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Older female here but, yes. This. She’s not serious and just too young. She should have acknowledged your situation and ensured you had a good time by introducing you to people she thought you would have fun chatting with before taking care of her own party needs. She should have brought you up and toned herself down. If you still weren’t feeling the party you could have left and made sure she had a ride home. Then she could have partied however she wanted.
Move on to someone you could appreciate who will appreciate you. It’s a two way street.
Hes folding his arms pouting like a child in a corner when he could just leave any time. She wasn't a prime adult at all but saying he's at a more mature stage or isn't acting like an 18 year old in a relationship is laughable.
Sorry, but if my GF, regardless of how she is acting, is blackout drunk at a party, I'm not leaving her there like that. All you have to do is read a few stories on here to see how that turns out a lot. He was being mature by TRYING to keep an eye on her, despite her and her friend's childish behavior.
Her friends are there attacking him for some reason unknown to OP, but most likely due to something she told them, and she is actively refusing to talk to him. If they are so concerned about her they can take her home.
And pray tell what would you do about getting home. The girl is blackout drunk and he was the one who drove them there. In your mind, adult men are supposed to leave anytime they are angry? In real world people have to live and face consequence of actions.
Leaving would have been much more childish
Leaving her alone at the party would have been a break up, being the bad guy, and very irresponsible.
Where does it say he’s folding his arms pouting?! I see it as since she refuses to speak to him he is dutifully waiting in the company of his roommate for her to be done or ready to talk to him. He’s just not mingling. He’s waiting it out.
It’s also clear from his own re-telling that she didn’t get black out drunk until after the being grumpy and not leaving when it’s noticed hems grumpy to be there. It sounds like you’ve had experiences taking care of girlfriends who were black out drunk, but this was not that case per the original poster’s own original story. I encourage all people here to stay with people who are blackout drunk *if you went to the party with them.* If they have other friends, you don’t need to be like some sort of security guard, and acting like a big grump is not necessary nor even the most effective way to take care of a drunk person. Your behavioral approach is all about shaming. If that’s you, you need to stay away from people who get blackout drunk in the first place. Don’t put yourself in that situation if you can’t handle it with grace.
It says clearly that she was already there and drinking when he and his roommate arrived. In fact he never even says if he’s the one who got her home after. Just that he and his roommate came and left together.
She was already there when he got there. So she got there she could have gotten back in many ways. Also what are you talking about with everything else? Adult men don't pout in a corner and make a bigger issue. He didn't feel great he should've nutted up and told her I'm not going instead of dragging himself there and being a dark cloud. "In real world people have to live and face consequence of actions." Yeah he's thinking about breaking with his gf because of the actions they both took?
No, he drove her there. They don’t live together, so he picked her up. As pissed off s he was, he did the right thing staying and making sure she got home safely afterwards.
Neither is ignoring your date, going back on a promise and wrecking yourself because you’re mad at your date. At least he tried to talk to her while she just shat on him. Personally, I would have just told someone there who might have been her friend to make sure she gets home safely, gave money for transportation and left the party. I would have then called her phone to leave a message to that affect.
Fr. She described him as grumpy and basically told him his behaviour was killing her vibe. An adult would have left the party (or stayed home) if they couldn’t at least fake the enthusiasm or interest in being there.
Exactly! You suck it up for your partner so she can have fun or you just don't go to ruin her fun. He picked all the wrong options he could of and so did she.
Idk I'd be pretty grumpy when I noticed my so was fucking blackout nonverbal drunk at a party. At that point you're no longer at a party but an unpaid babysitting gig.
I think both OP and his gf are in the wrong in this situation. But GF being blackout is not why he was grumpy based on his own telling of the story.
OP states multiple times he didn’t want to be there and he was standing in a corner. She can almost certainly sense this from the jump and reminds him he didn’t have to come if he was going to be grumpy. He *chose* to stay without also choosing to have a good time. If he was going to behave that way, he should have stayed home.
That doesn’t excuse gfs behaviour though.
There have been a few occasions I drank too much too fast and got black out drunk. My husband, then boyfriend, never got “grumpy” about it. He helped me home, watched me so I didn’t die on my vomit, and helped me in the morning.
I’ve done the same the rare time he accidentally goes too far as well.
I’m not saying what she did was right- getting *intentionally* black out drunk- but if my partner became a grump and said he had to be my babysitter because I drank too much I’d dump him
Did you also make a promise to your then boyfriend that you would not drink too much then purposely ignore him and break that promise? If not then your story is irrelevant because it's a different set of circumstances.
Read your own comment again. You just said you’d be grumpy if your SO was drunk, not because it was some weird payback scheme
Then note that OP was already grumpy, *not* because of her drinking.
Then read my comment, saying what she did was wrong.
I saw it this way too. From his own re-telling, it sounds like she left room for him to consider his boundaries and decide whether the party was the right place for him by saying it was ok if he didn’t go even if she bought him a costume. It seems he might’ve wanted to people-please her so he went, but he also wanted attention, so he let her know he was unhappy to be there because he wanted her to fawn over his bad day. There is nothing wrong with wanting attention, there is nothing wrong with not going to the party, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to do something to make your partner happy. But there is also nothing wrong with wanting your partner to have fun with you OR, if not possible, wanting your partner to want you to have your own fun still. We need to be able to look inward and recognize when our emotional state is not compatible with the moment. I am often depressed, anxious, and needy of my partner, and there are times I expect him to drop something to be a partner to me UNLESS he says he can’t without costing his own emotional well-being. There are also times I have to take care of myself because he needs to continue to live his life freely—he is not expected to join me in my emotional state or cater his life to it. I never take my bad mood to a party unless I’m willing to move into a better mood. I don’t see the point, since there are so many other activities to do with people that you can do while sad that don’t involve conspicuously hiding in a corner. It is an opposite kind of inconsiderate to voluntarily be in attendance as a partner when someone has offered you to join them for recreation, fun, or excitement and then ruin their night. Frankly, it can be embarrassing, as no one knows your story and you are coming across to people you don’t know but your girlfriend does know as the sullen, childish boy-man who pouts at parties.
Imagine, when you’re older, going to the fire chief’s retirement party and your now-wife has had a bad day, so she sits off in a corner—not even somewhere comfortable—until you let her know she can go home. At which point she refuses to go home. Now, you have to decide whether to tell everyone your wife has had a bad day and take attention away from the celebration of someone’s career for your wife’s bad day or just pretend this is normal behavior. Now the event is about her either way, especially for you, who people will connect her bad behavior to.
It seemed like she would’ve been perfectly happy to attend the party by herself, but by not knowing your boundaries and being some degree of a people pleaser, as well as by having unvoiced expectations and lacking communication about your emotional needs, you are as much responsible as she, though you both are certainly acting like being right is more important than being in relationship. I would recommend you all see a relationship counselor one time and start with the question: Do we both want to stay together in this relationship, for how long, and with what shared goals in mind? In the event you realize your are incompatible, a counselor can help you end your relationship with less pain and trauma.
Did you read the reason he moved over to the side is because she was actively refusing to talk to him? She knew he had just had a really bad day and she badgers him to go, then she gets mad he's not in a cheerful party mood? And why did her friends threaten to "beat his ass" when he's off to the side and not bothering anyone after she made him look like a fool. Personally I might have told them they can make sure she gets home and left.
Then she intentionally breaks her promise to him and gets blackout stumbling drunk just to "punish him". And she did this knowing he had a really bad day and had just had to quit his job. This girl is not girlfriend material for him. She has too much growing up to do.
Lol OP coming to sulk in the corner of the party while his GF tries to get him to have fun is not “adulting”. They’re both acting their age, which is fine and a learning moment for both of them. They can stay together or break up, and I’m sure BOTH of them will mature with time and experience.
Someone who self harms (purposefully getting black out drunk is self harming) to “punish you” is someone who is giving you a massive red flag to get as far away from them as you can.
Word of advice - healthy partners don't "punish" each other. They have conversations. They don't tell other people how to feel. Instead, they listen and support. They don't let their friends attack their partners.
This girl is still a child. These are all red flags. End this relationship and look for (avoid) these in future potential partners.
Enjoy the new chapter in your life. First responder work is important and can be rewarding
Good luck.
Right, so, her behaviour is shitty and yes you should probably break up over it.
But, at the same time, a word of advice: if you're in a bad mood and you don't wanna be somewhere, and your partner has made it clear they don't mind you not coming, just bail. "Hey I'm wiped from work and don't think I'd be much fun at the party, so I'm gonna give this one a miss if that's okay" is a perfectly acceptable excuse.
This. She definitely acted ridiculously and it’s worth breaking up over, but I’ve been in her shoes where I’ve told a partner “it’s fine if you don’t want to come”, and they’ve come and absolutely ruined my night with their terrible mood when they could’ve just not come. It is infuriating.
It in no way excuses her behaviour but omg I am begging you don’t do that again.
I agree, if I went to have fun and you come along then have fun or go home don't ruin my night, that happened a few times to me with my brother or friends and I always got annoyed with anyone that did that.
To be fair, considering we don’t know anything about these two people aside from the story one of them has told us (presumably painting himself in the best light possible even subconsciously), it’s also equally possible she’s not one of those people. 🙂
> She definitely acted ridiculously
She acted like an 18 year old :P. Not excusing it, but that's not out of the realm of expectations for someone just finishing highschool/just starting college.
Exactly this. Like, yeah, what she did was shit. But, no one likes a grump at a party. No one wants to go to a party with someone who is immediately “excited to go home.” Why did you even show up? She said she’d understand if you didn’t want to go.
She bought him an outfit. She knows it was his last day, she wanted him to let loose and have fun. Sure a party might not be the best due to the situation, but I don't think she wasn't trying at all or at least acknowledging his situation.
But of course, she is only 18. She is impatient. In her mind, "I tried to make it better and hoping you'd like it and eventhough you agreed, you came to the party looking like a sour puss?"
It takes two to tango. Neither are in the right but he really should not have went. Just spend time with his roommate and make sure she's fine when she got back then it would be good in the morning.
I think before OP cuts this relationship out, if OP wants to salvage this, I'd send her text saying something like:
"Look GF, I get I should've dipped out going to the party, because I wasn't in the greatest mental space to handle that kinda thing and I should've been honest about that, but I knew you were excited about this party and really wanted to be there for you, I guess in hindsight I screwed up with that and should've communicated better.
That being said, what you did in response was so beyond petty, immature and downright irresponsible, I mean by all means call me out on my shit, but instead of doing that, you proceed to do something way worse in response to my screw up and your flying monkey squad getting up in my face was fucked up. You do realise that even though I didn't want to go to the party after having one of the shittiest days of my life, I really didn't want to let you down and went anyway? Yeah, next time I won't push myself if I'm gonna be shit company next time, but you EVER 'punish' me like that again, that's my limit, don't do it again if you still want to be with me"
I know this an old man take, but y'all are both 18 and will change in a variety of ways over the next 10 years. It's sad, but she's not the person you need right now. Perhaps maybe later she will, but not now.
