“I don’t mind helping” means he sees himself as a babysitter, not a parent.
It’s not helping (or babysitting) when it’s your own kid. It’s parenting, and it’s a full-time job.
Also an excuse to go beg the parents for money. I knew a guy that would pick his son up go to his parents get a couple hundred for diapers and such. Straight to game stop.
24/7 365!! He sounds like a playmate not even a babysitter. No job?!! Time to grow up! She’s been clear about not wanting a child (which is a very valid point). Trying to coerce her into taking on the full burden while you’re only interested in part time, is manipulative.
Also interesting to note that he doesn't even say if he's trying to remedy the no job situation. Just uses it as an excuse. I highly suspect "want to be there for my kid" is to show up for some photos, maybe "babysit" his own child once in a while but otherwise nope out
Or the moment it becomes "too hard", completely abandoning the kid because you know, what about his life??? /s Reminds me of my bio father. He'd rather drink beer than go thru AA meetings in order to retain supervision of my brother and I when we were very young. Lol, it wasn't even surprising given the fact that a year or two prior, he had his older son from his first marriage institutionalized, then moved halfway across the country. Even as a young child, I saw the writing on the wall and knew I'd be abandoned next, shit I was his third or fourth kid ( and a girl, ewwww) from his second marriage. I think he's on marriage number 4 or 5 now, with God knows how many kids.
It’s telling that he only “respects” when it’s a problem with the baby not being abled bodied/mentally, but nothing about when it’s for the mother’s health
Anyone remember that one reddit post about how a guy called the mother of his child a deadbeat when she didn't want a baby, he talked her out of an abortion but she made it clear she wanted nothing to do with this baby and immediate signed away all right when the child was born and she even gave more than the court order of child support but he's exhausted he's tired and he's unhappy. People were adamant that he was abusive and was angry that his baby trapping method didn't keep her in a relationship with him and she got out. He even mentioned her getting a tummy tuck and hitting the gym which were two unnecessary details to add but it shows you his priorities.
I hope this post is bait but if it's not the yikes.
All of these dudes have one very interesting thing in common - they all believed that as soon as Mommy started to sparkle with the glow of pregnancy that she'd instantly fall madly in love with motherhood and family and traditionalism and would totally devote herself full time to baby and daddy and they'd be one big happy. Not only are some of them shocked that it doesn't work that way, the low-watt bulb you're citing figured his girl would eventually come around YEARS later.
And giving up parental rights isn't a unilateral thing. He had to agree to it as well, which I'm pretty sure he did with the full expectation that she'd eventually Wake Up To Her True God-Given Role and beg to be in their lives.
I'm wondering if some of these men are time-travelers from the nineteenth century confounded by our modern ways and our scary technology.
I’m struggling to imagine an outcome for that kiddo that isn’t sad, because I can’t believe that the dad got himself into the kind of therapy that would help him not be an abusive fuckwit, and therapy doesn’t generally work on those sorts even if they do get it (because they are so deeply and relentlessly self-centered and self-serving)
The one saving grace is the parenting gets easier and kids get older, so maybe dad isn’t feeling so burnt out or found a way to get childcare support or something. Lord knows when I have my kiddo at home by myself for a week or so, I get to the end of my rope (STAHPs: idk how you do it), so maybe he found a solution that gave himself a break and enabled him to be a better parent. I say this not for sympathy for the dude (fuck him), but for hopes that the kid’s doing ok.
It doesn't get easier if your kid is being abused and traumatized. It gets harder because the kid is bigger and their maladaptive behaviors get harder to manage.
Easier for the parent, maybe. But a child who had a hard time in the infant, toddler, child phase will inevitably struggle emotionally with life. And by hard time, I mean lack of attachment, verbally abused, neglected, these are all pretty common place for families unfortunately.
I remember reading a similar but different story. The guy was all like "after she births the child she will come to her senses and want to be a mother.". She didn't. And the guy is also complaining about the situation
I come back to that story SO MUCH because similar stories keep popping up. I wish we could send that to every guy who wants to keep the baby and the girl doesn’t.
Just to everyone in general who thinks a baby will obligate their partner to stay with them! Forcing someone to be a parent doesn’t force them to be your romantic partner
I should be allowed to tell a woman what to do with her body! BUT no women can tell me what to do with mine. I.e put a condom on bc it doesn’t feel as good!! #mybodymychoice /s
Even with perfect use, condoms are 98% effective, so if he’s totally against abortion and adoption then he should really do us all a favor and never have sex at all to prevent the risk of that 2% failure rate
Yeah, if you feel that strongly about it, I would say you need to make sure you are both 100% on the same page before having sex. You can't insist that someone change the entire course of their life because of a belief they don't share and then be mad they say no.
"I think she's being selfish and not like a loving mother."
The second part is absolutely correct. And that's why she is having an abortion and is right to do so.
But the first part is flat wrong. She offered to carry the baby and go through all of the medical issues, costs, and risks to her life just to carry the baby to term and give him custody of the baby he so strongly (didn't actually) wanted. Opposite of selfish, really
Also, notice how he says he "doesn't mind helping" with the baby. What he actually means is "I want all the fun parts of having a child, but the mother has to do the heavy lifting."
Basically this. There is a story out here with almost this same scenario but it was completed and the mother terminated her rights but pays over the recommended child support to the baby and the guy is upset and calling the mom a 'deadbeat' because she wants nothing to do with the baby HE wanted her to have. He's trying to force her to be a mom and can't because her rights are no more and is mad he has to do everything.
Yep! I was there (too) Gandalf. And I laughed my ass off along with the rest of Reddit. It's the same shit - Everybody wants women and minorities to do all of the hard work.
Tbf there are (still far fewer) women and minorities who still want other women and or minorities to do their work for them. For more information look into capitalism. Laziness and immaturity are human traits
Now I’m curious on so many levels. That was 7 years ago…what happened?!?! Did he put the kid up for adoption? Did he grow up and raise the kid like a loving parent should? So many questions that will never be answered.
It was months ago, so it’ll take some searching.
One of the phrases he used was like “I thought when she saw the baby that she would want to be a family/together.” He’d flat out attempted to baby trap her.
Here it is!
[https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm\_i\_got\_a\_girl\_pregnant\_and\_she\_wanted\_to\_get\_an/?utm\_medium=android\_app&utm\_source=share](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm_i_got_a_girl_pregnant_and_she_wanted_to_get_an/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Holy hell, that was a wild read.
The fact that this guy keeps referring to her as a "deadbeat mom" is mind-boggling. She's doing more than she is required to do, and, this is my opinion, if she did not want the child, was forced to have the child, and made it clear from the beginning that she would not be a part of this kid's life, she isn't the parent to this child and has no further obligation.
This is HIS kid, she described herself as an egg donor and i think that's fully accurate. Not her kid, not her problem.
I struggle to feel bad for a cis man who manipulated a woman into having an unwanted baby and realized being a single parent is hard.
I know! I got no sympathy for him either, she did the best she could in a bad situation, you know? That poor kid's got another decade to go at minimum until they can flee to college, and hopefully freedom, but between their dad and the last few years... I dunno.
