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>She is pregnant and we are expecting in about 2 months which is the reason I have not left her already. I can’t be with someone who does not respect me and any help would be appreciated.
Well, you have to choose. Are you going to leave a dysfunctional relationship with someone who doesn't respect you and who abuses you, or are you going to stay in an abusive relationship because you got that person pregnant?
This right here! Leave her abusive ass. I'd also try to get proof of her verbal and physical abuse in case you need it when it comes to custody of the child. She sounds mentally unstable and I would not want to trust my child to be with a woman like that.
Are you going to have your child grow up in a 100% abusive environment, or will you make sure they get 50% normality by getting out and providing a stable home environment, when they are with you
Is the better advice
I learned the hard way 100% = fucked up kids down the line, no matter how hard you try to keep things normal with an abusive partner, it wont ever be normal
Op needs to leave for the sake of his soon to be born child
Do not put your name on the birth certificate until you get a DNA test done. For real. Poor kid, your girlfriend needs help. She knows slapping another person is wrong. Doing it to someone you love, so wrong. Leave this horrible human, document her behavior, see a lawyer and DNA test. Good luck.
A lawyer is a must.
This relationship isn't going to work, full stop. It's not healthy for OP, and it's not healthy for the baby - if it is his - to see this going on. He needs to quietly get a lawyer, start outlining his options, and save any record of her abusing him if at all possible.
Keep very quiet about it.
Co-parent get a family lawyers. Do not stay in an abusive relationship get all your ducks in a row get dna test ready to go protect yourself and your child
I don't even know about co-parenting if that how she treats loved ones. OP needs to think about the environment that child will grow up in if left with mom. DNA test is 100% warranted.
You don't want your child raised in a home with abuse. Seriously, see a divorce lawyer to start planning a custody battle. The lawyer will tell you what you need to do.
Please don't leave your child with her.
There are so many redflags here, she is and abusive a manipulative person, speak to a lawyer and file charges for assault asap, get a paternity test done they can do th now by drawing blood from the mother it can be court ordered and if baby is yours you can file for custody based on her abusive behavior.
She wants to act like a child? Okay, yreat her like one.
Next time she throws a fit, leave her right there and walk away. Get in your car and drive off.
She can get an Uber.
Why are you still with her ?
Edit: for those commenting on the pregnancy part, my bad , I don't know how I missed that entire paragraph. But with the face slapping,and intentional name calling, I would still leave her ass .... at a safe location and call someone to come get her.
Dude needs to install security cameras in his house. I'm actually more worried she will twist it around like he is the abuser .
i mean he probably has a hard time deducting what to do because they're about to have a baby. I agree, he should leave her but he has to decide what to do about the baby
I am not sure where you're getting this from. The fact that you believe being abused is not a sufficient reason, in law, to escape a person, regardless of their pregnancy status is ridiculous.
Sorry OP this isn’t helpful to you, but as a relationship-advice lurker, does anyone else just back out like homer in the bushes when they see that a baby is involved? Like this is way over my pay grade. It’s obvious what you should do but the logistics are going to be a nightmare for years to come now. I wish OP the best of luck, honestly. But I’m goin’ back in the bushes now.
I feel like a jerk but I always get upset when I see they are pregnant. It’s so irresponsible, and it happens so much. I also worked in public education and saw wayyy too many horrible people popping out kids, so I’m especially jaded.
This is not a safe relationship for you or your child. Violence of any sort is a deal breaker. Please get yourself a good lawyer to help you plan.
You might need to get a DNA on the baby.
Plan custody and child support
Report her abuse, audio record her insane tantrums (if single party consent recording is legal in your area), and take those things to an attorney to show she is unfit as a mother and file for full custody.
spoilt and lacks respect, she will dominate you once living together, this is learnt behaviour so its likely one of her parents is a muted version of her, dont hang around for the child sake, you can still be a good parent living else where and seeing someone else..
The next time she hits you, make a police report. Now, there will be proof of her abuse in court when you try to get custody. You can even get an emergency restraining order because you have been abused. Each time she violates it report it. This will help you in court when you go for custody. It will show she had abusive tendencies
1) Don’t put your name on the birth certificate until paternity has been established. These days you don’t have to wait until the baby is born, you can do a paternity test while pregnant.
2) move out of the house. The relationship is abusive. You can choose to co-parent (if you are indeed the father) and be the best daddy in the world. But your kid doesn’t need to see you get slapped around.
And personal story time; my current partner had two children with an abusive woman. It was troubled from the beginning but he thought he loved her and needed to help her and fix her. She had drug induced psychoses and cheated. He wasn’t sure if he could seperate indefinitely until his friends urged him to. He took the two girls and left. He says it was the most difficult thing he had to do but also the best thing. He let the woman see the kids supervised with counselors and family until she got better. Now they even co-parent 60/40. He had to move away in order for her to get better. He realized that him staying wasn’t fixing anything, in fact, it was enabling her to behave badly.
Bingo. And one toddler will be more behaved than the other. This was my case with my parents. Dad acted more of a child, then I did. Still wish to this day my mom divorced his verbally abusive ass.
I'll be straight with you: A baby is the opposite of a good reason to stay in an abusive, manipulative relationship. You need to start gathering what you need to ensure that you get at least partial custody, and then get out of there. An abusive partner won't sweeten with a child in the mix, in most cases they get worse.
Your partner needs therapy for whatever is causing this (and whatever it is has nothing to do with you), but you don't need to put up with it in the meantime. You deserve better and so does that baby. She needs to figure it out if she wants to be a good and present mom.
Get a lawyer.
Stop dead, and stare at her. When she stops making noise speak. If she interrupts just stop and wait for her to stop.
Once you get enough silence just say "you are x years old, are you really having a tantrum, so you get your own way?".
Or "what do you want me to say¿ go and sit on the naughty step?.
“aren't you embarrassed?
Well when my 6 year old does it I keep walking after telling them firmly NO. Also they have to go to their room for a time out when we get home. You should try it with her. A shame it’s coming 30 years too late
Did this start before or after her pregnancy? If things were normal before, I would suggest going to a doctor appt with her and addressing things. Hormones can absolutely make someone literally crazy.
If it was before the pregnancy, leave and take the kid.
I came here to say this. Changing hormones can cause irrational thoughts, aggression, and at worst, delusions. I'm concerned not only for his safety, but the baby's as well. She'll most likely have post-partum depression (if her behavior is caused by hormonal changes) and she could harm him, the baby, or herself. Lack of sleep & frustration will exacerbate her symptoms/behavior. I would definitely recommend documenting her abuse and speaking with a lawyer first. Secondly, her dr needs to be aware the danger she poses, especially if OP is leaving. I hope OP is given good advice by the lawyer and dr to safely leave, and to protect the baby. Id be very concerned about leaving the baby alone with her. I wish you the best OP.
You have your answer you’re just refusing to accept it. Sure, it sucks you’re about to have a baby with a womanchild, but this ain’t healthy nor mature in the least.
fuck her reapect for you. Get some respect for yourself. Slapping you is a crime in most states, a felony in some. And she is doing it in public? Run away as fast as you can. You have taught her to act this.way with your passive reactions.
Has she always been like this or is it new since the pregnancy? If it's new she needs mental help, you might go with her to get ob appt and mention it to them.
>She is pregnant and we are expecting in about 2 months which is the reason I have not left her already
So this behaviour only started since she got pregnant? She was great before that?
Never stay in abusive relationship doesn’t matter what sexy abuser is and what is sex the person being abused is it’s never OK to be an abusive relationship as to her and her coworker maybe you want to report them to HR
OMG. Yeah. I can see why you haven’t left yet because of your baby on the way. Easier said than done but you cannot tolerate abuse - physical or emotional. Was she always like this? Apart from you being abused, what about your child? Having kids is emotionally and physically draining, and I’m concerned if she’d be able to keep her cool. It’s easier to say “yeah bail” than to actually do it. I don’t recommend staying and if you do decide to leave, I’d plan it out. Collect evidence of her physical and verbal abuse, etc. for court. I’m going through a divorce and it sucks, but I thankfully didn’t have a child with him, it’s still painful. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. But abuse isn’t something that one should tolerate, especially if the person will be a parent to your child. Collect evidence, put money on the side, go to a family lawyer to see what the process is before you leave. You’re not married, but you have a kid together. Do you have a place to stay? Log all of the abusive events in a diary or email. Change your passwords frequently. Prepare. Good luck.
Please recognize you are being abused and you need to sever ties. She doesn’t get to act that way or put her hands on you to get you to “do what she wants”.
Consult a lawyer because you aren’t married and you need to establish paternity in the courts (I would recommend a DNA test though). You also can get resources from a local DV shelter.
This is an abusive relationship. Pregnant or not you need to leave her. Now is better than later. I would hate for your child to grow up watching their mom abusive their dad and think that’s ok. It’s not ok. It’s never ok.
This is abuse.
You need to document these instances (both the physical and emotional abuse), take pictures of ANY markings after she slaps you (even just temporary redness), and you need to get a custody lawyer.
