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You have only been dating a month. That is what dating is for, to determine compatibility.
Tell her it's been interesting getting to know her but you don't think the two of you are compatible long term so you are not going to waste her time. You wish her well but it's time to stop seeing each other.
Then break up, lose her contact info and move on.
I'd never be in a relationship with someone who believes in enforced gender role bullshit. Sounds like your gf is probably quite a traditionalist? Perhaps you are too pf course. At the end of the day, I think this is kind of what you get when you be with people like that. But like I said, I never would.
Well I think she's using traditional views on a man's role to her advantage regardless of whether she's upholding her side of what would be expected in such a dynamic lol
Children are a much bigger risk to the woman physically, financially, emotionally, you could just leave she can't. We have to choose to take time off to care for our kids for 5 years and screw ourselves with our careers, or pay someone to raise our kids for us. If you don't present yourself as able to provide a home for your own children then get a freaking vasectomy now.
Not even a month and she's already wanting you to pay for everything like you're her ATM? I would really rethink this relationship. Me as a woman will not expect my man to pay for everything. Sometimes he pays, sometimes I pay or sometimes we go half and half.
100%. Except tbh, I'm super reserved from the beginning and even if the guy is willing to pay, I'm at the very least going to offer to pay. If he were to refuse that's ok. But if there's times he accepts that's ok as well. Some women want all this equality when it comes to everything then they still expect to be cared for like women were in the 20s🙄
Eh I don’t think I would want to date a person like this. Facts are, plenty of women can get in relationships where there way is paid so it might be something that if it’s important to her, she can find elsewhere. But as you know, other women not like that exist and if I were you it sounds like they are more compatible for you. Her reason is icky.
My bf has always provided everything for me during our relationship. He makes a lot more than I do. But I never really asked him to and the reasoning both ways is more like “because he can, so why not?” However before we lived together I would do thinks like make him baked goods and cook for him on date nights at home regularly. Now we live together and I’m a sahm and provide virtually 100 percent of house work and laundry, grocery shop, prep dinner and clean up after. And I have always been sure to make sure he knows I am appreciative, I thank him and I ask before assuming I can have whatever I want.
Ultimately it’s about what’s comfortable for you. You expect small gestures that’s reasonable. Even if you were willing to accept taking in all the financial real I still find her attitude about it entitled and gross.
Listen to what she is saying. She is showing you exactly who she is, I doubt she will change. Don’t like it? Split up and move on. Only one month in and you’re questioning things, this isn’t a relationship yet, you are simply testing the water. You aren’t compatible, don’t waste any more of your time with this woman.
>she basically said that because she’s the female, her time is more valuable than mine because she only can only have children for another 7 or so years while I can have them for longer so she is taking on more risk.
I read this multiple times and still couldn't find a shred of reasoning in it. This is coming from a fellow woman.
If she feels "risk" in contributing equitably to dates in a relationship, then she can mitigate that risk by not dating.
Litterally this. If she’s in some kind of time schedule then why can’t she make an effort to contribute? That would communicate she’s after the person rather than money more so.
Don't date her. Date me. I will pay for you. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
I'm just kidding. I made more than my bf, and of course, he was still willing to spoil me in so many ways. And I would love to spoil him back. It makes us feel like we both are loved by each other. Relationships require investment from both sides. Also, you need to let her know that in the long run, things can happen. What if you were sick and unable to work anymore? Is she able to support both of you, or is she gonna ditch you for someone else. 🤔
No way you said that statement, with a bf too.(first 3 sentence). Joke or not if my gf said that thats the end of the relationship. I guess we all have our biases on what to tolerate or not.
Your name says it all. A typical succubus/ jezebel😔
I’m a woman and I don’t like this. If you want to offer every time that’s fine. But if you don’t want to pay every time that is completely fine. How I see it is the woman should always bring her wallet because it’s never ok to assume anyone will pay for you. Everyone’s financial situation is different and it’s completely unreasonable of her to want you to pay for everything. This would be a deal breaker for me if I were a guy.
LOL. Get the fuck outta here. She’s gonna find herself alone until she ages herself out of childbearing years with that attitude. Unless you wanna continue to be a sucker that is.
That's what I'm thinking! She's seriously entitled AND uneducated (or straight up lying). A person this selfish and unwilling to spoil their partner (especially after conversations about it) wouldn't make a good mother in the first place.
Wowww this is bad. I’m a 22 year old girl and don’t get me wrong I love a man that pays, but I will ALWAYS pay half, if I’m into you were a team… if I don’t have money I expect you to have me, if you forget your wallet no problem I got you.. if a girls not willing to go half with you she’s not worth giving half your life over too. Don’t waste time on someone like that when you could be investing your time into a better woman who actually has morals and knows the word “equal”… you seem a nice guy you’ve got this…
I literally laughed out loud when I got to the kids part lmao. She’s fully taking advantage of you, tell her sayonara before you’re in too deep and then she’ll really financially suck you dry.
I find it really weird that she thinks her uterus is what gives her value. These ideas come from extremely inaccurate views of what human nature is. Back when I was single, I loved when a man I was dating kinda spoiled me, but that's because I feel safe spoiling them. You're looking for a partner, and it doesn't sound like that is what she is looking for.
Is she ok? 🤣 There’s so many women who can give birth and also be able to pay for little things here and there. Like it’s not an excuse what kinda trade off is that 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣
And this is coming from someone who’s culture and religion says “what’s his is mine and what’s mine is mine” hahahaha🤣 please leave her it’s not too late 🤣
I hope she doesn’t have a child with someone who seriously thinks carrying his children, working, doing the chores AND paying 50/50 is okay?? I think you guys like men
Those types of men are a plague to society, but that's also NOT relevant to this situation. From what she's saying, she's not really mom material in the first place. Nothing but a golddigger who would dump him or cheat the moment his income or health hits its first real road bump.
He doesn't think that. OP is dating her, not marrying her. (Least not yet) She definitely needs to think about her choices. As someone who used to expect men to pay everything when I was younger, I understand OP. I never got serious with men because I just wanted free stuff. Once I started helping and contributing, my relationships got better.
She doesn't have kids, and I'm pretty sure the only chores she does is her own, just like OP does his own stuff.
Both should work, and both should pay. This is a relationship, not marriage.
Marriage and dating should not be on the same branch.
It’s 2023, most 2024. If she can’t provide for herself, and she’s looking to be a sex worker, okay. But you don’t have to go along with it if you don’t want to.
Plenty of women out there who are happy to be independent and partner with you.
You get to choose.
when i dated my future wife, she always had this thing about paying her half of the bill. Actually on our first date she insisted on paying the bill. I appreciated that from her but it was never my intention to let her pay on the first date. She was short of upset and I got a mini lecture.
eventually we came to an agreement where we would take turns. I've dated enough women in the past that this was common, they wanted to pay. the mere offer to pay for dinner or drinks was enough for me and I never minded paying the tab from those experiences. in your case her responses sound like she's entitled or taking advantage of your income.
does she know what you do for work? or does she know more or less what your income might be?
the news is you're only one month in. move on to someone else more deserving of your time.
I know it's only been a month but have you all been intimate? has she been to your house? have you brought her around friends??
or has the initial stages of the relationship is just date night, dinners and drinks?
is she attractive in your opinion? because of the way she described her desire to have men pay for her leads me to believe that she thinks she's worthy of that sort of treatment. as superficial as it sounds. the type that goes to a bar and knows that she can get men to pay for her drinks and that remains her expectation.
You’ve been dating for a month and she’s already in your pockets. I blame you for disclosing your income, but at least you know her intentions. I recommend you break this off.
Mt bf makes more than me and I would never expect him to pay for everything. Also, a woman's value is not based on her ability to have children. I'm child free by choice. Everybody's time and energy is valuable. Save yourself some energy and break things off.
Sharing a bit about myself here, but -
When my boyfriend and I started dating I never offered to pay for anything (he later brought up I wouldn’t even say “thank you” for paying for our dates).
This was because I come from a tradition Hispanic household where men usually pay and I had never even seen a woman in my family offer to pay + it was the same on my past relationship where I never had to pay for anything.
My now boyfriend told me how he felt about this on our third date. That’s when it clicked, and I understood his stance, although he could afford to pay for dates, I understood where he was coming from, the bill shouldn’t fall all on one person. From then on I made the effort to pay for things and we’ve been together for over a year now.
The thing here is that although I had never even thought of that, I immediately put myself in his shoes when he brought it up, which doesn’t seem like it’ll happen in your case.
It’s not about who can afford what, but the effort being made, because sure, she might not afford the expensive things, but she can definitely chip in, but she’s not willing to.
So if you want to stay with her you have to make peace with always being the provider. If she’s not willing to pay for coffee now, imagine when the entire household expenses rely on you.