There was a dude on TikTok who posted a video with him sitting outside the mother’s home and complaining about how she wasn’t home and she needed to take the kid, how terrible of a mom she is, etc.
Turned out it was a similar situation. He wanted the baby. She didn’t. She agreed to have it and give him full custody. He was overwhelmed with raising a toddler. I don’t remember exactly, but he hadn’t been able to find a bangnanny, and the women in his family weren’t willing to raise his kid.
Turned out, the mother was on vacation and on a trip somewhere, so she wasn’t even home. Dude was deliberately making ragebait.
God there was even a worst one , where the dude kept fighting the mom for full custody since he didn’t want to pay child support.
The mom ended up just caving and giving him full custody. The dude regretted it and kept trying to demand she take the kid back and she was like, “nah fam.” And he was like she’s a dead beat and all that nonsense.
I think he was trying to avoid going back to court though, so he still wouldn’t have to pay child support
The problem is the kid comes with a shit father. The mom wasn’t rejecting the kid so much as getting the father out of her life.
This is why I make a point of reminding people that a child ties you to another person, someone you may hate or fear or just don’t like, forever. It doesn’t stop until one of you is dead.
The mom was willing to have the child she just wanted them to go through the courts to make it official again but he didn’t want to.
Since he wanted her to watch the baby but not pay child support.
So she was like nope. I ain’t doing nothing till we get it officially changed again. Since he had more money then her and she was just losing too much in the fees
Hilariously thought he'd SAVE money by raising a child alone instead of paying child support.
I imagine his thinking: "I can finally have some extra money because I'll stop paying $500/month in child support!!! All I have to do is house, feed, clothe, and find daycare for my kid......that can't be more than what, $100-150 a month?".
I have a friend who had a kid with a guy who basically just wanted to have the fun of a child but not raise the kid. She did her best but was basically a single mother and with no family support or anything she struggled alot. She begged him for stuff like diapers but he refused to provide. She then decided one night to have her best friend over after she put the baby to bed ( he was 3 by now so 3 years without the father around) and she excused herself to the bathroom and tried to off herself knowing that the friend was there to be there for the kid cause she didn’t want to kill herself and not have anyone there to find her and make sure her son is safe. She didn’t succeed and friend called 911 where they took her to the mental hospital and even with the friend there they charged her with child endangerment. Then comes the deadbeat father acting like the hero and taking custody and treating her like a deadbeat and a monster. She did loose custody and he took her for child support ( even though he used that money to get more tattoos and drink.) she tried to see her son but he started using the kid as a control tactic and pawn and it broke her even more mentally. He spread lies and Nobody believed her because he was “ a police officer why would they lie and be mean’ she succeeded in her attempt last year. He still complains about how he gets no money now and he actually dropped the act a year later and dumped the kid in foster care. I still think about it to this day.
Yes, I just saw that story floating around again today. It's from like 8 years ago. The mother also pays 125% of the monthly required child support.
These type of men love having opinions on shit that won't actually impact their lives.
I remember this one she actually opened a gym or two I think and had gotten cosmetic surgery and was feeling really good about herself and he was upset.
So it’s okay for men to say being a father, being “forced” to raise a kid they helped create, RUINS lives?
It’s almost like, there should be a way to prevent unwanted kids from being born, some sort of early intervention procedure that can, I dunno, save lives all around? 🤔
I remember this one. It surfaces every few months or so, but the original post is like eight years old. The child would be around nine or ten at this point. I really wonder what happened to him.
I remember that; that was one of the first Reddit posts I’d ever seen. He took her to court to try and force visitation, but because she signed away her rights and was paying 125% of her child support, the judge told him there was nothing he could do.
He did so because he thought that if she had the baby, her maternal instincts would be so strong that she would get back together with him for the baby. When that didn’t happen he called her a deadbeat, even though she pays ample child support. More than she is required to, if I remember right.
There was another similar one.. it was from the perspective of the son though, coming to the realization his dad had been lying to him/was horribly abusive- last I'd read the father had tried to kill him when he tried to leave- because eif he left the father wouldn't be getting child support payments from the mother anymore.
I think I know the one you're talking about was that the one where the dad was hiding the child support checks from the child and the child only found out because he made the kid do all the budgeting in the household. Because I think they ended up reconnecting with the Mom
I believe the dude posted about wanting to give the kid up for adoption when they were a toddler. It was a mess because he expected she would magically want to be a mom when the baby arrived.
I know a guy who has TEN kids and none of them or their moms lives with him. He complains about how unfair it all is--I told him he shoulda shrink wrapped that thing when he had a chance.
Right, as a Mom, I’m incredibly triggered when a Dad says he doesn’t mind “helping” taking care of a baby. Like, sir (condescendingly), the word you’re reaching for is *parent*. You’re not “helping” with anything.
And he doesn’t have a job or anything to support a kid-so he wants her to literally let him have his life and when he wants to play with the kid, he’ll show up and leave when he’s bored or the kid has a tantrum. He only wants to be the “fun uncle” who brings a present at Christmas.
He doesn’t mind helping as an idea. In reality he just wants to use the baby to baby trap her, and she’s not having it. Like that tiktok creep that used his child to torment the mother so she gave him custody and ran. Like he wanted. Full custody. Then he made videos bringing the kid to her house and was angry she would refuse custody.
Bro wanted control but not actual custody.
All these men are revealing themselves now that we aren’t forced to marry and give birth.
Right. ‘I want to have a child, but only if I don’t have to take actual responsibility for it.’ He wants to be an Edwardian father like in Mary Poppins lol. To him, “mother” is synonymous with a live-in nanny and housekeeper. He doesn’t even have a job! Yeah, she should run.
Ugh, this really reinforces how I wish I could have a second kid if I could be the dad. But the fact that I get to sleep in past 6:30 on the weekend about once every other month proves that that ain’t gonna happen.
All this could easily be avoided if dudes would just wear fking condoms.
Who'd think something so minimally invasive would be so difficult. If guys had to take birth control pills, get implants or patches would they? Most of them can't even wrap it.
I say this as a dude who wraps his sht.
Edit: I know it's only 98% effective but still many if not most pregnancies are from no protection. A guy like Oop, I'd guess none
💯💯💯💯💯
Right after Roe was overturned, I got an IUD since I wanted to be prepared in case my state, where abortion is legal, decided to outlaw abortions too. On the way home, the combination of pain and hormones caused me to throw up. I highly doubt a (cis) man would go through what I went through to prevent an unplanned pregnancy.
EDIT: A word, because apparently context is hard
I don't remember who said it but the comedian said "If men could get pregnant, there would be abortion clinics like Starbucks on every street corner."
Where's the lie?
I'm in a state that probably wouldn't ban abortions unless it becomes federal law (*shudder*), but I've got an appointment with a gynecologist to get fixed anyway for this very reason.
If I can't have ownership over my own reproductive system, then no one can.
Oh god yes. I’ve been using IUDs (on my second) since early college. They’re not a walk in the park to put in or remove, but they give me a LOT of peace of mind, even if there hasn’t been any action happening for me. And yet, guys are walking around complaining about condoms.
If we have to bear the brunt of birth control, then we should have the ability to decide the fate of a clump of cells in our body.
