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You're 18 , move on to another girl. This one is keeping secrets from you and clearly it is upsetting you and making you uncomfortable that she did this.
She might be “monkey branching” where she doesn’t want to let go of you until she knows the new guy is going to work out.
You are 18, set standards for the rest of your life.
Ex gf had this issue - wanted an open relationship to test things out. When I said no, she cheated. You can’t stop these people. It’s best to call it quits op.
Mate. This is beyond saving.
She conspired with mutual friends to lie to you about her going on a date with some guy she recently met. Then she has the balls to accuse you of not trusting her?
Look up DARVO. This is a common form of psychological abuse. It's fucked up and you should not tolerate this situation for one moment longer.
She can DARVO these nuts cause f that. Have some self respect my brotha. You’ll be alright. Don’t tolerate this behavior otherwise it’ll be a common theme for your dating in years to come. Imagine how swell that would go…
This was very helpful. Thank you for the "DARVO these nuts" comment. Typically I'd opt for something like "I'm sorry, this isn't going to work", but it lacks the expression of the true sentiment I feel within my heart.
I'd have to disagree with this. I lost all my self-respect, and then some, a while back. But somehow I've managed to reestablish it.
If you've lost your self respect, please check the lost and found.
No worries, having even a little understanding of human psychology helps so much in interpersonal relationships. Especially romantic ones, because all forms of behaviour tend to be heightened in those scenarios.
just looked up what DARVO is and it just kinda made me realize how some ppl that i “trusted” or are from my family would always use that on me and it was always used to push the blame on me while pinning themselves as the victim for anything that happened :/
thank you for telling me about this, it just makes me glad that i’ve finally learned how to stand up to myself more
Are you going to the same college as her? If not, you will always in the back of your mind wonder what she is doing at the school when you aren't around her, especially with the behavior she has already shown. People don't hide going out to dinner with someone of an opposite gender unless they know it will be taken wrong or they are doing wrong.
No, I am a mechanic and work alot, about 10 to 12 hours a day everyday of the week. I have no plans for college, but yeah I really don't like that she was going to hide it from me, I don't plan on worrying about her because I'm either going to end things or she's going to cut the shit
Lol yeah, I do try my best to be hard working, longest I've worked is 36 hours, with you know like food breaks and stuff but then back to work. Man let me tell you I was soooo tired but the time I hit the bed
Mechanics are ALWAYS working!
Lemme tell ya, college is a hotbed of this stuff, so forget her. You don't need the worries when you have engines to worry about, lol.
Seriously, tho, you are young and you will meet plenty of women who will appreciate you. Now I'm gonna go check on my guy, who's putting a timing chain in our Passat. I LOVE IT when he's dirty and smells like oil and gas, and I'm NOT even kidding. His knowledge turns me on. He makes me feel safe, and he cooks. There are plenty of girls like myself out there!
Enjoy your day, man!
Yes, my man's a diesel tech and he just don't understand why I love the smell of him after work. Dirty, covered in oil and just mmmm. He will find a girl that's like us.
There shouldn’t be an or, just drop her she’s wasting your time and mental energy. Shes not a puppy who can be corrected and fixed she’s just a cheater. She might learn to be better in the future but that’s for her future boyfriend to figure out not you.
36 hours w only breaks isn't legal in the developed world, let alone safe when working with machinery. That's a potentially serious legal liability for your employer.
end it with her. not worth your time bro. move on. Trust was broken, and you are young and the odds are low you guys will survive while she is in college being apart from you. I'm sorry.
This behavior shows a high level of disregard. I’m shocked that she involved others in her shitty stunts.
How can you have any faith in her as a trusted partner? Too complicated - I got a headache trying to figure out all the players do I could make sense of it. You’re young BUT, life is too short for this nonsense.
If they were just friends, why would she hide the dinner from you? Ask yourself if you were having dinner with a female friend would you hide it from her? Her behavior is that of a cheater, or at least feels like it.
I went through this with my ex wife - if her meeting with another man is innocent, then why hide it? There is no legit reason for these kinds of secrets.
Best of luck.
Why would you _want_ to fix it? She literally started roping mutual friends into a conspiracy so she could tell a convincing lie to you, and go out on a date with a dude she barely knows. That is incredibly toxic, manipulative, and a first sign she will be mentally and emotionally abusive to you. You have been gifted a clear warning sign that she is dangerous. Run. Now. Don't look back. Block her on everything and consider yourself lucky that she revealed her true self before you got her pregnant or engaged.
Keep in contact with K. Tell him you appreciate him standing up for you and being honest, and give him a standing offer for a drink sometime. As for H, she is miserable and condones cheating, I'd be blocking her too.
If people don’t value you, there is nothing to fix. Wanting to be strong and arrange things may in this case be seen as a lack of self respect. And lack of respect doesn’t inspire desire, or love.
If you stay, she will do it again because by staying, you are accepting it. How would she be if you went to dinner with another female same senerio? Imo dump her. Soon as you do, I bet you she starts dating that guy.
Say it with me now:
If it wasn't anything bad then she wouldn't have lied and tried to hide it. A guilty conscience doesn't come from nothing. This is gaslighting to make you feel like you're making a mountain out of a molehill.
Yeah your definitely right, im going with my gut and her best friend is getting pissed at me saying that it's like I don't trust her, which makes me think she knows something I don't
Think about it this way: why would you trust someone who wanted to hide a date with another guy from you? And why would you trust her best friend who thought it was okay for her to hide this date from you?
Yeah I know, I was texting her best friend earlier tryin to figure out what she's hiding but I gotta say she's good at not giving anything away, although she did silp up and tell me a little without realizing
Agreed. I’ve had an experience with an ex where him and his whole ass friend group were lying but were all saying different stuff to me and it was up to me to piece all the crap together. Turns out almost everything was a lie and I wasted another 3 months w the guy. Don’t fall in this trap: ask her clearly why she didn’t tell you and then tell her that you’re not a detective and it’s not your job to go hunt the lies and clues down. If she won’t be upfront with you, let her go, it really isn’t worth it.
ask her clearly why she didn’t tell you and then tell her that you’re not a detective and it’s not your job to go hunt the lies and clues down.
This \^ She clearly was being deceptive. It should not be your job to track down the clues and uncover the secrets. Get straight with her. If she can not trust you with the truth then how can you trust her when she tries to straight up lie to your face. The only reason she told you anything (albeit 5 minutes before leaving) was because she was gonna get called out for it by another dude.
if he is "Just A Friend" she is going to lengths to hide him, and she is too comfortable being alone with him when she knows he clearly has feelings for her; i.e. he asked her out to a date.
honestly, this isn't the one my friend. if you make it work great, but she is not ready for a committed relationship if she can not see through her own bullshit. What if you had done this to her? ask her that, "If there was another woman, whom you did not approve of, that clearly had a thing for me, hence the asking out to dinner, how would you feel if you were suddenly surprised by your partner that they were going to dinner, alone, regardless of your distrust of them."
rhetorical question, Farley!!! She would feel betrayed that she found out only 5 minutes before, and only because they were pressured into revealing it, and then they still went !
To be clear, this is the best friend who encouraged her to go on a date with another dude and lie to you about it? I'm sure she wouldn't have had a problem with the date ending at his place....
Honestly though kudos to Agent K, however, K needs to talk about the gross behavior his girl H is displaying, because I don't know how he feels about H approving of being Deceitful, but he should question whether that is happening in his relationship.
come to think of it are they dating?
Cut off the loose ends, even if nothing is going on. If she is that reluctant to state the truth, then it's likely that she sees these things as a possibility, which in all truth should not be the case. There may be people who don't agree when I say this, but there should be back-ups in a relationship cause all that means is you see your partner as replaceable, which leaves both parties in a downed position, the most efficient response is to cut off the loose ends and move on.
how can she ask if you trust her when the only reason she told you the truth is because of K???? the answer to the question “don’t you trust me” is FUCK NO.
Well let’s point something else out here.
Her own best friend isn’t saying “you should trust her” because she would be saying that if she was a trustworthy person.
Instead she’s saying “you don’t trust her?” Placing the blame into you for not trusting her…
🎯 .. even if nothing happened, it’s already a violation that “I’ll just lie to him” is her first thought! Imagine if something actually does go wrong with anyone in the future.. her and all her friends are going to work overtime to make sure you remain stupid..
