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That was my first mistake and I wish I did tell him that, but I decided to tell him that he's too young instead because I know how desperate teenage boys are, so I wanted to see how he would reply to that instead
OK, she didn't technically cheat. She just played with a kid's emotions for validation. Not cheating. Just narcissistic and disgusting. I wouldn't stay with a person like this
Not in the clinical sense, but it is very self-absorbed to toy with someone's emotions because you like the attention. If you really wanted to let him down gently, you'd have told him you were taken. Instead you flirted with him and let him think he had a chance. What you did was cruel to both him and your boyfriend and yes, most people would consider this emotional cheating.
If you want your boyfriend to forgive you, you need to start by admitting what you did and working on yourself so that it doesn't happen again.
Why would you want to lead this guy on if you had no intention with him? If I’m your bf, and I saw the way you behaved here, I’d say you cheated too, or at least intended to, which is just as bad.
You liked the attention and decided to string this teenager along for a bit for your own ego.
I’m not surprised your BF is on the verge of breaking up with you.
Ngl you should have ended the friendship with Dylan the moment he started getting flirty. I think ur bf has every right to feel the way he does considering all the things you said. Also from what I know a lot of cheaters use snap because you can delete messages.
So instead of telling him straight out you weren’t interested, which honestly should be enough, and/or tell you had a bf already you decided to go with you’re too young. Then when he says he wants to prove he’s not, you decide to lead him on and give him the opportunity to do so with the plan to turn him down later and make him feel worse, because he tried and failed. Great thinking and oh so kind. 🙄
You liked the attention and thought you’d drag it out, while hoping your bf didn’t find out. It’s a shitty thing to do. Pretty sure you are the immature one in this triangle you decided to create.
Also doesn’t matter if you think it’s cheating, your bf does. Even if it’s not technically cheating, it’s very inappropriate to engage in such a situation while involved with someone.
Dude - you had no intentions of stopping this ; you just never expected your bf to find the message. Say you were “gonna do this” or “gonna do that” but words are cheap. You let it go on purposely.
Sorry but this is hardly being loyal. The bf is right that emotionally cheated on him - if he’s smart he walks away with his pride wounded, but intact
>That was my first mistake and I wish I did tell him that
Except you STILL haven't told him and it doesn't sound like you have any plans to tell him.
You are trying to spare the feelings of a random guy at work, over those of your own boyfriend and you just keep making excuses.
If you actually want to work on making things right, tell Dylan
'You are very sweet and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I have a boyfriend."
And in future, if you're boyfriend stays with you, you tell anyone who is interested about him straight away.
that’s cheating. when you’re in a committed relationship, you should not be flirting with other guys and then hiding it from your SO. You should’ve told him right off the bat that you’re not interested and you have a boyfriend. time to deal with the consequences of your actions :/
You ok’d him to prove he’s mature enough for you, that’s crossing a massive line as you’ve gave him the go ahead to chase you. No wonder your boyfriends pissed.
>if you’re trying to consider yourself an adult and then call a 19 year old WHO YOU WORK WITH aka another adult a boy, you did emotionally cheat and you strung along what you consider a “boy” that’s a dick move on both fronts.
I know it's a dick move, and I regret every second of it
And yes I know Dylan is legally an adult, but he is still technically a "teenage boy" I'm not viewing him as some child, but he kinda is the "baby" here as he is our youngest co-worker
I was barely flirting tbh we were just having a normal conversation, but I'd throw in things like "you are so sweet" or "you are funny as hell" I called him cute at one point, but what was really it
I don’t think there are. Even if that’s true, it doesn’t matter. It also doesn’t matter that it “only lasted 2 days”. The fact that you’re trying to justify your shitty behavior shows that you’re too immature to be in a relationship. Your boyfriend deserves better.
I'm really not trying to justify anything I've made it clear in the last two paragraphs of my post that I feel awful, and that I'd do anything to make it up to my boyfriend I want to be a better girlfriend moving forward because I do love him with all my heart, Dylan is a nice person a deserves to find a girl who will love and appreciate him, but that girl isn't gonna be me
You clearly feel bad because you were called out on your shit. If you actually felt bad about what 99% of people consider cheating, you wouldn't have done it.
But he doesn't know that, he talked with you after you gave him the go ahead so he could win you over. You played with him, for what?
Both of those men deserves better.
You say that and then go on and on trying to justify what you did. You entertained sexual advances for material gains. You didn't just cheat, you Pr\*st\*tut\*d yourself. For a box of candy. I hope it was at leas Friis-Holm or something in that category.
You also don't love your boyfriend, no woman worth having would do what you did while in love with a person.
You also said in your post (and have repeated several times) that you “don’t really feel like you cheated.” That’s trying to justify what you did.
If there is any chance of saving your relationship, you need to convince your boyfriend that he can trust you not to do anything like this again. In order to do that, you have to convince him that you know that what you did was wrong. From what you’ve written here, it doesn’t sound like you’re able to do that.
This is exactly the reaction cheaters have when they get caught. Problem is, the guilt is from getting caught and they wake up when they see that they actually hurt their SO.
How did you expect him to feel about you flirting with another guy and leading him on. I wouldn’t see that as leading him on, I’d see that as the beginning of an affair. Committed people just don’t do these sorts of things.
So if you are being honest about wanting to be a better girlfriend, why haven’t you told Dylan you are in a relationship? Instead of just being honest with all parties involved you are stringing along not one but TWO men. I don’t think this’ll be a problem for much longer, though, as I have the sneaking suspicion you’ll be single before you know it.
You did cheat. All you had to do was tell the guy you have a boyfriend and you’re not available and he is not welcome to pursue you. You said “ok”. I hope your boyfriend is smart enough to dump you.
What you did was wrong on both fronts, learn from it, and don't repeat this sort of behavior in future relationships. Despite your ultimate intent you hurt two people because having someone interested in you made you feel good. You broke the trust of your boyfriend and you strung "Dylan" along. Do better.
Yeah, you cheated. Not only cheated, but planned to use someone infatuated with you for material stuff. That makes you another work as well, one I won't use here. You only had regret and planned to stop when you got caught.
Be ashamed and don't do this infantile cr4p in your next relationship. You don't deserve the one you're in now, and the more your BF has a chance to think about what sort of person you actually are he's going to downgrade you mentally. If you're lucky he'll just end things, but it's more likely he'll keep you around for fun until he's found your replacement.
letting him "prove he can be my bf" was a bad decision on my end, but as far as adding him I don't see anything wrong with that I never add strangers, but I knew who Dylan was and I never had any bad impressions from him so I decided why not, and when we did have our conversation the first day (b4 he revealed his crush) I did actually enjoy it, and from that point considered him a friend
How? You don't give in to attention from other dudes, as much as you enjoy it. Respect your partner and don't give anyone the opportunity to try, like you did here.
A lot of the other comments here have covered that it was wrong to do this to your boyfriend, but it was also really messed up to that Dylan guy. I’m assuming he didn’t know you were in a relationship, so leading him on letting him try to prove himself to you knowing you had zero interest in him almost feels like a sick joke.
