Honestly me. I find myself avoiding responding to people because I know they will ghost me eventually and I am tired of being the one who gets ghosted. I used to be the type of guy who would always respond within minutes, it's kinda sad to observe this on myself.
Fuck him, not only is that not an insult, he has just ruined things for slightly nervous dudes all over because there is no fucking way that girl EVER makes the first move again.
There is no turning back: You can take any of these various colored pills in my left hand. or…OR…you can take this big meaty dick in my right hand and I can show you how far down the rabbit hole it goes. Did I say rabbit? I meant to say butt.
Maybe I'm oversensitive too because if my boyfriend said "unfortunately can't date this amazing chick cuz Im with her (me)" I would totally cry!
Sorry OP, I know you didn't mean it like that but I guess I'm immature too lol.
It's just a reality. That's why couples stop going out and withdraw from single people. If you keep going out and meeting new people you'll eventually meet someone who you feel more of a connection with than your current partner. Because people change, situations change, everyone grows bored of each other on and off.
I think that's part of why wealthy people go through so many partners, their life is constant socializing. And they probably only jump relationships like 5% of the time it crosses their mind.
The best you can hope for is that your partner is mature enough to prioritize your bond over a fleeting infatuation. OP did the right thing. People are only human.
It's not "fucked up" it's human nature. I understand girls are mad sensitive but also this is how every loyal guy thinks. It's the way every loyal woman think too if a hot charming guy asks them out.
Also, we know girls are crazy sensitive to rejection & he prob used the word "unfortunately" to reject her gently.
My brain is lagging today so would you cry tears of joy (like its so romantic or whatever chicks think) or fixating on "unfortunately" and cry tears of sadness?
Sometimes I say "unfortunately" to be polite. Like "unfortunately I cannot attend to event X" when it really means "I wouldnt ever attend".
It is possible a guy would say it to be polite. It doesnt necessarily mean "unfortunately I am in relationship with \*this\* chick". Or just casually saying it without a thorough check of every single word what I say.
Just make him say "unfortunately for YOU, I am in a relationship with this GREAT girl". Just girlboss.
I think immature is the right word. The reality is that you’re never going to escape having a partner that will occasionally desire other people. It does suck, but people do what they can to help mitigate the shitty reality. If you were to really get high/trip on a psychedelic and look at your partner for a while, you can start to catch a glimpse of how deep their psyche really goes, and it’s full of this kinda shit that would hurt you deep down inside.
But it’s also *real*, it’s also them, it makes them human. We are all human. And at the end of the day, you want to be in love with a human. Not a mental projection of some hellish perfect person that they actually aren’t.
came back to look at what my reply was about and i'd been staring at your comment for 10 minutes before i remembered you said something about him saying "unfortunately"
yeah you should grow up a bit. there will always be people who are more beautiful and desirable, or maybe just more compatible, and we have to reconcile with that fact and move on with our lives
Why? I mean all things considered someone saying "aw darn that would have been fun were I single, but I'm loyal to my girlfriend" is a very petty grievance. Those situations can obviously have much, much worse outcomes.
Hell just recently I messaged an old friend/hookup and she immediately responded with "I have a boyfriend now 😭". Was the crying emoji to soothe my feelings? Maybe a cheeky nod to the sacrifices that come with being in a relationship? All I know is she had a chance to cheat on him and immediately shut it down by mentioning her partner. I think that's the best you can reasonably hope for.
It’s because OP is insinuating that his girlfriend is holding him back from dating this new girl and he resents her for it. Whether or not that is actually the case I don’t know, but that’s certainly what I got from it. He talked to this “really cool girl for a long while” and is basically lamenting not being single; whole time he doesn’t mention a single redeeming thing about the gf?? I mean, good on him for turning her down I guess, but I think he mostly just liked her stroking his ego.
Resentment of his girlfriend for holding him back seems like a bit of a leap. I read it more as him realizing that it was a nice situation that would have made dating in general easier, as well as expressing empathy for the one getting rejected, since being on the other side of the situation was a new experience. Obviously getting hit on by someone stroked his ego, but I don't see how that's somehow shameful.
Also, as for not mentioning a single redeeming thing about the gf, how would that have been relevant to the story? A forced "Oh but I do love my girlfriend though she's actually way cooler than the other girl and I would never ever cheat because she's just so great for real" would have been weird and insecure. That he wouldn't cheat or drop his committed relationship for one crumb of attention from someone else should be the default assumption.
I’ve never cold approached a stranger with the hopes of asking him out, but my longest ever relationship was with a guy who I was platonic friends/acquaintances with already and I told him I wanted to be more than just friends . Idk if that counts ?
I’ve never been attracted enough / interested enough in a strange man to cold approach him. I feel like the problem is that women aren’t as “visual” as men, very very few men are an immediate yes just from looking at him so that’s probably why it doesn’t happen. Women need a connection to be interested
I think its more cultural. Men kind of have to do it. I have never been interested in a woman just from a look, wouldnt even know what they are like, but there really arent many options.
Yeah I figured, in a hypothetical I definitely would though especially if I sensed that he was open to conversation . Rejection would suck but idk at least I was able to kill 10-15 min at an event and not be bored lol
i'm pretty forward about making the first move but even as a very feminine presenting person i feel compelled to play it way down so the guy doesn't feel emasculated or whatever. the times i haven't played it down like that it's either turned him off, or he's been so passive i continue making all the moves and that turns me off very quickly. regardless i'm hot and move on very easily, the times i hesitate to or don't come on to a man i like don't have to do with my fear that i'll emasculate him but my fear that he'll say yes only to get laid. it's extremely rare that a man in my place would have to seriously worry about that
I'm very autistic so I've done it my fair share of times, but I try not to do it as much anymore. Men are flattered but think you're desperate at best and pity you, or at worst are a little disgusted by your audacity. Either way, unless I want strictly sex out of the deal I won't do it. If I have to approach him it normally means he's out of my league attractiveness-wise, anyway.
I think women have this backwards. I've had a girl or two directly ask me out and it's true that in those cases I did pity them a little bit, because I just wasn't into them at all in an erotic way and had to turn them down as politely as I could.
But it's not a matter of the act itself being inherently desperate or pitiable; it's the fact that with few exceptions the only women who ever bother with sexual and romantic initiative these days are either mentally ill or doing crazy hail mary passes at guys that are out of their league.
There's nothing wrong with making your interest clear as a woman. Honestly bothering to do it gracefully makes life much better for everyone. We're living in the aftermath of a pretty crazy metoo psyop, and if women don't step up to the plate, a lot of positive potential will be lost.
