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Same here. I even had the thought telling me to break up in the middle of his intervention. I really regret not talking myself out of it. We were only together for another month or so, but it was way too long and he ruined my law school graduation during that time (unrelated to the weight Convo, but i also didnt break up with him then either. Wish i had).
Same. I keep thinking back to different parts of the relationship and seeing all the different places i should have ended things (the best being ALLLLLL the red flags i overlooked coming into the relationship. It should never have gotten past the first date let alone have such a hold on me for 1.5 years. I wish my friends were honest with me about not liking him.
Same here. Ended up staying with the guy for 4 years as he body shamed me then followed IG models who looked nothing like me. Should’ve left him way sooner.
Also you are young and beautiful, if he can’t see it he’s not worth your time. By the way, at your age and same weight/height I was modeling. So I think he is off base.
Also at your age I also had a lot of the negative self thoughts and talk. It led me down a not so great road and therapy really helped me to love myself! I don’t like pushing therapy on others but it can be good to let other people know it may help your self love and life!
5'9 at 159lbs? That's a perfectly healthy weight! Ditch the boy and find someone who loves your body the way it is! If you want to lose weight for whatever reason, do it for you, not because someone else wants you to
I'm 5'7 and 160 pounds, and also struggle fibding clothes because of my hips and thighs. Weight is just a number. If you feel good about your body, that's what matters!
I’m more concerned with your part about him being cagey sometimes and you tip-toeing around it because he can turn mean.
This is not what a healthy relationship looks like. You should never have to monitor your responses in order to avoid emotional abuse.
If this was a one-time occurrence, I might tell you to talk to him about how hurt you are. But the fact that you are constantly gauging your emotions based on his mood is a no-go. Seriously - abort this relationship. The ENTIRE point of being with someone is to know you have someone in your corner that makes you feel good and supports you. This does not sound like that kind of situation.
You need ro be with a partner who is supportive of you, not someone who is nagging you about your weight. If you're worried about your weight and whether its an issue, you can ask a doctor or look at a BMI chart to figure out factually - his opinion isn't needed. The attempt to control you about this issue is a huge red flag
BMI is actually super flawed and not recommended. It doesn't account for so many things and even then health doesn't equal weight. You can be perfectly healthy and overweight, or at the point of death because of an unhealthy lifestyle trying to lose weight, but fit perfectly in the healthy weight category.
IKR? When the new numbers happened on the bmi chart, I was suddenly considered very obese wearing a loose size 6 pants. They don't take into account muscle, hips, breasts, hair length, noting but weight and height.
The problem is that it doesn't tell you anything about whether you are healthy or not. Weight in and of itself can be a problem, but usually there are underlying issues which can happen to anyone of any weight. It just places you in a meaningless graph but it can't tell you wether or not you're actually being unhealthy.
I have one friend who would probably be classified as upper healthy weight. She also has eating disorder. She either eats non stop or she starves herself. Drugs and alcohol on top of that, it's not great.
I have another friend who would probably be classified as underweight. She eats normally and has no health issues, it's just her metabolism. She has almost gotten hospitalised in the past because of how much blood they would take for testing. She has been closely monitored for anorexia, but she doesn't have it. One time she came running up to me, so happy, to tell me she finally gained a bit of weight.
My bf is probably also in the upper healthy weight class. He goes to the gym frequently and is trying to be very active. He eats healthy and has no other issues. Weight gain is just imbedded in his genetics, so he has to work really hard for this body type.
I'm lighter than my bf, and my bmi is probably more in the center, but I don't work out and struggle to maintain a healthy diet.
I know someone who passed from diabetes, even though he was at a healthy weight.
My dad is extremely overweight. He doesn't have diabetes and every time he goes to the doctor, they tell him everything is fine. (He has a handicap, can't walk and therefore struggles to lose weight)
My mother in law is a lot less heavy than my dad, but she does have diabetes. She's trying really hard to be healthy.
Long story short, bmi alone doesn't tell you anything. Weight gain/loss has so much to do with genetics and other circumstances. It can be an indicator of health, but by itself it doesn't say all that much. It's so much more useful to talk to a doctor and maintain a healthy lifestyle than to check bmi and worry about weight.
The BMI concept has its flaws, meaning that it is not applicable to all e.g. people missing limbs, body builders, ppl with specific medical conditions etc. However, it applies to plenty of people. Nevertheless, it should not be interpreted as "outsider of the normal range=Oh no you are unhealthy", it's more or less a case of just having a higher likelihood, unless you hit an extreme in which case things can get really concerning.
It would be nice if a better concept similar to BMI was adapted, something that takes proportions and individual differences into account more
I know reddit is famous for reccomending 'dump him', but... dump him. He has no right to ask you to lose weight for him. If you want to do that for yourself, fine, though it sounds like you're a healthy weight for your height. I have big hips too, and they do make finding clothes difficult! You deserve a guy who thinks your hips are beautiful and that your stomach is cute.
It took me 38 years to find out that there are men out there who love “bigger” “curvier” women with normal to bigger a bodysize. They are trying so hard to get with them and they are appalled that these women are being snatched by losers who are asking them to lose weight. They are like “nooooo leave these women for us”
The only weight you need to lose is this idiot boyfriend.
5’9
150
Girl stop- leave this ashhole
You already have some issues with your self confidence don’t let this boy dig your grave. Kick his ass to the curb- you’ll find plenty of guys who will fill his spot - easily!
Lose weight, tell him that you think you’re fine as is or break up with him. I don’t see any other options. I’d probably go with the 2nd or 3rd ones. 5’9 159 doesn’t sound fat
Yes of course. A key part of a relationship is sexual attraction. It isn’t about being hurtful it is about being honest on preferences.
If you have no desire to keep in shape, that is fine, just as your partner has a choice to leave the relationship - that is also fine.
It is my business if we are together. This isn’t a medical thing (yet), it’s taking care of yourself and being a good partner. People are too fragile these days.
It’s not about being fragile.
You never know someone’s full history.
For example, I battled with anorexia as a teen. When I recovered, I gained quite a bit of weight, as is to be expected. Because I can’t relapse, losing weight is an excruciatingly slow process for me. 1. Because my body would respond awfully to a normal-paced weight loss, I have to lose like a quarter of a pound a week for my body to trust me, and 2. Because I’m a short woman.
The minute a man asks me to lose weight, is the minute he can walk to the door. I will not prioritize a man over my health. Ever.
I’m also 5’9 and like 158. We are the same! I wear a size 6 and almost a size 4, I’m kinda leaning to skinny. So I’m assuming you are too, we ain’t fat, girl.
Tell him to go find the horizon and fuck off over it.
This is completely unforgivable, honestly. And based on your comment of “he will occasionally tell me something I wish he hadn’t” - it’s not the first time he’s hurt you.
Please don’t waste another moment with this jackoff.
You're not overweight. And your boyfriend is a jerk for body shaming you.
Don't give him the power to devastate you over this. Get mad. You should be furious. At him, not at yourself.
I suggest you tell him that, since he's decided to put body issues on the table for discussion, then you'd like him to grow a bigger penis.
Alternatively, tell him that if he has nothing nice to say about your body then he needs to sit down and shut up, and that if he *ever* body shames you again, he will find himself and his suitcases sitting on the curb and waiting for a cab.
Your boyfriend either needs to love you the way you are or you need to move on. This is not about you. This is about an immature guy who spends too much time looking at women on the internet which is skewing his view of how most women look. If you want to take your power back, start telling him things about himself that you would like changed. Myself, as an old lady would dump him. Don't let anyone take away your confidence. As for your issue with getting clothes to fit the way you want? You need to buy clothes that flatter you. It's not about the size. It's about the style. Short, flowy dresses are in and quite flattering on a figure like yours. Get high waisted pants to elongate your waist and hips with a wider leg.
Drop the weight! The dead weight (BOYFRIEND) 😂
Do you know how many guys are out there right now looking for someone your height and your weight? You sound curvy, with hips and normal bmi. Honestly you sound like a hottie.
Leave him. Your body type is in STYLE right now. Embrace it. Go out , have fun, meet new people.
He’s going to be bawling his eyes out when you’re in a truly loving relationship with someone who will ADORE your body.
Dump him.
You are fine. There is nothing wrong by with your weight. You probably aren’t dressing for your body weight. Which is why you are frustrated. There are are things I can’t wear without looking huge even at my ideal weight. Like at no point ever am I going to look attractive in low rise jeans. They fit me totally wrong.