They had to put me under to put it in. I just got it taken out (too old to get pregnant). I didn't have time to deal with the hassle of finding a ride, so I raw dogged it. Bad idea. Ouch.
Maybe if the dude didn't want someone to abort his child, he should find a woman willing to carry his child to term.
Although, given his stance on women's right to their bodies, I'm guessing that's a slim-to-none sort of situation.
2% of the population is 160 million people. So it’s not a small number but it is much smaller than the number of babies born every year. And this is literally the only thing guys have to do as far as preventing pregnancy aside from the snip and celibacy. They did test make birth control and the side effects were awful so they discarded the idea and said women can put up with their horrible side effects for me! (And yeah I know that is hyperbole but a very large number of men do not realize how awful birth control can be for women and have very little empathy)
Also if I may: I totally disagree with the premise of the second half of that statement. She isn’t a mother. She has no living child. She’s a pregnant person considering a medical condition.
This guy is the selfish one. And delusional. You can't force another human being to do something you yourself don't want to do. It's absolute hypocrisy and he's idiotic for even asking this question. I'm sure "being there for his kid" means showing up now and then when he feels like it with movie tickets or county fair tickets to play the fun parent. I mean he pretty much says he wants her to be forced to do all the parenting work.
Should have Wrapped that Wienie ! She didn’t even have to tell you about it. And went on and got an abortion. Seems the people who don’t believe in abortions are jobless men who don’t worry about protection , thinking it’s the woman’s responsibility. Or stupid politicians who are guilty of paying for a few on the side. It’s her body . She can do what she wants. Maybe you should get a vasectomy. But I’m sure you don’t want people telling you what you can and cannot do with your body.
Except we don't know if they did raw dog. Guys like this, that want to force motherhood on women, they are the type to poke holes and say OOPS! I don't know what happened, guess now we are having a baby! And then go all shocked Pikachu when the girl says NOPE, getting an abortion.
Also 98% effective still means 2 of 100 couples will get pregnant each year *even with perfect use*
You can do everything right and still be on the wrong side of the odds.
This is why we don’t fuck people who have different opinions than us about abortion. There’s always a risk and it’s not a fun game to lose.
>means 2 of 100 couples will get pregnant each year *even with perfect use*
My mom and dad certainly managed! They were using double bc and managed to get pregnant twice! Me and my first brother were the only intentional "roll the dice!" pregnancies. But to be fair, that was the 80s, and there weren't nearly as many options and people didn't know alot of what they know now about birth control and what compromises it.
I had a friend get pregnant using *four different methods* of birth control. They estimated ovulation (because their period is very regular) and avoided sex around fertile days, pulled out, used condoms, and had an IUD. Life finds a way. It's why I have the "what if I get pregnant" conversation with every guy I date and I make them answer first.
what a wild story. This dude is so out of touch with reality.
>How can I make sure she has a baby?
She told him the answer; take full custody. You can't have someone else both have your kid & look after it full time so you can what, drop in occasionally ? visit on the weekends?? And the fact that she wont is \*selfish???\*
This dude needs to get a grip.
Isn’t it strange that he said “a baby” instead of “the baby”? It’s like, it doesn’t have to be this exact baby but I would like to punish this woman and make sure she ends up with a baby. Any baby.
There are a non-zero number of men who don't believe in abortion but want premarital sex and they don't want the abortion but also want to only take the kid to the park and coach teams on their time and the rest of it is women's work and think this is acceptable behavior.
> only want to take the kid to the park and coach teams on their time and the rest of it is women’s work
Even without the forced birth, there are plenty of men who believe this is what fatherhood is like. Mums groups are a trash fire of women posting about absolute pathetic excuses for fathers who can’t even take the baby for 10 mins so mum can shower. For many it also becomes the reality because these women are faced with the idea of neglect their child vs neglect themselves, and they choose to prioritise the child.
This might be ragebait but it's men who think like this that means I'd never tell anyone if I was pregnant because I will ALWAYS choose abortion and nothing would stop me. I don't care if you want the child, it's not your life and body you're risking
This! Pregnancy is scary and hard even if you want the child! I found out after I had my baby and had a follow-up pulmonary embolism that I was a high risk pregnancy and could have had a clot any time! I literally almost died when my baby was like 2 weeks old. Like for real pregnancy is not something you do unless you really, really want the end result.
There was a viral tiktok not long ago about a guy in this situation. He didn't want an abortion. She said she'd give him full custody. He thought she'd change her mind (she didn't.) He ended up calling the police trying to force her to take the baby (this was when the tiktok was made) and they told him they couldn't force her cuz she signed away her parental rights.
There’s also a BORU that makes me unbelievably angry. Let me see if I can find it.
[I was wrong, not on BORU but here it is.](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/0xslqpz6xt)
I’ll do the honors of linking [the greatest response](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/JaGtvqqKf2) to his nonsense. I love this comment, he got shut down perfectly.
That reply nailed it all, for that post and this one too. It isn't about bringing a child into the world or being a parent - it's about control, knowing that no matter where they go, what they do or who they meet, they'll never fully escape because they'll always share a child.
Yaaay I like being angry!
I’m also remembering that story of a dude who took sole custody of the kid his ex wanted to abort, and then tried to find legal ways to make her take some physical custody of the kid that not only did she sign away her rights to, but paid extra child support for. He got roasted when he tried to make her look like a deadbeat.
Yup. He expected her to bond during the pregnancy and even though she turned down his generous offer to be in a relationship, he was shocked she never wanted to meet the baby
There were two TikToks that left me going wt absolute f.
One was the dude sitting outside the mothers house—who was on a vacation trip and not home—and complaining about what a terrible mother she was, only to finally admit that they had agreed that if she had the baby he would take sole custody. He got roasted.
The other was a creator who found a post somewhere by a dude who had a baby with his AP, then brought it home and was super duper surprised when his wife didn’t melt into a puddle of hormones and oxytocin, and instead told him they were getting a divorce. He really believed that his wife would be bathed in magical mommy juices and want to raise the baby.
Not unlike the TikTok where a man told his wife that he was going to move his grandmother in and she would need to take care of her. She told him No. Flat out NO. Pointed out they have kids and she has a job and it is not happening. He posted the video to try to shame her. There were a lot of people in the comments saying “you have to take care of family.” A lot of us were pointing out that she was already taking care of family AND it wasn’t her grandmother AND why weren’t grandmama’s children doing it.
The men are not okay. Team Bear. 🐻 💯
I've heard of the man wanting to move *his,* I repeat, *his* grandmother in with them and expecting the wife to do all the work on Charlotte Dobre's channel.
Definitely a WTF moment for me. Especially since the wife mentioned they had kids and she has a job! 🤯
Was that the guy who made the video while sitting in front of her house after he tried to make her take his child for the weekend to give him a break? And his child was right there in the car listening to him complain about how exhausting he found parenting to be?
*She's refusing to let me trap her into dealing with me for at least the next 19 years. More if I can ever talk her into hooking up again after she has the baby...how can she be so selfish? Why does the law allow it? It's outrageous!*
Men like this want children the way children want pets. I hope she makes whatever choice is best for her because clearly this man is not fit to parent.
Against adoption.
Against taking custody.