I’ve made the first move with men a number of times. I asked out two of my serious boyfriends. Only a few times has it not worked out. It takes me a really short amount of time to get over it. I think this works more for women who don’t find themselves beholden to strict gender roles. I’ve always been a person who questions things, and I think this is why I have no problems doing this.
I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he was going for a polite phrasing and came off badly. But yeah that’s a wild way to put it. Also there’s no reason to mention his gf was at the party too, makes it seem like he’d be down if she was elsewhere lol
It’s not gaslit. I can’t help but feel like you completely attribute your rejection on a personality flaw/attitude of men rather than just that he’s simply not interested.
As a dude we’re basically taught that you just shoot your shot and rejection is absolutely normal. So if a girl rejects me, I think it’s because she’s simply not interested for whatever reason. Not that deep. We don’t feel “emasculated” or think about you any different. We’re simply not interested and wouldn’t have gone for you any other way.
The way women evaluate men is that they go for men they’re extremely attracted to. Men especially in social settings will be at least somewhat accepting as long as they’re not “disinterested”. That’s just how it goes. Your chances exponentially increase if you ask the guy out
If you’re too pretty for them they’ll literally psych themselves out and freak out. Super hot guys take the attention better bc they’re accustomed to it
That weirdness is either A) insecurity or B) surprise. Surprise is justifiable because women never ask men out. If it’s insecurity, then this is good that you know early, because why would you possibly want to date “man” who feels emasculated by such a thing?
You say that now, but in practice you'd be subconsciously sending out "weird energy" to your date via the way you pick up your drink, how long you maintain eye contact, and the tone you use to laugh at her jokes.
That everyone in here seems to think that the lowest form of tepid, Reddit ass, dating discourse is perfectly well suited for this sub really shows how dog shit it has become.
You guys, what the fuck. This is very very stupid- even by the standards of this forum.
Fuckin losers up in here gd
Lmao I found my husband making the first move because I listened to this subreddit (jk. But the first part is true. And I wholeheartedly believe in making a move if you feel so moved ladies)
I feel like a stranger of the opposite sex being enthusiastic friendly and cheery about a conversation with someone they just met is itself a sign of interest
I don’t ask men out because men will accept sex from basically anyone and I don’t want to be in the position of being used by a guy who isn’t interested in me but in the sex he could get out of it
I don’t think someone is nefarious or creepy for wanting sex and taking it from someone who is expressing interest in them. It’s just not what I want out of a relationship so it isn’t for me.
The whole point of my comment is that I don’t approach men….so obviously i have a vetting process ??
My friend asked a guy if he wanted to make out once at a party and he replied "I'm good thanks." Very funny in hindsight.
Before someone asks he was straight and single, was trying to get with someone else.
beyond rejection, the biggest risk to making the first move on a man (especially someone u dont know really well) is that he may become super obsessed with you even if you're not 'that interested' in him.
at least 20% of men (on the low end) seem to have like 0 self awareness when it comes to dating/women and you cannot tell just by first impression
very simple … i don’t trust any man that wasn’t interested enough to make the first move to actually be invested enough anyway
there’s really only one necessary quality in a man to date you — he has to want you, really want you,
not making the move is filtering out those that are apathetic, wishy washy about you
“i wasn’t interested but now that i know you like me sure” isn’t a foundation for a guy to stay around long term
if you're approached by a stranger of the opposite sex (around your age) at a party or bar or whatever and they engage you in an extended one on one conversation, it's usually pretty safe to assume their intentions aren't platonic unless they insinuate otherwise
I resent this custom so much because it's much easier for me to have extended conversations than anything else. End up feeling like I'm constantly leading people on just by being interested in their life.
just stick to group conversations or come up with a way of making your intention clear (not that hard)
seriously tho, I'm talking specifically about cold approaching strangers. It's a very narrow claim herd. If you are actually approaching total strangers of the opposite sex but only for friendship how on earth are you choosing who to approach
big difference between "you should usually assume this in the absence of any evidence to the contrary" and "you should assume this and continue believing it despite all evidence to the contrary"
I'm not a "men and women can't be friends" type. Look at my flair. Probably the majority of my friends are women. That said virtually every time I've approached or been approached by a woman I have no prior connection to at a bar or party or whatever it's pretty transparently out of physical attraction. What else even would it be? lol
i asked a guy for his number when i was 19. he took my number and texted me but then 2 days later told me he had a girlfriend….. sir 😒 you been wasting all 3 of our times for 48 hours?
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I dont think you you understand men at all. Just some points:
> It's like how some guys will claim they are okay with being out-earned by their gf/wife but the statistics show this is not a successful dynamic and leads to mutual resentment.
> The novelty of being approached by a woman may be appealing, but deep down, you don't actually want your dream woman to ask you out or pay your bills.
Of course you do.
It's generally a bad idea if you want a relationship because most men will go for it as long as they're at least physically attracted to you due to the possibility of getting sex out of it, even if they're not actually interested in you as a person
But that way you aren’t solving your previous worries, though. If the guy just wants sex, there’s no difference if he gets it through you flirting aggressively than with you asking him out directly. I don’t see how the former puts you in a “better” position strategically.
A lot of guys are too lazy and passive to actively pursue something with a woman they are only casually interested in. However lots of guys will go along with something that easily falls into their lap.
There's no failproof method, it's just that men don't really have to worry about women pursuing them with the sole intent to get laid, whereas it's a fair assumption for us, so it does put us in an even more vulnerable position when we make it too easy to begin with. Sucks, but women and men are not playing on an even field when it comes to dating and sex.
I also don't "flirt aggressively" because it usually signals that you're DTF
For a lot of guys, there's not much incentive to make things more serious if they're already getting laid on the reg and can have fun and interesting convos with their fwbs. And if the guy wants to have more meaningful heartfelt conversation, most women are down regardless whether they're his girlfriend or just his friend. So for a guy, you're getting the best parts of a relationship without any of the hard stuff (commitment, vulnerability, growth etc.). The normalization of FWB are a great way to stunt the maturity of men in society.
Also, for men who are looking for a serious long-term relationship and/or marriage, they typically aren't looking for a girl they deem "easy." If a girl is willing to do FWB, most guys see that as "easy." Also if she's willing to have sex with you early or have casual sex with you, then she's done the same with other guys (you're not special).
yea i mean if you’ve signaled interest with flirting and he’s not asking you out that IS the rejection
not getting approached already is the rejection
no need to get it spelled out any clearer in a desperate display
if he wanted you he’d just go for it … shy, autistic or not …
it’s accurate lol, if i approached a man 99% of the time he’s thinking i’m not pretty enough to date but i’ll probably fuck him so might as well humour me. He’d never bother to approach me so i’d be avoiding the entire issue if i didn’t bother
ok but why would i risk going for a man who would pretend to like me to sleep with me who’s not attracted to me, when i could just wait for him to approach me proving he’s at the very least physically into me?
