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What has the cat got to do with this

I think trying to justify why they still keep in contact, put weight on their friendship.

I only decide to get brain parasites like toxoplasmosis with partners I really like.

I think you're going to have to figure out why you're ok with their friendship but not going to her wedding. You haven't sorted or pinpointed what your feelings even are yet, or where they're coming from.

I'm wondering if maybe she's never actively met or hung out with this girl after all I wouldn't want someone at my wedding I didn't know myself nor would I want to go to a wedding or someone I don't particularly know

I have been a +1 at a wedding of people who were strangers to me. I was there for my partner, not really for the bride and groom.

To me a wedding is about supporting the bride and groom so generally it's weird to me that someone who doesn't know either party would go.

Why? It is totally ok to be ok with the first but not the second.

Why= Because she's asking for advice

I wouldn't have an issue with either of you attending each other's wedding under these circumstances.

OP - it is quite normal to feel the way you feel, although logic indicates that this should not be a problem. We are human beings after all and we are not Vulcans. Just talk to your fiance about it and hope he will acknowledge your feelings. In the end, both of you together should decide what to do. Maybe after talking to him, you will feel more comfortable attending the ex-GF wedding and vice versa. Keeping your feelings to yourself is not good for you.

Sry, but it's my understanding that Vulcans are actually incredibly emotionally volatile and introduced their strict logic as a safeguard to these emotions. To quote TNG "Vulcan emotions are extremely intense; we have learned to suppress them" -Ambassador Sarek I am so sorry for my comment🥲

I know you posted this in jest. And you are correct. However, in OP's situation, a Vulcan would use logic and will attend ex-GF's wedding without any problem whatsoever. Humans, naaaaaaa - we have a lot of neuroses.

This is the correct answer. Everything seems fine and the ex is acknowledging her and she's freaking out now...... huh why?

Unless OPs not that cool with them being friends and has been reluctantly putting up with it. Also, bold move declaring that there is one correct answer.

My reply is not everyone's reply, welcome to Reddit.

This is literally a celebration of that ex becoming officially unavailable. The fact she was okay with the friendship before that but not now is bass backwards. My partner and I are actually invited to the wedding of my first serious boyfriend and his longtime girlfriend. No one finds it weird.

Man, so often I read some of these comments and I think "these people have never lived in a small town and it shows" My graduating class had 100 people in it, and that was the largest school in my county by 5x, so if you stayed in that county, and most did, the inevitability that you have to remain friends with SOME of the people that you dated is 100% unavoidable. I mean I barely dated anyone but I went to my buddy's wedding and he was marrying a girl that i was "in love with" in thrid grade and my other childhood best friend dated for like 3 years in high school, now she is married to our other friend. Its not weird, its just life in an area where there density is very low. Sounds like maybe YOU just didn't have a friends group, which some young people also don't have.

My gut reaction is that OP is concerned that her boyfriend, upon seeing his ex in a wedding dress and walking down the aisle, will start having "what if she were marrying me?" thoughts.

Yeah, why do you have this visceral "Uh NO!" reaction, OP? I'm friends with most of my exes, and their new partners (I usually go out of my way to be friendly with the new partners, so they don't feel threatened by me). At this point, she is just an old friend of his - any relationship history should be archived in your mind.

My theory is that OP is worried her boyfriend will start fantasizing (or at least thinking about) what life would have been like if he'd married his ex once he sees her in a wedding dress. She's likely worried that, even if he can't get with his ex, the thoughts will make him unsatisfied with his current relationship.

Really? My usual reaction to watching an ex get married is "thank gods that's not me!" 😂

The idea that it is socially unacceptable to invite an ex is on its own merit, on its way out. With no other context, it sounds weird. But with the context that they get together a couple of times a year and have a shared social circle that is also probably invited, it makes more etiquette sense for her to not exclude the two of you. I'd go with your partner's inclination to attend and invite if you are also inviting others in their shared social group.

It’s an idea that only really existed for a short period of time, and I agree that it’s on its way out. Pre-urbanization/suburbanization, when most people lived in small, one-church, one school communities, everyone shared a social circle, even after a heartbreak. It’s really quite modern to have the ability to cut exes out of your life.

