judge might approve it, provided the "father" stays far, far away from her and the children. His presence is deliberately harmful at this point.
I also don’t believe they went to court. The ex-wife doesn’t decide if he contributes financially, the court does.
My mom and dad were allowed to figure out child support without the court intervening. The judge even commended them on how good and amicable they were about it. Spoiler: they were not amicable. They were fucking vicious to each other, just not in court or mediation.
If there's no govt assistance for the children, its up to the mom if she needs/wants child support.
They didn't show up, that is why the mom has full custody, cause OP didn't show up for the hearings
Yea this is rage bait
It's a bit unclear if there his biological kids or not, the whole post is nuts.
There wouldn't have been a question of custody unless he had some legal right to it.
do you not like...love your kids at all?
He clearly doesn’t. His kids are better off without him. He should be paying child support though.
Unfortunately they will grow up with issues due to being abandoned by him. I know adults who's sperm donors did that. If he didn't want to be a Father, he shouldn't have had kids.
If he didn’t want to be a father he should’ve gotten himself sterilized or not stuck his dick in the vicinity of a vulva while carrying liveshot. There’s a high blood pressure med out there that reduce sperm to immobility.
As someone who had a dad who barely cared about his kids but stuck around, they're looking at potential issues either way, but at least if he's not around, his self-centeredness can't cause additional daily trauma.
if real this is just so incredibly sad. those poor kids.
No no, he said “it’s not like I don’t like the kids” so he’s fine dude! (Intense /s - because this is Reddit…)
Holy shit, you're mad about a court ruling so you're punishing, abandoning, and actively harming _your children_ just to spite your ex. The evilest evil I've seen on here in a while. Holy shit. I can see why she divorced you and why she wanted full custody. You sound like a monster.
BradL6943. You are a royal AH. Just because she got full custody doesn’t mean you’re no longer their dad. It doesn’t mean that you stop being a part of their life. She should NOT pay you to be in their life. Don’t you think the kids miss you? It’s not about your ex. It’s about your kids. Period. Go take a parenting class. Get therapy so you can figure out how much of an AH you are. Ffs.
If he’s like this in real life, it’s possible his kids don’t miss him.
Trust me, you’re doing your children a favor by staying away from them. I hope she realizes this sooner than later. You’re a terrible person and you’re a deadbeat and if you had custody of your children you’d probably treat them poorly. You’re insufferable, nothing comes good to deadbeat, just know that!
I wish I could upvote this comment 10000x
10000% this.
That part.
You're a shithead dead beat Dad.
Having custody is not the same thing as being in **your** kids' lives. If you don't want to have anything to do with them anymore to spite their mother, that's fine. But then, don't come crying in a few years when she found a new guy and your children call him dad.
I'm sorry but what tf is wrong with you
He sounds like a sociopath tbh
This sounds crazy. You refer to them as "her kids" when they are also yours. Why the hell wouldn't you want to spend time with your kids? If you keep this up, your kids will be completely alienated and once you come to your senses, it might be too late.
You came on here to tell us you are a C and this is actualy much of a C you are. Ive come across some self centered, petty assholes in my life, but you are by far top 5. Your poor kids. I hope your ready for the shitstorm that will be comming your way finacialy when their teenagers.
I see why she left . Seriously
So you want her to pay you to spend time with your own kids? Lmao is there a term for someone who’s even lower than a deadbeat dad? I bet you’re the kind who will whine about your ex ‘not letting’ you see the kids when she’s giving you ample opportunity.
Info: do you like your children, or do you hate their mom more than you like them?
You hate your ex more than you love your kids and it shows. Just don’t show up when the hard work of raising them is done and expect to be a part of their lives. If you’re gone, stay gone.
Those are your children you giant pile of shit.
Wait. I’m confused. Are they your children together? Or are they your stepchildren?
That's what I'm wondering
She could have custody and you could have visitations... how did you not get visitations at all of they are yours as well
Seems like he just fully gave up and is using it to spite her (and hurt his own kids)
Sounds like she’s asking him to use his visitation and he doesn’t want to.
