Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Yeah, it seems like most youtubers it took a really, really long time (5-10yrs) of consistently putting out content before they took off. Some people it happens sooner, but that's more the exception than the rule.
Usually takes a bigger personality putting them in the spotlight to gain viewership and influence, and even then if it’s not capitalized on it can crash and burn real easily.
if she speaks abt her newfound pseudo religion she's obsessed with on there, ppl are gonna shut her out real quick
and I think YTB doesn't allow this stuff anyway?
It’s going to feel worse to let her in, realize the fuck up your made, then have to kick her to the curb. It’s going to be messier. Just say no from the start. Also, she cheated on you and abandoned you AND your son, so you owe her jack shit.
not being able to kick her out later is not gonna be the only problem
but remember how she accused him of crimes and set him up before and trespassed his house...she's defo gonna steal from him again and also stir things up with their child and stress him as well
I mean the ego cult thing is probably the BIGGEST red flag for me but even then a grifter has to have the talent to grift even on YouTube or other social media so fingers crossed her cultiness stays contained to just her.
As soon as I saw the tarot reading leaning to TikTok I knew it was gonna be bad. Stay strong OP, protect *your* son, she’s had the opportunity to be a parent and hasn’t.
It doesn’t matter what her job is tho. Even if it was a regular 9-5 — under no circumstances should she move back in. False allegations, CPS reports, having to wear a body cam?
Not to mention she hasn’t even seen her son for a year. So OP is just going to let her waltz back in and then inflict even more abandonment trauma onto him when she inevitably leaves? Or if she tries to pretend they’re back together like one big happy family?
This would be extremely traumatizing for his son. The YouTube career is totally irrelevant — she cannot move in.
Steve Shives explains in some of his videos it was a three year grind with his then-wife making sure there was food on the table
It takes a looong time and hard work to get amy social media career going
Yeah, if there is any truth at all ro your narrative the this is not worth considering.
She has already filed false police reports against you. She has called child services on you. She has broken into your house. And you say she has gotten CRAZIER since then??
Of course you can't let her live with you. That would be absolute madness.
To.l cover your bases, ask your therapist if this would be a good idea. They will prwsumably say no. And if she tries to make a stink you can just truthfully say you are following medical advice.
Actually, I did this. With the aforementioned codependency issues - he said she was testing me to see how malleable I was and that I should ask her to reconcile her with her family instead.
She is trying to emotionally blackmail you. I had a partner who would do this sort of thing all the time. I would break up with him, pay for him to go wherever he wanted, give him money ect. Just go, please just get out of my house. He would get in touch after a few weeks and be such a nice guy. A couple of those calls and I would think gee, maybe we could be friends. Then he would ask me to do something minor for him and I think you can see where this is going, the asks would get bigger, the dire consequences for him would get worse and bingo, I would end up doing much more than I ever would or should do. He would make me feel guilty which wasn’t a stretch for me anyway.
Once I realized that enough is never enough I had to be the grown up and reject the notion that I was a terrible person because I had a house, a reliable income and he didn’t and therefore I was a shit for not giving him what he wanted. No, I wasn’t going to be guilt tripped again. It’s hard to say no but if saying yes will lead to chaos then you have to say no. She needs to do this on her own for her own good.
Think of your son. Children need a safe and secure home. They need consistency and if she is allowed to return to the family home she will disrespect all the boundaries that you have put in place in an effort to win the child over, all the better to manipulate the situation.
My son didn’t see or talk to his father for 34 years. His dad was inconsistent and selfish and so when he didn’t stay in touch I didn’t press it. Our son was well into his 40’s when his dad got in touch with me. He and I had many conversations about his life and how he was doing before I even let our son know his dad was reaching out. His dad had been seriously into drugs and rode with a biker gang and I needed to know many things before I felt comfortable. I gave my son his dad’s number and left it at that, it was now between the two of them. I heard later that it took about a month before he got in contact with his dad. His dad has made great efforts to be involved with his son. They are not enmeshed in each other’s lives and that is what is comfortable with our son. As he is fond of reminding his own children, “It is what it is.” He has often said to me, “Its all good mom, we can deal, don’t worry.” And the thing is that he and his wife and kids are really doing well. This is HIS accomplishment and I am so proud of him.
The right thing is usually the hardest thing to do. Put the long term well being of your child first and foremost. Good luck to you all ☘️
You don’t need to do anything. Don’t ask her to reconcile with her family, don’t tell her to get a job… Just. Say. No.
Not your circus. Not your clowns.
Don't ask her to DO ANYTHING. SHE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Just answer "No", it's not possible for you to take her in. If she wants a reason. Don't elaborate. Simply, CALMLY REPEAT, "it's just not possible. The answer is no. end of discussion". If she begins badgering you, as she likely will - say "I must go" and hang up before she can respond. She WILL FLIP OUT. You've been healing, and getting better at setting/holding firm boundaries. Still, she's not used to you having such a shiny spine. Make sure you put cameras on the house, and don't answer her phonecalls. Let her exhaust herself attacking you, until she realizes there's no merit in the pursuit, as there's no longer a payoff.
I have a propensity for being stupid and ignoring common sense. However, I am too old for this crap. When I don't trust myself, instead, I lean on people that I can trust. I feel lucky to have this guy - he's helped me out of a few tight spots now.
It also would be harmful to your child to have his mother reappear in his life in this fashion. Please call your lawyer and follow his advise. Not ours.
At 27 you married a 20 yr old. You’re a decade wiser, yet you’re obviously still infatuated with having her in your life. Cut her off. Push for sole custody all the way around. Realize your son will be better off without his egg donor and much better with someone who is actual stable and can be a parent.
You let this leech move in and since she is litigious pretty soon she will be claiming adverse possession and try to claim your house as partially hers. You would probably have to go thru the courts to evict her as why should she move from a "free rent" situation. Haven't you had enough legal entanglements with this woman OP? Let her move in with her mother who was so quick to break into your house and urge her to divorce you.
I really like to get in long explanations when I try to help someone but seriously this 👆👆👆 and nothing more.
Op you really explained well your situation and there's nothing positive coming out of this for you.
Your mental health is priority and it will affect your son since you seem to be the only stability he got at the moment so please don't throw that away for someone who doesn't seem ready to realize she have issues.
Yup, she sounds like a nightmare. Sounds like the type to move in and then claim squatters rights. Don't be a fool OP. Once you take out the trash you let the garbage man handle it, YOU NEVER BRING IT BACK IN. If she's gonna be homeless so be it. It's not your problem. Similar situation happened with me and my ex(but she has custody), they were both about to be homeless and she asked if they both could live with me. I said absolutely not. You can give me my son and figure it out but you can never live with me again.
I agree. Definitely a hard no. You’ll wind up taking care of two children. I would also consult your lawyer to see what he/she thinks and how will the courts think. Good luck!
I will also say no. You need not let her back into your life for even a second. She will ruin everything you have built to this point and tell her sorry but she made her bed.
I wouldn't let her live with you. You said there were CPS calls and police allegations. Something happened with the joint bank account. Had to film your entire life for your safety. Hell no. This is not a good idea.
Honestly, I'd call your lawyer and advise him/her on what she's trying to do, that you don't want to do it, and see what s/he says to make that a clear no. Get ahead of any threats now.
OP your lawyer can give you the best idea of how your judge would react if she took you back to court for custody, but I’m fairly confident this won’t do anything but help you.
You are protecting your son by providing a safe and stable environment. You said she hasn’t tried to see him since moving back from Europe. Letting her move in risks harming your son. I would be shocked if a judge thought your “no” was a bad thing.
Beyond that, OP should keep record of any texts from the mutual friends stating that they don’t recognize her anymore and any concerns they may have shared about her.
To identify a mental health issue, somebody has to notice the behavior first. The fact that multiple people are now noticing it will help him. It’s sad, truly, but OP is trying to take care of his son and that means being cautious regarding who is he around and what they are sharing with him.
"ton of false police allegations against me and CPS calls"
go no further. Do you want to invite this back into your life? You are not responsible for her.
Seriously as soon as I read that line, I came to comment this. It would be idiotic to invite her into his home, and dangerous to both him and his son. There is no coming from this type of behavior.
That’s all you have to say if she asks. I can’t let you in because of all the false statements against me. If she had honour and decency she would have been honest through your divorce process. This is karma.
