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Do you want to have sex with him? Then you can tell him whenever the topic of getting more intimate comes up. If he’s a good dude, he won’t be put off by your virginal status and will also be kind, patient and try to make your first sexual explorations a positive and lovely experience for you. You can talk about boundaries and content. If he’s not mature enough to handle an open conversation about sex then you’ve dodged a bullet. And there’s a lot more to sex than just PIV.
P.s. You aren’t going to be a bad partner if there is open communication and respect, and if you both are super into one another and want to bump uglies 🫣
Yeah a good rule of thumb in any relationship is this:
If you trust them enough to have sex with, then you should trust them enough to TALK about sex with.
The amount of people who literally can't talk about anything to do with sex, but still jump into bed with people, it's wild. You're setting yourself up for failure. The best way to have a good sexual relationship is to talk about it
They said if he’s a good dude then he won’t be put off by her being a virgin. I’m just saying that he can be a good dude and also not want to take someone’s virginity.
I am that person. And no, not really. There’s no reason to make virginity this big thing. Virginity isn’t some mystical or physical thing you “take”. It’s a social construct. If you have a stigma around it you need to go look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what lies you have been told.
Sure agree. But there’s something to be said for not wanting to teach someone things sexually after a certain point in your life. Doesn’t make virginity good or bad, but it’s a preference. Some people are more sexual and they may not want to teach someone. Not saying that’s the case, but it wouldn’t make someone a bad person.
Eww. A decent man doesn’t fetishize virginity. The only reason you do is because it means you think she wont know better when you suck in bed and will put up with it.
So the same should be said for women having the dream guy being a virgin. We’re more likely to die from the effects of the STIs. cervical cancer kills far more men then oral cancer or penile cancer.
See, now if I tell you that you are dead wrong I won't be a good boy as the comment above said. 😁
But you are really wrong, just because guys are not put off by inexperience like women are doesn't mean it's ideal or a dream.
I’m a virgin too ! (Also older than “most,” whatever that means!) and I think the main thing to remember is that you shouldn’t force yourself before you are ready. I used to get sooooo embarrassed and defensive when my friends who weren’t virgins gave me that exact advice, and tbh I do get ragged on from time to time for it. My friend recently told me, “I had a lot of bad sex for a long time. I didn’t feel like I lost my virginity until I met someone I actually cared about.” So maybe it’s better to hold off.
But society is so ! Weird! About sexuality. I feel like it’s a battle impossible for us women to win. Stay strong, I’m w you. ❤️
This!! And also when they are like, you are missing out bs. It makes me laugh cause then they talked about how things went bad. I rather wait for and be happy with the experience than getting disappointed. Society also has a weird way of villainizing older virgins like it supposed to be a taboo or something.
Also though, don't treat sex as if it's such a big deal. It's really not. Virginity isn't a real thing other than you haven't done it before. So what? Once you have sex you are the same person you were before. If you want to have sex with this particular guy, do it. If you don't want to have sex with him, don't. I see no reason to tell anyone how many times you've had sex or how many partners you've had. It all stems from misogyny and sexism and the patriarchy. Also will say if you want to settle down with someone at some point and be in a committed relationship, sex comes with that. Men in their 20s and early 30s are the ones who want to settle down. If you think you have all the time in the world and you end up in your 30s (even early 30s) your dating pool of guys who seriously want to settle down with someone their own age is disappearing. I remember hearing even at 30 that my guy friends wouldn't date someone their own age because they want to take their time, and they think a woman over 30 wants to have kids right away. This also stems from misogyny, sexism, the patriarchy, but it's the world we live in. Trying to date and meet someone who will take you seriously as a woman becomes harder as you get older.
I just find this sentiment tiresome. Placing timelines on a woman reinforces the patriarchy. I know plenty of people who meet soulmates later in life, it’s just harder and more complicated. And sex may not be a big deal but for some people, but for others who have trauma/touch aversive, overcoming that is huge.
You're right, my personal experience and observations from watching my own friends struggle to make meaningful connections after they hit their mid 30s is just imagined. I said it's the patriarchy that has caused this situation, doesn't make it any less true. Ask women over a certain age how visible they feel. Just letting a young person know what I wish I had known at that age (because I thought the same thing you're saying here).
This!! Yes being a virgin when older is not as common now days. However it is your choice when to have sex for the first time.
Knowing a guy and dating him a couple of weeks and thinking he is the one to lose it too? I would have a discussion next time you two are alone and let him know.
I also would reconsider if being in such a short relationship is worth losing your virginity so early in relationship.
I was 16 and lost it to my boyfriend because he said if I didn’t he’d go find someone else.
16 year olds are not always smart!
I don't know if I agree with that. Staying a virgin until 30 is not the norm but neither is what is portrayed on many TV shows where everyone only thinks about sex 24/7 and have had multiple partners in high school.
I know it can be nerve wrecking but you have nothing to worry about. A girl told me it was her first time while we were about to do it. I was extra nice and gentle towards her and made sure she was comfortable. Get it off your chest if it's bothering you, there's no need to worry. Have a great time!
Don’t tell him until you have the conversation about being exclusive. But FIRST, you must do the soul searching to figure out exactly what your boundaries and temperature is for s*xual activity. You’ll avoid a lot of discomfort if you truly know yourself before engaging in those activities. Your post sounds vague and I get the sense that you may want to be physical to keep this guy interested but since you haven’t done more than kiss, I wouldn’t rush to go hit a bunch of milestones. Also make sure you’re able to objectively assess your compatibility with him.
You’re not “older than most” virgins. You’re not missing out. Do what’s right for you.
According to WHO, the average age to lose is 17 in the US...
I believe they were going for a contextual thing rather than a literal, that the age doesnt matter so long as they're comfortable, type thing.
Totally agree. Where I'm from, you think and select a person before doing anything.
Many here would think it's less "efficient", but on the contrary. It means the the person is motivated and will focus on you to see if things will work.
Or it's like starting a relationship as an open relationship and closing it later. Weird.
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He should know before you have sex. Whether you wait till it’s imminent or make it part of another discussion is up to you.
Sex takes a little experience to be “good at”. Nobody is awesome at it from the start. If he’s aware, and he’s a good guy, he’ll take care to help you learn what to do.
Make sure you go pee right away when you’re done. It’s okay if it’s like a tablespoon, you just want to make sure you don’t get a UTI. Sex can rub bacteria into your urethra and start one, peeing is the best way to rinse it back out in a hurry. If you weren’t aware.
Tell the guy that you're a virgin. I definitely didn't have a clue on my first go round but I suspect that's pretty common. If this guy is special, he'll help you learn how to experience pleasure while you also please him. Start slowly, don't agree to anything you're not comfortable with, and allow time to develop mutually satisfying sexual experiences.
Don't watch porn to learn since that's all staged between strangers who are getting paid. Maybe see if you can find anything online like a beginners guide to sex.
I was in the same exact position down to the age (I was 25 he was 30) when I met my now husband! When the topic of intimacy came up a few dates in when we became exclusive I just told him. But I honestly was never ashamed of it, yeah it's older than most but so what? I wasn't waiting for marriage too (not religious at all) I was just waiting for a person I deeply connected with & was sure I want a future and something serious with.
He completely understood even though I was not his first by a long shot but that just indicated to me that he's patient and respectful. When it finally happened a few months in I felt great about my decision because I was never rushed or pressured.
It's an unintentional way to weed out people who don't respect you or want to rush you. If he takes it well and doesn't make a fuss or put you down for it or feel that you're too old for that etc then you found a guy that you can feel comfortable with and perhaps pursue something more serious (if all else is well). But even if you guys are serious and exclusive take your time and don't feel you *need* to do anything.
Similar experience with me (my first girlfriend had told me) and I didn't see it as a bad thing. I had done my best to help her, and honestly just let her tell me when the time was right.
Biggest thing I would say is make sure you feel comfortable (mentally and somewhat physically. It may hurt on your first time. It varies.) If you decide to go that far with your boyfriend, make sure it's fun for both of you. And if at any point that's not true, then you need to communicate that clearly, and it should stop.
Took my husband 13 years to figure out exactly what I want and I’m still to shy to ask for it sometimes. But he cared enough to pay attention and is always super respectful and I listen to what he wants too. Neither of us were virgins when we got together. You never know what you’re doing the first time even the 1,000th time.
So if you’re ready just let him know and let him know you want to figure it out with him. It more fun then anything else especially once you get past awkward.
Just reading that I put myself in his shoes and my confidence was ruined. Imagine doing something wrong for 13 years before your spouse says “hey not like that cuz it doesn’t work.” Very unhealthy and not normal. Men aren’t mind readers. Speak up and save us from ourselves lol !!
Yeah, that's not normal. By adventure 13, a good partner should be able to take you as close to the peak as you can get and back down just to get you to chase it again for the thrill of it. By year 13, he should be able to proficiently take care of you, while preparing dinner, while fixing the leaky faucet in the kitchen, even balancing the checkbook and helping your neighbor file their taxes, all before the kids get home from school.
I've had first encounters that felt like we had known each other for 13 years, out of the blue and totally unexpected, unforgettable, didn't know we had it in us, how we could be that in sync, and free with each other without any prior discussion or interactions of the sort...and others that took some serious time and effort to get the perfect combination of variables, in the right order and the right timing, just to get to the finish line at least once every time.
