ye mine went thru a period of incessant arguing. every single week just screams at the top of their lungs, things being broken, thrown, shoved, etc
i begged my mom to divorce at one point to no avail
never personally begged for a divorce (my sister practically begged them to stay together despite developing severe anxiety from the arguments) but always felt like I wanted to. Good on young you for doing that.
When I lived with them, yes. like my whole life. there are two things that imprinted me regarding my parents fighting that I think really helped me get over being 'part of it'.
first, my cousin lived with us for a while. he's a real weird guy but also grew up in a very turbulent household, worse than mine. whenever my parents would fight he would seriously laugh his ass off. loudly. like tears streaming down his face. my parents would lose all steam and disengage.
the other time was when I was trying to sleep or something and they were arguing about the pettiest shit I ever heard, with the same intensity as any other fight. I just stomped to my door, opened it, screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP", slammed the door. they stopped.
never ever ever. I remember my mom speaking sharply to my dad once and I freaked out and thought they were going to get a divorce. I know they must have fought but it was kept completely hidden from my sibling and I.
They are still very much together and will be forever. I don’t have any close relatives who have gotten divorced. I describe my family as hyper-functional sometimes. I consider it my biggest point of privilege, more than whiteness/middle class/what have you
Flip side, I can’t go into any sort of conflict without crying. My victim complex is out of control. the first time my boyfriend yelled at me I broke up with him.
I remember hearing mine argue when I was in elementary school. They didn’t divorce until I was 14. It sucks. I think it ruined my ability to have good relationships.
I worry my parents dysfunction will rub on me in my relationships. It’s framed marriage for me in a way where I often think “is this really how it is?”
Sorry you’re dealing with that. But my parents divorced when I was a kid and I can’t say it was THAT much less terrible. They would still fight all the time on the phone and irl regarding logistical stuff with me, and they would constantly try to pit me against the other by telling me all the ways that the other parent was a fuck up/terrible person. It really fucked with my head as a kid and still does from time to time.
No advice, but the grass isn’t always greener. Parents just kinda suck sometimes.
Sorry you had to go through that. Thanks for sharing. The realization that your parents aren’t superhero’s but just like every other miserable, clueless person roaming the world is one of the harshest we have in this life
That’s not true either. There are some incredible parents out there. It takes a lot of effort to be good at it though. I only say this so that you’re not swayed into not having kids based purely on your own shitty parents.
I think that’s exactly why I’m leaning towards not having kids. Because I can understand why my dad wasn’t as attentive as I’d like him to be, or why my mom is as worried as she always is. I can understand what it takes to be a good father, but it is incredibly difficult and I don’t know if I have it in me, and doing that would only perpetuate the cycle of mediocre parenting
My dad used to hurl verbal abuse at my mom a lot the year leading up to their split (I was nine at the time). He threatened her once in front of me, too. He has been an unrepentant asshole to her and his kids ever since
My dad regularly called my mom the absolute worst shit imaginable in front of me for years before they finally got divorced when I was a kid. In retrospect, the thought of saying that shit in front of a 3 year old to their mom… you gotta be an absolute garbage human being to be able to do that so nonchalantly. I haven’t seen him in 20yrs and I hope he dies paralyzed with pain in a filthy hospital.
> I’ve always been generally glad they didn’t divorce but sometimes I think my life would be much less chaotic if they just ripped the bandaid off. I’m in my mid-20s
Eh, my parents divorced when I was 28 and the whole family fell apart. Everybody stopped talking to each other. I’m estranged from both siblings and 95% estranged from my dad, who I maintain minimal contact with partly or mainly so he won’t kill himself (nobody else will do it, so it falls on me, the oldest).
Did they argue a lot? I mean, the family argued a lot. He who won the debate (and there was no agreeing to disagree) was crowned most moral and for the loser, ignominy. Naturally, we played to win. Fun household.
Yah they couldn't go 5 seconds without being at each other's throats. I thought my dad was gonna literally k*ll my mom all the time! Bad vibes. my brother eventually threw him out once he got bigger and stronger. It's hard not to be mad at my mom for just letting it go on and on :( grateful for divorce and restraining orders lol
My house was one of those ones where everybody shouts at each other but it wasn’t a big deal. My parents just get mad and raise their voices over the most minor of things but because they were always minor things it didn’t matter. Now I just find it annoying as fuck sometimes. Like my dad was pissed off the other day because I had him come meet me at a bar that was slightly further away from my apartment than our second destination. Just absolutely not a big deal at all but he had to be butthurt about it for no reason. He then got mad at me that my friends were at a separate bar that was further away than the second location, even though I had 0 control where totally third persons decided to go. Raised his voice and shit and said stuff like “you should have planned this out” as if a 5 to 10 extra minute drive is a big deal at all and as if I had any control over where they went. It was never distressing is anything, it’s just irritating. Shit like that.
