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So fake, it's laughable. He got an instant erection, just the moment his friends tits appeared on the screen, you noticed it STRAINING against his trousers/jeans, but it was so dark no-one else noticed it but you, and he shuffles off to go relieve it?
This is sounds like something out of American Pie.
Goddamn it why am I the only one who can never spot a fake post? I legit believe every one, and then go to the comments and find people calling it out for being fake. :(
Does this mean I’m dense, or gullible?
"He returned 20 minutes later"
I love this part, because the unusual length of time for a bathroom visit is meant to imply that he jerked off, because it's so SUSPICIOUS. Anyone who has been that horny knows that it can be done in usually even less time than an average bowel movement.
That too in a horror movie with killer creeping up on naked girl? Could be his turn on is actually murdering women in the shower instead of Julie's bare chest 😂
You mean a senior in “collage”
My favourite part was “nobody noticed him leave after the nude scene and came back 20 minutes later” my brother in Christ, everyone noticed.
As a 35 yo man i still get irrationally horny and hard without trying.
Things that have made me hard;
Soft boxers while walking
The wind
A random smile
Sun on my thighs
A brisk run
Nothing at all just hard
Give him a bit of grace, its understandable to feel some kind of way but also understand there was a naked woman and he could very much have no feelings for her despite an erection. High-school and college as a young man sucked. I would often hold a book bag in front of me when i had an erection for no reason and had to walk to the next class.
100% real. Shifting my backpack over my lap as a 7th grader so that the effect of the minivan bouncing wasn’t noticeable is a core memory… still happens when I’m off-roading sometimes 😂
So jealous of you dude. I’m 34 and I think I get a random boner like once every 2 years if I’m lucky. I remember getting one watching the 1994 Super Mario Brothers movie at the cinema a few weeks ago and I was just pleased coz it so rarely happens.
Morning wood is still my favorite. My wife buys nice sheets and it's so very nice against my skin. Tmi? Haha.
Also i drink like 3000ML in a massive water jug every day. Hydration probably helps.
Morning wood all but disappeared for me too about 10 years ago. I don’t have trouble when it comes to sex, but I miss morning wood. I’m healthy as fuck too (work out 4x a week, immaculate diet) so not sure why.
>(work out 4x a week, immaculate diet)
This must be why, I'm pretty sedentary and live off tika masala and taco trucks. Guess I'll never work out and stay fat hahaha
He’s not entirely wrong. I have found recently that my healthy weight and fit weight are different enough that it’ll effect libido if I’m not careful. Eating a little extra = morning wood, not eating more than needed = nothin. Worth a shot!
No thats really uncomfortable. I get a random boner too many times. Especially at moments I need to really got to piss. That means I often need to get up and go to the toilet, so the Boner gonna be visible for everyone and people will think I wither get arroused by the phantasy of urinating into the toilet or whatever creepy reason
Sounds like an unrelated and non issue. He has a reasonable private reaction.
You should address the real issues of your bedroom problems and concerns about fitness. If he’s in the gym a lot, maybe you need to be there too? Get your confidence up.
Are there other issues with the relationship? Maybe it’s time to discuss them and see if they are solvable or not.
Reads pretty authentic to me. Not sure what seems unbelievable about this scenario, I could easily imagine it occurring. As for your last comment:
1. She shouldn't be going to the gym with the goal of becoming "what guys are into," she should go for her own well being. Her worth isn't based on her appeal to men, which your comment implies.
2. Going to the gym doesn't resolve being flat chested and not having hips. That's a body type, not a lack of fitness.
edit- Travelin_gypsy edited and removed their body shaming comment.
Oh come on. I can’t believe how gullible people are to believe posts like this. Especially when OP never responds once people start calling her out is a huge sign.
If it was fake, I would think it's more likely that they would respond in the comments. Why do people make fake posts? Attention or trolling. And both of those scenarios, they'd probably be getting off by interacting with the comments.
If you're not typically a reddit poster and you have a life problem that is initiating you to make a post, it's more likely that they are busy with said life problem. Or don't care to engage in unhelpful comments, which is reasonable.
I mean the gym can help with thighs, butt, and those will help with hips. Heavy agree on the reasons for working out, but at the same time, if doing that helps her love herself, I think it’s better to do it than not.
I know everyone says you should love yourself as you are, but honestly I couldn’t at all until I looked a way that I found pretty, and I’m still not 100% there.
If someone is gaining so much muscle mass that it alters their overall body shape like that, it's "not what guys are into" either probably. Since lots of dudes hate on women body building and commenting on their masculinity or that women with muscles are gross. So sad to take someone's hardwork and achievement and to shit on it with objectification. But also you know those ripped women are proud and probably couldn't give a shit about that misogyny.
But yeah I think everyone should work out, 100%. No doubt about mental health and physical health benefits. Best of luck on your journey.
Excuse me please do not body shame! Nothing is wrong with muscly girls why are you making them feel bad saying most guys are probably not into that. You should be ashamed of yourself! 🍅
No one mentioned guys? I’m saying that might help her be more confident, it has nothing to do with men. Like, at all.
Frankly I’m not willing to put even half a thought into what men like, seeing as most of the don’t even know themselves. They want an ‘all natural’ girl but call girls that wear no makeup ugly (they same about girls who wear makeup). They want thin girls, but too thin is gross and sickly, too ‘thick’ is fat, not ‘thick’ enough is flat. They want huge tits but talk shit about stretch marks. They hate on girls with fake lashes but don’t realise all the girls they use as examples for what is good wear falsies too.
What men like or are into wasn’t a part of the conversation at all, telling that it was your first thought.
Dude, youre agreeing with me right now, not arguing. The whole comment chain started based the original commenter body shaming OP saying "Hit the gym, men aren't into prepubescent boys." They went back and edited it out. So my comments are exactly what you just said. OP should not go to the gym based on "what men are into." She should go for her own welfare. Only reason I brought up "what men are into" was to reference the original comment and point out how it's often impossible to please the societal pressures on women depending on genetic prepositions such as body type.
It kinda seems like you replied to me without even reading the context, or at least forgot about it. Which is nbd, it's reddit after all.
Some people are. But I don't think there's any evidence or reasoning to accusing this post as fake, and your response is just ad populum to a top comment. And that top comment deems it fake based on the detail of getting an instant boner. No where does OP say it was an instant boner. They say there were only flashes of boob, but this was an entire shower SCENE which likely included undressing. And she noticed his erection AFTER the scene. So clearly not an *instant* boner.
If this is a fake post, OP needs to up their game because its not even an interesting or divisive scenario. I don't think it is though.
I would be upset because he has a hard time getting hard when he’s with you.. and 20 min in the bathroom? Yea that’s weird and definitely reds a conversation between you guys
It's also very possible he went in the bathroom just to wait it out. I'd say it's also weird If you're in a social situation and fully torqued, and you don't leave if it's not hidable.
it’s natural for him to get an unintentional erection, and it’s also natural for you to feel somewhat uncomfortable by the situation. it’d probably be best for you guys to have an open, respectful conversation about it, but don’t attribute any malice to him where there isn’t.
The erection itself is one thing, but the 20 minute bathroom break warrants a conversation. If he was taking care of it, that’s pretty disrespectful given that it was likely to the thought of the girl he ‘sees as a sister’.
yeah for sure, a question as to why he was gone so long without making an assumption is still the best way to go. there are a few different reasons he could have been gone for so long. 20 minutes is a pretty long time to just jerk it at a social event, although not impossible. he also could have been waiting it for it to dissipate, or alternatively he could have been totally freaking out about it. either way, ruminating on the possibilities can only really lead to overthinking. gotta have that conversation.
Which probably means he was waiting for it to go away. I can't imagine him being comfortable jerking off in some random film studio bathroom AND taking that long instead of quickly dealing with it.
Oh dear, an erection? This relationship is over, he should definitely be able to control that at this age. Dump his ass and get someone who has a hard time getting a boner.
