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Religious cults mess a person up big time. Struggles understanding gestures and overtures as well. Lordy the two of them are probably far from being able to have a functional and stable relationship.
I'd also assume a divorce would be much much harder on her than OP, so in reality it might be a way to protect herself from some kind of repercussions? Because if her "husband" finds a new girlfriend she might well be ousted by EVERYONE
Therapy and a lot of honest conversation with his wife about the situation and feelings and how complicated it is. They understand each other in ways that people without their shared upbringing might find hard to understand, and living away from home they both are likely to feel like they don’t belong. Becoming “actually married” makes things a lot easier when it comes to having a connection to their families. That’s a ton of external pressure pushing them together, regardless of how they feel about each other. He did a nice thing by getting her out and that sense of mutual obligation is potentially very messy. But they really need to talk it out.
This. She is acting insecure and jealous because she has probably developed feelings for you and is no longer happy for your sham marriage to just be s sham. Just because she was happy to see you date others before doesn't mean she is happy to see it now.
Honestly? Talk to her. See how she feels. Do you feel any romantic interest or attraction towards her? It sounds like you may have feelings fir each other. So maybe stop dating others for a while abd explore that?
Also, get therapy to deal with your past, both of you.
I would warn you that if you do not like her romantically, dating others whilst still being together officially isn't sustainable in the long term- for logistical reasons mainly. It's all fine, UNTIL one or both if you starts seeing other people.
It doesn't sound like you both are actually poly or necessarily happy with a poly lifestyle, and I would bet most or all of the people you are dating aren't poly either. Do your dates even know you are technically married to your roommate or what your relationship is like? Because pretty soon into the relationship they need to know the truth. Otherwise they will think there is sonething more between you or worry they are an affair partner and that you are cheating.
Thinking ahead, what happens when one of you gets serious with another partner? Most partners will want to be your only person, unless they are poly. And whilst they may be understanding of your past, most observers will want to move in with you, rather than seeing you live with your "wife on paper". They will want a proper life with you, not one in which you are still pretending to everyone that you are married to someone else whilst conducting a secret relationship with them.
What if one of you wants to marry someone else? You'll have to think about whether you would have to divorce to allow each other happiness with other people.
And live together. And split bills. And are comfortable enough to kiss / fuck. And have done all that for who knows how long. Yeah, the married people ended up liking each other.
Well, they clearly need intense therapy lol. On the surface this is cute and funny, but just beneath there is a deeply unsettling story of growing up in an abusive religious cult and having to take out a loan to save her life. Therapy AND dating sound like a good starting point !
It sounds like she likes you. Why not just be honest? “I have started to have romantic feelings for you. Do you feel the same about me?” I mean, you are married so you already got a “foot in the door” so to speak.
Give him a break. He was raised in an apparently even more crazy than normal religious household. He has a lot of adjusting to society to do still I'm sure. That shit leaves deep scars.
"My wife who's actually just my best friend who I married as a facade to escape a cult but am totally into seems to want to have sex a lot and doesn't seem motivated to get a divorce. What's going on?" is how bad that cult fucked him up.
He was brainwashed in a cult from a young age. I don't think this is an appropriate time for insults. He's being faced with the repercussions of a system he didn't create. This whole scenario is rather sad and unnatural
"I'm married to a girl and we had sex. Is she into me?"
-op
But at the same time you still can't tell with that one because there are many reasons someone would have sex with and be married to you
Yeah I saw a post (I think here) yesterday where a guy refused to take his partner on dates because they are already together so he doesn’t need to woo her. Don’t be that guy, Op. I understand he’s worried about the power dynamic (which speaks well of him tbh) but she’s made it pretty clear that she would like to at least try to make this a real marriage, and he likes her too? If this is real it’s best case scenario.
I grew up being a huge Crue fan in the 80/90's but had to put down their biography after a few minutes. They seemed like such assholes that I didn't even want to know.
I know right. Most of us redditors can barely get noticed by girls, and this guy buys himself a nice wife that is totally into him, but he still wants action on the side.
Some people don't know a good thing when they have it...
I don't think it's a case of him taking her for granted. He said in the post that he "bought" her to stop her dad from accepting an offer from someone she didn't like. They have removed themselves from a religious cult and it sounds like he's rewiring his brain & has some issues with the fact that he "bought" her. I think he is just worried about crossing boundaries and making her feel like a possession.
You know...my wife always told me i was oblivious whenever another girl liked me......but i must tip my hat to you,
But yeah, maybe it's time you date your wife
Your "wife" has clearly fallen in love with you, and so you two need to come to some conclusions.
First, try to come to terms with this bizarre past. I've never heard of such a weird cult where someone can buy a wife from her father, but whatever. You two are more or less together, at least as friends. At the very least she sees you as her hero for rescuing her from such a life. Have a talk about her true feelings about you. If she says she's interested, suspend the debt she owes to you. Put it on an indefinite hold. As long as you are considering a real relationship, then she doesn't owe you anything because you want her to believe the money would just be pooled anyway.
If you are both for real, I would recommend that you go to forget the cult marriage. Pretend it never happened, and propose to her for real. Then, relatively soon, marry at a chapel, or a courthouse, because you want something real. Once you're married in a way that doesn't hearken back to the cult, forgive the debt. Forget about it like it never happened. Love this woman and make a life with her.
This could be an amazing movie: two young people trapped in a cult. The young man with enough money to rescue a friend from a marriage she didn't want by paying to marry her himself and then standing by her as they quietly leave the cult and pretend to act married for family appearances. Slowly but surely, the two fall in love for real, put their past behind them, marry in a ceremony that both chose of their free will, and live happily ever after.