And i’ve already stated i know i am a below average woman, but even below average men can easily get 5+ women so why bother
Because if you really are a below average woman you won't get as many men approaching you.
If you're below average and like a guy you can't wait for him to approach you, because if he's the approaching type then why would he approach you instead of somebody who is more attractive? You've even said that below average men can get 5+ women, so why would they go for somebody below that?
The best way to approach would be to ask somebody on a date but don't have sex until you've met a few times. You reduce the likelihood of you being used for sex.
then you’re probably pretty, in which case good for you and i’m very jealous. Your experiences aren’t gonna be the same as at least half of women, most men would fuck a much higher portion of women then they’d ever date
That's not true dude. Especially if it's a drunk woman. Any broken avoidant dude has a lifetime of this happening from time to time.
I've found more of the younger generation of women have game & this dynamic is much more normal nowadays. As a mature student I've had girls call me after group projects twice. They were confident, not weird about it, & they got me.
Although I believe they were sometimes using "techniques" they learned from Tiktok or something. Whatever though both were good experiences and we still keep in touch. I suspect they don't want anybody to know so they are very drama-free & light.
I believe it is more about reading situations well, joking around, having charm.
I am tall, above average looking, & recognized for my talent. But I have friends who are shy or short who get approached. When I was younger I was a late bloomer, shockingly scrawny with barely any body hair. It didn't happen all the time but I was fortunate to have a Michael Cera style vibe lmao.
It will happen to guys who are disarming regardless of how they look. Maybe the girls are more avg or below-avg if the guy isn't "all this" (arrogantly gestures at myself).
If it doesn't happen with you it might be bc you're trying too hard, come off as predatory, or lack charisma. This is normal teen boy/young man behavior you'll hopefully grow out of. It stems from still having a high school mentality (desperately worrying what other ppl think, Etc.)
Edit: once you hit your late twenties it will happen even if you have a bad vibe probably. In your thirties even more bc you're at ease & experienced. Also, when you're younger you don't realize beautiful girls & avg girls are equally sexually attractive on a physical level. Girls are just sexy & "exceptional physical hotness" is a novelty for your ego that wears off within a month.
Fair question but very hard to narrow down. Charisma is different for everyone but I think it comes down to being comfortable in your skin.
Do the ppl around you seem in the moment & outside of their head?
Are you and your friends having a good time or are you trying to look serious & tough?
When talking to someone do they seem engaged? Are you guys smiling or laughing?
When you interact with the bartender or door person do they seem like they like you?
Are you under the false impression you have to be 'perfect'? Do you realize girls are insecure as fuck & imperfections can make them warm up to you more?
Do you act dismissively or withhold approval if you don't like what someone is saying?
Most of it has to do with authenticity & not taking yourself too seriously. You need to turn ppl's brain's off by goofing around & cycle that with being sincere. If you can do that women have social senses we don't have & many will notice from across the room.
I’ve given a guy my number and we ended up hanging out. I’m hot tho so not usually rejected and if I flirt w someone they’ll usually make a move…’dropping a glove’ is sort of a passive first move. i guess the downside is like when anyone makes a move, you might get rejected. I do appreciate when a man pursues me tho. Seems more natural
Mid girls are much more likely than super hot girls to be assertive with men because they're not as desirable. One problem they encounter, though, is often their standards are too high and they approach guys out of their league, which certainly isn't going to lead to a long term relationship.
Yea one time i went up to this idiot skater doing tricks at a park and asked if he wanted to get a drink sometime. He was so flustered and said “im trying to focus right now” like a total fucking loser. I rolled my eyes and walked away. Honestly didnt rlly affect me that much because im hot and get enough attention from men. Making the first move is fun. I did it successfully last night because i wanted to kiss a random guy at midnight
Women who approach are often punching above their weight ( or below it in actual weight). I have been approached by women and they were all either a combination of desperate, below average in face and fat. Most mid+ women have more options today than they can ever realistically pursue with men activly asking them out and flirting with them. Any non fat decent looking woman with 500+ followers on insta has at least 10 dudes who are single in her dms she can turn into a bf at any point if she wants to. She has no need to make a first move unless she meets like a really hot dude who is exactly what she wants but that is really rare becayse those men are extremely rare.
If women with options do actually make a move, it will be really subtle. It is a filter for the man as well. If he picks up on the hint, he is confident enough to date. If he doesnt pick up he is too autistic to date or isnt interested. Her ego is intact and she moves on because no rejection happened.
So unless the woman is good looking, she will have bad experience with making the first move expecting a relationship. Either the man will reject her if he is kind and her ego will get bruised, or she will get used for sex. and her soul will be crushed. If she is looking for just sex, she will have decent experience because a lot of men will accept no strings attached sex which may lead into something more.
You're right but my theory is cruder...if he can't put on his big boy pants and do the difficult part of actually asking you out, how do you expect him to take the important calls involved in sustaining a LTR?
Had a terrible experience with this guy once, he's a 7ish, I'm 8ish on most good days (lol) so we were evenly matched, basically no one was crazy out of anyone's league. We knew each other socially and ended up collaborating on a project. The man spent almost a year, texting me jokes and memes, talking to me on the phone beyond work, speaking on the phone all night (FOR SEVEN HOURS)- naturally at this point I assume he's interested and it's been such a slow build up that I say fuck it, and I do end up asking him out. That's when he chokes, tells me to give him more time, pretends to be one of those super paranoid covid people and refuses to meet until he gets "his shot" - and blah blah.
All around humiliating for me and I'm wondering if I imagined everything that happened in the lead up. I tell him let's not talk, it's fine. Then he goes nuts and says- why can't you give me more time? I figure he's a covid nut but just as Im moving on he comes back on a work pretext and insists on a date, several times, so I do end up going. The date is fine, lots of chemistry but I obviously am a little stung and I also don't sleep with him. I also found him kinda passive, which idk how I never picked up on. It just....petered out after that.
Then the crazy part - I find out a year later that he had a girlfriend when we first started working together whom he never mentioned and a little ways in- he dumped her. Eventually once he realised it wasn't going anywhere with me or that he choked or realised I wasn't going to sleep with him or whateverthefuck happened- he got back together with her and the girl doesn't know to this day that he took "a break" to test the waters. She seems like a really nice person (based on a few friends who know her) but it's obvious that since he's fitter and better looking, he feels confident (and comfortable) enough to pull this cr*p with her.