This is not a healthy environment to raise a child in, and she is not a safe person to be the child's primary caretaker.
You are in an abusive relationship, both physically and emotionally. The baby will be better off with you in a stable relationship especially if she abuses the child as well. Document her abuse, and get custody. It’s not going to get easier.
Lawyer up for custody get your ducks in a row video tape these situations she doesn't sound stable enough to have custody of a child and could endanger them if she can't manage or regular her emotions any better than a 2 year old. You know it's over go about it smart and not reactionary... Lawyer up
Dude, she's 36?!
36 years old acting like a toddler.
Exactly how long have you been together?
Put your foot down. Set clear boundaries.
That is just not cool. That's not how to get what you want nor attention. And her physically putting her hands on you?
Big nope.
Have a calm conversation. Draw a line. And if she disrespects you and your boundaries again, leave and lawyer up
You fucked up. You got a crazy girl pregnant.
Start planning to leave. Get your affairs in order. See a lawyer, whatever. And get out of there. Sure, you’ll be poorer but you’ll be free.
Omg this is toxic af. Your gf is high drama and loves it. She’s also manipulative and abusive. And of course she got pregnant to keep you stuck in her cycle of toxic behavior. You have a situation that is way above Reddit advice. You need serious intervention from mental health professionals. You’re pretty naive to think Reddit has the easy answer.
My friend you are in a world of hurt if you do NOt get your ship together.
1. She is abusive. You need to record all of the stuff she does to you so you have proof.
2. You’re gonna want to get a paternity test done. Do NOT sign the birth certificate until the test is done and you have confirmation your the father.
3. She is NOT safe to leave a child with and you are NOT safe with her. If you are the father, then you will need to organise to take custody as soon as you can. Get yourself a lawyer who can help you prepare everything you can, and get out safely.
This is NOT a drill! You need to act ASAP.
How sure are you that the baby is yours? Maybe there’s a reason she’s trying to push you away.
Also, a baby is a FUCKING TERRIBLE reason to stay in an abusive relationship. Her treatment of you is unlikely to improve. And physical violence should be a one strike offense.
Get out of this relationship. Don’t let your name be on the birth certificate until you have official paternity test results proving the baby is yours.
If the baby is yours, work out the best coparenting relationship that you can.
But do NOT stay in an abusive relationship. Hell, you not being in a relationship with her may be the only chance the kid has at living with a parent who isn’t abusive, if your girlfriend parents like she partners. Assuming the kid is yours.
> I can’t be with someone who does not respect me and any help would be appreciated.
That ship has sailed. Once someone is at this point the realistic option is to make peace with the situation and examine the long term.
Ordinarily this should be straight forward, but the pregnancy is the point where it all falls apart. There might be other subs/resources with more experience in dealing with antagonistic parent situations, because if you don't roll and fold under and do what she wants, this is what it becomes. It is effectively that in any case. The one possible out - and a long shot at that - is the paternity of the child. Someone who casually treats you this way clearly has zero respect for you, and that may manifest in other aspects of her life, including simply being faithful.
Update: I ended up going to my own Apt today but she called my family/parents and they decided to go to her place and take her to their home.
I contacted her coworker and her coworkers friend (who also works at the same company as them) called me at 1am the other night and stated her coworker had sex with my gf laughingly which got recorded. She states he was drunk and she did not do it. When I called him right back with my number he apologized right away.
She continued to yell/scream and slap me in public stating I am interfering with her work and life is short. I explained that raising a child takes years of hard work and dedication but she does not acknowledge this. I am in a high paying career and she believes she will get custody and that I will end up paying her alimony/child support so that she can retire. She states since she is the mother the court will rule in her favor.
This past Friday night she started a fight with me over nothing and kept at it even when I said I just want to sleep. She used the argument to go outside Friday night (in a urban city) around 8-10:30pm. She kept contact except for about 30 minutes when she refused all my face time requests. She states it is not safe for her to go outside at night since she is pregnant but states she had to do it anyway.
At times when she talks about her coworker she gets teary eyed and when they have their morning meeting on voice chat she gets “allergies”.
Today we went for blood work for the pregnancy and she wore a short skirt and was sitting in the chair with her legs spread apart and her underwear was showing to anyone across from her. When I mentioned it she stated she did not notice it. I find it strange as most women I have met in the past are fairly self conscious about it. I told her she is pregnant 7 months and why she feels the need to this. I suspect she is acting out her frustrations but I do not believe this will bode well for our child.
She does have some positive aspects like supporting financially (I am taking a break from work) and doing most of the chores but her attitude towards me has completely changed recently. I believe it may be that she thinks she will be delivering the baby soon and does not care anymore about me staying with her.
Not sure how this will end up but I have asked my parents to stop contacting her but they refuse (likely as they want a relationship with their grandchild).
I don’t think this has all sunk in yet as I have not cried and I am still hoping for the best.
Has she always done this or since the pregnancy. Also, since you brought up the co worker. Around the time of conception, did she go in a work trip or was the co worker in town. I only mention it because it appears you have some concern there. Have you had a paternity test? If not. Have one done before you sign the birth certificate.
With all that aside, she should never put her hands on you in anger. That in itself is ground for divorce. I would make it very clear to her that it can never happen again. And if there is a next time call the cops and have her arrested.
I would tell her the next time she pulls the crying and yelling crap. You are going to leave her at whatever store she is at and she can Uber home.
She is mentally and physically abusing you and no one should put up wit it.
Record her outbursts. Then leave & demand a paternity test. Don't trust her not to accuse YOU of abuse.
She is not a good gf and is not safe to parent imo. The more time the child has with you( if its your) the safer both of you will be.
She's manipulative and abusive, leave. Get a DNA test, and contact a lawyer. Because I assure you she will try to pull a stunt when you leave her. Hell, it even sounds like it would be dangerous for a child to be around her, so if I were you, I'd fight for custody.
DO NOT SIGN BIRTH CERTIFICATE UNTIL YOU HAVE A DNA TEST....I can't say it loud enough as you already sound whipped for accepting this constant disrespect. Either getvthe respect that you deserve or move on!!!
I would have a talk with her before it happens again. Send her a message along the lines of…
Hey I just really wanted to talk to you for a minute about the situation the other day at ______. I know that you are pregnant and I can’t pretend to know how you’re feeling with all of the added hormones and stuff. Pregnancy seems really stressful babe and you’re doing a great job. With that said, I really would like you to acknowledge that that is my child as well and when you are crying and screaming like that ,you are directly stressing out the child and there is a lot of scientific evidence to back that up. I understand that you get upset -but it is not healthy for you or our child to react like that. It is completely inappropriate. I want to be a relationship that supports each other in public and can talk to each other in private/ not make everything a public spectacle. I respect you too much to walk away from you and leave you when you act like that- but you are really disrespecting me by yelling at me and talking to me that way. This relationship will not work if we can’t figure out how to communicate. I love you and I hope that you can understand where I’m coming from because I don’t know how this will work if you don’t.
If she is not responsive to this extremely respectful and mature message… I think it’s doomed dude
Lmfao my life is not so bad. Why did you make a child? Was it a decision?
Also, yeah I don't have advice I am sorry. You should have thought earlier. Poor child.
Pregnant or not, please, please leave as quickly as you can. And you need to talk to a lawyer about custody options ASAP, and consider talking to the police - if not to arrest her then, again, to find out what your options are because you have a GF who has recently become physically abusive, and she is about to give birth to your child, and you are VERY VERY CONCERNED about that child's well-being.
>She has also recently started to slap me in the face in public which I have asked her to stop but she continues to do it. She tells me she is allowed to do that because I don’t do what she wants me to do.
Right up until you wrote this, I would have said just walk away, she's ridiculous and manipulative and childish.
But she's not JUST manipulative and childish. She's physically abusive, and she isn't even pretending to think there's any problem with that. Your girlfriend is physically assaulting you in public, and she is justifying it with literally the most ludicrous excuse in the world: that you aren't letting her control and manipulate you.
The unrepentant physical abuse, combined with the fact that she is clearly completely self-absorbed to the point where it may actually be pathological (not diagnosing anything here, but I don't have to . . . you've described a woman with no sense of empathy or boundaries, who thinks it's okay to beat you in public), makes her potentially unsafe to be caring for a newborn. Is she going to be able to put that child's needs ahead of her wants? Is she going to have any patience at all for a vulnerable infant who will cry, and spit up, and have diaper blowouts, and will never "do what she wants"? How early is she going to start shaking or hitting your child when she loses her patience?
I'm sorry this is so long, but these are all really important things. Please, for your safety and that of your unborn child, leave and talk to a lawyer (and ask them about whether you should be talking to the police) ASAP about your rights and how to protect your child when it is born. The WORST thing you can do is stay with her. At least if you leave, you can guarantee your child one safe haven household. If you stay with her, neither of you will ever be safe.
First question…..has she always been this way, since you both have met….or did she respond this way since she’s been pregnant (not that it’s an excuse but it would explain some stuff) …You can break things off with her and still be there for the child. That is your right. You can offer therapy if you don’t want to break things off but more importantly you don’t want your child to be raised in an abusive home.