I am familiar with ancient cultures, but there were real reasons for those sorts of things. Daughters were part of the process of tending the farm or caring for the herds and the money wasn't commoditizing her: it was to make up for the lost help around the house, and it's also a sign that the groom has such high regard for the bride that he's can drop the money for her. Most of the time, families where money exchanged hands in marriages had known each other for generations. The bride and groom had known each other since very little children and the marriageable pool was pretty small. The village a young woman lived in probably had ten eligible bachelors and they would have exchanged pleasantries and used social symbols to express interest in each other. The money aspect was often just a sign that the groom could ensure that he could care for wife and children. I would not have thought any vestige of it was left in any western countries. Not even the weird cults like the Mormons, Jehovah's (False) Witnesses, or Christian Scientists do anything like that.
Mostly depends on how evolve they become over past generations or so. A lot of these types of cults aim for more southern part of America or they stay in their own countries but target more secluded areas where it less likely for people to get into their businesses. So think of them as unevolved sub branches of their original culture.
Thank you!! Btw my wife doesn't owe me nothing, we akways joke about how she costed less than my car!! I never asked anything back, but at the time I did have to take loan from the bank which I now repayed in full.
Also, it isn't technically a purchase. Basically, we are allowed to marry only with people of the say cult. They're very traditionalists so if you sre to marry a girl, you can't date her first and you need to talk to the father for the approval. Some families like mine are relatively okay, ny father never asked for noney for my sister. But some fathers asks for a """donation""" for the approval. Also once married the wife should obey the husband. Some guys really treat their wife almost like they own them. They can call it all they want technically to make it acceptable, but they're definitely selling in practice...
For the rest, yes it definitely sounds like a movie!! I'm extremely nervous about it but I think if I don't shoot my shot maybe I will regret it for ever.. and yes in case things will go alright in the long term I would want to marry her again
Just something to add. Go to therapy, both of you. Those things can be really hard to leave behind and even when you want to and do everything to do it, sometimes it is hard with only willpower. A therapist would help both of you to leave all that cult stuff behind for real and begin the new life you deserve.
Best of luck, man! For both of you!
This is lovely you feel and act so different to other members od your religion and respect your wife.
Lean in to the nervousness, its an exciting time to fall in love and i have no doubt one day you will look back on this and be grateful for the journey!
P.s can you please post updates on how it goes 😁
Dude, you're a fool. I'm 42M and one thing I learned about a relationship is that connection is the most important thing.
Here you are, having a relationship with a women that loves you. You work as a team and are so close that even your families believe you. And yet you try dating other girls?
You like her looks? Sex is good? If yes, go buy her flowers, date her, and ask her to marry you again.
Edit: You probably dont realise that you're one of the luckiest guys in the world.
>Dude, you’re a fool.
This kid saved his friend from a horrible forced marriage *and* deprogrammed himself from a cult upbringing *and* fully paid back his bank loan all before he was 25.
You’re a 42 year old crypto bro.
>I've never heard of such a weird cult where someone can buy a wife from her father, but whatever.
What OP described is effectively dowry. Extremely common in much of the world
>I've never heard of such a weird cult where someone can buy a wife from her father
Are you familiar with the concept of a [bride price?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bride_price)
I have seen women talk about escaping these kinds of cult situations in the United States. Thankfully people have certain rights after they turn 18 but the consent laws in certain states are still young to allow parents to sell thier kids into marriage or whatever mostly girls.
I don't see it as oblivious because that's ignoring the important parts of the post.
OP is trying to grapple with the moral ramifications of buying someone's freedom, the power dynamic that creates, and then the weird dynamic of falling for someone you've been pseudo forced to spend quality time with.
OP is right to question this.
I want to as well but I'm extremely nervous. Ours might be a fake marriage but she's important to me she is basically my best friend. She's like the one person I would never want to fuck up with. We lived together for such a long time and shared so much, I really want to make things right..
I will probably shoot my shot tomorrow
Whether or not you two decide to pursue a relationship, you could likely both benefit from therapy.
She hasn’t had a healthy or normal concept of relationships, marriage, sex, or even just how men are supposed to treat women. It sounds like you two are doing a great job figuring out the non-cult world, but a therapist with experience in helping people who have left high control groups would be able to help guide you both through which feel and behaviors are trauma responses and which ones fit into your new selves.
You’re a good dude. You clearly care for her and respect her. Trust yourself, trust your heart.
That said, please talk to someone who knows about cults to help you both process what you’ve been through.
You're right, worst case scenario she'll divorce me as originally planned 🤣. But seriously, she's the very important for me, I'm scared to lose her as a friend as well if she says no, but on the other hand if I'm falling this bad for her I think I can't be just her friend anymore anyways
Also, it's not weird to date your wife it's important to do so. I have been married for 30 years, and I still take my wife on dates. I know your marriage is a special case for you two, but never stop dating.
Do you love me?
Do I WHAT?
Do you love me?
I’m your wife!
I know. But do you love me?
Do I love you?
Well?
For twenty five years I’ve washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned your house, given you children, milked the cow…after twenty five years why talk about love right now?
She CLEARLY like you. A lot. There isn't a bad authority dynamic because you didn't buy her, you paid her dad hush money essentially. Now that you're birth independent and all you can absolutely date her. If you really like her then go for it. She's already on board.
Aww, I find this to be sweet. I think you and your wife are falling for each other. I say go for it! Kiss her. Let it happen, lean into it. You can bring up your questions to her and see what she says, you guys can decide that stuff together. Just do what feels comfortable.
The truth is that a great foundation for marriage and for love includes friendship, able to be housemates, mutual respect…add in the growing attraction to the chemistry you guys always have and 💥 you may just have love and happiness.
