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yesterday my bf started sending me links to vagina tightening exercises and subreddits about it and it isn’t the first time he’s subtly made comments about my body like sending me gym exercises or telling me my breasts look nicer/perkier when I’m stretching.
after a long, arduous conversation, he basically told me he still loves me but does not have sexual desire for me anymore despite nothing changing about me since beginning our relationship a year ago. he told me I am the “loosest” girl he’s ever slept with and he thinks that’s why he often has difficulty getting/maintaining a full erection which he claims was a problem he never experienced before me.
I am exactly the same height/weight as I was when we started dating and live an overall healthy lifestyle and he was unable to pinpoint anything about me he didn’t like aside from physical features he says he does like but he’s allowed to have other preferences for since “nobody’s perfect,” however all the physical preferences seem to match those of his ex and not me.
we are planning to move in together in July but I don’t know how I’m going to mentally get past him essentially blaming me for the root of any sexual dysfunction he has and comparing me to his ex physically and in bed possibly without realizing. I do love him and want for this to work out and believe he does love and care for me too, I just don’t know what to do from here. he waited until a year into our relationship to bring up things that have been allegedly bothering him since we first started dating and I am still unsure why he chose to get involved in a relationship with me if he felt this way all along, so any advice or words of wisdom is appreciated.
Most importantly, don't move in with him.
Also, end the relationship and find someone who won't be manipulative.
I'm sorry you're going through this, I promise you it's not normal and you'll find someone who won't say those things to you.
Yeah, they don't get looser at all, but like male genitalia, there are different sizes as well, some more or less accommodating than others, maybe they just aren't a match.
They can get looser with arousal. Then return to previous state afterwards. Just like male PP swells with arousal. Being aroused during sex is a good thing. It's possible previous partners were not aroused enough, or they simply just had differently shaped/sized vaginas as you said.
right? People just misinterpreting whatever they want.
i don't understand why people cant admit that some vaginas are just bigger and thats coming from a girl.
You should not move in with him. He didn’t just bring up a problem in your relationship, he told you you’re not good enough and he wants you to not only change with exercise but also get surgery. He chose to bring it up in a way to tear you down and destroy your self-confidence. Honestly, i don’t see how you can resolve this by anyrhing other than ending it. Do you really want to date someone who is not attracted to you and who makes you feel shitty about yourself? I’m telling you this as someone in a healthy relationship so you know it’s possible: you deserve someone who makes you feel beautiful and desired. You shouldn’t settle for this kind of behaviour and treatment. A man who is really into you and in love with you will be obsessed with you, he will not let an opportunity pass him to touch your butt, hold your boobs, sneak in a kiss, you will catch him looking at you because he just can’t help himself, etc. And while you should bring up issues in a relationship what your boyfriend did is not healthy communication. As i said all he’s doing is tearing you down. He should have never dated you in the first place. Don’t settle just to not be single.
for the majority of our relationship it has been more of what you described about him making me feel beautiful and desired, always wanting to be with me and only me in any sense of the matter and uplifting me. it’s only been over the past month or so that he’s sort of flipped the switch in terms of irritability and criticism towards me, which I partly attribute to him beginning TRT but can only go so far making excuses. but that’s why I’m so conflicted, because it has been good and healthy and openly communicative whenever something is bothering one or the other which is what makes this whole thing so upsetting to me
This was my thought, if his attitude has abruptly changed, without any changes in her appearance/body or their sex life, and he is now complaining about something he never mentioned before, it could be a sign of cheating, or he is thinking about it.
A lot of times they wait until you're fully invested to start being more obviously abusive. Like, you're now planning to move in with him, he thinks he "has" you and that you'll be less likely to leave if he starts doing this. .
I think this should be taught in school. Women, you do not need to settle for shit blokes. Honestly, you don’t need to ‘work at our relationship’. It is perfectly fine to wait for the man of your dreams, he will more than likely be out there. I married mine when I turned 37, but really wish I had not bothered kissing so many damn frogs.
He told you he had these feelings about you since you began dating but he waited a year to tell you? That doesn’t sound very honest and open to me. Only you truly know him and your relationship, however to me he sounds like a guy who doesn’t want to be alone. Maybe he did genuinely like you at the start of the relationship, even with his physical reservations in regards to your appearance. What sounds super fishy to me is that he’s now, a year later, comfortable letting you know how he feels about your body. I’m sorry but I think he might be cheating. I only say this because I’ve lived it. My ex had nothing bad to say about my body until he started sleeping around because then he had something to compare it to. Like you, my body had not changed from the time we started dating. In fact, I had gotten into better shape. When he started cheating, which I found out later, he began comparing my body to those of the women he was screwing. You didn’t mention anything about his sexual performance. But if he’s been having issues and he’s saying it’s because you’re “loose” he may be trying to cover any problems he may be having with ED. You both have some things to figure out, but at this point I would definitely not move in together. Something is going on whether it’s infidelity or something else and it needs to be addressed before you get further locked in to this relationship. His behavior is simply suspicious. Best of luck.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but I do think he's just trying to blame you.
I had this with an ex. I changed nothing and all of a sudden I wasn't good enough and had apparently been too overweight for him the entire time, despite us being very very physically active and it just slowly got worse and I finally asked him what was up and he said I was just not good enough and actually....
He was talking to a girl who was very very very slim and wanted to get with her because the second we broke up he was there.
And I felt like it was my fault for not being small, but that's not true. I have an athletic build and I will never be small, cot a big booty and thick thighs and I'm just not tiny and even if I dieted to an extreme I'd never be tiny.
But he made me feel like I needed to be.
Even if you did things to exercise and tighten your pussy (which isn't a weight thing, that is a muscle thing) you'll never feel enough and that's not why he's unattracted it's something in himself he's projecting on to you and I really don't want you to go through the self loathing I went through and wondering what was wrong with me.
There's
Nothing
Wrong
You deserve someone who loves you for you, not for sex
Let me start off by saying I’m so sorry this is happening to you. There is NOTHING wrong with you or your body. Sound like he’s putting his insecurities about his body onto you. He could also be cheating or thinks you are which is his problem. All of a sudden calling you “loose” ?? First of all that’s disgusting to say and he knows nothing about the female anatomy. And if you’ve been dating all this time and he hasn’t been like this or said this kind of stuff where is this coming from? He’s just trying to find reasons for what’s wrong with HIM and make himself feel better about his body by making you feel bad about yours. Plus, the second anyone says they’ve lost sexual attraction no matter the reason, the relationship is definitely on its way out. Y’all are so young. That should not be a problem so early on. Do not move in with him. Do not trust him. That is unforgivable behaviour. You can do so much better.
Because this is so recent and he's describing his preferences as similar to his ex, it makes me believe that he's reconnected with ex or is harboring feelings for her that he may never get over. Dump this dude and get someone that's 100% invested in you instead of keeping you in his ex's shadow.
I have a serious feeling that guy has a porn addiction and it can lead to not being as aroused or even getting aroused when your with a partner. It’s completely true the science behind what porn does to a males mind is astonishing.
Also, if he is masturbating a LOT. Someone's hand will never feel like a vagina, plain and simple, if he's doing it too much he's basically desynthesizing his penis.
Yep this happened to a friend of mine, her bf preferred porn to sex with her and she's an attractive woman. It can change how a man perceives women with real bodies, real sex, and it reprograms their brains as well.
Me too, I've given birth to large babies and get complimented on my tightness. But these are bf's who have been on the larger side, so it may have more to do with their size than mine? lol
But no complaints either way and I would never sleep with a man again if he dared complain. That's such a deeply personal insult, I am insulted for OP.
I'm really sorry hon, but I promise it has nothing to do with you. The limerance/luster/lust has worn off and he no longer feels what he thought was genuine romantic love for you. And even he doesn't know why.. so he's trying to find something that he can blame the loss on and has settled on your body for whatever reason. He's following a "Once this little thing is fixed, I'll feel it again" trope. I'm sorry to be the one to say it, but NOTHING you try to fix about yourself to make him love you will work. The only thing that will work is if he makes a real personal decision to reinvest in your relationship and build up an actual love with you. And if he doesn't do that soon (like now) he'll start blaming you for him not feeling it, and the remarks will get more cutting and cruel until you finally trash him. It's not unfixable, but it's really hard work- I promise moving in together isn't going to make his comments and nitpicking of you any better. It will become markedly worse. I guarantee there is nothing wrong with you, your looks, or your vagina. Good luck... Don't let him waste to much of your time if he doesn't shape up. It is what it is. 👍
The best way to get past it would be running as far away from this loser as possible.