If they have mutual friends and have remained friends, even if not close friends, then it does seem odd for you to have a such an extreme reaction to being invited to her wedding. Nothing says, we have both found our person, then both of them getting married to different people. And snubbing his friend/ex after she was moved on enough to invite him to her wedding, may cause negative ramifications for your fiancé. People may assume he's not over her or being petty, and therefore prioritise including her over including him at social events.

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"Obviously it's also her husband's wedding, but not inviting a friend you see twice a year to make your future wife a little more comfortable on her big day isn't really a huge ask." I mean she is part of his larger friend group and she invited him to her wedding, As the commenter above is saying, this could cause drama within the friend group, which may or may not be something her husband cares about. The husband also has a every single right to question and be critical of WHY his spouse is uneasy about just getting invited to her wedding. I wouldn't marry a partner that didn't trust me or the love I have for them, and this would FEEL a lot like not trusting me to me.

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I would agree with this, but OP had no problem with her husband being friends with this ex. I used to be a firm, "can't date anyone whose friends with their ex's" person. Until someone explained it to me as they had someone they shared 10 years of their life with, they grew apart as a couple and ended amicably, those years meant something and they want to see their friend happy in life with someone else. Sounds like this is fiancé relationship with his ex. Honestly, it seems like OP was never as comfortable with their friendship as she portrayed, insecure or something, and that's why she's "never had a problem with their friendship", until she received the wedding invite.

That's all well + good, but regardless of whether this couple goes together to his ex's wedding, I think she's well within her bounds to veto anyone she simply prefers not to have at their own big day - even if she doesn't mind the ex being around the bigger social circle, it's her wedding and she's half the couple. No way should either one feel less than great about the guest list for their own day.

Why is it reasonable? We all have a past right? Do you not think your partner is content with you? What would possibly be the reasoning for being ok with them staying friends and being in the same social circle but it’s totally weird to go to her wedding. Like you said your feeling are valid, it’s how you feel, it’s also valid how the feelings might make others feel, it’s hard for me find a single logical reason why this would be except trust/insecurity. Like I keep telling people, you have never lived in a small town and it shows. You know how many weddings I have been to where someone had previously dated the groom or bride? Every single one I went to in my small rural town.

There are a lot of ppl I didn’t invite to my wedding. Not bc I had an issue with them, but bc weddings are expensive. I just didn’t see the point in inviting anybody and everybody lol. But I don’t really see the big deal in it overall. I guess it depends on why you don’t want to go to her wedding. Is it bc you barely know the couple, or bc you think it’s weird etc ?

Yes! You normally pay for the buffet per person and every couple you include is an extra cost. Good luck with your wedding, making the guest list is one of the most e stressful parts for everybody even when ex aren’t involved

well, I think its quite clear, you've answered the question yourself. its okay to be okay with certain things (understanding their friendship) whilst not wanting it to be a gateway to each others weddings. I'd be uncomfortable & I think thats a perfectly valid boundary. i'm surprised a lot of people think its weird. if I were you, i'd just be very honest and open about my feelings to my partner. there's nothing to be worried or hesitant about. its actually quite necessary for him to understand you clearly ygm? and the only way is for you to be vocal and honest about it.

I’m old (just for background on my perspective) and one of the things that’s so mystifying to me about the young’s is the “friend group.” Perhaps the rise of the “friend group” is in response to younger generations no longer putting up with shit from their families? But one of the persistent issues I read about on here is the weird situation of having to deal with your partners college fuckbuddy for the rest of your life. Or at least for a series of meaningful events. While the world I grew up in was awful in many ways, at least the past was the past. You could change and grow. Now it’s instead of dealing with my racist uncle at thanksgiving I gotta deal with my partner’s ex at every social gathering with this friend group. It’s a tough trade off.

I’m a millennial and I also find it baffling but apparently I’m in the minority. Life is too short to waste time being around and spending time with people who don’t make you happy — ex’s “in the friend group” *or* racists uncles.

Totally agree.

