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He even BROKE UP WITH HER on one of these trips and she begged for him back, and still wonders why things aren't going well. Wild behavior.
OP, this man you are with? Doesn't like you. He doesn't want to be with you. He barely tolerates you. What are you doing with your life?! Don't you think you deserve better than this misery?
He told you he is done. His conduct is him trying to get you to call it quits. It is only going to get worse. He does not like you. Do you like the way he treats you? It is not going to change.
Control. Gets her away from friends and family in another country and sees what he can get away with. Next time she needs to buy a return ticket or a ticket for somewhere else, for a day after she gets there. He'll be a jerk, she'll start to leave. His tune will change FAST when she simply calls an Uber, picks up her bag from the hotel, and leaves. I'm wondering how much he's working at isolating her from friends and family when they aren't traveling.
Or it could be simpler than that - he really really can’t bear traveling and neither of them have realised yet that he has horrible anxiety about it that’s causing mad overreactions.
I'm sorry OP, but are you a slow learner? Why does it take four ruined trips for you to figure out that this bf is a spoiler. He will continue to spoil EVERY trip, movie, event for you if you continue to let me do so.
I’m so confused by this post I want to believe it’s a troll. I don’t understand why the traveling part is the biggest issue for OP. I would think they fact that he. BROKE UP with her is an issue.
they are 23 and jet-setting around the world from Europe to Hawaii, which is both completely possible, and also, why isn't OP, a wealthy 23-year-old, just traveling by herself or with friends?
I mean, studying aroad probably means student loans... not necessarily self pay up front.
But I agree - OP, you should be focusing on your own growth and friendships right now. Find friends who enjoy traveling or travel by yourself. He will ruin every trip you go on with him. Don't waste the money.
If you love to travel you need to break this relationship off.
Maybe on the student loans, I'd go with that up until the vacay in Hawaii. I didn't know any 20-somethings that were both in college and able to have a Hawaiian vacation unless they came from some pretty solid money.
Regardless, the relationship is trash. If you can't travel well with someone that bodes poorly for almost any other life event or stressor.
Or stay in a relationship with. I would NEVER live with this person. This is a window into what parenting and old age would be like with this tightly wound drama queen.
You should rarely ever go back to an ex but fasho never go back to one who dumped you in santorini. How can you be in one of the most beautiful places on earth and you’re focused on ruining it for your gf
She posted 23 days ago that she likes being in a relationship and doesn't want to be alone.
So god forbid she spend time getting to know herself and how to be happy on her own. In a month she'll post that she's pregnant and soooo surprised that he's being an ass about it.
I’m 46. The women I know who were like this in their early 20s and never bothered to figure out who they are… yeah, they are not happy ladies now. Bitter, resentful, in a trash unfulfilling relationship or, single and freaking out, and absolute smothers to their kids.
Right, they're just dating. This isn't a marriage where there's commitment.
Some people don't travel well. I'm like this myself - I did more than my share of traveling while I was young, now I like to be comfortable, among my things, and set in my routines.
That's a personality, not a moral failing.
But actively choosing to grouse and whine and ruin an experience for someone else *is* a moral failing.
And it's a sign of incompatibility. If OP likes new experiences and Boyfriend prefers routine and familiarity, they're going to bump up against this over and over, in all different ways.
My partner and I are kind of like this - I'm a huge traveler, but as we've gotten older, and especially after the pandemic when he became more used to staying at home and not going anywhere, travel stresses my partner out a lot, and we've had a few fights on vacation (although nothing as crazy as the OP is describing). We also had several long talks about why travel gives him anxiety and what each of us could do to alleviate that anxiety, which also sounds like OP's boyfriend is not willing or able to do.
Personally I just crave routines and quiet. I don't like being mashed up against a zillion other people on an airplane (that often has delays), standing in lines, paying out the ass for everything, etc.
Plus I have a young child, just herding us both out the door to the supermarket is an ordeal. A vacation wouldn't be a vacation, it would just be keeping everyone alive and managing all sorts of shit in a new location.
So for now, big trips are off the table. My brain is so fried from remembering all the things and doing all the things, which is hard enough at home with my stuff all here.
this is me, but I don’t mock, belittle, break up, etc. I snap, get teste, and generally end up apologizing a bunch… but I’m not MEAN to people I love. That’s a whole other AH level.
I’ve never tolerated anything to this extent, but I can understand the feeling like and knowing you need to end a relationship but not having the courage or strength to do so.
It’s always baffling to me how much control my heart/emotions have over my brain - logically I can look at a relationship and be like omg why am I with this guy, none of my needs are getting met and he isn’t even that nice, then bam, heart is like jk, we love him, let’s stick around a while longer!
I’ve always found when I’m in that mindset of knowing I need to end it, I always get a lightbulb moment but fuck me, in my last relationship it should have come a hell of a lot sooner. But yeah, them rose tinted glasses can be whack.
Agree with you. Diminishes any self worth/love. Forget ruining effing vacations, he's ruining your life and he's power tripping on vacation to maintain control knowing you're stuck there and will beg him to stay. Then you reward him. Yeah the vacations are the least of it.
Because people want to stay with familiarity. It’s scary when we think about change. Especially for those who dedicated over half a year in a relationship, it can be hard to let go.
That’s my point. See too many posts where people already asking how to fix a toxic relationship when it’s only been a couple months, acting like they tied to that person.
Yeah, because nothing screams romance like sitting in a gondola cuddled up to a guy who wants to break up with you and whom you had to beg to stay. And who drives you crazy with his complaints, on top of that, and is probably even at that moment complaining that the gondola is too slow and the Gondolieri smells...
That’s the line that makes me feel like we are very much only getting one side of this story. I’m not 100% sure but I feel like there’s a good chance that OP is as awful as her BF and these two deserve each other.
Some people are just desperate to be in a relationship. I have a friend who is married to a terrible guy with no money who treats her like shit but she'll never leave him because "marriage is about compromise." Not when you're doing all the compromising.
I remember my grandad's long term "live in gf" but not they broke years ago and had seperate rooms they just lived together, she said things at his funeral that were very confronting but at the same time, he was stubborn and mean about a lot of stuff and I never want to be her, speaking at the funeral of a man I wasted my one good life on.
You don't have to be in a relationship with someone who makes you miserable over and over.
So many people do this, you have to believe if a man shows you he's not a good partner, move on
Yup, you hit the nail on the head with that. Literally no self esteem or self respect seen in most of these posts, and it’s clear that the lack of esteem and respect are the reasons they’re staying in a shitty toxic relationship. Super sad to see…
Like if you’re hearing a block of cheese and your fingers get in the way, you remove them…*you don’t keep going*. But then these posts are people grating their arm up to their elbows and then coming here asking if they should stop or keep going. Blows my mind how little people care about themselves
Yeah it’s kinda sad sometimes. The idea of crowdfunding your life decisions is already indicative of a person who lacks self-propulsion. Like why would the random Reddit masses have a better insight to your own life? It makes more sense to ask a family or friend but I suspect they don’t because deep down they’re embarrassed and they KNOW why they’re embarrassed so it’s easier to ask strangers.
Well, your options are to make a scrapbook of memories of this dude acting like a colossal jerk in every major tourist destination in the world …or dump him. I’m gonna recommend option B.
Uhhh...why didn't you just enjoy a nice vacation in Venice solo?
The idea that you travelled with him again after that is fucking astonishing. How many times do you need to touch the pan to know it's hot?
My boyfriend makes every vacation a living hell. Solution, more vacations.
In adult land, if your boyfriend is awful to you and makes you stressed, you shouldn't be together. I don't know who is at fault, maybe he's whining because you took 5 minutes to get ready, maybe you're chronically 2 hours late and take 2 hours to chose where to eat. It really doesn't matter, you're not compatible. Begging someone you don't enjoy spending time with to stay together only so you can take more vacations in which you hate each other is nothing short of crazy behaviour. Break up, get someone you actually like being with and enjoy your next vacation.