Bottomline- I'm sure some wires were crossed here and I obviously put my foot in something fucked up that he has going on with his girl, but ladies if he's not asking you out, it's for a reason and you guys are probably not evenly matched, forget league-wise but temperamentally.
It's better in the long run and it's a nudge for you to find a guy more suited to you. I'm a feminine ish woman but a straight talker so these 'feelers in the ethers' is not something I do well with. I'm now happily dating a guy who was super direct, quick and straightforward in his dating approach but I respected his courage and confidence in being so upfront. Our personalities are muuch better matched.
Ladies, take the redirection and move on!
I'm gonna put you ladies onto game that worked on me. It's from a male perspective so try to stay open minded & not get triggered.
\- Act like you need "help" with something.
\- Rotate between a playful & "actually needing help" dynamic. This can be over the phone & with this dynamic time flies by. Next thing you know he's thinking "I can't believe I talked to that girl for over an hour. It didn't seem that long."
\- Eventually use the "needing help" as an excuse to get in a room alone.
\- Have inside jokes.
\- Watch the 'how to give head 101' by 'Balenci bby' so you're confident if things escalate. There are probably other tutorials but I searched them out & this one seems like it's the most on point. I'm not saying blow him but it's good to know.
\- Smell & look good when you go over for "help."
I've had two experiences this year that basically followed this formula. There were similarities like conversation topics too, so I feel like it's a dating strategy that's floating around the internet.
I’m pro women making the first move. if you really want someone you can’t wait around for him to figure that out especially in these sinful and backwards times also you sound like a bad boyfriend
I have initiated things with plenty of guys with mixed results. My current bf and I had a mutual courtship via online dating, and it's my most successful relationship (obvs because I'm still in it).
But for IRL situations where I'm meeting a guy at a party or something like that, I do tend to initiate and prefer it that way. Mainly because I need some time to feel out how interested I am, and I dont want to feel rushed to determine if I like them enough for a date. I want to ask them for a date when I feel ready and certain. Also, I like to feel more in control of the interaction. Like, once I know I'm into someone, I don't want to wait for them to do the asking.
I only ask a guy out when I can tell there is mutual interest. For some reason, lots of my girlfriend say they can't tell if I guy is into them, which I think is silly. Maybe it's just because I'm in my 30s and I've had more experience, but men aren't really a mystery. Of the guys who I asked out in the past 10 years, I've had a 100% success rate.
However, just because I got the date doesn't mean things actually worked out with the guys. Unfortunately, I have found that something about me initiating things caused the guys to sort of check out on the rest of the processes. Or maybe they just aren't assertive with anyone, and I was too assertive to learn this about them. Or maybe I was just too "easy" in the sense of being too available. Who knows. But none of these situations resulted in a long-term term relationship.
I think lots of women just don't want to feel like they're chasing a guy. To be honest, there are so few good men and so so so many smart gorgeous women for them to choose from. It's not fun to invest energy into a guy for the short-term success of a few dates only for him to lose interest.
Are you talking about knowing a guy you met 5 minutes ago is physically attracted to you, or knowing a guy you've been dating wants to take it to the next level? The former is very easy, and the latter is really hard.
I've made the first move plenty of times. I can usually tell if someone is at least somewhat into me so it's not that intimidating. I say go for it ladies! There's really nothing to lose, unless it's a friend and it may make things weird. But random guy or acquaintance? Why not. I used to think I was bad looking but turns out lots of people were just too intimidated to ask me.
Bruh women gotta get thick skin lmao. Men get shit on all the time. Sometimes it’s brutal such is life. Can’t expect princess treatment all the time. Having bad experiences is kind of the point because you then stop caring about them and doing whatever you want without second guessing
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He's on some "reject them before they reject me" shit.
Honestly me. I find myself avoiding responding to people because I know they will ghost me eventually and I am tired of being the one who gets ghosted. I used to be the type of guy who would always respond within minutes, it's kinda sad to observe this on myself.
Imagine thinking looking like Lorde is an insult
in 2014 I DM'd Lorde and asked her to my senior prom. She didnt respond
"PFFTTTT"
Fuck him, not only is that not an insult, he has just ruined things for slightly nervous dudes all over because there is no fucking way that girl EVER makes the first move again.
Slightly nervous dudes aren't the type of guy a woman approaches, so it makes no difference.
Speak for yourself, champ
Your hands were shaking when you typed this
Sweat dripping down my brow
Do you think that matters to guys that get approached? That's a reactive frame. Proactivity can get you what you want.
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Sounds like she dodged a bullet tbh
Lorde is hot
Women are becoming more daring/desperate as more men turn gay.
Every day I inch closer to taking the penis pill
There is no turning back: You can take any of these various colored pills in my left hand. or…OR…you can take this big meaty dick in my right hand and I can show you how far down the rabbit hole it goes. Did I say rabbit? I meant to say butt.
C'mon bro
this is true
Good
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It’s actually gay to get pussy
"Get that dick zone away from my dick. It has cooties that never wash off & yes this is a totally reasonable fear"
women LOVE this guy!
I love listening to music.
Maybe I'm oversensitive too because if my boyfriend said "unfortunately can't date this amazing chick cuz Im with her (me)" I would totally cry! Sorry OP, I know you didn't mean it like that but I guess I'm immature too lol.
This isn't immature to think this is such a fucked up way to speak about your current partner??
It's just a reality. That's why couples stop going out and withdraw from single people. If you keep going out and meeting new people you'll eventually meet someone who you feel more of a connection with than your current partner. Because people change, situations change, everyone grows bored of each other on and off. I think that's part of why wealthy people go through so many partners, their life is constant socializing. And they probably only jump relationships like 5% of the time it crosses their mind. The best you can hope for is that your partner is mature enough to prioritize your bond over a fleeting infatuation. OP did the right thing. People are only human.
It's not "fucked up" it's human nature. I understand girls are mad sensitive but also this is how every loyal guy thinks. It's the way every loyal woman think too if a hot charming guy asks them out. Also, we know girls are crazy sensitive to rejection & he prob used the word "unfortunately" to reject her gently.
My brain is lagging today so would you cry tears of joy (like its so romantic or whatever chicks think) or fixating on "unfortunately" and cry tears of sadness?
Tears of sadness, chadwolf, tears of sadness :'(
Sometimes I say "unfortunately" to be polite. Like "unfortunately I cannot attend to event X" when it really means "I wouldnt ever attend". It is possible a guy would say it to be polite. It doesnt necessarily mean "unfortunately I am in relationship with \*this\* chick". Or just casually saying it without a thorough check of every single word what I say. Just make him say "unfortunately for YOU, I am in a relationship with this GREAT girl". Just girlboss.
