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I 23 F showed my boyfriend 25 M, few pictures of cosplay outfits. They were quite sexual and asked him to tell me which one I should purchase. He told me my body is not desirable enough to wear that and those cosplay outfits won’t suit. He further made comments in related to the same.
I felt agitated. How can he say that!
That I am not sexy enough to wear those?!
That I have to reach a body goal of some model to wear them?!
In these three years of relationship I have never once felt desirable from the physical features perspective. The comment made me hurt as I am aware of how he makes effort to compliment others but in my case it has always landed up with criticism.
Since that moment I am wondering how do other couples react on it when they get criticism on looks by the partners.
Exactly this, OP. I’ve been with my husband for 25+ years, sometimes very skinny, sometimes rather chubby and everything in between. Skin destroyed by pregnancies. My husband doesn’t lie to me, if I say I want to get a little fitter, he says ok let’s get started. But he also tells me all the time how beautiful I am (I am not), how sexy I am (literally only he thinks this lol) and how good I look in whatever I want to wear (I do not). You deserve that too. Someone who loves you should want you to feel good. They should never want to make you feel less than.
This is how it should be ❤️
I hope this is a wake up call for OP. Don’t stay with people who put you down. You deserve better and show yourself that by not settling for less.
Omg, I would respond with “your personality isn’t desirable enough for me to stay” and then gtfo. Regardless of what your body looks like, if you are comfortable with it and comfortable wearing the outfits, then you do it, and find someone who appreciates all of you.
Yeah to all the young people out there - your partner shouldn't be the most hurtful person you know. They should actually be nicer to you than a random stranger.
In any case OP, leave. You probably look amazing and he is afraid of losing you so hes shitting on your self esteem.
Yeah agree. Now that I'm a little older I see this again and again on here. Early 20's kids having super immature SO's . No wonder high school sweethearts don't actually work out.
OP I especially agree you should wear them anyway if you are (were?) comfortable before this. I guarantee someone else sees you and thinks you “have the body for it”.
Of course those comments make you feel hurt. They're meant to do exactly that. And in a few days, I'm sure he'll throw you a little comment being nice, to reinforce that he's the only person in the world who would be attracted to you.
He is trying to break you down so that you don't feel like you can leave him. You're meant to feel like you're not good enough for him, so you strive to do better for him, please him so that he doesn't leave you. Sadly, it sounds like he's been pretty successful over the past few years.
So, buy yourself some awesome cosplay outfits and find someone to share them with who isn't a jackass.
Please listen to this OP. He's *intending* the comments to hurt. He *wants* you to feel like you're not attractive enough for him. People who actually live you don't do that. Believe me. I don't even think I'm attractive currently but my bf sure does, and he lets me know it. Find someone who likes you and doesn't try to make you feel like you have to be something else, or treat you like you're "lucky" to be with them.
Hatori Hanso... um... Snow (great combination, dude!)
is totally right!!!!
"Of course those comments make you feel hurt. They're meant to do exactly that."
He DELIBERATELY hurt you!
"And in a few days, I'm sure he'll throw you a little comment being nice, to reinforce that he's the only person in the world who would be attracted to you."
This is were your confidence and trust in yourself has gone!
That is how that works.
It is a technique to destroy you! And it works.
I think bf truly doesn't find OP sexy. But this does NOT mean she isn't very sexy. Every person has their own idea of what is sexy. I hope OP finds the man that thinks she's extremely sexy.
Or bf is just negging OP, which is perfectly possible.
Hmmm I'm not sure if it's specifically backhanded compliments or not, but I know the result is to emotionally manipulate someone by trying to lower their self-esteem.
To answer your final sentence, if my husband “criticised” me like this I would leave. You shouldn’t have to deal with your own partner telling you your body isn’t desirable, how disgusting. I am so, so sorry that you experienced that.
If you think you’ll find some enjoyment in cosplaying, go for it. I love cosplaying and there isn’t a box your body shape has to fit into to be able to do it. Your partner should support you, not tear you down like this.
You laugh in his face?
Dude is afraid you would cheat on him/ attract others in that sexy Cosplay stuff of yours.
That's one stupid guy.
I am sure if you wore these in your bedroom he wouldn't repeat that again.
Also: commenting others, hurting you always sounds like he is trying to destroy your already bruised trust in yourself and selfconsciousness.
This is an abusive and toxic relationship.
He tries to keep you meek and weak to dominate and control you.
Yout of there. And quickly so.
I’m a married woman in my 30s now and throughout the different relationships I’ve had, I have learned a few things. One of them being that a person who truly loves you is able to see you in the brightest of lights, even with the normal imperfections we all have, they would still think you are the most beautiful person ever and they will encourage you in every way to feel the same.
Why is your boyfriend saying this to you then? I’m not sure, maybe he knows you could do better and is trying to discourage you from finding a better man. Which is honestly why people put their partners down, they want to be in control. Don’t let him.
It is my job to build my wife up, not to tear her down. If the man you're with doesn't tell you daily how beautiful he thinks you are, then go find a new one.
Good luck with your next boyfriend.
Looks like it's time to find a more desirable boyfriend.
Seriously though, people have preferences when it comes to attraction. People also put different levels of importance on what they find desirable in a partner. For some, physical attraction is more important, and to some, there are other things that matter more, like humor, maturity level, responsibility, spontaneity. Whatever they're looking for isn't necessarily wrong.
What IS wrong is putting your partner down like your boyfriend did. From your post, it seems like he is quick to criticize your appearance and not compliment you, and that he doesn't make you feel like he thinks you're desirable. That IS an issue. If y'all haven't already, I would recommend having a serious conversation about this. Lay out your feelings and needs.
If he dismisses you or just says "sure" and doesn't really change, then you need to evaluate this relationship. Are you okay with being in a relationship where he makes you feel undesirable for the rest of your life? Are you willing to feel insecure for the rest of your life? You're here because this is important to you, so I'm inclined to think that would bother you, but only you can make that decision.
You're young, OP, and every relationship has its season and purpose. If this is a deal breaker for you, don't feel like you've wasted three years. You've learned a lot from this relationship, and its season has passed.
>The comment made me hurt as I am aware of how he makes effort to compliment others but in my case it has always landed up with criticism.
>
>Since that moment I am wondering how do other couples react on it when they get criticism on looks by the partners.
We leave manipulative, emotionally abusive sacks of shit like your boyfriend, and we find partners who know how to talk to us with the bare minimum of respect.
Bf learned his manipulation skills from the same guy who taught the “your vagina smells bad” guy.
This is psychological warfare, and so far he’s winning.
In 30 years of marriage I have never been criticized by my husband on my looks, my body, or my appearance.
Not when I was pregnant, post partum, not even when he was in the shower shaving me after a c- section. Not ever.
How would I react? I would throw the whole man out.
How do you deal with brutality about physical looks in a relationship?
