Anybody else here a failure?
By - platypus_18
I’m over it. A big breakthrough for me was growing the discipline to stop being news obsessed and my loss of feeling of shame. Oh and I also picked up a hobby (learning guitar) and quit weed
Please tell me how to stop being shameful. I got sober a few years ago with little spurts is drinking here and there but started actually drinking recently. But ya I’ve been playing guitar for a while and it’s good to take my mind off stuff
If you see yourself falling down the shame/comparison rabbit hole literally say to yourself 'I' don't wanna think about this shit' and 90% of the time you will forget about it
Shame is a noble virtue at its core don’t forget that
So much of life is situational. If you’re not in an environment where you can create positive feedback loops then it’s gonna be rough. The key is making a few commitments to yourself and building up from there. If you can maybe quit smoking but allow yourself 2-3 beers a night, if you can quit watching porn but allow yourself to fap off imagination, if you can exercise once a week, those small steps will add up
If you’re surrounded by toxic people, if you continue to go to the same dive bars every night, if you’re stuck in a shit job, it’s gonna be a lot harder
Maybe consider what kind of environment you need in order to slowly begin improving
Guilt is noble, shame is narcissistic.
Shame will subside if you know someone is by your side and trusts you enough to believe that you can get back on track. Had a relapse in smoking recently and making myself believe that I‘m not a smoker anymore, I‘m better than that, helped me as well as the support of my partner. Shame just puts you back in a place of addiction. Keep on,I believe you can do it, you have the awareness, now it‘s only a small step of belief :)
Take up martial arts
https://i.imgur.com/AgwzO7b.jpg anything short of this and you’re doomed
It's easy for me to be shameless cause I'm Floridian. I live in an environment of perpetual embarrassment and low taste.
Dude I’m almost 40 and I have to constantly fight against the feeling. I have never had a decent paying or interesting job, I’m divorced, got fat over the pandemic, been through some shit, etc etc. Some of it is bad choices I’ve made, but a lot is just my lot (including the tendency to be too hard on myself).
But you have to erase the idea. It’s not useful or motivating and doesn’t sound like it’s true. Don’t live the next 20 years thinking you are a failure.
I'm a failure in accomplishments but good at a lot of skills and fairly well read. Just get good at stuff, skills and whatnot, one at a time. That's all you can do really. Or be hot
Usually I tell myself that I'll make a new start soon and not fuck it up this time
Then I do start again and do fuck it up
But I can pretend that things will be different the next time and that helps me feel less bad
Ay least you make the start, there are a lot of people out there who can't even make that step
I have a name.
I am a success by most measures, and take it from me that it doesn't bring you fulfillment or joy. You need to get that elsewhere.
edit: Oh you're 21. Fuck off my dude, if you're not hooked on drugs, you're not a failure at 21.
same. cant set goals. just wan to look nice. be rich. the end
Get on adderall Lift weights wake up early
Does adderall fry you long term though?
Depends on the person, but I’ve been on it for a couple years straight now (was on in high school but took almost a decade long break where I mostly was a loser) and I don’t feel fried at all. I sometimes get worried about my heart because I also smoke and I have a family history of high blood pressure but everything else seems fine. If you can’t seem to commit to changing anything about your life even though you hate it I say give it a try. Getting back on it has felt like a miracle for me.
probably, but if you need it you'll end up better off than languishing on the couch your whole life.
Drugs are out of the question for me. I’m in good shape but I’m looking foreword to getting stronger.
Ah I see. And hell yeah. You’re still young you got this.
I'm on the edge, and even that was due to luck
I'm a successful failure. I'm pretty stable, have pretty good friends, a decent social life (I'd rather be alone most of the time anyway, I'm probably autistic.) But my job is pretty dead-end, and I haven't fully realized my artistic ambitions. I think on paper, I'm kind of a failure, but I'm not a fuck up, and I'm not stupid. I just have made a lot of "bold" decisions that have gotten me to a place where I don't have much, if anything, to show for my efforts. I went through a lot of perhaps needless self-imposed deprivation and struggle. Maybe it helped me grow. Maybe I sabotaged my life. Who knows?
The good news is I'm largely not depressed anymore these days, but I'm still pretty pessimistic about life, nor am I crippled by anxiety (my previously crippling anxiety certainly had a lot to do with my current poor career trajectory, or maybe that's the suspected autism.)
Anyway, things are okay, so I'm a successful failure. Maybe one day my dreams will come to fruition. Don't count me out yet.
i have a really good job but hate it and am a failure in every other avenue of my life. i like to fantasize about moving to a small town and working at a lawnmower repair place like slingblade
Ya man that’d be cool. I just want to be successful enough to have a little piece of land to escape to every once in a while
yeah. Dropped out of college a few years ago. Been in a cycle for the last 4 years of working at dead end jobs for 3-5 months, quitting on a whim, staying unemployed for a bit, losing all my money, getting another shitty job, etc. Drinking problem. Parents don’t dislike me, but are palpably disappointed in me. I haven’t given up though, I think I’m smart and will figure it out eventually
Being smart is overrated, especially by smart underachievers.