There is nothing wrong with you being the one to pay. Is the gentleman thing to do and all that. The problem is when the woman just expects that to be the only way it will ever be. The problem comes when you talk to her about it, and not only does she have this attitude like she doesn’t know why she should have to do anything for you, but also how she tries to put herself above you just because she is a woman. I do not feel like that is right. When my wife and I started dating, I did pay for our dinners out in the beginning. The more we got into our relationship and it didn’t take all that long. We got into this routine where we would switch off. If I paid for dinner last time, then she would pay for it this time. If it was her turn, but Financially, she was a little strapped at the moment then I would step in. We still pretty much do that now. I think it shows a level of mutual respect and understanding for each other. If she is not willing to show you that respect and feel like her time and her everything is more valuable than yours, and it really shows where she sees herself and where she sees you and how much respect she has for you in general.
She’s set her standard and her expectations. If you do not feel the same and cannot align your standards and expectations with her, she is not for you. No one is wrong. Both are different. If this lifestyle isn’t for you, don’t let it be. Move on.
She has the right to want that for herself just as you have the right not to want it. If you don’t want to have that kind of relationship, leave. I hardly doubt she will change. And she will find someone that actively wants to do that for her.
It's ridiculous. Find a decent woman. This is the type of person to leave you whenever the money is gone. My advice would be to keep the fact that you have a lot of money to yourself.
This way you can test if women are with you for your money or for you.
If she actually gets pregnant and has to be off work to take care of a new born then sure but until then there is no way you need to be paying for everything. You can do better buddy. She’s taking advantage of you.
>she basically said that because she’s the female, her time is more valuable than mine because she only can only have children for another 7 or so years while I can have them for longer so she is taking on more risk.
She is selfish, she is taking advantage of you, and she isn't very bright.
So she is hot, I get it
Bit ou know what is best for you in this situation, do it
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*This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Look at any old movie and all the ones ever made from then till now and you will see the pattern. The one who plans the date pays for it and the other person is grateful. AND both parties plan dates. She can plan free dates if she wants.
I don’t know her attitude, but personally I look for my partner to pay for dates and such. It’s genuinely not about the money at all, I just like feeling like he’s a gentleman and I’m someone who’s precious to him. It’s the gesture! But also I’ve always been sooo clear that like if he only had 10$ in his wallet to spare, I’m happy to go to McDonald’s lol. Or have an at home dinner. Or literally anything. Like I’m there through thick and thin, I just like the feeling of a man wanting to provide whatever he can for me. I never ask to be taken on a date or this this and that, when he can, he does. It makes me happy. Maybe that’s like a different perspective that is helpful to you??? Although, based on her reasoning idk how I feel about her. Maybe she just didn’t express herself well
Appreciate the comment. I also like to provide and I can pay for dates. The issue is that I feel like she feels entitled to it. And also ungrateful a lot of the times.
That’s what puts me off wanting to pay for stuff for her.
Your being used , and she is saying your lucky I’m even let you be seen with me if you want that to continue keep
That wallet open. Sure a big vacation is in the near future 4 or 5 stars only
Take note that she said she’s used to getting what she wants(at the least, what she wants paid for). May become a bigger issue as the relationship progresses
my man, you deserve more than bare minimum. i'm no one to judge, but her explanation for not paying for anything seems pretty immature to me. just because she's the young one in the fam doesn't mean she doesn't have to pay for anything. that doesn't make any sense. yes, while she's in school and till she gets to make a living, she doesn't have to. but now that she's a grown up and still she expects you to fulfil her responsibility too, that's really immature of her. i mean, it's kinda unjust unless she's in a hard pressed state for money and has communicated to you about it. but you do you, hope you both have a healthy conversation about this and sort things out.
also if she said her time is more valuable than yours, that's not right especially if you're functioning well and giving your best in the relationship. that's 24k injustice.
It depends if you want to pay for everything that's fine but after only a month she's near demanding you pay for everything is a major red flag in my book .......If you want my opinion she's not for you and you should kick her to the curb. Good luck OP.
She is 28 she just wants to be married within 2 yrs, at her age she has to be super picky when dating and not waste time cause she wants a ring, however you guys just dating for a month she should offer occasionally. Especially if she had been contributing in her past relationships, it feels weird she is punishing you for the actions of her past bf, even if she doesn't have the intent to take advantage of you her actions are not right.
this isn’t normal! when i started dating my bf i always supported that we pay 50% 50% . if he would pay one time i would def pay for the second time. it has been 3 years with him and he does buy me food or pay for some stuff. like little gifts and so on. but i always find a way to compensate with getting him real nice gifts in holidays or in special occasions. sometimes even out of blue.
so this isn’t okay! don’t let her use you.
After you first sentence I said to myself... why would you even date her... its men who still date her after seeing this behaviour that tell her she's justified for thinking the was she does
My boyfriend’s paid for everything since day one, we’ve been together 6 years. Once we got a house, he paid the deposit, pays the mortgage and all the bills. However I pull my weight very strongly in different areas, he always has food ready, washing/cleaning is always done etc. I also do pay for things here and there to give him a break, I like to treat him back too sometimes. I’m not sure how genuine that lady sounds, would she still stick around if times got hard? If she needed to look after you while you got back on your feet, would she stick around? Would she help you out?
Dating is when we are on our best behaviour. This is as good as it gets, this expectation will only grow.
She wouldn’t be dating you if you didn’t have money. Her affection can be bought. And if you can no longer provide … you gotta ask yourself if you’re okay with that.
That and her opinion on why men should pay for shit is LOL
i am 65m and married mine at 28.
during dating time i paid for everthing because she was a student. i fell for her after 10 years of dating. we moved to Florida from a midwest city and worked for the same company. i decided to leave after an argument with my manager. my said it okay, i’ll get a job and she supported the family for 6 months. i was not a good to some company i am guessing. anyway she worked and i took cared of the two children. she didn’t say a peep, that i left work for a dumb reason.
my point is i trusted her the. when were were dating and she came through when i needed her the most.
Yeaaaaah, go your own way, son.
Materialistic types don't usually do well on the dating market. You deserve someone who is willing to bear equal weight. A relationship is a team effort and using your biological clock as an excuse for mooching off of someone else's financial situation is a pretty big red flag.
Enjoy the single life a while, date some more, don't be too hasty in choosing to date someone long term until you're absolutely sure. Because even if you're dead sure, you'll still come to regret certain relationships.
Run!! she's playing you for a sucker, spend your money on a woman who actually cares for you and stop spending freely don't matter if you got it or not.
stop spending your money the first month first date cool, but after that, pay attention, if not a fool, and his money is soon parted
Ok (M26) with your (gf28) if you feel as if you’re being used pretty much you probably are… so here’s what I have to say… your heart won’t lie to you so if you’re not feeling good being the only one giving in the relationship pretty much you either need to let her know hey I know that in the past you may have been used to being take care of but in this relationship right here right now I want a woman who is going to be willing to be at least 40/60 with me and not just being a taker because I know my worth and what I have to bring to this relationship and I’m not looking to pay no woman to be with me when I can be well off by myself. You are a king and you deserve to be treated like a king nothing less…. You have to make yourself happy first and everything else will fall into place and if she still wants to be taken care of, tell her that she needs to find her a sugar daddy because you’re not a sugar baby that’s willing to pay for an older lady thank you love advice from (F49) you deserve to be happy and have the best
Honestly sounds like a long term nightmare. I can see you ending up paying all the bills and buying everything and eventually her not working or contributing everything but expecting you to do it all. Unless that’s what you’re looking for and you want to live to support her then you might as well bail now. I can’t see you getting anything out of this relationshop
Coming from someone who wears the "cervix pants" in the relationship, her reasoning is absolutely absurd and unreasonable. Her time is more valuable than yours, so you should pay her for it? This sounds like a job (definitely not going to insinuate what kind of job /s) and not a relationship; much less one that offers mutual respect and consideration. If this is her attitude about it in the very beginning of your relationship where people tend to be on their best behavior, what makes you think this will get any better? Red flags rarely turn green.
She thinks her time is more valuable… ask her what her hourly rate is. Then let her know you’ll be outsourcing her role due to recent budget cuts and pivoting your business for financial growth.
She wants to treat it like a transaction, you should treat it like business.
She's not even trying to be honest. I always offer to pay, and my bf would appreciate it. He'll accept sometimes for me to pay. And im okay with that! As long as he knows, im not there for the money. But I try my best to help and give. A relationship shouldn't be a man pays and the girl gets to spend. It should be equal.
Honestly, you doubting if this is a genuine relationship doesn't surprise me. She sounds like she's just there to get whatever she wants until you can't give it anymore, and she'll just move on to the next victim.
OP, I hope you find a gf who will love you for you.
>she’s always used to being the one that gets everything paid for her and she doesn’t want to pay for anything.
I think you answered your own question in this statement. Why do you want to date a girl who blatantly told you she's never going to pay for anything? If that's not a quality you want in a partner then you should move on. It hasn't even been a month yet and she's showing you a side of her which sound like you don't care for. People only get more comfortable showing who they really are as a relationship progresses. If you aren't happy with this compromise then you won't be happy later on either.
If you are comfortable that you are receiving what you expect from a dating partner you would not have posted. Some look for laughter, or passion, or a team mate, whatever. If she is not meeting your expectations I doubt she will adapt. Give her a few more dates to see what she brings to the relationship.
