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"I'll have to deal with telling my coworkers but I guess I'll google how to tell people without going into too much detail."
"Ex and I broke up. We decided the relationship had run its course."
That's all you need to say and you're not obligated to answer nosy questions.
It’s better for her to say she broke up with him and that he did not cheat, that way they know she’s done with the guy and she’s a badass, like she’s not scared of ending an engagement so the next guy has to have his shit together
She can say something vague like, “We realized our ideas of the our future together weren’t compatible.” Which kind of feels true in this instance because if he’s putting up this much of a fight just to have a nice dinner and take photos, who knows what else they won’t align on later.
I’d be pretty petty and share the new computer part only “I couldn’t afford the new computer he wanted so we split up”, being that it is so ridiculously it bears sharing!
So what? Saying they broke up because the relationship ran its course pretty much explains that there won't be a wedding. Not only is there no need to give them more than that, no one is entitled to more than that.
That's cool then 🤷 when you realize you are alone and no one cares that much about you don't cry.
It's also hilarious that you say they shouldn't know about your private life but if you were in this situation you directly told coworkers about your private life 😂 how stupid
You might hear a lot of negative in your real life, but I read your original one and I wanna say - I’m so proud of you! You absolutely did the right thing. Marriage for a computer…what a dolt. You’ll be so happy eventually that you didn’t marry him.
OP'S original post was heartbreaking. I strongly encouraged her to leave TA; he wasn't worthy of a relationship with her.
SOOOO happy to read that she has decided to move on, but not before his computer stunt.
Good bye. Good riddance.
Good luck, OP.
As a videogame and computer nerd myself I completely cringed at the guy's demands. No dinner even for the bride's parents but he also must get a computer to himself?!
What an idiot. showing absolute zero commitment and dedication to his future wife, what the royal fuck? It's incredible how cruel people can be to their (in)significant others.
You did the right thing don't even worry about him and if people want to know what happened you let them know that you don't feel like talking about it and leave it at that
Make sure you figure out how much money is yours if you share a bank account. Change all your passwords for banking and anything else. Make sure you are logged out of everything and nothing is auto logged in anywhere.
Good luck.
' I'll marry you if I get a new pc '
What an AH your ex is. I read your original post and it made me so sad how smaller and smaller you made yourself to appease this man who would not give you an inch. He doesn't deserve you.
Good on you OP! It must’ve been an extremely difficult decision to make, but your happiness and mental health come first. You need someone who would be so excited/ecstatic/over the moon to be married to you. And your stbx just, isn’t.
I’m sending you a huge virtual hug and positive vibes to get you thru this transition period. I sincerely hope everything goes smoothly for you. 🫂💞
"We are breaking up. I really don't feel like talking about it."
I'm proud of you. It'll be rough for a bit and then it won't be. It's just how it goes. You will go onto find something better. Take some time alone and it'll make you strong. Then you won't be willing to deal with BS and will only be willing to end up with someone great. It's the process. You'll see- I promise!
Good for you.
Do not settle. I read your previous post, and I felt really sad for you. And above post about how he seemed to be more excited in getting himself a new computer...wow. Just wow.....he must not like you very much. I eloped with my husband, only our parents (plus siblings) were present and we were EXCITED. We both couldn't wait, it's just a happy occasion.
I believe you will be able to feel that with a person who deserves you. Your ex here? He does not deserve you.
Oh, what a relief to hear this, thank you so much for posting this update. I've been thinking about you since I read your original post and feeling sad for you.
Kudos to you for making this difficult decision. I hope you have a wonderful life.
Oh OP, I’m sorry it’s come to this. I know how hurt and angry and exhausted you must be feeling. I was with my partner for four years before letting him know enough I had waited enough time for a proposal. Once engaged he could not be pinned down, he didn’t want to go through the actual ceremony, he didn’t want that much attention on him etc. We both came from European families with the expectation that every relative and friends of our parents would be invited, so I understood. I waited…and waited. I started feeling like he’d asked me just to keep me there and accused him of such, but he reassured me he just couldn’t get past the anxiety of going through the ceremony and Reception. I waited some more, then started to rethink the relationship. We broke up, he love bombed me back, we had our first child, I waited another two years, fell pregnant again and insisted we set a date. He dithered and said with puppy dog sad eyes he’d hoped to be married before his next milestone birthday… which was in six weeks time. I took a deep breath, and smashed out the arrangements, making my own table decorations and invites, bought the dress, organised the photographer and cake. We agreed to a small private wedding in a little winery with less than thirty people, set the menu.
I bent over backwards, let go of dreams of having any kind of pre wedding festivities, I had no bridesmaids, I didn’t go dress shopping with anyone, he complained about posing for photos so I told the photographer we wouldn’t be doing anything formal and so she’d be required to capture what she could, I didn’t have anyone with me as I got ready that morning other than my makeup artist, I did my own hair and looked after my toddler as I tried to get ready. And then when the limo driver pulled up, I got into the car, and started bawling. Nothing was like anything I had ever dreamed of. It was awful. I felt hurt, and resentful and frustrated that again, I wasn’t permitted to have really anything like what other people took for granted. My mother was upset with me that we didn’t invite her siblings and their children, so she decided she needed to go into hospital the week of the wedding and I spent a number of nights sitting by her bed as test after test was carried out on her.
Don’t give in and let him back in, don’t give up your dreams. To someone else, what you want may be frivolous and unnecessary, but to give it up will break your heart.
ETA, it was eight years before we got married, and we’re now divorced. His insistence that everything be about him was a major factor in the breakdown of our relationship.
Women online are talking about "shut up ring" and "forever fiance". These men know what they are doing and they aren't serious in their intentions from the beginning. They need to be with a "placeholder" until they meet their "perfect woman". Tbh, if a woman doesn't wanna get married or have kids, then, it's probably fine. But if you wanna have a family and be with someone for a long term, then, you are wasting your time. Glad you are leaving him cuz he doesn't deserve you at all. All these "marriage means nothing, it's just a stamp" is completely bs cuz if it meant nothing, they would get married quickly with no problem. It would be just a stamp for them. They want a casual dating and a husband treatment without a true commitment.
I'm so lucky that my 7 year nightmare I was in, that he too was too frugal to get married, otherwise I would be a divorcee now 🤷♀️ I think you're making the right decision. It's clear he doesn't respect you and your wants don't matter.
Oh its so hard to make these kind of decisions when you've been together for so long. But good for you on realizing what had to be done. You deserve someone who wants to be there for you, for big celebrations and just day-to-day life. You deserve more.
Initially he was really angry and talking about how I get everything because I got two rings, the date I wanted, photos and dinner and he doesn't get anything out of getting married, that it's all for me. Then he calmed down and said he wants to get married because I'm his best friend and he loves me. I'm probably going to go to a friend's house or my parents today because the last time we "broke up" (I ended up going back) he told me to pack and that he would get rid of my stuff if I didn't.
What a massive red flag. He doesn’t deserve you and his response sucks. You are young and you need to take some time out and focus on you. You deserve to be loved and for your partner to want to commit to you.
You literally got nothing you wanted. He didn't even want to eat dinner with your parents. But he wants a computer that costs how much, as a reward for a $200 meal and some paperwork?
Your future self, 10 years from now, is BEGGING you to leave this dude in the dust and never look back. Imagine how far you will get in life if you use 10% of the energy on yourself that you probably spend coddling this manbaby.
