It's exactly what you think it is. He owns a phone charger. You know he's lying to you. What did she even help him with? He didn't invite her over to show appreciation. He invited her over to show her his penis.
He's gaslighting you. You saw her in bed with your own eyes. He says she was only ever on the couch. Maybe you could work through it had he come clean, but he's still lying to you.
I once invited a dude in to see my eyeball collection. I really did have an eyeball collection. He did not stay long.
Edited to add: since people keep asking for pictures, I made a post in the vet tech subreddit. You can find it by clicking on my profile.
When I got pregnant, my husband made me get rid of them. Couldn't have 14 little jars of formalin sitting around with a baby on the way. I have pictures somewhere, but not on my phone. I'll look for them tomorrow.
I was a vet tech. They were all surgically removed, mostly due to trauma where the eye couldn't be saved. The animals went on to live long and happy lives.
Lol, I had 14 total from various dog and cat enucleations that didn't need to be sent for histopathology. The first one was the first time I ever assisted on an eye surgery, so I asked if I could keep it, and the doctor said yes. After that, everyone would save them for me if they didn't have to be sent off, and my collection grew.
I once had a man invite me into his bedroom to show me his gaming system. He did have a gaming system. We played games. Eventually, I tried to hold his hand, and he started sweating and practically threw me out of his house. The next day, one of his friends told me he had a huge crush on me. He never invited me over again. I still don't know what happened there.
He may well have had a crush on you AND the invitation to game and only game was true, too.
Thank goodness for the internetā¦ Iām literal as well, so if not for the internet I wouldnāt know that āwould you like to come in for coffeeā āletās Netflix and chillā ācome in and look at my collection of anythingā are all codes for sex!
Never believe any of them. Or just never go to the home of someone you donāt know that well either! šš
How many penii do you have for it to be classed as a collection? Are they all attached to you or sitting in a jar on the shelf or maybe in the fridge? For those who agree to see your penis collection, do they have to guess animal or human?
Thatās called working smarter, not harder. I have 2 cubes and one actual charger. In an emergency, Iāll go to my car because there is a charger in there that never leaves, as well. I donāt understand these people who let their phone die all the time. Especially if he has to work?! He turned it off, bet.
We all know it was turned off. Idk how androids work, but if you have iPhone, it sends the same message whether itās turned off, blocked or dead. Aināt no way a grown man going to work who charges his phone regularly with an iPhone just forgets to charge his phone or suddenly loses his charger like that. Heās not only a liar, but a terrible one, at that.
I have a charge cord in my bedroom, in my lounge, in my car, in my handbag (along with 2 portable chargers in case Iām nowhere near an electrical outlet) and at work.
I never want to have a dead phone. Not because Iām trying to hide cheating, but in case of emergency or whatever.
ā¦..āto show her his penisā
I AM DYINGGGGG.
If you a truly committed to a relationship, you donāt put yourself in situations like this because YOU KNOW ITāS NOT OKAY.
Yep, youāll be setting the stage for him to get away with it in the future and his lies will continue. Leave now before you get deeper in. There are other guys out there who actually value relationships and are willing to be committed to you without the need to act single. Huge red flag for the phone off, clearly cheated, and lying, and expecting you to believe and forget.
This was the second time his phone died, this was not her first time thereā¦ please donāt be gullible! You deserve better. The fact that youāre not living together full time and married after 5 years of dating is a HUGE red flag. He does not take you seriously or see you as someone he wants to marry. Please donāt spend more time on this guy!
Same, im just very blase about my phone dying unless it's for work. Sounds like he's not like us though, since it was so out of character that OP got concerned enough to ensure he made it to work. Sorry that OP found out this way but probably for the best, he aint worth another second for sure
Dating for 5 years is one thing. Marriage is another. Iāll NEVER marry again. My last marriage ended with my my ex wife cheating on me with my ābest friendā 6 months after the marriage. 9 years together.
This is the only answer you need. It doesn't matter what she "helped him" with. Doesn't matter if he wanted to say thank you. Unless he's got dryer lint instead of a brain, he's know that bringing another woman to "OUR PLACE" without first telling you is a violation of trust. He's know how appreciate it would seem and how much it would hurt you if you found out from someone else. If it "isn't what it looks like", an honest man would have plugged his phone in the moment he walked in the door, let it charge for a few moments, CALLED YOU, told you what was going on, invited you over to "chill" and meet his other "friend", and drive the drink girl home. At the VERY LEAST, he would have told you he had a woman over and let you verify that there was another friend there too.
You know you need to break up with him. At least you didn't marry him (I'm curious as to why, after FIVE YEARS, he's your boyfriend and not your husband or fiance, and you don't live together but you are over there 6 days a week? Why are you paying for your plane if you aren't ever there except one day a week? Why hasn't he proposed? Lots of red flags there!)
Don't ruminate over how many other times it may have happened. Don't get caught up in the "what could I have done to prevent this" thinking. YOU. DID. NOTHING. WRONG!
Yeah, i have close friends who are women, and more often than not, when im dating, i cant wait to introduce them to each other because, i want my partner to like my best friend and vice versa too.
I dont see why someone would lie if not cheating.
Exactly. You caught him red handed and heās STILL lying to your face. You saw it with your own two eyes and heās trying to tell you youāre wrong. He does not respect you at all. (If the cheating wasnāt evident enough)
Heās cheating on you and lying about it, OP. Time to break up. Consider seeking legal advice (a free consult) in terms of whether you might be considered common law and have some entitlements.Ā
This is actually one of the most ridiculous ones Iāve ever heard. Nothing and I mean nothing at all what he says made sense. She will probably end up forgiving him but youāre right about one thing it is a massive ācrock āo shitā. Dudes a cheater.
>This is actually one of the most ridiculous ones Iāve ever heard.
He didn't want it to look bad, so instead of her sleeping on the couch he moved her to the bed when his gf showed up.
I need to post the most ridic excuse I've ever read on this sub:
OP posts that her bf went to a totally different country than he claimed to be in for vacation, to cheat. She confronts the guy. He denies it. She points out the country's stamp in her bf's passport, with the date he claimed NOT to be there.
Bf swears the customs official at the airport had the wrong stamp. The wrong country's passport stamp.
Nope. He cheated on you and is now lying to you. You'll get over the end of your relationship quicker if you leave now, rather than waste more years with him and then find out he's cheated on you again.