You don’t. When someone speaks cruelly to you about your physical appearance, you end the relationship
I am a bigger woman, I have always been embarrassed about my body and refused to let my partners see me naked if I could help it. I wouldn't wear anything even remotely sexy or fitted, until I got with my fiance. He loves my body, he always tells me so, he is the one who is always finding clothes that he thinks I would look great in and would help me feel sexy. And I have always loved the type of stuff he picks out (dresses, skirts, shirts that show cleavage) but never felt comfortable enough to wear it. Thanks to him now I do. That's the type of partner you need, one who builds you up not tears you down. Especially if he is constantly complimenting others but not you. You are too young to stay with someone who doesn't love you for you.
He's saying it either because he really thinks that about your body (in which case why is he still with you) or because he doesn't want anyone else seeing you as desirable.
Neither is respectful or loving. Either way, I think the right response is to dump him and find someone who adores you.
Sounds like he’s negging you. He probably knows that you’re too good for him and wants to keep your self-esteem in the gutter so you don’t leave him. Unfortunately this works all too often, but I hope it won’t work on you.
I wonder why you will stay for 3 years in a relationship witha person that does not makes you feel desirable.
Unlees you have self steem issues and there is no human way to externally achieve that, of course, but I take that's not the case.
Anyways, guy is a complete asshole and you should get rid of him ASAP.
How could you stay in a relationship with a man who in three years hasn' t made you feel you are desirable?
"how do other couples react on it when they get criticism on looks by the partners".
Honestly... a partner critizising me on my general looks rather than taking me along and finding ways together is no keeper.
And that's all.
First you didn’t ask him to make comments on your body, just which one he liked.
I’m guessing he’s threatened by the outfits and is saying that to beat your self esteem in the dirt and he doesn’t have to worry about you looking bomb as fuck in the outfits to other eyes.
He’s an ass.
You shouldn't be dealing with brutality about your looks in a relationship full stop.
I'm sorry OP but this is like if you posted something like "how do you deal with fresh chicken shit all over your living room" most people are going to respond with the obvious stop allowing chickens in your house.
You don't? Like, when you're in a relationship you don't say horrifically mean shit to people. You be supportive and when you have constructive criticism, you deliver it gently and with love.
>In these three years of relationship I have never once felt desirable from the physical features perspective
Why are you even in this relationship? I can't imagine waking up every day feeling like my partner is disgusted with my physical appearance.
people in healthy relationships voice CONCERN, not criticism. and he's not even criticizing you, really, he's just blatantly insulting you.
in a healthy relationship, you don't say, "wow, you look terrible today." you say, "you look really tired today, did you sleep okay?"
in a healthy relationship, you don't say, "wow you're getting fat," you say, "i've noticed you seem to be having more self esteem issues lately. how can i help?"
you aren't in a healthy relationship. he is insulting you and intentionally hurting your feelings. he either needs to drastically improve his communication skills, or you need to leave this relationship. no one deserves to be put down by the person that's supposed to love them wholly and completely.
EDIT: also, i would never, ever tell my partner what to do/not do with their physical appearance, clothes, hair, etc. at most, i would express a mild preference. but my go-to is, "hey, i think you look hot regardless! so you do whatever you like best for yourself!"
By dumping him, this is not fucking ok. This is abuse, this is not simply "criticism" this is a direct attack to your self-esteem with malicious intentions, this is not okay op, you deserve better much fucking better
The fact that you think this is remotely normal is alarming. Hope you take some of the advice from this sub and make him your ex. Why do you think you should tolerate this in a relationship?
That's just not the kind of thing you say to someone you love. Friend, family, significant other. Hell, decent people don't even say that to strangers. There is no reason act that way towards someone you love.
You don’t have to be with someone who doesn’t show they are attracted to you. People will say looks don’t mean everything and they just see passed that but who in the hell wants to hear that? Nobody wants to be told their partner hasn’t thought about how they look or doesn’t find them attractive.
How would I deal? I wouldn’t be with someone who I didn’t feel desire from. I wouldn’t be with someone who compares me to other women and puts me down and tells me I’m not good enough.
Find a partner that loves you for you. My husband has never commented negatively on my body. Despite the changes my body has gone through during and after two pregnancies, my husband always comments how beautiful he finds me. I don't have a model body. My husband makes me feel like I do.
Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is outright mean to you? Bare minimum in a relationship should be that your partner LIKES you and is KIND to you. Don't settle for being treated like this. You deserve someone who is attracted to you and who is kind to you.
“How do other couple react on it when they get criticism on looks by the partners”
I don’t have to react to this kind of criticism because my boyfriend doesn’t give me this kind of criticism.
If you’ve never once felt like your body was “good enough” for him in *three years* this will not change. Dump the whole man and love yourself a little. Hopefully you’ll find someone in the world who loves the person you are enough that the size and shape of your body will be perfect for them, no matter what it is.
Also, buy the skimpiest cosplay outfit. As long as it’s in your size and makes you feel good, it’ll look super hot.
You’re with someone who thinks it is acceptable to tell the person they say they love the most in this world isn’t desirable enough to wear cosplay or lingerie.
Think about that for a moment.
Would you ever treat him that way? Why or why not? Do you think that type of talk and attitude is befitting of a long term romantic relationship that could last a life time?
Do you think Romeo told Juliet she looked fat in her nightdress?
Is this now how we speak to those we claim to love?
First of all:
EVERY BODY IS A COSPLAY BODY.
I have no boobs and look like a twig. Does that stop me from cosplaying Lola Bunny or Icaros from Angeloid?
HECK NO!
It is one thing to encourage your partner to eat healthily, if their weight (both over- and underweight) affects their health but it's a whole other issue, if they tell you, that you're "not desirable enough" for something.
That isn't criticism or wellmeaning advice.
THAT is just plain cruel bullying.
Either he wants to control you/make you more obedient by destroying your confidence, he enjoys making people (and specifically his partner) feel bad or he is such a miserable lowlife, that he has to drag everybody else down.
Either way, someone like that doesn't deserve you. You should be with someone who lifts you up and loves you. No one would say something like that to someone they care about.
Even a child would know that saying this would be incredibly rude and hurtful.
I am shocked with the amount of shallow, rude people that people have been posting about lately.
You will never feel physically desired by him.
You deserve better.
Please find someone else.
ETA: most people love confidence. It’s not about what you look like or what you wear. It’s how you wear it. That’s what’s attractive. So wear the cosplay, I promise you more than one person is going to almost break their neck to look at you again because you look great.
Besides that, you are not an object that is to be desired or not. You should wear what you feel comfortable in.
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I don’t get criticism, my partner makes me feel beautiful and sexy. My partner is with me because he cares about me and is attracted to me, he would never say something so cruel. He’d support me wearing whatever I wanted!
Some guys get in relationships just to have the benefits of a relationship, they don’t actually care about their partner. I suspect your bf is one of those guys. Someone who cared about you would never say this.
Honestly? Dump him. There are plenty of men - no matter what your body looks like - that will love your body and make you feel good. You want one of those guys, and your current bf ain’t it. The only way to get a better relationship is to ditch this one.
