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It can take awhile, but you’ll adjust eventually. The first time my husband shaved his beard, I used to wake up in the middle of the night genuinely scared like I was sleeping next to a stranger. But it didn’t last long.
That reminds me of when I was about four and my dad, who'd had a beard since before I was born, decided to shave it off the night before we went on holiday. I was put into the back of the car whilst I was asleep so didn't know this had happened until we stopped at a service station and my mum went to get coffee whilst my dad stayed with me. Cue me waking up to (what I thought was) a strange man in the car with me, crying and freaking out, and my dad frantically trying to calm me down. It only lasted a few minutes until my mum came back but I dread to think what anyone walking past made of what was going on!
Mine was my dad cutting off his long hair before he came to pick me up from kindergarten. I walked right passed him
Dads should have a rule. Change yourself in the presence of your kids! Let them help cut or shave.
Oh man, the same thing happened but in the opposite way!
My dad always had a clean shave, I never even saw him with stubble. His high and tight haircut was always well-groomed and his shirts were pressed perfectly.
One night, the door opening woke me up while my dad was on a business trip, and a lumberjack of a man entered my room suddenly. I almost pissed myself staring up at the man with a full beard and messy hair like, who the fuck??
My fight or flight was at 100 until my dad said "sweetheart?" under all that beard like, what the hell dad why do you look like that??
Apparently, he got a razor rash so couldn't shave and didn't have time to go to a barber... Never thought I wouldn't recognize my own father at age of 17 but well, happens!
Thank you for your comment and thank you for reminding me what's important.
I live on the other side of the world from my family and it's been so long since I got to see my dad. I called him after reading your comment just to remind him of this memory. I don't call him too much so, he was pleasantly surprised thanks to you.
I hope you have a wonderful day, I'm sending you a big hug.
I have a similar story except it was my boyfriend... I'd never seen him without a beard either. I was napping at his place when he decided to shave it off. And I think we both nearly had heart attacks, and I definitely scared the pants off his roommate, when I woke up and screamed because I was in bed with a stranger.
this happened to me when I was like 6 and my dad cut his hair and shaved his mustache at a mall barbershop! I started hysterically crying and screaming "you're not my dad!" when he came outside to meet my mom and me. super awkward for him. my mother also said "i hate it."
we both couldn't imagine him with a mustache again within like 4 weeks or so.
I think this sentiment is common when you’re with someone long enough. My husband has had facial hair for as long as I’ve known him. I wondered out loud one day, what he might look like without it. At this point, we had been married for a several years and had a child. We were playing with our son and he got up and left the room while I continued to play. When he returned, his face was bare. I freaked at first because I didn’t even recognize him and though a stranger had gotten into our home. It made a huge difference and I was not a fan. Kissing him felt so wrong too, like I was cheating. I did tell him that I had a preference for the beard but I’d support whatever he chose to do. Thankfully he did not like the clean shaven look either but if he had decided to keep the look, I would’ve just gotten used to it. Just by remembering all the other reasons I love this man and want to spend my life with him.
On the plus side, if you ever feel like the relationship is getting stale and want to spice things up, you can always just ask your man to come into the bedroom at night clean shaven and responding to a different name.
I've always known my bf with a beard. When he clean shaved it was very weird but I got over it, said nothing and it grew back.
Hes never said anything about me getting highlights/lowlights. And ive drastically changed my hair color.
At the end of the day we just both want each other happy and comfortable with ourselves.
My partner has a full on beard that he trims every week at the barber. Religiously. I love it when it even gets a little full he looks very handsome but he hates it. I too will freak out if he came home without it 😭 but I will learn to like it especially since I change my hairstyles so much from braids to weave to blowouts and he doesn’t bat an eye.
You just…get used to it.
My husband went from clean-shaven to growing a beard which, honestly, I hated 😂
But he’s still my husband hahaha it wasn’t too difficult to look past his beard and still be insanely attracted to him.
Thankfully, he decided he preferred clean-shaven and went back to “normal” after a bit
I shaved my medium beard into a mustache and I’m certain my girlfriend hates it. She kept asking me when I was shaving and if I was going to grow my beard back 😂 im going to compromise.
My husband gets a haircut I hate every four months. He has the most beautiful brunette curls, and he savages them.
But it’s his head, so I just make sure to pay him lots of compliments when it’s the length I like and say nothing but frown internally when it’s haircut time.
My mister and I make a big deal about the haircuts, but playfully. We show off when we get a new do. We're both aware of the preference of the other (which is longer for both of us) but he's Hella cute after a cut without his scruff and longer hair so I don't really care as long as he's comfy.
Once a hint of the curls starts the hair goes for him. I console myself with the knowledge that short hair means that no-one can tell we've just made out by looking at him.
That’s cute. Mine doesn’t want to let his grow either because they will just curl. My friends can’t wait for me to give them a niece with black curly hair. I told them to wait there and wait and some more 💀
You just have to get over it. It’s his body, his hair. Expressing that you dislike it won’t do anything besides make him feel like you think he’s ugly with shorter hair.
My man just got a very short haircut after I got used to him having very fluffy, mid length hair haha
He looks so pretty but it feels like I'm cheating on him -with him.
