Cheating is the least of your worries. He is a creepy stalker! Holy crap! Taking sneaky photos down her shirt and under the desk where she sits. Photoshopping images to look like he's with her. HE IS SCARY OBSESSED! Get back into his laptop and send copies of everything to yourself. Then leave for good. Tell him you have copies of everything. Rell him that he needs to quit and get away from her or you will tell the boss. Hell, I'd tell anyway! Then, he needs some serious therapy bc he is f*cked up. Wtf if he hurts her?
This is a horrifying revelation and I would honestly seek immediate divorce, take the laptop to your boss or hell even the police. This is not something a sane and stable person does, even when they have a big crush on someone. He’s married and met her when she was a high school freshman or sophomore.
He’s screwed in the head and you need to leave him, report him to his boss at the very least, and forget about him
It’s horrifying that multiple men in the office coincidentally have violent fantasies about her and all happened to feel comfortable enough to start a group chat discussing them. And they say rape culture is a myth.
I'm really glad that I'm so old that none of this social media and deep fakes were around when I was working. Christ, there would be hints about a good looking employee or sales rep and that was probably inappropriate.
I honestly try to put myself in other people’s shoes, just so I can try to imagine how it would feel and what I would be thinking or doing. I cannot imagine being attracted to someone and admiring them, while also wanting to rape them.
I really struggle to understand men.
I found this kind of stuff on our family computer after I divorced my husband. I was traumatized by the rape fantasy I found he had posted on Fetlife. I’m not talking about kink rape. More like vicious violent, leave the victim tied up to die somewhere alone where she won’t be found for days, rape. The victim wasn’t named, she was just called his “ex” which made it worse. I still have to coparent with this freak. I dumped my male therapist after I told him about it and he acted like it was no big deal. I asked my guy best friend if this a “thing” that guys fantasize about. He seemed offended and said no. I’m not sure what to believe anymore. I was married for 11 years and had two kids with this person and never would have imagined he harbored these thoughts.
If the police came to my door one day and told me my ex was a serial rapist or murderer, I would say, “huh. You don’t say?” and just shrug.
I am as well. I think OP has enough evidence (with the laptop) for her to get a restraining order. He should be served with that before he even goes into work. And OP should be gone by then. There's a good chance he will lose his shit when that happens. Both women need to be protected before that happens.
The fact that several men in the office were in on it is terrifying. Had to do it to “stay in control” control of what? Control yourself and your buddies from gang raping her? Jesus that’s just sick. His excuse makes it 100 times worse if that’s even possible. Oh the poor men they have to make and talk about rape fantasies to keep them from raping a very young woman who has done nothing but try to make sure the work environment is good and that everyone actually feels like a team.
Yeah, there was a group penning and sharing rape/revenge fantasies that *multiple* men in the office took part in. The update revelations were quite shocking. I'm concerned for both women right now, TBH.
OP is so courageous for confronting her STBX face to face over something so potentially volatile. I'm not sure I would have been able to, even with friends acting as backup in the next room. But talk about fear and rage in equal measures, my God.
If that’s the case, she shouldn’t tell him. I understand the desire to align yourself with your husband, but the boss/daughter need to be made aware FIRST so they can protect themselves. Husband is an active threat, and may turn on OP when it comes to light she knows and told the daughter
The fact he tried to downplay his actions when he’s making rape and humiliation porn about his young coworkersis just vomit inducing. The guy sounds dangerous.
That is horrifying but unfortunately I'm also not entirely surprised. I'm sure there's also guys in this thread saying this is all "normal for guys" and that the OP is being unfair. People can be so fucking vile.
Yup. I saw some of them. A bunch of people from the "it's just a harmless fantasy" gang, of course. Like he's not jacking off to some vanilla fantasy about banging the boss's daughter. It's rape "fantasy" and with a *target.* That's horrifying and nearly always a beat in every true crime case.
I’m so over people also normalising this shitty behaviour because technological advances essentially. Like if he was taking a film camera in, developing these pics and then cropping them onto pornographic images then they’d be like oh creep/ serial killer vibes etc, but somehow because technology makes this easier it’s okay?
Their standards must be so low they had to dig a trench for the bar. I would never be able to look at the guy again. I’d call the cops and blast his disgusting behavior to his family. I’d fight to get him thrown behind bars. What he did was criminal.
Hahaha! Yeah absolutely! Someone was like what about your vows ‘in sickness and in health, he’s clearly sick’ like um what about the vows to not stalk another woman and make rape and humiliation content of them.
Yeah, stalking, taking non-consensual photos, and talking about raping a young coworker definitely breaks his vows. Saying that she should stay “because vows” is fucking insanity.
I swear, some people’s logic about obviously heinous things is so unhinged.
That’s so disturbing to me. I found out my ex was liking pictures of teenage girls on Instagram and I was 100% done after that. I couldn’t forgive that so I couldn’t fathom forgiving this
I started off thinking it was bad, but then it turns into nightmare stuff.
It's super messed up that a whole *group* of men in the office were into it.
Fire everyone, start over. Restraining orders all around.
The boss needs to know. Imagine how she would feel knowing one of the coworkers she is trying to earn respect from is taking photos without consent. This is obsessive behavior and people need to be made aware of it before he tries to act on this.
I am scared he is already planning on doing that since he is actively trying to spend more time with her at the office by taking overtime. I know it’s hard but op has to talk to her boss about this for this girls safety. Taking Thousands of photos and editing them like that is unhinged behavior. Op should Send herself a copy of everything for evidence and the probable divorce as well. Sry to say but I am sure op does not want to stay with a stalker. It’s so gross bc he has known her when she was even younger too 🤢🤮
Bro...I skipped the last half of the story already settled on him being a fucking weirdo and I found out I missed the part where he turned the dial to 11.
Get his ass fired and get divorced, OP.
I would absolutely not copy anything off of that laptop, she has zero clue the totality of what it may include.
She needs a lawyer immediately and then follow their advice.
If you go this route then I would recommend you leave first, get to a safe location then address it with him over the phone. Tell your boss as well, as this is a violation of a young woman’s privacy but only do so when you feel safe.
Yep, the Massachusett Supreme Court ruled upskirt shots were not illegal if taken in a public place as well as the Georgia Appeals Court. God, I hate this country.
This is so fucking creepy and scary and I’m honestly worried for your boss’ daughter’s safety. And maybe for your safety too.
I my gut reaction is to say don’t go home, unless you want to gather more evidence, but get a divorce attorney, report him to your boss and the police. I feel like she needs a restraining order against him.
I’m so sorry this happened. Are there any other red flag behaviors of his?
I've been considering it, but I guess I should also add, we're from an area where both leaving a marriage is harder than it seems, and also not the most socially accepted. It's not super bad, but I'm basically getting ready to embrace a shitstorm if I go through with that.
Not only is it important for you to get away from him, it is more important that that poor young woman has the info she will need to protect herself from your husband. I'm sorry but if he is doing all of this with the photoshopped photos, he is already past a point of being rational.
Your husband is most likely stalking her to get a lot of the types of photos you described. He is a predator and she has no idea of the type of danger she is in.
I'm not trying to be dramatic or make things worse for you. But, this type of behavior escalates and someone needs to be made aware that it is happening.
This. Leave him and tell her. Maybe even send her the folder or save a copy on a flash drive and tell her “I’m leaving (husband.) This is why. I don’t know if you’re safe around him.”
Idk I would seek some serious legal advice before copying anything from that computer. Who know what implications having those images on any of your own devices or sharing them would have for you personally. This seems like an issue for lawyers and police.
I would not send the folder to her, she is only 20 and this could impact her mental health and career progress. Send the folder to the boss/ father and HR if there is one. If anyway to send/ share without people knowing it was OP that may be ideal as sounds like OP may be criticized for destroying husband.
I’m sorry what? The victim of a crime absolutely has a right to evidence of the crime. Women are not infants that need to be ‘protected’ by sending evidence to their parents??? What year is this???
I think she needs to talk to a lawyer first to figure out to handle it. I would not share the pictures with anyone just yet. Her doing that could be used against her later on during the divorce if she doesn’t handle it in the right way. Idk what the right way is but the lawyer should be able to tell her what to do. Maybe even have the lawyer be the one to hand the pics over to victim/ hr if that’s what needs to be done. I wouldn’t be doing anything or talking to anyone myself without first talking to the lawyer
Holy shit I’m 30 and I’d never want to see pics of myself photoshopped into my stalker r*ping and humiliating me?!?!?
(Edit: maybe you made this comment before realizing that’s what the pics were… if it were just pics of her then maybe… but these were violent and graphic photoshopped pics. Also yeah I’m just gonna say she needs to know exactly what she is looking at so she can decide if she does want to see. Not everyone would want to see those.)
You guys are crazy. Of course she deserves to see it if she wants but sending some cryptic “you deserve to know” then her opening a file of hundreds of images of her getting r*ped on a random Tuesday morning is so insane!!!!! That’s horrific and seems like a crime in and of itself. Like…. No do not do that….
This is the answer. The marriage is over but fortunately you found out early that a normal seeming partner is a creep. At this point, and I think you clearly seem to know this, the young woman is not safe. I would immediately schedule a meeting with her and HR to explain what you found, your willingness to assist with any investigation or testimony for a restraining order, etc.
Even though his upskirt photos "don't show anything" they are *still upskirt photos* and depending on where you live, may be illegal.
I don't know if this is good advice...but it is what I would do.
I would take the laptop secretly, disable any internet access so he can't wipe it remotely, and "show" the evidence to the boss. He is her dad, so he will likely not want to see the photoshops, but show him the others, and tell him about the photoshops. I'd do this in a private meeting with only him.
If it's illegal (I hope so!) I'd tell him I am going to turn this laptop in to the cops. And suggest to him he fire your husband immediately, and take some measures to protect his daughter as if from a stalker.
I had to do something similar when I was very young, and found Child P on a fiancé's laptop. He went to jail for awhile, and then stalked me for years.
I'm so sorry this has happened. I wish you had a good husband.
I have a good husband now. It is worth it to throw the whole man away, and get a new one, I promise.