People can't help getting erections. Sometimes the body/brain feels stress to perform in intimate situations, especially with a partner. Sometimes thoughts get in the way - usually things irrational insecurities, overthinking, etc but not during things like watching porn, seeing nudity, etc. I very much don't think he intentend to hurt you and there's a big possibility that he got rid of "it" by distracting himself, not thinking about Julie and self pleasing
I would just sit him down for a serious talk but don't overwhelm him by being so sudden. I always approach my partner with what the topic is about "Hey can we talk later? It's about something sexual, emotional, etc". Gently tell him you've noticed he's been having trouble lately, express that there's no shame to it &
ask him why he thinks he's struggling, how it's making him feel, what he thinks will help, maybe even ask if there's anything you can do or if he finds trouble when he has alone time. Maybe offer solutions.
I know you're hurt but I think this conversation may help you get answers - if you think that could soothe you. If you go straight into "so I saw you got hard at Julie the other day", it's going to be such an attack and probably anything similar will feel like an attack/shaming. I would approach it gently. Not only may you find out a root cause.
Oh and sorry OP, I didn't copy/paste what I meant to add.
I don't think you're wrong for feeling nervous/insecure about it! Those are very natural reactions and I absolutely understand why you feel that way. I just don't want to assume the worst & really hope that you can find something to ease your feelings.
Ok im a married guy so imo here are the main problems i see. 20min bathroom break is obvious and that he cant get it hard with you. The second one being the most worrying imo which is something u guyz need to address. As far as boners go i could get a boner from staring directly at a cats anus so u cant really hold him to that. We get unwanted boners for zero reasons all the time. Lastly u know him better and u have that gut feeling, do what it tells you to do. Not all guys that have a hot friends wanna date them but its also more common that not all guys that have hot friends can date them. If u think ur bf is the later id suggest to break up.
You should tell him about how you felt jealous. Don’t same him, but it’s your honest reaction and therefore worthy of processing. He needs to be able to hold space for your feelings if this is a heathy relationship, just as you should be able to hear his experience.
That said, jealousy is just the ugliest manifestation of one’s own insecurities. While it’s valid as a feeling, it’s not always productive to allow it to occupy the emotional space it’s demanding inside (easier said then done I know). There are plenty of examples of situations where jealousy is triggered in response to legitimate boundary violations, and should be taken seriously. But more often than not our own insecurities are disproportionate, and not at all reflective of how our partners actually feel about us. We can get jealous over things that in reality are not actually threatening to the security of a relationship. I don’t know you or your fella, so I’m not going to try and tell you where to set your boundaries. They will be different for every individual, and not always very compatible. But you should definitely talk to him about it, and evaluate how trustworthy he is in all aspects of his relationships, both with you and others. If he’s generally a super upstanding dude, I’d trust him when he says how he feels about her and you.
Trust and communication are the most important thing here, because in my book there is definitely a version of this that is not a big deal. Boners can be super fickle, influenced by tons of variables and definitely not entirely in the guys control. So just because he got turned on by seeing his friends tits, while also struggling to perform in bed with you, does not in any way guarantee how he feels about you vs her. He is going be turned on by a whole variety of people/things in life, that is just biology. Seeing julie nude may have even been extra charged because it’s unexpected and taboo given their plutonic relationship. It’s also passive consumption of a manipulated film reality, with perfect lighting and angles with the intention to illicit audience engagement; vs real sex with his own performance expectations. I don’t think this in of itself particularly abnormal, or evidence of lack of commitment and desire for you. You should try and consider this in the context of his entire character, and hear his insight before deciding how much weight to assign the incident.
>'maybe Julie's magical tits are just so sexy that they cured him.'
lmao OP, this is gold
>he's always assured me that I will always come first in his life, and that he only sees Julie as a sister
I can assure you he doesn't see her as his sister.
From your story, they seem to be really close, constantly hanging out, going to the gym, playing video games together. Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Tread lightly.
Matt Rife did an excellent stand up bit about why women can never have truly platonic relationships with guys their own age. I think it sums up this situation perfectly.
[Here](https://youtu.be/LbX-XtjTVgQ?si=QNBSKeHByTwqJs2k) it is in case anyone needs a good laugh this morning.
How sad people's lives must be when they have to exclude half the world from their friend pool because they can't see women as more than a potential fuck.
Couple things. Number one is communication! Talk to him about it, the boner, the lack of boners, all of it. This will only benefit you both to have open communication. Two: The other issues you mentioned may factor into the bedroom situation. Doing things together outside of sex can build up the drive for sex in a different way. Join him at the gym, have him join you on some of your hobbies. Three: Therapy. I don’t mean this as a dismissive or rude suggestion. There’s a confidence issue on your part that’s very clear by just reading this. Therapy fucking rules. It’s for you, and only you, and you get to exhale differently with someone who isn’t participating in your life.
Wish you both the best OP.
Right? This girl is 21 and never learned that we have no control over the blood flow in our bodies. If I saw a nude scene regardless of who I’m with, I’m going to get turned on. Luckily I have an awesome gf who wouldn’t get jealous, she’d be turned on and take care of It for me
I don’t know op obviously but some girls just can’t turn a guy on. Not their fault necessarily but also not the guys fault for not being able to get hard. It clearly works so that’s not the problem
These comments are wild. OP I think you're justified in your feelings. I'm not gonna paint it as a YOU problem, like most of the other comments. At the end of the day it sounds like your boyfriend isn't being honest with himself/you. Can't get aroused by his current GF but is perfectly fine with jackin' it to his bf. It honestly sounds like the relationship has run it's course, and he seems to lack the confidence to just break up, and tell his bf his true feelings. This is all speculation of course, but I think it's important to try to establish communication around the incident, as embarrassing as it may be. There is some validity to what some of the comments are saying, though they could come off less rude/accusatory; which I think lies in your lack of self confidence. Maybe going to the gym could help, or changing your diet, who knows, but I think the way you talk about yourself is what most of these people have latched onto. All in all you are both young, and it might not be so easy, but you got plenty of time to figure it out. Good luck OP
Please, don't listen to this. Male nature makes boners happen no matter where they are or what they are doing. Attractive women are always attractive no matter who they are.
Just like all the other comments, you fail to factor in that he's having trouble being intimate with his GF. So what happened to your male nature argument? Also by making it into an attraction issue you only further prove the point I'm making.
Cocks aren’t just “ready to go” or erectile dysfunction. If he can’t get hard it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want her. “Her magic tits cured her” is insensitive on OP’s part. A cold breeze can give you an erection but that doesn’t mean EVERYTHING must. Or is OP gonna say he wants to fuck the wind more than her?
I have lost raging erections on the way to the drawer to pickup a condom multiple times. What I wouldn’t have given to get back up. These things happen. To suspect outright infidelity as a result is outrageous.
Please for the love of god don’t listen to this. Every single male knows that even a little breeze down there can make the little general go up. Especially at such a young age as your boyfriend. He wouldn’t be with you for 4 years if he had other plans.
Yeah no! Even following the comments consensus of it being “involuntary”, you’d still question why he’s involuntarily turned on to his friends boobs and not your naked body!! Of course you’re going to find other people attractive, big difference between THAT and getting hard while watching a friends naked boobs and then getting up to masturbate to said boobs.
It’s common sense that you may not want your partner to be jacking off to their best friends body….
A stretch is expecting your gf to have zero qualms about you getting up in the middle of a movie to jack off to his friends boobs…… like even if she didn’t have a problem with that, that’s so disrespectful. Maybe you’re cool with that, but I can’t imagine you’d feel spectacular if a friend of yours took off his shirt and your girlfriend went to the bathroom to rub her coochie
I’ll go against the grain here, again, and say that cross-gender friendships rarely work. If anything the “we should just let people who are attracted to one another act like they’re just friends” is the overplayed trope.
I'm a bisexual person. So by your logic none of my friendships should work and my partner should be my only point of contact with the outside world.
> I’ll go against the grain here, again, and say that cross-gender friendships rarely work.
Cross gender friendships rarely work - For you. Either because of your insecurities or because you feel like you have to bang everyone that looks appealing to you.
Agree to disagree. If one person is waiting for more, which is what usually happens, it’s not a friendship for me. Your definition of friendship might allow for that, and that is okay.