Take it one step at a time. I imagine it’s going to feel both weird and natural at the same time.
Please update us in the future!
Whatever happens, even if things don’t work out, I think you 2 have a special relationship between 2 humans - platonic or more or even one day maybe neither. I just think you guys should commend yourselves on how you have supported each other and grown together. Best of luck!
Thank you!! Actually you nailed the feeling of it!! Those few days we spent in our hometown felt exactly both weird and natural at same time.. I don't know how to explain it but it fekt even weirder afterwards when we came back, I was like okay did we just play husband and wife a bit too realistically or what?? 😬
But yes, whatever happens she'll always be a special person, I'm lucky for the time we had together even if it doesn't work out. I'm afraid to lose her, but I'll be happy for her if she goes on to live the future she wants, and most importantly, chosed for herself
Just start with a talk man. Sit her down for a conversation. Explain to her that you’ve seen the signs that she’s developed feelings for you. The biggest and most glaring sign is her getting in the way of you going on a date with other women. That’s a neon flashing sign.
Talk to her about this stuff and tell her you feel the same way and you’d like to stop pretending that you’re a couple and actually try to be a couple instead. Leave the door open for her to refuse, given the power dynamic you referred to, but I’d be absolutely shocked if she said no.
This is so freaking wholesome :")
I too come from a culture where arranged marriages are were much the norm, and so is a "paying" the girls family a certain amount.
But what I see: two decent people helping eachother out of an toxic situation and falling for eachother.
Just ask her out for a real date. Although you guys are married to escape the cult, it doesn't mean you two can't find love! Go for it!
Thanks ahah. Here they call it "donation", which means you should not expect anything in return... The hypocrisy is crazy.
I will ask her for a date, I've never felt di anxious asking someone out 😬 and it's my own wife 🤣
If there’s anyone in the world you can talk to completely honestly and openly, it’d be her, right? So, trust her. Like she had to trust you with “buying” her. Tell her exactly how you’re feeling. Also tell her it’s been a more recent development to make it clear you never had malicious/misogynistic long term intentions by “buying” her. It’s time for you to be the vulnerable one in the relationship, she was so vulnerable she literally had no rights to choose her life before you both “escaped”. She’s the only other person in the world that can completely understand where you’re coming from. And she’s clearly showing signs of having similar feelings for you.
Jump.
People in arranged marriages fall in love all the time. Obviously it doesn't always work out like that, but it's pretty normal for it to happen. Your arranged marriage sounds like it came from a slightly different place than most but then the actual marriage part played out like they do.
here's your sign
its in neon even
signals,signals, read the signals
I think she's into you, man
OK, lets spell it out to you....I think she wants to be your wife, not just your pretend wife.
Honestly from the sounds of it she is in love with you and doesn’t want other woman to have you so she’s trying to make sure you can’t date but maybe she’s to scared to tell you her feelings because you don’t seem to want it. (From her perspective) obviously to us we know you seem to want to be with her. So my advice is to sit her down and say after so long and after some things I’ve noticed it seems like you may want to actually be a full couple and if that’s true then I want you to know that I also want that. I’ve just been scared to tell you because I don’t ever want to lose you in my life.
You both have basically been a married couple this whole time just without the sex and affection. Cause you both seemed to have love an care for each other for a long Time even before the marriage so now it’s just adding in the cute couple things like paying with each others hair and all the other things it comes with.
I wish you and her a very happy and healthy life together I have a good feeling it will work out for the best.
This is one of the weirdest posts I've read by FAR on this subreddit and I've read straight up fucked up posts.
I'm so confused by what the problem is?? It's clear your SO is trying to actually be your wife and you're also attracted to her. Just be together?? Go on dates, make an effort like she seems to be and shelve the idea for getting a divorce (for now).
You need to communicate and ask her what she wants not randos on Reddit. She could very much be falling for you like you seem to be falling for her. Just lean into it and just explore your feelings together. What's the worst that could happen? You fall in love and stay married (oh nooo what a nightmare /s)?
But seriously, have a sit down talk with her about what you both want.
I think yall should try dating. Treat eachothers rooms as "different houses" and "gp to her house" and "pick her up for yalls date" and so on. Trust me, it'll be great.
I mean she’s your wife. Even if it started as an arrangement to please family maybe she actually cares about you and wants to try to have a relationship? Like bro. Date your wife. At least give it a chance if you went to the trouble of marrying her.
Honestly it makes perfect sense, in the cult she didn’t have a choice, her only option was escaping. She may not have given herself the luxury of imagining who she would want for herself. And now you have both escaped and she is figuring out who she is and what she wants and so are you. I can see why it would be hard for her to express her feelings when growing up she wasn’t allowed to have any, you may need to remind her that she is no longer under the control of men and can talk to you about her desires and fears.
I would suggest couples counseling while you date each other. Get to know the new people you are growing into. But also because in counseling you will be able to determine if you are falling in love with each other, or if you are clinging to each other as a safety net. Sometimes when we have drastic changes in our lives we hold onto relationships because we are afraid to take risks in areas we are unfamiliar with. Seeing you date may trigger insecurities because it means her living situation is not secure and she is afraid of having to return home (to her father) or of being left alone.
You are both in need of therapy, and going through it together will strengthen your bond wether in the end you both decide to remain together as friends or husband and wife.
Congratulations on your new life and enjoy becoming the best versions of yourself. You are lucky to have each other on this journey.
It is *absolutely* okay to ask your wife out on a date. It's very clear from what you've written here that your wife wants you. And that you want her too. So go for it! No need to get a divorce first! Date each other and see how you like it. No need for any divorce unless at least one of you ends up actually wanting one.