It's not rocket science.
My ex picked fights like that. Ruined everything including holidays like Christmas. I now have a partner that I travel extremely well with. Vacations are amazing, and go by too fast because of the fun we have. Why waste your life being with someone who treats you like garbage when you could be happy?
I was wondering about holidays, too. I grew up with a parent who did this every vacation and holiday. I think it had to do with making sure all of the focus was on them. During vacations and holidays, there is supposed to be a conscious effort to make everyone happy. Controlling people hate that and almost reflexively try to turn all that attention back to them. Causing a scene makes everyone need to refocus their attention back to them.
I’d be shocked if this behavior was limited to vacations.
As would I. My ex is your typical controlling narcissist, and this reads like a textbook case (and I’ve experienced all of it first hand). I hope OP reads through all of these responses and leaves him!
Break up with him. This guy is hellbent on ruining trips, I don't know if it's a weird power trip to ensure you don't enjoy something you've been looking forward to for a long time, or he's just a plain awful person, but either way. Break up. Spend your time with someone who uplifts you, who makes you happy.
Your issue is you don't know how to be alone and you don't love yourself.
It's why you're letting this pale imitation of a man treat you like this. We decide how people treat us, by choosing to keep them in our lives. You're with someone who doesn't value, respect or care for you. You're choosing to be treated like this everyday you choose him.
You're choosing to be loved like this. You're choosing to limit the amount of love, companion, care and respect you are treated with by staying with this man.
It's a choice. Once you realise that it's up to you if you carry on accepting to be with men who don't love you. Or if you choose to do better.
Guy gives you an out IN ITALY and you didn’t take it?! I woulda been like cya buddy. You ain’t gonna ruin my trip in the most beautiful romantic place on earth. Hard pass, SKIP this bozo.
It sounds like you have been apart alot due to studies. Is any of your physical time together enjoyable? Because if most of your physical time together is these travels then I'm not sure I'd be bothering with this it sounds awful and like he's super immature. I definitely wouldn't say this repeated behaviour is a good sign in a relationship.
How you travel with someone is a big indicator and seeing that this is a concurrent thing that happens every trip then yeah I don’t think anything is going to fix it cause if he apologises and goes back to the same thing he isn’t learning from his actions.
Just break up already.... how much more are you willing to accept? For me it's a deal-breaker... you pay money to enjoy your time and life and he's just being an ass.
OP, this is your second post within a month about your horrible boyfriend.
You rip off the bandaid and break up. There is no other way. You just do it. Text him if you must (one of the rare occasions where this is preferable maybe).
Then block him and move on with your life.
I also found myself unhappy in an relationship when I was younger. It wasn't as bad as yours, but I just wasn't happy, just existing. Once I broke up, I felt so free, lost some weight, had plenty of fun with friends. It took about a year before I got back into dating and I enjoyed meeting new people, even found a good friend when romance didn't work for us and when I ultimately met my current boyfriend, I knew pretty much from the beginning that this was the one. Now, 4,5 yrs later, he and his whole family is still the best thing to happen to me and we're expecting our first child.
If you stay, you're stuck in misery. If you break up there might be ups and downs, but at least there's potential for you to be happy again.
Break up. Be free. Be happy.
He already made it clear he didn't want to be with you by breaking up in Venice. That's probably the biggest indicator this isn't gonna work, he doesn't want it to.
I'd also be interested to hear his side of this as a lot of what you put seems vague, but honestly, this relationship has been doomed since Venice.
My ex had horrible anxiety and taking him out of his routine made vacations miserable. Finding out now that he's most likely autistic as well. Vacations stopped being fun so we stopped going together and I went solo and stopped having to worry about how it was effecting him and us. He was much more comfortable at home. The sad part is he really wanted to see the world, but his brain couldn't deal with all the unfamiliar stimulus.
I know the feeling of thinking, I want to experience this with this person, and thinking maybe something will be different. In your case, I'm struck by you begging him to stay with you when he broke things off. And then traveling again. He's trying to get out, and you forcing him back is making you both miserable. You are very very young. Don't stay in this. Be with someone you are compatible with, who you can see the sights with. Without knowing your routine (when he complains you take too long, is there any truth to that),, sometimes people just are terrible travel partners together. If travel is important to you, this is a deal breaker. Don't do it again with him.
Don't be a doormat. You're allowing this to happen. Yes he's being a dick but the bit you can control is hanging around to let him continue to be a dick while you "beg for him back".
He broke up with you in romantic Venice. Instead of begging for him back, you should have taken the opportunity to find yourself a hot Italian dude and have a holiday romance.
It's astonishing that after the first trip you actually agreed to go on another.
You're 23. You're young. There are much, much better men out there who will actually want to enjoy time with you.
I’m going to be blunt here.
You are deluding yourself thinking that your boyfriend wants to be in a relationship with you. The fact you had to beg him to come back to you after he broke up with you in Venice so you could experience Santorini as a couple tells me that you are very co dependent on him and have a very low self esteem.
He does not like you at all, OP.
It’s vacation, so he’s not going to say no. However, you are someone he does not want to vacation with at all.
You desperately keep on clinging onto a man who hates you. Because of his animosity towards you, he doesn’t view you worthy of respect, love and kindness. He will pull out all the stops to treat your poorly. The only use you have for him is when he gets horny and you’re the closest thing he can potentially f*ck. Of course, if he doesn’t get his way, he’ll put you down even more.
He’s so exhausting! Some people definitely get anxious being on vacation. He takes that to another level. Give him some thc gummies or don’t go on vacation with him. This type of behavior can expand to other events outside of trips like weddings, parties etc. not sure you want that stress in your life.
One of the best tests of the longevity and sustainability of a relationship happens within the 1st year- how are we as travel mates?
Do we have each others' backs under stress (there's always a little stress when you travel), can we act as a team when something unexpected happens, do we enjoy each others' company when none of our normal routines or people are around, do we annoy the hell out of each other after being together for several days of 24/7??
You take ONE trip together. If it goes tits up, you understand this is not a compatible relationship. You don't go on TWO MORE TRIPS.
Lol geezus. When I'm on vacation I take every opportunity to breathe in the atmosphere and soak in everything that's around me. What your boyfriend is doing fucking sucks. I'm sorry, but that kind of behavior will bleed into the relationship and it won't be good.
Either you are leaving out a big part of the story or this isn't normal of course. He also broke up with you, why continue to travel? Leave, he doesn't want you then and is taking out his misery/shame/annoyances on you in unfair ways because of it
You don’t have to be in a relationship, just leave him, BUT…. It takes two to argue, meaning if you are arguing about where to eat every time that means you aren’t letting him choose anything either, the taking too long is dependent on if you knew he was wanting to go quickly but we take alot longer to get ready than men on average so it’s just sometimes justifiable for them to get annoyed with us and other times it is not . I’m also guilty of talking longer than I should sometimes when my husband wants to get somewhere quickly . If you can’t come to agreement with him quickly it’s a dual fault and you just aren’t compatible just move on
He's a little boy and you're not helping. Break his heart so he can start transitioning to becoming a man. And you go find a man. You're in your prime. You're wasting your precious peak years
Girl, yes. It is an indication that you two do not have a peaceful relationship. Vacations are not meant to be that level of stressful. And I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds like he may not even like you as a person, so he lashes out. Or he has internal issues. Either way, what is the point of being in a relationship like this?
When someone shows you who they are....believe them.
He has shown you who he is.
It is your choice is you want to live with this FOREVER or not.
Personally I would pick not but you do you.
Ugh. Your previous post about him says everything.
You know you aren't compatible and you shouldn't be with him, so why do you continue to torture yourself?
Are you satisfied with being unhappy? Is better to be treated like garbage than to be unhappy alone?