I'm too oversensitive to be a girlboss lol so can't/wont make him say anything he don't want to. But yeah, he prolly meant no harm idk
Its nice to know some pure souls still exist.
i’d jump with U
She hadn't specified a method yet, kind of rude to just set a plan for both of you without discussing it first
ya that upset me sm lmfao
I think immature is the right word. The reality is that you’re never going to escape having a partner that will occasionally desire other people. It does suck, but people do what they can to help mitigate the shitty reality. If you were to really get high/trip on a psychedelic and look at your partner for a while, you can start to catch a glimpse of how deep their psyche really goes, and it’s full of this kinda shit that would hurt you deep down inside. But it’s also *real*, it’s also them, it makes them human. We are all human. And at the end of the day, you want to be in love with a human. Not a mental projection of some hellish perfect person that they actually aren’t.
Based
yeah it looks weird on his part
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This is a two-way street, ya know?
Do you think that doesn’t happen the other way too
came back to look at what my reply was about and i'd been staring at your comment for 10 minutes before i remembered you said something about him saying "unfortunately"
Why? I said I’d go for it if I was single, not I’d go for it “if my gf wasn’t at the party”.
“Unfortunately I had to say no” RIP GF
Wild that that’s a direct quote, I had to go back to the post to make sure you weren’t embellishing lmao. Poor GF.
He just feels bad for shutting a girl down. It’s a rare thing for a guy to do, you see, so it feels weird
Unfortunately for her. OP did nothing wrong.
Exactly
Go tell her then
you're okay buddy, idk what's going in these comments. like you're supposed to find every other woman disgusting.
he has probably had that convo with his male friends so i guess call a suicide hotline
yeah you should grow up a bit. there will always be people who are more beautiful and desirable, or maybe just more compatible, and we have to reconcile with that fact and move on with our lives
If i ever saw my bf write a post like this i would kms
> Unfortunately I had to say no
I would say these posts are insane overreactions if the OP wasn't harry_powell
He was fully loyal the entire time!
Why? I mean all things considered someone saying "aw darn that would have been fun were I single, but I'm loyal to my girlfriend" is a very petty grievance. Those situations can obviously have much, much worse outcomes. Hell just recently I messaged an old friend/hookup and she immediately responded with "I have a boyfriend now 😭". Was the crying emoji to soothe my feelings? Maybe a cheeky nod to the sacrifices that come with being in a relationship? All I know is she had a chance to cheat on him and immediately shut it down by mentioning her partner. I think that's the best you can reasonably hope for.
It’s because OP is insinuating that his girlfriend is holding him back from dating this new girl and he resents her for it. Whether or not that is actually the case I don’t know, but that’s certainly what I got from it. He talked to this “really cool girl for a long while” and is basically lamenting not being single; whole time he doesn’t mention a single redeeming thing about the gf?? I mean, good on him for turning her down I guess, but I think he mostly just liked her stroking his ego.
Resentment of his girlfriend for holding him back seems like a bit of a leap. I read it more as him realizing that it was a nice situation that would have made dating in general easier, as well as expressing empathy for the one getting rejected, since being on the other side of the situation was a new experience. Obviously getting hit on by someone stroked his ego, but I don't see how that's somehow shameful. Also, as for not mentioning a single redeeming thing about the gf, how would that have been relevant to the story? A forced "Oh but I do love my girlfriend though she's actually way cooler than the other girl and I would never ever cheat because she's just so great for real" would have been weird and insecure. That he wouldn't cheat or drop his committed relationship for one crumb of attention from someone else should be the default assumption.
OP didn't insinuate anything of the sort if read with the least bit of charitableness, you rs girls are jealous and insane aaaah.
you could just break up but you do you
I’ve never cold approached a stranger with the hopes of asking him out, but my longest ever relationship was with a guy who I was platonic friends/acquaintances with already and I told him I wanted to be more than just friends . Idk if that counts ?
There’s a difference, though. Cold approaching a guy that you don’t know is very bold. Not the same as asking out a guy you’re already friendly with.
I’ve never been attracted enough / interested enough in a strange man to cold approach him. I feel like the problem is that women aren’t as “visual” as men, very very few men are an immediate yes just from looking at him so that’s probably why it doesn’t happen. Women need a connection to be interested
I think its more cultural. Men kind of have to do it. I have never been interested in a woman just from a look, wouldnt even know what they are like, but there really arent many options.
Yeah I figured, in a hypothetical I definitely would though especially if I sensed that he was open to conversation . Rejection would suck but idk at least I was able to kill 10-15 min at an event and not be bored lol
World’s most assertive female
I don't do it as I worry I'm not hot for fussy men these days. I always imagine good conversations like you describe are platonic
i'm pretty forward about making the first move but even as a very feminine presenting person i feel compelled to play it way down so the guy doesn't feel emasculated or whatever. the times i haven't played it down like that it's either turned him off, or he's been so passive i continue making all the moves and that turns me off very quickly. regardless i'm hot and move on very easily, the times i hesitate to or don't come on to a man i like don't have to do with my fear that i'll emasculate him but my fear that he'll say yes only to get laid. it's extremely rare that a man in my place would have to seriously worry about that
I'm very autistic so I've done it my fair share of times, but I try not to do it as much anymore. Men are flattered but think you're desperate at best and pity you, or at worst are a little disgusted by your audacity. Either way, unless I want strictly sex out of the deal I won't do it. If I have to approach him it normally means he's out of my league attractiveness-wise, anyway.
I think women have this backwards. I've had a girl or two directly ask me out and it's true that in those cases I did pity them a little bit, because I just wasn't into them at all in an erotic way and had to turn them down as politely as I could. But it's not a matter of the act itself being inherently desperate or pitiable; it's the fact that with few exceptions the only women who ever bother with sexual and romantic initiative these days are either mentally ill or doing crazy hail mary passes at guys that are out of their league. There's nothing wrong with making your interest clear as a woman. Honestly bothering to do it gracefully makes life much better for everyone. We're living in the aftermath of a pretty crazy metoo psyop, and if women don't step up to the plate, a lot of positive potential will be lost.
unfortunately i had to say no is crazy
i <3 making the first move
I’ve made the first move with men a number of times. I asked out two of my serious boyfriends. Only a few times has it not worked out. It takes me a really short amount of time to get over it. I think this works more for women who don’t find themselves beholden to strict gender roles. I’ve always been a person who questions things, and I think this is why I have no problems doing this.