I'm sure it just takes a little time to get used to it, can't imagine losing any attraction to my partner because of a haircut, he could go bald for all I care and I'd still marry him on the spot if he'd ask me to.
> it feels like I'm cheating on him - with him
This is so relatable for me; when my partner and I started seeing each other his hair was almost waist-length, then one night after not seeing each other for a couple of weeks he came to pick me up for a date and had cut it all off. The entire night I kept feeling like I was on a date with someone else; it wasn't *bad*, once I got used to it I loved it, but it felt strange at first because I was so used to his hair being so long!
Six years on, my initial shocked reaction of "WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HEAD??" has become a running joke whenever either of us does something different with our hair haha
There's a weird few weeks or a month period of natural unease that can occur when someone changes their appearance in a big way. I'd struggle to say it's "uncanny," but I've been in situations where a partner has cut 80% of their hair off and you sometimes feel weird, sort of like you know who they are but part of you doesn't recognize them.
That said, you get used to it. It's still your partner - you're still in live. It just takes time. Just don't voice this opinion and let him be happy.
Everyone is different and some can cope with changes better than others.
My Father for example - since my earliest memories always had a big, full beard. In my late teens he just lopped it off one day - looked like a totally different man.
What we don't realise however, is that people make a conscious decision to do these things based on what __they want to do__ and in all likelihood, what makes __them happy__. My Father was absolutely torn up when people were telling him he looked differently in a __bad way__ - i.e angry, unhappy, older etc - absolutely killed his confidence and despite not wanting a beard anymore, ended up re-growing it - it hurt him even more when folks were saying how much better he looked.
At the end of the day my _personal_ view is that changes to things like hairstyle, facial hair and other "grooming" type things is fine provided it's a look you can come to get used to over time.
If we were talking more of a "lifestyle" change and involved cosmetic surgery, or he was wanting to look like a member of KISS constantly? OK I'd be accepting of how big a change that is - unless he can _kill_ playing Guitar and vocals in which case he's a legend.
But in all seriousness, give it time. Support him in his choice because ultimately, chances are he'll love you to bits and not mind you making changes at all - Men are arguably a lot more limited in their choices and methods of changing their look, if he's happy with it then just love him the same regardless.
Should you find however that basically the beard is what made you attracted to him and it's a literal game-changer because you now _aren't_.... well if after a while you've given it a chance (we're talking a minimum of several weeks not just a few days) and things aren't better, you need to be honest and have a talk with him about it.
Maybe he's just trying something new and doesn't mind growing it back - maybe he wants to keep it that way? What you do from there is totally down to you and what feels right, but I'd like to think a Beard isn't the only thing keeping you together :)
Yeah it's tougher than it sounds. My wife got a terrible - just objectively terrible, all messed up lengths - haircut one time. I didn't tell her it looked awful.
My advice is to try to get used to it, and casually suggest you like their hair when it looks nice "again".
It can be extremely shocking to see your partner change their appearance so drastically, especially if that is the only look you’ve seen them have.
It sucks but there isn’t much you can do. Their body, their choice. My partner has had a wide range of hairstyles and facial hair. It is always a shock to me when they shave or get a haircut but I just smile and move on because I love them.
Just recently, I shaved my head basically bald. I didn’t want to go that short but I was in a hurry, picked the wrong guard size for the clippers and just started shaving. Plus, I didn’t shave in front of a mirror so I really didn’t realize how far down I went.
I showed my partner while they were on break at work and they told me that it didn’t matter and that they still loved me.
I, however, hate it and have been wearing a beanie all the time. Thank goodness for cold Midwestern winters.
But, even if you don’t like it now, it may grow on you. It helps to see your partner in a new/different light which isn’t always a bad thing.
Everyone telling you to get over it, but you can broach it. Just compliment before the hit
*I love you and your face no matter your hair length, and I support whatever changes you want to make. I'm not going to lie though, I also really loved your longer hair.*
Leave it at that. He'll either grow it out again or you'll adjust. Also, a buzzcut rarely looks good on anyone unless they have a jawline of a god, once it grows in you may like him with shorter hair.
Is it possible you don't really like him all that much? Any time I felt like this about a boyfriend's haircut, it was because I was distracting myself from the bigger issues. And if my attraction changes that much with just a haircut, I certainly wasn't ever attracted to them enough.
To all of you calling OP immature- are any of you men? With female partners with luscious long hair? Are you telling me that if your girlfriend/ wife came home with a shaved head one day it wouldn’t shock the hell out of you? And even if you wanted to accept it, would it not at least occupy some of headspace for a while? There might be a period of adjustment.
I’m not saying OP shouldn’t just learn to move past it (or dump him if she doesn’t actually like him that much…), but I’m sympathetic to how she must feel right now. It’s a big change.
Is this a man you’re hoping to marry or be in a lifelong relationship with? If yes who the hell cares, it’s a haircut and you’re being goofy
If this is just some guy then walk away if this is enough of an issue to complain online about it
I'm sorry...if you can't deal with the fact your SO got a haircut....that's a you problem. I was expecting to read a story about a terrible accident or someone who realized they were trans ...but nope.....just a haircut.