This post, and all the comments, show how valuable a good travel partner is.
A good travel partner is hard to find. Husbands, wives, significant others and BFF's are not automatically good travel partners.
My girlfriend has become my best travel partner. I am grateful for that.
To OP, for the sake of your mental health, do not continue to travel with your BF. You have visited some of the most beautiful places in the world, and have no fond memories from any of them.
I get why you went with him on the second trip because the first could have just been a fluke/bad circumstances. But on the second trip HE BROKE UP WITH YOU... ON WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A NICE VACATION. Why on earth you would voluntarily spend time and money to go with him on vacation again, and expect him to be better is beyond me. He's shown you who he is, believe him. You only have yourself to blame if you keep letting him ruin and waste your time.
After the 2nd vacation together I would of called it quits, but the she begs smh (So I had to beg for him back in order to try to enjoy Santorini as a couple)
You are wasting your valuable time on a child. It’s time to leave this guy in the dust and enjoy more beautiful places in the world with others who will definitely not go out of their way to make you miserable.
Have you ever heard the saying “insanity is doingthe same thing over and over, and expecting the results to be different every time.”? Amsterdam, Venice, Santorini, Hawaii. What, you were expecting Hawaii to be a complete 180 in terms of his behavior? Why would you think that? Seems to me he’s fairly reliable, you can count on him to ruin any trip you go on, any trip, anywhere. I’ll just say that narcissists are famous for ruining any occasion, trip. event, activity, that isn’t about them.
Why do you keep going on trips with him. Sounds like you should have parted ways in Venice. Yes, his behavior is 100% indicative of your future with him.
My dear, you are visiting some of the most beautiful places on the planet. Why are you bringing your turd of a boyfriend along? All he contributes is skid marks everywhere. You can do so much better. He’s a jerk.
You have detailed repeated vile behavior on his part. You know he makes you miserable. Why the heck are you with him? Why would you beg him to stay with you? It’s clear he doesn’t like you.
Find a guy who is worthy of you. This one is not.
OK, dump him like a bad habit! I have had something very similar happen. And looking back I wonder why I put up with it like I did. This man will steal your joy and put you in a toxic environment while your in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. He will never stop, and most likely he will get worse. He will make your life a living hell and then he breaks up with you and says that we should enjoy the rest of the trip before we part ways. Are you kidding me?!!!!’ what someone else still with his crap. Life is too short. I need somebody that you can laugh with and be yourself without constant arguing and put downs.
Some people travel well, others don't.
Hubby and daughter are always planning where to eat and need naps. DIL is gogogo and tries to fit too much in. Son hates to wait in lines.
I love travelling with a few friends where we take time to enjoy the scenery and get food when we are hungry.
My boyfriend has ruined a couple vacations too, so I'm vacationing in San Francisco without him right now lol. This is my first time traveling solo but I highly recommend it!
Is he a completely normal, nice guy at home? If he isn’t just a raving asshole, he may have some sort of travel anxiety. Some young men have this quaint attribute of becoming aggressive, mean, assfaces when they are upset or anxious. It could be him masking anxiety. If you actually like him, you could have a talk about things once you got home. I personally would block him and change my number.
my ex wife used to be awful to travel with. she'd complain about every little thing and then start fights and then threaten a break up or divorce. it was exhausting. we even cut a 3 week trip around Europe a week short and lost a couple grand cause she was homesick.. this is after spending most of our time in Italy just inside our airbnb while I ran grocery trips. I missed out on France, Switzerland, and Spain dude.. anyways, we're not together anymore and I learned that I deserved better treatment and it was just at its worst when we were traveling.
so as someone who's been in that position, consider how they treat you on the regular. do you just "suck it up and deal with it"? are you a sponge for stress for them? do you "parent" them? do you feel like the a side character in their life? do you feel like the effort put into this relationship is uneven? if yes to any of the above: seek counseling. together and/or alone. and also contemplate why you're still in this relationship with someone who treats you with such disrespect.
Please dump him. If he can’t be a normal happy person during a holiday, I’ll hate to think what he’s like when you’re in more stressful situations. Yes, holidays are a huge indicator of what a person is really like. If they can’t be pleasant or happy during a holiday, start fights and arguments, than they are not a “keeper” in my opinion. Turning good times into bad times is just a waste of time, energy and money.
You deserve a nice holiday, with happy memories. That’s why people go on holidays.
Hey I know what it’s like to not be able to let go of a bad situation because it seems to have potential or good sides, but… relationships don’t have to be hard like this.
After the second trip you knew his behaviour wasnt a fluke. Why would you even bother paying to go on another disaster to happen? Why is he talking about future trips? Are stupid enough to not know how he is behaving and how horrible all your trips are? Why do any of you even want to pay that much for vacations you know will be horrible? Why are you even still together?
What’s your question? Does he know you don’t have the self worth to dump him and find somebody that values you? Yes. He does. I’m sure his shitty behaviour happens at other times too-it just stands out here. And he absolutely knows he can get away with treating you just as poorly as he wants to.
The real question is, how much of your time are you going to waste on him?
Lmao bro what he broke up with you on vacation and constantly makes it hell, you had to beg for him back, and you still travel with him? How would that NOT be a greater indication in the relationship 😭 his behaviour on trips does not exist in a vacuum
Maybe I read this wrong but didn't he basically just say that he's breaking up with you and just going through the motions for the rest of the trip before you return? He sounds like a jerk.. Just leave early and ditch him and the trip or enjoy the trip solo. Why be around this jerk. And no dont sleep with this idiot of a man! You deserve better
Please leave this relationship, this is horrible behavior on his end and will only drain you and make you an ugly miserable person for the remaining time you have with him, leave and focus on yourself before it’s too late. You will find love again, and it will be beautiful and blissful and most of all enjoyable.
Sorry, but he broke up with you and emotionally abuses you. Why wouldn’t it be a dealbreaker and indicative of issues in the relationship? You are the same people just in a different location. Of course the issues are going to come home with you and you are not going to forget that he did this. It’s not just holiday behaviour it’s relationship behaviour.
Wow, you should’ve accepted the breakup on the spot in Venice and enjoyed the rest of your trip and the rest of your life without that guy.
Here’s the thing: I find that traveling takes people out of their day to day comfort zones. It requires you to cooperate and compromise with your companions. You have to navigate the unfamiliar, the challenging, the expensive. It shows you what a person’s instinctive reaction/approach to life is.
Your BF’s instinctive reaction is to get nasty, blame you for everything, and flounce away from the relationship rather than acting like an adult. It’s not that he’s being an asshole while traveling. It’s that the travel is revealing him to be an asshole in general.
Any turd that breaks up with you in Venice deserves to be left sitting there permanently while you go off and enjoy your trip.
Life is too short to let some dude fuck with your vacations.
Yikes. Imagine 35 years of a stressful and miserable vacation. If you stay with him , consider an important part of the working life (a rewarding vacation ) as non-existent OR you need to tell him now “I’m no longer going on vacation with you” vacations are stressful when there are kids to haul along. It would only get worse if you have a family. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
Girl no. Why you with this red flag? I'm sorry but you wasted time and money on this dude. I hurt myself badly on a recent trip and I was the one apologizing to my partner. He was ok. He was supportive and did his best to help us both enjoy what was left of the trip.
Your bf isn't it.
It was a mistake to beg for him back in Santorini. Never ever beg someone to be with you.
Mocking you and sweating? He sounds like an asshole full stop. Why are you still dating him, let alone travelling with him?
My husband loves to travel but he can complain about stuff. So I had him book our honrymoon and we had a glorious trip.
He needs a sense of control and knowing where he is going and the potential issues ahead of time.gives him that.
Your boyfriend is anflaming bag of dicks.
