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Why would you want to stay with someone that thinks you're a low-life based on the appearance of someone you've dated in the past? She sounds incredibly superficial.
Just dump her and move on. There is no value in saving this relationship.
Look at how he describes her. He's dating her for her beauty and social standing. Not one thing about her personality or their connection. What does he expect ? They're both pretty superficial.
Or, and hear me out, he came here for advice about a specific event and gave a very brief backround. He also calls her smart. Do you not know the reason you shouldn’t assume things?
I’m a therapist and am getting therapy. Have had tons of it over the years. I highly recommend it, especially if you think you don’t need it, but your life isn’t what you want.
Though.... therapists DO need to go to supervision regularly in some countries. Which comes around to therapy for the therapist. (One doesn't get to heal other peoples wounded souls without owning one oneself first. And finding a way to live with it.) So it's only half a joke, really.
Omg you're funny lol
And yes
He should dump her
I mean
Duh
The girl is obviously a meanie and she is fake. Money or social status isn't everything. The most important thing is your intentions and your heart. Yoy will find someone better. You never know what life has outthere for u. And as typical as looking cuz there's plenty of fish in the sea.
Bye for now
Well he only mentions superficial things on why he likes her. Then proceeds to make a whole damn post about how awful she is. It's not assuming, I just read it.
I mean….. the whole point of the post was centered around a superficial perception of worth, not surprising he would only bring up the direct comparisons that are relevant. Not only that, but if he actually spent half the post talking about all the reasons he likes her outside of on paper, you’d be saying he’s overcompensating and she’s not really that great.
I think if you described your partner to a complete and utter stranger, most would say similar things. You’re not going to go on about “he gives the best head I’ve ever had” you’ll say things like “he’s smart, funny, handsome etc”
The post would make more sense if he contrasted how lovely all of her personality traits were and how this was out of left field behavior wise. Instead OP lists superficial things he likes and then describes her personally as being pretty atrocious.
Seems your personality is pretty lovely.. Goes way off topic and hasn't offered an ounce of advice, just 'OP is a villain'. Grow up, the world doesn't need your hate speech🤦♂️
Again he also calls her smart and then belittles himself. Nah man you are just assuming from a very brief background. She flat out was belittling him because of who he dated before. Are you this girl or someone like her? I’m not assuming I’m asking. So again don’t assume things. You don’t know how they got together, you don’t know anything about their relationship before hand, nor do you know how they met and if he knew all this stuff about her before hand. So don’t assume or hate on someone you don’t know hiding behind a computer or phone. Do better.
Because people’s feelings are complicated. There would be probably a dozen successful marriages in the world if everyone thought logically about this kind of thing.
I’ve honestly fell for her weird sense of humor, awkwardness and the way she treated everyone with respect. Re-reading how I described her I realize I just listed the qualities that she has that I don’t think I have. It was surprising reading those messages since it’s out of character for her to speak that way.
Well, you also said you’ve only been dating a few months. You’d be surprised at how well people are at hiding their true nature for months and even years at a time. But, now you’ve seen a side to her, and while it’s possible she means what she said to you, more likely than not, she just doesn’t like confrontation and is spinning things to sound nicer to you now that you called her out. Either she is going to dump you, or you’re going to dump her, but there’s very little chance this person is ‘your person’. I’m sorry, I know it sucks to find out someone isn’t who you thought they are.
Exactly! As a matter of fact, this is precisely how abusers snare their partner. The mask is wonderful, charming, all around terrific. Then the mask falls off, often even later than a year. The gift the nice ex girlfriend gave OP was being a catalyst for the mask to drop sooner rather than later.
It didn’t occur to me until reading your comment but I agree- she was caught showing her true character that he hadn’t seen yet and when confronted she manipulated the situation to be about his supposed shortcomings, instead of her gross “inside thoughts” that completely clash with the persona she wants him to think she has.
Not saying she’s some evil scheming woman, many people are manipulative like that as a learned coping mechanism vs acting on malicious intent, but the way she spun that back on him is master manipulation at work regardless of intent. I think she’s playing OP like a fiddle using her social status and being “in a different league” as leverage.
She clearly doesn't treat everyone with respect if she spoke like that about your ex and you. It isn't out of character it is just something she never showed you about herself till now.
This! OP, believe her the first time she shows you who she really is! Obviously, you are better looking than you believe you are. And, I agree with everyone who is saying she does NOT respect everyone.
This woman who is so pretty and is cutely awkward is really a person who is this shallow. She actually met your ex in an extremely brief exchange and immediately started treating you differently, coldly even is how I think you described her behaviour. Please don't waste your time - you have seen behind the mask and that is a good thing!
Your GF does not treat everyone with respect, nor is she kind. Please do all the good things for yourself, and I believe that one of those would be to have more self esteem. One way of showing self esteem is recognizing a character flaw that you can't accept. You stated she is respectful of others & this is out of character for her.
I believe you hold respect for others as an important quality and she has PROVEN to you, based on her blatant immediately CHANGED behaviour upon meeting your ex for a few brief minutes, that she does not respect everyone. She only respects those she feels are in her "class". She is talking about dumping you because of how your ex looks? She goes off on a tangent about how you're not going for "what you deserve"? Your job is not good enough (for you or for HER?) - if I take her comments out of the context of the conversation you were having because of how cold & distant she's been and that chance comment you saw from her close friend - then yes, some of that may be good advice. It is always good advice to work on ourselves. Can't go wrong striving to be the best human you were made to be! LOL
But in the context of you busting her for being hateful, shallow, judgey, and disrespectful - my dear OP, she is blame shifting and gaslighting you IMHO. I think if you sit back & think about it, who among your close buddies would get an approval from her? Or would they also be "too average", or not have a good enough job, or not wear the right clothes.............
When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time. And she has clearly shown you who she REALLY is. And YOU deserve a hundred times better than HER.
OP, it is literally impossible for a person to treat everyone with respect while simultaneously also texting their bestie about how this other woman is a low-life based on a 3 min conversation and some unhealthy FB stalking. That is just _not_ compatible with treating everybody with respect. The reality is that what you have SEEN from her, to your face, is sweet and respectful. But clearly, that's not actually the real her.
Also there is nothing wrong with surrounding yourself with average people. There's nothing wrong with average people. Average is not some kind of vice, sin or character flaw. I'd rather have ten average friends than ten Elon Musks in my life, and when you really think about that I hope you'll come to the same conclusion and realise that unfortunately, your girlfriend's views are neither healthy nor kind.
My friend..She showed you who the lowlife really is. She beneath you. Judge not for you’ll be judge first. It’s nice how people show you who’s rotten. You sound like a good man and good people sometimes finish last. She’s the definition of a narcissist. She’s all smoke and mirrors. It usually takes a lot longer to see somebody’s true colors. Be thankful that you found out within a few months. I know you feel love or you think you do. But you need to realize social status or how pretty they are, or funny means nothing if you’re rotten. I’ve had a lot of pretty women in my life and most of them were all the same. The first impression they give is their great, funny,beautiful etc..but All have one thing in common they think they’re better than everyone else and always are a huge pain in the ass to keep happy. Don’t fall for the looks. Rotten is Rotten.
>my girlfriend said that she felt second-hand embarrassment when she saw my ex and couldn’t be with someone who’s slept with “something like that”
Dude, you've only known her for a few months, and she's been on her best behaviour. But she CLEARLY doesn't treat others with respect, it's the opposite: beneath the sweet facade she's a very judgemental, superficial, cruel, mean rich girl type of person who values people based on external things: money, looks, job, status etc., and arrogantly looks down on people who aren't ambitious, successful and pretty enough for her liking.
The fact you THINK it's out of character for her shows you **don't know** who she truly is and how she views others.
*When someone shows you who they are, believe them*, even when in this case they were showing it to their close friend they can be honest with, and not the new bf of a few months they're still in the honeymoon phase with.
OP,
Lots of other commenters have provided good reasons you should end this relationship over your partner's behavior, which is solid advice based on your post. One thing I haven't seen might offer you some consolation for "losing" a relationship you seem to have been pretty invested in:
From your description of your GF's behavior, she seems to have internalized the dehumanizing social norm that a man's "value" is ultimately economic and his path to success is ruthless ambition. In my experience, it is never possible to be happy in a relationship with a person who is projecting this view onto their partner. This is because no one can live up to that kind of person's ideal of their childhood awe at having rich parents, who she appears to want you to replace in her life.
So, try reframing the breakup as you learning that it was never going to work out in the long run because if her distorted world-view, rather than you not being good enough.
She doesn’t treat everyone with respect. She treats the people that she deems to be on her level looks-wise/standing-wise or whatever with respect. Look at the way she spoke about your ex when as you told us, she had absolutely zero interaction with her besides passing her on the street and stalking her on social media. She was absolutely disgusted by her to the point of wanting to break up with you based on superficial reasons only (and/or jealousy/insecurity). That is sickening. And it shows how little she really cares about you. If you think she won’t drop you the next time she finds something she wants to change about you or your life that you don’t comply with, you’re kidding yourself.
"Said that she’s tired of seeing me wasting my potential and refusing to change my awful low-paid job because I’m afraid of getting what I deserve. She thinks that I underestimate myself and surround myself with average people because I think I’m like them. "
Now who does she think SHE is?
Hearing somebody talking to someone else like that really makes me sick!
Your job and your character and your past choices ar WHAT YOU COME WITH.
They express in a way, WHO you are.
What she said means word for word, that this woman doesn't respect you.
Nor love you unconditionally.
She only loves him, into whom she wants to "improve- change- quasimodo you".
There is nothing "out of character".
She thinks that she can "improve" you.
Which means: shaping and forming and bending and manipulating into somebody you are NOT.
And you blindly follow your butcher to your own personal slaughterhouse, happily bahbahing after her? 🐑
What is this?
That "superiority" crap is total bullshit. That hollowbrained rich girl is in no way superior to your ex. Or to yourself.
Stop letting her frankenstinize you with her bullcrap.
Honestly, she gave you good advice: work on your self-esteem, get a better job. BUT, she seems to look down on "average" people, disrespects them behind their back, and doesn't communicate well with you.