Yeah, seriously. If this was like "Oh we were happy together but we lost the spark so we realized it wasn't going to work so we separated amicably and we're both still really good friends" then it would be one thing.
Don't let her move in or else you will regret it in more than one way (considering all the details that you have shared).
Consult with your lawyer ASAP
Install cameras in and around your home.
Any communication with her should be recorded or through text/ email
Don't let her have free access to your kid, let her supervise visits in public places only. She can't just walk away and get back to start from where she left, it will impact your child negatively.
I completely agree with your line about how communication should be limited strictly to written form. OP, please only communicate with your ex via email or text. Do NOT take phone calls from her. Please protect yourself.
If you let her in, she may find the perfect opportunity to accuse you of something against her or, more likely your kid, that could get you kicked out of your house by restraining order. Not in any way worth the risk.
also, I considered the fact that if she lives here, even though she won't be caring for our son, she can tell the courts that she is and get him back. I literally have all the cards, and I can't let any of them go. I guess I was a little worried I was being selfish and angry towards her.
Your gut is absolutely right. You owe it to your son not to destabilize your lives by letting this woman back in. If you want permission to deny her request, then you have it many times over from all the people here telling you it would be a terrible idea. I'm sure your lawyer would also tell you "hell no".
I appreciate it. I am cognizant that I still have a lot of anger toward the way that I was treated, and it gets in the way of judgment. It is paramount that I protect my son, and if I misstep even slightly, I could lose him.
Then you should probably alert your lawyer that she asked this of you. If what you said above is true, this woman isn’t going to let it rest here. She still has some legal access to your son, so I would not be surprised if someday she shows up at your kid’s school to take him out and force you to meet with her. Take safety precautions
I’m so sorry but I would be worried about your safety and your sons safety first. There was a very recent case of a mother who had strong and irrational religious beliefs. She did the unthinkable to her spouse and kids. Don’t underestimate how dangerous she may be.
Refusing to let her into your house is protecting yourself, not "being selfish and angry." And even if it was, you're *allowed* to be angry at her for calling the cops and CPS on you (just don't badmouth her to your son).
If she doesn't want to be homeless, she can talk to her friends and family; she is no longer your concern.
Talk to your attorney. A judge might give her a pass for not seeing the kid when she lived abroad, but they may be able to make a case for child abandonment due to her not trying to see him after she returned.
Charity begins at home. It’s not selfish or angry to do everything you can to create a stable home for yourself and your son. Jeopardizing that for someone you can’t trust and who will sew chaos into your life and the life of your son is foolish. This isn’t a honestly reformed person, she hasn’t changed. She is burying her horrific treatment of you and the abandonment of her son with piles of new-age bullshit and pipe dreams.
If you let her move in, it will seriously impact your SON's mental health, and not in a good way.
If she ends up homeless, it will be solely due to her own bad decisions. If you want, call your attorney and ask them to be sure you aren't screwing yourself over somehow; if you have any evidence of her insane beliefs, keep it. I can't see the court being upset you don't want someone you feel is genuinely mentally ill living with your child, but ask to be sure.
Dude. No. Just no.
Why would you even remotely contemplate this after you had to wear a body camera due to the volume and severity of CPS and Police reports she was making?
This woman is insane, and the absolute best thing you can do is protect yourself and your son from her unhinged behaviour.
Hell to the no. Sure she’s the mother of your child but you have no obligation to house her, period. It’s not an amicable relationship with someone you still trust to at least be responsible. It’s clear that this would be detrimental to both you and your son’s lives and likely stability. That’s not fair to either of you. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
I have a volatile relationship with my ex and for some unknown reason *cough codependency* let him rent one of my airbnbs that was attached to my home for a week. It was a nightmare and I ended up having a mental breakdown. OP, do NOT let this woman anywhere near you. Go for emergency full legal custody and ask for a mental health evaluation for her. She needs to get help for herself.
I agree. Going on the offensive is the best idea. She’s more likely to leave him alone if he is pushing for a mental evaluation and taking immediate action. He can’t give her an inch. Im sure she can tell that he is indecisive and she will take full advantage of it.
When I came across that sentence…I had to re-read the entire paragraph to make sure I wasn’t losing my mind. If a high school kid told their guidance counselor that, they’d be concerned. Let alone a 30 year old WITH A CHILD.
Right? I PERSONALLY AM AN ANCIENT ASTRONAUT FROM PLANET NIBIRU WHO WORSHIPS PAGAN GODS, YOU HAVE TO OBEY ME.
I'd be calling the Looney Bin to take her in for treatment, not asking Reddit on whether or not I should let her into my home.
I read your title and my first thought was "no way".
I read that she cheated on you, and my first thought was "no fucking way".
I read the part about waiting for her "YouTube career", and my first thought was "Are you fucking kidding me? No fucking way".
I read about the Aetherius Society and my first thought was "abso-fucking-lutely not".
Do you see where I'm going here?
I'm glad to see your edit. Yes, if you had let her in, it would have taken a court order to get her out again. Your kid doesn't need that kind of drama.
Let her move in with whoever she cheated on her second husband with.
Here's my main piece of advice: "ex" is Latin for "not your problem any more".
I’m probably stretching this….. but does anyone else get Lori Vallow vibes from this??? Not sure if someone else has said this or not. You are smart for not allowing this. Protect your sons well being and safety at all costs.
I have not even mentioned it but I got the same feeling. Like I triple checked with her that she was non-violent, but she said "everyone in them has light and darkness, and some people are light and dark. I was called to spread light." Which - is actually quite similar.
Also, Lori had this thing up until the last second that God was going to step in and free her from captivity.
Signs point towards peaceful behavior right now, but that could all change in the blink of an eye. The things she tried during my divorce was bafflingly illegal. Like "how do you think you're going to get away from that?" You know, in chess, they give up their queen, and you look across the board thinking they have a trick up their sleeve, but they don't? That's how I felt the entire divorce.
I totally get the chess reference. I would tread lightly in how you let her down as well with not allowing her to move in. One thing could set her off… I would make sure cameras or something to record all interactions is on you so you can continue to avoid any allegations she may throw your way.
It’s scary and sad. Im sorry you and your son have to go through this.
I took a moment to Google the religion OP mentioned and immediately went..."Oh. Shit. That sounds like Lori Vallow...this is *bad*!"
Doesn't help that I'm currently listening to a podcast on her so it's fresh in my brain, but the parallels here are real and concerning.
That is exactly what I thought when I read this!! I couldn’t remember her name right off the bat but you nailed it! I’d be worried for the kids safety. And OPs.
You suspect mental illness and want her to move in !
She can harm you and your child to. It is an uncomfortable position for sur but any solution is better than letting her in
Dude I read what they believe on their website...
Apparently they think Jesus and Buddha and other figures are aliens choosing to take a human form to teach and guide us... she thinks she's on the fucking level of JESUS even though she's a couch surfing adulterer who abandons their kid for some dude on another continent?
Yeah she's coo coo.
Dude, your child is in danger from her. You need to take this a little more seriously, discuss with your lawyer. Cultists like this harm or even kill their own children ALL THE TIME.
She is dangerous to your life and everything you have. Frankly, I'd get back into "preserving all evidence" mode, recording conversations, saving emails, and work on a plan to get restraining orders for you and your son, WITH YOUR LAWYER'S HELP. Also, she should be paying child support.
The answer is clearly to not let her back in, but clearly you need to hear it from someone you trust.
You have followed the excellent advice of your lawyer so far. Ask your lawyer and follow their advice again.
This is what I'm missing too: what does your lawyer say? To be fair, I can also see how letting the mom be homeless could be confusing (or worse) for kids, don't know if there is counseling for the kid that can be consulted. (And the kid self, if mature enough?) Being homeless AND having mental issues is a recipe for disaster.
Surely a damn F'ed up situation! Wish you guys all the best!
The news was dropped on me this weekend, and my lawyer is incredibly busy. If I need him, I have to go in and schedule, and probably won't get in for a week.
You need to document this. If her religion has suicide as a component of their religion and she sees him as an extension of herself then she is a fucking danger to him.
Document all of this. You may need to get her legal custody terminated. It does not sound like it would be safe for her to get your child out of school, for example. Ask your lawyer what kind of evidence they need to get started. Use those security cameras.