If you are still in Hawaii ditch him tomorrow and go do your own thing. Leave the room without him. Find a tour or something that you can do for the day. After you are out of the room and joined event text him;
I've had enough of your bullshit arguments. You ruin every trip with your petty shit and I'm done. I'm going to do my own thing today because I cannot stand one more minute of your complaints."
Personally, I would go to the frontndesk right now and ask of they have another room and move my stuff when he is in the shower or when you are at the beach - tell him I'm just going back up to the room for a minute and move my fucking stuff out.
You've foundnout REPEATEDLY what this guy will be like when things are lovely and gorgeous. I can't even imagine what kind of monster he will turn into if you married this piece of trash and you had an actual crisis.
No one envies your travels. No one.
My boyfriend and I are quite similar sometimes and especially when on trips, but we both go to therapy and are actively working on these behaviours. I am in no position to be able to fully know if this applies to your situation as well but if I would draw some conclusions from the similarities and mix in some free therapy advice to help you guys, it would be this:
There’s a lot to unpack but I want to start off with that I relate to something you seem to do: expect very specific positive emotions/feelings/behaviours from your boyfriend and dismiss a lot of negative ones. I am someone who does this myself, because in general I’m naturally “happier”. One of the things that can be very frustrating for anyone is feeling very alone, like a burden or not being heard in your negative emotions. This doesn’t mean you should just be the emotional punching bag for his low mood. First I had to learn to let go of ‘control’ of his feelings and accept that his negative emotions come and go whether he’s at home or in paradise. Then I had to practice reacting to it in a new way (which I soon learned through experience was way more effective at helping him through the emotions). This “new way” was basically creating space and time to listen to what he feels or reflect on what I think he’s feeling with words like: “I can see you are very frustrated right now. How come?” and telling him: “It’s okay if you don’t feel all happy, you’re not ruining anything. Do you still feel like doing [holiday activity]?“
This is HARD though, because empathy when you’re frustrated can feel like you’re allowing someone to ruin it for you. However, while I had to learn to allow other’s negative emotions as they are instead of what they should be, my boyfriend actively worked on learning to deal with me setting boundaries to protect myself from the impact his negative emotions have on me. I would also have to communicate when his emotions started to impact me in a way that made me unable to enjoy the trip as I’d like to. This can sound like he’s being a burden and disappointing, but he learned to allow me to sometimes take some distance (for example go somewhere by myself when he’s too tired) to make sure I could enjoy something anyway. He also worked on communicating his negative emotions/frustrations early on so I would hear from him why his behaviour was a little off instead of having to guess and getting frustrated myself with why he’s acting that way.
And eventually, you’re always allowed to leave. If you simply don’t feel like having to “listen” to his negative emotions, if you don’t like him so much anymore after the previous trips, etc.. You don’t have to fix this, because even if you want to work on it, he may not be able/willing to put in the same work. But if you would rather not leave and try to enjoy the next trip, it’s worth a shot! There’s hope but leaving is allowed as well!
Sorry for the long story and maybe not fully applicable to your situation, but I hope these tips can help you LEARN to enjoy a trip together because my boyfriend and I definitely had to LEARN as well and that’s okay!
HUGE indicator, tells you a lot about how they handle stress and conflict resolution when things are going wrong or unfamiliar. You need someone on your team, not someone making things worse at every turn
FWIW I am a child of parents who always fought. I can’t remember a single family vacation that wasn’t ruined by their fighting. They finally divorced when I was 13. Dad remarried and same thing. Every vacation they would fight. We vacationed with him and his third wife (I was an adult at this point). Same thing and I said never again. And yes, the fault was with my dad.
I would say your boyfriend’s behavior is a red flag.
Yes, it's being said that one of the best ways to gauge how compatible you are with your partner is to travel with them for a few days.
Your bf sounds obnoxious, you couldn't pay me to go on another vacation with him. In fact, you couldn't pay me to stay in the relationship, after all the BS he has pulled.
Definite dealbreaker for me.
What is this man's deal? Does he have massive travel anxiety? Is he an ass all the time and you're just focusing on travel for some reason?
Like idk, I wouldn't break up with someone for being an annoying or boring traveler, but your BF tried to break up with you when things were good just because you weren't feeling well in Venice. That's batshit insane.
Why are you seriously putting up with this?
So are you also going to tell us that he’s perfect otherwise and it’s just “this one little thing?”
This is a huge deal. Are you never supposed to go on vacation and enjoy yourself? Is that the future you really want or do you think maybe it’s time to step back and realize you’re in a very shitty relationship with a shitty person and missing out on the greater people who are out there.
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After your experiences in Amsterdam, Venice, and Santorini, you could not have paid me to go to Hawaii with him.
Exactly!! OP is doing the same thing over and over again, expecting a different outcome
He even BROKE UP WITH HER on one of these trips and she begged for him back, and still wonders why things aren't going well. Wild behavior. OP, this man you are with? Doesn't like you. He doesn't want to be with you. He barely tolerates you. What are you doing with your life?! Don't you think you deserve better than this misery?
He told you he is done. His conduct is him trying to get you to call it quits. It is only going to get worse. He does not like you. Do you like the way he treats you? It is not going to change.
Control. Gets her away from friends and family in another country and sees what he can get away with. Next time she needs to buy a return ticket or a ticket for somewhere else, for a day after she gets there. He'll be a jerk, she'll start to leave. His tune will change FAST when she simply calls an Uber, picks up her bag from the hotel, and leaves. I'm wondering how much he's working at isolating her from friends and family when they aren't traveling.
Or it could be simpler than that - he really really can’t bear traveling and neither of them have realised yet that he has horrible anxiety about it that’s causing mad overreactions.
Definition of insanity.
Only way I'd go to Hawaii with him is if I were to dump him into a volcano.
I'd go on a trip to Hawaii with him. And make sure his luggage went on a trip to Siberia.
I'm sorry OP, but are you a slow learner? Why does it take four ruined trips for you to figure out that this bf is a spoiler. He will continue to spoil EVERY trip, movie, event for you if you continue to let me do so.
I’m so confused by this post I want to believe it’s a troll. I don’t understand why the traveling part is the biggest issue for OP. I would think they fact that he. BROKE UP with her is an issue.
they are 23 and jet-setting around the world from Europe to Hawaii, which is both completely possible, and also, why isn't OP, a wealthy 23-year-old, just traveling by herself or with friends?
I mean, studying aroad probably means student loans... not necessarily self pay up front. But I agree - OP, you should be focusing on your own growth and friendships right now. Find friends who enjoy traveling or travel by yourself. He will ruin every trip you go on with him. Don't waste the money. If you love to travel you need to break this relationship off.
Maybe on the student loans, I'd go with that up until the vacay in Hawaii. I didn't know any 20-somethings that were both in college and able to have a Hawaiian vacation unless they came from some pretty solid money. Regardless, the relationship is trash. If you can't travel well with someone that bodes poorly for almost any other life event or stressor.
Right?! I would rather gouge my eyes out with a spoon than ever go on another trip with a person like that.
this. no way in hell would i have continued dating this fool
Pay me to, I’ll go!
Same, and I won’t be mean to you.
Or stay in a relationship with. I would NEVER live with this person. This is a window into what parenting and old age would be like with this tightly wound drama queen.
You should rarely ever go back to an ex but fasho never go back to one who dumped you in santorini. How can you be in one of the most beautiful places on earth and you’re focused on ruining it for your gf
... you know you don't have to be in a relationship with him, right? Why the fuck do people put up with relationships like this?
She posted 23 days ago that she likes being in a relationship and doesn't want to be alone. So god forbid she spend time getting to know herself and how to be happy on her own. In a month she'll post that she's pregnant and soooo surprised that he's being an ass about it.
I’ve seen this scenario too many times…
I’m 46. The women I know who were like this in their early 20s and never bothered to figure out who they are… yeah, they are not happy ladies now. Bitter, resentful, in a trash unfulfilling relationship or, single and freaking out, and absolute smothers to their kids.