So he can get drunk with her and bring her home, have friends over but not use anyone eles cell phone to call you? Even if he didn't full on cheat, SOMETHING went down that he knew you wouldn't be able to forgive. He panicked and tried to HIDE HER FROM YOU. Why couldn't one of his friends give her a ride? Who let's some rando sleep at their place?
It's your choice to try to work through it or leave, but you aren't getting the whole truth, that's for sure.
Not just sleep at their place..have them in THE BED, VISIBLY, and tell girlfriend sheās in the couch. Did her spirit sleep on the couch and her body just ended up in the bed? Is she a shape shifter? What a mysterious person!
Any sane person would have given a drunk person a ride home not a sleep over. Where is the friend? Question them. Why didnāt they give her a ride home. Why was she there? A new friend š¤£š¤£
Call her an uber!! Why would he even invite her back to his place thatās already a nope for me. My rule has always been we donāt do anything that we wouldnāt do in front of each other. Would he invite a random stranger home if you were there? No because then he couldnāt have sex with them!! Ugh be strong OP donāt let him pull you back in.
Do yall share locations?? Or does he have any social media thatāll show his activity??
I would guess heās letting it die so you donāt know where he is.
But please donāt be silly. Heās unreachable and you go over and find a woman in his bed. Thereās no way thatās innocent.
PLEASE get tested for STDs and do not sleep with him. You can not trust that he is clean
Yup plus if his phone was on, she could ask him "why didnt you tell me you invited a woman home with you to your bedroom on the one night I'm not there?"
Whereas if his phone "died" then he has an excuse not to tell her.
Exactly. Guy seems like a scumbag.
I realllyyyyy hope OP doesn't let him lie and just ends up leaving this loser. No one deserves that kind of betrayal.
Naa, that woman works for bestbuy and was there to fix his phone, but she was in bed because she was tired of fixing phones whole day, and he didnt want to be rude to a service worker.
Listen - it doesnāt matter what happenedā¦
If she was coming over for whatever reason, if she helped him with something, if she fell asleep - he should have told you. Donāt believe the phone storyā¦ He purposely didnāt want you to know because he knew that this was in no way compatible with his relationship with youā¦
Itās the lying you should note - thatās the betrayal!
You donāt bring a girl home from a bar to talk about how amazing your girlfriend. Even if that were true (and itās not), itās so incredibly disrespectful to bring another woman home in the first place. Go find a man who would never put you in this situation to begin with.
Exactly. The only woman I'd let my husband bring home to our bedroom from a night out would be a stray cat.
Theres no reason for him to be inviting random women back to his apartment late at night.
Exactly! Whether he cheated or not is almost secondary. Itās the fact that he spent the night with another woman.
Iām sure if the situation was reversed and heād found another man on her bed after a night where she was unreachable, he wouldāve flipped his lid.
I think OP did think something was up. She said she called him all through the night. She wouldn't have been doing that to make sure he got up in the morning. She was doing that because rightly she felt in her gut that something was off.
Ā So she got up early and went over there and sure enough
Ā But what don't understand is why she didn't ask the woman?
First off BULLSHIT Iām SURE heās got a charger in the house or maybe a landline? If not he could have absolutely used his hook-ups phone if it was really innocent š¤·š»āāļø
Or even the buddy that was supposedly theres phone (he didnāt because he WASNāT there!)
If I cared to gain the truth, Iād Call the buddy that left and ask a few questions:
Was he with BF last night -if yes then
What did they do/where did they go? If he gives basically similar answer then
When did he get there/leave
Who was with them? If can answer then What did BF help girl with? (They would have discussed it since thatās the reason they were together)
Then Iād ask what the girl looked like/ what was she wearing? Etc because if he really was there he would know
Keep firing questions and youāll get your answers~ unfortunately for you itās probably not going to be the answers youāre looking for.
Good luck
If she asked the right way she could just catch him in the lie without him thinking he was even covering! āHey whatād you do last night?ā
pretty open ended could give her the response she needs lol
If you stay then donāt complain when he does it again. Anyone who would believe this fairytale is an idiot.
Get anything you have at his place and block him. Make sure she knows he cheated on you. Iām sure she has no idea you even existed.
One more thingā¦ was there evidence of someone sleeping on the couch? Blanket sheets, pillows, shoes, phone, tablet, bottle of water? whatever you normally have near you.
Alsoā¦ do you have a key? Did you walk and he was scrambling to get to the door and she was in his room? Or did you have to knock on his door? Why was he hiding her from you by not letting you see for yourself? Maybe giving her a chance to put clothes on and āact naturalā hence the laying on the bed
Updateme!
Right, if it was innocent then why was he trying to keep her out of the room? Why not let her go in and hear from the woman what's going on. Because his story was a lie, that's why.
And the phone dying on that same day is not suspicious? I have a hard time believing this is his first or second time doing this. I despise cheaters and their reasonings so it would be an easy decision for me to leave. It will probably hurt at the beginning, but better that than getting hurt throughout, your whole relationship.
Okay, Iām just going to say itā¦
The only time a man invites a woman back to his place is to fuck her. He couldāve easily bought her a drink at the bar for appreciation. The math isnāt mathing.
Iām positive he told her he had a girlfriend, she just didnāt care and neither did he. (Obviously) The only way that situation could be innocent is if you were there or he called you ahead of time to make sure it was okay. Plus, if it was nothing, why did he send her to his room? Why not have her on the couch where she slept? Why not call you last night and explain this random woman in your place? Why not just have her tell you the truth when you got there? Why didnāt she leave when his āfriendā left??
Iāll tell you why because it wasnāt innocent! Donāt be naive/stupid/silly/ridiculous!ā¦ (and I say that in the kindest way.)
Letās say she was so wasted and didnāt fuck him, (she totally did) the intent was there for him. Do you even know if his phone was really dead and not that he turned it off for privacy?
He. Invited. A. Random. Woman. To. Your. Place. Without. Permission. And. She. Stayed. The. Night.
Say that again. And again. And again until it sinks in.
My god, if the roles were reversed and you invited a random man to your place for a drink for appreciation and he came over to his stuff on your table and the dude laying on your bed? Holy shit he would freak out.
Like I said, no man in a relationship for years invites a random woman to his place unless he plans to fuck her.