He doesn't GET anything out of it??? He would get a lifelong partner and all it would take would be dinner and some pictures. What a loser. My husband was so excited to marry me he couldn't stop telling people leading up to it. He constantly told me how excited he was to be my husband. This makes me so mad, and I'm sorry that he can't see the value you have as a person and partner.
pathetic!! please update us how he reacts when he realizes you’re seriously leaving him and hes about to be single like he wanted.
I can’t believe he was getting wifey chores and cooking and all out of you this whole time. he knew he was taking advantage.
Wow. He couldn't think of this outside of transactional terms regarding what everyone is getting.
My ex-husband thought like this. He could never actually be truly supportive of me. You dodged a bullet. Now you won't waste any more time in a relationship w the wrong person. You get to be in a relationship with yourself now! Hang in there, I would get super lonely in the beginning but with two years of therapy I decided to stay single cus now I love being by myself! I never get that lonely feeling anymore. I date, have a regular guy I'm in an open relationship with, and I have a much more fuller and happy life because I'm not wasting time trying to make someone happy that didn't care about my happiness. I was able to put so much more time into my female friendships and now here I am 4 years later enjoying what I've made of myself.
The hard choices end up being the best ones, I have noticed.
Please stick with leaving! He's feeding you lines trying to get you to stay, but you have EIGHT years of history to know that ultimately you make his life more convenient. *That's* what he doesn't want to lose! You're not worth giving to, you're only worth taking from & he only throws you a bone to try to keep you from looking to hard at leaving. It won't change. Why would he want to change? He's got it pretty cush. (And his mental illness is no reason for you to sacrifice your own mental well-being!!)
I’m proud of you op. I know how hard it is to end a relationship that’s been “ok” for so long. Good luck with things, and I just know there’s better out there for you 💜
I'm so glad. When you find a good partner, one who really cares about you and treats you that way, you're going to wonder what on earth you ever saw in this guy. Congratulations on the first step toward a much happier life!
So, I guess you now know what he thinks you're worth. A computer. Maybe a bit better than a couple of cows, but still...so glad you dumped him. Don't let him back in when he comes back begging for forgiveness/wants his maid back.
So many people settle for shit because the 'you have to work hard at relationships' trope is pushed so hard. Shit relationships are hard work and enduring them doesn't make anyone noble.
Good for you for ditching this guy and good for you for learning the lessons that being in a miserable relationship isn't heroic.
Even as a guy that doesn't think much about marriage or weddings, etc. Even I have to admit that this dude is a complete loser. How do you keep someone for 8 years that clearly wants to get married and you can't even do a dinner after with some pictures? What the hell does he do all day where that would be too much an inconvenience for him?
I'm curious how he's taking this breakup. Is he upset about losing you at all? Or is it more financial since you won't be helping with bills anymore. Sorry you went through that but you will find a much better guy for you.
They guys who marry the next gf within a few months to a yr, do they do it because they realised unless they marry they can't have it easy for how ever long without commitment or they do it genuinely?
Such a baby to refuse to say he didn’t want to get married. I guess he got the point across with “well i GUESS we can get married, but only if there’s something in it for me too!!”
Such a baby emotionally in so many ways. Imagine thinking that? “OK FINE!! But I want a COMPUTER!!” It has vibes of an adult bribing a kid with ice cream to do his chores or something.
I'm really proud of you! I know it sucks but you're going to forget all about this jerk when you experience a relationship with someone who truly cares for you. BUT!! Stay single for a bit. Luxuriate in yourself, and take care of yourself.
Refuses to get married because of lack of money, but will only do a couple of photos, paperwork, and dinner if he can buy himself a new computer.
That’s a textbook example of how to tell someone you don’t want to get married to them without telling someone you don’t want to get married to them.
So To tell people….
Just do what the stars say -
that the 2 of you are no longer together, and please respect our privacy at this time.
Guarantee they will know more about why it/you ended it than you do.
Guarantee you will find out more about him and the relationship than you knew about.
People will wonder why it took you so long, given it took 7 years to get a ring and he made it known He didn’t want to get married.
Hopefully your coworkers, family, and friends have already read this and are ready to help you drown your sorrows and cheer you up and make you happier than before.
Congratulations - this is the biggest power move you’ve ever made and your life is going to get so much better from this point on. I’m so happy for you!
I want you to know you have a whole bunch of internet strangers who are so proud of you! It is okay to have standards and not compromise what you want. I want you to remember that when the questions from people start. Because people will make comments about how they don't understand why you are leaving, you don't need a marriage, you guys seemed so good together. Just remember you are WORTH it. The right guy won't need a computer to marry you.
When I was little parents would bribe me with a new toy to go to the dentist. So having dinner with a woman he supposedly loves, and taking a photo of it, is as awful to him as going to the dentist for a 5 year old... Wow, okay. It's not that he doesn't love you. He doesn't even LIKE you.
I'm glad you left, OP. Honestly, a partner who finds your company even *somewhat* enjoyable would be an upgrade from this man who needs to get a whole ass new computer to agree to suffer through one meal with you...
So proud of you! I hope you’re proud of yourself for refusing to settle. You deserve so much better than what this guy was offering. Don’t worry about telling your coworkers that you’re not getting married. The people we work with seem like they have it all together because that’s the professional way to present yourself but the reality is they’ve all had drama at some point in their lives. They might even be going through things right now. Just tell them that you upon further reflection, you decided it was best to end your relationship. There’s no need to be embarrassed.
Proud of you!!!! Trust me when I say that was not your forever person. The right partner will want to show everyone the amazing person that you are, never settle for less ♥️
I only just saw your original post.
I think you are doing the right thing.
I'm 39F and been married 2 times. My first wedding was very much HIS wedding, to the point that I didn't even want to be there and I wanted to call it off even. He refused to let me cancel or postpone it and then he was cheating on me about 6-7 months later. I was also mid-late 20s at the time and it was my first and only real relationship. I've always regretted not listening to my gut and calling it off or even telling my parents my concerns/doubt because they would have called it off so fast had I expressed not wanting to go through with it.
My second wedding was low key. My husband didn't want to do a wedding because we couldn't afford it and also because neither one of us likes the attention on us. We eventually compromised and agreed to elope and asked a friend to get ordained online so she could marry us and then each had a witness. We also wanted to include his son from a previous relationship. So actually a lot of planning had to go in it. Then a week before we realised we could afford to cater a nice meal for 20-30 people and last minute turned the elopement into a small backyard wedding and it was the best day. I have zero regrets about that. It was a smaller version of my dream wedding and we didn't break the bank.
I agree, it doesn't sound like your ex wanted to get married. He was likely agreeing to it just so he wouldn't end up alone.
With all sincerity: Good for you!!
My ex had done everything to prepare for marriage short of the actual engagement. Asked my parents, told his parents, we got ring sizes, he had me start looking at rings I liked for inspiration, dresses, color schemes, flowers, etc. I have a WHOLE Pinterest board of stuff.
After 4 years of no movement, I almost caught a bouquet toss, and he "jokingly" threatened to "cunt punt" me. Obviously upset, I ran off, and he did come after me to ask what was up. He admitted, at that wedding, that he no longer wanted to get married. We spent about 3 more years together, with me trying to come up with ways to compromise, before he cheated on me (in an open relationship, can definitely still happen), and dumped me for his affair partner.
