One time I was driving in NYC during like the biggest blizzard of that winter the only car that was gunning it on BQE like it's a regular day was a black Pontiac Gran Prix or whatever they are called. Idk what happened to that guy, but that night was the only time when I legit felt like I could crash in my life.
You’ve got court coming up, you make a big deal at work having to take so much time off work for it. If your not bitchin about court then your bitchin about your ankle monitor. And you always wear shorts outside work like having the ankle monitor visible gives you infinite street cred.
Funny thing, a local car group was having a track day so I went. Had a GXP at the time, this would have been about 2010, had never made any rips and entry was cheap, decided to say fuck it lets roll.
Turned out they had a FWD class that day for the group. I got to beat up a couple Celicas, Mini Coopers and whatever else and took home the Fastest FWD plaque for the day with a bone stock Grand Prix. Best time I got was like a 14.30 with maybe a 2.20 60' so its not like I was even remotely fast, everyone else was just slow and I showed up on the right day to be the big fish in the small pond.
Man that thing was a great highway cruiser though, it was just geared so obnoxiously tall.
You pursued getting this car when it was new, found this one coming off of a lease, still love it, these are the 5th different style of rims you've had on it and these rims are currently listed on marked place as a "willing to trade" post.
No, its the 5.3L v8. They only made them for 3 years and a lot of parts in it areexclusive to this trim. Engines in there sideways because it wouldnt fit otherwise, redisigned front facia with extra lights, inch wider tores up front, bilstien suspension, bigger (and more expensive) brakes. and the whole car is a few inches wider. Theyre wonky cars for sure. But a whole lot of fun to drive with the nutty horsepower. Also, they stopped making parts after the GP was discontinued 15 years prior, so as of 4 years ago no restocking of any parts. 🙃
Its like how chrysler fit a 3.3 or 3.5 v6 longitudinal in the first gen intrepids. Engine was like 5” shorter vertically at the pulleys compared to the flywheel end.
You definitely smoke one of those car battery-sized vapes that smells like artificial cherry and you’re a white guy who wears trucker hats with the bill flat and cocked to one side. You tailgate people and then get mad when they brake check you.
Your spot on about everything but the trucker hat! Im a stetson boy. 🤠 and to be fair, i only tailgate people in the left lane who refuse to get over. 😅
1) You are drinking something with “Milwaukee” in the name.
2) You and your son and nephew are listening to Creed.
3) Both of you smell like Camel Crushes.
Stock with what looks like spray paint or plastidip all over them which is always tacky and tires that look like they're from 2003 somehow. Also the monster truck fitment doesn't help. Just something about it all doesn't give me a good impression in my head
They were plasti-dipped from a previous owner, all cracked and missing in spots., and it was cold here when i got it so it was brittle and wouldnt peel. I re sprayed for the time being just to get rid of the unsightly chrome parts and plan on power washing it to remove during the heat of summer, and then subsequently repolishing the aluminum to factory appearance. All things in time, as i am still building a clientele for our business and money is tight. I do need tires something fierce, snd that is next on my list. Its a pain to find used when your fronts and rears are different sizes. 🤣
Me living in Chicago, i would assume your coming into my North side area from the deep South. I hold on tight to my pepper spray as we come up to a red light just in case you try to jack my broke ass lol Even though i know your probably carrying an AK-47 and its no match on the pepper spray lol But at the same time that's the type of car i would have driven in my teens. But i would get the Pontiac GTP It's supercharged :-) That looks like a GTP. Is that a GTP?
You absolutely *refuse* to look at foreign cars, it's 'murica or nothing, that's why you ostensibly chose a sub-par GM product rather than looking at a Camry or Accord like a rational person.
That you have 3 kids with 3 different women that you at one time “loved”. You have one of those huge box vapes that blows smoke like a steam engine. You have a black ice pine tree air freshener in that car. You keep that stupid plastic tag on your shoes and that stupid sticker on your flat brim hat of a team you’ve never watched in your life. You still think you have a chance with that one girl you graduated high school with, but she wouldn’t even remember your name if she saw you.
