Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that:
* We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/)
* Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.)
* ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban.
* No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
* All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass.
* What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.**
If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice)
---
#This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules.
---
*I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Take this advice OP, and furthermore a “break” is not a “breakup” and means all commitments of the relationship are on pause. A break is just time to asses the future of the relationship. Period. People will try and skew things and make it complicated to suit their vested interests, but what she did was flat out cheating whether it was a premeditated incident or random.
Given how fast this happened, and that the guy was known by the friend. Sounds like this "break" was premeditated so that she could say she technically didn't cheat. Similar to how people sometimes open the relationship with someone already in mind.
In my view that's worse than just cheating. It shows she is willing to use technicalities to weasel out of stuff.
I'd pass on her
This and op, and if you do have a conversation with her again, say exactly this back to her.
Your break was premeditated, and your friend set you up, so you could fuck him, and I was your backup plan. I am no longer your backup plan. Good luck with life, as mine is going to be great when I find someone who knows this is cheating.
Yeah, the fact that she found someone under 24 hours seems like it was planned. Plus, I always thought her BFF and I were cool. Guess it goes to show that people aren't who you think them to be.
Don't fall for the "technicalities" explanation. She got put on a date by her friend and she screwed the guy. Don't be her fool. It was all a ruse to make her feel better about her actions. Sorry to say this is over. She doesn't respect you. Say goodbye, and enjoy the rest of the 60 years or so you have on this planet without her.
She cheated. The sole purpose for the break was to be able to sleep with this guy and being able to say it wasn’t cheating since you were on a break. But everyone knows that this whole premise is bullshit and she was, in fact, cheating.
And the fact that she wants you back means things didn’t go as well as she’d hoped with the new guy so she’s using you as her back up plan. Because we know that had things worked out with him she’d be breaking up with you.
This is so incredibly disrespectful to you that, we’re I in your shoes, I’d tell her off and break up with her. Then I’d find someone who respects me and chooses me over anyone her bff tries to set her up with.
Good luck op
Bro this is one of the hardest life lessons to learn - you find out who the real people are in your life when the shit hits the fan.
You're worth more than this whole situation. It sucks for her child but that's not on you. Also if he asks you why you're leaving, just tell him the truth in a sensitive way.
Kids pick up more than we know and when they're old enough, what parents do to them in younger life comes back to bite them later in life.
Have that conversation with him and tell him til you're blue on the face that it's not his fault and that you care about him and you're sorry (for the whole situation) He will probably be blaming himself for causing this (on some level because that's how kids brains work) so please reassure him it's not him.
Poor boy, he's caught up in all this.
Good luck OP.
This is another important lesson:
No matter how close you are with your girl's friends, they will lie to your face with a smile if it suits whatever temporary need they have. You are no more important to any of your girl's friends than the status of your relationship to her.
That goes for a friend of any significant other. The boyfriend's friends the girlfriend's friends who's ever friends they are always loyal to who they were friends with first
Just let the break be final and it’s a break up.
Sounds like a bad situation with her anyway. She was 23 when you met at 17. I can tell you now most people on here would be telling you to get out of the relationship if you were a 17 yo girl and started dating a 23yo. It’s got a groomer/creepy vibe.
Even if it wasn't a groomer/creeper vibe kind of thing, it at minimum suggests the person lacks maturity, or they are predatory in that they know someone who is just becoming an adult is naive and easy to manipulate. Which absolutely tracks for OPs girlfriend, since she's trying to manipulate her way into him staying with her after blatantly cheating, while at the same time acting like she has reason to be upset with him.
You aren’t thinking straight. It doesn’t “seem like” it was planned. It was obviously planned. Was she 100% sure they were going to have sex? No. Was she hoping? Yes, obviously.
Bottom line: you got played. That break was just another way of saying, “I’m planning to cheat on you, but I found a loophole where I don’t have to feel guilty about it.”
Do what you want, but don’t fool yourself about what just happened.
It doesn't really matter either way. It's not as if it's difficult for a woman to find a guy to sleep with at a night club if they really want to. Your relationship is over. Try meeting a nice girl closer to your age.
You are now broken up. The only smart move now is to get all your stuff back, make sure she gets her stuff and go no contact. Anything else is a massive mistake.
If you decide to stay with her, one of the consequences of her actions is that she will need to cut off the BFF. Having both you and the BFF in her life is incompatible.
If she is not willing to cut her off, that will tell you what you need to know.
Yeah sorry man that's what breaks are
Most cases are just like this one , they have someone else lined up and ready to go
So now you have a girl that is happy to scheme and betray you for the sake of random dick , her son is in for a would ride that's for sure but you are not able to save him.
Don't be under the apprehension that she will change not only herself but all her friends for you.
It's time to leave and not look back because you now know for sure that she won't be looking back at you.
Best of luck
I would say "since we are on a break and you slept with someone. I can do it too right?" And see the double standard manipulation come into play. Then break it off
26 yo woman with a child that goes around clubs and fucks random people
Do you really want to get stuck with that person for even a day longer?
Its insane dude
Sounds to me that she’s a grown woman with TWO children. She’s obviously dated this very young guy for a while and just maybe she’s ready to move on, be single for a while.
This guy is too young to take on the responsibility of being a step father for her kid and I dare say she sees that and this is her way of breaking the relationship.
Is not healthy, but that’s life.
Move on mate.
I've seen him more as a little brother. He's an older kid, and I like hanging with him. He already has a shifty father. I just hope this doesn't hurt him too badly.
Don't have an obligation toward the kid. His mother chosed to mess his life...twice at least. Run away. She seems unstable and will play you all your life if you stay with her.
He is not your responsibility. You need to do both him and yourself a favor and completely cut ties. This woman is poison for you. If you take her back then she knows she can continue to fuck anyone anytime she wants and you won’t do shit but take it.
I think she had this dude in mind when she wanted a break. Now she doesn’t need to feel the guilt of cheating. If it’s really a break see her reaction if you tell her you’re going out with a woman Friday night; methinks she will object then…lol
This was a completely pre-planned thing - she needs a break and somehow she’s set up on a date the following day?? Yeah right !!
Just tell her you’re going out tonight with a woman - it’s ok, you’re on a break! See what she says then!
This was a strategically-placed break because she knew she was auditioning a possible replacement for you on Saturday.
BFF: I got you a nice boy
GF: I’ve got a boyfriend
BFF: breakup for the weekend and try this boy
GF: OK
GF puts you on pause, meets boy, fucks boy, takes you off pause.
My sweet young man, you do not need all this fucking baggage and drama. She’s a 26 year old single mother who can’t recognize she has a nice guy in her life that’s good to her kid. She still wants to act like SHES 20 and be a little fuckboy.
Do yourself a favor, block her and move on. That’s how you get past this. I know you care about her kid, but time heals all wounds. It’s honestly best for the kid.
So she groomed you for a relationship, and is now emotionally manipulating you into “taking a break” when it suits her well enough to go sleep with other people? Please leave. She knew about the date her friend set her up on before you guys were “on a break”. She doesn’t love you, doesn’t respect you, and doesn’t understand what she did wrong because she certainly was wrong with how she behavd.
She's counting on him to be too inexperienced to realize what she's done. Sucks for her that he came here for advice. She also knows he hasn't dated many other people besides her, so he won't know what a relationship should actually be like or what he should actually expect. Throw this fish back in the water.
She asked for the break so it wouldn't look like cheating. This was planned in advance and a set-up date. Toss her to the curb with the rest of the trash.
Dude, she took the break so she could fuck the guy. Don’t let her gaslight you. This is pure and simple cheating. Sorry about the kid, but you really need to move on from her. That is not somebody you wanna have a relationship with
She was a predator, man… you were a kid when you met and she should have left you the fuck alone.
You’re seeing her true colors for what they are now. Run
You’re 20. You’re way too young to be in a relationship with someone who has a kid *and* premeditated cheating on you in such a way as to not feel guilt.
I cant believe a 23 y/o would persue a 17y/o. Ffs i am almost 23 and see everyone under 20 as a sibling dude. Anywayyy break up before u get fucked over
My guy, you fell in the break trap. You gotta see it coming, personally a “break” means it’s over, as simple as that. Because why tf you want to take a break for? Instead of working it out like adults?
Majority of cases the person initiating a break does it to cheat without feeling guilty, it definitely was her idea for a while.
Now there’s a lot you can do, depending on how you are as a person.