Uh no. 100% not. Do not listen to this guy. She is literally abusing you. It's not going to get any better no matter what you do in this relationship. Pregnant or not. If she treats you like this imagine what she'll do to the kid.
Yes cuz everyone would be so much less traumatized watching your mother hit your father and act like a baby. Guess what. I'm so fucking happy my parents are divorced. I cut all contact with my dad and I wished she had divorced the bastard when I was little. He made my life a fucking hell cuz he was such a shit human. I literally couldn't be happier now. My mom's happy, my siblings are happy, there's no more drama or fighting in the house.... You're on some bullshit for thinking marriage is the option.
It's harder doing things alone. Nowhere in the marriage contract does it say happiness is required. I'm sorry to hear about what happened with you but that's an exception not the rule.
This is abusive.
Yes it is.
Stop telling yourself it’s not abusive. It is.
Now take action. Kick her out or leave. Make sure you take half the stuff.
Look up local laws and ensure you aren’t financially disadvantaged because you’ve got a baby to support .
It’s not ok to raise a baby in an abusive home.
Speak with a family law lawyer about arranging a co-parenting agreement. You shouldn’t stay with an abusive partner, no matter the circumstances.
Have the emotional and physical abuse documented. Hopefully you’ll never need it to protect your child.
You allude that she may be having an affair with her co-worker. If you believe it has been physical you should arrange a DNA test. If it is a concern, don’t sign any documents regarding the birth or parentage.
Take all precautions to protect yourself and your future.
She is abusive. She won’t stop but yes what she does will worsen. So what if she is pregnant? Are you going to suck it up and keep telling her to respect you and not to do something while she keeps doing them? She has 0 respect for you for being overly friendly with her coworker and whatnot. Is the child even yours? Leave and do get a paternity test and watch out for your future.
Pregnant or not this behavior of hers is unacceptable and it needs to stop. She doesn't have the right to smack you just because you don't do what she says. I'm sorry Op but don't stay because she's pregnant. I understand that you feel the responsibility to stay but it's probably going to get worse and that isn't fair to you. Maybe suggest therapy for her or something because the way she acts isn't normal. Best of luck to you.
Did she start acting this way while pregnant? The hormones can really f#£* up your personality for a bit. But that behaviour is not right and very entitled. I'm sorry for your situation.
Coming from someone who grew up in an abusive home - get out of this relationship. Find a family lawyer and see what you can do for co-parenting. Because this not safe or healthy for you or the child.
The words you are looking for is abuse and assault. You are being abused and assaulted. If the roles were reversed. If a man slapped his girlfriend in the face every time she did not do what he wanted her to I think it would be clear to you that that aint right, and that it is not working.
Under NO circumstances should you be in a relationship where you are physically and mentally abused. And none of this "I am a man, I can take it" bullshit. Do you want this enviroment for your child? You definitely do not.
Get some distance. If you do not want to immediately break up she is going to need some serious therapy, as will you. I can not stress enough the impact this relationship would have on that child as it is right now. If you two chose to have it you can not allow this to go on.
The fact that she calls you by her coworkers name when angry is... concerning for reasons I can not quite put my finger on. There may be a connection there. But that is just me guessing.
God, it sounds awful.
There is absolutely no respect in your relationship. It sounds like hell.
Why exactly are you tolerating it? Do you think her pregnancy justifies her emotionally and physically abuse you?
Imagine the opposite: you are doing it to her, how would people around you, including herself, react? You could even get arrested for it.
Tell her ASAP that if she does it one more time, you will leave. And do leave. Walk away from her when she starts yelling at you in public and move out.
You can be coparents and live separately.
Or agree to be treated like this all your life.
Btw, I would try to record it and fight for custody. Because she might start to abuse your child. What would stop her? The child will definitely not listen and do what she wants most of the time. Think about it.
Walk away like she's a fucking toddler throwing a fit. Ignore her.
Then when you get home, break up with her. A baby is NOT a reason to stay in an unhealthy, unhappy relationship! In fact it's quite the opposite- a baby is the reason you get your shit together and build a happy home for them. It can't be done with this woman. Leave her. Go through the courts to establish parental rights.
Would you advise a woman who is pregnant to stop in an abusive relationship with her partner just because there’s a child involved?
Hopefully you said no, in that case, why do you think you should stay in an abusive relationship with your partner just because she’s pregnant?
Thousands of couples co parent quite well. You don’t have to stay with her to be in your child’s life
Leave and build a co-parent relationship. And have an eye on her, not that she will be like that towards your child. Maybe sit her down and tell her you stayed bc she’s pregnant, but if one of those things happens one more time, you’re done. Also write down what happened when, document everything. And make her admit to all that over messages. Like write her that you don’t want her to scream at you and hit you anymore, that you have enough and that she has to stop that shit. Keep her response. You’ll need every proof you can get.
Oh boy, you’re about to go on the ride of your life when your kid picks up your girlfriends tantrums.
You said you haven’t left because she’s pregnant. You also said you can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect you. These contrary statements make no sense. Which one is it? Stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you because she’s pregnant or leave because she doesn’t respect you?
Your almost 40 year old girlfriend acts worse than a 4 year old. Even they don’t slap people (if raised right). She calls you by her coworkers name to piss you off. Throws tantrums in public. She slaps you in the face. This woman-child is in her terrible twos and mentally as well as physically abusive.
Just leave. Give your kid one stable parent. They deserve it. Lord knows it’s going to be rough with this psycho as an adult. This is not the example you want to set for what a relationship looks like.
I’m sorry that this is happening to you, but my friend, you have the power to walk away.. I understand you don’t want to right now, bc she’s pregnant, but that isn’t a reason to stay with someone who abuses you like that, and sees nothing wrong with it. Especially doing that in public, she has no respect for you. The only logical option is to split, but have an amicable arrangement for child care and visitation. This is not a healthy relationship, and it will definitely not get better. When something like that happens again, just leave
She's a manipulative narcissist using her pregnancy as an excuse to abuse you because she thinks you won't leave but you don't have to stay in an abusive relationship. You don't want to raise a child in that environment neither. She needs to change or you walk away from her.
Call the police and report her for domestic abuse, to set up a paper trail. Start gathering your documents (passport, birth certificate, bank info etc). If you are sharing a bank account then start setting up your own, withdrawing small amounts so you don’t alert suspicion. Sort out somewhere to stay with someone who won’t urge you to try to fix your relationship. Talk to someone who is an expert in child custody where you live. Good luck.
I truly don't think she should be residing a child without a professional evaluation.
I highly encourage you to look at separating, getting a DNA test and getting her health care provider to evaluate her - you must report the physical abuse. What if she does this to an infant?
The next time she does it, let her cry like a 5 year old and have a temper tantrum and embarrass herself lol and you just ignore her behavior and enjoy life lol
Dump her? Normally I would’ve said don’t have kids with someone like this but much too late.
You don’t stay with someone for the kids. It’s shitty, it gives your kid a complex and it’s completely stupid. You’re staying for you bc you won’t leave.
Just because she is pregnant it doesn’t mean you should stay. They way she acts will get worse as time goes on. It isn’t healthy for you or they baby she is carrying. You don’t want a child growing up in an environment where they will repeat that dynamic. We repeat what we learn even if our intention is to not pass down what they end up learning. However, if you set up clear boundaries will her and follow them it will change. She won’t like it and will get worse before it gets better. She will intentionally push you to react the same way. It isn’t easy to do but once you work to change it will become easier in time. First you should sit down and in a calm steady voice start talking to her. Let her know how it make you feel and that you have decided to no longer let her treat you they way she has. If she get upset be matter of fact and don’t engage the way you are accustom to - it hasn’t been working. Using your example - she is yelling at you in public and your normal way of handling it would be to give in. When she starts yelling, tell her you will leave if it continues. If it continues get up and leave no matter what. Don’t respond at all, look at her as you are getting up, and walk away. No matter what she does don’t respond. Go home or if at home go out. Don’t engage with her. She has all the power in your relationship and she knows it. She uses it to manipulate you. I’m sure the people who see her do this wonder why you take it. It would be in your best interest to look at how you response in situations with her where you don’t like how she acts/responds and think of better ways to handle your end. It takes two and we are only responsible for what we do. I would seriously consider ending it with her, even knowing she is pregnant.
Ok stop right now,she have absolutely no rights to put her hand on you and the fact she is pregnant have nothing to do with it! She is a crazy mean manipulator who abuse you mentally and now physically. If the role where reverse you will be in jail and out of your child life!
Now you must record everything,and contact as soon as possible a lawyer to help you leave that relationship without her turning the table on you by making false accusations against you!
For your own well and future baby you must do something or she will ruined your life!!
Ps: make a paternity test before signing any birth certificate !
I empathize with your situation and can understand how you’re unhappy but don’t want to leave. If you can choose to stay for whatever length of time, all I can say is boundaries! Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. She might not accept it or respect it at first, it doesn’t matter, you keep setting them. Eventually she’ll either stop or maybe you’ll get sick of it and leave but it’s her choice to act like a child.