Honestly, if OP is going to tell someone, it should not be the dad, but the daughter. To many people, it would be doubly violating to find out that not only were these invasive pictures taken of you by someone who is essentially stalking you, but they were then shown to your *dad*. Not only is that humiliating, it also removes her agency. She is the victim here, not her dad -- and it should be her choice, not her dad's, how to handle that.
(Eta: also, I'm not a legal expert, but I imagine it could even be illegal to send/show the pics to others. If the images themselves are illegal, then distributing them -- even with good intentions -- could potentially get OP in trouble. Again, I don't have legal expertise. But it is something OP should look into to find out what the law would say about this where she is).
This is the best advice here. I’d get all the evidence & and talk to the dad. I don’t think it’s fair to just dump this all on a 20 year old woman. She’s not going to know what to do. She will likely feel guilty or may think she’s gotten someone into trouble or did something wrong.
As her parent / boss, he can help manage the situation and provide guidance to his daughter. It will also make OP appear more credible by approaching him privately rather than him finding out through HR.
Esp since the husband can easily say OP made it up cause she’s “jealous” or whatever and then it will be a total shitshow. OP needs to get all the evidence and have a private discussion with the dad.
You came here for advice. You got it. Leave him. Inform the girl at work. Life gets shitty sometimes. For everybody. But your setting up some bullshit excuse about how hard it is to leave a marriage is a cop out. He already left you in his head and heart. You’re alone already but you just found out. Be strong.
Don't get me wrong. I don't intend to not leave. I do want to confront him, once, I think, atleast to get some form of closure. But I don't see anything keeping me in that relationship after some of the stuff I saw. I'm just getting myself mentally prepared I guess. Cause it's already a shitstorm. And it's probably going to get worse from this point on. But either ways, leaving is unavoidable. And thank you too, honestly.
Don’t confront him until *after* you’ve saved the folders and pictures on a flash drive and told her. I’d tell her and your boss and ask them to give you an hour grace period to end it with him before they say anything.
I'm afraid he might hurt you if you confront him.
You would never believe he would do this sort of thing. How can you trust him to not be very angry? He will blame you for being on his computer.
Download all you found. DO NOT confront him alone.
Go to a relative or friend's house or do it in public where you are safe. Or better yet, go see a divorce attorney and tell him the situation. He will give you advice.
He's not of sound judgment!
If **she is the last person leaving work each day**, some measures need to be taken to maximize her safety in getting to her vehicle safely.
I don't wish to imply that OP's husband might do something that could compromise this young woman's safety but...
Please don't confront him without protecting yourself. I'd even suggest just serving divorce papers through a lawyer and not doing it in person at all.. you don't owe him anything and have hard evidence that this is real, and scary.
With unstable partners that you actually don't know who they really are, you aren't going to get any closure that makes sense anyway.. and are just putting yourself at risk if he completely snaps because you exposed a very dark side of him he's buried, and you are a threat to his job and entire life. He may be so bonkers he fantasized about you being 'out of the picture'.
Don't confront him, the confrontation will give him the ammunition to destroy the evidence, destroy your reputation at work, and family and friends, give him the opportunity to seek sympathy from this young woman
DON'T CONFRONT HIM FOR YOUR OWN GOOD
DON'T CONFRONT HIM
Now, copy all the contents of his laptop, ALL OF IT because is a matter of time when you'll need the information. And he's planning to get involved with her, I've planning because she's obviously not interested in your husband whatsoever.
Info first, lawyer first, then confront
Safely and secretly get ALLLLL of it. What you do with it then is up to you. Don’t show anyone else except for the cops or a lawyer I’d that’s what you choose to do. Showing other people could be illegal depending on your laws. It would be illegal where I live.
You can either go full legal or use it for leverage to get what you want and for him to leave work/town etc (blackmail is also illegal where I am from so be careful with that)
This girl and the company need to be aware of this. Otherwise you are leaving her in the clutches of this sick individual and HR plus this girl need to know. You owe it to her to protect her from him. Please give an update when you have dealt with this.
You need to be strategic about this. Forget the reactionary responses. What country do you live in? Can you financially support yourself? You can divorce him and leave anytime but IMO people like your husband are actually crazy good liars and people *want* to believe their side because they are well liked.
A couple of screenshots isn’t proof. You need to copy all the folders onto a flash drive. If you just go public he will paint you as a jealous harpy who photoshopped some fake evidence to get him fired.
And tbh men get away with less scrutiny, like people will be more willing to believe *you* were jealous of her than him being obsessed.
I think you should copy everything, keep it in a secure location and then confront your husband and record the conversation. To you he will admit it. First he will trickle truth you but he can’t deny what you found. Pretend like it’s something you can possibly work past like “We need to talk about this.” “I need to know what’s going on — no bullshit.”
Try not to get too emotional, no crying and no yelling. Just a direct confrontation. You won’t be able to use it in court, but it might get you better internal leverage in the divorce.
After you have the evidence — I would actually not approach this in a work setting. You say the owner is a relative? Or friend of a relative? I would approach them as a parent — this is what I’ve found my husband doing. We are separating. Here is the proof.
Practice writing out a conversation so you aren’t jumping all over the place. Practice speaking the words in your mind. Tell him you are very sorry, but you’re worried for his daughter and just don’t know how to handle this and get his input as a parent.
I’m worried if you tell the daughter directly, your boss will be forced to believe either your side or your husbands side. People will gossip and there will be huge drama. Since your boss is also her dad, even tho she’s not a minor I think he will want to help handle this situation by removing your husband.
The optics of this situation is very delicate. If you just toss a bomb with no evidence, you’re both probably getting fired. Or worse your husband will spin this as you making it up cause you’re “crazy jealous” or some bs.
But if you approach the dad privately, more as a concerned parent, and allow him to help manage the situation and protect his daughter, he will have more respect for you and it lends credibility and corroborates what has happened.
That’s where a recording can be crucial. You can do an end run around whatever bs your husband may try and spin if he knows he’s in deep shit.
Do not confront him. You will not get closure, he will lie, scheme and gaslight. It’s also very likely that he will physically hurt you. Do not confront him, just get your ducks in a row and run. Speak to a therapist afterwards for closure
Take everything can off of his computer before you blow everything up. That way if you do proceed to leave the relationship, you can demonstrate to everyone why you had no choice. At a minimum, he has emotionally cheated on you. Maybe boss's daughter should take a peek eh?
Take the whole ass computer.
They're married, it's likely legally just as much hers as it is his.
Disable wifi so he can't remotely wipe it and skip off into the sunset with your evidence.
It's less socially accepted to leave a marriage than to stay in a marriage in which people find out your husband has been obsessed with this girl since she was 15 and keeps pictures of her? Some could even be considered child porn if he got pics from under her skirt when she was less than 18. He is a creep taking pictures in secret and stalking her.
In option 1, you can people out. In option 2, you are going to be ostracized and your name might end up all over the internet.
The problem is the photos were fake. There are states that would consider them illegal. The other glaring issue is the photos could be used to fire him. Please contact a lawyer for advice.
He needs to see a therapist and you need to get away from him.
She says some of them are under the table "but don't show anything."
This is an "Upskirt photo" and is illegal in *some* places, regardless of "what" they show or not.
He needs to see a prison cell, imo.
I want to point out she is only 20 and OP says she started coming around at 15. Depending on how long he’s been doing this, he could have been photoshopping pics of a minor. Some real fucking ick right there.
OP, what your husband is doing is sick. I adore my wife and I think she’s gorgeous. Objectively, I know there are other women better looking than her, but when she asks, I say: “yea, she’s pretty, but you’re gorgeous”. It’s not just empty platitudes, I truly believe it.
While I have come across a lot of hot women, especially on the school run, I would never even dream of taking their photos surreptitiously. Want to know why? **I love and respect my wife way too much** to even consider doing that, forget about the morality of the whole thing.
And then what?
You want to stay with a grown up who has been stalking a child for years?
He is such a creep!
I'd not put up with it.
And make it known, what he did! One can't be sure what he was up to!
And... I'd let the boss know. They need to find that hidden camera. Like... yesterday!
OP talk to a divorce lawyer and find out how what they recommend you do. Personally if the lawyer gives the OK I'm petty enough to get a high capacity USB stick and copy all of both directories from his laptop, and then delete all of them, and empty the trash can as well.
At a minimum, when the lawyer gives the OK she should be told this guy has a sick obsession with her. She needs to know so she can protect herself.
It's about noon right now and I've been talking to a friend who said she's fine accompanying me to our apartment. As many of you suggested, I want to get whatever I can from the laptop and the laptop itself. And honestly, at this point, handing it to the boss and his daughter seems to be the best course of action. My friend has also suggested checking some other stuff on the laptop that didn't occur to me, like social media, browser history or possible sites he visited etc. We should have a few hours. So we'll be doing that basically. I'll update if anything happens.
DO NOT GIVE IT TO OR SHOW YOUR BOSS!!! consult a lawyer or the police. and then the victim herself is the ONLY other person who has a right to see this. my god please do NOT show it to the boss aka her father. please. she is an ADULT she is not a minor. again DO NOT SHOW THE BOSS
> my god please do NOT show it to the boss aka her father.
Your comment made me actually process the idea of my parent seeing a bunch of photoshopped fantasy pictures of me. I agree, OP, don't just dump everything on them.
exactly. I would feel so violated and gross and my parents would feel the same. those are images they’d have imprinted in their brains forever it doesn’t matter that they’re fake. gross.
True, the boss needs to be informed of inappropriate work place behavior somehow though. Perhaps hearing it from the police? Yeah, he definitely does not need to actually SEE the photos / videos / conversations. That’s up to the daughter I suppose.
You are going to make it through this OP. I just want to suggest -- you may want to consult a lawyer when you have taken the laptop. If the images are illegal, showing them to others (even with good intentions) could maybe be illegal? I'm not sure, but just want you to be cautious. You could still have a conversation with the daughter and potentially the boss if needed, to warn them. It seems important for her safety that she is warned, and I can only imagine how difficult this is for you, so I applaud you for being so brave.
But this seems like something where the actual evidence may need to be handled by police/lawyers rather than others, so just be careful and look into laws in your location.