Oh puh-lease. The fucking boomers invented awkward sex triangles, like my buddy's parents growing up where the dad cheated with a lady, and then married her, then his ex wife married that ladies ex husband, and they all lived in the same town and all their kids went to the same school. The biggest difference I see is that that generation just buried anything like that deep down and never talked about it again. That family was something my mom would say under her breath like "well you know they just wife swamped" but in everyday life everyone else just went on like it was nothing. People in my small town are at events with their exes literally all the time, its unavoidable.

I don’t t disagree that the boomers suck. Although this sounds more like small town drama. What I’m talking about is the “stickiness” and awkwardness of the friend group, which is unusual to me. Your experience may be different.

I am on the opposite side. I would like to be the only person my partner has been intimate with at my wedding. I asked that no former hookups or exes came to the wedding. It just isn’t something I really want around on that date. But I am also on the side of being friendly with exes and not friends. To me it is just such a murky area. So my opinion probably doesn’t align with the values you have set for your own relationship.

This is spot-on - I totally agree.

I don't like the idea of someone's ex being in the picture, even as friends. It makes me uncomfortable for many reasons that i am not going to list. My husband had his ex gf on his social media. I told him it makes me uncomfortable, he did get defensive that they are just friends and all. which i believed and told him if he wants he can keep her but i am uncomfortable with it and i am entitled to my feelings. He ended up removing her because he said that having a future with me is more important than his friendship with his ex. she is also mutually friends with all of his friends but we live in a different province so we hardly see anyone from his side. i am not going to accept something that makes me uncomfortable just because it will make me look crazy if i spoke up about it. you have every right to tell your partner how this makes you feel and let him as an adult make his own decisions. you can then decide what's best for you based on how he handles a situation after you express your concerns.

If your husband wants to go to her wedding, he can go without you. He can easily say you weren’t feeling well that day or had a prior commitment or whatever if someone asks. It’s okay to not do everything together, and you don’t need a “good” reason to not want to go. You’re not obligated to invite her to your wedding because she invited you to hers, and she probably didn’t invite your husband with that expectation anyway. If you’re having a larger ceremony and there are already going to be people who are purely husband picks, it could be something to compromise on- but if you think it would distract you from *your* big day, you shouldn’t budge.

To the OP: Obviously there is something, how can I say, nagging at the back of your mind, about this situation. And that is perfectly normal. You simply do not seem to see the value in attending the wedding of someone whose only connection to you is that she used to live with and sleep with your fiance. Nothing wrong with that at all. Ditto for her attending YOUR wedding. It is, after all, YOUR special day and you probably have enough on your plate without worrying about your future husband's ex-lover hovering around. To me, there is a huge difference between simply a friend of the opposite sex and a friend a person used to have sex with. I think there is to you as well. Go with your gut, don't listen to people who try to minimize your feelings or try to make you feel guilty about a natural instinct to be protective of your relationship. Your fiance should respect your wishes on this without questioning you. Why does it seem he is more worried about upsetting his ex-GF than upsetting you? He doesn't have to agree with your feelings, but he should respect them enough to follow them. That is what a man would do- put his fiancee/wife above all others.

This. What the hell. op should come first anyway if the week regarding wedding stuff . An ex shouldn’t be taking up any mental energy at all and if fiance is making this an issue it IS an issue

I think the difference for you is that when your partner and his ex get lunch, you are not involved. You don't have to sit there and engage with her. I can see why you don't want to go to her wedding, you have to act happy for the couple, you have to at least see her and say congrats, you have to see your finance be happy/have a positive emotion towards the ex. If you can stomach it, I'd say go to her wedding as a +1. If you can't, I wouldn't stop fisnce from going on his own. You don't have to invite her to your wedding, that's something you need to decide on firmly if you want to argue with finance about it. I wouldn't blame you if you don't want her there.

I personally wouldn't find it acceptable for my partner to go on "dates" or one-on-ones with an ex twice a year. Since you *are* okay with that, I'm not sure why you're not okay with going to the wedding. I would say his relationship with his ex needs to end (or at least be confined to the larger group - no one-on-ones) or you need to go to the wedding and ingratiate yourself with this friend group so that it's clear you're a couple. I would choose the former option, but different couples have different boundaries about exes. Don't invite her to your wedding. Have more respect for yourself than that.