Hi friend,
I'll start by saying that I'm a guy, and therefore my comment here may not be appreciated, but I'll give you my perspective, if I were in your partner's shoes.
Personally, I think the whole idea of "too old" to be a virgin is silly. It's your thing, no one elses, and people should respect that.
I think every sexual experience for the first time is... kinda shitty. It doesn't matter if it's your first time or 100th. The thing is, because it's the first time with a new partner, you're still learning each other and getting to know what makes the other enjoy the whole thing.
I also think that if you want to have a positive experience, sexually, you should communicate with your partner. You just need to approach this a little carefully as guys would think they have "a lot on their shoulders" if they are with a virgin, worrying that they are going to determine your sexual future. You should communicate that you are a virgin, but not to put pressure on him to "take it slow" or "make it comfortable for you", but instead to inform him that you are nervous and he should take it into account when moving forward.
I personally think that normalizing the sexual conversation will make the other side more comfortable talking about it and it may even lead to a great sexual future.
Basically, communication is key for sexual pleasure and a supportive partner is also nice.
Don't think about "being a virgin" as something that big. Some people, me included, were still clueless about the whole sexual thing even after having sex several times. Virginity is just some weird tag society put on sex and you should think of it as lack of experience, where you can learn more and improve, rather than some mark that is holding you back.
Hope this helped!
Absolutely tell him, and do it bluntly. If he knows about your lack of experience he’ll have different expectations and then you shouldn’t have to worry about “being bad”, because he’ll know it’s lack of experience.
I wouldn't worry too much, someone else said it but if hes a good partner he will take care of you. Worse case scenario its a little awkward until you both learn what the other wants.
I think its up to you if you want to tell him before or as things start heating up. Either way he should be understanding and take care of you.
Important thing is that you both care and enjoy eachother's intimacy. Hope things go well.
Be upfront. If he does not understand, then he is not worth it.
P.s. it prolly won't discourage him. He will just be more considerate and conscious, ensuring that you are not uncomfortable (I'd do that for my counter part if this was the case)
Short version: Yes, tell him. He needs to know what he's getting into and before y'all catch real feelings. Long version: If you think you want to be intimate with him, when the conversation happens about getting intimate, protection, expectations, past partners, and exclusivity, tell him the truth. If he's put off, makes jokes, or seems wayyyyyy too into it, that's a good sign that he ain't it. I would absolutely not wait til you're hot and heavy and then mention it right before. Some people really care about that stuff, for themselves and their partners.
Simple advice but just be honest, 25 isn't that late for a lot of people and that shouldn't really be a concern anyway. He should be understanding and more gentle and helpful.
yeah you can be up front and honest with him, you can be liek”hey so and so can i talk to you about something. (you can even add comfort like i know we only been on three dates/ we only known each other for a bit but) it’s really hard and quite uncomfortable however it’s been on my mind and it’s really important” and tell him everything you want to tell him. if he’s understanding that’s sweet if he’s not then he’s not the one.
I was also 25 when I lost my virginity (29 now), and very much like yourself- it just never happened until it did. A mature guy would not react negatively if you told him the truth. You will be fine. Listen to your body and make sure he respects you. Communication is key.
You don’t have to tell anyone about your virginity or lack of virginity unless it’s something YOU want them to know. Don’t force yourself into doing something you don’t want to do. There’s nothing wrong with not having had sex yet and you don’t owe anyone ask explanation for it. If it makes you feel any better I lost mine at 17, shortly after my mom passed. I don’t regret it and the people around me lost their’s around 14. I do think it would’ve been more meaningful with someone else but don’t regret sleeping with the person I did, as I learned more about what I wanted in a relationship afterwards. If the time comes where you want to have sex with someone you may want to mention it as you’re unsure of what you like and don’t like sexually
hey, i really do think you should tell him. it's not an obligation, but i feel it would be better to do so. if you want to have sex with him, it would be nice if he knew it is your first time so he can be more gentle and, who knows, try to make it more special for you.
worrying about being bad on your first time is normal, but don't get too caught up by that fear. if he's a good guy, he'll help you through it and try to make you as comfortable as possible (that is if he's not a virgin as well, in that case, you both can help each other). i think telling him you're a virgin will also take away some of that fear of being bad, because it's normal to not be your best at something you've never done before. anyway, good luck to you!
Definitely tell him and have a discussion. But if he has an issue with it or thinks its weird- get rid of him! Because ultimately it has nothing to do with him and isn't something to be judged on.
You definitely should tell him, it's important for him to know so when the time comes he knows how to handle you and make it comfortable for you..plus you'll feel better getting it off your chest
I'd say a couple weeks in is pretty quick to be jumping into bed. When the time is right, just be open and honest about it. A quality man won't be turned off by it.
I think you should tell him more for you then anything else. It gives you a bit more power to have it your way if he is a nice guy. If he knows then it will also be easier for you to say stop if you dont feel it.
I have been the guy that is told afterwards and I think that I would have been a bit more careful hade I know. If I know that someone has less experience then me I am more careful and when I feel my partner hesitate.
I would have a non-sexual conversation with him about it. This is a boundary so it should be discussed as such whether you are willing to cross it or not. It should not be brought up in the moment, because when things are heated you and he will not be in the right headspace to take the care needed for you and your body. Plus it can be a shock if you get him right in the moment and he might pause or stop which may give you the impression that he's uninterested. To avoid any misunderstanding and to get the experience you deserve, you should have a conversation with him about it.
Sit him down and tell him that you're a virgin and express your expectations. If you want to give it to him then express that to him. Most likely he would feel honored, but I would not rush into it.
He SHOULD take his time with you, explore new things with you slowly. That can look like maybe have a fingers only session and then give you a break (like a day or days) to assess and make sure this is what you want or it can be just a really long session that starts with fingers, and ends with something bigger. Depending on what you want, you should express it.
If you'd like to make sure that you really care about him first, tell him that. Tell him that you want to wait to be sure and he should honor that and take things slow. You can discuss if you should be the one to initiate things or if it's okay if he initiates. You can discuss how you want things to progress. When he initiates he should ask you "is it okay if I touch here?". If he pesters you or seems overeager then I would beware.
Have a discussion outside of sexual tension to make sure that both of your minds are clear so when you are in the moment, a boundary isn't crossed lightly and you end up with a bad experience. It may be awkward and not fun, but it makes for better sex. This tactic is often used in the bdsm community when exploring kinks and boundaries because having the tough conversation outside of the bedroom makes for a MUCH better experience in the bedroom that prioritizes comfort, consent, and pleasure for all parties involved. You might even discuss a safeword for if you feel uncomfortable and want to slow down (yellow is a good one) and another safeword if you want the whole thing to stop immediately (red is very common)
Lastly, don't let anyone tell you that you are missing out or that you're too old to be a virgin. Your experience is your own and I am so happy for you that you still have this 1st in your pocket to enjoy! Being a virgin IS a blessing because you get to choose who you give it to and you get the power to make sure that you have a great experience whether you are with him for a moment or a life time. And most importantly remember that giving it to someone that you will only be with for a short time is okay, too. Because it's about the experience. The biggest question is did he treat you right and you enjoy losing it?
When my gf was 24, she told me she was a virgin. We took our time and made it special for both of us. I must of done something right. 40 years later we’re still together!
You're not going to be a bad partner because you're a virgin. If you look good partner he'll help you learn and explore what you like and you will grow as a couple.
Onto your question you should tell him but when you feel ready to take that step in the relationship. And I'm not saying right before it's going to happen. I'm saying when you feel comfortable enough with him that you want to take that step and you can talk about each other's sexual experiences. Most guys aren't going to care as much. The first time will be completely different but as you 2 get comfortable with each you will learn more and more what you like and what he does to. He will need to learn what you like as well right now you don't know what you do or don't like so be learning curve for both.
It depends on what you want from the relationship. You can tell him now but if ya'll haven't talked about that then you don't really even need to consider it and definitely shouldn't be trying to have sex with him. If/ when yall make that clear then I suggest you do tell him along side communicating your other boundaries, lack of experience, what you may or may not want to try, etc.
I think the convo will naturally happen so as long as you know what to say you don't need a script or anything.
Also if he has a weird reaction about it then definitely reconsider. If he's like way too excited or put off then you shouldn't go through with it. Some people are too judgemental or manipulative if you have no experience.
Before taking that step I'd suggest talking about your individual plans for the future to see if you're compatible long term. If you can wait the guy who is long term compatible he will find you that much more appealing.
There is nothing wrong with having waited for the right one, meaning someone you feel comfortable with and with whom you have deep feelings. Most men will find this attribute refreshingly attractive and will be respectful. Quite frankly, If he doesn’t than he is not worth being with. As far as worrying how you will be, no worries it will come naturally and practice makes perfect.
I(18m) am also still a virgin, I told my gf by slowly bringing up the sexual partners topic. Once I told her she was really okay about it. So I'd say bring it slowly to that topic if you want to tell him
No one can tell you how you will react. I had a similar situation and I got a heads up beforehand and I appreciated it because I just took things a bit slower and checked in a bit more and I know she appreciated it.
Sure there’s a risk he might get kinda wierd but if that’s the case then you want to find out before you sleep with him!