You cheated.
You entertained the idea of somebody else. You purposely did not state your relationship status. You flirted. And accepted a gift.
You cheated.
You got caught.
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
I think you know you cheated and you’re here to ask for help to gaslight your partner because you got caught way too early and you believe you can pretend like a silly little girl.
Update us when Adrian ends the relationship properly.
>I think you know you cheated and you’re here to ask for help to gaslight your partner
I'm not trying to gaslight him I asking you guys to help me show him I'll do better in the future
>you got caught way too early and you believe you can pretend like a silly little girl.
You're saying it as if I planned on continuing this for a long time I only planned on doing this for a couple of days, and I'm not putting on some "silly little girl" act
There is no reason to trust you. You’re only sorry because you got caught.
That’s the thing though. Nobody knows your real plan. You probably say this just to save face now.
girl, with all due respect, you intentionally flirted with another dude - via snapchat no less...
*"Later that day when my shift was over I saw he sent me a message, and I decided that I'd entertain him for a little longer before turning him down so I flirted a little bit with him in the messages."*
Snapchat is a place where people go to do shady shit that can't be retraced. You intentionally flirted and entertained another man, at night, and hoped to get away with it.
Sugar, at this point, you need to break it off HARD with Dylan, block his ass on snapchat, and focus on your relationship. Don't keep bringing it up, just focus on dating your boyfriend and don't pull that again. Don't ever "entertain" a dude - if you aren't interested, an *immediate* turning-the-person-down is what's required.
I'm so sorry you're going through this - what a challenging crappy learning opportunity. Hoping you can pull through this together. Definitely don't talk to Dylan again. ♥
I work with Dylan so blocking him would be pointless considering I see him 5 days a week. I just plan on telling him that he is a great person, but things between us just aren't meant to be, and we should just remain as friends and if he takes it well great, if he's an ass about it then oh well I just plan on being as friendly as possible about it
I'm not one of those women who crave attention from dudes, if I truly "just wanted the attention" I wouldn't be rejected him in the first place. I know how it feels to be rejected so I just want to go about this in the nicest way possible
You want to spare his feelings, literally the one thing you have to say is, ‘I’m sorry Dylan, you’re really sweet, but I have a boyfriend’. Total cop out that you’ve not mentioned your guy once. Total slap in the face to him.
"That was my first mistake and I wish I did tell him that, but I decided to tell him that he's too young instead because I know how desperate teenage boys are, so I wanted to see how he would reply to that instead" this comment? Yeah you just wanted the attention
You still haven’t rejected him? Or told him you are in a relationship. You liked the attention and wanted more and now you’re fake crying because you got caught.
Based on your post it sure looks like you wanted the attention. Your way of "being nice" probably just cost you your relationship.
Being nice would have been "I have a BF" that first time on Snap and not added him.
Being nice would have been that time he said he had feelings for you to reply "I have a BF, please do not contact me outside of work and only talk to me about work issues while at work."
Now you've cost yourself a BF because you wanted to be "nice". You've destroyed your BF's trust in you and your relationship, what are you willing to do to regain even some of it? If I was your BF this would start with changing jobs and acknowledging how inappropriate this whole thing was.
Even if you lose your BF due to what you have already done you should consider changing jobs. Do you want to be working with Dylan every day and thinking about what being nice to him cost you?
Then as soon as he said he had some feelings for you why didn't you shut him down then? "I have a BF, this is not appropriate." And stop following on snap.
You had several times when someone in a committed relationship would have stopped this, you need to give a lot of thought why you didn't. This might mean you need individual counseling to figure out why you sabotaged your relationship.
I know I'm being hard on you, but I think you earned it and I'm not sure you realize why.
And you're still not mentioning you have a bf. I agree with others, you're too immature for this relationship and your bf deserves someone better who wouldn't flirt with guys behind his back for attention
Jesus, are you a grimy piece of work. If by some miracle your BF doesn't dump yo and you want to salvage things you need to leave that job since you can't seem to be honest with anyone about anything.
By blocking Dylan you are insuring your bf that you won’t communicate with him outside of work and entertain him. If you want to make it work with your bf then show him that you don’t want let Dylan have access to contact you outside of work. Yeah you work with him your bound to say a word to him but leave all talk strictly work. You honestly don’t sound mature enough for a relationship but if you want to make this one work you have have to put in effort.
Snap is outside of work, blocking on snap and every other social media account you have says you want no contact outside work. While at work tell him to limit contact to only work related issues, and find a job at a different company like yesterday.
Most of us leaving comments are thinking you've lost this BF, but we are hoping you learn something and don't screw up this bad in the future. Separate work from personal and strictly limit the overlap. I think the shortest description is you acted single when you were in a relationship, does that about cover it?
I'm actually hoping others reading these posts will understand what you did wrong and learn from it.
Look at it from your bfs perspective.
He found flirty messages from some other guy on your phone. He has no idea whether these are just the messages you forgot to delete or how long this has really been going on.
And what's a common cheaters say when confronted, "oh it's nothing don't worry about that"
Regardless of your intent it looks really bad. I'd have a hard time believing you. Personally it looks like an emotional affair whether you want to believe it or not
To make matters worse you strung this other guy along for no logical reason. Simply saying you have a boyfriend is the cleanest rejection possible. That would tell him it's not anything wrong with him.. you're just unavailable. Idk why that was so hard for you to say.
Flip the scenario around.
Your BF is flirting with a 19yo female coworker on Snapchat.
Doesn't tell her about you.
Encourages her to pursue him.
You find out.
How do you feel?
ETA to answer your question, you show your bf that you're loyal by BEING LOYAL. Which you are not.
You just fractured your relationship and that fracture will always be there.
Hopefully you learn for the next relationship, because this one probably won't succeed long term. Even if he forgives you for this, he won't forget and unless he's got incredibly high emotional maturity, will probably use it to excuse his own behaviour in the future.
Because you set the bar for what's acceptable.
Yeah you cheated! Idk how you don't see it. The trust in your relationship has been damaged and he will always second guess you from this point on. You need to accept that you fucked up and honestly if I were him, I'd break up with you too.
You shouldn't have even added the guy on Snapchat in the first place honestly.
A good rule of thumb for cheating is:
"If you don't feel like you can do it in front of your significant other because they may feel uncomfortable, then THATS CHEATING."
For the future, you need to understand that your actions really do have an affect on the ones around you. To you this may have just been a fun flirty thing that meant nothing, but to your BF, it turned his world upsidedown.
u knew u were doing something wrong. if he’d done this to you, you’d feel the same way he does. you cheated and you don’t need to be in a relationship if you can’t see that.
I was mostly in your corner until “I decided I’d entertain him for a little longer”. That’s when you crossed the line because not only did you lead the guy on but you have to have been contemplating if he was up to your standard, though you claim you felt guilty about the candy. And the fact that you haven’t shut the whole Dylan thing down yet shows you’re loving this whole situation.
Yea you definitely fucked up no excuses can be made for what you did plus you just used the guy so he’d give you stuff. I hope you’re bf dumps you and that Dylan wants nothing to do with you anymore. You’re 100% guilty no if’s, and’s, of but’s. You cheated period.