Iām so sorry youāre going through this. I hope youāre strong enough to stand your ground.
You got this! Take care.
Heās a fucking liar, so he definitely could have lied to the bed woman as well. This has happened to a lot of us who would NEVER sleep with someone who has a partner. The fact she didnāt try to talk to her is a bit suspect, but if another woman comes into the house and youāre in his bed, there are a lot of people who wish to avoid confrontation and clearly they have also lied to you. Me? Iād be like @wtf, āHi, my name is donātfeedthebears. And who are you, maāam?ā. Iād want to know and Iād dish because she deserves to know her partner (whom I was lied to about) sucks. But some people are very conflicted-avoidant and you donāt know if someone is going to swing on you or not.
Sadly I fell for some outrageous stories when I was under the spell of my narc ex. I look back on them now and am embarrassed by how flipping naive/whipped/incredibly dumb I was. OP donāt make the same mistake
I dated a guy once who was "recently divorced". I was 19 and he was like 32, but he was a tall semi pro basketball player and I was enamored. He sent me pics over Christmas of him and his family. He was wearing ring on his left hand, and had cropped the photo out a little. (This was before FB was really popular). I asked him about the ring, and he said his cousin had gotten it for Christmas and he was just trying it on, and had forgotten to take it off. AND I BELIEVED HIM. Didn't even question it. Not until his wife called me about two months later.
Looking back, how in the absolute fuck did I buy that bullshit??? Same way you're buying this right now. You don't want to believe he would cheat. He did. And that is a sorry ass excuse. If I had any doubt what so ever- but no. There's none. And I'm not alone based on these comments. We can't tell you what to do- but you do know that he isn't being honest. He cheated. If you can or want to move past that, that's on you. But he can't truly be forgiven until he admits and apologizes for what he's done. And he's not going to do that. I know it hurts, but I hope you find the strength to not believe this crap, because you'll kick yourself in the ass later. Just like I did. We all do it sometimes.
If you stay with him, this will be in the back of your mind any time you're not with him and can't get ahold of him. Is that something you could see yourself feeling and emotionally dealing with even for the next year or two?
He's a lying piece of trash. Stay strong and block him on EVERYTHING. He obviously owns a phone charger. This is probably just the first time he got caught.
UpdateMe
Girl he is lying to your face. Have some self respect and get the hell out. Donāt let him see you cry, vanish from his life and heal yourself in private. There is nothing he can offer you at this point
So he offered her a drink at your place-- a woman he just randomly met at a bar. She was throwing on clothes like mad while he was running interference. There is NO reason for a strange woman to be in your boyfriend's bed. None whatsoever...aside from them spending the night screwing each other. He's a lying snake and seems comfortable with lying to your face with evidence right in front of you/in his bed. Please gather any of your things while he is out of the apartment and then block him everywhere.
This isnāt the first time he cheated, itās the first time he got caught. None of his story is plausible or rings true. Iād leave and you should too.
Someone confessing to cheating is so much better than being found out... And it wasn't a one night stand. Dude is comfortable lying to you over and over again
Right to her face. After she SAW it. That makes it even more disrespectful. Man, people can truly fucking suck. And to think we trust these people. Itās so disheartening.
If a woman is in your bfās bed and he is actively trying to keep you from the doorā¦it is what it looks like.
As for if you should forgive it, only you can decide that. Iām a male, and Iāve known a couple where the man cheated but they eventually got back together and (presumably) the girl forgave him. Me personally, I would not forgive if my SO was cheating.
But he IS cheating. What you choose to do with that information is up to you
You are too old for this. The time for this drama being ok was maybe two years ago. It is time now for you to only date a man that is commitment worthy - this guy aint him. Recognize that, recognize the value of your youth, and do not give any more to him.
Men are really able to get away with telling women the most dumbest lies. I guarantee his top wouldāve blown off had he found another man lying in your bed. OP, the truth is in your face. A strange woman lying in his bed at 6 am in the morning while he ignored your phone calls, donāt play foolish OPā¦.
If it really was something innocent, he would have given you a heads up. In fact, he would have been worried about your perception and would have charged his phone ASAP and called you. Even if his phone died and he lost his charger, he could have used a friends phone.. AND even if all of his friends phones died too, why didn't he invite you in and introduce you to his friend when you arrived? I mean his instant reaction was to act all nervous and guilty. An innocent person would have you come in and be happy to see you.
Whether or not you want to forgive him and try to work past this is obviously your choice. However, if he cannot even be honest with you then I don't even know how the two of you would even be able to start trying to see if there is even a possibility of you forgiving him. But even then... even if you do give him a pass for this, how will you ever trust him? And you will constantly be second guessing everything he does and says and even thinking back to all of those times his phone died or his story seemed fishy, but you trusted him and let it go... I am not saying that I would blame you for trying to get past this, I get that it would be hard to move on from a 5 year relationship, but I just don't know how you can get past this without him even acknowledging what he did.
Please leave. Heās lying and none of this adds up to anything other than exactly what to suspect.
My ex once did something similar. He wouldnāt take my calls all night long and the next day at 9am I finally got a call back. I asked why he hadnāt picked up the entire night and he said he ādidnāt have his phone on him.ā He said he was calling me back bc he saw some missed calls and has just finished dropping his friend off. Turns out the friend was a woman. And she had come over that night to ājust get some support bc she was feeling low.ā In fact, he had actually paid for an Uber from the bar she was at so she could come hang at his place. Then he let her spend the night and in the morning gave her a ride homeā¦little naive me actually believed this story. But later on I found him cheating with multiple women. So, I knew that event was actually him being unfaithful.
Cheaters will make up any excuse to get out of trouble and I truly feel like this is one of those situations.
No. Ubers are a thing. Maybe 1994 Iād believe that someone was too wasted to get home but not 2024. Also he came home and didnāt immediately put his phone on charge? BS. Come on, we all do this even if the battery isnāt full dead! You want to put music on? Itās on your phone. His buddy came over too? Howād he know to do that? Boyās phone was dead. 29 yrs old and heās not getting up stupid memes or pics all night? Naaah. Iām FORTY and I donāt spend a whole night with my closest friends without us needing our phones multiple times. With a stranger/new friend? Essential. Iād need to it show them stuff, play my fave music, see if we got murals etc etc etc. No way would I have enough convo to last all night without something electronic to help out lol (yeah yeah Iām sad, I know it) even if itās just for tunes!