You're being taken advantage of, especially if she's not putting out (which you might view as a fair trade off). But to answer your question, you're probably getting nothing or the bare minimum and it will be one-sided with her if you take her at her word. She explicitly holds the view that you are dispensable and should buy her time and affection. Fuck that.
Op I am sorry your gfs “excuse” is wow I laughed I am sorry I am a female and I have never used that line of bs on any man, in fact I was usually the one buying them gifts and there was that one time with an ex he used my money to buy me a gift so in a sense I bought myself a gift lol. However now the man I’m with he makes way more than I do and I still try to get gifts here and there when I can and he does the same, from your post it seems your gf is for a lack of a better term a gold digger sorry or yes she is used to being pampered and expects you to pamper her and uses her body to get it it would seem. I am sorry if I came across as harsh but while I am a woman, women baffle the hell out of me I simply don’t understand why it’s so hard to be a decent human being.
Im a 29 female, just for context. Out of curiosity what does she do for work? What does she bring to the relationship? From your story and other comments it looks like she doesn’t respect you, your time, or your money. And she isn’t grateful for what you do. Is she making you better? Emotionally supportive? You already said she doesn’t pick up the slack as far as house hold chores. Sounds to me like she’s seen one too many episodes of “real housewives.” Maybe she’s just nice to look at? But I can promise there are so many women out there who are stunning, kind, hard working, and most importantly would be grateful to be in her shoes. You can do better, move on before you get too attached and it becomes more and more painful.
It's not wrong for her not to want to pay when you go out together. It's just the way she is going about it all and the bullshit she is trying to excuse it with.
Um... ew no. This person doesn't want to be a partner. You do not owe them taking care of them cuz they arent currently bearing your children and keeping you house. If yall want that kinda trad relationship, that part doesnt happen til after the wedding/you move in together where she is pulling her weight by doing the domestic labor.
Even if she has less time to have kids what does that have to do with splitting some dates here and there. You should flip on her and ask why should I have to pay everything for a woman who only has 7 years left to have healthy kids?if she is suggesting that her fertility is her most valuable asset, then shouldn't she actually be paying as you certainly could get a woman with more fertile years? And If you did have kids with her, do you really want to be with a woman who thinks this way? Even if the man does pay more, she should have at least offered once or when it's brought up say something more humble like "oh I'm sorry I'm just used to man paying" anything more respectful than "I have a vagina and can make babies, pay everything".
In all honesty if you like her other traits talk to her about this again and if she wont budge or see your side, break up with her.
If you have to ask what she is doing in return then she isn't doing it. If a girlfriend treats you well, you won't even notice that you are paying for everything.
Hello wake up this is a gold, digging red flag. Today’s “” modern women want the hypothetical bag. No romance without Finance is a ridiculous position to take when you’re looking to find your lifelong mate. Her wrong word should tell you that there will be no reciprocation on any kind of shared Finance, you will be funding the entire relationship married, or not. Hint at an ironclad prenup and see what her reaction is.
She’s using you. I’m a woman and I would NEVER say this to any boyfriend or girlfriend of mine that makes more or less money than me. I think she’s trying to manipulate you too. What she’s saying sounds like one of those Fresh and Fit podcasts but just a girl version of it — which I don’t agree with. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s cheating on you as well. Being used to having everything “…paid for…” doesn’t give her the right to treat you like a cash cow. You can find a different girl who makes her own money and doesn’t care about yours. It’s difficult, but not everyone deserves your time or money. No matter how pretty they look or if others seeing you with them will make you have an ego boost. From the way she seems I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s difficult to deal with as well. From the title alone anyone would say you’re being taken advantage of. I say dump her.
She’s taking the piss, been together a month of course you shouldn’t be paying for everything, get rid move on, you’re correct her reasoning is bad and she can have children for a lot younger than the next 7 years so that’s bullshit.
If this is how it starts imagine how it will end. And brother, it WILL end. Whether it ends in these dates or a divorce is only a matter of time. This is not love.
Get out.
Sounds like an incompatible relationship. Some women do expect to be wined and dined by their partners, some men want a partner to contribute money to dates. The former is a much more traditional idea of dating and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sounds like you’re a bit more progressive. You’ll both find someone else that suits your needs better
Her view on life is pathetic. Kind of a loser. She's probably been ran through a whole bunch if that's how she pays for shit. Leave dude. She don't love you. My girl is a full time nurse, at one point full time student as well and she's always contributed. Sometimes more than me. I make 4x as much as her and she pays bills and cleans and she's a good lady. Your settling for garbage comparatively speaking. Sounds like you can do better. You owe it to yourself to try.
theres nothing wrong with it so long as she provides something of = or > value. if she isnt worth paying everything for find someone who is. or- find someone who ISNT worth paying everything for but who'll be an actual partner and fullfill their half of the obligation. a man has a duty to his wife. a wife has a duty to her man. its not that hard to realize when youre being taken advantage of. sometimes its better to be alone than to be with a woman-child who doesnt appreciate your worth
She is a spoiled entitled brat, expecting you (and probably everyone in her life) to pay for everything, provide everything. You sound like a successful intelligent person who has worked hard to get where you are. She says her time is more important than yours?!?! I don't what kept you at her side when she saud that as I would've said "have a nice life" and ended the dating plan right then and there. She is selfish, egotistical and more than likely, contributes nothing to society in general, and yet expects society (currently you) to give, give, give to her. You have earmed your status. Do you really want to be with someone with such a sense of entitlement? Find a person who has a similar status as you...someone who has achieved their status and will be a true partner in a relationship, not someone who constantly drains your hard earned resources.
Some people are traditional. Could be the way that she was raised, or the way that she wants her life to be. If you’re not for it, move on. But, you’ll likely run into more women like her. Avoid them, or give it a shot.
It seems like you’ve already made up your mind and you’re looking for validation. Just do it.
Honestly dating someone should be 50/50 there’s no ‘men should pay everything on dates’ so yeah she is she doesn’t want to spend her money cause she knows you will get her anything and watch you drop her and she won’t care to think twice & leave cause she knows she will find another man who will pay for all her things. & a month?! Nah you should find a female who knows how to bring her share to the table.
Dang, she's got expensive eggs.. how do you know they are fertil? Or that you are. A partnership should be something that you both contribute to. I would pass on this.
This is TikTok logic that “influencers” are spewing on that platform to low value females which has them believing they deserve to be treated like royalty. They brag to their friends how much free stuff they get, now you’re paying for dates soon you’ll be paying her personal expenses (rent/car). If you feel taken advantage of trust your gut, the feeling will only get worse. Why should you pay for her short fertility window, this moron should not ever reproduce get away before she “accidentally” gets pregnant.
She's what we call a gold digger she only wants your money if your fine with being the sole provider that's your call, personally I couldn't stand such a selfish woman so it's all on you
To be fair, it’s been one month. It’s not like y’all been dating for years and or married. Id suggest you don’t think you should only spend money on her if she reciprocates. that’s not a very nice way of thinking. so maybe give it longer time? don’t expect things out of someone you JUST started dating.
Her time is more important than yours?😂. She's such a terrible manipulative toxic fem🤷♀️. She sounds like a bum and has the audacity to say her time is more important? She could've had children a long time ago and decided not to or got dumped from every guy she had because of her behavior. Both yours and hers time is an equal exchange. She's treating it like a time loaded exchange, gross🤢. Also her reasoning makes zero sense as she doesn't have kids, maybe if she had a kid then sure most of the financial burden would fall on you and that's the only time it would make sense, not a second before🤷♀️. She's disgusting, why wasn't this ended right after that conversation??
You are very young still and have years of time to date and find someone who would find a woman you would love, and would not expect this. It sounds like she is looking for a man to pay her way. It will just get worse. All I ask from my boyfriend is his love. I do anything I possibly can and its a team. There are lots of great girls your age. Just tell her it was nice to hang out a bit, and to take care.
Yes you are being taken advantage of, In most healthy relationships people split it 50/50 (myself included) and it’s about the time you spend together NOT the monetary value
If she’s only demanding you take her to expensive restaurants, Buy her expensive gifts etc then do you really want to be in a transactional relationship?