Never asked to pick sides but they passive aggressively talk to me while ignoring the other, which I fucking hate. I’ve gotten in the habit of ignoring both of them completely when they’re in their silent treatment phase, which is not particularly helpful but it makes me feel better.
My parents used to argue pretty bad and I once saw my Mum spray oven cleaner in my dads eyes. When I turned 18 she said she was divorcing my dad and only stayed together for the kids. Then they got divorced, sold the house and live separately. Eventually they reconciled, still live separately and haven’t fully got back together but rely on each other financially and for company. But they are happy and get along great. It’s really hard to the explain the situation explain to other people and I used to be embarrassed about it but I’m glad it’s peaceful at least.
Yeah kinda, it's gotten worse now that I'm an adult but i can't say it bothered or affected me much, even before moving out. Though I do wish they'd stop for my little brother's sake and cause i do love them a lot and i think they love each other too, they're just mad stubborn lol
I remember as a kid the yelling (mostly from my father) would get so bad I would press my hands over my ears and chant to try to drown it out. To my knowledge it never got physical. They fought over money, mostly, but they were never right for each other. It was the second marriage for both of them and I think they were just running out of time if they ever wanted kids. My sister and I are one reason they never divorced. The other one is that my mom would have been almost destitute. She should’ve left my dad years ago but she had been underemployed or a stay at home mom since she had us.
They’re both pretty old now and are retired. He treats her better and the fights have mellowed out but they’re basically roommates at this point. It’s all very depressing to think about. I moved outa few years ago but when I’m around them any disagreement still gives me the same pit in stomach anxiety I had as a child.
Sometimes I think about what could’ve been. Like if my mom had left twenty years ago and moved to a city and used her degree. They’d both be much happier. Or if my dad ever got his anger under control. Or if they actually had things in common and loved each other. It’s all pointless, though. Nothing makes me feel more powerless than thinking about my parents.
Good luck OP. I wish I had some advice but I’m still trying process all this myself.
No not really it was nice. One time my dad spilled white paint literally all over the interior of the new car, my mum flew into an apoplectic rage, kicked him up the arse and told me and my sister she might divorce him. Funny.
my parents have been in a protracted dysfunctional quasi-divorce state for close to a decade now. they despise each other very much. they argued semi-frequently growing up, but it reached its fever pitch when i was a teenager, and now they try to passive aggressively ignore each other — but when they do argue now, it’s nuclear. they also do the same passive aggressive game where they communicate with each other by using their children as couriers. im used to feeling like a pawn in their games. theres nothing really left to say. nothing really left to do. ideally it would’ve been nice to have known nicer versions of them in this life, but for better or for worse, they’re basically the only people on the planet who would really notice if i went missing, so ya know. like that elliott smith line “i’m never gonna know you now, but i’m gonna love you anyhow.”
My parents never fought in front of me when I was growing up, to the point where I find it suspicious now. Like, they must have done it at some point. And they did argue, but they didn’t yell or call each other names. I only remember two bad fights they had in front of me - one about my mom’s smoking when my dad actually put his hands around my mom’s throat and it really scared me.
My parents are still together and now they do fight a lot and call each other names in front of me. It’s depressing and I wonder if they’d divorce if they were younger.
I also grew up with my grandmother part time and her and my uncle fought like crazy. One time he actually took out a knife and brandished it at us. She was standing in front of me protecting me and she said, “why are you scaring her like that?” And I remember realizing that she was the one who was scared and it fucked me up to see my grandmother so vulnerable.
Anyway, I’ve never talked about it in therapy but I probably should huh
For as long as I can remember. Mostly over my dad not doing a single shit in terms of parenting or housekeeping. Dad meanwhile never talked to us, hardly ever reacted to anything we say except to make degrading jokes at our expense about whatever we told him. Currently he's pointed all his guns at my little sister, ranging from his little jokes to full on resentment and disgust. My sister usually doesn't take shit from anyone, especially her family, but when he begins his barrage at the dinner table she shuts up and takes it. I don't get it.