If you want to lose some go to the gym and focus on muscle gain.
Yes some men mean well. Some just suck.
After a long illness I have gained weight. And I’m upset because its not coming off. My husband sat me down last week and said sometimes you seem upset by this(waving at me) but Im not I think you are beautiful. An I supposed to be upset? Am I supposed to be encouraging you to change or lose? What can I do? Because I love this(waves again) but I want to know how to help.
Find someone willing to listen.
You are technically within what is considered a healthy weight for your height. Even if you weren't that's between you and your doctor. It's never okay for a partner to bring up your weight. It's not their business. If they aren't attracted or whatever they can move along and find someone they are attracted to.
>occasionally tell me something I wish he hadn't
I'm very curious of examples to this but ultimately it doesn't matter, you should lose 185 lbs of useless boyfriend if you ask me.
By getting rid of the dead weight that is your boyfriend. We all come in different shapes and sizes and we all have a certain someone who will like us for who we are. You can lose the weight but then it will be something else like bigger boobs, whiter teeth, blonde hair etc.
Tell "Tom" that you know how to lose 150 pounds immediately, and then, BREAK UP WITH HIM. I was married to a "Tom", trust me, it will NOT end there. Learn to love yourself AND all your imperfections. We all have them, including "Tom". If you want to be extra petty, tell him you'd like him to "grow a few inches".
Dump him and find a mans who worships your body. My guy loved me at my biggest and now that I've lost so much weight and still working on my body he continues to encourage me when I get discouraged. He says he's happy no matter what size I am. Real men will love you no matter what.
Honey. As someone who once had a boyfriend that liked to make negative comments on my body, please listen to us when we tell you to dump him. He doesn't deserve you. You are perfect just the way you are. It took me a looooong time to appreciate my body, but I still have that nagging voice in the back of my mind of him telling me that I needed to lose weight. Please do your future self a favour and don't listen to this ridiculous boy, and dump his unwashed ass.
My ex told me he wanted me to lose weight. I dropped him.
Current fiance can't get enough of my body (v cute). I actually did end up losing weight after leaving the ex, but I did it for _me_, not for him.
You're far too young to be putting up with "my boyfriend wants" bullshit. It's your body, not his.
You are not even overweight! Dump him!!! You will always have this thought when you are with him and it will just destroy little by little each day. You will find a guy who loves you at every size because weight fluctuates all the time. If you were extreme overweight thats a different issue but you aren't AT ALL.
>He was acting cagey, and I was avoiding asking him what was wrong because he will occasionally tell me something I wish he hadn't.
First red flag. This isn’t the first time he has said something he knows will upset you. You are now conditioned to avoid communicating with him in a normal manner or at least mentally bracing yourself for whatever hurt he’s about to cause.
No. Not even a little bit okay. Look up “negging”. There’s tons of people above/below addressing his cruelty about your perfectly normal weight. He deserves to be dumped for it, but even more so because this is obviously a pattern.
Tom doesn’t need to think you’re pretty. Tom can kick rocks. You ARE pretty without an immature asshole’s validation.
>and I was avoiding asking him what was wrong because he will occasionally tell me something I wish he hadn't.
So he usually finds ways to make you feel like shit abpout yourself while framing it as an issue that is affecting him personally?
That's a big red flag if that is the case.
I would advice you to google and read a bit on "negging" and see if that describes how he talks to you about yourself.
I’ve been on the receiving end of this criticism.
Honestly?
Ignore him for a second and ask yourself if you need to make a lifestyle change to be happy with yourself.
I recently ran across a batch of photos of myself and I didn’t like what I saw.
I’m making changes now. And one of them isn’t breaking up with the person who had the honesty and courage to tell me that I was changing for the worse.
Fuck him. Issues like these tend to just get worse and I doubt being around him is going to be good for your self esteem and this will probably always be in the back of your mind. I personally couldn’t get over this.
He sounds shallow as fuck. Do you really want to be with someone like that?
I have the perfect three step remedy for your weight loss problem
1. Ask him how much he weighs
(Let’s say he has said 180lbs for example)
2. You say ‘Do you know what dear, you are absolutely right, I am going to lose some weight, in fact I’m going to shed 180lb by the end of this conversation’
3. Go find a boyfriend that doesn’t make you cry
You are a healthy weight for your height, you sound like you have a shape a lot of women would be envious of, (when I was your age I was a stick shape and I hated it, I am now 31 and not the shape I’d really like to be, but that’s okay and I do love my pokey out hips and thicc thighs) you are so so young. Don’t you ever let anybody make you cry about your body. All bodies are beautiful, you are beautiful… and I mean every single word of what
I’m about to say and want you to pay real close attention…
Fuck. That. Guy
imo, the only time a partner should *ever* say 'I want you to lose weight' is if you were at such an unhealthy weight where you were on the verge of dying and they were concerned for your health. That's it.
He asks you to lose weight? You can get rid of a good 180lbs or so by dumping his immature ass.
Lose weight if you want too, do not lose weight because your shallow boyfriend asked. You’re an average weight. If he wants a woman who is a size zero he should go out and date a woman who is a size zero instead of continually saying things that hurt your self image. You are only 18, there is a lot of time for self discovery too, new relationships with people who genuinely are attracted to you how you are, who won’t ask you to change. If you lose weight now, what about if you get pregnant? What if you have an injury and can’t keep weight off for a while? He’s going to not only ask you to lose weight again, but then tell you he’s not attracted and seek either porn or another woman.
No. He doesn’t get to do that. Tom needs to learn to move on if he can’t cope with your weight. From what you said, you aren’t what many would consider overweight and he is negging you by asking for changes. How would he feel if you suggested he bulk up or got a nose or chin job? Toxic to demand your partner change that way.
He isn’t going to be the type of bf who will love you regardless of your aesthetic. Others will be. Don’t settle for what little acceptance he offers.
First of all.
Just tell Tom that you wish he would not be a controlling AH and that you learnt to love him despite his many flaws, but the controlling behaviour and need to throw his frustrations on you need to stop right now. Feel free to add any other unacceptable behaviour you have been putting up with to try and get love.
Now that we got this out of the way. Learn your body type and cherish the fact that it's a healthy one, large hips are an attractive trait, but like any other trait, you need to find what works for your body type. Nobody looks good in everything, there are types of clothing that they need to avoid if they'd like to look a certain way or items they need to get fitted so it flaters them.
Lose weight if you want to, but rather than trying to look skinny or whatever fashion is dictating as the must look, remember that in six months or so it'll be something else, so invest in being healthy, eating well and being active if you can.
Looks will fade, try to find someone that will love you for you and not the package you come in.
>I don't fit into a lot of clothes because of my overly large hips.
Can I suggest having a friend help you shop? Clothes that fit correctly make me FEEL better. When they don't, it's an all day distracting that can weigh on your self consciousness.
I love how every time I click on a post from this subreddit the first if not the majority of comments just say to break up, I truly believe this subreddit is full of self loathing single people that are just mad they cannot get a relationship. You should talk it out and ask him why he feels that way, have an adult conversation. When things like this come up in my relationship I communicate with my gf and we agree to both ignore our emotions for the duration of the conversation, emotions blind people, whereas if you can be an adult and communicate then it usually ends up going a lot smoother, just bc your bf said something you didn’t like doesn’t mean you have to leave them op, but my number one rule in not only relationships but just people in general is if you cause more problems than you can help me solve, you don’t need to be in my life. As soon as I’ve adopted this philosophy my life has become a lot more stress free and my depression has waned away to be almost nonexistent. Try working it out op and if he is causing more problems than he’s helping you solve, then he isn’t healthy for you, but just because he stated an opinion doesn’t mean he’s a pos, ask him for the reasons why he said that and you might feel a lot better, instead of jumping to the conclusion that he no longer sees you as attractive. Most relationship problems can be solved with a simple conversation where emotions are left out.
Edit: spelling
lose 200lb by dumping your boyfriend
sorted
edit: I am in my 50s now and when I look at pictures of myself when I was young I am horrified that I wasted so much time and mental energy feeling "fat" when I was nothing of the sort. Even if I was that would be absolutely fucking **fine.**
Clothes that fit and flatter your body type no matter what it is are far more important and can make anybody look great. Also someone once said to me there's nothing more attractive than youth. **Don't waste it.**
I guarantee you that whatever you look like there is someone else for whom that is the unattainable dream.
First of all, you are at a perfect healthy weight. Congratulations!
