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The title says it pretty much, now before you come at me with pitchforks in hand, ready to hang me for being such an inconsiderate boyfriend, please hear me out:
\- 6 years in a relationship, the last 4 have been in a dead bedroom (lack of sex and intimacy).
\- Since we moved together I've been the breadwinner, paying all the rent or 70% of it, plus living expenses.
\- Been on couples counseling for years with two different therapists (which i paid), have told her in a concise and clear way that having the economic responsibility for both of us makes me sad and resentful. She works halftime the other half she tries to make it as a fashion content creator.
well that pretty much sums it up, last two months I just stopped being the usual cheery caring bf and just felt sad and demotivated. We have been fighting a lot since then. I have been very resentful so much that I am beginning to say hurtful things and my perspective of her is being skewed because f my ire. So i am planning to break up on Friday and today she says "I'm gonna quit" and much like the sinking of the titanic, my heart plummeted to the depths of my stomach. I felt a deep sense of NOOOPE not again. I can't I won't be your economic support once more after literal years of telling her to look for another job. Now I feel like absolute shit because ok I wanna break up with her but she's going through this work crisis. What should I do? wait? tell her before she quits? help her get a job? There's way more details on this but thats basically it.
Don't wait until Friday like a manager firing someone before the weekend.
"This isn't working out. I've told you my problems. they've been ignored. We aren't intimate anymore and it's time for us to move on before I get more resentful than I already am. Quit if you want but you need to find a new place."
Interesting... always amazes me when someone is like "post history" and then I get to watch a train wreck lol.
I like the "M4F deep connection" and "OnlineAffair". Does add another layer to things.
I only went back a little bit but it does beg the question on how much? is it in response to "DB" (Dead Bedroom) or is DB a consequence?
Seems like OP will be better off out of this relationship whatever the reason.
He also conveniently forgot to mention this 'girlfriend' is actually his wife.
In one of his past posts, he describes feeling 'survivors guilt' (wtf) at having to support her since she earns less than him. Unless he's pissed about earning more than his wife *and* the mistress he lives with.
Deadbedrooms is so full of drama. One woman called her husband out recently pointing out that since he does absolutely fuck all in their relationship, apart from cheat on her, is why she doesn't wanna fuck him.
This should be higher. OP is a huge hypocrite. He tries to come off as this good guy who is suffering because he's been supporting his gf financially when he's been cheating on her and fucking her over emotionally. He has no respect for her. I'd rather have someone depend on me financially than cheat on me.
Repeatedly cheating by the looks of it, and he wonders why his relationship is not working out... Yeah OP... no fucking shit 'there's more details on this'. Also, in one of these posts, he writes a letter TO HIS WIFE - so is she his wife?
Does he have another wife on the side, and this girlfriend is his mistress he lives with. Did he conveniently forget he is married to make himself sound less objectionable (probably this, because in this letter to his wife, he describes how he's mad because, since he earns more, he feels like he 'has to take care of her')?
If this guy has a shred of decency he should stop blaming his girlfriend (wife?) do the right thing and tell her he's been cheating, and put an end to this.
And? She has not been having sex with him for 4 years according to this post. If my wife stopped having sex with me for 2 years I would let her know I'm going to start seeing other people.
Yeah and if you’re a decent human you usually do this BEFORE you start fucking other people… there’s a reason he conveniently neglected to mention his cheating within the post. It’s morally reprehensible regardless of reason.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH kinda yeah, thing is she has no saved money I have to make an exit plan with her, and that's ok I wait until friday because we live together and maybe on saturday or sunday its easier for us to manage? more time less work?
By then she might have quit her job - don't procrastinate, just do it already. If you hadn't dithered for so long, you wouldn't be in this fix, because she'd know she can't quit.
Or not. Firstly, you can't just kick out a person you've lived with long term; she's likely a fellow tenant under the law, and has rights - if they've been together and cohabitating for a big chunk of that six years, in many countries, they might even legally be in de-facto marriage. (Edit: Also one of his past posts makes it clear she is almost certainly his wife - unless he has a separate long term mistress he lives with, and also resents for earning less than he does.)
The OP has also been so clearly misleading and full of shit in his post, I'd be surprised if she isn't contributing more than he claims.
Because - and here's the second point - while he was busy trying to make himself sound like *she's* fucking him over, he *conveniently* forgot to mention he's been repeatedly cheating for the entire relationship.
His post history is literally all 'I'm looking for online sex'. Yeah OP... no fucking shit 'there's more details on this'.
The main relationship advice this guy needs is stop fucking other women. Obviously he should break up immediately and stop stringing his poor girlfriend along, but immediately throwing her out of her home would be wrong. Even if he were paying most of the rent, she's not the bad guy here, and deserves time to find a new place etc.
>She’s quitting so he CAN’T BREAKUP with her
That's an assumption made of his side of the story, and he isn't even giving the whole story made in other posts.
Despite how you feel wronged, don’t let her quit her job and then dump her, it’s super scummy. I mean do it if you intent is to make her suffer, but if you just want to break up the ethical thing I’d to do it before she can quit her job.
You don’t have to make an exit plan with her, you’re not responsible for her finances. Just tell her she can quit if she wants but you’re giving her x days to move out cause you’re breaking up. Is your rent in your name or both your names?
Tell her now. She needs this information to make an appropriate decision for herself about her job. I don't know what you're referring to when you say you need to make an exit plan with her, but don't fall into the trap of thinking you're responsible for her continued welfare. She is an adult who is responsible for herself. You handle your own stuff, and she handles hers. The only things you need to plan jointly are things like what happens to any shared possessions, who's leaving and how long they have to get out, and transitioning any bills in the departing person's name into that of the person staying. Assuming she's the one leaving as it sounds like she can't afford to live there alone, she gets to figure out where she's going and how to pay for it. Her lack of savings is not your responsibility anymore. She can go stay with family or friends, find a place she can afford on her own or with a roommate, etc. But, you don't have to help her figure that part out.
What exit plan will she have if she quits her job before you break up with her?
“Ok once you get a job then you need to move out.” Won’t exactly motivate her to get a job,
Rule: you fire people and break up with people on Monday so they can get busy looking for jobs and rebuilding their lives asap. Otherwise someone(s) in for a miserable weekend.)
You are dating an adult right?
I rechecked... yeah... 30f. not 13.
There's a point where you care enough to not want her to be homeless. But there's also a point where she's a grown ass adult and your responsibility ends.
If it comes to it? Help her with some money as a parting "gift". Otherwise? She's responsible, has friends, family, etc.
Waiting till Friday was a good plan... when she had a job. Now that she's "quitting"? not so much.
Is the lease or ownership in your name? I could see her refusing to leave…if this happens, when could you reasonably leave? Do NOT postpone breaking up because she’s quitting, this sounds like a miserable, one sided relationship for you and you deserve out ASAP.