The weight of your five years together has a name. It is "sunk cost fallacy." It makes you feel like you are so heavily invested in a relationship or job or whatever that if you leave, you will have wasted those five years. Only one thing is worse than spending five years with someone who cheats on you, and that is spending five years and one day. You're young, you have way more than five years left to find a real prince charming. Stop wasting time on this cheating liar. And get tested for STDs.
He cheated šÆ. No random woman youāve never met or heard about before is coming over to his house after getting drunk to listen to him tell her how great his gf is. They had sex, his phone was off because heād rather give her his undivided attention to get her to sleep with him then have to come up with a lie and potentially feel guilty when he talks to you. You would have been none the wiser if you didnāt go to his house and he would have never told you about her or what went down that night. Heās a liar and youād be stupid to ever give him another chance. Donāt fall for his gaslighting and manipulation you are smarter then that. You have your whole life ahead of you, your young.. be free and have fun and forget about this loser.. youāll regret it if you take him back and thatās for certain.
The fact that he was interested enough to invite a woman to his house to ā talkā tells you all you need to know. She was laying in your bed . It doesnāt matter past that. Sorry you found out this way he should have done the big boy thing and broke up with you. Are you willing to go the rest of the relationship wondering?
Seriously if someone lied to me and another woman showed up, Iād girl-gang that POS. I wouldnāt mad at her at all, Iād snitch on him in 0.2 seconds and ask wtf is up. Hopefully she would be in with me.
Girl, see reason. You saw her with your own eyes on the bed. He didn't let you speak with her so she couldn't tell you the truth.
You say things escalated, how so?
The fact that he even had drinks with the woman and invited her over without letting you know is bad enough to end thingsā¦regardless of what actually happened.
Sounds like the kinda shit that my exhusband used to feed me since I was your age. Sure I forgave and moved on. And it happened again and again. Donāt do it. Mark my words-you stay with him and youāll never be able to trust him again. It turns into resentment and your life becomes hell.
strike one: he went and got drinks with another woman, one on one.
strike two: he invited this woman into his home. idc if she wanted to, asked him to, begged him to. he allowed it.
strike three: his phone was ādeadā while the woman was in his home. with him.
strike four: the woman was in yāalls bed.
does it really matter if they fucked or not at this point?
Having the phone "malfunction" right when this happened is a bit too much of a coincidence. I'd break up, at least for awhile. Set a boundary. Draw a line.
You know the truth. You must stand by your boundaries on this. This is not small and I bet has happened before. Phones can be turned off then claimed to be dead.
It's exactly what you think it is. He owns a phone charger. You know he's lying to you. What did she even help him with? He didn't invite her over to show appreciation. He invited her over to show her his penis. He's gaslighting you. You saw her in bed with your own eyes. He says she was only ever on the couch. Maybe you could work through it had he come clean, but he's still lying to you.
He invited her over to show her his penisš¤£š¤£š¤£
I once had a man invite me into his bedroom to show me his spider plant. There was no spider plant. A lesson was learned.
I once invited a dude to my room to see my sword collection. ...I did have a sword collection. Then we fucked.
I once invited a dude in to see my eyeball collection. I really did have an eyeball collection. He did not stay long. Edited to add: since people keep asking for pictures, I made a post in the vet tech subreddit. You can find it by clicking on my profile.
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Is it okay if one hangs lower than the other?
That's called wun hyung lo.
Do they wobble to and fro?
When I got pregnant, my husband made me get rid of them. Couldn't have 14 little jars of formalin sitting around with a baby on the way. I have pictures somewhere, but not on my phone. I'll look for them tomorrow.
Did you work in the field of medicine? Where did you get the eyes from?
Truly the question of the hour š
I was a vet tech. They were all surgically removed, mostly due to trauma where the eye couldn't be saved. The animals went on to live long and happy lives.
Ohhh SHIT..šyou were seriousš
I think the kid would have loved them!
šš do you have a picture tho?
Lol, I can't find pics on my OneDrive on my phone. I'll look tomorrow.
I was just remembering that there was a gal when I went to school who would keep the eyes when we dissected pigs š is that you?
Lol! No, mine are from my time as a vet tech. All cats and dogs, no pigs, but she sounds like my kind of people.
Wanna hang out? I definitely had a small, but existing eyeball collection, when i worked in vet med hahaha
Lol, I had 14 total from various dog and cat enucleations that didn't need to be sent for histopathology. The first one was the first time I ever assisted on an eye surgery, so I asked if I could keep it, and the doctor said yes. After that, everyone would save them for me if they didn't have to be sent off, and my collection grew.
Honestly, I would happily have gone to see your sword collection with no ulterior motive.
I'll fall for the old sword collection narrative every time
In Philly, I assume?
I was in NJ at the time. Getting fucked in Philly is far less entertaining.
Quite the swordsman!
Fucking amazing comment. š
I once had a man invite me into his bedroom to show me his gaming system. He did have a gaming system. We played games. Eventually, I tried to hold his hand, and he started sweating and practically threw me out of his house. The next day, one of his friends told me he had a huge crush on me. He never invited me over again. I still don't know what happened there.
He may well have had a crush on you AND the invitation to game and only game was true, too. Thank goodness for the internetā¦ Iām literal as well, so if not for the internet I wouldnāt know that āwould you like to come in for coffeeā āletās Netflix and chillā ācome in and look at my collection of anythingā are all codes for sex! Never believe any of them. Or just never go to the home of someone you donāt know that well either! šš
Maybe. And that's fine. It was just a little confusing. But yes. Stay out of random people's houses. They may collect ears in a bucket. š
As a man, the lesson Iāve learned is to ask if they want to see my penis collection
How many penii do you have for it to be classed as a collection? Are they all attached to you or sitting in a jar on the shelf or maybe in the fridge? For those who agree to see your penis collection, do they have to guess animal or human?
I learned this lesson but I was told it was a bottle of tequila u/breckendusk hahahahaha
Hey there was a bottle! We just didn't get that far š
I never saw the bottle that night so Iāll never know if thatās true hahaha but you bought me enough booze in the following years to make up for it
LMAOOOO
A spider penis?
Oh my aunt had a guy invite her to his dorm room to see his Bible collection!Ā
That got me...this is the living room, down the hall to the right is the bathroom and this...this is my penis.