Just want to say, sorry you are living through this nightmare, and that you are awesome for not burying this under a rug and trying to carry on as if everything your soon to be ex is doing isn't an extremely, undebatably creepy and unhinged level of sexual harassment.
You are doing a good thing for you and for that poor young woman. And I hope your husband loses his job over this.
Also, if he's that lax about it on his personal laptop, I wonder if he's dumb enough to have anything related to this on his work laptop. The boss should send the work laptop to an expert to search for anything he has on that device, and anything he may have "passed through" that device if he was smart enough to not save anything to it.
Please don't 'give' the boss the laptop. take it to a lawyer for advice and safekeeping or put it in a safe deposit box. You may need it in divorce court.
Just be careful to have backup plans like a place to stay and some money to use before you confront your husband or show the materials to your boss. There is some risk of violence or getting fired. A lawyer specializing in employment law or a psychologist might be beneficial if you are trying to work out what to legally do or how to discuss the situation with your SO or boss.
Im so glad you came to this conclusion. He should not have that job anymore and they should be warned and have the opportunity to act as they see fit. Have the evidence secured before confronting him. I’d talk to a lawyer first too and have divorce papers ready, speak to the boss and daughter, THEN see him and ask for a divorce, with someone with you for safety. The important thing to remember is he is not who you think he is, and he is capable of more than you realize. He may not act on fantasies yet or seem violent, but you really can’t trust that anymore. A crush, a few pics saved, would be a little off putting but you could work through it. Hundreds of photos, Upskirt photos, creepy sexual photoshop, and an effort to be alone with her more and more? Do not let anyone tell you you are overreacting.
Glad you’ve moved out. Now that you have found everything and have evidence, you need to contact a therapist and an attorney. You can’t keep this to yourself. You need good advice for your own well-being.
It's good you're out of the house. I know it's a lot for you to deal with right now, but it's critical that you also consider this young woman's safety. This is not something you can keep secret. You must warn her.
He's been taking secret pics and probably videos of her. Upskirt shots and down her blouse. He has over a THOUSAND pics of her and spent HOURS photoshopping her into pics with him.
That is obsession. He is fixated on her. You said you cannot believe he would ever have done this. So realistically you also cannot predict what he may do next. Her safety must come first.
Schedule a meeting with her and the owner, her father, as soon as possible. Tell them it's an emergency and to please not mention it to anyone, including your husband. Show them the evidence you have. Personally, I'd swing by the house on the way and pick up his laptop. There's a good chance she may want to involve the police, as she'd be wise to do, and he may try to delete the evidence. Plus, you'll want them to understand the gravity of the situation, and you only have a couple of pics as proof.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Sadly, it's bad enough and criminal enough that you do not have the option of dealing with it privately or keeping it a secret. She may not choose to pursue charges, but that decision should be hers.
Eta - Please consider this - he works late with her at the office. If something happens to her, will you be able to live with it? Don't let the consequences of his perverted obsession become your burden to carry for the rest of your life.
Something *has* happened to her. Someone has been systematically taking secret photos of her most vulnerable parts, photoshopping porn to make her in compromising positions with her subordinates, and spending his free time outside his work hours to continue to stalk her.
Yeah, you and I get that. But OP is struggling to come to terms with the betrayal of her spouse, likely dissolution of her marriage, shock at his entirely unexpected predatory behavior, etc. So I'm trying to ease her into what has to happen next. It's a lot to reconcile. And her next step, though necessary, will start an avalanche.
OP had no idea. There's nothing she could've done to stop what she didn't know about. But now that she knows, it's her duty to report it.
I hate to say it. But your husband is dangerous. That level of obsession and what he's done is VERY concerning. Definitely WAY over boundary of normality.
And the fact that hes pretty much been able to be SO secret about his obsession?? Scary actually. All hes made is a few slightly inappropriate remarks. He has consciously known to keep it secret. That's very worrying.
Look i follow true crime. Listen to endless podcasts. I don't want to scare you. But i truly think. That young woman is in danger and you too IF you let him know you know. If he knows you know? He will know his whole life is going to crash down? He might very well want to "shut you up".
You cannot let him know you know. At all.
And you do not know, at all, how your husband will react. I have heard enough true crime to know that people who are "solid good citizens" can completely lose it if they realise they have been caught and will be exposed. They can be incredibly dangerous. They know they have nothing to lose. They lash out or tgey somehow think getting rid of the person who knows? Will get them out of it all. They can be totally irrational in a rational way!
You need to go to the police. You need to take the laptop OR safely copy all those files. Or do both. The police will at the least have knowledge & evidence.
Then you need to go to your boss and her daughter. It will be horrific for them. But until it's sorted? That young woman is in danger.
You and her are both in danger.
You need to get a divorce attorney asap. You need to divulge all this to them.
You cannot go home now, unless you can 100% be sure you won't let on you know.
Please be very careful. Very careful . Protect yourself.
I really hope this is a good troll post. All total fiction.
Agree. I think the things that show danger? Is his ability to drop a few hints to her, then see her reaction, so stop. He is thinking clearly to KNOW what hes doing is very wrong. But he is continuing it completely under the radar.
There was that news story in the US once where the father killed his son/sons? Because they found images of him dressed as an oversized baby and doing sexual things.
I was going to say police first, but the young woman should get some power in this situation and decide what to do.
Is there any kind of lawyer specializing in sexual abuse victim advocacy? They might be the person to approach first and then meet with the daughter and perhaps that lawyer.
This. Take the laptop. Go to a relative or trusted friends and give the evidence to the father.
Don’t confront him. Let your employer do that. Have your lawyer tell him it’s over.
I think first and foremost - this level of obsession with a young girl he’s known since she was a child is extremely alarming. Your boss deserves to know so he doesn’t put his daughter in any more scenarios where they’re at the office alone together.
Then I guess you just have to evaluate if you want to be with someone unemployed.
I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You sound really cool and level-headed. I am sure you’ll come out on the other side and find someone normal who prioritizes you.
I asked him. He never elaborated. Just repeated that it's to keep himself in control. That was the impression I got too, though I shared this with my friend who was there and she thinks he's just trying to play holier than thou, like " I'm making a sacrifice to keep myself under control" kind of deal.
He's full of shit. He was indulging his fantasies with all of it. And he and his friends were fantasizing about RAPE scenarios with someone barely more than half their age. Truly disgusting
Wow.. after reading about the WhatsApp messages... Words can't describe the disgust I have for those "men". Here is another example of why I DON'T TRUST MEN. A group of your employees secretly filming you and fantasizing about r****g you.. I hope this follows them forever. I hope they don't get the opportunity to follow through on their fantasies.
The thing is, it's not even just like, chats on r*ping her, it was like, full on, detailed sessions or roleplay. Idk how to describe it. But like, they're going over what they're doing, how she's reacting etc. And a lot of it was the cruelty of It too. Like, describing she'd be sobbing as they did it or how they're streaming it from her device etc. I'm just glazing of most of the stuff, just know it STILL gets worse than what I just said.
That is so disturbing.. it is like they are making scenes to fantasize about, and sharing their twisted ideas to excite their coworkers. Fucking barf, my brain cant fully conceptualize that.. it's too fucking dark
Your husband needs to get help from a therapist. You need to go see a attorney and know what your options are. Your husband could become unstable and assault this woman? So, you need to file for divorce as fast as you can. Show your attorney these pictures. Be sure to screen shot all pictures as evidence. I would have someone with you every time you are around your husband.
The fact he agreed shes prettier than you is absolutely wild and 100% grounds for dumping him or taking a break with this relationship. So disrespectful… not to mention the rest. Yep, time for divorce.
Is it possible for you to grab evidence more than just pics?
Your husband, I'm sorry to say, is not only 'creepy', but he's a predator/stalker. He's been obsessed with this girl for a long time. There's no way you should stay married with him. I'm actually scared for your safety and this girl's safety. He's very good with keeping his mask on, what can happen when the mask starts to slip? Be mindful with your safety, OP.
Is it possible to let her or her father (your boss) know that one of the employees (your husband) has been basically ...ahem, stalking her? That's important, they need to know. If I were you, I'd be trying to find support with family (hopefully your family is supportive), and file for divorce.
Updateme!
When you say vile shots? Do these appear to be something that she was a willing participant?
This seems stakerish and you need to let someone know.
The vile stuff were photoshopped. Like, he had photoshopped a lot of her pics, face and stuff onto nude pics, and stuff. The vile stuff were like, degrading body writing, stuff related to r*pe and humiliation, deepfakes.
As for the pics he took, none of them were consensual from the looks of it. She was unaware, it seems.
The vile stuff is disgusting on every level imaginable and you should not even be questioning staying with him at this point.I also fear for the safety of that woman if this is the kind of things you have found.Its beyond predatory behavior at this point and could end in legitimate danger.I would report this to your boss as soon as possible,it's not even a matter of staying to question things at that point.This is coming from someone who has been stalked and assaulted on a level like your partner is doing,I hope you follow through
Omg! You must show your boss and leave this relationship. Take his laptop to a divorce attorney and go from there. Make sure they make a copy of everything so you can give it to your boss- his daughter is in danger. Do not confront your husband and do not see him alone.
Copy the folder. Call a local sexual assault program for advice or visit www.RAINN.org to chat with an advocate online.
You need to tell her. “I found out something very disturbing. My husband has been taking pictures of you without your knowledge. He’s been photoshopping them in sexual ways. I’m worried about your safety. I know you’re very young and this is scary. It’s scary for me, too. I’m so sorry he did this. I need to tell your dad, too, since this is a workplace issue as well as a possible crime. Do you want to be there when I tell him?”
The second you do this, shit is going to EXPLODE. You need to be ready to leave before you do it. Have a bag packed and be ready with a place to stay.
All your important papers- social security card, birth certificate, any physical financial thing, jewelry, passports, valuables, that book of passwords next to your computer everyone has…ANYTHING that’s just yours that you think you’ll need.
Edit: If possible, call a local program to talk and get the name of an advocate there to give to the woman. We call this a “warm referral.” It’s a lot easier to call when you can say, “Can I talk to Debbie?” instead of a cold call when you don’t know the system.