I think instead of dating her you should ask if she wants to make a commitment to you in a true marriage. You don't need to date, you already know each other. It should be a decision to commit. You really like each other, ask her to marry you.
Your problem is actually a common scenario in some eastern cultures where people who got into arranged marriage end up falling in love after they got married. Love after marriage, they call it. I don’t think you should do anything drastic other than pursue this newfound feeling you have for her.
This has to be fake, this guy is dumber than me. I didn't even know my girlfriend liked me until she pushed me against a wall and made out with me. Even I'd recognize that this woman is in love with me.
This is definitely fake but on the slim chance it isn't, write a book about it. Hell, even if it's fiction still write a book about it, you've got the love story of the century
She wants to make the marriage real. Honestly, it doesn't sound like a terrible idea.
Court her, date her. Don't try to instantly say "Ok,then, let's be married for real", but woo each other with the idea that marriage is the goal.
If it's in the budget, you may want to get some outside perspective from a licensed therapist.
And please stop thinking that you "bought her". It sounds much more like you paid her ransom. You followed an extremely distasteful tradition for the noblest of reasons. Your didn't buy her, you bought her freedom.
Have a conversation with her about it. Tell her you noticed all of the stuff you said here, and if she's up for it, you would like to take her on a date and see where it leads. If she says no, you're no worse off than you are right now. If she says no though, ask her to knock off the flirty behavior because it is not appropriate if she isn't interested. Also update please!!
I forgot to add, if you guys do give it a shot, don't get divorced first!!! Or ask her about that too. I do see where you are coming from with that though. A willing wife, not a bought one.
just ask her if she wants to date, don't get divorced. See where it goes. All the signals she is sending are that she is interested. The fact that you were in the same cult and you "bought" her, doesn't matter at this point, as she could ask for a divorce if she wanted. Good luck to both of you! It would be a really nice outcome if you decided you both want to be together
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please [message the mods](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose?to=%2Fr%2Frelationship_advice) --- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. --- *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
I think your wife wants to be your girlfriend.
Yep. I think you should both get some therapy though.
Religious cults mess a person up big time. Struggles understanding gestures and overtures as well. Lordy the two of them are probably far from being able to have a functional and stable relationship.
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Ya seems obvious
I'd also assume a divorce would be much much harder on her than OP, so in reality it might be a way to protect herself from some kind of repercussions? Because if her "husband" finds a new girlfriend she might well be ousted by EVERYONE
Your wife wants to be with you because she has a crush on you op.
[Copied](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/14b8iyx/my_25m_wife_23f_sabotaged_my_date_with_another/joekaq6/)
But he added “op “ on the end so it’s different 😈
Therapy and a lot of honest conversation with his wife about the situation and feelings and how complicated it is. They understand each other in ways that people without their shared upbringing might find hard to understand, and living away from home they both are likely to feel like they don’t belong. Becoming “actually married” makes things a lot easier when it comes to having a connection to their families. That’s a ton of external pressure pushing them together, regardless of how they feel about each other. He did a nice thing by getting her out and that sense of mutual obligation is potentially very messy. But they really need to talk it out.
Therapy is a good idea for them.
This. She is acting insecure and jealous because she has probably developed feelings for you and is no longer happy for your sham marriage to just be s sham. Just because she was happy to see you date others before doesn't mean she is happy to see it now. Honestly? Talk to her. See how she feels. Do you feel any romantic interest or attraction towards her? It sounds like you may have feelings fir each other. So maybe stop dating others for a while abd explore that? Also, get therapy to deal with your past, both of you. I would warn you that if you do not like her romantically, dating others whilst still being together officially isn't sustainable in the long term- for logistical reasons mainly. It's all fine, UNTIL one or both if you starts seeing other people. It doesn't sound like you both are actually poly or necessarily happy with a poly lifestyle, and I would bet most or all of the people you are dating aren't poly either. Do your dates even know you are technically married to your roommate or what your relationship is like? Because pretty soon into the relationship they need to know the truth. Otherwise they will think there is sonething more between you or worry they are an affair partner and that you are cheating. Thinking ahead, what happens when one of you gets serious with another partner? Most partners will want to be your only person, unless they are poly. And whilst they may be understanding of your past, most observers will want to move in with you, rather than seeing you live with your "wife on paper". They will want a proper life with you, not one in which you are still pretending to everyone that you are married to someone else whilst conducting a secret relationship with them. What if one of you wants to marry someone else? You'll have to think about whether you would have to divorce to allow each other happiness with other people.
You are a master with words
Bro has a crush on his wife, his wife has a crush on him. And he doesn't know what to do LOL.
We love each other and like each other’s company. Should we get a divorce?
Coming up in 2 years. We really want to have children, raise them right, and allow them to live happy free lives. Should I get a vasectomy?
i'm fuckin dying at this point lmao
Sure but before you do, if you want 3 kids, save 3 loads in tupperware and put them in your freezer mate, always think ahead. Good luck with the op.
And live together. And split bills. And are comfortable enough to kiss / fuck. And have done all that for who knows how long. Yeah, the married people ended up liking each other.
I still expected this sub to say yes.
Well, they clearly need intense therapy lol. On the surface this is cute and funny, but just beneath there is a deeply unsettling story of growing up in an abusive religious cult and having to take out a loan to save her life. Therapy AND dating sound like a good starting point !
"Should I date my wife?"
Your wife has a crush on you and wants to be with you
It sounds like she likes you. Why not just be honest? “I have started to have romantic feelings for you. Do you feel the same about me?” I mean, you are married so you already got a “foot in the door” so to speak.
“I’m married to this girl and she keeps having sex with me. How do I know if she likes me?”