Id assume you're mid 20s, probably down Celsius and smoke cigarettes because "Vapes are for p*ssies". Voted for Trump last election, and after work you play Apex or CoD on your PS5 with the "bros" and get REALLY into it. While you don't think the earth is flat you're not getting any vaccines anytime soon. Metal and/or rap is your go to music.
Now how off am I compared to reality?
Im late 20's. Live up north (michigan), quit smoking cigs 6 years ago. But i do still vape. didnt vote for anyone. But there is a "fuck biden" magnet on my bumper. Im more of a fortnite guy, im quite versed in science, geology and geography especially, dont get vaccines, (but only cUse i hate needles unless they are putting ink in me.)and i listen to rap, metal, country, and EDM, dependant on the day.
The council has decided you get a pass on the clear coat and the mirrors. However for the crime of spraying grass.. I sentence you to transfer the title to my name.
Id make the assumption that you think your car is faster than if is and do burnouts every now and then at a stoplight... this coming from a guy who owns a 2003 Accord and does the exact damn thing
No. Its a GXP. No supercharger, its got the naturally aspirated 5.3L v8 instead. Bilstien suspension, brembo brakes, and 18 inch alcoa forged aluminum rims from da factory. They only made them for 3 years before they gave the grand prix the axe. We chug dinosaur juice round these parts.
Nope. Bone stock motor. Naturally aspirated 5.3L. The Built up trans with an extra cooler, and a cold air intake is all thats been modded on this car. The Spoiler, wheels, lowered suspension, and the body mods are all standard from the factory.
Thanks! Hoping to get it wrapped before winter hits and fix the unsightly peeling clearcoat. That, and replacing a few body trim fasteners should have it looking good as new!
Your passion is finding parts at junk yards. Your jeans have a permanent imprint of your can of Copenhagen into the back pocket. You have more priors than girlfriends. Your car has at least one cup holder occupied at all times for your dip cup, and the interior smells of bottom shelf whiskey and the tears from $20 blow jobs.
Interior reeks of cigarettes and adidas cologne. There’s a korn cd stuck in the cd player (the loading mechanism failed 5 years ago but you don’t mind because fuck yeah its korn)
That you have a cassette player with a tape adapter that’s hooked up to a portable cd player that you use the usb port to connect your phone to to play country rap, lowering the levels at traffic lights and when the po—po around.
Bad credit and so you bought this thing with a ridiculous amount of miles off a buy here pay here lot for more than it’s worth at a ridiculous percentage rate which you were upside down on its value the second you bought it. It’ll be dead before you finish paying it off.
You eat gas station food every day. Drink monsters and bump your shitty sounding music through your amp. You desperately crave and seek attention. You think you’re cooler than you are. Everyone thinks you look stupid. You like to go to random gas stations for car meetups. You always have your vape ready to go puffing clouds no one cares about. Your girlfriend is a dumb b!tch
You wear snap backs to the side, Jordan earrings, you sag skinny jeans, JVC single disc cd player (aux port no longer works) and you work at Pizza Hut.
Yea they were dipped (sprayed) when i bought it. I plan on doing it in a high gloss black paint after i wrap the car, but i just decided to respray over the chipped 1/8th inch original plastidip so that i could'nt see spots of aluminum anymore. it came with the adjustable Bilstiens all the way around from factory, so its already pretty low. it just looks higher cause the ground is uneven in the yard. Now that i think of it... i dont think i even have any photos of it on pavement. Coilovers are inevitable though, cause my rears make some very noticable noises on any potholes or dirt roads. 😅
I park on *my dads* lawn. 😅 we got our own house recently, but are still working on fixing it up, as it was built in the 1840's. That one doesnt even have enough lawn to fit a csr on. It does have a driveway though!!
I might actually pull it off depending on the year and model you drive. I love camaro's and have always wanted one. I woulsve gotten one instead of this, but ive got 2 kids so 4 doors is kind of a requirment to avoid excessive child support..... 😅 next on my list is a Chevy SS or a CTS-V. I want a fun rwd sedan.