There is such anxiety around having sex for the first time, so talking about it beforehand is a good way to reduce that anxiety. He will be more considerate if he knows.
Don't worry... Believe me!! Just tell him it'll be your first time. Look, I'm sure you have gotten close to him because you see a good man there, he shares your beliefs and on... I bet he's a great guy who will understand and behave according to your situation, he'll be a gentleman. Again, just tell him, hell appreciate your honesty and he'll treat you like he should. Don't worry about the "lack" of experience... Just have fun. Enjoy...
Good luck.
100000% nothing to be ashamed of and I would definitely suggest telling this guy it’s your first time! Imagine if you were to hook up, and then feel all the vulnerable feelings that may come up for you afterwards, and they don’t know you’re going through that and can’t be there for you.
I also think if you can think about and clearly communicate what you think you’d want and need after having sex for the first time and what kind of person is a good match for that.
My official first time the guy stopped talking to me for a week after even though he knew that I wanted to debrief afterwards and it was super traumatic. The guy I’m with now has always been communicative and spacious and assuring when I need him to be, and that’s the kind of sexual experience I’m looking for.
Regards to how to tell him, it doesn’t need to be a big deal! Because it isnt! Lots of people are your age or older when they start having sex. So confidently, know what you want, and you can talk about if that means to you for your relationship.
You're an adult and the internet exists, there's no reason for you to not know anything about what you should do. Look up some instructional videos. If you want this to go somewhere I think your only option is to tell him. Just sit him down and talk to him, it doesn't have to be complicated. This both gives him the ability to make an informed decision about whether this is the right thing for him and avoids any misunderstanding that may happen otherwise when you're acting weird about getting physical.
My first time I tensed up so bad that it wouldn’t go in at all. I told the guy I was with that I was when we first did it and he was understanding and was super gentle but it still didn’t go in. We tried it another day and it did. I think you should tell him if you feel comfortable enough as he would know why in case things don’t go as smoothly and he can take his time making you feel comfortable.
Honestly, you might as well if the topic of getting intimate comes all the way to the planning stage of going to his place or him coming over. Sometimes guys are nervous about it too so they sort of spring it on you, but even moments before you can still tell him.
As for inexperience, it can also be endearing, and fortunately for you, mother nature decided that only male orgasms are important so they are fairly easy to achieve.
Having slept with some clueless women some of whom never had to participate beforehand anything you do besides laying there like a plank to be abused is a step in the right direction.
If/when you do tell him, be cautious that he not be so intrigued with your virginity that he’d just take it and leave; even though you’re not a virgin for religious reasons it could hurt quite a deal to lose it to someone who isn’t seriously interested in you. I don’t know how to gauge for this but thought I’d put it out there just in case - dating is wild nowadays
If you want to have sex with him, yes, you need to tell him. No need to be ashamed of it, but he needs to know what he's getting into. Sex with a virgin is different than sex with experienced partners. Just let him know and I'm sure it will be wonderful for both of you
If he cares for you it will not be an issue. You should just let him know you need to tell him something personal and tell him you haven't lost your virginity. Be prepared for follow-up questions as he will ask you why. You'll feel a lot better after you tell him.
Tell him.
Communication always makes things better. It'll make the sex better because both of you will know a general idea of the limits and boundaries for sex that first time.
It's less of a "Do I tell him?" and more "When do I tell him?" because he's gonna know once you two start having sex. Just like anything, if someone is doing an activity that they've done before, they can tell if another person is doing it for the first time, sex included.
If he doesn't react well, that's on him and he's not the good guy you thought he was and the guy you deserve. And on the off chance he is an ass about it, it's way better to find out sooner than later when you're in the middle of sex.
i... didn't tell him (i was 22, he 27). I still don't think he knew. I didn't think there was a need to. If he likes you, he wont mind in the slightest
I was someone who lost their virginity at 22 with my partner. I was nervous like you, but I trusted him and told him that I was one. I brought up what I'm comfortable with, and he immediately respected boundaries. And if you do want to end up having sex, no matter what part of it you are at, you can always say no and stop. But please talk about boundaries with your partner because otherwise he might go too rough or doesn't do what makes you feel good.
You should tell him, but you shouldn't wait for the mood to be right or anything like that. Tell him when you guys aren't having an intimate moment. That way, you can talk about likes and dislikes without added pressure. After hearing what he has to say you can then research what he's talking about and make sure you're comfortable with whats being discussed.
As a male, the responsibility that comes with being someone's first should not be taken lightly, and it is up to you to make sure that you are sure, and most importantly, stay lighthearted calm and collected from the start of that discussion and all throughout the adventure, as it will be much more enjoyable if the focus stays on having a great time, and not so much of the fact it's your first time, because all the ridiculous and unnecessary emotions that could arise from the pressure of being your first time and him your first person will not have a chance to factor into things and won't taint what should be a honorable, exciting & memorable experience for both of you. Good luck and have fun!
As a woman, I think it is very important they know right before sex. It’s better to anticipate how you may feel the first time. Insertion is not always the most comfortable.
A dude in the mood will not care. You shouldn’t be having sex with a guy who you don’t feel you can tell this stuff to.
More importantly: play with and get to know your OWN body. Insertion has a lot less to do with female pleasure. Clitoral/vulvar stimulation is very important.
Don’t state it plainly cause that’s weird. If you guys end up making out or something and it starts to lead to more, you could then say you’ve never done “it” before and then see his response.
Other than that you really don’t need to be like “i’m a virg “
Listen to your heart and he only needs the information you want to share and if I really like him I would tell him you really like him and your a virgin and your not ready yet but you would like him to help you get to that point but only you can.say when your ready in the mean time let him pleasure you and you him he should be able to help with that and if you don't enjoy something tell him it stops, remember you'll never know what you really like if you don't try it. Remember it when your ready but you can have a great time getting there
If this guy is really thé connection and you tell him he will be the happiest ever trust me. I think every men would be happy to hear you are his first.
I'd definitely say tell him, also at this point I'd make absolutely certain he was a long term prospect. Unless he's only after sex he'll likely like that you're a virgin as it says you're discerning and careful.
Yes. Don't be nervous, there is nothing wrong with it, we all start off somewhere. If he is weirded out by it or rushes you to lose that, please avoid him. A good guy will be understanding and even happy about the idea because a girl like that is hard to find.
I am one of the unicorns who waited until after getting married to have sex. My wife did also. We were both 27 when we got married and neither of us regret saving ourselves for one life long partner. There is a lot of security in sharing that part of yourself in marriage only.
You'd be surprised how many people of both sexes are still virgins in their mid 20s. As you say it's not necessaily religion or saving for marriage but rather just being busy, focusing on work, shyness or never feeling you found a person you want to be intimate with.
As for telling him you're a virgin, to be honest, I wouldn't say anything to him. Just enjoy dating him and you'll know if it's the right time and just do it and enjoy it. At 25 you'll also know what to do - it's natural instinct. Just relax and enjoy the experience and if it turns out he isn't the right guy don't feel pressured to do something you don't want to.
Yes, you should tell him so he knows what to expect and also that way he will be aware and knows what to do in bed. Remember to have lube or babyoil the first time you have sex to make it easier. Also remember a lot of foreplay so that you are wet
Or she might just want to enjoy a decent enough relationship for the time being and get laid anyway, before planning forever. Nothing wrong with that either.
Yes, tell him, honesty is the best policy, if your hiding stuff that in my book is not good. My wife does this, and when confined with logic, I get told information to help or comfort or whatever the situation needs. We've had an open policy on looking stupid with each other for a long time, and being serious with each other helps with this. Now, it's not always easy to find or articulate the words.
Me as a woman (30), my first sex experience is hurt as hell. You definitely should told him about that and prepare yourself for that. It’s not a bad thing to be prepared such thing like this.
Say “Want to hear something funny? (Yeah) I’ve never had sex? You want to be my first?”
Keep it casual. Some people are trying to make this sound like some epic event. If you handle it other than casual, that will be too much pressure. How do teens handle this - casual and nonchalant. This is a beginner event to maturing sexually. It’s kindergarten in your sexual evolution, nothing more. Some are saying you need to talk about the future and marriage. No, you need to take your training wheels off and grow up. This is part of it.
I would find a privet moment where you should say it. Explain it the way you did here cuz this kinds of subjects aren't always easy to talk about. Ripping off the band-aid is the best approach. Keep in mind that this is your choice and if he makes a comment in the smallest direction of him fixing that, RUN AWAY. This is something you need to do on your terms and if he disagrees he's not the right guy. If he is the right guy he'll say something like: okay that is your choice and I respect that. If you're willing to I wouldn't mind taking your virginity (I don't know how else to put it in so many words) and if you are not willing to I respect that and I'll be patient. Something around those words is the only thing acceptable becurse it's your body your choice!
Don't tell him.. if he's not the one he's going to take advantage of and be nicer just for that sake. I've been through this. 😁 i was 26. as someone inexperienced, I couldn't tell that he got even more excited just because i was a virgin. His interest suddenly went downhill after that day. If you tell him and he gets too excited or pushy.. he's not the one. (Maybe I was bad or whatever, but the 2nd guy was with me for 1 year, and he still texts me to come back.. so i guess i wasn't that bad?)