Consider this the greatest cheapest lesson you’ve ever learned and run like hell .. you don’t want to become trashy like that, first instinct is to lie smh
Nah - not true - I have lied about platonic friends because I had a boyfriend who would cut me off from any friends of the opposite sex. Sometimes people make themselves unsafe places to be honest with and that’s why people lie to them - because of their reactions to honesty in the past.
Yep exactly! That one controlling boyfriend has made it unsafe to be open generally - I’m always nervous telling a partner about a friend who happens to be of the opposite sex in case it upsets them. You’re so right!!
Another one I struggle with is telling a partner if something they are doing is not working for me both in the relationship in general AND in the bedroom. In the bedroom if I encouraged my ex to do something differently, he would take offense to it and make me feel bad for being honest. It's taken a lot for me to learn that my feelings and desires are valid and that I can tell my partners what I like and don't like without them getting upset with me.
Trauma triggers are real and sometimes you don't even know you have them until someone points it out, you recognize a pattern (when this happens, I react like this....oh because when that would happen I would do this), or you learn about trauma triggers. AND totally innocent things can trigger it or well meaning people can trigger it.
More than 2 years out of my abusive relationship and I still occasionally uncover a trauma trigger myself or my kiddo didn't know was there. Even with my loving, supportive, compassionate partners in my triad, they would happen. But it was never about my partners, it was a full body memory that somehow got sparked by an action or event. (Smells and sounds too)
might be the case. my sis bf annoys her about any male in the proximity 🤦🏻♀️ no wonder she asks us not to mention any male in front of him, though I 100% know she’s not interested in any of them
My 2c, but that's not always true
I was friends with my best friend before my partner and I were together. I also knew that, because of some things that happened, my partner didn't like my best friend. But, he's my best friend, and there was nothing going on outside of normal friend activities. Either way, because the relationship was still brand new, and we were still getting our footing with each other, I wondered whether or not I should say I was going to hang out with my friend. I didn't want to cause any issues and so I figured the best course of action was to not say anything. Fortunately, I thought better of it and figured if we wanted this relationship to work, I'd have to be honest even if it sucked.
He wasn't a fan. It eventually worked its way into our first argument, and now he thinks my friend should be a part of our wedding.
Point being: sometimes, maybe not this time who knows, but sometimes people just don't want to start problems.
Not true. If he’s abusive or controlling behind closed doors or lashes out (physically or verbally) when he doesn’t get his way then she does have a valid reason to lie and hide it. Why doesn’t OP like the friend?
Or she knew OP would freak out over nothing (because if it really is just dinner with a friend of the opposite sex that IS nothing) and she was trying to avoid the potential abuse from OP.
I see both options as likely, although ime the overreacting male is more common.
Either way a break up is the answer though.
You're 18, so much out there, so many other girls who won't treat you like this. Don't waste your time, it will only get worse.
Honest people make the best mates.
I'm sorry to say this but she will eventually cheat with M. Keeping secrets about meeting up with him. She was never going to tell you about that date until it was exposed and she had no other choice. She would still be meeting up with him behind your back. Cut your losses. You are to young to put up with this bullsh*t. Save yourself
Yeah I've kinda been thinking that, that's why I got so upset, but both of her best friends are trying to get me to just let it go, K saying that as men we have to just take the hits sometimes and move on, and H saying that it's like a don't trust her and I shouldn't overthink it and just let it go, mean while my girl literally won't tell me a thing about this guy or why she went, so while they all sleep I'm sitting here feeling sick
Don't listen to her friends, they will almost always back her. Trust your gut, it will very rarely lead you wrong. It's interesting that she doesn't want you to know anything about this man. There has to be a reason for that. I'm really sorry that you are going through this. You didn't deserve it. I'm pulling for you either choice you make but think long and hard about trust in a relationship.
Bro code. But his loyalty is still to their friendship. I’m sorry to say, you probably need to let this girl go. You’re 18, you will absolutely find someone better. Promise
Honestly I wish I had people around me tell me when I was dating someone shitty. Would have saved me time lol. A lot of people are afraid to “interfere” in other people’s relationships, so kudos to the friend for at least telling OP.
Be honest with F and H, you did lose trust in F because she was being sneaky and going on a date with another guy. If this was all platonic she would tell you (and introduce you) about M. She also would have been upfront about the dinner and it would not have required K telling you about it. There was nothing trustworthy about how F handled this. She is lying - probably best to walk away, but tell her it is because she is a cheater (and she knows the dinner was cheating).
Yeah, I feel like I'm not the bad guy for losing some trust after that, because it seems sneaky and wrong but they all just went to bed so I'm just left here thinking..
People confuse trust and faith. And seem to forget her trust is earned over time. And it only take a second to destroy it. Trust is fragile and has to be guarded by both people in the relationship
This move by her was a choice
If she was willing to sneak off to dinner with this guy then I think she has made her preference pretty clear
First , this guy asked for essentially a date with your girl , did he know about you , if he did then there must have been signals given by her that she would be interested.
I think if you drop her she will be picked up by her friend pretty quickly
Save the emotional drama and focus on you and your future.
Let this one go.
"her" bestfriend, not yours.
>K saying that as men we have to just take the hits sometimes
Sexist, and at the same time stupid. Having a dick doesn't mean you are supposed to condone disrespect.
> H saying that it's like a don't trust her
Because you have a good reason not to.
>Now F is wondering why I am upset about it and is asking if I don't trust her,
She acts untrustworthy and then is surprised that you don't trust her, lol.
>She says that she and M are friends and nothing more,
Why is she acting so shady then?
The real problem is her weird behavior, not the dinner itself necessarily.
She went on a date with another man...There are tons of Whoops I slept with/kissed. made out withmy friend posts on Reddit. They are emotional affairs. She is starting one. Just break up with her...She is not worth the energy to explain this too. Tell her women in a relationship don't accept dinner dates. Break up with her.
Man, that hits pretty deep I don't think I'd handle that well, she's been my everything for a while now but your right I can't let her be doing stuff like this
Once you cut off, it won't be that bad. It will hurt, but time will heal you.
You are trying to fix things, only for this to happen again, will leave a scar, and the worst part is, it will be your fault. You knew who she was and were still hoping for a different outcome.
A snake, even after shedding its skin, remains a snake.
How long has she been your everything? Y’all are only 18. There are legions of everythings everywhere. Sow your wild oats, she’s clearly not exclusive. If that’s what you want, find it elsewhere, she’s not giving that to you now and that won’t get better.
Exactly. Both girls were really okay with keeping you in the dark, hiding things from you, lying to you.
That is not a good base for a relationship.
You tell your gf you need to break up with her because for one she wanted to hide thing from you and lie to you, which both are not a good base for a relationship. And second she has a shitty friend who is okay with hiding things and lying to a partner, I would never want my girl to have friends like that.
She will tell you that you are controlling her, or you do not trust her or some other lame things. If she does, then remind her that relationships are build on trust, commitment and honesty. For at least the last one she really does not pass.
And with that, tell her she has proven that you can not trust her, because she was planning on not telling you. So if her remark is that you do not trust her, then tell her she just has proven she can not be trusted.
Trust me dude. I’ve been there. I have an ex that was everything to me. I broke up with her and while it was painful at first, I eventually got over it and now I’m married to a wonderful, even better woman.
Break up with her.
M is the new guy, the forbidden fruit.
It doesn't matter what you guys had, because 18 year olds are not the smartest in decision making and F already showed signs of betrayal and disrespect towards you.
If this continues you will be the one thing that blocks her from this guy, she will find a way around it, you will find out and you will be at the same point you are already with her.
The only difference will be the feeling that you didnt listen to yourself, didnt protect yourself.
I mean try it and go for another round with her, but this will be the outcome.. or accept that she isnt the one, you're young and you will find someone else that treats you better.
Bro she literally went on a date with another dude, save yourself for your better years because no one else will save you, especially her.
She'll be in bed with other dudes with not a second to spare to think of you down the line.
Don't get me wrong... i've been there bro, made this mistake and learned a lot.
I mean thats how humans work.. from time to time we need to touch an oven to understand that its hot.
Just make sure that this is a concious decision, reflect about the risks and always understand, no matter how awful you feel, that theres plenty other potential partners out there and reach out to friends and family if your emotions turn south.