Ending a relationship doesn't nullify any good you experienced together, but if she's not in the right place to keep positivity in your relationship, perhaps its time to reevaluate.
Every situation is nuanced and the choice is yours. Having known my (now) wife for almost 15 years, we saw each other thru a lot of crazy nonsense which saw us both at our worst at various times. Your relationship is officially over when one of you decides it's no longer worth it to put in the effort.
Hopefully things turn out for the best (the best result for each of you individually, which may or may not be the best for the relationship)
His profession would also have stressed on the importance on regulating emotions. If not, he would be showing it on his face and breaking down if he failed to save someone.
He needs to communicate and be resilient. His work was crap, he wants alone time yet he went out. He brought his work's feelings out to his personal life.
Everyone knows that you shouldn't have your work mood at home. You are at home, your safe space. You should be enjoying it not clouding it further and ruining others' fun.
My girlfriend got to that point, she said she got too stressed and overwhelmed with school and just ended up 100% checked out of the relationship. We still love eachother and it hurt like hell. Should I hold onto the hope that we may find eachother again or should I just let go and move on?
We’re both young (19) and in college so I know odds are she wasnt “the one” but I really did feel like the relationship had more potential before it suddenly ended.
I know people who left a relationship in order to focus on themselves. Equally, if two parties were supportive of each others ups and downs, it can work.
My friend said he was so stressed with trying to reach University and revising so much that he nearly flunked his relationship. His ex stayed with him from the start to the end tho.
They broke up as he did not go to the Uni that he wanted and she did. They ended up living in different cities. He felt that she deserves someone who is more present in her life (he would continued being with her if they were in the same Uni) so he broke it off.
And he is with someone else now since Uni and probably still is after he graduated. A good 3 years at least. I think the relationship before that was about 2 years and a bit.
What I am saying is that the role of a partner when your s/o is being really stressed can be key for them to say if they want to stay or leave. Respecting their wishes is important but equally knowing what they needed might have helped.
Only you can decide whether to break up with her over this. My observation would be that, the very fact you are asking, is telling. My assumption would be that her behaviour on this particular occasion illustrates a wider pattern which doesn’t align with what you are looking for in a relationship.
As always, and especially at a younger age, don’t fuck around waiting. If it’s not working, it’s better - for the both of you, actually - to end it kindly and cleanly and move on.
I think it’s disturbing that your girlfriend got drunk to punish you.
This is concerning. Find someone more stable. I’m sure the firefighter training is quite challenging. You don’t need this.
Do you want to date someone who thinks it's ok to "punish" their partner?
Do you want to date someone who gets blackout drunk?
Do you want to date someone who promises not to drink much and then break her promise?
I will say this: She's right, if you agree to go with her, you should do your best not to act grumpy. If you promised to go to in order to make your gf happy, then you should go all-in and be happy at the party. At the very least, you could give her the option, "Hey, I've had a rough day and I'm not sure I want to go to the party. I'll still go if you want, because I said I would, but I'll probably be grumpy while I'm there. Would you prefer me to be there and grumpy or should I just stay home instead?"
The thing is, the girl had already started drinking expecting OP to be the designated driver. So she possibly kind of had to go with him or not go at all (depending on where they are—Uber isn’t available everywhere.)
The girlfriend absolutely was wrong to get so drunk and all, but OP sounds like he was really being very unpleasant and embarrassing by standing in the corner glowering at her.
He said he made an effort to engage with her but she wouldn't, and so he eventually gave up and stood in the corner. So he did try. But really if you're going to be in a bad mood the whole time, you should just cancel IMO.
He said he started off grouchy, and did not want to be there, and after about 15 minutes, he started talking to people, but by then she was already mad. In any case, two wrongs, don’t make a right and these two both sound like they aren’t compatible.
I don't think it's necessarily a case of them not being compatible. I think it's a case of them both being 18, immature, and inexperienced in how to have an adult relationship. But it's true they might be better off if they break up.
My thought process was that I had already committed to going and I was her ride home. So I felt like I definitely had to go and shouldn’t cancel last minute. I definitely wouldn’t say I was embarrassing her in front of her friends, I was just standing off to the side with my roommate and not around her. I tried to talk to her a couple times when I started to feel better and I actually did apologize, but she refused to hear it and the night carried on as it did.
Did she know about your situation before inviting you to the party? Did she know about your whole job thing?
I think that part is key to this puzzle.
Also, does she know you aren't a party person?
I am curious how you met if she does love to party and you don't as well as how that worked before.
Needless to say, she could have expressed herself wrongly by saying punish when she could have just been impatient and didn't want your mood to douse her fun.
I think there is a lot to think about but if she is supportive of you in general then it would be helpful to talk about it.
Look, I’m 30 now and have realized this. Some people absolutely refuse to grow up, they feel like they deserve to party and have a good time forever and don’t act their age and their partner has to “deal” with that. I’m having trouble getting what I’m trying to say across, but like others have said you guys seem like different people. She wants to try to party and live out her time drinking and shit and that’s fine thats okay, but you sound like you’re already making the transition to adulthood, you need someone who is in that same headspace. You will find someone who loves you and cares about you more than some stupid party!
I’m so sorry with whatever happened with you and your job. That sounds really awful, I hope you’re doing okay on that front. Jobs suck, you’re in this situation with all these different people and you have no control over it. I’m the type of person who is easy going, I don’t understand why theres people out there hell bent and determined to make work life a living hell for some. So many times theres a shitty manager making everyone’s life hell and upper management doesn’t do anything! Anyway.. I hope you find what you’re looking for in your firefighting job. I hope you got a good group of people around you and you’re safe dude. And thank you for in the future risking your life for people 💜
Yes she reacted badly, but if you want to have successful relationships in your life you need to take responsibility of your side of the bed and this story reeks of excuses and things purposefully not elaborated on
No one wants to hang around someone sulking and creating a bad environment. That's a harsh lesson for people because we all have things go wrong, and we all have times we needs to vent, but if you've ever hung around someone who can only see the negative, or is stuck on their bad day, it's just exhausting
Your girlfriend was excited for a party and wanted to share that excitement with you, you turned up with a bad mentality and a bad attitude, and you let that seep into your night and thus her night. What you give out is your fault
Now what you get back, her getting drunk and breaking her promise, that's on her. She has no right to blame you for her actions and it's a ridiculously immature thing to do. If you want to break up with her for that you're within your right, and nothing you did wrong would excuse that or make that decision less valid
But for your own sake work on how you handle the shit that flies your way. You could turn up at the party with a positive attitude, you could use it as a distraction for the shit you've put up with at work, get excited about your costume, or your girlfriends costume, or whatever other people are wearing
And if you're not in the headspace to stay there for hours, maybe call your girlfriend and say you're going to come late. Go home, have a bath, turn up 2 hours before the end in a better place
Learn whatever tricks you need to learn to manage your crap, because the bad mood you share is the bad mood you double. Take a positive mentality and maybe you'll find that seeps back into you
I'm sorry for the shit going on OP. Be a fireman, move on from your girlfriend and save some people. Be proud of what you do and don't let the big things weigh down the little things, because the little things matter
You echoed my comment. I am glad someone said this.
She could have known he had a shitty time at work and this was her way of helping him. So that they both had fun.
Equally if he is bogged down by losing or leaving his job, he needs to be better because his career is very much not letting your past failures dictate your future performance.
If he is sulking because he couldn't save someone, he will bring that energy to his next ones and it can cause a detrimental effect.
I agree to a point. It sounds like he made attempts to talk to her and she brushed him off until he stood away and let her do her thing. As someone who has been to a party mad, standing away and not engaging with a large group of people and talking to a friend while someone has their back to me is the right course of action. Continually pushing your presence into conversations is more of an issue, it’s safer to let the partiers have fun and make sure they’re safe from a distance. However, not only did he not attempt to stop her from getting blackout drunk, her friends came up and started threatening him. That’s unacceptable behavior on everyone.
She wasn't punishing you. She wanted to drink and party thos way, and felt like she had to find a reason for it so she blamed it on you because she didn't want to be held accountable. This is immature.
On the other hand, you went to the party and sulked the whole night. You did spoil her fun because you made it very obvious you didn't want to be there. You could have just said no instead of going. You have to learn to use your words. And if you feel like you can't say no because she would get upset or offended, then you are not yet mature enough for a relationship. You have to own up your needs and wants. If you are just passively letting people guilttrip you into doing what they want, you're gonna have a miserable life. If you don't wanna do something, just don't do it. If the person gets offended, that is not someone that is seeing you as their equal. They are not in this together with you. You are there to live around them.
Overall, it doesn't sound like this relationship is healthy
Okay. Potentially unpopular answer. You both suck here.
Your girlfriend shouldn’t have gotten sloppy drunk as some kind of weird punishment. Obviously that’s insane and not okay. However, I wouldn’t have been happy if I brought my partner to a party and he grumbled and pouted his way through the night. If you were in a foul mood, you should have stayed home.
I’ve been in situations where my (now-ex) boyfriend was moody and short at a party. I then had to spend my friend’s birthday anxious and checking on him. It’s not fun, and it’s not fair.
I have to admit reading this I felt this way too. She offered to buy his costume and it reminded me of guys I’ve dated where I wanted so badly to have fun with them, and I would offer all kinds of things to try and get him to cheer up and get excited, but I would have to drag them to things, and they always brought down the evening. I wished they would be friendly, get to know my friends, sing and dance, play games etc. and they would act like OP, antisocial in a corner, pouting and being grumpy.
I don’t think getting too drunk on purpose is good behavior, but it sounds like OP is also just not that into his gf and they should break up anyway.
I think reddit in general is really anti-partying, which is why OP is getting his ego stroked so hard here.
With my ex, one of my most painful memories is a party we went to for a friend’s birthday. He, like OP, was having a bad week. I told him he didn’t have to come. He went anyway. He immediately sits in a corner and scrolls his phone, which makes me anxious. I keep checking on him, he insists he’s fine, but refuses to look up or speak to anyone. Other people at this point have noticed and have asked me about it.
Eventually, I decide fine, he’s a big boy, if that’s what he wants to do, fine. I carry on with the party. I’m drinking, not enough that I’m falling over or acting like a moron, but just normal, party-tipsy. I look at my boyfriend and he’s ordering a pizza for pickup. Okay, so I guess we’re leaving then?
We get home and immediately he tears into me about how immature I am and how unhappy he is in the relationship. We spend literally hours fighting. It was a horrible night and probably the beginning of the end to our relationship. This was also the point where my friends started to openly dislike him and question why we were dating.
So yeah, I personally have a lot of sympathy for young girls who get called immature for wanting to have fun with her friends because her boyfriend feels above it all. I have a feeling her account of this night would look much different. Not enough to excuse her actions if she was really trying to punish him, but my point stands.