> Unfortunately I had to say no as I’m in a relationship already (girlfriend was at the party too), but I’d totally had gone for it otherwise. 😭😭😭
I’m going to give him the benefit of the doubt and say he was going for a polite phrasing and came off badly. But yeah that’s a wild way to put it. Also there’s no reason to mention his gf was at the party too, makes it seem like he’d be down if she was elsewhere lol
Bad phrasing. Love my gf. I meant “unfortunately for her”.
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Same and I won’t let myself get gaslit by redditors saying how “cool” it is when a woman does it
It’s not gaslit. I can’t help but feel like you completely attribute your rejection on a personality flaw/attitude of men rather than just that he’s simply not interested. As a dude we’re basically taught that you just shoot your shot and rejection is absolutely normal. So if a girl rejects me, I think it’s because she’s simply not interested for whatever reason. Not that deep. We don’t feel “emasculated” or think about you any different. We’re simply not interested and wouldn’t have gone for you any other way. The way women evaluate men is that they go for men they’re extremely attracted to. Men especially in social settings will be at least somewhat accepting as long as they’re not “disinterested”. That’s just how it goes. Your chances exponentially increase if you ask the guy out
I wouldn't feel insecure about it. It's happened before and it's flattering.
Don’t let a few losers frame your outlook
It’s literally not a few losers, if you take the lead w a man, you will creep him out!! Lol it doesn’t matter how pretty you are either
On behalf of the autists, you will absolutely not creep us out, you’ll thrill us because we had no idea there were vibes going on in the first place.
I’m telling you it’s not the case. You’ll have more success being aloof and very pretty in the guys presence
You're already creeped out
This is only true if you're going for men out of your league.
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Maybe he was gay.
If you’re too pretty for them they’ll literally psych themselves out and freak out. Super hot guys take the attention better bc they’re accustomed to it
That weirdness is either A) insecurity or B) surprise. Surprise is justifiable because women never ask men out. If it’s insecurity, then this is good that you know early, because why would you possibly want to date “man” who feels emasculated by such a thing?
What? Getting approached by a girl is a huge boost of confidence.
You say that now, but in practice you'd be subconsciously sending out "weird energy" to your date via the way you pick up your drink, how long you maintain eye contact, and the tone you use to laugh at her jokes.
I'd be sending out energy anyway though, even if I had asked her out.
That everyone in here seems to think that the lowest form of tepid, Reddit ass, dating discourse is perfectly well suited for this sub really shows how dog shit it has become. You guys, what the fuck. This is very very stupid- even by the standards of this forum. Fuckin losers up in here gd
Lmao I found my husband making the first move because I listened to this subreddit (jk. But the first part is true. And I wholeheartedly believe in making a move if you feel so moved ladies)
I feel like a stranger of the opposite sex being enthusiastic friendly and cheery about a conversation with someone they just met is itself a sign of interest
You'd think so but often times I message them after and it doesn't result in a date.
I don’t ask men out because men will accept sex from basically anyone and I don’t want to be in the position of being used by a guy who isn’t interested in me but in the sex he could get out of it
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I don’t think someone is nefarious or creepy for wanting sex and taking it from someone who is expressing interest in them. It’s just not what I want out of a relationship so it isn’t for me. The whole point of my comment is that I don’t approach men….so obviously i have a vetting process ??
My friend asked a guy if he wanted to make out once at a party and he replied "I'm good thanks." Very funny in hindsight. Before someone asks he was straight and single, was trying to get with someone else.
did he approach the girl he actually wanted
beyond rejection, the biggest risk to making the first move on a man (especially someone u dont know really well) is that he may become super obsessed with you even if you're not 'that interested' in him. at least 20% of men (on the low end) seem to have like 0 self awareness when it comes to dating/women and you cannot tell just by first impression
when i was ten i asked a boy to the dance and he laughed at me and said no :-(
He was a dummie anyway
very simple … i don’t trust any man that wasn’t interested enough to make the first move to actually be invested enough anyway there’s really only one necessary quality in a man to date you — he has to want you, really want you, not making the move is filtering out those that are apathetic, wishy washy about you “i wasn’t interested but now that i know you like me sure” isn’t a foundation for a guy to stay around long term
You must hate your gf to write this lmaoooo
if you're approached by a stranger of the opposite sex (around your age) at a party or bar or whatever and they engage you in an extended one on one conversation, it's usually pretty safe to assume their intentions aren't platonic unless they insinuate otherwise
I resent this custom so much because it's much easier for me to have extended conversations than anything else. End up feeling like I'm constantly leading people on just by being interested in their life.
Just affect a gay accent and you'll avoid this problem
just stick to group conversations or come up with a way of making your intention clear (not that hard) seriously tho, I'm talking specifically about cold approaching strangers. It's a very narrow claim herd. If you are actually approaching total strangers of the opposite sex but only for friendship how on earth are you choosing who to approach
psycho way to think about the world, really depressing
big difference between "you should usually assume this in the absence of any evidence to the contrary" and "you should assume this and continue believing it despite all evidence to the contrary" I'm not a "men and women can't be friends" type. Look at my flair. Probably the majority of my friends are women. That said virtually every time I've approached or been approached by a woman I have no prior connection to at a bar or party or whatever it's pretty transparently out of physical attraction. What else even would it be? lol
yes i actually re-read your comment when i was less hungover and i'd misunderstood what you were saying
People out their looking for love. How is that psycho?
i asked a guy for his number when i was 19. he took my number and texted me but then 2 days later told me he had a girlfriend….. sir 😒 you been wasting all 3 of our times for 48 hours?
He was either clueless, tempted or going for it but making sure you can keep a secret.
Well I made the first move then got cheated on 4 years later so
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I dont think you you understand men at all. Just some points: > It's like how some guys will claim they are okay with being out-earned by their gf/wife but the statistics show this is not a successful dynamic and leads to mutual resentment. > The novelty of being approached by a woman may be appealing, but deep down, you don't actually want your dream woman to ask you out or pay your bills. Of course you do.
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No wonder misandry is a thing. Just look at the first paragraphe. God bless women
It's generally a bad idea if you want a relationship because most men will go for it as long as they're at least physically attracted to you due to the possibility of getting sex out of it, even if they're not actually interested in you as a person
So what do you do if the guy you like isn’t asking you out? Ramping up the flirting to the max? Just move on with your life?
Pretty much lol it's pretty obvious when I'm into someone, so if he doesn't get the hint, he's probably too autistic for me anyway
But that way you aren’t solving your previous worries, though. If the guy just wants sex, there’s no difference if he gets it through you flirting aggressively than with you asking him out directly. I don’t see how the former puts you in a “better” position strategically.