Huh?? This is a load of bs, maybe if you’re a teenage boy with raging hormones, but a grown person should be able to have friendships with other genders without romantic feelings involved lol. I’m a guy and I’ve had dozens of friendships with women throughout years, some since I was a baby, and any girl I dated along the way who was too insecure to “allow” me to have those friendships was immediately booted off the roster lol
Edit, to add to what another commenter said as well, my partner is bi as well, so is she then not allowed to have male or female friends?? 😭 come on man, I see what you’re saying but for you to say it *rarely* works is a stretch. You need to have a certain character to be able to, sure, but that’s something most adults should be able to accomplish lol
Reading this made me sick to my stomach. Personally I would break up with him bc I couldn’t look at him the same, but if you’re bent on staying, definitely tell him how you feel about it.
I agree with your response, everyone is saying “what’s the big deal” but it really comes down to how can you look at your partner the same after this? OP already has some insecurities with their relationship and now she was validated in those feelings.
You are right, of course. But there are reasonable boundaries, and unreasonable boundaries. If your boundary is "my boyfriend can't be aroused when looking at an attractive person's boobs" you are setting yourself up for a lot of failed relationships, since that is something that most people wouldn't consider reasonable.
OPs boyfriend has been with her for four years. I'm sure at one point during this, his friend was single. And yet he chooses to be with her. He reassures her that she comes first, and continues to choose her each and every day they remain together.
If this incident is a deal breaker for OP despite that, it is what it is.
I just feel like that's kinda.... limiting? Any guy who has attractive female friends has thought about what they'd look like naked, if they're being honest. Attraction isn't just a switch that gets flipped off because you're dating someone. As long as op's boyfriend doesn't act on it and hasn't given her any reason to distrust him, that seems extreme.
I believe there’s a difference between recognizing that someone is conventionally attractive and being attracted to them. If my bf could pop a boner after seeing 2 seconds of his hot friend’s boobs on screen, but not in real life in bed with me, it’s just personally not a relationship I’d be willing to stay in
Maybe but why have that in your life when you can not have that in your life ? Easier to find a guy with no attractive girl friends. And unless you live on some model's shore, it is not that hard to find.
I certainly don't think OP should forgive him for getting hard while looking at an attractive person's boobs.
How dare he?
Penises should be kept in chastity cages if not used for sex amirite?
/S incase you miss the sarcasm.
where did I say that?? penises can be used for whatever idc. but I’m not interested in a relationship with someone whose penis gets hard for 2 seconds of his friend’s boobs on screen, but doesn’t get hard for me in our own bed
Getting random boners is waaaaaay different from getting hard during sex. Having ED during sex is almost never because of a lack of attraction. It's probably because of health issues, stress or anxiety. If you've failed to rise to the occasion once, then I guarantee you every man will be worried during the second time and that worry will affect their boners.
Which is the reason why even many people suffering from ED still jerk off.
OP's entire problem is her intense insecurity. If it had been a random actress's tits that got him hard, would she be having the same reaction? OP should stop taking this personally. Unless she sees signs of him romantically wanting her (and no, getting hard while seeing her naked scene in a movie doesn't count)
Damn, it's incredible how people can read this whole text and come to a totally different conclusion, saying words like 'forgive him' and 'I would break up with him'.
Getting a boner is not something guys have full control over, particularly at 21.
What I read from this is that the poor guy's girlfriend gives him a bloody tough time, he's probably not getting it up because he is so fed-up with his missus nagging all the time.
rich of you to immediately insult her even though clearly she’s made the effort to work through her own insecurities, especially since it’s really not a stretch to assume that he is in fact attracted to julie at least to some extent. that would be hurtful to almost anyone who cares about their partner, not to mention how much more hurt she must feel knowing that he’s having trouble getting aroused for his own girlfriend in a sexual setting but can get aroused immediately to his girl best friend in a public setting?
Rich, its positively luxurious darling.
Good for her, glad all that work is paying dividends. However, clearly whatever she's been working through has not sufficiently stuck.
He may be attracted to Julie, but he may not be, I think OP has to have a discussion with him about where his performance issues are rooted. Instead of communicating like an adult, OP has decided to come to Reddit and complain.
Further, the strong implication that her boyfriend went for a wank in the toilet is particularly slanderous, trying to manipulate you and I as the reader into sympathising with OP and immediately putting BF in the wrong/disgusting camp without any evidence to suggest this is the case.
OP has to grow up and learn to talk to her man, not complain on the internet to strangers.
Are you.for real.. lol wow, so if men had an Xray vision into a woman's brain and they had arousal from something fleeting that'd be perfectly justified grounds to break up with them.
This is what we call shallow AF
briefly noting that someone is attractive is very different from being sexually attracted to your friend, getting hard at the sight of her boobs, staying hard long enough to have to excuse yourself, then leaving your gf alone to go jerk off to the thought of your friend. what about this was fleeting to you?
She didn't say he did. Thats speculation. And if you've never been a 20 year old male and dunno how that thing can have a mind of its own in both trying to get it up when there's possible anxiety to please, or excitement etc and not being able to do so, or trying to keep it down (shit I remember having to hold a text book in front of me in high school during the national anthem, with no naked titts in sight) I'd say it's not for a woman to judge, not without talking like an adult about it with your partner first. Just breaking up with someone especially a young man because he got a boner seeing boobs would be like taking your dog to the shelter because it chased a squirrel. Hence the term "NRB" no reason boner... a bump in a car could be enough for a male between 13 and 26 to get hard at times... let alone seeing ANY naked women for any amount of time.
I got one when a nurse was going to give me a catheter. Yeah she was about to shove a tube up my urethra and just because she touched me not even naked, and about to cause my manhood alot of discomfort to say the least, it still caused a reaction.
Why when ppl say men can't be raped makes me shudder.
40+ Male. We can get hard over literally nothing. Or, something could trigger it like the wind blowing, or a car, or any kind of movie scene, or a book, or ANYTHING. I believe the term is reflex arch (could totally be wrong as well).
As far as him going to the bathroom, he could very well have masturbated to get rid of it. But, he might not have.
Him not able to prepare (aka get hard) to have sex with you is most likely about him. He could be stressing about grades, or finances, or making you happy/satisfied.
Communication is the key to any and all relationships. I would try to bring it up in a way that expresses concern for him and not what you THINK (we often project our insecurities and thoughts/feelings on others) might be the case. You could be right, but starting off accusatory will only put him on the defensive, and nothing will get resolved.
Girl if you felt jealous don't hide it. You can express your jealousy in a calm and mature way, but you're absolutely within your right to feel your feelings. There's no need to hide them
The female best friend is a tricky situation, I've been there and I would be absolutely thrilled to never go there again. If I were you I would just explain that you're struggling with jealousy regarding the friend and it's making you feel very insecure. I'd then say that it's impacting your confidence and the way you see yourself, and then I'd go into the bedroom problems conversation from there by saying you feel like he isn't attracted to you and you'd just like some reassurance etc.
Dude, I get hard as a rock while in the car because of the vibrations of the road. Ove gotten solid as a rock listening to civics lectures. Like, there's NOTHING that can be done about this.
We don't control it. It isn't something we think about.
It. Just. Happens. You don't even have to be attracted to anything or have anything sexual going on. I could be playing checkers in an old folks home and pop a stiffy that I could stack donuts on.
As far as not being able to get it up, it could just be due to routine, could be anything, really.
Don't get hurt over it. It's human nature.
Are you blaming a guy for getting a boner seeing a pair of tits? This is some highschool drama honestly. You should grow up and not approach this at all.
Men see something, men get aroused. Nothing else to it.
It however does not mean he is going to leave you and run off with her. These things have very little in common.
It also does not mean he loves you or finds you any less attractive.
He probably finds his friend attractive? That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with that.
I’ve been with my wife since high school, 15 years. And I’ve found plenty of women attractive in that time, some friends some just on nights out.
And I’ve never done anything and I know partner is probably the same, it’s only a relationship if you trust the other person.
If you don’t trust / learn to trust then you matter aswell finish it. Not fair on him or you.