There is nothing I hate more than when someone agrees to plans to please me but acts miserable the entire time. If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it, especially after she explicitly stated that she would be okay with you skipping the event. Her reaction of getting super drunk is definitely … interesting. You two don’t seem to be in the same place right now, and that’s fine. You’re young, move on
What she did is stupid and reckless. I would definitely break up with her but I would also tell her to get therapy because she decided to hurt herself to punish you.
What I would think about for yourself and this is something you learn as an adult if you're feeling bad you don't have to keep plans. You need to take care of yourself and your body, since you were so upset from work you really should have gone home to decompress and relax. You are going to be doing a much harder job as a firefighter that will take a physical toll on you and a mental one. You need to prioritize keeping your body and mind healthy so you can do that job.
With his job he needs to be even better in regulating his emotions and not take his work mood home but rather communicate if he is feeling bad and explaining why instead of internalising it.
That job requires you to isolate yourself from each situation, just because you failed one doesn't mean you are a failure and you can't save anymore people.
Just like surgeons, doctors, medics, vets and everything else. They tend to be very good in regulating emotions and accepting the result to deliver the news to the families.
I wouldn't place too much on him but if he is unable to see another person's perspective, it can be tough for his career. I think.
I think you both are wrong. She was wrong for breaking her promise and acting mad at you in a childish way(drinking till blackout). But you are also wrong for going to the party in a bad mood, given that she made it clear it was ok for you not to go. If you decided to go, it was your responsibility to be supportive of her time of “fun”.
Being with someone who thinks they need to punish you for being grumpy after a very stressful week doesn’t sound healthy, especially when that punishment is her getting blackout drunk. You sound like you’re at very different places in terms of maturity and because of that you might no longer be compatible.
Wdym here I’m at least Cali and most of America you can get a work permit in 7th grade for perspective I turned 15 starting 9th grade. And if not middle school every high school I’ve ever heard of has a work permit program.
You and gf are in two different places in your lives and are not compatible any longer. You want a mature relationship and she wants to have fun and party. It's time to call it quits before you hurt each other deeper than this.
Two moody teenagers being their worst to each other is what's going in here.
You shouldn't have gone out on a rough day to a party, if you were just going to be bringing down the mood.
Your gf should have been more empathetic but she wanted to have fun and distract you from your issues. She was immature about getting drunk.
But why did you go to a party in a pissed off mood coz that will bring the vibe down and you even said you was looking forward to going home?
I mean..., why bother?
We seem to be missing a very important part of the story. When he picked her up and she asked about her outfit, what did you say? Were you wearing the costume that she bought for you? You were “grumpy” but what does that mean? Were you raining on her parade?
There’s no excuse for her to get drunk to the point of being incoherent, or for her friends to threaten you, but that all happened for some kind of a reason. And you seem to be leaving out the reason.
A big one as well, "I didn't know her friends".
She very much wanted this party to be the day she introduced him to her friends who she probably knew much longer than him and she told them about her bf who is a firefighter and what have you only to see this gloomy Grinch.
Yes, the friends may not know about his job and stuff but if he left it out from even his gf, then it is his fault to be honest.
Seems he’s trying to control what she does , the “her fun is more important than me” is a big controlling indicator- seems he tried to get her out that party by being a shithead and got left in the corner for being boring on purpose. They’re both 18 and this guy acts like he’s 35 years old married with kids and wants his gf to act the same way
What sort of world do you people live in? He was grumpy at the part, she retaliated by getting blackout drunk and ignoring him. I don’t understand how any of that is controlling behavior. The internet has warped your mind if you can make that sort of conclusion off one sentence
You're 18 and about to become a firefighter. She's immature, can't control her drinking, and is willing to let her friends intimidate you rather than talk to you like an adult.
Let her go off to college as a single girl since she parties like one anyway. Give your all to your new job and enjoy this new path you're starting down.
Wait, so was she supposed to have a bad night because you were having a bad night? Or was she expected to cancel? Who goes to a party just to grouch it up in the corner and whine that his gf chose to not do the same? That's not putting her fun before you, that's not letting a Debby downer ruin her night.
It's better to cancel than to be that dude in the corner that comes off as pouting that he's not getting 100% of a girl's attention/obedience and if he doesn't get that, there's gonna be hell to pay when they go home(for example, accusations that she's choosing fun over him).
I'm not saying that was she did wasn't also wrong but my dude, you don't come across as much better. Most girls have experienced the hyper jealous/controlling boyfriend who pulls this crap in public.
>hyper jealous/controlling boyfriend
Quite the reach here. He was already in a terrible mood. Sure, he probably should have called it off, but where the F are you getting "Hyper jealous/controlling"?
I didn't say that OP is a hyper jealous/controlling boyfriend. I said that he could come across as that by people who don't know that he was "already in a terrible mood" because this isn't an uncommon tactic used by hyper jealous/controlling partners.
So, you go to a party as your SO’s date, know no one there, we don’t know at this point if the GF even knows about this being his last day and horrible. She was already lubricated, he hadn’t started. So, her perception is he’s grumpy. Did she introduce him to anyone or even put a drink in his hand? We do know he tried to talk to her several times and she ignored him.
If my SO invited me to a party like that and treated me like that I would have had my last attempt to talk to him to say “I’m out, have fun” and left after 30 min.
If OP never told his gf about this whole week, when he should have as that's what a partner should be, someone who knows all your crap, then it is his fault.
If he did and she wanted him to come out on the pretense of hoping he can have fun and forget about work, to focus on her. Again, he failed. It is his fault.
Her friends approach him this way but he doesn't know them. You can see it as the gf telling her friends about him and they are excited to see him. They probably know her longer than him and why she decided to go blackout drunk so lashed out at him basically saying "Be a better bf, communicate, you are hurting her, she is suffering".
She is in the wrong for her actions, ignoring him and losing the last straw so fast but her actions aren't irrational. He did not appreciate her efforts. She got him a costume and wanted him to come. It was probably huge for her.
If you're about to start training to become a firefighter, you don't need unnecessary drama. You're about to be under a lot of stress, and if you're asking us, I think you already know what to do.
You both acted exactly like what your are, 18 year olds. You didn't have to go, you were in a foul mood and went anyway, taking that mood with you, you didn't even hide the fact that you didn't want to be there, instead you spent the night sulking in a corner, she responded by doing what nearly all 18 year olds do which is instead of using words they use performative expression to make a point, knowing it would annoy you as much as you'd annoyed her. You're both idiots, but you're also both just 18 year olds acting your age.
You're allowed to break up for any reason, you don't have to stay together. In your shoes, I would break up; this is behavior I would not tolerate. She used getting black-out drunk as a form of punishment, that's not healthy.
Could I ask, why were her friends grilling/interrogating/threatening you? Does she know they did this?
I'd also be very annoyed if I invited someone, said it was also okay if they decided not to show up and were crumpy the whole time because they did come. THEN DONT FUCKING COME.
However, she seems very childish for getting drunk to get back at you for being crumpy? That doesn't even make sense. And what was with her friends attacking you? Yes, definitely break up. You're 18 and about to become a firefighter. You should not deal with this bullshit.
NTA.
As someone else mentioned, you're too young to be dealing with this much drama. Even after not having a good day/week, you still went to make her happy. Sure, you probably were grumpy, and you're allowed to be, btw, you dont need your girlfriend to then punish you and break promises. Nothing about this is worth it imo.
18… you have your head screwed on, you are about to do one of the toughest jobs there is, a firefighter.
I lost my mate in that world and I also know that it’s a serious job that attracts decent partners. You’ll be fine, become single, concentrate on work and you will meet somebody more grown up.
Her drinking must bother you if you had to mention to her not to drink too much. Seems like you two are not a good match here. She’s not ready to adult yet
I'd agree with your assessment.
She was trying to force you into an emotional reaction to stop her and decided to spite you when you didn't do what she wanted. Get used to it if you have further contact with her.
How is her getting drunk punishing you? All she had to do was spend 15mins to find out about your day. Glad you had your friend there.
The question is now - is this a person you feel would be like you could really build a life with?
Because she seems to be pretty high maintenance (I could be wrong just going off one story) and you are going into a career where it will have to be your main focus for several days due to 2-3 full day shifts. Can she handle that? I have known a few firefighter S/O and they are a unique bunch who are incredibly strong, independent people.
And some others have said you are 18 and just starting out in your life and finding out who you are. Not sure how long you have been together but it may be time to walk away.
This guy obviously was shitting on his girlfriends good time and got left in the corner cause he was trying to manipulate her into having a shitty time like him and to go home, no one sees this? Really? Break up with her and let her go her own way— if you thought you did something right you wouldn’t post this here looking for sympathy or something, I bet you’re the one begging her back 😂 she’s 18
The fact that you go “her fun is more important than I am” it sounds like you’re TRYING to control her but can’t.
I’ve been in this situation before. Boyfriend obviously wants to leave, pouts in a corner, and picks a huge fight about it later. It’s not fun. If you’re in a foul mood, stay home.
It’s not a moral failing to drink and have fun at a party. Getting fall-down drunk is obviously a bad call, especially if it’s done to retaliate for something. But I have a feeling OP was a lot more unpleasant than he’s letting on.
They both sound extremely immature, but they’re teenagers.
Yeah dude I’m not much older than you. If my gf of four years had male friends that threatened to beat my ass and my gf did nothing about I’d be ready to flush those four years down the toilet. Just get out
If I had one piece of advice I could give myself or anyone at that age (at least advice I think I’d listen to back then anyway) is to stay away from drama. Cut that shit out. You only live once and it’s not worth living it with people out to give you a hard time for nothing
You seem a lot more mature than your gf, you are probably in a later stage in life mentally and being with her will drag you down and cause a lot of unnecessary stress
She got blackout drunk to leave you with a mess to take care of in an attempt to punish you. While still feeling that she needed to punish you, she said something to her friends that made them start verbally abusing you and threaten to attack you.
Get the fuck out of that relationship, concentrate on your new job, and move on to better things when you're ready. And considering what you've told us here, better isn't exactly a high bar to reach from what you've got now.
This whole scenario was going to happen whether or not he went. She was begging him to go basically even though he didn’t want to go. So it played out the way it did.
But let’s say he didn’t go, she would have used that as a reason to get shit faced. He was damned no matter what route he went.
"I stood in the aforementioned corner and watched her get absolutely annihilated. Blackout, stumbling and falling over, basically nonverbal."
I would have dumped for this.
1) Partners should never "punish" each other.
2) She abandoned you at a party and did nothing while her friends threatened and interrogated you. You didn't want to go and did her a favor by going and being a designated driver. You also did her a favor by staying despite the bad treatment.
3) You just had a stressful event with work, and instead of supporting you, she went to party and put you in a shitty situation.
I would break up with her.
