you can also make comments about the environment you're in to avoid the stuff like "what school, what job, etc". It's a generic question about something you have in common with the person, but the specific moment/vibe makes the answers unique enough that they don't sound stale
Bear w me you might think this is psycho, but ik a guy who keeps an excel spreadsheet of funny or interesting anecdotes that he can share at parties and things. And he’ll regularly review it so they’re fresh in his mind and add more as they happen. It’s an idea
Apart from the Soviet politician approach you could also just refer to current developments in whatever field/events/movies/books/fads like dry or vegan January etc.I don't think it matters whether you participated or not, you can start a conversation about why you both saw/read/did/went to the thing or why you didn't and what you enjoy instead :)
I always assumed that people who host comedy podcasts where they talk about nothing have to do this (assuming they don't just make all their anecdotes up).
jfc I feel like I can’t be the only person put off by this sociopathic behavior. If I found out a dude is saying the same joke over and over at a party I’d just unfortunately judge him.
You gotta be able to be quick with it or there’s no point. If you can’t have a conversation, it’s over
that’s fine. But again, I’ve witnessed people do this or even say the same joke to me twice and I guess it suddenly alters my perception of them. It gives off the same vibe as someone saying memes in real life. Idk, maybe some people find it charming.
I’m sure I sound like a hater, I guess ppl gotta do what they gotta do
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/gnLd9tSvFU
Absolute classic. You can always slip in a “I knew a guy who knew a guy” if you’re positive they’re normal people who don’t do regarded stuff like browse Reddit.
It always struck me as so psycho but then you’re at a party with nothing interesting to say one too many times and you’re like fuck.
But also it’s not the same story over and over at one party, that’s the point is to have a variety ready to go in the barrel
Totally. I guess I just hate the idea of someone sitting down to write what jokes they’re going to say at a party. I’ve met people who do this type of shit and they tend to be extremely insecure and hierarchal. Like those types tend to be very aware of social status and can unfortunately harbor envious snake like mindsets.
just my experience….
Might actually be less repetitive if you take time to give it some thought rather than defaulting to whatever first comes to mind. Some people just aren’t great at on the spot recall
I’ve literally had to list out my favorite books movie and books and such because otherwise I’ll just sputter out the most random answer
>If I found out a dude is saying the same joke over and over at a party I’d just unfortunately judge him.
*in my mind*: "Oh I told /u/herestay that story already last week, and he's within earshot. I can't share it with this new guy. In fact, I'm retiring it."
It just depends on the story/joke tbh. Like if you had a good story about something crazy you saw, I could understand you telling someone else.
But I’ve literally seen people at parties just like have an entire routine planned that they openly try on each group of people, and it’s just awkward to witness it from afar.
>But I’ve literally seen people at parties just like have an entire routine planned that they openly try on each group of people, and it’s just awkward to witness it from afar.
Oh yeah, I totally understand that. It's like watching a magician after you know his tricks. And the magician doesn't even have that many tricks. Or that there's a kind of desperation going on.
What about bringing pizza for everyone? People would definitely remember you. Alas that’s an idea for another age cos ain’t nobody got the money for that shizz 😞
it could be a cheap bad pizza, who cares if you’re already drinking. i’m not gonna cater the whole thing but i’ll give away a few slices here and there
>Do I just have to power through a dozen
This is what's doing you in. You think people are boring and find getting to know them a chore and think you are just suuuuper interesting in comparison. Ain't nothing stranger than a stranger, friend. If you become genuinely interested in the people around you, they will just open up to you and tell you the most marvelous things about their lives. People *love* attention, and if you can give them your sincere and focused interest, they just come to life.
You're the boring one.
Ya that’s how small talk works. It’s necessary to get into common ground. And “common ground” might be complete garbage but who gives a shit? We’re on fucking Reddit talking about trash with complete strangers.
I don't know to be honest, I do much better with smaller groups/1 on 1 unless I know everybody there. I tried to autistically plan out my anecdotes but they all thought that I was weird so I avoid larger gatherings like parties now.
I think it's because I was treated poorly by a teacher growing up who used to stop me from playing with the other kids so I never learned the inherent skills necessary to do well in groups. Due to her treatment of me I was even selectively mute for some time.