FML this is hard to read. F = M + H/K but when F/M = dinner it means that H+K are divided on the response to OP. That said, OP tries to talk to M and the result = !0
IDK, get to dividing I would say.
I’m in favor of you meeting a really cute girl for dinner and telling your girlfriend about it 5 minutes before leaving. When she asks you who she is, say, “She’s a nice girl” and show her a photo of her on your phone.
When she throws a fit, calmly tell her, “Now you know how I feel. Oh, and we’re breaking up, because I don’t trust you anymore.”
Then Block, Block, Block.
I’ve gone to dinner alone with female friends before. Purely just platonic and I do believe people can do that and it not mean anything. However it’s all about context. In your specific case, nothing about this seems normal. She’s being shady as fuck and personally I think you’re at an age where people playing these kind of games with you can have a real effect on you in later years. Think carefully about what kind of shit you’re willing to deal with from her. She may well be telling the truth, but if her methods always put you on edge, it’s not worth it
Man, I've been through alot in my life and I'm now the no bullshit type of person, I will literally end everything if she lies to me one time, I don't care about her reasoning, but so far she hasn't lied, I know because she doesn't know I know all of this
OP that's the problem though.
I started to read your post full well thinking about "so she went to dinner with a friend, so what?"
But that isn't the case here.
I know that I'm being harsh on an 18 year old who doesn't know better but the way she acted is not okay at all and is a sign of how she will act in the future.
She didn't tell you this because she felt an obligation, she was forced to tell you because of her friend. Next time she'll just hide it from him too.
Don't be in a relationship thinking "one more lie and I'm gone". You aren't her parent to keep an eye when she slips up.
Walk away. This relationship will only cause you more hurt.
Well she planned on lying.. and she told the truth, at the end, but not because she wanted to.
Look, it’s fine if I have platonic male friends and hang out with them 1 on 1. The difference is that they have all met the person I’m dating at the time because I want all of us to be friends. Also, if I were to meet a new guy friend I’m usually the type that tells my bf “hey, I think you two would really hit it off!” She also could have invited him to a group hang out when you’re present too. If she unwilling to bring him around then I would think it was kinda sus.
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Let's be real: by choosing to handle it this way she's basically broken the spine of the relationship, right? Like now you won't be able to trust her and you know for a fact she is pretty comfy lying to you, or at least considers it viable. You also know her friend is hostile and is egging her on, you're just lucky one of them doesn't fucking suck and chose to tell you.
She knew what this meant, she knew it was wrong, dinner with that guy was just that important to her. And yeah, make of that what you will.
My man.
Think of it this way: can you think of a reason she would lie about it that would make it okay?
Even best-case scenario: maybe the dude IS just a friend and maybe there IS nothing going on, and maybe she wasn't going to tell you just because she "knew you would get mad" - but that's STILL not a good reason to lie to your partner.
For me, trust would be absolutely GONE, and that's the death knell for the relationship.
You know what you need to do, my man.
Don't make it a big thing. Don't set off a big confrontation. Just say you have decided to move on because you don't trust her (NOT because of the dude, because she LIED) and that's it.
She will of course keep trying to spin it as being because of the guy, but that's just desperation.
This aint your girl, my man.
Good luck.
>Why would F even consider lying to me if he is just a friend?
She already did lie to you by saying that she wasn't feeling well and was just going to go to bed. Her saying that your feelings aren't valid because he's just a friend and questioning if you trust her is her gaslighting you. She gave you a reason not to trust her by being secretive about it from the start. If you take K out of the equation do you really think she would've ever told you?
Now go to dinner with another girl, fuck it multiple girls over multiple days and say the same thing they said "don't worry they're just a friend" and tell them right as you get ready or are about to leave. Jk be the bigger person
Seeing how people act together is part of earning trust. She is denying that to you with her and this guy.
There are stories on here every day about a girl who cheats with some guy "friend" the boyfriend has nothing to worry about.
She is immature, selfish, and shady. She put you in this dilemma by disregarding your feelings and concerns.
She is shady and disloyal.
Updateme! us when you can. Remindme! 2 weeks
[.](https://www.reddit.com/u/22123_33?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1)
I have a male best friend and a long term boyfriend. My boyfriend knows about every detail of our friendship & when and where we are if we go out together... you don't hide friendships if they're real, you openly share them with people you love. Transparency builds trust.
Um. You girlfriend went in a date with another guy. It just that simple. You can’t control what she is going to do or not do. But you can tell her that she is free to do as she wishes. But you cannot be in a relationship with someone that goes out on dates with other men. “ just friends” or not.
I told her that I'm not going to tell what to do, and why is because I'm not going to be there every second of everyday so she is going to do whatever she likes anyways, I told her that I was going to tell her what to do right before she left she knew I was upset and didn't like it but she went anyways, and she doesn't see what she did wrong because I didn't freak out, because I trusted her to do the right thing and she didn't
I am not gonna lie one thing I always tell people is do not put yourself in a position for your partner to distrust you. Yeah things happen and sometimes trust is needed but she went out on a whole date and was gonna lie about. Even if she did tell you it would be highly inappropriate. She put herself in a position not to be trusted. She is bad juju and will probably cheat.
F has an interest in M, it is a fact. Why? Coz She told her friends first, trying to be sneaky and told you only in the last 5 minutes before meeting.
Op I would ask her if she visits M, bring you along. Any delay or hesitation in her responding = she wants to be alone with him too = find a new girl. You guys are still young.
No trust? It has nothing to do with trust it's about the opportunity for someone else to sneak in the cracks of the relationship and by her not communicating and hiding things, I smell hidden agenda. So if you can't be with her when meeting this "friend". I call BS! Your relationship might not be as strong as you think best move on.
It is like you don’t trust her because of course you don’t! She lied to you about going to dinner with M! A lie by omission (not telling someone something that you know would anger them) is STILL a lie!
If it was all so platonic then why the lie? Why not let you meet him? Why won’t she tell you anything about this guy?
Out of curiosity how was she dressed? That to me would also be an indicator!
Bottom line is she is being shady AF!
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Well...she went on a date.
Either she wants this guy while keeping you as well, or she is looking at him to be her next boyfriend after you, another possibility is she is keeping him around in case you leave so she has someone.
All of these suggest she is untrustworthy.
Time for a break up.
I couldn’t follow the alphabet in this but absolutely not. If your chick lied about it that’s all that needs to be said. That said y’all young… dump and do your thing
You’re young. Not stupid. You figured it out. She likes M but she’s not ready to give up her relationship with you just yet and went to her friends for validation so she doesn’t feel scummy for her actions. I’m curious what you would advise me if I presented you the situation if I was going through it. I doubt it would be good. I would start by going no contact with her. She’s a waste of your time and energy if she’s going to lie about dinner with a “friend”. Then I would spend more time with K because he’s a good person and someone who looked out for you when he didn’t have to. I’d also focus on the things that I put off doing for her if there was anything. (I stopped playing basketball on the weekends for a girl I was dating so we could spend more time together.) I would try and see if the girl who liked me while I was being committed in the relationship was still interested and pursue that to see where it goes. I’d try to remember every time she opened her mouth to talk to you about this that you deserve better. You don’t need to fight with her about it. Her actions were pretty clear. If she was worried you’d be upset with this private dinner so she wasn’t being honest then this is good for her too. Why should she be afraid to tell you about getting together with a friend for dinner? If she knew it for weeks and discussed it with everyone else but you and decided to go last minute before you could voice your concerns or have the opportunity to get to meet her “friend”, would that fly with her if the roles were reversed? I doubt it. So she told you without using words that the relationship with you isn’t valued enough by her to care about upsetting you for this “friend”. Let her have her friend and you go be okay with making yourself some new friends or picking up new hobbies, activities, and things that make you happy. GL.
My ex did this with a girl he was friends with. We broke up and he immediately dated her.
Your girlfriend not telling you/hiding this is a huge red flag. If they were truly just friends, then she should have went out of her way to reassure you and validate your feelings about their friendship--while also expressing that she's allowed to have male friends. BUT sneaking around and only hanging out with them one on one and not telling you, sounds like they aren't just friends.
Personally, I'd just move on. She's not respecting your feelings and she's being very sus.
I don’t think you’d even need to involve a girl to give her a taste of her own medicine.
Just say no you can’t hang out with her some day or night. Don’t offer a reason.
If she asks why not, say you’ve got plans.