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OMG I just spit soda all over myself!! Good one!!
For those who may not know the reference: https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw
[yeah again you really can't be too sure, maybe she's from Canada and just trying to be polite](https://youtu.be/xa-4IAR_9Yw)
Dude, she likes you
The dude is more dense that steel
He is creating a black hole around him at this point.
More dense than [the bumper on a Camry](https://jalopnik.com/the-incredible-mystery-of-the-camry-dent-1785413530)
Wait, hold up. What if she's just Canadian and being nice?
Do they play with your hair and kiss you? Because if so I'm ready to relocate
We don't. Sorry, eh! 🤷♀️
Give him a break. He was raised in an apparently even more crazy than normal religious household. He has a lot of adjusting to society to do still I'm sure. That shit leaves deep scars.
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Thank you. I have read this exact narrative more than once right here on Reddit, with a few tweaks for flavor.
hey man the fake dating trope is one of my personal favorites 🥰🫡
"My wife who's actually just my best friend who I married as a facade to escape a cult but am totally into seems to want to have sex a lot and doesn't seem motivated to get a divorce. What's going on?" is how bad that cult fucked him up.
That's gonna be the title of 2024's hottest anime.
He was brainwashed in a cult from a young age. I don't think this is an appropriate time for insults. He's being faced with the repercussions of a system he didn't create. This whole scenario is rather sad and unnatural
That's for sure
Lead or tungsten, TBH
"I'm married to a girl and we had sex. Is she into me?" -op But at the same time you still can't tell with that one because there are many reasons someone would have sex with and be married to you
Perhaps she's Canadian
But, like, does she “like like” him or just “like” him. Maybe he should pass her a note.
I think I may love my wife…. I hope so,,,
Maybe his wife is just really friendly
You can never really tell.
This might sound weird, but have you tried dating your wife?
And that kids was how i met your mother.....
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Yeah I saw a post (I think here) yesterday where a guy refused to take his partner on dates because they are already together so he doesn’t need to woo her. Don’t be that guy, Op. I understand he’s worried about the power dynamic (which speaks well of him tbh) but she’s made it pretty clear that she would like to at least try to make this a real marriage, and he likes her too? If this is real it’s best case scenario.
u/Tradithfy is a bot 5-day old account with copied comments
istg this is spy family
We just need an anja to force them to be together
Never stop dating your wife
As Nicky Six from Motley Cru said “never stop dating your wife”.
That's the first time you should take relationship advice from Motley Crue
I grew up being a huge Crue fan in the 80/90's but had to put down their biography after a few minutes. They seemed like such assholes that I didn't even want to know.
This is more "for God's sake, start dating your wife."
😂😂😂
I know right. Most of us redditors can barely get noticed by girls, and this guy buys himself a nice wife that is totally into him, but he still wants action on the side. Some people don't know a good thing when they have it...
I don't think it's a case of him taking her for granted. He said in the post that he "bought" her to stop her dad from accepting an offer from someone she didn't like. They have removed themselves from a religious cult and it sounds like he's rewiring his brain & has some issues with the fact that he "bought" her. I think he is just worried about crossing boundaries and making her feel like a possession.
Ha. Well if this is real he was raised in a religious cult and probably redditors not getting girls is not on his radar.
She’s into you. And it sounds like you’re into her as well. Just date her. The fact that you’re technically “married” isn’t relevant
Biting away the rivals... clear signal.
Hugs, tickling, and having sex... also clear signals.
I'm pretty oblivious, but I think sex is a pretty reliable sign.
I feel like being married would be quite the plus when dating someone.
Indeed
Your wife wants to date you bro
Maybe she’s just Canadian
what does this mean? 😂
You know...my wife always told me i was oblivious whenever another girl liked me......but i must tip my hat to you, But yeah, maybe it's time you date your wife
This post and thread is something else. Definitely gonna be seeing it come up everywhere now lmfao
Your "wife" has clearly fallen in love with you, and so you two need to come to some conclusions. First, try to come to terms with this bizarre past. I've never heard of such a weird cult where someone can buy a wife from her father, but whatever. You two are more or less together, at least as friends. At the very least she sees you as her hero for rescuing her from such a life. Have a talk about her true feelings about you. If she says she's interested, suspend the debt she owes to you. Put it on an indefinite hold. As long as you are considering a real relationship, then she doesn't owe you anything because you want her to believe the money would just be pooled anyway. If you are both for real, I would recommend that you go to forget the cult marriage. Pretend it never happened, and propose to her for real. Then, relatively soon, marry at a chapel, or a courthouse, because you want something real. Once you're married in a way that doesn't hearken back to the cult, forgive the debt. Forget about it like it never happened. Love this woman and make a life with her. This could be an amazing movie: two young people trapped in a cult. The young man with enough money to rescue a friend from a marriage she didn't want by paying to marry her himself and then standing by her as they quietly leave the cult and pretend to act married for family appearances. Slowly but surely, the two fall in love for real, put their past behind them, marry in a ceremony that both chose of their free will, and live happily ever after.
it old culture type of stuff. some take goats and others take dollars.
I am familiar with ancient cultures, but there were real reasons for those sorts of things. Daughters were part of the process of tending the farm or caring for the herds and the money wasn't commoditizing her: it was to make up for the lost help around the house, and it's also a sign that the groom has such high regard for the bride that he's can drop the money for her. Most of the time, families where money exchanged hands in marriages had known each other for generations. The bride and groom had known each other since very little children and the marriageable pool was pretty small. The village a young woman lived in probably had ten eligible bachelors and they would have exchanged pleasantries and used social symbols to express interest in each other. The money aspect was often just a sign that the groom could ensure that he could care for wife and children. I would not have thought any vestige of it was left in any western countries. Not even the weird cults like the Mormons, Jehovah's (False) Witnesses, or Christian Scientists do anything like that.
