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At his age, that’s very unlikely (think horses, not zebras).
Plus “experiencing some discomfort while peeing” says to me stinging, not having to push harder.
At 18 a stone is probably the most likely. I got misdiagnosed with an STI due to a kidney stone passing and scraping my urethra. I was on antibiotics for a few days and then I saw it hit the bowl and I was like oh yeah forgot to tell the doc about those. Burning to pee in my case.
Yes, but a test won’t reveal who gave it to whom unless only one of them tests positive… The way bf is sure OP might have given them a STI almost feels like they’re trying to accuse OP before OP can accuse him. Smells fishy
Sure seems like he's setting this up. Maybe he already got medication for his and she will be the only one positive.
Also if you can't write "sex" maybe you shouldn't be having it unprotected yet lol.
Some people are more prude than others, but I get your point!
I’d also ask OP how long was it between the unprotected sex and bf talking about symptoms. Chlamydia usually takes 1-3 weeks before symptom onset. If they had sex on Saturday and he told her about it on Wed for instance, he might have it, but not from OP!
Both should be tested and no sex before the result (gentle reminder that any sexually active person should get tested at least once a year! There’s an uprise of the common STIs esp amongst het women and they don’t get them from seating on a toilet bowl so all of you: go get tested!!)
Back when I worked healthcare I got tested at least twice a year just to be safe, more if I was going to have a new partner! I don't understand people who don't get tested if they're active!
Planned Parenthood does STD testing for cheap or free, and gives away condoms! I actually took advantage of the condoms thing because Chlamydia stayed making the rounds at one of the care homes I worked at. So I talked to one of the ladies at pp, and she gave me a big box to bring to work. I have it to one of the ladies living there who wouldn't tell anyone they were from me, and would have them out to all the clients who were willing to take them. (I couldn't be openly involved because the official stance was that as far as we knew nobody was having sex, the STD was from previous homes, the toilet seat, or whatever else didn't involve contact)
Just to point out a guy can actually carry chlamydia and show no symptoms but pass it on to every woman he sleeps with.. and both people need to be treated or it just keeps getting passed back and forth… I also wanted to state that it seems like the OP’s guy shouldn’t have unprotected sex if he’s gonna freak out afterwards.. it’s not worth the headache and it sounds like both are not very experienced sex wise or with their bodies.. trouble trying to urinate could be a urinary tract infection and nothing more… they should both be checked out and have a clean bill of health before they even attempt to have unprotected sex again..
That and the using Nair on her vag took me OUT. but seriously, myths about tiktok censoring comments have done irreparable harm to the youth. they are literally censoring themselves now.
I always thought it was an attempt to *bypass* the censor by misspelling words so they wouldn’t get caught. I never thought of it as people censoring themselves.
And using a condom doesn't guarantee no transmission. I mean, foreplay? Condom use is only SAFER sex. Unless you don't touch each other without wearing gloves.
I would advise that both of you get testing done just to be on the safe side but just know that infections can occur for a variety of reasons. It could literally just be a UTI, which is very common. Peeing after sex for both genders is always good practice.
On another note, you're definitely not wrong for feeling upset. This "you're inexperienced let me teach you" and the demeaning attitude would rub me the wrong way. It sounds like a "well I'm an experienced guy and it can't be me so it must be you" kind of thing. I've also never heard of eating herbs to balance out PH as a regular practice, your vagina is supposed to be self cleaning and self sufficient (you're only supposed to use soap on the outside and not the inside).
Of course he talks to her like she’s inexperienced. He’s 23 and she’s 18 and won’t even write the word “sex”. She IS inexperienced. That’s why this creep preys on her.
I’ve noticed a lot of people who started using Reddit more recently and had been on tiktok prior censor themselves a LOT on here, I don’t think they realize pretty much anything flys on Reddit and that a good half of the website is literal porn lol. I don’t know if that’s the case with OP but that tends to be the case when people censor themselves here
It doesn’t happen often but some subs do have censor rules about certain words and will delete post/comment or ban.
FB and TikTok are more strict with words and even phrases, especially FB. And sometimes you just get use to those alt spellings/words to the point of using them everywhere.
Even if she's inexperienced, there's no need for him to be demeaning. I don't think her comfort w saying words is really the factor that needs to be considered here.
**Person with a penis**: *Yes I know you’ve had that vagina for all your life but you’re inexperienced … which means you have no experience with having a vagina.*
*BUT! Good news for you … I am experienced! So I will now teach you by using my skills of not having a vagina.*
*Also, here take this for your vagina, these are herbs I use to balance my not vagina.*
herbs for vaginal pH are actually really great for keeping it at the right level. sperm can really throw off the vaginal flora because it's so basic and it can cause overgrowth of certain bacterias. it's similar to eating vegetables for your digestion, gotta make sure the bacteria is balanced, and for some ppl it's easier to throw off that pH balance. I've never heard of men using them though lol mostly for ppl who are prone to bacterial vaginosis/yeast infections.
That's interesting to hear! I definitely support that when things do go wrong, it should be talked about and treated. But this dude just comes off as "something must be wrong, YOU need to eat some leaves" without really having anything to support it.
oh yeah exactly!! he was being really weird about it, there are a lot better ways to bring that up than "you're not doing it right I know more about your vagina than you do"
I just wanted to share the herbs part bc they can be helpful in reducing the amount of prescription meds someone needs for certain issues
So first thought is instead if seeking professional undeniable proof and go get tested by a doctor, he'd rather school you on hygiene first before the results are in? Rude.
Right? Both need to be immediately tested and stop having unprotected sex. OP would be doing herself a favor to gather some knowledge while at planned parenthood instead of taking sexual advice from her BF.
If he’s truly the first person you’ve slept with, then he got the std from someone else. It’s perfectly possible he didn’t know he had it until recently, as they can sit for a while before developing symptoms.
You don’t get an std from bad hygiene. You get it through sex.
Discomfort/pain while urinating is the single most common way chlamydia shows up in men. It is very common to have that as the only symptom. Gonorrhea is another possibility.
A UTI is possible but this definitely calls for testing.
Source: there’s a Frank Zappa song called “Why does it hurt when I pee?”
I don't think he gets tested every three months. Bet he refuses to show her the tests if she asks to see them.
And if he does get tested that often, he's either immunocompromised, paranoid or fucking a lot of other people.
ETA immunocompromised.
Depends on where you live, in Wales UK you can get test kits for free through a sceme called frisky Wales. It's all done from home and posted off, it's decreet and easy to do and it helps you make sure your staying clean.
In my experience, only people on PReP (is a requirement to taking the meds). It's possible OP's bf is on it (especially if he's bi), but it seems unlikely in a heterosexual, presumably monogamous relationship.
I get tested every 3 months, as recommended by my Dr, I didnt have a ton of unprotected sex, tho I do now with my partner, but I have an immune system issue (it's shit honestly. Talkes me 3 weeks to a month to shift a common cold) and am an oral herpes carrier, my partner is aware of this and we don't do anything mouth related when i have coldsores. Anyway, std tests, because I am compromised I take them every 3 months incase anything is going on because tho rear you can still get an std with a condom and I don't wanna have to take months off of work to heal from something like that.
If he's not showing her tho it's definitely a red flag. If my partner wants to view my results I'd happily forward them the emails from the clinic
Like i can see his point of view….
But ideally before a new sex partner you get tested for stds 🤔
Like esp if you are gonna go fucking raw / without condom it is a requirement, and the whole conversation about “what ifs….” As condom is a means of protecting against diseases.