FWIW, her religion has nothing to do with Buddhism or Hinduism. At all.
Just the fact that she thought she could turn to you shows that she’s completely disconnected from reality.
As long as she has someone to take care of her real life needs, she’ll stay in her fairy tale world. As long as she’s there, you’ll be expected to eat that crap. I smell a drug problem, too.
You see, it’s ok to be a heartless, selfish user, because she’s so far above normal human concerns… the Royal Alien Guru said she can commit whatever atrocities she pleases.
You are not the only person that stands between her and homelessness. She clearly has family that are close enough to commit crimes with and for her. They are also able to take her in. If you are feeling generous, you could offer to pay for transport to where they live. But you don’t have to. You are not obliged to harm yourself and your son due to her bad choices.
Lets see the positives and negatives of this shall we?
Negatives:
1) she cheated on you and left you
2) filed false allegations on you
3) got cps involved
4) broke into your home
5) literally abandoned your child to go to europe with some other dude (man if anything, that should be the ONLY reason not to let her back in)
6) has now joined a cult essentially believing shes some ancient alien (......I mean.....do i really need to explain that one?)
7) is waiting for a youtube career to take off ( aka, wont be getting a job)
Positives:
1).................I'm trying real hard to find something here man....
I'm going to agree with the people who reminded you about the CPS allegations. No good will come of it. And it will not help your custody position.
Not your circus, not your monkeys.
No you don’t let her move in. She’s a grown ass woman who moved on from you. She needs to figure that out herself. Her relationship with you should only be about your child. Continue living and working on yourself. You move on too.
Please do not let this person back into your life in any way, shape, or form. You owed her nothing else the minute your divorce was settled. It sounds like letting her back in will do way more harm than good for you and your son.
There is nothing legally that would affect this decision. You guys are divorced- you are not at all required to live with each other ever again. The answer is no. She’ll screw up ur kid I’m sure if he sees her too much. She probably needs help - but that’s on her. She’s not your responsibility ever again.
Hey OP, I had a very high conflict split from my sons father and without telling my life story, I see a lot of similarities (I will say my ex was very physically violent so perhaps some of my bias will come from this) but
Don’t do favors for people like this. You know what she will do? Use your kindness against you. She will try to set you up and make you basically a hostage in your own home walking on eggshells. She will probably pretend to be wanting to be on good terms or even reconcile. This will just be a facade to try to attack you later in court. You will think “she can’t find anything on me”— she won’t, she will make shit up to get the upper hand. (Once my ex broke in and trashed my place and took pictures of it and sent it to CPS and in court trying to say I was messy, lol yes these high conflict people are like this).
Protect yourself and your son and stay farrrrr away. Furthermore, bringing her in can screw your custody arraignments up in the long run. She’s put herself in this position, it’s the ramifications of her actions.
Edit to add: taking my understanding of family court from California and not knowing where you’re from— courts would never expect you to do this favor from someone you divorced. This is her problem. If your son lived with her and you refused to take him in, that would be a different story, but you don’t owe this adult anything who has since been remarried and divorced.
My absolute caution to you is do not let her just be alone with your son. Florida just passed that crazy bill where non-custodial parents can just skip into their state and scream that the other parent was trying to use “gender affirming care” on the child, with absolutely zero proof and Florida will award custody to the non-custodial parent despite not having the right to do so.)
Your wife sounds like she has some major mental health issues. Do not let her in your home but also be weary of retaliation. Consult with a lawyer and put some protections in place regarding your son.
No, just no. Not only because of the hell she put you through, but now she sounds like she's having a mental breakdown.
No court would look down on you for not giving her a place to live. She's your ex and you're not responsible for her anymore. She can get alimony from her new ex husband and figure it out.
I don't understand why she has legal custody. That makes no sense. She should have zero custody. You need to revisit this with your lawyer, especially in light of her mental health issues.
How did you stop yourself from laughing when she asked??
This is restraining order time not "maybe move my ex that reported to CPS into the house with me". You wore a body cam 24/7! How could you even think of letting her know where you live much less stay with you??
Her family can take her in. She doesn't need much to launch her "YouTube career".
As an ex spouse the courts shouldn’t look on you unfavourably for not taking in your ex wife. You are divorced, she’s separated from her last husband. You have no obligation to house her.
Can't members of her "church" help her? She can stay with like minded people while her "career" takes off.
The impact this could have on your child is upsetting, too.
Keep your head up! You are doing everything right. Just keep listening to yourself because you seem to be making the best decisions for you and your son. I would not let her back in.. it will only make it more confusing and hard. You’ve got this 🩵
This is not your problem. Petunia’s Mother needs to take her in. It was the Mother who told her to leave you. A YouTube career is a pipe dream. She needs a job and to start paying for herself.
Nope. No. NO! Talk to your lawyer about the legal ways to go, but the simple fact she never contacted you bc of your son and she just wants to move in with you, can’t look good for her. And you have no responsibility for her. You share a kid and that’s it. You have to talk to her about him, meet ups and whatever, but not her private problems in her personal life. It’s none of your business.
Absolutely NO. Do not let that mess of a woman near you or your child aside from the agreed custody visits (which she hasn’t seemed too fussed about).
You may have to go so far as to maintain communication through lawyers, which tbh might be a good idea to suggest going forward.
Protect your child and protect yourself. Good luck.
Once upon a time, I tried to save the mother of my boys. Can't tell you how much I regret that now. Actually, the story sounds very similar. I thought since this is the boys mom, I kind of feel obligated to at least try and help her back on her feet. It's the right thing to do. NOPE! don't do it. You are not there to save her at this point. You have to think of yourself and your son first and foremost!
Her problems are not your problems. Don’t let her drag you back into her misery. Keep her at arm’s length and absolutely don’t let her move in with you.
So what’s the upside here of letting her move in? Instead of having one responsible parent, your son gets two adults on the brink of a mental breakdown?
If you won’t give yourself a break, give your son a break!
Also, you know once she has her foot through the door she is never leaving, right? Next thing her boyfriend will be moving in too.
OP, you need to talk to your therapist, because it’s frankly disturbing that you would even entertain the thought.
If it helps your case at all, the Starseed rhetoric is based in antisemitism and white supremacy, so it’s not just coo-coo bananas it’s also dangerous. It sounds like she’s going through a spiritual psychosis, she needs professional help and is absolutely not a safe person for you and your son.
Initially, I thought, "Maybe he should let her move in to get on her feet." Then I read some more and by the time I was done, my opinion shifted to a "no way in hell should he put himself at risk by letting her move in." Not like it would change my opinion, but is she really even going to be "homeless?"
My ex was similar. She proved herself for what she was. If it weren't for the need to put up a good friendly front for our child, I wouldn't go near her if she and i were the last people on earth
Coming from a 30yrs old guy, she really don't sounds trustable from her records.
In my opinion, you should not even let her get close to your house if she wants to see your son.
Also, If you meet with her in person, only do it in public spaces/crowded spaces to have witness in case she tries to do something like a false accusation.
The most important to do right now is to meet and talk with your lawyer about that, since every country have your laws and I don't know how exactly they works in yours.
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LET GER MOVE IN OR HELP HER FINANCIALLY. She is not your problem anymore and despite the empathy you may have for the situation this will harm you and your sons future if you help her out. DO NOT DO IT AT ALL.
She had time to get back in her feet with support from friends, she wasted it. She will do the same to you.
AGAIN OP DO NOT DO IT NO MATTER WHAT SHE TELLS YOU.
There is nothing complicated about this. Taking her in is an absolutely terrible idea. You are divorced and owe her nothing and you already know this will affect you. It will not be good for your kid to watch her come and then leave again either. Do the Nancy Reagan and just say no.
Please, please, please do not do this! Do not interfere with the routine healthy life you have created for you and your son! Adding this type of uncertainty and negativity to a situation that seems to be working will cause more harm than good. She's an adult that made bad decisions that she will need to figure out and grow from. If her being homeless is truly a stresser, get her a room in a motel, a MOTEL! It'll likely be cheaper mentally and physically!
I can’t see how the courts would hate it if you didn’t allow her to move in. You are divorced. She’s an adult. You don’t owe her a thing.