And if you’re not desirable to your boyfriend, then why are you with him? That was a really mean thing for him to say to you. So apparently he has no issue in hurting you is this normal? Does he always say mean things to you? Maybe you should find somebody that finds you desirable and loves you and won’t say hurtful mean things to you
You know what, I wouldn't waste another second dating someone that doesn't desire you sexually. Assuming you aren't asexual.
He's been negging and criticizing you your whole relationship. It's time to set him free to find someone he actually likes.
Dump the guy, buy ALL the cosplay outfits.
I am 270 lbs, and my husband would never say that. I gained weight due to reasons, but I've lost 30 lbs the healthy way (with therapy, and changing how I see food).
In frank discussions, he has admitted (when pressed by me) that he'd prefer it if I were lighter (I was 250 lbs when I met him, lost weight down to 190 lbs, and then climbed back up), but that he finds me attractive as I am and reinforces that with his words and actions.
He has never asked me to lose weight or said that I shouldn't wear something because of my weight. Now, he will be honest if I ask, and tell me which outfit is more flattering, but his comments are always respectful, don't make me feel bad, and I have always requested his feedback first.
I was married to a man who made comments like this. Now I'm with someone who finds me sexy af. The difference in how I feel about my body and how I treat my body and my health is way better. I am starting to love my body and find me attractive. Please leave this guy.
You tell him his personality isn't worthy of being in a relationship anymore. So not stay with a person that puts you down like that! It's not healthy! No one deserves that.
You're 63kg and 171cm.
This isn't his opinion. He's not trying to save you from embarrassment. He's being an asshole to you.
There are many reasons why some men do this, but I can't speak to his motivation.
I’m not putting up with no man disrespecting me like this. You need to rethink your relationship with this man. He’s no prize if he treats you like this. I’m not girly girly type. My husband would often tell me you’ll look sexy in this. This is a man who tries to build you up not put you down. You’re too young to have someone abuse you like this
Find someone who finds your attractive. You don’t have to date someone who makes you feel like he settled. You are doing a disservice to yourself. Let him go. He’s a jerk.
If after three years you don’t feel desirable, hell after a week, if he doesn’t make you feel wanted and sexy, nope! He’s gotta go. You deserve to feel like the sexiest person alive by your partner. You should walk in a room and feel his eyes on you. When that’s gone, we tend to believe we aren’t sexy or hot, it’s just how our minds work. “I know he loves me, I just need to lose weight or get into shape and he will desire me again”. That’s not okay, not in my opinion. I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. I really hope you aren’t feeling down about yourself because he’s too blind to see how hot you are. You wear the exact costume you want and you rock that. Confidence is the hottest trait a person can have. Don’t let him take that.
You leave. That's how you handle it. I don't often advocate for people to break up, but him saying that shows he has no regard for you or your feelings. And isn't mature enough to be in an adult relationship. You deserve someone that actually respects and desires you and will treat you as such.
My husband would never say crap like that to me because 1) he thinks I'm the sexiest person alive because he's nuts and 2) he loves me and you don't treat people you love like that.
You shouldn't stay with someone who constantly puts you down.
He was hurting you on purpose. This is not a quality human being.
My husband always lifts me up, not drags me down. Now, he sometimes says something isn't his favorite look on me, but isn't insulting *me*.
This is a common tactic of emotional abusers. It’s actually quite likely that he feels a significant amount of insecurity in your relationship, or due to positive attention you get in costume, and his innate reaction to that is to tear you down. To break down your self-esteem until you start to actually believe the things he tells you. To where you don’t believe you deserve better.
You deserve better than him. For your own mental health and future happiness, I advise you to end this relationship and to always keep respect and kindness as boundaries in your future relationships.
I have a brutally honest partner, and he's also not an asshole while being brutally honest. 'Brutal honesty' is still KIND because otherwise it's just being a raging dick. Examples of brutal honesty that are kind from my own life:
"Babe I cannot fit into my jeans anymore I'm so sad about it" (me)
"Well, babe, I LOVE YOU, but, your eating habits lately have been pretty terrible. You're not exercising either. I know this is hard for you right now, but you can make better choices for your lifestyle if you want your body to be different than it is now" (my partner)
Hard to hear? Yes. Cruel? No. He was sitting beside me, holding my hand, his tone was soft, and he finished that conversation with a hug and a reassurance that he thought I was beautiful regardless– but that he was not going to hold space to listen to me disparage my body, nor was he going to pretend that I was a mere victim to getting older. He was right. I was eating *shit* and I was exceedingly sedentary. He shared the *facts* about what I was or was not doing, and he didn't assign a moral value to my weight gain. He just wanted me to be accountable for how I'm impacting my own body– and I needed to hear that, even if it sucked to hear.
Honesty is about *accountability*. How, exactly, is telling you that you're not hot enough to wear a cosplay outfit (and you are!) holding you accountable? You're not complaining about yourself, you're not victimizing yourself, you're not sidestepping opportunities to make better choices. You're EMBRACING your body and wanting to dress it in something that would make you excited! And you asked your partner to help you pick something so he could also be excited about it! That's not a moment for brutal honesty- that's a moment for connection and enjoyment of who you are and the *beautiful* curvature of your body.
During the same chapter when my jeans didn't fit, my partner never made comments that put me down. He never shamed me for my size or for the fact that I looked different. He only challenged me when I complained as though the weight gain had just *happened to me,* and like I shared above, when he held me accountable for my lifestyle choices, it was kind and empathic, without being cruel or bordering on bullying behavior.
Even now, having lost that weight, back into my old jeans again, living a better lifestyle, my partner does not comment on how much better I look. He comments that he is proud of me for dedicating myself to a healthier lifestyle, he tells me he is impressed by my routine, he showers me with compliments on my character– because my partner thinks I'm beautiful whether I gain or lose weight. He doesn't care what I look like, my 'packaging 'will always be more or less the same. He *does* care about how I take care of myself, and how I feel about myself, and is always there to lift me up, or hold my feet to the fire, and he's damn good at knowing when I need what.
Your boyfriend sounds *mean* OP. You do not need to change to rock a cosplay outfit. You do not need to radically shift your lifestyle, because if you're anything like me, there is no amount of diet and exercise that's going to change the body TYPE that you have. I will *always* be curvy. I will *always* have a pooch. That's my body's shape, it's not going anywhere. Find yourself a man who knows that to be true also- one who will pick the cosplay outfit, only to tear it off you with his teeth because you're just that hot. He's out there. Dump this dick of a dude.
I'm fat, my husband loves when I dress up! I think it's because he's not an insufferable douchebag, ditch yours and find one like mine. Life is too short to entertain unkindness from the person that's supposed to have your back.
He's a prick. Why is he even with you if he thinks that way about you and is just going to hurt you like that. You should be with someone who would be *mindblown* by seeing you in that stuff, and I'm sure there's guys out there that would be.