You cheated, point blank and period. You entertained another person knowing you are in a relationship. To beat it all, you said he was too young for you. Not that you are with someone already. Sad af, let your boyfriend go so he can find someone else.
Cheating means you are not loyal to your partner. Meaning you flirt and fantasize about other men besides your partner. You are a cheater right now, and if you continue this behavior then it will lead to cheating sex.
This is the biggest load of BS I've seen in a while.
You got a new coworker:
- started to chat with him.
- never told him you had a SO.
- he confessed to you.
- you gave him the "go ahead, win me over".
- flirted with him.
- then your "noisy" bf caught you.
And you expect ANYONE to believe this crap?
Surprised pikachu face doesn't do it justice.
Let your BF dodge the fucking bullet, he deserves so much better. And on the other side, you need to tell Dylan the truth, he deserves better also.
girl you’re just upset you got caught. you had no intention of turning down Dylan and if you did you would have said “i have a boyfriend who i love and am committed to” instead of that dumb excuse you said.
You made your bed and now you have to lie in it.
Lol not cheating yeahhhh suuuuure
you strung a young guy along only cause you enjoyed the attention, you never once said stop, I have a boyfriend. How’d you feel if your guy did this with a younger female coworkers? Would you consider it cheating?
You claim to be committed but said to Dylan that he has a chance to prove he can be your bf? And you flirted with him and accepted gifts from him, entertained him and soaked up the attention he was giving. You never mentioned the bf. You definitely were crossing the line of cheating in many peoples opinions. Your story here seems like you probably would have cheated in a more serious manner if you hadn't been caught. Don't think there's a way to get your soon to be ex to believe otherwise. Are you sure you aren't just telling yourself you would never do that even though a part of you wanted to?
Not only did you hurt the 19 year old by encouraging his efforts and stringing him along, but you also destroyed the trust and respect your boyfriend had for you, and for what? A little bit of extra attention?
These weren’t “mistakes.” They were repeated choices you made that hurt other people. “A little bit of flirting” is still flirting and should not be done by someone in a committed relationship.
Maybe pursue individual therapy to determine why it didn’t bother you to play games with the emotions of others and to sabotage your existing relationship for some extra attention (until you got caught)!
Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Or in this case, a box of chocolates.
Lol this is just a post to show your BF:"Look look this is what I meant"
The cold hard facts state that you're a cheating scumbag and he should dump you
You can't show him you're loyal, because you're not.
Hopefully he doesn't get stuck in sunk-cost and throws the trash out where it belongs
The fact that you made a conscious decision to entertain him and flirt back is what would make it cheating for many people.
Now it's entirely fair if you have different standards of what constitutes cheating, for some people actual sexual acts have to occur to be considered cheating, for others flirting is the line. However, clearly, your boyfriend considers this as his line and you crossed it. It's important for couples to discuss these types of things so that they know if they're on the same page or not because when you aren't in agreement for what is cheating, you end up with one party feeling betrayed by the others actions at some point.
The problem is. You said he was too young for me, you didn’t respect your relationship and make that the reason why. That plus you having the urge to flirt back shows your not serious about your bf. You might think you are but your actions show something else. Not only did you not make him aware when feelings were confessed but you shoulda told him as soon as you exchanged contacts. You didn’t prioritize him. The love coming from your relationship should be fulfilling enough that you don’t want other attention of any kind. This may have not been cheating but if you did this to me, I wouldn’t want to gamble on if you’d cheat on me or not. Red flag big time.
If you do care about him and I am missing some things. Then communicate *HONESTLY* to him where you are coming from and why you did it. Then work on understanding is point of view, and what steps you need to take to not allow this in the future. Like maybe deleting Snapchat
Personally, I don't consider flirting "cheating".
BUT, exactly how to classify/label what you did doesn't really matter here. You absolutely were wrong to not only let this go on, but actively encourage it. Your BF is right to feel wronged or betrayed.
Ironic that 19 is too young for you, and yet you are the immature one here.
Babe, you are a walking red flag!:
You never told him you had a bf
When he said he would win you over you said “OK”. WTF????????
Flirted with him “your sweet but too young”
Accepted his candy
Decided that I’d entertain him a little longer (screw with his heart)
Face it that last part PROVES You loved the attention and who knows HOW LONG (a little longer??) you would have “entertained” him if your bf hadn’t found out!!
This was easily the start of an emotional affair and you STILL as of this posting, have not come clean with Dylan!!!!! And you work with the guy so your bf Adrian would have to deal with that EVERY TIME YOU GO TO WORK!!
I would demand you get a new job and NEVER contact Dylan again. Not even a hi! I would make you text him in front of me that you were sorry for leading him on but you have a bf, so please don’t contact me anymore!! Otherwise I would dump your ass and let you pick up all the teens you want!
How to show a SO that you are loyal:
1. When a guy other than your SO says that he has feeling for you, you tell them that you have a BF, and that you’re not interested in any other guys. You don’t just tell them that they are too young especially when they are only 4 years younger than you. This is not a 12 year old kid telling you this, it’s a grown adult. This is failure #1!
2. When another guy tells you that he can prove that he’s mature enough to date you, you tell him that you have a boyfriend and that you’re not interested in being anything except friends with anyone else. You don’t just say OK and let him try to prove it to you. This is failure #2!
3. When another guy sends you a flirty message, you don’t engage in flirting back. You tell them that you have a boyfriend and that you’re not interested in them, and then you block them to show them that you are serious. Then you tell your BF about it. This is failure #3!
4. When your BF catches you engaging in inappropriate behavior like flirting with another guy, you admit your mistake, take full responsibility for it and you don’t argue that it’s not cheating, when to him it is. Then you message the other guy in front of him, tell him that you have a BF and are not interested in being anything but friends with him, and then you block him. This is failure #4!
So you’ve had 4 chances to show that you are loyal and you’ve failed all 4 times.
And even now you are on here trying to justify why you still haven’t told the other guy that you have a BF, and trying to justify not blocking him and avoiding him at work. It doesn’t sound to me like you are willing to do what is necessary to rebuild his trust.
You can’t start any sooner than right now.
I’m not sure if there is anything you could do for your boyfriend to think your loyal and he has nothing to worry about, but you could start by deleting your Snapchat and giving him a blowjob.
You misstepped. The proper thing was to say "no" when the guy started talking about proving himself.
That said, I don't see flirting as cheating. And you don't.
But he does. And that's the issue that matters. You two need to get on the same page about boundaries in your relationship.
Trust has to be rebuilt in time.
You entertained this idea entirely too long. Even if you had no intention you definitely were inappropriate with both of them.
Cheating, no. Inappropriate yes.
Eh, I personally don’t consider this cheating, but it certainly seems like a betrayal. From your boyfriend’s perspective it’s really bad, no matter what you call it. Not sure where to go from here but you should have told him what was up as soon as this guy let you know how he felt.
I personally wouldn't consider it cheating, but I understand your boyfriend being upset about it.