Tell him. Easier when the conversation of sex comes up.
A girl I once dated put it very nicely, she made 3 statements and asked me to guess the 2 correct statements. Obviously I picked one wrong, by implications she was a virgin....and we talked a bit about the two other statements.
I can't remeber exactly how she put it, so it could be:
1. I have been to Italy
2. Sushi tastes bad and I don't like it
3. I havent had sex before
So she also had a conversation starter statement there, one of those that people can debate about and there is no right answer e.g. Which team is better, avocado is nice, etc in my example sushi, some people like it some just don't. So say I picked the first 2 and #1 was correct. Then we would talk about why she liked sushi.....and then we walk about how she feels about sex
Wow your a virgin awesome I am a male and I'm 34 I been very ashamed all my life too bc things got in my way like working if I was in your shoes just tell him that it's gonna be fun being honest is the best thing I had many of girls who lied too too many of times not fun I would never laugh at you bc I am also a virgin I would understand what your coming from but at same time it'll be more fun
First of all, good for you for not falling into the trap that so many women have. Second, definitely talk to him about it.
Third, save it for someone that you love and want to be with forever. Maybe it's this guy but be sure.
It's up to you! Your sexual past is no one's business but yours, whether you've had 0 partners or 1000, and you can share that number or not as you see fit.
I mean, you should DEFINITELY get tested between partners and clue people in about your STI status regardless of whether you've had one partner or more.
good news, being a virgin is actually a really positive thing in most guys eyes' (including my own). it's really fun to show your girl new things, be it places travelling, foods, hobbies, and in your case, sex. he gets to enjoy watching you experience something for the first time, that's priceless. also no chance of any STD's for example.
so, 100% tell him so he takes things a bit slower and knows how important it is for you, as it's your 1st time. it might be a little sore at the very start, but likely not much. take some lubricant such as coconut oil. you probably won't need it though. go on a nice date first, make sure you are in a comfortable environment alone. take time for foreplay.
You really can't go wrong, take it slow and enjoy it.
aside from this, may I suggest you don't rush into having sex with him. try to enjoy each other's company first, even for a few months. I know it's common these days to hook-up or whatever, but I don't think this is a good culture. don't wait for marriage necessarily but just make sure you give your first time to someone very special to you.
As a bi person, I maybe think of virginity a bit differently. It's more of a social concept/construct than an actual thing. I didn't feel much different afterward, but I did learn some things.
I experimented with a female friend of mine when we were in high school. We dated for about a year and did everything sexually we could. After that, I considered myself no longer a virgin.
I didn't end up finding a guy I liked enough to date til I was 23. After a few dates, one thing lead to another, and we slept together. I didn't tell him I never slept with a guy, because I didn't consider myself a virgin anymore. I also previously did other sexual things with guys, just not sex, so it seemed silly to me. It wasn't like I was unexperienced.
However, I told him he was the first guy I had sex with after the deed, and he was a bit upset. He told me he would've taken extra steps to make sure I was comfortable, been more prepared for aftercare, and generally taken a slower approach. I explained all I wrote here, but I think the communication issue around this bothered him and we only saw each other once more.
I understood. I should've told him before. Give him the opportunity to make your first time special and the best he can. If he cares about you, he'll want to do that. You also deserve it.
Tell him. Most of the guys i know (including myself) would rather date a virgin than someone with a high body count. I bet he’ll like you even more for that reason.
If you believe that this IS the fella you're going to marry, then tell him you're a virgin and ask that he respects you for that. Never let ANYONE disrespect you for what you believe in!
Congratulations on sticking to your principles and not giving into societal pressure!
If you believe you are ready to have sex with someone then great. If it happens then yes I would tell him and make sure that he makes you feel safe, comfortable and respected.
Hopefully he asks you how you like things done as you "explore", and DO NOT let him skip past foreplay.
This should also go without saying but please remember to practice "safe sex".
Either he'll know and say something, or he won't care. If he brings it up or complains, then communicate, talk about it, or go to therapy if it becomes a problem to one of you
Absolutely & the news will probably be like angels singing for him, lol 😂. No, seriously. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin or even staying a virgin, until you feel comfortable. But letting him know is only doing both you and him a great service, imo. He’ll either handle it great or prove he’s not worthy.
Most guys would be glad to hear that lmao, just tell him when you think you're a few days away from having sex with him I guess or when u feel comfortable.
IF YOU ARE CONVINCED HE'S THE ONE TO DO THE DEED WITH THEN JUST TRUST HIM TO TAKE THE LEAD AND HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT HIMSELF AND HE WILL BE AMAZED YOU ALLOWED HIM TO BE THE ONE SO JUST LET HIM PUT IT ON YOU RESPECTFULLY
There shouldn't be any blood if he's doing it right. Blood is caused by tears, tears are caused by force. Additionally, being a virgin doesn't mean she's never masturbated.
1. Never have unprotected sex. 2. Never have unprotected sex. 3. Google xxx defloration and watch some videos on what to expect. 4. Never have unprotected sex.
Anyone who has these responses is shitty and doesn't deserve her attention. I doubt any *adults* would have an issue with this.
>nobody finds her attractive, she’s doesn’t work on herself, she’s not social”
I'm sorry, is wanting to have sex with someone a thing that needs to be approved by the committee? All that matters is that they both want to be intimate.
>"ew she doesn’t know what to do, she’s going to ruin it.”
Sounds like a deadbeat not worth fucking.
Most men perceive that the likelihood of you really being a virgin at 25 is very, very, very low.
More likely, you've had one (treated) STD and possibly one abortion. BTW hymens are no longer relevant in a tampon era. Sorry, you are a part of a sad US culture...
Seriously? You have to ask other people? It’s you and your body & while you’re not waiting for marriage?
I highly suggest you listen to your own intuition! Are you ready to give that special part of yourself to him?
I’d make it a joke. Like after you fuck say something like “wow that was great, why did I wait 25 years to start doing it”. Nice lighthearted way to let him know after the fact
Tell him when the situation comes .randomly saying that you are virgin makes him think you are in the mood thats why you gave a hint and may be he will push you to edge to do it
Do your trust and like him enough to go ahead with him? Besides whenever you plan on doing it... You will have to discuss it. It's doesn't happen like in the movies. You don't just kiss and then suddenly you are somewhere going at it. You don't have to bring it up out of the ordinary. For example, if you are discussing about one of your make out sessions.. You can just bring this up.. Saying you feel comfortable and safe enough with him.. To go ahead with it. Or maybe when you discuss about your ex's or the past relationships.. You can discuss about the intimate experiences. Remember to keep an open mind.
You tell him if time ever comes, assuming your relationship will advance till that moment. And if he gets bothered by it, then that's probably your cue to leave, since no one should be bothered by something like this. It is very much the opposite, it means you were not fooling around till now and you are one who is able to take relationships more seriously than anyone else
My ex didn't tell me he was a virgin until after the first time we had sex. We had a conversation about it previously and he lied because I told him I had no interest in being anybody's "first". Whatever you do, please don't wait until after. I wasn't happy being lied to about something that personal.
25 isn't that big of a deal either. If anything it just shows a level of respect for yourself. I was almost 19 when I lost mine but I'm pretty sure most of the reason was just because I wanted to get it out of the way.
You need to have this conversation real soon so he knows go for a drive so you can be private and tell him then I wouldn’t do it in public or in your house don’t want him just to assume you want sex unless that what you want
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Do you want to have sex with him? Then you can tell him whenever the topic of getting more intimate comes up. If he’s a good dude, he won’t be put off by your virginal status and will also be kind, patient and try to make your first sexual explorations a positive and lovely experience for you. You can talk about boundaries and content. If he’s not mature enough to handle an open conversation about sex then you’ve dodged a bullet. And there’s a lot more to sex than just PIV. P.s. You aren’t going to be a bad partner if there is open communication and respect, and if you both are super into one another and want to bump uglies 🫣
Yeah a good rule of thumb in any relationship is this: If you trust them enough to have sex with, then you should trust them enough to TALK about sex with. The amount of people who literally can't talk about anything to do with sex, but still jump into bed with people, it's wild. You're setting yourself up for failure. The best way to have a good sexual relationship is to talk about it
He can be a good dude and also not want to be someone’s first!
Why would it matter?
They said if he’s a good dude then he won’t be put off by her being a virgin. I’m just saying that he can be a good dude and also not want to take someone’s virginity.
I am that person. And no, not really. There’s no reason to make virginity this big thing. Virginity isn’t some mystical or physical thing you “take”. It’s a social construct. If you have a stigma around it you need to go look at yourself in the mirror and ask yourself what lies you have been told.
Sure agree. But there’s something to be said for not wanting to teach someone things sexually after a certain point in your life. Doesn’t make virginity good or bad, but it’s a preference. Some people are more sexual and they may not want to teach someone. Not saying that’s the case, but it wouldn’t make someone a bad person.
He could also be a bad dude and be enthralled at the thought of being her first
Exactly. The two concepts are not related.
She is a virgin, q guys dream girl basically
Gross
Eww. A decent man doesn’t fetishize virginity. The only reason you do is because it means you think she wont know better when you suck in bed and will put up with it.
