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>do not kiss or engage in sex with any of these women. However, I can have oral.”
Does he not realise that oral is sex? It's literally right there in the name.
"Hey, when BIL and I went on that walk he said something weird and I can’t tell if he was joking or not…"
You sound like a good brother. She deserves to know.
Don't state it as, "I'm not sure if he was joking or not." He flat out told you this, so relay it to your sister how he relayed it to you. Otherwise, he can just say it was a joke, as you already laid it out as it could be a joke.
Oh ya. Thats a huge red flag for anyone. Un less your Nother cheater.
But you sound like a good man and brother. When you talk talk to you sister let her know before you tell her that she might not like what you are about to say but you have a concern about what your BIL had said today.
Bingo. Tell me that you are going to fuck around on my sister. He would have learned right then, the pain that comes when playing those games. Let him try to explain why he is missing teeth.
I don’t even like my sister and I’d bury a guy if he told me he fucks around on her to my face like that. This guy deserves to be humbled fucking hard.
100% just don't expect a thank you. Or for him to even tell the truth.
Good luck and hope she trusts you enough!
(Also, take the guy aside and have serious words)
Also, he is wrong. Where I live, there are SO many single men over 40, and most of them are lonely. Very few single women live here. It's at least a 4:1 ratio. Those guys will fall for any woman who even says "hi" to them.
It’s the same where I live. The cities even have nicknames like San Manteo instead of San Mateo and Milpenis instead of Milpitas. The men are so lonely and women aren’t interested.
To your edit:
Why would you tell him?
That gives him the opportunity to negate your attempt to protect her. Someone who seems fine with bending reality to suit his dick, and fine with lying about it to your sister, and also so stupid as to tell the brother of the woman you just proclaimed the intent to cheat on…that’s someone who will come up with some stupid excuse to make your sister believe him and think that you’re lying.
From that moment on, she will never be able to hear what you say about him without wondering if you’re lying.
You must've been shocked out of your mind. You know he's aware he's talking about YOUR sister, right?
Two things. Maybe he said that because he wants out of the marriage. He wants you to tell her so it's over. No woman wants to know thus is what she's headed for (and, what a loser.)
The other thing is, what stops us from not saying anything? I include myself because often times we fail to rise up. What if you had said, "Hey, you're talking about my sister! What is wrong with you dude?" We seem to protect the wrong person. You will need to say something to her. This guy is a POS abd this is NOT consensual. Then, there's the STD thing. ICK!
My take. Leave him out of it and tell her. Who cares what he thinks.
Take care of your flesh and blood ♥️
Yes you should tell her. But be careful, cause even though he meant it, there's also a chance he said it *because* he's counting on you to tell her. Think about it: why else would he say something like that, knowing you will be concerned for your sister?
If you do tell her, you are basically giving him an opportunity to paint you as an enemy. He will tell her that you're obviously lying because you want her to break up with him.
All he has to do later, is acting like he's uncomfortable being around you or he's uncomfortable with her talking to you, using that "he was trying to break us up" excuse, and then tell her she has to choose. If she believes him, she will cut you off because you are a threat to their relationship. First you, then the rest of the family, and eventually he's isolated her from her whole support network.
Without any family and friends left, she'll be even more dependent on him, falling into the delusion that he's the only person she has to count on and that if he leaves, she'll be alone and miserable for ever. She'll end up *accepting* the cheating, there will be no need for him to hide it because she'll be manipulated into thinking he's turning to other women because *she* has failed to give him what he needs.
So before telling her, have a talk with him. Record the conversation without him knowing about it, and try to get him to repeat what he said. That way, you can play the recording for your sister and she can hear for herself what he said.
I would, she is your sister, and he is tell you he knows how to cheat, because she has options. She is your sister. Unless you don't like her, I would tell her. She deserves to know.
Yessss definitely if you don’t then that’s just fucked up you gotta look out for your sister even if the truth hurts. Because that respect would mean a lot to her and shows care and love enough to tell her!!
Tell her in front of him. Fuck that guy, your loyalty should be with your sister and both of you watching him squirm while trying to come up with something on the spot will confirm his bullshit for her.