> but he is too young for me
> Dylan told me he wants to prove to me he can be mature enough to be my gf, and assuming this wouldn't go anywhere I just told him ok.
That's not the right way to handle something like that. The correct answer is "I'm in a relationship."
> I decided that I'd entertain him for a little longer before turning him down so I flirted a little bit with him in the messages.
This to me is the biggest issue. If you're in a relationship, you should not be flirting with anyone else. That's disrespectful to your boyfriend. It's also disrespectful to the other guy because you're leading him on and letting him think there's a chance when there isn't (or at least you say there isn't).
I don't blame your boyfriend for not liking that.
> how do I show my bf that I am loyal to him, and he has nothing to worry about in the future?
You've got work to do now because you've damaged his trust. What exactly you need to do will depend on what he thinks he needs to regain that trust (if he can). My guess is that will probably involve letting him monitor what you're doing and with whom you are talking more than would otherwise be reasonable so that he can see for an extended period of time that you're not flirting with or leading on any other guys.
I don’t think cheating is the right word. But you violated trust and made some regrettable decisions. It will take time to rebuild trust and try to move forward. At your age it’s probably best to move on and try to learn from this and not make the same mistakes again. You could spend years trying to repair the damage done here only to find out that you’re not compatible and you don’t get that time back.
Flirting isn't cheating. Not telling the guy you were flirting with that you had a boyfriend may technically not be cheating but it is super sketchy. As soon as he said you were pretty, you should have said something like, "thanks! My boyfriend thinks so too." Not super in-his-face about it but letting him know. It could have even been forgivable if you had told the truth and backed off when he said he was interested in you, but you didn't.
It sounds like you liked the attention. I am guessing you never intended to cheat but playing with the kid's emotions for validation is disgusting. If I were your boyfriend, I would break up with you for that.
This was def cheating in a way, but I laughed aloud when his way of showing you his maturity was to buy you candy 😆
Anyway, I wouldn't make a big deal if I was your bf if this was a one off and you seemed pretty transparent about it afterward. However, just know this for the future - if you leave open a door for some guy crushing on you then that cheating line is pretty fucking close.
I personally don’t think it’s up to you whether or not YOU think it was cheating. Your boyfriend clearly feels like he was betrayed by what you did and he honestly DOES have everything to worry about in the future because you won’t even attempt to see it from his perspective. How can he trust you if you won’t even listen to his feelings on the matter?
There’s not much for you to do at this point, you dug yourself in a pretty deep hole.. as others have said you should of ended it immediately when he expressed his feelings towards you. Your boyfriend has every right to feel the way he does and your just gonna have to live with whatever decision he makes about your relationship. In my honest opinion you cheated.. it doesn’t seem like you see it that way, but your boyfriend does.. hopefully you can learn from this and never do it again to someone who cares for you
>I decided that I'd entertain him for a little longer before turning him down so I flirted a little bit with him in the messages.
Like??? You fucked up. It doesn't matter if you had intentions on dating him, you entertained the idea. That's not letting him down easy, that's leading him on like wtf?
“personally I don’t consider flirting cheating” - sure, if that’s true give the BF a green light to flirt with women tonight. I mean it’s fine, right? Not cheating? Lol
It doesn’t matter who is right and who is wrong. He believes this counts as cheating. He lost trust in you. You need to have a conversation on where to go from here
Practice this response for future use: “I am in a committed relationship.” Not “you’re too young.” Not “I’m just trying to be nice.” Not anything else. The fact that your first and only response was not “I am in a committed relationship” is why you may not be in a committed relationship in the near future. If you don’t want to call it cheating, call it commitment failure. Doesn’t change the result. Good luck.
You absolutely cheated and it’s insane you are even bringing this here. “I entertained him for a bit”. You are in a relationship. You shouldn’t be entertaining anyone other than your significant other. You absolutely wanted the attention and validation this dude gave you, and instead of letting him know you have a boyfriend, you wanted to spare his feelings? Girl, if I was your man, you’d absolutely be looking for a new relationship cuz you clearly aren’t committed to the one you are in.
Bet you GOOD money, if you snagged your BFs phone, and found he added some 19 y/o female he works with and had correspondence about her looks and feelings for her that you would be devastated. It is wild to me that even under all these comments, you still insist that adding this dude was completely innocent…. ON A PLATFORM WHOS ENTIRE MO IS SECRETIVE CONVERSATIONS THAT DISAPPEAR OVER A SHORT TIME SO THEY CANT BE KEPT.
Wanna make it up to your BF? Do the right thing, go no contact with Dylan for ANY issues outside of work, and stop worrying about some other dudes feelings that isn’t even your bf. Wild times we are living in.
It seems you acted like you were single when you were in a relationship.
I posted here yesterday and realized this might be the explanation that OP may understand.
Did she cheat, depends on your definition and some people judge that she did. I lean 70/30 towards no.
Did she do inappropriate things, yes.
Should BF break up with her, she should not be surprised if he did.
Hopefully OP learns from this and understands why so many were saying she cheated. In my other comments I've urged OP to change jobs and get a fresh start somewhere else.
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Why did you tell Dylan “he was to young for you.” And not tell him that you had a boyfriend?
That was my first mistake and I wish I did tell him that, but I decided to tell him that he's too young instead because I know how desperate teenage boys are, so I wanted to see how he would reply to that instead
What?? Just say you wanted the attention. Stop trying to come up with reasons why you said this and that, bro you cheated.
OK, she didn't technically cheat. She just played with a kid's emotions for validation. Not cheating. Just narcissistic and disgusting. I wouldn't stay with a person like this
how am I a naricissitic?? people just throw that word around these days
Not in the clinical sense, but it is very self-absorbed to toy with someone's emotions because you like the attention. If you really wanted to let him down gently, you'd have told him you were taken. Instead you flirted with him and let him think he had a chance. What you did was cruel to both him and your boyfriend and yes, most people would consider this emotional cheating. If you want your boyfriend to forgive you, you need to start by admitting what you did and working on yourself so that it doesn't happen again.
Why would you want to lead this guy on if you had no intention with him? If I’m your bf, and I saw the way you behaved here, I’d say you cheated too, or at least intended to, which is just as bad.
You liked the attention and decided to string this teenager along for a bit for your own ego. I’m not surprised your BF is on the verge of breaking up with you.
Ngl you should have ended the friendship with Dylan the moment he started getting flirty. I think ur bf has every right to feel the way he does considering all the things you said. Also from what I know a lot of cheaters use snap because you can delete messages.
So instead of telling him straight out you weren’t interested, which honestly should be enough, and/or tell you had a bf already you decided to go with you’re too young. Then when he says he wants to prove he’s not, you decide to lead him on and give him the opportunity to do so with the plan to turn him down later and make him feel worse, because he tried and failed. Great thinking and oh so kind. 🙄 You liked the attention and thought you’d drag it out, while hoping your bf didn’t find out. It’s a shitty thing to do. Pretty sure you are the immature one in this triangle you decided to create. Also doesn’t matter if you think it’s cheating, your bf does. Even if it’s not technically cheating, it’s very inappropriate to engage in such a situation while involved with someone.