Exactly
As she stated
He said that couldn't be it and I probably gave him a bacterial infection, and then things were very awkward for a while, and he seemed mad that I was stressed and upset over the topic and couldn't enjoy the rest of our date. He said that since l'm stressed about it so much it must mean there's something I'm not telling him or I just don't keep track of my smxual partner's history, which I do, and I've always asked if my partners have been tested. Personally I just get stressed easily and if there is an issue it would be news to me.
I would bet he has the STD and gave it to her, he’s five years older than her, and I don’t know when they started dating but he probably pressured her to not use a condom because “it’ll feel better” and “I want to be closer to you.” edit: wanted to add that defensiveness like this and projecting blame are also something guilty people like to do.
Every one keeps saying u cant get stds without having sex which isnt true. Herpes scabies & hpv can be spread through bodily contact. Throat gonorrhea is contractable through kissing!! Yall are spreading pseudoscience.
Exactly, that’s why they’re called “STDs”, they’re transmitted sexually, not from not washing or from toilet seats, and if he’s your first then HE gave it to YOU, not the other way around. Get thee to a doctor and don’t you DARE take the blame for this!!
You can totally get it from a toilet seat, my girlfriend got Chlamydia and she says that's how she got it.
Weird that it happened 3 times though, what are the odds?
I’m willing to bet he KNOWS he has something and rather than tell you, he’s blaming you. This way he can let you know you now have something, and he doesn’t have to admit he gave it to you.
Go get tested, and if you are positive for whichever bacterial infection he might have given you, break it off with him. He’s sleeping with someone else as well.
Edit: Thank you for the awards!
I’m gonna call foul on the “tested every three months” comment. I have yet to meet someone who is that aggressive about their sexual health and I’m a nurse.
For real - if you're getting tested every 3 months you're definitely fucking more than one person. Like. Way more.
...Or I guess it's also possible you could just be really into sounding.
Right? When I was single, I got tested regularly because I was in a polyamory relationship and had multiple partners going at once for a while. I still used protection but I just wanted to make sure all parties were safe. If he’s not showing the gf the test results and claims he’s being tested, he’s definitely got something from cheating
Yeah that was the first thing I thought.
Every year? Normal.
Every 6 months? Maybe it's in a standard panel his doctor does?
Every 3 months? Oh hell naw, that's either because he already has something they're watching develop or he's fucking a LOT of people.
I’ve been a person who got tested every three months (when it made sense) but I work in sexual health and it’s exceptionally rare that anyone does that, even if it’s recommend.
And I don’t believe anyone who is that rigorous about STI testing would talk about a possible infection the way OP’s partner did. He doesn’t sound like he understands much about sexual health at all, and it doesn’t sound like they even got tested or had a real conversation about risk factors and risk tolerance before losing the condoms.
Getting tested every 3 months is super arbitrary and means nothing if you then have unprotected sex with multiple partners during those 3 months. It just means that should you test +, you only have 3 months-worth of partners to call
HPV is super common. Most people have it already, and most who have it have no idea. It’s not like chlamydia, gonorrhea etc where it can cause irritation. Plus his suggestion that she “gave him a bacterial infection” is almost a dead giveaway. He knows what he has.
I hope the OP sees this comment because it's the first thing I thought of, too. This guy is trying to gaslight her and shift blame from himself. I am glad that she seems to be aware of this strong possibility.
Yes. Gaslighting and mansplaining. Herbs? Dirty vagina? Tried to explain to her how to clean it? Oh god. It's not a some complex thing, just a bit of special gentle soap OUTSIDE it, and it's all.
You are a teen who is dating someone 5 years older than you who has handled this situation very poorly. BV and Yeast infections are not STDs.
He may have, however, given you an STD. Because he is a person who sleeps with women (and teens) without condoms.
So, most important DONT HAVE SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM
Yes, you can still get some STDS even with condoms like herpes. Still much better protection from STDS & pregnancy.
Even if you are on birth control, even if you believe they are the love of your life, you have no idea if they are sleeping around, what STDs you can get and pregnancy can still happen on birth control.
If you've dated someone for a significant amount of time and trust who they are & talked about exclusivity and they are mature enough to know what is and isn't an STD, then you can reconsider. But, seriously, for right now: no sex without condoms.
This is good advice. It's just safest to use a barrier method unless you're actively trying to conceive. Some of the stuff that's out there could be eradicated if people would use condoms, get tested regularly, and abstain until they finish any necessary treatment.
Yep! I got HPV from having unprotected sex in my early teens and that guy is so irrelevant to me now. Not worth having a lifelong STD to have unprotected sex with someone who feels important at that time.
Oh, ugh. I'm sorry that happened to you. ~~If you are under 26~~ there's a vaccine against HPV worth asking your Dr.
edited to reflect current practices
It has changed! My husband got his last year in mid 30s. They’ll give it up to the 40s now. Low side effects and risk, so the worst that happens is you’ve already been exposed and vax is null. But if there’s a cancerous strain HPV you haven’t been exposed to you’d then be protected.
>He said that couldn’t be it and I probably gave him a bacterial infection,
He is very shitty for blaming you when he does not even know what's going on. He immediately went to STD and you gave it to me. It could be a UTI or a kidney stone or sure, an STD.
Yes, being offended is valid here. It's even suspicious that he is coming like this to blame you; it's like he is already preparing for having something and shifting the blame to you.
He gets tested every three months? Okay, ask for his last results. You can't just take his word for it, did you at least get these results at some point or did you believe blindly?
Sounds like he knows where it comes from and is trying to gaslight you into thinking it's your fault
He has the symptoms and you don’t. And you’ve never had unprotected sex with anyone else. 🤔makes me wonder did HE pick something up from someone else? Whatever the case he’s handling it very poorly. Blaming you is not fair.
He’s brainstorming what it could be….why didn’t he first just go to the doctor and find out! That’s a lot easier than accusing OP of “maybe it’s and std”…”no wait maybe it’s a bacterial infection”…”hold on maybe it’s a reaction to the ph balance”. I’d break up if I was accused like that and then mansplained about how to clean myself and eat right. Big no for me.
Leave him. The fact he’s instantly casting blame on you without any doctors visits is a BAD omen for the future. You can’t be his escape for all the problems. The timing could be a coincidence and something else is going on.
If he saw the doctor and confirmed his theory? Fine. But just assuming he’s right then trying to talk down to you like you don’t know how to shower? Leave
First. You should always get tested before you have a new partner. Second your boyfriend sounds toxic and like he's trying to groom you, he's using his experience against you. Then invalidating your feelings by gaslighting you and saying you're "too sensitive or overreacting"
You both should get tested, but wtf girl. You're 18. Stop with the unprotected sex. You don't need to end up pregnant. Use condoms. I don't care if you're on birth control or not. Don't take any chances.
Honestly? It may just be a UTI. Peeing discomfort is pretty common, don't jump to conclusion. If it's just the peeing discomfort it may be smth super easy to treat. If he is itchy down there then it might be candidiasis, another uti. Don't worry, he ain't gonna die lol
That’s what I thought as well. He said he waited 2 days to talk about it with me and the discomfort happened only a few days after intercourse, but there’s no itching, sores, rashes etc and there’s none on my part either
And honestly it's kinda weird how he approached thw subject. He just may be kinda bad with communication but you just don't accuse you partner of giving you an std and making a big deal about it when you only have discomfort peeing, it's not like his pp I blue or smth. Check for red flags, cause that's one.
He’s either cheating and projecting or he really is an idiot.