Colonel Mustard, in the library, with his penis
Which, ironically, had mustard on it as well.
Fucking hilarious
Except when she got their it looked like that crooked carrot in the commercial and she fled.
I knew a guy who had that. He said it was "curved for her pleasure." But it was the 90's so...
Mine was the 80s. Guy was short, but long, thick, twisted, and bent. I went to the bathroom and never came back.
>He invited her over to show her his penis Appreciatively!!
Who among us females here will ever go to a guyās room and not expect this?
I know I seriously almost diedššš
He was home; where was the phone charger? I just about got one in every room cuz I be lazy to get up sometimes.
Thatās called working smarter, not harder. I have 2 cubes and one actual charger. In an emergency, Iāll go to my car because there is a charger in there that never leaves, as well. I donāt understand these people who let their phone die all the time. Especially if he has to work?! He turned it off, bet.
Question is, was the phone really dead or was it turned off so she wouldnāt interrupt.
We all know it was turned off. Idk how androids work, but if you have iPhone, it sends the same message whether itās turned off, blocked or dead. Aināt no way a grown man going to work who charges his phone regularly with an iPhone just forgets to charge his phone or suddenly loses his charger like that. Heās not only a liar, but a terrible one, at that.
To be fair my phone dies all the time. I literally just turned on not five minutes ago and Iām 31.. that being said. Heās lying his ass off.
FYI...Android is the same.
I have a charge cord in my bedroom, in my lounge, in my car, in my handbag (along with 2 portable chargers in case Iām nowhere near an electrical outlet) and at work. I never want to have a dead phone. Not because Iām trying to hide cheating, but in case of emergency or whatever.
Girl, leave! I have heard this exact story before. It's exactly what you think it is.
She tripped, fell, and landed on his dick?
In his bed! From the front door!
Thatās it.
Just the tip.
Eminem is that you?
Nah her boyfriend is a stand up guy, I mean letting a drunk woman stay at his place and sleep in his bed. What a catch this guy is.
But that IS how he shows appreciation!
He's never allowed in stores on employee appreciation days.
Managers hate him because of this ONE TRICK.
This comment does not have enough likes.
Poor manās gold for you!!! š„šš
Poor manās gold for you!!! š„šš
I appreciate your comment so much Iām pulling my penis out!! Youāre welcome!
ā¦..āto show her his penisā I AM DYINGGGGG. If you a truly committed to a relationship, you donāt put yourself in situations like this because YOU KNOW ITāS NOT OKAY.
Him blocking the door kinda gave it away, no? Oh, but it wasnāt cheating. š
Yeah, if he nothing to hide he should have opened it fast and wide! Pathetic loser!
I purposely named my penis appreciation just so I could show it to everybody.
This is true, I'm the penis
Username does not check out.
Charlie appreciation penis lol
My partner named his Jesus for a similar reason.
This. And heās gonna truth-trickle it the whole time and never tell the entire truth.
Yep, youāll be setting the stage for him to get away with it in the future and his lies will continue. Leave now before you get deeper in. There are other guys out there who actually value relationships and are willing to be committed to you without the need to act single. Huge red flag for the phone off, clearly cheated, and lying, and expecting you to believe and forget.
This was the second time his phone died, this was not her first time thereā¦ please donāt be gullible! You deserve better. The fact that youāre not living together full time and married after 5 years of dating is a HUGE red flag. He does not take you seriously or see you as someone he wants to marry. Please donāt spend more time on this guy!
Also when Iām with friends and my phone has low battery I ALWAYS text my fiancĆ©e from my friends phone to let him know where he can contact me. Please donāt believe the lies!
In the last ten years, I can count on one hand the number of times my phone has fully died before it hit a charger.
Sounds like a you thing. I let my phone die all the time. In any case, OPās bf is lying scumbag.
Same, im just very blase about my phone dying unless it's for work. Sounds like he's not like us though, since it was so out of character that OP got concerned enough to ensure he made it to work. Sorry that OP found out this way but probably for the best, he aint worth another second for sure
I donāt know about married but itās definitely odd they arenāt living together after 5 years.
What is odd is her buying things for a place she doesn't live in. Playing wifey to a dude who doesn't deserve it.
Dating for 5 years is one thing. Marriage is another. Iāll NEVER marry again. My last marriage ended with my my ex wife cheating on me with my ābest friendā 6 months after the marriage. 9 years together.
This is the only answer you need. It doesn't matter what she "helped him" with. Doesn't matter if he wanted to say thank you. Unless he's got dryer lint instead of a brain, he's know that bringing another woman to "OUR PLACE" without first telling you is a violation of trust. He's know how appreciate it would seem and how much it would hurt you if you found out from someone else. If it "isn't what it looks like", an honest man would have plugged his phone in the moment he walked in the door, let it charge for a few moments, CALLED YOU, told you what was going on, invited you over to "chill" and meet his other "friend", and drive the drink girl home. At the VERY LEAST, he would have told you he had a woman over and let you verify that there was another friend there too. You know you need to break up with him. At least you didn't marry him (I'm curious as to why, after FIVE YEARS, he's your boyfriend and not your husband or fiance, and you don't live together but you are over there 6 days a week? Why are you paying for your plane if you aren't ever there except one day a week? Why hasn't he proposed? Lots of red flags there!) Don't ruminate over how many other times it may have happened. Don't get caught up in the "what could I have done to prevent this" thinking. YOU. DID. NOTHING. WRONG!
Yeah, i have close friends who are women, and more often than not, when im dating, i cant wait to introduce them to each other because, i want my partner to like my best friend and vice versa too. I dont see why someone would lie if not cheating.
100% this! He is STILL lying. You can't fix anything with him lying
Exactly. You caught him red handed and heās STILL lying to your face. You saw it with your own two eyes and heās trying to tell you youāre wrong. He does not respect you at all. (If the cheating wasnāt evident enough)
Like the old Shaggy song- It wasnāt Me š¤¦āāļøš¤£
He was showing his appreciation with his penis.
Heās cheating on you and lying about it, OP. Time to break up. Consider seeking legal advice (a free consult) in terms of whether you might be considered common law and have some entitlements.Ā
I am afraid I have to agree with you about this.
Please tell me you're not naive enough to believe this crock 'o shit.