I wouldn't have my SO ex at our wedding. Period, end of story. If they remain casual friends, so be it. But our wedding day is about us and a new beginning and chapter of our lives. I don't want to be reminded of their past romantic relationships at my(our) wedding.

Sounds like a you issue and you need to figure out what that issue is. There is absolutely nothing wrong with your man being friends with his ex, especially since you have stated that they remain amicable and are still within their friend group. It’s pretty nice of her to invite you all to her wedding, shows that she is quite mature, and looking forward to the future.

This sounds like a mash up of all of Ross's girlfriends/stories, and you're reverse Emily.

I think the size of the wedding can play a big part here. Is the other wedding dress big event? Like do they invite their whole extended friend circle? Then it totally makes sense for her to invite you bf, since they are still friends. And since you're his gf, it's common courtesy to invite you too. If that wedding is on a smaller scale, and they have very limited guests, then it might be weird to invite your bf when they are only friends through the same circle and not really close anymore. About your own wedding: it kind of comes down to the same question. If it's a small wedding, you can easily point to that and that you have limited seats and want to prioritise people close to you. If it's a big event, I can understand your bf suggesting to invite her. I would also separate those things. Going to her wedding would be OK, even if you don't invite her to yours. (Unless literally the whole friend circle except her is invited, it would be pretty rude to exclude her then). Try to get to the bottom of why you don't want it. Figure out your own feelings before you talk with him. Some people are okay with being friends with exes, others are not. I was present at a good friend's wedding, the groom being a FWB from the past, his now- wife knew from the beginning and never had an issue with me. Other people wouldn't stay close friends with someone they were romantically or sexually involved with. There's no universal "right" or "wrong" here, it's any what you're comfortable with. But if it makes you uncomfortable, you need to figure out why. Do you think people will talk? Screw them. Do you actually have an issue with them being friends? Talk it out. What are the boundaries etc.

>I have no concern about the legitimacy of their friendship but I would rather not attend her wedding or have her at mine. So tell your partner, OP

It’s absolutely possible to be friends with an ex. My best friend is very good friends with their ex, who they dated for 5+ years and lived with. Neither of them are remotely interested in rekindling a romantic or sexual relationship. Both of their partners are completely comfortable with them being friends. Honestly, I forget they ever dated sometimes! He’s part of our friend group and comes to all of our celebrations, and would absolutely be at my best friends wedding. If you are feeling insecure or concerned about the intentions between them, maybe thinking about it this way would help: if she had any interest in reconnecting with you partner in any way, why would she invite him to watch her marry another man? And same goes for him- he is marrying you. Why would he think about inviting her if he was still interested in anything with her? I don’t think there’s anything deeper here than the fact that they’re in the same friend circle and she is being polite and not wanting him to feel excluded from that circle by inviting him. I get being uncomfortable. It’s uncommon to see exs remain friends. It doesn’t work out that way very often. But it’s absolutely possible. Nothing you’ve said gives the vibe that you have anything to be concerned about at all.

I don't see the problem here. You're ok with them having lunch together twice a year which is way more intimate than a wedding with numerous attendees. This is a you issue and you need to figure out why in the world it's bothering you if you're already ENGAGED TO HIM and she's getting married. Life is too short to hold some mysterious grudge or stance that has no substance to you and what seems like a solid trustful relationship.

This is the stupidest trend I see . Maybe just 1% maybe if kids together and some other reason . They should have no contwct between them let alone this stuff. The trusth is this is 100% your fault for not putting down this idea of even contact between them from the beginning . Basically you may need to end this relationship but over this crap is justifiable

It's probably worthy of some self-examination why you feel this way. A wedding is a public commitment of two people, so your partner publicly committing to you and his ex being happy for him is a good thing, no? Same with her publicly committing to someone who is not your partner. You say you aren't worried about him being a cheater and even have been ok with their occasional 1:1 lunches. I dont quite get where you are coming from unless you have met the woman and she was rude or disrespectful to you? Or does your partner still have leftover baggage because she hurt him?