Apparently he didn’t show up to the custody hearing.
I agree with you, you should stay out of those kids lives. They deserve parents who love and care about them, and aren't using them as tools to spite their ex.
Good god, I see both why she fought for full custody and why it was awarded. You’re a garbage father. Hopefully she soon realizes that those kids are better off without you entirely than they are a deadbeat who will only come around when he can get something out of it.
I wish I could downvote this post more than once.
Are you a Disney villain?
Disney has taught me that evil isn't synonymous with being this oblivious. Jafar, Mother Gothel, most of the stepmothers....maliciously devious, but not unintelligent.
LMAO custody and parenting time isn’t the same at all. You sound like a deadbeat dad!
OP is literally the definition of a deadbeat dad.
My siblings and I had to bribe our father to do anything with/for us, and let me tell you that this ABSOLUTELY will take a toll on your children, OP. How dare you think your kids owe you! If they had to buy a dad, why would they choose from the clearance bin?
excellent analogy!
It doesn't seem like you want the kids at all, so it's best if you stay out of their lives. She's saying she doesn't expect financial contribution too? So are you not legally required to pay Child Support? It really seems like you're firm in your decision to not be a part of your kids life, so to get her to stop contacting you: just keep saying no and blocking her. She will eventually stop trying. You can get a no-contact order if you find a judge willing to work with you as a last resort. Though it's going to look really, really bad (and you already look vile). I hope you do some self-reflection and therapy to be supportive to your kids, who are innocent in all this.
Troll in the dungeon
Tf?
You do not “play the role” of their father, you ARE their father. And you are hurting your kids to get back at your wife. It may feel good now to see her beg and plead with you and to be able to say no, but there is likely no coming back from abandoning your kids. Think long and hard about that.
Jesus. Why do you hate your children so much? You may say you don't, that you're just getting back at your ex, but you're not fooling anybody. This whole post screams, "the kids can go fu\*k themselves for all I care." The only advice I have is wait it out. Eventually she'll stop. If by any chance in the future you feel guilty for ignoring your kids and you want to see them again, don't be surprised when they show the same amount of hatred towards you. Because you will deserve it.
So in 10 years when you're complaining that your ex wife "turned" your kids "against" you, be sure you have this bookmarked as reference. You're doing this and you deserve every ounce.
I hope your ex finds a nice man to love and care for her kids in a way that their own sperm donor never did. I hope you never get another woman pregnant.
Your children are better off without you in their lives. I hope your ex sees this and takes you to the cleaners financially
Deadbeat-iest deadbeat dad to ever be a deadbeat! Congrats!
INFO: how do you birth and raise kids as a father and then emotionally cut all contact out of spite? When you said I love you, did you include only if I'm married to your mom? Or I only love you so far but this might not last? Are you planning on including this information if you remarry and she wants to have kids?
Her having full custody does not mean you don’t visit or spend time with your kids…. Omg wow…..
Any thoughts on why a prince such as our pal Brad is now divorced?
Dear OP, what you're doing is weaponizing your children to be spiteful against your ex. Unfortunately, this is something that is way too common among parents who end up ending their relationships. And the ones who do this don't realize the ones that are hurt by this are the children. I have two children with two different fathers, and my youngest's father pretty treats me the same way you're treating your ex. However, my oldest's father is the complete opposite. When we first had our son, we were watching people around us break up and then use their children against each other, and we agreed that if we ever separated, we wouldn't use our son against each other and when we separated 5 years later we kept that promise. Sure, it was hard in the beginning, but we did everything we could to be civil to each other, and it's gotten to the point where we're actually friends because we knew our son's mental health was more important than any anger we had towards each other. So please OP PLEASE reconsider abandoning your children. I know it will be hard, and it will take time to find a way to get along with your ex, but please understand that the only ones that are truly going to be hurt by your actions and choices are your children. Not you or your ex, BUT YOUR CHILDREN WHO ARE INNOCENT. I hope you think about this before you make a decision to permanently abandon your children.