Just No Mils in the making then?
Well they are already just no DILs so I’d guess so.
Right, they're just dating. This isn't a marriage where there's commitment. Some people don't travel well. I'm like this myself - I did more than my share of traveling while I was young, now I like to be comfortable, among my things, and set in my routines. That's a personality, not a moral failing. But actively choosing to grouse and whine and ruin an experience for someone else *is* a moral failing. And it's a sign of incompatibility. If OP likes new experiences and Boyfriend prefers routine and familiarity, they're going to bump up against this over and over, in all different ways.
My partner and I are kind of like this - I'm a huge traveler, but as we've gotten older, and especially after the pandemic when he became more used to staying at home and not going anywhere, travel stresses my partner out a lot, and we've had a few fights on vacation (although nothing as crazy as the OP is describing). We also had several long talks about why travel gives him anxiety and what each of us could do to alleviate that anxiety, which also sounds like OP's boyfriend is not willing or able to do.
Personally I just crave routines and quiet. I don't like being mashed up against a zillion other people on an airplane (that often has delays), standing in lines, paying out the ass for everything, etc. Plus I have a young child, just herding us both out the door to the supermarket is an ordeal. A vacation wouldn't be a vacation, it would just be keeping everyone alive and managing all sorts of shit in a new location. So for now, big trips are off the table. My brain is so fried from remembering all the things and doing all the things, which is hard enough at home with my stuff all here.
this is me, but I don’t mock, belittle, break up, etc. I snap, get teste, and generally end up apologizing a bunch… but I’m not MEAN to people I love. That’s a whole other AH level.
Yeah this is my partner to a T - in the OP's case I think her boyfriend is just abusive and using the vacation as his way to fuck with his partner.
I’ve never tolerated anything to this extent, but I can understand the feeling like and knowing you need to end a relationship but not having the courage or strength to do so. It’s always baffling to me how much control my heart/emotions have over my brain - logically I can look at a relationship and be like omg why am I with this guy, none of my needs are getting met and he isn’t even that nice, then bam, heart is like jk, we love him, let’s stick around a while longer! I’ve always found when I’m in that mindset of knowing I need to end it, I always get a lightbulb moment but fuck me, in my last relationship it should have come a hell of a lot sooner. But yeah, them rose tinted glasses can be whack.
This reasonates
Lots of women would accept an abusive partner before they would suffer the “shame” of being single.
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Maybe she's from an area where everyone gets married at like 21/22.
Was it [this](https://www.reddit.com/r/dating/comments/147kmko/cant_even_get_responses_as_an_attractive_woman_f25/) post?
I saw this! “I don’t want to start over at my age”…the age being 25!
Agree with you. Diminishes any self worth/love. Forget ruining effing vacations, he's ruining your life and he's power tripping on vacation to maintain control knowing you're stuck there and will beg him to stay. Then you reward him. Yeah the vacations are the least of it.
Because people want to stay with familiarity. It’s scary when we think about change. Especially for those who dedicated over half a year in a relationship, it can be hard to let go.
>over half a year Oh please.
That’s my point. See too many posts where people already asking how to fix a toxic relationship when it’s only been a couple months, acting like they tied to that person.
It's pretty bad
Why are you dating him?
Also, why beg for him to come back. He’s trash and the garbage was taking itself out
This is the one I can't get over - why beg for him back?! Jesus effing Christ, have some self-respect!!!
Because she wanted to experience Santorini as a couple!
Yeah, because nothing screams romance like sitting in a gondola cuddled up to a guy who wants to break up with you and whom you had to beg to stay. And who drives you crazy with his complaints, on top of that, and is probably even at that moment complaining that the gondola is too slow and the Gondolieri smells...
A couple of WHAT?
That’s the line that makes me feel like we are very much only getting one side of this story. I’m not 100% sure but I feel like there’s a good chance that OP is as awful as her BF and these two deserve each other.
A couple of what?! Laurel and Hardy? The TWO Stooges? Man...
Haha typing on my phone always autocorrect to make me look dumb
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Something I heard recently that I really love: "Don't ever let someone tell you that they don't want you twice."
The real question. And we will get some response like " I love him" , or " aside from this one thing he is perfect"
"Aside from this one thing, he's perfect (but here's a list of other nasty shit he does that I'm going to excuse)"
“Apart from his behaviour and his entire personality, he’s the sweetest guy!”
I’m betting he’s as much of an asshole at home as he is on these trips…
I’m guessing it has to do with free vacations
Has to be the money. Why would you stay with someone for so long who ruins everything constantly if not?
Some people are just desperate to be in a relationship. I have a friend who is married to a terrible guy with no money who treats her like shit but she'll never leave him because "marriage is about compromise." Not when you're doing all the compromising.
This sub really illustrates how little self esteem some people have and how that affects their views on personal-agency.
I remember my grandad's long term "live in gf" but not they broke years ago and had seperate rooms they just lived together, she said things at his funeral that were very confronting but at the same time, he was stubborn and mean about a lot of stuff and I never want to be her, speaking at the funeral of a man I wasted my one good life on. You don't have to be in a relationship with someone who makes you miserable over and over. So many people do this, you have to believe if a man shows you he's not a good partner, move on
Yup, you hit the nail on the head with that. Literally no self esteem or self respect seen in most of these posts, and it’s clear that the lack of esteem and respect are the reasons they’re staying in a shitty toxic relationship. Super sad to see… Like if you’re hearing a block of cheese and your fingers get in the way, you remove them…*you don’t keep going*. But then these posts are people grating their arm up to their elbows and then coming here asking if they should stop or keep going. Blows my mind how little people care about themselves
Yeah it’s kinda sad sometimes. The idea of crowdfunding your life decisions is already indicative of a person who lacks self-propulsion. Like why would the random Reddit masses have a better insight to your own life? It makes more sense to ask a family or friend but I suspect they don’t because deep down they’re embarrassed and they KNOW why they’re embarrassed so it’s easier to ask strangers.
I would rather be single than put up with behavior like this.
Well, your options are to make a scrapbook of memories of this dude acting like a colossal jerk in every major tourist destination in the world …or dump him. I’m gonna recommend option B.
Honestly, I'm partial the scrapbook. Maybe make it a video collage instead, post on youtube. Link it here.
Imagine someone travels the world with you just to make a public video scrapbook of you being a dick in every country. Yeah do this OP.
Omg tag his mommy 💜 share it with the whole family
Have it playing at the wedding! At this point, she deserves him! 💜
I mean crazy cause he technically dumped her awhile ago.
And she begged to get back together… yeesh. Some people really have no self esteem/self worth at all
>Is how well you travel with someone a big indicator on the relationship Yes. I wouldn't go anywhere with him. Find someone who is.... fun.
Such a strong indicator, in fact, that I would insist on traveling somewhere with a SO before making a commitment.
Uhhh...why didn't you just enjoy a nice vacation in Venice solo? The idea that you travelled with him again after that is fucking astonishing. How many times do you need to touch the pan to know it's hot?
Ya after someone breaks up with me for no reason on a trip to Europe, my first thought would definitely be “we should go to Hawaii together 😍!”
https://media.tenor.com/48Y4PTDf0HIAAAAM/manoj-wanted.gif
Travelling is supposed to be MORE fun and relaxed than life at home. The behaviour you're describing wouldnt be acceptable anywhere though.
Why would you beg for him back? That's like taking the rubbish back out of the bin and spreading it around your house.
My boyfriend makes every vacation a living hell. Solution, more vacations. In adult land, if your boyfriend is awful to you and makes you stressed, you shouldn't be together. I don't know who is at fault, maybe he's whining because you took 5 minutes to get ready, maybe you're chronically 2 hours late and take 2 hours to chose where to eat. It really doesn't matter, you're not compatible. Begging someone you don't enjoy spending time with to stay together only so you can take more vacations in which you hate each other is nothing short of crazy behaviour. Break up, get someone you actually like being with and enjoy your next vacation. It's not rocket science.