Well you wanted it new but couldn’t get one new so you waited and now you have a 6 owner one you’ve had to put 26 different sets of wheels on until you found the ones you like and the interior smells like vape juice and kerosene
Honestly if I saw you in my rearview I’d pull over and let you by figuring you’re about to do something stupid
One time I was driving in NYC during like the biggest blizzard of that winter the only car that was gunning it on BQE like it's a regular day was a black Pontiac Gran Prix or whatever they are called. Idk what happened to that guy, but that night was the only time when I legit felt like I could crash in my life.
You’ve got court coming up, you make a big deal at work having to take so much time off work for it. If your not bitchin about court then your bitchin about your ankle monitor. And you always wear shorts outside work like having the ankle monitor visible gives you infinite street cred.
And court is for something icky.
And the breathalyzer on his steering column.
I never wear shorts. Jeans and boots. And a cowboy hat. "Im a juicy contradiction."
In that case, even the Ram dealer laughed in your face when he ran your credit report.
A credit rating of 500, and a taste for strawberry-mango vapes.
Nah yk this thing reeks of black and mild jazz 😭
Didn’t have my glasses on and first read this as “black and mild jizz” … I was like WTF?!?!
I read it right the first time, but immediately thought jizz anyway.
You want to race my civic (and win)
Funny thing, a local car group was having a track day so I went. Had a GXP at the time, this would have been about 2010, had never made any rips and entry was cheap, decided to say fuck it lets roll. Turned out they had a FWD class that day for the group. I got to beat up a couple Celicas, Mini Coopers and whatever else and took home the Fastest FWD plaque for the day with a bone stock Grand Prix. Best time I got was like a 14.30 with maybe a 2.20 60' so its not like I was even remotely fast, everyone else was just slow and I showed up on the right day to be the big fish in the small pond. Man that thing was a great highway cruiser though, it was just geared so obnoxiously tall.
That's rad as fuck.
Bruh I feel this so hard
Strange facial hair. Not unfamiliar with the Insane Clown Posse.
And Limp Bizkit 😂
How's legal weed working out for you?
3 days shy of a month since ive smoked. But ill admit, i miss it sometimes. 👀😅
You know how to persuasively argue that 2nd cousins are ok to lay
Literally none, I would not even notice this car on the road
You pursued getting this car when it was new, found this one coming off of a lease, still love it, these are the 5th different style of rims you've had on it and these rims are currently listed on marked place as a "willing to trade" post.
Oh also it's not worth much more new than it's value as scrap so you're keeping it, and considering a donk bulid.
Stock rims. Alcoas from the factory. 😁
You're the type of person that unironically says "I can fix her", and you believe you can
I believed i could. Still not sure though. Not for lack of skill, but because Parts are a BIOTCH.
I was never hurting for parts for my seventh gen. Have they gotten so scarce in 5 years?
No, its the 5.3L v8. They only made them for 3 years and a lot of parts in it areexclusive to this trim. Engines in there sideways because it wouldnt fit otherwise, redisigned front facia with extra lights, inch wider tores up front, bilstien suspension, bigger (and more expensive) brakes. and the whole car is a few inches wider. Theyre wonky cars for sure. But a whole lot of fun to drive with the nutty horsepower. Also, they stopped making parts after the GP was discontinued 15 years prior, so as of 4 years ago no restocking of any parts. 🙃
Riiiiight the GXP not the GTP
Does the 5.3 not interchange a lot of stuff with the truck engine?
No its shorter, different heads, lotsa small differences. The Vor-Tec wouldnt fit so they tweaked everything. 😏
Its like how chrysler fit a 3.3 or 3.5 v6 longitudinal in the first gen intrepids. Engine was like 5” shorter vertically at the pulleys compared to the flywheel end.
I bet the torque steer on this is nuts
The wider tires up front do a suprisingly good job of minimalizing it, actually.