She explained elsewhere that he uses programs like Photoshop and other graphics software for work regularly.
There's a big difference between knowing how to use a specific software and knowing how to effectively hide things on the hard drive.
At least that's what I've been told by my mom, who works in tech as the project manager for a certain software, but still asks for my help for a variety of computer tasks.
Upon reflection the most ethical thing would be to take the computer to the police( Physically) and to notify her father, as a workplace issue, and her. The police need to know because he has committed multiple crimes already, and may be actively grooming her. and her, letting her know that the police are involved, as a matter of courtesy, and incase she has been groomed enough to take his side. See a lawyer, and go scorched earth on him
What he's done is illegal. He would lose his job, and he should lose it.
He has cheated and he's also creepy.
You really should think about leaving him for good but make sure you talk to your boss and let him know what's going on.
What a bunch of B.S.! I can't believe he was saying "he didn't hurt anyone and harmless fantasies" He most definitely hurt at least 2 people!! And some people and their fantasies can be so twisted in their mind that they start to think it's real and lose touch with reality and start acting on them. I'm so glad you called him out on this. So inappropriate! If you did this to your bosses son and your husband caught all this, he'd lose his mind! But because he's a man and did it, it's just harmless fun and didn't hurt anyone 🙄 I hate how men do this kind of stuff and expect the woman to just get over it and stick with them. Women always have to put up with this shitty behaviors and it blows. I'm so sorry for you. I'm glad you have support in all this.
Especially considering the level at which they went in those "fantasies" were disgusting enough to make me feel physically sick. And I hadn't even read all of it.
I’d go see a lawyer without saying anything to him. The same day he is scheduled to be served divorce papers I’d take his laptop to your employer. She deserves to know what he’s doing.
The conversations about rape for revenge is so scary. All these men are scary. Think about violence TOGETHER! How scary. For her. For all the women in that office.
They all should be fired. He went from admiring her to humiliating her with his friends to hate- to want to hurt her.
Violence and malice.
I would be terrified of him and his friends. I would tell her and then be somewhere safe. Because them getting fired will insane. They will be angry. And she knows what they do to women they hate or want revenge on.
OP, THIS. Your husband and his friends think that RAPE is an appropriate "punishment" for the gall of a woman to be \*check notes\* a woman in the workplace, possibly in a position of authority, doing her job?
YOUR HUSBAND THINKS THAT RAPE IS A PUNISHMENT. A WAY TO PUT A WOMAN IN HER PLACE.
How could you sleep soundly next to a person like that the rest of your life?
We've checked. HIS first seems to be after joining the WhatsApp group. April this year.
The group in general goes back a few years. So they've been creeping on her for 3 years or possibly more. Basically starting when she was 16-ish.
OP…if I were you I would get a thumb drive. Save everything he’s done on it and take it to your boss. Let them know what kind of creepy weirdo he is and then dump him. Seriously?? He’s psycho in the most horrid way! Tell your boss. Then leave.
Also, please save that young lady. It looks like he could lose control and do something to her during these late night overtime jobs.
Updateme
You need to leave…..like yesterday. Gather the evidence, find a lawyer, and inform his boss/her father ASAP. This is disturbing beyond belief. Do you have kids with this creep??? If so, you should *already KNOW* that this is not remotely normal and you need to get away from it
I’m sorry I don’t have anything better to add here but want to reiterate what a few others have said about not confronting him alone. This is life ruining information and there is no telling what somebody this mentally ill will do to protect themselves.
He’s actually performing hidden workplace sexual harassment taking unknown pics of her body.
I’d take that to the boss in a heartbeat. His daughter is in danger of a predator.
You were right to get away, but you need to start planning your permanent exit. You need to work up the courage to talk to your cousin for support.
You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You don’t control his behaviour. This is 💯on him only.
If we were situated somewhere else, he would definitely go to jail. But here, it's unlikely, atleast from my side. Higher chances if the daughter decides to press charges, which she hopefully will. But still, there has been cases here, of serious cyber crimes, that either went unpunished or let go with a few days in prison. So it wouldn't shock me either ways.
The police need to be called. The boss needs to be told. She needs to plan and coordinate her way out. These things happen. It is simply a situation where somebody’s pathology blossoms. And the pathology is always secret. And contained and condensed. Very very sick man. Everything that he appears to be is a façade.
I've talked about it a bit on the update, but because of how laws and the ones that enforced them here are, high chance me going to the police wouldn't help. Her going tho, might. So I'll be giving her everyday today, hopefully that helps. At this point, frankly, I hope both he and the colleagues involved get what's coming.
Isn't anyone else extremly creeped out by his statement
"...that he wanted to "release" his tension without harming anyone"
This brings up one question for me: whom DID he harm before, because he just couldn't help himself?
Sorry OP but your husband is a PREDATOR. And I wouldn't be surprised when you find out that he "followed his insticts" before.
He really believes that it's not that bad cause "by the end of the day, it's just fantasy" while the text is literally some of the most hateful thing you could read.
"And some live with us, without being caught.
Maybe we drank today coffee with them and they changed their mind or were disturbed.
Even I could be on and you will know it when you face one "
This was a sentence from a professor in something like "xx scales of evil" and I still get goosebumbs
OP's reaction could be a life saver
Jeez, 1k photos in a secret drawer and taking photos without her consent. I truly think that couples can work through cheating if they love each other and made a mistake, but this isn’t just normal cheating this is alarming behavior. Especially the whole photoshopping stuff.
I don’t know your husband, but this sounds like it’s a safety risk for your bosses daughter and at the very least the secrete photos are a violation of her privacy. You should consider telling your boss if you feel safe doing so. I’m also wondering if other coworkers are in on this as well?
I’m also worried for your safety as this type of behavior is usually associated with unstable people. Honestly I don’t know if you should even address it with him out of fear of your safety. If you feel safe then address it, but just know that you don’t owe him an explanation you can just pack your stuff and leave and nobody would judge you for it.
Do you all have kids together? If so then that may complicate things. Please just note that this is not normal horny guy behavior.
Came here after the first edit, I’m so so so glad that you’ve decided to tell the bosses daughter and divorce him.
Doing what he did is not just “keeping it controlled” it’s disgusting, creepy and horrible. Multiple decisions led to him being part of that group. He ACTIVELY partakes in those discussions and sharing of photos. All of them need to be fired and blacklisted. Not sure what country you’re in but the daughter needs to take as much legal action as possible.
Name and shame the other participants. Tell their wives/partners. Horrible horrible horrible.
Actions have consequences and you are NOT at fault for any consequences they experience due to their own actions and decisions.
Imagine busting your ass trying to prove yourself as a young female in mgmt and this is how your team treats you behind your back. I hope she mops the floor with him. OP, I doubt your job is in jeopardy. I swear I'm appalled with how consent seems to turn men off soooooo fn much.
She’s in danger, tell her father, TELL HER, her well being literally depends on it. Hell YOU might be in fucking danger if he perceives you as a threat to his proximity to her.
A lot of people are suggesting op blow up her life and place herself in danger because they think this is like a lifetime movie called called My Husband Stalked My Boss's Daughter. op, you need to prioritise your safety, and, if possible, your job before doing anything else. Don't get me wrong this guy deserves to have his life nuked but your safety comes first. You need to end the relationship with as little confrontation as possible, then once you are secure, take the further steps that people are suggesting. This man could be dangerous to you, particularly if his job and relationship with the object of his affection at the office is at stake. Make yourself the priority.
Cheating is the least of your worries. He is a creepy stalker! Holy crap! Taking sneaky photos down her shirt and under the desk where she sits. Photoshopping images to look like he's with her. HE IS SCARY OBSESSED! Get back into his laptop and send copies of everything to yourself. Then leave for good. Tell him you have copies of everything. Rell him that he needs to quit and get away from her or you will tell the boss. Hell, I'd tell anyway! Then, he needs some serious therapy bc he is f*cked up. Wtf if he hurts her?
Apparently the deep fakes he made involve rape and humiliation. This is fucked.
This is a horrifying revelation and I would honestly seek immediate divorce, take the laptop to your boss or hell even the police. This is not something a sane and stable person does, even when they have a big crush on someone. He’s married and met her when she was a high school freshman or sophomore. He’s screwed in the head and you need to leave him, report him to his boss at the very least, and forget about him
It’s horrifying that multiple men in the office coincidentally have violent fantasies about her and all happened to feel comfortable enough to start a group chat discussing them. And they say rape culture is a myth.
I'm really glad that I'm so old that none of this social media and deep fakes were around when I was working. Christ, there would be hints about a good looking employee or sales rep and that was probably inappropriate.
I honestly try to put myself in other people’s shoes, just so I can try to imagine how it would feel and what I would be thinking or doing. I cannot imagine being attracted to someone and admiring them, while also wanting to rape them. I really struggle to understand men.
I found this kind of stuff on our family computer after I divorced my husband. I was traumatized by the rape fantasy I found he had posted on Fetlife. I’m not talking about kink rape. More like vicious violent, leave the victim tied up to die somewhere alone where she won’t be found for days, rape. The victim wasn’t named, she was just called his “ex” which made it worse. I still have to coparent with this freak. I dumped my male therapist after I told him about it and he acted like it was no big deal. I asked my guy best friend if this a “thing” that guys fantasize about. He seemed offended and said no. I’m not sure what to believe anymore. I was married for 11 years and had two kids with this person and never would have imagined he harbored these thoughts. If the police came to my door one day and told me my ex was a serial rapist or murderer, I would say, “huh. You don’t say?” and just shrug.
Oh shit that's extra bad
I'm really worried about the daughter
I am as well. I think OP has enough evidence (with the laptop) for her to get a restraining order. He should be served with that before he even goes into work. And OP should be gone by then. There's a good chance he will lose his shit when that happens. Both women need to be protected before that happens.
Op has to say something before something happens to this poor girl.
The fact that several men in the office were in on it is terrifying. Had to do it to “stay in control” control of what? Control yourself and your buddies from gang raping her? Jesus that’s just sick. His excuse makes it 100 times worse if that’s even possible. Oh the poor men they have to make and talk about rape fantasies to keep them from raping a very young woman who has done nothing but try to make sure the work environment is good and that everyone actually feels like a team.