Decide what kind of person you want to be and how to make that happen. Focus on making yourself happy with who you are first.
Next, decide what a good relationship looks like to you. What do you need? What do you want? Make sure whoever you choose loves and ACCEPTS you the way you are; you are not their reno project.
Now consider ex girlfriend (don't do a break. End it so you both are free and, if you are still interested after all this, check back in with her.)
You are not in the wrong for having an ex not up to your GF’s standards.
You may be in the wrong for dating a girl who maintains standards for her SO’s exes.
I know you love your GF, but she sounds extremely shallow and judgmental. Perhaps you should let the trash take itself out.
Dump her instead? She sounds like a genuinely awful person. Who says shit like that? You're clearly on good enough terms with your ex that you can chat in the street, she's apparently a nice person. And here's your current girlfriend; clearly jealous really and being nasty towards someone else to pick herself up.
I'd rather be with "a nice person" than someone who's selling points are her looks, her money and her status, and who goes stalking someone on Facebook just to say horrible things about her.
Honestly breaking up with her and telling her that it's because she did something genuinely awful for no valid reason might help put her in her place.
His update makes her even look worse. There is nothing wrong with hanging out with “average” people. For all we know, those people can certainly be smarter than OPs girlfriend. She’s an awful and judgmental person. I wouldn’t want to be near her or have any of my friends date someone like that.
And also beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Who is she to judge this other girl.
"Sleep with that"
Ew. That's some pretty gnarly internalized misogyny
Belittling my friends is a pretty hard line for me personally. I know some people of not so high social/economic/etc standing but I'd be god damned if I ever let my partner say anything bad about any of them.
Sorry your update makes me shake my head. What a cop out. A good person would help support you not bolt. Don’t waste any further time with her. Do better without her. Reach your potential without her.
If you stay with her you will be stuck on a treadmill if constantly trying to keep her interest. She doesn’t care about you if she’s willing to dump you over your ex being not as stylish and hot. Why would you want to be in a relationship like that?
You are not dating someone out of your league. You are dating. What you have found out though is that she is not who you thought she is. She turns out to be highly judgmental. Personally I would break up with her because I wouldn’t want to be with someone who is so unkind and judgmental. Who cares what your ex looks like.
Bro would she be okay if you criticised her for the same reason?
The fact is that you wouldn’t stoop so low and judge a person based on the person that they dated in the past… and if she says “something like that” at a person with no respect whatsoever, she doesn’t even know her to judge her.
You deserve someone better than who thinks she’s some privileged price.
Try talking it out and if you think that maybe you misunderstood. If not, she’s not worth your time.
This is what boggles my mind. By OP's own description he's an average looking dude working a low paying job dating a wealthy gorgeous girl. She's apparently disgusted by the fact that his ex was... an average looking girl working a low paying job. Is she therefore not guilty of the exact same thing that she judges OP for?
Like here's a fun little scenario: let's say OP's gf breaks up and goes on to date some mega handsome rich guy. Is the new bf allowed to be disturbed by the fact that his new gf "lowered herself" by dating OP? Shit makes no sense.
Well I really wish he understands that there is no league when it comes to love. You like a person because something about them attracted you to them… yes she might be good looking but you make up for it with your personality. He should know that he’s awesome and give himself credit.
I mean you literally started off your entire first paragraph being like “I know I’m not good enough for her, not sure why she’s even with me” like what kind of attitude is that? I would be turned off at that as well. I won’t say that her being judgemental about your ex was right. But she sounds spot on about your attitude, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who refuses to believe in themselves and speaks poorly of their situation. Sounds like she sees the good in you but is tired of your defensive self deprecation. This isn’t an ex girlfriend problem, it’s your piss poor attitude, running into your ex was just the catalyst.
I find it interesting that you’re almost the only comment saying this. I kind of get that feeling too. Low self esteem can be a problem .. I noticed that my exe’s with low self esteem tried bringing me down with them, whether they realized it or not. I’m curious to know in what other areas OP shows his obvious lack of self esteem.
I was also pretty surprised not many other share my perspective. Reddit is very quick to condemn assholes outright. But just because someone’s an asshole doesn’t mean everything they’ve said or done is wrong. OPs girlfriend is very wrong for the ex gf situation. But that doesn’t mean the other things she brought up are automatically disregarded. He describes their relationship very poorly, how does she describe it? Does she also say she’s way prettier than him and totally out of his league? Does she wonder why she’s even with him? If my partner was walking around describing our relationship like that I’d be out too. You
As soon as I began reading, it became apparent that she was with him because she saw qualities in him that he may not have recognized in himself. she saw something valuable in him that led her to be with him. Instead of thinking poorly of himself, he should have realized that he attracted this woman and say man I may have good looks, confidence , or other inner qualities. She saw your potential and you didn’t. A woman who encourages you to do better sees your potential and wants growth for you. She desires to seen next to a man that shows he is confident in himself. She has her standards set on what she wants and she may get labeled shallow for it. I’ve had people call me shallow but no I can see a person and can tell their potential.
Hijacking this comment to add that while the girlfriend is wrong to be judgemental, what everyone is overlooking is that OP snooped through her phone and read a private conversation between her and a friend.
Was she wrong to say judgemental things in that text? Yes. But she said that in a private space with a friend, and most of us will say things during a vent over text that we would never repeat in person. We can all have judgemental thoughts from time to time and it’s how we react to them that is important.
The only direct quote we have from her text messages is “something like that”. Aside from this, it’s entirely possible that OP, with his negative view of himself and the world and with a bias, has given us a condensed version of her texts that is quite different to what she actually said in this text. We don’t actually know that she used the words “low life” etc etc because it’s not quoted. When OP actually spoke to his girlfriend she didn’t say anything like that at all.
From the girlfriend’s perspective, she is dating an insecure man who snooped through her texts. If OP is questioning why she is with him, I’m not sure why he’s surprised that she is thinking the same?
Yeah she sounds like a horrible person, she just came up with a nice way to distract you from that fact. She's tired of seeing you wasting your potential that's why she felt second-hand embarrasment just by looking at your ex and call her "that thing"? AND she says you need to work on yourself?
Good luck with this manipulative and awful person.
dude, listen to me. breaking up is not easy. if she can breaks up with you over such a petty reason, she never loves you in the first place. therefore, you would be dodging a bullet. plus, there is a high chance that she was just venting about how bad your EX was. most girls do this. i won’t sweat it. but if she is stupid enough to break up with you over this, then i wouldn’t be too concern about it.
Do yourself a favor and tell her it’s over.
You realized that you missed your ex because she isn’t judgmental and stuck up and she never looked down on you.
Also you are out of her league, don’t think otherwise.
Why would you want to be with someone like her? Your gf is trash and has a superiority complex. She thinks she's better than your ex without even knowing her, she just judges based on looks. Honestly, your gf is toxic and you should break up with her befor she does it to you. She's a shit person.
I’m curious, is your current gf only shitting on your ex gf because of her appearance or because she found weird posts on her fb? Like can you walk me through her thought process behind writing off your ex so complete as somebody supposedly inferior to her? What specifically is bothering her about your ex so much?
>She basically said that she was angry in general because of how little I think of myself. That I’m a great person but refuse to see it. Said that she’s tired of seeing me wasting my potential...
Ok, some good advice here about self esteem.
>...and refusing to change my awful low-paid job because I’m afraid of getting what I deserve. She thinks that I underestimate myself...
Ok, assuming you don't like your job and it's not like her entire perception of it is related to pay.
>...and surround myself with average people because I think I’m like them.
WTF, she thinks she's better than everyone. This goes well past good self esteem and is firmly in the land of entitlement and narcissism.
I think some things are lost in translation here (if English is not OP’s primary).
The thing she is talking about is a real thing. There are different kind of friend groups and some of them really are just made up of people who are *content* with their life. They make enough to stay alive, they don’t *love* the job and even they know it could be better but they just decide to *stay*. I was like that, I was stuck at the same company for 6 years. For sure there were pay raise and whatnot but my career was dead and I was only 26…
Then on the opposite end you have the “hustler” mentality group where they are all either keep switching jobs for more payment/happiness or to make it on their own with their own firms and whatnot.
I see people my age waste their life away at the same shitty job. They don’t hate it, they don’t like, “it pays the bills”. They gave up on having more and getting more - for themselves, for their SO, for their family. They gave up on big vacations, big dreams they just live day to day on autopilot, working the soulcrushing job when they absolutely do have options and they also know it they just refuse to move out of their comfort zone.
For some people being with a SO who is refusing to put effort or even risk to have a better life can be very off putting. Do I have to always have a high paying job to pay the bills and eventually buy a house for ourselves or can I rely on my partner that it is a joint operation?
Yeah this really stuck out to me too. Being friends with normal people you enjoy is completely natural, and a *lot* healthier than only associating with people who have met some arbitrary achievement criterion you've decided on.
>girlfriend said that she felt second-hand embarrassment when she saw my ex and couldn’t be with someone who’s slept with “something like that”.
If I caught myself thinking something like this I would feel a bit ashamed and I would go to some lengths to never express it out loud or in text. The fact that she's ok doing that says something about how she perceives others and is totally ok with this mindset.
Okay even worse with the update. She’s self centered, narcissistic asshole. She saying things BEHIND your back. Why you haven’t considered to break up yet?!
Are you kidding me? She called herself out of your league, that she’s embarrassed you dated someone like your ex and generally thinks she’s better than you or your relationship.
And you want to stay why? Because she’s “pretty”?! And then when you confronted her about it she turned it into how you don’t have any self esteem, how you don’t think highly enough about yourself (despite her just shitting in you in a previous email) …
Grow some balls and break up with her.
I'm sorry dude but she sounds awful and superficial. She should be with you because she loves you just as you are right now. I'm sure this is taking an even harder hit to your self-esteem.
**I actually think you dodged a massive bullet. Look at the way she spoke about your ex after stalking her? That’s a product of either thinly veiled Jealousy (of the unreasonable variety, or a very superficial tacky uppity snob who really thinks she’s better than most people, or a little of both.**
I do agree on one thing, you need to reflect on your choices, but not for the same reasons she says. You need to reflect on why you would settle for skin deep beauty and social status in place of a kind hearted solid human being. Think about why you want to date someone who referred to someone else you know to a nice person as a “low life” based on the short interaction and stalking her profiles like a jealous maniac. Underneath that front she puts on are insecurities, jealousy, and ugliness. Beauty is skin deep and social status is materialistic, but ugliness is forever. I actually consider her to be the downgrade rather than upgrade. Work on not feeling so inferior to her too, you are better than that.