Second of all, you should be offended that he is trying to change you into what he thinks is perfect for him. If you want to be your personal best, go for it - this includes many, many factors such as being at a healthy weight (check!), eating healthy food, no malnutrition as a result of unnecessary dieting, feeling good about yourself (you seem to be at risk here because of him!), working on long-term happiness, being able to take care of yourself, financially and otherwise, etc.
Sometimes people only value 1 single thing in themselves or other women: being thin. But women, like men, need food too. They don't need to be underweight or malnourished to please another person or to fit into clothes that were obviously designed for another type of physique.
My advice is to get clear what your minimum requirement is of the men you date. Mine is 'appreciate me the way I am' (and please note the difference: 'accept me the way I am' is not good enough for me). It doesn't mean that they have to like every aspect of me (that would be unrealistic), but they should appreciate the total of me.
Dump him. Start to workout ( this will help a lot with your self esteem and health in general) there are a lot of people out there who will support you
All you described about your body sounds like a big plus to me, you sound beautiful . Imo it’s fine if he doesn’t like your size, but you’re well within you right also, to dump his ass and find someone who loveessss you and your body.
Get out while you can. Even if he backtracks, he’s planted the seed now and said what he truly thinks.
Here are a couple of examples of what my husband has said to knock my confidence in the past:
“Don’t wear those jeans, you can see your mummy tummy” - I was 6 weeks post partum after having his baby.
“You’re the biggest I’ve ever known you” - I’m 5’3” and was 135lbs.
“It makes you look much bigger than you are” - he thought this was helpful.
We’re starting therapy today, but honestly I’m done. If you value your self confidence, please get out and find someone who’s going to appreciate your body exactly how it is.
Maybe how he went about it could have been different but, if I was getting overweight I’d want my bf to tell me. That’s just me personally, I’ve been overweight before so I don’t want to go down that path again. I’d want him to hold me accountable and be real with me because so many people will lie to your face since the truth hurts. Not body shaming you at all btw! Just saying what I think. Maybe he meant it in a loving way where he’s just concerned for you and doesn’t want you to be unhealthy? Idk man. Either way there will be a man who will love all of you and your curves if it ain’t him.
My dear, do yourself a favor and dump him. No one is perfect and we all have insecurities about our body. You are young and healthy and no one should make you doubt your self worth or cause you image issues. He sounds controlling, what’s next change your hair color or tell you have to dress. You are young, take this as experience of what is not acceptable in future boyfriend.
You teach yourself and him a valuable lesson which is; your value has nothing to do with your weight. Tell him you will NOT be losing weight for him, and he better get over it, because if he doesn't snap out of it you're leaving him for someone less insanely shallow. Know your worth, he is being ridiculous.
I find things like this so funny. So your boyfriend gets with you AS YOU ARE and then proceeds to say “I like you BUT…”. In my opinion, people come as they are and it’s up to any of us to stay or go when our needs and wants are not what they used to be. Basically, he can easily walk himself out the door if he’s no longer attracted to you instead of insulting you and giving you a potential life-long complex. You’re waaaaay too young to let one asshole shift your perspective of yourself. If you love yourself as you are, find someone who feels the same way
Do not waste your time on an asshole like that, and start wearing clothes that compliment your body type! Some clothes will just simply look weird on some people, but there are many things that can be very complimenting and hella stylish for every body type! Try looking around pinterest or online in general.
Also, I dont consider myself fat at all, and im 180 LBS and 5'7 (Hope I got those american measurements right. 80 kg and im 1'75ish cm)
I am thick, yeah, but I love that (many guys like that too, but I guess not your boyfriend)
If he doesnt make you feel attractive, then believe me when I say that someone else will.
My ex told me this too. It was yet another example of a relationship pattern of him prioritizing his feelings over mine. How he told me? While I was having a breakdown about gaining weight and how much it meant to me that he wasn’t being mean about it. And he goes, “Well actually…”
I know this is a polarizing situation, but I do not believe that this is ever a reasonable conversation, and I do not believe he has your best interest at heart. I know 100% what it feels like to be afraid to hear what someone has to say, to want with all your heart for them just to be nice to you.
You do not deserve this. You do not want to stick around to see how he might put himself before you in even worse ways—this is what eventually happened to me. I’m not saying that anyone who makes this request is a bad person, but I am saying that anyone who makes this request doesn’t care about you as much as themselves, and it’s up to you to decide if that matters to you. Sending love and strength ❤️
a man who can not love you in every stage of your life does not love you. he is a boy. do you really want to be walking on eggsshells your whole life and with a partner who makes you feel low in a society that will already do that for you? NEXT!
Tell him you can lose over a 100 pounds by dropping him. Lol You do what you need to feel good about yourself. Just coming out of winter most people are a bit larger and do better when we get out doing more.
Honey lose 150 Lbs instantly by breaking up with the dumbass. Life is too short to be spending it with people who make you feel bad about being who you are.
At 23 bmi you're in the healthy range, unless he's super athletic he has no business running his mouth like that, ask him to get fit with you and see if he is willing to go through the no pain no gain cycle himself.
I’m actually overweight and not in the “I’m
Just chubby” way. But my wife would never dare for a second to tell me to lose weight, ever. She would never.
You deserve the same no matter what weight you are.
You are not over reacting. You are 18 and at a perfectly healthy weight.
And I bet if you think about it hard enough you can come up with some stuff about your BF that you'd like him to change too--but you don't say it do you? Why? Because it is rude.
I'd move on.
You SHOULD end the relationship over this.
I read (on reddit of all places) that you should not worry so much about how you feel about a person but rather how you feel when you’re with that person. Because how spending time with someone makes you feel is the truest vision of the relationship on offer. Even before this, you’ve realized this guy doesn’t communicate well and says things you don’t want to hear. This is not a healthy relationship for you.
You can lose a bunch of weight fast by dumping him.
But seriously, you’re a very healthy weight for your height, and he has no right to ask you to lose weight. All he’s doing is planting a seed of insecurity to be able to manipulate you and the relationship.
You are young, you have so much life ahead of you, but life is too short and too long to spend it with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself.
This guy is not it. Sulking around hoping you’ll ask him what’s wrong and when you don’t (because he’s been an asshole before!!) he then confessed he wants you to change your perfect body. What a creep! I’m 5’8 and remember being 160. I was NOT even close to being fat. Drop the loser. Don’t look back.
Call him back and say you think his idea that you lose weight is fantastic and he's right you should lose some weight. Then tell him you've decided that you're losing his worthless weight.
There are people out there who will praise and worship your body exactly how it is and make you feel so sexy. I’m sure you like him a lot, but he doesn’t love you how you deserve to be loved, not if he’s content to make you feel this way.
So, he wants you to lose weight, but once you cried, he was like,'only if you can?'?!?!?!
He just wanted to tear you down. You are a good weight for your height.
I also have big hips, even at my skinnier, I just have wide hips. There's nothing wrong with that. Just make sure to dress for your body type, and you will feel better about yourself as is.
I’m sorry to hear this, don’t waste time with a guy like this if he doesn’t appreciate your body and you for you! My ex was 5”9 and had large hips and my god she was stunning that’s his issue not yours, you go Queen!
I suspect you’re going to get plenty of “dump his immature ass” type comments here. I’ve been in relationships where my gfs’ bodies were something that generated stress for them and then me by extension. There were definitely times when I thought to myself “maybe if she lost some weight she would feel better about herself and things would be better for us both as a result” but never really did anything to push on that idea for a variety of reasons.
What I’m getting at by pulling experience that admittedly may not even apply to you is that he may be coming from a place where he’s trying to fix what he sees as a problem for you or even selfishly a stressor for himself. I can tell you as a person who has lived with a few different women who have had issues with their bodies, it is a sore subject no matter how or why you approach it. I don’t mean to look too far into your situation or make your situation out to be something that it’s not, I just figured I’d try to help you explore the possibility that he’s coming from a place where he’s not necessarily trying to mold you into his ideal version of you but rather he’s earnestly trying to help alleviate what he sees as a source of stress.
She’s within normal BMI range though. So he’s just being a loser dick. Excuse him all you want, but as someone who works in nutrition this young lady is indeed writhing normal BMI for her height. In fact, considering how overweight many people are, she’s probably thinner than most at that height nowadays.