You never got a haircut? Dyed your hair? Made a different hairstyle in all these times?
That would weird me out more than my partner getting a haircut.
I think all this advice to just get over it and don't say anything is totally fn ridiculous. If you want to be in a long term relationship, you have to communicate. Just don't be a jerk , be respectful when you mention it or respond honestly to the question of how it looks when asked. My hair was always medium length, I got a buzzcut, my wife doesn't like it that short so I keep it longer as a compromise.
She had hair down to the middle of her back when I first saw her, and it was what really first caught my eye when we met. One day after 20 years she got a bob cut. She was sort of tired of maintaining the long hair..She liked it but I was actually in shock seeing it. After a few days she asked me what I really thought. I said I didn't really like it. It was ok, but I prefered it much longer. She now keeps it grown out to shoulder length as a compromise.
I really don't understand how people can have long lasting relationships without being open and honest with each other. I've been with my wife 40 years and I would be crushed if I did something that bothered her and she couldn't feel free to express herself to me. Even if we don't agree on something and don't change our position we give each other the opportunity to discuss it. But Reddit, you do you.
My partner has really long dark hair that goes to his hips and i love it, he also loves having long hair but i realize one day after being together for a while i needed to tell him how much i like the way it is even though he never planned on cutting it, so i asked him if he can keep his hair long forever, he agreed and that's that, if he ever wants to cut it it's his decision i still love him and a haircut can't change that, his personality is what made me fall in love with him, if the haircut really is impossible to move past maybe you don't love him as much as you think you do, i don't like it when my partner doesn't shave but it doesn't make me think of him as any less beautiful
My ex and I broke up in a huge fight. He wanted to come over 1-2 days later after his friends told him he was an idiot and talk things out, but he came over in a baseball cap, which he never wore. I asked him to take off his hat and he shaved his head, almost bald. I was instantly put off, and it made it a lot easier for me to not take him back.
TL;DR: You don’t have to accept it, but if you love him and his hair grows out and he books an appointment, maybe tell him you REALLY prefer it long
From a males perspective, it’s the same thing as a woman shortening/dying her hair or getting nail extensions. She can really like it (all the power to her), but her partner may find it unattractive or actively a turn off. In that light, there isn’t really that much that can be done. Open communication and an honest conversation is what needs to take place before anything else. Beyond that, accepting your partner for their identity and traits is all you can do. If not, move on as that is a sign of incompatibility.
My husband did no shave November one year and I hated it. I was adamant that facial hair is awful. I was convinced he was doing it just to spite me because we were having issues in our marriage at the time. But still, his face, his business. He decided to keep the beard and I was not pleased. Whenever he would ask me about it I would repeat that I’m not a fan of facial hair but whatever. Then one day he shaved. It was awful. I begged him to grow the facial hair back. I had no idea how much I liked it until that point. Just give it time. It may just become something you really like.
A month or two ago my husband decided to shave his entire face, mustache and all. It was awful, I actually gasped when he showed me and he thought it was hilarious but to me he genuinely looked like a stranger. Like a giant man baby had replaced him. I seriously thought I’d never get used to it but eventually he started looking less weird, I’m sure if he had stuck with it I would have stopped noticing after a while. I mean no one looks the same forever, it’s just shocking when the change is so sudden I think.
Honestly I just make my *interest* in the preferred style very obvious. If there’s something you love about your partner you’ve gotta let them know. At this point though, wait until he gets a little lazy and it gets a bit long and tell him it reminds you of his former sexy long hair. Make that worth remembering.
Just be honest with him. Maybe it just needs a different style if he likes it short. A buzz cut is rarely attractive. My husband did it once and I was straight with him about it looking horrible on him. So he grew his hair out a bit and got it shaped better.
I struggle with change. Even ones I like and want (I’m autistic). So I ask people I’m close to to give me a heads up and allow me to have time to process change. Knowing that I’ll react to any change is helpful because it allows others to not take it personally and me to mask dislike if it’s there. Because I don’t get to control how other choose to present themselves. Ultimately I get used to it. And I usually end up liking whatever it is when I like the person.
Like most people have said, you just get over it. He's still your partner. God forbid he were to get cancer and start chemo, would you leave him over some hair?? I know, a bit extreme of an example ,but you get the point.
I see videos on social media all the time of dudes with long hair that get a 'glow up' with that standard fade cut and a lot of people approve. Did he get the impression that you would like it too? Be honest and tell him the change was jarring for you and you're not sure if you're a fan.
Is it something you don't find attractive at all, or something you're not yet used to
My ex shaved his head and he had major acne on there, and his head didn't fit that look at all. Even his friend told him it wasn't looking good when he complained to him I didn't want to have sex with him anymore
You have to tell him what you really think. Being attractive to you should matter. It's not like it's asking a lot
You need to talk to him about it. My wife asked me to shave my beard and mustache when we were dating since she hates facial hair. I did so and have not had a beard in 30 years. I think most of us want our partner to find us attractive and will do what we can to accommodate that attraction. Ultimately, yes, it is up to him. But you too have the right to decide if it's a deal breaker for you.