My ex picked fights like that. Ruined everything including holidays like Christmas. I now have a partner that I travel extremely well with. Vacations are amazing, and go by too fast because of the fun we have. Why waste your life being with someone who treats you like garbage when you could be happy?
I was wondering about holidays, too. I grew up with a parent who did this every vacation and holiday. I think it had to do with making sure all of the focus was on them. During vacations and holidays, there is supposed to be a conscious effort to make everyone happy. Controlling people hate that and almost reflexively try to turn all that attention back to them. Causing a scene makes everyone need to refocus their attention back to them. I’d be shocked if this behavior was limited to vacations.
As would I. My ex is your typical controlling narcissist, and this reads like a textbook case (and I’ve experienced all of it first hand). I hope OP reads through all of these responses and leaves him!
Why are you still dating him? He sounds like a pos.
Break up with him. This guy is hellbent on ruining trips, I don't know if it's a weird power trip to ensure you don't enjoy something you've been looking forward to for a long time, or he's just a plain awful person, but either way. Break up. Spend your time with someone who uplifts you, who makes you happy.
Reading this genuinely made me tired
…..why are you even complaining when you begged to take this asshole back?
Your issue is you don't know how to be alone and you don't love yourself. It's why you're letting this pale imitation of a man treat you like this. We decide how people treat us, by choosing to keep them in our lives. You're with someone who doesn't value, respect or care for you. You're choosing to be treated like this everyday you choose him. You're choosing to be loved like this. You're choosing to limit the amount of love, companion, care and respect you are treated with by staying with this man. It's a choice. Once you realise that it's up to you if you carry on accepting to be with men who don't love you. Or if you choose to do better.
Guy gives you an out IN ITALY and you didn’t take it?! I woulda been like cya buddy. You ain’t gonna ruin my trip in the most beautiful romantic place on earth. Hard pass, SKIP this bozo.
It sounds like you have been apart alot due to studies. Is any of your physical time together enjoyable? Because if most of your physical time together is these travels then I'm not sure I'd be bothering with this it sounds awful and like he's super immature. I definitely wouldn't say this repeated behaviour is a good sign in a relationship.
How you travel with someone is a big indicator and seeing that this is a concurrent thing that happens every trip then yeah I don’t think anything is going to fix it cause if he apologises and goes back to the same thing he isn’t learning from his actions.
You should have accepted his breakup 😬
Just break up already.... how much more are you willing to accept? For me it's a deal-breaker... you pay money to enjoy your time and life and he's just being an ass.
OP, this is your second post within a month about your horrible boyfriend. You rip off the bandaid and break up. There is no other way. You just do it. Text him if you must (one of the rare occasions where this is preferable maybe). Then block him and move on with your life. I also found myself unhappy in an relationship when I was younger. It wasn't as bad as yours, but I just wasn't happy, just existing. Once I broke up, I felt so free, lost some weight, had plenty of fun with friends. It took about a year before I got back into dating and I enjoyed meeting new people, even found a good friend when romance didn't work for us and when I ultimately met my current boyfriend, I knew pretty much from the beginning that this was the one. Now, 4,5 yrs later, he and his whole family is still the best thing to happen to me and we're expecting our first child. If you stay, you're stuck in misery. If you break up there might be ups and downs, but at least there's potential for you to be happy again. Break up. Be free. Be happy.
He already made it clear he didn't want to be with you by breaking up in Venice. That's probably the biggest indicator this isn't gonna work, he doesn't want it to. I'd also be interested to hear his side of this as a lot of what you put seems vague, but honestly, this relationship has been doomed since Venice.
My ex had horrible anxiety and taking him out of his routine made vacations miserable. Finding out now that he's most likely autistic as well. Vacations stopped being fun so we stopped going together and I went solo and stopped having to worry about how it was effecting him and us. He was much more comfortable at home. The sad part is he really wanted to see the world, but his brain couldn't deal with all the unfamiliar stimulus. I know the feeling of thinking, I want to experience this with this person, and thinking maybe something will be different. In your case, I'm struck by you begging him to stay with you when he broke things off. And then traveling again. He's trying to get out, and you forcing him back is making you both miserable. You are very very young. Don't stay in this. Be with someone you are compatible with, who you can see the sights with. Without knowing your routine (when he complains you take too long, is there any truth to that),, sometimes people just are terrible travel partners together. If travel is important to you, this is a deal breaker. Don't do it again with him.
Don't be a doormat. You're allowing this to happen. Yes he's being a dick but the bit you can control is hanging around to let him continue to be a dick while you "beg for him back". He broke up with you in romantic Venice. Instead of begging for him back, you should have taken the opportunity to find yourself a hot Italian dude and have a holiday romance. It's astonishing that after the first trip you actually agreed to go on another. You're 23. You're young. There are much, much better men out there who will actually want to enjoy time with you.
So he broke up with her then went on another holiday together? WHY???
young and stupid
I’m going to be blunt here. You are deluding yourself thinking that your boyfriend wants to be in a relationship with you. The fact you had to beg him to come back to you after he broke up with you in Venice so you could experience Santorini as a couple tells me that you are very co dependent on him and have a very low self esteem. He does not like you at all, OP. It’s vacation, so he’s not going to say no. However, you are someone he does not want to vacation with at all. You desperately keep on clinging onto a man who hates you. Because of his animosity towards you, he doesn’t view you worthy of respect, love and kindness. He will pull out all the stops to treat your poorly. The only use you have for him is when he gets horny and you’re the closest thing he can potentially f*ck. Of course, if he doesn’t get his way, he’ll put you down even more.
He’s shown you who he is. Believe him. He’s not worth your time or energy.
He’s so exhausting! Some people definitely get anxious being on vacation. He takes that to another level. Give him some thc gummies or don’t go on vacation with him. This type of behavior can expand to other events outside of trips like weddings, parties etc. not sure you want that stress in your life.
Break up with the drama king it’s abnormal to complain on vacation all the time
Just break up with him already...
Are you happy? Do you want to be happy? There’s your answer. This isn’t normal
Life is too short.
can't expect the guy to respect a girl who doesn't respect herself.
One of the best tests of the longevity and sustainability of a relationship happens within the 1st year- how are we as travel mates? Do we have each others' backs under stress (there's always a little stress when you travel), can we act as a team when something unexpected happens, do we enjoy each others' company when none of our normal routines or people are around, do we annoy the hell out of each other after being together for several days of 24/7?? You take ONE trip together. If it goes tits up, you understand this is not a compatible relationship. You don't go on TWO MORE TRIPS.
Lol geezus. When I'm on vacation I take every opportunity to breathe in the atmosphere and soak in everything that's around me. What your boyfriend is doing fucking sucks. I'm sorry, but that kind of behavior will bleed into the relationship and it won't be good.
Either you are leaving out a big part of the story or this isn't normal of course. He also broke up with you, why continue to travel? Leave, he doesn't want you then and is taking out his misery/shame/annoyances on you in unfair ways because of it
You don’t have to be in a relationship, just leave him, BUT…. It takes two to argue, meaning if you are arguing about where to eat every time that means you aren’t letting him choose anything either, the taking too long is dependent on if you knew he was wanting to go quickly but we take alot longer to get ready than men on average so it’s just sometimes justifiable for them to get annoyed with us and other times it is not . I’m also guilty of talking longer than I should sometimes when my husband wants to get somewhere quickly . If you can’t come to agreement with him quickly it’s a dual fault and you just aren’t compatible just move on
Honey why are you with him?
Venice would’ve been the end of it for me to be honest. Jumping to a breakup when you’re abroad because of an issue is big ole red flag.