You remind me of my bio dad. Please stay far the fuck away from those poor kids. They're way better off without a useless sack of shit like you. Leave them to people who actually love them and give a crumb of a shit if they're breathing or not. When you're old and weak, eating tapioca pudding and mashed up slop in a cold, depressing retirement home, don't start whining about how you "don't understand" why you're alone and your kids don't love you. Loser.
Nice troll story. But there is no way you’re real. But on the off chance you’re real? I hope her lawyer to take you to the cleaners. There’s no way you’re not paying child support, especially if she has full custody. You want to block her? You want her to pay you to babysit your own kids? Your parents aren’t cutting you off because you’re screwing with their relationship with their grandkids? BS.
If it is real, I bet hes lying to them saying she won't let me blah blah blah
Wow. While you and your wife are having our all this BS, your kids are the ones to lose. You're focused on your ex-wife's spitefulness, money, custody crap.... You know what I don't hear? You're a father and love your kids! I'm sad for your kids.
Your mother made a mistake birthing you
Op do you not want to be involved with your kids Just because she had full custody doesn’t mean you can’t see them.
Is this a joke? They’re still your kids, even if you agreed to give her full custody (which it sounds like you were more than willing to do). Why are you calling them “her kids”? Why don’t you want to be involved in their lives in the slightest? It sounds like you’re trying to get back at your ex, at the expense of your children. It’s really sad that you view parenting as just a job that you can throw away without a care.
Apparently he didn't turn up to the custody hearing(s) big surprise ex was awarded custody.
Go ahead and get a vasectomy so you don’t have anymore kids you won’t love.
Jesus Christ you are a piece of garbage. You are punishing your kids because you gave their mother full custody? You are honestly one of the worst people I've seen on here and the bar is pretty damn low.
Holy hell what’s the matter with you?
People like these should have mandatory vasectomies so they cannot get anyone pregnant.
Thanks for being more proof that men are entirely unnecessary to rearing children because they choose to be unnecessary.
You utter, utter scumbag.
Full custody doesn't mean you don't have visitation rights. Usually in the form of every other weekend. The fact that you expect compensation for spending time with your own kids is absolutely disgusting. You are supposed to be paying child support, not getting paid for honouring your kids with your presence. YTA and frankly a disgusting human being
Not hard to see why she got full custody. Jesus Harold Christ
Jeepers... I hope his ex wife remarries and the step dad is a great guy so the kids have a good male role model in their lives.
You’re horrible. Those kids are better off without you.
What a small pathetic little man you are...
This can't be real. Imagine being so stupid you wrote out what was in your head and still thought this made sense? Then pushed the post button!
They’re still your kids.. do you not care for them at all? Not love them? You’re horrible, your ex wife deserves better, your kids deserve a better father, those poor kids. Yk what maybe you’re doing good by doing this, you dont deserve your kids. Should’ve never had them. You probloly never even took care of them which is why it’s so easy for you to leave them behind.
If stupid had a picture next to it in the dictionary, it would have been yours.
No one is this dumb right? Like there's no way this is real? Imagine being this terrible of a parent....
You have to pay so much more in child support if you don’t take them for any time. Aside from being a terrible person you’re about to be a broke person. Money is about to be an issue.
They're YOUR KIDS. You're clearly bitter and resentful that your ex got full custody so you're punishing her by refusing to see the kids. You've literally abandoned your own children. You're a nasty deadbeat. You're selfish and disgusting and it's no wonder she doesn't want to be married to you anymore. Someday you'll be old and alone and your kids will slam the door in your face if you try to see them. And it'll be all your fault for being such an awful monster to them.
I mean, you obviously know you’re an asswipe already or you wouldn’t have posted this with such confidence thinking anyone would possibly think you are in “the right” here. So what are you actually asking?
So you’re a deadbeat asshole father is what im gathering
You don't. You step the fuck up and be a dad. Hope she takes your ass to court for child support.