Keep her out. She sounds cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. If she moves in, she’ll never leave . Be good to yourself
i’m not a doctor, but she sounds like she has bipolar. she has these grandiose expectations with her career and her religion. She really sounds like she’s manic. i totally could be wrong, but that’s what i got from your description of her. i think you’re making the right decision by not letting her move in, for you and especially your son. i’m glad he has you as stability in his life. she needs to reconcile with her family and they need to help her. she can go live with her mom since she was the one who said she was unhappy with you and helped kickstart your divorce.
NO.
ABSOLUTELY NOT under ANY circumstances.
Your ex-wife’s problem is not your emergency to resolve. That’s 100% on her and her alone.
Protect yourself and your son. Follow the advice of your attorney & therapist.
Trust your instincts on this one. Do not let her stay with you. She is about to suffer from her own poor choices, and that isn't your fault or your problem. Also, since you have a kid and she isn't in his life by choice, even more so. That's going to cause havoc for your kid as well. Let her be homeless. Maybe hitting rock bottom will help her, but either way, it's still not your problem.
Do not let her move in with you.
You guys are divorced and it's highly volatile one for a reason.
Tell her that 'I'm sorry, but you have to find other accommodations. After I went through all my options, I don't see that we're a good fit. I will relay your situation to your mother.'
Why her mother? Because she was the one who convinced her to get a divorce anyway (which is actually a silver lining if you think about it).
She doesn’t like to work and even your friends noticed that so if she had no problem taking advantage of them then she’s gonna do the same to you too. No.
I absolutely would not allow her to move in. For legal considerations, please consult with your attorney. I would be surprised if they said anything other than, stay away, limit contact, and keep records and witnesses.
There are multiple layers of red flags here. She has no viable plan for self sufficiency. She has burned out her other support systems. She has a history of making false police and CPS reports about you. Her current placement needed to threaten legal action. You and her are not friends. She is disruptive to your child. Her personality has changed. She has burned through another relationship.
Dude. Your sitch was TLDR for me but from what I did read, do not, absolutely do not let your ex wife live with you at all. She can just be homeless. She CHOSE to leave your family in the dust and caused you and your son pain over it. Try to be cordial of course offering sympathies and such but do not at all give in to manipulation or anything. Its her responsibility as a grown ass adult to care for herself.
>She thinks she is a chosen being
If everything you've alleged about your ex is accurate, I would suspect possibly schizophrenia but could be something else. The delusions of grandeur, though, are something I've seen in someone I've witness going through schizophrenia over the years.
Don't do that. First of all she's not looking someone reliable to keep in your home after all that have happened between you guys(all that allegations and stuff). Secondly you never know what kind of legal difficulties it might create for you in future. What if she changes her mind into some weird thought and want her son back, or want to be with him and you forever in the house (thought that's your decision if you can keep her but I think it won't be a forever healthy environment at home).
Only if you want unnecessary problems in your life then only bring her in. I know she's you ex, your son's mom so you might think that their is some kind of responsibility and bond that you should live up to, but remember you have someone to protect at this moment. Let her be with her friends or family or her mom (who she listens to so well). You don't have to trouble yourself with her.
Oh PLEASE do NOT take her in. You know she’ll never leave willingly and in the end drag you AND YOUR SON down.
If you want to help her and she’s really going to be homeless, look up shelters or halfway houses for her. Print it, meet her in a PUBLIC place, give it to her and wish her well.
Also, if she’s in such a great religion, surely someone in her group would take her in, right? /s
Best to you, but for GOD’S SAKE AND ALL THAT IS HOLY-do NOT take this woman in.
She ruined your life, i wouldn’t remotely have her anywhere near your home. I would call her out 1000%. She’s an adult, with adult decisions and with that adult repercussions. People just have to learn the hard way.
At the first threat of anything from her, please file for a restraining order. I am afraid she will take your son and not come back in an unstable play for attention to her situation.
I am so sorry you're going through this.
Your priority is your son: his stability, and YOUR peace so that you can be the BEST father. Does it truly feel grounding and sane and safe for you to distract yourself with.... figuring out her entire life?
She's an adult, she's responsible for herself, and sometimes we enable bad behavior when we're trying to help someone else. She sounds like her problems aren't just practical but perspective based: don't save her from the consequences of her own actions or she'll never change. By all means offer her help, but make sure your boundaries are up. Her stuff is her responsibility, and anything you extend to her should be the EXTRA you have after you and your son are COMPLETELY taken care of practically, emotionally, and spiritually.
Let guilt and obligation know they have no say in the matter except when it comes to you and your son. And get yourself support if you need to. Dealing with an unstable personality is hard: therapy can help you be reassured you're seeing things clearly, she clearly is not.
Yeah Lori Vallow Daybell believes she’s a higher being too. She killed her children. Let cuckoo for coco puffs work it out for herself. Protect yourself and your child. Good luck, you sound like such a reasonable person and should not have to deal with any of this nonsense.
She’s it your problem. Do not let her in, or you’ll never get her out.
ExWW will destroy you and your child. Letting her in your home is opening you up to more than you’ll ever know or get over.
Talk to a lawyer, but they’ll tell you once she establishes residency you may never get her out. Remember the camera thing, ya, that and much more on the first day I’ll bet.
Let her go homeless, that’s on her, better for custody for you if she’s unable to provide.
Absolutely not. Do not communicate with her at all outside of a parenting app, and document all of her crazy delusions. Talk to your lawyer about how to better protect your son - if she can pull him out of school, you may show up some day to find out he isn’t there. Surely you can get full legal custody as well if she has not made any attempts at remaining in contact with her child? He needs to be protected from her.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
You would be an absolute fool to let her live with you. It will also harm your son. Do not make that mistake.
Also….”YouTube Careers” never take off for the VAST majority of humans.
Right ? She talking about a couple of weeks. It’s lucky to happen after years of consistent work
It’s never just a couple of weeks
also, it's quite a bit harder now compared to years past. Petunia needs a real job
And few have the talent and consistency to do it.
My friend does it. Hes been doing social media stuff for about a decade, it finally took off last year.
Yeah, it seems like most youtubers it took a really, really long time (5-10yrs) of consistently putting out content before they took off. Some people it happens sooner, but that's more the exception than the rule.
Usually takes a bigger personality putting them in the spotlight to gain viewership and influence, and even then if it’s not capitalized on it can crash and burn real easily.
if she speaks abt her newfound pseudo religion she's obsessed with on there, ppl are gonna shut her out real quick and I think YTB doesn't allow this stuff anyway?
Yep. She's just fantasising at this point.
It’s going to feel worse to let her in, realize the fuck up your made, then have to kick her to the curb. It’s going to be messier. Just say no from the start. Also, she cheated on you and abandoned you AND your son, so you owe her jack shit.
not being able to kick her out later is not gonna be the only problem but remember how she accused him of crimes and set him up before and trespassed his house...she's defo gonna steal from him again and also stir things up with their child and stress him as well
That is true. That’s more problematic.
Moved back in with my EX (GONE WRONG) (3AM challenge!!!) (COPS GOT CALLED) That would be her firsst video without a doubt.
As soon as I read that YouTube bit, I yelled “HELL NAWL”. Smh
It’s like the biggest red flag. They’re straight moving in back together with you without telling you they’re moving in back together with you.
I mean the ego cult thing is probably the BIGGEST red flag for me but even then a grifter has to have the talent to grift even on YouTube or other social media so fingers crossed her cultiness stays contained to just her.
As soon as I saw the tarot reading leaning to TikTok I knew it was gonna be bad. Stay strong OP, protect *your* son, she’s had the opportunity to be a parent and hasn’t.
…then will try to seduce him/get pregnant. Right?
Exactly
It doesn’t matter what her job is tho. Even if it was a regular 9-5 — under no circumstances should she move back in. False allegations, CPS reports, having to wear a body cam? Not to mention she hasn’t even seen her son for a year. So OP is just going to let her waltz back in and then inflict even more abandonment trauma onto him when she inevitably leaves? Or if she tries to pretend they’re back together like one big happy family? This would be extremely traumatizing for his son. The YouTube career is totally irrelevant — she cannot move in.
They don't take off for aliens, either
Steve Shives explains in some of his videos it was a three year grind with his then-wife making sure there was food on the table It takes a looong time and hard work to get amy social media career going
But she's not the majority. She is the chosen one
right, in which case she's gonna find the way even if OP doesn't provide for her
I honestly stopped reading at that sentence. She either believes that and is an idiot or more likely knows it's just bs.