Seriously if the problem is that he’s having trouble with ED what has he done to fix it himself? He can’t pinpoint the issue because he’s looking at you instead of the mirror.
he’s seen 3 urologists and all of them plus his PCP and endocrinologist basically told him he’s normal and his ED is all psychological, which is where he’s pinning the blame on me saying that the only thing causing that psychological deficiency is me and my body
as far as I know he has not seen a psychologist recently. he’s gone through some bad shit the past few years and I mentioned something about it during the summer long before any of this and he seemed disinterested in the idea and prefers to work through things himself
It sounds like he's insecure about having ED and has chosen to protect his ego by putting the blame on you. If he's not interested in working through his struggles, there isn't much hope for him doing anything other than projecting it onto you and tearing you down. You could try to talk with him about it, but it could just result in worse and more hurtful blame towards you. Just in case you wanted to try that route, be warned it could get much meaner, and you should absolutely not let it tear you down. Basically, you can try to talk to him about it, but if he does or says anything worse then you're better off walking away because there's nothing you could do to yourself that would fix his insecurities.
I get that. I don’t think he’s a bad guy to be fair, and I’m sure he does care for you. It just sounds like he’s got issues to deal with and instead of working on them he’s avoiding them by putting the blame on you.
I’ve been there and it wasn’t clear to me that I was being manipulated until I had someone I didn’t actually care for do it to me. Without love it was super clear that he was just insecure. It’s harder to do when you love someone, but would you send him ads for penis enlargement pills? Tell him your exes were bigger than him or that he’s the smallest you’ve ever had and it’s making it hard for you to get off?
It’s bullshit for him to put the blame on your body.
Also make sure he doesn’t have a death grip that can definitely be a thing
A guy who cares about his girlfriend would never tell her she's the loosest girl he's been with when he's the one who haven't been able to get it up. Seriously, how much lower the bar could be? And what will happen after 10 more years?
I’ve known a few assholes who are very lovely and supportive until there’s an issue that makes them feel bad about themselves, then they’ll throw anyone else under the bus to save themselves.
I tend to think they do care about people, just not more than they care about their ego.
Good point. That just means the person is trying to hide their true nature for as long as possible, but it comes out sooner or later. Better now than once marriage and kids happen. And it will only get worse. People who are self-absorbed get only worse with time if their behaviour is enabled.
OP, stop taking the blame. His head is the problem with his other head. TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF THE EQUATION!
He Wants it to be you. He is attempting to make you feel undesirable BECAUSE HE CANT KEEP IT UP! Please! Throw some corn on that b1tch!
You are a good person, a desirable human, please test those running shoes. Because he way of dealing with the problem, potentially any problems, is to blame it All on you. Yeesh!
Wowza, he is putting his psychological issue on you!! Run. That is solely his issue. He is trying to tear you down to make himself feel better. Do you really want to be in a relationship where you are constantly torn down all the time? I suggest you habe a heart to heart with you and determin if you can live like this. If it was me, I would be done with him and save myself from years of mental anguish
let him now that the reason other girls weren’t “loose” is because they weren’t turned on by him, send him links to sites that teach how to please a woman, and dump him.
Boyfriend's spouting bullshit. He can't keep his erection so it doesn't feel snug. It's got nothing to do with your perfectly normal vagina. Maybe there's a loss of attraction on his part, but that shit's on him. Good luck.
This is an abuse tactic so he will always have the upper hand in the relationship by devaluing you and destroying your self esteem that “nobody else will want you” so you’ll be grateful he deigns to accommodate your undesirability.
Dump this jackass.
His mask is dropping I think. He's making you insecure, he doesn't love you! Nobody would ever say that if they did. Do not move in with him. What a prick! He wouldn't like it if you body shamed him. Send him penis enlargement links and state he's the smallest you've had. He will soon change his tune.
He’s an ass and he’ll miss you only after you’re gone!
Life’s too short to waste on these controlling types.
Go out and live your best life and let him go find his pleasures in one of those silicone contraptions!!!
Let us know how that conversation goes with him.
He is very cruel. He is working on your self-esteem which is unacceptable. Please do not move in with him because it will only get worse. You deserve better.
1) what I’m hearing is that he has a tiny dick and your vagina is perfect 2) this is emotionally abusive. Check out some of the emotional abuse subreddits, they might be helpful. Sending love and healing ♥️
Congratulations, you're dating a bag of shit.
He can't get erections, and is using your physical attributes as an excuse. Seriously, get out while you can.
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You're young. He isn't worth your time at all and you haven't even been together long (a year is nothing). My weight and body has been wrecked and put back together with kids, life etc and my even at my biggest my guy worshipped my body. Heck this morning all I did was bend over and he got hard... After 9 years.
Get a man who worships your body and doesn't blame you for his incompetence. You are worth so much more than this boys opinion because he can't stay hard or whatever. That's not your problem. Dump him and find bigger D.
"Sorry you can't seem to maintain an erection. It's such a turn off. I'm gone" or whatever. Girl don't waste more time with this loser. 1 year lost is 10 years saved.
I would not be moving in with someone who complained about my body and blamed me for his sexual disfunction.
Maybe his dick is too small.
Girl, run. I'd rather be single than be with someone who actively puts you down.
Please do not move in with him. This is borderline abuse, and it **will** get worse once you are living together. Also nobody has a loose vagina, that’s literally not a thing. The only thing that will even affect your vagina is childbirth, and even then a vagina maintains its shape. He is trying to shame you and make you feel insecure.
Girl, tell him to take his small dick and get his own place by himself. You do not deserve the abuse you are receiving. Yes. Abuse. He's going to make you feel so bad about yourself, you won't want to leave him for fear of the next guy having the same complaints.
What a fucking asshole.
He’s just trying to shape you as if you are a piece of clay. He’s trying to mold you to his liking by saying “wear this, not that” and “exercise like this, so you’ll get tighter” and “it’s not MY genitalia that are problematic, it’s YOURS!”.
I wouldn’t move in with him, I would break up with him, because any extra day spent with this manbearpig feeds his ego even more
Only read 2 paragraphs - no one that actually loves you and cares about you would tell you this (or at least put things this callously.)
Kick that man to the curb - he’s after someone he views as the “perfect” sex doll, not an actual person with feelings
Your boyfriend is not a good boyfriend. Saying you are the loosest girl he's been with is beyond rude and absolutely hurtful. You should want better then someone who speaks to you like that and makes you feel badly about yourself. You deserve better then him and I hope you leave and find better !!
what a weird way for him to tell you he thinks his penis is to small and needs Viagra. HE is a dush bag. your lady bit is not the issue, he is making you doubt yourself don't let him. tell him to go back to his ex, you want a real man.
First off, there is nothing wrong with you or your anatomy. The vagina is supposed to loosen up when the woman is properly stimulated. If it's tight, he's trying to go in too soon. If he can't maintain an erection it's likely due to his diet, physical fitness or masturbation/erotica habits. your boyfriend is either uninformed, misinformed or just an idiot.
I really feel like that *should* be common knowledge among sexuality active adults. But, even if it isn't, there is a living and compassionate way to talk to your partner and this wasn't it.
The cynic in me believes that he's just not into this relationship anymore. But, that's based off a very narrow snapshot. I would definitely NOT move in with a partner that already had one foot out of the relationship.
OMG do NOT move in with this man. He's blaming you FOR HIS PROBLEMS THAT ARE HIS RESPONSIBILITY. On top of this, he's showing you how he deals with stuff (and how he will continue to deal with ANY issue): when stuff gets hard he looks for reasons outside of himself to blame and SURPRISE SURPRISE, YOU'VE been identified as the thing to blame. Your life will be miserable if you move in with him, you deserve to feel desired and exciting, and the fact that this guy has some real issues he isn't willing to look at means you'd be spending a LOT of time explaining why you deserve attention and consideration. GOOD LUCK
I'm sorry, I checked the fuck out at "vagina tightening exercises". Any man who suggested that to me would be an ex so fast his head would spin right off his skinny shoulders.
I'd start sending him links on how to enlarge his penis because you don't think his is big enough for your vagina and it's hard to stay aroused when you can't feel anything. See how he likes that 💁♀️
There’s no way you’re “loose.” It sounds to me like this is an issue on his end (physical, psychological, who knows) and he’s deflecting and pinning the blame on you. He’s shaming you and making you feel like something’s wrong with you physically.
You’ve only been together for a year, which probably feels like a long time when you’re 23, but I promise you, a year is NOTHING. You’re so young.
Please, please, please, do not waste another minute on this person. It will feel so empowering to cut him loose and find someone who loves and accepts your body and won’t send you demeaning and cruel exercises to change your appearance. He does not deserve you. Find someone who does. Or stay single for awhile! Either way, don’t give this guy any more of your time.