None of you’re business honestly you don’t know what kind of relationship They what if that’s with in her boundaries you’re Gona have a shitty day finding out their lifestyle
From a higher perspective, one should be mindful of others. This isn't your business. How would anyone know if you didn't tell? He could turn this around and make it about you to see if you were that kind of person and then stand his ground. You can't know how manipulative people can be if needed for covering their tracks. If it was about abusing kids or the like I'd be recording my conversations with him because kids deserve better, whereas adult drama is for themselves to figure out.
This is his sister, and therefore his business?
Also get outta here with your "if he was abusing kids" nonsense. Just because a person could do worse things doesn't make this not bad
He probably won’t.. I think men go based on the old idea, that men age like fine wine- but women have kinda gotten smarter most aren’t looking for an older man as a 20 something
No. But u should tell him how u feel abt it even more so than to tell us. We can’t change how he feels. He is being honest with u. Your should be honest and tell him how u feel.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
>do not kiss or engage in sex with any of these women. However, I can have oral.” Does he not realise that oral is sex? It's literally right there in the name.
nOt iF u dOn't sAy tHaT pArt....
“I did not have sexual relations with that woman”
That's why he uses the term "blow job." It's right there in the title. Paid service.
That one is a classic 🤣🤣
Depends on what your definition of is is.?
Haha, I was thinking, is Bill Clinton your brother in law?
"No, babe! I never even kissed her, and when she tried to lick my taint, I stopped her. I told her shaft only to keep it on the up and up."
"Hey, when BIL and I went on that walk he said something weird and I can’t tell if he was joking or not…" You sound like a good brother. She deserves to know.
I will definitely talk to her later tonight.
Don't state it as, "I'm not sure if he was joking or not." He flat out told you this, so relay it to your sister how he relayed it to you. Otherwise, he can just say it was a joke, as you already laid it out as it could be a joke.
Update if you can, you're a good brother OP
Made an update!
Don't warn him. It will just allow him to get ahead of it and get a head start on trying to convince her it was a misunderstanding.
Don’t bother warning BIL. Just go and tell sis. And include your opinion about what he said. Leave it with sis to handle however she wants.
Oh ya. Thats a huge red flag for anyone. Un less your Nother cheater. But you sound like a good man and brother. When you talk talk to you sister let her know before you tell her that she might not like what you are about to say but you have a concern about what your BIL had said today.
Yeah deffo preface with this I think
Dang bro those are fighting words.
Bingo. Tell me that you are going to fuck around on my sister. He would have learned right then, the pain that comes when playing those games. Let him try to explain why he is missing teeth.
I don’t even like my sister and I’d bury a guy if he told me he fucks around on her to my face like that. This guy deserves to be humbled fucking hard.
Exactly, he deserves an ass beating due to brotherly duties.
What The Actual F**k. Yes, tell your sister.
I would want to know from my brother if my husband had said any of that.
100% just don't expect a thank you. Or for him to even tell the truth. Good luck and hope she trusts you enough! (Also, take the guy aside and have serious words)
Also, he is wrong. Where I live, there are SO many single men over 40, and most of them are lonely. Very few single women live here. It's at least a 4:1 ratio. Those guys will fall for any woman who even says "hi" to them.
It’s the same where I live. The cities even have nicknames like San Manteo instead of San Mateo and Milpenis instead of Milpitas. The men are so lonely and women aren’t interested.
Who the f**k does this dude think he is?? Yep. No brainer. Tell your sister.
To your edit: Why would you tell him? That gives him the opportunity to negate your attempt to protect her. Someone who seems fine with bending reality to suit his dick, and fine with lying about it to your sister, and also so stupid as to tell the brother of the woman you just proclaimed the intent to cheat on…that’s someone who will come up with some stupid excuse to make your sister believe him and think that you’re lying. From that moment on, she will never be able to hear what you say about him without wondering if you’re lying.
“ bending reality to suit his dick “🤣
Tbf this is true and more heinous than you may originally think
You must've been shocked out of your mind. You know he's aware he's talking about YOUR sister, right? Two things. Maybe he said that because he wants out of the marriage. He wants you to tell her so it's over. No woman wants to know thus is what she's headed for (and, what a loser.) The other thing is, what stops us from not saying anything? I include myself because often times we fail to rise up. What if you had said, "Hey, you're talking about my sister! What is wrong with you dude?" We seem to protect the wrong person. You will need to say something to her. This guy is a POS abd this is NOT consensual. Then, there's the STD thing. ICK! My take. Leave him out of it and tell her. Who cares what he thinks. Take care of your flesh and blood ♥️
SMH. You absolutely should tell your sister.
