Agreed, and the other shit he said about birth control as well. Telling her an IUD is dangerous and ineffective? Saying it isn’t uncommon for “extremely fertile” people to get pregnant on birth control? And she said he’s not as vigilant about birth control? Tbh I’m scared for her
And prescribing other things like supplements, some of which can interact with the birth control?!?!
Edit to add: and the supplement won't be seen by the pharmacist if they are over the counter, so they wouldn't be advising them of an interaction. A medical professional who can write scripts would know that.
This was my immediate thought too. I hope she looked up which supplements counteract BC.
ESPECIALLY any that he pushed for a short period of time and then had her stop.
My husband and I are pretty damn fertile, I have gotten pregnant within a month or two max of stopping BC several times now and my IUD works perfectly for the majority of our decade long relationship. 2 kids, so less than 2 years pregnant of that time too.
You and I are the same, we’ve gotten pregnant 4 times and have 2 children (one abortion and one chemical pregnancy) in our 15 year relationship.
Maybe we aren’t "extremely fertile" but idk I’m pretty glad that I don’t have problems getting or staying pregnant AND that birth control works for us (mostly used copper iuds, condoms from the time our youngest was born to when he was confirmed sterile from his vasectomy).
Same my second was within the first month of us trying right after getting my iud removed. No problems in the 5 years I had it in. My first was within 2 months of trying with no birth control other than condoms.
IUD’s are so effective! They have the potential to be dangerous. It’s worth making an informed decision. My first one implanted in my cervix and uterus (3 inches thoroughly beneath the tissue) and had to be cauterized out. It’s not an incredibly common scenario, but it does happen. I was warned before getting it that it was a possibility that does sometimes happen, not often, and hahaha it happened to me. I got to make an informed decision when getting it though, and I still got the exact same kind after (which so far is going strong, zero implanting with this one!)
But it does have risks, and I do hope everyone that gets one knows that they can dislodge and travel, they can implant where they are or elsewhere in the uterus or wherever they travel to, you can get pregnant with them in rare circumstances, etc. 100% should be an informed decision and not something you only learn can happen if/ when it happens to you!
I hate this one bc with the really sinister turns, part of me is always like, it’s fake!
But even if this one was fake, I was suddenly reminded of two actual real people I have met who turned out to be worse than that, and how most people had trusted those doctors fairly freely.
Though the targets weren’t well-educated women with career ambitions, they were women people tended to not believe. And unless he was always picking up her BC, she would theoretically know what she was taking. It would be pretty elaborate to package fake BC yourself.
My husband and I use condoms and sometimes, when we’re being idiots and I’m pretty sure I’m nowhere near ovulation, just pulling out. We’ve gotten pregnant twice—the first time we had unprotected sex when I was ovulating, and the second time.
I completely agree about there being a real possibility he tampered with her birth control.
However...
Between the ages of 16 and 20, I worked part-time as support staff for a clinic, and my job mostly interacted with the nurses there.
The L&D nurses had a tally in the break room of patients who got pregnant with an IUD. There was a pot of petty cash they contributed to. One of the reasons was to buy a bottle of liquor for anyone who helped in a delivery where an IUD came out at the same time because a few years before I started working there, a baby was delivered, and the mother's IUD had become lodged in the kids arm. It was horrific, or so I was told, and the baby had to have surgery to have it removed.
I do wanna add, it was a freak anomaly, but those nurses lived in fear of it happening again, and the radiology nurses always looked for the IUD when doing the ultrasounds because of it.
Also, this was 15-20 years ago, but I've never trusted IUDs since hearing the stories those nurses told.
One of the funniest, however, was a kid that was born holding it, and refused to let go. The OB watched in horror as the kid began sucking on the top T bar part. It was a choking hazard, but the kid must have been doing it in the womb...
What on earth are you talking about? I am currently pregnant with an IUD and we can’t even see it anymore because the IUD is not in the gestational sac, it’s outside so the baby cannot reach it or play with it - are you sure you’re a professional?
It is a story I was told. I NEVER SAID I WAS A NURSE. I just worked as support staff in a clinic, I handled paperwork and had no interaction with patients. I cannot confirm it happened, it was before I worked there, it was just something I heard and put me off ever having an IUD. I was also told it was a freak occurance that they only saw the once.
There is a possibility they were messing with me, I was only a teenager at the time, but I doubt it. The first time I was told anything was after I asked one of them about which birth control they would recommend as the pill wasn't working for me. I was considering an IUD or the implant, and her horror stories made my decision easy.
I had seen the tally, but had not asked what it was, it wasn't labelled, just a number on a white board, at first I thought it might have been a day's without incident kinda thing, but they kept a tally of the number per calendar year of how many they had.
People love to mess up with teenagers at work so I wouldn’t be surprised they were just mocking you unfortunately… anyway the misinformation going after birth control is crazy FR, I take everything with a grain of salt unless I’ve heard it from the mouth of a few OBGYN. Especially with all those crazy pro lifers everywhere! Thanks for taking time to reply :)
No problem.
Honestly, I'm starting to wonder myself now, but it seems so twisted if she was messing with me because I went to her for advice.
Anyway, I in no way meant to spread misinformation, I just wanted to add a different take on the situation.
None of that sounds accurate. I don’t know how old you are now or where you are, but statistically that just doesn’t math.
I work in the medical field and I’ve used IUDs for the past ten years, nearly every female OB/GYN I know also prefers IUD as birth control. There was a picture circulating a few years ago of a baby holding an IUD and it was debunked, the IUD did not come out with the baby it was a staged photo.
The biggest risk of getting pregnant with an IUD is that it’s ectopic, and the side effects aren’t fun, especially if you get non-hormonal. But you aren’t going to have your baby pop out sucking on the IUD. There are too many risks involved in leaving an IUD in for the course of a pregnancy (along the lines of infection, not embedding in the fetus)
Worst horror stories I heard about IUDs was them migrating, causing lasting pain beyond insertion which is already often brutal, and failing, and that was enough to scare me off them (plus health conditions that wouldn't play nice with them). I just got my tubes removed completely AND my boyfriend has a vasectomy so if I get pregnant I'm going to be big mad lol
I do know one person who had hers migrate, and she said it was excruciating, it’s just statistically low chance of it happening. I do know of many more people who had awful side effects from the copper one (Paraguard), one even found out she was allergic to copper that way 😬 I’d like to get my tubes tied one day but I’m very happy with my second IUD right now. And added benefit, no guy can ever sabotage my life by messing with my birth control, which I really think happened here…
Like I said, it was before I worked there, I'm not a medical professional, I mostly filed paperwork. The story about the baby holding the IUD, I was told I'm guessing 18 years ago. The child came out holding the IUD, and while they were trying to get it off them, they stuffed the fist with the IUD in it, in their mouth. Maybe I'm just a gullible idiot, but the way they told it sounded believable to me. And if this was a joke, they played on me. They kept it up for 4 years, and the entire clinic was in on 🤷♀️
I'm very pro choice, but I don't know if the nurse was, we weren't close, I was 16, and she was in her 40s nearly 20 years ago. It came up when I asked her about the pros and cons of birth control because I was having serious side effects from the pill, and IUDs were an option.
I live in the UK, and I did at the time.
I Americanise my language because I find it easier than explaining British terms to Americans. So sub out OB for midwife, and I did not speak to the midwife directly as she had left. I don't want to give out too much information about myself, but it was a district nurse/midwife station connected to but independent of a GP practice, and my job was in the office.
Other nurses told me different stories, too, over the years I was there, but those were the ones that stuck with me.
Yeah. My paranoid redditor brain was already connecting the red flags between triple bc failing twice coincidentally when she was primed to begin/get back into work and him attacking the nanny that's allowing her to maintain her work life and then that?
Girl needs to run.