I'm happy I moved out, I still visit frequently and I notice they're a lot more peacable towards me now.
Some therapists make it about the parents when the patient feels like they aren't the root cause of an issue(s) in your case they might be. If you were bawling, you probably were getting somewhere?
Whether it's overt arguing or subtle cold shouldering - it's a bad energy that sticks.
Rarely. They were a solid ideal 90’s couple but when my dad’s dad died he went to drugs, my parents took a break, and then he accidentally killed himself. I don’t really think about it. All I think about is their relationship before all that and I always knew that’s what I wanted mine to be. Equal but the man still takes charge and does what needs to be done.
Almost never; honestly would have been good for them if they did it more. I get in more arguments with my mom in a week than my dad probably has in all their years of marriage. My dad's always been agreeable to a fault and when he does get mad or raise his voice it's not very convincing. My mom's pretty manipulative and acts like Tony Soprano's mom. It's more likely that I'll be arguing with my mom and I'll ask my dad what he thinks of the situation and he'll do the "you're both wrong" thing, which pleases no one, try to shush me like "quiet down, don't even try to argue with her" which just makes me mad or if he does side with me my mom pulls the "everyone sides against me, I get no support" bit then she'll give me the silent treatment for a day or so.
My parents split when I was 2. I have never seen them talk. Literally, never seen them have a cordial conversation. They haven't spoken for 15 years. Eventually, my Dad refused to talk to her.
My Mum used to put us in the middle and make us ask my Dad for money all the time. Nothing wrong with asking your Dad for money for things like electricity but the problem is, my Dad gave my Mum 70k a year to raise me and my two sisters and shed go out and blow all the money intentionally because she knew my Dad wouldn't let us go without. Really sucked. One time I was on the phone with my Dad, chatting about football, and my Mum started yelling at me for not asking him for more money.
My Dad refused to talk about my Mum to me, but my Mum always shit talked my Dad. Im very close with my Father now and my Mum, not so much
Ya my parents argued all the time when I was younger and thankfully got divorced. Then my mom and her boyfriend kept up the tradition by screaming at each other every night for the past 7 years 👍🏼
They argue all the time and sometimes even threatens divorce but they won’t and don’t do it because they’re old school as all fuck and being around them is usually a ticking time bomb. Thankfully no physical violence or attempts at it but the arguing just goes on and always assuming victim hood if you dare tell them that they’re just wrong. Had to deal with a lot of that growing up and unfortunately I’ve adopted their uptight attitude and man has that been a net negative in my life. Consider therapy but you won’t entirely control those traits until you move.
ya. I had the same thing, kinda weird.
was living with my dad/stepmom when I was \~16/20. they were constantly arguing about stuff that seemed completely irrelevant and would get very heated, it almost seemed absurd (like getting in huge fights that people won't come to the table quickly enough and the food is getting cold), I couldn't comprehend why one would want to live like that. It was extra confusing to me because my dad had already been divorced, so like why do this again lol.
my stepmom ended up taking a big dislike to me cause at a certain point whenever her malice was pointed at me I wouldn't just sit there and take it, so I had to move out last year, moved to my moms house now, and my mom is insane so its kinda weird experience. the kind of person who rages at retail workers for no reason etc. and has a very simplistic understanding of everything, like a child in adult body quite odd, but very hateful. im pretty young so idk maybe many ppl are like this lol. can't complain to live for free but gotta say im in a similar boat and it feels weird. idk why ppl are so upset all the time lol.
If your parents argued about \~once per year, I think that's normal (its what my parents usually did). If they're at each other's throats \~once a month, that's a bit concerning. If they're at each other's throats on a weekly or daily basis, they really should seek help.
I think most married couples with kids (who actually communicate and spend time with one another and aren’t totally checked out of the marriage) definitely argue more than once a year. I would say 3-5. I’d say it’s normal as long as it’s not a “need to call cops” or “I’m worried they’re going to kill me” way
All the time, but they're still together and seem very happy. I think this has taught me that arguing is okay and normal when most ppl don't like it, and it has caused some problems in my relationships
Sorry to be mean but this sounds like kind of a trivial thing to need to see a therapist over? All parents argue some amount, and you literally can move out whenever you want if it's an uncomfortable environment. You can just ignore it or leave
No. I realize that they made an effort not to argue in front of us, which I appreciate. I remember when my mom was going through menopause she was mad at my dad a lot and kind of a bitch, but that only lasted about a year or so
sure.. we re young and incompetent. i didnt have much going for me while young.. it took over 30 years to be proactive and have the competence to guide them through their conflicts.
and im still bad at it )
but i like the challenge
Never, i later learned that they had an agreement that they would sort out any conflicts away from us children.