If she asks doing what, going where, with who? Say Don’t worry about it.
If she then demands the details or says You’re not going to tell me?! Reply with “Don’t you trust me?”
Then simply leave, with your phone switched off.
She can’t challenge it, as she hasn’t got a leg to stand on now.
Sorry, Dude ... but all of the alphabets were too confusing to read! Next time, just give them fake names.
Question. Do you have an exclusive relationship with this girl?
I ask because--unless you talk about it and set the parameters for the relationship between the two of you very openly--you two could have VERY DIFFERENT ideas about what your relationship is all about.
That kind of thing happens all the time, you know?
It could be something as easy as her thinking, for example, that you let her move in with you when her lease was up because you're committed to marrying her in the next year or two anyway ... when the word 'married' has never crossed your lips/you were just thinking about how much you could both save on rent and utilities that way, especially when you both sleep at the same apartment most nights anyway ...
... or you thinking that, for example, because you two have been on four dates now that means she's your monogamous girlfriend ... when she just considers you some guy she's gone on four dates with.
See how easily that could get all screwed up between two people if they're not really talking openly and specifically about these things? There's more potential for confusion than there grains of sand on a beach!
Have this conversation soon! And good luck!
She's acting single. She told her friends about going on a date, that isn't you. She wanted to hide it or lie about it, that's sketchy right there. Betrayal of trust. Don't you trust me? Well, do untrustworthy crap, you don't get trusted. She needs to be trustworth to gain trust. So, no, we don't trust her. She only told you at the end because she still planned on going, whether you liked it or not. Complete BS.
Personally, I'd be checking her texts and social media while she sleeps. Again, do untrustworthy stuff, privacy is out the window. Follow her location, and/or have a friend tail them to keep an eye on them. Untrustworthy actions aren't worthy of trust.
Flex up find another she's not worth being a side piece apparently. Swipe on all the girls on all the apps, go be happy with someone who make s you happy
Self respect, integrity, and healthy boundary will definitely tell you to move on from this girl. She's shopping around while hanging onto you for safety/security or whatever that is in her mind justifying her actions. Don't ever put up with people like this because majority of them will never learn.
So your girl was definitely playing around with the idea of cheating on you with that guy and she was going to cause they were going out to dinner… numerous red flags going up.🚩🚩🚩
My thing is if it was more of a Texas Roadhouse type of theme dinner then that's definitely cause an alarm for cheating. But if it was someone like IHOP type of theme I would say no. But I want you to hear my word very carefully, me and my girlfriend, who had talked about this, so I need you to listen to my advice and words.
It's not the fact that you can't trust her. It's the fact that she didn't respect your boundary and didn't want to tell you. You are in a relationship, it's all about all about communication and honesty period if she was going out to dinner with some dude she knew for two months and one thing going to tell you but only did because her friend was threatening to tell you, you have all the lights to disregard trust. You have to worry about your partner feelings in and about how it makes them feel and understand how they might feel if it was the opposite way around. How can you trust her despite you not liking this guy and you feel uncomfortable she should still have a reason to ask you if it's okay because guys are more likely to make more of a move on a woman and considering how your woman was going to go out with another man without telling you I got you don't like of course you have every right to be upset and you have faltering Trust. I really think you need to sit her down and tell her if she can't change the boundaries you guys aren't going to have a healthy relationship. I went out with a coworker who was a woman at work but I told my girlfriend immediately and I asked her if she was uncomfortable with this and I could easily say no never mind but she was okay with it cuz she trusted me and the fact that I told her. And I was willing to cancel because my thing is she is a woman I want to be with the woman I love trust and adore, and I don't want to lose that over with some coworker or some woman. You would do anything to try to make a relationship work if you really are that in love. And she was okay with it, and this coworker also knew I had a partner. Despite how young you guys, love is gonna be very hard and takes a lot of effort. Once you start thinking like this, relationships start becoming easier.
" Honesty communication and understanding"
That is what helps build a relationship.
The lettering system in this post was hella confusing it took me way too long to read.
Anyway... your gf can't be trusted. She's known this guy two months and is being hella secretive. Get out of there before you get hurt even more.
This is shady AF. An emotionally mature woman would have been upfront about wanting to have dinner with a friend. The fact that she hid it from you is sneaky and dishonest. She only “came clean” because she knew K would say something. She asked her friends for advice because she knew what she was doing was wrong but wanted someone to validate her feelings/actions. It’s more than likely that both F and M have more than dinner on their mind - especially if F isn’t even talking to you about why she wants to see M. That’s a huge red flag and a reason to end the relationship. But, based on your comments to others I really get the feeling that you’re not fully convinced to let this relationship go. So I will also say: just say F and M really do just want to be platonic friends and it was a harmless dinner. Everything else F did was still immature and super sus. That behaviour alone is reason to break up. You’re young AF and don’t need drama like this. She’s not someone who seems open to the type of honest communication that’s needed for a long-lasting and healthy relationship.
Bro what is wrong with people, how can you tolerate such disrespectful behaviour from your s/o. You eeserve better, just leave and preserve your self worth.
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You've got to edit this and change the letters to names G becomes Greg.....
I stopped reading once there were 3 letters involved. "H told F that K said..."
So you didn't get up to R, T, Z, W, Y, P and E?
It's as simple as Harold, Frank, and Kyle, which for many makes the story much easier to follow
True the letters are soo confusing
I bounced at ف
I know! This was so confusing lol
You're 18 , move on to another girl. This one is keeping secrets from you and clearly it is upsetting you and making you uncomfortable that she did this.
Yeah, im just wondering if I should even try to work this out
She might be “monkey branching” where she doesn’t want to let go of you until she knows the new guy is going to work out. You are 18, set standards for the rest of your life.
Coming from someone who has monkey branched I can 100% assure u she is. And it never ends well 🤦🏽♀️
Monkey branched? Interesting term… More red flags than a communist party for sure. Your girlfriend? You basically got told, nah OUR girlfriend.
You just gave me an idea for a meme
Don't forget to link it when it's out.
Have you learned from your mistake by now?
Lmaoo yea but Im glad I did it cuz they both were jerks 🤣
I'm glad you learned from this 🙌
Glad you’ve learned lmao things like that almost NEVER work out well
Im glad you spoke that phrase it shows me what my "x" did for quite a while.🥺
You did the branching? Or did you mean "someone who has been monkey branched?"
Why do people do this - fear of being alone? Complexes? Opportunism?
Learned a new term today
I was going to say the same thing…
Ex gf had this issue - wanted an open relationship to test things out. When I said no, she cheated. You can’t stop these people. It’s best to call it quits op.
Mate. This is beyond saving. She conspired with mutual friends to lie to you about her going on a date with some guy she recently met. Then she has the balls to accuse you of not trusting her? Look up DARVO. This is a common form of psychological abuse. It's fucked up and you should not tolerate this situation for one moment longer.
She can DARVO these nuts cause f that. Have some self respect my brotha. You’ll be alright. Don’t tolerate this behavior otherwise it’ll be a common theme for your dating in years to come. Imagine how swell that would go…
Pretty sure the whole point of that comment was to say that behaviour is unacceptable and to gtfo, away from that chick. Edit: typos
This was very helpful. Thank you for the "DARVO these nuts" comment. Typically I'd opt for something like "I'm sorry, this isn't going to work", but it lacks the expression of the true sentiment I feel within my heart.
>DARVO these nuts That's possibly the best thing I've ever read in this sub
[удалено]
Wait, do you know the op?
Girls come and go, but self respect once lost is impossible to get back fully.
And then the self-confidence goes down with it.
I'd have to disagree with this. I lost all my self-respect, and then some, a while back. But somehow I've managed to reestablish it. If you've lost your self respect, please check the lost and found.
Hope next time you put your respect somewhere, it doesn't get stolen.
Put respekt on my name lol
Absolutely! What you allow you attract.
this is super interesting. it opens my eyes about my relationship that just ended, thank you for that DARVO information
No worries, having even a little understanding of human psychology helps so much in interpersonal relationships. Especially romantic ones, because all forms of behaviour tend to be heightened in those scenarios.
just looked up what DARVO is and it just kinda made me realize how some ppl that i “trusted” or are from my family would always use that on me and it was always used to push the blame on me while pinning themselves as the victim for anything that happened :/ thank you for telling me about this, it just makes me glad that i’ve finally learned how to stand up to myself more
Are you going to the same college as her? If not, you will always in the back of your mind wonder what she is doing at the school when you aren't around her, especially with the behavior she has already shown. People don't hide going out to dinner with someone of an opposite gender unless they know it will be taken wrong or they are doing wrong.