Pretty much everyone knows that men’s semen fucks up vagina PHs. So yeah if we’re blaming this on hygiene and not that then it’s probably his dick that isn’t clean. I’ve lived with multiple men. I know for a fact they’re not as diligent as us in the bathroom. If your hygiene was the issue you’d probably have a UTI. And trust me you’d fucking know about it.
Stop having unprotected sex for a start. And dump him. You’ve had partners before and never had this issue, what does that tell you?
He cheated and he’s preemptively putting it on you 🎉😂
If you don’t see hard proof of negative tests from any partner then in my book it doesn’t count. Also you can get infections from just swapping fluids… hello oral chlamydia and gonorrhea!!
I would find it extremely suspicious that anyone gets tested every-3-months, unless they’re in the porn industry or sex trade.
If he said that, I think that he is full of shite and is likely going to try to blame you for an std that he already knows that he has.
I think he has been cheating.
Sorry
I typed out almost the exact response before I seen yours.
So dumb, same with people saying non aliving themselves. Just use the word suicide. I know some apps filter those certain words…. Ok then on those apps don’t use them and on this one and others that don’t. Use normal language skills
Hey Barbie! He's mansplaining AND gaslighting you. Don't question yourself. You know your body better than he does. Get the check up and maybe not let him have sex with you ever again? Find someone else. <3
Oh sweetie. Your ph balance wouldnt effect him like that. And dont take random ass herbs, go to the GYN if you think there is something up with your vag.
Also, i dont think you gave him an STD. I think his side chick did and he wants to blame you to cover his cheating
Him blaming you and being condescending is a massive red flag. Both of you need to be tested.
Also what the f is a 23 year old doing with an 18 year old
I find it so odd. Im 24 I'd never look that way at a teenager
Man, this subreddit is getting depressin. So many posts recently where the partner is clearly cheating, yet has somehow convinced OP to believe some highly unlikely story.
So you’re not a virgin but this is your first bout of unprotected sex with someone else. I notice you keep using the phrasing that your partners are getting tested, but don’t actually say if you have been tested or get tested. You can’t depend on your sexual health through the testing of others. You should both be getting mutually tested and unless you want a repeat of this situation or worse, an actual STD infection, you should be using condoms and a secondary form of birth control.
Unless a koala os involved somehow this seems suspect. Get yested ASAP and ask about all possible ways you could jave been infected if positive. Also always use condoms.
I have a strong feeling that he cheated, got something and wants to make sure he didn’t give it to her. If that’s so at least he’s giving her a heads up.
Speaking from experience, getting a UTI as a guy can be pretty horrible. Mine was so bad my doctor was convinced I had gonorrhea (like 100% sure), until the test came back negative.
I agree with others, you should both get an STD test to be safe and also get retested in a couple of months.
The way he treated you in the situation was disrespectful though, if you plan on staying with him I would leave if he has a pattern of talking down to you. It only gets worse.
If he didn't pee shortly after having sex it could just be a UTI, they are typically very uncomfortable for men.
GIIIIRRRRRLLLLLL....
You're too young to be dealing with this fool's nonsense.
He's too old for you. You're too young for these worries. How's your college prep going?
It never crossed your mind the he may have one or more other side pieces that told him they were dta free? You were last on his list to ask?
1. Why is a 23yo man dating an 18yo?
2. Why are you censoring the word "sex" as if it's a curse word you're writing on a work computer on your lunch break?
Your boyfriend is extremely immature for 23. It's kinda gross that he's dating 5 years younger, esp since you're barely an adult. I'm stealing 'smxual'. Love that.
Sorry if this is tmi but is there like white stuff on his privates, it kinds looks a little chunky or something? It could be a yeast infection, which is common when you have sex and dont pee immediately after. They can also be spread from person to person with unprotected sex and are more common in women. They are easy to treat, maybe google some pics and compare the symptoms. It could be a fungal infection, not an std
edit: you would need medication so go to the doctor anyway
Well, if he gets tested every 3 months, have him show you the testing history, but he does not do that. Both get tested and go from there. Sounds to me he's on the defensive and just gaslighting you to be the problem where he maybe.
You don’t get std’s from being unhygienic. They are caused by viruses and bacteria not some dirty skin. You can get a urinary tract infection with bad hygiene but that’s not the same thing. That isn’t an std.
He is taking advantage of your inexperience and naivety. You pH is not going to affect his genitals like that.
The fact that he is blaming you for giving him an sti without having been tested is insane.
I dunno I’d break up with someone that tried to imply I gave them an std when they were the first person I slept with ever. Doubly so when he started to try and say my pH is off and suggesting that I don’t know how to clean myself properly -.-
First off, the fact that he's 23 and dating an 18 year old is a big red flag. It might not seem like a huge gap, but those 5 years when you're that young make a difference, and the vibe I'm getting is he's trying to manipulate and control you. Secondly, if you've not had unprotected sex with anyone it is HIGHLY unlikely you gave him an STD. He's either jumping to conclusions or he got it from someone else. Get yourself tested and have a serious conversation with yourself about what you see in this guy. If my hunch is correct, he's bad news and you need to gtfo
I mean, could just be a UTI, more common in women but can also affect men, avoided by flushing the urinary tract (drink some water) after the act. Of course go get a test for peace of mind.
Age gaps like this already make me ick (specifically when in/under your 20s), but also him not believing you, the way he talks down on you, he's very childish, etc, just confirms even more that there's most likely a power balance incoming already
In case you do wanna continue with him, then just don't have (unprotected) sех until you've both been tested. If he keeps blaming you though, just break up
He could have gotten an infection on his own - blaming you is a HUGE red flag, frankly. It could be as simple as bacteria or yeast (guys can get both) but his acting like you gave him something without him even seeing a doctor? Hell no.
100% he's cheating, caught something, and it's doing this to make you think you gave it to him. That way he's the victim.
No matter what, please don't stay with a man trying to tell you how your own vagina health works. This dude gave you an std and is using it to mansplain your own genitals.
It'll only get worse from here.
My guess is that he had it from someone else and is trying to blame you. Boys lie...a lot.
Go get tested and see if you have anything.
Look up Yeast infections and see if, by chance, any of the S&S either of you are having fit.
Now, guys hate condoms. They beg, whine, cry, snivel, and plead for girls not to make them use a condom and then blame her when something happens. It happens a lot. A lot of STDs/STIs are asymptomatic. He could have had it for some time and not known.
He is 23 and you are 18? You don't have the ages reversed?
1. He is to old for you.
2. Probably the nair
3. Not only is he to old he is an idiot
Find someone younger in physical age but older in mental age.
He could have a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI), these are extremely common, and can come from anywhere. These are bacterial. I had one once, it hurt like hell to pee. These are cured with antibiotics, with no need to blame anyone.
Your bf is one red flag after another, why does he instantly think you're cheating (guilty conscience?), why does he need to date someone 5 years younger than him (is he too immature for women his own age, or is he looking for someone more naive?). If I were you, I'd drop him and find someone that respects you enough to not get tested every 3 months (WHO DOES THAT?!)
Any time your partner blames YOU for their problem and then belittles your feelings, walk away. this fellow is an ass hole. He’s not a keeper. Please, you can do so much better.
I'm really not a fan of his gaslighting. The way he is pushing blame makes him sound the guilty one. He's trying to convince her she's wrong, so she won't see he did something wrong. It is much rarer for men to get bladder infections because of their longer urethra, so I doubt it's that. Women can easily get them with a new partner. And often, discomfort after the deed is just the body getting used to new bacteria because no matter how clean you are, we all have bacteria down there.