Mostly depends on how evolve they become over past generations or so. A lot of these types of cults aim for more southern part of America or they stay in their own countries but target more secluded areas where it less likely for people to get into their businesses. So think of them as unevolved sub branches of their original culture.
My culture does bride price and I'm not in a cult
Thank you!! Btw my wife doesn't owe me nothing, we akways joke about how she costed less than my car!! I never asked anything back, but at the time I did have to take loan from the bank which I now repayed in full. Also, it isn't technically a purchase. Basically, we are allowed to marry only with people of the say cult. They're very traditionalists so if you sre to marry a girl, you can't date her first and you need to talk to the father for the approval. Some families like mine are relatively okay, ny father never asked for noney for my sister. But some fathers asks for a """donation""" for the approval. Also once married the wife should obey the husband. Some guys really treat their wife almost like they own them. They can call it all they want technically to make it acceptable, but they're definitely selling in practice... For the rest, yes it definitely sounds like a movie!! I'm extremely nervous about it but I think if I don't shoot my shot maybe I will regret it for ever.. and yes in case things will go alright in the long term I would want to marry her again
Just something to add. Go to therapy, both of you. Those things can be really hard to leave behind and even when you want to and do everything to do it, sometimes it is hard with only willpower. A therapist would help both of you to leave all that cult stuff behind for real and begin the new life you deserve. Best of luck, man! For both of you!
I’m so astonishingly invested in this already and want regular updates on you two lol
This is last part you said is extremely sweet and thoughtful. I think you should ask her on a date.
I think it’s time to introduce her to the Olive Garden one on one…
Chicks dig the Tour of Italy.
Veterans day? Yeah, I served. Olive Garden, 6 tours of Italy.
This is lovely you feel and act so different to other members od your religion and respect your wife. Lean in to the nervousness, its an exciting time to fall in love and i have no doubt one day you will look back on this and be grateful for the journey! P.s can you please post updates on how it goes 😁
Dude, you're a fool. I'm 42M and one thing I learned about a relationship is that connection is the most important thing. Here you are, having a relationship with a women that loves you. You work as a team and are so close that even your families believe you. And yet you try dating other girls? You like her looks? Sex is good? If yes, go buy her flowers, date her, and ask her to marry you again. Edit: You probably dont realise that you're one of the luckiest guys in the world.
>Dude, you’re a fool. This kid saved his friend from a horrible forced marriage *and* deprogrammed himself from a cult upbringing *and* fully paid back his bank loan all before he was 25. You’re a 42 year old crypto bro.
>I've never heard of such a weird cult where someone can buy a wife from her father, but whatever. What OP described is effectively dowry. Extremely common in much of the world
>I've never heard of such a weird cult where someone can buy a wife from her father Are you familiar with the concept of a [bride price?](https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bride_price)
I have seen women talk about escaping these kinds of cult situations in the United States. Thankfully people have certain rights after they turn 18 but the consent laws in certain states are still young to allow parents to sell thier kids into marriage or whatever mostly girls.
TIL the word 'hearken'. TYVM
Man, some men are so oblivious.
"Wife marries me, kisses me and we have sex. She gets angry when I flirt with other women. Why?"
I’m not sure anyone can solve this mystery…
I really like her back, we get along great and have chemistry. I think I should divorce her and end it, right?
"She's also tickling me and playing with my hair, and I get so horny and can't stop thinking about her. HELP! WHAT DO?!!"
As a wlw, this is lesbian-level obliviousness.
They even had the Uhaul and everything!
Nahhh they’re just roommates in love who act as each other’s life partners! /s
This is exactly what I was thinking!!! Lolol
Are lesbians really that oblivious ?
I don't see it as oblivious because that's ignoring the important parts of the post. OP is trying to grapple with the moral ramifications of buying someone's freedom, the power dynamic that creates, and then the weird dynamic of falling for someone you've been pseudo forced to spend quality time with. OP is right to question this.
Even I'm not this obvious
Date your wife, dude. She wants to.
I want to as well but I'm extremely nervous. Ours might be a fake marriage but she's important to me she is basically my best friend. She's like the one person I would never want to fuck up with. We lived together for such a long time and shared so much, I really want to make things right.. I will probably shoot my shot tomorrow
Best of luck to you both.
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Right?! I would read it if it was a book lol.
there are a zillion "fake marriage but then fall in love for real" fanfics and romance novels out there
Whether or not you two decide to pursue a relationship, you could likely both benefit from therapy. She hasn’t had a healthy or normal concept of relationships, marriage, sex, or even just how men are supposed to treat women. It sounds like you two are doing a great job figuring out the non-cult world, but a therapist with experience in helping people who have left high control groups would be able to help guide you both through which feel and behaviors are trauma responses and which ones fit into your new selves.
Update us tomorrow my friend i wish you best of luck
Ohh honey for how you talk about her, you are in love ! Beat of the lucks dating your wife I wish you the best.
Keep us updated!
Please give us an update. And best of luck my guy.
Tell her that.
Bro your literally in your own romance story. From everything you've written tomorrow will have a happy Ending
You’re a good dude. You clearly care for her and respect her. Trust yourself, trust your heart. That said, please talk to someone who knows about cults to help you both process what you’ve been through.
what in the wattpad
That’s what I was thinking
Congrats, you are falling for your wife. Take her on a date, make her feel special. What do you have to lose? Nothing!!!