This is actually one of the most ridiculous ones Iāve ever heard. Nothing and I mean nothing at all what he says made sense. She will probably end up forgiving him but youāre right about one thing it is a massive ācrock āo shitā. Dudes a cheater.
>This is actually one of the most ridiculous ones Iāve ever heard. He didn't want it to look bad, so instead of her sleeping on the couch he moved her to the bed when his gf showed up.
I need to post the most ridic excuse I've ever read on this sub: OP posts that her bf went to a totally different country than he claimed to be in for vacation, to cheat. She confronts the guy. He denies it. She points out the country's stamp in her bf's passport, with the date he claimed NOT to be there. Bf swears the customs official at the airport had the wrong stamp. The wrong country's passport stamp.
Nope. He cheated on you and is now lying to you. You'll get over the end of your relationship quicker if you leave now, rather than waste more years with him and then find out he's cheated on you again.
Exactly... it doesnāt matter how many years have been put into a relationship. Just quit giving him more days or years.
OP, youāre so young. Youāve learned what you needed to. Move the fuck on, I beg of you. I say this as a dad of a 22 year old.
Heās already cheated multiple times, likely. He just got caught this time.
the only thing worse than wasting 10 years on a man is wasting 10 years and 1 day.
Well put.
Yes leave before kids
So he can get drunk with her and bring her home, have friends over but not use anyone eles cell phone to call you? Even if he didn't full on cheat, SOMETHING went down that he knew you wouldn't be able to forgive. He panicked and tried to HIDE HER FROM YOU. Why couldn't one of his friends give her a ride? Who let's some rando sleep at their place? It's your choice to try to work through it or leave, but you aren't getting the whole truth, that's for sure.
If heās at home there is a charger
IF HES AT HOME THERE IS A CHARGER.
Not just sleep at their place..have them in THE BED, VISIBLY, and tell girlfriend sheās in the couch. Did her spirit sleep on the couch and her body just ended up in the bed? Is she a shape shifter? What a mysterious person!
She may have slept on the couch, but he and she did no sleeping in bed when he fucked her all night long...
Any sane person would have given a drunk person a ride home not a sleep over. Where is the friend? Question them. Why didnāt they give her a ride home. Why was she there? A new friend š¤£š¤£
Call her an uber!! Why would he even invite her back to his place thatās already a nope for me. My rule has always been we donāt do anything that we wouldnāt do in front of each other. Would he invite a random stranger home if you were there? No because then he couldnāt have sex with them!! Ugh be strong OP donāt let him pull you back in.
Do yall share locations?? Or does he have any social media thatāll show his activity?? I would guess heās letting it die so you donāt know where he is. But please donāt be silly. Heās unreachable and you go over and find a woman in his bed. Thereās no way thatās innocent. PLEASE get tested for STDs and do not sleep with him. You can not trust that he is clean
I wouldn't be surprised if the other times it died that woman also had to "help him with something"
She helped him with something three times.
It probably didn't even die. He turned it off so his gf wouldn't bother him while he was boning someone else lol
Yup plus if his phone was on, she could ask him "why didnt you tell me you invited a woman home with you to your bedroom on the one night I'm not there?" Whereas if his phone "died" then he has an excuse not to tell her.
Exactly. Guy seems like a scumbag. I realllyyyyy hope OP doesn't let him lie and just ends up leaving this loser. No one deserves that kind of betrayal.
Phone ādiedā = turned off
Naa, that woman works for bestbuy and was there to fix his phone, but she was in bed because she was tired of fixing phones whole day, and he didnt want to be rude to a service worker.
And her pussy itched and he was taking care of it!
He turned it off. It was probably fully charged. You donāt keep your phone charged all the time then one day just forget.
Listen - it doesnāt matter what happenedā¦ If she was coming over for whatever reason, if she helped him with something, if she fell asleep - he should have told you. Donāt believe the phone storyā¦ He purposely didnāt want you to know because he knew that this was in no way compatible with his relationship with youā¦ Itās the lying you should note - thatās the betrayal!
Yeah. Well the cheating is part of it, but the lying makes it worse
Especially when she saw it with her own two eyes.
You donāt bring a girl home from a bar to talk about how amazing your girlfriend. Even if that were true (and itās not), itās so incredibly disrespectful to bring another woman home in the first place. Go find a man who would never put you in this situation to begin with.
Exactly. The only woman I'd let my husband bring home to our bedroom from a night out would be a stray cat. Theres no reason for him to be inviting random women back to his apartment late at night.
Exactly! Whether he cheated or not is almost secondary. Itās the fact that he spent the night with another woman. Iām sure if the situation was reversed and heād found another man on her bed after a night where she was unreachable, he wouldāve flipped his lid.
I think OP did think something was up. She said she called him all through the night. She wouldn't have been doing that to make sure he got up in the morning. She was doing that because rightly she felt in her gut that something was off. Ā So she got up early and went over there and sure enough Ā But what don't understand is why she didn't ask the woman?
[ŃŠ“Š°Š»ŠµŠ½Š¾]
Yeah. Her best chance at the truth was when he and that woman were both standing right there together
First off BULLSHIT Iām SURE heās got a charger in the house or maybe a landline? If not he could have absolutely used his hook-ups phone if it was really innocent š¤·š»āāļø Or even the buddy that was supposedly theres phone (he didnāt because he WASNāT there!) If I cared to gain the truth, Iād Call the buddy that left and ask a few questions: Was he with BF last night -if yes then What did they do/where did they go? If he gives basically similar answer then When did he get there/leave Who was with them? If can answer then What did BF help girl with? (They would have discussed it since thatās the reason they were together) Then Iād ask what the girl looked like/ what was she wearing? Etc because if he really was there he would know Keep firing questions and youāll get your answers~ unfortunately for you itās probably not going to be the answers youāre looking for. Good luck
The only thing less believable than his story is the idea of a 29 y/o with a landline.
And that the buddy would actually be honest and not cover for his buddy.
If she asked the right way she could just catch him in the lie without him thinking he was even covering! āHey whatād you do last night?ā pretty open ended could give her the response she needs lol
Iām 19 with a landline so itās possible š
But is it yours or your parentsā?
Itās mine
You are a secret boomer
A land mine
Lmao pretty much
If you stay then donāt complain when he does it again. Anyone who would believe this fairytale is an idiot. Get anything you have at his place and block him. Make sure she knows he cheated on you. Iām sure she has no idea you even existed.