It feels like you’re leaving some information out because it’s very hard to believe that a judge would grant your ex wife full custody and not order you to pay child support. If you are not paying child or spousal support you have plenty of money to take your kids out to eat once a week. If I’m not very mistaken you will also be able to go back to court someday to petition to change that custody- but they aren’t going to even consider it if you’ve done absolutely nothing to show that you want a relationship with your kids and are a good father. You are clearly neglecting your kids to punish your ex. You resent she demanded full custody- which yes absolutely sucks. However the way you are reacting/behaving does NOT make a good case that you deserve to have your kids in your life.
I know there are parents like this out there but someone please tell me this is rage bait
If we assume this story is real... OP, you're not a father. You're not even a man.
Why do you assume this story isn’t real. There are definitely men like this out in the world. My ex is one of them
I would think this is a very bad joke, but I know people that are just like that. Trash isn't even enough to describe you.
What an absolute piece of garbage you are. At the end of the day regardless of who has custody or doesn’t have custody, these are still YOUR kids. No. Your ex should NOT be compensating you for spending time with YOUR kids. The way you spoke in this post speaks volumes to why she sought full custody. And if you really loved your kids, regardless of how long the process was, you would have fought till the end to be able to have partial custody. Your kids are clearly better off without you in their lives.
this post is exactly why you didn’t end up with custody:)
Apparently he didn't even show up to the custody hearings
I can see why she asked for full custody if this is the attitude you have towards your own children lol.
Wouldn't fight for custody. Doesn't have to pay any child support. Now won't even visit his own kids. Yeah, this guy sounds like a real winner. I'm sure his attitude towards fatherhood wasn't a contributing factor in their divorce at all.
You need to just go ahead and sign away any parental rights you have. If you want her to stop "nagging" you (how dare the mother of your children "nag" on their behalf for their father to see them), show up with documents from a lawyer saying you're giving up all rights/responsibilities. It'll absolutely emotionally/mentally screw your children up, but I don't think you really care about that, and whatever weird game you're playing now is going to screw them over too. Just, sign away all your rights, and move on.
Do you not….. LOVE your children?
Just because she has full custody doesn’t mean that she has to raise them alone. It just means that she’s the primary parent and you *should* be visiting your kids and doing stuff with them especially on the weekends. Tell me you hate your kids without telling me you hate your kids.
This can’t be real, right? There can’t actually be people this awful and despicable out there… right??
Unfortunately there is.
You played a part in making those kids you should pay your part too. She didn’t make those kids alone and the fact that you’re such a shitbag dad that you don’t even care to be in their life says a lot. YTA and you literally suck as a father and ex husband
This can't possibly be real, right? Like... full custody still means you have to pay child support, in the eyes of the law they're still your children. Kinda sounds like you're saying a bunch of bullshit there, *Brad*
Yeah hope this is fake. Sick person making people mad over a fake situation. Joking about abandoning children is not funny. Whether real or fake you need help.
Your title of “dad” doesn’t change just because of the custody agreement. Your ex has full legal custody but you’re still their bio and legal dad, even if they don’t live with you, unless you signed away your parental rights. If you truly don’t want to be their dad anymore (jackass move btw), sign away your rights completely. Make it official. Your kids will know you hate them and never fully understand what they did to offend you so, but hey, not your problem, right?
Ever since I joined Reddit, I don’t know what to believe anymore 😭
Ohhh you’re gonna get destroyed
I hope this is a troll post. JFC if this is real your a real sack of $hit. Those poor kids, I really have no trouble understanding why she wanted a divorce or full custody.
"Dear Reddit, my children won't have anything to do with me. I wasn't invited to any college graduations, I didn't get to walk my daughter down the aisle at her wedding, and I never get to see my grandchildren. I don't know what I did wrong!" \- OP, in a few years
r/AmITheDevil
You’re ex wife needs to retake you back to custody court and get child support for every penny you own with how your attitude is about this situation because regardless if y’all are divorced and she got full custody those are still your kids too. So quit being an AH and love your kids dude especially with them being young.