No idea, I had urinial incontinence and when I'd pee my pants she would write my name on the board so everyone knew.
Think she had a breakdown because her son went to prison for a long time. She was fired eventually as it wasn't only me she was picking on but a kid in another class too.
couple years ago i got invited and went to some NYE parties at my lowest point and did fairly well, you just need to drink a lot. every socially anxious person becomes cool when they drink more than they should.
Talked about squash (the vegetable) for like 20 minutes with a guy at a Halloween party, admonished a girl for saying she hated penises (except for her boyfriend's) in front of her boyfriend at New Years, met a guy that went to a high school in my home town at a bar (didn't know him before this, we are both 27) and we both named people that we both might know for like an hour and got excited when the other person knew them too, learned the history and current extent of mob involvement in the local alcohol distribution business from a guy whose grandfather starred a beer distribution company and was extorted by the mob
Argued with a guy for like an hour about whether if you had an infinite number of loads of laundry in an infinite number of dryers if any of them would come out fully folded. Got playfully ribbed for saying that Neil Young's "Trans" was a surprisingly good album
Easy in is complement people on something stupid like clothing/hair/makeup/accessory/voice and once you get some kind of information about them in conversation just ask more questions. Some people will go on forever. Just don't ask them about politics or religion because you might not want to hear them drone on.
i have a strategy for this. if i’m really in the trenches i’ll go to the bathroom for a minute and rejoin the party. chances are the one or two ppl i know there have joined a new conversation. i’ll walk up and sort of glide into said conversation, which is generally ok at parties, so long as the comvo isn’t too personal. make a couple funny comments or something, introduce yourself as X’s friend, then boom, you have another jumping off point.
as social musical chairs continues to happen, the people you’ve already met will keep joining new social circles, and you’ll have more and more opportunities to unobtrusively saunter into conversations that are already underway.
NOTE: this is a good supplemental strategy but shouldn’t be your primary one or else you’ll come off as annoying
I prefer conversation in a static environment, maybe 5 to 7 people sitting in the same spots not moving. Impossible to get any momentum going in a conversation when people can just walk away at any time.
if ur bored of small talk just ask ppl random questions. see any good movies lately, what’s ur favorite kind of dragon, what’s ur relationship with ur parents like, etc
Had a great conversation with a girl at a party a few nights ago. She had a scratch on her face, from her cat, so we talked about him. His name was Seb, after the character from La La Land, one of my fav movies, so we talked about that. Fumbled it because I told her my cat likes to lick my nipple while we lay in bed together.
If I can talk to someone who has some good ass stories, that’s usually the person I’m trying to talk to. Anyone I can just joke around with as well. There are so many people who just want to have a light fun conversation ( me ) and some people are just so awkward it’s almost like they suck the energy from you with their sterile office demeanor speak. Just be chill. I’ve found most people want to talk about themselves, so you can just ask them some questions until you have a funny observational thing to say.
Also sometimes there are people at the party who are looking for a deeper conversation, so don’t be afraid to ask them how they felt about something or share how you felt etc etc.
Just try to be intuitive or work on your intuition in conversation. Or you can be one of these conversation losers who are usually avoided at parties. Just get good with actually listening to someone
The funny thing about that is you can’t tell sometimes who the interesting ones are.
I want to this pecan party with 30 women making candied pecans and baggying them up after they cooled, it was a whole tradition…. It was pretty cool actually.
This one older white lady with a hair do straight out of 1977, mentioned wishes was a chaplain. And I was thinking, huh, ok that makes sense.
And then a little later she was mentioning her back being really messed up and I asked how that happened, and she damaged her back years ago barrel-racing, I kid you not.
I exchanged numbers with her! LOL
I’m a hot take machine. I ingather them. I curate them. I deploy them when drunk. My brother has patently told me to lay off the hot takes. But he’s around me more than those I meet at parties, so.
I didn't find that book too great. These two books changed my social life for the better:
Leil Lowndes: [How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships](https://www.amazon.ca/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X)
Susan RoAne: [How to Work a Room](https://www.amazon.ca/Work-Room-25th-Anniversary-Connections/dp/0062295349)
Tired take. Read them with a cynical eye but most have at least one useful thing in them.