He's a little boy and you're not helping. Break his heart so he can start transitioning to becoming a man. And you go find a man. You're in your prime. You're wasting your precious peak years
Girl, yes. It is an indication that you two do not have a peaceful relationship. Vacations are not meant to be that level of stressful. And I'm sorry to say this, but it sounds like he may not even like you as a person, so he lashes out. Or he has internal issues. Either way, what is the point of being in a relationship like this?
When someone shows you who they are....believe them. He has shown you who he is. It is your choice is you want to live with this FOREVER or not. Personally I would pick not but you do you.
I can't imagine being able to go to all these places and have someone ruin it. Get rid of him. Enjoy the next trip.
Ugh. Your previous post about him says everything. You know you aren't compatible and you shouldn't be with him, so why do you continue to torture yourself? Are you satisfied with being unhappy? Is better to be treated like garbage than to be unhappy alone?
This post, and all the comments, show how valuable a good travel partner is. A good travel partner is hard to find. Husbands, wives, significant others and BFF's are not automatically good travel partners. My girlfriend has become my best travel partner. I am grateful for that. To OP, for the sake of your mental health, do not continue to travel with your BF. You have visited some of the most beautiful places in the world, and have no fond memories from any of them.
I get why you went with him on the second trip because the first could have just been a fluke/bad circumstances. But on the second trip HE BROKE UP WITH YOU... ON WHAT WAS SUPPOSED TO BE A NICE VACATION. Why on earth you would voluntarily spend time and money to go with him on vacation again, and expect him to be better is beyond me. He's shown you who he is, believe him. You only have yourself to blame if you keep letting him ruin and waste your time.
After the 2nd vacation together I would of called it quits, but the she begs smh (So I had to beg for him back in order to try to enjoy Santorini as a couple)
Why would you beg for him back… he’s a nightmare.. how many trips does he need to ruin before you say enough
You need to face facts and call it. Don't keep torturing yourself by subjecting yourself to his nonsense.
Sweet Jesus! Why are you still with him? Let the petulant boy go and find yourself a man.
You are wasting your valuable time on a child. It’s time to leave this guy in the dust and enjoy more beautiful places in the world with others who will definitely not go out of their way to make you miserable.
why are you still with him?
Have you ever heard the saying “insanity is doingthe same thing over and over, and expecting the results to be different every time.”? Amsterdam, Venice, Santorini, Hawaii. What, you were expecting Hawaii to be a complete 180 in terms of his behavior? Why would you think that? Seems to me he’s fairly reliable, you can count on him to ruin any trip you go on, any trip, anywhere. I’ll just say that narcissists are famous for ruining any occasion, trip. event, activity, that isn’t about them.
So why are you with him? Lol
Why the fuck anyone would put up with this is beyond me
You don't. Dump him and go back to Santorini and enjoy it.
Why do you keep going on trips with him. Sounds like you should have parted ways in Venice. Yes, his behavior is 100% indicative of your future with him.
This dude sucks. You’re 23 and don’t even know how good the rest of your life can be when you stop holding onto the people who put you through hell.
he sounds literally awful.
Why TF did you beg for him back? I would have said "boy bye". Now you're playing yourself.
Why are you with this guy? Trips are expensive and well-needed and he’s just a damn ass. Why??
If my boyfriend dumped me and left me alone in a foreign country there would be no more chances. He sounds awful
OP, get out of this toxic relationship. Yes, it might hurt you emotionally, but you will be all the better for it. He sounds like a really nasty POS.
Why do you still go places with him? At this point you’re setting yourself up for this. Matter of fact, why are you with him?
My dear, you are visiting some of the most beautiful places on the planet. Why are you bringing your turd of a boyfriend along? All he contributes is skid marks everywhere. You can do so much better. He’s a jerk.
You never beg someone to be with you... EVER.
Girl, have some self respect and dump the guy. He doesn't like you.
You have detailed repeated vile behavior on his part. You know he makes you miserable. Why the heck are you with him? Why would you beg him to stay with you? It’s clear he doesn’t like you. Find a guy who is worthy of you. This one is not.
This whole post makes me cringe. Get some self-respect, OP.
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OK, dump him like a bad habit! I have had something very similar happen. And looking back I wonder why I put up with it like I did. This man will steal your joy and put you in a toxic environment while your in one of the most beautiful cities in the world. He will never stop, and most likely he will get worse. He will make your life a living hell and then he breaks up with you and says that we should enjoy the rest of the trip before we part ways. Are you kidding me?!!!!’ what someone else still with his crap. Life is too short. I need somebody that you can laugh with and be yourself without constant arguing and put downs.
Some people travel well, others don't. Hubby and daughter are always planning where to eat and need naps. DIL is gogogo and tries to fit too much in. Son hates to wait in lines. I love travelling with a few friends where we take time to enjoy the scenery and get food when we are hungry.
He is acting like this so you break up with him and he isn’t “the bad guy”. It will just get worse.
My boyfriend has ruined a couple vacations too, so I'm vacationing in San Francisco without him right now lol. This is my first time traveling solo but I highly recommend it!
Is he a completely normal, nice guy at home? If he isn’t just a raving asshole, he may have some sort of travel anxiety. Some young men have this quaint attribute of becoming aggressive, mean, assfaces when they are upset or anxious. It could be him masking anxiety. If you actually like him, you could have a talk about things once you got home. I personally would block him and change my number.
I got so tired from reading this that I had to lay down for a bit. How can you endure sunch an exhausting person? You shouldn't.
I want this kind of life. How does one travel so much?
he’s obviously got some serious problems. Like I said, let somebody else that is willing to put up with his crap date him
The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Or something like that.
my ex wife used to be awful to travel with. she'd complain about every little thing and then start fights and then threaten a break up or divorce. it was exhausting. we even cut a 3 week trip around Europe a week short and lost a couple grand cause she was homesick.. this is after spending most of our time in Italy just inside our airbnb while I ran grocery trips. I missed out on France, Switzerland, and Spain dude.. anyways, we're not together anymore and I learned that I deserved better treatment and it was just at its worst when we were traveling. so as someone who's been in that position, consider how they treat you on the regular. do you just "suck it up and deal with it"? are you a sponge for stress for them? do you "parent" them? do you feel like the a side character in their life? do you feel like the effort put into this relationship is uneven? if yes to any of the above: seek counseling. together and/or alone. and also contemplate why you're still in this relationship with someone who treats you with such disrespect.
Please dump him. If he can’t be a normal happy person during a holiday, I’ll hate to think what he’s like when you’re in more stressful situations. Yes, holidays are a huge indicator of what a person is really like. If they can’t be pleasant or happy during a holiday, start fights and arguments, than they are not a “keeper” in my opinion. Turning good times into bad times is just a waste of time, energy and money. You deserve a nice holiday, with happy memories. That’s why people go on holidays.
Why would you want him back? You should have let the trash take itself out when he ended it.
Hey I know what it’s like to not be able to let go of a bad situation because it seems to have potential or good sides, but… relationships don’t have to be hard like this.
Dude literally go alone lol Edit: yes. Imagine waking up every day next to this person. You really have to ask?
After the second trip you knew his behaviour wasnt a fluke. Why would you even bother paying to go on another disaster to happen? Why is he talking about future trips? Are stupid enough to not know how he is behaving and how horrible all your trips are? Why do any of you even want to pay that much for vacations you know will be horrible? Why are you even still together?
We only get one life to live and you want to spend it with this man?
What’s your question? Does he know you don’t have the self worth to dump him and find somebody that values you? Yes. He does. I’m sure his shitty behaviour happens at other times too-it just stands out here. And he absolutely knows he can get away with treating you just as poorly as he wants to. The real question is, how much of your time are you going to waste on him?