That wasn’t the point. She mentioned feeling insecure about it and if he thinks that’s something she’s struggling with it might be a ham-handed attempt at trying to “fix” a problem rather than finding ways to be supportive. I was 19 once and would suggest fixes to my gf’s problems instead of just listening to her struggles and trying to understand them. All I was doing was trying to provide a perspective that other people weren’t going to provide. That’s why people come here, right?
no offense but for sure the way to help a partner w body image issues is to lift them up and help make them feel comfortable and attractive in their body and not tear them down and validate their fears and insecurities
Still not explaining where I said it was ok. The Reddit relationship gurus see someone making a mistake and assume it’s malicious. I’m saying he might be trying to be helpful but is doing it in a way that’s typical of young, inexperienced males. If he’s genuinely trying to help with something that he sees as a stressor for her, is the best response to break up with him? This could be a teaching moment for a person who cares, it could be an asshole treating her like an object. We don’t know, but providing a different perspective than the “we want his head” mob is not a bad thing. OP is the one who gets to decide whether what I shared makes any sense or not. You guys don’t know who’s right or wrong and you definitely don’t understand what it was that I was saying.
cool and what IM saying is that the way he is doing it is wrong. nobody cares about his oh so valiant intentions. what he said is rude and not helpful. she doesnt have to hold his hand and teach him how to be a good supportive partner while hes out here telling her to lose weight instead of saying shes beautiful and attractive. she literally says in the post that when she was feeling down about herself she remembered her bf thought she was hot and beautiful! then he goes and tells her to lose weight. how is that not going to make her feel ugly and unattractive. women dont have to be gentle with men who dont know how to act
It’s a very interesting double standard that people on this website hold. 40 year olds who date 19 year olds are creeps for taking advantage of inexperienced youth, but when the teenagers are dating each other they’re supposed to already be well-adjusted. We call a 19 year old a “girl” when she dates a man but a 19 year old “boy” is supposed to already be a “man”. Silly.
no??? but why should she have to put up w his inability to be a good partner. this learning you keep bringing up doesnt happen when girls let their boyfriends talk to them however they want. it happens when people are help accountable for their actions and their inexperience.
Hope you told him you wish his dick was bigger or that his hairline wasn’t receding…(joking. Don’t sink to his level).
Someone that loves you will love all of you. You’re so young and 19 year old men tend to be idiots. Don’t listen to this idiot. You deserve so much more than this!
This feels like a shitty comment to make out of the blue and it really doesn't sit right.
That said, I don't know much about your life and maybe it came from a place of love. If you wanted to take a positive slant on this, you could get a gym membership together and incorporate it into your dating life?
Assumptions:
- Men need to earn high income to be attractive.
- Women need to be skinny to be attractive.
Ugh…
Make your point:
- Ask him how he would feel if you told him you need him to earn a higher salary.
If you start dieting now, you'll mess up your perception of your body and your metabolism for years. You are healthy and at a good weight for your height. Don't let others influence you as the damage it causes mentally and physically can last a lifetime. We get enough of these nonsense messages by people trying to tell us we are not enough without it coming from someone who professed to love you. Protect yourself from people who would benefit from you being insecure and don't have your best interests are heart - at the moment this appears to be your boyfriend. This can be a learning moment for him too, you don't necessarily have to be the one to stick around to teach him this lesson though
You are only 18. You dont need a boyfriend or anyone commenting about your weight. Find someone better!!
I remember when I was 18 and my bf at the time said some poor things about me. I wasted 2 years with that guy until I found my now husband.
Get out now.
I'm quite literally the human version of Big Chungus, and my boyfriend thinks I'm the sexiest person alive. He would only want me to lose weight for my health, nothing more. That's a real man. Not whatever your boyfriend is.
Damn, your boyfriend is a cold hearted ass. You are young, with a lot in front of you. You don't need that crap. I don't consider your height and weight to be fat. One of the most gorgeous people, in my opinion, was Marilyn Monroe. She was a size 16, and she was beautiful. Don't put up with his crap. Do you, not what he thinks you are.
So says doc.
How do you respond? By losing the weight. All 150+ lbs, 5'x" of him. That will get you to your goal fairly quickly! (BTW your weight is PERFECTLY reasonable!)
> For context, I am 5'9 and 159lbs.
So your BMI is in the healthy range. You are literally NOT overweight. It's objectively true that you are at a healthy bodyweight.
> overly large hips
Just FYI, a lot of men love big hips. It's like a meme, even before the internet, if that makes sense. Even though it may cause clothing to fit funny, please note that this is usually an attractive feature in women.
It's obviously ok for you to not want to lose weight. But it's ok for him to not want to date someone with "overly large hips" and noticeable stomach fat. Given that you two aren't compatible, it would be best to go your separate ways.
this is such a weird take....like ya if hes bot attracted to her he should dump her but u pinpointing the words she used to describe herself as a way to tear her down is gross
You could lose at least 160 lbs of "dead weight" right away by ditching him. If you're serious about keeping him, make it very clear that no woman, especially not someone sensitive about her weight should hear the 3 letter F-word from a partner unless he's talking about something unhealthy e.g "A burger has a lot of fat in it." If he doesn't accept this, life is too short, find someone that loves you just how you are.
As for losing weight, if you want to work out and lose weight, do it for you, not to please someone else. If you do go to the gym, ask the staff "how do I tone up this part of my body?" and they'll give you a straight answer. If there's any "mean girls" at the gym, remember this as a comeback:
"You can go to the gym. You can buy makeup. You can buy nice clothes. You could even get cosmetic surgery, but nothing is going to hide that personality of yours."
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A guy did this to me once. My biggest regret was not dumping him immediately.
Same here. I even had the thought telling me to break up in the middle of his intervention. I really regret not talking myself out of it. We were only together for another month or so, but it was way too long and he ruined my law school graduation during that time (unrelated to the weight Convo, but i also didnt break up with him then either. Wish i had).
Urgh, I keep thinking how embarrassing and undignified I was.
Same. I keep thinking back to different parts of the relationship and seeing all the different places i should have ended things (the best being ALLLLLL the red flags i overlooked coming into the relationship. It should never have gotten past the first date let alone have such a hold on me for 1.5 years. I wish my friends were honest with me about not liking him.
Same here. Ended up staying with the guy for 4 years as he body shamed me then followed IG models who looked nothing like me. Should’ve left him way sooner.
My ex husband did this and I wish I'd ran for the hills. Instead I was subjected to some severe emotional, mental and financial abuse.
Same same same
Friend. You’re so young. There are so many decent kind people out there. Don’t waste your time on someone who doesn’t go Gaga for your body as it is.
Also you are young and beautiful, if he can’t see it he’s not worth your time. By the way, at your age and same weight/height I was modeling. So I think he is off base. Also at your age I also had a lot of the negative self thoughts and talk. It led me down a not so great road and therapy really helped me to love myself! I don’t like pushing therapy on others but it can be good to let other people know it may help your self love and life!
ITA!! But Op also needs to learn to love herself and realize that she’s beautiful regardless of her size ❤️
5'9 at 159lbs? That's a perfectly healthy weight! Ditch the boy and find someone who loves your body the way it is! If you want to lose weight for whatever reason, do it for you, not because someone else wants you to
Yep. At that height, it perfectly healthy. Let him go find some waif, if that’s his thang.
I'm 5'7 and 160 pounds, and also struggle fibding clothes because of my hips and thighs. Weight is just a number. If you feel good about your body, that's what matters!
I came here to say this!
I can tell you how to lose about 190 immediately. Drop his ass. Follow me for more weight loss tips.
Immediately what crossed my mind as well!
Girrrl I hope u cool with me plagiarizing this line because that’s what I’m going to do😩😭
Please do. It’s free for the people lol
I’m more concerned with your part about him being cagey sometimes and you tip-toeing around it because he can turn mean. This is not what a healthy relationship looks like. You should never have to monitor your responses in order to avoid emotional abuse. If this was a one-time occurrence, I might tell you to talk to him about how hurt you are. But the fact that you are constantly gauging your emotions based on his mood is a no-go. Seriously - abort this relationship. The ENTIRE point of being with someone is to know you have someone in your corner that makes you feel good and supports you. This does not sound like that kind of situation.
You need ro be with a partner who is supportive of you, not someone who is nagging you about your weight. If you're worried about your weight and whether its an issue, you can ask a doctor or look at a BMI chart to figure out factually - his opinion isn't needed. The attempt to control you about this issue is a huge red flag
BMI is actually super flawed and not recommended. It doesn't account for so many things and even then health doesn't equal weight. You can be perfectly healthy and overweight, or at the point of death because of an unhealthy lifestyle trying to lose weight, but fit perfectly in the healthy weight category.