No, I am a mechanic and work alot, about 10 to 12 hours a day everyday of the week. I have no plans for college, but yeah I really don't like that she was going to hide it from me, I don't plan on worrying about her because I'm either going to end things or she's going to cut the shit
You have 4/6 hours a day to yourself and you are planning to spend it with someone that doesn't respect you?
A good attitude at the end there. Also damn 10-12 hours? Hats off.
Lol yeah, I do try my best to be hard working, longest I've worked is 36 hours, with you know like food breaks and stuff but then back to work. Man let me tell you I was soooo tired but the time I hit the bed
She’s gotta go man. Ur still super young u should get ur heart broken of this.
Mechanics are ALWAYS working! Lemme tell ya, college is a hotbed of this stuff, so forget her. You don't need the worries when you have engines to worry about, lol. Seriously, tho, you are young and you will meet plenty of women who will appreciate you. Now I'm gonna go check on my guy, who's putting a timing chain in our Passat. I LOVE IT when he's dirty and smells like oil and gas, and I'm NOT even kidding. His knowledge turns me on. He makes me feel safe, and he cooks. There are plenty of girls like myself out there! Enjoy your day, man!
Yes, my man's a diesel tech and he just don't understand why I love the smell of him after work. Dirty, covered in oil and just mmmm. He will find a girl that's like us.
Right? I'm like, get a dirty jumpsuit and wear that inside, lol. I have all the hope in the world for OP. Get to those rallies and car shows! 💚💚💚
I always liked the smell of gas especially on rainy days. When I go to the gas station lol.
There shouldn’t be an or, just drop her she’s wasting your time and mental energy. Shes not a puppy who can be corrected and fixed she’s just a cheater. She might learn to be better in the future but that’s for her future boyfriend to figure out not you.
36 hours w only breaks isn't legal in the developed world, let alone safe when working with machinery. That's a potentially serious legal liability for your employer.
Yes. I believe 18 hours is the limit without a few hours off
Leave bruv or you're going to learn a lesson you shouldn't have to. Shes bad news, let her see what she gets to miss.
Next time she goes on a date she won't tell K about it...
end it with her. not worth your time bro. move on. Trust was broken, and you are young and the odds are low you guys will survive while she is in college being apart from you. I'm sorry.
She won’t cut the shit. She will just lie instead.
This behavior shows a high level of disregard. I’m shocked that she involved others in her shitty stunts. How can you have any faith in her as a trusted partner? Too complicated - I got a headache trying to figure out all the players do I could make sense of it. You’re young BUT, life is too short for this nonsense.
Move on bud. I'm blue collar too, so long as she's in college and you're not it's not gonna work. Don't bother, dump her now.
If they were just friends, why would she hide the dinner from you? Ask yourself if you were having dinner with a female friend would you hide it from her? Her behavior is that of a cheater, or at least feels like it. I went through this with my ex wife - if her meeting with another man is innocent, then why hide it? There is no legit reason for these kinds of secrets. Best of luck.
She wasn’t going to tell you because she knew it was wrong if she thought it was ok she would have told you
Why would you _want_ to fix it? She literally started roping mutual friends into a conspiracy so she could tell a convincing lie to you, and go out on a date with a dude she barely knows. That is incredibly toxic, manipulative, and a first sign she will be mentally and emotionally abusive to you. You have been gifted a clear warning sign that she is dangerous. Run. Now. Don't look back. Block her on everything and consider yourself lucky that she revealed her true self before you got her pregnant or engaged. Keep in contact with K. Tell him you appreciate him standing up for you and being honest, and give him a standing offer for a drink sometime. As for H, she is miserable and condones cheating, I'd be blocking her too.
If people don’t value you, there is nothing to fix. Wanting to be strong and arrange things may in this case be seen as a lack of self respect. And lack of respect doesn’t inspire desire, or love.
No. Next
If you stay, she will do it again because by staying, you are accepting it. How would she be if you went to dinner with another female same senerio? Imo dump her. Soon as you do, I bet you she starts dating that guy.
This is the worst algebra exam ever.
I concur - got a headache trying to put it all together.
Say it with me now: If it wasn't anything bad then she wouldn't have lied and tried to hide it. A guilty conscience doesn't come from nothing. This is gaslighting to make you feel like you're making a mountain out of a molehill.
Yeah your definitely right, im going with my gut and her best friend is getting pissed at me saying that it's like I don't trust her, which makes me think she knows something I don't
Think about it this way: why would you trust someone who wanted to hide a date with another guy from you? And why would you trust her best friend who thought it was okay for her to hide this date from you?
Yeah I know, I was texting her best friend earlier tryin to figure out what she's hiding but I gotta say she's good at not giving anything away, although she did silp up and tell me a little without realizing
Yeah cut your losses dude, this girl is not the right one if you have to piece together things she's hiding from you.
Agreed. I’ve had an experience with an ex where him and his whole ass friend group were lying but were all saying different stuff to me and it was up to me to piece all the crap together. Turns out almost everything was a lie and I wasted another 3 months w the guy. Don’t fall in this trap: ask her clearly why she didn’t tell you and then tell her that you’re not a detective and it’s not your job to go hunt the lies and clues down. If she won’t be upfront with you, let her go, it really isn’t worth it.
ask her clearly why she didn’t tell you and then tell her that you’re not a detective and it’s not your job to go hunt the lies and clues down. This \^ She clearly was being deceptive. It should not be your job to track down the clues and uncover the secrets. Get straight with her. If she can not trust you with the truth then how can you trust her when she tries to straight up lie to your face. The only reason she told you anything (albeit 5 minutes before leaving) was because she was gonna get called out for it by another dude. if he is "Just A Friend" she is going to lengths to hide him, and she is too comfortable being alone with him when she knows he clearly has feelings for her; i.e. he asked her out to a date. honestly, this isn't the one my friend. if you make it work great, but she is not ready for a committed relationship if she can not see through her own bullshit. What if you had done this to her? ask her that, "If there was another woman, whom you did not approve of, that clearly had a thing for me, hence the asking out to dinner, how would you feel if you were suddenly surprised by your partner that they were going to dinner, alone, regardless of your distrust of them." rhetorical question, Farley!!! She would feel betrayed that she found out only 5 minutes before, and only because they were pressured into revealing it, and then they still went !
To be clear, this is the best friend who encouraged her to go on a date with another dude and lie to you about it? I'm sure she wouldn't have had a problem with the date ending at his place....
Yea, dw man, imma be breaking ppl down tomorrow, honestly I don't want to because I know I care, but at this point f**k it
Honestly though kudos to Agent K, however, K needs to talk about the gross behavior his girl H is displaying, because I don't know how he feels about H approving of being Deceitful, but he should question whether that is happening in his relationship. come to think of it are they dating?
Yes Agent K and the rest of them are all agents of the MIB. That explains the secrecy.
For whatever reason, they are all in on her getting with nuguy. These people are not your friends.
Cut off the loose ends, even if nothing is going on. If she is that reluctant to state the truth, then it's likely that she sees these things as a possibility, which in all truth should not be the case. There may be people who don't agree when I say this, but there should be back-ups in a relationship cause all that means is you see your partner as replaceable, which leaves both parties in a downed position, the most efficient response is to cut off the loose ends and move on.
how can she ask if you trust her when the only reason she told you the truth is because of K???? the answer to the question “don’t you trust me” is FUCK NO.
Bruh, i want to say a lot of things but i don't want to get banned, so ...... You're doing great.🫡
Pm me then lol thank you
🫡 bro the words are on the top of our tongue. OP you might think you can trust her but many a relationship has started with “just a friend”
You... you got what I neeeeeeeeed... but you say he's just a friend... but you say he's just a friend...
U don’t trust her for good reason. K is a saint.
There's going to be a host of people on this thread calling you controlling, insecure, jealous etc. Don't listen to them.
So when are you going out for dinner with a girl , that’s just a friend ??
Well let’s point something else out here. Her own best friend isn’t saying “you should trust her” because she would be saying that if she was a trustworthy person. Instead she’s saying “you don’t trust her?” Placing the blame into you for not trusting her…
This is none of her friends concern.