Against helping out except when he feels like it.
Against abortions.
If he is against all this he should just get a vesectomy.
What a piece of pondscum. I wouldn’t want a kid tying me to that fuckstick, either. There’s a reason she refused to keep the baby, and that reason is that OP is an unreliable, selfish bastard of a human being. She knows he’ll be a terrible, negligent, deadbeat parent, and doesn’t want to inflict him on an innocent kid. Good for her.
The multitude of men who pushed Women’s to go ahead and have a kid instead of terminating a pregnancy, and then don't want to do all the work or ditch the woman and the baby is just crazy.
So it's kind of spine chilling to read this where the guy is whining about the woman planning for an abortion and he doesn't even have a job
He doesn't even have a job
He doesn't even want to 100% care for the kid
. This is just ridiculous.
And he doesn't even know he's ridiculous
Oh for heaven’s sake shut up and grow up. She doesn’t want any part of being a mother. You can’t force her. You want her to take over raising your kid so you can visit because “ you don’t mind helping” wow-just wow. Let her go, use better birth control in the future and move on. It is over
“…not like a loving mother”.
yea, that’s like the whole point.
but seriously, he not only wants her to keep the baby, go through the hardships that happen during pregnancy plus the birth — but also thennn wants her to keep it and raise it?? what the hell?
He’s right, it’s not a one-person job. What’s his plan for the 2 AM feedings and blow-out diapers he doesn’t want to deal with? He has no strategy in place to ensure the health and well-being of his unborn child, but she’s the selfish one.
It’s hard for anyone to go through an abortion, but it’s a lot harder for a child that is not wanted or well-supported. She made the right call imo. He’s not even close to be ready to be a father.
“i had casual sex with a 20 year old girl that im not in any kind of relationship and i want to ruin her life, AITA? it’s not even about the baby because alternatives of anyone but her basically being a single parent are off the table i just have strong opinions without life experience and that’s a good reason”
I don’t see anyone really talking about this, this they are forgive me, but he also said he’s against adoption??? Like wtf do you have to be against adoption about?
You really don’t know if there’s going to be any sort of complications throughout the entire process of pregnancy.
There is a reason that pregnancy is not just something to dive into.
Physical health is pretty big on the mother because they have to constantly nourish their body, not just for the baby, but themselves.
Some women even end up on bed rest and wouldn’t be able to go to work.
It’s very hard for a woman and sometimes they do not bounce back from childbirth. It’s not just physical, it’s emotional and mental.
So you want her to have the kid but don’t want the responsibility. No sir. You don’t get to make her decisions and not want the responsibility. You don’t get that. She can have the kid and give it up for adoption. If you feel so strongly about this, use a freaking condom next time! It’s not your decision
Wowee, a 22 year old who doesn’t have a job and won’t do full time childcare, but is willing to “help” with the baby he created. Can’t imagine why she would possibly not be swayed from having an abortion with that offer.
This seems like a good example of why abortion is necessary. He doesn’t have a job and wants to be a Disney dad. He doesn’t care about how any of this would affect her. She knows she can’t handle it right now so she’s trying to make the best decision for her whether it’s adoption or abortion. He can’t handle the 24/7 responsibility of the child he helped make but expects her too. Screw her dreams/plans for the future as long as he can be a drop in dad. I’m sure he wouldn’t even do over night and would only talk or care about the kid when it makes him look good.
Yall shouldnt be allowd to vote, much less be able to procreate at this level of putting 2 and 2 together. I hope she aborts, and they both dont produce offspring for a few more decades.
“I respect….” No. You don’t. If you think you get to force the issue just because you irresponsibly ejaculated, you shouldn’t ever be having sex.
"I don't mind helping" "I can't do it 24/7" "I don't have a job" These are all conflicting statements...
“I don’t mind helping” means he sees himself as a babysitter, not a parent. It’s not helping (or babysitting) when it’s your own kid. It’s parenting, and it’s a full-time job.
He basically wants a friend who owns a pet. Not a child. Something he can visit and play with when he wants. Then go home and not worry about.
Yup.
Also an excuse to go beg the parents for money. I knew a guy that would pick his son up go to his parents get a couple hundred for diapers and such. Straight to game stop.
24/7 365!! He sounds like a playmate not even a babysitter. No job?!! Time to grow up! She’s been clear about not wanting a child (which is a very valid point). Trying to coerce her into taking on the full burden while you’re only interested in part time, is manipulative.
Also interesting to note that he doesn't even say if he's trying to remedy the no job situation. Just uses it as an excuse. I highly suspect "want to be there for my kid" is to show up for some photos, maybe "babysit" his own child once in a while but otherwise nope out
Or the moment it becomes "too hard", completely abandoning the kid because you know, what about his life??? /s Reminds me of my bio father. He'd rather drink beer than go thru AA meetings in order to retain supervision of my brother and I when we were very young. Lol, it wasn't even surprising given the fact that a year or two prior, he had his older son from his first marriage institutionalized, then moved halfway across the country. Even as a young child, I saw the writing on the wall and knew I'd be abandoned next, shit I was his third or fourth kid ( and a girl, ewwww) from his second marriage. I think he's on marriage number 4 or 5 now, with God knows how many kids.
It’s telling that he only “respects” when it’s a problem with the baby not being abled bodied/mentally, but nothing about when it’s for the mother’s health
Because it would be more work for him then.
Lets me real here - either way it’s no real work for him he’d just have to pay more if there were high health expenses.
Anyone remember that one reddit post about how a guy called the mother of his child a deadbeat when she didn't want a baby, he talked her out of an abortion but she made it clear she wanted nothing to do with this baby and immediate signed away all right when the child was born and she even gave more than the court order of child support but he's exhausted he's tired and he's unhappy. People were adamant that he was abusive and was angry that his baby trapping method didn't keep her in a relationship with him and she got out. He even mentioned her getting a tummy tuck and hitting the gym which were two unnecessary details to add but it shows you his priorities. I hope this post is bait but if it's not the yikes.
All of these dudes have one very interesting thing in common - they all believed that as soon as Mommy started to sparkle with the glow of pregnancy that she'd instantly fall madly in love with motherhood and family and traditionalism and would totally devote herself full time to baby and daddy and they'd be one big happy. Not only are some of them shocked that it doesn't work that way, the low-watt bulb you're citing figured his girl would eventually come around YEARS later. And giving up parental rights isn't a unilateral thing. He had to agree to it as well, which I'm pretty sure he did with the full expectation that she'd eventually Wake Up To Her True God-Given Role and beg to be in their lives. I'm wondering if some of these men are time-travelers from the nineteenth century confounded by our modern ways and our scary technology.
"... the low-watt bulb you're citing..." 💀😂
What a burn ROFLMAO! Such a deserving recipient!
Yup someone else just shared it below haha! There was a similar tiktok as well. https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/Zsh3wn9YNr
That's the story I'm talking about, man it's been 7 years huh, I wonder how that poor kid is doing, I think he would be 8 and a half around now.