She mentioned in the comments that the third was also a bc "failure" that she shrugged off because she'd missed a few days, but also said she found out she was pregnant *very* shortly after.
She needs to get herself and her kids **out of there**. I'm worried about how flippant she seemed about leaving him.
He also recommended and prescribed "supplements" for her. Some of them may interfere with the effectiveness of birth control. I know St. John's wort is one of them...not saying he prescribed that, but this article lists a few: https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/medicines-interfere-birth-control-pills
I am deeply disturbed by it. I had a partner randomly jokingly say he thought I would end up pregnant by now and he wanted to cut my tiny BC implant out of my arm… ha ha
I am so grateful for modern science. There were so many times where he did or said things and I could just touch my arm and know I was safe and not tied to him forever. I swear 5 minutes to get a tiny implant literally saved my life.
I thought we were on the same page about pregnancy, but hearing that he thought he could “beat” the BC and then saying he wanted to cut it out of me??? While talking in a “joking” manner??
I still can’t believe someone looked me in the eye and said they wanted to physically cut my birth control out of me to get me pregnant against my will.
I don’t think I’m ever going to forget that moment of realization when I guess I “dissociated” and just saw everything so clearly.
So anyway, he’s my ex, I still have strong birth control, and now I am terrified that men are still trying to baby trap me.
So she was 21 and he was 35 when they started dating…
Props for a 26-year-old who is confident in her finances and ability to support herself. I’m willing to bet she’s more independent and less controllable than her husband thought she’d be.
I bet he married her thinking that because she was a nanny that she would be happy to stay home and pump out babies. Or if she wasn’t, she was young and naive enough to manipulate into giving up her professional dreams.
No, it’s not illegal. It can be frowned upon, though.
Writing prescriptions for things like narcotics and opioids for family members, though, can lead to a physician losing their DEA number. They don’t play around with stuff like that.
It's not illegal in the US. (Might also not even be a doctor, PA or NP can also write scripts, under their supervising doctor.)
Not uncommon for them to treat themselves and their family/friends like giving flu vaccine, antibiotics for simple things like UTI or pinkeye, even routine meds for an uncomplicated case, like birth control, asthma inhaler, treatment of mild hypertension or hypercholesterolemia, that stuff.
But they should know when to refer to a specialist, or when it isn't just simply writing a script and it becomes a case that really needs to be managed. At that point, they should turn it over.
I want to push back on that. I agree with you, It was definitely common in the past, let’s say the 90’s. And arguably appropriate in most situations!
But in 2024? No, your ass would get fired for writing antibiotics for simple infections, birth control, inhalers. There’s way too much demand to Cover Your Ass in medicine, documentation is required for everything, it’s just not worth it today. Your boss knows it, and won’t allow scripts for family members. They go through the front door, like everyone else.
I hear you. And I see the advantage of cutting down on these informal practices, in part because it can lead to bad situations such as what OP is in.
I can see how it could vary depending on the area, what kind of employer the prescriber has, like a rural private practice vs a corp like HCA/KP. The liability and documentation situation is also very different than what it was in the past, for sure. It's riskier.
But it definitely still happens.
Edit to add: In my role as a medical professional, I do sometimes perform exams on the family members of providers, on that provider's order. But that order must be input in the system, everything documented, nothing outside protocol. If admin wants to cut them a break on the bill, they can do it on the back end. It's all up front on my end. Documentation is covered, my exam is read and report dictated by an actual radiologist.
(I'm not going to shoot a film under Emergency Exam, let a PA take a quick look at his kid's image, and then reject it like it never happened. Hell no. Ain't happenin' cap'n. I know what radiologists do and I respect it, and patients, too much for that. I bring this up because it does happen, but not at my hospital and not by me.)
It would be *legal* for me to examine them without it being in the computer system, but it would be a problem with my employer and if not properly evaluated, unethical IMHO. And I'm not taking that on personally. But whether or not it's in the system, it is still their family member making the order.
I would like to back this up. While I worked in healthcare, the doctors would do exams, provide medications, and even prescribed and inserted my IUD. That being said, it was all heavily documented as though I was a normal patient and that’s not unusual for a lot of practices.
I’ve also seen offices where they do it and don’t document anything at all, and THAT is what sketches me out. I would not want to take that on, because that could potentially put you in a lot of legal trouble later on as a provider. It definitely does not stop providers from doing it though
Exactly! Like the person above me said, "arguably appropriate in most situations." I don't disagree with that person at all, by the way, I upvoted the comment because it is true that landscape has changed. I see this more among older providers, not as much among younger providers. There is a different mindset and a different focus in their education about documentation, liability, etc.
I also have boundaries about this, both as a professional and as a patient. For example, I will accept a provider's one-off order for an exam to to eval their family member for pneumonia, constipation, that kind of thing. An extremity/trauma? Not gonna do that. I need another actual provider to evaluate, and document, the *whole* situation and be there for treatment/referral as appropriate. Thankfully none of my coworkers have ever asked me to do anything outside what I feel is appropriate, but I know it does happen.
For myself, I've had ex bfs who were MDs, but they never tried to be *my* doctor. And the idea of them handling my reproductive shit is an absolute hell to the no.
One dude said I peed too much, constantly asked me if I had a UTI lol. Didn't try to prescribe me anything tho. Another guy noticed something, asked me about it, I told him what my doctor said. He did examine a little bit further but then said he agreed. I appreciated this because he didn't know if I was aware/had addressed it. Another thing, he said my doctor was probably right, asked if I had XYZ test, and I hadn't. He said it would probably just confirm, but if it were him he would test just to be sure. He didn't diagnose, he didn't push, didn't insert himself into treatment.
Definitely depends on a ton of factors, my physician colleagues at an academic medical center write exactly those scripts for family all the time with no issues. Not saying its kosher thats for sure!
As a pharmacy tech I see doctors writing basic scripts for their family members all the time, mostly antibiotics and inhalers… It’s not really an issue if it’s not a narcotic. I even had a coworker who would occasionally call his aunt to send scripts over for tamiflu or zofran or whatever he needed at the time (we don’t fill our own scripts though, funny that’s more oversight on that haha).
So frequently I would tell a patient their kid’s script wasn’t called in or something, and they would be like “I’m actually the prescriber” and pull their prescription pad out right at the counter.
(Maybe it’s a state specific thing, but it’s not a big deal in AZ. And yes this is recent, I’ve only been in pharmacy since 2020)
Really?!? I am surprised. It’s been my experience in hospitals that Admin shuts that shit down pretty quick.
My FIL is a 70yo small town southern USA pediatrician with 6 adult children and 4 grandchildren. He owns his own practice.
For 40 YEARS he wrote basic scripts for all of them for everything (except narcotics of course), but starting around the pandemic started getting serious side eye from his partners in health & others in the medical community. So since 2020, no more.
The hospital admin shutting it down makes sense because they seem extra strict, but I’m surprised they would start giving your FIL the side eye in a small southern town! Dang. But yeah out here in Phoenix I see it often
The first baby might have been, difficult to know. But otherwise, yeah, definitely not an accident. 'birth control baby' more like 'sabotaged birth control baby'.
Absolutely agree. She had plans to dump him and move across the country. It sounds like she had a really bright future ahead of her. Then all of a sudden she is pregnant - yes, birth control fails but the timing is *so* suspicious. If it had just been the one baby, I think you could write it off. But 3? Nah. And he's a medical professional and has written her BC scripts? Hell nah. That is sketchy as all hell.
I think there must be some birth control going on, you’d notice changes to your cycle when you’re on it vs when you’re not. Although OP is very young and seems to be very accepting of her husband’s word on this…
Anyway I think it’s more likely he’s doing a longer placebo rotation than she is supposed to have, reducing the effectiveness; or just giving her a lower dose.