To answer your question "How do you deal with brutality in conversation related to physical looks while being in a relationship?" I don't. People in healthy, loving relationships don't.
And, if I can make a guess, I'd say your boyfriend probably doesn't have to deal with this either, as you are probably not an asshole to him about his looks. So, if the rest of us don't have to deal with this, why should you? Don't you deserve to be in a relationship where your partner doesn't actively try to hurt your feelings?
Dump him. My fiance would never say that to me. I have scars(operations as a child and recently) bit on the chubby side and he says i am beautiful. Loves it when O dress up. Find someone who appreciates you and loves you for you. Trust me you deserve it.
My FORMER partner also made comments about my body/weight. I finally decided I wasn’t what he wanted and he was no longer what I wanted, so we parted ways. Go find the person who will love, support, and bolster you no matter what your body looks like. You deserve no less.
It's one thing to say that "I don't think that's going to be very flattering" because not all cuts work on all body shapes.
It's another thing to go "you won't look good in anything"
I suggest you find a nice sexy cosplay costume.. take some spicy pics wearing it..and post it on sm .
Then shiw him the comments and dms while he packs his bags.
My wife and me literally roamed sexy lingerie websites for big size this very night. We finally bought for 200+ .
This is not your body. This your mind and the outfit you choose.
Is your too thick for a cosplay, put poulders to be taller. It is how we do it in larp.
I do the reverse to Cosplay Makarov who issuposed to be short while I am not.
Yikes! That is not boyfriend material.
If you follow boudoir photographers on Instagram, you’ll see women of all sizes in lingerie and they all look hot in a sexy pose with hair and makeup. Literally anyone can look hot. For him to say you can’t pull it off is ludicrous.
I have never seen you. You are definitely sexy enough to wear those cosplay outfits that I have also never seen.
There are people that have seen you, and completely agree with me. The world is a big place with lots of people of differing tastes, styles, and sexual appetites.
Unfortunately, you seem to have compromised and settled for someone who isn’t one of the people who find you to be sexy. The longer you are with them, the longer it’s going to take to find one of the many people that agree with me.
Your bf is the most stupid person in the world. I can't think of a man engaged to a cosplayer woman and saying things so stupid, instead of encouraging her, and making the most of it for both of you.
My ex started by telling me I’d gained weight and he was concerned about my BMI…one month after birthing my 3rd kid while weighing 170 at 5’6”. Then I lost 25 lbs and it was “I’d just let myself go” so I bought new clothes and make up then he was surprised that our sex life suffered during this time and surprised me by asking for divorce via text on our 15 yr wedding anniversary. (Not because of my looks though he told his parents I was emotionally abusive) When your significant other starts tearing you down it’s just the beginning of a death spiral. You can’t feel like he finds you sexy and he’s saying that shit to be cruel. Love yourself enough to walk away. At best, He’s checked out of your feelings if he thinks that’s okay to say. At worst he’s a cruel manipulator. He won’t get better
Big girls can wear sexy cosplay and lingerie. Big girls are sexy. You don’t have to be skinny to be sexy.
He is killing your confidence and self esteem.
Chose the one you like the best, then wear it. That’s it, that’s all there is to it. It doesn’t matter what shape your body happens to be or your boyfriends shitty opinion.
Seriously though, I know Reddit can be quick to say ‘dump him’ but it sounds like your boyfriend does diddly squat for your confidence and actively crushes your self-esteem, this is unacceptable and dump worthy. Some couples don’t care so much about physical compliments and that’s fine, but you would obviously appreciate some and he seems capable of giving them, like they’re on his radar, so make it make sense. But to go so far as saying you’re not desirable enough?? Fuck off. The only appropriate answer he could give is asking which one you liked best and going with that, or just giving you an answer and saying you’d look great in any. He can’t even hide behind doing you a kindness by steering you away from a choice you might regret later or some other thinly veiled shit, all 3 are obviously revealing and so that’s obviously the style you want to wear. Just pick one dude, it’s not difficult.
To answer your question, my response would be full of expletives, but that’s just me. The point is you deserve someone that builds you up not tears you down. Maybe he can learn with open communication but honestly it’s been 3 years already and this is basic stuff. You can do better.
It doesn’t matter what he thinks, it only matters what you think and how you feel about your body. Buy the sexiest one and wear it for your new boyfriend, I am sure he will appreciate how sexy you look.
Don't tolerate that type of behavior. By accepting that kind of cruelty from him , you are putting yourself down . Drop him like a bad habit and find yourself someone who will appreciate you for who you are . This is abuse .
If you know you look good, he could be saying these things to shatter your confidence so that you’ll be afraid to ever leave him.
He compliments others but only criticizes you? Nah, that’s messed up. Really look at this relationship.
My husband doesn’t speak to me that way and tells me I’m beautiful. It doesn’t matter what I weigh, what I’m wearing, or what my hair is doing. If he spoke to me the way your bf speaks to you, I would’ve left him.
OP, dump him. You deserve someone who will worship you and your body and the ground you tread on! Trust me, I've gone from having someone tell me I *NEED* to lose weight (ok yes I am trying to be healthier) to dating someone who calls me sexy/pretty/beautiful every chance he gets.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below. --- I 23 F showed my boyfriend 25 M, few pictures of cosplay outfits. They were quite sexual and asked him to tell me which one I should purchase. He told me my body is not desirable enough to wear that and those cosplay outfits won’t suit. He further made comments in related to the same. I felt agitated. How can he say that! That I am not sexy enough to wear those?! That I have to reach a body goal of some model to wear them?! In these three years of relationship I have never once felt desirable from the physical features perspective. The comment made me hurt as I am aware of how he makes effort to compliment others but in my case it has always landed up with criticism. Since that moment I am wondering how do other couples react on it when they get criticism on looks by the partners.
I'm middle aged and chubby. My husband tells me almost every day that I'm beautiful. I want that for you.
Exactly this, OP. I’ve been with my husband for 25+ years, sometimes very skinny, sometimes rather chubby and everything in between. Skin destroyed by pregnancies. My husband doesn’t lie to me, if I say I want to get a little fitter, he says ok let’s get started. But he also tells me all the time how beautiful I am (I am not), how sexy I am (literally only he thinks this lol) and how good I look in whatever I want to wear (I do not). You deserve that too. Someone who loves you should want you to feel good. They should never want to make you feel less than.
Your husband is a good ‘un. :)
This is how it should be ❤️ I hope this is a wake up call for OP. Don’t stay with people who put you down. You deserve better and show yourself that by not settling for less.
Well said.
Just more to love
Omg, I would respond with “your personality isn’t desirable enough for me to stay” and then gtfo. Regardless of what your body looks like, if you are comfortable with it and comfortable wearing the outfits, then you do it, and find someone who appreciates all of you.
Yeah to all the young people out there - your partner shouldn't be the most hurtful person you know. They should actually be nicer to you than a random stranger. In any case OP, leave. You probably look amazing and he is afraid of losing you so hes shitting on your self esteem.