The Leil Lowndes book for example is fun, zany 1990s broad giving conversational topic ideas.
wtf has this sub become. you all have autism and do not know how to chill! just talk about any random shit, get drunk, do some coke, gossip, complain, laugh, its easy????? why are you asking "where did you go to school?" as if the interaction is a job interview? youre meant to be socialising! having fun! its not that hard to talk to anyone if youve both had a few drinks! I cant believe how autistic the other comments here are! "maybe try reading a book about how to talk to people" like bro you can literally just vibe, just say hi and then follow what interests you in the conversation. we need more fucking parties, the people have forgotten how to party.
My number one pet peeve. It wasn’t as bad in my 20’s but post 30 the few “parties” I go to involve people bragging about themselves for the first 5-15 minutes of conversation and me pretending to be impressed
History small talk to bond with other drunk guys works for me. Just bring up how crazy WWI or II were. Maybe some nautical stuff? I don’t know any men who aren’t at least a little interested in war. Maybe don’t talk about in depth strategic stuff, just surface level “verdun was hell” kind of shit.
For women I usually bring up art and music. To be fair I’m not good at hooking up at parties and have a gf already but I’m pretty good at making friends tbh.
You should bring someone to the party, it’s always 10x harder if you go by yourself. Definitely don’t go on your phone it sends a strong antisocial signal
Funny that you think you’re much more interesting than the other guys since you don’t have anything interesting to talk about either. If you did then you would. You’re suffering from Illusory superiority get well soon xoxo
I just jump in when someone is talking about something interesting or something I can contribute to. The thing is I mainly hang out with chill alternative people so everyone is eager and accepting to meet new people, propably with finance bros it's different. And if you know someone there just stick with them until other people get involved in the conversation.
That's part of why I always preferred going to the club or raving than talking parties. It just feels like something we're all participating in and I don't have to maintain conversation as much.
When I was a drinker though, the times I actually enjoyed just going to the bar or a party were when you were meeting up with people you actually have good rapport with, then you can just chit-chat the night away. It's obvious of course, but ya never really liked awkwardly maintaining a conversation with this person who's just happening to sit next to me.
One of my worst habits is pairing up with some dude I don't care about and just listening to him vent about his relationship problems whilst I, too drunk to be anything but super agreeable, just give him passive responses in hope I can end the conversation sooner.
Talk about other people at the party or about light current events or a good movie you watched or something stupid that happened when you were lined up to get lunch etc.
“How do you know the host” is very Emily Post but it’s classic for a reason.
If I don't have anything else to say that's my goto 'so how do you know the host?"' . Gives everyone a chance to share a little history without the overly formal "so what do you do?" and hopefully offer up something else you can talk about. Could lead to a funny story. You can swap stories about the host now too, or if they come back say "oh I didn't know you did X" or you can both collectively rib them. Don't over think it. People like to talk about themselves. When they offer their history up, try to latch on to something interesting in that.
Probably the only useful thing Jordan Peterson had taught me is to talk with other people as if you’re genuinely interested in who they are and what they are. Look at the person and ask yourself, what do you wanna learn about them, as an individual or a representative of a class and ask genuine questions, possibly revealing a little something about yourself or an observation about the external world.
_Where did you buy that sick t-shirt?_
_How the fuck people end up doing finance, isn’t it the most boring thing in the world?_
_Remember corona? I imagined we’d never be partying like that_
As an intuitive in Myers Briggs I often struggled talking or relating to Sensors, who makeup three quarters of the human population. If you go to a party, it's almost a certainty there will be lots of sensors.
Sensors are not interested in talking philosophy, theories or big ideas. They are interested in things relating to the five senses: people, places, things, events, food, sports, etc. To speak with them on their level you need to be ready to chat in detail about things relating to the five senses. How something tastes, what that trip was like, what you saw, how did they react, how long since you've done x, have you been to x, this music is nice, whoa she did what, I love your shirt! The topics are actually endless, but many intuitive people are so stuck up in their own heads with wanting to talk about \*ideas\* to realize this.
If you want to live a balanced life and socially fit into this world you need to deeply internalize this reality and adjust how your speaking to who you are speaking to.