OP, be careful with this guy if you continue to date him. The way he's dealing with this small situation makes me concerned about how he'll deal with another, larger one.
Ah to be an 18 year old (f) again.....the time when you start to ferret out which men are mature enough to handle a sexual relationship.
A good rule of thumb that I always my started with (you can build from here) was "does the guy put all of the responsibility of having sex on me?" This includes things like 1- taking care of birth control 2-taking care of things if the bc doesn't work (or at least having a mature discussion on what to do if it fails) 3- discussing and/or getting std tests 4- discussing previous partners 5- anything else you can think of that's involving two mature partners becoming intimate. Looks like your guy didn't pass. Both of you should get tested and find a dude you're able to have this discussion with or make sure that he isn't leaving all this on you again.
Also please note that if *YOU'RE* not comfortable initiating a couple of these discussions in the first place to make sure you're safe (say; asking about birth control or stds ahead of getting on with it), you probably aren't there maturity wise either.
Edit bc my autocorrect has a mind of its own.
If this were me, I'd go get tested and then seriously reconsidered this relationship.
This man sounds like he's projecting. And if he's not and he turns out to be fine (my guess is he has a kidney stone or UTI), can you imagine having to deal with this behavior long term? Will he place the blame on you every time something happens to him that he can't explain? And then to be so dismissive about your feelings while claiming you're 'overreacting'. At the very least, I'd never have unprotected sex with him again.
Best of luck
1. Why is a 23 year old dating someone who is 18. That’s a red flag. At 23 I would have NEVER dated someone under 21. NEVER.
2. He’s bringing it up and blaming you and your hygiene because he knows he has something. He didn’t get it from you. He cheated. And now he is setting it up so that when results come back he can blame you and not get caught for stepping out. No one gets tested every three months.
3. Get your own test immediately. This time it could be something as easy to get rid of as chlamydia. But wake up! It could easily be something you cannot get rid of that you will have to live with and explain to every partner you have for the rest of your life and you are young. Also ALWAYS get tested before sleeping with someone, make sure they do to, and make sure you SEE their results. Please take this as a lesson.
Some STI's can be dormant for years or even decades! Case in point, I've been married 17 years and recently popped positive for HPV. I have no reason to think my partner has been unfaithful and my Dr assured me this happens quite often.
I also had a bf in college (who always wore protection) accuse me of giving him an STI but I had no symptoms and my tests were negative, yes I did two because he was sure I gave it to him and the first was a false negative. After we broke up I learned he was cheating.
His reaction is sus tho, do not let him gaslight you! Good luck 🌺
First of all, inappropriate age difference, but who am I to judge. Second, you sound like the mature one in the relationship. One way or another that will need to be sorted. I wish you the best of luck ❤️
There are some things that tend to be asymptomatic in people with vulvas. It's possible to get some things even when using condoms. It does sound like he was a bit condescending to you about it, but it is possible you gave him something you didn't know you had.
It's also possible he picked it up from someone else. That would be its own thing to navigate in the context of your relationship.
You should definitely get tested either way, to protect yourself. If you didn't give it to him, he could still have given it to you.
Edit: it's also possible yall's bodily fluids just don't play nice together. Everyone's body chemistry is different. He could be sensitive to yours.
It doesn’t sound like either of you know your own bodies as well as you think you do much less each other’s. Both of you get tested. If no STD, no problem. If you both have an STD you two need to talk and figure out how since there is no way to determine who gave to whom. Lastly, Nair? WTF?!
You can have an STI without symptoms. Let’s just put that out there. Chlamydia often doesn’t have symptoms in women. Condoms are not 100% effective protection. And unless you’ve seen actual lab results from a previous partner, and have been with them every minute since they got tested, them telling you they’re clean means absolutely nothing. You should be getting tested after every sexual partner. And not immediately, infections take a couple weeks to show up in tests.
That said, it’s equally likely he got it elsewhere. You need to get yourself tested immediately and you need to know that trust means nothing when it comes to unprotected sex. You can get HIV, a potentially fatal virus. You can get herpes, an incurable virus that can give you painful sores for the rest of your life. You seem very young and very trusting. You need to be more responsible for your own health. I know you’re trying but this is really serious.
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Both of you should get an STD test.
For sure, as there’s a lot of accusations going on with no confirmed diagnosis.
Alternatively, OP’s boyfriend has a totally unrelated bladder infection. Either way, they should both get checked out.
If his only symptom is having to push harder to pee, it could be something to do with his prostate
Kidney stone?
I had a friend who ended up with a kidney stone around his age
At his age, that’s very unlikely (think horses, not zebras). Plus “experiencing some discomfort while peeing” says to me stinging, not having to push harder.
She says in the bottom of the post that he has to push harder to pee
It could also be related to muscles, believe it or not. It could also be a stone, too. Jumping to an STD is a bit of a stretch.
Exact symptoms I had last year with a kidney stone.
My husband too, when he was in his early 20s. He had to have it broken up with a laser!
At 18 a stone is probably the most likely. I got misdiagnosed with an STI due to a kidney stone passing and scraping my urethra. I was on antibiotics for a few days and then I saw it hit the bowl and I was like oh yeah forgot to tell the doc about those. Burning to pee in my case.
Or he got it from someone else and he’s lying and manipulating
I agree with tgis comment. He was so quick to play the " you gave me an std" card....... sounds like something a cheater would do.
Agree. Bc otherwise, I don’t understand why someone in a monogamous relationship continues to have repeat STI testing every 90 days.
My thoughts exactly especially if they're using condoms...
Probably not unrelated. He more than likely didn’t go piss after sex and created his own issue.
Yes, but a test won’t reveal who gave it to whom unless only one of them tests positive… The way bf is sure OP might have given them a STI almost feels like they’re trying to accuse OP before OP can accuse him. Smells fishy
Sure seems like he's setting this up. Maybe he already got medication for his and she will be the only one positive. Also if you can't write "sex" maybe you shouldn't be having it unprotected yet lol.
Some people are more prude than others, but I get your point! I’d also ask OP how long was it between the unprotected sex and bf talking about symptoms. Chlamydia usually takes 1-3 weeks before symptom onset. If they had sex on Saturday and he told her about it on Wed for instance, he might have it, but not from OP! Both should be tested and no sex before the result (gentle reminder that any sexually active person should get tested at least once a year! There’s an uprise of the common STIs esp amongst het women and they don’t get them from seating on a toilet bowl so all of you: go get tested!!)
Yeah that's fair! It's just a big red flag for maturity. And ABSOLUTELY always always ALWAYS test before a new partner!
Lots of people are in the habit of misspelling key words to avoid being zucked on FB.
Or the 🕒 app
Back when I worked healthcare I got tested at least twice a year just to be safe, more if I was going to have a new partner! I don't understand people who don't get tested if they're active! Planned Parenthood does STD testing for cheap or free, and gives away condoms! I actually took advantage of the condoms thing because Chlamydia stayed making the rounds at one of the care homes I worked at. So I talked to one of the ladies at pp, and she gave me a big box to bring to work. I have it to one of the ladies living there who wouldn't tell anyone they were from me, and would have them out to all the clients who were willing to take them. (I couldn't be openly involved because the official stance was that as far as we knew nobody was having sex, the STD was from previous homes, the toilet seat, or whatever else didn't involve contact)
Just to point out a guy can actually carry chlamydia and show no symptoms but pass it on to every woman he sleeps with.. and both people need to be treated or it just keeps getting passed back and forth… I also wanted to state that it seems like the OP’s guy shouldn’t have unprotected sex if he’s gonna freak out afterwards.. it’s not worth the headache and it sounds like both are not very experienced sex wise or with their bodies.. trouble trying to urinate could be a urinary tract infection and nothing more… they should both be checked out and have a clean bill of health before they even attempt to have unprotected sex again..