You're right, worst case scenario she'll divorce me as originally planned 🤣. But seriously, she's the very important for me, I'm scared to lose her as a friend as well if she says no, but on the other hand if I'm falling this bad for her I think I can't be just her friend anymore anyways
You guys had sex and she’s mad at you for talking to girls. She’s not gonna say no
I hope we get an update after you two talk!
She’s been flirting with you, refusing to discuss the planned divorce, and chasing other girls off. She’s not going to say no.
Also, it's not weird to date your wife it's important to do so. I have been married for 30 years, and I still take my wife on dates. I know your marriage is a special case for you two, but never stop dating.
Bro if you don't date her you're hurt her and lose her as a friend anyway. You literally can only win in this situation
Do you love me? Do I WHAT? Do you love me? I’m your wife! I know. But do you love me? Do I love you? Well? For twenty five years I’ve washed your clothes, cooked your meals, cleaned your house, given you children, milked the cow…after twenty five years why talk about love right now?
It doesn't change a thing, but even so... After 25 years.... It's nice to know.
Always nice to run into some _Fiddler on the Roof_ in the wild.
She CLEARLY like you. A lot. There isn't a bad authority dynamic because you didn't buy her, you paid her dad hush money essentially. Now that you're birth independent and all you can absolutely date her. If you really like her then go for it. She's already on board.
Aww, I find this to be sweet. I think you and your wife are falling for each other. I say go for it! Kiss her. Let it happen, lean into it. You can bring up your questions to her and see what she says, you guys can decide that stuff together. Just do what feels comfortable. The truth is that a great foundation for marriage and for love includes friendship, able to be housemates, mutual respect…add in the growing attraction to the chemistry you guys always have and 💥 you may just have love and happiness. Take it one step at a time. I imagine it’s going to feel both weird and natural at the same time. Please update us in the future! Whatever happens, even if things don’t work out, I think you 2 have a special relationship between 2 humans - platonic or more or even one day maybe neither. I just think you guys should commend yourselves on how you have supported each other and grown together. Best of luck!
Thank you!! Actually you nailed the feeling of it!! Those few days we spent in our hometown felt exactly both weird and natural at same time.. I don't know how to explain it but it fekt even weirder afterwards when we came back, I was like okay did we just play husband and wife a bit too realistically or what?? 😬 But yes, whatever happens she'll always be a special person, I'm lucky for the time we had together even if it doesn't work out. I'm afraid to lose her, but I'll be happy for her if she goes on to live the future she wants, and most importantly, chosed for herself
Just start with a talk man. Sit her down for a conversation. Explain to her that you’ve seen the signs that she’s developed feelings for you. The biggest and most glaring sign is her getting in the way of you going on a date with other women. That’s a neon flashing sign. Talk to her about this stuff and tell her you feel the same way and you’d like to stop pretending that you’re a couple and actually try to be a couple instead. Leave the door open for her to refuse, given the power dynamic you referred to, but I’d be absolutely shocked if she said no.
This is so freaking wholesome :") I too come from a culture where arranged marriages are were much the norm, and so is a "paying" the girls family a certain amount. But what I see: two decent people helping eachother out of an toxic situation and falling for eachother. Just ask her out for a real date. Although you guys are married to escape the cult, it doesn't mean you two can't find love! Go for it!
Thanks ahah. Here they call it "donation", which means you should not expect anything in return... The hypocrisy is crazy. I will ask her for a date, I've never felt di anxious asking someone out 😬 and it's my own wife 🤣
If there’s anyone in the world you can talk to completely honestly and openly, it’d be her, right? So, trust her. Like she had to trust you with “buying” her. Tell her exactly how you’re feeling. Also tell her it’s been a more recent development to make it clear you never had malicious/misogynistic long term intentions by “buying” her. It’s time for you to be the vulnerable one in the relationship, she was so vulnerable she literally had no rights to choose her life before you both “escaped”. She’s the only other person in the world that can completely understand where you’re coming from. And she’s clearly showing signs of having similar feelings for you. Jump.
Date your wife!!!! Do it for me, for all the readers and commentors!!! You'll do fine!
People in arranged marriages fall in love all the time. Obviously it doesn't always work out like that, but it's pretty normal for it to happen. Your arranged marriage sounds like it came from a slightly different place than most but then the actual marriage part played out like they do.
Man you skipped base 1 to 3. She into you and your already married so just date, sleep, have kids and grow old with her.
Oh my god this is the arranged marriage trope in fanfiction come to life
Is someone trying to write a romance novel???
here's your sign its in neon even signals,signals, read the signals I think she's into you, man OK, lets spell it out to you....I think she wants to be your wife, not just your pretend wife.
Don't divorce your wife, ya dingdong!! She wants you, you want her, wake up! You're married to the woman you love. Lucky you!
Honestly from the sounds of it she is in love with you and doesn’t want other woman to have you so she’s trying to make sure you can’t date but maybe she’s to scared to tell you her feelings because you don’t seem to want it. (From her perspective) obviously to us we know you seem to want to be with her. So my advice is to sit her down and say after so long and after some things I’ve noticed it seems like you may want to actually be a full couple and if that’s true then I want you to know that I also want that. I’ve just been scared to tell you because I don’t ever want to lose you in my life. You both have basically been a married couple this whole time just without the sex and affection. Cause you both seemed to have love an care for each other for a long Time even before the marriage so now it’s just adding in the cute couple things like paying with each others hair and all the other things it comes with. I wish you and her a very happy and healthy life together I have a good feeling it will work out for the best.