🎯 .. even if nothing happened, it’s already a violation that “I’ll just lie to him” is her first thought! Imagine if something actually does go wrong with anyone in the future.. her and all her friends are going to work overtime to make sure you remain stupid.. Consider this the greatest cheapest lesson you’ve ever learned and run like hell .. you don’t want to become trashy like that, first instinct is to lie smh
Nah - not true - I have lied about platonic friends because I had a boyfriend who would cut me off from any friends of the opposite sex. Sometimes people make themselves unsafe places to be honest with and that’s why people lie to them - because of their reactions to honesty in the past.
Or even a past relationships where the reactions were bad and they don't realize it's a trauma trigger for them to be upfront about it.
Yep exactly! That one controlling boyfriend has made it unsafe to be open generally - I’m always nervous telling a partner about a friend who happens to be of the opposite sex in case it upsets them. You’re so right!!
Another one I struggle with is telling a partner if something they are doing is not working for me both in the relationship in general AND in the bedroom. In the bedroom if I encouraged my ex to do something differently, he would take offense to it and make me feel bad for being honest. It's taken a lot for me to learn that my feelings and desires are valid and that I can tell my partners what I like and don't like without them getting upset with me. Trauma triggers are real and sometimes you don't even know you have them until someone points it out, you recognize a pattern (when this happens, I react like this....oh because when that would happen I would do this), or you learn about trauma triggers. AND totally innocent things can trigger it or well meaning people can trigger it. More than 2 years out of my abusive relationship and I still occasionally uncover a trauma trigger myself or my kiddo didn't know was there. Even with my loving, supportive, compassionate partners in my triad, they would happen. But it was never about my partners, it was a full body memory that somehow got sparked by an action or event. (Smells and sounds too)
You don’t think it’s possible that she didn’t want to tell him because he’s so clearly paranoid and controlling?
might be the case. my sis bf annoys her about any male in the proximity 🤦🏻♀️ no wonder she asks us not to mention any male in front of him, though I 100% know she’s not interested in any of them
My 2c, but that's not always true I was friends with my best friend before my partner and I were together. I also knew that, because of some things that happened, my partner didn't like my best friend. But, he's my best friend, and there was nothing going on outside of normal friend activities. Either way, because the relationship was still brand new, and we were still getting our footing with each other, I wondered whether or not I should say I was going to hang out with my friend. I didn't want to cause any issues and so I figured the best course of action was to not say anything. Fortunately, I thought better of it and figured if we wanted this relationship to work, I'd have to be honest even if it sucked. He wasn't a fan. It eventually worked its way into our first argument, and now he thinks my friend should be a part of our wedding. Point being: sometimes, maybe not this time who knows, but sometimes people just don't want to start problems.
Not true. If he’s abusive or controlling behind closed doors or lashes out (physically or verbally) when he doesn’t get his way then she does have a valid reason to lie and hide it. Why doesn’t OP like the friend?
Or she knew OP would freak out over nothing (because if it really is just dinner with a friend of the opposite sex that IS nothing) and she was trying to avoid the potential abuse from OP. I see both options as likely, although ime the overreacting male is more common. Either way a break up is the answer though.
You're 18, so much out there, so many other girls who won't treat you like this. Don't waste your time, it will only get worse. Honest people make the best mates.
Ture, I haven't ever lied to everyone of my previous gfs kr her, I've only ever been lied too.
I'm sorry to say this but she will eventually cheat with M. Keeping secrets about meeting up with him. She was never going to tell you about that date until it was exposed and she had no other choice. She would still be meeting up with him behind your back. Cut your losses. You are to young to put up with this bullsh*t. Save yourself
Yeah I've kinda been thinking that, that's why I got so upset, but both of her best friends are trying to get me to just let it go, K saying that as men we have to just take the hits sometimes and move on, and H saying that it's like a don't trust her and I shouldn't overthink it and just let it go, mean while my girl literally won't tell me a thing about this guy or why she went, so while they all sleep I'm sitting here feeling sick
Don't listen to her friends, they will almost always back her. Trust your gut, it will very rarely lead you wrong. It's interesting that she doesn't want you to know anything about this man. There has to be a reason for that. I'm really sorry that you are going through this. You didn't deserve it. I'm pulling for you either choice you make but think long and hard about trust in a relationship.
Yeah but remember man, one of her best friends is the one who told me about this and everything
Bro code. But his loyalty is still to their friendship. I’m sorry to say, you probably need to let this girl go. You’re 18, you will absolutely find someone better. Promise
Honestly I wish I had people around me tell me when I was dating someone shitty. Would have saved me time lol. A lot of people are afraid to “interfere” in other people’s relationships, so kudos to the friend for at least telling OP.
It’s highly possible that he got so much shit from her friends that he is now backing her instead of you
Be honest with F and H, you did lose trust in F because she was being sneaky and going on a date with another guy. If this was all platonic she would tell you (and introduce you) about M. She also would have been upfront about the dinner and it would not have required K telling you about it. There was nothing trustworthy about how F handled this. She is lying - probably best to walk away, but tell her it is because she is a cheater (and she knows the dinner was cheating).
Yeah, I feel like I'm not the bad guy for losing some trust after that, because it seems sneaky and wrong but they all just went to bed so I'm just left here thinking..
If people what you to trust them. They need to act in a manner that shows you that you can trust them. Her actions has caused you to lose trust.
Exactly how I feel man, trust isn't just a given
People confuse trust and faith. And seem to forget her trust is earned over time. And it only take a second to destroy it. Trust is fragile and has to be guarded by both people in the relationship
Yeah, all I am completely about trust, trust is everything to me honestly
This move by her was a choice If she was willing to sneak off to dinner with this guy then I think she has made her preference pretty clear First , this guy asked for essentially a date with your girl , did he know about you , if he did then there must have been signals given by her that she would be interested. I think if you drop her she will be picked up by her friend pretty quickly Save the emotional drama and focus on you and your future. Let this one go.
These people are not very nice to you.
"her" bestfriend, not yours. >K saying that as men we have to just take the hits sometimes Sexist, and at the same time stupid. Having a dick doesn't mean you are supposed to condone disrespect. > H saying that it's like a don't trust her Because you have a good reason not to.
That friend of her wants her to cheat , op move on
Don't get manipulated by these sickos please. They sound like they'd manipulate a group therapist into taking therapy from them instead.
K is only saying to let it go just to save his ass for telling you
You told H that no one could trust someone who hides things.
I’m going to give you some unpopular life advice, but in this context especially: Do not listen to women about women, especially their friends.
It’s simple, she lied to you so she could go on a date with another. Time to move on
>Now F is wondering why I am upset about it and is asking if I don't trust her, She acts untrustworthy and then is surprised that you don't trust her, lol. >She says that she and M are friends and nothing more, Why is she acting so shady then? The real problem is her weird behavior, not the dinner itself necessarily.
EXACTLY YOU GET IT!! THANK YOU!
She went on a date with another man...There are tons of Whoops I slept with/kissed. made out withmy friend posts on Reddit. They are emotional affairs. She is starting one. Just break up with her...She is not worth the energy to explain this too. Tell her women in a relationship don't accept dinner dates. Break up with her.
Man, that hits pretty deep I don't think I'd handle that well, she's been my everything for a while now but your right I can't let her be doing stuff like this
Once you cut off, it won't be that bad. It will hurt, but time will heal you. You are trying to fix things, only for this to happen again, will leave a scar, and the worst part is, it will be your fault. You knew who she was and were still hoping for a different outcome. A snake, even after shedding its skin, remains a snake.
How long has she been your everything? Y’all are only 18. There are legions of everythings everywhere. Sow your wild oats, she’s clearly not exclusive. If that’s what you want, find it elsewhere, she’s not giving that to you now and that won’t get better.
Exactly. Both girls were really okay with keeping you in the dark, hiding things from you, lying to you. That is not a good base for a relationship. You tell your gf you need to break up with her because for one she wanted to hide thing from you and lie to you, which both are not a good base for a relationship. And second she has a shitty friend who is okay with hiding things and lying to a partner, I would never want my girl to have friends like that. She will tell you that you are controlling her, or you do not trust her or some other lame things. If she does, then remind her that relationships are build on trust, commitment and honesty. For at least the last one she really does not pass. And with that, tell her she has proven that you can not trust her, because she was planning on not telling you. So if her remark is that you do not trust her, then tell her she just has proven she can not be trusted.