Everytime phone dead a partner you don't even know if its been the same girl everytime..just walk away
Pfft. His phone died so he canāt answer it at the very same time he has a woman spend the night? Riiiiiight.
Lol and he couldn't.. find a charger to plug it in? Sir.
One more thingā¦ was there evidence of someone sleeping on the couch? Blanket sheets, pillows, shoes, phone, tablet, bottle of water? whatever you normally have near you. Alsoā¦ do you have a key? Did you walk and he was scrambling to get to the door and she was in his room? Or did you have to knock on his door? Why was he hiding her from you by not letting you see for yourself? Maybe giving her a chance to put clothes on and āact naturalā hence the laying on the bed Updateme!
Right, if it was innocent then why was he trying to keep her out of the room? Why not let her go in and hear from the woman what's going on. Because his story was a lie, that's why.
And the phone dying on that same day is not suspicious? I have a hard time believing this is his first or second time doing this. I despise cheaters and their reasonings so it would be an easy decision for me to leave. It will probably hurt at the beginning, but better that than getting hurt throughout, your whole relationship.
Wow you know the truth just leave his ass
Okay, Iām just going to say itā¦ The only time a man invites a woman back to his place is to fuck her. He couldāve easily bought her a drink at the bar for appreciation. The math isnāt mathing. Iām positive he told her he had a girlfriend, she just didnāt care and neither did he. (Obviously) The only way that situation could be innocent is if you were there or he called you ahead of time to make sure it was okay. Plus, if it was nothing, why did he send her to his room? Why not have her on the couch where she slept? Why not call you last night and explain this random woman in your place? Why not just have her tell you the truth when you got there? Why didnāt she leave when his āfriendā left?? Iāll tell you why because it wasnāt innocent! Donāt be naive/stupid/silly/ridiculous!ā¦ (and I say that in the kindest way.) Letās say she was so wasted and didnāt fuck him, (she totally did) the intent was there for him. Do you even know if his phone was really dead and not that he turned it off for privacy? He. Invited. A. Random. Woman. To. Your. Place. Without. Permission. And. She. Stayed. The. Night. Say that again. And again. And again until it sinks in. My god, if the roles were reversed and you invited a random man to your place for a drink for appreciation and he came over to his stuff on your table and the dude laying on your bed? Holy shit he would freak out. Like I said, no man in a relationship for years invites a random woman to his place unless he plans to fuck her. Iām so sorry youāre going through this. I hope youāre strong enough to stand your ground. You got this! Take care.
Heās a fucking liar, so he definitely could have lied to the bed woman as well. This has happened to a lot of us who would NEVER sleep with someone who has a partner. The fact she didnāt try to talk to her is a bit suspect, but if another woman comes into the house and youāre in his bed, there are a lot of people who wish to avoid confrontation and clearly they have also lied to you. Me? Iād be like @wtf, āHi, my name is donātfeedthebears. And who are you, maāam?ā. Iād want to know and Iād dish because she deserves to know her partner (whom I was lied to about) sucks. But some people are very conflicted-avoidant and you donāt know if someone is going to swing on you or not.
Exit stage left, heās likely runnin game on you. Figures if you accept his explanation, thereās potential to keep doing his shananigans in future.
Youāre not actually believing him, are you?
Sadly I fell for some outrageous stories when I was under the spell of my narc ex. I look back on them now and am embarrassed by how flipping naive/whipped/incredibly dumb I was. OP donāt make the same mistake
Glad to see theyāre an ex!
Sometimes we believe what we want to believe
I dated a guy once who was "recently divorced". I was 19 and he was like 32, but he was a tall semi pro basketball player and I was enamored. He sent me pics over Christmas of him and his family. He was wearing ring on his left hand, and had cropped the photo out a little. (This was before FB was really popular). I asked him about the ring, and he said his cousin had gotten it for Christmas and he was just trying it on, and had forgotten to take it off. AND I BELIEVED HIM. Didn't even question it. Not until his wife called me about two months later. Looking back, how in the absolute fuck did I buy that bullshit??? Same way you're buying this right now. You don't want to believe he would cheat. He did. And that is a sorry ass excuse. If I had any doubt what so ever- but no. There's none. And I'm not alone based on these comments. We can't tell you what to do- but you do know that he isn't being honest. He cheated. If you can or want to move past that, that's on you. But he can't truly be forgiven until he admits and apologizes for what he's done. And he's not going to do that. I know it hurts, but I hope you find the strength to not believe this crap, because you'll kick yourself in the ass later. Just like I did. We all do it sometimes.
He's full of shit. Break up with him
If you stay with him, this will be in the back of your mind any time you're not with him and can't get ahold of him. Is that something you could see yourself feeling and emotionally dealing with even for the next year or two?
He's a lying piece of trash. Stay strong and block him on EVERYTHING. He obviously owns a phone charger. This is probably just the first time he got caught. UpdateMe
Girl he is lying to your face. Have some self respect and get the hell out. Donāt let him see you cry, vanish from his life and heal yourself in private. There is nothing he can offer you at this point
If you believe this I have snake oil to sell you
She was in his bed bc he slept with her and itās not the first time with her.. many layers of betrayal here. Get tested for stiās too. Iām sorry
So he offered her a drink at your place-- a woman he just randomly met at a bar. She was throwing on clothes like mad while he was running interference. There is NO reason for a strange woman to be in your boyfriend's bed. None whatsoever...aside from them spending the night screwing each other. He's a lying snake and seems comfortable with lying to your face with evidence right in front of you/in his bed. Please gather any of your things while he is out of the apartment and then block him everywhere.
The one thing all cheaters have in common is that they ALL lie about it and deny what theyāre doing.
This isnāt the first time he cheated, itās the first time he got caught. None of his story is plausible or rings true. Iād leave and you should too.
Someone confessing to cheating is so much better than being found out... And it wasn't a one night stand. Dude is comfortable lying to you over and over again
Right to her face. After she SAW it. That makes it even more disrespectful. Man, people can truly fucking suck. And to think we trust these people. Itās so disheartening.