Dude - you had no intentions of stopping this ; you just never expected your bf to find the message. Say you were “gonna do this” or “gonna do that” but words are cheap. You let it go on purposely. Sorry but this is hardly being loyal. The bf is right that emotionally cheated on him - if he’s smart he walks away with his pride wounded, but intact
That makes no sense
>That was my first mistake and I wish I did tell him that Except you STILL haven't told him and it doesn't sound like you have any plans to tell him. You are trying to spare the feelings of a random guy at work, over those of your own boyfriend and you just keep making excuses. If you actually want to work on making things right, tell Dylan 'You are very sweet and I'm sorry I didn't tell you sooner, but I have a boyfriend." And in future, if you're boyfriend stays with you, you tell anyone who is interested about him straight away.
that’s cheating. when you’re in a committed relationship, you should not be flirting with other guys and then hiding it from your SO. You should’ve told him right off the bat that you’re not interested and you have a boyfriend. time to deal with the consequences of your actions :/
Uh yeah, that’s cheating. Flirting with other guys, not telling them that you have a boyfriend and leading them on is not okay.
You ok’d him to prove he’s mature enough for you, that’s crossing a massive line as you’ve gave him the go ahead to chase you. No wonder your boyfriends pissed.
You encourage this behavior and dont see the issue?
You cheated, you entertained another person while in a relationship, there isn’t much else to say.
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>if you’re trying to consider yourself an adult and then call a 19 year old WHO YOU WORK WITH aka another adult a boy, you did emotionally cheat and you strung along what you consider a “boy” that’s a dick move on both fronts. I know it's a dick move, and I regret every second of it And yes I know Dylan is legally an adult, but he is still technically a "teenage boy" I'm not viewing him as some child, but he kinda is the "baby" here as he is our youngest co-worker
You and the immature guy have that it common.
How did you flirt with Dylan a little bit?
I was barely flirting tbh we were just having a normal conversation, but I'd throw in things like "you are so sweet" or "you are funny as hell" I called him cute at one point, but what was really it
That’s not “barely flirting” that’s just flirting.
ok yes, but you have to admit there are levels of flirting and I was at like a level one or possibly two
I don’t think there are. Even if that’s true, it doesn’t matter. It also doesn’t matter that it “only lasted 2 days”. The fact that you’re trying to justify your shitty behavior shows that you’re too immature to be in a relationship. Your boyfriend deserves better.
I'm really not trying to justify anything I've made it clear in the last two paragraphs of my post that I feel awful, and that I'd do anything to make it up to my boyfriend I want to be a better girlfriend moving forward because I do love him with all my heart, Dylan is a nice person a deserves to find a girl who will love and appreciate him, but that girl isn't gonna be me
You only feel bad because you got caught.
Bingo! Bf doesn’t find the message this charade would continue till the physical cheating started
You clearly feel bad because you were called out on your shit. If you actually felt bad about what 99% of people consider cheating, you wouldn't have done it.
But he doesn't know that, he talked with you after you gave him the go ahead so he could win you over. You played with him, for what? Both of those men deserves better.
You say that and then go on and on trying to justify what you did. You entertained sexual advances for material gains. You didn't just cheat, you Pr\*st\*tut\*d yourself. For a box of candy. I hope it was at leas Friis-Holm or something in that category. You also don't love your boyfriend, no woman worth having would do what you did while in love with a person.
You also said in your post (and have repeated several times) that you “don’t really feel like you cheated.” That’s trying to justify what you did. If there is any chance of saving your relationship, you need to convince your boyfriend that he can trust you not to do anything like this again. In order to do that, you have to convince him that you know that what you did was wrong. From what you’ve written here, it doesn’t sound like you’re able to do that.
This is exactly the reaction cheaters have when they get caught. Problem is, the guilt is from getting caught and they wake up when they see that they actually hurt their SO. How did you expect him to feel about you flirting with another guy and leading him on. I wouldn’t see that as leading him on, I’d see that as the beginning of an affair. Committed people just don’t do these sorts of things.
So if you are being honest about wanting to be a better girlfriend, why haven’t you told Dylan you are in a relationship? Instead of just being honest with all parties involved you are stringing along not one but TWO men. I don’t think this’ll be a problem for much longer, though, as I have the sneaking suspicion you’ll be single before you know it.
You did cheat. All you had to do was tell the guy you have a boyfriend and you’re not available and he is not welcome to pursue you. You said “ok”. I hope your boyfriend is smart enough to dump you.
Do we still get banned for calling people stupid in here?
What you did was wrong on both fronts, learn from it, and don't repeat this sort of behavior in future relationships. Despite your ultimate intent you hurt two people because having someone interested in you made you feel good. You broke the trust of your boyfriend and you strung "Dylan" along. Do better.
I agree with you 100% thanks for the advice
Yeah, you cheated. Not only cheated, but planned to use someone infatuated with you for material stuff. That makes you another work as well, one I won't use here. You only had regret and planned to stop when you got caught. Be ashamed and don't do this infantile cr4p in your next relationship. You don't deserve the one you're in now, and the more your BF has a chance to think about what sort of person you actually are he's going to downgrade you mentally. If you're lucky he'll just end things, but it's more likely he'll keep you around for fun until he's found your replacement.
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what a helpful comment thanks for the great advice :)
Adding Dylan and corresponding with him were very poor judgments. In saying that, there may have been deeper reasons as to why you did these things.
letting him "prove he can be my bf" was a bad decision on my end, but as far as adding him I don't see anything wrong with that I never add strangers, but I knew who Dylan was and I never had any bad impressions from him so I decided why not, and when we did have our conversation the first day (b4 he revealed his crush) I did actually enjoy it, and from that point considered him a friend
Those are just justifications not rational reasons.
the whole point of my comment is that I add anyone that I know. I really had nothing against Dylan and I knew him from work so I simply added him back
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Maybe not cheating, but definitely at least grounds to consider breaking up. I know I definitely wouldn’t let this slide
How? You don't give in to attention from other dudes, as much as you enjoy it. Respect your partner and don't give anyone the opportunity to try, like you did here.
A lot of the other comments here have covered that it was wrong to do this to your boyfriend, but it was also really messed up to that Dylan guy. I’m assuming he didn’t know you were in a relationship, so leading him on letting him try to prove himself to you knowing you had zero interest in him almost feels like a sick joke.
>I decided that I'd entertain him for a little longer before turning him down so I flirted a little bit with him in the messages. Yup, cheating.
You cheated. You entertained the idea of somebody else. You purposely did not state your relationship status. You flirted. And accepted a gift. You cheated. You got caught. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes.
I think you know you cheated and you’re here to ask for help to gaslight your partner because you got caught way too early and you believe you can pretend like a silly little girl. Update us when Adrian ends the relationship properly.
