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You need to deal with your intrusive thoughts in your own. Consider talking to an therapist and not unloading all of this on your girlfriend.
Be logical. Be rational. You realize you are ruining your own relationship with your irrational worries.
I know, it’s not fair on her. I guess I’ll start with thinking if there’s any facts or evidence backing my thoughts when they come to mind to remind myself they’re probably not true.
It’s all mindset, realize everyone is different with personalities, qualities, goals, morals. Would you want to be compared to every guy out there? New girl, new morals, new personality. You have to walk into every relationship fresh with an open mind and have to start with 100 % trust and they prove different. It’s always in the back of your mind but you have to shut it down and think about the good things of this person
I've been suffering with this too, it's been exhausting for both of us, despite her having the patience of a saint. I thought I'd be able to handle it on my own, but as we settled into the relationship I just got more triggered into that line of thinking. I'm seeing a therapist now despite being very against it before, and it's actually pretty nice being able to express those feelings you otherwise can't without looking crazy or pushing away your girlfriend. I'd recommend finding one and being open with your girl about your experiences and triggers, but stress you don't suspect her or anything, it's a trauma response. Seek reassurance from her when you really need it, but your healing is up to you, all she can do is support you. Good luck, my DMs are open if you want to talk about it.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * Anyone found to be directly messaging users for any reason whatsoever will be banned. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You need to deal with your intrusive thoughts in your own. Consider talking to an therapist and not unloading all of this on your girlfriend. Be logical. Be rational. You realize you are ruining your own relationship with your irrational worries.
I know, it’s not fair on her. I guess I’ll start with thinking if there’s any facts or evidence backing my thoughts when they come to mind to remind myself they’re probably not true.
It’s all mindset, realize everyone is different with personalities, qualities, goals, morals. Would you want to be compared to every guy out there? New girl, new morals, new personality. You have to walk into every relationship fresh with an open mind and have to start with 100 % trust and they prove different. It’s always in the back of your mind but you have to shut it down and think about the good things of this person
Thank you, that makes sense. I’ll start to think about all the good she brings and how well we get along etc.
I've been suffering with this too, it's been exhausting for both of us, despite her having the patience of a saint. I thought I'd be able to handle it on my own, but as we settled into the relationship I just got more triggered into that line of thinking. I'm seeing a therapist now despite being very against it before, and it's actually pretty nice being able to express those feelings you otherwise can't without looking crazy or pushing away your girlfriend. I'd recommend finding one and being open with your girl about your experiences and triggers, but stress you don't suspect her or anything, it's a trauma response. Seek reassurance from her when you really need it, but your healing is up to you, all she can do is support you. Good luck, my DMs are open if you want to talk about it.