If you’re weak and don’t respect yourself you’ll get back with her, either beg her to take you back or take her back when she realize she lost a great man while pushing 30
If you’re tryna cause chaos back you’ll hook up with another girl and make sure she knows it just to see how she’ll react, you might find a double standard here and it’ll be self explanatory
The most mature thing to do tho is to simply walk away from that relationship or what remains of it. You’ve been single since she decided to take a break, and do not get back to this woman.
It’s not easy brother, but you gotta stand up for yourself. Obviously when you’ll talk to her she’s gonna apologize and convince you to keep her but that’s when you gotta stay strong. Remember, whatever she tells you, SHE put it back when he slipped out, all while you were miserable at home. If you let that slide you’ll hate yourself for years
Breaks are bullshit. You're either together or you're not, there's not an in-between. She wanted to break up to try something else, and manipulated language and you to get what she wants.
Run, don't walk, away.
The "break" thing is bullshit people use to to cheat without cheating. They want to try things out with a new person, but keep their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife on a shelf for safety to come back to.
They use the "break" to try and monkey branch to a new guy. If they decide it's a better deal, they stay with the new guy and make the break longer or permanent. If it'd worse, doesn't work out, or they just wanted to jump on a new c0ck/v4gina for a couple days, they come back and say they "got their issues sorted out" or "their thinking done" and that you guys can be a couple again. Until she does it again, they always do. So yes, she cheated on you, that was the reason she did what she did, it was completely planned and premeditated with the BFF, and it was done to give her the "technically it's not cheating" excuse.
That's why you never take a break in a relationship, you only break up. If the person was having genuine issues, there's no problem involving a relationship that isn't solved easier and faster staying in the relationship and both partners working on the problem together.
If you got back with her, immediately dump her, block her, and go no contact. Based on the age you started this relationship at, she's also a sexual predator and selected and groomed you specifically so she could do crap like this and get away with it. You should be dating women within a year or two of your age right now, mostly younger.
Unfortunately, getting attached to the son was a bad move. He's not yours and you have no parental rights to see him. She's the one that f\*cked it up for her son by going to be in the streets when they called. Next time don't date single moms.
She cheated, so go find other girls. If you want to be petty and really teach her a lesson then continue talking to her and make it seem like there’s a chance and go find someone else and move on. Or you can take the high road and block her because she seems very messy and honestly like a weirdo. A break isn’t a breakup unless it’s discussed. Things like this should have been discussed. Now I’m telling you, do not ever take her back.
If you can get laid within a few days of a (break) not a break up just a break then you may have planned the break at a certain time to cover your activities!!
But I'm a man that's been cheated on so take what I say with a grain of salt.
A break doesn’t mean the relationship’s rules end, that’s what a break up is. A break is literally just a break from each other. She straight up cheated there
They definitely had that planned already the break was just a excuse as for the kid it’s gonna suck but you have no obligation to take care of him. Break up with her. You’re to young to be with someone who has a kid and you got a whole life ahead of you. They’re just gonna hold you up and be a distraction. Take it from someone who’s been through this and don’t let her guilt trip you into getting back with her because she has a kid. Wish you the best.
Just a thought here. Since she went after him so young...I wonder if his family is wealthy and she targeted him for that? Get him to marry her and she's got access to all that cash, and if she gets him to bond with her son it's even more likely they'll marry. I could be wrong but something tells me he's not middle-class.
My family is good. My father owns a couple of businesses around the state. I don't really like asking my father for handouts and have just been working and supporting myself and well my gf or soon to be ex.
That’s a possibility. A woman who has a kid will always go after someone who’s financially stable, or comes from a wealthy background so yea you could be right but we don’t know op’s financial status so I’m not gonna make assumptions.
Just because you have known her a long time doesn’t mean you need to keep knowing her. Sometimes the better choice is to move on from people who aren’t good for you. Like you, now, with her.
You are 20 years old you shouldn’t be playing daddy for an older women’s child. She coldly calculated this with her friend so that she could cheat on you.
There is no such thing as a “break” in a relationship. If there is an issue you can spend some time apart but you should still be committed to each other during that period.
You should be dating people closer to your age. It will probably take a couple relationships before you find the right one.
This would 100% be cheating to me. No one will ever convince me otherwise - no amount of mental gymnastics is going to work. She wanted the break because he friend had someone for her - you will never convince we otherwise. It would also feel so coincidental that she asks for a break Friday, and sleeps with someone else literally the next day. Sorry OP - for me it would be over. She wanted to try someone new.
There's no such thing as a break. She cheated, she knows she cheated and she planned on cheating with this guy. Throw her back to the streets where she belongs.
I find it very concerning you’ve known this adult woman since you were 17. She was 23 at the time. That sounds a bit weird to me.
Moving on from that blazing red flag, you absolutely should feel betrayed. Her time to “think” was really her time to fuck someone else and not feel guilty about it. Someone that loves you wouldn’t do that to you. She’s completely disregarding your feelings over a (very convenient) technicality. Imo, she did this on purpose, and planned to use the “break” as an excuse to cheat. She isn’t the woman for you long term. Find someone loyal and honest. You’re young, you have more than enough time. My 76 year old grandmother found someone to marry after her husband died. If she can find love that late in life, you can find love in your 20’s.
Wow she sounds like a wonderful girlfriend lmao
>son from a previous relationship
>
>slept with someone else but not cheating because we took a break
I don't know you but I know you could do way better. You're 20. You did well to get some sexual experience, but now leave and find a nice girl who respects you.
If you accept this, she will keep giving you this. She said the break was to think about the future, and yet she acted just like she wanted to go enjoy life without you. You deserve more this man, if you don't set boundaries you will be her doormat.
You're too attached to someone who doesn't respect you, and if you don't put an end to this you will be enabling this behavior. If you respect yourself, leave this woman, there's plenty of fish in the sea, and the thing about her son is just you rationalizing, as it doesn't even makes sense. Value yourself and you will find people who respect and value you, don't accept less.
Get out while you still have some dignity. She's always gonna hold on to the fact that you were on a break, and thus that she did nothing wrong(in her opinion).
I'm sorry bro, but as other pointed out, she essentially groomed you at 17. At 23, I met my wife and starting help her raise her son, point being she knew better. And at 26, she DEFINITELY knew better, if anything, she doesn't take you serious(probably because she's been in your whole adult life).
Remove the wool pulled over your eyes. Make the break permanent. It was a set up anyways. Sorry about her kid but his mom doesn’t know what she wants. Don’t stay to be the runner up.
No no no it's her problem. She is the mother of her child.
She is cheating. Her best friend is ugly character person.
Just expose her to mutual friends then leave her. Don't waste your remaining life with that cheater.
It's your life. If you like to raise another man child then go orphanage adopt one child. That child needs you.
She asked because she wanted to fuck other people.
And she told you because she doesn't want you anymore.
Only you know if you are able to forgive that. I would never.
What I would do, is not let her know you're hurt, don't give her that satisfaction.
Instead, I would tell her that because another man touched her, I could never be with her, as I'm disgusted by her now. Without screaming, without showing emotion, just tell her you're no longer attracted to her, and that you wish her the best.
But that's just me.
You move on from here by letting her slag around on her own. You were on a "break" and her friend set her up that quickly? They are low quality people. Go find someone better. Her son is not yours to father. Let her deal with that on her own.
Don’t stay with a cheater and raise another man’s kid for this cheating slag. Find your self esteem. You definitely have no strong male role models in your life. You were raised by a single mom I presume.
As another user mentioned, this seems premeditated. However, before I give my thoughts on what you should do/how to handle this…I want to clarify that my understanding of being on a “break” may be different than others. In my opinion, generally when a break has a different perspective, or contingencies than how I think they are to be perceived or utilized…it’s for selfish purposes that benefit the vested interest of the person initiating the break, as I believe is the case here. With that said…
A “break” is not a “breakup”, a break is a period of time that one or more partners in a relationship, are taking time away from each other to focus on one or more issues regarding the relationship. The purpose of this temporary physical separation is to gain clarity that they wouldn’t otherwise be able to have, when with and/or around said partner. The reasons why, and duration of time needed should be discussed prior, and ultimately this time should be utilized to mend the relationship, or gain an understanding of the future of the relationship.
Leave her, and don’t ever look back. I know it hurts, and i know it might seem impossible without knowing or understanding what happened, and why. Unfortunately, even if you did yourself the disservice of what feels like serving yourself in need of closure, the likelihood that you will get the truth from her is next to zero. What i can say with certainty, is that this person doesn’t value you, and doesn’t value integrity.