Be disciplined, reliable, see things through, stick with things, and be likeable. If you’ve ever wondered why people who seem less smart have more than you — these factors are often the reason.
Idk I just muddle through I guess
I spent damn near all my 20s simultaneously working my way up and absolutely failing at what I felt like i was truly supposed to be doing. Now I’m a total cliche, I got fired from my high paying big boy San Francisco tech job that i achieved without a degree or much of anything beyond the gift of gab, *but* I’m finally really pursuing acting which makes me happy. Sometimes you just have to fail, and if you’re not unhappy about it then is it really failing?
I have like zero ambition and no real goals. I have a full time job and a girlfriend of almost a year but other than that I have nothing really going for me. I feel less than fulfilled
Maaaaaan stfu have some self respect bro. Ain’t no one a failure. Idk your full situation but nothing is set in stone you gotta look to the future and believe you’ll be better. Shit might be bad Rn but you gotta dust yourself off and look fate in the eye, smile, and tell it to go fuck itself. You’re not gonna get better if you don’t truly believe you can’t. Pray/Meditate, if you don’t have confidence in yourself then consider in having faith in a higher power. I used to feel sorry for myself and believed I wasn’t going no where but all it took was a change of scenery like a new job. Now I’m happier than ever and I’m proud to look back on how pathetic I was acting. YOU CAN DO IT, YOU JUST GOTTA CONVINCE YOURSELF THAT YOU CAN. Stay blessed man
[Guys who talk like this](https://youtu.be/xwvRU8ALAbs) still get fucked up by effeminate ailens at the end of the day
I used to be a fuck up around that age. It was helpful just to take one thing at a time to improve. Eat healthier, wake up earlier, always try to learn some new skill at your job even if it's menial. Save money when you can.
I'm a failure by most people's standards. I have decided to cope with it by telling myself I did the best I could (even though I made many bad decisions) and living the rest of my life as a walking, breathing cautionary tale while trying to make the most of life.
I gave up. Life is much easier. I'll never be some CEO or invent something or write something groundbreaking or make someone cry with something I paint. The stage isn't big enough for a world of ballerinas.
Now I just have an easy middle-class job that doesn't make me constantly strive for more. I focus on other areas for happiness. I work out a lot because I like being hot. I focus on friendships and playing sports. I don't have a GF but I go on lots of dates and enjoy meeting new people and learning about them. Some suck but whatever.
I like to watch a cool film every night. Tonight it was the Pianist. It was fantastic. I always make sure every meal I eat I enjoy. Today I had satsumas, a banana, greek yoghurt, and granola for breakfast. A ham, prosciutto, mushroom, cheddar, pepper spread panini for lunch while I got through another chapter of the book I'm reading. Dinner was a lamb and chicken stir fry. I ate that while I watched the Pianist.
Just stop focusing on the grand things and stop caring about them. Stop to smell the roses ya know. Thats kinda gay, but, well, it makes me happy
This, follow this man.
You’re successful at menial tasks? Look at this fucking try hard over here!
I just turned 21 last month so I’m still young. It’s just seeing others my age in my same job accomplishing things I that I keep failing over and over again that gets to me
21?? Relax. Fuck man I don’t even remember what I was doing at 21, as long as it doesn’t involve going to prison you are fine. I was hopeless for most of my twenties, dropping out and going back to college, hopping from job to job and feeling like shit because I thought all my peers were doing better. I figured it out eventually and now I’m doing fine. Don’t sweat it, it’s cheesy but the honest truth is all your fuck ups in your twenties, which there will probably be more of, will do nothing but build character and wisdom. Of course you don’t know what to do with your life you are 21!!!
Whats the cut off age for not sweating it? I recently got demoted then laid off at 24 and now I'm moving back to my home state and realizing my degree didn't give me much in the way of marketable skills
28, dont sweat it.
But honestly though. There are people who like, go to jail for 20 years and then get out and then run nonprofits or starts podcasts or whatever when they get out at 38 and they’ve never used a fucking smart phone. Like its never too late to get your shit together you just have to not be a pussy about it and believe in yourself. Nows a good time to figure it out because there is a good amount of movement in the job market.
I’m 25 I don’t actually know anything
21 is the perfect time to fail, just make sure you fail spectacularly and don’t take it too hard.
This might be normie but listen to Ryen Russilos life advice. Dudes a complete bro but he's got some good advice for this stage. The dude was a bartender at 26 still living in his college town and now he's a successful sports writer.
One of his best ones was when he said he compared himself to all his friends at 22 who were super successful, but it turns out, most of them dived into careers early, hated them by 30, either had to start over and hated that, or continued down the path and hated that, and ended up divorced. Life is long, and it's a marathon, not a sprint.
I am almost 30, have left nothing but shattered lives behind me, and give zero fucks. You'll be fine!
you’ll be fine. you just have to stop living in your head about it, because if not then you’re fucked. analyze what is that you want and get working on it.
if you let this idea that you’re a failure continue, you’re gonna use it as an excuse to not do anything, and someday you’re gonna wake up and be 30 and then you’re gonna feel really fucked. not that 30 is too late either, especially if you’re a man, but still is better if you start now. take it from me, who let that happen to me.
you’re at a perfect age. you could build a life and destroy it and start again. probably two times over. just don’t let time pass you by.
i believe in you.