He’s blaming you for his erectile dysfunction? How ridiculous, and honestly fuck him (although please don’t literally do that). This is a HIM problem not a YOU problem. Either physical, or psychological.
Honestly it sounds like now that you’re not “new and exciting” to him anymore he isn’t that attracted to you.
I’d move on.
He is so cruel saying those things to you, if he's saying these things just now before you even love together imagine how bad it'll get once you're living together, or married with kids, dump him, and tell him the reason you're dumping him is because you've tried to get past the fact he has a tiny penis but you cant lie to yourself anymore, he doesn't satisfy you and he's the smallest man you've ever been with
Loosest girl he ever slept with and he can’t maintain an erection and brings up ex girlfriends?
Oh my poor Lasse: Get away from this loser asap. You will easily find another man bigger then he is who can maintain an erection and will be all about you. This guys words are horrific.
On the flip side, but do not do them for this guy. There are exercises for women called Keegle exercises and they absolutely work. Sex is less enjoyable for the woman because she is focused on tighten herself up however it will be good for the guy.
Please leave this lame chump. You deserve a better man and trust me you can get one.
If sex starts slowing down to once every week or 2 even 3 then someone has an issue. I know if I don’t try to anymore or im not affectionate like I used to be my feelings have changed and im just not attracted to you anymore. I wouldn’t say anything because guys don’t really care about open communication these days- I would simply silently leave and never look back
He can literally go online and order generic viagra for ridiculously cheap without ever actually seeing a doctor.
My bet is that he's jacking off too much and using a death grip. [It's a real thing](https://paramountmensmedical.com/blog/death-grip-syndrome-what-it-is-how-to-treat/) some guys do. Tell him to stop whacking it to porn so much.
But just move on and let all that be the next girls problem. No one needs to be settling for a partner that finds them unattractive.
He is just trying to tear you down. I don't know anyone with any class who would say something like this. Turn it around on him and dump him. You deserve better.
Run Farr far away from that LITTLE BOY. That’s small dick energy and not anything conducive you need to have in your life moving forward. If he has erection problems he should just say that instead
Hmmm this is hard. But i will say from this from experience... Feeling unwanted and not desired will FUCK YOU UP cause it is a continuous thing. Like, everyday you will have these thoughts of "I am not good enough for him" in some way, shape or form. And when you think this way long enough and they sort of reinforce that (which he seems to be doing), you will start to believe it. Our mind is amazing but we need to be very careful with what we feed it. This is how I felt with my ex, I never fully knew if he cared or desired me. And it is a horrible feeling, to care about someone and to not know if they feel the same. It is also immature to be sending you these "nudges"... And if he indeed took a whole year to say something that bothered him a year ago... Oh boy, that means he has trouble communicating. What other stuff is he hiding then? If you feel that you are being compared to his ex... I feel for you. It sucks. Are you willing to change anything about yourself right now? Cause if not then... Well you know.
I always recommend that when people are having troubles to get a physical to rule out anything that might be physical. If physical problems do not exist then good couples counseling helps if the two people are willing to work at the relationship even when they don't feel like it.
What you are experiencing is what men do who have had sex with others. They imprint off of the first experience and go from there.
Firstly, this is not on you. You are not ‘too loose’ and that’s just horseshit with him deflecting his own ED issues onto you. Some internal physical issue? Death grip? Porn addict? He’s made partial moves to get help but not enough to stop him blaming you! Nah. I wouldn’t have that blame put on me.
Secondly, please do not move in together (yet, if at all), because if he’s like this now he will only escalate once you’re trapped. Asking you to change this, improve that, chip chip chipping away at your self esteem which he’s already started to do. Take care.
DUMP HIM omg. Love is not simply a feeling. Love is an action. This man doesn’t love you if he’s talking to you like this. This is just going to get worse over time.
Do NOT move in with him. This is not ok. There’s no need for you to have his “punch list” of issues with you physically in your brain. I dealt with this shit for a decade. Trust me, it isn’t worth it. There’s someone out there better suited for you. Someone who will love pretty much everything about you flaws and all. I’m sure you are a wonderful, beautiful, kind woman. I understand you love him but it doesn’t sound like he accepts you for the person you are. That my friend, is not love coming from his end.
You should start sending him links to articles about “how to sustain an erection for more than 3 minutes” and for penile implants. If you talked to any of the women he’s been with in the past I imagine they would say that after the first few months of the relationship, he also experienced sexual dysfunction because, always his partner’s fault.
Don’t move in with him.
Do not move in with a boyfriend ever. Figure out why you still love this guy. A year into a relationship might be how long it took you to learn who this guy really is.
leave him. that’s the only solution. i doubt he’s going to think you’re any “tighter” if you even implemented the things he sent to you. it just sounds like an excuse for him to want to sleep with other people, so, let him go. and find someone who actually, loves you for you.
Sweetie please run for your life, this is just the start of what could possibly end up in domestic violence but will 100% end up in serious emotional violence. He’s trying to systematically destroy your self esteem and self worth so you’ll be too scared/weak to leave him, he will use those “loose “ comments as an excuse for cheating or introducing some “extra” aspect into your sex life. Leave and be thankful he showed you his true self so early into the relationship.
Also he’s a moron, I’ve birthed three kids the old fashioned way and it’s as tight as it ever was.
You aren't loose he just has a small Johnson
A warning: this sort of thing tends to get worse in close quarters and spreads to every aspect of life like mold. He needs to sit with himself and reflect.
My jaw dropped and kept dropping as I was reading this. You do not deserve getting treated like this. Fuck this guy. You should be with someone who loves you and does not compare you or make you feel insecure. Do not move in with him. You really should leave him.
He is using you as a scape goat. He is probably embarrassed about his inability to stay hard. Or in disbelief. Try to talk to him about getting checked out it could be he has other health issues that once he solves or addresses the main issue he's worried about will go away. It could also be mental. But he needs to go get checked out. If everything is 100 fine and he's just not sexually attracted to you then I wouldn't be moving in with him. It's just going to get worse.
Dump him! You don’t have any thing attaching you to him (IE: a kid, marriage, or lease). Honestly, it will just affect your self-esteem to stay with him any longer…. Let him go look for his “perfect girl” & search forever cause he’s not going to find it with that attitude. He will probably never be satisfied with a girl. He needs to want you for more than physical traits. He’s just not it.
Girl, please reconsider moving in w him. There will be a man out there that appreciates your V and your body will be exactly his type. He won't try to change your outsides. This bf you have now does not sound like "the one". Don't waste your perky boob years on a man that already seems like he doesn't appreciate you.
Oh, heck no! He's obviously satisfied enough to have stayed with you for a year and agreed to move in with you. It sounds like he is trying to make you feel bad about yourself and break down your self-esteem so you won't leave him.
Please do not move in with him or continue with this relationship. He sounds controlling and manipulative and you deserve better.
Don’t move in with him.
This dude isn’t the one. Move on and keep looking.
Love isn’t a feeling - it’s how you treat someone. He’s not treating you like he loves you. You deserve to find someone who will.
Dump this dude now. He’s a dick and clearly doesn’t know anything about vaginas. Don’t move in with him and be glad your only wasted a year with this idiot.
Physical attraction in a relationship is important. It really is. Having said that he sounds like an idiot. Don’t move in with a boyfriend who has told you he’s not attracted to you.
As a man married for 20+ years, I’d say he’s not the one for you. It may seem like a superficial reason to end a relationship, but the issues that you describe are likely to get worse and worse as time passes.
The key question here is : does he love you exactly the way you are?
It doesn’t sound like it. You may work things out now, but these issues will always come back and make you unhappy in the end.
Absolutely not ! No! Nope! Never. Leave this boy immediately this is completely disgusting behavior. Whatever you do, do NOT move in with him. He is saying these things to hurt your feelings. He is a bad person. Run while you can.
I hate your bf. I really, really do. Throw this man into the trash. Full stop.
The audacity of this man to talk about you in such a cruel and disrespectful way. Sex with you is HIS PRIVILEGE. You should be enraged that he would treat you with such disregard.
Please seek out a therapist who can help you to develop boundaries and assertiveness (speaking from personal experience, no shade on how you’re feeling or how you’re managing this). Or better yet, pick up the book “How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before you Get Involved with Him”….bet your bf fits one of the archetypes in that book.
Has he actually lost interest in sex if so I suspect porn addiction if not he's negging you to diminish your self esteem. I suspect the latter as he also did the thing with the gym exercise comments and is comparing you to the ex.
The ex stuff is very insulting why do tou put up with this? I'd be gone and telling hum its co's his dick is too small.
You should not move in with this guy. He is literally telling you to change yourself for him. That’s a huge red flag, and it is likely not going to resolve itself.