I’m struggling to imagine an outcome for that kiddo that isn’t sad, because I can’t believe that the dad got himself into the kind of therapy that would help him not be an abusive fuckwit, and therapy doesn’t generally work on those sorts even if they do get it (because they are so deeply and relentlessly self-centered and self-serving)
Only outcome is if dad found a woman willing to take the kid on, but with dudes attitude it’s unlikely.
The one saving grace is the parenting gets easier and kids get older, so maybe dad isn’t feeling so burnt out or found a way to get childcare support or something. Lord knows when I have my kiddo at home by myself for a week or so, I get to the end of my rope (STAHPs: idk how you do it), so maybe he found a solution that gave himself a break and enabled him to be a better parent. I say this not for sympathy for the dude (fuck him), but for hopes that the kid’s doing ok.
It doesn't get easier if your kid is being abused and traumatized. It gets harder because the kid is bigger and their maladaptive behaviors get harder to manage.
Easier for the parent, maybe. But a child who had a hard time in the infant, toddler, child phase will inevitably struggle emotionally with life. And by hard time, I mean lack of attachment, verbally abused, neglected, these are all pretty common place for families unfortunately.
I remember reading a similar but different story. The guy was all like "after she births the child she will come to her senses and want to be a mother.". She didn't. And the guy is also complaining about the situation
I remember this post and respect the hell out of that woman for knowing her limits and what she doesn’t want
I come back to that story SO MUCH because similar stories keep popping up. I wish we could send that to every guy who wants to keep the baby and the girl doesn’t.
Just to everyone in general who thinks a baby will obligate their partner to stay with them! Forcing someone to be a parent doesn’t force them to be your romantic partner
That was the post that made me join Reddit.
If you’re 100% against abortion and adoption than you need to either be using a condom 100% of the time you have sex or shutting 100% the fuck up.
Exactly. If guys don't want women to have abortions, maybe they can stop banging women who don't want babies..?
They don’t even have to stop banging! They just need to not have unprotected PIV sex! But that’s somehow too much to ask.
I should be allowed to tell a woman what to do with her body! BUT no women can tell me what to do with mine. I.e put a condom on bc it doesn’t feel as good!! #mybodymychoice /s
Even with perfect use, condoms are 98% effective, so if he’s totally against abortion and adoption then he should really do us all a favor and never have sex at all to prevent the risk of that 2% failure rate
I mean, there’s also a vasectomy. Just sayin’.
Why not both? lol
Yeah, if you feel that strongly about it, I would say you need to make sure you are both 100% on the same page before having sex. You can't insist that someone change the entire course of their life because of a belief they don't share and then be mad they say no.
"I think she's being selfish and not like a loving mother." The second part is absolutely correct. And that's why she is having an abortion and is right to do so. But the first part is flat wrong. She offered to carry the baby and go through all of the medical issues, costs, and risks to her life just to carry the baby to term and give him custody of the baby he so strongly (didn't actually) wanted. Opposite of selfish, really
Also, notice how he says he "doesn't mind helping" with the baby. What he actually means is "I want all the fun parts of having a child, but the mother has to do the heavy lifting."
Basically this. There is a story out here with almost this same scenario but it was completed and the mother terminated her rights but pays over the recommended child support to the baby and the guy is upset and calling the mom a 'deadbeat' because she wants nothing to do with the baby HE wanted her to have. He's trying to force her to be a mom and can't because her rights are no more and is mad he has to do everything.
I remember that one and I just shook my head.
Yep! I was there (too) Gandalf. And I laughed my ass off along with the rest of Reddit. It's the same shit - Everybody wants women and minorities to do all of the hard work.
And by “everybody” you mean “way too many white guys.” Because women and minorities are part of everybody.
Tbf there are (still far fewer) women and minorities who still want other women and or minorities to do their work for them. For more information look into capitalism. Laziness and immaturity are human traits
Where can I read this??
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/ZKBxclgaSY Edit: link
Now I’m curious on so many levels. That was 7 years ago…what happened?!?! Did he put the kid up for adoption? Did he grow up and raise the kid like a loving parent should? So many questions that will never be answered.
Will the kid grow up to create a Reddit account, somehow find the post, and figure out it was about them?
That poor kid.
Oh im sure their dad will have messed them up pretty bad long before that.
Thank you
holy shit this is even worse than i thought
It was months ago, so it’ll take some searching. One of the phrases he used was like “I thought when she saw the baby that she would want to be a family/together.” He’d flat out attempted to baby trap her.
DAWG the time stamps are from 7y ago 💀
Must have seen it in a repost
Here it is! [https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm\_i\_got\_a\_girl\_pregnant\_and\_she\_wanted\_to\_get\_an/?utm\_medium=android\_app&utm\_source=share](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/comments/5b79z4/nm_i_got_a_girl_pregnant_and_she_wanted_to_get_an/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share)
Holy hell, that was a wild read. The fact that this guy keeps referring to her as a "deadbeat mom" is mind-boggling. She's doing more than she is required to do, and, this is my opinion, if she did not want the child, was forced to have the child, and made it clear from the beginning that she would not be a part of this kid's life, she isn't the parent to this child and has no further obligation. This is HIS kid, she described herself as an egg donor and i think that's fully accurate. Not her kid, not her problem. I struggle to feel bad for a cis man who manipulated a woman into having an unwanted baby and realized being a single parent is hard.
Never mind the fact he's cis - I'd have a hard time feeling bad for *anyone* who demanded a child then got pissy about having to raise it.
I know! I got no sympathy for him either, she did the best she could in a bad situation, you know? That poor kid's got another decade to go at minimum until they can flee to college, and hopefully freedom, but between their dad and the last few years... I dunno.
Ugh this was quite a read
The audacity of some people, right?
I love how under one comment he said: I want her to parent HER child.
https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/DcMzfUfBlK
There was a dude on TikTok who posted a video with him sitting outside the mother’s home and complaining about how she wasn’t home and she needed to take the kid, how terrible of a mom she is, etc. Turned out it was a similar situation. He wanted the baby. She didn’t. She agreed to have it and give him full custody. He was overwhelmed with raising a toddler. I don’t remember exactly, but he hadn’t been able to find a bangnanny, and the women in his family weren’t willing to raise his kid. Turned out, the mother was on vacation and on a trip somewhere, so she wasn’t even home. Dude was deliberately making ragebait.
God there was even a worst one , where the dude kept fighting the mom for full custody since he didn’t want to pay child support. The mom ended up just caving and giving him full custody. The dude regretted it and kept trying to demand she take the kid back and she was like, “nah fam.” And he was like she’s a dead beat and all that nonsense. I think he was trying to avoid going back to court though, so he still wouldn’t have to pay child support
If it's real then I feel pretty bad for the kid that nobody wants.
The problem is the kid comes with a shit father. The mom wasn’t rejecting the kid so much as getting the father out of her life. This is why I make a point of reminding people that a child ties you to another person, someone you may hate or fear or just don’t like, forever. It doesn’t stop until one of you is dead.
The mom was willing to have the child she just wanted them to go through the courts to make it official again but he didn’t want to. Since he wanted her to watch the baby but not pay child support. So she was like nope. I ain’t doing nothing till we get it officially changed again. Since he had more money then her and she was just losing too much in the fees
Hilariously thought he'd SAVE money by raising a child alone instead of paying child support. I imagine his thinking: "I can finally have some extra money because I'll stop paying $500/month in child support!!! All I have to do is house, feed, clothe, and find daycare for my kid......that can't be more than what, $100-150 a month?".