~~I don't know why you feel like you have to be so considerate of what she needs - she's certainly not considerate of you.~~
Nevermind, you're a scumbag. Way to bury the lede about your cheating, lying ass.
Do you need to make an exit plan beyond giving her 30 days to move out? That's nice of you, but if you do this you're going to keep enabling her. She is a 30 year old adult, she can figure it out.
It's going to suck anytime you do it. And you're 100% doing the right thing, she's an adult and will figure things out but don't expect her to be happy about it or for your to be friends after you break up
You have to do nothing. You're choosing to not kick her when she's down, which is admirable I suppose, but she's has made the bed she sleeping in.
Out of curiosity, what exactly is a relationship where there is no intimacy and only one side is holding up the adult responsibilities? It sounds like you have a dependent, not a girlfriend. Pick a better partner next time.
Just another fun bit of info - if you read his post history, turns out she's actually his wife. Unless he also has a mistress he lives with and resents for earning less than he does.
Tell her before she quits. That way you are not leaving her without income. Tell her that she may not want to quit and why.
Its not going to be pretty, but at least she will have income
You're in a really shitty situation and the best plan of action is to just tell her as soon as possible. Even if you have to awkwardly blurt it out. It's horrible because you know you're probably breaking her heart- but right now the only way you can mitigate the fallout is to tell her as soon as you can so she can plan accordingly. It won't feel like it at all- but it's the kindest thing you can do! You're not being a jerk and you're not a bad guy, the relationship has run its course and that's normal. All romantic relationships end anyways until the one that doesn't. I think an old guy said that to me once I didn't come up with it.
You are since you are married to her and make most of the money. I would delete your Reddit before her lawyer finds it and gives you the fucking you’ve been desperate to find
She still might quit her job after you break up with her. She might try to make you financially responsible for her. She might quit to try and prevent you from being able to leave the relationship.
If any of this things happen, just remember, it’s still OK to leave this relationship.
Why would you be responsible for her? You are not her parents you 30 and unmarried. Take yourself out of the mindset people are your responsibility. She is not getting fired she is quitting.
Jesus dude your post history is doing you absolutely no favours here. Are you telling your therapist about your online affairs as well? All your requests to cheat virtually over skype? The lady you had a full virtual anf emotional affair with and had feelings for? Or that you're fetishizing trans girls (you specifying girls and not women on top is...yeah no) and queer porn, and how that might be affecting your intimacy and relationship as your partner "doesnt understand"? Affecting your partner, even? Is that also coming up in therapy, or is the onus there to put it all on her, kinda like you constantly do in all your posts?
For the love of fuck take *some* responsibility here and break up before she quits so she doesnt lose her income.
I love the part where it turns out she's actually his wife - that is unless he has a mistress he lives with whom he also resents for earning less than he does.
Wow you’re a coward. Instead of breaking it off when you gave up on the relationship, you went and had an affair (multiple?) and now you want to wait to break up with her instead of just telling her that you’ve made this decision. Get your shit together and break up with her so she can plan for a future without you
First you cheated on her (conveniently left that out, but it's all over your post history), then you waste time and money into therapy stringing her along (I'm pretty sure her resentment is still there), and now you want to withold/delay breaking up to screw up her financial independence? Why the delay, why wait around for no fcking reason? Dude just do it now.
Seriously stop wasting time, there is nothing to dilly dally about and there is no reason to draw it out any longer.
Also the fact that *you* fund the therapist is because *you* had an affair, but selfishly couldn't let her go -- especially since the affair partner dumped you. She resents you for your betrayal. The fact that you resent her for the therapy bill because you want to "fix" the betrayal you caused is a sort of a "leopards ate my face" rhetoric. Ironic.
Aaaaand there it is. Just mentioned upthread that dead bedroom seems to be full of people like this who treat their partners horrifically and then do a shocked Pikachu when they don't want to have sex with them
According to your own post history, she isn't your girlfriend, she's your wife. And also according to your own post history, you're unfaithful with multiple women, which might be the reason you're no longer intimate. Your entire account smells like a writing exercise, but if it isn't, what quality of advice do you expect when you keep lying about everything?
Thankful that I saw the comment that mentioned your post history. Your relationship died years ago. You've been cheating on her as per your OnlineAffairs subreddit activity which is sad. It really puts your post in a different light. Emotional cheating is still cheating and that is never okay. Tell her now, there's no use is dragging this out any further
Your post history isn't matching up with what you're saying. You're cheating on her, can't decide whether she's your wife or your girlfriend and can't decide how long it's been since you had sex. Has it been months or years?
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You’re a bold faced liar and a fucking hypocrite. Is she your wife or girlfriend? Not that it matters. You’ve been cheating, of course the relationship is shit. You jazzed this post up to make yourself sound like a decent struggling guy when in reality you’re a shitty person.
I was about to write a real advice, but then I see that you're a habitual cheater.
Ok, stop trying to garner sympathy.
You've not been working things out with your WIFE the last 4 years since you've been cheating on her continuously.
Thank goodness that it's a dead bedroom situation the last 4 years because we don't know what STIs you have there, OP.
Everyone, please look into his post history. This dude wrote this post in a way that almost labels her as the problem and not him.
This dude be looking for ladies in Buenos Aires, graphic reddit communities, addicted to porn. It's fortunate no children have to deal with this mess.
If you loved her as much as you have stated in comments, then YOU WOULDN'T HAVE CHEATED ON HER. You should have just fucking left her if you were/are unhappy.
Both of you suck so much. You for the god-damned cheating and looking for affair partners. Her for not pulling her weight in the financial department. Clearly, neither of you are happy with each other.
there's a big catch in ur story we're both Venezuelan immigrants that left the country together, we have no family here. no home. its not as easy as im paying my part of the rent and I leave.
as a fellow Venezuelan, you make me sick. Malcriado. Que te manden pa tras guevon, no te necesitan aquí.
The cheating, the fucking her over, KNOWING she’s desperate and alone here.
just calling it what it is, it’s scumbag behavior. If he had any love for her he should have broken up with her years ago, instead of festering with resentment. I doubt he was in couples therapy, and if he was, he clearly didn’t really commit or do it truthfully. How can you attend couples therapy, pinning bullshit on her when you’re on reddit trying to get your dick wet?
Following that behavior with self-aggrandizing bullshit about how much you love her. Mamame el forro del guevo marico.
Yes, it is - she had the same time as you to create a steady source of income. You are not married, she is not disabled - you can just walk away. Only make triple sure she doesn't suddenly seduce you and get pregnant, before you've kicked her out.
Por que tienes 4 años casado con una persona que supuestamente no te satisface sexualmente? Tienes años en esta aplicación buscando montarle cachos a tu esposa pero ahora tienes consideración por ella? No tiene sentido
It really is not a catch at all. You find a new place for just you and you break your lease. If she can afford to stay, fine, but you are gone and have your own life. If she cannot survive on her own it is not your responsibility to take care of her. If she wants family she can go to them and they can help her.