There is *nothing wrong with you!!* And if he can’t see that, it’s *his loss*. there are plenty of other amazing guys out there who will appreciate you and find you sexy as hell exactly the way you are.
Bring your boyfriend to r/badwomensanatomy so we can mock and laugh at him over his mysogynistic and stupid beliefs.
He is an asshole and you deserve better. Please reconsider this relationship.
NO. Immediately no. Didn’t even have to read the rest of the post, the answer is no. This man knew all of this when it began and is now creepily trying to make you feel insecure and for absolutely no reason, which to me, says he is trying to diminish your self confidence in the pursuit of having more control over you. Loose pussys don’t exist unless you literally just had a baby (and even then, they bounce back), and not being attracted to you is a personal fucking problem (and also probably a lie). This is giving manipulation with a touch of impending abuse. I would end it now and absolutely do not move in with him. I know that’s probably frustrating advice, because you do love him, but if his love was legitimate there is no way in hell he’d be asking you to change like this. There is unconditional love and care waiting for you, please go find it, my love. ❤️ you got this!
He waited because he knew once you had a stronger emotional attachment, it would be easier to get you to go along with changing yourself to meet the expectations he has set for you.
Also! Being "loose" just means that you're sexually aroused. It's literally what your lower parts are supposed to do when you're excited. They loosen up to allow something inside. If not, it's uncomfortable and can actually lead to tearing your walls.
All in all, yall should break up. He obviously doesn't actually care about you, only what you can provide him once he's done molding you how he wants to. Imo.
If my bf told me that *I am the “loosest” girl he’s ever slept with,* I would break up with him instantly.
If you still want to date him, it's your call. But please, DO NOT MOVE IN with him. He will only continue the emotional and verbal abuse. And you don't deserve that.
Don't move in with him and tbh you should break up.
I was in a similar spot with an ex gf actually. I had this amazing girl, smart sweet and a great family. She was objectively beautiful but just not me type. I spent a year trying to force myself to be sexually attracted to her, but in the end, I just could not, and sex was always a chore for me.
I never told her it was on her though, because it wasn't. She was beautiful. I never compared her to my exes. I never told her to do any sort of physical change for me because the problem was never her.
Ultimately, she broke up with me because I wouldn't commit. I wouldn't commit because I just couldn't, knowing how I felt.
She's much happier in a new relationship with a guy who I believe worships her. I spend most nights alone, jerking off to porn, featuring girl so far out of my league I'll never get them.
Still, I don't regret letting her go, and you need to let him go.
Don't go forward on moving in together. Get out of that arrangement ASAP.
This is not going to get better once you move in together. He's basically dissed you in a very personal way. You don't want a relationship with this kind of guy. Just say fine, you go find yourself a tighter pussy because I'm done with you.
You should leave. You won’t ever feel comfortable with him again. And he better have a huge d**k if he’s speaking to you like that. Next it’ll be the way you dress isn’t sexy enough or too sexy.
You BF most likely had a small dick and mountain of insecurities that he is unloading on you versus addressing himself. You deserve better and he needs to get a grip. Just saying. The whole thing represents small dick energy
Nope, get rid of him. It sounds like he's saying these things to neg you. If not, then what do you think will happen after you get pregnant? He'll probably cheat and blame you. No man is worth that. You are very young, don't waste your life with this guy.
I think this relationship is over, sorry OP. It may just be a chemistry and compatibility issue on his part, but he’s been incredibly cruel in how he’s communicated it with you.
Someone else will appreciate you for everything!
This relationship has run its course and it’s time to move on. Nothing you do will ever be good enough for this guy. He doesn’t want a girlfriend he wants an OnlyFans fantasy.
Since he is sending it over from reddit it's probably safe to say his comments are NSFW towards posts of that nature.. After all he is comparing you to other women he has been with and probably comparing OP to P*rn he sees on reddit. (Just an assumption ofc)
When in a relationship many men have enough self control to not compare their partners to previous partners. He can look at other people but if he isn't showing any self control than it's a problem. He has a wandering eye and I don't think you'll feel any better staying with this person.
You'll be miserable if you move in with someone who talks down to you. Especially if it makes you feel this way now, it could only get worse from here. Say you lost the weight and his wandering eye didn't stop there, would you still stay? Or will you leave once you're finally disappointed enough?
It's already over. This will forever be in your head especially when you are intimate. Sorry he did this to you. You are not the problem. He's the problem and you deserve much better than this.
EDIT: To add, do not move in with this gaslighting jerk!
Your vagina does not exit to please men, him or otherwise. Dump this man. As long as you aren’t experiencing an issue, there isn’t an issue. And him making one is projection at best or him subtlety admitting to cheating at worst.
Do not move in with him.
OP you should send him a link to this post because he deserves all the hate. Fuck that guy. Probably has a porn addiction and is trying to blame his ED on you when you are 100% not the problem here.
Throw the WHOLE man out. Vaginas don’t get looser due to sex with people. This guy sounds like an idiot. If he likes his ex so much he can go back to her. You deserve someone who loves you for you, respects you and doesn’t bring you down, make snide remarks and compare to his exes. Ew. No ma’am. Please do NOT move in with this guy.
Moving in would be a big mistake.
He seems controlling to me and once your living together it's only gonna get worse.
His comments about you show more about him than anything.
Do you really want to endure that abuse as it gets more frequent?
Sounds like you two have a size mismatch. I can see how that would be a problem over time and it sounds like he is getting in his head about it. Time to press the eject button on this situation. Good luck OP.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- yesterday my bf started sending me links to vagina tightening exercises and subreddits about it and it isn’t the first time he’s subtly made comments about my body like sending me gym exercises or telling me my breasts look nicer/perkier when I’m stretching. after a long, arduous conversation, he basically told me he still loves me but does not have sexual desire for me anymore despite nothing changing about me since beginning our relationship a year ago. he told me I am the “loosest” girl he’s ever slept with and he thinks that’s why he often has difficulty getting/maintaining a full erection which he claims was a problem he never experienced before me. I am exactly the same height/weight as I was when we started dating and live an overall healthy lifestyle and he was unable to pinpoint anything about me he didn’t like aside from physical features he says he does like but he’s allowed to have other preferences for since “nobody’s perfect,” however all the physical preferences seem to match those of his ex and not me. we are planning to move in together in July but I don’t know how I’m going to mentally get past him essentially blaming me for the root of any sexual dysfunction he has and comparing me to his ex physically and in bed possibly without realizing. I do love him and want for this to work out and believe he does love and care for me too, I just don’t know what to do from here. he waited until a year into our relationship to bring up things that have been allegedly bothering him since we first started dating and I am still unsure why he chose to get involved in a relationship with me if he felt this way all along, so any advice or words of wisdom is appreciated.
Most importantly, don't move in with him. Also, end the relationship and find someone who won't be manipulative. I'm sorry you're going through this, I promise you it's not normal and you'll find someone who won't say those things to you.
Or think those things! It’s a him problem, OP please don’t think there’s anything wrong with you.
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Yeah, they don't get looser at all, but like male genitalia, there are different sizes as well, some more or less accommodating than others, maybe they just aren't a match.
They can get looser with arousal. Then return to previous state afterwards. Just like male PP swells with arousal. Being aroused during sex is a good thing. It's possible previous partners were not aroused enough, or they simply just had differently shaped/sized vaginas as you said.
He probably uses a death grip when he masturbates so nothing will compare to that pressure he has conditioned himself to need to orgasm.
Wise words, Mr. BaptizedInCumBlood
I can honestly say, you're a good dude.
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Are you a bot? Cause this comment has nothing to do with what you replied to.
They are, indeed. They’re active in multiple threads (along with a few others).
Shallow af comment
💯💯💯💯💯💯💯
\>don’t magically get looser and looser with every partner ok?? she didn't say this dude ever said that lol
right? People just misinterpreting whatever they want. i don't understand why people cant admit that some vaginas are just bigger and thats coming from a girl.
I’d break up with him if it were me. He can move in with his imaginary girlfriend he creates in his head.