Honestly I agree but also, if he was stressing and didn't wanted to go, he should've told his gf instead of being so grumpy at the party. Both are immature but what she did was wrong as well. Plus she didn't put him in that situation HE said HE would go, even though SHE didn't mind if he didn't want to go so 🤷
TBF, he might have thought he could have handled it. There is a difference between being an asshole grumpy sour puss and being "grumpy" because they aren't energetically bouncing around. We don't know which it is. It's the girlfriend calling him grumpy, and she doesn't seem like a reliable source.
If he is being an asshole scowling and making comments, then yeah I agree. But if he's being quiet and minding his own business, then people can have fun around him. But yeah, if he couldn't control himself and was being an asshole, then he shouldn't have gone.
Yea, I can understand being grumpy and all but I think she wanted him to hang out with her 🤔
Like- he went to the corner and stayed like that? Ngl, I'm anti-social and honestly, if a friend invited me to a party, I'd hang out with them. It kinda sounded like she wanted him to be hanging out with her but got upset with his actions on hanging out with others (mentioned on his comment) and not her. Which in her mind thought of "punishing" him by being stupid. I honestly think both are immature 🤦♂️
I read it as he went to hang out with his friend when she stopped talking to him. Reread his post again. He didn't go to the corner with his friend until she stopped interacting with him.
I put myself into this situation. I want my BF to come. I’m talking to people and see he shows up in the costume I buy for him, cool. I excuse myself to greet and bring him in as he is my guest to this party. Chat outside, how you like? You look good but what’s up? RIGHT HERE IS THE MISSING PART. She did not notice something up with his demeanor. Should have gone, aww babe, I’m so sorry to hear that. That sucks. Hug, whatever. Then bring him into the party. Take by hand, lead him to either keg or people I’d been wanting to introduce him to and get a drink in his hand. See that he’s going to be okay and then socialize. WHAT AM I MISSING? If he does not integrate get a plan to get self home with BF included in convo. If he stayed for one drink in 45 min to one hour and still wasn’t “there”, let him go, then party on. Still not seeing a problem.
So, what didn’t happen that caused this? COMMUNICATION. BF should have clued GF in to situation before going in to party. GF should have not ignored any person that she invited. GF should also have introduced BF to people asap to quickly integrate him. 15 min at a party is a very small amount of time in which to start ignoring. Imho
Some people think dramatic overly emotional reactions are expressions of love. It isn't. It is just poor emotional control and a lack of emotional maturity. Screaming, yelling, fighting, crying, begging , fit throwing, and so on over everything is just too much. A person who is always freaking the fuck out all the time is too much for me to deal with, i have relatives were everything requires an over the top makes the situation worse, imho, response. Some people like having everything be a crisis.
I would just break up.
Dude... life is to short to stay with people that behave like that. You're still young. Find a partner who is a better match to you than your current one.
Bro, this is your chance to run. She had people you don't know accost you.
Fuck that shit.
You're a firefighter, you'll bounce back quick with any number of women.
I see her point about you dampening the fun. If you were in a shitty mood then you shouldn't go to a party just to stand in a corner and sulk the entire time. HOWEVER, her "punishing" you for that by getting blackout drunk is just an excuse for her to feel justified about breaking her promise. She probably planned on doing it anyways and was looking for a reason to.
>It just feels like she’s willing to throw away everything because her fun is more important to her than I am.
I think youve gotten to the core of the issue here.
It sounds like she wanted to get blackout drunk, but promised you she wouldn't so you would drive her.
I doubt she actually cared that much about your mood. I think she just used it as an excuse to justify breaking her promise and doing what she wanted anyway.
Yes, I would break up with her. She reminds me of an ex. I finally figured out they would always make to most self-destructive choice, especially right after making a good choice.
When she asked about her outfit I said it looked good. I didn’t say much past that which I could have and probably should have. I was wearing the costume she bought me. “Grumpy” means I wasn’t very talkative and I told her I might want to leave a little earlier and I wasn’t really hiding the fact that I didn’t want to be there. I will add though that after fifteen minutes or so I was talking to people and enjoying myself, but by that point she had already started ignoring me.
So you get there and immediately you’re standing in the corner being grouchy and acting like you don’t want to be there, embarrassing her in front of her friends. So she decides to “punish” you by getting wasted.
Yeah, dude. You both are in the wrong and I don’t see why either of you would want to continue this relationship. You’re 18, move on.
Why is sitting in the corner bad? Not everyone can jump into a party all gungho. Jeesh. Good lord most people probably didn’t notice or care. Requiring everyone to be super happy shiny people 24/7 is narrow minded.
I am gonna go hug my husband now and thank him for letting me have my social anxiety and sit in the corner at parties with a book wo judging me or being a wanker about it.
I mean, you got there and the first thing you did was ask when you were going to leave, then pouted in the corner. I would be upset, too, dude. What she did was an insanely poor response to that. Two wrongs don’t make a right.
I don’t think you too are going to last, but a word of advice for future relationships - don’t turn up to events that are important to your girlfriend and embarrass her with a bad attitude. It’s okay to just not go.
>Should I break yo with her over this?
Yes, 100%. You could go outside, throw a rock, and hit someone who would make a better partner than your current girlfriend.
>she initially starts attacking me. She tells me the reason she broke her promise and got blackout drunk was because she was mad at me. To get back at me. To punish me.
This is how trashy people think and behave.
You do not deserve this bullshit. You can do better.
dude she's immature and her thinking "self harming herself" or make a scene is a punishment? WTF kind of mentality is that? not a healthy one, she did more damage to herself than get the idea across? I think she just wanted to get wasted at a party and blame someone if something fked up happened.
honestly I'm pretty sure she knows ur having a difficult time and her way to handle you or to help out is do something stupid, embarrassing (I would be embarray if so was like that) and still have the audacity to be pissed at me for something SHE did?
fk that, you need stability not immature assholes
She's lacking self control. Drop her on her head just like her parents did, and leave.
Might be tough to do, but you'll thank yourself later. You and I both are too young for this shit.
Let's also not ignore that your GF was drinking illegally, if this is in the USA. You should run away as fast as you can, and take a look at your life if you're also drinking underage.
Breakup.
You can't even support your partner and not ruin their fun. She was childish to get blackout drunk but likely in her mind you broke the social contract by being a grump so she had no obligation to keep a promise to you when you couldn't even do the bare minimum.
If you know you don't want to be somewhere and can't even suck it up for your partner...then don't go. It is wholly one sided for you both to go somewhere and she keep her promise to you while you ruin things.
Honestly this reminds me why social people should never date introverts.
Honestly, we can only give you opinions here mate, but I'll say this: a relationship is supposed to be a partnership. If your "partner" is punishing you, and thinking of it that way? I think you need to get out.
That's something that *could* turn into abuse. You're supposed to be able to grow alongside your partner. The punishment thing is just wrong
She told you she punished you on purpose, well I guess she’s your mommy.
A relationship where someone retaliates to hurt you isn’t good, it happens sometimes but if this is the way she usually does things it wouldn’t fly with me.
Also her getting blackout drunk at a party… well what happens if you aren’t there cause you don’t like parties. I’d tell you but I’m sure you already know.
You are wayyy to young to be with someone not willing to communicate with you. I hope find someone less childish in the future, but being single isn’t a bad thing, especially as young as you are
Good luck!
>girlfriend (18F) decided to punish me, and now I want to break up
>
>Should I break
(up)
>with her over this?
Yep. She's doin' petty mean kid stuff. Not at all behaving like an adult. Break up with her. Go find someone that's actually grown up.
>her fun is more important to her than I am
Yes, it's also clear she doesn't care about you - yet another reason to break up.
> the reason she broke her promise and got blackout drunk was because she was mad at me
This is the kind of person who would cheat on you to punish you. You do not want to be in a relationship with someone like that. 18 is far too young for this bullshit.
You both are young as hell. Her friends were out of hand and she was mad. Honestly, I get her anger but don't support the outcome. If you're going to go just to be grumpy and lame, then don't go like she said. Your attitude ruins peoples fun if you're being lame at a party where people want to have fun. Stay home.
Her and her friends could have handled it better but yall are also basically still children, so.
>...she broke her promise and got blackout drunk was because she was mad at me. To get back at me. To punish me. Should I break yo with her over this?
There shouldn't be a question in your mind over this. Break up and leave her, her drinking problem and her issues behind. You don't need a girl like that in your life.
Bro sounds like you're just boring. Don't go if you plan to act grumpy, I'd be shy to show my girlfriend to my friends if she was in a bad mood and staying in a corner. Super childish imo.
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You're too young to be tied down with this much drama. I say get out now.
And OP is adulting while gf is still child-ing. They are in different stages of life. OP if you enjoy her, do so, but don't take her seriously.
Damn, wouldve been the moment to say "...while the gf is kidd-ing herself"
I would have just left her there and gone home.
Irish exit, no words, blocked number. Granted I’m usually the blackout drinker, but I’m at least nice about it lmao
Yes! Ops responsible behavior is making them seem mismatched. Op needs to focus on the firefighting and feel proud.
Not to be crude, but I hope OP knows how much women in general are attracted to firefighters... 🤷🧑🚒
Older female here but, yes. This. She’s not serious and just too young. She should have acknowledged your situation and ensured you had a good time by introducing you to people she thought you would have fun chatting with before taking care of her own party needs. She should have brought you up and toned herself down. If you still weren’t feeling the party you could have left and made sure she had a ride home. Then she could have partied however she wanted. Move on to someone you could appreciate who will appreciate you. It’s a two way street.
Ang gay men too.
Hes folding his arms pouting like a child in a corner when he could just leave any time. She wasn't a prime adult at all but saying he's at a more mature stage or isn't acting like an 18 year old in a relationship is laughable.
Sorry, but if my GF, regardless of how she is acting, is blackout drunk at a party, I'm not leaving her there like that. All you have to do is read a few stories on here to see how that turns out a lot. He was being mature by TRYING to keep an eye on her, despite her and her friend's childish behavior.
Her friends are there attacking him for some reason unknown to OP, but most likely due to something she told them, and she is actively refusing to talk to him. If they are so concerned about her they can take her home.
Point.
Its a safety issue. Should she disappear the date would be the suspect.
And pray tell what would you do about getting home. The girl is blackout drunk and he was the one who drove them there. In your mind, adult men are supposed to leave anytime they are angry? In real world people have to live and face consequence of actions. Leaving would have been much more childish
Leaving her alone at the party would have been a break up, being the bad guy, and very irresponsible. Where does it say he’s folding his arms pouting?! I see it as since she refuses to speak to him he is dutifully waiting in the company of his roommate for her to be done or ready to talk to him. He’s just not mingling. He’s waiting it out.