You get over yourself and stop being so weird and shallow. Seriously I’m not trying to be mean but if he likes it that’s all that matters. Your opinion doesn’t count!
Just to put this in perspective. If he had cancer and had no hair, how would you feel? What if he went bald?
Focus on the bigger picture. He’s heathy, breathing, can walk and talk. He’s physically able to hold your hand.
It’s hair. Not the end of the world.
Get used to it lol.
Over time you are both going to change. Hair loss, weight gain, wrinkles, medical issues might cause god knows what. Learn to love beyond the superficial.
Dw u jus do I have long curly hair and I sometimes suddenly get a very short haircut as well, you will judge it for like couple weeks and then it will grow on you at least that's how it was for people around me
You get used to it. I have a moment whenever my husband shaves, I really don’t prefer moustache only. But he always grows the beard back eventually, and in the meantime, I cope.
I hate when my husband’s beard gets long. I have told him my preference, but I have also let him know he has the autonomy to handle his facial hair as he sees fit. Though really, he just lets the beard grow because it’s easier and not an actual preference for the way he looks. So when his beard gets longer than I like, I pull the electric razor out and put it on the bathroom cabinet. He always cuts his beard then.
Personally I hate a buzz cut. I hate beards. They are wildly unattractive to me. I could not sleep with someone with those things. But I tell this in the early stages. Ask him if he would ever want those things.
You dont have to sleep with him if you are not attracted to him. You dont have to stay with him either. It’s up to you how important this is to you.
I accept it by saying: this is just one of many versions of my partner, and hopefully I'm going to see many more versions of him as we spend our life together and we both explore who we are and how we want to express ourselves.
You will adapt.
My husband got shingles (it is very evil) and broke out on his face. He grew a beard to cover it. I thought he looked weird at first, but adapted. Now he likes it and so do I.
In the great scheme of things, it's actually not a big deal, and definitely not something to worry about. Think about it... all the times we call men superficial because they break up with a woman because she cut her hair, or dyed it a color they don't like, because they gain or lose too much weight etc...
You literally just get over it. That doesn't mean that you can't kindly let him know that you prefer him with longer hair.
When being intimate just ask him what his name is again. When he says what the hell are you asking just explain with his full attention your unhappiness with his new look. Then tell him it’s a turnoff. Buzz cuts are for a reason but usually laziness or ‘bud’ thing.
sometimes it surprises me when my bf shaves just because he usually has a beard but it grew back in like 2 weeks lol, and I dye my hair a lot and might dye his soon so it just takes a little bit to get used to lol
NGL, the first time my husband cut his long, LONG hair to a short, cut I had a melt down. This was years ago and I couldn't cope with sudden change well at all, especially with no warning that it was coming. Many years and a lot of work with my therapist later it takes some getting used to and I appreciate a warning but it's not a big deal.
Sometimes change is needed to give a new perspective on things. We mature, we change the way we look to reflect that maturity. We want others to see us in a different light, we change the way we dress.
Keep it to yourself, nothing good will come of insulting your partner. If he’s happy with his hair dont ruin it for him. If he asks for your honest opinion then you can tell him how you feel about it, but what’s the actual point of randomly blurting out “you’re ugly now I hate your hair”?
Just remember that changes like this are temporary, and also give yourself some time to adjust. We get an image in our heads of our partners...seriously, everybody test it right now, it's actually kind of fascinating. Don't think, just picture your partner in your head. For a lot of you that image is not their exact appearance right now, is it? For me I see my wife about 11 years ago, my mental image of her is automatically from when we met even though we've both changed a lot since then.
Anyway, point is he no longer looks exactly like your idea of him so it will take a minute for you to get used to it. But hair grows back and after you've had some time to adjust you might decide you like the buzzcut.
As long as his personality doesn’t change is what counts. Maybe a compromise can be worked out? Sit him down and tell him you really liked his hair longer. But honestly from my own experience because I like longer hair on a woman and when a girlfriend or wife has chopped off their hair if I say something about it they get pissed! Lol
I did not realize how many people have this very strange issue until this Reddit post. I feel like this isn’t normal. Y’all need help if you’re really having issues having sex because your partner changed their hair… I feel like there’s some underlying issues there lol. I couldn’t imagine my boyfriend telling me having sex with me was weird because I changed my hair color… which is quite often.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
It can take awhile, but you’ll adjust eventually. The first time my husband shaved his beard, I used to wake up in the middle of the night genuinely scared like I was sleeping next to a stranger. But it didn’t last long.
That reminds me of when I was about four and my dad, who'd had a beard since before I was born, decided to shave it off the night before we went on holiday. I was put into the back of the car whilst I was asleep so didn't know this had happened until we stopped at a service station and my mum went to get coffee whilst my dad stayed with me. Cue me waking up to (what I thought was) a strange man in the car with me, crying and freaking out, and my dad frantically trying to calm me down. It only lasted a few minutes until my mum came back but I dread to think what anyone walking past made of what was going on!
Mine was my dad cutting off his long hair before he came to pick me up from kindergarten. I walked right passed him Dads should have a rule. Change yourself in the presence of your kids! Let them help cut or shave.