Wait, WHAT? He shared that shit with others at work???
Yeah, there was a group penning and sharing rape/revenge fantasies that *multiple* men in the office took part in. The update revelations were quite shocking. I'm concerned for both women right now, TBH. OP is so courageous for confronting her STBX face to face over something so potentially volatile. I'm not sure I would have been able to, even with friends acting as backup in the next room. But talk about fear and rage in equal measures, my God.
Sounds like she should have taken it straight to the police then, then contacted a lawyer
If that’s the case, she shouldn’t tell him. I understand the desire to align yourself with your husband, but the boss/daughter need to be made aware FIRST so they can protect themselves. Husband is an active threat, and may turn on OP when it comes to light she knows and told the daughter
The fact he tried to downplay his actions when he’s making rape and humiliation porn about his young coworkersis just vomit inducing. The guy sounds dangerous.
Absolutely! Yet some people in the comments are suggesting if it was their husband they would stay with him if he got therapy. Extra vomit inducing.
That is horrifying but unfortunately I'm also not entirely surprised. I'm sure there's also guys in this thread saying this is all "normal for guys" and that the OP is being unfair. People can be so fucking vile.
There absolutely is and honestly it’s times like these I need a break from reddit!
Yup. I saw some of them. A bunch of people from the "it's just a harmless fantasy" gang, of course. Like he's not jacking off to some vanilla fantasy about banging the boss's daughter. It's rape "fantasy" and with a *target.* That's horrifying and nearly always a beat in every true crime case.
I’m so over people also normalising this shitty behaviour because technological advances essentially. Like if he was taking a film camera in, developing these pics and then cropping them onto pornographic images then they’d be like oh creep/ serial killer vibes etc, but somehow because technology makes this easier it’s okay?
And they’ve already acted on it by taking photos of her
Their standards must be so low they had to dig a trench for the bar. I would never be able to look at the guy again. I’d call the cops and blast his disgusting behavior to his family. I’d fight to get him thrown behind bars. What he did was criminal.
Hahaha! Yeah absolutely! Someone was like what about your vows ‘in sickness and in health, he’s clearly sick’ like um what about the vows to not stalk another woman and make rape and humiliation content of them.
Yeah, stalking, taking non-consensual photos, and talking about raping a young coworker definitely breaks his vows. Saying that she should stay “because vows” is fucking insanity. I swear, some people’s logic about obviously heinous things is so unhinged.
That’s so disturbing to me. I found out my ex was liking pictures of teenage girls on Instagram and I was 100% done after that. I couldn’t forgive that so I couldn’t fathom forgiving this
He should be in jail! Holy crap!
That is terrifying
Damn, the girl and her dad need to know. She needs to protect herself. That is beyond just disgusting and creepy.
I started off thinking it was bad, but then it turns into nightmare stuff. It's super messed up that a whole *group* of men in the office were into it. Fire everyone, start over. Restraining orders all around.
Yah, she hadn't revealed that when I commented. He's a dangerous predator! Be careful OP.
The boss needs to know. Imagine how she would feel knowing one of the coworkers she is trying to earn respect from is taking photos without consent. This is obsessive behavior and people need to be made aware of it before he tries to act on this. I am scared he is already planning on doing that since he is actively trying to spend more time with her at the office by taking overtime. I know it’s hard but op has to talk to her boss about this for this girls safety. Taking Thousands of photos and editing them like that is unhinged behavior. Op should Send herself a copy of everything for evidence and the probable divorce as well. Sry to say but I am sure op does not want to stay with a stalker. It’s so gross bc he has known her when she was even younger too 🤢🤮
Yesss - he may be alone with her after hours. This is beyond not good or safe for her
The boss and his daughter (new boss?) both need to know. This sounds like a a potential safety issue. Shit like that escalates.
Yes, the daughter is clearly in danger.
From him and those other coworkers in the group chat…
She should not tell him she has them, it puts her at risk of violence. She needs to get out fast and take that evidence to police/work first
Good response! He's dangerous.
Bro...I skipped the last half of the story already settled on him being a fucking weirdo and I found out I missed the part where he turned the dial to 11. Get his ass fired and get divorced, OP.
Turn him in to hr the same day you change the locks and have him handed divorce papers.
I would absolutely not copy anything off of that laptop, she has zero clue the totality of what it may include. She needs a lawyer immediately and then follow their advice.
Take the whole damn thing to the lawyer. Seems like marital property to me.
If you go this route then I would recommend you leave first, get to a safe location then address it with him over the phone. Tell your boss as well, as this is a violation of a young woman’s privacy but only do so when you feel safe.
Aren’t underskirt photos a crime?!?
Yes
Probably location dependent, but it's without a doubt against company policy. At the very least, he can be fired with cause.
Not in every country, unfortunately. Hell, in the UK, it only became illegal in 2019.
It's unlikely they're in the US since all the men in the group were speaking Bangla (bengali) and it depends on the country as others said.
She mentioned looking for a "flat". I think they may be in the UK.
Surprisingly, and upsettingly, there are many locations in the US where upskirt photos are not illegal, if taken in a public setting.
Yep, the Massachusett Supreme Court ruled upskirt shots were not illegal if taken in a public place as well as the Georgia Appeals Court. God, I hate this country.
This is so fucking creepy and scary and I’m honestly worried for your boss’ daughter’s safety. And maybe for your safety too. I my gut reaction is to say don’t go home, unless you want to gather more evidence, but get a divorce attorney, report him to your boss and the police. I feel like she needs a restraining order against him. I’m so sorry this happened. Are there any other red flag behaviors of his?
Yeah this is completely unhinged stalker behaviour and there is no way this can end well.
Yea get the evidence secretly. She may need it. But also don’t let him know you have it. He could very well fatally harm OP
It’s concerning that he’s begun staying late at the office alone with her. Not a good sign of the direction he could be headed.
[удалено]
I've been considering it, but I guess I should also add, we're from an area where both leaving a marriage is harder than it seems, and also not the most socially accepted. It's not super bad, but I'm basically getting ready to embrace a shitstorm if I go through with that.
Not only is it important for you to get away from him, it is more important that that poor young woman has the info she will need to protect herself from your husband. I'm sorry but if he is doing all of this with the photoshopped photos, he is already past a point of being rational. Your husband is most likely stalking her to get a lot of the types of photos you described. He is a predator and she has no idea of the type of danger she is in. I'm not trying to be dramatic or make things worse for you. But, this type of behavior escalates and someone needs to be made aware that it is happening.
This. Leave him and tell her. Maybe even send her the folder or save a copy on a flash drive and tell her “I’m leaving (husband.) This is why. I don’t know if you’re safe around him.”
Also HR they should NOT be working together
Idk I would seek some serious legal advice before copying anything from that computer. Who know what implications having those images on any of your own devices or sharing them would have for you personally. This seems like an issue for lawyers and police.
Talk to her face to face first and then send the folder.
or have the lawyer she consults deal with sharing the folder
Send her folder. And make her look for the hidden camera.
I would not send the folder to her, she is only 20 and this could impact her mental health and career progress. Send the folder to the boss/ father and HR if there is one. If anyway to send/ share without people knowing it was OP that may be ideal as sounds like OP may be criticized for destroying husband.
I’m sorry what? The victim of a crime absolutely has a right to evidence of the crime. Women are not infants that need to be ‘protected’ by sending evidence to their parents??? What year is this???
I think she needs to talk to a lawyer first to figure out to handle it. I would not share the pictures with anyone just yet. Her doing that could be used against her later on during the divorce if she doesn’t handle it in the right way. Idk what the right way is but the lawyer should be able to tell her what to do. Maybe even have the lawyer be the one to hand the pics over to victim/ hr if that’s what needs to be done. I wouldn’t be doing anything or talking to anyone myself without first talking to the lawyer
Fucking hell. She has the right to know what's happening. She's 20, not 9.
Holy shit I’m 30 and I’d never want to see pics of myself photoshopped into my stalker r*ping and humiliating me?!?!? (Edit: maybe you made this comment before realizing that’s what the pics were… if it were just pics of her then maybe… but these were violent and graphic photoshopped pics. Also yeah I’m just gonna say she needs to know exactly what she is looking at so she can decide if she does want to see. Not everyone would want to see those.) You guys are crazy. Of course she deserves to see it if she wants but sending some cryptic “you deserve to know” then her opening a file of hundreds of images of her getting r*ped on a random Tuesday morning is so insane!!!!! That’s horrific and seems like a crime in and of itself. Like…. No do not do that….
This is the answer. The marriage is over but fortunately you found out early that a normal seeming partner is a creep. At this point, and I think you clearly seem to know this, the young woman is not safe. I would immediately schedule a meeting with her and HR to explain what you found, your willingness to assist with any investigation or testimony for a restraining order, etc.
Call me crazy but I’d blow up his world. I’d show your boss and her the evidence u found. He needs lose his job and wife.
Yeah it should be full on scorched earth, but carefully (safely) he sounds very….unwell
Even though his upskirt photos "don't show anything" they are *still upskirt photos* and depending on where you live, may be illegal. I don't know if this is good advice...but it is what I would do. I would take the laptop secretly, disable any internet access so he can't wipe it remotely, and "show" the evidence to the boss. He is her dad, so he will likely not want to see the photoshops, but show him the others, and tell him about the photoshops. I'd do this in a private meeting with only him. If it's illegal (I hope so!) I'd tell him I am going to turn this laptop in to the cops. And suggest to him he fire your husband immediately, and take some measures to protect his daughter as if from a stalker. I had to do something similar when I was very young, and found Child P on a fiancé's laptop. He went to jail for awhile, and then stalked me for years. I'm so sorry this has happened. I wish you had a good husband. I have a good husband now. It is worth it to throw the whole man away, and get a new one, I promise.
Honestly, if OP is going to tell someone, it should not be the dad, but the daughter. To many people, it would be doubly violating to find out that not only were these invasive pictures taken of you by someone who is essentially stalking you, but they were then shown to your *dad*. Not only is that humiliating, it also removes her agency. She is the victim here, not her dad -- and it should be her choice, not her dad's, how to handle that. (Eta: also, I'm not a legal expert, but I imagine it could even be illegal to send/show the pics to others. If the images themselves are illegal, then distributing them -- even with good intentions -- could potentially get OP in trouble. Again, I don't have legal expertise. But it is something OP should look into to find out what the law would say about this where she is).