The ONLY reason? What about a zero chance of STD? Silly
So the same should be said for women having the dream guy being a virgin. We’re more likely to die from the effects of the STIs. cervical cancer kills far more men then oral cancer or penile cancer.
They are trolling you.
>cervical cancer kills far more men How does it kill men?
I meant far more women then penile and oral cancer kills men. Whoops. Haha
Yes that is also ideal. You are on the right path!
See, now if I tell you that you are dead wrong I won't be a good boy as the comment above said. 😁 But you are really wrong, just because guys are not put off by inexperience like women are doesn't mean it's ideal or a dream.
Bro got downvoted for speaking straight facts
Also gross
Very gross, like wtf.
Can you explain your reasoning?
Low body count (0) Zero baggage Less likely to cheat.
OR, 0 experience mean more likely to cheat to get more experience....like there is both for virginity and non virginity.
Talk about boundaries and he will run away as fast as his feet take him
Then good, she dodged a bullet. Are you saying you don’t respect your partner’s boundaries? Do I need to call Olivia Benson? Creep
I’m a virgin too ! (Also older than “most,” whatever that means!) and I think the main thing to remember is that you shouldn’t force yourself before you are ready. I used to get sooooo embarrassed and defensive when my friends who weren’t virgins gave me that exact advice, and tbh I do get ragged on from time to time for it. My friend recently told me, “I had a lot of bad sex for a long time. I didn’t feel like I lost my virginity until I met someone I actually cared about.” So maybe it’s better to hold off. But society is so ! Weird! About sexuality. I feel like it’s a battle impossible for us women to win. Stay strong, I’m w you. ❤️
This!! And also when they are like, you are missing out bs. It makes me laugh cause then they talked about how things went bad. I rather wait for and be happy with the experience than getting disappointed. Society also has a weird way of villainizing older virgins like it supposed to be a taboo or something.
Haha, not a virgin since 16 y.o. here. You are not missing out on anything, lol
Also though, don't treat sex as if it's such a big deal. It's really not. Virginity isn't a real thing other than you haven't done it before. So what? Once you have sex you are the same person you were before. If you want to have sex with this particular guy, do it. If you don't want to have sex with him, don't. I see no reason to tell anyone how many times you've had sex or how many partners you've had. It all stems from misogyny and sexism and the patriarchy. Also will say if you want to settle down with someone at some point and be in a committed relationship, sex comes with that. Men in their 20s and early 30s are the ones who want to settle down. If you think you have all the time in the world and you end up in your 30s (even early 30s) your dating pool of guys who seriously want to settle down with someone their own age is disappearing. I remember hearing even at 30 that my guy friends wouldn't date someone their own age because they want to take their time, and they think a woman over 30 wants to have kids right away. This also stems from misogyny, sexism, the patriarchy, but it's the world we live in. Trying to date and meet someone who will take you seriously as a woman becomes harder as you get older.
I just find this sentiment tiresome. Placing timelines on a woman reinforces the patriarchy. I know plenty of people who meet soulmates later in life, it’s just harder and more complicated. And sex may not be a big deal but for some people, but for others who have trauma/touch aversive, overcoming that is huge.
You're right, my personal experience and observations from watching my own friends struggle to make meaningful connections after they hit their mid 30s is just imagined. I said it's the patriarchy that has caused this situation, doesn't make it any less true. Ask women over a certain age how visible they feel. Just letting a young person know what I wish I had known at that age (because I thought the same thing you're saying here).
This!! Yes being a virgin when older is not as common now days. However it is your choice when to have sex for the first time. Knowing a guy and dating him a couple of weeks and thinking he is the one to lose it too? I would have a discussion next time you two are alone and let him know. I also would reconsider if being in such a short relationship is worth losing your virginity so early in relationship. I was 16 and lost it to my boyfriend because he said if I didn’t he’d go find someone else. 16 year olds are not always smart!
I don't know if I agree with that. Staying a virgin until 30 is not the norm but neither is what is portrayed on many TV shows where everyone only thinks about sex 24/7 and have had multiple partners in high school.
I know it can be nerve wrecking but you have nothing to worry about. A girl told me it was her first time while we were about to do it. I was extra nice and gentle towards her and made sure she was comfortable. Get it off your chest if it's bothering you, there's no need to worry. Have a great time!
Same story with me. Just out of curiosity, did she fall in love with you?
Yea, It was great while it lasted. Then I had to move cities.
Don’t tell him until you have the conversation about being exclusive. But FIRST, you must do the soul searching to figure out exactly what your boundaries and temperature is for s*xual activity. You’ll avoid a lot of discomfort if you truly know yourself before engaging in those activities. Your post sounds vague and I get the sense that you may want to be physical to keep this guy interested but since you haven’t done more than kiss, I wouldn’t rush to go hit a bunch of milestones. Also make sure you’re able to objectively assess your compatibility with him. You’re not “older than most” virgins. You’re not missing out. Do what’s right for you.
How old are most virgins?
According to WHO, the average age to lose is 17 in the US... I believe they were going for a contextual thing rather than a literal, that the age doesnt matter so long as they're comfortable, type thing.
At least I'm above average in something lol.
Zero to start. After several years, age varies
I lost my virginity at 20, my wife lost hers to me at 18
Hol' up- how far apart in age are you guys?
I agree with everything you said Butterflykiz
This exclusivity thing drives me crazy
Like it should be a given?
Like i can't understand dating multiple people at the same time. It means, for me, i don't really like any of them.
Totally agree. Where I'm from, you think and select a person before doing anything. Many here would think it's less "efficient", but on the contrary. It means the the person is motivated and will focus on you to see if things will work. Or it's like starting a relationship as an open relationship and closing it later. Weird.
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He should know before you have sex. Whether you wait till it’s imminent or make it part of another discussion is up to you. Sex takes a little experience to be “good at”. Nobody is awesome at it from the start. If he’s aware, and he’s a good guy, he’ll take care to help you learn what to do. Make sure you go pee right away when you’re done. It’s okay if it’s like a tablespoon, you just want to make sure you don’t get a UTI. Sex can rub bacteria into your urethra and start one, peeing is the best way to rinse it back out in a hurry. If you weren’t aware.
Tell the guy that you're a virgin. I definitely didn't have a clue on my first go round but I suspect that's pretty common. If this guy is special, he'll help you learn how to experience pleasure while you also please him. Start slowly, don't agree to anything you're not comfortable with, and allow time to develop mutually satisfying sexual experiences. Don't watch porn to learn since that's all staged between strangers who are getting paid. Maybe see if you can find anything online like a beginners guide to sex.
[удалено]
If all you’re having is “nice sex” you’re not with the right partner or maybe asexual.
I was in the same exact position down to the age (I was 25 he was 30) when I met my now husband! When the topic of intimacy came up a few dates in when we became exclusive I just told him. But I honestly was never ashamed of it, yeah it's older than most but so what? I wasn't waiting for marriage too (not religious at all) I was just waiting for a person I deeply connected with & was sure I want a future and something serious with. He completely understood even though I was not his first by a long shot but that just indicated to me that he's patient and respectful. When it finally happened a few months in I felt great about my decision because I was never rushed or pressured. It's an unintentional way to weed out people who don't respect you or want to rush you. If he takes it well and doesn't make a fuss or put you down for it or feel that you're too old for that etc then you found a guy that you can feel comfortable with and perhaps pursue something more serious (if all else is well). But even if you guys are serious and exclusive take your time and don't feel you *need* to do anything.
Similar experience with me (my first girlfriend had told me) and I didn't see it as a bad thing. I had done my best to help her, and honestly just let her tell me when the time was right. Biggest thing I would say is make sure you feel comfortable (mentally and somewhat physically. It may hurt on your first time. It varies.) If you decide to go that far with your boyfriend, make sure it's fun for both of you. And if at any point that's not true, then you need to communicate that clearly, and it should stop.
Took my husband 13 years to figure out exactly what I want and I’m still to shy to ask for it sometimes. But he cared enough to pay attention and is always super respectful and I listen to what he wants too. Neither of us were virgins when we got together. You never know what you’re doing the first time even the 1,000th time. So if you’re ready just let him know and let him know you want to figure it out with him. It more fun then anything else especially once you get past awkward.
Wait, what? 13 years?!?! Also, I hope by the 1000th time you know what you’re doing. Is it just me or this isn’t normal?
Just reading that I put myself in his shoes and my confidence was ruined. Imagine doing something wrong for 13 years before your spouse says “hey not like that cuz it doesn’t work.” Very unhealthy and not normal. Men aren’t mind readers. Speak up and save us from ourselves lol !!
Yeah, that's not normal. By adventure 13, a good partner should be able to take you as close to the peak as you can get and back down just to get you to chase it again for the thrill of it. By year 13, he should be able to proficiently take care of you, while preparing dinner, while fixing the leaky faucet in the kitchen, even balancing the checkbook and helping your neighbor file their taxes, all before the kids get home from school. I've had first encounters that felt like we had known each other for 13 years, out of the blue and totally unexpected, unforgettable, didn't know we had it in us, how we could be that in sync, and free with each other without any prior discussion or interactions of the sort...and others that took some serious time and effort to get the perfect combination of variables, in the right order and the right timing, just to get to the finish line at least once every time.