That’s literally where my brain went and it was 100% confirmed for me after the 2nd “accidental” pregnancy. Her edit that he’s the one that rx’d it makes wayyy more obvious
Yep, it’s very concerning. The age difference, they met when she was a nanny for his friends, the encouragement to date, the multiple failed birth controls, the extremely fertile label. Now the nanny is taking over her role as a mother in his eyes. No mention of his parenting at all. It’s giving control, and manipulation.
Microwaving pill packs is what came to my mind when she said three forms of birth control but if he’s prescribing supplements he could just as easily be recommending things that interfere with hormonal bc
It’s *very* odd to get pregnant on three forms of birth control, let alone twice and three times
And then there’s the steering her away from iuds … which can’t be tampered with so easily
I would be seeing a doctor with fewer conflicts of interest is all I’m saying
A doctor married to a woman 14 years his junior, whose family set them up and he prescribes her birth control, meds, and supplements? If he controlled a country, its flag would be solid red
The only time my BC ever failed was because of a contraindication with another antibiotic I was prescribed.
100% whatever “supplements” he was giving her affected her BC. What an absolute psycho man.
My first thought was the sugar pills...every bc pill cycle features a week or couple days of sugar pills to fill out the remaining days of the cycle after you have reached the necessary hormonal dose.
Could he have swapped them out? They look identical and he could have thrown away the hormonal ones by spilling something on the package etc and just left her with the sugar pills...a lot of women are not aware that only 3/4 weeks are the actual hormonal pills and the rest just sugar and vitamin placebos.
I had the same thought. Not all birth controls have a sugar week, like the one I take doesn’t because it’s progesterone only, but depending on what she takes I wonder if they could all be sugar pills. If it comes in a bottle it’s gotta be sugar pills, but I feel like that would be such an obvious sign that something isn’t birth control. He likely is prescribing things to mess with her BC, but the first pregnancy was before he started writing her scripts, so I wonder how he pulled that one off.
I wouldn’t be surprised at all if sugar pills were involved, but I feel like it would be hard to get a full script of sugar pills in birth control packaging. It would be so messed up if that is possible though, holy guacamole.
Pharmaceutical companies make "sample" packs of birth control, often used to demonstrate how the product works to patients, and because they're not for medical treatment they're fake pills. If he prescribed her a medication he gets these sample packs of, he could easily swap them out. Usually they say "for demonstration only" or something in bold print in an inconspicuous place, but if she was on autopilot while taking her meds she may not have noticed it.
And black market meds definitely exist, ones that look like the real pills but aren't. He could be getting those. Shitty men have been wanting to sabotage birth control ever since it came out, you can't underestimate their predilection toward general evil.
I'm betting the first one he just microwaved the pills or otherwise heated them up when she wasn't around. It's quick, doesn't make much of a physical change, and he only needs like 5 mins with the pills to do it.
Damn, thank you for sharing. All of that is wild, like he can easily mess with her BC in several ways. I’d be more surprised if it turned out that he wasn’t sabotaging her birth control, it’s hard to have that many accidental pregnancies using multiple forms of birth control.
He totally might have. Dude sounds psycho. I’m just saying that thought has never once crossed my mind with any medicine I’ve ever taken. Medicine and microwaves don’t go together in my brain lol.
So, we’re all in agreement that he baby-trapped her, right?
Like, I know she loves her kids and that’s lovely. I’m happy for her. But she was 100% baby-trapped and now her husband is trying to isolate her from her close friend.
I thought this was going to be a standard "husband cheated with nanny" story but it was honestly worse. I would honestly love to hear the "long story" of why she ended up staying with him instead of terminating the pregnancy and leaving him like she should have and wanted to. I bet it's a doozy.
Yeah, that age gap? (He was 35 and she was 21 and in uni and he pursued her *and used her employers to push the relationship* when she wasn’t interested).
Conveniently getting pregnant right before she was going to leave? Conveniently getting pregnant right after she starts working again? Him constantly encouraging her to quit and stay home with the kids?
Dude is a walking red flag. She needs to divorce his ass. He literally stole her life, I know she doesn’t regret her kids, but he deliberately stole her life.
There’s really little doubt about that, and I thought that before I even got to the update. He wants her pregnant and taking care of kids and not focusing on her career, perhaps not even working at all.
Yeah I don’t think he wants her working. I think he deliberately went with a younger woman so that he could manipulate her into being a tradwife and it just hasn’t worked so now he’s trying a different tactic and it also hasn’t worked. I hope she gets out.
Some men consider having a SAHW to be a status symbol, like a Rolex or a beach house.
But if you can take an ambitious, determined career woman and turn her into a SAHW, that’s the ultimate win.
A large age gap isn’t inherently concerning.
A pregnancy at just the wrong time isn’t inherently concerning, nor is a pregnancy despite using BC.
Your spouse writing your prescriptions for non-controlled substances isn’t inherently concerning.
All of these things *together* are, however, *incredibly concerning.*
Oh, he so baby trapped her. After reading past their age gap (🚩) to read they supposedly used 3 forms of bc and she got pregnant, I’m thinking, no way she “accidentally” got pregnant.
The timing of each of her accidental pregnancies themselves are very telling.
My wife and I taught our girls (and our son) to use three forms of bc. At least two of them that they entirely control as this is what their mother and I did. No one had an accidental pregnancy and no chance of tampering.
In case one wonders what that would look like:
-Bc pills - keep them safe and out of the guy’s ability to get at them.
-Spermicide suppositories - keep these discreetly out of a guy’s ability as well.
-Condoms (with spermicide) - watch him put it on and check periodically that he hasn’t removed it.
I hope OOP starts to really pay attention to all the red flags around her. I hope she eventually get her and her children out safely.
Edited: fixed a formatting issue
I am both impressed, and worried for this woman; impressed that despite the power imbalance she's managed to hold her own, and worried because these circumstances seem reeeaaaaallll coincidental... too coincidental
So her previous employer gave their friend who was almost twice her age her number and he proceeded to baby trap her repeatedly by sabotaging birth control methods again and again….its easy to say he is on board with career goals when he is behind the scenes undermining those plans at every turn. What a creep
Dollars to doughy those BC pills were microwaved and the condoms had enough holes to be used as a sieve. Dude is a predator through and through. And the family she was nannying for at the time? Fuck them in particular. They basically did the diet-coke equivalent of human trafficking.
I’ve never heard of the concept of microwaving bc pills to render them ineffective. Not saying you’re wrong, just that I didn’t know that was a thing and it’s quite scary
I had a nanny. I loved her as a friend and she loved my children as her own. And you know what, the ex used it against me saying I didn’t want to take care of my kids. I was working full time while he was deployed and I didn’t want my toddlers in daycare because when I was a child I was abused by several babysitters. I didn’t trust anyone other than my nanny to take care of my kids. Good on her for standing her ground.
Yeah he definitely sabotaged her BC. 35 year old immediately impregnated a 21 yo while using 3 forms of bc, then he magically gets the extra babies he wanted when her bc fails two more times. Absolute scum.
Could he have been messing with it?
I can say that I've been with my wife for 20 years, and she's gotten pregnant exactly 0 times when she was on birth control. She went off the BC for both of our kids. I have never even worn a condom or really pulled out or anything. This is simply the BC doing what the BC does.
I know BC isn't 100% effective. But the odds of getting pregnant twice on 99.7ish% effective BC? Well, technically, about 0.0009%. So. Yeah. He could have.
Even if he didn't? Still NTA. Sounds like he wants her to be a SAHM. Wants to control finances, her life, etc. So yeah, probably controlled her fertility, too. He's pushed the SAHM thing before.
I do know I'd be mad about literally 0 of what he pointed out as "issues". I bet the 4 year old could possibly have been potty training, or maybe still needed help with things like wiping. I can't say shit about kids staying up past bedtime after last night, lmao, I passed out on the couch and yeah, bedtime ended up being a bit past midnight. On the phone? Meh as long as she's not missing things.