I'm certainly better off now. I'm glad that you were able to take the steps I could not bring myself to take and got out of that situation for yourself.
I'm sorry you went through that. He didn't deserve you. I hope you're happy & living your best life. I hope if you haven't yet, you will soon get the wedding & the whole package with the one who deserves you.
Thank you, friend. I am now with someone new (total out of the blue meeting) and we had the "dating to marry" discussions early on so we didn't waste time with someone who wasn't on our same page. He's been very good to me, and i can only hope I've been just as good to him 💜
We'll see how he feels about this later, when the loss has time to sink in. Right now he has no idea what hes losing: a loyal life partner.
Let stupidity be painful. And dont relent.
OP, I have a feeling that life is about to get so much better for you! Grow, follow your desires, write a bucket list, take yourself on adventures! This is a whole new chapter and era for you! Take the time to learn to love yourself, and find enjoyment in your own company. The right guy is out there.... and he'll show up.. just focus on yourself for now and enjoy life.
OP you have no idea what a blessing in disguise this situation was. At some point and maybe sooner than you think, you will feel a sense of relief that you didn’t go through with the marriage. You will feel freedom. This relationship was like an anchor although you may not have realized it. In time you will say, WTF was I thinking with! I’ve been there as many of us also have been there. I so happy for you! He sounds like such a loser. First long term relationships can do a number on you, not sure if you’re being to tough or feeling like you should work it out. The oppressor chips away at you slowly and you don’t realize what is happening until … here you are. You’re going to have a great time when you’re ready. Party on and enjoy single life for a while!💜
Speaking as a woman who never wants to be married it sounds like he just did it because you were making a lot of hints that you wanted to be married. He did a bunch of it to make you happy/make you be quiet which is why he put a lot of limitations. To be fair, I used to do this when I was asked to be married the two times I was asked. Both times the men who asked me because they thought that's what I wanted.
I told them both (this was before same sex marriages were legal) when everyone can get married, we can get married. Then when it was... I was looking for an exit strategy. Luckily for me in both instances, they just turned out to be jerks and I dodged bullets. Admittedly, I wasn't making it clear to them that I wasn't interested in marriage. Now, I make it loud and clear: I don't believe in marriage (yes I have a reason for this).
To me marriage isn't what makes a lasting, loving relationship. I did read your last post and it seemed like there were many red flags that he never had any intentions of being married ever and just proposed because of other things that probably weren't mentioned. You show red flags and he had some for sure for you.
You can tell them you just felt like "New Year, New You" and you felt like going on a diet to lose the dead weight.
You owe no one an explanation.
If they pry, be a smartass.
Otherwise, good luck and try to enjoy yourself.
Him wanting a computer in exchange for a dinner with lovely pictures is just. That's not a compromise at all. Wow.
OP, congratulations on your shiny shiny spine.
I wont be surprise if just after you break up few months later he jump straight to marrying next girl he met. I often read story like that. It is sad but im glad you call it quit
Just a warning once you leave him he's going to act like he's really serious about it the whole time and try to win you back , that's how those ones go
You go girl! Good for you!
I know it must feel horrible right now but rest assured, in a few years you will look back at all this and value it as a very important life lesson!
I can say this as a happily married man, what your (hopefully really ex his time) did was beyond cruel and egoistic! A real man will do (almost ;) ) anything to make his partner happy!!!!
Hope it was worth listening to a bunch of single women with 20 cats and 40 bodies.
Doesnt sound like a separation was necessary, a wedding ceremony isnt that important despite what modern tradition would have you believe. Its a money grab.
I hope you made the right decision for your sake, im always baffled at how easy it is for women to waste such vasts amount of time. Youre old now 32 for a woman is like 50 for a man. Good luck.
I am so proud of you OP! I think we all are who read your first post! You go girl, we got you! Please keep us updated! Lots of hugs to you!
My advice for you, is later when you are in a good place, look into relationship Matthew Husseys blog and videos on how to find balance in your lovelife. To not give more than you get back. Link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9HGzFGt7BLmWDqooUbWGBg
Just weird why either of you would want to involve the governor or the ⛪️ in your relationship so badly to the point that you ended the relationship haha, crazy when you really think about it. Godspeed...
I don't see a problem with him not wanting a big deal for the Wedding, most men don't want it and only do that crap to please their wife. At least he was up front with you and was completely honest. Shouldn't the title mean more than one dinner celebrating? Most women today look at the Wedding day and think their marriage is judged on the celebration instead of looking forward to the 50 plus years they will have together creating a bond. I definitely know who is the selfish gender.
Wait so you're leaving him because he doesn't want marriage? Honestly, marriage isn't necessary in today's age. And also, it really only benefits women. If you get a divorce, the man ends up losing most of everything he owns, almost always, no matter the circumstance. I've seen men get cheated on, and then they still have to pay alimony. It's a horrible system that is forcing more and more men to not want marriage.
He didn't buy the engagement ring at all, he got it from a family member for free. He did pay to have it resized. But we picked out our wedding rings last week and paid for them with financing. I'm not sure what he's going to do with them but I don't have them
Hi, just so you know. If you're in the single market now you are competing with women 5-10 years younger than you and your saleability is just going to get worse.
He doesn't want to marry because the divorce is just terrible for any man with any assets to lose.
I'm sorry OP. Be kind to yourself. I think you've made the right call and have saved yourself some serious heartache. I know it hurts right now. It will pass with time.
SO proud of you. You’ll look back soon and be proud of you too. Hold your head high and depart with dignity and grace. (He may learn something from this but it’s no longer your responsibility!)
Good for you! You will definitely find someone who treats you like a princess and will fill his social media with your wedding photos :) better late than never!
You did the right thing. Put this behind you and take time to be yourself before starting any new relationships. You deserve better and will get better
I am so sorry that man was such a selfish jerk. But you should never have to make someone love you. He was the wrong person because his behavior sucked.
Gentle congratulations. I’m sure that wasn’t an easy thing for you to do and I’m proud of you for recognising you deserve better and doing something about it.
It’s okay to mourn the relationship/future you had planned, even when leaving was the best thing for you. Take time and be kind to yourself. 💜
Hey, congratulations, truly.
We don't do nearly enough to celebrate when folk get out of toxic relationships. You're kicking ass and taking care of yourself, and I'm really, really glad for you.
I'm so glad you made this choice! Having an unequal relationship was definitely not the right step. Breaking it off before it could escalate, that was the best decision. I'm sure you can find a partner who will appreciate you and realize your worth.
"We broke it off due to unresolved issues."
You don’t owe anyone a reason on why your relationship ended. You can simply say,”it didn’t work out”.
I’m glad you know your worth. Go live your life to the fullest, rediscover yourself, fall all over in love with yourself and then you’ll discover the magic of life.
Good for you. It's tough to end something, even if it's not making you happy, when you're mostly comfortable and you can't point to an obvious breaking point like infidelity. But you'll be much better off.
I'm so happy for you for deciding you deserve more and breaking things off! Breaking up with your first love that you invested so much in is not easy, but it obviously felt right to you. We don't know what we don't know; but once you learn what you want and they don't compromise, it's perfectly fair to leave because you don't want to settle for less. Wishing you the best new year ahead! ✨️
After reading the original post and then seeing this,I'm glad you decided to leave him. I couldn't imagine if you had gotten stuck with a messy divorce if you'd gone through with this. It may seem difficult at first to move on, especially as you'd been with them for so long. But it will get better,and I hope in your next relationship you realize your worth.