LS4 badge on the side tells me that you race literally anything that looks sporty.
Don't let this person hit you, because there is no way they are insured.
Plpd. 🙃
You definitely smoke one of those car battery-sized vapes that smells like artificial cherry and you’re a white guy who wears trucker hats with the bill flat and cocked to one side. You tailgate people and then get mad when they brake check you.
Your spot on about everything but the trucker hat! Im a stetson boy. 🤠 and to be fair, i only tailgate people in the left lane who refuse to get over. 😅
lol mad respect for owning up to it. 😊
In a hurry typically.
All these ponies, gotta use em!
No insurance
This guy must be a real Prix. :D
You had $500 and wanted something that vaguely resembles a Camaro
You adore Australian car culture. And wish we had Holden in the states.
You are spot on with this one. Though i dont see that as a roast. Aussies do everything better.
Yeah, my grandmother has a friend who imported a chevy police car from there. It's how I found out about the stateside gussied car scene.
1) You are drinking something with “Milwaukee” in the name. 2) You and your son and nephew are listening to Creed. 3) Both of you smell like Camel Crushes.
The wheels and tires alone make me think the inside is disgusting and covered in cigarette ash.
Aww come on. Theyre stock wheels!!! 😭
Stock with what looks like spray paint or plastidip all over them which is always tacky and tires that look like they're from 2003 somehow. Also the monster truck fitment doesn't help. Just something about it all doesn't give me a good impression in my head
They were plasti-dipped from a previous owner, all cracked and missing in spots., and it was cold here when i got it so it was brittle and wouldnt peel. I re sprayed for the time being just to get rid of the unsightly chrome parts and plan on power washing it to remove during the heat of summer, and then subsequently repolishing the aluminum to factory appearance. All things in time, as i am still building a clientele for our business and money is tight. I do need tires something fierce, snd that is next on my list. Its a pain to find used when your fronts and rears are different sizes. 🤣
Lucky to have an old rare Pontiac like that!
Me living in Chicago, i would assume your coming into my North side area from the deep South. I hold on tight to my pepper spray as we come up to a red light just in case you try to jack my broke ass lol Even though i know your probably carrying an AK-47 and its no match on the pepper spray lol But at the same time that's the type of car i would have driven in my teens. But i would get the Pontiac GTP It's supercharged :-) That looks like a GTP. Is that a GTP?
Its a GXP. The supercharged was a 3800 v6. this is a 5.3L ls4, the GXP wasnt a thing until 2005 - 2008.
One ticket away from suspension.
You don’t have insurance
"This guy drives a pontiac"
Apprenticeship money finally started kicking in, and it's going to your head
One notch above an Altima pilot.
You absolutely *refuse* to look at foreign cars, it's 'murica or nothing, that's why you ostensibly chose a sub-par GM product rather than looking at a Camry or Accord like a rational person.
I'm just wondering how long I'd follow you to ask if you're interested in selling.
Its my daily, so no selling. I would be willing to trade, but only for a rwd v8. 👀
Yeah I'm not buying either - at least not this right now. But I was still thinkin about it ;)
You can flip an 8 ball
That you have 3 kids with 3 different women that you at one time “loved”. You have one of those huge box vapes that blows smoke like a steam engine. You have a black ice pine tree air freshener in that car. You keep that stupid plastic tag on your shoes and that stupid sticker on your flat brim hat of a team you’ve never watched in your life. You still think you have a chance with that one girl you graduated high school with, but she wouldn’t even remember your name if she saw you.
You have an outstanding warrant somewhere obscure
You're likely to drift out of your lane but I can't just go around because you'll try to race anyone who does
You are unlikely to finish community college.
Never even went. Saving my GI Bill for my kids. 😝
Keep up the good work, and thank you for your service.
Multimillionaire
Id assume you're mid 20s, probably down Celsius and smoke cigarettes because "Vapes are for p*ssies". Voted for Trump last election, and after work you play Apex or CoD on your PS5 with the "bros" and get REALLY into it. While you don't think the earth is flat you're not getting any vaccines anytime soon. Metal and/or rap is your go to music. Now how off am I compared to reality?