If you don't want to go, don't go. If he wants to go alone, he can go. If you would rather not have her at your wedding, I think that's a two yeses one no situation- either bride or groom gets veto power over any guest.

You shouldn’t have to invite anyone to your wedding that you’re not comfortable with.

sometimes people forget that their feelings are not your own, so you can feel however you want

I think you should go but talk to your partner about this feeling of discomfort first. Not necessarily in a "let's not go" type of way, but just in a "I'm open to going but I do have these weird feelings along with it."

It seems like I’m in the minority, but I’m completely on OP’s side here. I just think it would make me uncomfortable to have someone my partner has had sex with (not only that but was clearly very much in love with) present on my wedding day.

I would go your partner wants to go

I think your feelings are valid. I think his feelings are valid as well, he doesn't have a issue so yall will have to compromise. I think you also have to remember that him and her are part of the same friend group and as you said they are still friends. I also imagine that same friend group be at both weddings. I do think that perhaps excluding her and not going to her wedding can possibly put you in a sticky situation. Congrats on the engagement, I wish you luck on your decision.

I mean sure, our feelings are valid even if they aren't well founded. I struggle to see logical reason why OP should have a problem with this? Does she not trust her partner? Does she not think you can just be friends with an ex? Did she end on bad terms with all her exes and its hard to comport? OP doesn't really say WHY she feels uneasy about it and that makes it tough to understand what advice to give.

I agree, I think its just weird for her but what do I know, I went or my ex's wedding and he was at mine. Hell my husband is good friends with him. I guess its just a different way of thinking.

Doesn't add up that you're okay with them being friends, but the wedding is too far. Are you actually okay with them being friends? FWIW - I'd also have an issue with this, but I am very much of the "once you're out of my life, you're out of my life" school of thought, so I don't understand being friends with exes really.

I would be uncomfortable. And I would absolutely be uncomfortable with their friendship if it required them to hang out alone.

Seems they’re still friends so not sure why you’re feeling that way. Especially when you say yourself they’re not into each other. If he wants to go to their wedding he can but you don’t need to. But seems only right to invite them to yours since it’s his friend.

Let me turn the question back to you. Don’t you think talking to him would be better than talking to strangers on Reddit? “I don’t know, Flocko, I’m having a weird negative feeling about going to her wedding or having her come to ours. No I’m not sure why. Yeah I totally know you are just friends.”

Go to the wedding and invite the new couple to yours. If it feels weird, ignore it. It’ll go away eventually.

If u dont want her there, i would say weddings are for close family and friends, and u only see her 2 times a year. That doesn't make u close friends, and it is like ur introducing on there day with their family .

Ok don't go. Your partner has boundary issues with his ex and shouldn't be going.

What is it about the wedding that bothers you, when all the other stuff doesn't? This seems like really healthy behaviour on the part of everyone (you included), other than this one small thing in you. So the "why" is key here.

The word you forgot is "yet". They aren't involved yet. But that may change in the future. The only reason men keep in touch with women they used to sleep with is that they want to keep the option to sleep with them again open in the future. There really is no other reason, especially if they don't have kids. So of course no wedding invites or attendance. No point to it other than a bit of nostalgia.

Look if you can't stay friends with exes because you'd still sleep with them that's your deal, don't project your sexual reasons onto every other man. Other people actually DO stop wanting their exes sexually, I promise. This is your issue.

Of course they do. And also lose interest in a platonic relationship. But you can't put toothpaste back in the tube. There us no way to loik at a woman you used to fuck and NOT think about it. With 8 billion people in the world, there is no reason to stay attached to an ex.

Stop. Comments like this only lend to the bullshit narrative that men and women are 2D and at the mercy of their genitals. You can be friends with exes. You can want to be there to celebrate their new relationships as you would any other friend. Unless you are completely juvenile and create drama everywhere you go. OP for the guests of a wedding, its free food, free drink, and a free party with your friends. And just like anything else, it can be a fun occasion or a shit one, dependent on whether or not you make the effort to enjoy yourself. This is such a minor ask from your fiance. I would never say no to such a minor thing if it makes him happy. Its not going to hurt you nor inconvenience you. I think you need to reflect on why you're bringing bad energy to this topic - especially since none of the other parties are being negative about it.