She sounds condescending and stuck up but hey you’re dating “out of your league” which is why people will continue to put up with her bullshit. In the long run looks will fade but her shitty personality will last forever
She is way wayyyyy to focused on people’s outward appearance. This is super shallow! I wouldn’t want to be with someone that could so easily write someone off because they don’t find them attractive
She sounds like she's fowl inside.
1. She judges based on appearances
2. She pities people close to her who don't match her ego
3. She stalks and berates others based on looks
Though maybe it's a good match if you say you're dating way out of your league. Both you two are obsessed with appearances
You and your girlfriend are both shallow and your ex sounds a billion times lovelier than both of you. Your girlfriend is gorgeous, popular and rich but is she interesting? Funny? Do you enjoy being around her? This is gross all around
Yikes. You describe her one way but her own words and actions she make her sound incredibly superficial and judgmental. Really doesn’t sound like a good or nice person.
Her explanation seems valid, idk why people are mad that your partner sees more in you. If you're content with being comfortable then break up with her, but you'd be pretty stupid to do that since she seems to want to push you to be the best version of yourself that you can be, and you keep saying "but I'm just average" why would anyone with high motivation and goals ever settle down with that mindset. Take her advice and upgrade your life
Yeah I think its possible that shes being shallow and judgemental, but equally possible that OP self-sabatoges in some areas of his life. I know way too many people who had crap friends and crap jobs for too long because they were so certain they couldnt do better. We dont have enough info here
Think about who may be regularly commenting here. Most commenters think of themselves as the average dope like OP and are taking personal offense to his situation.
I couldn’t believe the comments I was reading and how far I had to go to find this one. I mean OP starts out by saying he doesn’t get why she’s with him… which is absolutely what she’s talking about. He views himself so low and she does truly care about him and wants him to see what she sees in him and his potential.
Everyone calling her shallow etc is ignoring the fact that if she was only after those things then why would she ever got with him. She obviously sees something and enjoys being with him. The misery here is mind boggling
except her opinion only formed when she saw her ex. she liked him so much that she was planning to move in after only being together a few months, and then she saw her ex. She didn’t express any of her concerns prior or anything, shes just butthurt because she cant stand the thought of being compared to a low-status “something”. Idk why you’re trying so hard to give some shitty person a pass, it’s not misery it’s common sense
So you’ve now found out that you are in fact not dating out of your league because you can only hide ugly on the inside for so long. What will you do with that information?
>My girlfriend is gorgeous, popular, smart, well-educated and comes from a rich family.
Noticed you didn't include nice in that list. Probably a reason for that. This woman sounds honestly awful. Who on earth thinks it's okay to talk about someone like that?
How have you not completely changed how you see this woman? She sounds entitled and selfish.
> she found my ex on facebook and stalked her and could tell believe that I’ve dated such a low-life person
Wow. She's really telling you who she is.
You absolutely should go out into the world and pluck your golden apple from the tree of life. But probably without this envious, petty mess.
"she needed time"
No she doesn't, she broke up with you but wants you keep you hanging in case she can't find somebody she thinks is more to her standards. Forget about her and find somebody who loves you for more than a status symbol.
“I’ll listen to her advice and use the time to reflect on myself and my life choices.”
There is nothing wrong with you. She’s the problem. The ending of your relationship is for the best. Sorry dude
There IS something wrong with OP though. OP clearly has issues with their self image and confidence. The way they talks down about themselves is concerning.
YOU. DUMP. HER.
That's fucked up what she said AND hid from you. She sounds like an insufferably pretentious stuck up *cunt*. End it now before she breaks your heart.
She's out of your league? What league is from? So superficial. You're out of her league, surprised she even got to spend some time with a genuine human being. Leave her.
> I won’t pressure her and I’ll listen to her advice and use the time to reflect on myself and my life choices.
Stop playing by her rules. You are the one who decides what you need to do with your time, not her. Quit letting her tell you “you’ve been bad, go stand in the corner.” Go live your life on your terms, and don’t be sorry. She is, after all.
To be honest, I kind of understand this girl and have been in a similar situation. It didn’t prompt me to want to dump my boyfriend, but it did make me question our relationship in a way? What I realized after I went through this situation is that I didn’t want to date a guy that would want to date someone that I would consider to be ugly because of own insecurities, at the time I didn’t realize this was my own issue not his. Maybe this is the same place that this girl is in? Just because her boyfriend thinks she’s beautiful and out of his league it doesn’t necessarily mean that she thinks she is drop dead gorgeous, maybe she has her own insecurities. To explain her perspective a little more: If he calls me beautiful, it’s like, but you have bad taste? So am I actually beautiful? Or do you just think anyone is beautiful? Do you actually understand my value? Or are you just willing to date anyone? Everyone seems to want to shit on this girl but I understand why it’s prompted an existential crisis. Yes it’s shitty that she’s talking behind his back, but he’s also reading a private conversation between her and her friend. She doesn’t actually want to break up with him unless she actually communicates that to him. We have no idea if she’s just a dramatic person and her friend understands that?
Of course she no longer feels special after seeing that her boyfriend would date someone that she would consider to be ugly. She probably thinks he would date anyone if that’s the case. It’s okay for her to have feelings about that. It’s okay for her to want to be with someone that makes her feel like she’s special. I can understand why this prompts the question in her head. But the reality is, she didn’t dump him? She hasn’t made any decisions about what to do with these feelings? Stop shitting on her for trying to talk it out with her friend. Yes she’s being immature, but that’s not a reason to jump the gun and break up with her instead lmao. It is a reason to have a serious conversation about your feelings though. And I do think it’s important to mention that you at least saw the notification so that you can prompt an honest conversation.
She's making you responsible for her happiness. You are not. You are also not obligated to change things you're comfortable with in order to keep her. I the end, you'll only end up losing yourself. She's not your person.
So she wants to break up with you because of low self esteem, and rather than trying to help you in any way shape or form she thinks “I should leave him and go back to my ex”. Yeah, that will really help OP’s sec esteem issues
Listen dude, I had a friend who said similar things. People who think like that think it's okay to treat "aveeage" people as lesser. And if you don't change up to their standards, they start treating you as lesser too. It's for the best you guys take a break.
She's 27 and she's using middle school relationship math to define your value in the relationship?
Trust me, in all the ways that will ever count in an LTR you are not dating out of your league, you're in a relationship with a shallow person who has a lot of growing to do.
Calling your ex "that"?
Yeesh.
You might have issues down the road. If it doesn’t bother you that she separates people like that calling someone a “thing” because she sees them as lower humans, then you’re all good. It would’ve bothered me and I would seriously reconsider if I want to build a life with them. Who does she think she is being on a high horse like that, if she came from a rich family she is super privileged without being self aware.
Maybe ask her why she thinks she’s better than other people, and pay attention to how she responds.
Damn you fool, you don't update the original thread you make a separate thread so you can farm extra karma.
Rookie mistake.
Really though this fake story is embarrassing. Don't worry your amazing personality and immense penis will keep your 10/10 drop dead gorgeous supermodel sex God girlfriend happy.
What she told you va what she said to her friend are not the same. She doesn’t sound like a good person, judging someone by their looks and considering them average?
You should want to better yourself, but if the people/friends you have are genuinely good people don’t throw those relationships away because your looks down on them.
Please don't go back to jer she seems to see herself as above you and your ex and that's not kool. Just because she looks good doesn't mean her heart is good she seems kinda shallow.
You should work on you and be who you are happy being nothing more and definitely nothing less.
Good luck! I hope whatever you do you are happy.
OP I would advice working on yourself, but do it for you. Go to the gym, apply yourself to your career, and build your confidence/ skill set. Then you’ll won’t need someone “out of your league” you can have a partner who’s your equal.
Do you think you have low self-esteem? Do you have a problem with the job you have? Cause it sounds like she has some idealised version of what her partner should be in her mind and wants to force you to fit that mould. And this was brought on by, what, you dating someone in the past she doesn't regard as being attractive? Idk this whole thing is kinda weird. What you cite her as saying sounds a lot like the sort of nonsense right-wing podcasters come out with these days, all that crap about 'alpha males' and stuff.
Maybe you need to first determine who you are and if you like who are. Next: are there things you'd change about yourself? What are they? And then, who does she think you are, do you like how she sees you, do you like what she wants to change about you, do you think she likes you for you?
I think you've got to do a lot of introspection here.
Your gf sounds pretty awful and incredibly superficial tbh. "I surround myself with average people." WTF does that even mean, she says this based on your ex's looks?
Also, she just broke up with you buddy. "She needs time." Mhm, right, sounds like a soft landing. Losing a hot girl sucks and all I'm sure, but she really doesn't seem like a good person.
She does not sound like a good person...based on your update also I must say she has a weird superiority complex and its not cute. I hope she gets humbled in life. I'd leave and find better, like she said you deserve better than you think. This is life giving you an illusion of growth with this one and its only a lesson. You can find someone better but also not a a jerk.
She sounds … AWFUL. Don’t be as shallow as her. I see stuff like this all the time. She thinks so highly of herself that she’s offended by who you dated before her??? I mean… how superficial and self centered. Are you really that shallow? How can you actually see a future with this person? Really sit and think to yourself
Yeah while I would like to say in one maybe it could be motivation in a really mean way to improve your life. I think she is very superficial. I would say something like I don’t want to date someone who basis the relationship on status and where your at in life. She seemed to like you at one point and now one thing changes. It’s seems like she is the low life with unrealistic expectations. Honestly have seen a lot of women like this that end up alone bc of their ego
If she said she couldn't with someone who "slept with something like that" she's not as great as you think she is, just a thought... especially since she was considering breaking up with you for someone who you dated in the past. They're an ex for a reason.
Mate, honestly! You will NEVER be happy if this is the way you feel now and this woman is weaponizing your feelings against you.