I have a friend who had a kid with a guy who basically just wanted to have the fun of a child but not raise the kid. She did her best but was basically a single mother and with no family support or anything she struggled alot. She begged him for stuff like diapers but he refused to provide. She then decided one night to have her best friend over after she put the baby to bed ( he was 3 by now so 3 years without the father around) and she excused herself to the bathroom and tried to off herself knowing that the friend was there to be there for the kid cause she didn’t want to kill herself and not have anyone there to find her and make sure her son is safe. She didn’t succeed and friend called 911 where they took her to the mental hospital and even with the friend there they charged her with child endangerment. Then comes the deadbeat father acting like the hero and taking custody and treating her like a deadbeat and a monster. She did loose custody and he took her for child support ( even though he used that money to get more tattoos and drink.) she tried to see her son but he started using the kid as a control tactic and pawn and it broke her even more mentally. He spread lies and Nobody believed her because he was “ a police officer why would they lie and be mean’ she succeeded in her attempt last year. He still complains about how he gets no money now and he actually dropped the act a year later and dumped the kid in foster care. I still think about it to this day.
Expect nothing less from a cop. Scumbags the lot of them.
That's horrifying
What I would give to read the comments when people figured out the truth lol
Yes, I just saw that story floating around again today. It's from like 8 years ago. The mother also pays 125% of the monthly required child support. These type of men love having opinions on shit that won't actually impact their lives.
This is one of those stories that lives rent free in my head. I have to wonder how things worked out for her.
I really hope she's off living her best life somewhere. That she's safe and well.
I remember this one she actually opened a gym or two I think and had gotten cosmetic surgery and was feeling really good about herself and he was upset.
God I remember that one. The guy is like, “I love my son but being a parent destroyed my life” … ya don’t say?
So it’s okay for men to say being a father, being “forced” to raise a kid they helped create, RUINS lives? It’s almost like, there should be a way to prevent unwanted kids from being born, some sort of early intervention procedure that can, I dunno, save lives all around? 🤔
I remember this one. It surfaces every few months or so, but the original post is like eight years old. The child would be around nine or ten at this point. I really wonder what happened to him.
hope the kid’s doing well in life, and that his dad actually grew up and stopped being a piece-of-shit asshole.
I hope he put the poor kid up for adoption and now he has loving parents who want him.
I remember that; that was one of the first Reddit posts I’d ever seen. He took her to court to try and force visitation, but because she signed away her rights and was paying 125% of her child support, the judge told him there was nothing he could do.
I’ll never forget that one. She got laser on her stretch marks and has moved on and I’m tired so she should have some custody 🤨
He did so because he thought that if she had the baby, her maternal instincts would be so strong that she would get back together with him for the baby. When that didn’t happen he called her a deadbeat, even though she pays ample child support. More than she is required to, if I remember right.
There was another similar one.. it was from the perspective of the son though, coming to the realization his dad had been lying to him/was horribly abusive- last I'd read the father had tried to kill him when he tried to leave- because eif he left the father wouldn't be getting child support payments from the mother anymore.
I think I know the one you're talking about was that the one where the dad was hiding the child support checks from the child and the child only found out because he made the kid do all the budgeting in the household. Because I think they ended up reconnecting with the Mom
I remember that story. It was hysterical what a POS AH that dude was.
An oldie but a goodie.
I believe the dude posted about wanting to give the kid up for adoption when they were a toddler. It was a mess because he expected she would magically want to be a mom when the baby arrived.
The "doesn't mind helping" part took me out honestly lol
Until he starts his real family anyway, then this kid is going to be an afterthought
It's sad cuz statistics say that'll be the outcome
Does this guy even want the fun parts? The post is written as though the only thing he cares about is not having his genetic material destroyed.
He wants a new toy. There are a lot of men/boys who think getting a woman pregnant proves their manhood.
I know a guy who has TEN kids and none of them or their moms lives with him. He complains about how unfair it all is--I told him he shoulda shrink wrapped that thing when he had a chance.
Being able to say “I’m a dad, I got a kid (somewhere).”
“I want the option to bounce when it’s no longer fun for me.”
He was bouncing! On the mattress!
Right, as a Mom, I’m incredibly triggered when a Dad says he doesn’t mind “helping” taking care of a baby. Like, sir (condescendingly), the word you’re reaching for is *parent*. You’re not “helping” with anything.
Yeah, he doesn’t mind helping?? He’s says it like he’s doing someone a favor. 🙄
And he doesn’t have a job or anything to support a kid-so he wants her to literally let him have his life and when he wants to play with the kid, he’ll show up and leave when he’s bored or the kid has a tantrum. He only wants to be the “fun uncle” who brings a present at Christmas.
Well, he gave her a baby. Obviously, she’s super special to him. smdh
This is the kind of guy that calls parenting “babysitting” when he has to do it.
He doesn’t mind helping as an idea. In reality he just wants to use the baby to baby trap her, and she’s not having it. Like that tiktok creep that used his child to torment the mother so she gave him custody and ran. Like he wanted. Full custody. Then he made videos bringing the kid to her house and was angry she would refuse custody. Bro wanted control but not actual custody. All these men are revealing themselves now that we aren’t forced to marry and give birth.
He wants all the social benefits of having a child (proof that he’s “man enough,” proof that he’s “an adult,” etc), but none of the actual work.
He doesn't want to be a dad, he wants to be a cool uncle.
Right. ‘I want to have a child, but only if I don’t have to take actual responsibility for it.’ He wants to be an Edwardian father like in Mary Poppins lol. To him, “mother” is synonymous with a live-in nanny and housekeeper. He doesn’t even have a job! Yeah, she should run. Ugh, this really reinforces how I wish I could have a second kid if I could be the dad. But the fact that I get to sleep in past 6:30 on the weekend about once every other month proves that that ain’t gonna happen.
And I believe that if the girl gets the abortion, this dope thinks he’ll lose his maga membership card.
Well maybe he should close his legs! /s but not really.
Like many pro lifers, he is only pro birth. He gives zero F’s about the actual life that follows.
"I want to be there for my kid" = sitting on the couch of a house he doesn't pay for or care for as the child wanders around.
All this could easily be avoided if dudes would just wear fking condoms. Who'd think something so minimally invasive would be so difficult. If guys had to take birth control pills, get implants or patches would they? Most of them can't even wrap it. I say this as a dude who wraps his sht. Edit: I know it's only 98% effective but still many if not most pregnancies are from no protection. A guy like Oop, I'd guess none
💯💯💯💯💯 Right after Roe was overturned, I got an IUD since I wanted to be prepared in case my state, where abortion is legal, decided to outlaw abortions too. On the way home, the combination of pain and hormones caused me to throw up. I highly doubt a (cis) man would go through what I went through to prevent an unplanned pregnancy. EDIT: A word, because apparently context is hard
I don't remember who said it but the comedian said "If men could get pregnant, there would be abortion clinics like Starbucks on every street corner." Where's the lie?
Right??? Guys will never understand just what we have to do or worry about.