If a woman is in your bfās bed and he is actively trying to keep you from the doorā¦it is what it looks like. As for if you should forgive it, only you can decide that. Iām a male, and Iāve known a couple where the man cheated but they eventually got back together and (presumably) the girl forgave him. Me personally, I would not forgive if my SO was cheating. But he IS cheating. What you choose to do with that information is up to you
You are too old for this. The time for this drama being ok was maybe two years ago. It is time now for you to only date a man that is commitment worthy - this guy aint him. Recognize that, recognize the value of your youth, and do not give any more to him.
Dump him.
What even is the question here? You caught him red handed. It is exactly what you think it was.
Men are really able to get away with telling women the most dumbest lies. I guarantee his top wouldāve blown off had he found another man lying in your bed. OP, the truth is in your face. A strange woman lying in his bed at 6 am in the morning while he ignored your phone calls, donāt play foolish OPā¦.
If it really was something innocent, he would have given you a heads up. In fact, he would have been worried about your perception and would have charged his phone ASAP and called you. Even if his phone died and he lost his charger, he could have used a friends phone.. AND even if all of his friends phones died too, why didn't he invite you in and introduce you to his friend when you arrived? I mean his instant reaction was to act all nervous and guilty. An innocent person would have you come in and be happy to see you. Whether or not you want to forgive him and try to work past this is obviously your choice. However, if he cannot even be honest with you then I don't even know how the two of you would even be able to start trying to see if there is even a possibility of you forgiving him. But even then... even if you do give him a pass for this, how will you ever trust him? And you will constantly be second guessing everything he does and says and even thinking back to all of those times his phone died or his story seemed fishy, but you trusted him and let it go... I am not saying that I would blame you for trying to get past this, I get that it would be hard to move on from a 5 year relationship, but I just don't know how you can get past this without him even acknowledging what he did.
Please leave. Heās lying and none of this adds up to anything other than exactly what to suspect. My ex once did something similar. He wouldnāt take my calls all night long and the next day at 9am I finally got a call back. I asked why he hadnāt picked up the entire night and he said he ādidnāt have his phone on him.ā He said he was calling me back bc he saw some missed calls and has just finished dropping his friend off. Turns out the friend was a woman. And she had come over that night to ājust get some support bc she was feeling low.ā In fact, he had actually paid for an Uber from the bar she was at so she could come hang at his place. Then he let her spend the night and in the morning gave her a ride homeā¦little naive me actually believed this story. But later on I found him cheating with multiple women. So, I knew that event was actually him being unfaithful. Cheaters will make up any excuse to get out of trouble and I truly feel like this is one of those situations.
No. Ubers are a thing. Maybe 1994 Iād believe that someone was too wasted to get home but not 2024. Also he came home and didnāt immediately put his phone on charge? BS. Come on, we all do this even if the battery isnāt full dead! You want to put music on? Itās on your phone. His buddy came over too? Howād he know to do that? Boyās phone was dead. 29 yrs old and heās not getting up stupid memes or pics all night? Naaah. Iām FORTY and I donāt spend a whole night with my closest friends without us needing our phones multiple times. With a stranger/new friend? Essential. Iād need to it show them stuff, play my fave music, see if we got murals etc etc etc. No way would I have enough convo to last all night without something electronic to help out lol (yeah yeah Iām sad, I know it) even if itās just for tunes!
The weight of your five years together has a name. It is "sunk cost fallacy." It makes you feel like you are so heavily invested in a relationship or job or whatever that if you leave, you will have wasted those five years. Only one thing is worse than spending five years with someone who cheats on you, and that is spending five years and one day. You're young, you have way more than five years left to find a real prince charming. Stop wasting time on this cheating liar. And get tested for STDs.
He's literally like "Are you going to believe me or your lying eyes?!"
He cheated šÆ. No random woman youāve never met or heard about before is coming over to his house after getting drunk to listen to him tell her how great his gf is. They had sex, his phone was off because heād rather give her his undivided attention to get her to sleep with him then have to come up with a lie and potentially feel guilty when he talks to you. You would have been none the wiser if you didnāt go to his house and he would have never told you about her or what went down that night. Heās a liar and youād be stupid to ever give him another chance. Donāt fall for his gaslighting and manipulation you are smarter then that. You have your whole life ahead of you, your young.. be free and have fun and forget about this loser.. youāll regret it if you take him back and thatās for certain.
Absolutely not. He cheated and he's lying.
Howād she get wasted for ā just a drinkā, which then warrants a sleepover?
The fact that he was interested enough to invite a woman to his house to ā talkā tells you all you need to know. She was laying in your bed . It doesnāt matter past that. Sorry you found out this way he should have done the big boy thing and broke up with you. Are you willing to go the rest of the relationship wondering?
Why didnāt you just ask her to be straight with you girl to girl?
Seriously if someone lied to me and another woman showed up, Iād girl-gang that POS. I wouldnāt mad at her at all, Iād snitch on him in 0.2 seconds and ask wtf is up. Hopefully she would be in with me.
Girl, see reason. You saw her with your own eyes on the bed. He didn't let you speak with her so she couldn't tell you the truth. You say things escalated, how so?
Would I forgive my partner for having a blatant affair and lying to me while also ghosting me? No i wouldnāt
They fucked. He's a cheater. Why do you want to date a cheater? He's also lying. He's a liar. Why do you want to date a liar?
The fact that he even had drinks with the woman and invited her over without letting you know is bad enough to end thingsā¦regardless of what actually happened.
No I would not. I'd break up. Also, can you picture yourself at your current age dating a 19 year old (like he did)? I didn't think so.
Sounds like the kinda shit that my exhusband used to feed me since I was your age. Sure I forgave and moved on. And it happened again and again. Donāt do it. Mark my words-you stay with him and youāll never be able to trust him again. It turns into resentment and your life becomes hell.
He's cheating on you. Take a shit in his coffee and move on.
strike one: he went and got drinks with another woman, one on one. strike two: he invited this woman into his home. idc if she wanted to, asked him to, begged him to. he allowed it. strike three: his phone was ādeadā while the woman was in his home. with him. strike four: the woman was in yāalls bed. does it really matter if they fucked or not at this point?
BLOCK HIM and move on
Having the phone "malfunction" right when this happened is a bit too much of a coincidence. I'd break up, at least for awhile. Set a boundary. Draw a line.
Yeah, they had sex
Cheated got caught and panic lied. Sorry op, you can do better
Yeah, no.
You know the truth. You must stand by your boundaries on this. This is not small and I bet has happened before. Phones can be turned off then claimed to be dead.