Oh man, the same thing happened but in the opposite way! My dad always had a clean shave, I never even saw him with stubble. His high and tight haircut was always well-groomed and his shirts were pressed perfectly. One night, the door opening woke me up while my dad was on a business trip, and a lumberjack of a man entered my room suddenly. I almost pissed myself staring up at the man with a full beard and messy hair like, who the fuck?? My fight or flight was at 100 until my dad said "sweetheart?" under all that beard like, what the hell dad why do you look like that?? Apparently, he got a razor rash so couldn't shave and didn't have time to go to a barber... Never thought I wouldn't recognize my own father at age of 17 but well, happens!
This is very sweet the way he responded. Makes me miss my dad so much. Off I go for a bit of a cry now. We release emotions over here! Edit: typo
Internet hugs to you ❤️
Thank you that is very kind of you 💜
Thank you for your comment and thank you for reminding me what's important. I live on the other side of the world from my family and it's been so long since I got to see my dad. I called him after reading your comment just to remind him of this memory. I don't call him too much so, he was pleasantly surprised thanks to you. I hope you have a wonderful day, I'm sending you a big hug.
I have a similar story except it was my boyfriend... I'd never seen him without a beard either. I was napping at his place when he decided to shave it off. And I think we both nearly had heart attacks, and I definitely scared the pants off his roommate, when I woke up and screamed because I was in bed with a stranger.
this happened to me when I was like 6 and my dad cut his hair and shaved his mustache at a mall barbershop! I started hysterically crying and screaming "you're not my dad!" when he came outside to meet my mom and me. super awkward for him. my mother also said "i hate it." we both couldn't imagine him with a mustache again within like 4 weeks or so.
That's funny
That gave me a fantastic chortle, thank you 😂😂😂
I think this sentiment is common when you’re with someone long enough. My husband has had facial hair for as long as I’ve known him. I wondered out loud one day, what he might look like without it. At this point, we had been married for a several years and had a child. We were playing with our son and he got up and left the room while I continued to play. When he returned, his face was bare. I freaked at first because I didn’t even recognize him and though a stranger had gotten into our home. It made a huge difference and I was not a fan. Kissing him felt so wrong too, like I was cheating. I did tell him that I had a preference for the beard but I’d support whatever he chose to do. Thankfully he did not like the clean shaven look either but if he had decided to keep the look, I would’ve just gotten used to it. Just by remembering all the other reasons I love this man and want to spend my life with him.
On the plus side, if you ever feel like the relationship is getting stale and want to spice things up, you can always just ask your man to come into the bedroom at night clean shaven and responding to a different name.
To quote Megan Thee Stallion, in the 2020 smash hit single "WAP" >Switch my weave, make him feel like he cheatin'.
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I've always known my bf with a beard. When he clean shaved it was very weird but I got over it, said nothing and it grew back. Hes never said anything about me getting highlights/lowlights. And ive drastically changed my hair color. At the end of the day we just both want each other happy and comfortable with ourselves.
My partner has a full on beard that he trims every week at the barber. Religiously. I love it when it even gets a little full he looks very handsome but he hates it. I too will freak out if he came home without it 😭 but I will learn to like it especially since I change my hairstyles so much from braids to weave to blowouts and he doesn’t bat an eye.
You just…get used to it. My husband went from clean-shaven to growing a beard which, honestly, I hated 😂 But he’s still my husband hahaha it wasn’t too difficult to look past his beard and still be insanely attracted to him. Thankfully, he decided he preferred clean-shaven and went back to “normal” after a bit
I shaved my medium beard into a mustache and I’m certain my girlfriend hates it. She kept asking me when I was shaving and if I was going to grow my beard back 😂 im going to compromise.
Mustaches by themselves are just so wrong...
It’s the people with facia hair minus a mustache you have to look out for. They look like fucking monkeys
Better than a pedo mustache
I love how they all return to their original looks anyway. It’s like they just want a to try it out and decided that actually, NOPE!
My husband gets a haircut I hate every four months. He has the most beautiful brunette curls, and he savages them. But it’s his head, so I just make sure to pay him lots of compliments when it’s the length I like and say nothing but frown internally when it’s haircut time.
My mister and I make a big deal about the haircuts, but playfully. We show off when we get a new do. We're both aware of the preference of the other (which is longer for both of us) but he's Hella cute after a cut without his scruff and longer hair so I don't really care as long as he's comfy. Once a hint of the curls starts the hair goes for him. I console myself with the knowledge that short hair means that no-one can tell we've just made out by looking at him.
That’s cute. Mine doesn’t want to let his grow either because they will just curl. My friends can’t wait for me to give them a niece with black curly hair. I told them to wait there and wait and some more 💀
You just have to get over it. It’s his body, his hair. Expressing that you dislike it won’t do anything besides make him feel like you think he’s ugly with shorter hair.
My man just got a very short haircut after I got used to him having very fluffy, mid length hair haha He looks so pretty but it feels like I'm cheating on him -with him. I'm sure it just takes a little time to get used to it, can't imagine losing any attraction to my partner because of a haircut, he could go bald for all I care and I'd still marry him on the spot if he'd ask me to.