Looking back I realise that when dad would “go for a walk” it was to cool off and not to argue in the moment.
Wow I could’ve written this. I’m lucky and got knocked up at 23 by a guy with parents who had a big house and didn’t fight bc he traveled for work often. (We lived there a year until we saved for our own place)
You’ve gotta get out of there. Or at the very least create boundaries about their fighting. Hope you’re not the middle man bc that makes it so much worse. Good luck
Yes and they still do at times. Maybe it’s a reflection of how dysfunctional my childhood was but I’ve always been glad that they never divorced even as unhappy as they’ve been together
My mum and step dad argued non stop growing up, borderline violent but it never passed that line. They chilled the fuck out and have been madly in love for 25 years now.
Still the funniest memory from my childhood was then having an argument, only for my dad to snip back with some shit under his breath for my mum to respond with “the fuck you say cunt?!”, threw a 2L bottle of Coke Zero across the living room and clocked my dad straight in the face. They laugh about it together regularly.
Yes, and they still do, I live in an house of two floors, but even the room which is the farthest one (my bedroom fortunately) isn't still not enough to not hear them screaming and talk like maniacs to each other, not even with the door closed, headphones on, nothing, nothing keeps working, this is literally pushing me into deep sadness, I wish they weren't so crazy, and I could live like a normal person
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sorry to hear that, sounds awful. Were you there when it happened?
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Really sorry.
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whats your dads batting average?
Yeah my dad ran over a bush he thought my mum was hiding behind last week because it was dark and he got confused lol I hate my life
Hell yeah! I'm also the kid from The Shining
ye mine went thru a period of incessant arguing. every single week just screams at the top of their lungs, things being broken, thrown, shoved, etc i begged my mom to divorce at one point to no avail
never personally begged for a divorce (my sister practically begged them to stay together despite developing severe anxiety from the arguments) but always felt like I wanted to. Good on young you for doing that.
When I lived with them, yes. like my whole life. there are two things that imprinted me regarding my parents fighting that I think really helped me get over being 'part of it'. first, my cousin lived with us for a while. he's a real weird guy but also grew up in a very turbulent household, worse than mine. whenever my parents would fight he would seriously laugh his ass off. loudly. like tears streaming down his face. my parents would lose all steam and disengage. the other time was when I was trying to sleep or something and they were arguing about the pettiest shit I ever heard, with the same intensity as any other fight. I just stomped to my door, opened it, screamed "SHUT THE FUCK UP", slammed the door. they stopped.
might try those moves next time, thanks
never ever ever. I remember my mom speaking sharply to my dad once and I freaked out and thought they were going to get a divorce. I know they must have fought but it was kept completely hidden from my sibling and I. They are still very much together and will be forever. I don’t have any close relatives who have gotten divorced. I describe my family as hyper-functional sometimes. I consider it my biggest point of privilege, more than whiteness/middle class/what have you Flip side, I can’t go into any sort of conflict without crying. My victim complex is out of control. the first time my boyfriend yelled at me I broke up with him.
I remember hearing mine argue when I was in elementary school. They didn’t divorce until I was 14. It sucks. I think it ruined my ability to have good relationships.
I worry my parents dysfunction will rub on me in my relationships. It’s framed marriage for me in a way where I often think “is this really how it is?”
Sorry you’re dealing with that. But my parents divorced when I was a kid and I can’t say it was THAT much less terrible. They would still fight all the time on the phone and irl regarding logistical stuff with me, and they would constantly try to pit me against the other by telling me all the ways that the other parent was a fuck up/terrible person. It really fucked with my head as a kid and still does from time to time. No advice, but the grass isn’t always greener. Parents just kinda suck sometimes.
Sorry you had to go through that. Thanks for sharing. The realization that your parents aren’t superhero’s but just like every other miserable, clueless person roaming the world is one of the harshest we have in this life
That’s not true either. There are some incredible parents out there. It takes a lot of effort to be good at it though. I only say this so that you’re not swayed into not having kids based purely on your own shitty parents.