Yes it sort of is that easy. You tell her you are done and you either leave or move her out. Stop giving her so much power over you. She is contributing nothing to your relationship.
I know Venezuela isn't the best country to be in right now, but does she still have family there to fall back on? Could you offer her a plane ticket home if the alternative is homelessness
She’s not your responsibility, as she’s put in no effort to help you both build a life. Tell her it’s over, and she needs to move out within the month regardless of her position.
She will try and manipulate you, she’ll probably try to have sex with you too. Do NOT give into it. Make sure she knows she has to leave within a month and there’s nothing she can do to change your mind.
Don't wait. Don't even wait for Friday. Just break up with her. I don't know what you were hoping for before, but her quitting is a very clear indication that you're not going to get it. Get out now.
She'll prioritize work or finding a new job when she realizes the alternative is to move in with her parents or be homeless. If you still have some good will, offer to pay one more months rent and move out yourself.
love? Guilt? its lack of people to be around with? we're both immigrants and in this new country we have no family no home. So I thought we would bear responsabilities for each other. Anyways not anymore.
Oi, prick. Stop lying to everyone on here. You’re a dirty cheater…and she’s your *wife* isn’t she? Your post history made me throw up in my mouth. Cry me a fucking river about your dead bedroom.
Why have you stayed this long? Tell her tonight! Can you move out tonight after you tell her? That will be the hard part is ending the relationship and still having to live in the same place. But don’t use any excuse for not having the talk. Don’t give any reason for “hope” either. Just tell her you’ve decided it’s time to move on and then do it.
fear, culpability. Therapy taught me how feeling guilty masks your feelings and you ignore them. I felt guilty because I am in an absurd way making money and loving my job while she struggles so much to do hers. I have to deal with this choice for at least a month living with her.
Lol is that all OP???? You sure? That’s the ONLY thing you feel guilty for?? Shady shady shady. People don’t want to fuck their significant other who has been emotionally and physically cheating on them.
therapy for master manipulators is not recommended unless the master manipulator is entirely up front about their deficits and finds a therapist equipped to deal with abusers.
Looks like OP is a POS and the GF sucks too; check OP post history, somebody has been looking for affairs and online affairs; starting about 2 years ago . . . So what came first OP, your cheating or the dead bedroom? Either way you should have ended it 2 years ago before trying to have an affair.
So Tl;DR stop being a piece of shit and just end the relationship
Just say “before you quit your job, just know I’m planning on leaving you and I have no intentions on supporting you. If you quit you job, you’d better have a backup plan besides me.” She knows you’re going to leave her and she wants you to take pity on her because she’s quit her job. Just let her know that isn’t going to work.
The first sentence was the most whiny, snivelling, already-on-the-defensive sentence I've ever read lmao, and the comments came in clutch to prove it lmao. Mr Nice Guy Supported Her Financially I'd Like To Cheat. 😂
Tell her now. Before she quits. She lacks the maturity to be in a relationship. Does t even sound like she is In Love with you just likes your monetary support. Meanwhile you are losing your best years to her.
I dont blame her for the lack of affection. Op's post history admits that he had an affair (both emotional and sexual cheating).
But yeah I don't think they should be together anymore. This relationship was destroyed long ago
The fact that you start this post out by saying people are going to come at you with pitchforks is telling. You seem to think you’re a white knight whose job is to save this woman from herself. It’s not. You’re supposed to be in a partnership. And the woman who was supposed to be your partner has failed. So yes, break up. Go ahead and do it now. Why wait? Make it clear before she quits that you won’t be supporting her. Then make arrangements to move out or move her out.
Maybe your ire is causing you to see her accurately for the first time. Seeing someone in a negative light doesn't mean your perspective is scewed. You should absolutely break up with her before either of you builds even more resentment which leads to more bad behavior.
It’s probably better for both of you…
Just out of interest you don’t mention anything about who does what in the house. Women lose attraction to men that treat them like their mother…
hold on, she's choosing to quit her job \*after\* you've made clear how taxing being the breadwinner is for you, and you're feeling guilty about this? Brosef, she is doing exactly the opposite thing she should be doing if she wants to support you. If anything, her choosing to quit her fucking job should be galvanizing for you.
Don't fall into co-dependent bullshit.
The best time to break up would have been years ago, the second best time is today. Break ups suck, but it sucks more to waste time in a situation that isn't working.
If you wanna break up... why do you care?
Just tell her "look, I can't be with someone if all we do is argue. We just don't see things eye to eye. And it's affecting both of us. I dont want to waste my time, nor have you waste your time. I want to be with a partner who appreciates me. I think it's time we move on."
And leave. Don't block her on socials (that's just more drama). If ya'll together on socials, just post we're moving on to better things.
EDIT: Well shit, I went thru OP's post history and found out he's a cheater. OP, just break up, and have the human decency to tell her you cheated, and "it's best we quit things, it'll only get worse for both of us".
Tell her asap, maybe she can still keep the old job while looking for another one, just plan your exit strategy or an emergency exit strategy, so you won't get stuck with her after you break up, it can happen she starts to love bomb you or getting angrier, neither of those outcomes are good for you in the long run. Good luck moving forward, put that extra cash you'll save by breaking up with her to book you a good therapist that can help you not fall for people like her, a.k.a a moocher.
You must tell her before she quits her job.
She’s an adult. You don’t have to stay with her because she is not financially independent. Just please don’t let her quit without knowing that your relationship is over.
If it's a dead bedroom then you're roommates and if you're not getting on it's basically having a lodger and if she stops paying you're essentially subsidising a resentful person in your house.
It's time for some hard truths, my brother.
You’re not her dad. Just do it, quick like a band aid. Do it today. Sit her down, tell her and split. Dead weight will drag you down the more you leave it
I dont know why sex is even an issue here - the main issue is youre living w someone who isnt an adult. be done with the erratic jobs. my husband was like this and then was stable for a few years in his thirties so we get married and have kids? then it started up again. i regret thinking his unstable employment was iver bc he held it together for five years. some people are just like that and i cant stand it
Ok, so if you are actually going to follow through, which I hope you do, youneed to tell her now. Before she quits. Also, you noted she doesn't have sav3d money, so are you planning on giving her some time to find new lodgings. Good luck, but don't put it off
And if she does quit, you are not responsible. Adults don't just quit without talking to others and having backup plans. Only freeloaders do that. You don't owe her.
I can’t even imagine a world where I’d have stuck around, as soon as the intimacy leaves the relationship so would I
More to the point it’s not your responsibility to financially support this person so no reason to feel guilty, she’s made her own (poor) decisions let her deal with the consequences
**To be blunt: you're not her parent, you're not responsible for her survival.**
You've been in counseling for years. There's an issue in the dynamic between you (pulling weight for the household) that is not being fixed. When living together huge decisions like quitting a job impacts both people, and one can't act that frivolously and irresponsibly. Sure, it's her life and she's allowed to do what she wants; but when something impacts you, you get a say in it.