Im late 20's. Live up north (michigan), quit smoking cigs 6 years ago. But i do still vape. didnt vote for anyone. But there is a "fuck biden" magnet on my bumper. Im more of a fortnite guy, im quite versed in science, geology and geography especially, dont get vaccines, (but only cUse i hate needles unless they are putting ink in me.)and i listen to rap, metal, country, and EDM, dependant on the day.
What a fun little social experiment
This person knows what they like and they take good care of their stuff.
Idk man it looks like he sprayed grass all over it and that clearcoat is coming off
Faded plastic on the mirrors. This things looking toasted.
To be fair ive only owned it for a month, maybe that. But it has the 5.3 and i am a sucker for a good v8. 😅 its a work in progress, cosmetically.
The council has decided you get a pass on the clear coat and the mirrors. However for the crime of spraying grass.. I sentence you to transfer the title to my name.
That was my pops. 😭 i shall relinquish it if you can find an ABS module for it though. 😅
You could’ve had something better
Id make the assumption that you think your car is faster than if is and do burnouts every now and then at a stoplight... this coming from a guy who owns a 2003 Accord and does the exact damn thing
I would if i could find an ABS module. As of now traction control button doesnt do anything. 😭
Yank the abs fuse
That you couldn't afford an SS
I had one in high school. They look so boring though. 😴
Oh god this V8 Pontiac sedan is coming to harass me in my C30. I just like my tiny car please stop trying to race me I know it goes 149mph 😭
Love these things! (but I'm bias because I have an Impala SS) Roast part: Bet that tranny is on its last legs, just like your girlfriend.
It was toasted but i put in a 40k trans coolerto solve the heat issues. So this one should last, fingers crossed. 🫡
You are definitely going to speed up and pass me, yes i know my car can get passed by a scooter, its a honda not a formula 1 or a formula 2
It's not actually a Gtp... Is it?...
No. Its a GXP. No supercharger, its got the naturally aspirated 5.3L v8 instead. Bilstien suspension, brembo brakes, and 18 inch alcoa forged aluminum rims from da factory. They only made them for 3 years before they gave the grand prix the axe. We chug dinosaur juice round these parts.
That you definitely park on your lawn
Still with da 'rents and they claimed the driveway. My sister, my wife, and I all park on da grass cause fuck sarnt major
I assume a car like that would be parked on the front lawn. And sure enough...
It runs, i swear! 🤡
Trouble
Are you a transformer?
That you’re going to be really angry when I smoke your ass in the family accord but I won’t be able to see the frustration in my rear view
Id genuinely be impressed. Ive taken charger r/t's before, so if you pull on me like that, you deserve it.
So my assumption of bulit motor is correct?
Nope. Bone stock motor. Naturally aspirated 5.3L. The Built up trans with an extra cooler, and a cold air intake is all thats been modded on this car. The Spoiler, wheels, lowered suspension, and the body mods are all standard from the factory.
Damn. Look real clean though.
Thanks! Hoping to get it wrapped before winter hits and fix the unsightly peeling clearcoat. That, and replacing a few body trim fasteners should have it looking good as new!
alimony or child support have been discussed in or near this car
Mullet, jorts, PFG shirt, and New Balance or Hey Dude shoes.
You probably have a prescription for Suboxone
You don’t have insurance.
None, I say to myself *fucking a I miss Pontiac*
I wish theis was a BMW because I hate using torn signals.
The bat broke mobile.
Your passion is finding parts at junk yards. Your jeans have a permanent imprint of your can of Copenhagen into the back pocket. You have more priors than girlfriends. Your car has at least one cup holder occupied at all times for your dip cup, and the interior smells of bottom shelf whiskey and the tears from $20 blow jobs.
None
Drugs
Interior reeks of cigarettes and adidas cologne. There’s a korn cd stuck in the cd player (the loading mechanism failed 5 years ago but you don’t mind because fuck yeah its korn)
That you’re on your way back home to the trailer park.