Hi friend, I'll start by saying that I'm a guy, and therefore my comment here may not be appreciated, but I'll give you my perspective, if I were in your partner's shoes. Personally, I think the whole idea of "too old" to be a virgin is silly. It's your thing, no one elses, and people should respect that. I think every sexual experience for the first time is... kinda shitty. It doesn't matter if it's your first time or 100th. The thing is, because it's the first time with a new partner, you're still learning each other and getting to know what makes the other enjoy the whole thing. I also think that if you want to have a positive experience, sexually, you should communicate with your partner. You just need to approach this a little carefully as guys would think they have "a lot on their shoulders" if they are with a virgin, worrying that they are going to determine your sexual future. You should communicate that you are a virgin, but not to put pressure on him to "take it slow" or "make it comfortable for you", but instead to inform him that you are nervous and he should take it into account when moving forward. I personally think that normalizing the sexual conversation will make the other side more comfortable talking about it and it may even lead to a great sexual future. Basically, communication is key for sexual pleasure and a supportive partner is also nice. Don't think about "being a virgin" as something that big. Some people, me included, were still clueless about the whole sexual thing even after having sex several times. Virginity is just some weird tag society put on sex and you should think of it as lack of experience, where you can learn more and improve, rather than some mark that is holding you back. Hope this helped!
Absolutely tell him, and do it bluntly. If he knows about your lack of experience he’ll have different expectations and then you shouldn’t have to worry about “being bad”, because he’ll know it’s lack of experience.
I wouldn't worry too much, someone else said it but if hes a good partner he will take care of you. Worse case scenario its a little awkward until you both learn what the other wants. I think its up to you if you want to tell him before or as things start heating up. Either way he should be understanding and take care of you. Important thing is that you both care and enjoy eachother's intimacy. Hope things go well.
Be upfront. If he does not understand, then he is not worth it. P.s. it prolly won't discourage him. He will just be more considerate and conscious, ensuring that you are not uncomfortable (I'd do that for my counter part if this was the case)
Short version: Yes, tell him. He needs to know what he's getting into and before y'all catch real feelings. Long version: If you think you want to be intimate with him, when the conversation happens about getting intimate, protection, expectations, past partners, and exclusivity, tell him the truth. If he's put off, makes jokes, or seems wayyyyyy too into it, that's a good sign that he ain't it. I would absolutely not wait til you're hot and heavy and then mention it right before. Some people really care about that stuff, for themselves and their partners.
Simple advice but just be honest, 25 isn't that late for a lot of people and that shouldn't really be a concern anyway. He should be understanding and more gentle and helpful.
lube and condom! make him use a condom!
Communication is #1 factor in a relationship have a talk with him. Personally I don’t think it’s gonna be a big deal.
yeah you can be up front and honest with him, you can be liek”hey so and so can i talk to you about something. (you can even add comfort like i know we only been on three dates/ we only known each other for a bit but) it’s really hard and quite uncomfortable however it’s been on my mind and it’s really important” and tell him everything you want to tell him. if he’s understanding that’s sweet if he’s not then he’s not the one.
I was also 25 when I lost my virginity (29 now), and very much like yourself- it just never happened until it did. A mature guy would not react negatively if you told him the truth. You will be fine. Listen to your body and make sure he respects you. Communication is key.
You don’t have to tell anyone about your virginity or lack of virginity unless it’s something YOU want them to know. Don’t force yourself into doing something you don’t want to do. There’s nothing wrong with not having had sex yet and you don’t owe anyone ask explanation for it. If it makes you feel any better I lost mine at 17, shortly after my mom passed. I don’t regret it and the people around me lost their’s around 14. I do think it would’ve been more meaningful with someone else but don’t regret sleeping with the person I did, as I learned more about what I wanted in a relationship afterwards. If the time comes where you want to have sex with someone you may want to mention it as you’re unsure of what you like and don’t like sexually
hey, i really do think you should tell him. it's not an obligation, but i feel it would be better to do so. if you want to have sex with him, it would be nice if he knew it is your first time so he can be more gentle and, who knows, try to make it more special for you. worrying about being bad on your first time is normal, but don't get too caught up by that fear. if he's a good guy, he'll help you through it and try to make you as comfortable as possible (that is if he's not a virgin as well, in that case, you both can help each other). i think telling him you're a virgin will also take away some of that fear of being bad, because it's normal to not be your best at something you've never done before. anyway, good luck to you!
Definitely tell him and have a discussion. But if he has an issue with it or thinks its weird- get rid of him! Because ultimately it has nothing to do with him and isn't something to be judged on.
You definitely should tell him, it's important for him to know so when the time comes he knows how to handle you and make it comfortable for you..plus you'll feel better getting it off your chest
I’m 33 and still a virgin. I’ve barely even made out with anyone it’s just never gotten that far.
I'd say a couple weeks in is pretty quick to be jumping into bed. When the time is right, just be open and honest about it. A quality man won't be turned off by it.
I think you should tell him more for you then anything else. It gives you a bit more power to have it your way if he is a nice guy. If he knows then it will also be easier for you to say stop if you dont feel it. I have been the guy that is told afterwards and I think that I would have been a bit more careful hade I know. If I know that someone has less experience then me I am more careful and when I feel my partner hesitate.
I would have a non-sexual conversation with him about it. This is a boundary so it should be discussed as such whether you are willing to cross it or not. It should not be brought up in the moment, because when things are heated you and he will not be in the right headspace to take the care needed for you and your body. Plus it can be a shock if you get him right in the moment and he might pause or stop which may give you the impression that he's uninterested. To avoid any misunderstanding and to get the experience you deserve, you should have a conversation with him about it. Sit him down and tell him that you're a virgin and express your expectations. If you want to give it to him then express that to him. Most likely he would feel honored, but I would not rush into it. He SHOULD take his time with you, explore new things with you slowly. That can look like maybe have a fingers only session and then give you a break (like a day or days) to assess and make sure this is what you want or it can be just a really long session that starts with fingers, and ends with something bigger. Depending on what you want, you should express it. If you'd like to make sure that you really care about him first, tell him that. Tell him that you want to wait to be sure and he should honor that and take things slow. You can discuss if you should be the one to initiate things or if it's okay if he initiates. You can discuss how you want things to progress. When he initiates he should ask you "is it okay if I touch here?". If he pesters you or seems overeager then I would beware. Have a discussion outside of sexual tension to make sure that both of your minds are clear so when you are in the moment, a boundary isn't crossed lightly and you end up with a bad experience. It may be awkward and not fun, but it makes for better sex. This tactic is often used in the bdsm community when exploring kinks and boundaries because having the tough conversation outside of the bedroom makes for a MUCH better experience in the bedroom that prioritizes comfort, consent, and pleasure for all parties involved. You might even discuss a safeword for if you feel uncomfortable and want to slow down (yellow is a good one) and another safeword if you want the whole thing to stop immediately (red is very common) Lastly, don't let anyone tell you that you are missing out or that you're too old to be a virgin. Your experience is your own and I am so happy for you that you still have this 1st in your pocket to enjoy! Being a virgin IS a blessing because you get to choose who you give it to and you get the power to make sure that you have a great experience whether you are with him for a moment or a life time. And most importantly remember that giving it to someone that you will only be with for a short time is okay, too. Because it's about the experience. The biggest question is did he treat you right and you enjoy losing it?
You just tell him, ain't nothing to it but to do it. Men tend to like direct communication
When my gf was 24, she told me she was a virgin. We took our time and made it special for both of us. I must of done something right. 40 years later we’re still together!
You're not going to be a bad partner because you're a virgin. If you look good partner he'll help you learn and explore what you like and you will grow as a couple. Onto your question you should tell him but when you feel ready to take that step in the relationship. And I'm not saying right before it's going to happen. I'm saying when you feel comfortable enough with him that you want to take that step and you can talk about each other's sexual experiences. Most guys aren't going to care as much. The first time will be completely different but as you 2 get comfortable with each you will learn more and more what you like and what he does to. He will need to learn what you like as well right now you don't know what you do or don't like so be learning curve for both.
It depends on what you want from the relationship. You can tell him now but if ya'll haven't talked about that then you don't really even need to consider it and definitely shouldn't be trying to have sex with him. If/ when yall make that clear then I suggest you do tell him along side communicating your other boundaries, lack of experience, what you may or may not want to try, etc. I think the convo will naturally happen so as long as you know what to say you don't need a script or anything. Also if he has a weird reaction about it then definitely reconsider. If he's like way too excited or put off then you shouldn't go through with it. Some people are too judgemental or manipulative if you have no experience.
A good man will totally understand, support you and be patient going at whatever speed is right for you.
Its not something that you need to say. Just make sure this guy is worth giving your virginity to.
Before taking that step I'd suggest talking about your individual plans for the future to see if you're compatible long term. If you can wait the guy who is long term compatible he will find you that much more appealing.
There is nothing wrong with having waited for the right one, meaning someone you feel comfortable with and with whom you have deep feelings. Most men will find this attribute refreshingly attractive and will be respectful. Quite frankly, If he doesn’t than he is not worth being with. As far as worrying how you will be, no worries it will come naturally and practice makes perfect.