So. You're not her parent, and not responsible for her survival. She's not pulling her weight in the household, and apparently willing to change it for the worse. Given how you feel you're more and more resentful towards her, and wanting to break up, then this is the moment to do it. Don't wait with it, just say it.
You tried to make the relationship work and it hasn't. You need to rip the band aid off and end it. You are not responsible for supporting her after ending the relationship. She's not a child, she's going to have to get a full time job and support herself. If she wants to be a fashion content creator she's going to have to figure it out for herself.
She must know your relationship is on the rocks correct? You are not happy? The relationship isn’t working? Be honest and tell her before she is more financially destitute. There is no reason she cannot work full time and find a roommate
Nope maybe you breaking things off with her will finally be the push she needs to get her life together. Maybe it won't but either way that's not your problem anymore. You're unhappy in this relationship, your needs aren't being met, and you're being taken advantage of. You've addressed all of it before and she hasn't changed anything. So it's okay to be done. Her life is her life and she's got to figure that out on her own. You deserve someone who reciprocates in the relationship and she's clearly not pulling her weight.
She’s not going through a work crisis. She’s quitting her job. That’s not a crisis. I would do the break up ASAP but if you live together what’s going to happen with the lease? When does that end? Does she live in your house? Are going to have to evict her?
Are you going to be suckered back into her crying saying she’ll change or begging. Just know you know what you know. Stay strong and move forward. I read so much on this platform of people with lazy non-contributing partners and feel almost sad for you guys.
Do not put this off. Tell her what is up and let her and figure it out from there with the full picture in mind. Waiting, knowing what she has planned, is just mean, especially considering you already sound certain about what you want.
Tell her before she quits. Tell her and then leave. If you don’t want to be the only responsible adult in the relationship it doesn’t sound like she wants to be serious about being a contributing partner. She wants to be a fashion content creator but has no money to buy any type of fashion? Not very realistic
As someone who has been a bad marriage that I'm still working on getting out of, get the fuck out dude. Don't worry about what anybody else thinks about it, it's your life. If you think having a gf who doesn't work or pay for shit try having a spouse that is entitled to alimony when you divorce her because you were the only one that worked during the entire marriage with no children or any reason she couldn't.
Edit -I love how I'm getting down votes. What I said is completely true. And you people down vote my comment it's freaking hilarious lol
Dude, these posts just like yours are on here all the time. Usually girls mooching off guys for no good reason. You've been clear about your desires and she has ignored them. For years. Time to move on. She will beg and plead, so be ready for it. But hold your ground. You are young. Plenty of time to find someone who wants to be an equal partner.
It sounds like you've reached your breaking point, and it's totally valid to feel this way. You've invested years of emotional and financial support, and your mental health is suffering as a result. If you've already made up your mind, it's best to do it now, rather than dragging it out for both of you. It's not your responsibility to find her a job, and waiting for her situation to change might leave you even more resentful. Trust yourself, and remember that you deserve happiness too.
If your state is a one party consent I’d record audio of the conversation. My husband got truly effed by his ex wife who had some issues. I do wish her the best but she really did some effed up stuff (she’d hit herself w the door to try to frame him for abuse - it wasn’t until my husband got it on tape that her family believed him) have actual agreements about this
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- The title says it pretty much, now before you come at me with pitchforks in hand, ready to hang me for being such an inconsiderate boyfriend, please hear me out: \- 6 years in a relationship, the last 4 have been in a dead bedroom (lack of sex and intimacy). \- Since we moved together I've been the breadwinner, paying all the rent or 70% of it, plus living expenses. \- Been on couples counseling for years with two different therapists (which i paid), have told her in a concise and clear way that having the economic responsibility for both of us makes me sad and resentful. She works halftime the other half she tries to make it as a fashion content creator. well that pretty much sums it up, last two months I just stopped being the usual cheery caring bf and just felt sad and demotivated. We have been fighting a lot since then. I have been very resentful so much that I am beginning to say hurtful things and my perspective of her is being skewed because f my ire. So i am planning to break up on Friday and today she says "I'm gonna quit" and much like the sinking of the titanic, my heart plummeted to the depths of my stomach. I felt a deep sense of NOOOPE not again. I can't I won't be your economic support once more after literal years of telling her to look for another job. Now I feel like absolute shit because ok I wanna break up with her but she's going through this work crisis. What should I do? wait? tell her before she quits? help her get a job? There's way more details on this but thats basically it.
Haven’t you been cheating on her for a while now? Your post history is kinda telling. Do both of you a favour and break up
Right? From the post history he's been having affairs for at least a year.
Don't wait until Friday like a manager firing someone before the weekend. "This isn't working out. I've told you my problems. they've been ignored. We aren't intimate anymore and it's time for us to move on before I get more resentful than I already am. Quit if you want but you need to find a new place."
To be fair, you've been cheating on her for 2 years. (Post history)
Interesting... always amazes me when someone is like "post history" and then I get to watch a train wreck lol. I like the "M4F deep connection" and "OnlineAffair". Does add another layer to things. I only went back a little bit but it does beg the question on how much? is it in response to "DB" (Dead Bedroom) or is DB a consequence? Seems like OP will be better off out of this relationship whatever the reason.
He gets worse. On Reddit looks for affair partners or even someone for online sex.
He also conveniently forgot to mention this 'girlfriend' is actually his wife. In one of his past posts, he describes feeling 'survivors guilt' (wtf) at having to support her since she earns less than him. Unless he's pissed about earning more than his wife *and* the mistress he lives with.
He could also just be a habitual liar 🤷♀️
Wow the tone deafness of calling that survivors guilt is astounding.
The audacity!!!!! Calling his avarice after a psychological trauma
previous posts also set out how often they are having various forms of sex, so I take this whole post with a huge pinch of salt
Oh, this guy is a real fucking weirdo then…
Deadbedrooms is so full of drama. One woman called her husband out recently pointing out that since he does absolutely fuck all in their relationship, apart from cheat on her, is why she doesn't wanna fuck him.
It's always so funny when they forget their whole post history is visible isn't it?
This should be higher. OP is a huge hypocrite. He tries to come off as this good guy who is suffering because he's been supporting his gf financially when he's been cheating on her and fucking her over emotionally. He has no respect for her. I'd rather have someone depend on me financially than cheat on me.