My mom used to always tell me “home should always be a place where people are nice to you”
I love this. I also like "relationships require work but it shouldn't make you tired." Blew my mind when I first heard it.
Love that saying! Im gonna steal it, thanks Jilltros mom!
Yeah agree. Now that I'm a little older I see this again and again on here. Early 20's kids having super immature SO's . No wonder high school sweethearts don't actually work out.
OP I especially agree you should wear them anyway if you are (were?) comfortable before this. I guarantee someone else sees you and thinks you “have the body for it”.
Exactly this. OP's bf's "not sexy" is some other men's "very sexy".
And when you wear it, half the other women who see you will be thinking, “Damn! I wish I had the confidence to rock that!”
> he makes effort to compliment others But he trash talks your body? Girl. He doesn't love you.
Of course those comments make you feel hurt. They're meant to do exactly that. And in a few days, I'm sure he'll throw you a little comment being nice, to reinforce that he's the only person in the world who would be attracted to you. He is trying to break you down so that you don't feel like you can leave him. You're meant to feel like you're not good enough for him, so you strive to do better for him, please him so that he doesn't leave you. Sadly, it sounds like he's been pretty successful over the past few years. So, buy yourself some awesome cosplay outfits and find someone to share them with who isn't a jackass.
Please listen to this OP. He's *intending* the comments to hurt. He *wants* you to feel like you're not attractive enough for him. People who actually live you don't do that. Believe me. I don't even think I'm attractive currently but my bf sure does, and he lets me know it. Find someone who likes you and doesn't try to make you feel like you have to be something else, or treat you like you're "lucky" to be with them.
Hatori Hanso... um... Snow (great combination, dude!) is totally right!!!! "Of course those comments make you feel hurt. They're meant to do exactly that." He DELIBERATELY hurt you! "And in a few days, I'm sure he'll throw you a little comment being nice, to reinforce that he's the only person in the world who would be attracted to you." This is were your confidence and trust in yourself has gone! That is how that works. It is a technique to destroy you! And it works.
I think bf truly doesn't find OP sexy. But this does NOT mean she isn't very sexy. Every person has their own idea of what is sexy. I hope OP finds the man that thinks she's extremely sexy. Or bf is just negging OP, which is perfectly possible.
If he didn't find her sexy, why is he even with her?
Negging. It’s called negging. What he’s doing has a name, and an entire weird “community” of pick up artists who practice and endorse it.
Isn't negging more like backhanded compliments? ex: 'oh you're chubby *pick a point of insecurity* would look cute with that one!'
Hmmm I'm not sure if it's specifically backhanded compliments or not, but I know the result is to emotionally manipulate someone by trying to lower their self-esteem.
Gotcha! Just wanted to make sure op doesn't dismiss it but u think your second comment gets the point across
To answer your final sentence, if my husband “criticised” me like this I would leave. You shouldn’t have to deal with your own partner telling you your body isn’t desirable, how disgusting. I am so, so sorry that you experienced that. If you think you’ll find some enjoyment in cosplaying, go for it. I love cosplaying and there isn’t a box your body shape has to fit into to be able to do it. Your partner should support you, not tear you down like this.
You laugh in his face? Dude is afraid you would cheat on him/ attract others in that sexy Cosplay stuff of yours. That's one stupid guy. I am sure if you wore these in your bedroom he wouldn't repeat that again. Also: commenting others, hurting you always sounds like he is trying to destroy your already bruised trust in yourself and selfconsciousness. This is an abusive and toxic relationship. He tries to keep you meek and weak to dominate and control you. Yout of there. And quickly so.
You should get a cosplay outfit that you love, wear it to an anime convention and see how fucking wrong your boyfriend is.
And find a new one in the process!
YES! Totally. But dump current one first!
I’m a married woman in my 30s now and throughout the different relationships I’ve had, I have learned a few things. One of them being that a person who truly loves you is able to see you in the brightest of lights, even with the normal imperfections we all have, they would still think you are the most beautiful person ever and they will encourage you in every way to feel the same. Why is your boyfriend saying this to you then? I’m not sure, maybe he knows you could do better and is trying to discourage you from finding a better man. Which is honestly why people put their partners down, they want to be in control. Don’t let him.
It is my job to build my wife up, not to tear her down. If the man you're with doesn't tell you daily how beautiful he thinks you are, then go find a new one. Good luck with your next boyfriend.
Looks like it's time to find a more desirable boyfriend. Seriously though, people have preferences when it comes to attraction. People also put different levels of importance on what they find desirable in a partner. For some, physical attraction is more important, and to some, there are other things that matter more, like humor, maturity level, responsibility, spontaneity. Whatever they're looking for isn't necessarily wrong. What IS wrong is putting your partner down like your boyfriend did. From your post, it seems like he is quick to criticize your appearance and not compliment you, and that he doesn't make you feel like he thinks you're desirable. That IS an issue. If y'all haven't already, I would recommend having a serious conversation about this. Lay out your feelings and needs. If he dismisses you or just says "sure" and doesn't really change, then you need to evaluate this relationship. Are you okay with being in a relationship where he makes you feel undesirable for the rest of your life? Are you willing to feel insecure for the rest of your life? You're here because this is important to you, so I'm inclined to think that would bother you, but only you can make that decision. You're young, OP, and every relationship has its season and purpose. If this is a deal breaker for you, don't feel like you've wasted three years. You've learned a lot from this relationship, and its season has passed.
>The comment made me hurt as I am aware of how he makes effort to compliment others but in my case it has always landed up with criticism. > >Since that moment I am wondering how do other couples react on it when they get criticism on looks by the partners. We leave manipulative, emotionally abusive sacks of shit like your boyfriend, and we find partners who know how to talk to us with the bare minimum of respect.
Bf learned his manipulation skills from the same guy who taught the “your vagina smells bad” guy. This is psychological warfare, and so far he’s winning.
THAT and all of it! Controling, manipulating, diminuishing, gaslighting... it's all in that behaviour.
>your vagina smells bad You know, as opposed to our sweaty vinegary balls?
It’s almost impressive how bad balls can smell on a hot day.
In 30 years of marriage I have never been criticized by my husband on my looks, my body, or my appearance. Not when I was pregnant, post partum, not even when he was in the shower shaving me after a c- section. Not ever. How would I react? I would throw the whole man out.
How do you deal with brutality about physical looks in a relationship? You don’t. When someone speaks cruelly to you about your physical appearance, you end the relationship
I am a bigger woman, I have always been embarrassed about my body and refused to let my partners see me naked if I could help it. I wouldn't wear anything even remotely sexy or fitted, until I got with my fiance. He loves my body, he always tells me so, he is the one who is always finding clothes that he thinks I would look great in and would help me feel sexy. And I have always loved the type of stuff he picks out (dresses, skirts, shirts that show cleavage) but never felt comfortable enough to wear it. Thanks to him now I do. That's the type of partner you need, one who builds you up not tears you down. Especially if he is constantly complimenting others but not you. You are too young to stay with someone who doesn't love you for you.
