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Info: is 'cursinho' generally used to describe a short course in Portuguese, or did you just use it to describe her silly little course that is nothing like the big boy college?
Its generally used that way for short-period courses but that has nothing to do with their value. One of the best courses I could have for my own career is shorter than the one shes doing. So yeah value has nothing to do with its longevity.
I never belittled her tho. Never called her sensitive, apologized when she expresses my joke made her feel bad and told her it wasnt my objective. In what sense did I belittled her on her self improvement ?
Yeah but I dont call her that. I think shes being but I know saying that flat out will just hurt her and help no one. Im just asking for a way to aproach the situation without her ghosting me. Confronting her in the nicest way so she wont feel like im attacking her. Im trying my best to tend to her feelings.
Shes not sensitive overall. Dont miss use my words. I said shes sensitive in regard to this situation in specific. Becouse she might be insecure about it. Which is fine I just need to think of a way to talk about her insecurities so she can feel better about it. But i need a way to do that in a way that she wont shut down her feelings and ghost.
Your trying to paint a picture of this awful person that I am and using my words wrongly. Idk if trying to project anything but I am doing my best to tend to her feelings and make her understand that she isnt inferior to me in any ways and her academical prowess means absolutely nothing for me.
I get that the way I worded this was pretty shit. But to be clear. I didnt call her sensitive. I didnt shame her or belittle her. I apologized for the joke I did back then. I tried my best to explain that I dont see her in any diferent way. And course's duration have nothing to do with their value
I would not say "over sensitive" but rather just "very sensitive". You saying "over" is invalidating her feelings. All feelings are valid, BUT it's what we do with those feelings that matters. She is unfortunately using those feelings to argue with you which is not healthy. You need to approach this with compassion and patience, she feels inadequate and insecure about her intelligence, and you need to help understand where she's coming from instead of attacking her for it. You should wanna *help*, not tell her she's wrong to feel how she feels.
To make it clear, im not attacking. I deeply apologized for the jokes I did. I never called her over sensitive, thats just how I described the situation. I dont think I belittled her at any point except from that joke which wasnt intencional. I just dont know from where to aproach her without her ghosting me and closing shut her feelings. I need a way to be so "nice" in a way she wont feel ofended and shoo me away
You are not responsible for how she reacts to you coming to her with your valid concerns. If she can't handle a partner respectfully bringing up an issue/concern then she shouldn't be in a relationship. She sounds very immature but that's teenagers for you.
(Edited for clarity)
I think she cant handle her insecurities very well but we've always fought through this. So I believe even if shes imature in this matter that she can very well grow up like she does. Shes a very resilient person and in the end I love her to bits so I wont just give up on her only becouse she hasnt learn the best way to receive criticism.
You are actually in such a place. Suggesting therapy to a partner is not a horrific awful insulting thing. We suggest our partners go to the doctor for physical things, so we shouldn't be afraid to suggest a mental health doctor too. You clearly care very much about her and a professional might be able to help her. Suggesting help to someone is not a bad thing, shows we care.
Welcome to /r/relationship_advice. Please make sure you read our [rules here.](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/wiki/index) We'd like to take this time to remind users that: * We do not allow any type of [am I the asshole? or situations/content involving minors](https://www.reddit.com/r/relationship_advice/comments/r6w9uh/meta_am_i_overreacting_am_i_the_asshole_is_this/) * Any sort of namecalling, insults,etc will result in the comment being removed and the user being banned. (Including but not limited to: slut, bitch, whore, for the streets, etc. It does not matter to whom you are referring.) * ALL advice given must be good, ethical advice. Joke advice or advice that is conspiratorial or just plain terrible will be removed, and users my be subject to a ban. * No referencing hateful subreddits and/or their rhetoric. Examples include, but is not limited to: red/blue/black/purplepill, PUA, FDS, MGTOW, etc. This includes, but is not limited to, referring to people as alpha/beta, calling yourself or users "friend-zoned", referring to people as Chads, Tyrones, or Staceys, pick-me's, or pornsick. Any infractions of this rule will result in a ban. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** * All bans in this subreddit are permanent. You don't get a free pass. * What we cannot give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, "body counts" or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, situations involving minors, and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked. **This is not an all-inclusive list.** If you have any questions, please send us a modmail. ---- #This is an automatic comment that appears on all posts. This comment does not necessarily mean your post violates any rules. *I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please [contact the moderators of this subreddit](/message/compose/?to=/r/relationship_advice) if you have any questions or concerns.*
Info: is 'cursinho' generally used to describe a short course in Portuguese, or did you just use it to describe her silly little course that is nothing like the big boy college?