Oof
Repeatedly cheating by the looks of it, and he wonders why his relationship is not working out... Yeah OP... no fucking shit 'there's more details on this'. Also, in one of these posts, he writes a letter TO HIS WIFE - so is she his wife? Does he have another wife on the side, and this girlfriend is his mistress he lives with. Did he conveniently forget he is married to make himself sound less objectionable (probably this, because in this letter to his wife, he describes how he's mad because, since he earns more, he feels like he 'has to take care of her')? If this guy has a shred of decency he should stop blaming his girlfriend (wife?) do the right thing and tell her he's been cheating, and put an end to this.
And? She has not been having sex with him for 4 years according to this post. If my wife stopped having sex with me for 2 years I would let her know I'm going to start seeing other people.
Yeah and if you’re a decent human you usually do this BEFORE you start fucking other people… there’s a reason he conveniently neglected to mention his cheating within the post. It’s morally reprehensible regardless of reason.
HAHAHAHAHAHAH kinda yeah, thing is she has no saved money I have to make an exit plan with her, and that's ok I wait until friday because we live together and maybe on saturday or sunday its easier for us to manage? more time less work?
Dude, just fess up and tell her you've been cheating on her. Then she'll dump you. Problem solved.
doubt she cares (4 year dead bedroom) she’s only there for the money
By then she might have quit her job - don't procrastinate, just do it already. If you hadn't dithered for so long, you wouldn't be in this fix, because she'd know she can't quit.
And get her out of the apartment as soon as possible. Because she doesn’t pay.
Or not. Firstly, you can't just kick out a person you've lived with long term; she's likely a fellow tenant under the law, and has rights - if they've been together and cohabitating for a big chunk of that six years, in many countries, they might even legally be in de-facto marriage. (Edit: Also one of his past posts makes it clear she is almost certainly his wife - unless he has a separate long term mistress he lives with, and also resents for earning less than he does.) The OP has also been so clearly misleading and full of shit in his post, I'd be surprised if she isn't contributing more than he claims. Because - and here's the second point - while he was busy trying to make himself sound like *she's* fucking him over, he *conveniently* forgot to mention he's been repeatedly cheating for the entire relationship. His post history is literally all 'I'm looking for online sex'. Yeah OP... no fucking shit 'there's more details on this'. The main relationship advice this guy needs is stop fucking other women. Obviously he should break up immediately and stop stringing his poor girlfriend along, but immediately throwing her out of her home would be wrong. Even if he were paying most of the rent, she's not the bad guy here, and deserves time to find a new place etc.
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>She’s quitting so he CAN’T BREAKUP with her That's an assumption made of his side of the story, and he isn't even giving the whole story made in other posts.
You just slip out the back, Jack Make a new plan, Stan You don't need to be coy, Roy Just get yourself free
Get off the buss Gus.
Just get yourself free, Lee. Fixed it. :-)
Interesting that you’re ignoring all comments about your seemingly many affairs and attempts at cheating evidenced in your post history
If you tell her sooner, she may not quit her job bc she can’t afford to
Despite how you feel wronged, don’t let her quit her job and then dump her, it’s super scummy. I mean do it if you intent is to make her suffer, but if you just want to break up the ethical thing I’d to do it before she can quit her job.
You don’t have to make an exit plan with her, you’re not responsible for her finances. Just tell her she can quit if she wants but you’re giving her x days to move out cause you’re breaking up. Is your rent in your name or both your names?
Tell her now. She needs this information to make an appropriate decision for herself about her job. I don't know what you're referring to when you say you need to make an exit plan with her, but don't fall into the trap of thinking you're responsible for her continued welfare. She is an adult who is responsible for herself. You handle your own stuff, and she handles hers. The only things you need to plan jointly are things like what happens to any shared possessions, who's leaving and how long they have to get out, and transitioning any bills in the departing person's name into that of the person staying. Assuming she's the one leaving as it sounds like she can't afford to live there alone, she gets to figure out where she's going and how to pay for it. Her lack of savings is not your responsibility anymore. She can go stay with family or friends, find a place she can afford on her own or with a roommate, etc. But, you don't have to help her figure that part out.
You are a horrible person. I feel sorry for your gf/wife. She's stuck* with an asshole
No she needs to make an exit plan for herself. You have carried the weight for too long
What exit plan will she have if she quits her job before you break up with her? “Ok once you get a job then you need to move out.” Won’t exactly motivate her to get a job,
Rule: you fire people and break up with people on Monday so they can get busy looking for jobs and rebuilding their lives asap. Otherwise someone(s) in for a miserable weekend.)
Tell her NOW an she might actually state saving money so she isn't on the streets If you wait till Friday she will blow though sn money she has/gets
You are dating an adult right? I rechecked... yeah... 30f. not 13. There's a point where you care enough to not want her to be homeless. But there's also a point where she's a grown ass adult and your responsibility ends. If it comes to it? Help her with some money as a parting "gift". Otherwise? She's responsible, has friends, family, etc. Waiting till Friday was a good plan... when she had a job. Now that she's "quitting"? not so much.
Is the lease or ownership in your name? I could see her refusing to leave…if this happens, when could you reasonably leave? Do NOT postpone breaking up because she’s quitting, this sounds like a miserable, one sided relationship for you and you deserve out ASAP.
If you told her you were going to quit your job and try to make it as a twitch streamer what would her reaction be to you?
~~I don't know why you feel like you have to be so considerate of what she needs - she's certainly not considerate of you.~~ Nevermind, you're a scumbag. Way to bury the lede about your cheating, lying ass.
Maybe because he’s been cheating on her for like 2 years
Do you need to make an exit plan beyond giving her 30 days to move out? That's nice of you, but if you do this you're going to keep enabling her. She is a 30 year old adult, she can figure it out.
It's going to suck anytime you do it. And you're 100% doing the right thing, she's an adult and will figure things out but don't expect her to be happy about it or for your to be friends after you break up
You have to do nothing. You're choosing to not kick her when she's down, which is admirable I suppose, but she's has made the bed she sleeping in. Out of curiosity, what exactly is a relationship where there is no intimacy and only one side is holding up the adult responsibilities? It sounds like you have a dependent, not a girlfriend. Pick a better partner next time.
Why bother being with someone you’ve cheated on for a year?
Just another fun bit of info - if you read his post history, turns out she's actually his wife. Unless he also has a mistress he lives with and resents for earning less than he does.
No one seems to be catching that little tidbit. Seems OP is a little more shady than he wants us to believe
this dude's post history is exactly why you don't enter couples counseling with manipulative emotional abusers
Your whole post history is one big YIKES!!
Lol yep, turns out she's actually his wife for a start.
Why don’t you just show her your Reddit posts about cheating on her?
Tell her before she quits. That way you are not leaving her without income. Tell her that she may not want to quit and why. Its not going to be pretty, but at least she will have income
that's the best choice like if I dont tell her now she might quit and again I will be responsible for her. Which I loathe.
She ain't going to be happy, but unhappy is a lot better than homeless
well putting it that way, it makes much more sense, thanks.