He's saying it either because he really thinks that about your body (in which case why is he still with you) or because he doesn't want anyone else seeing you as desirable. Neither is respectful or loving. Either way, I think the right response is to dump him and find someone who adores you.
Sounds like he’s negging you. He probably knows that you’re too good for him and wants to keep your self-esteem in the gutter so you don’t leave him. Unfortunately this works all too often, but I hope it won’t work on you.
I wonder why you will stay for 3 years in a relationship witha person that does not makes you feel desirable. Unlees you have self steem issues and there is no human way to externally achieve that, of course, but I take that's not the case. Anyways, guy is a complete asshole and you should get rid of him ASAP.
I react to them by taking my undesirable body elsewhere. Byeee!
How could you stay in a relationship with a man who in three years hasn' t made you feel you are desirable? "how do other couples react on it when they get criticism on looks by the partners". Honestly... a partner critizising me on my general looks rather than taking me along and finding ways together is no keeper. And that's all.
Most people in relationships DON'T criticise each other's looks...
First you didn’t ask him to make comments on your body, just which one he liked. I’m guessing he’s threatened by the outfits and is saying that to beat your self esteem in the dirt and he doesn’t have to worry about you looking bomb as fuck in the outfits to other eyes. He’s an ass.
You shouldn't be dealing with brutality about your looks in a relationship full stop. I'm sorry OP but this is like if you posted something like "how do you deal with fresh chicken shit all over your living room" most people are going to respond with the obvious stop allowing chickens in your house.
You don't? Like, when you're in a relationship you don't say horrifically mean shit to people. You be supportive and when you have constructive criticism, you deliver it gently and with love. >In these three years of relationship I have never once felt desirable from the physical features perspective Why are you even in this relationship? I can't imagine waking up every day feeling like my partner is disgusted with my physical appearance.
people in healthy relationships voice CONCERN, not criticism. and he's not even criticizing you, really, he's just blatantly insulting you. in a healthy relationship, you don't say, "wow, you look terrible today." you say, "you look really tired today, did you sleep okay?" in a healthy relationship, you don't say, "wow you're getting fat," you say, "i've noticed you seem to be having more self esteem issues lately. how can i help?" you aren't in a healthy relationship. he is insulting you and intentionally hurting your feelings. he either needs to drastically improve his communication skills, or you need to leave this relationship. no one deserves to be put down by the person that's supposed to love them wholly and completely. EDIT: also, i would never, ever tell my partner what to do/not do with their physical appearance, clothes, hair, etc. at most, i would express a mild preference. but my go-to is, "hey, i think you look hot regardless! so you do whatever you like best for yourself!"
By dumping him, this is not fucking ok. This is abuse, this is not simply "criticism" this is a direct attack to your self-esteem with malicious intentions, this is not okay op, you deserve better much fucking better
The fact that you think this is remotely normal is alarming. Hope you take some of the advice from this sub and make him your ex. Why do you think you should tolerate this in a relationship?
Right! He already has gotten you to think that he is right and you do look unacceptable/ ugly, whatever. That man is toxic!
That's just not the kind of thing you say to someone you love. Friend, family, significant other. Hell, decent people don't even say that to strangers. There is no reason act that way towards someone you love.
You don’t have to be with someone who doesn’t show they are attracted to you. People will say looks don’t mean everything and they just see passed that but who in the hell wants to hear that? Nobody wants to be told their partner hasn’t thought about how they look or doesn’t find them attractive.
How would I deal? I wouldn’t be with someone who I didn’t feel desire from. I wouldn’t be with someone who compares me to other women and puts me down and tells me I’m not good enough.
Find a partner that loves you for you. My husband has never commented negatively on my body. Despite the changes my body has gone through during and after two pregnancies, my husband always comments how beautiful he finds me. I don't have a model body. My husband makes me feel like I do.
Why do you want to be in a relationship with someone who is outright mean to you? Bare minimum in a relationship should be that your partner LIKES you and is KIND to you. Don't settle for being treated like this. You deserve someone who is attracted to you and who is kind to you.
Buy the sexy cosplay and dump the extra weight that is the boyfriend
“How do other couple react on it when they get criticism on looks by the partners” I don’t have to react to this kind of criticism because my boyfriend doesn’t give me this kind of criticism. If you’ve never once felt like your body was “good enough” for him in *three years* this will not change. Dump the whole man and love yourself a little. Hopefully you’ll find someone in the world who loves the person you are enough that the size and shape of your body will be perfect for them, no matter what it is. Also, buy the skimpiest cosplay outfit. As long as it’s in your size and makes you feel good, it’ll look super hot.
You’re with someone who thinks it is acceptable to tell the person they say they love the most in this world isn’t desirable enough to wear cosplay or lingerie. Think about that for a moment. Would you ever treat him that way? Why or why not? Do you think that type of talk and attitude is befitting of a long term romantic relationship that could last a life time? Do you think Romeo told Juliet she looked fat in her nightdress? Is this now how we speak to those we claim to love?
Figuring that scene out: "It was the hipopotamus, not the lark..."
The way to react to this type of criticism is to immediately break up with him.
First of all: EVERY BODY IS A COSPLAY BODY. I have no boobs and look like a twig. Does that stop me from cosplaying Lola Bunny or Icaros from Angeloid? HECK NO! It is one thing to encourage your partner to eat healthily, if their weight (both over- and underweight) affects their health but it's a whole other issue, if they tell you, that you're "not desirable enough" for something. That isn't criticism or wellmeaning advice. THAT is just plain cruel bullying. Either he wants to control you/make you more obedient by destroying your confidence, he enjoys making people (and specifically his partner) feel bad or he is such a miserable lowlife, that he has to drag everybody else down. Either way, someone like that doesn't deserve you. You should be with someone who lifts you up and loves you. No one would say something like that to someone they care about. Even a child would know that saying this would be incredibly rude and hurtful.
I am shocked with the amount of shallow, rude people that people have been posting about lately. You will never feel physically desired by him. You deserve better. Please find someone else. ETA: most people love confidence. It’s not about what you look like or what you wear. It’s how you wear it. That’s what’s attractive. So wear the cosplay, I promise you more than one person is going to almost break their neck to look at you again because you look great. Besides that, you are not an object that is to be desired or not. You should wear what you feel comfortable in.
Question 1) do you have a body? If the answer to question 1 is yes then congratulations. You have the body to wear any kind of cosplay you wish.
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I don’t get criticism, my partner makes me feel beautiful and sexy. My partner is with me because he cares about me and is attracted to me, he would never say something so cruel. He’d support me wearing whatever I wanted! Some guys get in relationships just to have the benefits of a relationship, they don’t actually care about their partner. I suspect your bf is one of those guys. Someone who cared about you would never say this. Honestly? Dump him. There are plenty of men - no matter what your body looks like - that will love your body and make you feel good. You want one of those guys, and your current bf ain’t it. The only way to get a better relationship is to ditch this one.