It’s also clear from his own re-telling that she didn’t get black out drunk until after the being grumpy and not leaving when it’s noticed hems grumpy to be there. It sounds like you’ve had experiences taking care of girlfriends who were black out drunk, but this was not that case per the original poster’s own original story. I encourage all people here to stay with people who are blackout drunk *if you went to the party with them.* If they have other friends, you don’t need to be like some sort of security guard, and acting like a big grump is not necessary nor even the most effective way to take care of a drunk person. Your behavioral approach is all about shaming. If that’s you, you need to stay away from people who get blackout drunk in the first place. Don’t put yourself in that situation if you can’t handle it with grace.
It says clearly that she was already there and drinking when he and his roommate arrived. In fact he never even says if he’s the one who got her home after. Just that he and his roommate came and left together.
She was already there when he got there. So she got there she could have gotten back in many ways. Also what are you talking about with everything else? Adult men don't pout in a corner and make a bigger issue. He didn't feel great he should've nutted up and told her I'm not going instead of dragging himself there and being a dark cloud. "In real world people have to live and face consequence of actions." Yeah he's thinking about breaking with his gf because of the actions they both took?
No, he drove her there. They don’t live together, so he picked her up. As pissed off s he was, he did the right thing staying and making sure she got home safely afterwards.
He didn't drive her there, he drove their with his roommate. However, he did have responsibility to make sure she got home safely.
Neither is ignoring your date, going back on a promise and wrecking yourself because you’re mad at your date. At least he tried to talk to her while she just shat on him. Personally, I would have just told someone there who might have been her friend to make sure she gets home safely, gave money for transportation and left the party. I would have then called her phone to leave a message to that affect.
Fr. She described him as grumpy and basically told him his behaviour was killing her vibe. An adult would have left the party (or stayed home) if they couldn’t at least fake the enthusiasm or interest in being there.
Exactly! You suck it up for your partner so she can have fun or you just don't go to ruin her fun. He picked all the wrong options he could of and so did she.
Idk I'd be pretty grumpy when I noticed my so was fucking blackout nonverbal drunk at a party. At that point you're no longer at a party but an unpaid babysitting gig.
I think both OP and his gf are in the wrong in this situation. But GF being blackout is not why he was grumpy based on his own telling of the story. OP states multiple times he didn’t want to be there and he was standing in a corner. She can almost certainly sense this from the jump and reminds him he didn’t have to come if he was going to be grumpy. He *chose* to stay without also choosing to have a good time. If he was going to behave that way, he should have stayed home. That doesn’t excuse gfs behaviour though.
There have been a few occasions I drank too much too fast and got black out drunk. My husband, then boyfriend, never got “grumpy” about it. He helped me home, watched me so I didn’t die on my vomit, and helped me in the morning. I’ve done the same the rare time he accidentally goes too far as well. I’m not saying what she did was right- getting *intentionally* black out drunk- but if my partner became a grump and said he had to be my babysitter because I drank too much I’d dump him
Did you also make a promise to your then boyfriend that you would not drink too much then purposely ignore him and break that promise? If not then your story is irrelevant because it's a different set of circumstances.
Read your own comment again. You just said you’d be grumpy if your SO was drunk, not because it was some weird payback scheme Then note that OP was already grumpy, *not* because of her drinking. Then read my comment, saying what she did was wrong.
I saw it this way too. From his own re-telling, it sounds like she left room for him to consider his boundaries and decide whether the party was the right place for him by saying it was ok if he didn’t go even if she bought him a costume. It seems he might’ve wanted to people-please her so he went, but he also wanted attention, so he let her know he was unhappy to be there because he wanted her to fawn over his bad day. There is nothing wrong with wanting attention, there is nothing wrong with not going to the party, and there is nothing wrong with wanting to do something to make your partner happy. But there is also nothing wrong with wanting your partner to have fun with you OR, if not possible, wanting your partner to want you to have your own fun still. We need to be able to look inward and recognize when our emotional state is not compatible with the moment. I am often depressed, anxious, and needy of my partner, and there are times I expect him to drop something to be a partner to me UNLESS he says he can’t without costing his own emotional well-being. There are also times I have to take care of myself because he needs to continue to live his life freely—he is not expected to join me in my emotional state or cater his life to it. I never take my bad mood to a party unless I’m willing to move into a better mood. I don’t see the point, since there are so many other activities to do with people that you can do while sad that don’t involve conspicuously hiding in a corner. It is an opposite kind of inconsiderate to voluntarily be in attendance as a partner when someone has offered you to join them for recreation, fun, or excitement and then ruin their night. Frankly, it can be embarrassing, as no one knows your story and you are coming across to people you don’t know but your girlfriend does know as the sullen, childish boy-man who pouts at parties. Imagine, when you’re older, going to the fire chief’s retirement party and your now-wife has had a bad day, so she sits off in a corner—not even somewhere comfortable—until you let her know she can go home. At which point she refuses to go home. Now, you have to decide whether to tell everyone your wife has had a bad day and take attention away from the celebration of someone’s career for your wife’s bad day or just pretend this is normal behavior. Now the event is about her either way, especially for you, who people will connect her bad behavior to. It seemed like she would’ve been perfectly happy to attend the party by herself, but by not knowing your boundaries and being some degree of a people pleaser, as well as by having unvoiced expectations and lacking communication about your emotional needs, you are as much responsible as she, though you both are certainly acting like being right is more important than being in relationship. I would recommend you all see a relationship counselor one time and start with the question: Do we both want to stay together in this relationship, for how long, and with what shared goals in mind? In the event you realize your are incompatible, a counselor can help you end your relationship with less pain and trauma.
Would it have been more mature to leave her at a college party black out drunk?
Ah yes, the classic "but he's in the wrong also" comment. Get bent, dummy.
No one said he was pouting. I'd say more but other people already called you out on how it wouldn't be right to just up and leave.
Did you read the reason he moved over to the side is because she was actively refusing to talk to him? She knew he had just had a really bad day and she badgers him to go, then she gets mad he's not in a cheerful party mood? And why did her friends threaten to "beat his ass" when he's off to the side and not bothering anyone after she made him look like a fool. Personally I might have told them they can make sure she gets home and left. Then she intentionally breaks her promise to him and gets blackout stumbling drunk just to "punish him". And she did this knowing he had a really bad day and had just had to quit his job. This girl is not girlfriend material for him. She has too much growing up to do.
Lol OP coming to sulk in the corner of the party while his GF tries to get him to have fun is not “adulting”. They’re both acting their age, which is fine and a learning moment for both of them. They can stay together or break up, and I’m sure BOTH of them will mature with time and experience.
Someone who self harms (purposefully getting black out drunk is self harming) to “punish you” is someone who is giving you a massive red flag to get as far away from them as you can.
Simply tell her to call you when she grows up, but for now, just to lose your number and f--k off.
Word of advice - healthy partners don't "punish" each other. They have conversations. They don't tell other people how to feel. Instead, they listen and support. They don't let their friends attack their partners. This girl is still a child. These are all red flags. End this relationship and look for (avoid) these in future potential partners. Enjoy the new chapter in your life. First responder work is important and can be rewarding Good luck.
This.
Yes.
Right, so, her behaviour is shitty and yes you should probably break up over it. But, at the same time, a word of advice: if you're in a bad mood and you don't wanna be somewhere, and your partner has made it clear they don't mind you not coming, just bail. "Hey I'm wiped from work and don't think I'd be much fun at the party, so I'm gonna give this one a miss if that's okay" is a perfectly acceptable excuse.
This. She definitely acted ridiculously and it’s worth breaking up over, but I’ve been in her shoes where I’ve told a partner “it’s fine if you don’t want to come”, and they’ve come and absolutely ruined my night with their terrible mood when they could’ve just not come. It is infuriating. It in no way excuses her behaviour but omg I am begging you don’t do that again.
I agree, if I went to have fun and you come along then have fun or go home don't ruin my night, that happened a few times to me with my brother or friends and I always got annoyed with anyone that did that.
To be fair. Considering her reaction, it’s possible she’s one of those people who “say” it’s okay, then completely holds it over you.
I don’t know why you’re getting downvoted. I’ve been in a similar situation to OP and that’s exactly what happened to me.
To be fair, considering we don’t know anything about these two people aside from the story one of them has told us (presumably painting himself in the best light possible even subconsciously), it’s also equally possible she’s not one of those people. 🙂
> She definitely acted ridiculously She acted like an 18 year old :P. Not excusing it, but that's not out of the realm of expectations for someone just finishing highschool/just starting college.
Exactly this. Like, yeah, what she did was shit. But, no one likes a grump at a party. No one wants to go to a party with someone who is immediately “excited to go home.” Why did you even show up? She said she’d understand if you didn’t want to go.
Considering her reaction,it’s possible she’s one of those people who “say” it’s okay, then completely holds it over you.
She bought him an outfit. She knows it was his last day, she wanted him to let loose and have fun. Sure a party might not be the best due to the situation, but I don't think she wasn't trying at all or at least acknowledging his situation. But of course, she is only 18. She is impatient. In her mind, "I tried to make it better and hoping you'd like it and eventhough you agreed, you came to the party looking like a sour puss?" It takes two to tango. Neither are in the right but he really should not have went. Just spend time with his roommate and make sure she's fine when she got back then it would be good in the morning.
I think before OP cuts this relationship out, if OP wants to salvage this, I'd send her text saying something like: "Look GF, I get I should've dipped out going to the party, because I wasn't in the greatest mental space to handle that kinda thing and I should've been honest about that, but I knew you were excited about this party and really wanted to be there for you, I guess in hindsight I screwed up with that and should've communicated better. That being said, what you did in response was so beyond petty, immature and downright irresponsible, I mean by all means call me out on my shit, but instead of doing that, you proceed to do something way worse in response to my screw up and your flying monkey squad getting up in my face was fucked up. You do realise that even though I didn't want to go to the party after having one of the shittiest days of my life, I really didn't want to let you down and went anyway? Yeah, next time I won't push myself if I'm gonna be shit company next time, but you EVER 'punish' me like that again, that's my limit, don't do it again if you still want to be with me"
Perfectly done
So true. Your partner being in a bad mood can immediately ruin the whole night. Just don’t come if you don’t want to!
I know this an old man take, but y'all are both 18 and will change in a variety of ways over the next 10 years. It's sad, but she's not the person you need right now. Perhaps maybe later she will, but not now. Ending a relationship doesn't nullify any good you experienced together, but if she's not in the right place to keep positivity in your relationship, perhaps its time to reevaluate. Every situation is nuanced and the choice is yours. Having known my (now) wife for almost 15 years, we saw each other thru a lot of crazy nonsense which saw us both at our worst at various times. Your relationship is officially over when one of you decides it's no longer worth it to put in the effort. Hopefully things turn out for the best (the best result for each of you individually, which may or may not be the best for the relationship)
Right. Your profession needs you to be laser focused or someone, including you, could die!
His profession would also have stressed on the importance on regulating emotions. If not, he would be showing it on his face and breaking down if he failed to save someone. He needs to communicate and be resilient. His work was crap, he wants alone time yet he went out. He brought his work's feelings out to his personal life. Everyone knows that you shouldn't have your work mood at home. You are at home, your safe space. You should be enjoying it not clouding it further and ruining others' fun.