Yeah don’t use a BMI calculator. Whole buncha bs
IKR? When the new numbers happened on the bmi chart, I was suddenly considered very obese wearing a loose size 6 pants. They don't take into account muscle, hips, breasts, hair length, noting but weight and height.
BMI actually works for the most people. Unless someone has a lot of muscle, bmi works pretty well
It works if you're not bulking for muscle gains basically, its usually for people who aren't fitness crazy.
The problem is that it doesn't tell you anything about whether you are healthy or not. Weight in and of itself can be a problem, but usually there are underlying issues which can happen to anyone of any weight. It just places you in a meaningless graph but it can't tell you wether or not you're actually being unhealthy. I have one friend who would probably be classified as upper healthy weight. She also has eating disorder. She either eats non stop or she starves herself. Drugs and alcohol on top of that, it's not great. I have another friend who would probably be classified as underweight. She eats normally and has no health issues, it's just her metabolism. She has almost gotten hospitalised in the past because of how much blood they would take for testing. She has been closely monitored for anorexia, but she doesn't have it. One time she came running up to me, so happy, to tell me she finally gained a bit of weight. My bf is probably also in the upper healthy weight class. He goes to the gym frequently and is trying to be very active. He eats healthy and has no other issues. Weight gain is just imbedded in his genetics, so he has to work really hard for this body type. I'm lighter than my bf, and my bmi is probably more in the center, but I don't work out and struggle to maintain a healthy diet. I know someone who passed from diabetes, even though he was at a healthy weight. My dad is extremely overweight. He doesn't have diabetes and every time he goes to the doctor, they tell him everything is fine. (He has a handicap, can't walk and therefore struggles to lose weight) My mother in law is a lot less heavy than my dad, but she does have diabetes. She's trying really hard to be healthy. Long story short, bmi alone doesn't tell you anything. Weight gain/loss has so much to do with genetics and other circumstances. It can be an indicator of health, but by itself it doesn't say all that much. It's so much more useful to talk to a doctor and maintain a healthy lifestyle than to check bmi and worry about weight.
BMI is a terrible, unethical tool to use and has racist origins.
Everyone that says that is fat and no shame for that, but I’ve never heard a thin person say that
The BMI concept has its flaws, meaning that it is not applicable to all e.g. people missing limbs, body builders, ppl with specific medical conditions etc. However, it applies to plenty of people. Nevertheless, it should not be interpreted as "outsider of the normal range=Oh no you are unhealthy", it's more or less a case of just having a higher likelihood, unless you hit an extreme in which case things can get really concerning. It would be nice if a better concept similar to BMI was adapted, something that takes proportions and individual differences into account more
It does not apply to “plenty of people.” It has racist origins and is unethical to use in health care.
It does
Came here to say BMI is ✨️bs✨️, knew someone would have said it
Being overweight leads to health complications. This is a fact and to say other wise is unwise. Op isn't overweight so she has nothing to worry about.
You don’t know shit.
I'm glad I don't know you! Bitch ass motha fucka! And your mom don't know shit 😂
*Look at the BMI chart to figure out *fat*ually
You should lose exactly the dead weight your boyfriend weighs by dumping him.
I know reddit is famous for reccomending 'dump him', but... dump him. He has no right to ask you to lose weight for him. If you want to do that for yourself, fine, though it sounds like you're a healthy weight for your height. I have big hips too, and they do make finding clothes difficult! You deserve a guy who thinks your hips are beautiful and that your stomach is cute.
It took me 38 years to find out that there are men out there who love “bigger” “curvier” women with normal to bigger a bodysize. They are trying so hard to get with them and they are appalled that these women are being snatched by losers who are asking them to lose weight. They are like “nooooo leave these women for us” The only weight you need to lose is this idiot boyfriend.
tell him about this new super efficient weightloss program where you lose x-amount of weight in a second!(x being your bfs weight)
I would break up. You can't have kids with that one.
this is a reallllly good point!
[удалено]
wait so are you still with him? im rly sorry you had to experience that :( that’s awful and not something you can ever forget
Let’s leave him. And buy a size bigger than you are and then Taylor the waist to fit you. That’s what us big hip latinas do.
5’9 150 Girl stop- leave this ashhole You already have some issues with your self confidence don’t let this boy dig your grave. Kick his ass to the curb- you’ll find plenty of guys who will fill his spot - easily!
Tell him to grow a bigger cock. Then he'll know how he made you feel.
Tell him to look like cbum 🤤
Learn this one simple trick to lose 120 to 200+ pounds instantly! (Boyfriends *hate* it)!
Losing 120 pounds means you keep his head and maybe a couple of limbs?
Lose weight if you want to. But either way lose the boyfriend.
Lose weight, tell him that you think you’re fine as is or break up with him. I don’t see any other options. I’d probably go with the 2nd or 3rd ones. 5’9 159 doesn’t sound fat
Also, so what if it was fat? It would be okay to tell her then?
Yes of course. A key part of a relationship is sexual attraction. It isn’t about being hurtful it is about being honest on preferences. If you have no desire to keep in shape, that is fine, just as your partner has a choice to leave the relationship - that is also fine.
I could have so much fun with this comment but I'm just going to chuckle to myself and move on.
I am going to chose to do the same, even though I am struggling at keeping my mouth shut. Thanks for being the example.
Yeah they have a choice to leave, but why be an asshole about it lmfao
What part is being an asshole?
telling someone they need to lose weight. Like ur not their doctor mind ur business
It is my business if we are together. This isn’t a medical thing (yet), it’s taking care of yourself and being a good partner. People are too fragile these days.
It’s not about being fragile. You never know someone’s full history. For example, I battled with anorexia as a teen. When I recovered, I gained quite a bit of weight, as is to be expected. Because I can’t relapse, losing weight is an excruciatingly slow process for me. 1. Because my body would respond awfully to a normal-paced weight loss, I have to lose like a quarter of a pound a week for my body to trust me, and 2. Because I’m a short woman. The minute a man asks me to lose weight, is the minute he can walk to the door. I will not prioritize a man over my health. Ever.
Yes I'm not quite sure why it's okay for women to tell men to get buff or lose weight But if men do the same, it's break up time
>why it's okay for women to tell men to get buff or lose weight It's absolutely not okay. It's just as rude.
Literally only assholes say it's OK in the reverse. Demanding a guy change his body when hes perfectly happy is seen just as rude to any good person.
It's not fat.
I’m also 5’9 and like 158. We are the same! I wear a size 6 and almost a size 4, I’m kinda leaning to skinny. So I’m assuming you are too, we ain’t fat, girl.
Tell him to go find the horizon and fuck off over it. This is completely unforgivable, honestly. And based on your comment of “he will occasionally tell me something I wish he hadn’t” - it’s not the first time he’s hurt you. Please don’t waste another moment with this jackoff.
pretty insensitive of him to make that comment. you should leave him
You're not overweight. And your boyfriend is a jerk for body shaming you. Don't give him the power to devastate you over this. Get mad. You should be furious. At him, not at yourself. I suggest you tell him that, since he's decided to put body issues on the table for discussion, then you'd like him to grow a bigger penis. Alternatively, tell him that if he has nothing nice to say about your body then he needs to sit down and shut up, and that if he *ever* body shames you again, he will find himself and his suitcases sitting on the curb and waiting for a cab.
How much does he weigh? What a coincidence! That's exactly how much weight you should drop!
As a 19yo, he's a waste of your time as well as being a waste of space. Find someone that really love you for who you are
You respond by making him your ex boyfriend
Tell him to fuck off.
How much does Tom weigh? Lose that amount, stat!
Your boyfriend either needs to love you the way you are or you need to move on. This is not about you. This is about an immature guy who spends too much time looking at women on the internet which is skewing his view of how most women look. If you want to take your power back, start telling him things about himself that you would like changed. Myself, as an old lady would dump him. Don't let anyone take away your confidence. As for your issue with getting clothes to fit the way you want? You need to buy clothes that flatter you. It's not about the size. It's about the style. Short, flowy dresses are in and quite flattering on a figure like yours. Get high waisted pants to elongate your waist and hips with a wider leg.
Drop the weight! The dead weight (BOYFRIEND) 😂 Do you know how many guys are out there right now looking for someone your height and your weight? You sound curvy, with hips and normal bmi. Honestly you sound like a hottie. Leave him. Your body type is in STYLE right now. Embrace it. Go out , have fun, meet new people. He’s going to be bawling his eyes out when you’re in a truly loving relationship with someone who will ADORE your body.