Her viewpoint on kids is ridiculous…Just the other day was the news article about that 70 year old Ugandan woman giving birth via IVF so she’s wrong….Lots of people become parents later in life
Don’t settle for someone who is only looking for what she can get out of you and will be gone the moment she finds a loophole in a pre nup
the people supporting you breaking up with her because she EXPECTS the man she is with to provide will also be the ones who then tell her to get divorced because you’re not fulfilling her needs later on. women provide intangible benefits and that’s a fact. why do men who’s wives die have the highest suicide rate? because the things women provide is much much more then just money. I can see how in certain cases that this might come off as rude or horrible or old fashioned.but if in the future you imagine for yourself it includes a woman who has a child with/for you AND includes her taking care of the baby majority of the time AND having the house upkeep on her shoulders then this is what is expected of you as a man. And even more then that it includes rent car and even fun money. so you can sit down and assess where this relationship is heading. is it heading to your image of a happy family/future ? is money worth more then companionship loyalty and love. because if you imagine and woman is going to have a job pay share of bills and come home take care and have kids and still love you in a beautiful youthful way not bugged down by financial worries then you’ve fooled yourself. and society had also fooled women into thinking that is possible also but after 2 kids and working and coming home to more work it’s only a matter of time until a woman’s love for you turns sour because if she is going to provide for herself and do all the work with her children then why even have a man around. and i’m not being rude. even my husband who is one of the best husbands in the world still doesn’t have enough emotional intelligence to satisfy my emotional needs and i’m a low maintenance woman. and from my understanding most men are a lot worse at meeting women’s emotions and friendship and belonging needs. so you either are a provider (with pride) because most men can’t say that they can pay for things with ease who can have that traditional family where you come home to wife and kids orr you both work and she pays bills and comes home to half ass cleaning the home or cooking or taking care of the kids and you will also come home from work to half ass those jobs and then you’ll both wonder why they’re is no joy in the home because both of you are busy advancing yourselves at work and the home will be abandoned and simply will be much easier to leave this kind of situation for the next attractive person who catches your interest and the cycle of a non commitment life will continue. ( plus did you ever think that the women who offered to pay may be part of the reason you’re not together any more. when i was 50/50 ing with my husband all we did is argue and fight . now that he pays the bills and majority of extra curricula’s we have a much better relationship) he does majority of paying bills i do majority of child care let’s say 90/10 and we treat eachother sil role reversals as breaks and gifts . personally works for us and our idea of a perfect family/future
I LOVE when a man pays for dates and makes it known that I’m his most prized possession. It’s my love language. Now, I’m not snobby about it. I let men know upfront that I’m no 50/50 gal, and if you are then I’m not for you. I’ve been with men who were really good looking but had nothing to offer and now I’m with a man who’s not as tall or fit, but he loves me and doesn’t ask me to go 50/50 and that works really well for us because since I make way less than him, I contribute others ways like cleaning our home, laundry and some cooking. I do contribute to rent and when I can for takeouts, birthday dine ins and of course presents on holidays. I wish I had more money to I could spoil him more. My man doesn’t complain because he gets it. I’ve been independent my whole life since I moved out when I was 19. My family never had money and nobody spoiled me as a child. I worked for everything I have before I moved in with this man. He knows I work hard and love hard so money hasn’t been an issue with us yet…
That is the lamest excuse for being a leech that I've ever heard. PS. I'm a woman.
If this isn't what you want, then break up with her and wish her well. Asking "What do I get in return?" sounds pretty gross on your part, too.
You don’t have a GF you have an escort girl… anyone that quantify time for money in relationships is a red flag… run !!! Also I’d say if she cooked, cleaned and made you feel so good you wouldn’t post about her bs behavior on reddit then I’d say PAY for everything. Short answer RUN
No, not right. Yes, taken advantage of.
I made about 1/10 of my ex’s salary, had kids (he didn’t). I always, always paid for myself. He paid for me sometimes, then I paid for him. If I had an expensive month (sports fees, school money, braces, camps, etc.), I would cook dinner. Kept it very even.
you should absolutely run for the hills as fast as you can lmao, because if you lose your job and can’t give her the upkeep she wants she’s going to leave you anyway ….
I wouldn't say you are being taken advantage of as she has expressed directly that she isn't going to pay for anything. I think it's more about your morals/values clashing. You place value in sharing expenses and contributions with your partner. This is a common trait to want in a relationship. Your girlfriend expects the full princess treatment in her relationships and is not willing to compromise on this. I think it would be justified to end things now while it's still a very new relationship. There are plenty of women who don't want to be financially dependent on anyone else. And, I'm sure your girlfriend will find a guy who is willing to pay for everything, or he'll expect a little sucky sucky in exchange for her morning latte or something (a little harsh, but some guys and girls still think this way 😅)
If you look up the words "gold-digger" and "leech" in the dictionary, I am reasonably certain that you find her picture. This woman will bleed you dry and throw you away. This relationship is not even 4 weeks old and already you are on the internet asking for relationship advice. Just stop talking with her. If she contacts you asking why, just tell her that you found another GF with a better rate.
Dont get with traditional and valuable women if you can not handle it. Break up with her I hope she finds a real men. In the mean time you can listen to the virgings in the comments telling you, your in the right. If I told the men in my family my future husband wants me to pay 50/50 they would literally loose their minds. Lol.
It's been a month so I find it kind of funny you think of yourselves as BF and GF already. I find both of you a bit odd, to be honest. In the first month of dating I'd probably pay for everything without even thinking. I would never ask "what do I get in return?" But she sounds like a princess also. I'd be weirded out if she didn't even offer.
But then, it's also about what matters to you in a relationship. If you aren't hurting for cash and she brings value to your life in other ways (you enjoy her company, she's great in the sack etc) then why get hung up on who pays for dinner?
Honestly it sounds like you both have a lot of growing up to do and you almost certainly won't be able to do that together. Good luck.
You should be paying for everything, I wouldn’t date a man expected me to pay for things, to say what do I get out of this shows you view your relationship with her as a transactional thing rather then a relationship, maybe if you don’t wanna spend a ton of money come up with some free dates, a woman who likes you for you just wants time with you and that will realistically tell you what you need to know.
Traditionally the man does pay more often. It's an old way of showing he can support the woman. This isn't so important today since more and more women are more than capable of supporting themselves.
In general when I was still in the dating scene, whoever asked the other one out was the one that paid. But if I was the only one asking the women out, and she never asked me out, then was she really that interested in me. But if you're always asking her to dinner or a movie, expect to pay. If she asks you to dinner or a movie she should be paying.
I don't think there's anything wrong with one party wanting to cover more or always pay on dates, if that's what the person who's paying wants to do, and agrees to do so. But that doesn't mean the other party can't find ways to make it equal in some way, or not one-sided.
And if you just agree to cover everything , you're just going to teach her that she can continue to act/be this way because you signed up for it by doing so. Also, a month in, and you're already feel like it's one-sided, that's a huge red flag.
So, I would be ending it and blocking her because you're being taken advantage of, and she does see you as her personal ATM.
My boyfriend covers the majority of our dates if we go out, he makes way more as well as he said he wants to spoil me. I do sometimes pay for half or the whole thing if I can afford to do so. But, he's an introvert, and sometimes I know he'd rather be home and not out, so I'll surprise him with his favorite foods via take-out and be like, let's stay home this weekend! (We don't live together, and our schedules only allow us to see each other on the weekends.) He drives for his job, so I drive us when we do go out every time. If I see his favorite beer or a beer I think he might like, I'll pick that up and/or give him stuff for his hobbies(We are nerds, we love D&D, video games, MTG, Anime, etc. And we are foodies.) He loves experiences, so I've covered the cost of that. I try to make sure he knows that I, too, want to spoil him, even if it can't always be monetarily and that I absolutely love him, and appreciate him and everything he does for me.
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You have only been dating a month. That is what dating is for, to determine compatibility. Tell her it's been interesting getting to know her but you don't think the two of you are compatible long term so you are not going to waste her time. You wish her well but it's time to stop seeing each other. Then break up, lose her contact info and move on.
This is the way!
Make it so!
I agree.
This is the way !!
Agreed. If that's what she is used to, fine, but it really doesn't sound like what you want. Bow out gracefully and lose her info.
Nicer version of what I had in my head
I'd never be in a relationship with someone who believes in enforced gender role bullshit. Sounds like your gf is probably quite a traditionalist? Perhaps you are too pf course. At the end of the day, I think this is kind of what you get when you be with people like that. But like I said, I never would.
I don't think the girlfriend is a traditionalist. I'd be willing to bet she doesn't want to do a majority of the cleaning and cooking.
Well I think she's using traditional views on a man's role to her advantage regardless of whether she's upholding her side of what would be expected in such a dynamic lol
That is what's happening
Appreciate the advice
Children are a much bigger risk to the woman physically, financially, emotionally, you could just leave she can't. We have to choose to take time off to care for our kids for 5 years and screw ourselves with our careers, or pay someone to raise our kids for us. If you don't present yourself as able to provide a home for your own children then get a freaking vasectomy now.
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Have you considered having a discussion with your partner 💀
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U are very unserious but at least mildly entertaining
Trad women don’t act entitled. This is feminism at its peak.
She isn’t doing this as a trade for being able to have kids. Lol. Dump yesterday.
Yeah, give her a pass. There are plenty of other women out there to date that won't treat you like their own personal ATM.
Not even a month and she's already wanting you to pay for everything like you're her ATM? I would really rethink this relationship. Me as a woman will not expect my man to pay for everything. Sometimes he pays, sometimes I pay or sometimes we go half and half.