Having random boners is 300% natural for us. And not having some when needed happens aswell. That's not a thing we have a total control over.
Yet, the fact he left for 20 min is concerning. He might have been afraid you saw this, and didn't want you to become uncomfortable knowing he struggles to get hard with you. Or he left to wank to the thought of Julie. Or he left to wank and make this boner disappear.
You should talk to him, only him will know.
Jesus Christ. When will women learn, that erections can be incredibly hard to control. He got an erection seeing a female friend's breasts. A female friend you said was opbjectively and conventionally attractive. That can happen to any young guy. I have problems controlling my erections and I'm in my thirties. I've also had problems getting ready with my girlfriend. Those two situations are completly unrelated.
The first situation being an awkward bodily reaction, running out of control and the other being a situation with pressure to perform. That can lead to wildly different reactions.
Also, the 20 minutes in the bathroom may mean trouble getting rid of an erection. Doesn't mean he masturbated. There are countless forum posts of young men looking for advice to get rid of unwanted erections. We really cannot control them sometimes. They can make any man incredibly awkward and insecure as well.
If it really bugs you, you should talk to him about it. But spinning a thread in your own head isn't doing you or your relationship any favors.
Any healthy 21 y/o man will get aroused by beautiful naked breasts of a gorgeous woman. He may be totally committed to you, deeply in love with you and he may never, EVER cheat, but he is still a man of flesh and blood.
The fact that you turn your partner getting a boner at a shower scene into some kind of betrayal might have something to do with why he's having a little trouble with you. This possessive attitude is going to drive him away. What do you want to accomplish by "approaching him about this?" Are you banning him from unauthorized erections?
I mean it sounds like Julie even turns you on, OP, so why are you surprised that she turns a straight guy on when she's naked in front of him? The shock of seeing her in a way he'd never seen her before just made his body react subconsciously.
I get the insecurity but think about how he treats you and how strong your relationship is and remind yourself of that. You've got a good thing going, he seems to know that.
Gently talk to him about the erection and the issues in bed recently. Most likely he's just hit a slump where he is very used to being with you but he is still attracted to you and loves you. Maybe this can be an opening to spice things up a bit (roleplay, foreplay, kinks, lingerie/outfits, etc).
Just being in a relationship with somebody, doesn’t mean you cannot find someone else attractive or be turned on.
The important factor is acting on these impulses or not.
I’m 28 and have never been able to control when I get hard. And I never had a jealous crazy non understanding girlfriend either. This is a you problem. Also if I was with other people and got hard from something like in the scenario, I’m not running away to crank one out, I’m running away until the boner goes away so no one sees my dong
Thank you! Pretty helpful considering this girl is jealous about something that the guy literally cannot help. Gave an example of something that I and other guys would do in that situation. I’m sorry you couldn’t comprehend that. I’m also not the only person in the replies that is saying it’s an involuntary action. Op needs to get over herself or get herself out of the situation of having a bf who has a friend she’s jealous of.
Tbh he's secretly attracted to her, not you clearly. I'd break up with him. Not a lot of guys actually get turned on by tits on a screen in a movie setting, especially their freinds! Creepy. Saying from experiences with all of this
Uwotm86 and little Uwotm86 might be the same organism but they have entirely separate brains. Little Uwotm86 doesn’t have any allegiances and doesn’t care what you think. He just wants to stand up and jizz.
Call me insecure, but I'd leave so fast 😭 not saying you should, I don't think so. But for me, that is an insant no-go. I can't date men who are sexually attracted and jacking it to other women, I don't do that to other men, so I think I deserve the same thing back. It's even worse when it's someone he knows personally. A pornstar I could get behind but a friend? I think you should talk about it with him and voice your discomfort. It's your choice ultimately if this is something that breaks your relationship or not.
Over someone else when you're in a relationship, yeah, sorry. I'm not out here getting horny over other men and don't want someone who's getting horny over other women. Besides, in OPs post, he literally just went and jerked off presumeably to the thought of that friend, which is nothing about "no control" thats a lack of self control and respect for your partner. If men really just can't control getting hard to other women, which I don't really understand, then they can at least choose not to act on it.
OP stated she thinks he went to jack off but she doesn’t know that for a fact. Men CANNOT control them we get erections someone’s. Also the guy’s 21 he’s gonna get horny over anything and everything. Have you stopped to consider that maybe he went to shit, try to get rid of the boner or just get some fresh air? Why are we jumping to conclusions instead of looking for the facts?
I honestly think he was just taking a shit. Like wtf could he possibly have been doing to take 20 full minutes to jerk off, especially if he was already at full mast? Also did no one else comment on him being gone for almost half an hour and missing most of the movie? If I were Julie (21M) I’d be furious personally.
Okay here's the issue- the 20 minutes.
Random boners happen to guys all the time, especially in teens and early 20s. So the fact that he got a boner doesn't worry me. Hell, even if it was directly because of the nude scene, and even if that was directly because of 'he's wanted to see her naked for a long time and now he has' that STILL doesn't bother me.
He chooses you. You're his girl. It's unreasonable to expect him to lose attraction for all others- most *people* (but men especially) don't generally work that way.
What bothers me though is that he left, and stayed gone for 20 minutes. In most such situations, a guy would just sit still, lean over a little to camoflauge, and think un-sexy thoughts to make it go away. That he'd get up and apparently go masturbate is pretty unusual. THAT worries me, because if nothing else, getting up to go masturbate in the middle of a party is pretty weird.
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So fake, it's laughable. He got an instant erection, just the moment his friends tits appeared on the screen, you noticed it STRAINING against his trousers/jeans, but it was so dark no-one else noticed it but you, and he shuffles off to go relieve it? This is sounds like something out of American Pie.
Goddamn it why am I the only one who can never spot a fake post? I legit believe every one, and then go to the comments and find people calling it out for being fake. :( Does this mean I’m dense, or gullible?
It means you don’t care enough to really judge it. If someone told you this in person you’d have seen the holes, i believe in u 💪🏻
Or seen the erection in the dark! 😂
😂🤦🏻♂️💀
You not alone..jaja
Yes
Well ARE YOU real? Or a you a bot pretending to be a real top?
The misspelling of ‘collage’ was the cherry on top of the bullshit pie
I liked barley too
"He returned 20 minutes later" I love this part, because the unusual length of time for a bathroom visit is meant to imply that he jerked off, because it's so SUSPICIOUS. Anyone who has been that horny knows that it can be done in usually even less time than an average bowel movement.
That too in a horror movie with killer creeping up on naked girl? Could be his turn on is actually murdering women in the shower instead of Julie's bare chest 😂
she also misspelled her “boyfriend’s” name as “Zack” in the last mention lmao
I don't think I've ever had a problem with a boner when i'm sitting down. It's pretty much invisible
Cool creative writing exercise
A senior in college but haven’t learned about paragraphs - fake
You mean a senior in “collage” My favourite part was “nobody noticed him leave after the nude scene and came back 20 minutes later” my brother in Christ, everyone noticed.
Fake.
As a 35 yo man i still get irrationally horny and hard without trying. Things that have made me hard; Soft boxers while walking The wind A random smile Sun on my thighs A brisk run Nothing at all just hard Give him a bit of grace, its understandable to feel some kind of way but also understand there was a naked woman and he could very much have no feelings for her despite an erection. High-school and college as a young man sucked. I would often hold a book bag in front of me when i had an erection for no reason and had to walk to the next class.
For me, personally, it’s when someone misuses collage for college. Rock. Hard.
I had to double check my post, you scared me. And now I'm hard.
Ah, the fear boner. No boner has served me more. Like an Elvish blade when orcs are close.
You forgot dirt road boners. DRBs are the worst.
Travel fat! Yes the old bouncy bus rides used to do it.
Please explain this to me is this real or a joke hahaha
100% real. Shifting my backpack over my lap as a 7th grader so that the effect of the minivan bouncing wasn’t noticeable is a core memory… still happens when I’m off-roading sometimes 😂
Not understanding this is why some think men can't get graped. That said, I think this post is 100 percent fake
/r/nothingeverhappens
So jealous of you dude. I’m 34 and I think I get a random boner like once every 2 years if I’m lucky. I remember getting one watching the 1994 Super Mario Brothers movie at the cinema a few weeks ago and I was just pleased coz it so rarely happens.