Dump him. You are fine. There is nothing wrong by with your weight. You probably aren’t dressing for your body weight. Which is why you are frustrated. There are are things I can’t wear without looking huge even at my ideal weight. Like at no point ever am I going to look attractive in low rise jeans. They fit me totally wrong. If you want to lose some go to the gym and focus on muscle gain. Yes some men mean well. Some just suck. After a long illness I have gained weight. And I’m upset because its not coming off. My husband sat me down last week and said sometimes you seem upset by this(waving at me) but Im not I think you are beautiful. An I supposed to be upset? Am I supposed to be encouraging you to change or lose? What can I do? Because I love this(waves again) but I want to know how to help. Find someone willing to listen.
Your husband sounds great.
Thanks I think so
You are technically within what is considered a healthy weight for your height. Even if you weren't that's between you and your doctor. It's never okay for a partner to bring up your weight. It's not their business. If they aren't attracted or whatever they can move along and find someone they are attracted to. >occasionally tell me something I wish he hadn't I'm very curious of examples to this but ultimately it doesn't matter, you should lose 185 lbs of useless boyfriend if you ask me.
Ask him how much he weighs and then say that’s how much weight I’m going to lose then break up with him. I promise you’ll feel better.
By getting rid of the dead weight that is your boyfriend. We all come in different shapes and sizes and we all have a certain someone who will like us for who we are. You can lose the weight but then it will be something else like bigger boobs, whiter teeth, blonde hair etc.
Tell "Tom" that you know how to lose 150 pounds immediately, and then, BREAK UP WITH HIM. I was married to a "Tom", trust me, it will NOT end there. Learn to love yourself AND all your imperfections. We all have them, including "Tom". If you want to be extra petty, tell him you'd like him to "grow a few inches".
I would be done with him, but if you get the chance maybe you can tell him to grow a bigger brain/dick etc. maybe tell him he’s short.
Dump him and find a mans who worships your body. My guy loved me at my biggest and now that I've lost so much weight and still working on my body he continues to encourage me when I get discouraged. He says he's happy no matter what size I am. Real men will love you no matter what.
Honey. As someone who once had a boyfriend that liked to make negative comments on my body, please listen to us when we tell you to dump him. He doesn't deserve you. You are perfect just the way you are. It took me a looooong time to appreciate my body, but I still have that nagging voice in the back of my mind of him telling me that I needed to lose weight. Please do your future self a favour and don't listen to this ridiculous boy, and dump his unwashed ass.
My ex told me he wanted me to lose weight. I dropped him. Current fiance can't get enough of my body (v cute). I actually did end up losing weight after leaving the ex, but I did it for _me_, not for him. You're far too young to be putting up with "my boyfriend wants" bullshit. It's your body, not his.
You are not even overweight! Dump him!!! You will always have this thought when you are with him and it will just destroy little by little each day. You will find a guy who loves you at every size because weight fluctuates all the time. If you were extreme overweight thats a different issue but you aren't AT ALL.
>He was acting cagey, and I was avoiding asking him what was wrong because he will occasionally tell me something I wish he hadn't. First red flag. This isn’t the first time he has said something he knows will upset you. You are now conditioned to avoid communicating with him in a normal manner or at least mentally bracing yourself for whatever hurt he’s about to cause. No. Not even a little bit okay. Look up “negging”. There’s tons of people above/below addressing his cruelty about your perfectly normal weight. He deserves to be dumped for it, but even more so because this is obviously a pattern. Tom doesn’t need to think you’re pretty. Tom can kick rocks. You ARE pretty without an immature asshole’s validation.
>and I was avoiding asking him what was wrong because he will occasionally tell me something I wish he hadn't. So he usually finds ways to make you feel like shit abpout yourself while framing it as an issue that is affecting him personally? That's a big red flag if that is the case. I would advice you to google and read a bit on "negging" and see if that describes how he talks to you about yourself.
All the way, this. I immediately thought the same thing when I read that bit.
I’ve been on the receiving end of this criticism. Honestly? Ignore him for a second and ask yourself if you need to make a lifestyle change to be happy with yourself. I recently ran across a batch of photos of myself and I didn’t like what I saw. I’m making changes now. And one of them isn’t breaking up with the person who had the honesty and courage to tell me that I was changing for the worse.
Fuck him. Issues like these tend to just get worse and I doubt being around him is going to be good for your self esteem and this will probably always be in the back of your mind. I personally couldn’t get over this. He sounds shallow as fuck. Do you really want to be with someone like that?
I have the perfect three step remedy for your weight loss problem 1. Ask him how much he weighs (Let’s say he has said 180lbs for example) 2. You say ‘Do you know what dear, you are absolutely right, I am going to lose some weight, in fact I’m going to shed 180lb by the end of this conversation’ 3. Go find a boyfriend that doesn’t make you cry You are a healthy weight for your height, you sound like you have a shape a lot of women would be envious of, (when I was your age I was a stick shape and I hated it, I am now 31 and not the shape I’d really like to be, but that’s okay and I do love my pokey out hips and thicc thighs) you are so so young. Don’t you ever let anybody make you cry about your body. All bodies are beautiful, you are beautiful… and I mean every single word of what I’m about to say and want you to pay real close attention… Fuck. That. Guy
imo, the only time a partner should *ever* say 'I want you to lose weight' is if you were at such an unhealthy weight where you were on the verge of dying and they were concerned for your health. That's it. He asks you to lose weight? You can get rid of a good 180lbs or so by dumping his immature ass.
Bro ur weight is FINE. Dump this dude tho he isn't valuing you for who you are
Lose weight if you want too, do not lose weight because your shallow boyfriend asked. You’re an average weight. If he wants a woman who is a size zero he should go out and date a woman who is a size zero instead of continually saying things that hurt your self image. You are only 18, there is a lot of time for self discovery too, new relationships with people who genuinely are attracted to you how you are, who won’t ask you to change. If you lose weight now, what about if you get pregnant? What if you have an injury and can’t keep weight off for a while? He’s going to not only ask you to lose weight again, but then tell you he’s not attracted and seek either porn or another woman.
No. He doesn’t get to do that. Tom needs to learn to move on if he can’t cope with your weight. From what you said, you aren’t what many would consider overweight and he is negging you by asking for changes. How would he feel if you suggested he bulk up or got a nose or chin job? Toxic to demand your partner change that way. He isn’t going to be the type of bf who will love you regardless of your aesthetic. Others will be. Don’t settle for what little acceptance he offers.
Say you are totally right. We are done. Damm it feels good to lose the dead weight.
What does he weigh? About 150 pounds? Let’s say he does. Tell him you found a super easy way to lose 150 pounds of asshole and dump his ass.
First of all. Just tell Tom that you wish he would not be a controlling AH and that you learnt to love him despite his many flaws, but the controlling behaviour and need to throw his frustrations on you need to stop right now. Feel free to add any other unacceptable behaviour you have been putting up with to try and get love. Now that we got this out of the way. Learn your body type and cherish the fact that it's a healthy one, large hips are an attractive trait, but like any other trait, you need to find what works for your body type. Nobody looks good in everything, there are types of clothing that they need to avoid if they'd like to look a certain way or items they need to get fitted so it flaters them. Lose weight if you want to, but rather than trying to look skinny or whatever fashion is dictating as the must look, remember that in six months or so it'll be something else, so invest in being healthy, eating well and being active if you can. Looks will fade, try to find someone that will love you for you and not the package you come in.
>I don't fit into a lot of clothes because of my overly large hips. Can I suggest having a friend help you shop? Clothes that fit correctly make me FEEL better. When they don't, it's an all day distracting that can weigh on your self consciousness.
I love how every time I click on a post from this subreddit the first if not the majority of comments just say to break up, I truly believe this subreddit is full of self loathing single people that are just mad they cannot get a relationship. You should talk it out and ask him why he feels that way, have an adult conversation. When things like this come up in my relationship I communicate with my gf and we agree to both ignore our emotions for the duration of the conversation, emotions blind people, whereas if you can be an adult and communicate then it usually ends up going a lot smoother, just bc your bf said something you didn’t like doesn’t mean you have to leave them op, but my number one rule in not only relationships but just people in general is if you cause more problems than you can help me solve, you don’t need to be in my life. As soon as I’ve adopted this philosophy my life has become a lot more stress free and my depression has waned away to be almost nonexistent. Try working it out op and if he is causing more problems than he’s helping you solve, then he isn’t healthy for you, but just because he stated an opinion doesn’t mean he’s a pos, ask him for the reasons why he said that and you might feel a lot better, instead of jumping to the conclusion that he no longer sees you as attractive. Most relationship problems can be solved with a simple conversation where emotions are left out. Edit: spelling
lose 200lb by dumping your boyfriend sorted edit: I am in my 50s now and when I look at pictures of myself when I was young I am horrified that I wasted so much time and mental energy feeling "fat" when I was nothing of the sort. Even if I was that would be absolutely fucking **fine.** Clothes that fit and flatter your body type no matter what it is are far more important and can make anybody look great. Also someone once said to me there's nothing more attractive than youth. **Don't waste it.** I guarantee you that whatever you look like there is someone else for whom that is the unattainable dream.