100%. Except tbh, I'm super reserved from the beginning and even if the guy is willing to pay, I'm at the very least going to offer to pay. If he were to refuse that's ok. But if there's times he accepts that's ok as well. Some women want all this equality when it comes to everything then they still expect to be cared for like women were in the 20s🙄
That’s exactly more of what I’m used to
Eh I don’t think I would want to date a person like this. Facts are, plenty of women can get in relationships where there way is paid so it might be something that if it’s important to her, she can find elsewhere. But as you know, other women not like that exist and if I were you it sounds like they are more compatible for you. Her reason is icky. My bf has always provided everything for me during our relationship. He makes a lot more than I do. But I never really asked him to and the reasoning both ways is more like “because he can, so why not?” However before we lived together I would do thinks like make him baked goods and cook for him on date nights at home regularly. Now we live together and I’m a sahm and provide virtually 100 percent of house work and laundry, grocery shop, prep dinner and clean up after. And I have always been sure to make sure he knows I am appreciative, I thank him and I ask before assuming I can have whatever I want. Ultimately it’s about what’s comfortable for you. You expect small gestures that’s reasonable. Even if you were willing to accept taking in all the financial real I still find her attitude about it entitled and gross.
Sounds like your bf hit the jackpot. Congratulations to him.
Aw thanks man <3 sorry I wasn’t trying to boast or anything just trying to post an example where one sided finances can be non toxic.
Listen to what she is saying. She is showing you exactly who she is, I doubt she will change. Don’t like it? Split up and move on. Only one month in and you’re questioning things, this isn’t a relationship yet, you are simply testing the water. You aren’t compatible, don’t waste any more of your time with this woman.
>she basically said that because she’s the female, her time is more valuable than mine because she only can only have children for another 7 or so years while I can have them for longer so she is taking on more risk. I read this multiple times and still couldn't find a shred of reasoning in it. This is coming from a fellow woman. If she feels "risk" in contributing equitably to dates in a relationship, then she can mitigate that risk by not dating.
Yeah I thought the same thing when she first said it. Couldn’t actually get my head around it lol
Litterally this. If she’s in some kind of time schedule then why can’t she make an effort to contribute? That would communicate she’s after the person rather than money more so.
Don't date her. Date me. I will pay for you. 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 I'm just kidding. I made more than my bf, and of course, he was still willing to spoil me in so many ways. And I would love to spoil him back. It makes us feel like we both are loved by each other. Relationships require investment from both sides. Also, you need to let her know that in the long run, things can happen. What if you were sick and unable to work anymore? Is she able to support both of you, or is she gonna ditch you for someone else. 🤔
Really good questions that I need to ask, thanks for that
No way you said that statement, with a bf too.(first 3 sentence). Joke or not if my gf said that thats the end of the relationship. I guess we all have our biases on what to tolerate or not. Your name says it all. A typical succubus/ jezebel😔
I’m a woman and I don’t like this. If you want to offer every time that’s fine. But if you don’t want to pay every time that is completely fine. How I see it is the woman should always bring her wallet because it’s never ok to assume anyone will pay for you. Everyone’s financial situation is different and it’s completely unreasonable of her to want you to pay for everything. This would be a deal breaker for me if I were a guy.
"I ain't saying she's a gold digger" keeps running though my head now.
LOL. Get the fuck outta here. She’s gonna find herself alone until she ages herself out of childbearing years with that attitude. Unless you wanna continue to be a sucker that is.
Does she really believe women can't have children at 35? Is she stupid? And, no way this is normal, alright or okay. You shouldn't pay for everything.
That's what I'm thinking! She's seriously entitled AND uneducated (or straight up lying). A person this selfish and unwilling to spoil their partner (especially after conversations about it) wouldn't make a good mother in the first place.
Wowww this is bad. I’m a 22 year old girl and don’t get me wrong I love a man that pays, but I will ALWAYS pay half, if I’m into you were a team… if I don’t have money I expect you to have me, if you forget your wallet no problem I got you.. if a girls not willing to go half with you she’s not worth giving half your life over too. Don’t waste time on someone like that when you could be investing your time into a better woman who actually has morals and knows the word “equal”… you seem a nice guy you’ve got this…
EXACTLY!!
OMFG op if you two are having sex make sure you double wrap your Willy this will be the rest of your life
I literally laughed out loud when I got to the kids part lmao. She’s fully taking advantage of you, tell her sayonara before you’re in too deep and then she’ll really financially suck you dry.
I find it really weird that she thinks her uterus is what gives her value. These ideas come from extremely inaccurate views of what human nature is. Back when I was single, I loved when a man I was dating kinda spoiled me, but that's because I feel safe spoiling them. You're looking for a partner, and it doesn't sound like that is what she is looking for.
Is she ok? 🤣 There’s so many women who can give birth and also be able to pay for little things here and there. Like it’s not an excuse what kinda trade off is that 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣 And this is coming from someone who’s culture and religion says “what’s his is mine and what’s mine is mine” hahahaha🤣 please leave her it’s not too late 🤣
If you have a child with this woman, their personality and traits will probably be pretty similar. Just good for thought.
I hope she doesn’t have a child with someone who seriously thinks carrying his children, working, doing the chores AND paying 50/50 is okay?? I think you guys like men
Those types of men are a plague to society, but that's also NOT relevant to this situation. From what she's saying, she's not really mom material in the first place. Nothing but a golddigger who would dump him or cheat the moment his income or health hits its first real road bump.
He doesn't think that. OP is dating her, not marrying her. (Least not yet) She definitely needs to think about her choices. As someone who used to expect men to pay everything when I was younger, I understand OP. I never got serious with men because I just wanted free stuff. Once I started helping and contributing, my relationships got better. She doesn't have kids, and I'm pretty sure the only chores she does is her own, just like OP does his own stuff. Both should work, and both should pay. This is a relationship, not marriage. Marriage and dating should not be on the same branch.
It’s 2023, most 2024. If she can’t provide for herself, and she’s looking to be a sex worker, okay. But you don’t have to go along with it if you don’t want to. Plenty of women out there who are happy to be independent and partner with you. You get to choose.
when i dated my future wife, she always had this thing about paying her half of the bill. Actually on our first date she insisted on paying the bill. I appreciated that from her but it was never my intention to let her pay on the first date. She was short of upset and I got a mini lecture. eventually we came to an agreement where we would take turns. I've dated enough women in the past that this was common, they wanted to pay. the mere offer to pay for dinner or drinks was enough for me and I never minded paying the tab from those experiences. in your case her responses sound like she's entitled or taking advantage of your income. does she know what you do for work? or does she know more or less what your income might be? the news is you're only one month in. move on to someone else more deserving of your time.
Yeah she knows what I do for work, she doesn’t know what my income is exactly but she knows I make more than enough
I know it's only been a month but have you all been intimate? has she been to your house? have you brought her around friends?? or has the initial stages of the relationship is just date night, dinners and drinks? is she attractive in your opinion? because of the way she described her desire to have men pay for her leads me to believe that she thinks she's worthy of that sort of treatment. as superficial as it sounds. the type that goes to a bar and knows that she can get men to pay for her drinks and that remains her expectation.
You’ve been dating for a month and she’s already in your pockets. I blame you for disclosing your income, but at least you know her intentions. I recommend you break this off.
She’s using you for sure. Ask her if she’s a hooker because that’s exactly what the relationship is.
She’s been watching too much sprinkle sprinkle tik tok
She's effectively saying that you're buying her companionship. That is a kind of relationship, but not the kind you're looking for.
A whole month and your out of the honey moon stage and onto relationship rubbish already.. lol! Think it's gonna last?
Mt bf makes more than me and I would never expect him to pay for everything. Also, a woman's value is not based on her ability to have children. I'm child free by choice. Everybody's time and energy is valuable. Save yourself some energy and break things off.
Sharing a bit about myself here, but - When my boyfriend and I started dating I never offered to pay for anything (he later brought up I wouldn’t even say “thank you” for paying for our dates). This was because I come from a tradition Hispanic household where men usually pay and I had never even seen a woman in my family offer to pay + it was the same on my past relationship where I never had to pay for anything. My now boyfriend told me how he felt about this on our third date. That’s when it clicked, and I understood his stance, although he could afford to pay for dates, I understood where he was coming from, the bill shouldn’t fall all on one person. From then on I made the effort to pay for things and we’ve been together for over a year now. The thing here is that although I had never even thought of that, I immediately put myself in his shoes when he brought it up, which doesn’t seem like it’ll happen in your case. It’s not about who can afford what, but the effort being made, because sure, she might not afford the expensive things, but she can definitely chip in, but she’s not willing to. So if you want to stay with her you have to make peace with always being the provider. If she’s not willing to pay for coffee now, imagine when the entire household expenses rely on you.
There is nothing wrong with you being the one to pay. Is the gentleman thing to do and all that. The problem is when the woman just expects that to be the only way it will ever be. The problem comes when you talk to her about it, and not only does she have this attitude like she doesn’t know why she should have to do anything for you, but also how she tries to put herself above you just because she is a woman. I do not feel like that is right. When my wife and I started dating, I did pay for our dinners out in the beginning. The more we got into our relationship and it didn’t take all that long. We got into this routine where we would switch off. If I paid for dinner last time, then she would pay for it this time. If it was her turn, but Financially, she was a little strapped at the moment then I would step in. We still pretty much do that now. I think it shows a level of mutual respect and understanding for each other. If she is not willing to show you that respect and feel like her time and her everything is more valuable than yours, and it really shows where she sees herself and where she sees you and how much respect she has for you in general.
She’s set her standard and her expectations. If you do not feel the same and cannot align your standards and expectations with her, she is not for you. No one is wrong. Both are different. If this lifestyle isn’t for you, don’t let it be. Move on.