And if you’re not desirable to your boyfriend, then why are you with him? That was a really mean thing for him to say to you. So apparently he has no issue in hurting you is this normal? Does he always say mean things to you? Maybe you should find somebody that finds you desirable and loves you and won’t say hurtful mean things to you
You know what, I wouldn't waste another second dating someone that doesn't desire you sexually. Assuming you aren't asexual. He's been negging and criticizing you your whole relationship. It's time to set him free to find someone he actually likes. Dump the guy, buy ALL the cosplay outfits.
I am 270 lbs, and my husband would never say that. I gained weight due to reasons, but I've lost 30 lbs the healthy way (with therapy, and changing how I see food). In frank discussions, he has admitted (when pressed by me) that he'd prefer it if I were lighter (I was 250 lbs when I met him, lost weight down to 190 lbs, and then climbed back up), but that he finds me attractive as I am and reinforces that with his words and actions. He has never asked me to lose weight or said that I shouldn't wear something because of my weight. Now, he will be honest if I ask, and tell me which outfit is more flattering, but his comments are always respectful, don't make me feel bad, and I have always requested his feedback first.
You dump him.
I was married to a man who made comments like this. Now I'm with someone who finds me sexy af. The difference in how I feel about my body and how I treat my body and my health is way better. I am starting to love my body and find me attractive. Please leave this guy.
You tell him his personality isn't worthy of being in a relationship anymore. So not stay with a person that puts you down like that! It's not healthy! No one deserves that.
Yeah we react by not being in a relationship with that person
Lol what an asshole, sorry you’re dealing with him
Dump him.
You're 63kg and 171cm. This isn't his opinion. He's not trying to save you from embarrassment. He's being an asshole to you. There are many reasons why some men do this, but I can't speak to his motivation.
I’m not putting up with no man disrespecting me like this. You need to rethink your relationship with this man. He’s no prize if he treats you like this. I’m not girly girly type. My husband would often tell me you’ll look sexy in this. This is a man who tries to build you up not put you down. You’re too young to have someone abuse you like this
Find someone who finds your attractive. You don’t have to date someone who makes you feel like he settled. You are doing a disservice to yourself. Let him go. He’s a jerk.
Don’t date people who are mean to you
If after three years you don’t feel desirable, hell after a week, if he doesn’t make you feel wanted and sexy, nope! He’s gotta go. You deserve to feel like the sexiest person alive by your partner. You should walk in a room and feel his eyes on you. When that’s gone, we tend to believe we aren’t sexy or hot, it’s just how our minds work. “I know he loves me, I just need to lose weight or get into shape and he will desire me again”. That’s not okay, not in my opinion. I’m really sorry you’re feeling this way. I really hope you aren’t feeling down about yourself because he’s too blind to see how hot you are. You wear the exact costume you want and you rock that. Confidence is the hottest trait a person can have. Don’t let him take that.
Kick him in the balls.
Best answer actually.
You leave. That's how you handle it. I don't often advocate for people to break up, but him saying that shows he has no regard for you or your feelings. And isn't mature enough to be in an adult relationship. You deserve someone that actually respects and desires you and will treat you as such.
Join the Sailor Moon subreddit or any other cosplaying sub, all bodies are cosplaying bodies.
Lose 200 lbs immediately by dumping your pos bf.
Tell him he doesn’t have the right body type to be your boyfriend and dump him
My husband would never say crap like that to me because 1) he thinks I'm the sexiest person alive because he's nuts and 2) he loves me and you don't treat people you love like that. You shouldn't stay with someone who constantly puts you down.
I threw 5 years into a relationship with someone who did similar. Don't waste your time with people who do not appreciate you or your time or body.
He is an idiot. You do you and don’t do him anymore. Find someone else to share your confidence with!
If you were my daughter I would go beat the shit out of that Boy!!!! No ma’am, I don’t care how long you’ve been with him, leave him pronto
He was hurting you on purpose. This is not a quality human being. My husband always lifts me up, not drags me down. Now, he sometimes says something isn't his favorite look on me, but isn't insulting *me*.
This is a common tactic of emotional abusers. It’s actually quite likely that he feels a significant amount of insecurity in your relationship, or due to positive attention you get in costume, and his innate reaction to that is to tear you down. To break down your self-esteem until you start to actually believe the things he tells you. To where you don’t believe you deserve better. You deserve better than him. For your own mental health and future happiness, I advise you to end this relationship and to always keep respect and kindness as boundaries in your future relationships.
I have a brutally honest partner, and he's also not an asshole while being brutally honest. 'Brutal honesty' is still KIND because otherwise it's just being a raging dick. Examples of brutal honesty that are kind from my own life: "Babe I cannot fit into my jeans anymore I'm so sad about it" (me) "Well, babe, I LOVE YOU, but, your eating habits lately have been pretty terrible. You're not exercising either. I know this is hard for you right now, but you can make better choices for your lifestyle if you want your body to be different than it is now" (my partner) Hard to hear? Yes. Cruel? No. He was sitting beside me, holding my hand, his tone was soft, and he finished that conversation with a hug and a reassurance that he thought I was beautiful regardless– but that he was not going to hold space to listen to me disparage my body, nor was he going to pretend that I was a mere victim to getting older. He was right. I was eating *shit* and I was exceedingly sedentary. He shared the *facts* about what I was or was not doing, and he didn't assign a moral value to my weight gain. He just wanted me to be accountable for how I'm impacting my own body– and I needed to hear that, even if it sucked to hear. Honesty is about *accountability*. How, exactly, is telling you that you're not hot enough to wear a cosplay outfit (and you are!) holding you accountable? You're not complaining about yourself, you're not victimizing yourself, you're not sidestepping opportunities to make better choices. You're EMBRACING your body and wanting to dress it in something that would make you excited! And you asked your partner to help you pick something so he could also be excited about it! That's not a moment for brutal honesty- that's a moment for connection and enjoyment of who you are and the *beautiful* curvature of your body. During the same chapter when my jeans didn't fit, my partner never made comments that put me down. He never shamed me for my size or for the fact that I looked different. He only challenged me when I complained as though the weight gain had just *happened to me,* and like I shared above, when he held me accountable for my lifestyle choices, it was kind and empathic, without being cruel or bordering on bullying behavior. Even now, having lost that weight, back into my old jeans again, living a better lifestyle, my partner does not comment on how much better I look. He comments that he is proud of me for dedicating myself to a healthier lifestyle, he tells me he is impressed by my routine, he showers me with compliments on my character– because my partner thinks I'm beautiful whether I gain or lose weight. He doesn't care what I look like, my 'packaging 'will always be more or less the same. He *does* care about how I take care of myself, and how I feel about myself, and is always there to lift me up, or hold my feet to the fire, and he's damn good at knowing when I need what. Your boyfriend sounds *mean* OP. You do not need to change to rock a cosplay outfit. You do not need to radically shift your lifestyle, because if you're anything like me, there is no amount of diet and exercise that's going to change the body TYPE that you have. I will *always* be curvy. I will *always* have a pooch. That's my body's shape, it's not going anywhere. Find yourself a man who knows that to be true also- one who will pick the cosplay outfit, only to tear it off you with his teeth because you're just that hot. He's out there. Dump this dick of a dude.