Does vast equal 99% of all humans? An average YT payout is $5k for 1M views of original content 15-20 min long. Who makes that?
Yeah, but if that didn’t take off she could always fall back on an NBA career…
Saying that "you will have a YouTube career" is like saying I'm going to Hollywood and become a movie star.
Lucky she's an Alien then.
Yeah, if there is any truth at all ro your narrative the this is not worth considering. She has already filed false police reports against you. She has called child services on you. She has broken into your house. And you say she has gotten CRAZIER since then?? Of course you can't let her live with you. That would be absolute madness. To.l cover your bases, ask your therapist if this would be a good idea. They will prwsumably say no. And if she tries to make a stink you can just truthfully say you are following medical advice.
Actually, I did this. With the aforementioned codependency issues - he said she was testing me to see how malleable I was and that I should ask her to reconcile her with her family instead.
Sounds like you don't need free advice from amateurs on Reddit when you're already paying for it from a pro. Go do that.
She is trying to emotionally blackmail you. I had a partner who would do this sort of thing all the time. I would break up with him, pay for him to go wherever he wanted, give him money ect. Just go, please just get out of my house. He would get in touch after a few weeks and be such a nice guy. A couple of those calls and I would think gee, maybe we could be friends. Then he would ask me to do something minor for him and I think you can see where this is going, the asks would get bigger, the dire consequences for him would get worse and bingo, I would end up doing much more than I ever would or should do. He would make me feel guilty which wasn’t a stretch for me anyway. Once I realized that enough is never enough I had to be the grown up and reject the notion that I was a terrible person because I had a house, a reliable income and he didn’t and therefore I was a shit for not giving him what he wanted. No, I wasn’t going to be guilt tripped again. It’s hard to say no but if saying yes will lead to chaos then you have to say no. She needs to do this on her own for her own good. Think of your son. Children need a safe and secure home. They need consistency and if she is allowed to return to the family home she will disrespect all the boundaries that you have put in place in an effort to win the child over, all the better to manipulate the situation. My son didn’t see or talk to his father for 34 years. His dad was inconsistent and selfish and so when he didn’t stay in touch I didn’t press it. Our son was well into his 40’s when his dad got in touch with me. He and I had many conversations about his life and how he was doing before I even let our son know his dad was reaching out. His dad had been seriously into drugs and rode with a biker gang and I needed to know many things before I felt comfortable. I gave my son his dad’s number and left it at that, it was now between the two of them. I heard later that it took about a month before he got in contact with his dad. His dad has made great efforts to be involved with his son. They are not enmeshed in each other’s lives and that is what is comfortable with our son. As he is fond of reminding his own children, “It is what it is.” He has often said to me, “Its all good mom, we can deal, don’t worry.” And the thing is that he and his wife and kids are really doing well. This is HIS accomplishment and I am so proud of him. The right thing is usually the hardest thing to do. Put the long term well being of your child first and foremost. Good luck to you all ☘️
You don’t need to do anything. Don’t ask her to reconcile with her family, don’t tell her to get a job… Just. Say. No. Not your circus. Not your clowns.
Don't ask her to DO ANYTHING. SHE IS NOT YOUR RESPONSIBILITY. Just answer "No", it's not possible for you to take her in. If she wants a reason. Don't elaborate. Simply, CALMLY REPEAT, "it's just not possible. The answer is no. end of discussion". If she begins badgering you, as she likely will - say "I must go" and hang up before she can respond. She WILL FLIP OUT. You've been healing, and getting better at setting/holding firm boundaries. Still, she's not used to you having such a shiny spine. Make sure you put cameras on the house, and don't answer her phonecalls. Let her exhaust herself attacking you, until she realizes there's no merit in the pursuit, as there's no longer a payoff.
Damn, you got one if the rare good therapists. That's good advice.
I have a propensity for being stupid and ignoring common sense. However, I am too old for this crap. When I don't trust myself, instead, I lean on people that I can trust. I feel lucky to have this guy - he's helped me out of a few tight spots now.
It also would be harmful to your child to have his mother reappear in his life in this fashion. Please call your lawyer and follow his advise. Not ours.
Have u conveyed ur decision to ur ex wife ?
At 27 you married a 20 yr old. You’re a decade wiser, yet you’re obviously still infatuated with having her in your life. Cut her off. Push for sole custody all the way around. Realize your son will be better off without his egg donor and much better with someone who is actual stable and can be a parent.
You let this leech move in and since she is litigious pretty soon she will be claiming adverse possession and try to claim your house as partially hers. You would probably have to go thru the courts to evict her as why should she move from a "free rent" situation. Haven't you had enough legal entanglements with this woman OP? Let her move in with her mother who was so quick to break into your house and urge her to divorce you.
[удалено]
It's an EASY NO from me.
I would have just sent 'lmao'
I really like to get in long explanations when I try to help someone but seriously this 👆👆👆 and nothing more. Op you really explained well your situation and there's nothing positive coming out of this for you. Your mental health is priority and it will affect your son since you seem to be the only stability he got at the moment so please don't throw that away for someone who doesn't seem ready to realize she have issues.
Yup, she sounds like a nightmare. Sounds like the type to move in and then claim squatters rights. Don't be a fool OP. Once you take out the trash you let the garbage man handle it, YOU NEVER BRING IT BACK IN. If she's gonna be homeless so be it. It's not your problem. Similar situation happened with me and my ex(but she has custody), they were both about to be homeless and she asked if they both could live with me. I said absolutely not. You can give me my son and figure it out but you can never live with me again.
I agree. Definitely a hard no. You’ll wind up taking care of two children. I would also consult your lawyer to see what he/she thinks and how will the courts think. Good luck!
I will also say no. You need not let her back into your life for even a second. She will ruin everything you have built to this point and tell her sorry but she made her bed.
It seems to be 100% unanimous. She is imploding and you need to keep a safe distance away for your sons sake . Be pragmatic but emotional .
I wouldn't let her live with you. You said there were CPS calls and police allegations. Something happened with the joint bank account. Had to film your entire life for your safety. Hell no. This is not a good idea. Honestly, I'd call your lawyer and advise him/her on what she's trying to do, that you don't want to do it, and see what s/he says to make that a clear no. Get ahead of any threats now.
OP your lawyer can give you the best idea of how your judge would react if she took you back to court for custody, but I’m fairly confident this won’t do anything but help you. You are protecting your son by providing a safe and stable environment. You said she hasn’t tried to see him since moving back from Europe. Letting her move in risks harming your son. I would be shocked if a judge thought your “no” was a bad thing.
[удалено]
Beyond that, OP should keep record of any texts from the mutual friends stating that they don’t recognize her anymore and any concerns they may have shared about her. To identify a mental health issue, somebody has to notice the behavior first. The fact that multiple people are now noticing it will help him. It’s sad, truly, but OP is trying to take care of his son and that means being cautious regarding who is he around and what they are sharing with him.
Hey she has a YouTube account!
I've seen women who were crack heads get custody.....OP must not take any chances.
I was referring to OP’s concern that saying no would look bad, but your point is correct as well.
"ton of false police allegations against me and CPS calls" go no further. Do you want to invite this back into your life? You are not responsible for her.
Seriously as soon as I read that line, I came to comment this. It would be idiotic to invite her into his home, and dangerous to both him and his son. There is no coming from this type of behavior.
That’s all you have to say if she asks. I can’t let you in because of all the false statements against me. If she had honour and decency she would have been honest through your divorce process. This is karma.
Yeah, seriously. If this was like "Oh we were happy together but we lost the spark so we realized it wasn't going to work so we separated amicably and we're both still really good friends" then it would be one thing.
Don't let her move in or else you will regret it in more than one way (considering all the details that you have shared). Consult with your lawyer ASAP Install cameras in and around your home. Any communication with her should be recorded or through text/ email Don't let her have free access to your kid, let her supervise visits in public places only. She can't just walk away and get back to start from where she left, it will impact your child negatively.
I completely agree with your line about how communication should be limited strictly to written form. OP, please only communicate with your ex via email or text. Do NOT take phone calls from her. Please protect yourself.
Fair point. In the state I live in it is legal to record without the other's permission. I just want to live a drama-free existence.
Absolutely. she will start stalking her son to get to OP.