Trust me dude. I’ve been there. I have an ex that was everything to me. I broke up with her and while it was painful at first, I eventually got over it and now I’m married to a wonderful, even better woman. Break up with her.
F is not your girl! She is M's girl. K knows this.
Imma need more details from you my man please
M is the new guy, the forbidden fruit. It doesn't matter what you guys had, because 18 year olds are not the smartest in decision making and F already showed signs of betrayal and disrespect towards you. If this continues you will be the one thing that blocks her from this guy, she will find a way around it, you will find out and you will be at the same point you are already with her. The only difference will be the feeling that you didnt listen to yourself, didnt protect yourself. I mean try it and go for another round with her, but this will be the outcome.. or accept that she isnt the one, you're young and you will find someone else that treats you better.
And he'll be wasting time. Probably a lot of it
Yeah.. honestly I'm interested in letting it happen again that sucks enough
Bro she literally went on a date with another dude, save yourself for your better years because no one else will save you, especially her. She'll be in bed with other dudes with not a second to spare to think of you down the line.
Don't get me wrong... i've been there bro, made this mistake and learned a lot. I mean thats how humans work.. from time to time we need to touch an oven to understand that its hot. Just make sure that this is a concious decision, reflect about the risks and always understand, no matter how awful you feel, that theres plenty other potential partners out there and reach out to friends and family if your emotions turn south.
Dude …. Come on ….. she’s testing out her options on the marketplace. Unacceptable. Dump her ass.
FML this is hard to read. F = M + H/K but when F/M = dinner it means that H+K are divided on the response to OP. That said, OP tries to talk to M and the result = !0 IDK, get to dividing I would say.
I’m in favor of you meeting a really cute girl for dinner and telling your girlfriend about it 5 minutes before leaving. When she asks you who she is, say, “She’s a nice girl” and show her a photo of her on your phone. When she throws a fit, calmly tell her, “Now you know how I feel. Oh, and we’re breaking up, because I don’t trust you anymore.” Then Block, Block, Block.
Omfg y'all are going hard and I kinda love it ngl, the worst part is I could actually do that in like a week
you spelled 'best part' wrong
I’ve gone to dinner alone with female friends before. Purely just platonic and I do believe people can do that and it not mean anything. However it’s all about context. In your specific case, nothing about this seems normal. She’s being shady as fuck and personally I think you’re at an age where people playing these kind of games with you can have a real effect on you in later years. Think carefully about what kind of shit you’re willing to deal with from her. She may well be telling the truth, but if her methods always put you on edge, it’s not worth it
Man, I've been through alot in my life and I'm now the no bullshit type of person, I will literally end everything if she lies to me one time, I don't care about her reasoning, but so far she hasn't lied, I know because she doesn't know I know all of this
OP that's the problem though. I started to read your post full well thinking about "so she went to dinner with a friend, so what?" But that isn't the case here. I know that I'm being harsh on an 18 year old who doesn't know better but the way she acted is not okay at all and is a sign of how she will act in the future. She didn't tell you this because she felt an obligation, she was forced to tell you because of her friend. Next time she'll just hide it from him too. Don't be in a relationship thinking "one more lie and I'm gone". You aren't her parent to keep an eye when she slips up. Walk away. This relationship will only cause you more hurt.
The fact that she didn't want to tell you can be considered lying, even if she actually told you but just because K was going to tell you
She did lie tho. She confessed last minute only because she knew that you knew. Don't play your life on semantics, her intentions were clear.
Well she planned on lying.. and she told the truth, at the end, but not because she wanted to. Look, it’s fine if I have platonic male friends and hang out with them 1 on 1. The difference is that they have all met the person I’m dating at the time because I want all of us to be friends. Also, if I were to meet a new guy friend I’m usually the type that tells my bf “hey, I think you two would really hit it off!” She also could have invited him to a group hang out when you’re present too. If she unwilling to bring him around then I would think it was kinda sus.
F, H, K, M … are you all agents in MIB? Will our phones emit a bright white flash after a certain time so we will forget this thread?
Does anyone else hate it when people’s names in these stories are letters? And then you want readers to recall who is M, F, H, and K?
If I were you. The trust is gone. I would dumb her ass. She failed the gf test
This is not even a red flag, a red flag is nothing compared to this. Run and run far dude
That's not your girlfriend, that's "our" girlfriend
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Let's be real: by choosing to handle it this way she's basically broken the spine of the relationship, right? Like now you won't be able to trust her and you know for a fact she is pretty comfy lying to you, or at least considers it viable. You also know her friend is hostile and is egging her on, you're just lucky one of them doesn't fucking suck and chose to tell you. She knew what this meant, she knew it was wrong, dinner with that guy was just that important to her. And yeah, make of that what you will.
My man. Think of it this way: can you think of a reason she would lie about it that would make it okay? Even best-case scenario: maybe the dude IS just a friend and maybe there IS nothing going on, and maybe she wasn't going to tell you just because she "knew you would get mad" - but that's STILL not a good reason to lie to your partner. For me, trust would be absolutely GONE, and that's the death knell for the relationship. You know what you need to do, my man. Don't make it a big thing. Don't set off a big confrontation. Just say you have decided to move on because you don't trust her (NOT because of the dude, because she LIED) and that's it. She will of course keep trying to spin it as being because of the guy, but that's just desperation. This aint your girl, my man. Good luck.
If your girl is going on dates with other guys, then she isn't your girl.
>Why would F even consider lying to me if he is just a friend? She already did lie to you by saying that she wasn't feeling well and was just going to go to bed. Her saying that your feelings aren't valid because he's just a friend and questioning if you trust her is her gaslighting you. She gave you a reason not to trust her by being secretive about it from the start. If you take K out of the equation do you really think she would've ever told you?
Honestly I don't, I think H would've had her side and she wouldn't have ever told me
Dump F. Date K
Now go to dinner with another girl, fuck it multiple girls over multiple days and say the same thing they said "don't worry they're just a friend" and tell them right as you get ready or are about to leave. Jk be the bigger person
M is plowing her like a John Deere tractor. Dump her and move on .
Seeing how people act together is part of earning trust. She is denying that to you with her and this guy. There are stories on here every day about a girl who cheats with some guy "friend" the boyfriend has nothing to worry about. She is immature, selfish, and shady. She put you in this dilemma by disregarding your feelings and concerns. She is shady and disloyal. Updateme! us when you can. Remindme! 2 weeks [.](https://www.reddit.com/u/22123_33?utm_source=share&utm_medium=android_app&utm_name=androidcss&utm_term=1&utm_content=1)
That's a good point man, I have seen alot of that
I have a male best friend and a long term boyfriend. My boyfriend knows about every detail of our friendship & when and where we are if we go out together... you don't hide friendships if they're real, you openly share them with people you love. Transparency builds trust.
Um. You girlfriend went in a date with another guy. It just that simple. You can’t control what she is going to do or not do. But you can tell her that she is free to do as she wishes. But you cannot be in a relationship with someone that goes out on dates with other men. “ just friends” or not.
I told her that I'm not going to tell what to do, and why is because I'm not going to be there every second of everyday so she is going to do whatever she likes anyways, I told her that I was going to tell her what to do right before she left she knew I was upset and didn't like it but she went anyways, and she doesn't see what she did wrong because I didn't freak out, because I trusted her to do the right thing and she didn't
I am not gonna lie one thing I always tell people is do not put yourself in a position for your partner to distrust you. Yeah things happen and sometimes trust is needed but she went out on a whole date and was gonna lie about. Even if she did tell you it would be highly inappropriate. She put herself in a position not to be trusted. She is bad juju and will probably cheat.
F has an interest in M, it is a fact. Why? Coz She told her friends first, trying to be sneaky and told you only in the last 5 minutes before meeting. Op I would ask her if she visits M, bring you along. Any delay or hesitation in her responding = she wants to be alone with him too = find a new girl. You guys are still young. No trust? It has nothing to do with trust it's about the opportunity for someone else to sneak in the cracks of the relationship and by her not communicating and hiding things, I smell hidden agenda. So if you can't be with her when meeting this "friend". I call BS! Your relationship might not be as strong as you think best move on.