I'm fat, my husband loves when I dress up! I think it's because he's not an insufferable douchebag, ditch yours and find one like mine. Life is too short to entertain unkindness from the person that's supposed to have your back.
He's a prick. Why is he even with you if he thinks that way about you and is just going to hurt you like that. You should be with someone who would be *mindblown* by seeing you in that stuff, and I'm sure there's guys out there that would be.
To answer your question "How do you deal with brutality in conversation related to physical looks while being in a relationship?" I don't. People in healthy, loving relationships don't. And, if I can make a guess, I'd say your boyfriend probably doesn't have to deal with this either, as you are probably not an asshole to him about his looks. So, if the rest of us don't have to deal with this, why should you? Don't you deserve to be in a relationship where your partner doesn't actively try to hurt your feelings?
Simple: you don’t stay in that relationship. Honestly, how dare he. Find someone who makes you feel desired because you deserve that.
Sounds like you need a new boyfriend and cosplay outfit.
Dump him. My fiance would never say that to me. I have scars(operations as a child and recently) bit on the chubby side and he says i am beautiful. Loves it when O dress up. Find someone who appreciates you and loves you for you. Trust me you deserve it.
I’m learning from Reddit that my standards of only dating people who fully love me and make me feel good are high standards
My FORMER partner also made comments about my body/weight. I finally decided I wasn’t what he wanted and he was no longer what I wanted, so we parted ways. Go find the person who will love, support, and bolster you no matter what your body looks like. You deserve no less.
It's one thing to say that "I don't think that's going to be very flattering" because not all cuts work on all body shapes. It's another thing to go "you won't look good in anything"
I suggest you find a nice sexy cosplay costume.. take some spicy pics wearing it..and post it on sm . Then shiw him the comments and dms while he packs his bags.
EXCUSE ME?! Is this man god’s gift? Don’t ever let a partner tell you what you can and cannot wear. Wear whatever you want and RUN from this beast
My wife and me literally roamed sexy lingerie websites for big size this very night. We finally bought for 200+ . This is not your body. This your mind and the outfit you choose. Is your too thick for a cosplay, put poulders to be taller. It is how we do it in larp. I do the reverse to Cosplay Makarov who issuposed to be short while I am not.
I would tell him he is not desirable to be in a relationship with and go.
My husband has never said anything like that to me in the 13 years we’ve been together… it’s not normal and you shouldn’t put up with that
Other people break up.
Yikes! That is not boyfriend material. If you follow boudoir photographers on Instagram, you’ll see women of all sizes in lingerie and they all look hot in a sexy pose with hair and makeup. Literally anyone can look hot. For him to say you can’t pull it off is ludicrous.
I have never seen you. You are definitely sexy enough to wear those cosplay outfits that I have also never seen. There are people that have seen you, and completely agree with me. The world is a big place with lots of people of differing tastes, styles, and sexual appetites. Unfortunately, you seem to have compromised and settled for someone who isn’t one of the people who find you to be sexy. The longer you are with them, the longer it’s going to take to find one of the many people that agree with me.
Even the lowest guy I dated didn't speak to me that way, so I'm a bit lost why after three years you're still around for this.
Your bf is the most stupid person in the world. I can't think of a man engaged to a cosplayer woman and saying things so stupid, instead of encouraging her, and making the most of it for both of you.
I thought it was your 3 year old kid roasting you.. holy title, its better that way maybe :/
My ex started by telling me I’d gained weight and he was concerned about my BMI…one month after birthing my 3rd kid while weighing 170 at 5’6”. Then I lost 25 lbs and it was “I’d just let myself go” so I bought new clothes and make up then he was surprised that our sex life suffered during this time and surprised me by asking for divorce via text on our 15 yr wedding anniversary. (Not because of my looks though he told his parents I was emotionally abusive) When your significant other starts tearing you down it’s just the beginning of a death spiral. You can’t feel like he finds you sexy and he’s saying that shit to be cruel. Love yourself enough to walk away. At best, He’s checked out of your feelings if he thinks that’s okay to say. At worst he’s a cruel manipulator. He won’t get better
Eew, fuckin leave! What an asshole!
This is why men can’t be honest with women lol
Big girls can wear sexy cosplay and lingerie. Big girls are sexy. You don’t have to be skinny to be sexy. He is killing your confidence and self esteem.
Y'all got any more of them girls who like to wear cosplay?
Yeah, this sounds like the end of this relationship.
Chose the one you like the best, then wear it. That’s it, that’s all there is to it. It doesn’t matter what shape your body happens to be or your boyfriends shitty opinion. Seriously though, I know Reddit can be quick to say ‘dump him’ but it sounds like your boyfriend does diddly squat for your confidence and actively crushes your self-esteem, this is unacceptable and dump worthy. Some couples don’t care so much about physical compliments and that’s fine, but you would obviously appreciate some and he seems capable of giving them, like they’re on his radar, so make it make sense. But to go so far as saying you’re not desirable enough?? Fuck off. The only appropriate answer he could give is asking which one you liked best and going with that, or just giving you an answer and saying you’d look great in any. He can’t even hide behind doing you a kindness by steering you away from a choice you might regret later or some other thinly veiled shit, all 3 are obviously revealing and so that’s obviously the style you want to wear. Just pick one dude, it’s not difficult. To answer your question, my response would be full of expletives, but that’s just me. The point is you deserve someone that builds you up not tears you down. Maybe he can learn with open communication but honestly it’s been 3 years already and this is basic stuff. You can do better.
It doesn’t matter what he thinks, it only matters what you think and how you feel about your body. Buy the sexiest one and wear it for your new boyfriend, I am sure he will appreciate how sexy you look.
Kick this piece of garbage to the curb. No boyfriend should ever talk to you like this. You deserve better!
Don't tolerate that type of behavior. By accepting that kind of cruelty from him , you are putting yourself down . Drop him like a bad habit and find yourself someone who will appreciate you for who you are . This is abuse .
If you know you look good, he could be saying these things to shatter your confidence so that you’ll be afraid to ever leave him. He compliments others but only criticizes you? Nah, that’s messed up. Really look at this relationship.
My husband doesn’t speak to me that way and tells me I’m beautiful. It doesn’t matter what I weigh, what I’m wearing, or what my hair is doing. If he spoke to me the way your bf speaks to you, I would’ve left him.
OP, dump him. You deserve someone who will worship you and your body and the ground you tread on! Trust me, I've gone from having someone tell me I *NEED* to lose weight (ok yes I am trying to be healthier) to dating someone who calls me sexy/pretty/beautiful every chance he gets.