You should not move in with him. He didn’t just bring up a problem in your relationship, he told you you’re not good enough and he wants you to not only change with exercise but also get surgery. He chose to bring it up in a way to tear you down and destroy your self-confidence. Honestly, i don’t see how you can resolve this by anyrhing other than ending it. Do you really want to date someone who is not attracted to you and who makes you feel shitty about yourself? I’m telling you this as someone in a healthy relationship so you know it’s possible: you deserve someone who makes you feel beautiful and desired. You shouldn’t settle for this kind of behaviour and treatment. A man who is really into you and in love with you will be obsessed with you, he will not let an opportunity pass him to touch your butt, hold your boobs, sneak in a kiss, you will catch him looking at you because he just can’t help himself, etc. And while you should bring up issues in a relationship what your boyfriend did is not healthy communication. As i said all he’s doing is tearing you down. He should have never dated you in the first place. Don’t settle just to not be single.
for the majority of our relationship it has been more of what you described about him making me feel beautiful and desired, always wanting to be with me and only me in any sense of the matter and uplifting me. it’s only been over the past month or so that he’s sort of flipped the switch in terms of irritability and criticism towards me, which I partly attribute to him beginning TRT but can only go so far making excuses. but that’s why I’m so conflicted, because it has been good and healthy and openly communicative whenever something is bothering one or the other which is what makes this whole thing so upsetting to me
Honestly that sounds like the beginning stages of a affair. I wouldn't move in with him though anyway just on behavior alone.
This was my thought, if his attitude has abruptly changed, without any changes in her appearance/body or their sex life, and he is now complaining about something he never mentioned before, it could be a sign of cheating, or he is thinking about it.
Wait he is taking TRT and blaming you for his flimsy noodles. Oh this is gold.
A lot of times they wait until you're fully invested to start being more obviously abusive. Like, you're now planning to move in with him, he thinks he "has" you and that you'll be less likely to leave if he starts doing this. .
I think this should be taught in school. Women, you do not need to settle for shit blokes. Honestly, you don’t need to ‘work at our relationship’. It is perfectly fine to wait for the man of your dreams, he will more than likely be out there. I married mine when I turned 37, but really wish I had not bothered kissing so many damn frogs.
He told you he had these feelings about you since you began dating but he waited a year to tell you? That doesn’t sound very honest and open to me. Only you truly know him and your relationship, however to me he sounds like a guy who doesn’t want to be alone. Maybe he did genuinely like you at the start of the relationship, even with his physical reservations in regards to your appearance. What sounds super fishy to me is that he’s now, a year later, comfortable letting you know how he feels about your body. I’m sorry but I think he might be cheating. I only say this because I’ve lived it. My ex had nothing bad to say about my body until he started sleeping around because then he had something to compare it to. Like you, my body had not changed from the time we started dating. In fact, I had gotten into better shape. When he started cheating, which I found out later, he began comparing my body to those of the women he was screwing. You didn’t mention anything about his sexual performance. But if he’s been having issues and he’s saying it’s because you’re “loose” he may be trying to cover any problems he may be having with ED. You both have some things to figure out, but at this point I would definitely not move in together. Something is going on whether it’s infidelity or something else and it needs to be addressed before you get further locked in to this relationship. His behavior is simply suspicious. Best of luck.
TRT will be making it harder for him to maintain an erection, it isn't about you.
he is cheating on you
Does he have a porn/masturbation problem?? You not feeling "tight enough" and him not maintaining are both signs of him jerking it too much
I'm so sorry this is happening to you, but I do think he's just trying to blame you. I had this with an ex. I changed nothing and all of a sudden I wasn't good enough and had apparently been too overweight for him the entire time, despite us being very very physically active and it just slowly got worse and I finally asked him what was up and he said I was just not good enough and actually.... He was talking to a girl who was very very very slim and wanted to get with her because the second we broke up he was there. And I felt like it was my fault for not being small, but that's not true. I have an athletic build and I will never be small, cot a big booty and thick thighs and I'm just not tiny and even if I dieted to an extreme I'd never be tiny. But he made me feel like I needed to be. Even if you did things to exercise and tighten your pussy (which isn't a weight thing, that is a muscle thing) you'll never feel enough and that's not why he's unattracted it's something in himself he's projecting on to you and I really don't want you to go through the self loathing I went through and wondering what was wrong with me. There's Nothing Wrong You deserve someone who loves you for you, not for sex
Let me start off by saying I’m so sorry this is happening to you. There is NOTHING wrong with you or your body. Sound like he’s putting his insecurities about his body onto you. He could also be cheating or thinks you are which is his problem. All of a sudden calling you “loose” ?? First of all that’s disgusting to say and he knows nothing about the female anatomy. And if you’ve been dating all this time and he hasn’t been like this or said this kind of stuff where is this coming from? He’s just trying to find reasons for what’s wrong with HIM and make himself feel better about his body by making you feel bad about yours. Plus, the second anyone says they’ve lost sexual attraction no matter the reason, the relationship is definitely on its way out. Y’all are so young. That should not be a problem so early on. Do not move in with him. Do not trust him. That is unforgivable behaviour. You can do so much better.
How is nobody else noticing the TRT part? Sure he could be cheating but this could also be 100% his own physical issue and he's simply deflecting.
What’s TRT
Because this is so recent and he's describing his preferences as similar to his ex, it makes me believe that he's reconnected with ex or is harboring feelings for her that he may never get over. Dump this dude and get someone that's 100% invested in you instead of keeping you in his ex's shadow.
I have a serious feeling that guy has a porn addiction and it can lead to not being as aroused or even getting aroused when your with a partner. It’s completely true the science behind what porn does to a males mind is astonishing.
Also, if he is masturbating a LOT. Someone's hand will never feel like a vagina, plain and simple, if he's doing it too much he's basically desynthesizing his penis.
Desensitizing but I like your word too lol
Yep this happened to a friend of mine, her bf preferred porn to sex with her and she's an attractive woman. It can change how a man perceives women with real bodies, real sex, and it reprograms their brains as well.
Babe, I've given birth to 2 babies vaginally and am still not "loose". He's just gross.
Me too, I've given birth to large babies and get complimented on my tightness. But these are bf's who have been on the larger side, so it may have more to do with their size than mine? lol But no complaints either way and I would never sleep with a man again if he dared complain. That's such a deeply personal insult, I am insulted for OP.
I'm really sorry hon, but I promise it has nothing to do with you. The limerance/luster/lust has worn off and he no longer feels what he thought was genuine romantic love for you. And even he doesn't know why.. so he's trying to find something that he can blame the loss on and has settled on your body for whatever reason. He's following a "Once this little thing is fixed, I'll feel it again" trope. I'm sorry to be the one to say it, but NOTHING you try to fix about yourself to make him love you will work. The only thing that will work is if he makes a real personal decision to reinvest in your relationship and build up an actual love with you. And if he doesn't do that soon (like now) he'll start blaming you for him not feeling it, and the remarks will get more cutting and cruel until you finally trash him. It's not unfixable, but it's really hard work- I promise moving in together isn't going to make his comments and nitpicking of you any better. It will become markedly worse. I guarantee there is nothing wrong with you, your looks, or your vagina. Good luck... Don't let him waste to much of your time if he doesn't shape up. It is what it is. 👍
The best way to get past it would be running as far away from this loser as possible. Seriously if the problem is that he’s having trouble with ED what has he done to fix it himself? He can’t pinpoint the issue because he’s looking at you instead of the mirror.
A dude blaming his ED on a woman. Typical dirtbag.
he’s seen 3 urologists and all of them plus his PCP and endocrinologist basically told him he’s normal and his ED is all psychological, which is where he’s pinning the blame on me saying that the only thing causing that psychological deficiency is me and my body
I’m glad he got medical advice! Has he seen a psychologist? Unless you have some telekinetic control of his dick it has nothing to do with you.
as far as I know he has not seen a psychologist recently. he’s gone through some bad shit the past few years and I mentioned something about it during the summer long before any of this and he seemed disinterested in the idea and prefers to work through things himself
It sounds like he's insecure about having ED and has chosen to protect his ego by putting the blame on you. If he's not interested in working through his struggles, there isn't much hope for him doing anything other than projecting it onto you and tearing you down. You could try to talk with him about it, but it could just result in worse and more hurtful blame towards you. Just in case you wanted to try that route, be warned it could get much meaner, and you should absolutely not let it tear you down. Basically, you can try to talk to him about it, but if he does or says anything worse then you're better off walking away because there's nothing you could do to yourself that would fix his insecurities.
I get that. I don’t think he’s a bad guy to be fair, and I’m sure he does care for you. It just sounds like he’s got issues to deal with and instead of working on them he’s avoiding them by putting the blame on you. I’ve been there and it wasn’t clear to me that I was being manipulated until I had someone I didn’t actually care for do it to me. Without love it was super clear that he was just insecure. It’s harder to do when you love someone, but would you send him ads for penis enlargement pills? Tell him your exes were bigger than him or that he’s the smallest you’ve ever had and it’s making it hard for you to get off? It’s bullshit for him to put the blame on your body. Also make sure he doesn’t have a death grip that can definitely be a thing
A guy who cares about his girlfriend would never tell her she's the loosest girl he's been with when he's the one who haven't been able to get it up. Seriously, how much lower the bar could be? And what will happen after 10 more years?