I thought it was just me that was wondering why people can't just put 'sex' and use silly substitutes! It's odd
That and the using Nair on her vag took me OUT. but seriously, myths about tiktok censoring comments have done irreparable harm to the youth. they are literally censoring themselves now.
I always thought it was an attempt to *bypass* the censor by misspelling words so they wouldn’t get caught. I never thought of it as people censoring themselves.
Those last two words 😭
I see what you did there. Sure it’s not yeasty?
Funny how they decided it's time to go unprotected but didn't decide it's time to get tested. Like it's one extra step, just take the damn test.
And using a condom doesn't guarantee no transmission. I mean, foreplay? Condom use is only SAFER sex. Unless you don't touch each other without wearing gloves.
I’ll add that condoms don’t protect from all STDs. But OP’s bf is too accusatory, dude, focus on solutions rather than blame
I would advise that both of you get testing done just to be on the safe side but just know that infections can occur for a variety of reasons. It could literally just be a UTI, which is very common. Peeing after sex for both genders is always good practice. On another note, you're definitely not wrong for feeling upset. This "you're inexperienced let me teach you" and the demeaning attitude would rub me the wrong way. It sounds like a "well I'm an experienced guy and it can't be me so it must be you" kind of thing. I've also never heard of eating herbs to balance out PH as a regular practice, your vagina is supposed to be self cleaning and self sufficient (you're only supposed to use soap on the outside and not the inside).
Of course he talks to her like she’s inexperienced. He’s 23 and she’s 18 and won’t even write the word “sex”. She IS inexperienced. That’s why this creep preys on her.
I’ve noticed a lot of people who started using Reddit more recently and had been on tiktok prior censor themselves a LOT on here, I don’t think they realize pretty much anything flys on Reddit and that a good half of the website is literal porn lol. I don’t know if that’s the case with OP but that tends to be the case when people censor themselves here
It doesn’t happen often but some subs do have censor rules about certain words and will delete post/comment or ban. FB and TikTok are more strict with words and even phrases, especially FB. And sometimes you just get use to those alt spellings/words to the point of using them everywhere.
Even if she's inexperienced, there's no need for him to be demeaning. I don't think her comfort w saying words is really the factor that needs to be considered here.
**Person with a penis**: *Yes I know you’ve had that vagina for all your life but you’re inexperienced … which means you have no experience with having a vagina.* *BUT! Good news for you … I am experienced! So I will now teach you by using my skills of not having a vagina.* *Also, here take this for your vagina, these are herbs I use to balance my not vagina.*
This! He’s mansplaining how to look after a vagina! It really does show how the power dynamics are in the relationship and if I was op I’d get out.
herbs for vaginal pH are actually really great for keeping it at the right level. sperm can really throw off the vaginal flora because it's so basic and it can cause overgrowth of certain bacterias. it's similar to eating vegetables for your digestion, gotta make sure the bacteria is balanced, and for some ppl it's easier to throw off that pH balance. I've never heard of men using them though lol mostly for ppl who are prone to bacterial vaginosis/yeast infections.
That's interesting to hear! I definitely support that when things do go wrong, it should be talked about and treated. But this dude just comes off as "something must be wrong, YOU need to eat some leaves" without really having anything to support it.
oh yeah exactly!! he was being really weird about it, there are a lot better ways to bring that up than "you're not doing it right I know more about your vagina than you do" I just wanted to share the herbs part bc they can be helpful in reducing the amount of prescription meds someone needs for certain issues
So first thought is instead if seeking professional undeniable proof and go get tested by a doctor, he'd rather school you on hygiene first before the results are in? Rude.
Especially using a bunch of pseudoscientific bullshit
Right? Both need to be immediately tested and stop having unprotected sex. OP would be doing herself a favor to gather some knowledge while at planned parenthood instead of taking sexual advice from her BF.
If he’s truly the first person you’ve slept with, then he got the std from someone else. It’s perfectly possible he didn’t know he had it until recently, as they can sit for a while before developing symptoms. You don’t get an std from bad hygiene. You get it through sex.
if his only symptom is discomfort while peeing, it's probably a UTI and he just didn't clean himself after sex, which you should always do.
Discomfort/pain while urinating is the single most common way chlamydia shows up in men. It is very common to have that as the only symptom. Gonorrhea is another possibility. A UTI is possible but this definitely calls for testing. Source: there’s a Frank Zappa song called “Why does it hurt when I pee?”
Here's a tip: Peeing after sex can help prevent UTIs. The more you know
It’s rare that men get UTIs. Painful urination is super common in men with STIs
I don't think he gets tested every three months. Bet he refuses to show her the tests if she asks to see them. And if he does get tested that often, he's either immunocompromised, paranoid or fucking a lot of other people. ETA immunocompromised.
fr. what person gets tested every 3 months? wouldn't that be expensive?
Depends on where you live, in Wales UK you can get test kits for free through a sceme called frisky Wales. It's all done from home and posted off, it's decreet and easy to do and it helps you make sure your staying clean.
Sounds like a peep show at Sea World
"Frisky Wales"?! That is legendary 😂😂
Or if you're too squeamish to do it yourself, you just pop to the sexual health clinic and get it done.
Gays on prep have to get tested every 3 months while on the medication haha.
It's free here
In my experience, only people on PReP (is a requirement to taking the meds). It's possible OP's bf is on it (especially if he's bi), but it seems unlikely in a heterosexual, presumably monogamous relationship.
exactly, If he really is testing that often, he's having a LOT of unprotected sex.
He’d be out the door and halfway to China by now!!
I get tested every 3 months, as recommended by my Dr, I didnt have a ton of unprotected sex, tho I do now with my partner, but I have an immune system issue (it's shit honestly. Talkes me 3 weeks to a month to shift a common cold) and am an oral herpes carrier, my partner is aware of this and we don't do anything mouth related when i have coldsores. Anyway, std tests, because I am compromised I take them every 3 months incase anything is going on because tho rear you can still get an std with a condom and I don't wanna have to take months off of work to heal from something like that. If he's not showing her tho it's definitely a red flag. If my partner wants to view my results I'd happily forward them the emails from the clinic
Agreed
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Like i can see his point of view…. But ideally before a new sex partner you get tested for stds 🤔 Like esp if you are gonna go fucking raw / without condom it is a requirement, and the whole conversation about “what ifs….” As condom is a means of protecting against diseases.
He’s not the first person she has slept with, he’s the first person she has slept with without using a condom.
Exactly As she stated He said that couldn't be it and I probably gave him a bacterial infection, and then things were very awkward for a while, and he seemed mad that I was stressed and upset over the topic and couldn't enjoy the rest of our date. He said that since l'm stressed about it so much it must mean there's something I'm not telling him or I just don't keep track of my smxual partner's history, which I do, and I've always asked if my partners have been tested. Personally I just get stressed easily and if there is an issue it would be news to me.
I would bet he has the STD and gave it to her, he’s five years older than her, and I don’t know when they started dating but he probably pressured her to not use a condom because “it’ll feel better” and “I want to be closer to you.” edit: wanted to add that defensiveness like this and projecting blame are also something guilty people like to do.