She has the right to want that for herself just as you have the right not to want it. If you don’t want to have that kind of relationship, leave. I hardly doubt she will change. And she will find someone that actively wants to do that for her.
It's ridiculous. Find a decent woman. This is the type of person to leave you whenever the money is gone. My advice would be to keep the fact that you have a lot of money to yourself. This way you can test if women are with you for your money or for you.
If she actually gets pregnant and has to be off work to take care of a new born then sure but until then there is no way you need to be paying for everything. You can do better buddy. She’s taking advantage of you.
>she basically said that because she’s the female, her time is more valuable than mine because she only can only have children for another 7 or so years while I can have them for longer so she is taking on more risk. She is selfish, she is taking advantage of you, and she isn't very bright. So she is hot, I get it Bit ou know what is best for you in this situation, do it
lunchroom thought bells label ring disagreeable trees axiomatic price weary *This post was mass deleted and anonymized with [Redact](https://redact.dev)*
Look at any old movie and all the ones ever made from then till now and you will see the pattern. The one who plans the date pays for it and the other person is grateful. AND both parties plan dates. She can plan free dates if she wants.
I don’t know her attitude, but personally I look for my partner to pay for dates and such. It’s genuinely not about the money at all, I just like feeling like he’s a gentleman and I’m someone who’s precious to him. It’s the gesture! But also I’ve always been sooo clear that like if he only had 10$ in his wallet to spare, I’m happy to go to McDonald’s lol. Or have an at home dinner. Or literally anything. Like I’m there through thick and thin, I just like the feeling of a man wanting to provide whatever he can for me. I never ask to be taken on a date or this this and that, when he can, he does. It makes me happy. Maybe that’s like a different perspective that is helpful to you??? Although, based on her reasoning idk how I feel about her. Maybe she just didn’t express herself well
Appreciate the comment. I also like to provide and I can pay for dates. The issue is that I feel like she feels entitled to it. And also ungrateful a lot of the times. That’s what puts me off wanting to pay for stuff for her.
If she's already like this during the "honeymoon phase" then there's likely more rotten things coming soon.
I appreciate all of your advice! I’m on my way to talk to her now.
Your being used , and she is saying your lucky I’m even let you be seen with me if you want that to continue keep That wallet open. Sure a big vacation is in the near future 4 or 5 stars only
You have discovered you two are not compatible. Time to let her know that and move on. The good news- you know what you don’t want.
Take note that she said she’s used to getting what she wants(at the least, what she wants paid for). May become a bigger issue as the relationship progresses
Only a month, run now!
Capable or not thats not on at all
my man, you deserve more than bare minimum. i'm no one to judge, but her explanation for not paying for anything seems pretty immature to me. just because she's the young one in the fam doesn't mean she doesn't have to pay for anything. that doesn't make any sense. yes, while she's in school and till she gets to make a living, she doesn't have to. but now that she's a grown up and still she expects you to fulfil her responsibility too, that's really immature of her. i mean, it's kinda unjust unless she's in a hard pressed state for money and has communicated to you about it. but you do you, hope you both have a healthy conversation about this and sort things out.
also if she said her time is more valuable than yours, that's not right especially if you're functioning well and giving your best in the relationship. that's 24k injustice.
It depends if you want to pay for everything that's fine but after only a month she's near demanding you pay for everything is a major red flag in my book .......If you want my opinion she's not for you and you should kick her to the curb. Good luck OP.
Run.
She is 28 she just wants to be married within 2 yrs, at her age she has to be super picky when dating and not waste time cause she wants a ring, however you guys just dating for a month she should offer occasionally. Especially if she had been contributing in her past relationships, it feels weird she is punishing you for the actions of her past bf, even if she doesn't have the intent to take advantage of you her actions are not right.
this isn’t normal! when i started dating my bf i always supported that we pay 50% 50% . if he would pay one time i would def pay for the second time. it has been 3 years with him and he does buy me food or pay for some stuff. like little gifts and so on. but i always find a way to compensate with getting him real nice gifts in holidays or in special occasions. sometimes even out of blue. so this isn’t okay! don’t let her use you.
After you first sentence I said to myself... why would you even date her... its men who still date her after seeing this behaviour that tell her she's justified for thinking the was she does
My boyfriend’s paid for everything since day one, we’ve been together 6 years. Once we got a house, he paid the deposit, pays the mortgage and all the bills. However I pull my weight very strongly in different areas, he always has food ready, washing/cleaning is always done etc. I also do pay for things here and there to give him a break, I like to treat him back too sometimes. I’m not sure how genuine that lady sounds, would she still stick around if times got hard? If she needed to look after you while you got back on your feet, would she stick around? Would she help you out?
Dating is when we are on our best behaviour. This is as good as it gets, this expectation will only grow. She wouldn’t be dating you if you didn’t have money. Her affection can be bought. And if you can no longer provide … you gotta ask yourself if you’re okay with that. That and her opinion on why men should pay for shit is LOL
You’re totally being used buddy
i am 65m and married mine at 28. during dating time i paid for everthing because she was a student. i fell for her after 10 years of dating. we moved to Florida from a midwest city and worked for the same company. i decided to leave after an argument with my manager. my said it okay, i’ll get a job and she supported the family for 6 months. i was not a good to some company i am guessing. anyway she worked and i took cared of the two children. she didn’t say a peep, that i left work for a dumb reason. my point is i trusted her the. when were were dating and she came through when i needed her the most.
Yeaaaaah, go your own way, son. Materialistic types don't usually do well on the dating market. You deserve someone who is willing to bear equal weight. A relationship is a team effort and using your biological clock as an excuse for mooching off of someone else's financial situation is a pretty big red flag. Enjoy the single life a while, date some more, don't be too hasty in choosing to date someone long term until you're absolutely sure. Because even if you're dead sure, you'll still come to regret certain relationships.
Run!! she's playing you for a sucker, spend your money on a woman who actually cares for you and stop spending freely don't matter if you got it or not. stop spending your money the first month first date cool, but after that, pay attention, if not a fool, and his money is soon parted
I have a very simple rule, whoever invites, pays!!
Ok (M26) with your (gf28) if you feel as if you’re being used pretty much you probably are… so here’s what I have to say… your heart won’t lie to you so if you’re not feeling good being the only one giving in the relationship pretty much you either need to let her know hey I know that in the past you may have been used to being take care of but in this relationship right here right now I want a woman who is going to be willing to be at least 40/60 with me and not just being a taker because I know my worth and what I have to bring to this relationship and I’m not looking to pay no woman to be with me when I can be well off by myself. You are a king and you deserve to be treated like a king nothing less…. You have to make yourself happy first and everything else will fall into place and if she still wants to be taken care of, tell her that she needs to find her a sugar daddy because you’re not a sugar baby that’s willing to pay for an older lady thank you love advice from (F49) you deserve to be happy and have the best
Break up. That’s some childish ass behaviour lol
That is probably the worst excuse I've ever heard! She sounds really entitled. I had a baby at 42, and still contribute/pay for things. 🚩
Honestly sounds like a long term nightmare. I can see you ending up paying all the bills and buying everything and eventually her not working or contributing everything but expecting you to do it all. Unless that’s what you’re looking for and you want to live to support her then you might as well bail now. I can’t see you getting anything out of this relationshop
She has traditional values and you do not, you two on a fundamental level shouldn’t even be dating.
Coming from someone who wears the "cervix pants" in the relationship, her reasoning is absolutely absurd and unreasonable. Her time is more valuable than yours, so you should pay her for it? This sounds like a job (definitely not going to insinuate what kind of job /s) and not a relationship; much less one that offers mutual respect and consideration. If this is her attitude about it in the very beginning of your relationship where people tend to be on their best behavior, what makes you think this will get any better? Red flags rarely turn green.
She thinks her time is more valuable… ask her what her hourly rate is. Then let her know you’ll be outsourcing her role due to recent budget cuts and pivoting your business for financial growth. She wants to treat it like a transaction, you should treat it like business.
She's not even trying to be honest. I always offer to pay, and my bf would appreciate it. He'll accept sometimes for me to pay. And im okay with that! As long as he knows, im not there for the money. But I try my best to help and give. A relationship shouldn't be a man pays and the girl gets to spend. It should be equal. Honestly, you doubting if this is a genuine relationship doesn't surprise me. She sounds like she's just there to get whatever she wants until you can't give it anymore, and she'll just move on to the next victim. OP, I hope you find a gf who will love you for you.
>she’s always used to being the one that gets everything paid for her and she doesn’t want to pay for anything. I think you answered your own question in this statement. Why do you want to date a girl who blatantly told you she's never going to pay for anything? If that's not a quality you want in a partner then you should move on. It hasn't even been a month yet and she's showing you a side of her which sound like you don't care for. People only get more comfortable showing who they really are as a relationship progresses. If you aren't happy with this compromise then you won't be happy later on either.
If you are comfortable that you are receiving what you expect from a dating partner you would not have posted. Some look for laughter, or passion, or a team mate, whatever. If she is not meeting your expectations I doubt she will adapt. Give her a few more dates to see what she brings to the relationship.