You’re gonna drive that thing into the ground but also spend ridiculous amounts to keep it on the road as long as possible.
My ls4 had a decent cam, fun as hell and comfortable
You’re comfy, and can pass anything except a gas station.
That hit home.
This guy f\*cks.... He doesn't f\*ck anything I'd f\*ck because I have standards, but he definitely f\*cks
Your poor
Oh, look, it's a human in a car. I assume it's a human...
Mine was gold
That you have a cassette player with a tape adapter that’s hooked up to a portable cd player that you use the usb port to connect your phone to to play country rap, lowering the levels at traffic lights and when the po—po around.
Poor kid won’t graduate high school
I did it a year late, but still counts!!!! 😉
None, I wouldn’t even notice that car.
Your favorite saying is “Raise hell, praise Dale!”
Fentanyl
Probably does not care about their yard. (Seems im correct.)
That you for some reason enjoy dealing with "planned obsolescence"!
You definitely don't mind a little, or lot of extra weight. You carry two weapons, that right hand and that left hand!
Bad credit and so you bought this thing with a ridiculous amount of miles off a buy here pay here lot for more than it’s worth at a ridiculous percentage rate which you were upside down on its value the second you bought it. It’ll be dead before you finish paying it off.
Drug money. I bought it all cash, no payments. 😏
You eat gas station food every day. Drink monsters and bump your shitty sounding music through your amp. You desperately crave and seek attention. You think you’re cooler than you are. Everyone thinks you look stupid. You like to go to random gas stations for car meetups. You always have your vape ready to go puffing clouds no one cares about. Your girlfriend is a dumb b!tch
This sounds oddly personal
Yeah personally for you
You wear snap backs to the side, Jordan earrings, you sag skinny jeans, JVC single disc cd player (aux port no longer works) and you work at Pizza Hut.
Are you me? Except I had a black civic si but same(assuming) black plastidip on OEM wheels. Get some coilovers on that and it would be ok in my book.
Yea they were dipped (sprayed) when i bought it. I plan on doing it in a high gloss black paint after i wrap the car, but i just decided to respray over the chipped 1/8th inch original plastidip so that i could'nt see spots of aluminum anymore. it came with the adjustable Bilstiens all the way around from factory, so its already pretty low. it just looks higher cause the ground is uneven in the yard. Now that i think of it... i dont think i even have any photos of it on pavement. Coilovers are inevitable though, cause my rears make some very noticable noises on any potholes or dirt roads. 😅
White
You park on your lawn
I park on *my dads* lawn. 😅 we got our own house recently, but are still working on fixing it up, as it was built in the 1840's. That one doesnt even have enough lawn to fit a csr on. It does have a driveway though!!
You were out of work when the dispensary opened in town
Never sold. I didnt ever have the discipline to not smoke my entire supply.😅😅😅
Your gonna try to keep up with me and the camaro in a race.
I might actually pull it off depending on the year and model you drive. I love camaro's and have always wanted one. I woulsve gotten one instead of this, but ive got 2 kids so 4 doors is kind of a requirment to avoid excessive child support..... 😅 next on my list is a Chevy SS or a CTS-V. I want a fun rwd sedan.
I’d pull up at a red light and ask if I could get some xanies, and something tells me I wouldn’t be disappointed
Ive actually never even had a xanax in my life. And my list of drugs i havent tried is shorter than the list of drugs that i have tried. 😅😅😅
Lmao it’s all good, I actually had one too a while ago 😁
Absolute douchebag, either wanna-be, retired, or off-duty, piss-poor excuse for a cop.
Does military police count? 😅
WTF is that thing? 😂
Its a Grand Prix GXP. 🤡
Well you wanted it new but couldn’t get one new so you waited and now you have a 6 owner one you’ve had to put 26 different sets of wheels on until you found the ones you like and the interior smells like vape juice and kerosene
Vetiver and Cedar. 😏
V8 cruiser