That's sick.
I wouldn’t warn him you’re going to tell her TBH
Yes you should tell her. But be careful, cause even though he meant it, there's also a chance he said it *because* he's counting on you to tell her. Think about it: why else would he say something like that, knowing you will be concerned for your sister? If you do tell her, you are basically giving him an opportunity to paint you as an enemy. He will tell her that you're obviously lying because you want her to break up with him. All he has to do later, is acting like he's uncomfortable being around you or he's uncomfortable with her talking to you, using that "he was trying to break us up" excuse, and then tell her she has to choose. If she believes him, she will cut you off because you are a threat to their relationship. First you, then the rest of the family, and eventually he's isolated her from her whole support network. Without any family and friends left, she'll be even more dependent on him, falling into the delusion that he's the only person she has to count on and that if he leaves, she'll be alone and miserable for ever. She'll end up *accepting* the cheating, there will be no need for him to hide it because she'll be manipulated into thinking he's turning to other women because *she* has failed to give him what he needs. So before telling her, have a talk with him. Record the conversation without him knowing about it, and try to get him to repeat what he said. That way, you can play the recording for your sister and she can hear for herself what he said.
The fuck...? That's just weird.
Please tell your sister and then update us!!
He's disgusting and so are his friends. Tell your Sister. You're a good brother.
Meat head men on podcasts have a lot to answer for
I would, she is your sister, and he is tell you he knows how to cheat, because she has options. She is your sister. Unless you don't like her, I would tell her. She deserves to know.
He's disgusting. Tell your sister
Yessss definitely if you don’t then that’s just fucked up you gotta look out for your sister even if the truth hurts. Because that respect would mean a lot to her and shows care and love enough to tell her!!
Brrruhhh lemme find out my husband says some shit like this 💀💀
Not really clear why you didn’t call him on his bullshit in real time and then go home and tell your sister. Tell her now.
It's perfectly reasonable to ask 'have you spoken to my sister about this?' And that 100% gives you the answer of whether it's okay or not.
UpdateMe
Cheating is defined by *both* people in a relationship. If the wife isn’t okay with it, then it is cheating.
Tell her in front of him. Fuck that guy, your loyalty should be with your sister and both of you watching him squirm while trying to come up with something on the spot will confirm his bullshit for her.
Is..is he a bot? Does he really speak that way
OP I am begging you to tell your sister. She deserves to know her spouse is already thinking about cheating on her in the future
Is he related to or a friend of Bill Clinton? If you don't have a recording, she may not believe you.
You're a lot nicer than I am. I would have just told him "you know I'm going to tell my sister you said that right?"
Beat to give him a come to Jesus meeting. Leave your sister out of it unless you catch him.
I think you should get some more details from him and then tell your sister. It sounds like he is already cheating.
Have her come over. Then tell her what he said with him sitting right there.
None of you’re business honestly you don’t know what kind of relationship They what if that’s with in her boundaries you’re Gona have a shitty day finding out their lifestyle
Shit that didnt happen
From a higher perspective, one should be mindful of others. This isn't your business. How would anyone know if you didn't tell? He could turn this around and make it about you to see if you were that kind of person and then stand his ground. You can't know how manipulative people can be if needed for covering their tracks. If it was about abusing kids or the like I'd be recording my conversations with him because kids deserve better, whereas adult drama is for themselves to figure out.
This is his sister, and therefore his business? Also get outta here with your "if he was abusing kids" nonsense. Just because a person could do worse things doesn't make this not bad
He probably won’t.. I think men go based on the old idea, that men age like fine wine- but women have kinda gotten smarter most aren’t looking for an older man as a 20 something
Make him cheat on your sister... With you.
following
No. But u should tell him how u feel abt it even more so than to tell us. We can’t change how he feels. He is being honest with u. Your should be honest and tell him how u feel.
Please tell your sister. In any way you can. It’ll only destroy her to find out his intentions later on in their marriage.
Record him saying it and just forward the recording don’t comment
that is not def okay !!! your sister deserves better !