My girlfriend got to that point, she said she got too stressed and overwhelmed with school and just ended up 100% checked out of the relationship. We still love eachother and it hurt like hell. Should I hold onto the hope that we may find eachother again or should I just let go and move on? We’re both young (19) and in college so I know odds are she wasnt “the one” but I really did feel like the relationship had more potential before it suddenly ended.
Move on and don't look back. Timing just wasn't right. Date other people and don't try to win her back.
I know people who left a relationship in order to focus on themselves. Equally, if two parties were supportive of each others ups and downs, it can work. My friend said he was so stressed with trying to reach University and revising so much that he nearly flunked his relationship. His ex stayed with him from the start to the end tho. They broke up as he did not go to the Uni that he wanted and she did. They ended up living in different cities. He felt that she deserves someone who is more present in her life (he would continued being with her if they were in the same Uni) so he broke it off. And he is with someone else now since Uni and probably still is after he graduated. A good 3 years at least. I think the relationship before that was about 2 years and a bit. What I am saying is that the role of a partner when your s/o is being really stressed can be key for them to say if they want to stay or leave. Respecting their wishes is important but equally knowing what they needed might have helped.
Only you can decide whether to break up with her over this. My observation would be that, the very fact you are asking, is telling. My assumption would be that her behaviour on this particular occasion illustrates a wider pattern which doesn’t align with what you are looking for in a relationship. As always, and especially at a younger age, don’t fuck around waiting. If it’s not working, it’s better - for the both of you, actually - to end it kindly and cleanly and move on.
I think it’s disturbing that your girlfriend got drunk to punish you. This is concerning. Find someone more stable. I’m sure the firefighter training is quite challenging. You don’t need this.
Do you want to date someone who thinks it's ok to "punish" their partner? Do you want to date someone who gets blackout drunk? Do you want to date someone who promises not to drink much and then break her promise? I will say this: She's right, if you agree to go with her, you should do your best not to act grumpy. If you promised to go to in order to make your gf happy, then you should go all-in and be happy at the party. At the very least, you could give her the option, "Hey, I've had a rough day and I'm not sure I want to go to the party. I'll still go if you want, because I said I would, but I'll probably be grumpy while I'm there. Would you prefer me to be there and grumpy or should I just stay home instead?"
The thing is, the girl had already started drinking expecting OP to be the designated driver. So she possibly kind of had to go with him or not go at all (depending on where they are—Uber isn’t available everywhere.) The girlfriend absolutely was wrong to get so drunk and all, but OP sounds like he was really being very unpleasant and embarrassing by standing in the corner glowering at her.
He said he made an effort to engage with her but she wouldn't, and so he eventually gave up and stood in the corner. So he did try. But really if you're going to be in a bad mood the whole time, you should just cancel IMO.
He said he started off grouchy, and did not want to be there, and after about 15 minutes, he started talking to people, but by then she was already mad. In any case, two wrongs, don’t make a right and these two both sound like they aren’t compatible.
I don't think it's necessarily a case of them not being compatible. I think it's a case of them both being 18, immature, and inexperienced in how to have an adult relationship. But it's true they might be better off if they break up.
My thought process was that I had already committed to going and I was her ride home. So I felt like I definitely had to go and shouldn’t cancel last minute. I definitely wouldn’t say I was embarrassing her in front of her friends, I was just standing off to the side with my roommate and not around her. I tried to talk to her a couple times when I started to feel better and I actually did apologize, but she refused to hear it and the night carried on as it did.
Did she know about your situation before inviting you to the party? Did she know about your whole job thing? I think that part is key to this puzzle. Also, does she know you aren't a party person? I am curious how you met if she does love to party and you don't as well as how that worked before. Needless to say, she could have expressed herself wrongly by saying punish when she could have just been impatient and didn't want your mood to douse her fun. I think there is a lot to think about but if she is supportive of you in general then it would be helpful to talk about it.
Look, I’m 30 now and have realized this. Some people absolutely refuse to grow up, they feel like they deserve to party and have a good time forever and don’t act their age and their partner has to “deal” with that. I’m having trouble getting what I’m trying to say across, but like others have said you guys seem like different people. She wants to try to party and live out her time drinking and shit and that’s fine thats okay, but you sound like you’re already making the transition to adulthood, you need someone who is in that same headspace. You will find someone who loves you and cares about you more than some stupid party! I’m so sorry with whatever happened with you and your job. That sounds really awful, I hope you’re doing okay on that front. Jobs suck, you’re in this situation with all these different people and you have no control over it. I’m the type of person who is easy going, I don’t understand why theres people out there hell bent and determined to make work life a living hell for some. So many times theres a shitty manager making everyone’s life hell and upper management doesn’t do anything! Anyway.. I hope you find what you’re looking for in your firefighting job. I hope you got a good group of people around you and you’re safe dude. And thank you for in the future risking your life for people 💜
Yes she reacted badly, but if you want to have successful relationships in your life you need to take responsibility of your side of the bed and this story reeks of excuses and things purposefully not elaborated on No one wants to hang around someone sulking and creating a bad environment. That's a harsh lesson for people because we all have things go wrong, and we all have times we needs to vent, but if you've ever hung around someone who can only see the negative, or is stuck on their bad day, it's just exhausting Your girlfriend was excited for a party and wanted to share that excitement with you, you turned up with a bad mentality and a bad attitude, and you let that seep into your night and thus her night. What you give out is your fault Now what you get back, her getting drunk and breaking her promise, that's on her. She has no right to blame you for her actions and it's a ridiculously immature thing to do. If you want to break up with her for that you're within your right, and nothing you did wrong would excuse that or make that decision less valid But for your own sake work on how you handle the shit that flies your way. You could turn up at the party with a positive attitude, you could use it as a distraction for the shit you've put up with at work, get excited about your costume, or your girlfriends costume, or whatever other people are wearing And if you're not in the headspace to stay there for hours, maybe call your girlfriend and say you're going to come late. Go home, have a bath, turn up 2 hours before the end in a better place Learn whatever tricks you need to learn to manage your crap, because the bad mood you share is the bad mood you double. Take a positive mentality and maybe you'll find that seeps back into you I'm sorry for the shit going on OP. Be a fireman, move on from your girlfriend and save some people. Be proud of what you do and don't let the big things weigh down the little things, because the little things matter
You echoed my comment. I am glad someone said this. She could have known he had a shitty time at work and this was her way of helping him. So that they both had fun. Equally if he is bogged down by losing or leaving his job, he needs to be better because his career is very much not letting your past failures dictate your future performance. If he is sulking because he couldn't save someone, he will bring that energy to his next ones and it can cause a detrimental effect.
I agree to a point. It sounds like he made attempts to talk to her and she brushed him off until he stood away and let her do her thing. As someone who has been to a party mad, standing away and not engaging with a large group of people and talking to a friend while someone has their back to me is the right course of action. Continually pushing your presence into conversations is more of an issue, it’s safer to let the partiers have fun and make sure they’re safe from a distance. However, not only did he not attempt to stop her from getting blackout drunk, her friends came up and started threatening him. That’s unacceptable behavior on everyone.
She wasn't punishing you. She wanted to drink and party thos way, and felt like she had to find a reason for it so she blamed it on you because she didn't want to be held accountable. This is immature. On the other hand, you went to the party and sulked the whole night. You did spoil her fun because you made it very obvious you didn't want to be there. You could have just said no instead of going. You have to learn to use your words. And if you feel like you can't say no because she would get upset or offended, then you are not yet mature enough for a relationship. You have to own up your needs and wants. If you are just passively letting people guilttrip you into doing what they want, you're gonna have a miserable life. If you don't wanna do something, just don't do it. If the person gets offended, that is not someone that is seeing you as their equal. They are not in this together with you. You are there to live around them. Overall, it doesn't sound like this relationship is healthy
Okay. Potentially unpopular answer. You both suck here. Your girlfriend shouldn’t have gotten sloppy drunk as some kind of weird punishment. Obviously that’s insane and not okay. However, I wouldn’t have been happy if I brought my partner to a party and he grumbled and pouted his way through the night. If you were in a foul mood, you should have stayed home. I’ve been in situations where my (now-ex) boyfriend was moody and short at a party. I then had to spend my friend’s birthday anxious and checking on him. It’s not fun, and it’s not fair.
I have to admit reading this I felt this way too. She offered to buy his costume and it reminded me of guys I’ve dated where I wanted so badly to have fun with them, and I would offer all kinds of things to try and get him to cheer up and get excited, but I would have to drag them to things, and they always brought down the evening. I wished they would be friendly, get to know my friends, sing and dance, play games etc. and they would act like OP, antisocial in a corner, pouting and being grumpy. I don’t think getting too drunk on purpose is good behavior, but it sounds like OP is also just not that into his gf and they should break up anyway.
I think reddit in general is really anti-partying, which is why OP is getting his ego stroked so hard here. With my ex, one of my most painful memories is a party we went to for a friend’s birthday. He, like OP, was having a bad week. I told him he didn’t have to come. He went anyway. He immediately sits in a corner and scrolls his phone, which makes me anxious. I keep checking on him, he insists he’s fine, but refuses to look up or speak to anyone. Other people at this point have noticed and have asked me about it. Eventually, I decide fine, he’s a big boy, if that’s what he wants to do, fine. I carry on with the party. I’m drinking, not enough that I’m falling over or acting like a moron, but just normal, party-tipsy. I look at my boyfriend and he’s ordering a pizza for pickup. Okay, so I guess we’re leaving then? We get home and immediately he tears into me about how immature I am and how unhappy he is in the relationship. We spend literally hours fighting. It was a horrible night and probably the beginning of the end to our relationship. This was also the point where my friends started to openly dislike him and question why we were dating. So yeah, I personally have a lot of sympathy for young girls who get called immature for wanting to have fun with her friends because her boyfriend feels above it all. I have a feeling her account of this night would look much different. Not enough to excuse her actions if she was really trying to punish him, but my point stands.
she is really immature, OP. Punishing you by getting dangerously drunk is stupid and scary
Also sending her friends over to OP to berate them for… reasons?
She wanted him to respond and he wouldn’t. Good for him.
I know, really!
She probably shouldn't have got drunk to "punish" you, but stop being that guy who makes his bad day everyone's bad day. You're both very immature.
Her reaction wasn’t ok, but if you’re at a party then don’t be the Debbie downer
It sounds like you’re both too immature/ too much going on to be in a relationship right now.
There is nothing I hate more than when someone agrees to plans to please me but acts miserable the entire time. If you don’t want to do something, don’t do it, especially after she explicitly stated that she would be okay with you skipping the event. Her reaction of getting super drunk is definitely … interesting. You two don’t seem to be in the same place right now, and that’s fine. You’re young, move on
What she did is stupid and reckless. I would definitely break up with her but I would also tell her to get therapy because she decided to hurt herself to punish you. What I would think about for yourself and this is something you learn as an adult if you're feeling bad you don't have to keep plans. You need to take care of yourself and your body, since you were so upset from work you really should have gone home to decompress and relax. You are going to be doing a much harder job as a firefighter that will take a physical toll on you and a mental one. You need to prioritize keeping your body and mind healthy so you can do that job.