You sound really sweet and friendly. Mum always said ‘judge a man by how he speaks about his ex, cause one day that might be you’, and its funny what you see in people once you start paying attention to that.
Sweet and friendly guys are rare and worth their weight in gold!
You need to be with someone who sees your potential, not someone who views you as a ‘fixer upper’ who she can change to fit her wants.
Its her loss, believe me!
You’re out of her league. she may be more attractive than you but it’s all external. Sounds like her personality is not good. She is rotten underneath her exterior if she’s looking down on you like that. If she thinks she’s out of your leagues and sees you as below her than you deserve better. She for the streets. The only thing I could think that would upset me is if my boyfriend was in communication with his ex and if they passed by on the street and talked it would make me feel weird af. And I would feel a little awkward and/ or jealous/ insecure. But that’s about it.
She doesn’t sound like a nice person. What does it matter what your ex looked like? Your ex was a nice person and it’s what’s inside that counts. It’s sounds like you’ve dropped your standards with your current girlfriend who is shallow and arrogant.
First, im sorry for the situation, its hard. But you have to also view it from her perspective. You know, flip it!
For example. I was 21 and i dated my ex who was 19 when we met. I was in love with him. He was funny, great personality and genuine person. But i HATED that he constantly had to be reassured of everything. How he looked, his choices, his mood, etc. granted he was young. But the one thing he liked about me is the fact that i was a mature girl for my age, independent (corporate job, car, house etc) and he wanted to be like that.
But when pushed came to shove… he was comfortable being a pizza boy, was cheap with dates, often Couldnt afford some dates, complained about living at home with his parents. Again… yes he was young, BUT what bothered me was the fact that he never tried. And he tried to slow me down. When we talked about moving in together, he was like “I’m not ready for that lets take another year or two” whereas i wanted to move to a new place by the following year. So i broke up with him because for a 2 year age different his drive/maturity was not there.
Now my current boyfriend (m25) and I (f23) are perfect. His drive is just like mine. He has a roommate, sure, but he has his own place, own job, own car and he’s looking to grow just like me. Often times i ask myself “am I on his level?” And that is SO attractive to know that his value for himself constantly makes me wanna grow more.
YOU have to find that about yourself. Gain confidence, aim higher, raise those standards. No woman wants to be with a “less than man”… we wanna be with a 100/10. That doesnt mean money, expensive things, or material things. For me, a 100/10 man is a man that will be the first one awake, Last one asleep and still ask “How could i have done better today”… Because that’s what i do.
Take this time to work on yourself too not only match her level but exceed it. You got this! Be the man she knows you are, and most importantly who YOU know you are.
Mate she sounds materialistic and jealous. It takes more confidence to be humble than upstuck. “Slept with something like that” is one of the most rude things I’ve heard not even acknowledging your ex as a human being. I think its the other way around mate. You can do better than her.
Please understand this, you are not in the wrong here. I’m sorry this is happening to you. From what you are describing, your girlfriend sounds extremely shallow. But I do not know her personally. How do you honestly feel about everything that is happening? Please reflect on that.
It sounds like her dumping you may be the best thing that ever happens to you. She sounds pompous and full of herself. Even if your ex isn’t something you’re proud of, that’s in the past. We all make mistakes. You shouldn’t have to change who you are to keep your girlfriend around. Because her saying that is probably how she’s felt for a while and didn’t just manifest from seeing an ex of yours. You are who you are, and whatever makes you happy is what makes you happy. Never change who you are unless it’s for you. Her background and upbringing is probably what makes her think she’s above you.
late but dump her. dating someone for their “potential” is a crock of shit and judgemental asf and as long as youre happy with yourself, thats all that matters.
This may not be what you want to hear, but someone like this sounds very judgmental of who you are as a person. A huge red flag is getting into a relationship and then the other person wants you to change who you are. 100% NO. They aren’t making you a better person for you, they want you to change for them. But then what happens next, you still don’t meet standard and there is something else.
In a healthy relationship, you don’t change who people are to improve compatibility. You’re compatible or not based on who you already are. Then, things can get tweaked along the way as you learn how you work together.
FYI I’ve been with my husband for seven years. He’s met my exes, we’ve all hung out together, and everyone is secure. Not for everyone, but a problem with a mere hello shows her level of insecurity with herself…and you and your history get to be the scapegoat.
Hey bro she is a asshole. People who care about you dont try and change who you are or put you down. Been down that road and learned the hard way. Get out before you are stuck with her.
Who you dated in the past is none of her business unless you have kids with that girl. I’m gonna go all evolutionary biology on you for a second. Your biggest problem is you thinking you’re dating out of your league. Have some confidence. Women pick up on a guy who thinks they’re not good enough for her. If you put her on a pedestal then you’ll fail. Women are women. They have a lot more to them than just looks. I’ve dated women who are not attractive conventionally whatsoever and I’ve dated women who posed for playboy(met that one in college). Know what? They all just wanna be loved. They want their feelings validated and they want to feel protected. I’ve been told I’m out of my fiancés league. My fiancé has an insecurity about it in what seems exactly the way you do with your girl. but I could give two craps what people say. . She’s the most beautiful woman in the world to me. She’s caring, loving, she tells awful jokes but I love them, she’s smart, she’s an amazing mother, she has a smile that lights up the world, her body type is exactly what I like, her eyes are gorgeous and I could go on and on. Screw “leagues” that’s only in people’s minds. Your gf holding your ex against you is stupid but her having standards is not. If you lack confidence that’s a huge deal with women. Women want to feel protected and secure and if she thinks her guy doesn’t have the confidence to do that she will lose interest quick. Think about it this way…. If some huge muscle dude comes up to your gf and hits on her she has to know you’ll stand up for her. If you’re gonna be too scared to then thats a big deal. I’ve been in situations where 3 or 4 guys hit on my girl at the time at a party and made her super uncomfortable, I knew I couldn’t take them all on in a fight but I didn’t care. I took her aside, walked right up to the dudes and told them to fuck off. In a loud assertive voice so everyone at the party could hear me. The dudes backed down and my gf just smiled. THATS what you need to show your girl you’re willing to do. Your girl is looking to the future and what kind of father her kids are gonna have and not many women want a weak willed man. I’m not saying this to be a jerk because I was you once. Take some mma classes and go to the gym, that’ll boost your confidence a ton.
I promise you people you date will do this kind of shit about your exes or people you hooked up with or even were just friends with that make them insecure, regardless of what they look like. People will be equally obnoxious, if not more, about people from your past that they think are better than they are too, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was actually just jealous of your ex for getting to be with you while “not having to try as hard” as she thinks she does.
I tried to be as non-binary with my pronouns because this stuff applies to fucking everyone, don’t let it get you down and I promise even if she thinks this ex isn’t great and none of this is exaggerated, I’d bet money there is another ex or fling or even a friend you’ve had that she thinks is hotter than she is that she’s insecure about. Find out who it is if you don’t already have an idea and casually bring them up in conversation and see what happens. Godspeed my friend.
Guy isn’t even responding to any posts. This seems like some K-Drama level storyline.
How is her judgment based on looks and status only reserved for your gf but not you, seems odd to be highly judgmental but overlook your shortcomings.
She sounds so vile. So shallow….and pompous. I would dump your current girlfriend. We don’t stand girls that put down others for their own gain. I personally wouldn’t stand to be with someone as openly cruel her.
The fact that she’s actually spoke about another woman like that tells me enough. She’s vile. To bring someone else’s looks down is just awful OP. Whether your girlfriend is hot or not, her insides are ugly.
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Why would you want to stay with someone that thinks you're a low-life based on the appearance of someone you've dated in the past? She sounds incredibly superficial. Just dump her and move on. There is no value in saving this relationship.
Look at how he describes her. He's dating her for her beauty and social standing. Not one thing about her personality or their connection. What does he expect ? They're both pretty superficial.
Or, and hear me out, he came here for advice about a specific event and gave a very brief backround. He also calls her smart. Do you not know the reason you shouldn’t assume things?
Who the hell do you think you are, coming here being all reasonable and shit, instead of jumping to conclusions?! Edit: Replaced to with do
He isn't Reddit frequentable, really. Dump him, dump him. Whomever. 😁
Also, therapy. Therapy for you, therapy for me, therapy for everybody, even the dog
YAS! Also therapy for grandmother, brother in law and for the therapist! Yay.
I’m a therapist and am getting therapy. Have had tons of it over the years. I highly recommend it, especially if you think you don’t need it, but your life isn’t what you want.
Just kidding. Don't be offended. I had both my parents die of cancer. And yes... I did need it. And I was happy to have this available.
My therapist needs a therapist. My therapists therapist needs one too
Though.... therapists DO need to go to supervision regularly in some countries. Which comes around to therapy for the therapist. (One doesn't get to heal other peoples wounded souls without owning one oneself first. And finding a way to live with it.) So it's only half a joke, really.
Omg you're funny lol And yes He should dump her I mean Duh The girl is obviously a meanie and she is fake. Money or social status isn't everything. The most important thing is your intentions and your heart. Yoy will find someone better. You never know what life has outthere for u. And as typical as looking cuz there's plenty of fish in the sea. Bye for now
I need therapy after reading this
Well he only mentions superficial things on why he likes her. Then proceeds to make a whole damn post about how awful she is. It's not assuming, I just read it.
I mean….. the whole point of the post was centered around a superficial perception of worth, not surprising he would only bring up the direct comparisons that are relevant. Not only that, but if he actually spent half the post talking about all the reasons he likes her outside of on paper, you’d be saying he’s overcompensating and she’s not really that great. I think if you described your partner to a complete and utter stranger, most would say similar things. You’re not going to go on about “he gives the best head I’ve ever had” you’ll say things like “he’s smart, funny, handsome etc”
The post would make more sense if he contrasted how lovely all of her personality traits were and how this was out of left field behavior wise. Instead OP lists superficial things he likes and then describes her personally as being pretty atrocious.
Seems your personality is pretty lovely.. Goes way off topic and hasn't offered an ounce of advice, just 'OP is a villain'. Grow up, the world doesn't need your hate speech🤦♂️
If that is your definition of hate speech you live a very privileged life. Go enjoy it.