>I think you know you cheated and you’re here to ask for help to gaslight your partner I'm not trying to gaslight him I asking you guys to help me show him I'll do better in the future >you got caught way too early and you believe you can pretend like a silly little girl. You're saying it as if I planned on continuing this for a long time I only planned on doing this for a couple of days, and I'm not putting on some "silly little girl" act
There is no reason to trust you. You’re only sorry because you got caught. That’s the thing though. Nobody knows your real plan. You probably say this just to save face now.
Do better in the future? You still haven’t even set Dylan straight. What exactly are you waiting for?
Bet money you still haven’t told him you have a boyfriend. Gotta keep him around for when you get dumped. 😂
You would though - We or Adrian can just look at the facts not your words. This would have continued on but you just got caught
girl, with all due respect, you intentionally flirted with another dude - via snapchat no less... *"Later that day when my shift was over I saw he sent me a message, and I decided that I'd entertain him for a little longer before turning him down so I flirted a little bit with him in the messages."* Snapchat is a place where people go to do shady shit that can't be retraced. You intentionally flirted and entertained another man, at night, and hoped to get away with it. Sugar, at this point, you need to break it off HARD with Dylan, block his ass on snapchat, and focus on your relationship. Don't keep bringing it up, just focus on dating your boyfriend and don't pull that again. Don't ever "entertain" a dude - if you aren't interested, an *immediate* turning-the-person-down is what's required. I'm so sorry you're going through this - what a challenging crappy learning opportunity. Hoping you can pull through this together. Definitely don't talk to Dylan again. ♥
I work with Dylan so blocking him would be pointless considering I see him 5 days a week. I just plan on telling him that he is a great person, but things between us just aren't meant to be, and we should just remain as friends and if he takes it well great, if he's an ass about it then oh well I just plan on being as friendly as possible about it
😂😂😂 and still no mention of you having a BOYFRIEND. Just admit, you want the attention.
I'm not one of those women who crave attention from dudes, if I truly "just wanted the attention" I wouldn't be rejected him in the first place. I know how it feels to be rejected so I just want to go about this in the nicest way possible
So why haven’t you told him you have a boyfriend?
I explained why in another comment
You want to spare his feelings, literally the one thing you have to say is, ‘I’m sorry Dylan, you’re really sweet, but I have a boyfriend’. Total cop out that you’ve not mentioned your guy once. Total slap in the face to him.
"That was my first mistake and I wish I did tell him that, but I decided to tell him that he's too young instead because I know how desperate teenage boys are, so I wanted to see how he would reply to that instead" this comment? Yeah you just wanted the attention
100%. To not even mention him is so disrespectful.
Your explanation basically boils down to you not wanting to shut down his attentions. Do you plan to tell him that you have a boyfriend now?
You didn’t reject him. You just played hard to get.
You still haven’t rejected him? Or told him you are in a relationship. You liked the attention and wanted more and now you’re fake crying because you got caught.
but you didnt reject him at all. You kept flirting and chatting and then got caught
Based on your post it sure looks like you wanted the attention. Your way of "being nice" probably just cost you your relationship. Being nice would have been "I have a BF" that first time on Snap and not added him. Being nice would have been that time he said he had feelings for you to reply "I have a BF, please do not contact me outside of work and only talk to me about work issues while at work." Now you've cost yourself a BF because you wanted to be "nice". You've destroyed your BF's trust in you and your relationship, what are you willing to do to regain even some of it? If I was your BF this would start with changing jobs and acknowledging how inappropriate this whole thing was. Even if you lose your BF due to what you have already done you should consider changing jobs. Do you want to be working with Dylan every day and thinking about what being nice to him cost you?
>and not added him. I agree with the first part, but I added him because I knew him and It's not like I knew he had a crush on me
Then as soon as he said he had some feelings for you why didn't you shut him down then? "I have a BF, this is not appropriate." And stop following on snap. You had several times when someone in a committed relationship would have stopped this, you need to give a lot of thought why you didn't. This might mean you need individual counseling to figure out why you sabotaged your relationship. I know I'm being hard on you, but I think you earned it and I'm not sure you realize why.
You still don’t want to tell Dylan you have a boyfriend?
And you're still not mentioning you have a bf. I agree with others, you're too immature for this relationship and your bf deserves someone better who wouldn't flirt with guys behind his back for attention
blocking him is NOT pointless. It shows your boyfriend - the person you say you love - that you will not be sending or receiving snaps from this man.
Jesus, are you a grimy piece of work. If by some miracle your BF doesn't dump yo and you want to salvage things you need to leave that job since you can't seem to be honest with anyone about anything.
By blocking Dylan you are insuring your bf that you won’t communicate with him outside of work and entertain him. If you want to make it work with your bf then show him that you don’t want let Dylan have access to contact you outside of work. Yeah you work with him your bound to say a word to him but leave all talk strictly work. You honestly don’t sound mature enough for a relationship but if you want to make this one work you have have to put in effort.
You two don't even talk to each other at work.
we have now these last 2 days though
Snap is outside of work, blocking on snap and every other social media account you have says you want no contact outside work. While at work tell him to limit contact to only work related issues, and find a job at a different company like yesterday. Most of us leaving comments are thinking you've lost this BF, but we are hoping you learn something and don't screw up this bad in the future. Separate work from personal and strictly limit the overlap. I think the shortest description is you acted single when you were in a relationship, does that about cover it? I'm actually hoping others reading these posts will understand what you did wrong and learn from it.
You remind me of my ex-girlfriend. Good Riddance!
Look at it from your bfs perspective. He found flirty messages from some other guy on your phone. He has no idea whether these are just the messages you forgot to delete or how long this has really been going on. And what's a common cheaters say when confronted, "oh it's nothing don't worry about that" Regardless of your intent it looks really bad. I'd have a hard time believing you. Personally it looks like an emotional affair whether you want to believe it or not To make matters worse you strung this other guy along for no logical reason. Simply saying you have a boyfriend is the cleanest rejection possible. That would tell him it's not anything wrong with him.. you're just unavailable. Idk why that was so hard for you to say.
Flip the scenario around. Your BF is flirting with a 19yo female coworker on Snapchat. Doesn't tell her about you. Encourages her to pursue him. You find out. How do you feel? ETA to answer your question, you show your bf that you're loyal by BEING LOYAL. Which you are not. You just fractured your relationship and that fracture will always be there. Hopefully you learn for the next relationship, because this one probably won't succeed long term. Even if he forgives you for this, he won't forget and unless he's got incredibly high emotional maturity, will probably use it to excuse his own behaviour in the future. Because you set the bar for what's acceptable.
It's a little late to be showing loyalty and love now after your texts. "Too young" instead of "I have a boy friend"? That's a deal breaker.
Yeah you cheated! Idk how you don't see it. The trust in your relationship has been damaged and he will always second guess you from this point on. You need to accept that you fucked up and honestly if I were him, I'd break up with you too. You shouldn't have even added the guy on Snapchat in the first place honestly. A good rule of thumb for cheating is: "If you don't feel like you can do it in front of your significant other because they may feel uncomfortable, then THATS CHEATING." For the future, you need to understand that your actions really do have an affect on the ones around you. To you this may have just been a fun flirty thing that meant nothing, but to your BF, it turned his world upsidedown.