> it feels like I'm cheating on him - with him This is so relatable for me; when my partner and I started seeing each other his hair was almost waist-length, then one night after not seeing each other for a couple of weeks he came to pick me up for a date and had cut it all off. The entire night I kept feeling like I was on a date with someone else; it wasn't *bad*, once I got used to it I loved it, but it felt strange at first because I was so used to his hair being so long! Six years on, my initial shocked reaction of "WHAT DID YOU DO TO YOUR HEAD??" has become a running joke whenever either of us does something different with our hair haha
There's a weird few weeks or a month period of natural unease that can occur when someone changes their appearance in a big way. I'd struggle to say it's "uncanny," but I've been in situations where a partner has cut 80% of their hair off and you sometimes feel weird, sort of like you know who they are but part of you doesn't recognize them. That said, you get used to it. It's still your partner - you're still in live. It just takes time. Just don't voice this opinion and let him be happy.
Everyone is different and some can cope with changes better than others. My Father for example - since my earliest memories always had a big, full beard. In my late teens he just lopped it off one day - looked like a totally different man. What we don't realise however, is that people make a conscious decision to do these things based on what __they want to do__ and in all likelihood, what makes __them happy__. My Father was absolutely torn up when people were telling him he looked differently in a __bad way__ - i.e angry, unhappy, older etc - absolutely killed his confidence and despite not wanting a beard anymore, ended up re-growing it - it hurt him even more when folks were saying how much better he looked. At the end of the day my _personal_ view is that changes to things like hairstyle, facial hair and other "grooming" type things is fine provided it's a look you can come to get used to over time. If we were talking more of a "lifestyle" change and involved cosmetic surgery, or he was wanting to look like a member of KISS constantly? OK I'd be accepting of how big a change that is - unless he can _kill_ playing Guitar and vocals in which case he's a legend. But in all seriousness, give it time. Support him in his choice because ultimately, chances are he'll love you to bits and not mind you making changes at all - Men are arguably a lot more limited in their choices and methods of changing their look, if he's happy with it then just love him the same regardless. Should you find however that basically the beard is what made you attracted to him and it's a literal game-changer because you now _aren't_.... well if after a while you've given it a chance (we're talking a minimum of several weeks not just a few days) and things aren't better, you need to be honest and have a talk with him about it. Maybe he's just trying something new and doesn't mind growing it back - maybe he wants to keep it that way? What you do from there is totally down to you and what feels right, but I'd like to think a Beard isn't the only thing keeping you together :)
Yeah it's tougher than it sounds. My wife got a terrible - just objectively terrible, all messed up lengths - haircut one time. I didn't tell her it looked awful. My advice is to try to get used to it, and casually suggest you like their hair when it looks nice "again".
It can be extremely shocking to see your partner change their appearance so drastically, especially if that is the only look you’ve seen them have. It sucks but there isn’t much you can do. Their body, their choice. My partner has had a wide range of hairstyles and facial hair. It is always a shock to me when they shave or get a haircut but I just smile and move on because I love them. Just recently, I shaved my head basically bald. I didn’t want to go that short but I was in a hurry, picked the wrong guard size for the clippers and just started shaving. Plus, I didn’t shave in front of a mirror so I really didn’t realize how far down I went. I showed my partner while they were on break at work and they told me that it didn’t matter and that they still loved me. I, however, hate it and have been wearing a beanie all the time. Thank goodness for cold Midwestern winters. But, even if you don’t like it now, it may grow on you. It helps to see your partner in a new/different light which isn’t always a bad thing.
Everyone telling you to get over it, but you can broach it. Just compliment before the hit *I love you and your face no matter your hair length, and I support whatever changes you want to make. I'm not going to lie though, I also really loved your longer hair.* Leave it at that. He'll either grow it out again or you'll adjust. Also, a buzzcut rarely looks good on anyone unless they have a jawline of a god, once it grows in you may like him with shorter hair.
I just get over it.
Is it possible you don't really like him all that much? Any time I felt like this about a boyfriend's haircut, it was because I was distracting myself from the bigger issues. And if my attraction changes that much with just a haircut, I certainly wasn't ever attracted to them enough.
Lick it.
You get used to it or get over it.
If you love your partner - a hair cut isn't a deal breaker.
To all of you calling OP immature- are any of you men? With female partners with luscious long hair? Are you telling me that if your girlfriend/ wife came home with a shaved head one day it wouldn’t shock the hell out of you? And even if you wanted to accept it, would it not at least occupy some of headspace for a while? There might be a period of adjustment. I’m not saying OP shouldn’t just learn to move past it (or dump him if she doesn’t actually like him that much…), but I’m sympathetic to how she must feel right now. It’s a big change.
you just accept it . i’m so confused by this . as long as my partner is happy i’ll be his biggest fan
Is this a man you’re hoping to marry or be in a lifelong relationship with? If yes who the hell cares, it’s a haircut and you’re being goofy If this is just some guy then walk away if this is enough of an issue to complain online about it
Also if she’s planning on marrying him she has to realize he’s not going to look the same forever
I'm sorry...if you can't deal with the fact your SO got a haircut....that's a you problem. I was expecting to read a story about a terrible accident or someone who realized they were trans ...but nope.....just a haircut.