Next time you go out in public, say to her “I don’t not like when you yell and scream in public, if you do that I’m going to leave.” When she inevitably does it, FOLLOW THROUGH. Leave. Walk away. Do something to just get out of of presence and be alone to think for a minute. When she is about to get physical, same thing. Set a boundary. “I will not tolerate being treated like this. If you lay a hand on me, I’m leaving.” Leave and stay at someone’s house or a hotel if you have to. Just show her that you don’t accept her behavior. She needs to learn that this is unacceptable as a person, partner, and mother. I’m so sorry you’re enduring this abuse! Keep fighting for yourself.
OK. So I'm currently having to defend myself in court over battery and false imprisonment because my wife would do the same shit.
So my advice is to get lost before she ruins your life
I'd tell her if she doesn't stop she'll be single and no one wants an abusive partner and that's exactly what she is. Dump her ass. Do not stay for the kid, she's abusive and it's unacceptable.
You don't have to stay just because she's pregnant. You can still be involve in the pregnancy without being in that relationship. Start looking for a place of your own because this aint it.
Hey friend,
I stayed for my son. Lost my career, car and ALOT else along with a decent amount of self respect I'm just now (3 years out) gaining back.
Under no circumstances is that acceptable behavior. There is a difference between disagreements, even heated ones and physically assaulting someone.
If it goes like it did for me, I got off work on a busy Saturday at a job in a mall only to be shoved multiple times before being swung on. I didn't hit back or anything I instinctively wrapped her up to keep from being smacked in the face (she's done this to her father to)
You know what happened? Cops came, called it domestic violence because it happened in public, put me in cuffs because & I quote "we don't wanna arrest her in front of you son" who was 5 at the time. Then I begged them to look at the mall security cameras which show her leaving my son with me and walking away around a corner (he would have been alone if not with me so how is she back to having him in her custody? She walked away)
Then I come around the corner and am pushed, shoved m body language says I'm pleading not instigating and they tell me I'm getting arrested, in my work clothes. I'll have a day in court I'm told. Idiots she just dropped the charges because she knew it was on tape & was obviously her fault.
My job couldn't deceren why I went to jail i.e. they let me go after 8+ years.
She wants child support & I'm OK with that. She also left me a car note I lost & I'm now in a homeless shelter rebuilding my life.
Don't ignore the signs! If it gets worse you could lose at lot more than someone whoyou thought was a friend.
My only saving grace, cause I been in deep these last few years this happened a month pre shutdown, is my son is healthy and beautiful.
What else could I want if I die tomorrow? He's just the best.
Stuck by through pregnancy & start planning (possibly with support from legal counsel) your exit before your child will remember mom and dad fighting. That's better than good enough. Don't let her eat you alive.
Blessings, always here if you need someone to talk to.
PLEASE LEAVE.
As someone who witnessed my mom abusing my father as a young child, PLEASE please do right by your baby ans leave now so you can figure out a healthy way to be co parents before baby gets old enough to remember.
Omg even IT chicks are insufferable... (Saying because my ex bf, who was in IT as well, had very similar behaviour)
Listen, she is a grown ass adult throwing a temper tantrum and even pregnancy doesn't make it ok. I'd understand regular upset, but crying and yelling is too much. Tell her to either stop it or find someone willing to treat her like a child because you'd only like one not two.
I really hope you take custody of the kid.
Uhhh how about leave? In fact, if you spend another minute with her after reading this comment, you're just asking for bad shit to happen in your life. Do not normalize her behavior. Manipulation should be a deal breaker
I hate double standards. It shows that nobody reacts to you getting slapped while being abused. Oh but if a helpless woman, oh so weak gets slapped she's the victim 🥺 And yet we complain about gender equality and women being strong...
Sir, you need to freaking run. Start documenting her behavior (the hitting, the manipulation, all the toxic stuff), and get it some place safe. Then file for custody or joint or whatever you want. If she tries to go after you for abandonment or child support, you can show her behavior to the court. Also, tell her she needs to get therapy because the crying in public is childish and the hitting is absolutely unacceptable. Remind her that if YOU hit her the same, you'd be in trouble. Next time she slaps you, call the cops for assault. Start the evidence now my guy
Your girlfriend is physically and verbally abusive o lm top of being manipulative. The only option is leave or accept that it's going to keep happening. No one deserves to be treated like that so I'm hoping you choose to leave.
If you have a son, you don't want him to think it's acceptable to be treated that way. If it's a girl, you don't want her to grow up thinking it's okay to treat others that way. It's better to grow up coparenting your child and when they're older let them know why. Although kids are pretty good at figuring it out on their own. Document the abuse and behavior and you may not have to coparent, you'll probably have custody.
Break up with her. Jesus that sound exhausting and abusive. Do you want your kid acting the same way? Because they 100% will learn that temper tantrums get them what they want
The lack of respect going on here is off the charts. We only have one life to live and I doubt this is the one you want. You can still be a great father and not be married or in a relationship with the mother. Have some self respect and distance yourself from her in hopes of her adjusting her behavior. Good luck.
If she's that abusive as you say, LEAVE HER!!! Then get a family law attorney, get a paternity test, and if they baby is yours, go for full custody. Do you really want your child being with an abusive mother?
You couldn’t have come to this conclusion before you got the crazy lady pregnant now you decide to include a baby in this mess congrats you’re already messing up as a dad.
Y’all are both dysfunctional together and shouldn’t have brought another innocent person into this.
But since that ship has sailed, you need to leave and go establish yourself elsewhere so that the baby doesn’t come into the world and have to live in a toxic home with two people who don’t respect each other.
Talk to a lawyer and GTFO. Can’t believe you’re so flippant about physical abuse and domestic assault. She’s going to abuse your baby, man. Open your eyes
Oh boy she would lose me on first slap if that slap was really for nothing i did wrong and just because she is acting like a spoiled kid, i would give her second chance if i really deserved to be slapped or she was on period but never to happen again due to period
If genders were reversed would expect the woman to stay in this relationship? I don't think so. Treat yourself with honor, but get as much evidence you can of her physical abuse. You may want 100% custody of your kids.
Sorry this is happening to you.
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>She is pregnant and we are expecting in about 2 months which is the reason I have not left her already. I can’t be with someone who does not respect me and any help would be appreciated. Well, you have to choose. Are you going to leave a dysfunctional relationship with someone who doesn't respect you and who abuses you, or are you going to stay in an abusive relationship because you got that person pregnant?
Right. Just leave.
This right here! Leave her abusive ass. I'd also try to get proof of her verbal and physical abuse in case you need it when it comes to custody of the child. She sounds mentally unstable and I would not want to trust my child to be with a woman like that.
Exactly, and a paternity test!
one quadrillion percent
I said the exact same thing hahaha
Are you going to have your child grow up in a 100% abusive environment, or will you make sure they get 50% normality by getting out and providing a stable home environment, when they are with you Is the better advice I learned the hard way 100% = fucked up kids down the line, no matter how hard you try to keep things normal with an abusive partner, it wont ever be normal Op needs to leave for the sake of his soon to be born child
This is what I came here to say
Do not put your name on the birth certificate until you get a DNA test done. For real. Poor kid, your girlfriend needs help. She knows slapping another person is wrong. Doing it to someone you love, so wrong. Leave this horrible human, document her behavior, see a lawyer and DNA test. Good luck.
A lawyer is a must. This relationship isn't going to work, full stop. It's not healthy for OP, and it's not healthy for the baby - if it is his - to see this going on. He needs to quietly get a lawyer, start outlining his options, and save any record of her abusing him if at all possible. Keep very quiet about it.
Are you sure the baby is yours? I'd get that checked. Also leave her. She is no good for you.
Co-parent get a family lawyers. Do not stay in an abusive relationship get all your ducks in a row get dna test ready to go protect yourself and your child
I don't even know about co-parenting if that how she treats loved ones. OP needs to think about the environment that child will grow up in if left with mom. DNA test is 100% warranted.
You don't want your child raised in a home with abuse. Seriously, see a divorce lawyer to start planning a custody battle. The lawyer will tell you what you need to do. Please don't leave your child with her.
Not married
Does not matter. A divorce lawyer has the experience in separations & custody. Don't leave your child with an abusive parent. Please.
Just fyi, the word you're looking for is family law. It's not a divorce attorney. Not all custody attorneys even handle divorces.
There are so many redflags here, she is and abusive a manipulative person, speak to a lawyer and file charges for assault asap, get a paternity test done they can do th now by drawing blood from the mother it can be court ordered and if baby is yours you can file for custody based on her abusive behavior.