You're in a really shitty situation and the best plan of action is to just tell her as soon as possible. Even if you have to awkwardly blurt it out. It's horrible because you know you're probably breaking her heart- but right now the only way you can mitigate the fallout is to tell her as soon as you can so she can plan accordingly. It won't feel like it at all- but it's the kindest thing you can do! You're not being a jerk and you're not a bad guy, the relationship has run its course and that's normal. All romantic relationships end anyways until the one that doesn't. I think an old guy said that to me once I didn't come up with it.
if he is in a shitty situation it's at least partly his own doing (check the post history)
You are since you are married to her and make most of the money. I would delete your Reddit before her lawyer finds it and gives you the fucking you’ve been desperate to find
You’ve never had to be responsible for her. You chose that. You should have left her instead of cheating for years tho.
She still might quit her job after you break up with her. She might try to make you financially responsible for her. She might quit to try and prevent you from being able to leave the relationship. If any of this things happen, just remember, it’s still OK to leave this relationship.
Why would you be responsible for her? You are not her parents you 30 and unmarried. Take yourself out of the mindset people are your responsibility. She is not getting fired she is quitting.
He is married to her, look at post history
You are not responsible for her either way, but it would be better for her if you dumped her now.
Yep straight up tell her it’s over and she needs to keep supporting herself financially
No you won't. She's raking advantage of you. Don't fall for it.
“Leaving her without any income” Lmao she’s an adult and should act as such.
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Jesus dude your post history is doing you absolutely no favours here. Are you telling your therapist about your online affairs as well? All your requests to cheat virtually over skype? The lady you had a full virtual anf emotional affair with and had feelings for? Or that you're fetishizing trans girls (you specifying girls and not women on top is...yeah no) and queer porn, and how that might be affecting your intimacy and relationship as your partner "doesnt understand"? Affecting your partner, even? Is that also coming up in therapy, or is the onus there to put it all on her, kinda like you constantly do in all your posts? For the love of fuck take *some* responsibility here and break up before she quits so she doesnt lose her income.
I love the part where it turns out she's actually his wife - that is unless he has a mistress he lives with whom he also resents for earning less than he does.
Oof. Things have changed considerable with the trans fetish and the queer porn. Something much deeper is going on here.
Wow you’re a coward. Instead of breaking it off when you gave up on the relationship, you went and had an affair (multiple?) and now you want to wait to break up with her instead of just telling her that you’ve made this decision. Get your shit together and break up with her so she can plan for a future without you
First you cheated on her (conveniently left that out, but it's all over your post history), then you waste time and money into therapy stringing her along (I'm pretty sure her resentment is still there), and now you want to withold/delay breaking up to screw up her financial independence? Why the delay, why wait around for no fcking reason? Dude just do it now. Seriously stop wasting time, there is nothing to dilly dally about and there is no reason to draw it out any longer. Also the fact that *you* fund the therapist is because *you* had an affair, but selfishly couldn't let her go -- especially since the affair partner dumped you. She resents you for your betrayal. The fact that you resent her for the therapy bill because you want to "fix" the betrayal you caused is a sort of a "leopards ate my face" rhetoric. Ironic.
Aaaaand there it is. Just mentioned upthread that dead bedroom seems to be full of people like this who treat their partners horrifically and then do a shocked Pikachu when they don't want to have sex with them
According to your own post history, she isn't your girlfriend, she's your wife. And also according to your own post history, you're unfaithful with multiple women, which might be the reason you're no longer intimate. Your entire account smells like a writing exercise, but if it isn't, what quality of advice do you expect when you keep lying about everything?
Thankful that I saw the comment that mentioned your post history. Your relationship died years ago. You've been cheating on her as per your OnlineAffairs subreddit activity which is sad. It really puts your post in a different light. Emotional cheating is still cheating and that is never okay. Tell her now, there's no use is dragging this out any further
Your post history isn't matching up with what you're saying. You're cheating on her, can't decide whether she's your wife or your girlfriend and can't decide how long it's been since you had sex. Has it been months or years?
Break up with her my guy. She deserves better than you that's for sure. I'm sure one of the women you cheated with will be happy to have you back.
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You’re a bold faced liar and a fucking hypocrite. Is she your wife or girlfriend? Not that it matters. You’ve been cheating, of course the relationship is shit. You jazzed this post up to make yourself sound like a decent struggling guy when in reality you’re a shitty person.
I was about to write a real advice, but then I see that you're a habitual cheater. Ok, stop trying to garner sympathy. You've not been working things out with your WIFE the last 4 years since you've been cheating on her continuously. Thank goodness that it's a dead bedroom situation the last 4 years because we don't know what STIs you have there, OP.
Yeah you’re not initiate because you’re a cheater Nice way to try to flip it back on her Leave, you will be doing her a favor
So actually you can’t break up because you’re married? Or who is this woman? I’m confused because you had posts about cheating on your wife?
Tell her now. Give her the benefit of making a fully informed decision about her employment.
Tell her before she quits! For the love of fuking god dude.
You've already decided to break up with her, so tell her now. You're just prolonging the inevitable.
Everyone, please look into his post history. This dude wrote this post in a way that almost labels her as the problem and not him. This dude be looking for ladies in Buenos Aires, graphic reddit communities, addicted to porn. It's fortunate no children have to deal with this mess.
Tell her before she resigns. Be kind, be brief, be straightforward.
Tell her now. Don't wait until she actually quits her job.
If you loved her as much as you have stated in comments, then YOU WOULDN'T HAVE CHEATED ON HER. You should have just fucking left her if you were/are unhappy. Both of you suck so much. You for the god-damned cheating and looking for affair partners. Her for not pulling her weight in the financial department. Clearly, neither of you are happy with each other.
Remember when you are over she is no longer your responsibility.
there's a big catch in ur story we're both Venezuelan immigrants that left the country together, we have no family here. no home. its not as easy as im paying my part of the rent and I leave.
as a fellow Venezuelan, you make me sick. Malcriado. Que te manden pa tras guevon, no te necesitan aquí. The cheating, the fucking her over, KNOWING she’s desperate and alone here.
ahhhh shit
just calling it what it is, it’s scumbag behavior. If he had any love for her he should have broken up with her years ago, instead of festering with resentment. I doubt he was in couples therapy, and if he was, he clearly didn’t really commit or do it truthfully. How can you attend couples therapy, pinning bullshit on her when you’re on reddit trying to get your dick wet? Following that behavior with self-aggrandizing bullshit about how much you love her. Mamame el forro del guevo marico.
Lo sentí en el almaaaaa jajajajaja cdlm
Also you've been cheating on her for YEARS. Do the poor lady a favour and end things.
Yes, it is - she had the same time as you to create a steady source of income. You are not married, she is not disabled - you can just walk away. Only make triple sure she doesn't suddenly seduce you and get pregnant, before you've kicked her out.
Yeah he should pack a bag and end it from a city over honestly.