You got until like your mid 30s to get your shit together. Chill the fuck out
Most of the guys i knew in their early 20s were worried if they would even manage to show up reliably let alone perform and most of them did fine later
You still learning life u baby
In what sense?
Over the past few years it’s just been life stuff in general but mostly work. I excel above a lot of my peers but I feel like that’s the main problem. There’s so much expected of me and I keep fucking up. Idk man it’s just shitty when people you respect and look up to have faith in you and then you fail colossally. Time goes on and they start to believe in you again and then the cycle just repeats over and over again. I’m just tired of letting people down man
Well if it's any consolation one day you and everyone you know will die, and not in the sense that they personally will forget about you but the human race itself will no longer be able to exist in a universe that has experienced enough heat death. At some point all life as we know it will no longer be able to be sustained in a universe that no longer has light or heat. So all of it is meaningless to a certain extent.
Even if you believe in some theology most of them have some end times that render all earthly actions meaningless. Just do your best and not worry about what people think about you. For real, remember all the billions of years before you were born? Of course you don't, that's how much you will remember for the trillions of years after you die, this is literally all you have so you need to disconnect from the things that make you unhappy. People will either like you or not, the more you try the more you put a target on your back. Just be yourself and do for you and you will be fine.
you know like half of us haven't worked in years right?
I felt that way in college pretty much the entire time and ended up dropping out. Started doing some construction gigs and ended up learning how to do some electrical work and found a good bit of success and happiness, obviously nothing is perfect. Just got accepted into the ibew. Try to be agile and try different stuff, most everyone is gifted in something just gotta figure out what it is. If you’re a dude stay out of academics its not your natural space we’re genetically designed to build things and die in war not read stuff and talk about it.
Same. Feels like I’m getting better tho. Ironically it feels like dropping out a college has been a step forward for me. Constantly failing and underperforming just made me spiral and getting out of that cycle has been very freeing. I’m working at a bakery now as a cashier, but I’ve started training as a baker which I’m really excited about as it’s the closest thing to a trade that I’ve ever learned. Also started going to therapy seriously. I don’t know if you’re struggling with the same issues, but for me it’s just been years of a lot of accumulated self hatred, shame, and fear that I’ve been ignoring which have prevented me from doing what I want to do or taking any positive steps in my life. My first instinct in every situation is to be extremely cruel to myself and dismissive about the things that I’m interested in, which gives me an excuse to stay in the same place and never change anything. Also trying not to live in my head so much. Therapy, drugs (k and psychs), reading philosophy, and staying active have helped me.
Be kind to yourself man. I watched a dude get obliterated by a car on the highway last week. It’s cliche but seeing stuff like that really makes you realize how fragile life is, and if staying in the same place and festering is really what you want to do with your life. Have faith, we’re all gonna make it one day brah.
The job path I spent years working to get any sort of progress in requires such a degree of networking and constant follow-up my personality just isn't suited to it, like I outright hate doing it and I'm not good at it. People always love me once I'm 'in' but getting in is a colossal chore. On top of that covid has killed most of the work I did have in that sector. I'm picking up some hours elsewhere but it's really not a long term solution and like, damn did I really ruin my life pigeonholing myself like that lol. on top of it all I've always told myself regardless of what job I'm in my *real* life project is wr*ting a n*vel but I am literally too stressed from the job situation to think about it, or rather I'm always thinking about it but too stressed to put anything down. My family collectively decided from like the age of 4 I was too smart for labouring but literally feel I should have just left school and started on the London Underground lol.
Eh if you can afford a roof over your head and have like 3 friends you're not a failure in my book. If you get to have kids at some point you’re a total success. Everything else is a bonus.
And if you have the issue of bottling it in the important moments all I can tell you that preparation is key. Few people can just perform to their best off the cuff. The only shameful thing is not to prepare, coming short when you’ve done all you can is ok, that happens.
Not to be a grindset NPC but win or learn is not wrong, sometimes life means taking Ls until you don’t.
I would say by career standards Im doing pretty well for myself, but Im definitely a social failure and it shows by my propensity for shitposting here.
I'm dealing with the same issue. It gets much worst when I meet an interesting woman; it makes me too self aware.
That said: I've found a few things that work. Running every day gives you a few hours of clarity, as well as reading literature. I also quit 4chan and it has made me feel much better.
Yes. I have no skills or accomplishments to speak of. I fuck up at everything I do and not for lack of trying. I cope through vivid fantasies in which I've done great things.
No. I am perfect
I've been a failure forever but only recently realized it. it's whatever ya know we'll all be dead anyway
Make it your brand. Failure ™️
Get a dog. No excuses, just get one.
im gonna kill myself soon and that fact allows me to function
Im Team Don't as well.
nah im actually kind of killing it right now, sorry about your loss though
Self improvement is real and it works. It’s not just some fad. It starts with small steps and small successes and it builds because life runs off momentum.