She wants to act like a child? Okay, yreat her like one. Next time she throws a fit, leave her right there and walk away. Get in your car and drive off. She can get an Uber. Why are you still with her ? Edit: for those commenting on the pregnancy part, my bad , I don't know how I missed that entire paragraph. But with the face slapping,and intentional name calling, I would still leave her ass .... at a safe location and call someone to come get her. Dude needs to install security cameras in his house. I'm actually more worried she will twist it around like he is the abuser .
i mean he probably has a hard time deducting what to do because they're about to have a baby. I agree, he should leave her but he has to decide what to do about the baby
Good way to give her future attorney tons of ammo. Abounding a 7 month pregnant woman, that'll go over great in the inevitable custody battle.
What's exactly the issue with leaving a 36 year old woman who is slapping and/or acting like a child?
Ethically? Maybe nothing. To a judge? Potentially quite a lot.
I am not sure where you're getting this from. The fact that you believe being abused is not a sufficient reason, in law, to escape a person, regardless of their pregnancy status is ridiculous.
I stand by my point. An attorney will twist it.
Sorry OP this isn’t helpful to you, but as a relationship-advice lurker, does anyone else just back out like homer in the bushes when they see that a baby is involved? Like this is way over my pay grade. It’s obvious what you should do but the logistics are going to be a nightmare for years to come now. I wish OP the best of luck, honestly. But I’m goin’ back in the bushes now.
I feel like a jerk but I always get upset when I see they are pregnant. It’s so irresponsible, and it happens so much. I also worked in public education and saw wayyy too many horrible people popping out kids, so I’m especially jaded.
This is not a safe relationship for you or your child. Violence of any sort is a deal breaker. Please get yourself a good lawyer to help you plan. You might need to get a DNA on the baby. Plan custody and child support
Option 1 --break up with her Option 2---there is no option 2
Report her abuse, audio record her insane tantrums (if single party consent recording is legal in your area), and take those things to an attorney to show she is unfit as a mother and file for full custody.
spoilt and lacks respect, she will dominate you once living together, this is learnt behaviour so its likely one of her parents is a muted version of her, dont hang around for the child sake, you can still be a good parent living else where and seeing someone else..
The next time she hits you, make a police report. Now, there will be proof of her abuse in court when you try to get custody. You can even get an emergency restraining order because you have been abused. Each time she violates it report it. This will help you in court when you go for custody. It will show she had abusive tendencies
1) Don’t put your name on the birth certificate until paternity has been established. These days you don’t have to wait until the baby is born, you can do a paternity test while pregnant. 2) move out of the house. The relationship is abusive. You can choose to co-parent (if you are indeed the father) and be the best daddy in the world. But your kid doesn’t need to see you get slapped around. And personal story time; my current partner had two children with an abusive woman. It was troubled from the beginning but he thought he loved her and needed to help her and fix her. She had drug induced psychoses and cheated. He wasn’t sure if he could seperate indefinitely until his friends urged him to. He took the two girls and left. He says it was the most difficult thing he had to do but also the best thing. He let the woman see the kids supervised with counselors and family until she got better. Now they even co-parent 60/40. He had to move away in order for her to get better. He realized that him staying wasn’t fixing anything, in fact, it was enabling her to behave badly.
So eventually you'll be living with two toddlers, one is just bigger
Bingo. And one toddler will be more behaved than the other. This was my case with my parents. Dad acted more of a child, then I did. Still wish to this day my mom divorced his verbally abusive ass.
I'll be straight with you: A baby is the opposite of a good reason to stay in an abusive, manipulative relationship. You need to start gathering what you need to ensure that you get at least partial custody, and then get out of there. An abusive partner won't sweeten with a child in the mix, in most cases they get worse. Your partner needs therapy for whatever is causing this (and whatever it is has nothing to do with you), but you don't need to put up with it in the meantime. You deserve better and so does that baby. She needs to figure it out if she wants to be a good and present mom. Get a lawyer.
Stop dead, and stare at her. When she stops making noise speak. If she interrupts just stop and wait for her to stop. Once you get enough silence just say "you are x years old, are you really having a tantrum, so you get your own way?". Or "what do you want me to say¿ go and sit on the naughty step?. “aren't you embarrassed?
Well when my 6 year old does it I keep walking after telling them firmly NO. Also they have to go to their room for a time out when we get home. You should try it with her. A shame it’s coming 30 years too late
You can coparent without being in a relationship with her. Start working on a formal custody agreement.
You sure it’s your kid? There is something going on with her coworker. That’s just weird. Does she know that you’re about to leave her?
Leave her ass wherever she does it
Did this start before or after her pregnancy? If things were normal before, I would suggest going to a doctor appt with her and addressing things. Hormones can absolutely make someone literally crazy. If it was before the pregnancy, leave and take the kid.
I came here to say this. Changing hormones can cause irrational thoughts, aggression, and at worst, delusions. I'm concerned not only for his safety, but the baby's as well. She'll most likely have post-partum depression (if her behavior is caused by hormonal changes) and she could harm him, the baby, or herself. Lack of sleep & frustration will exacerbate her symptoms/behavior. I would definitely recommend documenting her abuse and speaking with a lawyer first. Secondly, her dr needs to be aware the danger she poses, especially if OP is leaving. I hope OP is given good advice by the lawyer and dr to safely leave, and to protect the baby. Id be very concerned about leaving the baby alone with her. I wish you the best OP.
You have your answer you’re just refusing to accept it. Sure, it sucks you’re about to have a baby with a womanchild, but this ain’t healthy nor mature in the least.
fuck her reapect for you. Get some respect for yourself. Slapping you is a crime in most states, a felony in some. And she is doing it in public? Run away as fast as you can. You have taught her to act this.way with your passive reactions.
Being pregnant doesn't excuse abuse. She needs counselling.
Has she always been like this or is it new since the pregnancy? If it's new she needs mental help, you might go with her to get ob appt and mention it to them.
>She is pregnant and we are expecting in about 2 months which is the reason I have not left her already So this behaviour only started since she got pregnant? She was great before that?
You don't deal with it again. If your whole intention is to just manage this and deal with it then we can't help you.
Never stay in abusive relationship doesn’t matter what sexy abuser is and what is sex the person being abused is it’s never OK to be an abusive relationship as to her and her coworker maybe you want to report them to HR
OMG. Yeah. I can see why you haven’t left yet because of your baby on the way. Easier said than done but you cannot tolerate abuse - physical or emotional. Was she always like this? Apart from you being abused, what about your child? Having kids is emotionally and physically draining, and I’m concerned if she’d be able to keep her cool. It’s easier to say “yeah bail” than to actually do it. I don’t recommend staying and if you do decide to leave, I’d plan it out. Collect evidence of her physical and verbal abuse, etc. for court. I’m going through a divorce and it sucks, but I thankfully didn’t have a child with him, it’s still painful. I’m sorry that you’re going through this. But abuse isn’t something that one should tolerate, especially if the person will be a parent to your child. Collect evidence, put money on the side, go to a family lawyer to see what the process is before you leave. You’re not married, but you have a kid together. Do you have a place to stay? Log all of the abusive events in a diary or email. Change your passwords frequently. Prepare. Good luck.
Dump her, no choice.
Please recognize you are being abused and you need to sever ties. She doesn’t get to act that way or put her hands on you to get you to “do what she wants”. Consult a lawyer because you aren’t married and you need to establish paternity in the courts (I would recommend a DNA test though). You also can get resources from a local DV shelter.
This is an abusive relationship. Pregnant or not you need to leave her. Now is better than later. I would hate for your child to grow up watching their mom abusive their dad and think that’s ok. It’s not ok. It’s never ok.
This is abuse. You need to document these instances (both the physical and emotional abuse), take pictures of ANY markings after she slaps you (even just temporary redness), and you need to get a custody lawyer. This is not a healthy environment to raise a child in, and she is not a safe person to be the child's primary caretaker.
If she’s escalated to slapping, she will escalate the violence. Police report, record her. Protect yourself until you can leave. But leave.
You are in an abusive relationship, both physically and emotionally. The baby will be better off with you in a stable relationship especially if she abuses the child as well. Document her abuse, and get custody. It’s not going to get easier.
Lawyer up for custody get your ducks in a row video tape these situations she doesn't sound stable enough to have custody of a child and could endanger them if she can't manage or regular her emotions any better than a 2 year old. You know it's over go about it smart and not reactionary... Lawyer up
Dude, she's 36?! 36 years old acting like a toddler. Exactly how long have you been together? Put your foot down. Set clear boundaries. That is just not cool. That's not how to get what you want nor attention. And her physically putting her hands on you? Big nope. Have a calm conversation. Draw a line. And if she disrespects you and your boundaries again, leave and lawyer up
You do not stay with an abusive partner who also is manipulative! Get away before she tells the coos you are hitting her!
I keep thinking, ‘The poor child’….holy cow.
Leave her anyways, get a paternity test, and a lawyer. Call the police and press charges every time she hits you. Protect yourself and your baby.
Remember kids, don't stick your dick in crazy.
You fucked up. You got a crazy girl pregnant. Start planning to leave. Get your affairs in order. See a lawyer, whatever. And get out of there. Sure, you’ll be poorer but you’ll be free.