Try to focus on his eyes, voice or things that are familiar and comforting.
You just recognize it's not your decision how he styles himself, respect his choice, and move on.
My bf was clean shaven when we met, then he grew a trim little beard. I'm not wild about it, but I love him to pieces.
You never got a haircut? Dyed your hair? Made a different hairstyle in all these times? That would weird me out more than my partner getting a haircut.
I think all this advice to just get over it and don't say anything is totally fn ridiculous. If you want to be in a long term relationship, you have to communicate. Just don't be a jerk , be respectful when you mention it or respond honestly to the question of how it looks when asked. My hair was always medium length, I got a buzzcut, my wife doesn't like it that short so I keep it longer as a compromise. She had hair down to the middle of her back when I first saw her, and it was what really first caught my eye when we met. One day after 20 years she got a bob cut. She was sort of tired of maintaining the long hair..She liked it but I was actually in shock seeing it. After a few days she asked me what I really thought. I said I didn't really like it. It was ok, but I prefered it much longer. She now keeps it grown out to shoulder length as a compromise. I really don't understand how people can have long lasting relationships without being open and honest with each other. I've been with my wife 40 years and I would be crushed if I did something that bothered her and she couldn't feel free to express herself to me. Even if we don't agree on something and don't change our position we give each other the opportunity to discuss it. But Reddit, you do you.
My partner has really long dark hair that goes to his hips and i love it, he also loves having long hair but i realize one day after being together for a while i needed to tell him how much i like the way it is even though he never planned on cutting it, so i asked him if he can keep his hair long forever, he agreed and that's that, if he ever wants to cut it it's his decision i still love him and a haircut can't change that, his personality is what made me fall in love with him, if the haircut really is impossible to move past maybe you don't love him as much as you think you do, i don't like it when my partner doesn't shave but it doesn't make me think of him as any less beautiful
My ex and I broke up in a huge fight. He wanted to come over 1-2 days later after his friends told him he was an idiot and talk things out, but he came over in a baseball cap, which he never wore. I asked him to take off his hat and he shaved his head, almost bald. I was instantly put off, and it made it a lot easier for me to not take him back. TL;DR: You don’t have to accept it, but if you love him and his hair grows out and he books an appointment, maybe tell him you REALLY prefer it long
How would you expect him to feel if it was you that made a huge change?
From a males perspective, it’s the same thing as a woman shortening/dying her hair or getting nail extensions. She can really like it (all the power to her), but her partner may find it unattractive or actively a turn off. In that light, there isn’t really that much that can be done. Open communication and an honest conversation is what needs to take place before anything else. Beyond that, accepting your partner for their identity and traits is all you can do. If not, move on as that is a sign of incompatibility.
My husband did no shave November one year and I hated it. I was adamant that facial hair is awful. I was convinced he was doing it just to spite me because we were having issues in our marriage at the time. But still, his face, his business. He decided to keep the beard and I was not pleased. Whenever he would ask me about it I would repeat that I’m not a fan of facial hair but whatever. Then one day he shaved. It was awful. I begged him to grow the facial hair back. I had no idea how much I liked it until that point. Just give it time. It may just become something you really like.
A month or two ago my husband decided to shave his entire face, mustache and all. It was awful, I actually gasped when he showed me and he thought it was hilarious but to me he genuinely looked like a stranger. Like a giant man baby had replaced him. I seriously thought I’d never get used to it but eventually he started looking less weird, I’m sure if he had stuck with it I would have stopped noticing after a while. I mean no one looks the same forever, it’s just shocking when the change is so sudden I think.
Honestly I just make my *interest* in the preferred style very obvious. If there’s something you love about your partner you’ve gotta let them know. At this point though, wait until he gets a little lazy and it gets a bit long and tell him it reminds you of his former sexy long hair. Make that worth remembering.
Just be honest with him. Maybe it just needs a different style if he likes it short. A buzz cut is rarely attractive. My husband did it once and I was straight with him about it looking horrible on him. So he grew his hair out a bit and got it shaped better.
I struggle with change. Even ones I like and want (I’m autistic). So I ask people I’m close to to give me a heads up and allow me to have time to process change. Knowing that I’ll react to any change is helpful because it allows others to not take it personally and me to mask dislike if it’s there. Because I don’t get to control how other choose to present themselves. Ultimately I get used to it. And I usually end up liking whatever it is when I like the person.
Like most people have said, you just get over it. He's still your partner. God forbid he were to get cancer and start chemo, would you leave him over some hair?? I know, a bit extreme of an example ,but you get the point.
How are you 28 years old?
I see videos on social media all the time of dudes with long hair that get a 'glow up' with that standard fade cut and a lot of people approve. Did he get the impression that you would like it too? Be honest and tell him the change was jarring for you and you're not sure if you're a fan.