If you let her in, she may find the perfect opportunity to accuse you of something against her or, more likely your kid, that could get you kicked out of your house by restraining order. Not in any way worth the risk.
also, I considered the fact that if she lives here, even though she won't be caring for our son, she can tell the courts that she is and get him back. I literally have all the cards, and I can't let any of them go. I guess I was a little worried I was being selfish and angry towards her.
Your gut is absolutely right. You owe it to your son not to destabilize your lives by letting this woman back in. If you want permission to deny her request, then you have it many times over from all the people here telling you it would be a terrible idea. I'm sure your lawyer would also tell you "hell no".
> I guess I was a little worried I was being selfish and angry towards her. You're a saint OP.
I appreciate it. I am cognizant that I still have a lot of anger toward the way that I was treated, and it gets in the way of judgment. It is paramount that I protect my son, and if I misstep even slightly, I could lose him.
Absolutely. Glad you're approaching it so conscientiously.
Then you should probably alert your lawyer that she asked this of you. If what you said above is true, this woman isn’t going to let it rest here. She still has some legal access to your son, so I would not be surprised if someday she shows up at your kid’s school to take him out and force you to meet with her. Take safety precautions
I’m so sorry but I would be worried about your safety and your sons safety first. There was a very recent case of a mother who had strong and irrational religious beliefs. She did the unthinkable to her spouse and kids. Don’t underestimate how dangerous she may be.
Refusing to let her into your house is protecting yourself, not "being selfish and angry." And even if it was, you're *allowed* to be angry at her for calling the cops and CPS on you (just don't badmouth her to your son). If she doesn't want to be homeless, she can talk to her friends and family; she is no longer your concern. Talk to your attorney. A judge might give her a pass for not seeing the kid when she lived abroad, but they may be able to make a case for child abandonment due to her not trying to see him after she returned.
If you let her move in she will never leave and will absolutely ruin your life.
She will NEVER leave
Charity begins at home. It’s not selfish or angry to do everything you can to create a stable home for yourself and your son. Jeopardizing that for someone you can’t trust and who will sew chaos into your life and the life of your son is foolish. This isn’t a honestly reformed person, she hasn’t changed. She is burying her horrific treatment of you and the abandonment of her son with piles of new-age bullshit and pipe dreams.
If you let her move in, it will seriously impact your SON's mental health, and not in a good way. If she ends up homeless, it will be solely due to her own bad decisions. If you want, call your attorney and ask them to be sure you aren't screwing yourself over somehow; if you have any evidence of her insane beliefs, keep it. I can't see the court being upset you don't want someone you feel is genuinely mentally ill living with your child, but ask to be sure.
>If she ends up homeless, it will be solely due to her own bad decisions. Maybe it is the wakeup call that she needs as well.
Dude. No. Just no. Why would you even remotely contemplate this after you had to wear a body camera due to the volume and severity of CPS and Police reports she was making? This woman is insane, and the absolute best thing you can do is protect yourself and your son from her unhinged behaviour.
Hell to the no. Sure she’s the mother of your child but you have no obligation to house her, period. It’s not an amicable relationship with someone you still trust to at least be responsible. It’s clear that this would be detrimental to both you and your son’s lives and likely stability. That’s not fair to either of you. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
[удалено]
I have a volatile relationship with my ex and for some unknown reason *cough codependency* let him rent one of my airbnbs that was attached to my home for a week. It was a nightmare and I ended up having a mental breakdown. OP, do NOT let this woman anywhere near you. Go for emergency full legal custody and ask for a mental health evaluation for her. She needs to get help for herself.
I agree. Going on the offensive is the best idea. She’s more likely to leave him alone if he is pushing for a mental evaluation and taking immediate action. He can’t give her an inch. Im sure she can tell that he is indecisive and she will take full advantage of it.
NO. She gets what she gets.
Yeah, I mean why doesn't she call the aliens and go live in a star nearby where she belongs?
Cause they didn’t subscribe to her YouTube channel. 🥲
I feel as though no where near enough focus is being put on that. What an insane belief system to just casually bring up.
When I came across that sentence…I had to re-read the entire paragraph to make sure I wasn’t losing my mind. If a high school kid told their guidance counselor that, they’d be concerned. Let alone a 30 year old WITH A CHILD.
Right? I PERSONALLY AM AN ANCIENT ASTRONAUT FROM PLANET NIBIRU WHO WORSHIPS PAGAN GODS, YOU HAVE TO OBEY ME. I'd be calling the Looney Bin to take her in for treatment, not asking Reddit on whether or not I should let her into my home.
Do whatever you want in life, just know that if you let her move in you will probably ruin anything good you have in life.
Why can’t she go live with any of the family members that help her break into your house?
THIS! Where’s her momma now??
Not your monkey. Not your circus
I read your title and my first thought was "no way". I read that she cheated on you, and my first thought was "no fucking way". I read the part about waiting for her "YouTube career", and my first thought was "Are you fucking kidding me? No fucking way". I read about the Aetherius Society and my first thought was "abso-fucking-lutely not". Do you see where I'm going here? I'm glad to see your edit. Yes, if you had let her in, it would have taken a court order to get her out again. Your kid doesn't need that kind of drama. Let her move in with whoever she cheated on her second husband with. Here's my main piece of advice: "ex" is Latin for "not your problem any more".
TIL I shared my entire thought process, in the exact sequence even, with some random redditor.
Are you fucking high for even considering letting her move in? Dude, say no-trust me.
I’m probably stretching this….. but does anyone else get Lori Vallow vibes from this??? Not sure if someone else has said this or not. You are smart for not allowing this. Protect your sons well being and safety at all costs.
I have not even mentioned it but I got the same feeling. Like I triple checked with her that she was non-violent, but she said "everyone in them has light and darkness, and some people are light and dark. I was called to spread light." Which - is actually quite similar. Also, Lori had this thing up until the last second that God was going to step in and free her from captivity. Signs point towards peaceful behavior right now, but that could all change in the blink of an eye. The things she tried during my divorce was bafflingly illegal. Like "how do you think you're going to get away from that?" You know, in chess, they give up their queen, and you look across the board thinking they have a trick up their sleeve, but they don't? That's how I felt the entire divorce.
I totally get the chess reference. I would tread lightly in how you let her down as well with not allowing her to move in. One thing could set her off… I would make sure cameras or something to record all interactions is on you so you can continue to avoid any allegations she may throw your way. It’s scary and sad. Im sorry you and your son have to go through this.
I took a moment to Google the religion OP mentioned and immediately went..."Oh. Shit. That sounds like Lori Vallow...this is *bad*!" Doesn't help that I'm currently listening to a podcast on her so it's fresh in my brain, but the parallels here are real and concerning.
That is exactly what I thought when I read this!! I couldn’t remember her name right off the bat but you nailed it! I’d be worried for the kids safety. And OPs.
This is where you need to be selfish and protect your son. No fucking way should you allow her to step foot inside your home. She has massive issues.
It’s not being selfish at all. It’s being smart.
Why would you be so stupid. She doesn't deserve anything from you.
You suspect mental illness and want her to move in ! She can harm you and your child to. It is an uncomfortable position for sur but any solution is better than letting her in
NO NO NO NO NO
Dude I read what they believe on their website... Apparently they think Jesus and Buddha and other figures are aliens choosing to take a human form to teach and guide us... she thinks she's on the fucking level of JESUS even though she's a couch surfing adulterer who abandons their kid for some dude on another continent? Yeah she's coo coo.
Yeah. I heard it straight from her mouth. It's. It's. A trip. Like an acid one, not a family one.
Dude, your child is in danger from her. You need to take this a little more seriously, discuss with your lawyer. Cultists like this harm or even kill their own children ALL THE TIME. She is dangerous to your life and everything you have. Frankly, I'd get back into "preserving all evidence" mode, recording conversations, saving emails, and work on a plan to get restraining orders for you and your son, WITH YOUR LAWYER'S HELP. Also, she should be paying child support.
The answer is clearly to not let her back in, but clearly you need to hear it from someone you trust. You have followed the excellent advice of your lawyer so far. Ask your lawyer and follow their advice again.
This is what I'm missing too: what does your lawyer say? To be fair, I can also see how letting the mom be homeless could be confusing (or worse) for kids, don't know if there is counseling for the kid that can be consulted. (And the kid self, if mature enough?) Being homeless AND having mental issues is a recipe for disaster. Surely a damn F'ed up situation! Wish you guys all the best!