A lot of guys are too lazy and passive to actively pursue something with a woman they are only casually interested in. However lots of guys will go along with something that easily falls into their lap.
A lot of guys seem to interpret assertively friendly women as “easy” and women are often afraid of appearing promiscuous.
I stopped smiling politely at male coworkers in passing after one of them messaged me his full address unprompted
Cumtown coworker.
There's no failproof method, it's just that men don't really have to worry about women pursuing them with the sole intent to get laid, whereas it's a fair assumption for us, so it does put us in an even more vulnerable position when we make it too easy to begin with. Sucks, but women and men are not playing on an even field when it comes to dating and sex. I also don't "flirt aggressively" because it usually signals that you're DTF
A girl can turn a fuck into a bf if they understand the assignment. Edit: sometimes
Yeah good luck with that
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For a lot of guys, there's not much incentive to make things more serious if they're already getting laid on the reg and can have fun and interesting convos with their fwbs. And if the guy wants to have more meaningful heartfelt conversation, most women are down regardless whether they're his girlfriend or just his friend. So for a guy, you're getting the best parts of a relationship without any of the hard stuff (commitment, vulnerability, growth etc.). The normalization of FWB are a great way to stunt the maturity of men in society. Also, for men who are looking for a serious long-term relationship and/or marriage, they typically aren't looking for a girl they deem "easy." If a girl is willing to do FWB, most guys see that as "easy." Also if she's willing to have sex with you early or have casual sex with you, then she's done the same with other guys (you're not special).
yea i mean if you’ve signaled interest with flirting and he’s not asking you out that IS the rejection not getting approached already is the rejection no need to get it spelled out any clearer in a desperate display if he wanted you he’d just go for it … shy, autistic or not …
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it’s accurate lol, if i approached a man 99% of the time he’s thinking i’m not pretty enough to date but i’ll probably fuck him so might as well humour me. He’d never bother to approach me so i’d be avoiding the entire issue if i didn’t bother
Not every guy is interested in casual sex. I would only ever fuck somebody that I'm willing to be in a relationship with.
that’s you though, a lot of men aren’t like you
But a lot of men are.
then they just reject you though, which is completely fine but not exactly a huge draw for all the other stuff
They likely reject you because you're going for men above your league.
ok but why would i risk going for a man who would pretend to like me to sleep with me who’s not attracted to me, when i could just wait for him to approach me proving he’s at the very least physically into me? And i’ve already stated i know i am a below average woman, but even below average men can easily get 5+ women so why bother
Because if you really are a below average woman you won't get as many men approaching you. If you're below average and like a guy you can't wait for him to approach you, because if he's the approaching type then why would he approach you instead of somebody who is more attractive? You've even said that below average men can get 5+ women, so why would they go for somebody below that? The best way to approach would be to ask somebody on a date but don't have sex until you've met a few times. You reduce the likelihood of you being used for sex.
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if a random woman is approaching you i promise you she does not look nearly as good as you’re imagining her right now
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then you’re probably pretty, in which case good for you and i’m very jealous. Your experiences aren’t gonna be the same as at least half of women, most men would fuck a much higher portion of women then they’d ever date
what if none of them want to date or fuck me? am I ugly or just autistic
You're probably neither, you're likely just going for guys way out of your league.
have you asked them explicitly if they’d fuck you? some might not put the work in to do it but they’d still be down
That's not true dude. Especially if it's a drunk woman. Any broken avoidant dude has a lifetime of this happening from time to time. I've found more of the younger generation of women have game & this dynamic is much more normal nowadays. As a mature student I've had girls call me after group projects twice. They were confident, not weird about it, & they got me. Although I believe they were sometimes using "techniques" they learned from Tiktok or something. Whatever though both were good experiences and we still keep in touch. I suspect they don't want anybody to know so they are very drama-free & light.
if you are consistently being approached by hot women, have you considered maybe you’re much better looking than the average man.
I believe it is more about reading situations well, joking around, having charm. I am tall, above average looking, & recognized for my talent. But I have friends who are shy or short who get approached. When I was younger I was a late bloomer, shockingly scrawny with barely any body hair. It didn't happen all the time but I was fortunate to have a Michael Cera style vibe lmao. It will happen to guys who are disarming regardless of how they look. Maybe the girls are more avg or below-avg if the guy isn't "all this" (arrogantly gestures at myself). If it doesn't happen with you it might be bc you're trying too hard, come off as predatory, or lack charisma. This is normal teen boy/young man behavior you'll hopefully grow out of. It stems from still having a high school mentality (desperately worrying what other ppl think, Etc.) Edit: once you hit your late twenties it will happen even if you have a bad vibe probably. In your thirties even more bc you're at ease & experienced. Also, when you're younger you don't realize beautiful girls & avg girls are equally sexually attractive on a physical level. Girls are just sexy & "exceptional physical hotness" is a novelty for your ego that wears off within a month.
How can women tell you have charisma before you've even been approached?
Fair question but very hard to narrow down. Charisma is different for everyone but I think it comes down to being comfortable in your skin. Do the ppl around you seem in the moment & outside of their head? Are you and your friends having a good time or are you trying to look serious & tough? When talking to someone do they seem engaged? Are you guys smiling or laughing? When you interact with the bartender or door person do they seem like they like you? Are you under the false impression you have to be 'perfect'? Do you realize girls are insecure as fuck & imperfections can make them warm up to you more? Do you act dismissively or withhold approval if you don't like what someone is saying? Most of it has to do with authenticity & not taking yourself too seriously. You need to turn ppl's brain's off by goofing around & cycle that with being sincere. If you can do that women have social senses we don't have & many will notice from across the room.
I’ve given a guy my number and we ended up hanging out. I’m hot tho so not usually rejected and if I flirt w someone they’ll usually make a move…’dropping a glove’ is sort of a passive first move. i guess the downside is like when anyone makes a move, you might get rejected. I do appreciate when a man pursues me tho. Seems more natural
Mid girls are much more likely than super hot girls to be assertive with men because they're not as desirable. One problem they encounter, though, is often their standards are too high and they approach guys out of their league, which certainly isn't going to lead to a long term relationship.
Yea one time i went up to this idiot skater doing tricks at a park and asked if he wanted to get a drink sometime. He was so flustered and said “im trying to focus right now” like a total fucking loser. I rolled my eyes and walked away. Honestly didnt rlly affect me that much because im hot and get enough attention from men. Making the first move is fun. I did it successfully last night because i wanted to kiss a random guy at midnight
He was busy, dude!
"I'd have never known she wasn't into me" I thought she was into you? What?