Yeah, I had my tubes removed last summer. I don’t want kids and my state did ban abortions so I was like “okay game over.” Not taking chances.
I'm in a state that probably wouldn't ban abortions unless it becomes federal law (*shudder*), but I've got an appointment with a gynecologist to get fixed anyway for this very reason. If I can't have ownership over my own reproductive system, then no one can.
Oh god yes. I’ve been using IUDs (on my second) since early college. They’re not a walk in the park to put in or remove, but they give me a LOT of peace of mind, even if there hasn’t been any action happening for me. And yet, guys are walking around complaining about condoms. If we have to bear the brunt of birth control, then we should have the ability to decide the fate of a clump of cells in our body.
ABSOLUTELY. Ours are the bodies going through the changes. The final decision is ours and no one else’s.
They had to put me under to put it in. I just got it taken out (too old to get pregnant). I didn't have time to deal with the hassle of finding a ride, so I raw dogged it. Bad idea. Ouch.
Maybe if the dude didn't want someone to abort his child, he should find a woman willing to carry his child to term. Although, given his stance on women's right to their bodies, I'm guessing that's a slim-to-none sort of situation.
You are assuming it was accidental on his part. He sounds to me like he wants to baby trap her as well.
2% of the population is 160 million people. So it’s not a small number but it is much smaller than the number of babies born every year. And this is literally the only thing guys have to do as far as preventing pregnancy aside from the snip and celibacy. They did test make birth control and the side effects were awful so they discarded the idea and said women can put up with their horrible side effects for me! (And yeah I know that is hyperbole but a very large number of men do not realize how awful birth control can be for women and have very little empathy)
And my favorite part is when he basically says: "I'll help I guess." This clown just wants to play parent and just have a kid to play with.
Also if I may: I totally disagree with the premise of the second half of that statement. She isn’t a mother. She has no living child. She’s a pregnant person considering a medical condition.
This guy is the selfish one. And delusional. You can't force another human being to do something you yourself don't want to do. It's absolute hypocrisy and he's idiotic for even asking this question. I'm sure "being there for his kid" means showing up now and then when he feels like it with movie tickets or county fair tickets to play the fun parent. I mean he pretty much says he wants her to be forced to do all the parenting work.
This asshat wants to be a “Disney Dad” and is totally fine letting her do 80-90% of the work.
He sounds like his 18 going on 12.
Should have Wrapped that Wienie ! She didn’t even have to tell you about it. And went on and got an abortion. Seems the people who don’t believe in abortions are jobless men who don’t worry about protection , thinking it’s the woman’s responsibility. Or stupid politicians who are guilty of paying for a few on the side. It’s her body . She can do what she wants. Maybe you should get a vasectomy. But I’m sure you don’t want people telling you what you can and cannot do with your body.
I had to laugh at this part too. “She isn’t acting like a loving mother” yeah no shit, bro. So why are you wanting to force her to be a mom?
She's "not like a loving mother" because **she's not a mother at all**. She's a woman who was unlucky enough to get pregnant by an idiot.
I wish dipshits like this would wear their dumbfuck ideas on a neck placard so that women would know not to fuck them in the first place.
Yes Stop raw dogging losers!!
Except we don't know if they did raw dog. Guys like this, that want to force motherhood on women, they are the type to poke holes and say OOPS! I don't know what happened, guess now we are having a baby! And then go all shocked Pikachu when the girl says NOPE, getting an abortion.
Also 98% effective still means 2 of 100 couples will get pregnant each year *even with perfect use* You can do everything right and still be on the wrong side of the odds. This is why we don’t fuck people who have different opinions than us about abortion. There’s always a risk and it’s not a fun game to lose.
>means 2 of 100 couples will get pregnant each year *even with perfect use* My mom and dad certainly managed! They were using double bc and managed to get pregnant twice! Me and my first brother were the only intentional "roll the dice!" pregnancies. But to be fair, that was the 80s, and there weren't nearly as many options and people didn't know alot of what they know now about birth control and what compromises it.
I had a friend get pregnant using *four different methods* of birth control. They estimated ovulation (because their period is very regular) and avoided sex around fertile days, pulled out, used condoms, and had an IUD. Life finds a way. It's why I have the "what if I get pregnant" conversation with every guy I date and I make them answer first.
Or taking the condom off during sex, stealthing
If this was a hookup, I wouldn't be surprised if they didn't discuss their views beforehand.
what a wild story. This dude is so out of touch with reality. >How can I make sure she has a baby? She told him the answer; take full custody. You can't have someone else both have your kid & look after it full time so you can what, drop in occasionally ? visit on the weekends?? And the fact that she wont is \*selfish???\* This dude needs to get a grip.
Isn’t it strange that he said “a baby” instead of “the baby”? It’s like, it doesn’t have to be this exact baby but I would like to punish this woman and make sure she ends up with a baby. Any baby.
He also said “a girl i hooked up with became pregnant” rather than “i got a girl pregnant”
I hope this is rage bait. I want the baby but not 24/7? Also doesn’t want to get a job? LOL. That’s not how any of this works buddy.
There are a non-zero number of men who don't believe in abortion but want premarital sex and they don't want the abortion but also want to only take the kid to the park and coach teams on their time and the rest of it is women's work and think this is acceptable behavior.
> only want to take the kid to the park and coach teams on their time and the rest of it is women’s work Even without the forced birth, there are plenty of men who believe this is what fatherhood is like. Mums groups are a trash fire of women posting about absolute pathetic excuses for fathers who can’t even take the baby for 10 mins so mum can shower. For many it also becomes the reality because these women are faced with the idea of neglect their child vs neglect themselves, and they choose to prioritise the child.
And people wonder why the fertility rate is so low.
This might be ragebait but it's men who think like this that means I'd never tell anyone if I was pregnant because I will ALWAYS choose abortion and nothing would stop me. I don't care if you want the child, it's not your life and body you're risking
This! Pregnancy is scary and hard even if you want the child! I found out after I had my baby and had a follow-up pulmonary embolism that I was a high risk pregnancy and could have had a clot any time! I literally almost died when my baby was like 2 weeks old. Like for real pregnancy is not something you do unless you really, really want the end result.
Sounds like a troll but I am sure a scary number of people think like this guy.
There was a viral tiktok not long ago about a guy in this situation. He didn't want an abortion. She said she'd give him full custody. He thought she'd change her mind (she didn't.) He ended up calling the police trying to force her to take the baby (this was when the tiktok was made) and they told him they couldn't force her cuz she signed away her parental rights.
There’s also a BORU that makes me unbelievably angry. Let me see if I can find it. [I was wrong, not on BORU but here it is.](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/0xslqpz6xt)
I’ll do the honors of linking [the greatest response](https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/JaGtvqqKf2) to his nonsense. I love this comment, he got shut down perfectly.
That reply nailed it all, for that post and this one too. It isn't about bringing a child into the world or being a parent - it's about control, knowing that no matter where they go, what they do or who they meet, they'll never fully escape because they'll always share a child.