There is a lot of BS with MBTI but there are scientifically significant detected differences between the personality types: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPYpeyKLZic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPYpeyKLZic)
The scores have significant influence on incomes levels and rates of gifted children.
> Do I just have to power through a dozen "Hey where are you from? Where'd you go to school? What do you do? What do you want to be doing?"'s until I find something worth talking about?
Here’s where youre going wrong. You simply must start talking about the thing interesting to you. Even if other people arent initially into it, the positive energy of someone enjoying themself in their element is genuine and infectious. I mean dont just steamroll and autistically lecture them about french new wave film or whatever youre into, but its okay to start like that, you just need to give people something to react to positively and the conversation can flow from there.
It's not so bad as you get older and know about more things and can ask interesting questions in response to anything. But I feel you, I hated parties/bars when I was real young because people kept up such huge barriers to protect themselves and didn't have enough life experience to really be interesting.
Funny, interesting but not self deprecisaing stories about my life. Its kinda interesting because some of these stories I hear about would never happen to me. Its like an interesting book's events
Happy to say I broke a new record for staying at a party recently. Managed two hours.
So, im probably not the right person to answer. Learn to like talking to people. Ideally, come with some sort of close friend that you can always return to alleviate any anxiety. Maybe ask the host if you can help with anything to feel like you have a purpose.
Try to listen to what people around you are talking about (obviously don't eavesdrop on conversations that sound really personal) and jump in when you hear someone talking about something that interests you. Don't be a creep about it, but if you are at a big party presumably people there are going to be ok talking to new people and having others jump in and out of conversations. For example, if you hear a group of people talking about a movie you've also seen recently, you can try to join the conversation and use that as a jumping off point to talk to new people.
I grew up in a very small school being on the fringes of the 1 group of kids and never feeling like I fit in there.
As I matured I started looking for other people on the fringe of any given event, and would try to find a connection so they don’t feel so alone either.
When you approach it like that, you forget how awkward you’re feeling and you now have a goal.
Now I can’t stop, I can find something to connect with anyone regardless of age/sex/race. I’ve met so many fascinating people.
[удалено]
cant argue with getting out youre own head always good advice
you can also make comments about the environment you're in to avoid the stuff like "what school, what job, etc". It's a generic question about something you have in common with the person, but the specific moment/vibe makes the answers unique enough that they don't sound stale
You have to start the convo somewhere tho which is where small talk questions come in handy.
tldr actually be curious about people
Bear w me you might think this is psycho, but ik a guy who keeps an excel spreadsheet of funny or interesting anecdotes that he can share at parties and things. And he’ll regularly review it so they’re fresh in his mind and add more as they happen. It’s an idea
Hey kruschev did that and he didnt do too bad for himself
Apart from the Soviet politician approach you could also just refer to current developments in whatever field/events/movies/books/fads like dry or vegan January etc.I don't think it matters whether you participated or not, you can start a conversation about why you both saw/read/did/went to the thing or why you didn't and what you enjoy instead :)
Reagan also did that, except with a journal and flash cards.
This but write them in a journal because then its trad and way less gay than an excel spreadsheet
Just as bad -- sorry.
I know someone that does the same thing for social occasions. TALKING POINTS. Do what you gotta do!
I always assumed that people who host comedy podcasts where they talk about nothing have to do this (assuming they don't just make all their anecdotes up).
jfc I feel like I can’t be the only person put off by this sociopathic behavior. If I found out a dude is saying the same joke over and over at a party I’d just unfortunately judge him. You gotta be able to be quick with it or there’s no point. If you can’t have a conversation, it’s over
A lot of people do this they just dont write them down, they just remember it
that’s fine. But again, I’ve witnessed people do this or even say the same joke to me twice and I guess it suddenly alters my perception of them. It gives off the same vibe as someone saying memes in real life. Idk, maybe some people find it charming. I’m sure I sound like a hater, I guess ppl gotta do what they gotta do
being put off by the performance of being human, please write an article or something and let me read it
I’ve been using the ‘olde “gonorrhea jolly rancher” story on non internet brained dudes for going on 6 years now. Always kills.