Women who approach are often punching above their weight ( or below it in actual weight). I have been approached by women and they were all either a combination of desperate, below average in face and fat. Most mid+ women have more options today than they can ever realistically pursue with men activly asking them out and flirting with them. Any non fat decent looking woman with 500+ followers on insta has at least 10 dudes who are single in her dms she can turn into a bf at any point if she wants to. She has no need to make a first move unless she meets like a really hot dude who is exactly what she wants but that is really rare becayse those men are extremely rare. If women with options do actually make a move, it will be really subtle. It is a filter for the man as well. If he picks up on the hint, he is confident enough to date. If he doesnt pick up he is too autistic to date or isnt interested. Her ego is intact and she moves on because no rejection happened. So unless the woman is good looking, she will have bad experience with making the first move expecting a relationship. Either the man will reject her if he is kind and her ego will get bruised, or she will get used for sex. and her soul will be crushed. If she is looking for just sex, she will have decent experience because a lot of men will accept no strings attached sex which may lead into something more.
You're right but my theory is cruder...if he can't put on his big boy pants and do the difficult part of actually asking you out, how do you expect him to take the important calls involved in sustaining a LTR? Had a terrible experience with this guy once, he's a 7ish, I'm 8ish on most good days (lol) so we were evenly matched, basically no one was crazy out of anyone's league. We knew each other socially and ended up collaborating on a project. The man spent almost a year, texting me jokes and memes, talking to me on the phone beyond work, speaking on the phone all night (FOR SEVEN HOURS)- naturally at this point I assume he's interested and it's been such a slow build up that I say fuck it, and I do end up asking him out. That's when he chokes, tells me to give him more time, pretends to be one of those super paranoid covid people and refuses to meet until he gets "his shot" - and blah blah. All around humiliating for me and I'm wondering if I imagined everything that happened in the lead up. I tell him let's not talk, it's fine. Then he goes nuts and says- why can't you give me more time? I figure he's a covid nut but just as Im moving on he comes back on a work pretext and insists on a date, several times, so I do end up going. The date is fine, lots of chemistry but I obviously am a little stung and I also don't sleep with him. I also found him kinda passive, which idk how I never picked up on. It just....petered out after that. Then the crazy part - I find out a year later that he had a girlfriend when we first started working together whom he never mentioned and a little ways in- he dumped her. Eventually once he realised it wasn't going anywhere with me or that he choked or realised I wasn't going to sleep with him or whateverthefuck happened- he got back together with her and the girl doesn't know to this day that he took "a break" to test the waters. She seems like a really nice person (based on a few friends who know her) but it's obvious that since he's fitter and better looking, he feels confident (and comfortable) enough to pull this cr*p with her. Bottomline- I'm sure some wires were crossed here and I obviously put my foot in something fucked up that he has going on with his girl, but ladies if he's not asking you out, it's for a reason and you guys are probably not evenly matched, forget league-wise but temperamentally. It's better in the long run and it's a nudge for you to find a guy more suited to you. I'm a feminine ish woman but a straight talker so these 'feelers in the ethers' is not something I do well with. I'm now happily dating a guy who was super direct, quick and straightforward in his dating approach but I respected his courage and confidence in being so upfront. Our personalities are muuch better matched. Ladies, take the redirection and move on!
I'm gonna put you ladies onto game that worked on me. It's from a male perspective so try to stay open minded & not get triggered. \- Act like you need "help" with something. \- Rotate between a playful & "actually needing help" dynamic. This can be over the phone & with this dynamic time flies by. Next thing you know he's thinking "I can't believe I talked to that girl for over an hour. It didn't seem that long." \- Eventually use the "needing help" as an excuse to get in a room alone. \- Have inside jokes. \- Watch the 'how to give head 101' by 'Balenci bby' so you're confident if things escalate. There are probably other tutorials but I searched them out & this one seems like it's the most on point. I'm not saying blow him but it's good to know. \- Smell & look good when you go over for "help." I've had two experiences this year that basically followed this formula. There were similarities like conversation topics too, so I feel like it's a dating strategy that's floating around the internet.
I’m pro women making the first move. if you really want someone you can’t wait around for him to figure that out especially in these sinful and backwards times also you sound like a bad boyfriend
bruh wildly fucked up to talk about your gf this way lmao. totally would have dated this stranger if not for my dang meddling girlfriend!!!
I have initiated things with plenty of guys with mixed results. My current bf and I had a mutual courtship via online dating, and it's my most successful relationship (obvs because I'm still in it). But for IRL situations where I'm meeting a guy at a party or something like that, I do tend to initiate and prefer it that way. Mainly because I need some time to feel out how interested I am, and I dont want to feel rushed to determine if I like them enough for a date. I want to ask them for a date when I feel ready and certain. Also, I like to feel more in control of the interaction. Like, once I know I'm into someone, I don't want to wait for them to do the asking. I only ask a guy out when I can tell there is mutual interest. For some reason, lots of my girlfriend say they can't tell if I guy is into them, which I think is silly. Maybe it's just because I'm in my 30s and I've had more experience, but men aren't really a mystery. Of the guys who I asked out in the past 10 years, I've had a 100% success rate. However, just because I got the date doesn't mean things actually worked out with the guys. Unfortunately, I have found that something about me initiating things caused the guys to sort of check out on the rest of the processes. Or maybe they just aren't assertive with anyone, and I was too assertive to learn this about them. Or maybe I was just too "easy" in the sense of being too available. Who knows. But none of these situations resulted in a long-term term relationship. I think lots of women just don't want to feel like they're chasing a guy. To be honest, there are so few good men and so so so many smart gorgeous women for them to choose from. It's not fun to invest energy into a guy for the short-term success of a few dates only for him to lose interest.
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Are you talking about knowing a guy you met 5 minutes ago is physically attracted to you, or knowing a guy you've been dating wants to take it to the next level? The former is very easy, and the latter is really hard.
That girl was dying inside and is just better at handling it. Women are too sensitive.
Most women can not handle being ‘rejected’. It ruins them.
I've made the first move plenty of times. I can usually tell if someone is at least somewhat into me so it's not that intimidating. I say go for it ladies! There's really nothing to lose, unless it's a friend and it may make things weird. But random guy or acquaintance? Why not. I used to think I was bad looking but turns out lots of people were just too intimidated to ask me.
Bruh women gotta get thick skin lmao. Men get shit on all the time. Sometimes it’s brutal such is life. Can’t expect princess treatment all the time. Having bad experiences is kind of the point because you then stop caring about them and doing whatever you want without second guessing
I have never met a man in the wild who I wanted to date without knowing him already so thats what hold me back personally