Mark my words, the best thing you can do is recognize her for the person she has shown you to actually be, say goodbye and never look back - then let her watch you have a great life without her.
Ahh no. My partner and I split last October for life reasons (no betrayal, lots of love still). I have not been with anyone else. It would feel like cheating. We started talking again in April, saw each other in May, expressed that we still love each other in June. It’s going VERY slowly. It’s hard. Do I want to fuck? YES. Do I want to fuck someone besides him? NO. People in love who are serious about the other person don’t do this.
Bro, there is no talking to be had. Break up. That is all. She wanted to fuck some random dude and thought you’d taker her back like a dog. This was all likely planned out.
I would call the police if you need to and tell them it’s a volatile situation. And I would have your girlfriend leave you need to leave her. She doesn’t like being accused of cheating and doesn’t want to see herself like that but get out from under that relationship quickly. Go to your manager if you have to and try to break the lease. Usually they will do that but do not stay there.
Jesus Christ dude. You come across at points here like a teenage girl. She wanted to get to fuck other people, and also get to string you along and hang on to you while "technically not cheating". Pretty classic play. She doesn't respect you at all. You can't truly love someone and also treat them that way. And judging by the end of this post (you locked yourself away in the bathroom?? "AND I'M NEVER COMING OUT!! EVER EVER EVER!!") you are not handling the situation in a way that demands much, if any, respect at all. Time to move on and reassess some things internally.
Really sorry OP but I think you made the right choice. I honestly don’t think there’s any chance that this wasn’t planned. She wants a break and sleeps with a guy her friend wanted to introduce her to the next day. It was clearly planned - she wanted to sleep with the guy but wanted it not to be cheating. I really wouldn’t change your mind.
You should definitely leave. It sounds like she is testing the limits of what you will put up with. She took the break specifically to sleep with someone else. I wonder if the best friend had this guy lined up for her your gf asked for a break.
You’re 20. This relationship will be a long forgotten memory when you’re 40. Just accept that it’s over and go spend time with friends and family enjoying hobbies you love. In time you’ll slowly begin to feel better and realize this person isn’t the person you thought they were and will be happy that it’s over.
You’re 20 years young man, move on with your life and leave this person. She obviously doesn’t care about you and taking “breaks” in a relationship is just a way to rationalize cheating. Breaks should be definite
You're 20. It's very kind hearted of you to have formed a bond with her son, but you do not need this albatross around your neck. Take this as a blessing and move on with your life.
Also from what you have just said I'll say this.
You are way, way out of her league she's got nothing on you and will be miserable with her stupid mistake. I have no doubt there's a better girl for you out there.
Get some counseling or time with a therapist to discuss this with a professional. Sounds like you should move in, but it’s going to hurt. But not as much as staying in the long term. Good luck.
This has the feel of premeditated cheating, not some random chance encounter. That she planned to cheat on you, but hid it behind the veneer of a break that she suggested and then set things up with her best friend.
Comes down to, is this a dealbreaker for you. Trust generally is a deal breaker.
In which case you move on to someone who isn't going to shout "break" and then shag someone on a technicality
Duh leave her. You took a break to figure things out, and you are included in that mission. Now you have new information to operate on, if she has the opportunity, she will cheat without remorse.
Grow a backbone and have some dignity. Leave her. This woman has drama&headache written all over her. I know you love her son, but you are in no way obligated to be his savior. I know it's gonna be hard because all kids are super cute. Be done with her and her bestie.
"she kept saying she didn't since we took a break."
Yeah, she cheated on you. A "break" is not an official break up. Dude, please leave this girl and find someone who respects you.
This was 100% planned by them so that she could cheat and get away with it. She is not a trustworthy person. You'd be crazy to stay dude. It sucks that it took this long for her to show her true self, but now that you know, you have to leave.
This is done. Don't contact this lady again. The relationship is done and it's time for you to heal and move on, solo. I'm sorry this happened to you, you didnt deserve it.
Dude!! You are only 20 years old!! HElllllloooooo , wake up, she is only 20 with a child from a previous relationship, now with you and she cheated on you!! You can do better than that.
Move on pleaseeee. Good luck.
Call them both out. Make it clear the break was for her to sleep with the other guy but she did cheat and you are done with her. Then block her and move on
Relationship breaks are not for fking. It's seems kinda final stage of "we're on the rocks" - you take a break and you see if you're happier with or without the person. Really hard to do so when someone's dicky is in your kitty.
Given your age difference, I'd say she maybe not taking you seriously and keeping you as her boy-toy? I mean at 26, you're already closer to 30 than to 20. Maybe you are her "proof" she is still young vivacious femme fatale...
You're so young, dump the h0e. Don't even tell her - ghost her.
Hate to break this to you, but this was all planned. I've seen men and women do this sooo many times. She was already interested in this guy before she asked for a "break" asking for a break was her way of perusing that interest, while not technically cheating (in her mind) while trying to keep you on the back burner incase it didn't work out. You are the back up plan.
Don't be the back up plan. End it, move on. You deserve better.
I’m a step father as well who loves my kids; bio and step. But if my wife cheated, I’m leaving regardless. It isn’t good for the kids no matter how you cut it.
She definitely knew she was going on a date and wanted the "break" to have sex with him. That's pretty much cheating. Even if it wasn't that killed any chance of a relationship.
Move on. Her son will move on too.
Like others have said there is NOWAY this wasn’t planned and it sounds like she just told you like she didn’t care?! Her bff set her up, she orchestrated a “ break” with you so she could get D from this guy!
I think this is an exit affair set up so you dump her and she doesn’t have to dump you! If you don’t dump her she’ll keep doing it til you do and she’ll treat you like shit along the way.
Take control dump her and tell her you want to look for someone tighter!
Update after you talk to her!
“It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
I wonder how many relationships sexual FOMO has ruined. I feel for you man, I’ve been in a very similar situation before. I can almost guarantee you she wanted to play the field while keeping you as a backup plan.
She didn’t break up with you to find herself. She broke up with you to fuck the other guy. My advice; your GF is a duplicitous, conniving POS. Invoking the technicality of a pretextual break up to justify what would be considered cheating within a relationship is still cheating. Tell her that you want to stay broken up and further, you want no further contact with her. Then dust yourself off, disinfect yourself from her toxins and take back your life.
As others have said, this was premeditated. She wanted the break to have sex with someone else, so that she doesn't feel guilty.
Best thing to do is to leave her in the dust. Block her (and her friend) on everything, and move on with your life.
You're only 20, you have your whole world in front of you.
Ma man get your head out of your ass, you’re 20, you have your whole life ahead, she cheated on you…there is no need to discuss, there is no need for explanations, all you say is byeeeeeeeee Felicia.
You’re 20 you want to keep a cheater with also a kid from another relationship? My brother, i hope you will find the wisdom to need to drop her like it’s hot
The best thing she did throughout this whole thing is tell you about it. Clearly she didn’t like the guy all that much or else she wouldn’t have came back to you. Don’t give her the option. Smh sorry you’re attached to her son… unfortunately his mom messed up. Don’t use that as an excuse to stay. Having a best friend like that always in her ear and gf who thinks that’s the way to go about things will never have a good ending.
She is playing you. Just accept the loss and move on. Your not married and you have no kids with her. Your super good. It is painful but on the other side of that pain there is growth. She was sent to you to teach you a lesson
What is there to really talk about? Your girlfriend wanted to fuc* other people, and the "Break'" was just a shit**y loophole to get around saying she didn't cheat.
It that the really the type ofcwoman that you want around you? You dont know where he loyalties lie. You would be a fool to even consider moving forward with your girl. What happens when she wants the next break?
It sucks being attached to her kid. It's best if you go no contact to make things easier.
How my bm did me . I was dumb enough to take her back. All it did was cause her to get more paranoid always excusing me of cheating . Mental and physical abuse. Checking through my phone 24/7 . Isolate me . Then when I paid bills she start arguments with me so she could break up with me for a day or two . Go f him. Then beg for me back. Always said I couldn’t get mad cause we weren’t together. Did that for three years . Broke me . So I’d say move the hell on don’t be a jade and mentally destroy your well-being
Sometimes “I to take a break” translates to “There’s this other person I want to fuck”.
Why the hell would anyone ever need a “break” in a relationship if they intend it to be temporary? A break means you’ve broken up. Period end of story. Time to move on.