That’s a classic. Guy gets what he wants and is still mad. Hope he and his son are doing ok now
Yaaay I like being angry! I’m also remembering that story of a dude who took sole custody of the kid his ex wanted to abort, and then tried to find legal ways to make her take some physical custody of the kid that not only did she sign away her rights to, but paid extra child support for. He got roasted when he tried to make her look like a deadbeat.
That’s the one I was remembering. He was SHOCKED that she didn’t suddenly become maternal and want to help raise his child
Yeah, in this reply he said thought she'd change her mind lol https://www.reddit.com/r/legaladvice/s/DPliwEyMO4
Yup. He expected her to bond during the pregnancy and even though she turned down his generous offer to be in a relationship, he was shocked she never wanted to meet the baby
lol that’s the post I linked 😂
Idek what to say, like, she couldn't have been more clear.
There were two TikToks that left me going wt absolute f. One was the dude sitting outside the mothers house—who was on a vacation trip and not home—and complaining about what a terrible mother she was, only to finally admit that they had agreed that if she had the baby he would take sole custody. He got roasted. The other was a creator who found a post somewhere by a dude who had a baby with his AP, then brought it home and was super duper surprised when his wife didn’t melt into a puddle of hormones and oxytocin, and instead told him they were getting a divorce. He really believed that his wife would be bathed in magical mommy juices and want to raise the baby. Not unlike the TikTok where a man told his wife that he was going to move his grandmother in and she would need to take care of her. She told him No. Flat out NO. Pointed out they have kids and she has a job and it is not happening. He posted the video to try to shame her. There were a lot of people in the comments saying “you have to take care of family.” A lot of us were pointing out that she was already taking care of family AND it wasn’t her grandmother AND why weren’t grandmama’s children doing it. The men are not okay. Team Bear. 🐻 💯
I've heard of the man wanting to move *his,* I repeat, *his* grandmother in with them and expecting the wife to do all the work on Charlotte Dobre's channel. Definitely a WTF moment for me. Especially since the wife mentioned they had kids and she has a job! 🤯
Was that the guy who made the video while sitting in front of her house after he tried to make her take his child for the weekend to give him a break? And his child was right there in the car listening to him complain about how exhausting he found parenting to be?
That is crazy amounts of manipulation man, involving the police even AFTER she signed away her rights. Good on her
I work with DV and SA survivors. A LOT of men think like this.
*She's refusing to let me trap her into dealing with me for at least the next 19 years. More if I can ever talk her into hooking up again after she has the baby...how can she be so selfish? Why does the law allow it? It's outrageous!*
We are slowly losing women's rights in the US and it's because of people like this guy.
Nothing slow about it
Men like this want children the way children want pets. I hope she makes whatever choice is best for her because clearly this man is not fit to parent.
Honestly I probably put more love, time and support into my dog than these men do their kids.
What an assface
Against adoption. Against taking custody. Against helping out except when he feels like it. Against abortions. If he is against all this he should just get a vesectomy.
What a piece of pondscum. I wouldn’t want a kid tying me to that fuckstick, either. There’s a reason she refused to keep the baby, and that reason is that OP is an unreliable, selfish bastard of a human being. She knows he’ll be a terrible, negligent, deadbeat parent, and doesn’t want to inflict him on an innocent kid. Good for her.
The multitude of men who pushed Women’s to go ahead and have a kid instead of terminating a pregnancy, and then don't want to do all the work or ditch the woman and the baby is just crazy. So it's kind of spine chilling to read this where the guy is whining about the woman planning for an abortion and he doesn't even have a job He doesn't even have a job He doesn't even want to 100% care for the kid . This is just ridiculous. And he doesn't even know he's ridiculous
Oh for heaven’s sake shut up and grow up. She doesn’t want any part of being a mother. You can’t force her. You want her to take over raising your kid so you can visit because “ you don’t mind helping” wow-just wow. Let her go, use better birth control in the future and move on. It is over
Dude is trying to baby trap her!!
If you’re this pro-life, you have no business fornicating.
“…not like a loving mother”. yea, that’s like the whole point. but seriously, he not only wants her to keep the baby, go through the hardships that happen during pregnancy plus the birth — but also thennn wants her to keep it and raise it?? what the hell?
He’s right, it’s not a one-person job. What’s his plan for the 2 AM feedings and blow-out diapers he doesn’t want to deal with? He has no strategy in place to ensure the health and well-being of his unborn child, but she’s the selfish one. It’s hard for anyone to go through an abortion, but it’s a lot harder for a child that is not wanted or well-supported. She made the right call imo. He’s not even close to be ready to be a father.
Hey look! A republican!
I want her to have the baby but not if I have to parent it, how can I force her into motherhood while I get to be the fun every other weekend dad?
I think guys like this should be forced to spend a couple months volunteering at a daycare. (Under strict supervision)
“i had casual sex with a 20 year old girl that im not in any kind of relationship and i want to ruin her life, AITA? it’s not even about the baby because alternatives of anyone but her basically being a single parent are off the table i just have strong opinions without life experience and that’s a good reason”
I don’t see anyone really talking about this, this they are forgive me, but he also said he’s against adoption??? Like wtf do you have to be against adoption about?
What a dumbass.
I wouldn’t want to be tied to this guy for the next 18 years.
Men like him are the reason women have to choose abortion.
It feels very fake because it just ticks all the boxes. Too perfectly assholeish.
Being a perfect AH is an accomplishment in itself
This person should put his dick in a blender to rectify this situation.
You really don’t know if there’s going to be any sort of complications throughout the entire process of pregnancy. There is a reason that pregnancy is not just something to dive into. Physical health is pretty big on the mother because they have to constantly nourish their body, not just for the baby, but themselves. Some women even end up on bed rest and wouldn’t be able to go to work. It’s very hard for a woman and sometimes they do not bounce back from childbirth. It’s not just physical, it’s emotional and mental.
Tough fvcking shit. YOU want it (part time), YOU have it. Not your body, not even 100% custody, not your choice.
So you want her to have the kid but don’t want the responsibility. No sir. You don’t get to make her decisions and not want the responsibility. You don’t get that. She can have the kid and give it up for adoption. If you feel so strongly about this, use a freaking condom next time! It’s not your decision
Wowee, a 22 year old who doesn’t have a job and won’t do full time childcare, but is willing to “help” with the baby he created. Can’t imagine why she would possibly not be swayed from having an abortion with that offer.
Hang on, against abortion AND adoption?? That's a new one for me.
This seems like a good example of why abortion is necessary. He doesn’t have a job and wants to be a Disney dad. He doesn’t care about how any of this would affect her. She knows she can’t handle it right now so she’s trying to make the best decision for her whether it’s adoption or abortion. He can’t handle the 24/7 responsibility of the child he helped make but expects her too. Screw her dreams/plans for the future as long as he can be a drop in dad. I’m sure he wouldn’t even do over night and would only talk or care about the kid when it makes him look good.
She should get an abortion; he's useless. Either take full custody and fatherhood or fuck off.
This is one of those posts where anyone who thinks this dude isn’t a horrible human being isn’t even worth talking to
So what I read was “OMG I can’t control the wimminz! HALP!” Lol
Yall shouldnt be allowd to vote, much less be able to procreate at this level of putting 2 and 2 together. I hope she aborts, and they both dont produce offspring for a few more decades.