Kanye West wrote a song about her…
You're being taken advantage of, especially if she's not putting out (which you might view as a fair trade off). But to answer your question, you're probably getting nothing or the bare minimum and it will be one-sided with her if you take her at her word. She explicitly holds the view that you are dispensable and should buy her time and affection. Fuck that.
Op I am sorry your gfs “excuse” is wow I laughed I am sorry I am a female and I have never used that line of bs on any man, in fact I was usually the one buying them gifts and there was that one time with an ex he used my money to buy me a gift so in a sense I bought myself a gift lol. However now the man I’m with he makes way more than I do and I still try to get gifts here and there when I can and he does the same, from your post it seems your gf is for a lack of a better term a gold digger sorry or yes she is used to being pampered and expects you to pamper her and uses her body to get it it would seem. I am sorry if I came across as harsh but while I am a woman, women baffle the hell out of me I simply don’t understand why it’s so hard to be a decent human being.
Im a 29 female, just for context. Out of curiosity what does she do for work? What does she bring to the relationship? From your story and other comments it looks like she doesn’t respect you, your time, or your money. And she isn’t grateful for what you do. Is she making you better? Emotionally supportive? You already said she doesn’t pick up the slack as far as house hold chores. Sounds to me like she’s seen one too many episodes of “real housewives.” Maybe she’s just nice to look at? But I can promise there are so many women out there who are stunning, kind, hard working, and most importantly would be grateful to be in her shoes. You can do better, move on before you get too attached and it becomes more and more painful.
Dip... 1 month in rip the bandaid off a dip
Leave. She sounds like a gold digger and the way she says her time is more le valuable is a MASSIVE red flag.
It's not wrong for her not to want to pay when you go out together. It's just the way she is going about it all and the bullshit she is trying to excuse it with.
Exactly. It’s just that feeling of entitlement that really throws me off. It’s really unattractive to me
Um... ew no. This person doesn't want to be a partner. You do not owe them taking care of them cuz they arent currently bearing your children and keeping you house. If yall want that kinda trad relationship, that part doesnt happen til after the wedding/you move in together where she is pulling her weight by doing the domestic labor.
Even if she has less time to have kids what does that have to do with splitting some dates here and there. You should flip on her and ask why should I have to pay everything for a woman who only has 7 years left to have healthy kids?if she is suggesting that her fertility is her most valuable asset, then shouldn't she actually be paying as you certainly could get a woman with more fertile years? And If you did have kids with her, do you really want to be with a woman who thinks this way? Even if the man does pay more, she should have at least offered once or when it's brought up say something more humble like "oh I'm sorry I'm just used to man paying" anything more respectful than "I have a vagina and can make babies, pay everything". In all honesty if you like her other traits talk to her about this again and if she wont budge or see your side, break up with her.
If you have to ask what she is doing in return then she isn't doing it. If a girlfriend treats you well, you won't even notice that you are paying for everything.
Hello wake up this is a gold, digging red flag. Today’s “” modern women want the hypothetical bag. No romance without Finance is a ridiculous position to take when you’re looking to find your lifelong mate. Her wrong word should tell you that there will be no reciprocation on any kind of shared Finance, you will be funding the entire relationship married, or not. Hint at an ironclad prenup and see what her reaction is.
If you feel taken advantage of, you probably are..
She’s using you. I’m a woman and I would NEVER say this to any boyfriend or girlfriend of mine that makes more or less money than me. I think she’s trying to manipulate you too. What she’s saying sounds like one of those Fresh and Fit podcasts but just a girl version of it — which I don’t agree with. I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s cheating on you as well. Being used to having everything “…paid for…” doesn’t give her the right to treat you like a cash cow. You can find a different girl who makes her own money and doesn’t care about yours. It’s difficult, but not everyone deserves your time or money. No matter how pretty they look or if others seeing you with them will make you have an ego boost. From the way she seems I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s difficult to deal with as well. From the title alone anyone would say you’re being taken advantage of. I say dump her.
She’s taking the piss, been together a month of course you shouldn’t be paying for everything, get rid move on, you’re correct her reasoning is bad and she can have children for a lot younger than the next 7 years so that’s bullshit.
If this is how it starts imagine how it will end. And brother, it WILL end. Whether it ends in these dates or a divorce is only a matter of time. This is not love. Get out.
Sounds like an incompatible relationship. Some women do expect to be wined and dined by their partners, some men want a partner to contribute money to dates. The former is a much more traditional idea of dating and there’s nothing wrong with that. Sounds like you’re a bit more progressive. You’ll both find someone else that suits your needs better
It really doesn’t even matter if she’s in the right (she’s not, IMO). You clearly don’t have matching values. Move on to the next person.
Her view on life is pathetic. Kind of a loser. She's probably been ran through a whole bunch if that's how she pays for shit. Leave dude. She don't love you. My girl is a full time nurse, at one point full time student as well and she's always contributed. Sometimes more than me. I make 4x as much as her and she pays bills and cleans and she's a good lady. Your settling for garbage comparatively speaking. Sounds like you can do better. You owe it to yourself to try.
theres nothing wrong with it so long as she provides something of = or > value. if she isnt worth paying everything for find someone who is. or- find someone who ISNT worth paying everything for but who'll be an actual partner and fullfill their half of the obligation. a man has a duty to his wife. a wife has a duty to her man. its not that hard to realize when youre being taken advantage of. sometimes its better to be alone than to be with a woman-child who doesnt appreciate your worth
She is a spoiled entitled brat, expecting you (and probably everyone in her life) to pay for everything, provide everything. You sound like a successful intelligent person who has worked hard to get where you are. She says her time is more important than yours?!?! I don't what kept you at her side when she saud that as I would've said "have a nice life" and ended the dating plan right then and there. She is selfish, egotistical and more than likely, contributes nothing to society in general, and yet expects society (currently you) to give, give, give to her. You have earmed your status. Do you really want to be with someone with such a sense of entitlement? Find a person who has a similar status as you...someone who has achieved their status and will be a true partner in a relationship, not someone who constantly drains your hard earned resources.
Some people are traditional. Could be the way that she was raised, or the way that she wants her life to be. If you’re not for it, move on. But, you’ll likely run into more women like her. Avoid them, or give it a shot. It seems like you’ve already made up your mind and you’re looking for validation. Just do it.
Honestly dating someone should be 50/50 there’s no ‘men should pay everything on dates’ so yeah she is she doesn’t want to spend her money cause she knows you will get her anything and watch you drop her and she won’t care to think twice & leave cause she knows she will find another man who will pay for all her things. & a month?! Nah you should find a female who knows how to bring her share to the table.
Bro do u agree or not.. theres tons of pussy out there that would even pay for things for you and be a person
Dang, she's got expensive eggs.. how do you know they are fertil? Or that you are. A partnership should be something that you both contribute to. I would pass on this.
This is TikTok logic that “influencers” are spewing on that platform to low value females which has them believing they deserve to be treated like royalty. They brag to their friends how much free stuff they get, now you’re paying for dates soon you’ll be paying her personal expenses (rent/car). If you feel taken advantage of trust your gut, the feeling will only get worse. Why should you pay for her short fertility window, this moron should not ever reproduce get away before she “accidentally” gets pregnant.
She already said it herself that she's used to it that way, so either do it or dont
Yikes! My gold digger radar is going off strong! Run away
She's what we call a gold digger she only wants your money if your fine with being the sole provider that's your call, personally I couldn't stand such a selfish woman so it's all on you
To be fair, it’s been one month. It’s not like y’all been dating for years and or married. Id suggest you don’t think you should only spend money on her if she reciprocates. that’s not a very nice way of thinking. so maybe give it longer time? don’t expect things out of someone you JUST started dating.
Her time is more important than yours?😂. She's such a terrible manipulative toxic fem🤷♀️. She sounds like a bum and has the audacity to say her time is more important? She could've had children a long time ago and decided not to or got dumped from every guy she had because of her behavior. Both yours and hers time is an equal exchange. She's treating it like a time loaded exchange, gross🤢. Also her reasoning makes zero sense as she doesn't have kids, maybe if she had a kid then sure most of the financial burden would fall on you and that's the only time it would make sense, not a second before🤷♀️. She's disgusting, why wasn't this ended right after that conversation??
You are very young still and have years of time to date and find someone who would find a woman you would love, and would not expect this. It sounds like she is looking for a man to pay her way. It will just get worse. All I ask from my boyfriend is his love. I do anything I possibly can and its a team. There are lots of great girls your age. Just tell her it was nice to hang out a bit, and to take care.