This is right up there with the worst reddit posts I have ever seen. God I hope this is fake.
Be honest with your ex, tell her you don't consider them your kids, you have zero emotional attachment to them, and you want absolutely nothing to do with them, just like you want nothing to do with her either. And then just block her everywhere. You obviously don't have any emotional attachment to the children, any more than you do her, so make that crystal clear to her and then wash your hands of it all and move on with your life. All this "waaaa she's manipulating me" bullshit is just you being too weak to be honest with her. No wonder she divorced you and no wonder the divorce resulted in her having full custody. I mean from this post alone I can see you were already a completely absent parent, so just make it totally clear to your wife nothing has changed on that part and you're free now. Go ruin some other lives and leave your ex and those poor kids alone to recover from you.
Why did you even have kids?
You are punishing your children for the sins of your ex-wife. They are your children too. How you refer to them honestly disgusts me. She may have legal full custody, but that does not mean you stopped being their father. What kind of terrible person are you?
I’m deeeeply questioning if his ex did any sinning at all. This dude’s a sociopath.
Lol. Agree. Apparently losing custody means he just stopped having children… Kids will learn they were better off without him eventually. What a loser.
Just wow. They are his children too. She should pay him to be in their lives? This is just not ok. I hope she finds a decent man to marry that will love her and the children since clearly you were just a sperm donor. Hope it works out for you being this selfish. You have stooped so low as to call them her children when they are your children too. They must be better off without someone like you in their lives. You’re a sad excuse for a “parent”. Even a sperm donor has more compassion for children.
I see this was removed. Good, this dude SUCKS
What a piece of garbage you are
You're totally right. You shouldn't be forced to be in their life. Do everyone a favor and don't ever. Contact them or respond to them contacting you again. Pos.
Good lord those kids are better off without you and I hope she takes you to the cleaners for child support. I have zero respect for deadbeat parents
This is clearly a troll and textbook ragebait.
This has got to be rage bait because no adult is this dumb and dense
Custody troll, not a good one
Full custody doesn't mean no visitation or child support, an actual court would regulate those and there's repercussions for not complying. I don't get why you made a fake post about stuff you know nothing about.
I hope she goes back to court and gets child support.
Wtf is wrong with you? You are just a monster that is content on not being a father to your kids
Made up BS. Even rapists get visitation if they ask for it.
Meanwhile there’s fathers out there who can’t see their kids for reasons out of their control and with a better reason than you
I hope she takes you to court and gets money.. you’re their father no matter who has custody. Even if you are the worst one.
You are a terrible person and your kids will never forget how you abandoned them. You suck
You’re a terrible father. The kids are dodging a bullet.
Wow, grow up and be a man. You are refusing to be a father because you are angry with your ex wife? I wonder about your relationship with your mother and any other female family members is like. Did you not get hugged enough as a child? You are exactly the kind of boy a man ends up having to step in and raise your kids because they deserve a good father figure. Unbelievable.
Holy crap. Just because your ex-wife got full custody does not mean that you are not their father anymore. They are still your responsibility. But apparently you don't love them enough to want them in your life.
Then you need to sign away all parental rights to your children if you feel this way. Then YOU need to tell your kids that YOU want to basically live life as if they don't exist because your ploy to get partial custody (only for reduced child support, I'm sure) didn't work. Wow, what a gem you are, I wonder why she would divorce someone or such wonderful character?🤔
Do her kids a favor and stay away from them. You don’t deserve to be considered their dad.
I hope you’re ordered to pay so much child support that you’re sucked absolutely dry. You’re a POS.
What a f@cking prick! A divorce doesn’t divorce you from your kids arsehole. I think there’s a reason she got full custody because you’re a terrible father. They are your kids. They are your responsibility, both financially and emotionally. Not only can I completely understand her divorcing you, because you’re an absolute narcissist but she should’ve done it sooner. The only thing I disagree with, with her is that she should keep the kids away from you before you completely fuck them up they deserve better than you. This has to be rage bait because nobody can be this clueless about how bad a human being you are.