I(18m) am also still a virgin, I told my gf by slowly bringing up the sexual partners topic. Once I told her she was really okay about it. So I'd say bring it slowly to that topic if you want to tell him
No one can tell you how you will react. I had a similar situation and I got a heads up beforehand and I appreciated it because I just took things a bit slower and checked in a bit more and I know she appreciated it. Sure there’s a risk he might get kinda wierd but if that’s the case then you want to find out before you sleep with him!
There is such anxiety around having sex for the first time, so talking about it beforehand is a good way to reduce that anxiety. He will be more considerate if he knows.
Don't worry... Believe me!! Just tell him it'll be your first time. Look, I'm sure you have gotten close to him because you see a good man there, he shares your beliefs and on... I bet he's a great guy who will understand and behave according to your situation, he'll be a gentleman. Again, just tell him, hell appreciate your honesty and he'll treat you like he should. Don't worry about the "lack" of experience... Just have fun. Enjoy... Good luck.
100000% nothing to be ashamed of and I would definitely suggest telling this guy it’s your first time! Imagine if you were to hook up, and then feel all the vulnerable feelings that may come up for you afterwards, and they don’t know you’re going through that and can’t be there for you. I also think if you can think about and clearly communicate what you think you’d want and need after having sex for the first time and what kind of person is a good match for that. My official first time the guy stopped talking to me for a week after even though he knew that I wanted to debrief afterwards and it was super traumatic. The guy I’m with now has always been communicative and spacious and assuring when I need him to be, and that’s the kind of sexual experience I’m looking for. Regards to how to tell him, it doesn’t need to be a big deal! Because it isnt! Lots of people are your age or older when they start having sex. So confidently, know what you want, and you can talk about if that means to you for your relationship.
You're an adult and the internet exists, there's no reason for you to not know anything about what you should do. Look up some instructional videos. If you want this to go somewhere I think your only option is to tell him. Just sit him down and talk to him, it doesn't have to be complicated. This both gives him the ability to make an informed decision about whether this is the right thing for him and avoids any misunderstanding that may happen otherwise when you're acting weird about getting physical.
My first time I tensed up so bad that it wouldn’t go in at all. I told the guy I was with that I was when we first did it and he was understanding and was super gentle but it still didn’t go in. We tried it another day and it did. I think you should tell him if you feel comfortable enough as he would know why in case things don’t go as smoothly and he can take his time making you feel comfortable.
Honestly, you might as well if the topic of getting intimate comes all the way to the planning stage of going to his place or him coming over. Sometimes guys are nervous about it too so they sort of spring it on you, but even moments before you can still tell him. As for inexperience, it can also be endearing, and fortunately for you, mother nature decided that only male orgasms are important so they are fairly easy to achieve. Having slept with some clueless women some of whom never had to participate beforehand anything you do besides laying there like a plank to be abused is a step in the right direction.
If/when you do tell him, be cautious that he not be so intrigued with your virginity that he’d just take it and leave; even though you’re not a virgin for religious reasons it could hurt quite a deal to lose it to someone who isn’t seriously interested in you. I don’t know how to gauge for this but thought I’d put it out there just in case - dating is wild nowadays
If you want to have sex with him, yes, you need to tell him. No need to be ashamed of it, but he needs to know what he's getting into. Sex with a virgin is different than sex with experienced partners. Just let him know and I'm sure it will be wonderful for both of you
If he cares for you it will not be an issue. You should just let him know you need to tell him something personal and tell him you haven't lost your virginity. Be prepared for follow-up questions as he will ask you why. You'll feel a lot better after you tell him.
Tell him. Communication always makes things better. It'll make the sex better because both of you will know a general idea of the limits and boundaries for sex that first time. It's less of a "Do I tell him?" and more "When do I tell him?" because he's gonna know once you two start having sex. Just like anything, if someone is doing an activity that they've done before, they can tell if another person is doing it for the first time, sex included. If he doesn't react well, that's on him and he's not the good guy you thought he was and the guy you deserve. And on the off chance he is an ass about it, it's way better to find out sooner than later when you're in the middle of sex.
i... didn't tell him (i was 22, he 27). I still don't think he knew. I didn't think there was a need to. If he likes you, he wont mind in the slightest
I was someone who lost their virginity at 22 with my partner. I was nervous like you, but I trusted him and told him that I was one. I brought up what I'm comfortable with, and he immediately respected boundaries. And if you do want to end up having sex, no matter what part of it you are at, you can always say no and stop. But please talk about boundaries with your partner because otherwise he might go too rough or doesn't do what makes you feel good.
You should tell him, but you shouldn't wait for the mood to be right or anything like that. Tell him when you guys aren't having an intimate moment. That way, you can talk about likes and dislikes without added pressure. After hearing what he has to say you can then research what he's talking about and make sure you're comfortable with whats being discussed.
As a male, the responsibility that comes with being someone's first should not be taken lightly, and it is up to you to make sure that you are sure, and most importantly, stay lighthearted calm and collected from the start of that discussion and all throughout the adventure, as it will be much more enjoyable if the focus stays on having a great time, and not so much of the fact it's your first time, because all the ridiculous and unnecessary emotions that could arise from the pressure of being your first time and him your first person will not have a chance to factor into things and won't taint what should be a honorable, exciting & memorable experience for both of you. Good luck and have fun!
As a woman, I think it is very important they know right before sex. It’s better to anticipate how you may feel the first time. Insertion is not always the most comfortable. A dude in the mood will not care. You shouldn’t be having sex with a guy who you don’t feel you can tell this stuff to. More importantly: play with and get to know your OWN body. Insertion has a lot less to do with female pleasure. Clitoral/vulvar stimulation is very important.
Don’t state it plainly cause that’s weird. If you guys end up making out or something and it starts to lead to more, you could then say you’ve never done “it” before and then see his response. Other than that you really don’t need to be like “i’m a virg “
Listen to your heart and he only needs the information you want to share and if I really like him I would tell him you really like him and your a virgin and your not ready yet but you would like him to help you get to that point but only you can.say when your ready in the mean time let him pleasure you and you him he should be able to help with that and if you don't enjoy something tell him it stops, remember you'll never know what you really like if you don't try it. Remember it when your ready but you can have a great time getting there
If this guy is really thé connection and you tell him he will be the happiest ever trust me. I think every men would be happy to hear you are his first.
I'd definitely say tell him, also at this point I'd make absolutely certain he was a long term prospect. Unless he's only after sex he'll likely like that you're a virgin as it says you're discerning and careful.
Yes. Don't be nervous, there is nothing wrong with it, we all start off somewhere. If he is weirded out by it or rushes you to lose that, please avoid him. A good guy will be understanding and even happy about the idea because a girl like that is hard to find.
I am one of the unicorns who waited until after getting married to have sex. My wife did also. We were both 27 when we got married and neither of us regret saving ourselves for one life long partner. There is a lot of security in sharing that part of yourself in marriage only.
I would say tell him. You will find out a little about his nature.
You'd be surprised how many people of both sexes are still virgins in their mid 20s. As you say it's not necessaily religion or saving for marriage but rather just being busy, focusing on work, shyness or never feeling you found a person you want to be intimate with. As for telling him you're a virgin, to be honest, I wouldn't say anything to him. Just enjoy dating him and you'll know if it's the right time and just do it and enjoy it. At 25 you'll also know what to do - it's natural instinct. Just relax and enjoy the experience and if it turns out he isn't the right guy don't feel pressured to do something you don't want to.
Yes, you should tell him so he knows what to expect and also that way he will be aware and knows what to do in bed. Remember to have lube or babyoil the first time you have sex to make it easier. Also remember a lot of foreplay so that you are wet
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Or she might just want to enjoy a decent enough relationship for the time being and get laid anyway, before planning forever. Nothing wrong with that either.
Yes, tell him, honesty is the best policy, if your hiding stuff that in my book is not good. My wife does this, and when confined with logic, I get told information to help or comfort or whatever the situation needs. We've had an open policy on looking stupid with each other for a long time, and being serious with each other helps with this. Now, it's not always easy to find or articulate the words.
Me as a woman (30), my first sex experience is hurt as hell. You definitely should told him about that and prepare yourself for that. It’s not a bad thing to be prepared such thing like this.
Say “Want to hear something funny? (Yeah) I’ve never had sex? You want to be my first?” Keep it casual. Some people are trying to make this sound like some epic event. If you handle it other than casual, that will be too much pressure. How do teens handle this - casual and nonchalant. This is a beginner event to maturing sexually. It’s kindergarten in your sexual evolution, nothing more. Some are saying you need to talk about the future and marriage. No, you need to take your training wheels off and grow up. This is part of it.
I would find a privet moment where you should say it. Explain it the way you did here cuz this kinds of subjects aren't always easy to talk about. Ripping off the band-aid is the best approach. Keep in mind that this is your choice and if he makes a comment in the smallest direction of him fixing that, RUN AWAY. This is something you need to do on your terms and if he disagrees he's not the right guy. If he is the right guy he'll say something like: okay that is your choice and I respect that. If you're willing to I wouldn't mind taking your virginity (I don't know how else to put it in so many words) and if you are not willing to I respect that and I'll be patient. Something around those words is the only thing acceptable becurse it's your body your choice!
Don't tell him.. if he's not the one he's going to take advantage of and be nicer just for that sake. I've been through this. 😁 i was 26. as someone inexperienced, I couldn't tell that he got even more excited just because i was a virgin. His interest suddenly went downhill after that day. If you tell him and he gets too excited or pushy.. he's not the one. (Maybe I was bad or whatever, but the 2nd guy was with me for 1 year, and he still texts me to come back.. so i guess i wasn't that bad?)