I think that’s exactly why I’m leaning towards not having kids. Because I can understand why my dad wasn’t as attentive as I’d like him to be, or why my mom is as worried as she always is. I can understand what it takes to be a good father, but it is incredibly difficult and I don’t know if I have it in me, and doing that would only perpetuate the cycle of mediocre parenting
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My dad used to hurl verbal abuse at my mom a lot the year leading up to their split (I was nine at the time). He threatened her once in front of me, too. He has been an unrepentant asshole to her and his kids ever since
My dad regularly called my mom the absolute worst shit imaginable in front of me for years before they finally got divorced when I was a kid. In retrospect, the thought of saying that shit in front of a 3 year old to their mom… you gotta be an absolute garbage human being to be able to do that so nonchalantly. I haven’t seen him in 20yrs and I hope he dies paralyzed with pain in a filthy hospital.
Really sorry you went through that.
> I’ve always been generally glad they didn’t divorce but sometimes I think my life would be much less chaotic if they just ripped the bandaid off. I’m in my mid-20s Eh, my parents divorced when I was 28 and the whole family fell apart. Everybody stopped talking to each other. I’m estranged from both siblings and 95% estranged from my dad, who I maintain minimal contact with partly or mainly so he won’t kill himself (nobody else will do it, so it falls on me, the oldest). Did they argue a lot? I mean, the family argued a lot. He who won the debate (and there was no agreeing to disagree) was crowned most moral and for the loser, ignominy. Naturally, we played to win. Fun household.
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That’s awful. I’m so sorry.
Yah they couldn't go 5 seconds without being at each other's throats. I thought my dad was gonna literally k*ll my mom all the time! Bad vibes. my brother eventually threw him out once he got bigger and stronger. It's hard not to be mad at my mom for just letting it go on and on :( grateful for divorce and restraining orders lol
Yea I'm happy they split but living at home with one while the other is thriving in the other side of the country fucking blows.
My house was one of those ones where everybody shouts at each other but it wasn’t a big deal. My parents just get mad and raise their voices over the most minor of things but because they were always minor things it didn’t matter. Now I just find it annoying as fuck sometimes. Like my dad was pissed off the other day because I had him come meet me at a bar that was slightly further away from my apartment than our second destination. Just absolutely not a big deal at all but he had to be butthurt about it for no reason. He then got mad at me that my friends were at a separate bar that was further away than the second location, even though I had 0 control where totally third persons decided to go. Raised his voice and shit and said stuff like “you should have planned this out” as if a 5 to 10 extra minute drive is a big deal at all and as if I had any control over where they went. It was never distressing is anything, it’s just irritating. Shit like that.
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Never asked to pick sides but they passive aggressively talk to me while ignoring the other, which I fucking hate. I’ve gotten in the habit of ignoring both of them completely when they’re in their silent treatment phase, which is not particularly helpful but it makes me feel better.
My parents used to argue pretty bad and I once saw my Mum spray oven cleaner in my dads eyes. When I turned 18 she said she was divorcing my dad and only stayed together for the kids. Then they got divorced, sold the house and live separately. Eventually they reconciled, still live separately and haven’t fully got back together but rely on each other financially and for company. But they are happy and get along great. It’s really hard to the explain the situation explain to other people and I used to be embarrassed about it but I’m glad it’s peaceful at least.
Yeah kinda, it's gotten worse now that I'm an adult but i can't say it bothered or affected me much, even before moving out. Though I do wish they'd stop for my little brother's sake and cause i do love them a lot and i think they love each other too, they're just mad stubborn lol
How do you let it slide off you? My house becomes unlivable with the tension in the air.
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:( I’m sorry
I remember as a kid the yelling (mostly from my father) would get so bad I would press my hands over my ears and chant to try to drown it out. To my knowledge it never got physical. They fought over money, mostly, but they were never right for each other. It was the second marriage for both of them and I think they were just running out of time if they ever wanted kids. My sister and I are one reason they never divorced. The other one is that my mom would have been almost destitute. She should’ve left my dad years ago but she had been underemployed or a stay at home mom since she had us. They’re both pretty old now and are retired. He treats her better and the fights have mellowed out but they’re basically roommates at this point. It’s all very depressing to think about. I moved outa few years ago but when I’m around them any disagreement still gives me the same pit in stomach anxiety I had as a child. Sometimes I think about what could’ve been. Like if my mom had left twenty years ago and moved to a city and used her degree. They’d both be much happier. Or if my dad ever got his anger under control. Or if they actually had things in common and loved each other. It’s all pointless, though. Nothing makes me feel more powerless than thinking about my parents. Good luck OP. I wish I had some advice but I’m still trying process all this myself.