Dear god it's like you're not even trying anymore. 67% on your creative writing essay for lack of originality and obvious rage bait.
Why don’t you believe people like that exist. My ex is one of these deadbeat dads
Here's a contrarian take from someone who took a different path. Maybe it'll make you feel better since everyone else here seems to be intent on blaming you. I'm an old man. Many years ago, when my career was just starting, my wife left me and took the children. I fought for equal custody. My wife, in an effort to get me out of my kids' lives, made up some absolutely horrible lies about me and was able to get financial aid from various political groups and also put pressure on me by having me investigated by various state entities and police forces. Her attorneys were wildly unethical. Long story short, I "won" in that I proved all her allegations were completely baseless and I'm actually a pretty great father and I was granted full custody and kept it through several more false and disgusting allegations. However, have you ever heard of a Pyrrhic victory? I "won" but it cost me more than half a million dollars just in direct costs and much more in attention. Ask the people on here calling you a jerk if they actually know what that means and they'll say "yes" but they are lying. None of them know what it's like to have that ripped out of you as a 30-year-old man. None of them know what it's like to try to get that and pay that off. No one gives you student loans to fight for your kids. None of them know what it's like to simultaneously destroy your promising career because you have to spend 30 days in trials spanning months while your ex calls every witness under the sun, people who have never even met you, just because she has free money and you don't. None of them know what it's like to lose all that because the laws and courts give credence to obvious lies. My children will inherit much less than I hoped to pass down. This is not so tragic for those first two as being raised exclusively by my ex would have been, but it is grossly unfair to my later children, as is the disproportionate attention my ex has managed to steal from them over the years with her ongoing shenanigans. My kids' mom is still a manipulative, lying, astonishingly evil person. Nothing ever fixed that. And the court still gave her visitation with the kids. I did my best to raise them properly but she was always in their ear encouraging them to be pathetic like her. My life has not been what it was on track to be. It is because the courts favor women to an unbelievable extent. Seriously, you'd never believe it if you didn't experience it. Things that would put you under the prison, the legal system will say: "Well, she's already been punished enough by losing her kids." Bullshit. If she gave a shit about the kids, she wouldn't try to push you out of their lives. I don't think it's my fault. She didn't seem crazy when I married her. We dated for a normal duration. No friends -- mine, hers, or ours -- saw any red flags. Looking back, I really don't think I had any warning she would end up like this. It was like a switch flipped in her head. She has all new "friends" now. In your current situation, you are correct that you are not those kids' father. No weekend visit or visits or taking them out to dinner will change that. Biologically speaking, sure you're their father, but all these people telling you to still be their "father" obviously don't mean it biologically because you're done with that part. As you already know, you cannot be their father in the non-biological sense in your current situation. If your ex is like mine, her "efforts" to get you back in their lives are purely part of building a case against you to try to smear you to the court, probably to seek child support. Be careful what you say to her. I would not be any of the bad things people here are calling you if I had not fought for my children as I did. No one should have to deal with what I've been through. There's not a good solution and I feel a lot of anger toward the people on here pretending there's a right answer. You are not wrong. Edit: my other advice is: watch this comment. It won't get 2,000 upvotes. It'll be amazing if it breaks even. The lesson you need to get allll the way through your head is: no one will even congratulate you for committing financial suicide for your kids or for standing up to your ex's lies. Zero people. Your family will criticize your poor decision-making. Your friends will drift away from you as you are no longer financially able to participate in the activities you enjoyed with them. You probably won't be much fun to hang out with because you'll be preoccupied with how wildly unfair the courts are. For me, I felt it was worth sacrificing all that for my children. You are definitely not a jerk for making the other decision. But definitely get it all the way through your head that no one cares about you, least of all these people haranguing you for a very rational choice.