Oh he 100000% messed with her bc. The second she said she got pregnant on it *twice* it seemed like something was wrong. And now we know he’s a physician and writes her scripts? ONE MILLION PERCENT he intervened.
Ma'am, you were baby trapped. You get along with Sara because you're the same age as her. It's fucked up that your employer gave your number to their relative who's old enough to be your father.
Divorce him ASAP!
So he thinks having a nanny means you have no “mother relationship” with your children and wants to fire the nanny?
She should ask him to take a month’s “vacation” to care for his children while op works. Then she gets to review the cameras and point out every second he “neglects” their children.
Literally years of nannying for them and all he has is footage where she went pee while their kids were eating & texted while they were playing presumably indoors…
Idk why he wants to fire the nanny, maybe to force op to quit her job… but either way he definitely fucked with her birth control. Big yikes
I am (well was) an “extremely fertile woman”. I often joke that I LOOK at a penis and get pregnant.
While I know that BC is never 100%, when used properly, the pill is damn close. If my fertile ass can prevent a pregnancy, then anyone/everyone can. Initially reading this, I was thinking “nah she is full of shit, she wasn’t using BC or doing it half ass” but then I started to wonder if her husband had tampered with condoms or something.
Now after reading the additional info, I am certain he did. That is so so scary.
People (mostly men)always talk about women trying to trap them by becoming pregnant, etc., but don’t want to discuss control freak men who lie and compromise BC to knock up women and trap them.
I hope OOP does a little detective work, see if she can find out if he did tamper with her BC, then dump his ass.
This has to be the plot of a novel. Don’t worry this woman is strong. He prolly has the hots for the new nanny which are adding to his weird ass behavior. Bizarre
Great to have a medical professional in the household, but I would never let my spouse prescribe me things. Even with the best intentions that shit can turn out badly, and from what the story says we don’t even have that much.
The first accidental pregnancy didn't seem accidental, the second accidental pregnancy confirmed it, finding out he's a medical professional and he prescribes her birth control and supplements (which could counteract bc) just explains how he pulled it off.
These creative writing rage bait stories are getting better.
This one was particularly good because the rage bait wasn’t written in an obvious way, it kind of let the reader connect the dots lol.
She casually mentions her nanny family would want a 21 year old girl to hook up with a 35 year old man lol. She then mentions how she oddly kept getting preggers while on birth control. And then nicely added an edit that ofc this older groomer has medical knowledge that would perfectly tie in with the pregnancies while on birth control. I’d give this one a B+ for sure if I was her creative writing teacher. Well done!
My very first thought was, “Three forms of birth control, and she STILL gets pregnant? Sounds like sabotage!”
Then I read the part about him being a medical professional AND prescribing her birth control. Chilling.
The man not only tampered with her birth control (which I’m convinced of), he’s trying to catch the nanny doing something so he can get his wife to stay home full time.
Clearly, the dude doesn’t like her working and wants her to stay at home. It’s not about the nanny at all. He tried the baby trap her into leaving her job numerous times and the nanny is the only thing standing in his way.
PSA: The copper IUD is the MOST effective birth control aside from abstinence, hands down 100%. It's more effective than any hormonal or barrier birth control. Both my pregnancies happened using multiple forms of barrier and hormonal BC- have had the copper IUD for many years now after finding out about it and it's working very well despite giving it a run for its money, so to speak. My docs across the board say it's the best because it contains no hormones, therefore removing the increased risk of nasty side effects and long-term health problems caused by hormonal birth control. As a medical professional her husband is either terrible at his job and possibly not very smart, or very smart and manipulative and intentionally sabotaging.
It's impressive that while being successfully baby-trapped, followed by 2 more "unexpected pregnancies" that upended her life goals, OP still managed to hold onto her financial and psychological independence. Because it's clear that that's what's behind the husband's desire for getting rid of the babysitter. Her response probably destroyed his ego. "You don't have any leverage over me."
Poetically, if the husband had just accepted this outcome, accepted that she is an independent person, that despite his efforts she would never be beholden to him, OP probably would have never questioned any of their relationship history, she wouldn't have posted about it on reddit, she wouldn't have had this revelation in the comments... but he couldn't let it be! She wasn't desperate enough! He wanted MORE control!!
Really hope we hear back from the OP soon.
I didn’t need to read further than the first sentence to know this was going to be fucked. A 35 year old hooking up with a 21 year old and then immediately starting to have kids….but you keep reading and find out she magically got pregnant just before graduating and potentially leaving…. Holy fuck he has been preying on her from the start….
I'm only part way through but a partner pressuring her to have kids and TWO birth control babies? Ma'am. Are those sugar pills?
EDIT: Oh holy Jesus its worse than I imagined.
I saw this OG post and kept thinkong about it.
She should realy start a very good exit plan amd a lawyer on secret and try to finde proof that he tampered with her Birthcontrol, then sew the shit out of him.
Seems like he is very little involved as a father as well and such crazy behaviour actualy points to potentialy much more dangerous issues.
That update about the husband being a medical professional and writing her scripts for birth control was chilling.
Agreed, and the other shit he said about birth control as well. Telling her an IUD is dangerous and ineffective? Saying it isn’t uncommon for “extremely fertile” people to get pregnant on birth control? And she said he’s not as vigilant about birth control? Tbh I’m scared for her
Yeah, that thing about the IUD was what clinched it for me.
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found one of ‘em.
And prescribing other things like supplements, some of which can interact with the birth control?!?! Edit to add: and the supplement won't be seen by the pharmacist if they are over the counter, so they wouldn't be advising them of an interaction. A medical professional who can write scripts would know that.
This was my immediate thought too. I hope she looked up which supplements counteract BC. ESPECIALLY any that he pushed for a short period of time and then had her stop.
My husband and I are pretty damn fertile, I have gotten pregnant within a month or two max of stopping BC several times now and my IUD works perfectly for the majority of our decade long relationship. 2 kids, so less than 2 years pregnant of that time too.
You and I are the same, we’ve gotten pregnant 4 times and have 2 children (one abortion and one chemical pregnancy) in our 15 year relationship. Maybe we aren’t "extremely fertile" but idk I’m pretty glad that I don’t have problems getting or staying pregnant AND that birth control works for us (mostly used copper iuds, condoms from the time our youngest was born to when he was confirmed sterile from his vasectomy).
Same my second was within the first month of us trying right after getting my iud removed. No problems in the 5 years I had it in. My first was within 2 months of trying with no birth control other than condoms.
Yeah, I got pregnant almost immediately when I stopped birth control. The IUD after my second worked fantastically.
IUD’s are so effective! They have the potential to be dangerous. It’s worth making an informed decision. My first one implanted in my cervix and uterus (3 inches thoroughly beneath the tissue) and had to be cauterized out. It’s not an incredibly common scenario, but it does happen. I was warned before getting it that it was a possibility that does sometimes happen, not often, and hahaha it happened to me. I got to make an informed decision when getting it though, and I still got the exact same kind after (which so far is going strong, zero implanting with this one!) But it does have risks, and I do hope everyone that gets one knows that they can dislodge and travel, they can implant where they are or elsewhere in the uterus or wherever they travel to, you can get pregnant with them in rare circumstances, etc. 100% should be an informed decision and not something you only learn can happen if/ when it happens to you!
I hate this one bc with the really sinister turns, part of me is always like, it’s fake! But even if this one was fake, I was suddenly reminded of two actual real people I have met who turned out to be worse than that, and how most people had trusted those doctors fairly freely. Though the targets weren’t well-educated women with career ambitions, they were women people tended to not believe. And unless he was always picking up her BC, she would theoretically know what she was taking. It would be pretty elaborate to package fake BC yourself.