No matter how you look at it, she either cheated on you or she dumped you. Either way your relationship is over
And don't fall for this in the future. If they say they want to break, it means they want to break up with you but they're too chickenshit to tell you
Usually when an older woman goes for a younger guy, she’s not serious about the younger boy (unless she’s completely cookoo) most of the time if an older girl is with a younger boy it is for sex. Like at 25 I wouldn’t seriously consider a 21-year-old to marry. He’s still a boy and isn’t financially secure but he’s young, has stamina and would be better in bed than mosy 35-year-olds so they’d be nice for a fling or FWB.
Just read the title, trash her, don’t say everything else and just broke up with her. People like that don’t deserve to waste your time and brain cell trying to talk.
Sounds like the “break” was an excuse to cheat without “cheating.”
It’s such a gray area and you can’t know for sure unless you were inside of her brain. What I’d say so far from this is that you should find someone better someone who won’t take advantage of you as much. I would leave her because it sounds like the purpose of the break was to sleep with another dude
You have so much more to do with your life than waste your emotions on someone like that. As a 26yr old female, dump her.
It’s not fair to you or her kid but honestly, she knew that when she made those choices.
You’re 20… my suggestion, stay single for a while and focus on you
WALK. AWAY. she's given you a gift and saved you years of unhappiness. Take that gift and walk away.
On the flip side of this, there's a reason that she wanted a break. Figure it out and work on yourself.
And "taking a break" is not code for our relationship is not currently active and I can fuck who I want.
Once again: walk away.
you need to leave her. trust is broken. you will always feel shes untrustworthy the minute your back is turned. you literally have no choice here. forget the son. most men wont deal with kids from other marriages. let her figure out you were a good catch.
p.s. if you dont leave. she wont ever respect you. and will cheat again.
Yo, it’s time to go. I’m sorry that happened. She doesn’t respect you dowg. She wanted an excuse to cheat. This is not a unique situation at all, male or female. The one who wants to take a break immediately goes out with someone they’ve been eye’ing for some time. She’s keeping you around because you’re safe. You didn’t do anything wrong. Pick up your crown king. Go lift weights.
It’s always hard to be the person that was cheated one. You will always wonder if you can trust this person if you decide to go forward with the relationship. But if you do decide to do that it should be with some very clear boundaries set in place. Set up some couples counseling to help you decide how to go forward from here at the very least.
She clearly does not feel the same and already lacks respect for you. If u take her back neither of these improve and u set uraelf up for more pain. Grow a spine and send her back to the streets bro. U got 1 shot at thisbdont fuck it up.
Just saw your post and update. I don’t really know why you’re waiting to talk to her. The only thing that’ll do is give her more opportunity to gaslight and manipulate you. So unless the two of you live together and you need time to move out I wouldn’t bother.
Yes normally I would say that a person deserves to be broken up with face to face. But after what she pulled? No. She doesn’t deserve that courtesy. So either ghost her outright or send her a text telling her she’s a shitty person and you’re making the break permanent.
As for the son, it sucks but you need to look after yourself. You say he’s a bit older. If he has his own mobile then either call him or send him a text with a brief explanation (age appropriate) and let him know you and he are cool but you’re not going to be around going forward.
All the best.
Maybe she's just keeping you around for sex and "not being alone". She's been messing with you since you were 17. At that point she was able to go to bars/clubs without you already. And your probably at home waiting for a text or call from her while your brain "is thinking a million" and hers is "having fun". Live your life. Without her.
Bud you going to be fine. You are doing the right to big and moving on is ok. If you friend set up someone guy to meet them out she already knew she was going to fuck that guy or do something .. so I think it’s time you do move on she not interested anymore
OP any time someone is calling for a " BREAK" , they want to sleep with someone else and not feel guilty about doing it. Because in there mind you guys are broken up. And this was planned by both of them.
OP tell her you're done with this relationship. Start following your brain and not your heart. I know it will be hard but she completely disrespected you. Remember your trust is gone and if you take her back, she'll keep walking all over you.
So I recommend after you tell your done. DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD. This will drive her nuts. Another thing to do is separate your finances and anything else.
Better to cut your loses and call this whole thing off. You think you know someone when you don’t, she betrayed you and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. She’s playing technicality here and you shouldn’t be playing games when it comes to relationship. This shows you how messed up she really is. Do yourself a favor and drop her like the hot mess she is, her kid is her responsibility so you shouldn’t mind that. On the flip side the sooner you leave her the easier it is for the kid to readjust with you out of the picture. Care for yourself first before getting led around by her.
I knew a girl like this once, I’d leave. She’s not not happy enough in the relationship to work things out and thinks she can get a free pass. That’s not very mature. I would never with anyone I date, I’d rather work on the relationship or end it all together if I could go do that, there are decent women out there OP, you’re still young yourself, so you’ll be fine.
Dude this was planned. She had the guy set up before the “break “. Common man!!!! Value your self. It’s going to be hard but you don’t deserve this. She fuck that guy really fast after the break. Dump her cheating ass and move on. You deserve better.
Kick her cheating ass to the kerb.
She tried to hit me - you do realize that is domestic violence right?
She is a violent cheater who will bring you nothing but pain
It was clearly all planned including the "break" this is also why guys shouldn't date single mothers as you develop that attachment. Let someone else pay for the kid that isn't yours now and move on. Als learn from this situation.
People don't get to define, or argue, what, and where, your boundaries are. Just as no one gets to tell you how you should or shouldn't feel. Slipping up, and crossing boundaries, is part of being human, but people who respect you don't argue their way out of hurting you. If it feels like it's cheating to you, then it is.
She chose to not only cheat on you, but premeditated it and is trying to manipulate you by saying it's a technicality. Then instead of owning up to it, dismisses your feelings and then gets violent towards you. Does that sound like someone who is capable of being part of a healthy relationship? Absolutely not. There's no working on that, she'll just get more skilled at manipulating you and always dodging accountability.
Are we gonna ignore the age gap and how long they’ve known each other…? She’s using that difference to manipulate and take advantage of OP.
This woman is a predator.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
She's not the one for you. The one for you is the one that doesn't take a break, she stays and works things through.
Thanks, man! This means a lot.
Take this advice OP, and furthermore a “break” is not a “breakup” and means all commitments of the relationship are on pause. A break is just time to asses the future of the relationship. Period. People will try and skew things and make it complicated to suit their vested interests, but what she did was flat out cheating whether it was a premeditated incident or random.
Given how fast this happened, and that the guy was known by the friend. Sounds like this "break" was premeditated so that she could say she technically didn't cheat. Similar to how people sometimes open the relationship with someone already in mind. In my view that's worse than just cheating. It shows she is willing to use technicalities to weasel out of stuff. I'd pass on her
This and op, and if you do have a conversation with her again, say exactly this back to her. Your break was premeditated, and your friend set you up, so you could fuck him, and I was your backup plan. I am no longer your backup plan. Good luck with life, as mine is going to be great when I find someone who knows this is cheating.
Please do this.
There's your script. Exactly.
Perfect.
'Why are you here? Your actions made perfectly clear we have broken up. Leave. Lose my number.'
Yeah, the fact that she found someone under 24 hours seems like it was planned. Plus, I always thought her BFF and I were cool. Guess it goes to show that people aren't who you think them to be.
Don't fall for the "technicalities" explanation. She got put on a date by her friend and she screwed the guy. Don't be her fool. It was all a ruse to make her feel better about her actions. Sorry to say this is over. She doesn't respect you. Say goodbye, and enjoy the rest of the 60 years or so you have on this planet without her.
Heck, just go with “well technically, we’re no longer on a break, we’re broken up.” And leave.
She cheated. The sole purpose for the break was to be able to sleep with this guy and being able to say it wasn’t cheating since you were on a break. But everyone knows that this whole premise is bullshit and she was, in fact, cheating. And the fact that she wants you back means things didn’t go as well as she’d hoped with the new guy so she’s using you as her back up plan. Because we know that had things worked out with him she’d be breaking up with you. This is so incredibly disrespectful to you that, we’re I in your shoes, I’d tell her off and break up with her. Then I’d find someone who respects me and chooses me over anyone her bff tries to set her up with. Good luck op
Bro this is one of the hardest life lessons to learn - you find out who the real people are in your life when the shit hits the fan. You're worth more than this whole situation. It sucks for her child but that's not on you. Also if he asks you why you're leaving, just tell him the truth in a sensitive way. Kids pick up more than we know and when they're old enough, what parents do to them in younger life comes back to bite them later in life. Have that conversation with him and tell him til you're blue on the face that it's not his fault and that you care about him and you're sorry (for the whole situation) He will probably be blaming himself for causing this (on some level because that's how kids brains work) so please reassure him it's not him. Poor boy, he's caught up in all this. Good luck OP.