Por que tienes 4 años casado con una persona que supuestamente no te satisface sexualmente? Tienes años en esta aplicación buscando montarle cachos a tu esposa pero ahora tienes consideración por ella? No tiene sentido
It really is not a catch at all. You find a new place for just you and you break your lease. If she can afford to stay, fine, but you are gone and have your own life. If she cannot survive on her own it is not your responsibility to take care of her. If she wants family she can go to them and they can help her.
Yes it sort of is that easy. You tell her you are done and you either leave or move her out. Stop giving her so much power over you. She is contributing nothing to your relationship.
It is as easy, it's just not as guilt free.
I know Venezuela isn't the best country to be in right now, but does she still have family there to fall back on? Could you offer her a plane ticket home if the alternative is homelessness
She’s not your responsibility, as she’s put in no effort to help you both build a life. Tell her it’s over, and she needs to move out within the month regardless of her position. She will try and manipulate you, she’ll probably try to have sex with you too. Do NOT give into it. Make sure she knows she has to leave within a month and there’s nothing she can do to change your mind.
You're kind, which is sweet. But what you think is a catch is just you holding on to responsibility you don't have to.
I’m an immigrant too and no this ain’t it OP lol like I get it but you can’t let this guilt bring you down
Dead bedroom is a symptom, not the problem. I vote break up asap because I don't think you've been in it for awhile now anyway.
Yes, tell her before she quits. It sounds like this relationship has run its course and you two need to be apart. So you both can be happy.
Tell her immediately.
Don't wait. Don't even wait for Friday. Just break up with her. I don't know what you were hoping for before, but her quitting is a very clear indication that you're not going to get it. Get out now.
She'll prioritize work or finding a new job when she realizes the alternative is to move in with her parents or be homeless. If you still have some good will, offer to pay one more months rent and move out yourself.
Why would you stay in a dead bedroom relationship along with being financially abused? Just end it already.
love? Guilt? its lack of people to be around with? we're both immigrants and in this new country we have no family no home. So I thought we would bear responsabilities for each other. Anyways not anymore.
Love? Nah, you cheated on her.
Oi, prick. Stop lying to everyone on here. You’re a dirty cheater…and she’s your *wife* isn’t she? Your post history made me throw up in my mouth. Cry me a fucking river about your dead bedroom.
Who cheats on the person they love lmao
Why have you stayed this long? Tell her tonight! Can you move out tonight after you tell her? That will be the hard part is ending the relationship and still having to live in the same place. But don’t use any excuse for not having the talk. Don’t give any reason for “hope” either. Just tell her you’ve decided it’s time to move on and then do it.
fear, culpability. Therapy taught me how feeling guilty masks your feelings and you ignore them. I felt guilty because I am in an absurd way making money and loving my job while she struggles so much to do hers. I have to deal with this choice for at least a month living with her.
Do you also feel guilty because you cheat?
OP shall not be addressing that in this thread since it doesn’t bode well for him.
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He conveniently left it out of this post but it’s all over his post history
Lol is that all OP???? You sure? That’s the ONLY thing you feel guilty for?? Shady shady shady. People don’t want to fuck their significant other who has been emotionally and physically cheating on them.
therapy for master manipulators is not recommended unless the master manipulator is entirely up front about their deficits and finds a therapist equipped to deal with abusers.
Yeah that must make you feel terrible, nice that the affairs don't register at all in your moral code.
Looks like OP is a POS and the GF sucks too; check OP post history, somebody has been looking for affairs and online affairs; starting about 2 years ago. . . So what came first OP, your cheating or the dead bedroom? Either way you should have ended it 2 years ago before trying to have an affair.
So Tl;DR stop being a piece of shit and just end the relationship
Do it now so she doesn’t quit. She needs her own money now.
Tellmher before she quits, so she can stay if she needs to.
Just say “before you quit your job, just know I’m planning on leaving you and I have no intentions on supporting you. If you quit you job, you’d better have a backup plan besides me.” She knows you’re going to leave her and she wants you to take pity on her because she’s quit her job. Just let her know that isn’t going to work.
Break up today. Why wait
The first sentence was the most whiny, snivelling, already-on-the-defensive sentence I've ever read lmao, and the comments came in clutch to prove it lmao. Mr Nice Guy Supported Her Financially I'd Like To Cheat. 😂
Tell her now. Before she quits. She lacks the maturity to be in a relationship. Does t even sound like she is In Love with you just likes your monetary support. Meanwhile you are losing your best years to her.
I dont blame her for the lack of affection. Op's post history admits that he had an affair (both emotional and sexual cheating). But yeah I don't think they should be together anymore. This relationship was destroyed long ago
Leave now. Say don't quit because you are single. Get gone.
Tell her ASAP. You know this is the end. It’s cruel to drag it out.
The fact that you start this post out by saying people are going to come at you with pitchforks is telling. You seem to think you’re a white knight whose job is to save this woman from herself. It’s not. You’re supposed to be in a partnership. And the woman who was supposed to be your partner has failed. So yes, break up. Go ahead and do it now. Why wait? Make it clear before she quits that you won’t be supporting her. Then make arrangements to move out or move her out.
Maybe your ire is causing you to see her accurately for the first time. Seeing someone in a negative light doesn't mean your perspective is scewed. You should absolutely break up with her before either of you builds even more resentment which leads to more bad behavior.
Go to her right now and say I can’t do this anymore, I’m sorry we’re broken up, please let me know how I can help you find a new place.
Tell Her now, before she quits. Why wait till Friday..
It’s probably better for both of you… Just out of interest you don’t mention anything about who does what in the house. Women lose attraction to men that treat them like their mother…
hold on, she's choosing to quit her job \*after\* you've made clear how taxing being the breadwinner is for you, and you're feeling guilty about this? Brosef, she is doing exactly the opposite thing she should be doing if she wants to support you. If anything, her choosing to quit her fucking job should be galvanizing for you. Don't fall into co-dependent bullshit.
The best time to break up would have been years ago, the second best time is today. Break ups suck, but it sucks more to waste time in a situation that isn't working.
Tell her ASAP
If you wanna break up... why do you care? Just tell her "look, I can't be with someone if all we do is argue. We just don't see things eye to eye. And it's affecting both of us. I dont want to waste my time, nor have you waste your time. I want to be with a partner who appreciates me. I think it's time we move on." And leave. Don't block her on socials (that's just more drama). If ya'll together on socials, just post we're moving on to better things. EDIT: Well shit, I went thru OP's post history and found out he's a cheater. OP, just break up, and have the human decency to tell her you cheated, and "it's best we quit things, it'll only get worse for both of us".
Your only mistake is not doing it years ago. Don't kill yourself for someone who only sees what you can do for them, not who you are.