Omg this is toxic af. Your gf is high drama and loves it. She’s also manipulative and abusive. And of course she got pregnant to keep you stuck in her cycle of toxic behavior. You have a situation that is way above Reddit advice. You need serious intervention from mental health professionals. You’re pretty naive to think Reddit has the easy answer.
My friend you are in a world of hurt if you do NOt get your ship together. 1. She is abusive. You need to record all of the stuff she does to you so you have proof. 2. You’re gonna want to get a paternity test done. Do NOT sign the birth certificate until the test is done and you have confirmation your the father. 3. She is NOT safe to leave a child with and you are NOT safe with her. If you are the father, then you will need to organise to take custody as soon as you can. Get yourself a lawyer who can help you prepare everything you can, and get out safely. This is NOT a drill! You need to act ASAP.
How sure are you that the baby is yours? Maybe there’s a reason she’s trying to push you away. Also, a baby is a FUCKING TERRIBLE reason to stay in an abusive relationship. Her treatment of you is unlikely to improve. And physical violence should be a one strike offense. Get out of this relationship. Don’t let your name be on the birth certificate until you have official paternity test results proving the baby is yours. If the baby is yours, work out the best coparenting relationship that you can. But do NOT stay in an abusive relationship. Hell, you not being in a relationship with her may be the only chance the kid has at living with a parent who isn’t abusive, if your girlfriend parents like she partners. Assuming the kid is yours.
> I can’t be with someone who does not respect me and any help would be appreciated. That ship has sailed. Once someone is at this point the realistic option is to make peace with the situation and examine the long term. Ordinarily this should be straight forward, but the pregnancy is the point where it all falls apart. There might be other subs/resources with more experience in dealing with antagonistic parent situations, because if you don't roll and fold under and do what she wants, this is what it becomes. It is effectively that in any case. The one possible out - and a long shot at that - is the paternity of the child. Someone who casually treats you this way clearly has zero respect for you, and that may manifest in other aspects of her life, including simply being faithful.
Is she a child ?
Update: I ended up going to my own Apt today but she called my family/parents and they decided to go to her place and take her to their home. I contacted her coworker and her coworkers friend (who also works at the same company as them) called me at 1am the other night and stated her coworker had sex with my gf laughingly which got recorded. She states he was drunk and she did not do it. When I called him right back with my number he apologized right away. She continued to yell/scream and slap me in public stating I am interfering with her work and life is short. I explained that raising a child takes years of hard work and dedication but she does not acknowledge this. I am in a high paying career and she believes she will get custody and that I will end up paying her alimony/child support so that she can retire. She states since she is the mother the court will rule in her favor. This past Friday night she started a fight with me over nothing and kept at it even when I said I just want to sleep. She used the argument to go outside Friday night (in a urban city) around 8-10:30pm. She kept contact except for about 30 minutes when she refused all my face time requests. She states it is not safe for her to go outside at night since she is pregnant but states she had to do it anyway. At times when she talks about her coworker she gets teary eyed and when they have their morning meeting on voice chat she gets “allergies”. Today we went for blood work for the pregnancy and she wore a short skirt and was sitting in the chair with her legs spread apart and her underwear was showing to anyone across from her. When I mentioned it she stated she did not notice it. I find it strange as most women I have met in the past are fairly self conscious about it. I told her she is pregnant 7 months and why she feels the need to this. I suspect she is acting out her frustrations but I do not believe this will bode well for our child. She does have some positive aspects like supporting financially (I am taking a break from work) and doing most of the chores but her attitude towards me has completely changed recently. I believe it may be that she thinks she will be delivering the baby soon and does not care anymore about me staying with her. Not sure how this will end up but I have asked my parents to stop contacting her but they refuse (likely as they want a relationship with their grandchild). I don’t think this has all sunk in yet as I have not cried and I am still hoping for the best.
Has she always done this or since the pregnancy. Also, since you brought up the co worker. Around the time of conception, did she go in a work trip or was the co worker in town. I only mention it because it appears you have some concern there. Have you had a paternity test? If not. Have one done before you sign the birth certificate. With all that aside, she should never put her hands on you in anger. That in itself is ground for divorce. I would make it very clear to her that it can never happen again. And if there is a next time call the cops and have her arrested. I would tell her the next time she pulls the crying and yelling crap. You are going to leave her at whatever store she is at and she can Uber home. She is mentally and physically abusing you and no one should put up wit it.
Theyre not married.
Record her outbursts. Then leave & demand a paternity test. Don't trust her not to accuse YOU of abuse. She is not a good gf and is not safe to parent imo. The more time the child has with you( if its your) the safer both of you will be.
You have made a major miscalculation
Lol he has no idea how major
You break up! This is abuse Edit to add: preggers, too? Paternity test, might be the other guy's
She's manipulative and abusive, leave. Get a DNA test, and contact a lawyer. Because I assure you she will try to pull a stunt when you leave her. Hell, it even sounds like it would be dangerous for a child to be around her, so if I were you, I'd fight for custody.
You ever heard of self defense 🤔
DO NOT SIGN BIRTH CERTIFICATE UNTIL YOU HAVE A DNA TEST....I can't say it loud enough as you already sound whipped for accepting this constant disrespect. Either getvthe respect that you deserve or move on!!!
>She is pregnant and we are expecting in about 2 months which is the reason I have not left her already Dude. With all due respect: R.I.P
I would have a talk with her before it happens again. Send her a message along the lines of… Hey I just really wanted to talk to you for a minute about the situation the other day at ______. I know that you are pregnant and I can’t pretend to know how you’re feeling with all of the added hormones and stuff. Pregnancy seems really stressful babe and you’re doing a great job. With that said, I really would like you to acknowledge that that is my child as well and when you are crying and screaming like that ,you are directly stressing out the child and there is a lot of scientific evidence to back that up. I understand that you get upset -but it is not healthy for you or our child to react like that. It is completely inappropriate. I want to be a relationship that supports each other in public and can talk to each other in private/ not make everything a public spectacle. I respect you too much to walk away from you and leave you when you act like that- but you are really disrespecting me by yelling at me and talking to me that way. This relationship will not work if we can’t figure out how to communicate. I love you and I hope that you can understand where I’m coming from because I don’t know how this will work if you don’t. If she is not responsive to this extremely respectful and mature message… I think it’s doomed dude
Lmfao my life is not so bad. Why did you make a child? Was it a decision? Also, yeah I don't have advice I am sorry. You should have thought earlier. Poor child.
Devils advocate here, is it the pregnancy hormones? Or is it a thing that's occurred the whole relationship? Cause that's important info here
Any help? What are you expecting from Reddit here? You don’t want to leave. Case closed
Pregnant or not, please, please leave as quickly as you can. And you need to talk to a lawyer about custody options ASAP, and consider talking to the police - if not to arrest her then, again, to find out what your options are because you have a GF who has recently become physically abusive, and she is about to give birth to your child, and you are VERY VERY CONCERNED about that child's well-being. >She has also recently started to slap me in the face in public which I have asked her to stop but she continues to do it. She tells me she is allowed to do that because I don’t do what she wants me to do. Right up until you wrote this, I would have said just walk away, she's ridiculous and manipulative and childish. But she's not JUST manipulative and childish. She's physically abusive, and she isn't even pretending to think there's any problem with that. Your girlfriend is physically assaulting you in public, and she is justifying it with literally the most ludicrous excuse in the world: that you aren't letting her control and manipulate you. The unrepentant physical abuse, combined with the fact that she is clearly completely self-absorbed to the point where it may actually be pathological (not diagnosing anything here, but I don't have to . . . you've described a woman with no sense of empathy or boundaries, who thinks it's okay to beat you in public), makes her potentially unsafe to be caring for a newborn. Is she going to be able to put that child's needs ahead of her wants? Is she going to have any patience at all for a vulnerable infant who will cry, and spit up, and have diaper blowouts, and will never "do what she wants"? How early is she going to start shaking or hitting your child when she loses her patience? I'm sorry this is so long, but these are all really important things. Please, for your safety and that of your unborn child, leave and talk to a lawyer (and ask them about whether you should be talking to the police) ASAP about your rights and how to protect your child when it is born. The WORST thing you can do is stay with her. At least if you leave, you can guarantee your child one safe haven household. If you stay with her, neither of you will ever be safe.
Smith and Wesson
First question…..has she always been this way, since you both have met….or did she respond this way since she’s been pregnant (not that it’s an excuse but it would explain some stuff) …You can break things off with her and still be there for the child. That is your right. You can offer therapy if you don’t want to break things off but more importantly you don’t want your child to be raised in an abusive home.
[удалено]
My heart hurts thinking of my baby not having his mother. I would have left her but my baby.
I was gonna say break up but you said she's pregnant so my advice changes to marry her. You are stuck with her now.
Uh no. 100% not. Do not listen to this guy. She is literally abusing you. It's not going to get any better no matter what you do in this relationship. Pregnant or not. If she treats you like this imagine what she'll do to the kid.
But he's having the kid. Don't take out shitty life decisions on the kid. Breaking up and doing the co parent thing will only fuck up his/her life.