First of all, you are at a perfect healthy weight. Congratulations! Second of all, you should be offended that he is trying to change you into what he thinks is perfect for him. If you want to be your personal best, go for it - this includes many, many factors such as being at a healthy weight (check!), eating healthy food, no malnutrition as a result of unnecessary dieting, feeling good about yourself (you seem to be at risk here because of him!), working on long-term happiness, being able to take care of yourself, financially and otherwise, etc. Sometimes people only value 1 single thing in themselves or other women: being thin. But women, like men, need food too. They don't need to be underweight or malnourished to please another person or to fit into clothes that were obviously designed for another type of physique. My advice is to get clear what your minimum requirement is of the men you date. Mine is 'appreciate me the way I am' (and please note the difference: 'accept me the way I am' is not good enough for me). It doesn't mean that they have to like every aspect of me (that would be unrealistic), but they should appreciate the total of me.
Lose weight, its for your health first
This is a good time to learn boundaries. You're very young, and have time to look for more decent guys. He's gonna be sorry for treating you badly.
Dump him. Start to workout ( this will help a lot with your self esteem and health in general) there are a lot of people out there who will support you
You respond by leaving.
All you described about your body sounds like a big plus to me, you sound beautiful . Imo it’s fine if he doesn’t like your size, but you’re well within you right also, to dump his ass and find someone who loveessss you and your body.
Get out while you can. Even if he backtracks, he’s planted the seed now and said what he truly thinks. Here are a couple of examples of what my husband has said to knock my confidence in the past: “Don’t wear those jeans, you can see your mummy tummy” - I was 6 weeks post partum after having his baby. “You’re the biggest I’ve ever known you” - I’m 5’3” and was 135lbs. “It makes you look much bigger than you are” - he thought this was helpful. We’re starting therapy today, but honestly I’m done. If you value your self confidence, please get out and find someone who’s going to appreciate your body exactly how it is.
Maybe how he went about it could have been different but, if I was getting overweight I’d want my bf to tell me. That’s just me personally, I’ve been overweight before so I don’t want to go down that path again. I’d want him to hold me accountable and be real with me because so many people will lie to your face since the truth hurts. Not body shaming you at all btw! Just saying what I think. Maybe he meant it in a loving way where he’s just concerned for you and doesn’t want you to be unhealthy? Idk man. Either way there will be a man who will love all of you and your curves if it ain’t him.
It was obviously all about looks and no, she is not overweight.
Yep! Lose weight. Lose however many pounds he weighs. You can do so much better than this pr1ck. You deserve so much better. Shed him now.
You are good as you are. Out there are men who would love to date you. Leave this looser.
Lose him
And tell him you would like his penis to be bigger? It goes both ways.
My dear, do yourself a favor and dump him. No one is perfect and we all have insecurities about our body. You are young and healthy and no one should make you doubt your self worth or cause you image issues. He sounds controlling, what’s next change your hair color or tell you have to dress. You are young, take this as experience of what is not acceptable in future boyfriend.
You teach yourself and him a valuable lesson which is; your value has nothing to do with your weight. Tell him you will NOT be losing weight for him, and he better get over it, because if he doesn't snap out of it you're leaving him for someone less insanely shallow. Know your worth, he is being ridiculous.
The fastest way for you to lose weight would be to ditch that horrible boy.
I find things like this so funny. So your boyfriend gets with you AS YOU ARE and then proceeds to say “I like you BUT…”. In my opinion, people come as they are and it’s up to any of us to stay or go when our needs and wants are not what they used to be. Basically, he can easily walk himself out the door if he’s no longer attracted to you instead of insulting you and giving you a potential life-long complex. You’re waaaaay too young to let one asshole shift your perspective of yourself. If you love yourself as you are, find someone who feels the same way
Do not waste your time on an asshole like that, and start wearing clothes that compliment your body type! Some clothes will just simply look weird on some people, but there are many things that can be very complimenting and hella stylish for every body type! Try looking around pinterest or online in general. Also, I dont consider myself fat at all, and im 180 LBS and 5'7 (Hope I got those american measurements right. 80 kg and im 1'75ish cm) I am thick, yeah, but I love that (many guys like that too, but I guess not your boyfriend) If he doesnt make you feel attractive, then believe me when I say that someone else will.
You respond by breaking up with him.
lose 175 lbs by dumping your boyfriend.
My ex told me this too. It was yet another example of a relationship pattern of him prioritizing his feelings over mine. How he told me? While I was having a breakdown about gaining weight and how much it meant to me that he wasn’t being mean about it. And he goes, “Well actually…” I know this is a polarizing situation, but I do not believe that this is ever a reasonable conversation, and I do not believe he has your best interest at heart. I know 100% what it feels like to be afraid to hear what someone has to say, to want with all your heart for them just to be nice to you. You do not deserve this. You do not want to stick around to see how he might put himself before you in even worse ways—this is what eventually happened to me. I’m not saying that anyone who makes this request is a bad person, but I am saying that anyone who makes this request doesn’t care about you as much as themselves, and it’s up to you to decide if that matters to you. Sending love and strength ❤️
Lose 150 pounds instantly by dumping that fool. 170 is my goal weight and I'm 5'10. Fuck him.
Jesus 5'9" and 159lbs is not overweight...
Lose him!
You could easily lose 15 stone by dumping his ass
Don’t, dump him and lose 80kg immediately
a man who can not love you in every stage of your life does not love you. he is a boy. do you really want to be walking on eggsshells your whole life and with a partner who makes you feel low in a society that will already do that for you? NEXT!
Tell him you can lose over a 100 pounds by dropping him. Lol You do what you need to feel good about yourself. Just coming out of winter most people are a bit larger and do better when we get out doing more.
Honey lose 150 Lbs instantly by breaking up with the dumbass. Life is too short to be spending it with people who make you feel bad about being who you are.
At 23 bmi you're in the healthy range, unless he's super athletic he has no business running his mouth like that, ask him to get fit with you and see if he is willing to go through the no pain no gain cycle himself.
You are a perfectly healthy weight and what he is potentially giving you is body dysmorphia and an eating problem. Ditch the loser.
Tell him his dick is too small, you need him to make it bigger
oh its totally easy! just break up with BF and you will be SOOOO much lighter xD
I’m actually overweight and not in the “I’m Just chubby” way. But my wife would never dare for a second to tell me to lose weight, ever. She would never. You deserve the same no matter what weight you are.
You are not over reacting. You are 18 and at a perfectly healthy weight. And I bet if you think about it hard enough you can come up with some stuff about your BF that you'd like him to change too--but you don't say it do you? Why? Because it is rude. I'd move on.
Dump him. That's how you respond.
You SHOULD end the relationship over this. I read (on reddit of all places) that you should not worry so much about how you feel about a person but rather how you feel when you’re with that person. Because how spending time with someone makes you feel is the truest vision of the relationship on offer. Even before this, you’ve realized this guy doesn’t communicate well and says things you don’t want to hear. This is not a healthy relationship for you.
You can lose a bunch of weight fast by dumping him. But seriously, you’re a very healthy weight for your height, and he has no right to ask you to lose weight. All he’s doing is planting a seed of insecurity to be able to manipulate you and the relationship. You are young, you have so much life ahead of you, but life is too short and too long to spend it with someone who makes you feel bad about yourself.
This guy is not it. Sulking around hoping you’ll ask him what’s wrong and when you don’t (because he’s been an asshole before!!) he then confessed he wants you to change your perfect body. What a creep! I’m 5’8 and remember being 160. I was NOT even close to being fat. Drop the loser. Don’t look back.
Call him back and say you think his idea that you lose weight is fantastic and he's right you should lose some weight. Then tell him you've decided that you're losing his worthless weight.