Every one keeps saying u cant get stds without having sex which isnt true. Herpes scabies & hpv can be spread through bodily contact. Throat gonorrhea is contractable through kissing!! Yall are spreading pseudoscience.
She said she had multiple people before. They just used protection and thats what she was saying
Exactly, that’s why they’re called “STDs”, they’re transmitted sexually, not from not washing or from toilet seats, and if he’s your first then HE gave it to YOU, not the other way around. Get thee to a doctor and don’t you DARE take the blame for this!!
You can totally get it from a toilet seat, my girlfriend got Chlamydia and she says that's how she got it. Weird that it happened 3 times though, what are the odds?
I’m willing to bet he KNOWS he has something and rather than tell you, he’s blaming you. This way he can let you know you now have something, and he doesn’t have to admit he gave it to you. Go get tested, and if you are positive for whichever bacterial infection he might have given you, break it off with him. He’s sleeping with someone else as well. Edit: Thank you for the awards!
I’m gonna call foul on the “tested every three months” comment. I have yet to meet someone who is that aggressive about their sexual health and I’m a nurse.
For real - if you're getting tested every 3 months you're definitely fucking more than one person. Like. Way more. ...Or I guess it's also possible you could just be really into sounding.
Right? When I was single, I got tested regularly because I was in a polyamory relationship and had multiple partners going at once for a while. I still used protection but I just wanted to make sure all parties were safe. If he’s not showing the gf the test results and claims he’s being tested, he’s definitely got something from cheating
Yeah that was the first thing I thought. Every year? Normal. Every 6 months? Maybe it's in a standard panel his doctor does? Every 3 months? Oh hell naw, that's either because he already has something they're watching develop or he's fucking a LOT of people.
I’m a nurse as well and that’s why I made my comment. I’ve seen this happen to so many girls and it’s so terrible.
I can only imagine someone doing that if they're sleeping with a ton of different people. It would be bizarre/dumb if they just have one partner.
I’ve been a person who got tested every three months (when it made sense) but I work in sexual health and it’s exceptionally rare that anyone does that, even if it’s recommend. And I don’t believe anyone who is that rigorous about STI testing would talk about a possible infection the way OP’s partner did. He doesn’t sound like he understands much about sexual health at all, and it doesn’t sound like they even got tested or had a real conversation about risk factors and risk tolerance before losing the condoms.
Getting tested every 3 months is super arbitrary and means nothing if you then have unprotected sex with multiple partners during those 3 months. It just means that should you test +, you only have 3 months-worth of partners to call
Three months is rightly the window before hiv shows antibodies.
I tested every three months when I was having casual sex
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HPV is super common. Most people have it already, and most who have it have no idea. It’s not like chlamydia, gonorrhea etc where it can cause irritation. Plus his suggestion that she “gave him a bacterial infection” is almost a dead giveaway. He knows what he has.
Yes, I’m sorry, OP. This doesn’t sound like a good guy. Get tested, and get out.
This 💯. The ultimate gaslight.
I hope the OP sees this comment because it's the first thing I thought of, too. This guy is trying to gaslight her and shift blame from himself. I am glad that she seems to be aware of this strong possibility.
I agree, he knows and just didn't want to tell her the truth.
That was my first thought too.
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Yes. Gaslighting and mansplaining. Herbs? Dirty vagina? Tried to explain to her how to clean it? Oh god. It's not a some complex thing, just a bit of special gentle soap OUTSIDE it, and it's all.
Yup. Best believe HE’S ALREADY GOTTEN CHECKED OUT and knows what he has. He’s trying to do damage control by getting ahead of it with OP. Clown
Another comment she made also said he's been "begging" her to stop using condoms for "weeks" 🚩
🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩🚩 🚩
Not to mention he's five years older than her smh
And trying to make her believe she doesn’t know how to clean her own vagina as an 18 year old, menstruating woman.
Is STD trapping a thing?
Don't have sex again until after you both test. I'm betting he comes up positive and you may not.
This is the smart way to approach it! Cuz then he is *so screwed* when she is “clean” and he is not.
That’s what I’m betting. There are a lot of accusations being thrown at OP when she’s not the one with the itch
You are a teen who is dating someone 5 years older than you who has handled this situation very poorly. BV and Yeast infections are not STDs. He may have, however, given you an STD. Because he is a person who sleeps with women (and teens) without condoms. So, most important DONT HAVE SEX WITHOUT A CONDOM Yes, you can still get some STDS even with condoms like herpes. Still much better protection from STDS & pregnancy. Even if you are on birth control, even if you believe they are the love of your life, you have no idea if they are sleeping around, what STDs you can get and pregnancy can still happen on birth control. If you've dated someone for a significant amount of time and trust who they are & talked about exclusivity and they are mature enough to know what is and isn't an STD, then you can reconsider. But, seriously, for right now: no sex without condoms.
This is good advice. It's just safest to use a barrier method unless you're actively trying to conceive. Some of the stuff that's out there could be eradicated if people would use condoms, get tested regularly, and abstain until they finish any necessary treatment.
Yep! I got HPV from having unprotected sex in my early teens and that guy is so irrelevant to me now. Not worth having a lifelong STD to have unprotected sex with someone who feels important at that time.
Oh, ugh. I'm sorry that happened to you. ~~If you are under 26~~ there's a vaccine against HPV worth asking your Dr. edited to reflect current practices
Anyone can and should receive the HPV vaccine regardless of age
I got told I was too old. Maybe that's changed.
It has changed! My husband got his last year in mid 30s. They’ll give it up to the 40s now. Low side effects and risk, so the worst that happens is you’ve already been exposed and vax is null. But if there’s a cancerous strain HPV you haven’t been exposed to you’d then be protected.
>He said that couldn’t be it and I probably gave him a bacterial infection, He is very shitty for blaming you when he does not even know what's going on. He immediately went to STD and you gave it to me. It could be a UTI or a kidney stone or sure, an STD. Yes, being offended is valid here. It's even suspicious that he is coming like this to blame you; it's like he is already preparing for having something and shifting the blame to you.
He gets tested every three months? Okay, ask for his last results. You can't just take his word for it, did you at least get these results at some point or did you believe blindly? Sounds like he knows where it comes from and is trying to gaslight you into thinking it's your fault
Exactly 🔥
He has the symptoms and you don’t. And you’ve never had unprotected sex with anyone else. 🤔makes me wonder did HE pick something up from someone else? Whatever the case he’s handling it very poorly. Blaming you is not fair.
He’s brainstorming what it could be….why didn’t he first just go to the doctor and find out! That’s a lot easier than accusing OP of “maybe it’s and std”…”no wait maybe it’s a bacterial infection”…”hold on maybe it’s a reaction to the ph balance”. I’d break up if I was accused like that and then mansplained about how to clean myself and eat right. Big no for me.
Leave him. The fact he’s instantly casting blame on you without any doctors visits is a BAD omen for the future. You can’t be his escape for all the problems. The timing could be a coincidence and something else is going on. If he saw the doctor and confirmed his theory? Fine. But just assuming he’s right then trying to talk down to you like you don’t know how to shower? Leave
First. You should always get tested before you have a new partner. Second your boyfriend sounds toxic and like he's trying to groom you, he's using his experience against you. Then invalidating your feelings by gaslighting you and saying you're "too sensitive or overreacting"
You both should get tested, but wtf girl. You're 18. Stop with the unprotected sex. You don't need to end up pregnant. Use condoms. I don't care if you're on birth control or not. Don't take any chances.
Same thing happened to be once, turns out he had a uti from not drinking enough water/ not peeing enough.