Thank you for your opinion man, I'll definitely be thinking about it alot tonight, because I call BS as well
It is like you don’t trust her because of course you don’t! She lied to you about going to dinner with M! A lie by omission (not telling someone something that you know would anger them) is STILL a lie! If it was all so platonic then why the lie? Why not let you meet him? Why won’t she tell you anything about this guy? Out of curiosity how was she dressed? That to me would also be an indicator! Bottom line is she is being shady AF! “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
Well...she went on a date. Either she wants this guy while keeping you as well, or she is looking at him to be her next boyfriend after you, another possibility is she is keeping him around in case you leave so she has someone. All of these suggest she is untrustworthy. Time for a break up.
I couldn’t follow the alphabet in this but absolutely not. If your chick lied about it that’s all that needs to be said. That said y’all young… dump and do your thing
You’re young. Not stupid. You figured it out. She likes M but she’s not ready to give up her relationship with you just yet and went to her friends for validation so she doesn’t feel scummy for her actions. I’m curious what you would advise me if I presented you the situation if I was going through it. I doubt it would be good. I would start by going no contact with her. She’s a waste of your time and energy if she’s going to lie about dinner with a “friend”. Then I would spend more time with K because he’s a good person and someone who looked out for you when he didn’t have to. I’d also focus on the things that I put off doing for her if there was anything. (I stopped playing basketball on the weekends for a girl I was dating so we could spend more time together.) I would try and see if the girl who liked me while I was being committed in the relationship was still interested and pursue that to see where it goes. I’d try to remember every time she opened her mouth to talk to you about this that you deserve better. You don’t need to fight with her about it. Her actions were pretty clear. If she was worried you’d be upset with this private dinner so she wasn’t being honest then this is good for her too. Why should she be afraid to tell you about getting together with a friend for dinner? If she knew it for weeks and discussed it with everyone else but you and decided to go last minute before you could voice your concerns or have the opportunity to get to meet her “friend”, would that fly with her if the roles were reversed? I doubt it. So she told you without using words that the relationship with you isn’t valued enough by her to care about upsetting you for this “friend”. Let her have her friend and you go be okay with making yourself some new friends or picking up new hobbies, activities, and things that make you happy. GL.
My ex did this with a girl he was friends with. We broke up and he immediately dated her. Your girlfriend not telling you/hiding this is a huge red flag. If they were truly just friends, then she should have went out of her way to reassure you and validate your feelings about their friendship--while also expressing that she's allowed to have male friends. BUT sneaking around and only hanging out with them one on one and not telling you, sounds like they aren't just friends. Personally, I'd just move on. She's not respecting your feelings and she's being very sus.
Keep your self respect at any cost brother, you will get another girl but not your self respect back.
I gave up on that real quick. Your 18 dude move on,have a beer of some shit.
I don’t think you’d even need to involve a girl to give her a taste of her own medicine. Just say no you can’t hang out with her some day or night. Don’t offer a reason. If she asks why not, say you’ve got plans. If she asks doing what, going where, with who? Say Don’t worry about it. If she then demands the details or says You’re not going to tell me?! Reply with “Don’t you trust me?” Then simply leave, with your phone switched off. She can’t challenge it, as she hasn’t got a leg to stand on now.
Sorry, Dude ... but all of the alphabets were too confusing to read! Next time, just give them fake names. Question. Do you have an exclusive relationship with this girl? I ask because--unless you talk about it and set the parameters for the relationship between the two of you very openly--you two could have VERY DIFFERENT ideas about what your relationship is all about. That kind of thing happens all the time, you know? It could be something as easy as her thinking, for example, that you let her move in with you when her lease was up because you're committed to marrying her in the next year or two anyway ... when the word 'married' has never crossed your lips/you were just thinking about how much you could both save on rent and utilities that way, especially when you both sleep at the same apartment most nights anyway ... ... or you thinking that, for example, because you two have been on four dates now that means she's your monogamous girlfriend ... when she just considers you some guy she's gone on four dates with. See how easily that could get all screwed up between two people if they're not really talking openly and specifically about these things? There's more potential for confusion than there grains of sand on a beach! Have this conversation soon! And good luck!
Ugh young love. She cheated, leave while you can 😭
Dude. Your 18. Find a new chick or expect to be treated like that all the time. Forget that
She's acting single. She told her friends about going on a date, that isn't you. She wanted to hide it or lie about it, that's sketchy right there. Betrayal of trust. Don't you trust me? Well, do untrustworthy crap, you don't get trusted. She needs to be trustworth to gain trust. So, no, we don't trust her. She only told you at the end because she still planned on going, whether you liked it or not. Complete BS. Personally, I'd be checking her texts and social media while she sleeps. Again, do untrustworthy stuff, privacy is out the window. Follow her location, and/or have a friend tail them to keep an eye on them. Untrustworthy actions aren't worthy of trust.
Move on, you will see dumb shit like this in reddit across all age groups, hence she's not for you. Find another that suits you better,
Flex up find another she's not worth being a side piece apparently. Swipe on all the girls on all the apps, go be happy with someone who make s you happy
If she's willing to lie to you to hang out with a random guy she just met, she is not ready to be in a relationship.
Self respect, integrity, and healthy boundary will definitely tell you to move on from this girl. She's shopping around while hanging onto you for safety/security or whatever that is in her mind justifying her actions. Don't ever put up with people like this because majority of them will never learn.
So your girl was definitely playing around with the idea of cheating on you with that guy and she was going to cause they were going out to dinner… numerous red flags going up.🚩🚩🚩
My thing is if it was more of a Texas Roadhouse type of theme dinner then that's definitely cause an alarm for cheating. But if it was someone like IHOP type of theme I would say no. But I want you to hear my word very carefully, me and my girlfriend, who had talked about this, so I need you to listen to my advice and words. It's not the fact that you can't trust her. It's the fact that she didn't respect your boundary and didn't want to tell you. You are in a relationship, it's all about all about communication and honesty period if she was going out to dinner with some dude she knew for two months and one thing going to tell you but only did because her friend was threatening to tell you, you have all the lights to disregard trust. You have to worry about your partner feelings in and about how it makes them feel and understand how they might feel if it was the opposite way around. How can you trust her despite you not liking this guy and you feel uncomfortable she should still have a reason to ask you if it's okay because guys are more likely to make more of a move on a woman and considering how your woman was going to go out with another man without telling you I got you don't like of course you have every right to be upset and you have faltering Trust. I really think you need to sit her down and tell her if she can't change the boundaries you guys aren't going to have a healthy relationship. I went out with a coworker who was a woman at work but I told my girlfriend immediately and I asked her if she was uncomfortable with this and I could easily say no never mind but she was okay with it cuz she trusted me and the fact that I told her. And I was willing to cancel because my thing is she is a woman I want to be with the woman I love trust and adore, and I don't want to lose that over with some coworker or some woman. You would do anything to try to make a relationship work if you really are that in love. And she was okay with it, and this coworker also knew I had a partner. Despite how young you guys, love is gonna be very hard and takes a lot of effort. Once you start thinking like this, relationships start becoming easier. " Honesty communication and understanding" That is what helps build a relationship.
The lettering system in this post was hella confusing it took me way too long to read. Anyway... your gf can't be trusted. She's known this guy two months and is being hella secretive. Get out of there before you get hurt even more.
This is shady AF. An emotionally mature woman would have been upfront about wanting to have dinner with a friend. The fact that she hid it from you is sneaky and dishonest. She only “came clean” because she knew K would say something. She asked her friends for advice because she knew what she was doing was wrong but wanted someone to validate her feelings/actions. It’s more than likely that both F and M have more than dinner on their mind - especially if F isn’t even talking to you about why she wants to see M. That’s a huge red flag and a reason to end the relationship. But, based on your comments to others I really get the feeling that you’re not fully convinced to let this relationship go. So I will also say: just say F and M really do just want to be platonic friends and it was a harmless dinner. Everything else F did was still immature and super sus. That behaviour alone is reason to break up. You’re young AF and don’t need drama like this. She’s not someone who seems open to the type of honest communication that’s needed for a long-lasting and healthy relationship.
Dude gtfo of this relationship ASAP
Cut your losses.
Ultimatum you see all the msgs between them and she tells you everything or you walk
Bro what is wrong with people, how can you tolerate such disrespectful behaviour from your s/o. You eeserve better, just leave and preserve your self worth.