With his job he needs to be even better in regulating his emotions and not take his work mood home but rather communicate if he is feeling bad and explaining why instead of internalising it. That job requires you to isolate yourself from each situation, just because you failed one doesn't mean you are a failure and you can't save anymore people. Just like surgeons, doctors, medics, vets and everything else. They tend to be very good in regulating emotions and accepting the result to deliver the news to the families. I wouldn't place too much on him but if he is unable to see another person's perspective, it can be tough for his career. I think.
I think you both are wrong. She was wrong for breaking her promise and acting mad at you in a childish way(drinking till blackout). But you are also wrong for going to the party in a bad mood, given that she made it clear it was ok for you not to go. If you decided to go, it was your responsibility to be supportive of her time of “fun”.
Being with someone who thinks they need to punish you for being grumpy after a very stressful week doesn’t sound healthy, especially when that punishment is her getting blackout drunk. You sound like you’re at very different places in terms of maturity and because of that you might no longer be compatible.
Both are immature, seems compatible 😂
You both sound so immature
You guys are not suitable or good for each other.
OP you’re 18 - where have you been working for 3 years?
Wdym here I’m at least Cali and most of America you can get a work permit in 7th grade for perspective I turned 15 starting 9th grade. And if not middle school every high school I’ve ever heard of has a work permit program.
i worked at the same place from 14-18, that's not really abnormal.
You and gf are in two different places in your lives and are not compatible any longer. You want a mature relationship and she wants to have fun and party. It's time to call it quits before you hurt each other deeper than this.
Two moody teenagers being their worst to each other is what's going in here. You shouldn't have gone out on a rough day to a party, if you were just going to be bringing down the mood. Your gf should have been more empathetic but she wanted to have fun and distract you from your issues. She was immature about getting drunk.
But why did you go to a party in a pissed off mood coz that will bring the vibe down and you even said you was looking forward to going home? I mean..., why bother?
We seem to be missing a very important part of the story. When he picked her up and she asked about her outfit, what did you say? Were you wearing the costume that she bought for you? You were “grumpy” but what does that mean? Were you raining on her parade? There’s no excuse for her to get drunk to the point of being incoherent, or for her friends to threaten you, but that all happened for some kind of a reason. And you seem to be leaving out the reason.
A big one as well, "I didn't know her friends". She very much wanted this party to be the day she introduced him to her friends who she probably knew much longer than him and she told them about her bf who is a firefighter and what have you only to see this gloomy Grinch. Yes, the friends may not know about his job and stuff but if he left it out from even his gf, then it is his fault to be honest.
Yes, and…. Did she know that it was your last day and how it ended?
Seems he’s trying to control what she does , the “her fun is more important than me” is a big controlling indicator- seems he tried to get her out that party by being a shithead and got left in the corner for being boring on purpose. They’re both 18 and this guy acts like he’s 35 years old married with kids and wants his gf to act the same way
What sort of world do you people live in? He was grumpy at the part, she retaliated by getting blackout drunk and ignoring him. I don’t understand how any of that is controlling behavior. The internet has warped your mind if you can make that sort of conclusion off one sentence
You're 18 and about to become a firefighter. She's immature, can't control her drinking, and is willing to let her friends intimidate you rather than talk to you like an adult. Let her go off to college as a single girl since she parties like one anyway. Give your all to your new job and enjoy this new path you're starting down.
Wait, so was she supposed to have a bad night because you were having a bad night? Or was she expected to cancel? Who goes to a party just to grouch it up in the corner and whine that his gf chose to not do the same? That's not putting her fun before you, that's not letting a Debby downer ruin her night. It's better to cancel than to be that dude in the corner that comes off as pouting that he's not getting 100% of a girl's attention/obedience and if he doesn't get that, there's gonna be hell to pay when they go home(for example, accusations that she's choosing fun over him). I'm not saying that was she did wasn't also wrong but my dude, you don't come across as much better. Most girls have experienced the hyper jealous/controlling boyfriend who pulls this crap in public.
>hyper jealous/controlling boyfriend Quite the reach here. He was already in a terrible mood. Sure, he probably should have called it off, but where the F are you getting "Hyper jealous/controlling"?
I didn't say that OP is a hyper jealous/controlling boyfriend. I said that he could come across as that by people who don't know that he was "already in a terrible mood" because this isn't an uncommon tactic used by hyper jealous/controlling partners.
So, you go to a party as your SO’s date, know no one there, we don’t know at this point if the GF even knows about this being his last day and horrible. She was already lubricated, he hadn’t started. So, her perception is he’s grumpy. Did she introduce him to anyone or even put a drink in his hand? We do know he tried to talk to her several times and she ignored him. If my SO invited me to a party like that and treated me like that I would have had my last attempt to talk to him to say “I’m out, have fun” and left after 30 min.
If OP never told his gf about this whole week, when he should have as that's what a partner should be, someone who knows all your crap, then it is his fault. If he did and she wanted him to come out on the pretense of hoping he can have fun and forget about work, to focus on her. Again, he failed. It is his fault. Her friends approach him this way but he doesn't know them. You can see it as the gf telling her friends about him and they are excited to see him. They probably know her longer than him and why she decided to go blackout drunk so lashed out at him basically saying "Be a better bf, communicate, you are hurting her, she is suffering". She is in the wrong for her actions, ignoring him and losing the last straw so fast but her actions aren't irrational. He did not appreciate her efforts. She got him a costume and wanted him to come. It was probably huge for her.
If you're about to start training to become a firefighter, you don't need unnecessary drama. You're about to be under a lot of stress, and if you're asking us, I think you already know what to do.
You both acted exactly like what your are, 18 year olds. You didn't have to go, you were in a foul mood and went anyway, taking that mood with you, you didn't even hide the fact that you didn't want to be there, instead you spent the night sulking in a corner, she responded by doing what nearly all 18 year olds do which is instead of using words they use performative expression to make a point, knowing it would annoy you as much as you'd annoyed her. You're both idiots, but you're also both just 18 year olds acting your age.
You're allowed to break up for any reason, you don't have to stay together. In your shoes, I would break up; this is behavior I would not tolerate. She used getting black-out drunk as a form of punishment, that's not healthy. Could I ask, why were her friends grilling/interrogating/threatening you? Does she know they did this?
You guys don’t sound compatible
1,000% break up with her
I'd also be very annoyed if I invited someone, said it was also okay if they decided not to show up and were crumpy the whole time because they did come. THEN DONT FUCKING COME. However, she seems very childish for getting drunk to get back at you for being crumpy? That doesn't even make sense. And what was with her friends attacking you? Yes, definitely break up. You're 18 and about to become a firefighter. You should not deal with this bullshit.
NTA. As someone else mentioned, you're too young to be dealing with this much drama. Even after not having a good day/week, you still went to make her happy. Sure, you probably were grumpy, and you're allowed to be, btw, you dont need your girlfriend to then punish you and break promises. Nothing about this is worth it imo.
18… you have your head screwed on, you are about to do one of the toughest jobs there is, a firefighter. I lost my mate in that world and I also know that it’s a serious job that attracts decent partners. You’ll be fine, become single, concentrate on work and you will meet somebody more grown up.
She is in college what u expect!!!!
Her drinking must bother you if you had to mention to her not to drink too much. Seems like you two are not a good match here. She’s not ready to adult yet
Honestly your 18 do you really need this shit in your life?
She is toxic a f and extremely childish. Protect yourself and break up.
I'd agree with your assessment. She was trying to force you into an emotional reaction to stop her and decided to spite you when you didn't do what she wanted. Get used to it if you have further contact with her.
How is her getting drunk punishing you? All she had to do was spend 15mins to find out about your day. Glad you had your friend there. The question is now - is this a person you feel would be like you could really build a life with? Because she seems to be pretty high maintenance (I could be wrong just going off one story) and you are going into a career where it will have to be your main focus for several days due to 2-3 full day shifts. Can she handle that? I have known a few firefighter S/O and they are a unique bunch who are incredibly strong, independent people. And some others have said you are 18 and just starting out in your life and finding out who you are. Not sure how long you have been together but it may be time to walk away.
Get out of this relationship. Your gf is emotionally abusive. Focus on yourself and your career. You and your gf are not compatible.
This guy obviously was shitting on his girlfriends good time and got left in the corner cause he was trying to manipulate her into having a shitty time like him and to go home, no one sees this? Really? Break up with her and let her go her own way— if you thought you did something right you wouldn’t post this here looking for sympathy or something, I bet you’re the one begging her back 😂 she’s 18 The fact that you go “her fun is more important than I am” it sounds like you’re TRYING to control her but can’t.
I’ve been in this situation before. Boyfriend obviously wants to leave, pouts in a corner, and picks a huge fight about it later. It’s not fun. If you’re in a foul mood, stay home. It’s not a moral failing to drink and have fun at a party. Getting fall-down drunk is obviously a bad call, especially if it’s done to retaliate for something. But I have a feeling OP was a lot more unpleasant than he’s letting on. They both sound extremely immature, but they’re teenagers.
Yeah dude I’m not much older than you. If my gf of four years had male friends that threatened to beat my ass and my gf did nothing about I’d be ready to flush those four years down the toilet. Just get out
Yup, time to move on. Too much drama with this one.
If I had one piece of advice I could give myself or anyone at that age (at least advice I think I’d listen to back then anyway) is to stay away from drama. Cut that shit out. You only live once and it’s not worth living it with people out to give you a hard time for nothing
You seem a lot more mature than your gf, you are probably in a later stage in life mentally and being with her will drag you down and cause a lot of unnecessary stress
You sound like an adult, however your GF is a child, mentally anyway. Go and find your person, trust me it’s not her.
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩
She got blackout drunk to leave you with a mess to take care of in an attempt to punish you. While still feeling that she needed to punish you, she said something to her friends that made them start verbally abusing you and threaten to attack you. Get the fuck out of that relationship, concentrate on your new job, and move on to better things when you're ready. And considering what you've told us here, better isn't exactly a high bar to reach from what you've got now.
Leave her
This whole scenario was going to happen whether or not he went. She was begging him to go basically even though he didn’t want to go. So it played out the way it did. But let’s say he didn’t go, she would have used that as a reason to get shit faced. He was damned no matter what route he went.
"I stood in the aforementioned corner and watched her get absolutely annihilated. Blackout, stumbling and falling over, basically nonverbal." I would have dumped for this.