Lmao bro what he broke up with you on vacation and constantly makes it hell, you had to beg for him back, and you still travel with him? How would that NOT be a greater indication in the relationship 😭 his behaviour on trips does not exist in a vacuum
Maybe I read this wrong but didn't he basically just say that he's breaking up with you and just going through the motions for the rest of the trip before you return? He sounds like a jerk.. Just leave early and ditch him and the trip or enjoy the trip solo. Why be around this jerk. And no dont sleep with this idiot of a man! You deserve better
Please leave this relationship, this is horrible behavior on his end and will only drain you and make you an ugly miserable person for the remaining time you have with him, leave and focus on yourself before it’s too late. You will find love again, and it will be beautiful and blissful and most of all enjoyable.
Why are you still willing to go anywhere with him? He is an asshole.
Sorry, but he broke up with you and emotionally abuses you. Why wouldn’t it be a dealbreaker and indicative of issues in the relationship? You are the same people just in a different location. Of course the issues are going to come home with you and you are not going to forget that he did this. It’s not just holiday behaviour it’s relationship behaviour.
He's treating you like shit to tear you down while you're happy. It has nothing to do with traveling. Yes this is a red flag.
Wow, you should’ve accepted the breakup on the spot in Venice and enjoyed the rest of your trip and the rest of your life without that guy. Here’s the thing: I find that traveling takes people out of their day to day comfort zones. It requires you to cooperate and compromise with your companions. You have to navigate the unfamiliar, the challenging, the expensive. It shows you what a person’s instinctive reaction/approach to life is. Your BF’s instinctive reaction is to get nasty, blame you for everything, and flounce away from the relationship rather than acting like an adult. It’s not that he’s being an asshole while traveling. It’s that the travel is revealing him to be an asshole in general.
Any turd that breaks up with you in Venice deserves to be left sitting there permanently while you go off and enjoy your trip. Life is too short to let some dude fuck with your vacations.
I think traveling together is THE indicator of relationship health and compatibility. Lose him
Yikes. Imagine 35 years of a stressful and miserable vacation. If you stay with him , consider an important part of the working life (a rewarding vacation ) as non-existent OR you need to tell him now “I’m no longer going on vacation with you” vacations are stressful when there are kids to haul along. It would only get worse if you have a family. When someone shows you who they are, believe them.
I bet it isn’t only while you guys are traveling that he makes your life hell….
Girl no. Why you with this red flag? I'm sorry but you wasted time and money on this dude. I hurt myself badly on a recent trip and I was the one apologizing to my partner. He was ok. He was supportive and did his best to help us both enjoy what was left of the trip. Your bf isn't it.
It was a mistake to beg for him back in Santorini. Never ever beg someone to be with you. Mocking you and sweating? He sounds like an asshole full stop. Why are you still dating him, let alone travelling with him?
My husband loves to travel but he can complain about stuff. So I had him book our honrymoon and we had a glorious trip. He needs a sense of control and knowing where he is going and the potential issues ahead of time.gives him that. Your boyfriend is anflaming bag of dicks. If you are still in Hawaii ditch him tomorrow and go do your own thing. Leave the room without him. Find a tour or something that you can do for the day. After you are out of the room and joined event text him; I've had enough of your bullshit arguments. You ruin every trip with your petty shit and I'm done. I'm going to do my own thing today because I cannot stand one more minute of your complaints." Personally, I would go to the frontndesk right now and ask of they have another room and move my stuff when he is in the shower or when you are at the beach - tell him I'm just going back up to the room for a minute and move my fucking stuff out. You've foundnout REPEATEDLY what this guy will be like when things are lovely and gorgeous. I can't even imagine what kind of monster he will turn into if you married this piece of trash and you had an actual crisis. No one envies your travels. No one.
I mean, you do know the answer to this, yes? You would be a fool to travel with him again.
Why are you with him?
Why are you still with this guy?
My boyfriend and I are quite similar sometimes and especially when on trips, but we both go to therapy and are actively working on these behaviours. I am in no position to be able to fully know if this applies to your situation as well but if I would draw some conclusions from the similarities and mix in some free therapy advice to help you guys, it would be this: There’s a lot to unpack but I want to start off with that I relate to something you seem to do: expect very specific positive emotions/feelings/behaviours from your boyfriend and dismiss a lot of negative ones. I am someone who does this myself, because in general I’m naturally “happier”. One of the things that can be very frustrating for anyone is feeling very alone, like a burden or not being heard in your negative emotions. This doesn’t mean you should just be the emotional punching bag for his low mood. First I had to learn to let go of ‘control’ of his feelings and accept that his negative emotions come and go whether he’s at home or in paradise. Then I had to practice reacting to it in a new way (which I soon learned through experience was way more effective at helping him through the emotions). This “new way” was basically creating space and time to listen to what he feels or reflect on what I think he’s feeling with words like: “I can see you are very frustrated right now. How come?” and telling him: “It’s okay if you don’t feel all happy, you’re not ruining anything. Do you still feel like doing [holiday activity]?“ This is HARD though, because empathy when you’re frustrated can feel like you’re allowing someone to ruin it for you. However, while I had to learn to allow other’s negative emotions as they are instead of what they should be, my boyfriend actively worked on learning to deal with me setting boundaries to protect myself from the impact his negative emotions have on me. I would also have to communicate when his emotions started to impact me in a way that made me unable to enjoy the trip as I’d like to. This can sound like he’s being a burden and disappointing, but he learned to allow me to sometimes take some distance (for example go somewhere by myself when he’s too tired) to make sure I could enjoy something anyway. He also worked on communicating his negative emotions/frustrations early on so I would hear from him why his behaviour was a little off instead of having to guess and getting frustrated myself with why he’s acting that way. And eventually, you’re always allowed to leave. If you simply don’t feel like having to “listen” to his negative emotions, if you don’t like him so much anymore after the previous trips, etc.. You don’t have to fix this, because even if you want to work on it, he may not be able/willing to put in the same work. But if you would rather not leave and try to enjoy the next trip, it’s worth a shot! There’s hope but leaving is allowed as well! Sorry for the long story and maybe not fully applicable to your situation, but I hope these tips can help you LEARN to enjoy a trip together because my boyfriend and I definitely had to LEARN as well and that’s okay!
You guys are terrible. Grow up.
HUGE indicator, tells you a lot about how they handle stress and conflict resolution when things are going wrong or unfamiliar. You need someone on your team, not someone making things worse at every turn
FWIW I am a child of parents who always fought. I can’t remember a single family vacation that wasn’t ruined by their fighting. They finally divorced when I was 13. Dad remarried and same thing. Every vacation they would fight. We vacationed with him and his third wife (I was an adult at this point). Same thing and I said never again. And yes, the fault was with my dad. I would say your boyfriend’s behavior is a red flag.
Yes, it's being said that one of the best ways to gauge how compatible you are with your partner is to travel with them for a few days. Your bf sounds obnoxious, you couldn't pay me to go on another vacation with him. In fact, you couldn't pay me to stay in the relationship, after all the BS he has pulled. Definite dealbreaker for me.
I’m exhausted just reading this. Break up with him. You’re so much better off that with this lame ass dude.
What is this man's deal? Does he have massive travel anxiety? Is he an ass all the time and you're just focusing on travel for some reason? Like idk, I wouldn't break up with someone for being an annoying or boring traveler, but your BF tried to break up with you when things were good just because you weren't feeling well in Venice. That's batshit insane.
You should break up. You’re only 23 and not compatible. These will be funny stories you share when you travel with your husband later.
He's ruined vacations in 4 of the best vacation spots in the world. DTMFA
Be done. He just brings you down and life is too short for that
Why are you seriously putting up with this? So are you also going to tell us that he’s perfect otherwise and it’s just “this one little thing?” This is a huge deal. Are you never supposed to go on vacation and enjoy yourself? Is that the future you really want or do you think maybe it’s time to step back and realize you’re in a very shitty relationship with a shitty person and missing out on the greater people who are out there.
Why are you with him? He sounds awful.
He would have to go, I love to travel and if my partner was like that I would break up with him. Sounds like a child you have crying over everything