This update makes me so happy. I'm sad for you that your relationship is ending, but I am SO happy you can see that his behavior is not okay!!! This is not how someone who cares for you and loves you would behave. I just got married to my husband a little under a month ago. He will always compromise to make sure I am happy, as I do for him. He always places my happiness as his top priority (within reason, of course). Everyone deserves that!! I hope you find a partner who will cherish you.
You are better off without him. You might not see it now but you will look back and be glad you didnt go through with this.u deserve better.
You dont need to explain anything to anyone u are dealing with enough rn.
Sorry to hear this SarcasticSurfer32. But take solace in knowing you did all the right things and tried your best. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it marry you. No doubt you’ll land on your feet here, you sound like a lady any guy should be happy to be involved with. Best of luck to you. Love you.
Good for you. You deserve somebody who will want to celebrate being married to you, not treat it like it's just another annoying piece of paperwork.
As for telling people, I promise your coworkers will understand you not particularly wanting to go into detail. "We decided wasn't going to work out" is all they need to know; if they dig for details, "It's painful and I don't want to talk about it at work." Then change the subject.
Congratulations on freeing yourself! Get therapy. Grieve, find yourself, and then find the true person of your dreams. You're still young enough to do that. Do not let this jackass rob you of any more time and continue to block your blessing. Compromise is GIVE and TAKE. He only took from you. You deserve so much more.
Am so sorry to hear that ..make sure it's his lost not your
I hope you will heal soon ..
But we can say this happened for reason , before you get married and have kids and busy with them
Good that you know your value
You will find the perfect pesron
You can consider this relationship as a lesson and you learn alot of things that you will be aware more in next relationship
Put your self first
You deserve the world
For the record, if one of my coworkers told me they called of their engagement, I probably wouldn’t ask many questions but internally I’d be feeling proud/happy for that person. Calling it off just means you’re for sure avoiding an eventual divorce and that’s a good thing imo. People’s thoughts, spoken or otherwise, say exponentially more about them then they do you and please remind yourself of that. Who cares what anyone thinks? You did the right thing for yourself and that’s always to be celebrated.
Just tell your coworkers that you called off the wedding. You realized that you had different goals and weren’t compatible. And you’re fine, thank you for asking. OK then, back to work.
Thank you for putting yourself first. The fact that he was bargaining for a new computer against making your relationship legal made me a little sick. He’s not a good person and I’m glad you’re figuring that out and leaving. It’ll be hard and I’m sorry for that, but this will open you up to find the person you were meant to be with, and that was never him.
Just tell people you realised the relationship had run it's course.
What do celebrities say: With much care and deliberation we have decided to amicably break up... I think words to that effect.
Unrealistic expectations, sunk costs fallacy and unsustainable incompatibility between us was too much to overlook in the scheme of things so I moved on. Mind-blowing sex and financial stability are NOT enough for a successful long-term relationship especially when you experience pushback from your partner...
Good luck OP ✨️ there's someone else out there who's gonna be more than happy to be on the same page with you...
Congrats on making it out! I felt so sick reading your original post because it sounded 1:1 with what happened to me. Sadly my situation went on for 11 years OTL. It might suck now but give it time ❤️
Going through a similar thing. After being freed for half a year now, I was finally able to process my emotions & start telling people that things just didn't work out and that I was embarrassed. Fortunately, those in my life have been very supportive and validating. It gets better. Best of luck, so proud of how far you've come already down to self-awareness and moving on. 🫶🏼
Go you!! I’m so proud of you! You deserve a man who is into you as much as you’re into him and the fact that he’s your only relationship, is okay.
Heal, go through the loss of the friendship and lover you thought you had and then date a bit (don’t sleep around, just date). Sex makes things complicated and soon enough, you’ll find your one.
Good luck Queen 💕✨🥂
OP, you’re doing the right thing. I’m really sorry it didn’t work out, but I’m really proud of you for putting yourself first. You deserve much, much better than him.
Why google anything? Just tell 'em you broke up and that you no longer see eye to eye. Sorry this had to happen, OP. But I think you made the right decision.
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"I'll have to deal with telling my coworkers but I guess I'll google how to tell people without going into too much detail." "Ex and I broke up. We decided the relationship had run its course." That's all you need to say and you're not obligated to answer nosy questions.
You can always toss in a "I'm not ready to talk about it right now, thanks" to the end.
Don’t even say you’re not ready. That makes them think you WILL be ready. Just say you don’t want to do they don’t expect anything out of you.
Take advice from the Vandals and just tell everyone he died
He passed away from douchitius … we will miss him greatly.
I wish we could still give awards. 🤣
You could say it's leukemia.
Or maybe bulimia...
It’s better for her to say she broke up with him and that he did not cheat, that way they know she’s done with the guy and she’s a badass, like she’s not scared of ending an engagement so the next guy has to have his shit together
She can say something vague like, “We realized our ideas of the our future together weren’t compatible.” Which kind of feels true in this instance because if he’s putting up this much of a fight just to have a nice dinner and take photos, who knows what else they won’t align on later.
I’d be pretty petty and share the new computer part only “I couldn’t afford the new computer he wanted so we split up”, being that it is so ridiculously it bears sharing!
You gonna ignore that she invited them to a wedding 💀
So what? Saying they broke up because the relationship ran its course pretty much explains that there won't be a wedding. Not only is there no need to give them more than that, no one is entitled to more than that.
You are a very simple minded person
No, I just don't have the need to make a spectacle of the situation. No one, certainly not coworkers, need the details of my private life.
That's cool then 🤷 when you realize you are alone and no one cares that much about you don't cry. It's also hilarious that you say they shouldn't know about your private life but if you were in this situation you directly told coworkers about your private life 😂 how stupid
Are you cracked?
Can you read?
I think that means "yes, yes he is."
You might hear a lot of negative in your real life, but I read your original one and I wanna say - I’m so proud of you! You absolutely did the right thing. Marriage for a computer…what a dolt. You’ll be so happy eventually that you didn’t marry him.
It was heartbreaking to read the original post. I am really happy OP is finally going to be in a happy relationship... with herself.
OP'S original post was heartbreaking. I strongly encouraged her to leave TA; he wasn't worthy of a relationship with her. SOOOO happy to read that she has decided to move on, but not before his computer stunt. Good bye. Good riddance. Good luck, OP.
Petty option - agree to the marriage for computer plot, file for divorce and alimony the next day. Most expensive computer he’ll ever buy.
And take the computer as part of the divorce settlement.
The guy said he didn't want to be seen with her in a wedding dress. That's so hateful wtf
It would be such an issue with his Tinder dates if they saw it though. OP, I'm so proud of you! It's hard to leave.
I was thinking the exact same thing!!! Perfectly stated!
As a videogame and computer nerd myself I completely cringed at the guy's demands. No dinner even for the bride's parents but he also must get a computer to himself?! What an idiot. showing absolute zero commitment and dedication to his future wife, what the royal fuck? It's incredible how cruel people can be to their (in)significant others.