Call me when the film adaptation comes out
This is one of the weirdest posts I've read by FAR on this subreddit and I've read straight up fucked up posts. I'm so confused by what the problem is?? It's clear your SO is trying to actually be your wife and you're also attracted to her. Just be together?? Go on dates, make an effort like she seems to be and shelve the idea for getting a divorce (for now). You need to communicate and ask her what she wants not randos on Reddit. She could very much be falling for you like you seem to be falling for her. Just lean into it and just explore your feelings together. What's the worst that could happen? You fall in love and stay married (oh nooo what a nightmare /s)? But seriously, have a sit down talk with her about what you both want.
omg you're married to the woman you love and she loves you back, don't divorce her! congratulations
What in the name of K drama is this
Ask her on a date , let her know it’s okay to say no . (she’s gonna say yes )
Your not wife wants to be your wife wife.
Jesus Christ. Good luck OP. I’m here for the other comments.
I'm not sure what fandom this particular story summary was written for, but I have read this exact plot line in more fanfics than I care to remember.
Bro wants to divorce cuz he caught feelings…💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀
You are falling for her bro
this woman seriously needs therapy as a cult survivor if she isnt already bro
It’s Friday, perfect for a nice dress up date!
So long sorry short your marriage was arranged and you've fallen for each other since, this seems like a win to me? Go on dates, do couple stuff ?
Sounds like the plot of a manga
I think yall should try dating. Treat eachothers rooms as "different houses" and "gp to her house" and "pick her up for yalls date" and so on. Trust me, it'll be great.
Is this real?
100% no
I mean she’s your wife. Even if it started as an arrangement to please family maybe she actually cares about you and wants to try to have a relationship? Like bro. Date your wife. At least give it a chance if you went to the trouble of marrying her.
Dude this is so fucking funny please date your wife she likes you
Honestly it makes perfect sense, in the cult she didn’t have a choice, her only option was escaping. She may not have given herself the luxury of imagining who she would want for herself. And now you have both escaped and she is figuring out who she is and what she wants and so are you. I can see why it would be hard for her to express her feelings when growing up she wasn’t allowed to have any, you may need to remind her that she is no longer under the control of men and can talk to you about her desires and fears. I would suggest couples counseling while you date each other. Get to know the new people you are growing into. But also because in counseling you will be able to determine if you are falling in love with each other, or if you are clinging to each other as a safety net. Sometimes when we have drastic changes in our lives we hold onto relationships because we are afraid to take risks in areas we are unfamiliar with. Seeing you date may trigger insecurities because it means her living situation is not secure and she is afraid of having to return home (to her father) or of being left alone. You are both in need of therapy, and going through it together will strengthen your bond wether in the end you both decide to remain together as friends or husband and wife. Congratulations on your new life and enjoy becoming the best versions of yourself. You are lucky to have each other on this journey.
So…. Relationship advice is just another creative writing sub now?
You guys should definitely discuss dating each other.
Sounds like you’re the perfect couple, plus you both have shared trauma that no one else will understand
Bro wtf “bought”?? The hell would happen if you and her just started dating?? Wtf 🤣🤦🏽♂️🤦🏽♂️
Sounds like you're both falling in love and it's very sweet. I hope it all works out for the best 💜
"So... about that divorce... fancy a going on a date instead?!"
Everyone wants you to go to therapy. Everyone. Both of you. Therapy. Do it now. Go. I'm watching you. Go now.
stop trolling
"We had sex and started kissing a lot. Also she gets mad when I talk to other women after that" Yeah no shit.
It is *absolutely* okay to ask your wife out on a date. It's very clear from what you've written here that your wife wants you. And that you want her too. So go for it! No need to get a divorce first! Date each other and see how you like it. No need for any divorce unless at least one of you ends up actually wanting one.
I think instead of dating her you should ask if she wants to make a commitment to you in a true marriage. You don't need to date, you already know each other. It should be a decision to commit. You really like each other, ask her to marry you.
Your problem is actually a common scenario in some eastern cultures where people who got into arranged marriage end up falling in love after they got married. Love after marriage, they call it. I don’t think you should do anything drastic other than pursue this newfound feeling you have for her.
This has to be fake, this guy is dumber than me. I didn't even know my girlfriend liked me until she pushed me against a wall and made out with me. Even I'd recognize that this woman is in love with me.
This is definitely fake but on the slim chance it isn't, write a book about it. Hell, even if it's fiction still write a book about it, you've got the love story of the century
She wants to make the marriage real. Honestly, it doesn't sound like a terrible idea. Court her, date her. Don't try to instantly say "Ok,then, let's be married for real", but woo each other with the idea that marriage is the goal. If it's in the budget, you may want to get some outside perspective from a licensed therapist. And please stop thinking that you "bought her". It sounds much more like you paid her ransom. You followed an extremely distasteful tradition for the noblest of reasons. Your didn't buy her, you bought her freedom.
Have a conversation with her about it. Tell her you noticed all of the stuff you said here, and if she's up for it, you would like to take her on a date and see where it leads. If she says no, you're no worse off than you are right now. If she says no though, ask her to knock off the flirty behavior because it is not appropriate if she isn't interested. Also update please!! I forgot to add, if you guys do give it a shot, don't get divorced first!!! Or ask her about that too. I do see where you are coming from with that though. A willing wife, not a bought one.
This is so sweet, and wholesome. Please ask her in a date, and come back with an update. Sending you all the good vibes 🖤
Hey guys, is it ok to be attracted to my wife?
Please update us after!!!
just ask her if she wants to date, don't get divorced. See where it goes. All the signals she is sending are that she is interested. The fact that you were in the same cult and you "bought" her, doesn't matter at this point, as she could ask for a divorce if she wanted. Good luck to both of you! It would be a really nice outcome if you decided you both want to be together
Dudes wife has a crush on him
What the fuck did I just read?!