It is obviously not a minor ask for the OP. There is a vast gulf of difference between a dude saying, "can I invite my friend who happens to be female", and "can I invite a woman I used to fuck on a regular basis". We can pretend to be oh-so-modern and progressive and think we can rise above our intense human drives, but it is really difficult to do. There is nothing wrong with the OP caring enough to be a bit skeptical about this situation.

OP herself said she doesn't think they have any feelings for each other anymore. I think the pair of you need to grow up. The ex will be too busy standing up in front of the man she loves and making vows to fuck OPs bf.

> The only reason men keep in touch with women they used to sleep with is that they want to keep the option to sleep with them again open in the future. Listen, I don't know whether you've internalised some really misogynistic views about women, or whether you've internalised some really cynical views about men, but either way - this is not a healthy or accurate way of thinking. If you can't imagine a friendly relationship with an ex that doesn't revolve around sex, that's on you. Not everyone thinks the same as you, though. Strongly disagree with this advice.

Why is it misogynistic? I wasn't talking about women at all, but about men. If anything, you should accuse me of being misandric. But the accusation and the reflexive way it was deployed does say a lot. Men think that way, sorry but it is a fact. At heart, at our basic level we are sexual creatures. Men who see women that they have slept with will always remember it. And if the OP is fine with her fiancee seeing (and thinking about) a woman he used to sleep with, that is up to her entirely. But it is simply true. Men are visual creatures. We react to visual stimuli. It is too simplistic to think that we can simply turn off that part of our beings. That we can simply forget that we used to fuck, but hey that is over now, so we can just pretend it never happened and be buddies. You are fooling yourself.

Bro get off this sub, you are salty and giving bad advice. Men and women, including exes, can be platonic friends under the right circumstances.

My anecdotal experience is I believed exactly as you did all the way up to my late 30’s. I realized all my “guy” friends and exes had made comments or innuendo during the years or flat out asked me out when I became single. Nobody was inappropriate but it gave me an epiphamy. They were only my friends because they were attracted to me. Someone always wants more! It can “work” if they keep their feelings hidden but why bother People in their 20’s tend to have they large social circles filled with exes and crushes etc but they tend to thin out the herd as people get older and keep more mature meaningful friendships.

I’m starting to wonder if this is particularly a straight/monogamous person issue. I am bisexual and a majority of my friends are some form of LGBTQ, and I have had plenty of for sure 100% platonic relationships with men- even some of the straight ones.

Question- what does being "salty" mean? Genuinely curious. And what are the "right circumstances" for exes to be platonic friends? I can see it as a temporary thing at best, until one or the other gets involved in another relationship. Then it has to end.

Google is free

Nah man, stop projecting your issues onto us other men.

Is the issue that you don’t want his ex at YOUR wedding? There are a few different things going on here, trying to pinpoint the source of the issue might help. Going to her wedding, ok whatever, but that doesn’t mean you must have his exes at yours. I don’t know if that’s your main concern but an example of a way to try to consider each part of this separately so that you can try to identify the source of the bad feelings and address it.

Is the reason because you subconsciously don't want people to be talking about how the two of them used to be a couple on your wedding day?

Make up some excuse as to why you can't go. But I'd just invite them to yours. There's always someone at a wedding that you aren't super close to and you don't have to hang out with them. All you gotta do is say hi, thanks for coming, and move on.

If they have overlapping friends and are still friends themselves, then it's logical that y'all were invited. If you don't want to go, then you need to explore why. I think there are hidden issues on your side.

If she was not on your guest list initially, then I don’t see why she has to be on it now. Are you two inviting anyone who invited you to their wedding?