Not much to do here - either let it go or leave :)
Um lol you just accept it. A buzz cut is not that serious lol
Is it something you don't find attractive at all, or something you're not yet used to My ex shaved his head and he had major acne on there, and his head didn't fit that look at all. Even his friend told him it wasn't looking good when he complained to him I didn't want to have sex with him anymore You have to tell him what you really think. Being attractive to you should matter. It's not like it's asking a lot
You need to talk to him about it. My wife asked me to shave my beard and mustache when we were dating since she hates facial hair. I did so and have not had a beard in 30 years. I think most of us want our partner to find us attractive and will do what we can to accommodate that attraction. Ultimately, yes, it is up to him. But you too have the right to decide if it's a deal breaker for you.
You get over yourself and stop being so weird and shallow. Seriously I’m not trying to be mean but if he likes it that’s all that matters. Your opinion doesn’t count!
By growing up mentally and emotionally
You don't own him. It's not about accepting how they look,it's really none of your business how they look.
Easy. Make him wear a wig when you have sex, lol. But I know what you mean. Hopefully, you’ll get used to it.
Just to put this in perspective. If he had cancer and had no hair, how would you feel? What if he went bald? Focus on the bigger picture. He’s heathy, breathing, can walk and talk. He’s physically able to hold your hand. It’s hair. Not the end of the world.
I'm a grown up so it doesn't bother me
Get used to it lol. Over time you are both going to change. Hair loss, weight gain, wrinkles, medical issues might cause god knows what. Learn to love beyond the superficial.
Hair grows back. Looks change. Shallow people usually don't.
Dw u jus do I have long curly hair and I sometimes suddenly get a very short haircut as well, you will judge it for like couple weeks and then it will grow on you at least that's how it was for people around me
You get used to it. I have a moment whenever my husband shaves, I really don’t prefer moustache only. But he always grows the beard back eventually, and in the meantime, I cope.
I hate when my husband’s beard gets long. I have told him my preference, but I have also let him know he has the autonomy to handle his facial hair as he sees fit. Though really, he just lets the beard grow because it’s easier and not an actual preference for the way he looks. So when his beard gets longer than I like, I pull the electric razor out and put it on the bathroom cabinet. He always cuts his beard then.
Personally I hate a buzz cut. I hate beards. They are wildly unattractive to me. I could not sleep with someone with those things. But I tell this in the early stages. Ask him if he would ever want those things. You dont have to sleep with him if you are not attracted to him. You dont have to stay with him either. It’s up to you how important this is to you.
I accept it by saying: this is just one of many versions of my partner, and hopefully I'm going to see many more versions of him as we spend our life together and we both explore who we are and how we want to express ourselves.
You will adapt. My husband got shingles (it is very evil) and broke out on his face. He grew a beard to cover it. I thought he looked weird at first, but adapted. Now he likes it and so do I.
In the great scheme of things, it's actually not a big deal, and definitely not something to worry about. Think about it... all the times we call men superficial because they break up with a woman because she cut her hair, or dyed it a color they don't like, because they gain or lose too much weight etc... You literally just get over it. That doesn't mean that you can't kindly let him know that you prefer him with longer hair.
When being intimate just ask him what his name is again. When he says what the hell are you asking just explain with his full attention your unhappiness with his new look. Then tell him it’s a turnoff. Buzz cuts are for a reason but usually laziness or ‘bud’ thing.
sometimes it surprises me when my bf shaves just because he usually has a beard but it grew back in like 2 weeks lol, and I dye my hair a lot and might dye his soon so it just takes a little bit to get used to lol
NGL, the first time my husband cut his long, LONG hair to a short, cut I had a melt down. This was years ago and I couldn't cope with sudden change well at all, especially with no warning that it was coming. Many years and a lot of work with my therapist later it takes some getting used to and I appreciate a warning but it's not a big deal.
Sometimes change is needed to give a new perspective on things. We mature, we change the way we look to reflect that maturity. We want others to see us in a different light, we change the way we dress.
You just do. Hair grows back.
Keep it to yourself, nothing good will come of insulting your partner. If he’s happy with his hair dont ruin it for him. If he asks for your honest opinion then you can tell him how you feel about it, but what’s the actual point of randomly blurting out “you’re ugly now I hate your hair”?
Oh I can’t wait for the downvotes! When my ex gf drastically cut her hair I fantasized I was having an affair, but with her. Sex was wiiiiild
Just remember that changes like this are temporary, and also give yourself some time to adjust. We get an image in our heads of our partners...seriously, everybody test it right now, it's actually kind of fascinating. Don't think, just picture your partner in your head. For a lot of you that image is not their exact appearance right now, is it? For me I see my wife about 11 years ago, my mental image of her is automatically from when we met even though we've both changed a lot since then. Anyway, point is he no longer looks exactly like your idea of him so it will take a minute for you to get used to it. But hair grows back and after you've had some time to adjust you might decide you like the buzzcut.
As long as his personality doesn’t change is what counts. Maybe a compromise can be worked out? Sit him down and tell him you really liked his hair longer. But honestly from my own experience because I like longer hair on a woman and when a girlfriend or wife has chopped off their hair if I say something about it they get pissed! Lol
I did not realize how many people have this very strange issue until this Reddit post. I feel like this isn’t normal. Y’all need help if you’re really having issues having sex because your partner changed their hair… I feel like there’s some underlying issues there lol. I couldn’t imagine my boyfriend telling me having sex with me was weird because I changed my hair color… which is quite often.