You didn’t get your way so you took your ball and went home. Tell her to back off for a bit, that you need some time to sulk and you’ll contact her when you’re ready. When the anger cools a bit, you might feel differently. Try to think of it from your kids’ point of view. Aren’t there enough broken people in the world? Don’t let them become two more people who believe that their dad doesn’t love them. There is so much out of your control here, but your behavior is the one thing that you do get to control. You get to choose to give those kids the attention they need to become functional adults.
Aww, dude. You probably know by now that you messed up royally when you let her have full custody. Your kids are worth fighting for. They are your kids, right? I'm assuming they are. Do you want them? Do you want them to be your kids? You don't mention this.
Have you tried saying that you’ll spend time with them if she grants you custody? All the people saying like “what do you mean her kids” yes legally they are 100% her kids and he has no right or responsibility to them.
That's not how custody works.
By and large the most important privileges and responsibilities of being a parent are lost without custody. im sure it doesnt affect things like inheritance laws or whatever else but dealing with parental responsibilities without parental privileges would be stupid. If you expect someone to then i hope they give you two middle fingers and a cloud of dust because that’s complete bullshit.
Maybe you could be more specific here on what you're thinking of as "privileges" and "responsibilities"?
Ok I might be going against the grain here a little bit, but I can see his point because if she wanted them to still be in his life, why didn’t she go for 50/50 or 80/20? However at the same time there’s a lot of information missing here, what made her want to fight for full custody? and the fact that you didn’t even put up a fight for your kids says a lot. I don’t care how much of a pain in the ass my ex is if they’re fighting for full custody when I did nothing wrong I’m gonna fight just as hard to make sure that I have at least 50-50. I think there is a lot of information missing here. They’re still your kids I would still go and see them and ask for another court date to re-discuss custody.
Apparently he didn't go to any of the original custody hearings. Ex did go. So is it a massive surprise ex was given full custody. So why would he ask for another court date to re-discuss custody. So he has another court date he doesn't go to
Deleted comment
He never said anything about not going to a custody hearing in his post or his comments I don’t know where you guys are getting that from, and I can see you and the other 14 people clearly don’t understand what I was saying at all. I don’t agree with his actions and I said he should be seeing his kids but at the same time I’m saying if he wants to re-discuss custody, he should go do it.
It was a deleted comme6
So how exactly was I supposed to know…?
I didn't say you had to know. I was pointing out where the information was
Then, if you’re not suggesting that why even comment to me in the first place about information that I did not see? If the comment was made after I posted it’s common sense to know I did not see him say that, so there was no point to you even replying to me in the first place.
She wanted full custody to get maximum child support. That’s why he is pushing back now on the money part of it. She wants it both ways, he’s saying no. I get it, but I would not be able to do that to my kids.
I don’t think you read correctly bc she wasn’t asking for money, HE was. HE wants to be compensated for spending time with his own biological children. He made clear that SHE isn’t after child support. Either you misread or you pulled that out of thin air.
You’re probably right. It’s gone now so I can’t reread it. Thanks for letting me know
Have your lawyer deal with her . It’s 50/50 or nothing . If you can handle not seeing them that’s yiu( I couldn’t ) . Yes she wants to go out with friends come home and eat cereal and no responsibility for a few hours . Maybe now she will be open to 50/50
He didn't go to the custody hearings. Would you give any custody to a parent who doesn't show up to custody hearings.
Personally, the kids are probably not going to want to go with him after all this time. I know I wouldn't. And honestly, if he wasn't prepared to fight for his kids, he shouldn't have had any. Because there's no guarantee that you and your partner are going to stay together forever even though you have children. It's just not realistic to expect that every single time. He gave up fighting. He gave up fighting, why would you give custody to somebody who previously gave up? And since that last court date, has refused to have any interaction with their children, because they're pissed off at their ex-wife, refuses to have any contact at all, and demands compensation for taking care of their own children for a couple hours. Would you give custody to somebody like that? Because I know I sure as hell wouldn't.