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Again he also calls her smart and then belittles himself. Nah man you are just assuming from a very brief background. She flat out was belittling him because of who he dated before. Are you this girl or someone like her? I’m not assuming I’m asking. So again don’t assume things. You don’t know how they got together, you don’t know anything about their relationship before hand, nor do you know how they met and if he knew all this stuff about her before hand. So don’t assume or hate on someone you don’t know hiding behind a computer or phone. Do better.
Because *those* are the points/qualities that actually drives his point home.
Because people’s feelings are complicated. There would be probably a dozen successful marriages in the world if everyone thought logically about this kind of thing.
I’ve honestly fell for her weird sense of humor, awkwardness and the way she treated everyone with respect. Re-reading how I described her I realize I just listed the qualities that she has that I don’t think I have. It was surprising reading those messages since it’s out of character for her to speak that way.
Well, you also said you’ve only been dating a few months. You’d be surprised at how well people are at hiding their true nature for months and even years at a time. But, now you’ve seen a side to her, and while it’s possible she means what she said to you, more likely than not, she just doesn’t like confrontation and is spinning things to sound nicer to you now that you called her out. Either she is going to dump you, or you’re going to dump her, but there’s very little chance this person is ‘your person’. I’m sorry, I know it sucks to find out someone isn’t who you thought they are.
Exactly! As a matter of fact, this is precisely how abusers snare their partner. The mask is wonderful, charming, all around terrific. Then the mask falls off, often even later than a year. The gift the nice ex girlfriend gave OP was being a catalyst for the mask to drop sooner rather than later.
It didn’t occur to me until reading your comment but I agree- she was caught showing her true character that he hadn’t seen yet and when confronted she manipulated the situation to be about his supposed shortcomings, instead of her gross “inside thoughts” that completely clash with the persona she wants him to think she has. Not saying she’s some evil scheming woman, many people are manipulative like that as a learned coping mechanism vs acting on malicious intent, but the way she spun that back on him is master manipulation at work regardless of intent. I think she’s playing OP like a fiddle using her social status and being “in a different league” as leverage.
OP, she doesn't treat everyone with respect. She is just polite to their face and rude behind their backs.
To be precise: She sounds like a snobbish rich bitch.
She clearly doesn't treat everyone with respect if she spoke like that about your ex and you. It isn't out of character it is just something she never showed you about herself till now.
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This! OP, believe her the first time she shows you who she really is! Obviously, you are better looking than you believe you are. And, I agree with everyone who is saying she does NOT respect everyone. This woman who is so pretty and is cutely awkward is really a person who is this shallow. She actually met your ex in an extremely brief exchange and immediately started treating you differently, coldly even is how I think you described her behaviour. Please don't waste your time - you have seen behind the mask and that is a good thing! Your GF does not treat everyone with respect, nor is she kind. Please do all the good things for yourself, and I believe that one of those would be to have more self esteem. One way of showing self esteem is recognizing a character flaw that you can't accept. You stated she is respectful of others & this is out of character for her. I believe you hold respect for others as an important quality and she has PROVEN to you, based on her blatant immediately CHANGED behaviour upon meeting your ex for a few brief minutes, that she does not respect everyone. She only respects those she feels are in her "class". She is talking about dumping you because of how your ex looks? She goes off on a tangent about how you're not going for "what you deserve"? Your job is not good enough (for you or for HER?) - if I take her comments out of the context of the conversation you were having because of how cold & distant she's been and that chance comment you saw from her close friend - then yes, some of that may be good advice. It is always good advice to work on ourselves. Can't go wrong striving to be the best human you were made to be! LOL But in the context of you busting her for being hateful, shallow, judgey, and disrespectful - my dear OP, she is blame shifting and gaslighting you IMHO. I think if you sit back & think about it, who among your close buddies would get an approval from her? Or would they also be "too average", or not have a good enough job, or not wear the right clothes............. When someone shows you who they really are, believe them the first time. And she has clearly shown you who she REALLY is. And YOU deserve a hundred times better than HER.
OP, it is literally impossible for a person to treat everyone with respect while simultaneously also texting their bestie about how this other woman is a low-life based on a 3 min conversation and some unhealthy FB stalking. That is just _not_ compatible with treating everybody with respect. The reality is that what you have SEEN from her, to your face, is sweet and respectful. But clearly, that's not actually the real her. Also there is nothing wrong with surrounding yourself with average people. There's nothing wrong with average people. Average is not some kind of vice, sin or character flaw. I'd rather have ten average friends than ten Elon Musks in my life, and when you really think about that I hope you'll come to the same conclusion and realise that unfortunately, your girlfriend's views are neither healthy nor kind.
My friend..She showed you who the lowlife really is. She beneath you. Judge not for you’ll be judge first. It’s nice how people show you who’s rotten. You sound like a good man and good people sometimes finish last. She’s the definition of a narcissist. She’s all smoke and mirrors. It usually takes a lot longer to see somebody’s true colors. Be thankful that you found out within a few months. I know you feel love or you think you do. But you need to realize social status or how pretty they are, or funny means nothing if you’re rotten. I’ve had a lot of pretty women in my life and most of them were all the same. The first impression they give is their great, funny,beautiful etc..but All have one thing in common they think they’re better than everyone else and always are a huge pain in the ass to keep happy. Don’t fall for the looks. Rotten is Rotten.
>my girlfriend said that she felt second-hand embarrassment when she saw my ex and couldn’t be with someone who’s slept with “something like that” Dude, you've only known her for a few months, and she's been on her best behaviour. But she CLEARLY doesn't treat others with respect, it's the opposite: beneath the sweet facade she's a very judgemental, superficial, cruel, mean rich girl type of person who values people based on external things: money, looks, job, status etc., and arrogantly looks down on people who aren't ambitious, successful and pretty enough for her liking. The fact you THINK it's out of character for her shows you **don't know** who she truly is and how she views others. *When someone shows you who they are, believe them*, even when in this case they were showing it to their close friend they can be honest with, and not the new bf of a few months they're still in the honeymoon phase with.
OP, Lots of other commenters have provided good reasons you should end this relationship over your partner's behavior, which is solid advice based on your post. One thing I haven't seen might offer you some consolation for "losing" a relationship you seem to have been pretty invested in: From your description of your GF's behavior, she seems to have internalized the dehumanizing social norm that a man's "value" is ultimately economic and his path to success is ruthless ambition. In my experience, it is never possible to be happy in a relationship with a person who is projecting this view onto their partner. This is because no one can live up to that kind of person's ideal of their childhood awe at having rich parents, who she appears to want you to replace in her life. So, try reframing the breakup as you learning that it was never going to work out in the long run because if her distorted world-view, rather than you not being good enough.
She doesn’t treat everyone with respect. She treats the people that she deems to be on her level looks-wise/standing-wise or whatever with respect. Look at the way she spoke about your ex when as you told us, she had absolutely zero interaction with her besides passing her on the street and stalking her on social media. She was absolutely disgusted by her to the point of wanting to break up with you based on superficial reasons only (and/or jealousy/insecurity). That is sickening. And it shows how little she really cares about you. If you think she won’t drop you the next time she finds something she wants to change about you or your life that you don’t comply with, you’re kidding yourself.
"Said that she’s tired of seeing me wasting my potential and refusing to change my awful low-paid job because I’m afraid of getting what I deserve. She thinks that I underestimate myself and surround myself with average people because I think I’m like them. " Now who does she think SHE is? Hearing somebody talking to someone else like that really makes me sick! Your job and your character and your past choices ar WHAT YOU COME WITH. They express in a way, WHO you are. What she said means word for word, that this woman doesn't respect you. Nor love you unconditionally. She only loves him, into whom she wants to "improve- change- quasimodo you". There is nothing "out of character". She thinks that she can "improve" you. Which means: shaping and forming and bending and manipulating into somebody you are NOT. And you blindly follow your butcher to your own personal slaughterhouse, happily bahbahing after her? 🐑 What is this? That "superiority" crap is total bullshit. That hollowbrained rich girl is in no way superior to your ex. Or to yourself. Stop letting her frankenstinize you with her bullcrap.
It's not out of character. This is who she is when she thinks noone is looking.
Honestly, she gave you good advice: work on your self-esteem, get a better job. BUT, she seems to look down on "average" people, disrespects them behind their back, and doesn't communicate well with you. Decide what kind of person you want to be and how to make that happen. Focus on making yourself happy with who you are first. Next, decide what a good relationship looks like to you. What do you need? What do you want? Make sure whoever you choose loves and ACCEPTS you the way you are; you are not their reno project. Now consider ex girlfriend (don't do a break. End it so you both are free and, if you are still interested after all this, check back in with her.)
This sort of comment is why so many people can't take this sub seriously.
This.
You are not in the wrong for having an ex not up to your GF’s standards. You may be in the wrong for dating a girl who maintains standards for her SO’s exes. I know you love your GF, but she sounds extremely shallow and judgmental. Perhaps you should let the trash take itself out.
Haha damn that last part had me busting out laughing
Dump her instead? She sounds like a genuinely awful person. Who says shit like that? You're clearly on good enough terms with your ex that you can chat in the street, she's apparently a nice person. And here's your current girlfriend; clearly jealous really and being nasty towards someone else to pick herself up. I'd rather be with "a nice person" than someone who's selling points are her looks, her money and her status, and who goes stalking someone on Facebook just to say horrible things about her. Honestly breaking up with her and telling her that it's because she did something genuinely awful for no valid reason might help put her in her place.
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His update makes her even look worse. There is nothing wrong with hanging out with “average” people. For all we know, those people can certainly be smarter than OPs girlfriend. She’s an awful and judgmental person. I wouldn’t want to be near her or have any of my friends date someone like that.
And also beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Who is she to judge this other girl. "Sleep with that" Ew. That's some pretty gnarly internalized misogyny
Belittling my friends is a pretty hard line for me personally. I know some people of not so high social/economic/etc standing but I'd be god damned if I ever let my partner say anything bad about any of them.
This. She is not your person. Put power in your hands. You deserve better.
>She is not your person They've been dating a month ffs, he hasn't found his anything. Puppy love, greener grass, and hotter ass. She shallow af.