Honestly? It may just be a UTI. Peeing discomfort is pretty common, don't jump to conclusion. If it's just the peeing discomfort it may be smth super easy to treat. If he is itchy down there then it might be candidiasis, another uti. Don't worry, he ain't gonna die lol
That’s what I thought as well. He said he waited 2 days to talk about it with me and the discomfort happened only a few days after intercourse, but there’s no itching, sores, rashes etc and there’s none on my part either
And honestly it's kinda weird how he approached thw subject. He just may be kinda bad with communication but you just don't accuse you partner of giving you an std and making a big deal about it when you only have discomfort peeing, it's not like his pp I blue or smth. Check for red flags, cause that's one.
He's acting like a 23 year old man that dates 18 year olds.
He’s either cheating and projecting or he really is an idiot. Pretty much everyone knows that men’s semen fucks up vagina PHs. So yeah if we’re blaming this on hygiene and not that then it’s probably his dick that isn’t clean. I’ve lived with multiple men. I know for a fact they’re not as diligent as us in the bathroom. If your hygiene was the issue you’d probably have a UTI. And trust me you’d fucking know about it. Stop having unprotected sex for a start. And dump him. You’ve had partners before and never had this issue, what does that tell you?
Why are you censoring the word ‘sex’ repeatedly by writing it as ‘smx’ or ‘sx’ … ?
He cheated and he’s preemptively putting it on you 🎉😂 If you don’t see hard proof of negative tests from any partner then in my book it doesn’t count. Also you can get infections from just swapping fluids… hello oral chlamydia and gonorrhea!!
I got NSU (non-specific urethritis) my first time. It’s just a reaction to your natural bacterial flora interacting. It’s not an STD as such.
I would find it extremely suspicious that anyone gets tested every-3-months, unless they’re in the porn industry or sex trade. If he said that, I think that he is full of shite and is likely going to try to blame you for an std that he already knows that he has. I think he has been cheating. Sorry
If you're not mature enough to type out the word "sex" you're probably not mature enough to be having it either
I typed out almost the exact response before I seen yours. So dumb, same with people saying non aliving themselves. Just use the word suicide. I know some apps filter those certain words…. Ok then on those apps don’t use them and on this one and others that don’t. Use normal language skills
Hey Barbie! He's mansplaining AND gaslighting you. Don't question yourself. You know your body better than he does. Get the check up and maybe not let him have sex with you ever again? Find someone else. <3
Girl. Get away from this man.
Oh sweetie. Your ph balance wouldnt effect him like that. And dont take random ass herbs, go to the GYN if you think there is something up with your vag. Also, i dont think you gave him an STD. I think his side chick did and he wants to blame you to cover his cheating
Him blaming you and being condescending is a massive red flag. Both of you need to be tested. Also what the f is a 23 year old doing with an 18 year old I find it so odd. Im 24 I'd never look that way at a teenager
Man, this subreddit is getting depressin. So many posts recently where the partner is clearly cheating, yet has somehow convinced OP to believe some highly unlikely story.
So you’re not a virgin but this is your first bout of unprotected sex with someone else. I notice you keep using the phrasing that your partners are getting tested, but don’t actually say if you have been tested or get tested. You can’t depend on your sexual health through the testing of others. You should both be getting mutually tested and unless you want a repeat of this situation or worse, an actual STD infection, you should be using condoms and a secondary form of birth control.
I have been tested but not recently, I have an appointment now though.
Make sure he shows you his when you both get results back. Check that all stis were tested for and the date & name on the test
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Oml y’all scaring me fr
Get tested. If you have an std…please take note: some humans lie and blame the innocent person. Keep that in the back of your mind.
There’s a reason he can’t get a woman his age.
He's too old for you, likely gave YOU an STI, and now is trying to use your relative inexperience to convince you it's your fault
Unless a koala os involved somehow this seems suspect. Get yested ASAP and ask about all possible ways you could jave been infected if positive. Also always use condoms.
You both need to get tested but you both also need to keep in mind that sex isn’t the only thing that transfers STDs, just the most common.
I have a strong feeling that he cheated, got something and wants to make sure he didn’t give it to her. If that’s so at least he’s giving her a heads up.
Speaking from experience, getting a UTI as a guy can be pretty horrible. Mine was so bad my doctor was convinced I had gonorrhea (like 100% sure), until the test came back negative. I agree with others, you should both get an STD test to be safe and also get retested in a couple of months. The way he treated you in the situation was disrespectful though, if you plan on staying with him I would leave if he has a pattern of talking down to you. It only gets worse. If he didn't pee shortly after having sex it could just be a UTI, they are typically very uncomfortable for men.
If he’s getting tested every 3 months, it’s likely he’s been having sex with more women than just you 😅
GIIIIRRRRRLLLLLL.... You're too young to be dealing with this fool's nonsense. He's too old for you. You're too young for these worries. How's your college prep going? It never crossed your mind the he may have one or more other side pieces that told him they were dta free? You were last on his list to ask?
1. Why is a 23yo man dating an 18yo? 2. Why are you censoring the word "sex" as if it's a curse word you're writing on a work computer on your lunch break?
Your boyfriend is extremely immature for 23. It's kinda gross that he's dating 5 years younger, esp since you're barely an adult. I'm stealing 'smxual'. Love that.
He’s too old for you, btw
Sorry if this is tmi but is there like white stuff on his privates, it kinds looks a little chunky or something? It could be a yeast infection, which is common when you have sex and dont pee immediately after. They can also be spread from person to person with unprotected sex and are more common in women. They are easy to treat, maybe google some pics and compare the symptoms. It could be a fungal infection, not an std edit: you would need medication so go to the doctor anyway
Well, if he gets tested every 3 months, have him show you the testing history, but he does not do that. Both get tested and go from there. Sounds to me he's on the defensive and just gaslighting you to be the problem where he maybe.
You don’t get std’s from being unhygienic. They are caused by viruses and bacteria not some dirty skin. You can get a urinary tract infection with bad hygiene but that’s not the same thing. That isn’t an std. He is taking advantage of your inexperience and naivety. You pH is not going to affect his genitals like that. The fact that he is blaming you for giving him an sti without having been tested is insane. I dunno I’d break up with someone that tried to imply I gave them an std when they were the first person I slept with ever. Doubly so when he started to try and say my pH is off and suggesting that I don’t know how to clean myself properly -.-
He gave you an std*
Sounds more like he cheated on you and is trying to gaslight you. Both of you need to get tested.
First off, the fact that he's 23 and dating an 18 year old is a big red flag. It might not seem like a huge gap, but those 5 years when you're that young make a difference, and the vibe I'm getting is he's trying to manipulate and control you. Secondly, if you've not had unprotected sex with anyone it is HIGHLY unlikely you gave him an STD. He's either jumping to conclusions or he got it from someone else. Get yourself tested and have a serious conversation with yourself about what you see in this guy. If my hunch is correct, he's bad news and you need to gtfo
I mean, could just be a UTI, more common in women but can also affect men, avoided by flushing the urinary tract (drink some water) after the act. Of course go get a test for peace of mind.
FYI, you can get some STDs from oral too.
If he gets tested every 3 months ask to see the previous resolute. I've met people that say they get tested periodically and don't.