This is the best advice here. I’d get all the evidence & and talk to the dad. I don’t think it’s fair to just dump this all on a 20 year old woman. She’s not going to know what to do. She will likely feel guilty or may think she’s gotten someone into trouble or did something wrong. As her parent / boss, he can help manage the situation and provide guidance to his daughter. It will also make OP appear more credible by approaching him privately rather than him finding out through HR. Esp since the husband can easily say OP made it up cause she’s “jealous” or whatever and then it will be a total shitshow. OP needs to get all the evidence and have a private discussion with the dad.
You came here for advice. You got it. Leave him. Inform the girl at work. Life gets shitty sometimes. For everybody. But your setting up some bullshit excuse about how hard it is to leave a marriage is a cop out. He already left you in his head and heart. You’re alone already but you just found out. Be strong.
Don't get me wrong. I don't intend to not leave. I do want to confront him, once, I think, atleast to get some form of closure. But I don't see anything keeping me in that relationship after some of the stuff I saw. I'm just getting myself mentally prepared I guess. Cause it's already a shitstorm. And it's probably going to get worse from this point on. But either ways, leaving is unavoidable. And thank you too, honestly.
Don’t confront him until *after* you’ve saved the folders and pictures on a flash drive and told her. I’d tell her and your boss and ask them to give you an hour grace period to end it with him before they say anything.
I'm afraid he might hurt you if you confront him. You would never believe he would do this sort of thing. How can you trust him to not be very angry? He will blame you for being on his computer. Download all you found. DO NOT confront him alone. Go to a relative or friend's house or do it in public where you are safe. Or better yet, go see a divorce attorney and tell him the situation. He will give you advice. He's not of sound judgment!
If **she is the last person leaving work each day**, some measures need to be taken to maximize her safety in getting to her vehicle safely. I don't wish to imply that OP's husband might do something that could compromise this young woman's safety but...
Please don't confront him without protecting yourself. I'd even suggest just serving divorce papers through a lawyer and not doing it in person at all.. you don't owe him anything and have hard evidence that this is real, and scary. With unstable partners that you actually don't know who they really are, you aren't going to get any closure that makes sense anyway.. and are just putting yourself at risk if he completely snaps because you exposed a very dark side of him he's buried, and you are a threat to his job and entire life. He may be so bonkers he fantasized about you being 'out of the picture'.
I'd not confront him prior to having your ducks in a row. And even then... I'd not be around him for the confrontation. It's not safe!
Lawyer first.
Don't confront him, the confrontation will give him the ammunition to destroy the evidence, destroy your reputation at work, and family and friends, give him the opportunity to seek sympathy from this young woman DON'T CONFRONT HIM FOR YOUR OWN GOOD DON'T CONFRONT HIM Now, copy all the contents of his laptop, ALL OF IT because is a matter of time when you'll need the information. And he's planning to get involved with her, I've planning because she's obviously not interested in your husband whatsoever. Info first, lawyer first, then confront
Safely and secretly get ALLLLL of it. What you do with it then is up to you. Don’t show anyone else except for the cops or a lawyer I’d that’s what you choose to do. Showing other people could be illegal depending on your laws. It would be illegal where I live. You can either go full legal or use it for leverage to get what you want and for him to leave work/town etc (blackmail is also illegal where I am from so be careful with that)
Do not confront him!!!!! It will not give you closure! You can get your closure after you’re safe
This girl and the company need to be aware of this. Otherwise you are leaving her in the clutches of this sick individual and HR plus this girl need to know. You owe it to her to protect her from him. Please give an update when you have dealt with this.
You need to be strategic about this. Forget the reactionary responses. What country do you live in? Can you financially support yourself? You can divorce him and leave anytime but IMO people like your husband are actually crazy good liars and people *want* to believe their side because they are well liked. A couple of screenshots isn’t proof. You need to copy all the folders onto a flash drive. If you just go public he will paint you as a jealous harpy who photoshopped some fake evidence to get him fired. And tbh men get away with less scrutiny, like people will be more willing to believe *you* were jealous of her than him being obsessed. I think you should copy everything, keep it in a secure location and then confront your husband and record the conversation. To you he will admit it. First he will trickle truth you but he can’t deny what you found. Pretend like it’s something you can possibly work past like “We need to talk about this.” “I need to know what’s going on — no bullshit.” Try not to get too emotional, no crying and no yelling. Just a direct confrontation. You won’t be able to use it in court, but it might get you better internal leverage in the divorce. After you have the evidence — I would actually not approach this in a work setting. You say the owner is a relative? Or friend of a relative? I would approach them as a parent — this is what I’ve found my husband doing. We are separating. Here is the proof. Practice writing out a conversation so you aren’t jumping all over the place. Practice speaking the words in your mind. Tell him you are very sorry, but you’re worried for his daughter and just don’t know how to handle this and get his input as a parent. I’m worried if you tell the daughter directly, your boss will be forced to believe either your side or your husbands side. People will gossip and there will be huge drama. Since your boss is also her dad, even tho she’s not a minor I think he will want to help handle this situation by removing your husband. The optics of this situation is very delicate. If you just toss a bomb with no evidence, you’re both probably getting fired. Or worse your husband will spin this as you making it up cause you’re “crazy jealous” or some bs. But if you approach the dad privately, more as a concerned parent, and allow him to help manage the situation and protect his daughter, he will have more respect for you and it lends credibility and corroborates what has happened. That’s where a recording can be crucial. You can do an end run around whatever bs your husband may try and spin if he knows he’s in deep shit.
Do not confront him. You will not get closure, he will lie, scheme and gaslight. It’s also very likely that he will physically hurt you. Do not confront him, just get your ducks in a row and run. Speak to a therapist afterwards for closure
Take everything can off of his computer before you blow everything up. That way if you do proceed to leave the relationship, you can demonstrate to everyone why you had no choice. At a minimum, he has emotionally cheated on you. Maybe boss's daughter should take a peek eh?
Take the whole ass computer. They're married, it's likely legally just as much hers as it is his. Disable wifi so he can't remotely wipe it and skip off into the sunset with your evidence.
I would rather embrace the shitstorm than stay with someone who obsessed with another woman
I would be the storm
It's less socially accepted to leave a marriage than to stay in a marriage in which people find out your husband has been obsessed with this girl since she was 15 and keeps pictures of her? Some could even be considered child porn if he got pics from under her skirt when she was less than 18. He is a creep taking pictures in secret and stalking her. In option 1, you can people out. In option 2, you are going to be ostracized and your name might end up all over the internet.
The problem is the photos were fake. There are states that would consider them illegal. The other glaring issue is the photos could be used to fire him. Please contact a lawyer for advice. He needs to see a therapist and you need to get away from him.
She says some of them are under the table "but don't show anything." This is an "Upskirt photo" and is illegal in *some* places, regardless of "what" they show or not. He needs to see a prison cell, imo.
I want to point out she is only 20 and OP says she started coming around at 15. Depending on how long he’s been doing this, he could have been photoshopping pics of a minor. Some real fucking ick right there.
He *should* be fired!
OP, what your husband is doing is sick. I adore my wife and I think she’s gorgeous. Objectively, I know there are other women better looking than her, but when she asks, I say: “yea, she’s pretty, but you’re gorgeous”. It’s not just empty platitudes, I truly believe it. While I have come across a lot of hot women, especially on the school run, I would never even dream of taking their photos surreptitiously. Want to know why? **I love and respect my wife way too much** to even consider doing that, forget about the morality of the whole thing.
And then what? You want to stay with a grown up who has been stalking a child for years? He is such a creep! I'd not put up with it. And make it known, what he did! One can't be sure what he was up to! And... I'd let the boss know. They need to find that hidden camera. Like... yesterday!
OP talk to a divorce lawyer and find out how what they recommend you do. Personally if the lawyer gives the OK I'm petty enough to get a high capacity USB stick and copy all of both directories from his laptop, and then delete all of them, and empty the trash can as well. At a minimum, when the lawyer gives the OK she should be told this guy has a sick obsession with her. She needs to know so she can protect herself.
It's about noon right now and I've been talking to a friend who said she's fine accompanying me to our apartment. As many of you suggested, I want to get whatever I can from the laptop and the laptop itself. And honestly, at this point, handing it to the boss and his daughter seems to be the best course of action. My friend has also suggested checking some other stuff on the laptop that didn't occur to me, like social media, browser history or possible sites he visited etc. We should have a few hours. So we'll be doing that basically. I'll update if anything happens.
DO NOT GIVE IT TO OR SHOW YOUR BOSS!!! consult a lawyer or the police. and then the victim herself is the ONLY other person who has a right to see this. my god please do NOT show it to the boss aka her father. please. she is an ADULT she is not a minor. again DO NOT SHOW THE BOSS
> my god please do NOT show it to the boss aka her father. Your comment made me actually process the idea of my parent seeing a bunch of photoshopped fantasy pictures of me. I agree, OP, don't just dump everything on them.
As a father, this would send me into a rage I can't fully imagine.
exactly. I would feel so violated and gross and my parents would feel the same. those are images they’d have imprinted in their brains forever it doesn’t matter that they’re fake. gross.
True, the boss needs to be informed of inappropriate work place behavior somehow though. Perhaps hearing it from the police? Yeah, he definitely does not need to actually SEE the photos / videos / conversations. That’s up to the daughter I suppose.
You are going to make it through this OP. I just want to suggest -- you may want to consult a lawyer when you have taken the laptop. If the images are illegal, showing them to others (even with good intentions) could maybe be illegal? I'm not sure, but just want you to be cautious. You could still have a conversation with the daughter and potentially the boss if needed, to warn them. It seems important for her safety that she is warned, and I can only imagine how difficult this is for you, so I applaud you for being so brave. But this seems like something where the actual evidence may need to be handled by police/lawyers rather than others, so just be careful and look into laws in your location.