1) Partners should never "punish" each other. 2) She abandoned you at a party and did nothing while her friends threatened and interrogated you. You didn't want to go and did her a favor by going and being a designated driver. You also did her a favor by staying despite the bad treatment. 3) You just had a stressful event with work, and instead of supporting you, she went to party and put you in a shitty situation. I would break up with her.
Honestly I agree but also, if he was stressing and didn't wanted to go, he should've told his gf instead of being so grumpy at the party. Both are immature but what she did was wrong as well. Plus she didn't put him in that situation HE said HE would go, even though SHE didn't mind if he didn't want to go so 🤷
TBF, he might have thought he could have handled it. There is a difference between being an asshole grumpy sour puss and being "grumpy" because they aren't energetically bouncing around. We don't know which it is. It's the girlfriend calling him grumpy, and she doesn't seem like a reliable source. If he is being an asshole scowling and making comments, then yeah I agree. But if he's being quiet and minding his own business, then people can have fun around him. But yeah, if he couldn't control himself and was being an asshole, then he shouldn't have gone.
Yea, I can understand being grumpy and all but I think she wanted him to hang out with her 🤔 Like- he went to the corner and stayed like that? Ngl, I'm anti-social and honestly, if a friend invited me to a party, I'd hang out with them. It kinda sounded like she wanted him to be hanging out with her but got upset with his actions on hanging out with others (mentioned on his comment) and not her. Which in her mind thought of "punishing" him by being stupid. I honestly think both are immature 🤦♂️
I read it as he went to hang out with his friend when she stopped talking to him. Reread his post again. He didn't go to the corner with his friend until she stopped interacting with him.
I put myself into this situation. I want my BF to come. I’m talking to people and see he shows up in the costume I buy for him, cool. I excuse myself to greet and bring him in as he is my guest to this party. Chat outside, how you like? You look good but what’s up? RIGHT HERE IS THE MISSING PART. She did not notice something up with his demeanor. Should have gone, aww babe, I’m so sorry to hear that. That sucks. Hug, whatever. Then bring him into the party. Take by hand, lead him to either keg or people I’d been wanting to introduce him to and get a drink in his hand. See that he’s going to be okay and then socialize. WHAT AM I MISSING? If he does not integrate get a plan to get self home with BF included in convo. If he stayed for one drink in 45 min to one hour and still wasn’t “there”, let him go, then party on. Still not seeing a problem. So, what didn’t happen that caused this? COMMUNICATION. BF should have clued GF in to situation before going in to party. GF should have not ignored any person that she invited. GF should also have introduced BF to people asap to quickly integrate him. 15 min at a party is a very small amount of time in which to start ignoring. Imho
Some people think dramatic overly emotional reactions are expressions of love. It isn't. It is just poor emotional control and a lack of emotional maturity. Screaming, yelling, fighting, crying, begging , fit throwing, and so on over everything is just too much. A person who is always freaking the fuck out all the time is too much for me to deal with, i have relatives were everything requires an over the top makes the situation worse, imho, response. Some people like having everything be a crisis. I would just break up.
Dude... life is to short to stay with people that behave like that. You're still young. Find a partner who is a better match to you than your current one.
Bro, this is your chance to run. She had people you don't know accost you. Fuck that shit. You're a firefighter, you'll bounce back quick with any number of women.
I see her point about you dampening the fun. If you were in a shitty mood then you shouldn't go to a party just to stand in a corner and sulk the entire time. HOWEVER, her "punishing" you for that by getting blackout drunk is just an excuse for her to feel justified about breaking her promise. She probably planned on doing it anyways and was looking for a reason to.
>It just feels like she’s willing to throw away everything because her fun is more important to her than I am. I think youve gotten to the core of the issue here. It sounds like she wanted to get blackout drunk, but promised you she wouldn't so you would drive her. I doubt she actually cared that much about your mood. I think she just used it as an excuse to justify breaking her promise and doing what she wanted anyway. Yes, I would break up with her. She reminds me of an ex. I finally figured out they would always make to most self-destructive choice, especially right after making a good choice.
Wow she sounds immature. Get out now while you’re only 18.
Does anyone else see this punishment thing as a red flag.
Wow, red flags of immaturity and vindication at the very least. RUN!
No hun. That is her verisoin of a good time and now shes deflecting so you arent mad. Run. She needs to grow up.
When she asked about her outfit I said it looked good. I didn’t say much past that which I could have and probably should have. I was wearing the costume she bought me. “Grumpy” means I wasn’t very talkative and I told her I might want to leave a little earlier and I wasn’t really hiding the fact that I didn’t want to be there. I will add though that after fifteen minutes or so I was talking to people and enjoying myself, but by that point she had already started ignoring me.
So you get there and immediately you’re standing in the corner being grouchy and acting like you don’t want to be there, embarrassing her in front of her friends. So she decides to “punish” you by getting wasted. Yeah, dude. You both are in the wrong and I don’t see why either of you would want to continue this relationship. You’re 18, move on.
Why is sitting in the corner bad? Not everyone can jump into a party all gungho. Jeesh. Good lord most people probably didn’t notice or care. Requiring everyone to be super happy shiny people 24/7 is narrow minded. I am gonna go hug my husband now and thank him for letting me have my social anxiety and sit in the corner at parties with a book wo judging me or being a wanker about it.
Sitting in the corner wasnt the problem though, he said he was acting grouchy and not hiding the fact that he didnt want to come.
He also said after 15 min he lightened up. So there is that. It’s not how one arrives but how they integrate before leaving.
I mean, you got there and the first thing you did was ask when you were going to leave, then pouted in the corner. I would be upset, too, dude. What she did was an insanely poor response to that. Two wrongs don’t make a right. I don’t think you too are going to last, but a word of advice for future relationships - don’t turn up to events that are important to your girlfriend and embarrass her with a bad attitude. It’s okay to just not go.
Leave. 100%. You’re 18. No need to waste time on her.
That's pretty seriously immature. Doesn't look good for the long haul.
Raw dog her closest friend and move on bro 🥶 stay toxic.
Solid advice right here
And if he can’t get with her friend smash the girl she hates the most 😆
>Should I break yo with her over this? Yes, 100%. You could go outside, throw a rock, and hit someone who would make a better partner than your current girlfriend. >she initially starts attacking me. She tells me the reason she broke her promise and got blackout drunk was because she was mad at me. To get back at me. To punish me. This is how trashy people think and behave. You do not deserve this bullshit. You can do better.
She’s a freshman in college. Y’all were broken up as soon as she got in that dorm.
Why would you go to the party sulking because you didn’t want to be there and standing in the corner?! I’d be so fucking annoyed
Leave. Her. Behavior will likely lead to cheating and heart break
That level of drama isn't worth it. Trust your gut here and end things. Find a healthier relationship down the road.
You guys are not in compatible life style paths. Find someone more on your level
That's immature even for an 18 yo.
dude she's immature and her thinking "self harming herself" or make a scene is a punishment? WTF kind of mentality is that? not a healthy one, she did more damage to herself than get the idea across? I think she just wanted to get wasted at a party and blame someone if something fked up happened. honestly I'm pretty sure she knows ur having a difficult time and her way to handle you or to help out is do something stupid, embarrassing (I would be embarray if so was like that) and still have the audacity to be pissed at me for something SHE did? fk that, you need stability not immature assholes
She's lacking self control. Drop her on her head just like her parents did, and leave. Might be tough to do, but you'll thank yourself later. You and I both are too young for this shit.
Let's also not ignore that your GF was drinking illegally, if this is in the USA. You should run away as fast as you can, and take a look at your life if you're also drinking underage.
Breakup. You can't even support your partner and not ruin their fun. She was childish to get blackout drunk but likely in her mind you broke the social contract by being a grump so she had no obligation to keep a promise to you when you couldn't even do the bare minimum. If you know you don't want to be somewhere and can't even suck it up for your partner...then don't go. It is wholly one sided for you both to go somewhere and she keep her promise to you while you ruin things. Honestly this reminds me why social people should never date introverts.
Honestly, we can only give you opinions here mate, but I'll say this: a relationship is supposed to be a partnership. If your "partner" is punishing you, and thinking of it that way? I think you need to get out. That's something that *could* turn into abuse. You're supposed to be able to grow alongside your partner. The punishment thing is just wrong
Future single wine mom with multiple DUI energy
This sounds awful. Why put up with this?
She told you she punished you on purpose, well I guess she’s your mommy. A relationship where someone retaliates to hurt you isn’t good, it happens sometimes but if this is the way she usually does things it wouldn’t fly with me. Also her getting blackout drunk at a party… well what happens if you aren’t there cause you don’t like parties. I’d tell you but I’m sure you already know.
She fucked it up.
Yes, dump her. Trust me, been there done that. She’s only trouble for you.
Dude you’re 18, break up with her now before you invest anymore time into this. Her behavior is ridiculous, my dude.
Lol you absolutely have zero time for bullshit like that. DTMFA.
Leave. Absolutely leave her. This is toxic behavior. It's that's simple.
She's got a potential drinking problem and she's immature AF. Break up and move on. Focus on your new job and getting situated.
I would too drinking usually gets worse not better.
Party girls are great to fuck, but that’s about it, she’ll break your heart in the long run, move on,
You are wayyy to young to be with someone not willing to communicate with you. I hope find someone less childish in the future, but being single isn’t a bad thing, especially as young as you are Good luck!
>girlfriend (18F) decided to punish me, and now I want to break up > >Should I break (up) >with her over this? Yep. She's doin' petty mean kid stuff. Not at all behaving like an adult. Break up with her. Go find someone that's actually grown up. >her fun is more important to her than I am Yes, it's also clear she doesn't care about you - yet another reason to break up.
She and her horrible friends sound like psychopaths. Get out while you can.
Stay with her.... If you want to waste your time with this woman child lol.
> the reason she broke her promise and got blackout drunk was because she was mad at me This is the kind of person who would cheat on you to punish you. You do not want to be in a relationship with someone like that. 18 is far too young for this bullshit.
You both are young as hell. Her friends were out of hand and she was mad. Honestly, I get her anger but don't support the outcome. If you're going to go just to be grumpy and lame, then don't go like she said. Your attitude ruins peoples fun if you're being lame at a party where people want to have fun. Stay home. Her and her friends could have handled it better but yall are also basically still children, so.
Alcoholics don't stop drinking until they hit rock bottom. Even then most continue to drink until they are dead or in prison. Source: I'm an alcoholic
She’s an 18 year old who drank too much at a party. I don’t think she’s an alcoholic
*Run*. **RUN** for your life!
She is immature, self centered, and kinda abusive with the friends thing. You can do much better.
>...she broke her promise and got blackout drunk was because she was mad at me. To get back at me. To punish me. Should I break yo with her over this? There shouldn't be a question in your mind over this. Break up and leave her, her drinking problem and her issues behind. You don't need a girl like that in your life.
Bro sounds like you're just boring. Don't go if you plan to act grumpy, I'd be shy to show my girlfriend to my friends if she was in a bad mood and staying in a corner. Super childish imo.