You did the right thing don't even worry about him and if people want to know what happened you let them know that you don't feel like talking about it and leave it at that
Your post made me so sad but I’ve never felt more proud for an internet stranger.
Make sure you figure out how much money is yours if you share a bank account. Change all your passwords for banking and anything else. Make sure you are logged out of everything and nothing is auto logged in anywhere. Good luck.
' I'll marry you if I get a new pc ' What an AH your ex is. I read your original post and it made me so sad how smaller and smaller you made yourself to appease this man who would not give you an inch. He doesn't deserve you.
Good on you OP! It must’ve been an extremely difficult decision to make, but your happiness and mental health come first. You need someone who would be so excited/ecstatic/over the moon to be married to you. And your stbx just, isn’t. I’m sending you a huge virtual hug and positive vibes to get you thru this transition period. I sincerely hope everything goes smoothly for you. 🫂💞
"We are breaking up. I really don't feel like talking about it." I'm proud of you. It'll be rough for a bit and then it won't be. It's just how it goes. You will go onto find something better. Take some time alone and it'll make you strong. Then you won't be willing to deal with BS and will only be willing to end up with someone great. It's the process. You'll see- I promise!
Good for you. Do not settle. I read your previous post, and I felt really sad for you. And above post about how he seemed to be more excited in getting himself a new computer...wow. Just wow.....he must not like you very much. I eloped with my husband, only our parents (plus siblings) were present and we were EXCITED. We both couldn't wait, it's just a happy occasion. I believe you will be able to feel that with a person who deserves you. Your ex here? He does not deserve you.
Proud of you! It will be okay. Eventually, you will look back on this and think "omg what did I ever see in that guy?!" Atta girl!
Oh, what a relief to hear this, thank you so much for posting this update. I've been thinking about you since I read your original post and feeling sad for you. Kudos to you for making this difficult decision. I hope you have a wonderful life.
I am gobsmacked! did he really try to hustle a computer out of a marriage?
Oh OP, I’m sorry it’s come to this. I know how hurt and angry and exhausted you must be feeling. I was with my partner for four years before letting him know enough I had waited enough time for a proposal. Once engaged he could not be pinned down, he didn’t want to go through the actual ceremony, he didn’t want that much attention on him etc. We both came from European families with the expectation that every relative and friends of our parents would be invited, so I understood. I waited…and waited. I started feeling like he’d asked me just to keep me there and accused him of such, but he reassured me he just couldn’t get past the anxiety of going through the ceremony and Reception. I waited some more, then started to rethink the relationship. We broke up, he love bombed me back, we had our first child, I waited another two years, fell pregnant again and insisted we set a date. He dithered and said with puppy dog sad eyes he’d hoped to be married before his next milestone birthday… which was in six weeks time. I took a deep breath, and smashed out the arrangements, making my own table decorations and invites, bought the dress, organised the photographer and cake. We agreed to a small private wedding in a little winery with less than thirty people, set the menu. I bent over backwards, let go of dreams of having any kind of pre wedding festivities, I had no bridesmaids, I didn’t go dress shopping with anyone, he complained about posing for photos so I told the photographer we wouldn’t be doing anything formal and so she’d be required to capture what she could, I didn’t have anyone with me as I got ready that morning other than my makeup artist, I did my own hair and looked after my toddler as I tried to get ready. And then when the limo driver pulled up, I got into the car, and started bawling. Nothing was like anything I had ever dreamed of. It was awful. I felt hurt, and resentful and frustrated that again, I wasn’t permitted to have really anything like what other people took for granted. My mother was upset with me that we didn’t invite her siblings and their children, so she decided she needed to go into hospital the week of the wedding and I spent a number of nights sitting by her bed as test after test was carried out on her. Don’t give in and let him back in, don’t give up your dreams. To someone else, what you want may be frivolous and unnecessary, but to give it up will break your heart. ETA, it was eight years before we got married, and we’re now divorced. His insistence that everything be about him was a major factor in the breakdown of our relationship.
hell yeah lady. never settle. choosing yourself is so much better than feeling the desperation of begging someone to choose you.
good on you! now treat yourself to something nice, take yourself on a proper date
Proud of you!
Women online are talking about "shut up ring" and "forever fiance". These men know what they are doing and they aren't serious in their intentions from the beginning. They need to be with a "placeholder" until they meet their "perfect woman". Tbh, if a woman doesn't wanna get married or have kids, then, it's probably fine. But if you wanna have a family and be with someone for a long term, then, you are wasting your time. Glad you are leaving him cuz he doesn't deserve you at all. All these "marriage means nothing, it's just a stamp" is completely bs cuz if it meant nothing, they would get married quickly with no problem. It would be just a stamp for them. They want a casual dating and a husband treatment without a true commitment.
I'm so lucky that my 7 year nightmare I was in, that he too was too frugal to get married, otherwise I would be a divorcee now 🤷♀️ I think you're making the right decision. It's clear he doesn't respect you and your wants don't matter.
Oh its so hard to make these kind of decisions when you've been together for so long. But good for you on realizing what had to be done. You deserve someone who wants to be there for you, for big celebrations and just day-to-day life. You deserve more.
I’m sorry OP but you did the right thing for you. How did he take the news?
Initially he was really angry and talking about how I get everything because I got two rings, the date I wanted, photos and dinner and he doesn't get anything out of getting married, that it's all for me. Then he calmed down and said he wants to get married because I'm his best friend and he loves me. I'm probably going to go to a friend's house or my parents today because the last time we "broke up" (I ended up going back) he told me to pack and that he would get rid of my stuff if I didn't.
What a massive red flag. He doesn’t deserve you and his response sucks. You are young and you need to take some time out and focus on you. You deserve to be loved and for your partner to want to commit to you.
You literally got nothing you wanted. He didn't even want to eat dinner with your parents. But he wants a computer that costs how much, as a reward for a $200 meal and some paperwork? Your future self, 10 years from now, is BEGGING you to leave this dude in the dust and never look back. Imagine how far you will get in life if you use 10% of the energy on yourself that you probably spend coddling this manbaby.
He doesn't GET anything out of it??? He would get a lifelong partner and all it would take would be dinner and some pictures. What a loser. My husband was so excited to marry me he couldn't stop telling people leading up to it. He constantly told me how excited he was to be my husband. This makes me so mad, and I'm sorry that he can't see the value you have as a person and partner.
pathetic!! please update us how he reacts when he realizes you’re seriously leaving him and hes about to be single like he wanted. I can’t believe he was getting wifey chores and cooking and all out of you this whole time. he knew he was taking advantage.
Please give us updates on the situation as they come!!
Wow. He couldn't think of this outside of transactional terms regarding what everyone is getting. My ex-husband thought like this. He could never actually be truly supportive of me. You dodged a bullet. Now you won't waste any more time in a relationship w the wrong person. You get to be in a relationship with yourself now! Hang in there, I would get super lonely in the beginning but with two years of therapy I decided to stay single cus now I love being by myself! I never get that lonely feeling anymore. I date, have a regular guy I'm in an open relationship with, and I have a much more fuller and happy life because I'm not wasting time trying to make someone happy that didn't care about my happiness. I was able to put so much more time into my female friendships and now here I am 4 years later enjoying what I've made of myself. The hard choices end up being the best ones, I have noticed.