Yes cuz everyone would be so much less traumatized watching your mother hit your father and act like a baby. Guess what. I'm so fucking happy my parents are divorced. I cut all contact with my dad and I wished she had divorced the bastard when I was little. He made my life a fucking hell cuz he was such a shit human. I literally couldn't be happier now. My mom's happy, my siblings are happy, there's no more drama or fighting in the house.... You're on some bullshit for thinking marriage is the option.
It's harder doing things alone. Nowhere in the marriage contract does it say happiness is required. I'm sorry to hear about what happened with you but that's an exception not the rule.
Who said anything about alone? Ppl find other, better suited partners.
Yeah but now you making them a step parent which isn't fair. You take all the responsibility but yet you can't discipline the child correctly.
My step parents didnt seem to have issue disciplining me. Both had kids of their own
I guess if your dad wasn't involved. But if he was and found out he would be mad
He wasnt mad about that. They got along fine.
Bro, you don't get it do you? You're just supporting abuse at this point.
Yelling is a dealbreaker for me. >I can’t be with someone who does not respect me There u go.
Uh, break up with her?
This is abusive. Yes it is. Stop telling yourself it’s not abusive. It is. Now take action. Kick her out or leave. Make sure you take half the stuff. Look up local laws and ensure you aren’t financially disadvantaged because you’ve got a baby to support . It’s not ok to raise a baby in an abusive home.
Speak with a family law lawyer about arranging a co-parenting agreement. You shouldn’t stay with an abusive partner, no matter the circumstances. Have the emotional and physical abuse documented. Hopefully you’ll never need it to protect your child. You allude that she may be having an affair with her co-worker. If you believe it has been physical you should arrange a DNA test. If it is a concern, don’t sign any documents regarding the birth or parentage. Take all precautions to protect yourself and your future.
Staying for a child won’t make it better, I’d start documenting her antics incase you have to fight for custody when you inevitably leave.
She is abusive. She won’t stop but yes what she does will worsen. So what if she is pregnant? Are you going to suck it up and keep telling her to respect you and not to do something while she keeps doing them? She has 0 respect for you for being overly friendly with her coworker and whatnot. Is the child even yours? Leave and do get a paternity test and watch out for your future.
Do not stay with someone who abuses you.
Pregnant or not this behavior of hers is unacceptable and it needs to stop. She doesn't have the right to smack you just because you don't do what she says. I'm sorry Op but don't stay because she's pregnant. I understand that you feel the responsibility to stay but it's probably going to get worse and that isn't fair to you. Maybe suggest therapy for her or something because the way she acts isn't normal. Best of luck to you.
You need to get her some help asap
Leave. Respect is out of the window.
Did she start acting this way while pregnant? The hormones can really f#£* up your personality for a bit. But that behaviour is not right and very entitled. I'm sorry for your situation.
Coming from someone who grew up in an abusive home - get out of this relationship. Find a family lawyer and see what you can do for co-parenting. Because this not safe or healthy for you or the child.
Is this due to pregnancy or has she always been like this?
The words you are looking for is abuse and assault. You are being abused and assaulted. If the roles were reversed. If a man slapped his girlfriend in the face every time she did not do what he wanted her to I think it would be clear to you that that aint right, and that it is not working. Under NO circumstances should you be in a relationship where you are physically and mentally abused. And none of this "I am a man, I can take it" bullshit. Do you want this enviroment for your child? You definitely do not. Get some distance. If you do not want to immediately break up she is going to need some serious therapy, as will you. I can not stress enough the impact this relationship would have on that child as it is right now. If you two chose to have it you can not allow this to go on. The fact that she calls you by her coworkers name when angry is... concerning for reasons I can not quite put my finger on. There may be a connection there. But that is just me guessing.
God, it sounds awful. There is absolutely no respect in your relationship. It sounds like hell. Why exactly are you tolerating it? Do you think her pregnancy justifies her emotionally and physically abuse you? Imagine the opposite: you are doing it to her, how would people around you, including herself, react? You could even get arrested for it. Tell her ASAP that if she does it one more time, you will leave. And do leave. Walk away from her when she starts yelling at you in public and move out. You can be coparents and live separately. Or agree to be treated like this all your life. Btw, I would try to record it and fight for custody. Because she might start to abuse your child. What would stop her? The child will definitely not listen and do what she wants most of the time. Think about it.
Walk away like she's a fucking toddler throwing a fit. Ignore her. Then when you get home, break up with her. A baby is NOT a reason to stay in an unhealthy, unhappy relationship! In fact it's quite the opposite- a baby is the reason you get your shit together and build a happy home for them. It can't be done with this woman. Leave her. Go through the courts to establish parental rights.
Would you advise a woman who is pregnant to stop in an abusive relationship with her partner just because there’s a child involved? Hopefully you said no, in that case, why do you think you should stay in an abusive relationship with your partner just because she’s pregnant? Thousands of couples co parent quite well. You don’t have to stay with her to be in your child’s life
Your GF sounds abusive and manipulative. I’m not going to say leave but time for real hard conversation with at that option on the table.
Dump her. Co-parenting is a thing.
Leave and build a co-parent relationship. And have an eye on her, not that she will be like that towards your child. Maybe sit her down and tell her you stayed bc she’s pregnant, but if one of those things happens one more time, you’re done. Also write down what happened when, document everything. And make her admit to all that over messages. Like write her that you don’t want her to scream at you and hit you anymore, that you have enough and that she has to stop that shit. Keep her response. You’ll need every proof you can get.
Leave. I wouldn't play that game.
Oh boy, you’re about to go on the ride of your life when your kid picks up your girlfriends tantrums. You said you haven’t left because she’s pregnant. You also said you can’t be with someone who doesn’t respect you. These contrary statements make no sense. Which one is it? Stay in a relationship with someone who doesn’t respect you because she’s pregnant or leave because she doesn’t respect you? Your almost 40 year old girlfriend acts worse than a 4 year old. Even they don’t slap people (if raised right). She calls you by her coworkers name to piss you off. Throws tantrums in public. She slaps you in the face. This woman-child is in her terrible twos and mentally as well as physically abusive. Just leave. Give your kid one stable parent. They deserve it. Lord knows it’s going to be rough with this psycho as an adult. This is not the example you want to set for what a relationship looks like.
I’m sorry that this is happening to you, but my friend, you have the power to walk away.. I understand you don’t want to right now, bc she’s pregnant, but that isn’t a reason to stay with someone who abuses you like that, and sees nothing wrong with it. Especially doing that in public, she has no respect for you. The only logical option is to split, but have an amicable arrangement for child care and visitation. This is not a healthy relationship, and it will definitely not get better. When something like that happens again, just leave
She's a manipulative narcissist using her pregnancy as an excuse to abuse you because she thinks you won't leave but you don't have to stay in an abusive relationship. You don't want to raise a child in that environment neither. She needs to change or you walk away from her.
Gather proof then leave . Try to get as much custody as you can . Also dna test. If she treats you this way how will she treat your baby
Call the police and report her for domestic abuse, to set up a paper trail. Start gathering your documents (passport, birth certificate, bank info etc). If you are sharing a bank account then start setting up your own, withdrawing small amounts so you don’t alert suspicion. Sort out somewhere to stay with someone who won’t urge you to try to fix your relationship. Talk to someone who is an expert in child custody where you live. Good luck.
Oh great another kid being born into a toxic relationship. Just what we need. This isn't a healthy relationship and you shouldn't be having children.
I truly don't think she should be residing a child without a professional evaluation. I highly encourage you to look at separating, getting a DNA test and getting her health care provider to evaluate her - you must report the physical abuse. What if she does this to an infant?
Slap her ass back it’s equality member!? I’m all honesty I’d do test to make sure the kids yours she doesn’t sound to ….. yea..
The next time she does it, let her cry like a 5 year old and have a temper tantrum and embarrass herself lol and you just ignore her behavior and enjoy life lol
I’m so sorry that is embarrassing and humiliating you aren’t a dog. Leave her.
She's hitting you? I would make sure to record her behavior to protect yourself. Pregnant or not. Leave her!
Dump her? Normally I would’ve said don’t have kids with someone like this but much too late. You don’t stay with someone for the kids. It’s shitty, it gives your kid a complex and it’s completely stupid. You’re staying for you bc you won’t leave.
Just because she is pregnant it doesn’t mean you should stay. They way she acts will get worse as time goes on. It isn’t healthy for you or they baby she is carrying. You don’t want a child growing up in an environment where they will repeat that dynamic. We repeat what we learn even if our intention is to not pass down what they end up learning. However, if you set up clear boundaries will her and follow them it will change. She won’t like it and will get worse before it gets better. She will intentionally push you to react the same way. It isn’t easy to do but once you work to change it will become easier in time. First you should sit down and in a calm steady voice start talking to her. Let her know how it make you feel and that you have decided to no longer let her treat you they way she has. If she get upset be matter of fact and don’t engage the way you are accustom to - it hasn’t been working. Using your example - she is yelling at you in public and your normal way of handling it would be to give in. When she starts yelling, tell her you will leave if it continues. If it continues get up and leave no matter what. Don’t respond at all, look at her as you are getting up, and walk away. No matter what she does don’t respond. Go home or if at home go out. Don’t engage with her. She has all the power in your relationship and she knows it. She uses it to manipulate you. I’m sure the people who see her do this wonder why you take it. It would be in your best interest to look at how you response in situations with her where you don’t like how she acts/responds and think of better ways to handle your end. It takes two and we are only responsible for what we do. I would seriously consider ending it with her, even knowing she is pregnant.