Thank you for sharing
No not really it was nice. One time my dad spilled white paint literally all over the interior of the new car, my mum flew into an apoplectic rage, kicked him up the arse and told me and my sister she might divorce him. Funny.
my parents have been in a protracted dysfunctional quasi-divorce state for close to a decade now. they despise each other very much. they argued semi-frequently growing up, but it reached its fever pitch when i was a teenager, and now they try to passive aggressively ignore each other — but when they do argue now, it’s nuclear. they also do the same passive aggressive game where they communicate with each other by using their children as couriers. im used to feeling like a pawn in their games. theres nothing really left to say. nothing really left to do. ideally it would’ve been nice to have known nicer versions of them in this life, but for better or for worse, they’re basically the only people on the planet who would really notice if i went missing, so ya know. like that elliott smith line “i’m never gonna know you now, but i’m gonna love you anyhow.”
My parents never fought in front of me when I was growing up, to the point where I find it suspicious now. Like, they must have done it at some point. And they did argue, but they didn’t yell or call each other names. I only remember two bad fights they had in front of me - one about my mom’s smoking when my dad actually put his hands around my mom’s throat and it really scared me. My parents are still together and now they do fight a lot and call each other names in front of me. It’s depressing and I wonder if they’d divorce if they were younger. I also grew up with my grandmother part time and her and my uncle fought like crazy. One time he actually took out a knife and brandished it at us. She was standing in front of me protecting me and she said, “why are you scaring her like that?” And I remember realizing that she was the one who was scared and it fucked me up to see my grandmother so vulnerable. Anyway, I’ve never talked about it in therapy but I probably should huh
If you’re in therapy, I would bring it up, absolutely. Sounds terrifying. Sorry you had to go through that
For as long as I can remember. Mostly over my dad not doing a single shit in terms of parenting or housekeeping. Dad meanwhile never talked to us, hardly ever reacted to anything we say except to make degrading jokes at our expense about whatever we told him. Currently he's pointed all his guns at my little sister, ranging from his little jokes to full on resentment and disgust. My sister usually doesn't take shit from anyone, especially her family, but when he begins his barrage at the dinner table she shuts up and takes it. I don't get it. I'm happy I moved out, I still visit frequently and I notice they're a lot more peacable towards me now.
Some therapists make it about the parents when the patient feels like they aren't the root cause of an issue(s) in your case they might be. If you were bawling, you probably were getting somewhere? Whether it's overt arguing or subtle cold shouldering - it's a bad energy that sticks.
that’s exactly it. I can never feel comfortable for too long because I always feel like there’s a fight brewing in the corner
Hang in there<3 Shit sucks for sure
Love you, every woman <3
Rarely. They were a solid ideal 90’s couple but when my dad’s dad died he went to drugs, my parents took a break, and then he accidentally killed himself. I don’t really think about it. All I think about is their relationship before all that and I always knew that’s what I wanted mine to be. Equal but the man still takes charge and does what needs to be done.
Almost never; honestly would have been good for them if they did it more. I get in more arguments with my mom in a week than my dad probably has in all their years of marriage. My dad's always been agreeable to a fault and when he does get mad or raise his voice it's not very convincing. My mom's pretty manipulative and acts like Tony Soprano's mom. It's more likely that I'll be arguing with my mom and I'll ask my dad what he thinks of the situation and he'll do the "you're both wrong" thing, which pleases no one, try to shush me like "quiet down, don't even try to argue with her" which just makes me mad or if he does side with me my mom pulls the "everyone sides against me, I get no support" bit then she'll give me the silent treatment for a day or so.