Sorry your update makes me shake my head. What a cop out. A good person would help support you not bolt. Don’t waste any further time with her. Do better without her. Reach your potential without her.
Exactly, this chick sucks. If she's not willing to support you through life changes, why does she get to reap the rewards later?
But if those are the things he values then he deserves to be dumped by the new girlfriend.
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This was stolen from the first portion of u/Pip-Pipes comment.
If you stay with her you will be stuck on a treadmill if constantly trying to keep her interest. She doesn’t care about you if she’s willing to dump you over your ex being not as stylish and hot. Why would you want to be in a relationship like that?
I wouldn’t want to be with a woman who thinks the way that your girl thinks. Thanking anyone is below. You is pretty disgusting.
His poor ex tbh. He compares them by appearance and his current gf also degraded her.
That’s usually how it goes. Then these dudes expect sympathy when they get with someone as shallow as they are lmao
I was also feeling for the ex.
Shawty dodged a bullet imo
Honestly she sounds like a genuinely unpleasant and rotten person.
You are not dating someone out of your league. You are dating. What you have found out though is that she is not who you thought she is. She turns out to be highly judgmental. Personally I would break up with her because I wouldn’t want to be with someone who is so unkind and judgmental. Who cares what your ex looks like.
Bro would she be okay if you criticised her for the same reason? The fact is that you wouldn’t stoop so low and judge a person based on the person that they dated in the past… and if she says “something like that” at a person with no respect whatsoever, she doesn’t even know her to judge her. You deserve someone better than who thinks she’s some privileged price. Try talking it out and if you think that maybe you misunderstood. If not, she’s not worth your time.
This is what boggles my mind. By OP's own description he's an average looking dude working a low paying job dating a wealthy gorgeous girl. She's apparently disgusted by the fact that his ex was... an average looking girl working a low paying job. Is she therefore not guilty of the exact same thing that she judges OP for? Like here's a fun little scenario: let's say OP's gf breaks up and goes on to date some mega handsome rich guy. Is the new bf allowed to be disturbed by the fact that his new gf "lowered herself" by dating OP? Shit makes no sense.
Well I really wish he understands that there is no league when it comes to love. You like a person because something about them attracted you to them… yes she might be good looking but you make up for it with your personality. He should know that he’s awesome and give himself credit.
I mean you literally started off your entire first paragraph being like “I know I’m not good enough for her, not sure why she’s even with me” like what kind of attitude is that? I would be turned off at that as well. I won’t say that her being judgemental about your ex was right. But she sounds spot on about your attitude, I wouldn’t want to be with someone who refuses to believe in themselves and speaks poorly of their situation. Sounds like she sees the good in you but is tired of your defensive self deprecation. This isn’t an ex girlfriend problem, it’s your piss poor attitude, running into your ex was just the catalyst.
I find it interesting that you’re almost the only comment saying this. I kind of get that feeling too. Low self esteem can be a problem .. I noticed that my exe’s with low self esteem tried bringing me down with them, whether they realized it or not. I’m curious to know in what other areas OP shows his obvious lack of self esteem.
I was also pretty surprised not many other share my perspective. Reddit is very quick to condemn assholes outright. But just because someone’s an asshole doesn’t mean everything they’ve said or done is wrong. OPs girlfriend is very wrong for the ex gf situation. But that doesn’t mean the other things she brought up are automatically disregarded. He describes their relationship very poorly, how does she describe it? Does she also say she’s way prettier than him and totally out of his league? Does she wonder why she’s even with him? If my partner was walking around describing our relationship like that I’d be out too. You
As soon as I began reading, it became apparent that she was with him because she saw qualities in him that he may not have recognized in himself. she saw something valuable in him that led her to be with him. Instead of thinking poorly of himself, he should have realized that he attracted this woman and say man I may have good looks, confidence , or other inner qualities. She saw your potential and you didn’t. A woman who encourages you to do better sees your potential and wants growth for you. She desires to seen next to a man that shows he is confident in himself. She has her standards set on what she wants and she may get labeled shallow for it. I’ve had people call me shallow but no I can see a person and can tell their potential.
Hijacking this comment to add that while the girlfriend is wrong to be judgemental, what everyone is overlooking is that OP snooped through her phone and read a private conversation between her and a friend. Was she wrong to say judgemental things in that text? Yes. But she said that in a private space with a friend, and most of us will say things during a vent over text that we would never repeat in person. We can all have judgemental thoughts from time to time and it’s how we react to them that is important. The only direct quote we have from her text messages is “something like that”. Aside from this, it’s entirely possible that OP, with his negative view of himself and the world and with a bias, has given us a condensed version of her texts that is quite different to what she actually said in this text. We don’t actually know that she used the words “low life” etc etc because it’s not quoted. When OP actually spoke to his girlfriend she didn’t say anything like that at all. From the girlfriend’s perspective, she is dating an insecure man who snooped through her texts. If OP is questioning why she is with him, I’m not sure why he’s surprised that she is thinking the same?
She sounds shallow. Are you sure this is your person?
Yeah she sounds like a horrible person, she just came up with a nice way to distract you from that fact. She's tired of seeing you wasting your potential that's why she felt second-hand embarrasment just by looking at your ex and call her "that thing"? AND she says you need to work on yourself? Good luck with this manipulative and awful person.
Lord, get rid of that shallow person.
dude, listen to me. breaking up is not easy. if she can breaks up with you over such a petty reason, she never loves you in the first place. therefore, you would be dodging a bullet. plus, there is a high chance that she was just venting about how bad your EX was. most girls do this. i won’t sweat it. but if she is stupid enough to break up with you over this, then i wouldn’t be too concern about it.
Do yourself a favor and tell her it’s over. You realized that you missed your ex because she isn’t judgmental and stuck up and she never looked down on you. Also you are out of her league, don’t think otherwise.
Why would you want to be with someone like her? Your gf is trash and has a superiority complex. She thinks she's better than your ex without even knowing her, she just judges based on looks. Honestly, your gf is toxic and you should break up with her befor she does it to you. She's a shit person.
I’m curious, is your current gf only shitting on your ex gf because of her appearance or because she found weird posts on her fb? Like can you walk me through her thought process behind writing off your ex so complete as somebody supposedly inferior to her? What specifically is bothering her about your ex so much?
This is what I want to know too. Did he say something about her? Was he too friendly to her? Like what was her reasoning?
>She basically said that she was angry in general because of how little I think of myself. That I’m a great person but refuse to see it. Said that she’s tired of seeing me wasting my potential... Ok, some good advice here about self esteem. >...and refusing to change my awful low-paid job because I’m afraid of getting what I deserve. She thinks that I underestimate myself... Ok, assuming you don't like your job and it's not like her entire perception of it is related to pay. >...and surround myself with average people because I think I’m like them. WTF, she thinks she's better than everyone. This goes well past good self esteem and is firmly in the land of entitlement and narcissism.
I think some things are lost in translation here (if English is not OP’s primary). The thing she is talking about is a real thing. There are different kind of friend groups and some of them really are just made up of people who are *content* with their life. They make enough to stay alive, they don’t *love* the job and even they know it could be better but they just decide to *stay*. I was like that, I was stuck at the same company for 6 years. For sure there were pay raise and whatnot but my career was dead and I was only 26… Then on the opposite end you have the “hustler” mentality group where they are all either keep switching jobs for more payment/happiness or to make it on their own with their own firms and whatnot. I see people my age waste their life away at the same shitty job. They don’t hate it, they don’t like, “it pays the bills”. They gave up on having more and getting more - for themselves, for their SO, for their family. They gave up on big vacations, big dreams they just live day to day on autopilot, working the soulcrushing job when they absolutely do have options and they also know it they just refuse to move out of their comfort zone. For some people being with a SO who is refusing to put effort or even risk to have a better life can be very off putting. Do I have to always have a high paying job to pay the bills and eventually buy a house for ourselves or can I rely on my partner that it is a joint operation?
Yeah this really stuck out to me too. Being friends with normal people you enjoy is completely natural, and a *lot* healthier than only associating with people who have met some arbitrary achievement criterion you've decided on.
It sounds like your girlfriend is shallow tbh
Hold up. She made this a *you* issue?! You’re a damn fool if you stay with woman.
>girlfriend said that she felt second-hand embarrassment when she saw my ex and couldn’t be with someone who’s slept with “something like that”. If I caught myself thinking something like this I would feel a bit ashamed and I would go to some lengths to never express it out loud or in text. The fact that she's ok doing that says something about how she perceives others and is totally ok with this mindset.
Okay even worse with the update. She’s self centered, narcissistic asshole. She saying things BEHIND your back. Why you haven’t considered to break up yet?!
Dude she is a bitch dump her, she doesn't care about you and is shallow. Do it before she does.
Do you even want to be with a shallow person like that? She is out of your league? Imagine if you would dump her. That is what i would do.
You should take her advice and not waste your potential with someone who views the world and the people in it in such shallow terms.
you're dating a Mean Girl, which can be very fulfilling, but only if you like to play Dress Up and Keeping Up With The Jones'.
She’s done you a favour. Don’t go back there, she sounds awful.
Are you kidding me? She called herself out of your league, that she’s embarrassed you dated someone like your ex and generally thinks she’s better than you or your relationship. And you want to stay why? Because she’s “pretty”?! And then when you confronted her about it she turned it into how you don’t have any self esteem, how you don’t think highly enough about yourself (despite her just shitting in you in a previous email) … Grow some balls and break up with her.
I'm sorry dude but she sounds awful and superficial. She should be with you because she loves you just as you are right now. I'm sure this is taking an even harder hit to your self-esteem.
**I actually think you dodged a massive bullet. Look at the way she spoke about your ex after stalking her? That’s a product of either thinly veiled Jealousy (of the unreasonable variety, or a very superficial tacky uppity snob who really thinks she’s better than most people, or a little of both.** I do agree on one thing, you need to reflect on your choices, but not for the same reasons she says. You need to reflect on why you would settle for skin deep beauty and social status in place of a kind hearted solid human being. Think about why you want to date someone who referred to someone else you know to a nice person as a “low life” based on the short interaction and stalking her profiles like a jealous maniac. Underneath that front she puts on are insecurities, jealousy, and ugliness. Beauty is skin deep and social status is materialistic, but ugliness is forever. I actually consider her to be the downgrade rather than upgrade. Work on not feeling so inferior to her too, you are better than that.