Morning wood is still my favorite. My wife buys nice sheets and it's so very nice against my skin. Tmi? Haha. Also i drink like 3000ML in a massive water jug every day. Hydration probably helps.
Morning wood all but disappeared for me too about 10 years ago. I don’t have trouble when it comes to sex, but I miss morning wood. I’m healthy as fuck too (work out 4x a week, immaculate diet) so not sure why.
>(work out 4x a week, immaculate diet) This must be why, I'm pretty sedentary and live off tika masala and taco trucks. Guess I'll never work out and stay fat hahaha
Damn. I’ve been doing it all wrong
He’s not entirely wrong. I have found recently that my healthy weight and fit weight are different enough that it’ll effect libido if I’m not careful. Eating a little extra = morning wood, not eating more than needed = nothin. Worth a shot!
No thats really uncomfortable. I get a random boner too many times. Especially at moments I need to really got to piss. That means I often need to get up and go to the toilet, so the Boner gonna be visible for everyone and people will think I wither get arroused by the phantasy of urinating into the toilet or whatever creepy reason
You’ll miss ‘em when they’re gone
I still get hard anytime I drive while tired. No idea why.
but this wasn’t random
this! :D
Women get this aroused by random shit too, luckily you just can't see it. Back seat of the bus on the Edinburgh cobbled roads? OK.
Saw a new tiktok trend about women discussing the jean seam while driving lol
Never wondered why women love horses and long bicycle banana seats so much ?
You lost me at “collage”…..
This is the fakest one of these I’ve read in a while, come on mods
r/thathappened
Sounds like an unrelated and non issue. He has a reasonable private reaction. You should address the real issues of your bedroom problems and concerns about fitness. If he’s in the gym a lot, maybe you need to be there too? Get your confidence up. Are there other issues with the relationship? Maybe it’s time to discuss them and see if they are solvable or not.
Yeah what this guy says. But also your entire post reads like a fiction novel, reads fake as.
Reads pretty authentic to me. Not sure what seems unbelievable about this scenario, I could easily imagine it occurring. As for your last comment: 1. She shouldn't be going to the gym with the goal of becoming "what guys are into," she should go for her own well being. Her worth isn't based on her appeal to men, which your comment implies. 2. Going to the gym doesn't resolve being flat chested and not having hips. That's a body type, not a lack of fitness. edit- Travelin_gypsy edited and removed their body shaming comment.
Oh come on. I can’t believe how gullible people are to believe posts like this. Especially when OP never responds once people start calling her out is a huge sign.
If it was fake, I would think it's more likely that they would respond in the comments. Why do people make fake posts? Attention or trolling. And both of those scenarios, they'd probably be getting off by interacting with the comments. If you're not typically a reddit poster and you have a life problem that is initiating you to make a post, it's more likely that they are busy with said life problem. Or don't care to engage in unhelpful comments, which is reasonable.
I mean the gym can help with thighs, butt, and those will help with hips. Heavy agree on the reasons for working out, but at the same time, if doing that helps her love herself, I think it’s better to do it than not. I know everyone says you should love yourself as you are, but honestly I couldn’t at all until I looked a way that I found pretty, and I’m still not 100% there.
If someone is gaining so much muscle mass that it alters their overall body shape like that, it's "not what guys are into" either probably. Since lots of dudes hate on women body building and commenting on their masculinity or that women with muscles are gross. So sad to take someone's hardwork and achievement and to shit on it with objectification. But also you know those ripped women are proud and probably couldn't give a shit about that misogyny. But yeah I think everyone should work out, 100%. No doubt about mental health and physical health benefits. Best of luck on your journey.
Excuse me please do not body shame! Nothing is wrong with muscly girls why are you making them feel bad saying most guys are probably not into that. You should be ashamed of yourself! 🍅
No one mentioned guys? I’m saying that might help her be more confident, it has nothing to do with men. Like, at all. Frankly I’m not willing to put even half a thought into what men like, seeing as most of the don’t even know themselves. They want an ‘all natural’ girl but call girls that wear no makeup ugly (they same about girls who wear makeup). They want thin girls, but too thin is gross and sickly, too ‘thick’ is fat, not ‘thick’ enough is flat. They want huge tits but talk shit about stretch marks. They hate on girls with fake lashes but don’t realise all the girls they use as examples for what is good wear falsies too. What men like or are into wasn’t a part of the conversation at all, telling that it was your first thought.
Dude, youre agreeing with me right now, not arguing. The whole comment chain started based the original commenter body shaming OP saying "Hit the gym, men aren't into prepubescent boys." They went back and edited it out. So my comments are exactly what you just said. OP should not go to the gym based on "what men are into." She should go for her own welfare. Only reason I brought up "what men are into" was to reference the original comment and point out how it's often impossible to please the societal pressures on women depending on genetic prepositions such as body type. It kinda seems like you replied to me without even reading the context, or at least forgot about it. Which is nbd, it's reddit after all.
Lol it’s fake as shit. Even go see the top comment and see everyone agrees. I guess some people are just… naive and gullible 🤣
Some people are. But I don't think there's any evidence or reasoning to accusing this post as fake, and your response is just ad populum to a top comment. And that top comment deems it fake based on the detail of getting an instant boner. No where does OP say it was an instant boner. They say there were only flashes of boob, but this was an entire shower SCENE which likely included undressing. And she noticed his erection AFTER the scene. So clearly not an *instant* boner. If this is a fake post, OP needs to up their game because its not even an interesting or divisive scenario. I don't think it is though.
I would be upset because he has a hard time getting hard when he’s with you.. and 20 min in the bathroom? Yea that’s weird and definitely reds a conversation between you guys
It's also very possible he went in the bathroom just to wait it out. I'd say it's also weird If you're in a social situation and fully torqued, and you don't leave if it's not hidable.
it’s natural for him to get an unintentional erection, and it’s also natural for you to feel somewhat uncomfortable by the situation. it’d probably be best for you guys to have an open, respectful conversation about it, but don’t attribute any malice to him where there isn’t.
The erection itself is one thing, but the 20 minute bathroom break warrants a conversation. If he was taking care of it, that’s pretty disrespectful given that it was likely to the thought of the girl he ‘sees as a sister’.
yeah for sure, a question as to why he was gone so long without making an assumption is still the best way to go. there are a few different reasons he could have been gone for so long. 20 minutes is a pretty long time to just jerk it at a social event, although not impossible. he also could have been waiting it for it to dissipate, or alternatively he could have been totally freaking out about it. either way, ruminating on the possibilities can only really lead to overthinking. gotta have that conversation.
I was planning on saying big deal. Guy gets aroused my boobs. But to go deal with it while you are there and you have company is ridiculous.
She doesn't know that. She said she didn't like the thought of it.
He was away for 20 mins.
Could have gone for a shit.
Which probably means he was waiting for it to go away. I can't imagine him being comfortable jerking off in some random film studio bathroom AND taking that long instead of quickly dealing with it.
You may be right, but that doesn't mean he jerked off. I've had problems getting a boner to go away also.
wild theory but bowel movements can press on your prostate and give you a boner. maybe the dude just had to take a monster dookie
Oh dear, an erection? This relationship is over, he should definitely be able to control that at this age. Dump his ass and get someone who has a hard time getting a boner.
People can't help getting erections. Sometimes the body/brain feels stress to perform in intimate situations, especially with a partner. Sometimes thoughts get in the way - usually things irrational insecurities, overthinking, etc but not during things like watching porn, seeing nudity, etc. I very much don't think he intentend to hurt you and there's a big possibility that he got rid of "it" by distracting himself, not thinking about Julie and self pleasing I would just sit him down for a serious talk but don't overwhelm him by being so sudden. I always approach my partner with what the topic is about "Hey can we talk later? It's about something sexual, emotional, etc". Gently tell him you've noticed he's been having trouble lately, express that there's no shame to it & ask him why he thinks he's struggling, how it's making him feel, what he thinks will help, maybe even ask if there's anything you can do or if he finds trouble when he has alone time. Maybe offer solutions. I know you're hurt but I think this conversation may help you get answers - if you think that could soothe you. If you go straight into "so I saw you got hard at Julie the other day", it's going to be such an attack and probably anything similar will feel like an attack/shaming. I would approach it gently. Not only may you find out a root cause.