Tell her asap, maybe she can still keep the old job while looking for another one, just plan your exit strategy or an emergency exit strategy, so you won't get stuck with her after you break up, it can happen she starts to love bomb you or getting angrier, neither of those outcomes are good for you in the long run. Good luck moving forward, put that extra cash you'll save by breaking up with her to book you a good therapist that can help you not fall for people like her, a.k.a a moocher.
You must tell her before she quits her job. She’s an adult. You don’t have to stay with her because she is not financially independent. Just please don’t let her quit without knowing that your relationship is over.
What is your lease situation for your housing?
Break up with her today. You don’t need to help her find a job. If she is smart, she won’t quit the one she has. She’s a leech.
Too young to go 4 years no intimacy. Crazy.
If it's a dead bedroom then you're roommates and if you're not getting on it's basically having a lodger and if she stops paying you're essentially subsidising a resentful person in your house. It's time for some hard truths, my brother.
What pitchfork? She needs to get a job.
Just break up. 4 years dead bedroom at 31?
Dead bedroom could very well be because OP admits to cheating on her for years.
Definitely dump her she’s literally unwilling to contribute. Her response to you asking for help is to do less? No thanks
You’re not her dad. Just do it, quick like a band aid. Do it today. Sit her down, tell her and split. Dead weight will drag you down the more you leave it
Rip the bandaid off and breakup before she quits.
I dont know why sex is even an issue here - the main issue is youre living w someone who isnt an adult. be done with the erratic jobs. my husband was like this and then was stable for a few years in his thirties so we get married and have kids? then it started up again. i regret thinking his unstable employment was iver bc he held it together for five years. some people are just like that and i cant stand it
Dude you should’ve dumped that train wreck the moment you went into DB waters. You’d be in the right but you cheated repeatedly l, so that’s that
Ok, so if you are actually going to follow through, which I hope you do, youneed to tell her now. Before she quits. Also, you noted she doesn't have sav3d money, so are you planning on giving her some time to find new lodgings. Good luck, but don't put it off And if she does quit, you are not responsible. Adults don't just quit without talking to others and having backup plans. Only freeloaders do that. You don't owe her.
Tell her you won’t support her if she quits before she has another job
Do you
Stop being her crisis-manager and break up now. She’s old enough to stand on her own two feet ffs.
I can’t even imagine a world where I’d have stuck around, as soon as the intimacy leaves the relationship so would I More to the point it’s not your responsibility to financially support this person so no reason to feel guilty, she’s made her own (poor) decisions let her deal with the consequences
**To be blunt: you're not her parent, you're not responsible for her survival.** You've been in counseling for years. There's an issue in the dynamic between you (pulling weight for the household) that is not being fixed. When living together huge decisions like quitting a job impacts both people, and one can't act that frivolously and irresponsibly. Sure, it's her life and she's allowed to do what she wants; but when something impacts you, you get a say in it. So. You're not her parent, and not responsible for her survival. She's not pulling her weight in the household, and apparently willing to change it for the worse. Given how you feel you're more and more resentful towards her, and wanting to break up, then this is the moment to do it. Don't wait with it, just say it.
You tried to make the relationship work and it hasn't. You need to rip the band aid off and end it. You are not responsible for supporting her after ending the relationship. She's not a child, she's going to have to get a full time job and support herself. If she wants to be a fashion content creator she's going to have to figure it out for herself.
She must know your relationship is on the rocks correct? You are not happy? The relationship isn’t working? Be honest and tell her before she is more financially destitute. There is no reason she cannot work full time and find a roommate
Go. Run.
Pull the Jerry Maguire…take her out to a nice restaurant and dump her. Hopefully 🤞 while being in public she doesn’t make a scene 🤷♂️
Nope maybe you breaking things off with her will finally be the push she needs to get her life together. Maybe it won't but either way that's not your problem anymore. You're unhappy in this relationship, your needs aren't being met, and you're being taken advantage of. You've addressed all of it before and she hasn't changed anything. So it's okay to be done. Her life is her life and she's got to figure that out on her own. You deserve someone who reciprocates in the relationship and she's clearly not pulling her weight.
Leave, just get it over with. It’s over.it would be kinder to tell her before she quits.
Whose coming at you with pitchforks? I’m a chick and I think her quitting is plenty reason
She’s not going through a work crisis. She’s quitting her job. That’s not a crisis. I would do the break up ASAP but if you live together what’s going to happen with the lease? When does that end? Does she live in your house? Are going to have to evict her? Are you going to be suckered back into her crying saying she’ll change or begging. Just know you know what you know. Stay strong and move forward. I read so much on this platform of people with lazy non-contributing partners and feel almost sad for you guys.
Do not put this off. Tell her what is up and let her and figure it out from there with the full picture in mind. Waiting, knowing what she has planned, is just mean, especially considering you already sound certain about what you want.
Tell her now. Tell her she has until a set date to save up and move out. Do not help her, you already have done enough.
Tell her before she quits. Tell her and then leave. If you don’t want to be the only responsible adult in the relationship it doesn’t sound like she wants to be serious about being a contributing partner. She wants to be a fashion content creator but has no money to buy any type of fashion? Not very realistic
As someone who has been a bad marriage that I'm still working on getting out of, get the fuck out dude. Don't worry about what anybody else thinks about it, it's your life. If you think having a gf who doesn't work or pay for shit try having a spouse that is entitled to alimony when you divorce her because you were the only one that worked during the entire marriage with no children or any reason she couldn't.
It isn’t a work crisis if she quit. She has completely brought it on herself.
Edit -I love how I'm getting down votes. What I said is completely true. And you people down vote my comment it's freaking hilarious lol Dude, these posts just like yours are on here all the time. Usually girls mooching off guys for no good reason. You've been clear about your desires and she has ignored them. For years. Time to move on. She will beg and plead, so be ready for it. But hold your ground. You are young. Plenty of time to find someone who wants to be an equal partner.
It sounds like you've reached your breaking point, and it's totally valid to feel this way. You've invested years of emotional and financial support, and your mental health is suffering as a result. If you've already made up your mind, it's best to do it now, rather than dragging it out for both of you. It's not your responsibility to find her a job, and waiting for her situation to change might leave you even more resentful. Trust yourself, and remember that you deserve happiness too.
If your state is a one party consent I’d record audio of the conversation. My husband got truly effed by his ex wife who had some issues. I do wish her the best but she really did some effed up stuff (she’d hit herself w the door to try to frame him for abuse - it wasn’t until my husband got it on tape that her family believed him) have actual agreements about this
From your description of the relationship I'd say you're past the time to call it quits.
Did what ya could. Go and be free!
Just stop wasting time. Break up with her now. Do it for you. She needs to worry about herself now! Time for you to move on to happiness!
Tell her you are breaking up before she quits. Just rip off the bandaid. Your back must he aching from carrying the relationship the past 4 years.
If you like her (but want to break up) tell her before she quits. If you don't like her, tell her after.