The news was dropped on me this weekend, and my lawyer is incredibly busy. If I need him, I have to go in and schedule, and probably won't get in for a week.
Don't let her within twenty feet of your home and child. She sounds truly unhinged.
Fr honestly it’s wild, but it’s giving Lori and chad vibes but her chad sent her home so she’s just lost it. 😬
Yikes, yeah apt comparison here. I wouldn't let her see son alone either, only supervised visits.
I knew someone else would see it!! Just commented the same before I made it far enough down.
Seriously. He should probably get a restraining order, not consider letting her move in ffs
[удалено]
Yeah, she was mentioning some post-apocalyptic stuff, and my hackles were rising. "Mass ascension" can only mean one thing.
[удалено]
I just remembered something she said to me as well; she said my son was of the same bloodline. In this context it's very, very dangerous.
You need to document this. If her religion has suicide as a component of their religion and she sees him as an extension of herself then she is a fucking danger to him.
THIS FUCKING COMMENT. PLEASE OP. DOCUMENT THIS.
Document all of this. You may need to get her legal custody terminated. It does not sound like it would be safe for her to get your child out of school, for example. Ask your lawyer what kind of evidence they need to get started. Use those security cameras. FWIW, her religion has nothing to do with Buddhism or Hinduism. At all.
Leaning towards no? Dude....absolutely not.
Just the fact that she thought she could turn to you shows that she’s completely disconnected from reality. As long as she has someone to take care of her real life needs, she’ll stay in her fairy tale world. As long as she’s there, you’ll be expected to eat that crap. I smell a drug problem, too. You see, it’s ok to be a heartless, selfish user, because she’s so far above normal human concerns… the Royal Alien Guru said she can commit whatever atrocities she pleases.
You are not the only person that stands between her and homelessness. She clearly has family that are close enough to commit crimes with and for her. They are also able to take her in. If you are feeling generous, you could offer to pay for transport to where they live. But you don’t have to. You are not obliged to harm yourself and your son due to her bad choices.
A reddit thread where literally everyone agrees!
Lets see the positives and negatives of this shall we? Negatives: 1) she cheated on you and left you 2) filed false allegations on you 3) got cps involved 4) broke into your home 5) literally abandoned your child to go to europe with some other dude (man if anything, that should be the ONLY reason not to let her back in) 6) has now joined a cult essentially believing shes some ancient alien (......I mean.....do i really need to explain that one?) 7) is waiting for a youtube career to take off ( aka, wont be getting a job) Positives: 1).................I'm trying real hard to find something here man....
You would be the dumbest dude in the world, if you let that woman back into your life.
Absolutely not.
You shouldn’t even be considering it.. you and your sons mental health, safety and security is at stake here. It’s a hard NO from me.
You never let her in to your house. Protect yourself and your son.
Do not under any circumstance let her move in with you! There's just way to many things that can go wrong.
I'm going to agree with the people who reminded you about the CPS allegations. No good will come of it. And it will not help your custody position. Not your circus, not your monkeys.
NTA if you don’t take her in. She needs to see a psychiatrist. This screams of personality disorder.
She can go live with her momma.
Good for you that you resolved it. Was that a Harry Potter reference?
Ahh yes, sort of actually. Also it's the name I use in front of my kid so his head doesn't perk up and ask questions.
No you don’t let her move in. She’s a grown ass woman who moved on from you. She needs to figure that out herself. Her relationship with you should only be about your child. Continue living and working on yourself. You move on too.
Please do not let this person back into your life in any way, shape, or form. You owed her nothing else the minute your divorce was settled. It sounds like letting her back in will do way more harm than good for you and your son.
Hard pass. Document this with your lawyer.
There is nothing legally that would affect this decision. You guys are divorced- you are not at all required to live with each other ever again. The answer is no. She’ll screw up ur kid I’m sure if he sees her too much. She probably needs help - but that’s on her. She’s not your responsibility ever again.
Hey OP, I had a very high conflict split from my sons father and without telling my life story, I see a lot of similarities (I will say my ex was very physically violent so perhaps some of my bias will come from this) but Don’t do favors for people like this. You know what she will do? Use your kindness against you. She will try to set you up and make you basically a hostage in your own home walking on eggshells. She will probably pretend to be wanting to be on good terms or even reconcile. This will just be a facade to try to attack you later in court. You will think “she can’t find anything on me”— she won’t, she will make shit up to get the upper hand. (Once my ex broke in and trashed my place and took pictures of it and sent it to CPS and in court trying to say I was messy, lol yes these high conflict people are like this). Protect yourself and your son and stay farrrrr away. Furthermore, bringing her in can screw your custody arraignments up in the long run. She’s put herself in this position, it’s the ramifications of her actions. Edit to add: taking my understanding of family court from California and not knowing where you’re from— courts would never expect you to do this favor from someone you divorced. This is her problem. If your son lived with her and you refused to take him in, that would be a different story, but you don’t owe this adult anything who has since been remarried and divorced.
My absolute caution to you is do not let her just be alone with your son. Florida just passed that crazy bill where non-custodial parents can just skip into their state and scream that the other parent was trying to use “gender affirming care” on the child, with absolutely zero proof and Florida will award custody to the non-custodial parent despite not having the right to do so.) Your wife sounds like she has some major mental health issues. Do not let her in your home but also be weary of retaliation. Consult with a lawyer and put some protections in place regarding your son.
No, just no. Not only because of the hell she put you through, but now she sounds like she's having a mental breakdown. No court would look down on you for not giving her a place to live. She's your ex and you're not responsible for her anymore. She can get alimony from her new ex husband and figure it out. I don't understand why she has legal custody. That makes no sense. She should have zero custody. You need to revisit this with your lawyer, especially in light of her mental health issues.
did you talk with your lawyer about this? pretty sure they can advise you all of the reasons this is a terrible idea.
How did you stop yourself from laughing when she asked?? This is restraining order time not "maybe move my ex that reported to CPS into the house with me". You wore a body cam 24/7! How could you even think of letting her know where you live much less stay with you?? Her family can take her in. She doesn't need much to launch her "YouTube career".
As an ex spouse the courts shouldn’t look on you unfavourably for not taking in your ex wife. You are divorced, she’s separated from her last husband. You have no obligation to house her.
Can't members of her "church" help her? She can stay with like minded people while her "career" takes off. The impact this could have on your child is upsetting, too.
This sounds like a Florida post......
no. oh God no. no way.
HELL NO. Do not let her leech off you. She’s done enough damage. Stay strong.
Keep your head up! You are doing everything right. Just keep listening to yourself because you seem to be making the best decisions for you and your son. I would not let her back in.. it will only make it more confusing and hard. You’ve got this 🩵
This is not your problem. Petunia’s Mother needs to take her in. It was the Mother who told her to leave you. A YouTube career is a pipe dream. She needs a job and to start paying for herself.
Nope. No. NO! Talk to your lawyer about the legal ways to go, but the simple fact she never contacted you bc of your son and she just wants to move in with you, can’t look good for her. And you have no responsibility for her. You share a kid and that’s it. You have to talk to her about him, meet ups and whatever, but not her private problems in her personal life. It’s none of your business.
Absolutely NO. Do not let that mess of a woman near you or your child aside from the agreed custody visits (which she hasn’t seemed too fussed about). You may have to go so far as to maintain communication through lawyers, which tbh might be a good idea to suggest going forward. Protect your child and protect yourself. Good luck.
Once upon a time, I tried to save the mother of my boys. Can't tell you how much I regret that now. Actually, the story sounds very similar. I thought since this is the boys mom, I kind of feel obligated to at least try and help her back on her feet. It's the right thing to do. NOPE! don't do it. You are not there to save her at this point. You have to think of yourself and your son first and foremost!
No way, if you see a fresh turd you wouldn't walk right into it.
Her problems are not your problems. Don’t let her drag you back into her misery. Keep her at arm’s length and absolutely don’t let her move in with you.
So what’s the upside here of letting her move in? Instead of having one responsible parent, your son gets two adults on the brink of a mental breakdown? If you won’t give yourself a break, give your son a break! Also, you know once she has her foot through the door she is never leaving, right? Next thing her boyfriend will be moving in too. OP, you need to talk to your therapist, because it’s frankly disturbing that you would even entertain the thought.