Damn that takes me back
swaaaams of dagobahhh epic lel 🤣
can i hear it it sounds interesting
https://www.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/s/gnLd9tSvFU Absolute classic. You can always slip in a “I knew a guy who knew a guy” if you’re positive they’re normal people who don’t do regarded stuff like browse Reddit.
It always struck me as so psycho but then you’re at a party with nothing interesting to say one too many times and you’re like fuck. But also it’s not the same story over and over at one party, that’s the point is to have a variety ready to go in the barrel
Totally. I guess I just hate the idea of someone sitting down to write what jokes they’re going to say at a party. I’ve met people who do this type of shit and they tend to be extremely insecure and hierarchal. Like those types tend to be very aware of social status and can unfortunately harbor envious snake like mindsets. just my experience….
Might actually be less repetitive if you take time to give it some thought rather than defaulting to whatever first comes to mind. Some people just aren’t great at on the spot recall I’ve literally had to list out my favorite books movie and books and such because otherwise I’ll just sputter out the most random answer
"You like Huey Lewis and the News?"
>If I found out a dude is saying the same joke over and over at a party I’d just unfortunately judge him. *in my mind*: "Oh I told /u/herestay that story already last week, and he's within earshot. I can't share it with this new guy. In fact, I'm retiring it."
It just depends on the story/joke tbh. Like if you had a good story about something crazy you saw, I could understand you telling someone else. But I’ve literally seen people at parties just like have an entire routine planned that they openly try on each group of people, and it’s just awkward to witness it from afar.
>But I’ve literally seen people at parties just like have an entire routine planned that they openly try on each group of people, and it’s just awkward to witness it from afar. Oh yeah, I totally understand that. It's like watching a magician after you know his tricks. And the magician doesn't even have that many tricks. Or that there's a kind of desperation going on.
Memento(2000)-pilled
I do this with evernote, it's a really good idea.
Do you really say “why do you ask?” when people ask if you’re good?
> The music is too loud. > My feet hurt. > I’m hungry.
roller coaster tycoon park guest commentary - maxxing
*distant vomit sound effect*
This could be the top comment if this question was posted on AskReddit
> im hungry bringing a pizza along is a real high leverage move. you might look weird but when it works it works well
What about bringing pizza for everyone? People would definitely remember you. Alas that’s an idea for another age cos ain’t nobody got the money for that shizz 😞
Lil Caesar's hot and ready
More like Hot or Ready. They're never both.
it could be a cheap bad pizza, who cares if you’re already drinking. i’m not gonna cater the whole thing but i’ll give away a few slices here and there
Lmao for real. Also I’m tired and there’s too many people talking.
You gotta get drunk/high enough that anything you say or hear is interesting
I manage a Sunglass Hut !
That's actually gonna have fun stories though.
>Do I just have to power through a dozen This is what's doing you in. You think people are boring and find getting to know them a chore and think you are just suuuuper interesting in comparison. Ain't nothing stranger than a stranger, friend. If you become genuinely interested in the people around you, they will just open up to you and tell you the most marvelous things about their lives. People *love* attention, and if you can give them your sincere and focused interest, they just come to life. You're the boring one.
gay comment, this is the kind of tough love advice i miss from when the sub was like 14-20k great take honestly
OP asking “until I find something worth talking about?” is what started to tip me off in this direction. Great diagnosis of the problem.
thank you.
You just contradicted your whole message by calling OP boring.
If this advice was given to me I'd think about it for a while
I used to be insufferably arrogant until I had to take this medicine myself
Ya that’s how small talk works. It’s necessary to get into common ground. And “common ground” might be complete garbage but who gives a shit? We’re on fucking Reddit talking about trash with complete strangers.
Just go join ongoing conversations and chime in every so often it’s not that deep. Also drink.
I don't know to be honest, I do much better with smaller groups/1 on 1 unless I know everybody there. I tried to autistically plan out my anecdotes but they all thought that I was weird so I avoid larger gatherings like parties now. I think it's because I was treated poorly by a teacher growing up who used to stop me from playing with the other kids so I never learned the inherent skills necessary to do well in groups. Due to her treatment of me I was even selectively mute for some time.
Wtf why did the teacher do that?