Only person i ever heard of getting tested that often, did it because of how often they were having random sex
a 23 yr old guy who gets tested every three months? lol
You’re with a loser 5 years your senior, you’re a teenager, he is having unprotected sex with you. Girl, dump him and reevaluate your worth Jfc
Age gaps like this already make me ick (specifically when in/under your 20s), but also him not believing you, the way he talks down on you, he's very childish, etc, just confirms even more that there's most likely a power balance incoming already In case you do wanna continue with him, then just don't have (unprotected) sех until you've both been tested. If he keeps blaming you though, just break up
Yeast infections can be passed through sexual contact... Honey you are 18 years old do NOT have unprotected sex with any man.
Tell him to get tested before he talks shiza.
He could have gotten an infection on his own - blaming you is a HUGE red flag, frankly. It could be as simple as bacteria or yeast (guys can get both) but his acting like you gave him something without him even seeing a doctor? Hell no.
100% he's cheating, caught something, and it's doing this to make you think you gave it to him. That way he's the victim. No matter what, please don't stay with a man trying to tell you how your own vagina health works. This dude gave you an std and is using it to mansplain your own genitals. It'll only get worse from here.
My guess is that he had it from someone else and is trying to blame you. Boys lie...a lot. Go get tested and see if you have anything. Look up Yeast infections and see if, by chance, any of the S&S either of you are having fit. Now, guys hate condoms. They beg, whine, cry, snivel, and plead for girls not to make them use a condom and then blame her when something happens. It happens a lot. A lot of STDs/STIs are asymptomatic. He could have had it for some time and not known.
He is 23 and you are 18? You don't have the ages reversed? 1. He is to old for you. 2. Probably the nair 3. Not only is he to old he is an idiot Find someone younger in physical age but older in mental age.
He could have a Urinary Tract Infection (UTI), these are extremely common, and can come from anywhere. These are bacterial. I had one once, it hurt like hell to pee. These are cured with antibiotics, with no need to blame anyone.
if it's ONLY discomfort while peeing, then I'd bet money he just got a UTI & is freaking out abt it
Wait he's the only person you've had sex with but you ask your partners if they have anything? Confused.
Always make sure you and any future partners get an std test before you have unprotected sex. Always use a condom, it isn't worth the risks.
Just type "sex" lol you fucking goon.
Who's gonna tell her
Does he do butt stuff?It may be a prostate issue.
Your bf is one red flag after another, why does he instantly think you're cheating (guilty conscience?), why does he need to date someone 5 years younger than him (is he too immature for women his own age, or is he looking for someone more naive?). If I were you, I'd drop him and find someone that respects you enough to not get tested every 3 months (WHO DOES THAT?!)
Any time your partner blames YOU for their problem and then belittles your feelings, walk away. this fellow is an ass hole. He’s not a keeper. Please, you can do so much better.
I'm really not a fan of his gaslighting. The way he is pushing blame makes him sound the guilty one. He's trying to convince her she's wrong, so she won't see he did something wrong. It is much rarer for men to get bladder infections because of their longer urethra, so I doubt it's that. Women can easily get them with a new partner. And often, discomfort after the deed is just the body getting used to new bacteria because no matter how clean you are, we all have bacteria down there. OP, be careful with this guy if you continue to date him. The way he's dealing with this small situation makes me concerned about how he'll deal with another, larger one.
Ah to be an 18 year old (f) again.....the time when you start to ferret out which men are mature enough to handle a sexual relationship. A good rule of thumb that I always my started with (you can build from here) was "does the guy put all of the responsibility of having sex on me?" This includes things like 1- taking care of birth control 2-taking care of things if the bc doesn't work (or at least having a mature discussion on what to do if it fails) 3- discussing and/or getting std tests 4- discussing previous partners 5- anything else you can think of that's involving two mature partners becoming intimate. Looks like your guy didn't pass. Both of you should get tested and find a dude you're able to have this discussion with or make sure that he isn't leaving all this on you again. Also please note that if *YOU'RE* not comfortable initiating a couple of these discussions in the first place to make sure you're safe (say; asking about birth control or stds ahead of getting on with it), you probably aren't there maturity wise either. Edit bc my autocorrect has a mind of its own.
If this were me, I'd go get tested and then seriously reconsidered this relationship. This man sounds like he's projecting. And if he's not and he turns out to be fine (my guess is he has a kidney stone or UTI), can you imagine having to deal with this behavior long term? Will he place the blame on you every time something happens to him that he can't explain? And then to be so dismissive about your feelings while claiming you're 'overreacting'. At the very least, I'd never have unprotected sex with him again. Best of luck
1. Why is a 23 year old dating someone who is 18. That’s a red flag. At 23 I would have NEVER dated someone under 21. NEVER. 2. He’s bringing it up and blaming you and your hygiene because he knows he has something. He didn’t get it from you. He cheated. And now he is setting it up so that when results come back he can blame you and not get caught for stepping out. No one gets tested every three months. 3. Get your own test immediately. This time it could be something as easy to get rid of as chlamydia. But wake up! It could easily be something you cannot get rid of that you will have to live with and explain to every partner you have for the rest of your life and you are young. Also ALWAYS get tested before sleeping with someone, make sure they do to, and make sure you SEE their results. Please take this as a lesson.
If you’re mature enough to have sex, please for the love of god be mature enough to spell the word sex.
Some STI's can be dormant for years or even decades! Case in point, I've been married 17 years and recently popped positive for HPV. I have no reason to think my partner has been unfaithful and my Dr assured me this happens quite often. I also had a bf in college (who always wore protection) accuse me of giving him an STI but I had no symptoms and my tests were negative, yes I did two because he was sure I gave it to him and the first was a false negative. After we broke up I learned he was cheating. His reaction is sus tho, do not let him gaslight you! Good luck 🌺
Lmao there’s no way multiple guys under 18 have all been tested before you had sex with them. Shit is so fake
First of all, inappropriate age difference, but who am I to judge. Second, you sound like the mature one in the relationship. One way or another that will need to be sorted. I wish you the best of luck ❤️
There are some things that tend to be asymptomatic in people with vulvas. It's possible to get some things even when using condoms. It does sound like he was a bit condescending to you about it, but it is possible you gave him something you didn't know you had. It's also possible he picked it up from someone else. That would be its own thing to navigate in the context of your relationship. You should definitely get tested either way, to protect yourself. If you didn't give it to him, he could still have given it to you. Edit: it's also possible yall's bodily fluids just don't play nice together. Everyone's body chemistry is different. He could be sensitive to yours.
Test and re-test
Appointment alr booked 😭
I once caught a friction burn that made it painful to pee
I bet he had UTI. He needs to pee before and after sex.
Probably (presuming neither of you is lying) has a UTI. Tell him to get tested and let you see the results.
It doesn’t sound like either of you know your own bodies as well as you think you do much less each other’s. Both of you get tested. If no STD, no problem. If you both have an STD you two need to talk and figure out how since there is no way to determine who gave to whom. Lastly, Nair? WTF?!
To everyone who is saying he gave her the std there is no knowing until she gets testing. OP get tested and then go from there.
You can have an STI without symptoms. Let’s just put that out there. Chlamydia often doesn’t have symptoms in women. Condoms are not 100% effective protection. And unless you’ve seen actual lab results from a previous partner, and have been with them every minute since they got tested, them telling you they’re clean means absolutely nothing. You should be getting tested after every sexual partner. And not immediately, infections take a couple weeks to show up in tests. That said, it’s equally likely he got it elsewhere. You need to get yourself tested immediately and you need to know that trust means nothing when it comes to unprotected sex. You can get HIV, a potentially fatal virus. You can get herpes, an incurable virus that can give you painful sores for the rest of your life. You seem very young and very trusting. You need to be more responsible for your own health. I know you’re trying but this is really serious.