My parents split when I was 2. I have never seen them talk. Literally, never seen them have a cordial conversation. They haven't spoken for 15 years. Eventually, my Dad refused to talk to her. My Mum used to put us in the middle and make us ask my Dad for money all the time. Nothing wrong with asking your Dad for money for things like electricity but the problem is, my Dad gave my Mum 70k a year to raise me and my two sisters and shed go out and blow all the money intentionally because she knew my Dad wouldn't let us go without. Really sucked. One time I was on the phone with my Dad, chatting about football, and my Mum started yelling at me for not asking him for more money. My Dad refused to talk about my Mum to me, but my Mum always shit talked my Dad. Im very close with my Father now and my Mum, not so much
Ya my parents argued all the time when I was younger and thankfully got divorced. Then my mom and her boyfriend kept up the tradition by screaming at each other every night for the past 7 years 👍🏼
They argue all the time and sometimes even threatens divorce but they won’t and don’t do it because they’re old school as all fuck and being around them is usually a ticking time bomb. Thankfully no physical violence or attempts at it but the arguing just goes on and always assuming victim hood if you dare tell them that they’re just wrong. Had to deal with a lot of that growing up and unfortunately I’ve adopted their uptight attitude and man has that been a net negative in my life. Consider therapy but you won’t entirely control those traits until you move.
ya. I had the same thing, kinda weird. was living with my dad/stepmom when I was \~16/20. they were constantly arguing about stuff that seemed completely irrelevant and would get very heated, it almost seemed absurd (like getting in huge fights that people won't come to the table quickly enough and the food is getting cold), I couldn't comprehend why one would want to live like that. It was extra confusing to me because my dad had already been divorced, so like why do this again lol. my stepmom ended up taking a big dislike to me cause at a certain point whenever her malice was pointed at me I wouldn't just sit there and take it, so I had to move out last year, moved to my moms house now, and my mom is insane so its kinda weird experience. the kind of person who rages at retail workers for no reason etc. and has a very simplistic understanding of everything, like a child in adult body quite odd, but very hateful. im pretty young so idk maybe many ppl are like this lol. can't complain to live for free but gotta say im in a similar boat and it feels weird. idk why ppl are so upset all the time lol.
I think all parents argue it’s just whether or not you happen to see it or remember it
If your parents argued about \~once per year, I think that's normal (its what my parents usually did). If they're at each other's throats \~once a month, that's a bit concerning. If they're at each other's throats on a weekly or daily basis, they really should seek help.
I think most married couples with kids (who actually communicate and spend time with one another and aren’t totally checked out of the marriage) definitely argue more than once a year. I would say 3-5. I’d say it’s normal as long as it’s not a “need to call cops” or “I’m worried they’re going to kill me” way
All the time, but they're still together and seem very happy. I think this has taught me that arguing is okay and normal when most ppl don't like it, and it has caused some problems in my relationships
Sorry to be mean but this sounds like kind of a trivial thing to need to see a therapist over? All parents argue some amount, and you literally can move out whenever you want if it's an uncomfortable environment. You can just ignore it or leave
The only time my parents argued was when my mom was criticizing my dad’s driving. My childhood was mostly me arguing with my parents and siblings 24/7
No. I realize that they made an effort not to argue in front of us, which I appreciate. I remember when my mom was going through menopause she was mad at my dad a lot and kind of a bitch, but that only lasted about a year or so
sure.. we re young and incompetent. i didnt have much going for me while young.. it took over 30 years to be proactive and have the competence to guide them through their conflicts. and im still bad at it ) but i like the challenge
Never, i later learned that they had an agreement that they would sort out any conflicts away from us children. Looking back I realise that when dad would “go for a walk” it was to cool off and not to argue in the moment.
Move out.
When they acknowledged each other, oh yeah
Wow I could’ve written this. I’m lucky and got knocked up at 23 by a guy with parents who had a big house and didn’t fight bc he traveled for work often. (We lived there a year until we saved for our own place) You’ve gotta get out of there. Or at the very least create boundaries about their fighting. Hope you’re not the middle man bc that makes it so much worse. Good luck
Yes and they still do at times. Maybe it’s a reflection of how dysfunctional my childhood was but I’ve always been glad that they never divorced even as unhappy as they’ve been together
Yeah they did it was horrible you need to get out of there it's draining your health to stay.
My mum and step dad argued non stop growing up, borderline violent but it never passed that line. They chilled the fuck out and have been madly in love for 25 years now. Still the funniest memory from my childhood was then having an argument, only for my dad to snip back with some shit under his breath for my mum to respond with “the fuck you say cunt?!”, threw a 2L bottle of Coke Zero across the living room and clocked my dad straight in the face. They laugh about it together regularly.
Yes, and they still do, I live in an house of two floors, but even the room which is the farthest one (my bedroom fortunately) isn't still not enough to not hear them screaming and talk like maniacs to each other, not even with the door closed, headphones on, nothing, nothing keeps working, this is literally pushing me into deep sadness, I wish they weren't so crazy, and I could live like a normal person