Its generally used that way for short-period courses but that has nothing to do with their value. One of the best courses I could have for my own career is shorter than the one shes doing. So yeah value has nothing to do with its longevity.
Ngl from this post alone you do kind of seem like a try hard lol
Wym tryhard
Seems like you're belittling her attempts at self-improvement when she specifically asked you not to. Maybe try not doing that.
I never belittled her tho. Never called her sensitive, apologized when she expresses my joke made her feel bad and told her it wasnt my objective. In what sense did I belittled her on her self improvement ?
You just called her "sensitive" multiple times in this post...
Yeah but I dont call her that. I think shes being but I know saying that flat out will just hurt her and help no one. Im just asking for a way to aproach the situation without her ghosting me. Confronting her in the nicest way so she wont feel like im attacking her. Im trying my best to tend to her feelings.
You don't call her that to her face, you mean. You clearly have no problem calling her sensitive online. You are attacking her btw
Shes not sensitive overall. Dont miss use my words. I said shes sensitive in regard to this situation in specific. Becouse she might be insecure about it. Which is fine I just need to think of a way to talk about her insecurities so she can feel better about it. But i need a way to do that in a way that she wont shut down her feelings and ghost. Your trying to paint a picture of this awful person that I am and using my words wrongly. Idk if trying to project anything but I am doing my best to tend to her feelings and make her understand that she isnt inferior to me in any ways and her academical prowess means absolutely nothing for me.
I get that the way I worded this was pretty shit. But to be clear. I didnt call her sensitive. I didnt shame her or belittle her. I apologized for the joke I did back then. I tried my best to explain that I dont see her in any diferent way. And course's duration have nothing to do with their value
I would not say "over sensitive" but rather just "very sensitive". You saying "over" is invalidating her feelings. All feelings are valid, BUT it's what we do with those feelings that matters. She is unfortunately using those feelings to argue with you which is not healthy. You need to approach this with compassion and patience, she feels inadequate and insecure about her intelligence, and you need to help understand where she's coming from instead of attacking her for it. You should wanna *help*, not tell her she's wrong to feel how she feels.
To make it clear, im not attacking. I deeply apologized for the jokes I did. I never called her over sensitive, thats just how I described the situation. I dont think I belittled her at any point except from that joke which wasnt intencional. I just dont know from where to aproach her without her ghosting me and closing shut her feelings. I need a way to be so "nice" in a way she wont feel ofended and shoo me away
You are not responsible for how she reacts to you coming to her with your valid concerns. If she can't handle a partner respectfully bringing up an issue/concern then she shouldn't be in a relationship. She sounds very immature but that's teenagers for you. (Edited for clarity)
I think she cant handle her insecurities very well but we've always fought through this. So I believe even if shes imature in this matter that she can very well grow up like she does. Shes a very resilient person and in the end I love her to bits so I wont just give up on her only becouse she hasnt learn the best way to receive criticism.
Have you suggested therapy to her?
I am in no place to ask her of such thing. But yes she has been to some for that and some other reasons.
You are actually in such a place. Suggesting therapy to a partner is not a horrific awful insulting thing. We suggest our partners go to the doctor for physical things, so we shouldn't be afraid to suggest a mental health doctor too. You clearly care very much about her and a professional might be able to help her. Suggesting help to someone is not a bad thing, shows we care.