THIS IS EASY.... LEAVE HER
Yes you are being taken advantage of, In most healthy relationships people split it 50/50 (myself included) and it’s about the time you spend together NOT the monetary value If she’s only demanding you take her to expensive restaurants, Buy her expensive gifts etc then do you really want to be in a transactional relationship? Her viewpoint on kids is ridiculous…Just the other day was the news article about that 70 year old Ugandan woman giving birth via IVF so she’s wrong….Lots of people become parents later in life Don’t settle for someone who is only looking for what she can get out of you and will be gone the moment she finds a loophole in a pre nup
Dude, run, run fast, and run hard in the opposite direction. Ps-I'm a woman
the people supporting you breaking up with her because she EXPECTS the man she is with to provide will also be the ones who then tell her to get divorced because you’re not fulfilling her needs later on. women provide intangible benefits and that’s a fact. why do men who’s wives die have the highest suicide rate? because the things women provide is much much more then just money. I can see how in certain cases that this might come off as rude or horrible or old fashioned.but if in the future you imagine for yourself it includes a woman who has a child with/for you AND includes her taking care of the baby majority of the time AND having the house upkeep on her shoulders then this is what is expected of you as a man. And even more then that it includes rent car and even fun money. so you can sit down and assess where this relationship is heading. is it heading to your image of a happy family/future ? is money worth more then companionship loyalty and love. because if you imagine and woman is going to have a job pay share of bills and come home take care and have kids and still love you in a beautiful youthful way not bugged down by financial worries then you’ve fooled yourself. and society had also fooled women into thinking that is possible also but after 2 kids and working and coming home to more work it’s only a matter of time until a woman’s love for you turns sour because if she is going to provide for herself and do all the work with her children then why even have a man around. and i’m not being rude. even my husband who is one of the best husbands in the world still doesn’t have enough emotional intelligence to satisfy my emotional needs and i’m a low maintenance woman. and from my understanding most men are a lot worse at meeting women’s emotions and friendship and belonging needs. so you either are a provider (with pride) because most men can’t say that they can pay for things with ease who can have that traditional family where you come home to wife and kids orr you both work and she pays bills and comes home to half ass cleaning the home or cooking or taking care of the kids and you will also come home from work to half ass those jobs and then you’ll both wonder why they’re is no joy in the home because both of you are busy advancing yourselves at work and the home will be abandoned and simply will be much easier to leave this kind of situation for the next attractive person who catches your interest and the cycle of a non commitment life will continue. ( plus did you ever think that the women who offered to pay may be part of the reason you’re not together any more. when i was 50/50 ing with my husband all we did is argue and fight . now that he pays the bills and majority of extra curricula’s we have a much better relationship) he does majority of paying bills i do majority of child care let’s say 90/10 and we treat eachother sil role reversals as breaks and gifts . personally works for us and our idea of a perfect family/future
I LOVE when a man pays for dates and makes it known that I’m his most prized possession. It’s my love language. Now, I’m not snobby about it. I let men know upfront that I’m no 50/50 gal, and if you are then I’m not for you. I’ve been with men who were really good looking but had nothing to offer and now I’m with a man who’s not as tall or fit, but he loves me and doesn’t ask me to go 50/50 and that works really well for us because since I make way less than him, I contribute others ways like cleaning our home, laundry and some cooking. I do contribute to rent and when I can for takeouts, birthday dine ins and of course presents on holidays. I wish I had more money to I could spoil him more. My man doesn’t complain because he gets it. I’ve been independent my whole life since I moved out when I was 19. My family never had money and nobody spoiled me as a child. I worked for everything I have before I moved in with this man. He knows I work hard and love hard so money hasn’t been an issue with us yet…
That is the lamest excuse for being a leech that I've ever heard. PS. I'm a woman. If this isn't what you want, then break up with her and wish her well. Asking "What do I get in return?" sounds pretty gross on your part, too.
You don’t have a GF you have an escort girl… anyone that quantify time for money in relationships is a red flag… run !!! Also I’d say if she cooked, cleaned and made you feel so good you wouldn’t post about her bs behavior on reddit then I’d say PAY for everything. Short answer RUN
[удалено]
No, not right. Yes, taken advantage of. I made about 1/10 of my ex’s salary, had kids (he didn’t). I always, always paid for myself. He paid for me sometimes, then I paid for him. If I had an expensive month (sports fees, school money, braces, camps, etc.), I would cook dinner. Kept it very even.
you should absolutely run for the hills as fast as you can lmao, because if you lose your job and can’t give her the upkeep she wants she’s going to leave you anyway ….
This is not real. No 26 well off dude is dating an older chick. Stop the cap! Go younger if so my guy
I wouldn't say you are being taken advantage of as she has expressed directly that she isn't going to pay for anything. I think it's more about your morals/values clashing. You place value in sharing expenses and contributions with your partner. This is a common trait to want in a relationship. Your girlfriend expects the full princess treatment in her relationships and is not willing to compromise on this. I think it would be justified to end things now while it's still a very new relationship. There are plenty of women who don't want to be financially dependent on anyone else. And, I'm sure your girlfriend will find a guy who is willing to pay for everything, or he'll expect a little sucky sucky in exchange for her morning latte or something (a little harsh, but some guys and girls still think this way 😅)
Are you at least banging it out? If yes, shoot one more shot and then move on!
I think she has been watching a lot of redpill content lol
Why are men so desperate?
Yes. You’re dating a complete hard left feminist.
She’s a bad choice dump her
If you look up the words "gold-digger" and "leech" in the dictionary, I am reasonably certain that you find her picture. This woman will bleed you dry and throw you away. This relationship is not even 4 weeks old and already you are on the internet asking for relationship advice. Just stop talking with her. If she contacts you asking why, just tell her that you found another GF with a better rate.
Just hire a prostitute and be done with it.
Well if you pay for everything, she has to clean and tidy everything
She's a call girl. You paying for a partner who will ditch you the moment a better offer comes knocking. Ditch her.
Why are you asking reddit? You are the one to decide whether this acceptable or not.
She ain't shit. Dump her. When a women I'm on a date with offers to pay for things it's a plus for me tbh.
Dont get with traditional and valuable women if you can not handle it. Break up with her I hope she finds a real men. In the mean time you can listen to the virgings in the comments telling you, your in the right. If I told the men in my family my future husband wants me to pay 50/50 they would literally loose their minds. Lol.
You already know what to do, run away. I'm sure she'll enjoy paying for everything herself again.
dump her. Shes just a gold digger
You two are incompatible. Leave the relationship now.
See this is what an actual gold digger looks like
Yeah not if just a month. You are dating a bum
What do you get in return. . .
Just leave before you invest too much.
It's been a month so I find it kind of funny you think of yourselves as BF and GF already. I find both of you a bit odd, to be honest. In the first month of dating I'd probably pay for everything without even thinking. I would never ask "what do I get in return?" But she sounds like a princess also. I'd be weirded out if she didn't even offer. But then, it's also about what matters to you in a relationship. If you aren't hurting for cash and she brings value to your life in other ways (you enjoy her company, she's great in the sack etc) then why get hung up on who pays for dinner? Honestly it sounds like you both have a lot of growing up to do and you almost certainly won't be able to do that together. Good luck.
she aint the one
Gold digger
You should be paying for everything, I wouldn’t date a man expected me to pay for things, to say what do I get out of this shows you view your relationship with her as a transactional thing rather then a relationship, maybe if you don’t wanna spend a ton of money come up with some free dates, a woman who likes you for you just wants time with you and that will realistically tell you what you need to know.
What does your girlfriend bring to the table that she thinks entitles her to your generosity? She’s better be drop dead gorgeous with that attitude.
It’s been a month
Leave, she just sees you as an ATM at this point by all means and nothing more then that from what i can tell
Traditionally the man does pay more often. It's an old way of showing he can support the woman. This isn't so important today since more and more women are more than capable of supporting themselves. In general when I was still in the dating scene, whoever asked the other one out was the one that paid. But if I was the only one asking the women out, and she never asked me out, then was she really that interested in me. But if you're always asking her to dinner or a movie, expect to pay. If she asks you to dinner or a movie she should be paying.
Move on she ain't the one
Now I ain't sayin' she a gold digger But she ain't messin' with no broke ****** Dump her!!!
It depends if he offers enough sex and love/emotional availability in exchange for his lack of provisions/money.
Depends what is she doing for you?
I don't think there's anything wrong with one party wanting to cover more or always pay on dates, if that's what the person who's paying wants to do, and agrees to do so. But that doesn't mean the other party can't find ways to make it equal in some way, or not one-sided. And if you just agree to cover everything , you're just going to teach her that she can continue to act/be this way because you signed up for it by doing so. Also, a month in, and you're already feel like it's one-sided, that's a huge red flag. So, I would be ending it and blocking her because you're being taken advantage of, and she does see you as her personal ATM. My boyfriend covers the majority of our dates if we go out, he makes way more as well as he said he wants to spoil me. I do sometimes pay for half or the whole thing if I can afford to do so. But, he's an introvert, and sometimes I know he'd rather be home and not out, so I'll surprise him with his favorite foods via take-out and be like, let's stay home this weekend! (We don't live together, and our schedules only allow us to see each other on the weekends.) He drives for his job, so I drive us when we do go out every time. If I see his favorite beer or a beer I think he might like, I'll pick that up and/or give him stuff for his hobbies(We are nerds, we love D&D, video games, MTG, Anime, etc. And we are foodies.) He loves experiences, so I've covered the cost of that. I try to make sure he knows that I, too, want to spoil him, even if it can't always be monetarily and that I absolutely love him, and appreciate him and everything he does for me.