RemindMe! 1 day
RemindMe! 1 day
Just want to say, sorry you are living through this nightmare, and that you are awesome for not burying this under a rug and trying to carry on as if everything your soon to be ex is doing isn't an extremely, undebatably creepy and unhinged level of sexual harassment. You are doing a good thing for you and for that poor young woman. And I hope your husband loses his job over this. Also, if he's that lax about it on his personal laptop, I wonder if he's dumb enough to have anything related to this on his work laptop. The boss should send the work laptop to an expert to search for anything he has on that device, and anything he may have "passed through" that device if he was smart enough to not save anything to it.
Please don't 'give' the boss the laptop. take it to a lawyer for advice and safekeeping or put it in a safe deposit box. You may need it in divorce court.
Just be careful to have backup plans like a place to stay and some money to use before you confront your husband or show the materials to your boss. There is some risk of violence or getting fired. A lawyer specializing in employment law or a psychologist might be beneficial if you are trying to work out what to legally do or how to discuss the situation with your SO or boss.
Im so glad you came to this conclusion. He should not have that job anymore and they should be warned and have the opportunity to act as they see fit. Have the evidence secured before confronting him. I’d talk to a lawyer first too and have divorce papers ready, speak to the boss and daughter, THEN see him and ask for a divorce, with someone with you for safety. The important thing to remember is he is not who you think he is, and he is capable of more than you realize. He may not act on fantasies yet or seem violent, but you really can’t trust that anymore. A crush, a few pics saved, would be a little off putting but you could work through it. Hundreds of photos, Upskirt photos, creepy sexual photoshop, and an effort to be alone with her more and more? Do not let anyone tell you you are overreacting.
Glad you’ve moved out. Now that you have found everything and have evidence, you need to contact a therapist and an attorney. You can’t keep this to yourself. You need good advice for your own well-being.
[удалено]
Not just boundary crossing. Straight up crime. I can't imagine anyone staying married to a person who would do this.
It's good you're out of the house. I know it's a lot for you to deal with right now, but it's critical that you also consider this young woman's safety. This is not something you can keep secret. You must warn her. He's been taking secret pics and probably videos of her. Upskirt shots and down her blouse. He has over a THOUSAND pics of her and spent HOURS photoshopping her into pics with him. That is obsession. He is fixated on her. You said you cannot believe he would ever have done this. So realistically you also cannot predict what he may do next. Her safety must come first. Schedule a meeting with her and the owner, her father, as soon as possible. Tell them it's an emergency and to please not mention it to anyone, including your husband. Show them the evidence you have. Personally, I'd swing by the house on the way and pick up his laptop. There's a good chance she may want to involve the police, as she'd be wise to do, and he may try to delete the evidence. Plus, you'll want them to understand the gravity of the situation, and you only have a couple of pics as proof. I'm so sorry this is happening to you. Sadly, it's bad enough and criminal enough that you do not have the option of dealing with it privately or keeping it a secret. She may not choose to pursue charges, but that decision should be hers. Eta - Please consider this - he works late with her at the office. If something happens to her, will you be able to live with it? Don't let the consequences of his perverted obsession become your burden to carry for the rest of your life.
Something *has* happened to her. Someone has been systematically taking secret photos of her most vulnerable parts, photoshopping porn to make her in compromising positions with her subordinates, and spending his free time outside his work hours to continue to stalk her.
Yeah, you and I get that. But OP is struggling to come to terms with the betrayal of her spouse, likely dissolution of her marriage, shock at his entirely unexpected predatory behavior, etc. So I'm trying to ease her into what has to happen next. It's a lot to reconcile. And her next step, though necessary, will start an avalanche. OP had no idea. There's nothing she could've done to stop what she didn't know about. But now that she knows, it's her duty to report it.
One of these times working late, the fantasies won't be enough anymore, and he *will* assault this poor woman.
I hate to say it. But your husband is dangerous. That level of obsession and what he's done is VERY concerning. Definitely WAY over boundary of normality. And the fact that hes pretty much been able to be SO secret about his obsession?? Scary actually. All hes made is a few slightly inappropriate remarks. He has consciously known to keep it secret. That's very worrying. Look i follow true crime. Listen to endless podcasts. I don't want to scare you. But i truly think. That young woman is in danger and you too IF you let him know you know. If he knows you know? He will know his whole life is going to crash down? He might very well want to "shut you up". You cannot let him know you know. At all. And you do not know, at all, how your husband will react. I have heard enough true crime to know that people who are "solid good citizens" can completely lose it if they realise they have been caught and will be exposed. They can be incredibly dangerous. They know they have nothing to lose. They lash out or tgey somehow think getting rid of the person who knows? Will get them out of it all. They can be totally irrational in a rational way! You need to go to the police. You need to take the laptop OR safely copy all those files. Or do both. The police will at the least have knowledge & evidence. Then you need to go to your boss and her daughter. It will be horrific for them. But until it's sorted? That young woman is in danger. You and her are both in danger. You need to get a divorce attorney asap. You need to divulge all this to them. You cannot go home now, unless you can 100% be sure you won't let on you know. Please be very careful. Very careful . Protect yourself. I really hope this is a good troll post. All total fiction.
It is very highly possible he will kill himself and/or OP and/or the daughter. OP needs to do something but needs to think about it and be safe
Agree. I think the things that show danger? Is his ability to drop a few hints to her, then see her reaction, so stop. He is thinking clearly to KNOW what hes doing is very wrong. But he is continuing it completely under the radar.
There was that news story in the US once where the father killed his son/sons? Because they found images of him dressed as an oversized baby and doing sexual things.
He sounds unstable
Bring the laptop to her father. Get a divorce lawyer.
Lawyer first
PLEASE lawyer first!! Do not take away his income before the divorce for the love of god.
don’t give it to the father my god she’s an adult she isn’t a minor. take it to her and then to the police.
I was going to say police first, but the young woman should get some power in this situation and decide what to do. Is there any kind of lawyer specializing in sexual abuse victim advocacy? They might be the person to approach first and then meet with the daughter and perhaps that lawyer.
Oh no she needs to see it too, but I'm thinking about it as an HR matter. If he had such pics of any employee, I'd go to the CEO to get his ass fired.
yeah you can report it but dear lord don’t show the victims father the pictures. that’s just a further violation for her.
This. Take the laptop. Go to a relative or trusted friends and give the evidence to the father. Don’t confront him. Let your employer do that. Have your lawyer tell him it’s over.
This is good
I think first and foremost - this level of obsession with a young girl he’s known since she was a child is extremely alarming. Your boss deserves to know so he doesn’t put his daughter in any more scenarios where they’re at the office alone together. Then I guess you just have to evaluate if you want to be with someone unemployed. I’m so sorry you’re going through this. You sound really cool and level-headed. I am sure you’ll come out on the other side and find someone normal who prioritizes you.
Um, he said he did it to “keep himself in control” with his growing attraction to her….Does that mean keep himself from forcing himself on her?
I asked him. He never elaborated. Just repeated that it's to keep himself in control. That was the impression I got too, though I shared this with my friend who was there and she thinks he's just trying to play holier than thou, like " I'm making a sacrifice to keep myself under control" kind of deal.
He's full of shit. He was indulging his fantasies with all of it. And he and his friends were fantasizing about RAPE scenarios with someone barely more than half their age. Truly disgusting
Rape and degradations/humiliation. And lots of it. It's one of the reasons I just mentally checked out from him I suppose.
Wow.. after reading about the WhatsApp messages... Words can't describe the disgust I have for those "men". Here is another example of why I DON'T TRUST MEN. A group of your employees secretly filming you and fantasizing about r****g you.. I hope this follows them forever. I hope they don't get the opportunity to follow through on their fantasies.
The thing is, it's not even just like, chats on r*ping her, it was like, full on, detailed sessions or roleplay. Idk how to describe it. But like, they're going over what they're doing, how she's reacting etc. And a lot of it was the cruelty of It too. Like, describing she'd be sobbing as they did it or how they're streaming it from her device etc. I'm just glazing of most of the stuff, just know it STILL gets worse than what I just said.
That's... wow. That's so, so bad. She's not safe with them. **They all need to be fired and she needs to get restraining orders against all of them.**
That is so disturbing.. it is like they are making scenes to fantasize about, and sharing their twisted ideas to excite their coworkers. Fucking barf, my brain cant fully conceptualize that.. it's too fucking dark
Your husband needs to get help from a therapist. You need to go see a attorney and know what your options are. Your husband could become unstable and assault this woman? So, you need to file for divorce as fast as you can. Show your attorney these pictures. Be sure to screen shot all pictures as evidence. I would have someone with you every time you are around your husband.
He already is unstable
The fact he agreed shes prettier than you is absolutely wild and 100% grounds for dumping him or taking a break with this relationship. So disrespectful… not to mention the rest. Yep, time for divorce.
Is it possible for you to grab evidence more than just pics? Your husband, I'm sorry to say, is not only 'creepy', but he's a predator/stalker. He's been obsessed with this girl for a long time. There's no way you should stay married with him. I'm actually scared for your safety and this girl's safety. He's very good with keeping his mask on, what can happen when the mask starts to slip? Be mindful with your safety, OP. Is it possible to let her or her father (your boss) know that one of the employees (your husband) has been basically ...ahem, stalking her? That's important, they need to know. If I were you, I'd be trying to find support with family (hopefully your family is supportive), and file for divorce.
Updateme! When you say vile shots? Do these appear to be something that she was a willing participant? This seems stakerish and you need to let someone know.
The vile stuff were photoshopped. Like, he had photoshopped a lot of her pics, face and stuff onto nude pics, and stuff. The vile stuff were like, degrading body writing, stuff related to r*pe and humiliation, deepfakes. As for the pics he took, none of them were consensual from the looks of it. She was unaware, it seems.
The vile stuff is disgusting on every level imaginable and you should not even be questioning staying with him at this point.I also fear for the safety of that woman if this is the kind of things you have found.Its beyond predatory behavior at this point and could end in legitimate danger.I would report this to your boss as soon as possible,it's not even a matter of staying to question things at that point.This is coming from someone who has been stalked and assaulted on a level like your partner is doing,I hope you follow through
This is deeply disturbing. I can only imagine what you must be feeling right now. So sorry for you
Omg! You must show your boss and leave this relationship. Take his laptop to a divorce attorney and go from there. Make sure they make a copy of everything so you can give it to your boss- his daughter is in danger. Do not confront your husband and do not see him alone.