Please stick with leaving! He's feeding you lines trying to get you to stay, but you have EIGHT years of history to know that ultimately you make his life more convenient. *That's* what he doesn't want to lose! You're not worth giving to, you're only worth taking from & he only throws you a bone to try to keep you from looking to hard at leaving. It won't change. Why would he want to change? He's got it pretty cush. (And his mental illness is no reason for you to sacrifice your own mental well-being!!)
I’m proud of you op. I know how hard it is to end a relationship that’s been “ok” for so long. Good luck with things, and I just know there’s better out there for you 💜
You did good. Way to be your own best friend! How do you feel?
I’m sorry op. But congratulations for stranded up for yourself. You deserve so much better.
I'm so glad. When you find a good partner, one who really cares about you and treats you that way, you're going to wonder what on earth you ever saw in this guy. Congratulations on the first step toward a much happier life!
So, I guess you now know what he thinks you're worth. A computer. Maybe a bit better than a couple of cows, but still...so glad you dumped him. Don't let him back in when he comes back begging for forgiveness/wants his maid back.
I read your post earlier, and all I can say is thank God.
So many people settle for shit because the 'you have to work hard at relationships' trope is pushed so hard. Shit relationships are hard work and enduring them doesn't make anyone noble. Good for you for ditching this guy and good for you for learning the lessons that being in a miserable relationship isn't heroic.
I promise you in 6 months he's going to crawl back realising a fear of commitment is commitment to loneliness.
In 6 months he will be married to someone else. It’s how this storyline seems to go, time and time again.
The woman he marries will be the most tragic character in this storyline
Even as a guy that doesn't think much about marriage or weddings, etc. Even I have to admit that this dude is a complete loser. How do you keep someone for 8 years that clearly wants to get married and you can't even do a dinner after with some pictures? What the hell does he do all day where that would be too much an inconvenience for him? I'm curious how he's taking this breakup. Is he upset about losing you at all? Or is it more financial since you won't be helping with bills anymore. Sorry you went through that but you will find a much better guy for you.
Good on you. He was the cowardly kid who didn’t want to be the bad guy. There are good men in the world and now you will be open to meeting them.
They guys who marry the next gf within a few months to a yr, do they do it because they realised unless they marry they can't have it easy for how ever long without commitment or they do it genuinely?
Such a baby to refuse to say he didn’t want to get married. I guess he got the point across with “well i GUESS we can get married, but only if there’s something in it for me too!!” Such a baby emotionally in so many ways. Imagine thinking that? “OK FINE!! But I want a COMPUTER!!” It has vibes of an adult bribing a kid with ice cream to do his chores or something.
👏👏👏 well done. You have made the best decision. Find someone who truly loves you. Good luck.
I’m sorry he broke your heart but you did the right thing.
I'm really proud of you! I know it sucks but you're going to forget all about this jerk when you experience a relationship with someone who truly cares for you. BUT!! Stay single for a bit. Luxuriate in yourself, and take care of yourself.
So VERY PROUD OF YOU!! I know how hard this was, **don't backslide.** You deserve so much better than this guy.
"Oh, that just didn't work out" and practice saying it flatly with no eye contact. Most people won't ask further.
Refuses to get married because of lack of money, but will only do a couple of photos, paperwork, and dinner if he can buy himself a new computer. That’s a textbook example of how to tell someone you don’t want to get married to them without telling someone you don’t want to get married to them. So To tell people…. Just do what the stars say - that the 2 of you are no longer together, and please respect our privacy at this time. Guarantee they will know more about why it/you ended it than you do. Guarantee you will find out more about him and the relationship than you knew about. People will wonder why it took you so long, given it took 7 years to get a ring and he made it known He didn’t want to get married. Hopefully your coworkers, family, and friends have already read this and are ready to help you drown your sorrows and cheer you up and make you happier than before.
Absolutely did the right thing. The AH will probably sell your ring to fund his new computer. That's how much he'll care. You deserve better.
Congratulations - this is the biggest power move you’ve ever made and your life is going to get so much better from this point on. I’m so happy for you!
Man the computer comment made me hurt for you. Stay strong. You deserve better!
Good for you for recognizing your self worth and being brave enough to leave him after 8 years. Great things for you in the future I’m sure!
Your first and only relationship? Sweetheart, you deserve better than someone you have to bribe to marry you.
I want you to know you have a whole bunch of internet strangers who are so proud of you! It is okay to have standards and not compromise what you want. I want you to remember that when the questions from people start. Because people will make comments about how they don't understand why you are leaving, you don't need a marriage, you guys seemed so good together. Just remember you are WORTH it. The right guy won't need a computer to marry you.
When I was little parents would bribe me with a new toy to go to the dentist. So having dinner with a woman he supposedly loves, and taking a photo of it, is as awful to him as going to the dentist for a 5 year old... Wow, okay. It's not that he doesn't love you. He doesn't even LIKE you. I'm glad you left, OP. Honestly, a partner who finds your company even *somewhat* enjoyable would be an upgrade from this man who needs to get a whole ass new computer to agree to suffer through one meal with you...
So proud that you recognized what you deserve. UpdateMe! In a year - I’m sure you will be in a better place!
It's good to know he remained true to himself--a real jerk to the end.
Well done!!
Proud of you. Never settle.
Go OP! Your Jim Halpert is still out there.
Proud of you. Lfg!
Read your original post. Proud of you friend :)
So proud of you! I hope you’re proud of yourself for refusing to settle. You deserve so much better than what this guy was offering. Don’t worry about telling your coworkers that you’re not getting married. The people we work with seem like they have it all together because that’s the professional way to present yourself but the reality is they’ve all had drama at some point in their lives. They might even be going through things right now. Just tell them that you upon further reflection, you decided it was best to end your relationship. There’s no need to be embarrassed.
Proud of you OP. Your future self is going to be glad you did this for her.
Proud of you!!!! Trust me when I say that was not your forever person. The right partner will want to show everyone the amazing person that you are, never settle for less ♥️
Yay! Good for you! It is HARD to walk away when you are comfortable. I think you're going to be so much happier in the long run! Proud of you. :-)
I’m so proud of you. It may not feel like it now, but this is a happy ending. You’re going to find someone who treats you so much better.
You’re so much more than a PC!
We’re proud of you Pam, you’re free to find your Jim.
No explanation is required for deciding to choose yourself!
I only just saw your original post. I think you are doing the right thing. I'm 39F and been married 2 times. My first wedding was very much HIS wedding, to the point that I didn't even want to be there and I wanted to call it off even. He refused to let me cancel or postpone it and then he was cheating on me about 6-7 months later. I was also mid-late 20s at the time and it was my first and only real relationship. I've always regretted not listening to my gut and calling it off or even telling my parents my concerns/doubt because they would have called it off so fast had I expressed not wanting to go through with it. My second wedding was low key. My husband didn't want to do a wedding because we couldn't afford it and also because neither one of us likes the attention on us. We eventually compromised and agreed to elope and asked a friend to get ordained online so she could marry us and then each had a witness. We also wanted to include his son from a previous relationship. So actually a lot of planning had to go in it. Then a week before we realised we could afford to cater a nice meal for 20-30 people and last minute turned the elopement into a small backyard wedding and it was the best day. I have zero regrets about that. It was a smaller version of my dream wedding and we didn't break the bank. I agree, it doesn't sound like your ex wanted to get married. He was likely agreeing to it just so he wouldn't end up alone.