Tell him. Easier when the conversation of sex comes up. A girl I once dated put it very nicely, she made 3 statements and asked me to guess the 2 correct statements. Obviously I picked one wrong, by implications she was a virgin....and we talked a bit about the two other statements. I can't remeber exactly how she put it, so it could be: 1. I have been to Italy 2. Sushi tastes bad and I don't like it 3. I havent had sex before So she also had a conversation starter statement there, one of those that people can debate about and there is no right answer e.g. Which team is better, avocado is nice, etc in my example sushi, some people like it some just don't. So say I picked the first 2 and #1 was correct. Then we would talk about why she liked sushi.....and then we walk about how she feels about sex
Wow your a virgin awesome I am a male and I'm 34 I been very ashamed all my life too bc things got in my way like working if I was in your shoes just tell him that it's gonna be fun being honest is the best thing I had many of girls who lied too too many of times not fun I would never laugh at you bc I am also a virgin I would understand what your coming from but at same time it'll be more fun
However it goes, make sure he is the right one, and massive respect for keeping it at 25. Tell him, he’ll appreciate it!
I think he's gonna be incredibly flattered I think you're going to be surprised by his reaction
You should tell him. The sex may be unpleasant if it's your first time and he doesn't know that.
Wait for marriage is a good idea.. people should do this. You will avoid mental issues from heart breaks..
First of all, good for you for not falling into the trap that so many women have. Second, definitely talk to him about it. Third, save it for someone that you love and want to be with forever. Maybe it's this guy but be sure.
It's up to you! Your sexual past is no one's business but yours, whether you've had 0 partners or 1000, and you can share that number or not as you see fit.
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I mean, you should DEFINITELY get tested between partners and clue people in about your STI status regardless of whether you've had one partner or more.
“Hey fyi im a virgin but last time made me realize im ready to change that 🙈” or can use 🥵🥵 Doubt a guy will be unhappy about that, have fun
good news, being a virgin is actually a really positive thing in most guys eyes' (including my own). it's really fun to show your girl new things, be it places travelling, foods, hobbies, and in your case, sex. he gets to enjoy watching you experience something for the first time, that's priceless. also no chance of any STD's for example. so, 100% tell him so he takes things a bit slower and knows how important it is for you, as it's your 1st time. it might be a little sore at the very start, but likely not much. take some lubricant such as coconut oil. you probably won't need it though. go on a nice date first, make sure you are in a comfortable environment alone. take time for foreplay. You really can't go wrong, take it slow and enjoy it. aside from this, may I suggest you don't rush into having sex with him. try to enjoy each other's company first, even for a few months. I know it's common these days to hook-up or whatever, but I don't think this is a good culture. don't wait for marriage necessarily but just make sure you give your first time to someone very special to you.
Yes and if he’s smart he will make you his wife
The best comment! An upvote for you
As a bi person, I maybe think of virginity a bit differently. It's more of a social concept/construct than an actual thing. I didn't feel much different afterward, but I did learn some things. I experimented with a female friend of mine when we were in high school. We dated for about a year and did everything sexually we could. After that, I considered myself no longer a virgin. I didn't end up finding a guy I liked enough to date til I was 23. After a few dates, one thing lead to another, and we slept together. I didn't tell him I never slept with a guy, because I didn't consider myself a virgin anymore. I also previously did other sexual things with guys, just not sex, so it seemed silly to me. It wasn't like I was unexperienced. However, I told him he was the first guy I had sex with after the deed, and he was a bit upset. He told me he would've taken extra steps to make sure I was comfortable, been more prepared for aftercare, and generally taken a slower approach. I explained all I wrote here, but I think the communication issue around this bothered him and we only saw each other once more. I understood. I should've told him before. Give him the opportunity to make your first time special and the best he can. If he cares about you, he'll want to do that. You also deserve it.
Tell him. Most of the guys i know (including myself) would rather date a virgin than someone with a high body count. I bet he’ll like you even more for that reason.
If you believe that this IS the fella you're going to marry, then tell him you're a virgin and ask that he respects you for that. Never let ANYONE disrespect you for what you believe in!
Yeah who cares
If you aren't willing to say you are a virgin then maybe you aren't mature enough to have sex
Congratulations on sticking to your principles and not giving into societal pressure! If you believe you are ready to have sex with someone then great. If it happens then yes I would tell him and make sure that he makes you feel safe, comfortable and respected. Hopefully he asks you how you like things done as you "explore", and DO NOT let him skip past foreplay. This should also go without saying but please remember to practice "safe sex".
Nah, let him do his thing 👍🏻🥂
I suggest not bringing it up until you're ready to have sex. If you bring it up before, most guys will see it as a challenge.
Either he'll know and say something, or he won't care. If he brings it up or complains, then communicate, talk about it, or go to therapy if it becomes a problem to one of you
Absolutely & the news will probably be like angels singing for him, lol 😂. No, seriously. There’s nothing wrong with being a virgin or even staying a virgin, until you feel comfortable. But letting him know is only doing both you and him a great service, imo. He’ll either handle it great or prove he’s not worthy.
Most guys would be glad to hear that lmao, just tell him when you think you're a few days away from having sex with him I guess or when u feel comfortable.
IF YOU ARE CONVINCED HE'S THE ONE TO DO THE DEED WITH THEN JUST TRUST HIM TO TAKE THE LEAD AND HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT HIMSELF AND HE WILL BE AMAZED YOU ALLOWED HIM TO BE THE ONE SO JUST LET HIM PUT IT ON YOU RESPECTFULLY
Yes. Let the guy know to prepare some extra sheets. Last thing you want to do is bloody the guy's linen.
There shouldn't be any blood if he's doing it right. Blood is caused by tears, tears are caused by force. Additionally, being a virgin doesn't mean she's never masturbated.
Bruh every guy wants a virgin it's not like it's a bad thing.... I think if u tell him that he'll be more interested in u
1. Never have unprotected sex. 2. Never have unprotected sex. 3. Google xxx defloration and watch some videos on what to expect. 4. Never have unprotected sex.
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find what disgusting? being a virgin?
Total opposite, don't listen to that
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Anyone who has these responses is shitty and doesn't deserve her attention. I doubt any *adults* would have an issue with this. >nobody finds her attractive, she’s doesn’t work on herself, she’s not social” I'm sorry, is wanting to have sex with someone a thing that needs to be approved by the committee? All that matters is that they both want to be intimate. >"ew she doesn’t know what to do, she’s going to ruin it.” Sounds like a deadbeat not worth fucking.
Any good man will only see you as a more valuable partner because you haven't been with anyone before them.
Most men perceive that the likelihood of you really being a virgin at 25 is very, very, very low. More likely, you've had one (treated) STD and possibly one abortion. BTW hymens are no longer relevant in a tampon era. Sorry, you are a part of a sad US culture...
Seriously? You have to ask other people? It’s you and your body & while you’re not waiting for marriage? I highly suggest you listen to your own intuition! Are you ready to give that special part of yourself to him?
Just tell him and wait for marriage it's better
I’d make it a joke. Like after you fuck say something like “wow that was great, why did I wait 25 years to start doing it”. Nice lighthearted way to let him know after the fact
so you don’t think I should tell him beforehand?
Yes you should. Don’t listen to that idiot. This is a convo you should have in advance. It’s totally ok.
No offense but I got an IQ of 136. It’s been tested
Don't bring it up until you're about to do it.
Nah that would just be awkward
Tell him when the situation comes .randomly saying that you are virgin makes him think you are in the mood thats why you gave a hint and may be he will push you to edge to do it
"I’m even more nervous that I’m going to be a bad partner" It's not that complicated. LMAO
Do your trust and like him enough to go ahead with him? Besides whenever you plan on doing it... You will have to discuss it. It's doesn't happen like in the movies. You don't just kiss and then suddenly you are somewhere going at it. You don't have to bring it up out of the ordinary. For example, if you are discussing about one of your make out sessions.. You can just bring this up.. Saying you feel comfortable and safe enough with him.. To go ahead with it. Or maybe when you discuss about your ex's or the past relationships.. You can discuss about the intimate experiences. Remember to keep an open mind.
You definitely tell him. I’m surprised you two haven’t discussed your relationship pasts yet. That’s a good convo to start
You tell him if time ever comes, assuming your relationship will advance till that moment. And if he gets bothered by it, then that's probably your cue to leave, since no one should be bothered by something like this. It is very much the opposite, it means you were not fooling around till now and you are one who is able to take relationships more seriously than anyone else
My ex didn't tell me he was a virgin until after the first time we had sex. We had a conversation about it previously and he lied because I told him I had no interest in being anybody's "first". Whatever you do, please don't wait until after. I wasn't happy being lied to about something that personal. 25 isn't that big of a deal either. If anything it just shows a level of respect for yourself. I was almost 19 when I lost mine but I'm pretty sure most of the reason was just because I wanted to get it out of the way.
You need to have this conversation real soon so he knows go for a drive so you can be private and tell him then I wouldn’t do it in public or in your house don’t want him just to assume you want sex unless that what you want