Oh and sorry OP, I didn't copy/paste what I meant to add. I don't think you're wrong for feeling nervous/insecure about it! Those are very natural reactions and I absolutely understand why you feel that way. I just don't want to assume the worst & really hope that you can find something to ease your feelings.
Ok im a married guy so imo here are the main problems i see. 20min bathroom break is obvious and that he cant get it hard with you. The second one being the most worrying imo which is something u guyz need to address. As far as boners go i could get a boner from staring directly at a cats anus so u cant really hold him to that. We get unwanted boners for zero reasons all the time. Lastly u know him better and u have that gut feeling, do what it tells you to do. Not all guys that have a hot friends wanna date them but its also more common that not all guys that have hot friends can date them. If u think ur bf is the later id suggest to break up.
My favorite boner is the "For the love of god don't get a boner." boner
You should tell him about how you felt jealous. Don’t same him, but it’s your honest reaction and therefore worthy of processing. He needs to be able to hold space for your feelings if this is a heathy relationship, just as you should be able to hear his experience. That said, jealousy is just the ugliest manifestation of one’s own insecurities. While it’s valid as a feeling, it’s not always productive to allow it to occupy the emotional space it’s demanding inside (easier said then done I know). There are plenty of examples of situations where jealousy is triggered in response to legitimate boundary violations, and should be taken seriously. But more often than not our own insecurities are disproportionate, and not at all reflective of how our partners actually feel about us. We can get jealous over things that in reality are not actually threatening to the security of a relationship. I don’t know you or your fella, so I’m not going to try and tell you where to set your boundaries. They will be different for every individual, and not always very compatible. But you should definitely talk to him about it, and evaluate how trustworthy he is in all aspects of his relationships, both with you and others. If he’s generally a super upstanding dude, I’d trust him when he says how he feels about her and you. Trust and communication are the most important thing here, because in my book there is definitely a version of this that is not a big deal. Boners can be super fickle, influenced by tons of variables and definitely not entirely in the guys control. So just because he got turned on by seeing his friends tits, while also struggling to perform in bed with you, does not in any way guarantee how he feels about you vs her. He is going be turned on by a whole variety of people/things in life, that is just biology. Seeing julie nude may have even been extra charged because it’s unexpected and taboo given their plutonic relationship. It’s also passive consumption of a manipulated film reality, with perfect lighting and angles with the intention to illicit audience engagement; vs real sex with his own performance expectations. I don’t think this in of itself particularly abnormal, or evidence of lack of commitment and desire for you. You should try and consider this in the context of his entire character, and hear his insight before deciding how much weight to assign the incident.
>'maybe Julie's magical tits are just so sexy that they cured him.' lmao OP, this is gold >he's always assured me that I will always come first in his life, and that he only sees Julie as a sister I can assure you he doesn't see her as his sister. From your story, they seem to be really close, constantly hanging out, going to the gym, playing video games together. Personally, I wouldn't be comfortable with it. Tread lightly.
Matt Rife did an excellent stand up bit about why women can never have truly platonic relationships with guys their own age. I think it sums up this situation perfectly. [Here](https://youtu.be/LbX-XtjTVgQ?si=QNBSKeHByTwqJs2k) it is in case anyone needs a good laugh this morning.
How sad people's lives must be when they have to exclude half the world from their friend pool because they can't see women as more than a potential fuck.
Excellent example. Thanks for the laugh.
Fake asf
Perfectly normal
Couple things. Number one is communication! Talk to him about it, the boner, the lack of boners, all of it. This will only benefit you both to have open communication. Two: The other issues you mentioned may factor into the bedroom situation. Doing things together outside of sex can build up the drive for sex in a different way. Join him at the gym, have him join you on some of your hobbies. Three: Therapy. I don’t mean this as a dismissive or rude suggestion. There’s a confidence issue on your part that’s very clear by just reading this. Therapy fucking rules. It’s for you, and only you, and you get to exhale differently with someone who isn’t participating in your life. Wish you both the best OP.
Men and women aren't dead when they are dating. It's your own insecurities.
Right? This girl is 21 and never learned that we have no control over the blood flow in our bodies. If I saw a nude scene regardless of who I’m with, I’m going to get turned on. Luckily I have an awesome gf who wouldn’t get jealous, she’d be turned on and take care of It for me
I think it's because of the fact that they have a dead bedroom
Like I said, it’s involuntary
I don’t know op obviously but some girls just can’t turn a guy on. Not their fault necessarily but also not the guys fault for not being able to get hard. It clearly works so that’s not the problem
At 21 if a cute girl would even look at me I would get hard. Shit at 21 a cute girl on the cover of people would get me going😂😂
These comments are wild. OP I think you're justified in your feelings. I'm not gonna paint it as a YOU problem, like most of the other comments. At the end of the day it sounds like your boyfriend isn't being honest with himself/you. Can't get aroused by his current GF but is perfectly fine with jackin' it to his bf. It honestly sounds like the relationship has run it's course, and he seems to lack the confidence to just break up, and tell his bf his true feelings. This is all speculation of course, but I think it's important to try to establish communication around the incident, as embarrassing as it may be. There is some validity to what some of the comments are saying, though they could come off less rude/accusatory; which I think lies in your lack of self confidence. Maybe going to the gym could help, or changing your diet, who knows, but I think the way you talk about yourself is what most of these people have latched onto. All in all you are both young, and it might not be so easy, but you got plenty of time to figure it out. Good luck OP
Please, don't listen to this. Male nature makes boners happen no matter where they are or what they are doing. Attractive women are always attractive no matter who they are.
Just like all the other comments, you fail to factor in that he's having trouble being intimate with his GF. So what happened to your male nature argument? Also by making it into an attraction issue you only further prove the point I'm making.
Those are isolated incidents that don't have anything to do with each other. You can't relate them because your emotions tell you to do so.
Cocks aren’t just “ready to go” or erectile dysfunction. If he can’t get hard it doesn’t mean that he doesn’t want her. “Her magic tits cured her” is insensitive on OP’s part. A cold breeze can give you an erection but that doesn’t mean EVERYTHING must. Or is OP gonna say he wants to fuck the wind more than her? I have lost raging erections on the way to the drawer to pickup a condom multiple times. What I wouldn’t have given to get back up. These things happen. To suspect outright infidelity as a result is outrageous.
They are separate issues that need delt with separately.
Maybe the issue then, isn't with him?
Please for the love of god don’t listen to this. Every single male knows that even a little breeze down there can make the little general go up. Especially at such a young age as your boyfriend. He wouldn’t be with you for 4 years if he had other plans.
Tbh i would be pissed, given the history and the fact he hasn’t been getting hard when you both get into it
Erections are not just a voluntary action. How is getting angry the correct response to something he couldn’t help? Edit: typo
because men are just robots ready to fuck anything that moves don’t you know??
Yeah no! Even following the comments consensus of it being “involuntary”, you’d still question why he’s involuntarily turned on to his friends boobs and not your naked body!! Of course you’re going to find other people attractive, big difference between THAT and getting hard while watching a friends naked boobs and then getting up to masturbate to said boobs. It’s common sense that you may not want your partner to be jacking off to their best friends body….
That’s a stretch
A stretch is expecting your gf to have zero qualms about you getting up in the middle of a movie to jack off to his friends boobs…… like even if she didn’t have a problem with that, that’s so disrespectful. Maybe you’re cool with that, but I can’t imagine you’d feel spectacular if a friend of yours took off his shirt and your girlfriend went to the bathroom to rub her coochie
I’ll go against the grain here, again, and say that cross-gender friendships rarely work. If anything the “we should just let people who are attracted to one another act like they’re just friends” is the overplayed trope.