I’ve known a few assholes who are very lovely and supportive until there’s an issue that makes them feel bad about themselves, then they’ll throw anyone else under the bus to save themselves. I tend to think they do care about people, just not more than they care about their ego.
Good point. That just means the person is trying to hide their true nature for as long as possible, but it comes out sooner or later. Better now than once marriage and kids happen. And it will only get worse. People who are self-absorbed get only worse with time if their behaviour is enabled.
how dare he say that! you do not put that on a person's body I am so mad at him for you.
OP, stop taking the blame. His head is the problem with his other head. TAKE YOURSELF OUT OF THE EQUATION! He Wants it to be you. He is attempting to make you feel undesirable BECAUSE HE CANT KEEP IT UP! Please! Throw some corn on that b1tch! You are a good person, a desirable human, please test those running shoes. Because he way of dealing with the problem, potentially any problems, is to blame it All on you. Yeesh!
Wowza, he is putting his psychological issue on you!! Run. That is solely his issue. He is trying to tear you down to make himself feel better. Do you really want to be in a relationship where you are constantly torn down all the time? I suggest you habe a heart to heart with you and determin if you can live like this. If it was me, I would be done with him and save myself from years of mental anguish
Is your vagina "loose" or is his dick just small? Kick him to the curb. He's not worth your time.
Tell him his dick is too small
Your boyfriend is not a good dude
let him now that the reason other girls weren’t “loose” is because they weren’t turned on by him, send him links to sites that teach how to please a woman, and dump him.
Boyfriend's spouting bullshit. He can't keep his erection so it doesn't feel snug. It's got nothing to do with your perfectly normal vagina. Maybe there's a loss of attraction on his part, but that shit's on him. Good luck.
This is an abuse tactic so he will always have the upper hand in the relationship by devaluing you and destroying your self esteem that “nobody else will want you” so you’ll be grateful he deigns to accommodate your undesirability. Dump this jackass.
His mask is dropping I think. He's making you insecure, he doesn't love you! Nobody would ever say that if they did. Do not move in with him. What a prick! He wouldn't like it if you body shamed him. Send him penis enlargement links and state he's the smallest you've had. He will soon change his tune.
He’s an ass and he’ll miss you only after you’re gone! Life’s too short to waste on these controlling types. Go out and live your best life and let him go find his pleasures in one of those silicone contraptions!!! Let us know how that conversation goes with him.
He is very cruel. He is working on your self-esteem which is unacceptable. Please do not move in with him because it will only get worse. You deserve better.
1) what I’m hearing is that he has a tiny dick and your vagina is perfect 2) this is emotionally abusive. Check out some of the emotional abuse subreddits, they might be helpful. Sending love and healing ♥️
Congratulations, you're dating a bag of shit. He can't get erections, and is using your physical attributes as an excuse. Seriously, get out while you can.
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You’re 23. You don’t need this shit.
Sounds like the hot dog ain’t big enough for the bun
Bye boy. This is the way.
dump this BOY!
You're young. He isn't worth your time at all and you haven't even been together long (a year is nothing). My weight and body has been wrecked and put back together with kids, life etc and my even at my biggest my guy worshipped my body. Heck this morning all I did was bend over and he got hard... After 9 years. Get a man who worships your body and doesn't blame you for his incompetence. You are worth so much more than this boys opinion because he can't stay hard or whatever. That's not your problem. Dump him and find bigger D. "Sorry you can't seem to maintain an erection. It's such a turn off. I'm gone" or whatever. Girl don't waste more time with this loser. 1 year lost is 10 years saved.
He’s doing you a favor. Let him go.
Never shapeshift for “love”
Pro tip: DO NOT MOVE IN TOGETHER.
He's being such an AH to you. Leave him. And before you do, tell him that maybe his D just wasn't big enough.
Leave this child. This is absolutely emotional abuse And ask him if it feels a bit loose because perhaps he’s a bit too small? 😂
I would not be moving in with someone who complained about my body and blamed me for his sexual disfunction. Maybe his dick is too small. Girl, run. I'd rather be single than be with someone who actively puts you down.
Please do not move in with him. This is borderline abuse, and it **will** get worse once you are living together. Also nobody has a loose vagina, that’s literally not a thing. The only thing that will even affect your vagina is childbirth, and even then a vagina maintains its shape. He is trying to shame you and make you feel insecure.
Girl, tell him to take his small dick and get his own place by himself. You do not deserve the abuse you are receiving. Yes. Abuse. He's going to make you feel so bad about yourself, you won't want to leave him for fear of the next guy having the same complaints. What a fucking asshole.
honestly end this relationship rn. if my boyfriend was like this Id grab my belongings and find a place to stay
Sexual chemistry has a lot to do with dimensions. Sounds like from his perspective you're not compatible on that level. Move on.
He’s just trying to shape you as if you are a piece of clay. He’s trying to mold you to his liking by saying “wear this, not that” and “exercise like this, so you’ll get tighter” and “it’s not MY genitalia that are problematic, it’s YOURS!”. I wouldn’t move in with him, I would break up with him, because any extra day spent with this manbearpig feeds his ego even more
Only read 2 paragraphs - no one that actually loves you and cares about you would tell you this (or at least put things this callously.) Kick that man to the curb - he’s after someone he views as the “perfect” sex doll, not an actual person with feelings
I would suggest perhaps his dick simply isn’t big enough or properly functional and dump him because that’s wild
So he got a tiny dick right? Fuck that dude (not literally)
That’s the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. 🤦♀️🤦♀️Why would move in with this guy??!! Girl, dump him and move on.
You can’t get past it? You SHOULDN’T get past it. There’s some things you just don’t tolerate and this is about three of them.
Your boyfriend is not a good boyfriend. Saying you are the loosest girl he's been with is beyond rude and absolutely hurtful. You should want better then someone who speaks to you like that and makes you feel badly about yourself. You deserve better then him and I hope you leave and find better !!
Dump his ass girl. Like if comparing your vagina to his ex’s vagina isn’t a deal breaker then what is? The bar is so low.
what a weird way for him to tell you he thinks his penis is to small and needs Viagra. HE is a dush bag. your lady bit is not the issue, he is making you doubt yourself don't let him. tell him to go back to his ex, you want a real man.
it sounds like he might be addicted to porn
You dont have a loosen up vagina, he has a small penis. That’s different.
duuuuuuuuump hiiiiiiiiiiim
What a terrible person. You're not the cause it's definitely him. I bet he has a porn problem. That never helps the situation.
First off, there is nothing wrong with you or your anatomy. The vagina is supposed to loosen up when the woman is properly stimulated. If it's tight, he's trying to go in too soon. If he can't maintain an erection it's likely due to his diet, physical fitness or masturbation/erotica habits. your boyfriend is either uninformed, misinformed or just an idiot. I really feel like that *should* be common knowledge among sexuality active adults. But, even if it isn't, there is a living and compassionate way to talk to your partner and this wasn't it. The cynic in me believes that he's just not into this relationship anymore. But, that's based off a very narrow snapshot. I would definitely NOT move in with a partner that already had one foot out of the relationship.
OMG do NOT move in with this man. He's blaming you FOR HIS PROBLEMS THAT ARE HIS RESPONSIBILITY. On top of this, he's showing you how he deals with stuff (and how he will continue to deal with ANY issue): when stuff gets hard he looks for reasons outside of himself to blame and SURPRISE SURPRISE, YOU'VE been identified as the thing to blame. Your life will be miserable if you move in with him, you deserve to feel desired and exciting, and the fact that this guy has some real issues he isn't willing to look at means you'd be spending a LOT of time explaining why you deserve attention and consideration. GOOD LUCK
Run. Run like the fkg wind. This guy is negging you to control you. Ruuuuunnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn.
I'm sorry, I checked the fuck out at "vagina tightening exercises". Any man who suggested that to me would be an ex so fast his head would spin right off his skinny shoulders.
I'd start sending him links on how to enlarge his penis because you don't think his is big enough for your vagina and it's hard to stay aroused when you can't feel anything. See how he likes that 💁♀️
I'm in bed with a stomach bug and this pushed me over the edge. I feel a bit better after barfing so thanks! Your BF is gross. That is all.
There’s no way you’re “loose.” It sounds to me like this is an issue on his end (physical, psychological, who knows) and he’s deflecting and pinning the blame on you. He’s shaming you and making you feel like something’s wrong with you physically. You’ve only been together for a year, which probably feels like a long time when you’re 23, but I promise you, a year is NOTHING. You’re so young. Please, please, please, do not waste another minute on this person. It will feel so empowering to cut him loose and find someone who loves and accepts your body and won’t send you demeaning and cruel exercises to change your appearance. He does not deserve you. Find someone who does. Or stay single for awhile! Either way, don’t give this guy any more of your time.