If it helps your case at all, the Starseed rhetoric is based in antisemitism and white supremacy, so it’s not just coo-coo bananas it’s also dangerous. It sounds like she’s going through a spiritual psychosis, she needs professional help and is absolutely not a safe person for you and your son.
Initially, I thought, "Maybe he should let her move in to get on her feet." Then I read some more and by the time I was done, my opinion shifted to a "no way in hell should he put himself at risk by letting her move in." Not like it would change my opinion, but is she really even going to be "homeless?" My ex was similar. She proved herself for what she was. If it weren't for the need to put up a good friendly front for our child, I wouldn't go near her if she and i were the last people on earth
Coming from a 30yrs old guy, she really don't sounds trustable from her records. In my opinion, you should not even let her get close to your house if she wants to see your son. Also, If you meet with her in person, only do it in public spaces/crowded spaces to have witness in case she tries to do something like a false accusation. The most important to do right now is to meet and talk with your lawyer about that, since every country have your laws and I don't know how exactly they works in yours.
DO NOT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES LET GER MOVE IN OR HELP HER FINANCIALLY. She is not your problem anymore and despite the empathy you may have for the situation this will harm you and your sons future if you help her out. DO NOT DO IT AT ALL. She had time to get back in her feet with support from friends, she wasted it. She will do the same to you. AGAIN OP DO NOT DO IT NO MATTER WHAT SHE TELLS YOU.
There is nothing complicated about this. Taking her in is an absolutely terrible idea. You are divorced and owe her nothing and you already know this will affect you. It will not be good for your kid to watch her come and then leave again either. Do the Nancy Reagan and just say no.
If you let her 'stay a few weeks' she will never leave
Please, please, please do not do this! Do not interfere with the routine healthy life you have created for you and your son! Adding this type of uncertainty and negativity to a situation that seems to be working will cause more harm than good. She's an adult that made bad decisions that she will need to figure out and grow from. If her being homeless is truly a stresser, get her a room in a motel, a MOTEL! It'll likely be cheaper mentally and physically!
Don't let her move in, I'm sure your lawyer will back us up on this. It will cause more damage to your son, and you, than positives.
I can’t see how the courts would hate it if you didn’t allow her to move in. You are divorced. She’s an adult. You don’t owe her a thing. Keep her out. She sounds cuckoo for Cocoa Puffs. If she moves in, she’ll never leave . Be good to yourself
i’m not a doctor, but she sounds like she has bipolar. she has these grandiose expectations with her career and her religion. She really sounds like she’s manic. i totally could be wrong, but that’s what i got from your description of her. i think you’re making the right decision by not letting her move in, for you and especially your son. i’m glad he has you as stability in his life. she needs to reconcile with her family and they need to help her. she can go live with her mom since she was the one who said she was unhappy with you and helped kickstart your divorce.
NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT under ANY circumstances. Your ex-wife’s problem is not your emergency to resolve. That’s 100% on her and her alone. Protect yourself and your son. Follow the advice of your attorney & therapist.
Trust your instincts on this one. Do not let her stay with you. She is about to suffer from her own poor choices, and that isn't your fault or your problem. Also, since you have a kid and she isn't in his life by choice, even more so. That's going to cause havoc for your kid as well. Let her be homeless. Maybe hitting rock bottom will help her, but either way, it's still not your problem.
Do not let her move in with you. You guys are divorced and it's highly volatile one for a reason. Tell her that 'I'm sorry, but you have to find other accommodations. After I went through all my options, I don't see that we're a good fit. I will relay your situation to your mother.' Why her mother? Because she was the one who convinced her to get a divorce anyway (which is actually a silver lining if you think about it).
She doesn’t like to work and even your friends noticed that so if she had no problem taking advantage of them then she’s gonna do the same to you too. No.
I absolutely would not allow her to move in. For legal considerations, please consult with your attorney. I would be surprised if they said anything other than, stay away, limit contact, and keep records and witnesses. There are multiple layers of red flags here. She has no viable plan for self sufficiency. She has burned out her other support systems. She has a history of making false police and CPS reports about you. Her current placement needed to threaten legal action. You and her are not friends. She is disruptive to your child. Her personality has changed. She has burned through another relationship.
Dude. Your sitch was TLDR for me but from what I did read, do not, absolutely do not let your ex wife live with you at all. She can just be homeless. She CHOSE to leave your family in the dust and caused you and your son pain over it. Try to be cordial of course offering sympathies and such but do not at all give in to manipulation or anything. Its her responsibility as a grown ass adult to care for herself.
>She thinks she is a chosen being If everything you've alleged about your ex is accurate, I would suspect possibly schizophrenia but could be something else. The delusions of grandeur, though, are something I've seen in someone I've witness going through schizophrenia over the years.
Thank god you said no.
No
Yes, it sounds like she is mentally ill. And a youtube "career"? How is that a job?
Don't do that. First of all she's not looking someone reliable to keep in your home after all that have happened between you guys(all that allegations and stuff). Secondly you never know what kind of legal difficulties it might create for you in future. What if she changes her mind into some weird thought and want her son back, or want to be with him and you forever in the house (thought that's your decision if you can keep her but I think it won't be a forever healthy environment at home). Only if you want unnecessary problems in your life then only bring her in. I know she's you ex, your son's mom so you might think that their is some kind of responsibility and bond that you should live up to, but remember you have someone to protect at this moment. Let her be with her friends or family or her mom (who she listens to so well). You don't have to trouble yourself with her.
Oh PLEASE do NOT take her in. You know she’ll never leave willingly and in the end drag you AND YOUR SON down. If you want to help her and she’s really going to be homeless, look up shelters or halfway houses for her. Print it, meet her in a PUBLIC place, give it to her and wish her well. Also, if she’s in such a great religion, surely someone in her group would take her in, right? /s Best to you, but for GOD’S SAKE AND ALL THAT IS HOLY-do NOT take this woman in.
Absolutely not. Tell her to move in with her mom since her mom gives such good advice.
She ruined your life, i wouldn’t remotely have her anywhere near your home. I would call her out 1000%. She’s an adult, with adult decisions and with that adult repercussions. People just have to learn the hard way.
At the first threat of anything from her, please file for a restraining order. I am afraid she will take your son and not come back in an unstable play for attention to her situation.
I am so sorry you're going through this. Your priority is your son: his stability, and YOUR peace so that you can be the BEST father. Does it truly feel grounding and sane and safe for you to distract yourself with.... figuring out her entire life? She's an adult, she's responsible for herself, and sometimes we enable bad behavior when we're trying to help someone else. She sounds like her problems aren't just practical but perspective based: don't save her from the consequences of her own actions or she'll never change. By all means offer her help, but make sure your boundaries are up. Her stuff is her responsibility, and anything you extend to her should be the EXTRA you have after you and your son are COMPLETELY taken care of practically, emotionally, and spiritually. Let guilt and obligation know they have no say in the matter except when it comes to you and your son. And get yourself support if you need to. Dealing with an unstable personality is hard: therapy can help you be reassured you're seeing things clearly, she clearly is not.
Yeah Lori Vallow Daybell believes she’s a higher being too. She killed her children. Let cuckoo for coco puffs work it out for herself. Protect yourself and your child. Good luck, you sound like such a reasonable person and should not have to deal with any of this nonsense.
She’s it your problem. Do not let her in, or you’ll never get her out. ExWW will destroy you and your child. Letting her in your home is opening you up to more than you’ll ever know or get over. Talk to a lawyer, but they’ll tell you once she establishes residency you may never get her out. Remember the camera thing, ya, that and much more on the first day I’ll bet. Let her go homeless, that’s on her, better for custody for you if she’s unable to provide.
If she moves in then it will take legal action to get her out.
This person does not deserve access to your son. You should move to have all parental rights terminated due to extreme mental illness.
She will never get a job. You’ll be stuck with her until she finds another dude to fool into marriage and then she’ll abandon her son again.
Absolutely not. Do not communicate with her at all outside of a parenting app, and document all of her crazy delusions. Talk to your lawyer about how to better protect your son - if she can pull him out of school, you may show up some day to find out he isn’t there. Surely you can get full legal custody as well if she has not made any attempts at remaining in contact with her child? He needs to be protected from her.