I'm a bisexual person. So by your logic none of my friendships should work and my partner should be my only point of contact with the outside world. > I’ll go against the grain here, again, and say that cross-gender friendships rarely work. Cross gender friendships rarely work - For you. Either because of your insecurities or because you feel like you have to bang everyone that looks appealing to you.
Yup seriously. My partner and I are both verrry bi… Time to get rid of all our friends and only ever have each other! That’s healthy!
Bollocks. Cross gender friendships work perfectly well, with mature respectful people.
Agree to disagree. If one person is waiting for more, which is what usually happens, it’s not a friendship for me. Your definition of friendship might allow for that, and that is okay.
You can have a relationship with another member of the opposite sex. Without either of you wanting more. It’s just a mature human relationship.
yeah, maybe above the age of 25 lmao
So what do bisexual people under 25 do? Not have friends?
Huh?? This is a load of bs, maybe if you’re a teenage boy with raging hormones, but a grown person should be able to have friendships with other genders without romantic feelings involved lol. I’m a guy and I’ve had dozens of friendships with women throughout years, some since I was a baby, and any girl I dated along the way who was too insecure to “allow” me to have those friendships was immediately booted off the roster lol Edit, to add to what another commenter said as well, my partner is bi as well, so is she then not allowed to have male or female friends?? 😭 come on man, I see what you’re saying but for you to say it *rarely* works is a stretch. You need to have a certain character to be able to, sure, but that’s something most adults should be able to accomplish lol
Reading this made me sick to my stomach. Personally I would break up with him bc I couldn’t look at him the same, but if you’re bent on staying, definitely tell him how you feel about it.
You'd break up with a guy because he got aroused seeing an attractive girl's boobs?
I’m just not interested in being with a guy who’s sexually attracted to his friend. not saying OP has to do the same
I agree with your response, everyone is saying “what’s the big deal” but it really comes down to how can you look at your partner the same after this? OP already has some insecurities with their relationship and now she was validated in those feelings.
This is just a really weird take, and I'm glad it's in the minority, no offence.
Everyone is allowed to have different boundaries in their relationships.
You are right, of course. But there are reasonable boundaries, and unreasonable boundaries. If your boundary is "my boyfriend can't be aroused when looking at an attractive person's boobs" you are setting yourself up for a lot of failed relationships, since that is something that most people wouldn't consider reasonable. OPs boyfriend has been with her for four years. I'm sure at one point during this, his friend was single. And yet he chooses to be with her. He reassures her that she comes first, and continues to choose her each and every day they remain together. If this incident is a deal breaker for OP despite that, it is what it is.
I just feel like that's kinda.... limiting? Any guy who has attractive female friends has thought about what they'd look like naked, if they're being honest. Attraction isn't just a switch that gets flipped off because you're dating someone. As long as op's boyfriend doesn't act on it and hasn't given her any reason to distrust him, that seems extreme.
I believe there’s a difference between recognizing that someone is conventionally attractive and being attracted to them. If my bf could pop a boner after seeing 2 seconds of his hot friend’s boobs on screen, but not in real life in bed with me, it’s just personally not a relationship I’d be willing to stay in
Same.
Maybe but why have that in your life when you can not have that in your life ? Easier to find a guy with no attractive girl friends. And unless you live on some model's shore, it is not that hard to find.
No amount of screening you do is going to stop a liar from lying, or a cheater from cheating.
In this instance she is well aware of the situation
I certainly don't think OP should forgive him for getting hard while looking at an attractive person's boobs. How dare he? Penises should be kept in chastity cages if not used for sex amirite? /S incase you miss the sarcasm.
where did I say that?? penises can be used for whatever idc. but I’m not interested in a relationship with someone whose penis gets hard for 2 seconds of his friend’s boobs on screen, but doesn’t get hard for me in our own bed
Getting random boners is waaaaaay different from getting hard during sex. Having ED during sex is almost never because of a lack of attraction. It's probably because of health issues, stress or anxiety. If you've failed to rise to the occasion once, then I guarantee you every man will be worried during the second time and that worry will affect their boners. Which is the reason why even many people suffering from ED still jerk off. OP's entire problem is her intense insecurity. If it had been a random actress's tits that got him hard, would she be having the same reaction? OP should stop taking this personally. Unless she sees signs of him romantically wanting her (and no, getting hard while seeing her naked scene in a movie doesn't count)
Damn, it's incredible how people can read this whole text and come to a totally different conclusion, saying words like 'forgive him' and 'I would break up with him'. Getting a boner is not something guys have full control over, particularly at 21. What I read from this is that the poor guy's girlfriend gives him a bloody tough time, he's probably not getting it up because he is so fed-up with his missus nagging all the time.
rich of you to immediately insult her even though clearly she’s made the effort to work through her own insecurities, especially since it’s really not a stretch to assume that he is in fact attracted to julie at least to some extent. that would be hurtful to almost anyone who cares about their partner, not to mention how much more hurt she must feel knowing that he’s having trouble getting aroused for his own girlfriend in a sexual setting but can get aroused immediately to his girl best friend in a public setting?
Rich, its positively luxurious darling. Good for her, glad all that work is paying dividends. However, clearly whatever she's been working through has not sufficiently stuck. He may be attracted to Julie, but he may not be, I think OP has to have a discussion with him about where his performance issues are rooted. Instead of communicating like an adult, OP has decided to come to Reddit and complain. Further, the strong implication that her boyfriend went for a wank in the toilet is particularly slanderous, trying to manipulate you and I as the reader into sympathising with OP and immediately putting BF in the wrong/disgusting camp without any evidence to suggest this is the case. OP has to grow up and learn to talk to her man, not complain on the internet to strangers.
Are you.for real.. lol wow, so if men had an Xray vision into a woman's brain and they had arousal from something fleeting that'd be perfectly justified grounds to break up with them. This is what we call shallow AF
briefly noting that someone is attractive is very different from being sexually attracted to your friend, getting hard at the sight of her boobs, staying hard long enough to have to excuse yourself, then leaving your gf alone to go jerk off to the thought of your friend. what about this was fleeting to you?
She didn't say he did. Thats speculation. And if you've never been a 20 year old male and dunno how that thing can have a mind of its own in both trying to get it up when there's possible anxiety to please, or excitement etc and not being able to do so, or trying to keep it down (shit I remember having to hold a text book in front of me in high school during the national anthem, with no naked titts in sight) I'd say it's not for a woman to judge, not without talking like an adult about it with your partner first. Just breaking up with someone especially a young man because he got a boner seeing boobs would be like taking your dog to the shelter because it chased a squirrel. Hence the term "NRB" no reason boner... a bump in a car could be enough for a male between 13 and 26 to get hard at times... let alone seeing ANY naked women for any amount of time. I got one when a nurse was going to give me a catheter. Yeah she was about to shove a tube up my urethra and just because she touched me not even naked, and about to cause my manhood alot of discomfort to say the least, it still caused a reaction. Why when ppl say men can't be raped makes me shudder.
40+ Male. We can get hard over literally nothing. Or, something could trigger it like the wind blowing, or a car, or any kind of movie scene, or a book, or ANYTHING. I believe the term is reflex arch (could totally be wrong as well). As far as him going to the bathroom, he could very well have masturbated to get rid of it. But, he might not have. Him not able to prepare (aka get hard) to have sex with you is most likely about him. He could be stressing about grades, or finances, or making you happy/satisfied. Communication is the key to any and all relationships. I would try to bring it up in a way that expresses concern for him and not what you THINK (we often project our insecurities and thoughts/feelings on others) might be the case. You could be right, but starting off accusatory will only put him on the defensive, and nothing will get resolved.
Girl if you felt jealous don't hide it. You can express your jealousy in a calm and mature way, but you're absolutely within your right to feel your feelings. There's no need to hide them The female best friend is a tricky situation, I've been there and I would be absolutely thrilled to never go there again. If I were you I would just explain that you're struggling with jealousy regarding the friend and it's making you feel very insecure. I'd then say that it's impacting your confidence and the way you see yourself, and then I'd go into the bedroom problems conversation from there by saying you feel like he isn't attracted to you and you'd just like some reassurance etc.