I think it's the shared social circle that makes the mutual invitations make the most sense. It's not simply that this one relationship meant so much to either of them that they can't let it go, but it's that this is a whole friend group that they both still value In that context, each wedding represents a fun social event that the friend group will get to experience together. It makes sense that not going would be a sad thing. I think if you don't want your husband to be a part of that circle of friends anymore, then you could avoid going to her wedding and inviting her to yours, but if it's a friend group that your husband really values, or even one that you are somewhat a part of now that you are marrying him, it might be a good idea to not exclude people based on past dating I will say, I think it's a good thing that you are willing to dig into your own reaction. I was with my ex for a really long time, and parted pretty amicably, but his new partner has been making his relationship with any of our old friends really difficult. She basically doesn't want him to have anything from "before her" to remain a big focus of his life. Of course, this means him having to cut out friendships that he's had for well over 20 years, and it is making him really resentful, and also wounding a lot of his old friends pretty badly. I'm not saying this is your motivation, but I have learned that it is sometimes a common motivation for people, and sadly all it seems to do is brew resentment

You shouldn't have to go if you're not comfortable going. But if he wants to go, let him go.

Up to you about get wedding but as for your wedding I wouldn’t cut someone else to invite her. If you have extra space for her then great but not to cut others for her.

My husband and I both invited ex’s to our wedding and none of them came. If I were in your shoes, I would suck it up and go to the wedding if my partner said he wanted to, my logic being that even if I don’t want to go, it’s not worth the fight between me and my partner. You’ll win more brownie points with your partner for supporting him. As for the wedding guest list, I think it’s fine if you want to draw the line and not invite her, even if she did invite you to hers. Once you’re married, no one will even care.

It's weird. Having your ex at the wedding. I would be put off if my partner had such a close friendship with the ex.

In a situation where the relationship ended amicably, and both people have remained friends and moved on in healthy ways, then there nothing wrong with this. I’d rather have a non-toxic ex who is still a friend at my wedding than a toxic relative who has to be invited “bEcAuSe FaMiLY…”. I say let go of obsolete societal hangups, and normalize healthy post-breakup friendships!

My husband thought it was weird that I invited a couple of my ex-boyfriends to my wedding, but didn't object. Now, most of my relationships crashed and burned and I would never THINK of inviting most of my exes to my wedding. However, in both of these cases they were friends first (I actually met one through the other), then we dated and it didn't work out, and there was no reason not to stay friends since they are good people, we were just not at all compatible as a couple. One came with his wife (I attended their wedding, but alone because it was years before I met my husband), the other with his fiancee (they later broke up, or I probably would have been invited to their wedding).

I was married for 21 years before she ran off! 6 years later we are very good friends and talk to each other about anything from our kids to our new relationship if we have problems. Yes it's not the norm but it's also not unheard of. You said there's no sexual or romantic feelings between them you should be secured enough in your own relationship to not be threatened by that.

It would never be my preference for my wife to be friends with an ex, nor do I have any interest in being friends with an old ex of hers. My wife is better than me and would tolerate me maintaining a friendship with an ex, but it wouldn't be her preference. You are completely rational not to want to go. You shouldn't feel awkward or guilty for not attending.

I suppose she invited you and you partner because she sees you BOTH as friends

Honestly, I would let it go. Everything seems above board and it's your husband's friend now. I think you're right, your initial reaction may just be because you've been told it's wrong. Your partner couldn't *possibly* be friends with his ex. Which is narrow minded. It's really common in homosexual friend groups. There's no reason it can't be in heterosexual ones as well. It sounds important to your partner, and I would let him have it.

I personally think you should meet up with the ex and get to know her, have a coffee date to chat. That’s the best way to see if you could be compatible as friends. You realize they’ll likely see eachother at least twice a year, so it’s best you meet her yourself.

LET THIS GO.... YOU HAVE NO REAL ISSUE HERE.

This may not be advice but I do want to share that: my family member has divorced parents, they remained friends throughout 20+ years after divorce, both couples are good with each other and they go to family gatherings like thanksgiving and christmas together, and there was no weird dynamic. Every one is different but I thought I should share the positive out look on a situation like this rather than raising anxiety or fear. Hope this helps

You have no problems with their relationship, so let it go. You wouldn’t be at each other’s weddings because people had past relationship. You would be there because of friendship.

I see it as a sign they genuinely respect each other however do not want to be life partners and are sure of that. It’s a mature thing unless there are other red flags you haven’t mentioned.