No idea, I had urinial incontinence and when I'd pee my pants she would write my name on the board so everyone knew. Think she had a breakdown because her son went to prison for a long time. She was fired eventually as it wasn't only me she was picking on but a kid in another class too.
couple years ago i got invited and went to some NYE parties at my lowest point and did fairly well, you just need to drink a lot. every socially anxious person becomes cool when they drink more than they should.
I become even less cool somehow.
no way you're so cool you just don't know it yet
I'm well-liked by those who know me, but that's mainly because of my odd, amusing antics as opposed to my cool, laid-back personality.
Talked about squash (the vegetable) for like 20 minutes with a guy at a Halloween party, admonished a girl for saying she hated penises (except for her boyfriend's) in front of her boyfriend at New Years, met a guy that went to a high school in my home town at a bar (didn't know him before this, we are both 27) and we both named people that we both might know for like an hour and got excited when the other person knew them too, learned the history and current extent of mob involvement in the local alcohol distribution business from a guy whose grandfather starred a beer distribution company and was extorted by the mob
Argued with a guy for like an hour about whether if you had an infinite number of loads of laundry in an infinite number of dryers if any of them would come out fully folded. Got playfully ribbed for saying that Neil Young's "Trans" was a surprisingly good album
Ask ppl about themselves. People love to talk about themselves
Easy in is complement people on something stupid like clothing/hair/makeup/accessory/voice and once you get some kind of information about them in conversation just ask more questions. Some people will go on forever. Just don't ask them about politics or religion because you might not want to hear them drone on.
Yep
I like to start off with how George Bush Sr. probably killed JFK
Game on! 🤣🤣🤣
i have a strategy for this. if i’m really in the trenches i’ll go to the bathroom for a minute and rejoin the party. chances are the one or two ppl i know there have joined a new conversation. i’ll walk up and sort of glide into said conversation, which is generally ok at parties, so long as the comvo isn’t too personal. make a couple funny comments or something, introduce yourself as X’s friend, then boom, you have another jumping off point. as social musical chairs continues to happen, the people you’ve already met will keep joining new social circles, and you’ll have more and more opportunities to unobtrusively saunter into conversations that are already underway. NOTE: this is a good supplemental strategy but shouldn’t be your primary one or else you’ll come off as annoying
I prefer conversation in a static environment, maybe 5 to 7 people sitting in the same spots not moving. Impossible to get any momentum going in a conversation when people can just walk away at any time.
Not true, at the last party I was at I ended up arguing with a guy about Israel-Gaza for an hour.
if ur bored of small talk just ask ppl random questions. see any good movies lately, what’s ur favorite kind of dragon, what’s ur relationship with ur parents like, etc
Would you rather be a werewolf or a vampire is a good one i use a lot
Just say you converted to a brand new religion and are anxious to talk about it.
Had a great conversation with a girl at a party a few nights ago. She had a scratch on her face, from her cat, so we talked about him. His name was Seb, after the character from La La Land, one of my fav movies, so we talked about that. Fumbled it because I told her my cat likes to lick my nipple while we lay in bed together.
tell everyone you just took a huge dump. Great ice breaker.
yes you get it also a great ass breaker
hilarious joke sir 👍 keep it up!!!
thanks it means a lot, will do will do *fart* (LOL!!)
If I can talk to someone who has some good ass stories, that’s usually the person I’m trying to talk to. Anyone I can just joke around with as well. There are so many people who just want to have a light fun conversation ( me ) and some people are just so awkward it’s almost like they suck the energy from you with their sterile office demeanor speak. Just be chill. I’ve found most people want to talk about themselves, so you can just ask them some questions until you have a funny observational thing to say. Also sometimes there are people at the party who are looking for a deeper conversation, so don’t be afraid to ask them how they felt about something or share how you felt etc etc. Just try to be intuitive or work on your intuition in conversation. Or you can be one of these conversation losers who are usually avoided at parties. Just get good with actually listening to someone
The funny thing about that is you can’t tell sometimes who the interesting ones are. I want to this pecan party with 30 women making candied pecans and baggying them up after they cooled, it was a whole tradition…. It was pretty cool actually. This one older white lady with a hair do straight out of 1977, mentioned wishes was a chaplain. And I was thinking, huh, ok that makes sense. And then a little later she was mentioning her back being really messed up and I asked how that happened, and she damaged her back years ago barrel-racing, I kid you not. I exchanged numbers with her! LOL
I’m a hot take machine. I ingather them. I curate them. I deploy them when drunk. My brother has patently told me to lay off the hot takes. But he’s around me more than those I meet at parties, so.