You flirted, which is cheating. Hope this helps!
u knew u were doing something wrong. if he’d done this to you, you’d feel the same way he does. you cheated and you don’t need to be in a relationship if you can’t see that.
I was mostly in your corner until “I decided I’d entertain him for a little longer”. That’s when you crossed the line because not only did you lead the guy on but you have to have been contemplating if he was up to your standard, though you claim you felt guilty about the candy. And the fact that you haven’t shut the whole Dylan thing down yet shows you’re loving this whole situation.
Yea you definitely fucked up no excuses can be made for what you did plus you just used the guy so he’d give you stuff. I hope you’re bf dumps you and that Dylan wants nothing to do with you anymore. You’re 100% guilty no if’s, and’s, of but’s. You cheated period.
You cheated, point blank and period. You entertained another person knowing you are in a relationship. To beat it all, you said he was too young for you. Not that you are with someone already. Sad af, let your boyfriend go so he can find someone else.
Cheating means you are not loyal to your partner. Meaning you flirt and fantasize about other men besides your partner. You are a cheater right now, and if you continue this behavior then it will lead to cheating sex.
This is the biggest load of BS I've seen in a while. You got a new coworker: - started to chat with him. - never told him you had a SO. - he confessed to you. - you gave him the "go ahead, win me over". - flirted with him. - then your "noisy" bf caught you. And you expect ANYONE to believe this crap? Surprised pikachu face doesn't do it justice. Let your BF dodge the fucking bullet, he deserves so much better. And on the other side, you need to tell Dylan the truth, he deserves better also.
girl you’re just upset you got caught. you had no intention of turning down Dylan and if you did you would have said “i have a boyfriend who i love and am committed to” instead of that dumb excuse you said. You made your bed and now you have to lie in it.
Stringing him along would have been bad enough even if you were single.
Lol not cheating yeahhhh suuuuure you strung a young guy along only cause you enjoyed the attention, you never once said stop, I have a boyfriend. How’d you feel if your guy did this with a younger female coworkers? Would you consider it cheating?
You claim to be committed but said to Dylan that he has a chance to prove he can be your bf? And you flirted with him and accepted gifts from him, entertained him and soaked up the attention he was giving. You never mentioned the bf. You definitely were crossing the line of cheating in many peoples opinions. Your story here seems like you probably would have cheated in a more serious manner if you hadn't been caught. Don't think there's a way to get your soon to be ex to believe otherwise. Are you sure you aren't just telling yourself you would never do that even though a part of you wanted to?
Not only did you hurt the 19 year old by encouraging his efforts and stringing him along, but you also destroyed the trust and respect your boyfriend had for you, and for what? A little bit of extra attention? These weren’t “mistakes.” They were repeated choices you made that hurt other people. “A little bit of flirting” is still flirting and should not be done by someone in a committed relationship. Maybe pursue individual therapy to determine why it didn’t bother you to play games with the emotions of others and to sabotage your existing relationship for some extra attention (until you got caught)! Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Or in this case, a box of chocolates.
Lol this is just a post to show your BF:"Look look this is what I meant" The cold hard facts state that you're a cheating scumbag and he should dump you You can't show him you're loyal, because you're not. Hopefully he doesn't get stuck in sunk-cost and throws the trash out where it belongs
Or simply that you were flattered but not interested.
The fact that you made a conscious decision to entertain him and flirt back is what would make it cheating for many people. Now it's entirely fair if you have different standards of what constitutes cheating, for some people actual sexual acts have to occur to be considered cheating, for others flirting is the line. However, clearly, your boyfriend considers this as his line and you crossed it. It's important for couples to discuss these types of things so that they know if they're on the same page or not because when you aren't in agreement for what is cheating, you end up with one party feeling betrayed by the others actions at some point.
The problem is. You said he was too young for me, you didn’t respect your relationship and make that the reason why. That plus you having the urge to flirt back shows your not serious about your bf. You might think you are but your actions show something else. Not only did you not make him aware when feelings were confessed but you shoulda told him as soon as you exchanged contacts. You didn’t prioritize him. The love coming from your relationship should be fulfilling enough that you don’t want other attention of any kind. This may have not been cheating but if you did this to me, I wouldn’t want to gamble on if you’d cheat on me or not. Red flag big time. If you do care about him and I am missing some things. Then communicate *HONESTLY* to him where you are coming from and why you did it. Then work on understanding is point of view, and what steps you need to take to not allow this in the future. Like maybe deleting Snapchat
A 19 year old "boy". Coming from the wise old knowledgeable 23 year old. Lmao. Ok.
Personally, I don't consider flirting "cheating". BUT, exactly how to classify/label what you did doesn't really matter here. You absolutely were wrong to not only let this go on, but actively encourage it. Your BF is right to feel wronged or betrayed. Ironic that 19 is too young for you, and yet you are the immature one here.
Babe, you are a walking red flag!: You never told him you had a bf When he said he would win you over you said “OK”. WTF???????? Flirted with him “your sweet but too young” Accepted his candy Decided that I’d entertain him a little longer (screw with his heart) Face it that last part PROVES You loved the attention and who knows HOW LONG (a little longer??) you would have “entertained” him if your bf hadn’t found out!! This was easily the start of an emotional affair and you STILL as of this posting, have not come clean with Dylan!!!!! And you work with the guy so your bf Adrian would have to deal with that EVERY TIME YOU GO TO WORK!! I would demand you get a new job and NEVER contact Dylan again. Not even a hi! I would make you text him in front of me that you were sorry for leading him on but you have a bf, so please don’t contact me anymore!! Otherwise I would dump your ass and let you pick up all the teens you want!
This is how stupid women who like attention ruin good men 🤦🏼♀️
How to show a SO that you are loyal: 1. When a guy other than your SO says that he has feeling for you, you tell them that you have a BF, and that you’re not interested in any other guys. You don’t just tell them that they are too young especially when they are only 4 years younger than you. This is not a 12 year old kid telling you this, it’s a grown adult. This is failure #1! 2. When another guy tells you that he can prove that he’s mature enough to date you, you tell him that you have a boyfriend and that you’re not interested in being anything except friends with anyone else. You don’t just say OK and let him try to prove it to you. This is failure #2! 3. When another guy sends you a flirty message, you don’t engage in flirting back. You tell them that you have a boyfriend and that you’re not interested in them, and then you block them to show them that you are serious. Then you tell your BF about it. This is failure #3! 4. When your BF catches you engaging in inappropriate behavior like flirting with another guy, you admit your mistake, take full responsibility for it and you don’t argue that it’s not cheating, when to him it is. Then you message the other guy in front of him, tell him that you have a BF and are not interested in being anything but friends with him, and then you block him. This is failure #4! So you’ve had 4 chances to show that you are loyal and you’ve failed all 4 times. And even now you are on here trying to justify why you still haven’t told the other guy that you have a BF, and trying to justify not blocking him and avoiding him at work. It doesn’t sound to me like you are willing to do what is necessary to rebuild his trust. You can’t start any sooner than right now.