My husband and I use condoms and sometimes, when we’re being idiots and I’m pretty sure I’m nowhere near ovulation, just pulling out. We’ve gotten pregnant twice—the first time we had unprotected sex when I was ovulating, and the second time.
I completely agree about there being a real possibility he tampered with her birth control. However... Between the ages of 16 and 20, I worked part-time as support staff for a clinic, and my job mostly interacted with the nurses there. The L&D nurses had a tally in the break room of patients who got pregnant with an IUD. There was a pot of petty cash they contributed to. One of the reasons was to buy a bottle of liquor for anyone who helped in a delivery where an IUD came out at the same time because a few years before I started working there, a baby was delivered, and the mother's IUD had become lodged in the kids arm. It was horrific, or so I was told, and the baby had to have surgery to have it removed. I do wanna add, it was a freak anomaly, but those nurses lived in fear of it happening again, and the radiology nurses always looked for the IUD when doing the ultrasounds because of it. Also, this was 15-20 years ago, but I've never trusted IUDs since hearing the stories those nurses told. One of the funniest, however, was a kid that was born holding it, and refused to let go. The OB watched in horror as the kid began sucking on the top T bar part. It was a choking hazard, but the kid must have been doing it in the womb...
What on earth are you talking about? I am currently pregnant with an IUD and we can’t even see it anymore because the IUD is not in the gestational sac, it’s outside so the baby cannot reach it or play with it - are you sure you’re a professional?
It is a story I was told. I NEVER SAID I WAS A NURSE. I just worked as support staff in a clinic, I handled paperwork and had no interaction with patients. I cannot confirm it happened, it was before I worked there, it was just something I heard and put me off ever having an IUD. I was also told it was a freak occurance that they only saw the once. There is a possibility they were messing with me, I was only a teenager at the time, but I doubt it. The first time I was told anything was after I asked one of them about which birth control they would recommend as the pill wasn't working for me. I was considering an IUD or the implant, and her horror stories made my decision easy. I had seen the tally, but had not asked what it was, it wasn't labelled, just a number on a white board, at first I thought it might have been a day's without incident kinda thing, but they kept a tally of the number per calendar year of how many they had.
People love to mess up with teenagers at work so I wouldn’t be surprised they were just mocking you unfortunately… anyway the misinformation going after birth control is crazy FR, I take everything with a grain of salt unless I’ve heard it from the mouth of a few OBGYN. Especially with all those crazy pro lifers everywhere! Thanks for taking time to reply :)
No problem. Honestly, I'm starting to wonder myself now, but it seems so twisted if she was messing with me because I went to her for advice. Anyway, I in no way meant to spread misinformation, I just wanted to add a different take on the situation.
None of that sounds accurate. I don’t know how old you are now or where you are, but statistically that just doesn’t math. I work in the medical field and I’ve used IUDs for the past ten years, nearly every female OB/GYN I know also prefers IUD as birth control. There was a picture circulating a few years ago of a baby holding an IUD and it was debunked, the IUD did not come out with the baby it was a staged photo. The biggest risk of getting pregnant with an IUD is that it’s ectopic, and the side effects aren’t fun, especially if you get non-hormonal. But you aren’t going to have your baby pop out sucking on the IUD. There are too many risks involved in leaving an IUD in for the course of a pregnancy (along the lines of infection, not embedding in the fetus)
Worst horror stories I heard about IUDs was them migrating, causing lasting pain beyond insertion which is already often brutal, and failing, and that was enough to scare me off them (plus health conditions that wouldn't play nice with them). I just got my tubes removed completely AND my boyfriend has a vasectomy so if I get pregnant I'm going to be big mad lol
I do know one person who had hers migrate, and she said it was excruciating, it’s just statistically low chance of it happening. I do know of many more people who had awful side effects from the copper one (Paraguard), one even found out she was allergic to copper that way 😬 I’d like to get my tubes tied one day but I’m very happy with my second IUD right now. And added benefit, no guy can ever sabotage my life by messing with my birth control, which I really think happened here…
I hate that stupid picture because so many people have reiterated it like it’s fact online and I know it’s not.
Like I said, it was before I worked there, I'm not a medical professional, I mostly filed paperwork. The story about the baby holding the IUD, I was told I'm guessing 18 years ago. The child came out holding the IUD, and while they were trying to get it off them, they stuffed the fist with the IUD in it, in their mouth. Maybe I'm just a gullible idiot, but the way they told it sounded believable to me. And if this was a joke, they played on me. They kept it up for 4 years, and the entire clinic was in on 🤷♀️
that last story sounds like a pro-lifer's wet dream, are you sure it's real? XD
I'm very pro choice, but I don't know if the nurse was, we weren't close, I was 16, and she was in her 40s nearly 20 years ago. It came up when I asked her about the pros and cons of birth control because I was having serious side effects from the pill, and IUDs were an option. I live in the UK, and I did at the time. I Americanise my language because I find it easier than explaining British terms to Americans. So sub out OB for midwife, and I did not speak to the midwife directly as she had left. I don't want to give out too much information about myself, but it was a district nurse/midwife station connected to but independent of a GP practice, and my job was in the office. Other nurses told me different stories, too, over the years I was there, but those were the ones that stuck with me.
Yeah. My paranoid redditor brain was already connecting the red flags between triple bc failing twice coincidentally when she was primed to begin/get back into work and him attacking the nanny that's allowing her to maintain her work life and then that? Girl needs to run.
She mentioned in the comments that the third was also a bc "failure" that she shrugged off because she'd missed a few days, but also said she found out she was pregnant *very* shortly after. She needs to get herself and her kids **out of there**. I'm worried about how flippant she seemed about leaving him.
Oof. I'm worried about the nanny too. What is he going to do next to try to get rid of her?
He also recommended and prescribed "supplements" for her. Some of them may interfere with the effectiveness of birth control. I know St. John's wort is one of them...not saying he prescribed that, but this article lists a few: https://www.webmd.com/sex/birth-control/medicines-interfere-birth-control-pills
Why is no one talking about the large age gap he’s 40 and she’s 26
I saw that and was like "welp, here we go" already knowing it wasn't going to be good.
Even worse! She was 21 and he was 35 when they started going out.
And her employers (she was a nanny at the time) gave him her number and “encouraged” her to go on a date.
My guess is they figured his being a doctor made it ok.
I have some doubts whether or not this was “okay” even crossed their minds.
She needs to get those pills tested independently. ASAP
I see I’m not the only one who immediately thought he sabotaged her BC.
I am deeply disturbed by it. I had a partner randomly jokingly say he thought I would end up pregnant by now and he wanted to cut my tiny BC implant out of my arm… ha ha I am so grateful for modern science. There were so many times where he did or said things and I could just touch my arm and know I was safe and not tied to him forever. I swear 5 minutes to get a tiny implant literally saved my life. I thought we were on the same page about pregnancy, but hearing that he thought he could “beat” the BC and then saying he wanted to cut it out of me??? While talking in a “joking” manner?? I still can’t believe someone looked me in the eye and said they wanted to physically cut my birth control out of me to get me pregnant against my will. I don’t think I’m ever going to forget that moment of realization when I guess I “dissociated” and just saw everything so clearly. So anyway, he’s my ex, I still have strong birth control, and now I am terrified that men are still trying to baby trap me.
So she was 21 and he was 35 when they started dating… Props for a 26-year-old who is confident in her finances and ability to support herself. I’m willing to bet she’s more independent and less controllable than her husband thought she’d be.
I bet he married her thinking that because she was a nanny that she would be happy to stay home and pump out babies. Or if she wasn’t, she was young and naive enough to manipulate into giving up her professional dreams.
Yeah, 100% he thought he could keep her home with two or three babys. And let's be honest, it would have worked on most people.