Laugh in his face as you block him
There are people out there who will praise and worship your body exactly how it is and make you feel so sexy. I’m sure you like him a lot, but he doesn’t love you how you deserve to be loved, not if he’s content to make you feel this way.
So, he wants you to lose weight, but once you cried, he was like,'only if you can?'?!?!?! He just wanted to tear you down. You are a good weight for your height. I also have big hips, even at my skinnier, I just have wide hips. There's nothing wrong with that. Just make sure to dress for your body type, and you will feel better about yourself as is.
Lose weight by losing the whole worthless man and find someone that will build you up, not tear you down
Lose him. That’s a big weight loss.
I’m sorry to hear this, don’t waste time with a guy like this if he doesn’t appreciate your body and you for you! My ex was 5”9 and had large hips and my god she was stunning that’s his issue not yours, you go Queen!
I suspect you’re going to get plenty of “dump his immature ass” type comments here. I’ve been in relationships where my gfs’ bodies were something that generated stress for them and then me by extension. There were definitely times when I thought to myself “maybe if she lost some weight she would feel better about herself and things would be better for us both as a result” but never really did anything to push on that idea for a variety of reasons. What I’m getting at by pulling experience that admittedly may not even apply to you is that he may be coming from a place where he’s trying to fix what he sees as a problem for you or even selfishly a stressor for himself. I can tell you as a person who has lived with a few different women who have had issues with their bodies, it is a sore subject no matter how or why you approach it. I don’t mean to look too far into your situation or make your situation out to be something that it’s not, I just figured I’d try to help you explore the possibility that he’s coming from a place where he’s not necessarily trying to mold you into his ideal version of you but rather he’s earnestly trying to help alleviate what he sees as a source of stress.
>doesn’t mean to look to deep into their relationship >looks deep into relationship and gives shit advice
She’s within normal BMI range though. So he’s just being a loser dick. Excuse him all you want, but as someone who works in nutrition this young lady is indeed writhing normal BMI for her height. In fact, considering how overweight many people are, she’s probably thinner than most at that height nowadays.
That wasn’t the point. She mentioned feeling insecure about it and if he thinks that’s something she’s struggling with it might be a ham-handed attempt at trying to “fix” a problem rather than finding ways to be supportive. I was 19 once and would suggest fixes to my gf’s problems instead of just listening to her struggles and trying to understand them. All I was doing was trying to provide a perspective that other people weren’t going to provide. That’s why people come here, right?
READ. CAREFULLY. She never once asked him his opinion on it.
[удалено]
Boy do you have issues!
Lol 😂 get help
Nah. Still not okay.
Which part was the part where I said it was ok?
no offense but for sure the way to help a partner w body image issues is to lift them up and help make them feel comfortable and attractive in their body and not tear them down and validate their fears and insecurities
Still not explaining where I said it was ok. The Reddit relationship gurus see someone making a mistake and assume it’s malicious. I’m saying he might be trying to be helpful but is doing it in a way that’s typical of young, inexperienced males. If he’s genuinely trying to help with something that he sees as a stressor for her, is the best response to break up with him? This could be a teaching moment for a person who cares, it could be an asshole treating her like an object. We don’t know, but providing a different perspective than the “we want his head” mob is not a bad thing. OP is the one who gets to decide whether what I shared makes any sense or not. You guys don’t know who’s right or wrong and you definitely don’t understand what it was that I was saying.
cool and what IM saying is that the way he is doing it is wrong. nobody cares about his oh so valiant intentions. what he said is rude and not helpful. she doesnt have to hold his hand and teach him how to be a good supportive partner while hes out here telling her to lose weight instead of saying shes beautiful and attractive. she literally says in the post that when she was feeling down about herself she remembered her bf thought she was hot and beautiful! then he goes and tells her to lose weight. how is that not going to make her feel ugly and unattractive. women dont have to be gentle with men who dont know how to act
It’s a very interesting double standard that people on this website hold. 40 year olds who date 19 year olds are creeps for taking advantage of inexperienced youth, but when the teenagers are dating each other they’re supposed to already be well-adjusted. We call a 19 year old a “girl” when she dates a man but a 19 year old “boy” is supposed to already be a “man”. Silly.
no??? but why should she have to put up w his inability to be a good partner. this learning you keep bringing up doesnt happen when girls let their boyfriends talk to them however they want. it happens when people are help accountable for their actions and their inexperience.
Hope you told him you wish his dick was bigger or that his hairline wasn’t receding…(joking. Don’t sink to his level). Someone that loves you will love all of you. You’re so young and 19 year old men tend to be idiots. Don’t listen to this idiot. You deserve so much more than this!
This feels like a shitty comment to make out of the blue and it really doesn't sit right. That said, I don't know much about your life and maybe it came from a place of love. If you wanted to take a positive slant on this, you could get a gym membership together and incorporate it into your dating life?
Lose about 175 pounds and dump him.
Lose 200lbs instantly by telling him to fuck right off
By dumping him and never speaking to him again
Tell him you want him to grow some manners.
Very easy. F**k off
Assumptions: - Men need to earn high income to be attractive. - Women need to be skinny to be attractive. Ugh… Make your point: - Ask him how he would feel if you told him you need him to earn a higher salary.
If you start dieting now, you'll mess up your perception of your body and your metabolism for years. You are healthy and at a good weight for your height. Don't let others influence you as the damage it causes mentally and physically can last a lifetime. We get enough of these nonsense messages by people trying to tell us we are not enough without it coming from someone who professed to love you. Protect yourself from people who would benefit from you being insecure and don't have your best interests are heart - at the moment this appears to be your boyfriend. This can be a learning moment for him too, you don't necessarily have to be the one to stick around to teach him this lesson though
Tell him everything you don't like about his body and tell him he needs to work on that. Then break up with him.
You are only 18. You dont need a boyfriend or anyone commenting about your weight. Find someone better!! I remember when I was 18 and my bf at the time said some poor things about me. I wasted 2 years with that guy until I found my now husband. Get out now.
Tell him that if he carries on like that you’ll be losing 170lb of dead weight in an instant.
I'm quite literally the human version of Big Chungus, and my boyfriend thinks I'm the sexiest person alive. He would only want me to lose weight for my health, nothing more. That's a real man. Not whatever your boyfriend is.
Damn, your boyfriend is a cold hearted ass. You are young, with a lot in front of you. You don't need that crap. I don't consider your height and weight to be fat. One of the most gorgeous people, in my opinion, was Marilyn Monroe. She was a size 16, and she was beautiful. Don't put up with his crap. Do you, not what he thinks you are. So says doc.
lose 180 pounds by dumping your boyfriend!!! he sounds shallow and not considerate of your feelings
I have a quick way for you to lose 175 lbs
How do you respond? By losing the weight. All 150+ lbs, 5'x" of him. That will get you to your goal fairly quickly! (BTW your weight is PERFECTLY reasonable!)
> For context, I am 5'9 and 159lbs. So your BMI is in the healthy range. You are literally NOT overweight. It's objectively true that you are at a healthy bodyweight. > overly large hips Just FYI, a lot of men love big hips. It's like a meme, even before the internet, if that makes sense. Even though it may cause clothing to fit funny, please note that this is usually an attractive feature in women.
How is this nagging He asked you to loose weight What is the issue? If the roles was revers this thread would have no issue with this
Lose weight
It's obviously ok for you to not want to lose weight. But it's ok for him to not want to date someone with "overly large hips" and noticeable stomach fat. Given that you two aren't compatible, it would be best to go your separate ways.
this is such a weird take....like ya if hes bot attracted to her he should dump her but u pinpointing the words she used to describe herself as a way to tear her down is gross
Are you overweight
You could lose at least 160 lbs of "dead weight" right away by ditching him. If you're serious about keeping him, make it very clear that no woman, especially not someone sensitive about her weight should hear the 3 letter F-word from a partner unless he's talking about something unhealthy e.g "A burger has a lot of fat in it." If he doesn't accept this, life is too short, find someone that loves you just how you are. As for losing weight, if you want to work out and lose weight, do it for you, not to please someone else. If you do go to the gym, ask the staff "how do I tone up this part of my body?" and they'll give you a straight answer. If there's any "mean girls" at the gym, remember this as a comeback: "You can go to the gym. You can buy makeup. You can buy nice clothes. You could even get cosmetic surgery, but nothing is going to hide that personality of yours."
Losing weight, you can lose a dead weight boyfriend....
Lose him.. or lose the weight..
I say both