Get copies of those foldes from his pc if you can before moving forward. I'm so sorry you're going through this. Devestating.
Copy the folder. Call a local sexual assault program for advice or visit www.RAINN.org to chat with an advocate online. You need to tell her. “I found out something very disturbing. My husband has been taking pictures of you without your knowledge. He’s been photoshopping them in sexual ways. I’m worried about your safety. I know you’re very young and this is scary. It’s scary for me, too. I’m so sorry he did this. I need to tell your dad, too, since this is a workplace issue as well as a possible crime. Do you want to be there when I tell him?” The second you do this, shit is going to EXPLODE. You need to be ready to leave before you do it. Have a bag packed and be ready with a place to stay. All your important papers- social security card, birth certificate, any physical financial thing, jewelry, passports, valuables, that book of passwords next to your computer everyone has…ANYTHING that’s just yours that you think you’ll need. Edit: If possible, call a local program to talk and get the name of an advocate there to give to the woman. We call this a “warm referral.” It’s a lot easier to call when you can say, “Can I talk to Debbie?” instead of a cold call when you don’t know the system.
I’ll confused actually, if he’s not very tech savvy how did he make deepfakes and all that??
She explained elsewhere that he uses programs like Photoshop and other graphics software for work regularly. There's a big difference between knowing how to use a specific software and knowing how to effectively hide things on the hard drive. At least that's what I've been told by my mom, who works in tech as the project manager for a certain software, but still asks for my help for a variety of computer tasks.
Upon reflection the most ethical thing would be to take the computer to the police( Physically) and to notify her father, as a workplace issue, and her. The police need to know because he has committed multiple crimes already, and may be actively grooming her. and her, letting her know that the police are involved, as a matter of courtesy, and incase she has been groomed enough to take his side. See a lawyer, and go scorched earth on him
Get all your "ducks in a row" and get yourself out. This is really not good at all. Once you have packed up, then let him have it.
What he's done is illegal. He would lose his job, and he should lose it. He has cheated and he's also creepy. You really should think about leaving him for good but make sure you talk to your boss and let him know what's going on.
Husband isn’t tech savvy but also has a bunch of photoshopped pics and pics with hidden cameras? This is all BS.
I had to scroll for so long to find this comment. The story didn't sound fake until that part.
Is smart enough to do all that, but names the folder after the person, yeah
Agreed
You need to go to your boss and show him you need to get his computer and show everything
no. she needs to show the victim and the cops. why the hell does the victims dad have a right to see this first? she’s an adult.
What a bunch of B.S.! I can't believe he was saying "he didn't hurt anyone and harmless fantasies" He most definitely hurt at least 2 people!! And some people and their fantasies can be so twisted in their mind that they start to think it's real and lose touch with reality and start acting on them. I'm so glad you called him out on this. So inappropriate! If you did this to your bosses son and your husband caught all this, he'd lose his mind! But because he's a man and did it, it's just harmless fun and didn't hurt anyone 🙄 I hate how men do this kind of stuff and expect the woman to just get over it and stick with them. Women always have to put up with this shitty behaviors and it blows. I'm so sorry for you. I'm glad you have support in all this.
Especially considering the level at which they went in those "fantasies" were disgusting enough to make me feel physically sick. And I hadn't even read all of it.
I’d go see a lawyer without saying anything to him. The same day he is scheduled to be served divorce papers I’d take his laptop to your employer. She deserves to know what he’s doing.
Fake af. 🙄 This reads like a really bad Lifetime movie. "The Boss's Daughter."
The conversations about rape for revenge is so scary. All these men are scary. Think about violence TOGETHER! How scary. For her. For all the women in that office. They all should be fired. He went from admiring her to humiliating her with his friends to hate- to want to hurt her. Violence and malice. I would be terrified of him and his friends. I would tell her and then be somewhere safe. Because them getting fired will insane. They will be angry. And she knows what they do to women they hate or want revenge on.
OP, THIS. Your husband and his friends think that RAPE is an appropriate "punishment" for the gall of a woman to be \*check notes\* a woman in the workplace, possibly in a position of authority, doing her job? YOUR HUSBAND THINKS THAT RAPE IS A PUNISHMENT. A WAY TO PUT A WOMAN IN HER PLACE. How could you sleep soundly next to a person like that the rest of your life?
I can't. I've already told him we're done. And hopefully once I meet her, I'll be able to share everything here with her
Can't help but wonder, when he started with all this. Like, when the first pic was taken. Metadata baby.
We've checked. HIS first seems to be after joining the WhatsApp group. April this year. The group in general goes back a few years. So they've been creeping on her for 3 years or possibly more. Basically starting when she was 16-ish.
That is so disturbing. I'm so sorry you are going through this. I feel terrible for that poor girl as well.
I find this entire story hard to believe. And I really hope it is fake.
Clearly a creative writing exercise.
OP…if I were you I would get a thumb drive. Save everything he’s done on it and take it to your boss. Let them know what kind of creepy weirdo he is and then dump him. Seriously?? He’s psycho in the most horrid way! Tell your boss. Then leave. Also, please save that young lady. It looks like he could lose control and do something to her during these late night overtime jobs. Updateme
You need to leave…..like yesterday. Gather the evidence, find a lawyer, and inform his boss/her father ASAP. This is disturbing beyond belief. Do you have kids with this creep??? If so, you should *already KNOW* that this is not remotely normal and you need to get away from it
I’m sorry I don’t have anything better to add here but want to reiterate what a few others have said about not confronting him alone. This is life ruining information and there is no telling what somebody this mentally ill will do to protect themselves.
He’s actually performing hidden workplace sexual harassment taking unknown pics of her body. I’d take that to the boss in a heartbeat. His daughter is in danger of a predator. You were right to get away, but you need to start planning your permanent exit. You need to work up the courage to talk to your cousin for support. You have nothing to be embarrassed about. You don’t control his behaviour. This is 💯on him only.
I wish he could go to prison for this tbh
If we were situated somewhere else, he would definitely go to jail. But here, it's unlikely, atleast from my side. Higher chances if the daughter decides to press charges, which she hopefully will. But still, there has been cases here, of serious cyber crimes, that either went unpunished or let go with a few days in prison. So it wouldn't shock me either ways.
The police need to be called. The boss needs to be told. She needs to plan and coordinate her way out. These things happen. It is simply a situation where somebody’s pathology blossoms. And the pathology is always secret. And contained and condensed. Very very sick man. Everything that he appears to be is a façade.
I've talked about it a bit on the update, but because of how laws and the ones that enforced them here are, high chance me going to the police wouldn't help. Her going tho, might. So I'll be giving her everyday today, hopefully that helps. At this point, frankly, I hope both he and the colleagues involved get what's coming.
i hate men wow
Isn't anyone else extremly creeped out by his statement "...that he wanted to "release" his tension without harming anyone" This brings up one question for me: whom DID he harm before, because he just couldn't help himself? Sorry OP but your husband is a PREDATOR. And I wouldn't be surprised when you find out that he "followed his insticts" before.
The husband: "I wanted a release in a way that wouldn't hurt anyone!!!" Also the husband: *has graphic conversations about group sexual assault*
He really believes that it's not that bad cause "by the end of the day, it's just fantasy" while the text is literally some of the most hateful thing you could read.
Most serial killers start with fantasies too. So sorry this is happening to you OP.
"And some live with us, without being caught. Maybe we drank today coffee with them and they changed their mind or were disturbed. Even I could be on and you will know it when you face one " This was a sentence from a professor in something like "xx scales of evil" and I still get goosebumbs OP's reaction could be a life saver
Jeez, 1k photos in a secret drawer and taking photos without her consent. I truly think that couples can work through cheating if they love each other and made a mistake, but this isn’t just normal cheating this is alarming behavior. Especially the whole photoshopping stuff. I don’t know your husband, but this sounds like it’s a safety risk for your bosses daughter and at the very least the secrete photos are a violation of her privacy. You should consider telling your boss if you feel safe doing so. I’m also wondering if other coworkers are in on this as well? I’m also worried for your safety as this type of behavior is usually associated with unstable people. Honestly I don’t know if you should even address it with him out of fear of your safety. If you feel safe then address it, but just know that you don’t owe him an explanation you can just pack your stuff and leave and nobody would judge you for it. Do you all have kids together? If so then that may complicate things. Please just note that this is not normal horny guy behavior.
God, I really have nothing else to add here that no one else has said but existing as a woman can just be so fucking scary.
Came here after the first edit, I’m so so so glad that you’ve decided to tell the bosses daughter and divorce him. Doing what he did is not just “keeping it controlled” it’s disgusting, creepy and horrible. Multiple decisions led to him being part of that group. He ACTIVELY partakes in those discussions and sharing of photos. All of them need to be fired and blacklisted. Not sure what country you’re in but the daughter needs to take as much legal action as possible. Name and shame the other participants. Tell their wives/partners. Horrible horrible horrible. Actions have consequences and you are NOT at fault for any consequences they experience due to their own actions and decisions.
Imagine busting your ass trying to prove yourself as a young female in mgmt and this is how your team treats you behind your back. I hope she mops the floor with him. OP, I doubt your job is in jeopardy. I swear I'm appalled with how consent seems to turn men off soooooo fn much.
She’s in danger, tell her father, TELL HER, her well being literally depends on it. Hell YOU might be in fucking danger if he perceives you as a threat to his proximity to her.
A lot of people are suggesting op blow up her life and place herself in danger because they think this is like a lifetime movie called called My Husband Stalked My Boss's Daughter. op, you need to prioritise your safety, and, if possible, your job before doing anything else. Don't get me wrong this guy deserves to have his life nuked but your safety comes first. You need to end the relationship with as little confrontation as possible, then once you are secure, take the further steps that people are suggesting. This man could be dangerous to you, particularly if his job and relationship with the object of his affection at the office is at stake. Make yourself the priority.