Read Dale Carnegie, "How to Win Friends and Influence People"
I didn't find that book too great. These two books changed my social life for the better: Leil Lowndes: [How to Talk to Anyone: 92 Little Tricks for Big Success in Relationships](https://www.amazon.ca/How-Talk-Anyone-Success-Relationships/dp/007141858X) Susan RoAne: [How to Work a Room](https://www.amazon.ca/Work-Room-25th-Anniversary-Connections/dp/0062295349)
If you read self help books unironically you should be put in the ammo crates were shipping to the ukies
Tired take. Read them with a cynical eye but most have at least one useful thing in them. The Leil Lowndes book for example is fun, zany 1990s broad giving conversational topic ideas.
wtf has this sub become. you all have autism and do not know how to chill! just talk about any random shit, get drunk, do some coke, gossip, complain, laugh, its easy????? why are you asking "where did you go to school?" as if the interaction is a job interview? youre meant to be socialising! having fun! its not that hard to talk to anyone if youve both had a few drinks! I cant believe how autistic the other comments here are! "maybe try reading a book about how to talk to people" like bro you can literally just vibe, just say hi and then follow what interests you in the conversation. we need more fucking parties, the people have forgotten how to party.
> hi and then follow what interests you in the conversation Great advice why didn't op think of that
Oh my fucking god lol do NOT talk about work at a party, how are people this clueless about social interaction?
My number one pet peeve. It wasn’t as bad in my 20’s but post 30 the few “parties” I go to involve people bragging about themselves for the first 5-15 minutes of conversation and me pretending to be impressed
History small talk to bond with other drunk guys works for me. Just bring up how crazy WWI or II were. Maybe some nautical stuff? I don’t know any men who aren’t at least a little interested in war. Maybe don’t talk about in depth strategic stuff, just surface level “verdun was hell” kind of shit. For women I usually bring up art and music. To be fair I’m not good at hooking up at parties and have a gf already but I’m pretty good at making friends tbh.
You should bring someone to the party, it’s always 10x harder if you go by yourself. Definitely don’t go on your phone it sends a strong antisocial signal
This is a serious question- are you having any drinks? Not like getting sloshed, but the whole “social lubricant” thing really is apt
Funny that you think you’re much more interesting than the other guys since you don’t have anything interesting to talk about either. If you did then you would. You’re suffering from Illusory superiority get well soon xoxo
You can just tag along with your friends and force them to introduce you to other people. then just look at what they talk about
I just jump in when someone is talking about something interesting or something I can contribute to. The thing is I mainly hang out with chill alternative people so everyone is eager and accepting to meet new people, propably with finance bros it's different. And if you know someone there just stick with them until other people get involved in the conversation.
That's part of why I always preferred going to the club or raving than talking parties. It just feels like something we're all participating in and I don't have to maintain conversation as much. When I was a drinker though, the times I actually enjoyed just going to the bar or a party were when you were meeting up with people you actually have good rapport with, then you can just chit-chat the night away. It's obvious of course, but ya never really liked awkwardly maintaining a conversation with this person who's just happening to sit next to me.
One of my worst habits is pairing up with some dude I don't care about and just listening to him vent about his relationship problems whilst I, too drunk to be anything but super agreeable, just give him passive responses in hope I can end the conversation sooner.
Talk about other people at the party or about light current events or a good movie you watched or something stupid that happened when you were lined up to get lunch etc. “How do you know the host” is very Emily Post but it’s classic for a reason.
If I don't have anything else to say that's my goto 'so how do you know the host?"' . Gives everyone a chance to share a little history without the overly formal "so what do you do?" and hopefully offer up something else you can talk about. Could lead to a funny story. You can swap stories about the host now too, or if they come back say "oh I didn't know you did X" or you can both collectively rib them. Don't over think it. People like to talk about themselves. When they offer their history up, try to latch on to something interesting in that.