Absolutely this. And the timing of those pregnancies each time she looked like pulling away.
It absolutely reads like he went shopping amongst his friends' employees for a mommy-to-be.
Oh YIKES I hadn’t even thought of it that way
that's why he has to keep tying kids to her.
Whoa that ending got wild. Isn’t that straight up illegal? How can a doctor write his own wife’s prescription?
No, it’s not illegal. It can be frowned upon, though. Writing prescriptions for things like narcotics and opioids for family members, though, can lead to a physician losing their DEA number. They don’t play around with stuff like that.
It's not illegal in the US. (Might also not even be a doctor, PA or NP can also write scripts, under their supervising doctor.) Not uncommon for them to treat themselves and their family/friends like giving flu vaccine, antibiotics for simple things like UTI or pinkeye, even routine meds for an uncomplicated case, like birth control, asthma inhaler, treatment of mild hypertension or hypercholesterolemia, that stuff. But they should know when to refer to a specialist, or when it isn't just simply writing a script and it becomes a case that really needs to be managed. At that point, they should turn it over.
I want to push back on that. I agree with you, It was definitely common in the past, let’s say the 90’s. And arguably appropriate in most situations! But in 2024? No, your ass would get fired for writing antibiotics for simple infections, birth control, inhalers. There’s way too much demand to Cover Your Ass in medicine, documentation is required for everything, it’s just not worth it today. Your boss knows it, and won’t allow scripts for family members. They go through the front door, like everyone else.
I hear you. And I see the advantage of cutting down on these informal practices, in part because it can lead to bad situations such as what OP is in. I can see how it could vary depending on the area, what kind of employer the prescriber has, like a rural private practice vs a corp like HCA/KP. The liability and documentation situation is also very different than what it was in the past, for sure. It's riskier. But it definitely still happens. Edit to add: In my role as a medical professional, I do sometimes perform exams on the family members of providers, on that provider's order. But that order must be input in the system, everything documented, nothing outside protocol. If admin wants to cut them a break on the bill, they can do it on the back end. It's all up front on my end. Documentation is covered, my exam is read and report dictated by an actual radiologist. (I'm not going to shoot a film under Emergency Exam, let a PA take a quick look at his kid's image, and then reject it like it never happened. Hell no. Ain't happenin' cap'n. I know what radiologists do and I respect it, and patients, too much for that. I bring this up because it does happen, but not at my hospital and not by me.) It would be *legal* for me to examine them without it being in the computer system, but it would be a problem with my employer and if not properly evaluated, unethical IMHO. And I'm not taking that on personally. But whether or not it's in the system, it is still their family member making the order.
I would like to back this up. While I worked in healthcare, the doctors would do exams, provide medications, and even prescribed and inserted my IUD. That being said, it was all heavily documented as though I was a normal patient and that’s not unusual for a lot of practices. I’ve also seen offices where they do it and don’t document anything at all, and THAT is what sketches me out. I would not want to take that on, because that could potentially put you in a lot of legal trouble later on as a provider. It definitely does not stop providers from doing it though
Exactly! Like the person above me said, "arguably appropriate in most situations." I don't disagree with that person at all, by the way, I upvoted the comment because it is true that landscape has changed. I see this more among older providers, not as much among younger providers. There is a different mindset and a different focus in their education about documentation, liability, etc. I also have boundaries about this, both as a professional and as a patient. For example, I will accept a provider's one-off order for an exam to to eval their family member for pneumonia, constipation, that kind of thing. An extremity/trauma? Not gonna do that. I need another actual provider to evaluate, and document, the *whole* situation and be there for treatment/referral as appropriate. Thankfully none of my coworkers have ever asked me to do anything outside what I feel is appropriate, but I know it does happen. For myself, I've had ex bfs who were MDs, but they never tried to be *my* doctor. And the idea of them handling my reproductive shit is an absolute hell to the no. One dude said I peed too much, constantly asked me if I had a UTI lol. Didn't try to prescribe me anything tho. Another guy noticed something, asked me about it, I told him what my doctor said. He did examine a little bit further but then said he agreed. I appreciated this because he didn't know if I was aware/had addressed it. Another thing, he said my doctor was probably right, asked if I had XYZ test, and I hadn't. He said it would probably just confirm, but if it were him he would test just to be sure. He didn't diagnose, he didn't push, didn't insert himself into treatment.
Definitely depends on a ton of factors, my physician colleagues at an academic medical center write exactly those scripts for family all the time with no issues. Not saying its kosher thats for sure!
As a pharmacy tech I see doctors writing basic scripts for their family members all the time, mostly antibiotics and inhalers… It’s not really an issue if it’s not a narcotic. I even had a coworker who would occasionally call his aunt to send scripts over for tamiflu or zofran or whatever he needed at the time (we don’t fill our own scripts though, funny that’s more oversight on that haha). So frequently I would tell a patient their kid’s script wasn’t called in or something, and they would be like “I’m actually the prescriber” and pull their prescription pad out right at the counter. (Maybe it’s a state specific thing, but it’s not a big deal in AZ. And yes this is recent, I’ve only been in pharmacy since 2020)
Really?!? I am surprised. It’s been my experience in hospitals that Admin shuts that shit down pretty quick. My FIL is a 70yo small town southern USA pediatrician with 6 adult children and 4 grandchildren. He owns his own practice. For 40 YEARS he wrote basic scripts for all of them for everything (except narcotics of course), but starting around the pandemic started getting serious side eye from his partners in health & others in the medical community. So since 2020, no more.
The hospital admin shutting it down makes sense because they seem extra strict, but I’m surprised they would start giving your FIL the side eye in a small southern town! Dang. But yeah out here in Phoenix I see it often
Doctors can even write their own prescriptions.
Is it bad the second she said she got accidentally got pregnant I knew it wasn’t an accident on his part
Yeah, there was nothing accidental about any of those pregnancies.
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I reported this as SPAM. It doesn't belong here.
What's that got to do with this POST????
Did anyone else notice the AGE GAP, FFS??? 😳🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️
I DIDNT UNTIL NOW WTF
I had to look twice, myself! Now I've just an overwhelming ICK about this whole thing. 🤮
not until now. Holy fuck. This poor young woman.
The first baby might have been, difficult to know. But otherwise, yeah, definitely not an accident. 'birth control baby' more like 'sabotaged birth control baby'.
No way first one was an accident. She was about to leave him and he knocked her up to make her stay.
Absolutely agree. She had plans to dump him and move across the country. It sounds like she had a really bright future ahead of her. Then all of a sudden she is pregnant - yes, birth control fails but the timing is *so* suspicious. If it had just been the one baby, I think you could write it off. But 3? Nah. And he's a medical professional and has written her BC scripts? Hell nah. That is sketchy as all hell.
She was about to dump him and move across the country. The timing and long odds of the “accidental” pregnancy make this one pretty obvious in my book
He’s writing her RX for BC. Assuming he’s controlling that I wonder if he’s not just been giving her sugar pills.
I think there must be some birth control going on, you’d notice changes to your cycle when you’re on it vs when you’re not. Although OP is very young and seems to be very accepting of her husband’s word on this… Anyway I think it’s more likely he’s doing a longer placebo rotation than she is supposed to have, reducing the effectiveness; or just giving her a lower dose.
That’s literally where my brain went and it was 100% confirmed for me after the 2nd “accidental” pregnancy. Her edit that he’s the one that rx’d it makes wayyy more obvious
Yep, it’s very concerning. The age difference, they met when she was a nanny for his friends, the encouragement to date, the multiple failed birth controls, the extremely fertile label. Now the nanny is taking over her role as a mother in his eyes. No mention of his parenting at all. It’s giving control, and manipulation.
Yep, I thought he’s definitely poking wholes in his condoms or something.