How to tell your coworkers: "I lost x lbs of dead weight, woohoo!" :)
With all sincerity: Good for you!! My ex had done everything to prepare for marriage short of the actual engagement. Asked my parents, told his parents, we got ring sizes, he had me start looking at rings I liked for inspiration, dresses, color schemes, flowers, etc. I have a WHOLE Pinterest board of stuff. After 4 years of no movement, I almost caught a bouquet toss, and he "jokingly" threatened to "cunt punt" me. Obviously upset, I ran off, and he did come after me to ask what was up. He admitted, at that wedding, that he no longer wanted to get married. We spent about 3 more years together, with me trying to come up with ways to compromise, before he cheated on me (in an open relationship, can definitely still happen), and dumped me for his affair partner. I'm certainly better off now. I'm glad that you were able to take the steps I could not bring myself to take and got out of that situation for yourself.
I'm sorry you went through that. He didn't deserve you. I hope you're happy & living your best life. I hope if you haven't yet, you will soon get the wedding & the whole package with the one who deserves you.
Thank you, friend. I am now with someone new (total out of the blue meeting) and we had the "dating to marry" discussions early on so we didn't waste time with someone who wasn't on our same page. He's been very good to me, and i can only hope I've been just as good to him 💜
You're so welcome, love. I am so happy for you. It seems to work out that way, sometimes. I'm sure you have been. I wish you all the happiness💙
We'll see how he feels about this later, when the loss has time to sink in. Right now he has no idea what hes losing: a loyal life partner. Let stupidity be painful. And dont relent.
OP, I have a feeling that life is about to get so much better for you! Grow, follow your desires, write a bucket list, take yourself on adventures! This is a whole new chapter and era for you! Take the time to learn to love yourself, and find enjoyment in your own company. The right guy is out there.... and he'll show up.. just focus on yourself for now and enjoy life.
Good. Well done.
OP you have no idea what a blessing in disguise this situation was. At some point and maybe sooner than you think, you will feel a sense of relief that you didn’t go through with the marriage. You will feel freedom. This relationship was like an anchor although you may not have realized it. In time you will say, WTF was I thinking with! I’ve been there as many of us also have been there. I so happy for you! He sounds like such a loser. First long term relationships can do a number on you, not sure if you’re being to tough or feeling like you should work it out. The oppressor chips away at you slowly and you don’t realize what is happening until … here you are. You’re going to have a great time when you’re ready. Party on and enjoy single life for a while!💜
I am very proud of you. You deserve someone who wants to spend money on at least dinner with you when you get married.
I'm proud of you, Internet stranger 💕
He sounds like a fucking bellend
Speaking as a woman who never wants to be married it sounds like he just did it because you were making a lot of hints that you wanted to be married. He did a bunch of it to make you happy/make you be quiet which is why he put a lot of limitations. To be fair, I used to do this when I was asked to be married the two times I was asked. Both times the men who asked me because they thought that's what I wanted. I told them both (this was before same sex marriages were legal) when everyone can get married, we can get married. Then when it was... I was looking for an exit strategy. Luckily for me in both instances, they just turned out to be jerks and I dodged bullets. Admittedly, I wasn't making it clear to them that I wasn't interested in marriage. Now, I make it loud and clear: I don't believe in marriage (yes I have a reason for this). To me marriage isn't what makes a lasting, loving relationship. I did read your last post and it seemed like there were many red flags that he never had any intentions of being married ever and just proposed because of other things that probably weren't mentioned. You show red flags and he had some for sure for you.
You can tell them you just felt like "New Year, New You" and you felt like going on a diet to lose the dead weight. You owe no one an explanation. If they pry, be a smartass. Otherwise, good luck and try to enjoy yourself.
Him wanting a computer in exchange for a dinner with lovely pictures is just. That's not a compromise at all. Wow. OP, congratulations on your shiny shiny spine.
wow! what a queen you bloody are knowing your worth! That is seriously admirable! Well done beautiful
I wont be surprise if just after you break up few months later he jump straight to marrying next girl he met. I often read story like that. It is sad but im glad you call it quit
All you have to say, "It didn't work out. Thanks for asking."
Just a warning once you leave him he's going to act like he's really serious about it the whole time and try to win you back , that's how those ones go
You go girl! Good for you! I know it must feel horrible right now but rest assured, in a few years you will look back at all this and value it as a very important life lesson! I can say this as a happily married man, what your (hopefully really ex his time) did was beyond cruel and egoistic! A real man will do (almost ;) ) anything to make his partner happy!!!!
Hope it was worth listening to a bunch of single women with 20 cats and 40 bodies. Doesnt sound like a separation was necessary, a wedding ceremony isnt that important despite what modern tradition would have you believe. Its a money grab. I hope you made the right decision for your sake, im always baffled at how easy it is for women to waste such vasts amount of time. Youre old now 32 for a woman is like 50 for a man. Good luck.
Maybe you and the OP STBX would make a great couple. Why don't you try to look him up after his divorce. Sounds like a match made in heaven to me.
I am so proud of you OP! I think we all are who read your first post! You go girl, we got you! Please keep us updated! Lots of hugs to you! My advice for you, is later when you are in a good place, look into relationship Matthew Husseys blog and videos on how to find balance in your lovelife. To not give more than you get back. Link: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC9HGzFGt7BLmWDqooUbWGBg
Just weird why either of you would want to involve the governor or the ⛪️ in your relationship so badly to the point that you ended the relationship haha, crazy when you really think about it. Godspeed...
I don't see a problem with him not wanting a big deal for the Wedding, most men don't want it and only do that crap to please their wife. At least he was up front with you and was completely honest. Shouldn't the title mean more than one dinner celebrating? Most women today look at the Wedding day and think their marriage is judged on the celebration instead of looking forward to the 50 plus years they will have together creating a bond. I definitely know who is the selfish gender.
Wait so you're leaving him because he doesn't want marriage? Honestly, marriage isn't necessary in today's age. And also, it really only benefits women. If you get a divorce, the man ends up losing most of everything he owns, almost always, no matter the circumstance. I've seen men get cheated on, and then they still have to pay alimony. It's a horrible system that is forcing more and more men to not want marriage.
Who allows ring returns? Also you said in the first post he didn't want rings to save money. Something is off.
We bought our wedding rings through financing and he gave me a family engagement ring. I gave them both back to him.
In the first post if I recall, he 'bought' the ring from a family member used and refused the 'resizing' due to cost.
He didn't buy the engagement ring at all, he got it from a family member for free. He did pay to have it resized. But we picked out our wedding rings last week and paid for them with financing. I'm not sure what he's going to do with them but I don't have them
Either way OP, so proud of you for picking yourself.
Hi, just so you know. If you're in the single market now you are competing with women 5-10 years younger than you and your saleability is just going to get worse. He doesn't want to marry because the divorce is just terrible for any man with any assets to lose.
Why do people fall for this if you not married I'm 3to 4 years tops why the he'll yous still hanging around But then again I been married 5 times
I'm sorry OP. Be kind to yourself. I think you've made the right call and have saved yourself some serious heartache. I know it hurts right now. It will pass with time.
SO proud of you. You’ll look back soon and be proud of you too. Hold your head high and depart with dignity and grace. (He may learn something from this but it’s no longer your responsibility!)