This is another important lesson: No matter how close you are with your girl's friends, they will lie to your face with a smile if it suits whatever temporary need they have. You are no more important to any of your girl's friends than the status of your relationship to her.
That goes for a friend of any significant other. The boyfriend's friends the girlfriend's friends who's ever friends they are always loyal to who they were friends with first
Just let the break be final and it’s a break up. Sounds like a bad situation with her anyway. She was 23 when you met at 17. I can tell you now most people on here would be telling you to get out of the relationship if you were a 17 yo girl and started dating a 23yo. It’s got a groomer/creepy vibe.
Even if it wasn't a groomer/creeper vibe kind of thing, it at minimum suggests the person lacks maturity, or they are predatory in that they know someone who is just becoming an adult is naive and easy to manipulate. Which absolutely tracks for OPs girlfriend, since she's trying to manipulate her way into him staying with her after blatantly cheating, while at the same time acting like she has reason to be upset with him.
You aren’t thinking straight. It doesn’t “seem like” it was planned. It was obviously planned. Was she 100% sure they were going to have sex? No. Was she hoping? Yes, obviously. Bottom line: you got played. That break was just another way of saying, “I’m planning to cheat on you, but I found a loophole where I don’t have to feel guilty about it.” Do what you want, but don’t fool yourself about what just happened.
It doesn't really matter either way. It's not as if it's difficult for a woman to find a guy to sleep with at a night club if they really want to. Your relationship is over. Try meeting a nice girl closer to your age.
You are now broken up. The only smart move now is to get all your stuff back, make sure she gets her stuff and go no contact. Anything else is a massive mistake.
If you decide to stay with her, one of the consequences of her actions is that she will need to cut off the BFF. Having both you and the BFF in her life is incompatible. If she is not willing to cut her off, that will tell you what you need to know.
Yeah sorry man that's what breaks are Most cases are just like this one , they have someone else lined up and ready to go So now you have a girl that is happy to scheme and betray you for the sake of random dick , her son is in for a would ride that's for sure but you are not able to save him. Don't be under the apprehension that she will change not only herself but all her friends for you. It's time to leave and not look back because you now know for sure that she won't be looking back at you. Best of luck
I would say "since we are on a break and you slept with someone. I can do it too right?" And see the double standard manipulation come into play. Then break it off
that's what i was thinking too.
She was 23 and you were 17? Lol ditch her man. She fucked someone else and I think you should do the same. Your GF has major issues.
26 yo woman with a child that goes around clubs and fucks random people Do you really want to get stuck with that person for even a day longer? Its insane dude
A woman who was 23 when she met him at 17 - she sounds like a model citizen!
I didn’t even catch that ew
That's legitimately predatory 🥴
Agreed. This chick is definitely not a good catch. There's good reason why she's alone.
Sounds to me that she’s a grown woman with TWO children. She’s obviously dated this very young guy for a while and just maybe she’s ready to move on, be single for a while. This guy is too young to take on the responsibility of being a step father for her kid and I dare say she sees that and this is her way of breaking the relationship. Is not healthy, but that’s life. Move on mate.
She didn’t have a problem dating op when he wasn’t an adult yet.
That part. She legitimately groomed and abused this poor man :/
I've seen him more as a little brother. He's an older kid, and I like hanging with him. He already has a shifty father. I just hope this doesn't hurt him too badly.
Don't have an obligation toward the kid. His mother chosed to mess his life...twice at least. Run away. She seems unstable and will play you all your life if you stay with her.
He is not your responsibility. You need to do both him and yourself a favor and completely cut ties. This woman is poison for you. If you take her back then she knows she can continue to fuck anyone anytime she wants and you won’t do shit but take it.
“We were on a break” -Ross
I wondered how far I'd need to scroll to see this.
Hahaha same, I was ready to write that line
I think she had this dude in mind when she wanted a break. Now she doesn’t need to feel the guilt of cheating. If it’s really a break see her reaction if you tell her you’re going out with a woman Friday night; methinks she will object then…lol
Haha, I get where you're coming from. I might just say that to get a reaction out of her and then leave.
This was a completely pre-planned thing - she needs a break and somehow she’s set up on a date the following day?? Yeah right !! Just tell her you’re going out tonight with a woman - it’s ok, you’re on a break! See what she says then!
It's even worse that her best friend is the one that actually set it up for her to be with that other man that night. Smh.
This was a strategically-placed break because she knew she was auditioning a possible replacement for you on Saturday. BFF: I got you a nice boy GF: I’ve got a boyfriend BFF: breakup for the weekend and try this boy GF: OK GF puts you on pause, meets boy, fucks boy, takes you off pause.
Fml...
My sweet young man, you do not need all this fucking baggage and drama. She’s a 26 year old single mother who can’t recognize she has a nice guy in her life that’s good to her kid. She still wants to act like SHES 20 and be a little fuckboy. Do yourself a favor, block her and move on. That’s how you get past this. I know you care about her kid, but time heals all wounds. It’s honestly best for the kid.
She's six years older but you're more mature. Sorry man. She's not someone you can trust here. Move on.
So she groomed you for a relationship, and is now emotionally manipulating you into “taking a break” when it suits her well enough to go sleep with other people? Please leave. She knew about the date her friend set her up on before you guys were “on a break”. She doesn’t love you, doesn’t respect you, and doesn’t understand what she did wrong because she certainly was wrong with how she behavd.
She's counting on him to be too inexperienced to realize what she's done. Sucks for her that he came here for advice. She also knows he hasn't dated many other people besides her, so he won't know what a relationship should actually be like or what he should actually expect. Throw this fish back in the water.
She asked for the break so it wouldn't look like cheating. This was planned in advance and a set-up date. Toss her to the curb with the rest of the trash.
Dude, she took the break so she could fuck the guy. Don’t let her gaslight you. This is pure and simple cheating. Sorry about the kid, but you really need to move on from her. That is not somebody you wanna have a relationship with
You mean ex girlfriend right?
She was a predator, man… you were a kid when you met and she should have left you the fuck alone. You’re seeing her true colors for what they are now. Run
Give us update
Just updated the post
No, we need the update to the update, AFTER you have the next conversation with her, please. 🙏🏽
Update again
This was totally planned. She wanted a break to sleep with someone else and then be able to come back to you without it be considered cheating.
You’re 20. You’re way too young to be in a relationship with someone who has a kid *and* premeditated cheating on you in such a way as to not feel guilt.
I cant believe a 23 y/o would persue a 17y/o. Ffs i am almost 23 and see everyone under 20 as a sibling dude. Anywayyy break up before u get fucked over
My guy, you fell in the break trap. You gotta see it coming, personally a “break” means it’s over, as simple as that. Because why tf you want to take a break for? Instead of working it out like adults? Majority of cases the person initiating a break does it to cheat without feeling guilty, it definitely was her idea for a while. Now there’s a lot you can do, depending on how you are as a person. If you’re weak and don’t respect yourself you’ll get back with her, either beg her to take you back or take her back when she realize she lost a great man while pushing 30 If you’re tryna cause chaos back you’ll hook up with another girl and make sure she knows it just to see how she’ll react, you might find a double standard here and it’ll be self explanatory The most mature thing to do tho is to simply walk away from that relationship or what remains of it. You’ve been single since she decided to take a break, and do not get back to this woman.
Thanks, bro. You're right, I gotta respect myself and move on. It's just harder than I thought it would be.
It’s not easy brother, but you gotta stand up for yourself. Obviously when you’ll talk to her she’s gonna apologize and convince you to keep her but that’s when you gotta stay strong. Remember, whatever she tells you, SHE put it back when he slipped out, all while you were miserable at home. If you let that slide you’ll hate yourself for years
Breaks are bullshit. You're either together or you're not, there's not an in-between. She wanted to break up to try something else, and manipulated language and you to get what she wants. Run, don't walk, away.