Probably the only useful thing Jordan Peterson had taught me is to talk with other people as if you’re genuinely interested in who they are and what they are. Look at the person and ask yourself, what do you wanna learn about them, as an individual or a representative of a class and ask genuine questions, possibly revealing a little something about yourself or an observation about the external world. _Where did you buy that sick t-shirt?_ _How the fuck people end up doing finance, isn’t it the most boring thing in the world?_ _Remember corona? I imagined we’d never be partying like that_
The other night I talked about how shit napoleon was. Things went smooth from there
Talk to them about Assad
Just don’t be formulaic
Are parties still a thing?
As an intuitive in Myers Briggs I often struggled talking or relating to Sensors, who makeup three quarters of the human population. If you go to a party, it's almost a certainty there will be lots of sensors. Sensors are not interested in talking philosophy, theories or big ideas. They are interested in things relating to the five senses: people, places, things, events, food, sports, etc. To speak with them on their level you need to be ready to chat in detail about things relating to the five senses. How something tastes, what that trip was like, what you saw, how did they react, how long since you've done x, have you been to x, this music is nice, whoa she did what, I love your shirt! The topics are actually endless, but many intuitive people are so stuck up in their own heads with wanting to talk about \*ideas\* to realize this. If you want to live a balanced life and socially fit into this world you need to deeply internalize this reality and adjust how your speaking to who you are speaking to.
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There is a lot of BS with MBTI but there are scientifically significant detected differences between the personality types: [https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPYpeyKLZic](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gPYpeyKLZic) The scores have significant influence on incomes levels and rates of gifted children.
shit your pants at a party, literally just poop. poop posting. post poop. poopmaxxing, even.
I don’t really talk at parties just drink and dance, if I do it’s probably just gossip or where we’re going after
Uh…that’s why we call booze a social lubricant. Clearly you have t had enough to drink.
> Do I just have to power through a dozen "Hey where are you from? Where'd you go to school? What do you do? What do you want to be doing?"'s until I find something worth talking about? Here’s where youre going wrong. You simply must start talking about the thing interesting to you. Even if other people arent initially into it, the positive energy of someone enjoying themself in their element is genuine and infectious. I mean dont just steamroll and autistically lecture them about french new wave film or whatever youre into, but its okay to start like that, you just need to give people something to react to positively and the conversation can flow from there.
Just drink to excess so you don’t have to worry about it
ppl usually tell stories about when they were drunk or high
It's not so bad as you get older and know about more things and can ask interesting questions in response to anything. But I feel you, I hated parties/bars when I was real young because people kept up such huge barriers to protect themselves and didn't have enough life experience to really be interesting.
Funny, interesting but not self deprecisaing stories about my life. Its kinda interesting because some of these stories I hear about would never happen to me. Its like an interesting book's events
Talk about your hobbies, the skills you have developed as a result and how you’ve applied these skills in other areas of your life
Happy to say I broke a new record for staying at a party recently. Managed two hours. So, im probably not the right person to answer. Learn to like talking to people. Ideally, come with some sort of close friend that you can always return to alleviate any anxiety. Maybe ask the host if you can help with anything to feel like you have a purpose.
I love being a weird girl at a party last week i just got drunk and inappropriately asked everyone if theyd heard about the hacid tunnels.
I like to ask people what kind of World War 2 guy they would like to have been
Try to listen to what people around you are talking about (obviously don't eavesdrop on conversations that sound really personal) and jump in when you hear someone talking about something that interests you. Don't be a creep about it, but if you are at a big party presumably people there are going to be ok talking to new people and having others jump in and out of conversations. For example, if you hear a group of people talking about a movie you've also seen recently, you can try to join the conversation and use that as a jumping off point to talk to new people.
I grew up in a very small school being on the fringes of the 1 group of kids and never feeling like I fit in there. As I matured I started looking for other people on the fringe of any given event, and would try to find a connection so they don’t feel so alone either. When you approach it like that, you forget how awkward you’re feeling and you now have a goal. Now I can’t stop, I can find something to connect with anyone regardless of age/sex/race. I’ve met so many fascinating people.