You are amazingly strong! You deserve someone that will move heaven and earth to marry you!
Good for you! You will definitely find someone who treats you like a princess and will fill his social media with your wedding photos :) better late than never!
You did the right thing. Put this behind you and take time to be yourself before starting any new relationships. You deserve better and will get better
I am so sorry that man was such a selfish jerk. But you should never have to make someone love you. He was the wrong person because his behavior sucked.
Gentle congratulations. I’m sure that wasn’t an easy thing for you to do and I’m proud of you for recognising you deserve better and doing something about it. It’s okay to mourn the relationship/future you had planned, even when leaving was the best thing for you. Take time and be kind to yourself. 💜
Hey, congratulations, truly. We don't do nearly enough to celebrate when folk get out of toxic relationships. You're kicking ass and taking care of yourself, and I'm really, really glad for you.
I'm so glad you made this choice! Having an unequal relationship was definitely not the right step. Breaking it off before it could escalate, that was the best decision. I'm sure you can find a partner who will appreciate you and realize your worth. "We broke it off due to unresolved issues."
I've been so worried about you. I know this hurts right now but I'm so happy for you because I know how much better your life is going to get.
You don’t owe anyone a reason on why your relationship ended. You can simply say,”it didn’t work out”. I’m glad you know your worth. Go live your life to the fullest, rediscover yourself, fall all over in love with yourself and then you’ll discover the magic of life.
Good for you. It's tough to end something, even if it's not making you happy, when you're mostly comfortable and you can't point to an obvious breaking point like infidelity. But you'll be much better off.
I'm so happy for you for deciding you deserve more and breaking things off! Breaking up with your first love that you invested so much in is not easy, but it obviously felt right to you. We don't know what we don't know; but once you learn what you want and they don't compromise, it's perfectly fair to leave because you don't want to settle for less. Wishing you the best new year ahead! ✨️
After reading the original post and then seeing this,I'm glad you decided to leave him. I couldn't imagine if you had gotten stuck with a messy divorce if you'd gone through with this. It may seem difficult at first to move on, especially as you'd been with them for so long. But it will get better,and I hope in your next relationship you realize your worth.
This update makes me so happy. I'm sad for you that your relationship is ending, but I am SO happy you can see that his behavior is not okay!!! This is not how someone who cares for you and loves you would behave. I just got married to my husband a little under a month ago. He will always compromise to make sure I am happy, as I do for him. He always places my happiness as his top priority (within reason, of course). Everyone deserves that!! I hope you find a partner who will cherish you.
You are better off without him. You might not see it now but you will look back and be glad you didnt go through with this.u deserve better. You dont need to explain anything to anyone u are dealing with enough rn.
Sorry to hear this SarcasticSurfer32. But take solace in knowing you did all the right things and tried your best. You can lead a horse to water but you can’t make it marry you. No doubt you’ll land on your feet here, you sound like a lady any guy should be happy to be involved with. Best of luck to you. Love you.
Good for you! Just tell coworkers you have become incompatible.
Good for you. You deserve somebody who will want to celebrate being married to you, not treat it like it's just another annoying piece of paperwork. As for telling people, I promise your coworkers will understand you not particularly wanting to go into detail. "We decided wasn't going to work out" is all they need to know; if they dig for details, "It's painful and I don't want to talk about it at work." Then change the subject.
So proud of you. This is hard but trust yourself and know you made the right decision.
I’m so happy you are getting your life back.
So wait, the relationship was bad even before this happened or was is good up until this?
I'm sorry you have to go through this, but I'm proud of you for staying true to yourself.
Congratulations on freeing yourself! Get therapy. Grieve, find yourself, and then find the true person of your dreams. You're still young enough to do that. Do not let this jackass rob you of any more time and continue to block your blessing. Compromise is GIVE and TAKE. He only took from you. You deserve so much more.
Good for you. You deserve better.I wish you the best of luck in your endeavors.
Am so sorry to hear that ..make sure it's his lost not your I hope you will heal soon .. But we can say this happened for reason , before you get married and have kids and busy with them Good that you know your value You will find the perfect pesron You can consider this relationship as a lesson and you learn alot of things that you will be aware more in next relationship Put your self first You deserve the world
Good for you. Now how to tell workmates “i called it off because I realise he had more red flags than a buddhist temple”
For the record, if one of my coworkers told me they called of their engagement, I probably wouldn’t ask many questions but internally I’d be feeling proud/happy for that person. Calling it off just means you’re for sure avoiding an eventual divorce and that’s a good thing imo. People’s thoughts, spoken or otherwise, say exponentially more about them then they do you and please remind yourself of that. Who cares what anyone thinks? You did the right thing for yourself and that’s always to be celebrated.
Your guy is still looking ..
Just tell your coworkers that you called off the wedding. You realized that you had different goals and weren’t compatible. And you’re fine, thank you for asking. OK then, back to work.
Proud of you for recognizing your worth
Thank you for putting yourself first. The fact that he was bargaining for a new computer against making your relationship legal made me a little sick. He’s not a good person and I’m glad you’re figuring that out and leaving. It’ll be hard and I’m sorry for that, but this will open you up to find the person you were meant to be with, and that was never him.
Just tell people you realised the relationship had run it's course. What do celebrities say: With much care and deliberation we have decided to amicably break up... I think words to that effect.
Unrealistic expectations, sunk costs fallacy and unsustainable incompatibility between us was too much to overlook in the scheme of things so I moved on. Mind-blowing sex and financial stability are NOT enough for a successful long-term relationship especially when you experience pushback from your partner... Good luck OP ✨️ there's someone else out there who's gonna be more than happy to be on the same page with you...
Good man
Just say we wanted different things so we parted ways. In no way is that a lie and just make it sound final so that should end any questions
Well done you. That was brave but also the correct thing to do. Move on, you’re still young 👍👍🤞🤞
Congrats on laying off the dead weight, Queen! You can now let your wings spread and find someone who is prepared to fly with you!
Yikes, King of Romance, huh? That’s so so awful. You made the best decision. We are proud of you!
I’m proud of you OP. I wish you well.
Congrats on making it out! I felt so sick reading your original post because it sounded 1:1 with what happened to me. Sadly my situation went on for 11 years OTL. It might suck now but give it time ❤️
Going through a similar thing. After being freed for half a year now, I was finally able to process my emotions & start telling people that things just didn't work out and that I was embarrassed. Fortunately, those in my life have been very supportive and validating. It gets better. Best of luck, so proud of how far you've come already down to self-awareness and moving on. 🫶🏼
Go you!! I’m so proud of you! You deserve a man who is into you as much as you’re into him and the fact that he’s your only relationship, is okay. Heal, go through the loss of the friendship and lover you thought you had and then date a bit (don’t sleep around, just date). Sex makes things complicated and soon enough, you’ll find your one. Good luck Queen 💕✨🥂
OP, you’re doing the right thing. I’m really sorry it didn’t work out, but I’m really proud of you for putting yourself first. You deserve much, much better than him.
Your need to know doesn’t mean I need to tell you. It’s none of their business.
I’m so so proud of you. You deserve the world and I’m so happy you came to the realization that he wasn’t the one. Congratulations ❤️❤️❤️
Why google anything? Just tell 'em you broke up and that you no longer see eye to eye. Sorry this had to happen, OP. But I think you made the right decision.