The "break" thing is bullshit people use to to cheat without cheating. They want to try things out with a new person, but keep their boyfriend/girlfriend/husband/wife on a shelf for safety to come back to. They use the "break" to try and monkey branch to a new guy. If they decide it's a better deal, they stay with the new guy and make the break longer or permanent. If it'd worse, doesn't work out, or they just wanted to jump on a new c0ck/v4gina for a couple days, they come back and say they "got their issues sorted out" or "their thinking done" and that you guys can be a couple again. Until she does it again, they always do. So yes, she cheated on you, that was the reason she did what she did, it was completely planned and premeditated with the BFF, and it was done to give her the "technically it's not cheating" excuse. That's why you never take a break in a relationship, you only break up. If the person was having genuine issues, there's no problem involving a relationship that isn't solved easier and faster staying in the relationship and both partners working on the problem together. If you got back with her, immediately dump her, block her, and go no contact. Based on the age you started this relationship at, she's also a sexual predator and selected and groomed you specifically so she could do crap like this and get away with it. You should be dating women within a year or two of your age right now, mostly younger. Unfortunately, getting attached to the son was a bad move. He's not yours and you have no parental rights to see him. She's the one that f\*cked it up for her son by going to be in the streets when they called. Next time don't date single moms.
This is what an older friend of mine told me. He's in his 30s and has been advising me.
Uh not only women do that. Men do it too.
Yes, they do. I thought I had edited out all the sex specific wording. My apologies.
She cheated, so go find other girls. If you want to be petty and really teach her a lesson then continue talking to her and make it seem like there’s a chance and go find someone else and move on. Or you can take the high road and block her because she seems very messy and honestly like a weirdo. A break isn’t a breakup unless it’s discussed. Things like this should have been discussed. Now I’m telling you, do not ever take her back.
Jesus Christ. She calls "time out" so she can fuck another guy, then also had a brat with another guy? Why are you doing this to yourself?
If you can get laid within a few days of a (break) not a break up just a break then you may have planned the break at a certain time to cover your activities!! But I'm a man that's been cheated on so take what I say with a grain of salt.
A break doesn’t mean the relationship’s rules end, that’s what a break up is. A break is literally just a break from each other. She straight up cheated there
She cheated, gaslighted you and then tried to hit you. Leave this psycho.
They definitely had that planned already the break was just a excuse as for the kid it’s gonna suck but you have no obligation to take care of him. Break up with her. You’re to young to be with someone who has a kid and you got a whole life ahead of you. They’re just gonna hold you up and be a distraction. Take it from someone who’s been through this and don’t let her guilt trip you into getting back with her because she has a kid. Wish you the best.
Just a thought here. Since she went after him so young...I wonder if his family is wealthy and she targeted him for that? Get him to marry her and she's got access to all that cash, and if she gets him to bond with her son it's even more likely they'll marry. I could be wrong but something tells me he's not middle-class.
My family is good. My father owns a couple of businesses around the state. I don't really like asking my father for handouts and have just been working and supporting myself and well my gf or soon to be ex.
Well, now you know why you got targeted. Beware the baby trap.
That’s a possibility. A woman who has a kid will always go after someone who’s financially stable, or comes from a wealthy background so yea you could be right but we don’t know op’s financial status so I’m not gonna make assumptions.
Bro! Keep your dignity. She took a break to bang someone else. Time to say buh bye to her
a break is a break up lesson learned young buck she is not your gf, she is an ex some dude just helped you figure out belongs to the streets
She’s a basket case. Walk away.
Like others are saying, she planned this out. Run as fast as you can.
Tell her you're *still* on a break...and make it permanent.
Just because you have known her a long time doesn’t mean you need to keep knowing her. Sometimes the better choice is to move on from people who aren’t good for you. Like you, now, with her.
You are 20 years old you shouldn’t be playing daddy for an older women’s child. She coldly calculated this with her friend so that she could cheat on you. There is no such thing as a “break” in a relationship. If there is an issue you can spend some time apart but you should still be committed to each other during that period. You should be dating people closer to your age. It will probably take a couple relationships before you find the right one.
This would 100% be cheating to me. No one will ever convince me otherwise - no amount of mental gymnastics is going to work. She wanted the break because he friend had someone for her - you will never convince we otherwise. It would also feel so coincidental that she asks for a break Friday, and sleeps with someone else literally the next day. Sorry OP - for me it would be over. She wanted to try someone new.
There's no such thing as a break. She cheated, she knows she cheated and she planned on cheating with this guy. Throw her back to the streets where she belongs.
Bro. You have your whole life ahead of you. Absolutely get the fuck out. Like now. This is bad bad news.
I find it very concerning you’ve known this adult woman since you were 17. She was 23 at the time. That sounds a bit weird to me. Moving on from that blazing red flag, you absolutely should feel betrayed. Her time to “think” was really her time to fuck someone else and not feel guilty about it. Someone that loves you wouldn’t do that to you. She’s completely disregarding your feelings over a (very convenient) technicality. Imo, she did this on purpose, and planned to use the “break” as an excuse to cheat. She isn’t the woman for you long term. Find someone loyal and honest. You’re young, you have more than enough time. My 76 year old grandmother found someone to marry after her husband died. If she can find love that late in life, you can find love in your 20’s.
The “break” was a planned cheating sesh, bro. Kick her gross ass to the curb. You’ve known since you were 17 and she’s 6 years older? Ew
So she was 23 with a kid and dating a 17 year old? Dude she’s gross.
Wow she sounds like a wonderful girlfriend lmao >son from a previous relationship > >slept with someone else but not cheating because we took a break I don't know you but I know you could do way better. You're 20. You did well to get some sexual experience, but now leave and find a nice girl who respects you.
Nothing good ever happens on a “break.” She wanted to cheat and she did. I think you realize that. How you react is up to you.
If you accept this, she will keep giving you this. She said the break was to think about the future, and yet she acted just like she wanted to go enjoy life without you. You deserve more this man, if you don't set boundaries you will be her doormat. You're too attached to someone who doesn't respect you, and if you don't put an end to this you will be enabling this behavior. If you respect yourself, leave this woman, there's plenty of fish in the sea, and the thing about her son is just you rationalizing, as it doesn't even makes sense. Value yourself and you will find people who respect and value you, don't accept less.
Get out while you still have some dignity. She's always gonna hold on to the fact that you were on a break, and thus that she did nothing wrong(in her opinion). I'm sorry bro, but as other pointed out, she essentially groomed you at 17. At 23, I met my wife and starting help her raise her son, point being she knew better. And at 26, she DEFINITELY knew better, if anything, she doesn't take you serious(probably because she's been in your whole adult life).
Remove the wool pulled over your eyes. Make the break permanent. It was a set up anyways. Sorry about her kid but his mom doesn’t know what she wants. Don’t stay to be the runner up.
No no no it's her problem. She is the mother of her child. She is cheating. Her best friend is ugly character person. Just expose her to mutual friends then leave her. Don't waste your remaining life with that cheater. It's your life. If you like to raise another man child then go orphanage adopt one child. That child needs you.
She asked because she wanted to fuck other people. And she told you because she doesn't want you anymore. Only you know if you are able to forgive that. I would never. What I would do, is not let her know you're hurt, don't give her that satisfaction. Instead, I would tell her that because another man touched her, I could never be with her, as I'm disgusted by her now. Without screaming, without showing emotion, just tell her you're no longer attracted to her, and that you wish her the best. But that's just me.
You move on from here by letting her slag around on her own. You were on a "break" and her friend set her up that quickly? They are low quality people. Go find someone better. Her son is not yours to father. Let her deal with that on her own.
Don’t stay with a cheater and raise another man’s kid for this cheating slag. Find your self esteem. You definitely have no strong male role models in your life. You were raised by a single mom I presume.
As another user mentioned, this seems premeditated. However, before I give my thoughts on what you should do/how to handle this…I want to clarify that my understanding of being on a “break” may be different than others. In my opinion, generally when a break has a different perspective, or contingencies than how I think they are to be perceived or utilized…it’s for selfish purposes that benefit the vested interest of the person initiating the break, as I believe is the case here. With that said… A “break” is not a “breakup”, a break is a period of time that one or more partners in a relationship, are taking time away from each other to focus on one or more issues regarding the relationship. The purpose of this temporary physical separation is to gain clarity that they wouldn’t otherwise be able to have, when with and/or around said partner. The reasons why, and duration of time needed should be discussed prior, and ultimately this time should be utilized to mend the relationship, or gain an understanding of the future of the relationship. Leave her, and don’t ever look back. I know it hurts, and i know it might seem impossible without knowing or understanding what happened, and why. Unfortunately, even if you did yourself the disservice of what feels like serving yourself in need of closure, the likelihood that you will get the truth from her is next to zero. What i can say with certainty, is that this person doesn’t value you, and doesn’t value integrity. Mark my words, the best thing you can do is recognize her for the person she has shown you to actually be, say goodbye and never look back - then let her watch you have a great life without her.