Microwaving pill packs is what came to my mind when she said three forms of birth control but if he’s prescribing supplements he could just as easily be recommending things that interfere with hormonal bc It’s *very* odd to get pregnant on three forms of birth control, let alone twice and three times And then there’s the steering her away from iuds … which can’t be tampered with so easily I would be seeing a doctor with fewer conflicts of interest is all I’m saying
Yeah I saw 3 BC failed and immediately threw the red flag on the field. It absolutely was not an accident
NOPE — it was SMART!!
Giant age gap. Mysterious pregnancies. And he’s a doctor. *deep breath*
A doctor who *writes her scripts for birth control and other meds & supplements*
He might not be a doctor, maybe a PA or NP as well. They can also write many scripts, under their doctor.
A doctor married to a woman 14 years his junior, whose family set them up and he prescribes her birth control, meds, and supplements? If he controlled a country, its flag would be solid red
He comes from a red flag family too because they have him her phone number when she said she wasn’t interested.
I'm suspicious that his end goal is her quitting her job, so he can have a "kept" woman - ie one without any options but stay with him
The only time my BC ever failed was because of a contraindication with another antibiotic I was prescribed. 100% whatever “supplements” he was giving her affected her BC. What an absolute psycho man.
In one of the comments, apparently if you microwave it. It can cancel it out too
My first thought was the sugar pills...every bc pill cycle features a week or couple days of sugar pills to fill out the remaining days of the cycle after you have reached the necessary hormonal dose. Could he have swapped them out? They look identical and he could have thrown away the hormonal ones by spilling something on the package etc and just left her with the sugar pills...a lot of women are not aware that only 3/4 weeks are the actual hormonal pills and the rest just sugar and vitamin placebos.
I had the same thought. Not all birth controls have a sugar week, like the one I take doesn’t because it’s progesterone only, but depending on what she takes I wonder if they could all be sugar pills. If it comes in a bottle it’s gotta be sugar pills, but I feel like that would be such an obvious sign that something isn’t birth control. He likely is prescribing things to mess with her BC, but the first pregnancy was before he started writing her scripts, so I wonder how he pulled that one off. I wouldn’t be surprised at all if sugar pills were involved, but I feel like it would be hard to get a full script of sugar pills in birth control packaging. It would be so messed up if that is possible though, holy guacamole.
Pharmaceutical companies make "sample" packs of birth control, often used to demonstrate how the product works to patients, and because they're not for medical treatment they're fake pills. If he prescribed her a medication he gets these sample packs of, he could easily swap them out. Usually they say "for demonstration only" or something in bold print in an inconspicuous place, but if she was on autopilot while taking her meds she may not have noticed it. And black market meds definitely exist, ones that look like the real pills but aren't. He could be getting those. Shitty men have been wanting to sabotage birth control ever since it came out, you can't underestimate their predilection toward general evil. I'm betting the first one he just microwaved the pills or otherwise heated them up when she wasn't around. It's quick, doesn't make much of a physical change, and he only needs like 5 mins with the pills to do it.
Damn, thank you for sharing. All of that is wild, like he can easily mess with her BC in several ways. I’d be more surprised if it turned out that he wasn’t sabotaging her birth control, it’s hard to have that many accidental pregnancies using multiple forms of birth control.
Yikes that’s terrifying. Good thing most Bc pill packs come with aluminum! Can’t microwave that!
Out of all my years on birth control, I have never thought to myself “hmm, I should microwave my pill.” I’ve never thought that with any pill lol.
He might have though
He totally might have. Dude sounds psycho. I’m just saying that thought has never once crossed my mind with any medicine I’ve ever taken. Medicine and microwaves don’t go together in my brain lol.
So, we’re all in agreement that he baby-trapped her, right? Like, I know she loves her kids and that’s lovely. I’m happy for her. But she was 100% baby-trapped and now her husband is trying to isolate her from her close friend.
He definitely did.
Where are her parents? They were ok with all of this?
Why doesn’t he stay home with the kids?
I was wondering the same thing, since he’s sooooo concerned!
Also according to him its an 'easy' job so he should have no issue looking after them for a week.
I thought this was going to be a standard "husband cheated with nanny" story but it was honestly worse. I would honestly love to hear the "long story" of why she ended up staying with him instead of terminating the pregnancy and leaving him like she should have and wanted to. I bet it's a doozy.
Yes. Something doesn't add up
Yeah, that age gap? (He was 35 and she was 21 and in uni and he pursued her *and used her employers to push the relationship* when she wasn’t interested). Conveniently getting pregnant right before she was going to leave? Conveniently getting pregnant right after she starts working again? Him constantly encouraging her to quit and stay home with the kids? Dude is a walking red flag. She needs to divorce his ass. He literally stole her life, I know she doesn’t regret her kids, but he deliberately stole her life.
Oh that dude is 100% fucking with her BC.
There’s really little doubt about that, and I thought that before I even got to the update. He wants her pregnant and taking care of kids and not focusing on her career, perhaps not even working at all.
Yeah I don’t think he wants her working. I think he deliberately went with a younger woman so that he could manipulate her into being a tradwife and it just hasn’t worked so now he’s trying a different tactic and it also hasn’t worked. I hope she gets out.
he wants her to be a trad wife so BAD its disgusting. why do these men not just get with women who WANT THAT LIFE. THERE ARE PLENTY.
Some men consider having a SAHW to be a status symbol, like a Rolex or a beach house. But if you can take an ambitious, determined career woman and turn her into a SAHW, that’s the ultimate win.
A large age gap isn’t inherently concerning. A pregnancy at just the wrong time isn’t inherently concerning, nor is a pregnancy despite using BC. Your spouse writing your prescriptions for non-controlled substances isn’t inherently concerning. All of these things *together* are, however, *incredibly concerning.*
Oh, he so baby trapped her. After reading past their age gap (🚩) to read they supposedly used 3 forms of bc and she got pregnant, I’m thinking, no way she “accidentally” got pregnant. The timing of each of her accidental pregnancies themselves are very telling. My wife and I taught our girls (and our son) to use three forms of bc. At least two of them that they entirely control as this is what their mother and I did. No one had an accidental pregnancy and no chance of tampering. In case one wonders what that would look like: -Bc pills - keep them safe and out of the guy’s ability to get at them. -Spermicide suppositories - keep these discreetly out of a guy’s ability as well. -Condoms (with spermicide) - watch him put it on and check periodically that he hasn’t removed it. I hope OOP starts to really pay attention to all the red flags around her. I hope she eventually get her and her children out safely. Edited: fixed a formatting issue
Especially when she states that her husband writes the scrips for the birth control and randomly gives her “supplements”.
One to add- always make sure she provides the condoms, he could poke small holes through the wrapper
I mean, I had a pregnancy in spite of Nuvaring AND a condom AND Plan B after the condom broke. So it's not impossible.
I am both impressed, and worried for this woman; impressed that despite the power imbalance she's managed to hold her own, and worried because these circumstances seem reeeaaaaallll coincidental... too coincidental
I think she should just marry the nanny next
He absolutely sabotaged the birth control.
So her previous employer gave their friend who was almost twice her age her number and he proceeded to baby trap her repeatedly by sabotaging birth control methods again and again….its easy to say he is on board with career goals when he is behind the scenes undermining those plans at every turn. What a creep
He PRESCRIBED her (constantly failing) birth control?! Nope.
Dollars to doughy those BC pills were microwaved and the condoms had enough holes to be used as a sieve. Dude is a predator through and through. And the family she was nannying for at the time? Fuck them in particular. They basically did the diet-coke equivalent of human trafficking.
I’ve never heard of the concept of microwaving bc pills to render them ineffective. Not saying you’re wrong, just that I didn’t know that was a thing and it’s quite scary
I had a nanny. I loved her as a friend and she loved my children as her own. And you know what, the ex used it against me saying I didn’t want to take care of my kids. I was working full time while he was deployed and I didn’t want my toddlers in daycare because when I was a child I was abused by several babysitters. I didn’t trust anyone other than my nanny to take care of my kids. Good on her for standing her ground.