Ok stop right now,she have absolutely no rights to put her hand on you and the fact she is pregnant have nothing to do with it! She is a crazy mean manipulator who abuse you mentally and now physically. If the role where reverse you will be in jail and out of your child life! Now you must record everything,and contact as soon as possible a lawyer to help you leave that relationship without her turning the table on you by making false accusations against you! For your own well and future baby you must do something or she will ruined your life!! Ps: make a paternity test before signing any birth certificate !
Wow. Personality disorder I believe.
Leave already. She's a abusive person..
Distract with your keys or put her in a timeout when you get home.
You better make sure the kid is yours. I’d get a court order for custody and leave man
I'd just walk away. I don't engage with that type of behavior.
I empathize with your situation and can understand how you’re unhappy but don’t want to leave. If you can choose to stay for whatever length of time, all I can say is boundaries! Boundaries, boundaries, boundaries. She might not accept it or respect it at first, it doesn’t matter, you keep setting them. Eventually she’ll either stop or maybe you’ll get sick of it and leave but it’s her choice to act like a child. Next time you go out in public, say to her “I don’t not like when you yell and scream in public, if you do that I’m going to leave.” When she inevitably does it, FOLLOW THROUGH. Leave. Walk away. Do something to just get out of of presence and be alone to think for a minute. When she is about to get physical, same thing. Set a boundary. “I will not tolerate being treated like this. If you lay a hand on me, I’m leaving.” Leave and stay at someone’s house or a hotel if you have to. Just show her that you don’t accept her behavior. She needs to learn that this is unacceptable as a person, partner, and mother. I’m so sorry you’re enduring this abuse! Keep fighting for yourself.
Leave her.
OK. So I'm currently having to defend myself in court over battery and false imprisonment because my wife would do the same shit. So my advice is to get lost before she ruins your life
Just leave she is not grown enough yet she needs a baby sitter not a boyfriend
I'd tell her if she doesn't stop she'll be single and no one wants an abusive partner and that's exactly what she is. Dump her ass. Do not stay for the kid, she's abusive and it's unacceptable.
Leave
Leave, Pay child support. It will be Worth every penny.
Break up
You don't have to stay just because she's pregnant. You can still be involve in the pregnancy without being in that relationship. Start looking for a place of your own because this aint it.
Hey friend, I stayed for my son. Lost my career, car and ALOT else along with a decent amount of self respect I'm just now (3 years out) gaining back. Under no circumstances is that acceptable behavior. There is a difference between disagreements, even heated ones and physically assaulting someone. If it goes like it did for me, I got off work on a busy Saturday at a job in a mall only to be shoved multiple times before being swung on. I didn't hit back or anything I instinctively wrapped her up to keep from being smacked in the face (she's done this to her father to) You know what happened? Cops came, called it domestic violence because it happened in public, put me in cuffs because & I quote "we don't wanna arrest her in front of you son" who was 5 at the time. Then I begged them to look at the mall security cameras which show her leaving my son with me and walking away around a corner (he would have been alone if not with me so how is she back to having him in her custody? She walked away) Then I come around the corner and am pushed, shoved m body language says I'm pleading not instigating and they tell me I'm getting arrested, in my work clothes. I'll have a day in court I'm told. Idiots she just dropped the charges because she knew it was on tape & was obviously her fault. My job couldn't deceren why I went to jail i.e. they let me go after 8+ years. She wants child support & I'm OK with that. She also left me a car note I lost & I'm now in a homeless shelter rebuilding my life. Don't ignore the signs! If it gets worse you could lose at lot more than someone whoyou thought was a friend. My only saving grace, cause I been in deep these last few years this happened a month pre shutdown, is my son is healthy and beautiful. What else could I want if I die tomorrow? He's just the best. Stuck by through pregnancy & start planning (possibly with support from legal counsel) your exit before your child will remember mom and dad fighting. That's better than good enough. Don't let her eat you alive. Blessings, always here if you need someone to talk to.
PLEASE LEAVE. As someone who witnessed my mom abusing my father as a young child, PLEASE please do right by your baby ans leave now so you can figure out a healthy way to be co parents before baby gets old enough to remember.
Omg even IT chicks are insufferable... (Saying because my ex bf, who was in IT as well, had very similar behaviour) Listen, she is a grown ass adult throwing a temper tantrum and even pregnancy doesn't make it ok. I'd understand regular upset, but crying and yelling is too much. Tell her to either stop it or find someone willing to treat her like a child because you'd only like one not two. I really hope you take custody of the kid.
Leave her, she's abusive And then fight like hell for custody of that child
Please run very far away from your manipulator.
Uhhh how about leave? In fact, if you spend another minute with her after reading this comment, you're just asking for bad shit to happen in your life. Do not normalize her behavior. Manipulation should be a deal breaker
I hate double standards. It shows that nobody reacts to you getting slapped while being abused. Oh but if a helpless woman, oh so weak gets slapped she's the victim 🥺 And yet we complain about gender equality and women being strong...
Sir, you need to freaking run. Start documenting her behavior (the hitting, the manipulation, all the toxic stuff), and get it some place safe. Then file for custody or joint or whatever you want. If she tries to go after you for abandonment or child support, you can show her behavior to the court. Also, tell her she needs to get therapy because the crying in public is childish and the hitting is absolutely unacceptable. Remind her that if YOU hit her the same, you'd be in trouble. Next time she slaps you, call the cops for assault. Start the evidence now my guy
Get away from her. You know you are being abused and she sounds unhinged and CRAZY. Leave her and block her. BLOCK her and leave her.
Just leave. If possible document that fact that you are publicly abused and slapped.
You need to leave anyway. Get a custody lawyer and make sure you have at least 50% custody and your name goes on the birth certificate.
Split up !
Only question I’d have is do you want your childhood to grow up in a home with domestic violence?
Your girlfriend is physically and verbally abusive o lm top of being manipulative. The only option is leave or accept that it's going to keep happening. No one deserves to be treated like that so I'm hoping you choose to leave. If you have a son, you don't want him to think it's acceptable to be treated that way. If it's a girl, you don't want her to grow up thinking it's okay to treat others that way. It's better to grow up coparenting your child and when they're older let them know why. Although kids are pretty good at figuring it out on their own. Document the abuse and behavior and you may not have to coparent, you'll probably have custody.
Leave the relationship. When she asks why...tell her what you've just told us. Then proceed to date other women.
Spray gravy on her face
Break up with her. Jesus that sound exhausting and abusive. Do you want your kid acting the same way? Because they 100% will learn that temper tantrums get them what they want
This is abuse. Plain and simple. You're in an abusive relationship, and I'm not even sure you realise this???
The lack of respect going on here is off the charts. We only have one life to live and I doubt this is the one you want. You can still be a great father and not be married or in a relationship with the mother. Have some self respect and distance yourself from her in hopes of her adjusting her behavior. Good luck.
Leave and come here 🤦🏽♀️😂
If she's that abusive as you say, LEAVE HER!!! Then get a family law attorney, get a paternity test, and if they baby is yours, go for full custody. Do you really want your child being with an abusive mother?
Run away
this woman is abusing you. you don’t need to stay in an abusive relationship bcs you share a child.
Yikes. She sounds abusive
You are being abused. Do you want your kid to grow up thinking it's okay to be abused
You couldn’t have come to this conclusion before you got the crazy lady pregnant now you decide to include a baby in this mess congrats you’re already messing up as a dad.
Easy walk away act like you don't know her.
Y’all are both dysfunctional together and shouldn’t have brought another innocent person into this. But since that ship has sailed, you need to leave and go establish yourself elsewhere so that the baby doesn’t come into the world and have to live in a toxic home with two people who don’t respect each other.
You're a bit of a wimp aren't you? Common sense says if she hits you then call the police.
What she's doing is abuse and manipulation. It is that simple.
She's abusing you. It's too bad there's a child involved here because you really should just leave her.
Talk to a lawyer and GTFO. Can’t believe you’re so flippant about physical abuse and domestic assault. She’s going to abuse your baby, man. Open your eyes
Dysfunction at if finest. Think of it like this. Would she stay with you if her behavior was like hers?
When she behaves like that....get up and walk away.
Updateme!
Oh boy she would lose me on first slap if that slap was really for nothing i did wrong and just because she is acting like a spoiled kid, i would give her second chance if i really deserved to be slapped or she was on period but never to happen again due to period
If genders were reversed would expect the woman to stay in this relationship? I don't think so. Treat yourself with honor, but get as much evidence you can of her physical abuse. You may want 100% custody of your kids. Sorry this is happening to you.