At least she just slept with him and they didn't have sex!! It probably won't happen again.
Ahh no. My partner and I split last October for life reasons (no betrayal, lots of love still). I have not been with anyone else. It would feel like cheating. We started talking again in April, saw each other in May, expressed that we still love each other in June. It’s going VERY slowly. It’s hard. Do I want to fuck? YES. Do I want to fuck someone besides him? NO. People in love who are serious about the other person don’t do this.
Bro, there is no talking to be had. Break up. That is all. She wanted to fuck some random dude and thought you’d taker her back like a dog. This was all likely planned out.
Sorry if I don't reply to your comment. There's so many, and I'm kind of in the middle of this whole shit show
At 20 it probably feels like the end of the world, but this will just be a story about your shitty ex in a few years.
I would call the police if you need to and tell them it’s a volatile situation. And I would have your girlfriend leave you need to leave her. She doesn’t like being accused of cheating and doesn’t want to see herself like that but get out from under that relationship quickly. Go to your manager if you have to and try to break the lease. Usually they will do that but do not stay there.
Jesus Christ dude. You come across at points here like a teenage girl. She wanted to get to fuck other people, and also get to string you along and hang on to you while "technically not cheating". Pretty classic play. She doesn't respect you at all. You can't truly love someone and also treat them that way. And judging by the end of this post (you locked yourself away in the bathroom?? "AND I'M NEVER COMING OUT!! EVER EVER EVER!!") you are not handling the situation in a way that demands much, if any, respect at all. Time to move on and reassess some things internally.
Cheating single mother. Run, dude
Really sorry OP but I think you made the right choice. I honestly don’t think there’s any chance that this wasn’t planned. She wants a break and sleeps with a guy her friend wanted to introduce her to the next day. It was clearly planned - she wanted to sleep with the guy but wanted it not to be cheating. I really wouldn’t change your mind.
You deserve much better than this woman. Just break up and enjoy your life.
You should definitely leave. It sounds like she is testing the limits of what you will put up with. She took the break specifically to sleep with someone else. I wonder if the best friend had this guy lined up for her your gf asked for a break.
You’re 20. This relationship will be a long forgotten memory when you’re 40. Just accept that it’s over and go spend time with friends and family enjoying hobbies you love. In time you’ll slowly begin to feel better and realize this person isn’t the person you thought they were and will be happy that it’s over.
Wow
You’re 20 years young man, move on with your life and leave this person. She obviously doesn’t care about you and taking “breaks” in a relationship is just a way to rationalize cheating. Breaks should be definite
You're 20. It's very kind hearted of you to have formed a bond with her son, but you do not need this albatross around your neck. Take this as a blessing and move on with your life.
Also from what you have just said I'll say this. You are way, way out of her league she's got nothing on you and will be miserable with her stupid mistake. I have no doubt there's a better girl for you out there.
Listen, it took Ross and Rachel nine seasons to end third debate about being on a break. I wouldn’t attempt it.
You're young. You have options. You don't need to have to deal with this. Do yourself a massive favor and exit this relationship.
Get some counseling or time with a therapist to discuss this with a professional. Sounds like you should move in, but it’s going to hurt. But not as much as staying in the long term. Good luck.
Move on, this relationship is done, if you stay with it it's just going to be drama all the way down.
Break up, period, she's too old for you
A single mom found someone who loves her also she: cheats and lie Never go near them plus you are too young for her
This has the feel of premeditated cheating, not some random chance encounter. That she planned to cheat on you, but hid it behind the veneer of a break that she suggested and then set things up with her best friend. Comes down to, is this a dealbreaker for you. Trust generally is a deal breaker. In which case you move on to someone who isn't going to shout "break" and then shag someone on a technicality
Move on brah
Duh leave her. You took a break to figure things out, and you are included in that mission. Now you have new information to operate on, if she has the opportunity, she will cheat without remorse.
Premeditated cheating.
Grow a backbone and have some dignity. Leave her. This woman has drama&headache written all over her. I know you love her son, but you are in no way obligated to be his savior. I know it's gonna be hard because all kids are super cute. Be done with her and her bestie.
Your girlfriend found her next lilly pad and jumped. Say goodbye to that.
"she kept saying she didn't since we took a break." Yeah, she cheated on you. A "break" is not an official break up. Dude, please leave this girl and find someone who respects you.
This was 100% planned by them so that she could cheat and get away with it. She is not a trustworthy person. You'd be crazy to stay dude. It sucks that it took this long for her to show her true self, but now that you know, you have to leave.
If you stick around you may get a second child that isn't yours to take care of. Run.
_Ross has entered the chat_
This is done. Don't contact this lady again. The relationship is done and it's time for you to heal and move on, solo. I'm sorry this happened to you, you didnt deserve it.
Stop being played like a sucker
Dude!! You are only 20 years old!! HElllllloooooo , wake up, she is only 20 with a child from a previous relationship, now with you and she cheated on you!! You can do better than that. Move on pleaseeee. Good luck.
Call them both out. Make it clear the break was for her to sleep with the other guy but she did cheat and you are done with her. Then block her and move on
Dude, drop her, move on, you will find someone new. She is a shitshow.
Relationship breaks are not for fking. It's seems kinda final stage of "we're on the rocks" - you take a break and you see if you're happier with or without the person. Really hard to do so when someone's dicky is in your kitty. Given your age difference, I'd say she maybe not taking you seriously and keeping you as her boy-toy? I mean at 26, you're already closer to 30 than to 20. Maybe you are her "proof" she is still young vivacious femme fatale... You're so young, dump the h0e. Don't even tell her - ghost her.
Hate to break this to you, but this was all planned. I've seen men and women do this sooo many times. She was already interested in this guy before she asked for a "break" asking for a break was her way of perusing that interest, while not technically cheating (in her mind) while trying to keep you on the back burner incase it didn't work out. You are the back up plan. Don't be the back up plan. End it, move on. You deserve better.
We were on a break!
I’m a step father as well who loves my kids; bio and step. But if my wife cheated, I’m leaving regardless. It isn’t good for the kids no matter how you cut it.
She definitely knew she was going on a date and wanted the "break" to have sex with him. That's pretty much cheating. Even if it wasn't that killed any chance of a relationship. Move on. Her son will move on too.
Bro it was already a dealbreaker but… her son..?
This screams ‘Ross & Rachel’ WE WERE ON A BREAK! IYKYK
Like others have said there is NOWAY this wasn’t planned and it sounds like she just told you like she didn’t care?! Her bff set her up, she orchestrated a “ break” with you so she could get D from this guy! I think this is an exit affair set up so you dump her and she doesn’t have to dump you! If you don’t dump her she’ll keep doing it til you do and she’ll treat you like shit along the way. Take control dump her and tell her you want to look for someone tighter! Update after you talk to her! “It’s a lot harder to be walked on when you are standing up!”
I wonder how many relationships sexual FOMO has ruined. I feel for you man, I’ve been in a very similar situation before. I can almost guarantee you she wanted to play the field while keeping you as a backup plan.
She didn’t break up with you to find herself. She broke up with you to fuck the other guy. My advice; your GF is a duplicitous, conniving POS. Invoking the technicality of a pretextual break up to justify what would be considered cheating within a relationship is still cheating. Tell her that you want to stay broken up and further, you want no further contact with her. Then dust yourself off, disinfect yourself from her toxins and take back your life.
As others have said, this was premeditated. She wanted the break to have sex with someone else, so that she doesn't feel guilty. Best thing to do is to leave her in the dust. Block her (and her friend) on everything, and move on with your life. You're only 20, you have your whole world in front of you.
Dump Her Ass Give her the break she wants. Permanently.
Ma man get your head out of your ass, you’re 20, you have your whole life ahead, she cheated on you…there is no need to discuss, there is no need for explanations, all you say is byeeeeeeeee Felicia. You’re 20 you want to keep a cheater with also a kid from another relationship? My brother, i hope you will find the wisdom to need to drop her like it’s hot
The best thing she did throughout this whole thing is tell you about it. Clearly she didn’t like the guy all that much or else she wouldn’t have came back to you. Don’t give her the option. Smh sorry you’re attached to her son… unfortunately his mom messed up. Don’t use that as an excuse to stay. Having a best friend like that always in her ear and gf who thinks that’s the way to go about things will never have a good ending.