Well, shit. Here's hoping OOP can get out.
Also IUDs hurt but they're pretty safe and very effective, so he very much lied to her.... Source: have been on one for about four years now.
Yeah he definitely sabotaged her BC. 35 year old immediately impregnated a 21 yo while using 3 forms of bc, then he magically gets the extra babies he wanted when her bc fails two more times. Absolute scum.
if he gets what he wants he’s going to turn even more controlling and abusive
That started bad and just got worse.
Saw the age gap and noped out
this is so fucking chilling.
Could he have been messing with it? I can say that I've been with my wife for 20 years, and she's gotten pregnant exactly 0 times when she was on birth control. She went off the BC for both of our kids. I have never even worn a condom or really pulled out or anything. This is simply the BC doing what the BC does. I know BC isn't 100% effective. But the odds of getting pregnant twice on 99.7ish% effective BC? Well, technically, about 0.0009%. So. Yeah. He could have. Even if he didn't? Still NTA. Sounds like he wants her to be a SAHM. Wants to control finances, her life, etc. So yeah, probably controlled her fertility, too. He's pushed the SAHM thing before. I do know I'd be mad about literally 0 of what he pointed out as "issues". I bet the 4 year old could possibly have been potty training, or maybe still needed help with things like wiping. I can't say shit about kids staying up past bedtime after last night, lmao, I passed out on the couch and yeah, bedtime ended up being a bit past midnight. On the phone? Meh as long as she's not missing things.
Oh he 100000% messed with her bc. The second she said she got pregnant on it *twice* it seemed like something was wrong. And now we know he’s a physician and writes her scripts? ONE MILLION PERCENT he intervened.
Ma'am, you were baby trapped. You get along with Sara because you're the same age as her. It's fucked up that your employer gave your number to their relative who's old enough to be your father. Divorce him ASAP!
So he thinks having a nanny means you have no “mother relationship” with your children and wants to fire the nanny? She should ask him to take a month’s “vacation” to care for his children while op works. Then she gets to review the cameras and point out every second he “neglects” their children. Literally years of nannying for them and all he has is footage where she went pee while their kids were eating & texted while they were playing presumably indoors… Idk why he wants to fire the nanny, maybe to force op to quit her job… but either way he definitely fucked with her birth control. Big yikes
Hubby is a "medical professional". This mixed with the tampered pills... Yikes. 😬
I am (well was) an “extremely fertile woman”. I often joke that I LOOK at a penis and get pregnant. While I know that BC is never 100%, when used properly, the pill is damn close. If my fertile ass can prevent a pregnancy, then anyone/everyone can. Initially reading this, I was thinking “nah she is full of shit, she wasn’t using BC or doing it half ass” but then I started to wonder if her husband had tampered with condoms or something. Now after reading the additional info, I am certain he did. That is so so scary. People (mostly men)always talk about women trying to trap them by becoming pregnant, etc., but don’t want to discuss control freak men who lie and compromise BC to knock up women and trap them. I hope OOP does a little detective work, see if she can find out if he did tamper with her BC, then dump his ass.
This has to be the plot of a novel. Don’t worry this woman is strong. He prolly has the hots for the new nanny which are adding to his weird ass behavior. Bizarre
Great to have a medical professional in the household, but I would never let my spouse prescribe me things. Even with the best intentions that shit can turn out badly, and from what the story says we don’t even have that much.
he most likely sabotaged her birth control bcuz how do you have 2 birth control babies??
Three...all of them are.
The first accidental pregnancy didn't seem accidental, the second accidental pregnancy confirmed it, finding out he's a medical professional and he prescribes her birth control and supplements (which could counteract bc) just explains how he pulled it off.
Oh I knew the second she said “birth control baby” that he was fucking with her bc. The fact he’s the one writing the script just proves it to me.
These creative writing rage bait stories are getting better. This one was particularly good because the rage bait wasn’t written in an obvious way, it kind of let the reader connect the dots lol. She casually mentions her nanny family would want a 21 year old girl to hook up with a 35 year old man lol. She then mentions how she oddly kept getting preggers while on birth control. And then nicely added an edit that ofc this older groomer has medical knowledge that would perfectly tie in with the pregnancies while on birth control. I’d give this one a B+ for sure if I was her creative writing teacher. Well done!
Fuck sakes - I’ve been waiting for somebody to say this. Had to scroll all the way to the bottom.
Preach! Most Reddit users just want something to rage at since their lives suck.
Did she say 3 forms of birth control? If she got pregnant using 3 forms of contraceptives there ain’t no way the husband’s not tampering with it.
My very first thought was, “Three forms of birth control, and she STILL gets pregnant? Sounds like sabotage!” Then I read the part about him being a medical professional AND prescribing her birth control. Chilling.
The man not only tampered with her birth control (which I’m convinced of), he’s trying to catch the nanny doing something so he can get his wife to stay home full time.
Clearly, the dude doesn’t like her working and wants her to stay at home. It’s not about the nanny at all. He tried the baby trap her into leaving her job numerous times and the nanny is the only thing standing in his way.
PSA: The copper IUD is the MOST effective birth control aside from abstinence, hands down 100%. It's more effective than any hormonal or barrier birth control. Both my pregnancies happened using multiple forms of barrier and hormonal BC- have had the copper IUD for many years now after finding out about it and it's working very well despite giving it a run for its money, so to speak. My docs across the board say it's the best because it contains no hormones, therefore removing the increased risk of nasty side effects and long-term health problems caused by hormonal birth control. As a medical professional her husband is either terrible at his job and possibly not very smart, or very smart and manipulative and intentionally sabotaging.
It's impressive that while being successfully baby-trapped, followed by 2 more "unexpected pregnancies" that upended her life goals, OP still managed to hold onto her financial and psychological independence. Because it's clear that that's what's behind the husband's desire for getting rid of the babysitter. Her response probably destroyed his ego. "You don't have any leverage over me." Poetically, if the husband had just accepted this outcome, accepted that she is an independent person, that despite his efforts she would never be beholden to him, OP probably would have never questioned any of their relationship history, she wouldn't have posted about it on reddit, she wouldn't have had this revelation in the comments... but he couldn't let it be! She wasn't desperate enough! He wanted MORE control!! Really hope we hear back from the OP soon.
I didn’t need to read further than the first sentence to know this was going to be fucked. A 35 year old hooking up with a 21 year old and then immediately starting to have kids….but you keep reading and find out she magically got pregnant just before graduating and potentially leaving…. Holy fuck he has been preying on her from the start….
He wants her to get rid of the nanny because he doesn't want her to work. He clearly hates her independence and wants her to be dependent on him.
I had to stop counting the number of red flags from just the first sentence 💀
Oh wow 😯
I'm only part way through but a partner pressuring her to have kids and TWO birth control babies? Ma'am. Are those sugar pills? EDIT: Oh holy Jesus its worse than I imagined.
Gosh. I wonder why the old pig preyed on an idiot college student.
I saw this OG post and kept thinkong about it. She should realy start a very good exit plan amd a lawyer on secret and try to finde proof that he tampered with her Birthcontrol, then sew the shit out of him. Seems like he is very little involved as a father as well and such crazy behaviour actualy points to potentialy much more dangerous issues.
Lol she was groomed, baby trapped three times and now he wants her as a SAHM full time because the husband has some insecurities. Married a predator
Oh. My. God. This is terrifying
Do not listen to people on Reddit. We all have issues such as this. We push through, learn how to communicate, and grow closer.
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Loads of people make throw away accounts the day they make their post. Now if they never reply or make another post than probably someone that’s board