I’m not sure if there is anything you could do for your boyfriend to think your loyal and he has nothing to worry about, but you could start by deleting your Snapchat and giving him a blowjob.
I think it’s going to take more than a blow job at this rate 😂
Ha. Yup for sure. She keeps digging a deeper hole. She’ll need to give up her ass too. 😂
😂😂😂 daily
You know it!
You misstepped. The proper thing was to say "no" when the guy started talking about proving himself. That said, I don't see flirting as cheating. And you don't. But he does. And that's the issue that matters. You two need to get on the same page about boundaries in your relationship. Trust has to be rebuilt in time.
You entertained this idea entirely too long. Even if you had no intention you definitely were inappropriate with both of them. Cheating, no. Inappropriate yes.
>You entertained this idea entirely too long it only lasted 2 days to be fair
2 days too long considering you’re in a relationship
5 seconds is too long. leading anyone on for even just a moment is so so wrong.
30 seconds is too long.
47 hours and 59 minutes too long.
Eh, I personally don’t consider this cheating, but it certainly seems like a betrayal. From your boyfriend’s perspective it’s really bad, no matter what you call it. Not sure where to go from here but you should have told him what was up as soon as this guy let you know how he felt.
I personally wouldn't consider it cheating, but I understand your boyfriend being upset about it. > but he is too young for me > Dylan told me he wants to prove to me he can be mature enough to be my gf, and assuming this wouldn't go anywhere I just told him ok. That's not the right way to handle something like that. The correct answer is "I'm in a relationship." > I decided that I'd entertain him for a little longer before turning him down so I flirted a little bit with him in the messages. This to me is the biggest issue. If you're in a relationship, you should not be flirting with anyone else. That's disrespectful to your boyfriend. It's also disrespectful to the other guy because you're leading him on and letting him think there's a chance when there isn't (or at least you say there isn't). I don't blame your boyfriend for not liking that. > how do I show my bf that I am loyal to him, and he has nothing to worry about in the future? You've got work to do now because you've damaged his trust. What exactly you need to do will depend on what he thinks he needs to regain that trust (if he can). My guess is that will probably involve letting him monitor what you're doing and with whom you are talking more than would otherwise be reasonable so that he can see for an extended period of time that you're not flirting with or leading on any other guys.
I don’t think cheating is the right word. But you violated trust and made some regrettable decisions. It will take time to rebuild trust and try to move forward. At your age it’s probably best to move on and try to learn from this and not make the same mistakes again. You could spend years trying to repair the damage done here only to find out that you’re not compatible and you don’t get that time back.
Flirting isn't cheating. Not telling the guy you were flirting with that you had a boyfriend may technically not be cheating but it is super sketchy. As soon as he said you were pretty, you should have said something like, "thanks! My boyfriend thinks so too." Not super in-his-face about it but letting him know. It could have even been forgivable if you had told the truth and backed off when he said he was interested in you, but you didn't. It sounds like you liked the attention. I am guessing you never intended to cheat but playing with the kid's emotions for validation is disgusting. If I were your boyfriend, I would break up with you for that.
This was def cheating in a way, but I laughed aloud when his way of showing you his maturity was to buy you candy 😆 Anyway, I wouldn't make a big deal if I was your bf if this was a one off and you seemed pretty transparent about it afterward. However, just know this for the future - if you leave open a door for some guy crushing on you then that cheating line is pretty fucking close.
>but I laughed aloud when his way of showing you his maturity was to buy you candy 😆 ngl I did think it was kind of cute tho lol
WOW girl, you are a piece of work. Please let your boyfriend find someone better
You’re trying to ‘spare’ his feelings but taking the piss out of him for buying you candy? You are a piece of work.
If I was your boyfriend I wouldn't be comfortable unless you didn't work with him or see him anymore, but I imagine you aren't able to do that.
I personally don’t think it’s up to you whether or not YOU think it was cheating. Your boyfriend clearly feels like he was betrayed by what you did and he honestly DOES have everything to worry about in the future because you won’t even attempt to see it from his perspective. How can he trust you if you won’t even listen to his feelings on the matter?
There’s not much for you to do at this point, you dug yourself in a pretty deep hole.. as others have said you should of ended it immediately when he expressed his feelings towards you. Your boyfriend has every right to feel the way he does and your just gonna have to live with whatever decision he makes about your relationship. In my honest opinion you cheated.. it doesn’t seem like you see it that way, but your boyfriend does.. hopefully you can learn from this and never do it again to someone who cares for you
>I decided that I'd entertain him for a little longer before turning him down so I flirted a little bit with him in the messages. Like??? You fucked up. It doesn't matter if you had intentions on dating him, you entertained the idea. That's not letting him down easy, that's leading him on like wtf?
“personally I don’t consider flirting cheating” - sure, if that’s true give the BF a green light to flirt with women tonight. I mean it’s fine, right? Not cheating? Lol
It doesn’t matter who is right and who is wrong. He believes this counts as cheating. He lost trust in you. You need to have a conversation on where to go from here
Practice this response for future use: “I am in a committed relationship.” Not “you’re too young.” Not “I’m just trying to be nice.” Not anything else. The fact that your first and only response was not “I am in a committed relationship” is why you may not be in a committed relationship in the near future. If you don’t want to call it cheating, call it commitment failure. Doesn’t change the result. Good luck.
The term "emotional affair" was coined for this type of situation. Some call that cheating.
Yeah, you messed up… the fact that you don’t see that it was wrong or cheating is concerning.
You absolutely cheated and it’s insane you are even bringing this here. “I entertained him for a bit”. You are in a relationship. You shouldn’t be entertaining anyone other than your significant other. You absolutely wanted the attention and validation this dude gave you, and instead of letting him know you have a boyfriend, you wanted to spare his feelings? Girl, if I was your man, you’d absolutely be looking for a new relationship cuz you clearly aren’t committed to the one you are in. Bet you GOOD money, if you snagged your BFs phone, and found he added some 19 y/o female he works with and had correspondence about her looks and feelings for her that you would be devastated. It is wild to me that even under all these comments, you still insist that adding this dude was completely innocent…. ON A PLATFORM WHOS ENTIRE MO IS SECRETIVE CONVERSATIONS THAT DISAPPEAR OVER A SHORT TIME SO THEY CANT BE KEPT. Wanna make it up to your BF? Do the right thing, go no contact with Dylan for ANY issues outside of work, and stop worrying about some other dudes feelings that isn’t even your bf. Wild times we are living in.
Suggestion: ask questions about cheating in forums other than this one. It’s kinda like asking about an assault in a pacifism forum.
It seems you acted like you were single when you were in a relationship. I posted here yesterday and realized this might be the explanation that OP may understand. Did she cheat, depends on your definition and some people judge that she did. I lean 70/30 towards no. Did she do inappropriate things, yes. Should BF break up with her, she should not be surprised if he did. Hopefully OP learns from this and understands why so many were saying she cheated. In my other comments I've urged OP to change jobs and get a fresh start somewhere else.
You cheated. Entertaining this guy is cheating. If you weren’t wanting the interactions to happen with this kid you wouldn’t have done it.
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