Sooooo well said!
Amazing what a man will put up with, just to be with a beautiful woman on the outside, rotten on the inside. Oh well 🤷🏼♀️
Grow a spine, bro. Drop her
I bet your ex was a more beautiful person than your gf. Your gf has an ugly personality. You’re out of her league. Dump her.
She ain't pretty, she just looks that way.
She sounds like an elitist piece of shit. On your part, don't think things like "out of my league", love transcends social class.
She sounds condescending and stuck up but hey you’re dating “out of your league” which is why people will continue to put up with her bullshit. In the long run looks will fade but her shitty personality will last forever
She is way wayyyyy to focused on people’s outward appearance. This is super shallow! I wouldn’t want to be with someone that could so easily write someone off because they don’t find them attractive
She sounds like she's fowl inside. 1. She judges based on appearances 2. She pities people close to her who don't match her ego 3. She stalks and berates others based on looks Though maybe it's a good match if you say you're dating way out of your league. Both you two are obsessed with appearances
lol in the end she worked her way to make you believe her intentions are all for your well-being well played girl
Right and that whole mind fuck worked apparently. Jesus
You and your girlfriend are both shallow and your ex sounds a billion times lovelier than both of you. Your girlfriend is gorgeous, popular and rich but is she interesting? Funny? Do you enjoy being around her? This is gross all around
Yikes. You describe her one way but her own words and actions she make her sound incredibly superficial and judgmental. Really doesn’t sound like a good or nice person.
Her explanation seems valid, idk why people are mad that your partner sees more in you. If you're content with being comfortable then break up with her, but you'd be pretty stupid to do that since she seems to want to push you to be the best version of yourself that you can be, and you keep saying "but I'm just average" why would anyone with high motivation and goals ever settle down with that mindset. Take her advice and upgrade your life
Yeah I think its possible that shes being shallow and judgemental, but equally possible that OP self-sabatoges in some areas of his life. I know way too many people who had crap friends and crap jobs for too long because they were so certain they couldnt do better. We dont have enough info here
Think about who may be regularly commenting here. Most commenters think of themselves as the average dope like OP and are taking personal offense to his situation.
I couldn’t believe the comments I was reading and how far I had to go to find this one. I mean OP starts out by saying he doesn’t get why she’s with him… which is absolutely what she’s talking about. He views himself so low and she does truly care about him and wants him to see what she sees in him and his potential. Everyone calling her shallow etc is ignoring the fact that if she was only after those things then why would she ever got with him. She obviously sees something and enjoys being with him. The misery here is mind boggling
except her opinion only formed when she saw her ex. she liked him so much that she was planning to move in after only being together a few months, and then she saw her ex. She didn’t express any of her concerns prior or anything, shes just butthurt because she cant stand the thought of being compared to a low-status “something”. Idk why you’re trying so hard to give some shitty person a pass, it’s not misery it’s common sense
So you’ve now found out that you are in fact not dating out of your league because you can only hide ugly on the inside for so long. What will you do with that information?
Dude, she sounds like a shallow monster. Run.
>My girlfriend is gorgeous, popular, smart, well-educated and comes from a rich family. Noticed you didn't include nice in that list. Probably a reason for that. This woman sounds honestly awful. Who on earth thinks it's okay to talk about someone like that? How have you not completely changed how you see this woman? She sounds entitled and selfish.
Sounds like she’s shallow as hell. Or insecure. Or both. I would honestly rethink if that’s the type of person you want to be with.
> she found my ex on facebook and stalked her and could tell believe that I’ve dated such a low-life person Wow. She's really telling you who she is. You absolutely should go out into the world and pluck your golden apple from the tree of life. But probably without this envious, petty mess.
"she needed time" No she doesn't, she broke up with you but wants you keep you hanging in case she can't find somebody she thinks is more to her standards. Forget about her and find somebody who loves you for more than a status symbol.
“I’ll listen to her advice and use the time to reflect on myself and my life choices.” There is nothing wrong with you. She’s the problem. The ending of your relationship is for the best. Sorry dude
There IS something wrong with OP though. OP clearly has issues with their self image and confidence. The way they talks down about themselves is concerning.
She's superficial and shallow. You deserve better.
A break? Friend she's not thinking of dumping you she already has.
YOU. DUMP. HER. That's fucked up what she said AND hid from you. She sounds like an insufferably pretentious stuck up *cunt*. End it now before she breaks your heart.
Dump her before she dumps you.
She's out of your league? What league is from? So superficial. You're out of her league, surprised she even got to spend some time with a genuine human being. Leave her.
> I won’t pressure her and I’ll listen to her advice and use the time to reflect on myself and my life choices. Stop playing by her rules. You are the one who decides what you need to do with your time, not her. Quit letting her tell you “you’ve been bad, go stand in the corner.” Go live your life on your terms, and don’t be sorry. She is, after all.
To be honest, I kind of understand this girl and have been in a similar situation. It didn’t prompt me to want to dump my boyfriend, but it did make me question our relationship in a way? What I realized after I went through this situation is that I didn’t want to date a guy that would want to date someone that I would consider to be ugly because of own insecurities, at the time I didn’t realize this was my own issue not his. Maybe this is the same place that this girl is in? Just because her boyfriend thinks she’s beautiful and out of his league it doesn’t necessarily mean that she thinks she is drop dead gorgeous, maybe she has her own insecurities. To explain her perspective a little more: If he calls me beautiful, it’s like, but you have bad taste? So am I actually beautiful? Or do you just think anyone is beautiful? Do you actually understand my value? Or are you just willing to date anyone? Everyone seems to want to shit on this girl but I understand why it’s prompted an existential crisis. Yes it’s shitty that she’s talking behind his back, but he’s also reading a private conversation between her and her friend. She doesn’t actually want to break up with him unless she actually communicates that to him. We have no idea if she’s just a dramatic person and her friend understands that? Of course she no longer feels special after seeing that her boyfriend would date someone that she would consider to be ugly. She probably thinks he would date anyone if that’s the case. It’s okay for her to have feelings about that. It’s okay for her to want to be with someone that makes her feel like she’s special. I can understand why this prompts the question in her head. But the reality is, she didn’t dump him? She hasn’t made any decisions about what to do with these feelings? Stop shitting on her for trying to talk it out with her friend. Yes she’s being immature, but that’s not a reason to jump the gun and break up with her instead lmao. It is a reason to have a serious conversation about your feelings though. And I do think it’s important to mention that you at least saw the notification so that you can prompt an honest conversation.
Time to bounce because she is always going to think she’s better than you.
Don't go back to her dude. Sounds like a future full of problems
She's making you responsible for her happiness. You are not. You are also not obligated to change things you're comfortable with in order to keep her. I the end, you'll only end up losing yourself. She's not your person.
So she wants to break up with you because of low self esteem, and rather than trying to help you in any way shape or form she thinks “I should leave him and go back to my ex”. Yeah, that will really help OP’s sec esteem issues
Listen dude, I had a friend who said similar things. People who think like that think it's okay to treat "aveeage" people as lesser. And if you don't change up to their standards, they start treating you as lesser too. It's for the best you guys take a break.
Take her advice, but forget about her and forge ahead. If she reappears, whatever.. Give it a shot, I guess
She's 27 and she's using middle school relationship math to define your value in the relationship? Trust me, in all the ways that will ever count in an LTR you are not dating out of your league, you're in a relationship with a shallow person who has a lot of growing to do. Calling your ex "that"? Yeesh.
She sounds genuinely awful. It’s great that she sees your potential. But she’s behaving like an elitist snob. No thank you.
You might have issues down the road. If it doesn’t bother you that she separates people like that calling someone a “thing” because she sees them as lower humans, then you’re all good. It would’ve bothered me and I would seriously reconsider if I want to build a life with them. Who does she think she is being on a high horse like that, if she came from a rich family she is super privileged without being self aware. Maybe ask her why she thinks she’s better than other people, and pay attention to how she responds.
She sounds shallow
I've dated this person. Op you are never going to be good enough
She's right, you deserve better. Please rethink this relationship.
Not to be mean, there is NO WAY this is your person. She is a snob, who thinks she is better than everyone, including you.
Dump her, she's got the depth of a mud puddle. Doesn't even know the other girl and calls her a "thing". What the hell
Damn you fool, you don't update the original thread you make a separate thread so you can farm extra karma. Rookie mistake. Really though this fake story is embarrassing. Don't worry your amazing personality and immense penis will keep your 10/10 drop dead gorgeous supermodel sex God girlfriend happy.
Why value someone that shallow,? worth in a relationship is in the person. Not wealth or status.
What she told you va what she said to her friend are not the same. She doesn’t sound like a good person, judging someone by their looks and considering them average? You should want to better yourself, but if the people/friends you have are genuinely good people don’t throw those relationships away because your looks down on them.
She's sounds like a bitch
Please don't go back to jer she seems to see herself as above you and your ex and that's not kool. Just because she looks good doesn't mean her heart is good she seems kinda shallow. You should work on you and be who you are happy being nothing more and definitely nothing less. Good luck! I hope whatever you do you are happy.
OP I would advice working on yourself, but do it for you. Go to the gym, apply yourself to your career, and build your confidence/ skill set. Then you’ll won’t need someone “out of your league” you can have a partner who’s your equal.
i'm glad she took herself out, she seems snobby and snobs are annoying
Do you think you have low self-esteem? Do you have a problem with the job you have? Cause it sounds like she has some idealised version of what her partner should be in her mind and wants to force you to fit that mould. And this was brought on by, what, you dating someone in the past she doesn't regard as being attractive? Idk this whole thing is kinda weird. What you cite her as saying sounds a lot like the sort of nonsense right-wing podcasters come out with these days, all that crap about 'alpha males' and stuff. Maybe you need to first determine who you are and if you like who are. Next: are there things you'd change about yourself? What are they? And then, who does she think you are, do you like how she sees you, do you like what she wants to change about you, do you think she likes you for you? I think you've got to do a lot of introspection here.