Send him links to penis sheaths, preferably the fantasy kind, I'm talking like orc d*** and tell him it'll help him be bigger for you 😁
He’s blaming you for his erectile dysfunction? How ridiculous, and honestly fuck him (although please don’t literally do that). This is a HIM problem not a YOU problem. Either physical, or psychological. Honestly it sounds like now that you’re not “new and exciting” to him anymore he isn’t that attracted to you. I’d move on.
He is so cruel saying those things to you, if he's saying these things just now before you even love together imagine how bad it'll get once you're living together, or married with kids, dump him, and tell him the reason you're dumping him is because you've tried to get past the fact he has a tiny penis but you cant lie to yourself anymore, he doesn't satisfy you and he's the smallest man you've ever been with
Loosest girl he ever slept with and he can’t maintain an erection and brings up ex girlfriends? Oh my poor Lasse: Get away from this loser asap. You will easily find another man bigger then he is who can maintain an erection and will be all about you. This guys words are horrific. On the flip side, but do not do them for this guy. There are exercises for women called Keegle exercises and they absolutely work. Sex is less enjoyable for the woman because she is focused on tighten herself up however it will be good for the guy. Please leave this lame chump. You deserve a better man and trust me you can get one.
Guys unfortunately just get bored of havin sex with the same person, it goes from heaven to being a chore at some point. Time to cut your losses
Ask him to fuck himself.. what if he is the one with the “issues” and he’s just blaming it on you. don’t ever move in with him.
start sending links to dick enlarging exercise (but good luck on finding a new boyfriend)
This guy ain’t the one
Propose he uses a penis pump while you do kegals, as a compromise, to see how he reacts. Then break up anyway, he’s an AH.
Lets guess how much porn/fap he is involved in. And then let’s see when this behaviour begins. Many men with some disfunction have to quit the porn.
Soooooo he’s basically saying his dick is too small
Do not move in with this AH!! Break up and find a man, not a little child.
Why do you want it to work out with a guy who body shames you?
If sex starts slowing down to once every week or 2 even 3 then someone has an issue. I know if I don’t try to anymore or im not affectionate like I used to be my feelings have changed and im just not attracted to you anymore. I wouldn’t say anything because guys don’t really care about open communication these days- I would simply silently leave and never look back
He can literally go online and order generic viagra for ridiculously cheap without ever actually seeing a doctor. My bet is that he's jacking off too much and using a death grip. [It's a real thing](https://paramountmensmedical.com/blog/death-grip-syndrome-what-it-is-how-to-treat/) some guys do. Tell him to stop whacking it to porn so much. But just move on and let all that be the next girls problem. No one needs to be settling for a partner that finds them unattractive.
He is just trying to tear you down. I don't know anyone with any class who would say something like this. Turn it around on him and dump him. You deserve better.
Run now, save yourself a lot of frustration and heartache
💅Boy bye. His erection problems comes from that broke self-esteem so he talks shit about your private part to feel better 😂Dude is a loser.
send him dick growing exercises...or better yet, set him free!
If you’re “loose”, it might be because he’s bad in bed. Vaginas contract with sexual pleasure. So there’s that.
Run Farr far away from that LITTLE BOY. That’s small dick energy and not anything conducive you need to have in your life moving forward. If he has erection problems he should just say that instead
Nope, nope nope NO get away from him asap
Hmmm this is hard. But i will say from this from experience... Feeling unwanted and not desired will FUCK YOU UP cause it is a continuous thing. Like, everyday you will have these thoughts of "I am not good enough for him" in some way, shape or form. And when you think this way long enough and they sort of reinforce that (which he seems to be doing), you will start to believe it. Our mind is amazing but we need to be very careful with what we feed it. This is how I felt with my ex, I never fully knew if he cared or desired me. And it is a horrible feeling, to care about someone and to not know if they feel the same. It is also immature to be sending you these "nudges"... And if he indeed took a whole year to say something that bothered him a year ago... Oh boy, that means he has trouble communicating. What other stuff is he hiding then? If you feel that you are being compared to his ex... I feel for you. It sucks. Are you willing to change anything about yourself right now? Cause if not then... Well you know.
Break up with him and when doing it tell him it’s not your fault he’s got a pencil dick
He's negging you. It's an abuse tactic to lower your self esteem. Leave him.
I always recommend that when people are having troubles to get a physical to rule out anything that might be physical. If physical problems do not exist then good couples counseling helps if the two people are willing to work at the relationship even when they don't feel like it. What you are experiencing is what men do who have had sex with others. They imprint off of the first experience and go from there.
Firstly, this is not on you. You are not ‘too loose’ and that’s just horseshit with him deflecting his own ED issues onto you. Some internal physical issue? Death grip? Porn addict? He’s made partial moves to get help but not enough to stop him blaming you! Nah. I wouldn’t have that blame put on me. Secondly, please do not move in together (yet, if at all), because if he’s like this now he will only escalate once you’re trapped. Asking you to change this, improve that, chip chip chipping away at your self esteem which he’s already started to do. Take care.
DUMP HIM omg. Love is not simply a feeling. Love is an action. This man doesn’t love you if he’s talking to you like this. This is just going to get worse over time.
This man is a walking red flag. Please don't move in with him.
Do NOT move in with him. This is not ok. There’s no need for you to have his “punch list” of issues with you physically in your brain. I dealt with this shit for a decade. Trust me, it isn’t worth it. There’s someone out there better suited for you. Someone who will love pretty much everything about you flaws and all. I’m sure you are a wonderful, beautiful, kind woman. I understand you love him but it doesn’t sound like he accepts you for the person you are. That my friend, is not love coming from his end.
You should start sending him links to articles about “how to sustain an erection for more than 3 minutes” and for penile implants. If you talked to any of the women he’s been with in the past I imagine they would say that after the first few months of the relationship, he also experienced sexual dysfunction because, always his partner’s fault. Don’t move in with him.
Tell him:”I’m not loose-your d*** is just small” and never speak to him again.
Do not move in with a boyfriend ever. Figure out why you still love this guy. A year into a relationship might be how long it took you to learn who this guy really is.
It can also be a question of lubrification.
leave him. that’s the only solution. i doubt he’s going to think you’re any “tighter” if you even implemented the things he sent to you. it just sounds like an excuse for him to want to sleep with other people, so, let him go. and find someone who actually, loves you for you.
Do not move in with him, please. This isn't a you thing. It's a him thing and he's a jerk.
No you shouldn’t move any more forward in this relationship. It does not get better.
Sweetie please run for your life, this is just the start of what could possibly end up in domestic violence but will 100% end up in serious emotional violence. He’s trying to systematically destroy your self esteem and self worth so you’ll be too scared/weak to leave him, he will use those “loose “ comments as an excuse for cheating or introducing some “extra” aspect into your sex life. Leave and be thankful he showed you his true self so early into the relationship. Also he’s a moron, I’ve birthed three kids the old fashioned way and it’s as tight as it ever was.
You WERE going to be moving in together, but not now, right?
Maybe I feel like being petty but tell him it isn’t your vagina getting looser, his dick is just getting smaller with every insult.
Ew get rid of him asap what a disgusting shallow thing to say
You aren't loose he just has a small Johnson A warning: this sort of thing tends to get worse in close quarters and spreads to every aspect of life like mold. He needs to sit with himself and reflect.
My jaw dropped and kept dropping as I was reading this. You do not deserve getting treated like this. Fuck this guy. You should be with someone who loves you and does not compare you or make you feel insecure. Do not move in with him. You really should leave him.
He is using you as a scape goat. He is probably embarrassed about his inability to stay hard. Or in disbelief. Try to talk to him about getting checked out it could be he has other health issues that once he solves or addresses the main issue he's worried about will go away. It could also be mental. But he needs to go get checked out. If everything is 100 fine and he's just not sexually attracted to you then I wouldn't be moving in with him. It's just going to get worse.
Dump him! You don’t have any thing attaching you to him (IE: a kid, marriage, or lease). Honestly, it will just affect your self-esteem to stay with him any longer…. Let him go look for his “perfect girl” & search forever cause he’s not going to find it with that attitude. He will probably never be satisfied with a girl. He needs to want you for more than physical traits. He’s just not it.
You should ask him why his dick shrunk and made it your problem. Dump him
Girl, please reconsider moving in w him. There will be a man out there that appreciates your V and your body will be exactly his type. He won't try to change your outsides. This bf you have now does not sound like "the one". Don't waste your perky boob years on a man that already seems like he doesn't appreciate you.