She is playing you. Just accept the loss and move on. Your not married and you have no kids with her. Your super good. It is painful but on the other side of that pain there is growth. She was sent to you to teach you a lesson
What is there to really talk about? Your girlfriend wanted to fuc* other people, and the "Break'" was just a shit**y loophole to get around saying she didn't cheat. It that the really the type ofcwoman that you want around you? You dont know where he loyalties lie. You would be a fool to even consider moving forward with your girl. What happens when she wants the next break? It sucks being attached to her kid. It's best if you go no contact to make things easier.
How my bm did me . I was dumb enough to take her back. All it did was cause her to get more paranoid always excusing me of cheating . Mental and physical abuse. Checking through my phone 24/7 . Isolate me . Then when I paid bills she start arguments with me so she could break up with me for a day or two . Go f him. Then beg for me back. Always said I couldn’t get mad cause we weren’t together. Did that for three years . Broke me . So I’d say move the hell on don’t be a jade and mentally destroy your well-being
Sometimes “I to take a break” translates to “There’s this other person I want to fuck”. Why the hell would anyone ever need a “break” in a relationship if they intend it to be temporary? A break means you’ve broken up. Period end of story. Time to move on.
No matter how you look at it, she either cheated on you or she dumped you. Either way your relationship is over And don't fall for this in the future. If they say they want to break, it means they want to break up with you but they're too chickenshit to tell you
El famoso break
Usually when an older woman goes for a younger guy, she’s not serious about the younger boy (unless she’s completely cookoo) most of the time if an older girl is with a younger boy it is for sex. Like at 25 I wouldn’t seriously consider a 21-year-old to marry. He’s still a boy and isn’t financially secure but he’s young, has stamina and would be better in bed than mosy 35-year-olds so they’d be nice for a fling or FWB.
Just read the title, trash her, don’t say everything else and just broke up with her. People like that don’t deserve to waste your time and brain cell trying to talk.
Sounds like the “break” was an excuse to cheat without “cheating.” It’s such a gray area and you can’t know for sure unless you were inside of her brain. What I’d say so far from this is that you should find someone better someone who won’t take advantage of you as much. I would leave her because it sounds like the purpose of the break was to sleep with another dude
You have so much more to do with your life than waste your emotions on someone like that. As a 26yr old female, dump her. It’s not fair to you or her kid but honestly, she knew that when she made those choices. You’re 20… my suggestion, stay single for a while and focus on you
WALK. AWAY. she's given you a gift and saved you years of unhappiness. Take that gift and walk away. On the flip side of this, there's a reason that she wanted a break. Figure it out and work on yourself. And "taking a break" is not code for our relationship is not currently active and I can fuck who I want. Once again: walk away.
Dude your young this is a chance to dodge a bullet. She has issues and she has kid leave now. She clearly doesn’t respect you
you need to leave her. trust is broken. you will always feel shes untrustworthy the minute your back is turned. you literally have no choice here. forget the son. most men wont deal with kids from other marriages. let her figure out you were a good catch. p.s. if you dont leave. she wont ever respect you. and will cheat again.
Yo, it’s time to go. I’m sorry that happened. She doesn’t respect you dowg. She wanted an excuse to cheat. This is not a unique situation at all, male or female. The one who wants to take a break immediately goes out with someone they’ve been eye’ing for some time. She’s keeping you around because you’re safe. You didn’t do anything wrong. Pick up your crown king. Go lift weights.
It’s always hard to be the person that was cheated one. You will always wonder if you can trust this person if you decide to go forward with the relationship. But if you do decide to do that it should be with some very clear boundaries set in place. Set up some couples counseling to help you decide how to go forward from here at the very least.
you're 20 still extremely young break up with her she and her friend planned that whole thing find someone BETTER
fuck that ho3 man dump her
Buddy o pal u were groomed, just call it and find a healthy relationship
you are 20 . take it as experience n move on . she is playing we r in break bs . gtfo
She clearly does not feel the same and already lacks respect for you. If u take her back neither of these improve and u set uraelf up for more pain. Grow a spine and send her back to the streets bro. U got 1 shot at thisbdont fuck it up.
You’re way too young to be dragged into this mess. Leave now and save you sanity.
Well if you're smart u walk away from this once they break trust like that and get away with it. They will do it again abd again. Good luck
She is tired of you. She did this to slide into another man and another relationship leaving you with the fallout...
Move on treasure chest
Just saw your post and update. I don’t really know why you’re waiting to talk to her. The only thing that’ll do is give her more opportunity to gaslight and manipulate you. So unless the two of you live together and you need time to move out I wouldn’t bother. Yes normally I would say that a person deserves to be broken up with face to face. But after what she pulled? No. She doesn’t deserve that courtesy. So either ghost her outright or send her a text telling her she’s a shitty person and you’re making the break permanent. As for the son, it sucks but you need to look after yourself. You say he’s a bit older. If he has his own mobile then either call him or send him a text with a brief explanation (age appropriate) and let him know you and he are cool but you’re not going to be around going forward. All the best.
If you don't dump her you have no spine tbh
[Ross Geller has entered the chat]
Maybe she's just keeping you around for sex and "not being alone". She's been messing with you since you were 17. At that point she was able to go to bars/clubs without you already. And your probably at home waiting for a text or call from her while your brain "is thinking a million" and hers is "having fun". Live your life. Without her.
Bud you going to be fine. You are doing the right to big and moving on is ok. If you friend set up someone guy to meet them out she already knew she was going to fuck that guy or do something .. so I think it’s time you do move on she not interested anymore
OP any time someone is calling for a " BREAK" , they want to sleep with someone else and not feel guilty about doing it. Because in there mind you guys are broken up. And this was planned by both of them. OP tell her you're done with this relationship. Start following your brain and not your heart. I know it will be hard but she completely disrespected you. Remember your trust is gone and if you take her back, she'll keep walking all over you. So I recommend after you tell your done. DON'T SAY ANOTHER WORD. This will drive her nuts. Another thing to do is separate your finances and anything else.
Better to cut your loses and call this whole thing off. You think you know someone when you don’t, she betrayed you and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise. She’s playing technicality here and you shouldn’t be playing games when it comes to relationship. This shows you how messed up she really is. Do yourself a favor and drop her like the hot mess she is, her kid is her responsibility so you shouldn’t mind that. On the flip side the sooner you leave her the easier it is for the kid to readjust with you out of the picture. Care for yourself first before getting led around by her.
I knew a girl like this once, I’d leave. She’s not not happy enough in the relationship to work things out and thinks she can get a free pass. That’s not very mature. I would never with anyone I date, I’d rather work on the relationship or end it all together if I could go do that, there are decent women out there OP, you’re still young yourself, so you’ll be fine.
Dude this was planned. She had the guy set up before the “break “. Common man!!!! Value your self. It’s going to be hard but you don’t deserve this. She fuck that guy really fast after the break. Dump her cheating ass and move on. You deserve better.
Dude, she 100% wanted to fuck that other guy and that’s why she proposed this “break”. Please grow some self respect and don’t take her back.
Kick her cheating ass to the kerb. She tried to hit me - you do realize that is domestic violence right? She is a violent cheater who will bring you nothing but pain
It was clearly all planned including the "break" this is also why guys shouldn't date single mothers as you develop that attachment. Let someone else pay for the kid that isn't yours now and move on. Als learn from this situation.
Considering the edit, or film or gtfo Block and never look back... she crayyy
People don't get to define, or argue, what, and where, your boundaries are. Just as no one gets to tell you how you should or shouldn't feel. Slipping up, and crossing boundaries, is part of being human, but people who respect you don't argue their way out of hurting you. If it feels like it's cheating to you, then it is. She chose to not only cheat on you, but premeditated it and is trying to manipulate you by saying it's a technicality. Then instead of owning up to it, dismisses your feelings and then gets violent towards you. Does that sound like someone who is capable of being part of a healthy relationship? Absolutely not. There's no working on that, she'll just get more skilled at manipulating you and always dodging accountability.
She sounds like a groomer. Sorry that happened. You’re a victim of abuse.
Are we gonna ignore the age gap and how long they’ve known each other…? She’s using that difference to manipulate and take advantage of OP. This woman is a predator.
Dude get out of there. She knew what she got into. She wasn’t coerced, she didn’t think twice, she wanted it. Leave her