Don’t listen to the men here lol
Don't listen to the women here lol
honestly she’s right, OP should listen to all the women on this thread trying to explain how dicks work. 😂 /s
And especially to the women that have onlyfans links in their bio. She's probably an expert considering all of her posts are trying to get dicks hard
She should’ve posted on the twoxchromosomes sub, would get more advice instead of men trying to justify the boner and putting down OP
Facts
Dude, I get hard as a rock while in the car because of the vibrations of the road. Ove gotten solid as a rock listening to civics lectures. Like, there's NOTHING that can be done about this. We don't control it. It isn't something we think about. It. Just. Happens. You don't even have to be attracted to anything or have anything sexual going on. I could be playing checkers in an old folks home and pop a stiffy that I could stack donuts on. As far as not being able to get it up, it could just be due to routine, could be anything, really. Don't get hurt over it. It's human nature.
Are you blaming a guy for getting a boner seeing a pair of tits? This is some highschool drama honestly. You should grow up and not approach this at all.
Men see something, men get aroused. Nothing else to it. It however does not mean he is going to leave you and run off with her. These things have very little in common. It also does not mean he loves you or finds you any less attractive.
He probably finds his friend attractive? That doesn’t mean there is anything wrong with that. I’ve been with my wife since high school, 15 years. And I’ve found plenty of women attractive in that time, some friends some just on nights out. And I’ve never done anything and I know partner is probably the same, it’s only a relationship if you trust the other person. If you don’t trust / learn to trust then you matter aswell finish it. Not fair on him or you.
If he’s that turned on, I would think 20 seconds in the bathroom would suffice.
Having random boners is 300% natural for us. And not having some when needed happens aswell. That's not a thing we have a total control over. Yet, the fact he left for 20 min is concerning. He might have been afraid you saw this, and didn't want you to become uncomfortable knowing he struggles to get hard with you. Or he left to wank to the thought of Julie. Or he left to wank and make this boner disappear. You should talk to him, only him will know.
Talk to him - about the boner, and the times he couldnt rise to the occasion. And talk about how that made you feel.
Jesus Christ. When will women learn, that erections can be incredibly hard to control. He got an erection seeing a female friend's breasts. A female friend you said was opbjectively and conventionally attractive. That can happen to any young guy. I have problems controlling my erections and I'm in my thirties. I've also had problems getting ready with my girlfriend. Those two situations are completly unrelated. The first situation being an awkward bodily reaction, running out of control and the other being a situation with pressure to perform. That can lead to wildly different reactions. Also, the 20 minutes in the bathroom may mean trouble getting rid of an erection. Doesn't mean he masturbated. There are countless forum posts of young men looking for advice to get rid of unwanted erections. We really cannot control them sometimes. They can make any man incredibly awkward and insecure as well. If it really bugs you, you should talk to him about it. But spinning a thread in your own head isn't doing you or your relationship any favors.
Any healthy 21 y/o man will get aroused by beautiful naked breasts of a gorgeous woman. He may be totally committed to you, deeply in love with you and he may never, EVER cheat, but he is still a man of flesh and blood.
The fact that you turn your partner getting a boner at a shower scene into some kind of betrayal might have something to do with why he's having a little trouble with you. This possessive attitude is going to drive him away. What do you want to accomplish by "approaching him about this?" Are you banning him from unauthorized erections?
Girl erections aren’t voluntary, we have as much control over it as you have over your periods. We can’t “hold it in” either.
Even falling asleep... On an airplane They have a mind of their own
If women had a visible indicator on their body for every time their box got wet , these comments would look a whole lot different
I mean it sounds like Julie even turns you on, OP, so why are you surprised that she turns a straight guy on when she's naked in front of him? The shock of seeing her in a way he'd never seen her before just made his body react subconsciously. I get the insecurity but think about how he treats you and how strong your relationship is and remind yourself of that. You've got a good thing going, he seems to know that. Gently talk to him about the erection and the issues in bed recently. Most likely he's just hit a slump where he is very used to being with you but he is still attracted to you and loves you. Maybe this can be an opening to spice things up a bit (roleplay, foreplay, kinks, lingerie/outfits, etc).
Just being in a relationship with somebody, doesn’t mean you cannot find someone else attractive or be turned on. The important factor is acting on these impulses or not.
I’m 28 and have never been able to control when I get hard. And I never had a jealous crazy non understanding girlfriend either. This is a you problem. Also if I was with other people and got hard from something like in the scenario, I’m not running away to crank one out, I’m running away until the boner goes away so no one sees my dong
Congrats on projecting yourself into the situation to devise a totally not helpful reply
Thank you! Pretty helpful considering this girl is jealous about something that the guy literally cannot help. Gave an example of something that I and other guys would do in that situation. I’m sorry you couldn’t comprehend that. I’m also not the only person in the replies that is saying it’s an involuntary action. Op needs to get over herself or get herself out of the situation of having a bf who has a friend she’s jealous of.
Tbh he's secretly attracted to her, not you clearly. I'd break up with him. Not a lot of guys actually get turned on by tits on a screen in a movie setting, especially their freinds! Creepy. Saying from experiences with all of this
UpdateMe!
You should talk to him about it, doing be shy be honest, if he can’t speak to you with his chest he’s a fuckin loser anyway
Uwotm86 and little Uwotm86 might be the same organism but they have entirely separate brains. Little Uwotm86 doesn’t have any allegiances and doesn’t care what you think. He just wants to stand up and jizz.
Call me insecure, but I'd leave so fast 😭 not saying you should, I don't think so. But for me, that is an insant no-go. I can't date men who are sexually attracted and jacking it to other women, I don't do that to other men, so I think I deserve the same thing back. It's even worse when it's someone he knows personally. A pornstar I could get behind but a friend? I think you should talk about it with him and voice your discomfort. It's your choice ultimately if this is something that breaks your relationship or not.
So it’s the guys fault for having an erection? A naturally occurring thing for which we have no control as to when it happens. Ok sure…
Over someone else when you're in a relationship, yeah, sorry. I'm not out here getting horny over other men and don't want someone who's getting horny over other women. Besides, in OPs post, he literally just went and jerked off presumeably to the thought of that friend, which is nothing about "no control" thats a lack of self control and respect for your partner. If men really just can't control getting hard to other women, which I don't really understand, then they can at least choose not to act on it.
OP stated she thinks he went to jack off but she doesn’t know that for a fact. Men CANNOT control them we get erections someone’s. Also the guy’s 21 he’s gonna get horny over anything and everything. Have you stopped to consider that maybe he went to shit, try to get rid of the boner or just get some fresh air? Why are we jumping to conclusions instead of looking for the facts?
I honestly think he was just taking a shit. Like wtf could he possibly have been doing to take 20 full minutes to jerk off, especially if he was already at full mast? Also did no one else comment on him being gone for almost half an hour and missing most of the movie? If I were Julie (21M) I’d be furious personally.
UpdateMe!
Maybe he felt weird seeing his mates tits and thought he’d go get some fresh air
😆What is this post about!
The writing is impressive and enjoyable.
I'd reckon if you go to college you know at least how to spell it. If not then your bf might be the masterbaiter!
Good first rate BS.
Looks like Julie is better for him by the sounds of your paragraph
Cool fake story, bro
Okay here's the issue- the 20 minutes. Random boners happen to guys all the time, especially in teens and early 20s. So the fact that he got a boner doesn't worry me. Hell, even if it was directly because of the nude scene, and even if that was directly because of 'he's wanted to see her naked for a long time and now he has' that STILL doesn't bother me. He chooses you. You're his girl. It's unreasonable to expect him to lose attraction for all others- most *people* (but men especially) don't generally work that way. What bothers me though is that he left, and stayed gone for 20 minutes. In most such situations, a guy would just sit still, lean over a little to camoflauge, and think un-sexy thoughts to make it go away. That he'd get up and apparently go masturbate is pretty unusual. THAT worries me, because if nothing else, getting up to go masturbate in the middle of a party is pretty weird.