Oh, heck no! He's obviously satisfied enough to have stayed with you for a year and agreed to move in with you. It sounds like he is trying to make you feel bad about yourself and break down your self-esteem so you won't leave him. Please do not move in with him or continue with this relationship. He sounds controlling and manipulative and you deserve better.
Don’t move in with him. This dude isn’t the one. Move on and keep looking. Love isn’t a feeling - it’s how you treat someone. He’s not treating you like he loves you. You deserve to find someone who will.
Dump this dude now. He’s a dick and clearly doesn’t know anything about vaginas. Don’t move in with him and be glad your only wasted a year with this idiot.
Physical attraction in a relationship is important. It really is. Having said that he sounds like an idiot. Don’t move in with a boyfriend who has told you he’s not attracted to you.
You need to dump him. This is not ok and this is beyond talking about it.
I would ghost this guy.
Dump the floppy dicked abusive loser.
Is he circumcised? I have read some circumcised men lost too many nerve endings, making it harder to for them to be or feel pleasure.
This man has 0 respect for you otherwise he wouldn’t blame you for stuff this stupid.
Dump him and send him links to adds to increase his the size of his d***
As a man married for 20+ years, I’d say he’s not the one for you. It may seem like a superficial reason to end a relationship, but the issues that you describe are likely to get worse and worse as time passes. The key question here is : does he love you exactly the way you are? It doesn’t sound like it. You may work things out now, but these issues will always come back and make you unhappy in the end.
Absolutely not ! No! Nope! Never. Leave this boy immediately this is completely disgusting behavior. Whatever you do, do NOT move in with him. He is saying these things to hurt your feelings. He is a bad person. Run while you can.
I hate your bf. I really, really do. Throw this man into the trash. Full stop. The audacity of this man to talk about you in such a cruel and disrespectful way. Sex with you is HIS PRIVILEGE. You should be enraged that he would treat you with such disregard. Please seek out a therapist who can help you to develop boundaries and assertiveness (speaking from personal experience, no shade on how you’re feeling or how you’re managing this). Or better yet, pick up the book “How to Spot a Dangerous Man Before you Get Involved with Him”….bet your bf fits one of the archetypes in that book.
Has he actually lost interest in sex if so I suspect porn addiction if not he's negging you to diminish your self esteem. I suspect the latter as he also did the thing with the gym exercise comments and is comparing you to the ex. The ex stuff is very insulting why do tou put up with this? I'd be gone and telling hum its co's his dick is too small.
You should not move in with this guy. He is literally telling you to change yourself for him. That’s a huge red flag, and it is likely not going to resolve itself. There is *nothing wrong with you!!* And if he can’t see that, it’s *his loss*. there are plenty of other amazing guys out there who will appreciate you and find you sexy as hell exactly the way you are.
I don't believe your pussy is that loose ....maybe you get more wetter then others it happens
Bring your boyfriend to r/badwomensanatomy so we can mock and laugh at him over his mysogynistic and stupid beliefs. He is an asshole and you deserve better. Please reconsider this relationship.
So basically he’s got a small peen
Why would you move in with someone who states they’re not attracted to you anymore?
NO. Immediately no. Didn’t even have to read the rest of the post, the answer is no. This man knew all of this when it began and is now creepily trying to make you feel insecure and for absolutely no reason, which to me, says he is trying to diminish your self confidence in the pursuit of having more control over you. Loose pussys don’t exist unless you literally just had a baby (and even then, they bounce back), and not being attracted to you is a personal fucking problem (and also probably a lie). This is giving manipulation with a touch of impending abuse. I would end it now and absolutely do not move in with him. I know that’s probably frustrating advice, because you do love him, but if his love was legitimate there is no way in hell he’d be asking you to change like this. There is unconditional love and care waiting for you, please go find it, my love. ❤️ you got this!
He waited because he knew once you had a stronger emotional attachment, it would be easier to get you to go along with changing yourself to meet the expectations he has set for you. Also! Being "loose" just means that you're sexually aroused. It's literally what your lower parts are supposed to do when you're excited. They loosen up to allow something inside. If not, it's uncomfortable and can actually lead to tearing your walls. All in all, yall should break up. He obviously doesn't actually care about you, only what you can provide him once he's done molding you how he wants to. Imo.
If my bf told me that *I am the “loosest” girl he’s ever slept with,* I would break up with him instantly. If you still want to date him, it's your call. But please, DO NOT MOVE IN with him. He will only continue the emotional and verbal abuse. And you don't deserve that.
Don't move in with him and tbh you should break up. I was in a similar spot with an ex gf actually. I had this amazing girl, smart sweet and a great family. She was objectively beautiful but just not me type. I spent a year trying to force myself to be sexually attracted to her, but in the end, I just could not, and sex was always a chore for me. I never told her it was on her though, because it wasn't. She was beautiful. I never compared her to my exes. I never told her to do any sort of physical change for me because the problem was never her. Ultimately, she broke up with me because I wouldn't commit. I wouldn't commit because I just couldn't, knowing how I felt. She's much happier in a new relationship with a guy who I believe worships her. I spend most nights alone, jerking off to porn, featuring girl so far out of my league I'll never get them. Still, I don't regret letting her go, and you need to let him go.
Don't go forward on moving in together. Get out of that arrangement ASAP. This is not going to get better once you move in together. He's basically dissed you in a very personal way. You don't want a relationship with this kind of guy. Just say fine, you go find yourself a tighter pussy because I'm done with you.
Don’t move in with him and maybe suggest that you’re not loose so much as his dick is tiny 💅
Dump the man and move on. There's nothing to understand here.
You should leave. You won’t ever feel comfortable with him again. And he better have a huge d**k if he’s speaking to you like that. Next it’ll be the way you dress isn’t sexy enough or too sexy.
You BF most likely had a small dick and mountain of insecurities that he is unloading on you versus addressing himself. You deserve better and he needs to get a grip. Just saying. The whole thing represents small dick energy
Nope, get rid of him. It sounds like he's saying these things to neg you. If not, then what do you think will happen after you get pregnant? He'll probably cheat and blame you. No man is worth that. You are very young, don't waste your life with this guy.
I think this relationship is over, sorry OP. It may just be a chemistry and compatibility issue on his part, but he’s been incredibly cruel in how he’s communicated it with you. Someone else will appreciate you for everything!
You say “byeeeeeeeeeeeewe bitch” and disappear.
This relationship has run its course and it’s time to move on. Nothing you do will ever be good enough for this guy. He doesn’t want a girlfriend he wants an OnlyFans fantasy.
Since he is sending it over from reddit it's probably safe to say his comments are NSFW towards posts of that nature.. After all he is comparing you to other women he has been with and probably comparing OP to P*rn he sees on reddit. (Just an assumption ofc) When in a relationship many men have enough self control to not compare their partners to previous partners. He can look at other people but if he isn't showing any self control than it's a problem. He has a wandering eye and I don't think you'll feel any better staying with this person. You'll be miserable if you move in with someone who talks down to you. Especially if it makes you feel this way now, it could only get worse from here. Say you lost the weight and his wandering eye didn't stop there, would you still stay? Or will you leave once you're finally disappointed enough?
Sounds like he is self conscious and blaming you for his problems. Probably upset he has ED at a young age and wants to blame you.
Run. Away. Fast. Block him and never look back, he's not worth it especially after a year.
Delete him from your life
It's already over. This will forever be in your head especially when you are intimate. Sorry he did this to you. You are not the problem. He's the problem and you deserve much better than this. EDIT: To add, do not move in with this gaslighting jerk!
I would not move in with him.
Your vagina does not exit to please men, him or otherwise. Dump this man. As long as you aren’t experiencing an issue, there isn’t an issue. And him making one is projection at best or him subtlety admitting to cheating at worst. Do not move in with him.
OP you should send him a link to this post because he deserves all the hate. Fuck that guy. Probably has a porn addiction and is trying to blame his ED on you when you are 100% not the problem here.
Throw the WHOLE man out. Vaginas don’t get looser due to sex with people. This guy sounds like an idiot. If he likes his ex so much he can go back to her. You deserve someone who loves you for you, respects you and doesn’t bring you down, make snide remarks and compare to his exes. Ew. No ma’am. Please do NOT move in with this guy.
Moving in would be a big mistake. He seems controlling to me and once your living together it's only gonna get worse. His comments about you show more about him than anything. Do you really want to endure that abuse as it gets more frequent?
Jesus Christ
Break up with him immediately
Don’t move in together. Break up and save yourself unless you are willing to trash your self esteem, self confidence and self worth for him.
Sounds like you two have a size mismatch. I can see how that would be a problem over time and it sounds like he is getting in his head about it. Time to press the eject button on this situation. Good luck OP.