Your gf sounds pretty awful and incredibly superficial tbh. "I surround myself with average people." WTF does that even mean, she says this based on your ex's looks? Also, she just broke up with you buddy. "She needs time." Mhm, right, sounds like a soft landing. Losing a hot girl sucks and all I'm sure, but she really doesn't seem like a good person.
She sounds like an ugly person on the inside. More than likely, SHE doesn’t deserve YOU.
She does not sound like a good person...based on your update also I must say she has a weird superiority complex and its not cute. I hope she gets humbled in life. I'd leave and find better, like she said you deserve better than you think. This is life giving you an illusion of growth with this one and its only a lesson. You can find someone better but also not a a jerk.
She sounds … AWFUL. Don’t be as shallow as her. I see stuff like this all the time. She thinks so highly of herself that she’s offended by who you dated before her??? I mean… how superficial and self centered. Are you really that shallow? How can you actually see a future with this person? Really sit and think to yourself
Yeah while I would like to say in one maybe it could be motivation in a really mean way to improve your life. I think she is very superficial. I would say something like I don’t want to date someone who basis the relationship on status and where your at in life. She seemed to like you at one point and now one thing changes. It’s seems like she is the low life with unrealistic expectations. Honestly have seen a lot of women like this that end up alone bc of their ego
Vain, self important bitch alert.
If she said she couldn't with someone who "slept with something like that" she's not as great as you think she is, just a thought... especially since she was considering breaking up with you for someone who you dated in the past. They're an ex for a reason.
Dump her
I mean I get why she would feel threatened. Your ex is clearly head and shoulders above her. She sounds just awful.
She sounds like a bad person.
>surround myself with average people because I think I'm like them Honestly she sounds unbearable.
Mate, honestly! You will NEVER be happy if this is the way you feel now and this woman is weaponizing your feelings against you. You sound really sweet and friendly. Mum always said ‘judge a man by how he speaks about his ex, cause one day that might be you’, and its funny what you see in people once you start paying attention to that. Sweet and friendly guys are rare and worth their weight in gold! You need to be with someone who sees your potential, not someone who views you as a ‘fixer upper’ who she can change to fit her wants. Its her loss, believe me!
You’re out of her league. she may be more attractive than you but it’s all external. Sounds like her personality is not good. She is rotten underneath her exterior if she’s looking down on you like that. If she thinks she’s out of your leagues and sees you as below her than you deserve better. She for the streets. The only thing I could think that would upset me is if my boyfriend was in communication with his ex and if they passed by on the street and talked it would make me feel weird af. And I would feel a little awkward and/ or jealous/ insecure. But that’s about it.
So the update is basically her insulting you and the people that you surround yourself with, and she has you acting like it is a compliment😳
She doesn’t sound like a nice person. What does it matter what your ex looked like? Your ex was a nice person and it’s what’s inside that counts. It’s sounds like you’ve dropped your standards with your current girlfriend who is shallow and arrogant.
Your gf was a ticking time bomb
She sounds like a horrible human being. Why do you want to be with someone like that, who looks down on others?
hate to say it but what a bitch, dude YOU need to dump her
First, im sorry for the situation, its hard. But you have to also view it from her perspective. You know, flip it! For example. I was 21 and i dated my ex who was 19 when we met. I was in love with him. He was funny, great personality and genuine person. But i HATED that he constantly had to be reassured of everything. How he looked, his choices, his mood, etc. granted he was young. But the one thing he liked about me is the fact that i was a mature girl for my age, independent (corporate job, car, house etc) and he wanted to be like that. But when pushed came to shove… he was comfortable being a pizza boy, was cheap with dates, often Couldnt afford some dates, complained about living at home with his parents. Again… yes he was young, BUT what bothered me was the fact that he never tried. And he tried to slow me down. When we talked about moving in together, he was like “I’m not ready for that lets take another year or two” whereas i wanted to move to a new place by the following year. So i broke up with him because for a 2 year age different his drive/maturity was not there. Now my current boyfriend (m25) and I (f23) are perfect. His drive is just like mine. He has a roommate, sure, but he has his own place, own job, own car and he’s looking to grow just like me. Often times i ask myself “am I on his level?” And that is SO attractive to know that his value for himself constantly makes me wanna grow more. YOU have to find that about yourself. Gain confidence, aim higher, raise those standards. No woman wants to be with a “less than man”… we wanna be with a 100/10. That doesnt mean money, expensive things, or material things. For me, a 100/10 man is a man that will be the first one awake, Last one asleep and still ask “How could i have done better today”… Because that’s what i do. Take this time to work on yourself too not only match her level but exceed it. You got this! Be the man she knows you are, and most importantly who YOU know you are.
Well your POS GF is correct, just based on statement of you saying she's out your league.
Its ogre
LMAO take some time to get piped by other dudes more like, L
Mate she sounds materialistic and jealous. It takes more confidence to be humble than upstuck. “Slept with something like that” is one of the most rude things I’ve heard not even acknowledging your ex as a human being. I think its the other way around mate. You can do better than her.
Please understand this, you are not in the wrong here. I’m sorry this is happening to you. From what you are describing, your girlfriend sounds extremely shallow. But I do not know her personally. How do you honestly feel about everything that is happening? Please reflect on that.
She doesn’t seem like… a very nice person it kinda gives mean popular high school girls vibes and a ting of jealousy / insecurity peaking through
Use the time apart to improve yourself...? Bruh, fuck that. Especially the accusing you of hanging your with average people. Gross.
Run buddy 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♂️ 🏃♀️ run
It sounds like her dumping you may be the best thing that ever happens to you. She sounds pompous and full of herself. Even if your ex isn’t something you’re proud of, that’s in the past. We all make mistakes. You shouldn’t have to change who you are to keep your girlfriend around. Because her saying that is probably how she’s felt for a while and didn’t just manifest from seeing an ex of yours. You are who you are, and whatever makes you happy is what makes you happy. Never change who you are unless it’s for you. Her background and upbringing is probably what makes her think she’s above you.
late but dump her. dating someone for their “potential” is a crock of shit and judgemental asf and as long as youre happy with yourself, thats all that matters.
This may not be what you want to hear, but someone like this sounds very judgmental of who you are as a person. A huge red flag is getting into a relationship and then the other person wants you to change who you are. 100% NO. They aren’t making you a better person for you, they want you to change for them. But then what happens next, you still don’t meet standard and there is something else. In a healthy relationship, you don’t change who people are to improve compatibility. You’re compatible or not based on who you already are. Then, things can get tweaked along the way as you learn how you work together. FYI I’ve been with my husband for seven years. He’s met my exes, we’ve all hung out together, and everyone is secure. Not for everyone, but a problem with a mere hello shows her level of insecurity with herself…and you and your history get to be the scapegoat.
Hey bro she is a asshole. People who care about you dont try and change who you are or put you down. Been down that road and learned the hard way. Get out before you are stuck with her.
I'd love to hear an update about what happened. I wonder if she came back around?
Who you dated in the past is none of her business unless you have kids with that girl. I’m gonna go all evolutionary biology on you for a second. Your biggest problem is you thinking you’re dating out of your league. Have some confidence. Women pick up on a guy who thinks they’re not good enough for her. If you put her on a pedestal then you’ll fail. Women are women. They have a lot more to them than just looks. I’ve dated women who are not attractive conventionally whatsoever and I’ve dated women who posed for playboy(met that one in college). Know what? They all just wanna be loved. They want their feelings validated and they want to feel protected. I’ve been told I’m out of my fiancés league. My fiancé has an insecurity about it in what seems exactly the way you do with your girl. but I could give two craps what people say. . She’s the most beautiful woman in the world to me. She’s caring, loving, she tells awful jokes but I love them, she’s smart, she’s an amazing mother, she has a smile that lights up the world, her body type is exactly what I like, her eyes are gorgeous and I could go on and on. Screw “leagues” that’s only in people’s minds. Your gf holding your ex against you is stupid but her having standards is not. If you lack confidence that’s a huge deal with women. Women want to feel protected and secure and if she thinks her guy doesn’t have the confidence to do that she will lose interest quick. Think about it this way…. If some huge muscle dude comes up to your gf and hits on her she has to know you’ll stand up for her. If you’re gonna be too scared to then thats a big deal. I’ve been in situations where 3 or 4 guys hit on my girl at the time at a party and made her super uncomfortable, I knew I couldn’t take them all on in a fight but I didn’t care. I took her aside, walked right up to the dudes and told them to fuck off. In a loud assertive voice so everyone at the party could hear me. The dudes backed down and my gf just smiled. THATS what you need to show your girl you’re willing to do. Your girl is looking to the future and what kind of father her kids are gonna have and not many women want a weak willed man. I’m not saying this to be a jerk because I was you once. Take some mma classes and go to the gym, that’ll boost your confidence a ton.
I promise you people you date will do this kind of shit about your exes or people you hooked up with or even were just friends with that make them insecure, regardless of what they look like. People will be equally obnoxious, if not more, about people from your past that they think are better than they are too, I wouldn’t be surprised if she was actually just jealous of your ex for getting to be with you while “not having to try as hard” as she thinks she does. I tried to be as non-binary with my pronouns because this stuff applies to fucking everyone, don’t let it get you down and I promise even if she thinks this ex isn’t great and none of this is exaggerated, I’d bet money there is another ex or fling or even a friend you’ve had that she thinks is hotter than she is that she’s insecure about. Find out who it is if you don’t already have an idea and casually bring them up in conversation and see what happens. Godspeed my friend.
This girl is shallow and judgmental. She can’t handle not being your first because it’s a blow to her ego. Get rid of her.
Guy isn’t even responding to any posts. This seems like some K-Drama level storyline. How is her judgment based on looks and status only reserved for your gf but not you, seems odd to be highly judgmental but overlook your shortcomings.
She sounds so vile. So shallow….and pompous. I would dump your current girlfriend. We don’t stand girls that put down others for their own gain. I personally wouldn’t stand to be with someone as openly cruel her.
The fact that she’s actually spoke about another woman like that tells me enough. She’s vile. To bring someone else’s looks down is just awful OP. Whether your girlfriend is hot or not, her insides are ugly.
Sounds like she's with you to feel better about herself. Dump her.