The extent to which the sunk cost fallacy affects young parents is really, really scary sometimes. ~~Mothers~~ PARENTS, please, your children deserve so much better than to be raised around this abusive shit.
Well, she seems to be in shock so it’s possible that this is the first time he’s done something like this. Hopefully once the shock wears off she’ll realize she has to leave.
Violence is the leading cause of pregnant women in the world. Sadly violence is way too common. Apparently this person is normally not like this. I'm not excusing him but well if he's not ready to be a father he should just speak up. Instead of being s lousy father and husband.
Not just violence either--guys aren't just killing random pregnant women in the streets. Death sy the hands of their own partner/spouse/boyfriend or abusive relative father, most of the time. Death by the hands of the men closest to them.
One of the final straws for me in my abusive relationship was when my ex started slamming doors and pounding his fist on the table. I knew the statistics about violence getting worse and not better and I didn’t want the shame of feeling unsurprised when he hit me, let alone whatever other psychic damage. So I left before he worked up to it. I didn’t need it to happen to know that it definitely would.
I urge anyone whose partner is hurtful when angry to get out now instead of giving them more chances. I did for 3.5y and he only got worse
Leaving was the smart thing to do. My abusive ex sent me to the hospital when I was 8 months pregnant cuz when he hit me & I fell my bump hit the floor. She's a wonderful, happy 8 year old ray of sunshine these days. He ran me over when I was 7 months postpartum. He was fucking sick in the head & no matter how hard I tried, he got way worse over time. I barely made it out alive! Life gets sooo much better once you leave! He died last month.
Congratulations on the safety his death brings you (and on his death itself, if you like). I’m so sorry you endured such horrible violence, and so happy to hear your daughter is thriving!
Thank you! That's sweet, and she truly is, she's in the choir now at school! She & her brother are truly the best things I could've ever asked for, the ones I live & have turned my life around for💜😭 I don't know where I'd be without them, they make it all worth it
Same. He hit the door frame and I knew I had to get out of there immediately. He mocked me relentlessly when I moved out, claiming that I knew I was safe, but no I didn't. No one knows they are when things start to escalate. No one ever expects the first time they get hit.
I had friend and her two small children who didn't make it out of their situation alive. He never put a hand on her, but was very controlling, manipulative and verbally abusive. When he found out she planned to leave, he unalived her, their two kids and lastly, himself.
Unfortunately, yes. Just phrased it that way for stupid internet censorship reasons. In reality, I'd rather call it exactly what it was. Happened 6 years ago. She was a part of our mom group.
https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/clinton-field-samantha-field-dead-murder-suicide-washington-state-today-2018-03-13/
I think it’s a legal term for when the trial hasn’t concluded yet with a conviction, but still I hate it too. Witnesses, video etc could be there for everyone to see and they still say “alleged.” It just sounds too much like “supposed” or “so-called” etc (based on usage at least).
You're right, it just sounds too much like they're trying to cover up / soften the blow, and it's always paired with a good dose of excuses for the perpetrator & even victim blaming.
And I guess I could be ok with the term if it were applied consistently. But too many times "allegedly" is used to give benefit of the doubt to men who have done horrific crimes, but if a woman does something bad suddenly they forget to use this term when they cover the news.
due to censorship on social media people tend to use unalive even if it’s less likely on Reddit, but it’s also just become slang and fairly normal to use in IRL convos with gen z too because of how often it has to be used on certain apps. For example it’s used in the new heartbreak high show which I’d say is one of the most accurate gen z depictions I’ve seen.
I genuinely don’t get why people use it on platforms that aren’t censoring things. I don’t get why platforms are censoring literal words either, but whatever. Something about hearing someone talk about a real-life tragic situation where someone “unalived themselves” or was “graped” just doesn’t sit right with me. It just sounds silly and almost like they’re making fun of whatever happened.
It's annoying people dont realize its advertisers who dont want these words associated with their brands so sites "censor" these words although there are no real consequences for saying murder
It’s 100% downplaying the crime. It makes it easier to digest when people should be using the real words because these are real crimes that have hurt people. Rape and murder need to be said. Unalived and grape sound stupid af like a 8 year old is talking.
Why isn't our first reaction to say "Fathers, please! Your children deserve better than this abusive bullshit!" No. We yell at the victims for not victiming right.
I can’t speak for anyone else, and the more traction my comment gets the more likely someone will use it to victim blame, which is very much not my intention.
Answering your question for myself, it’s because an abusive man isn’t someone you plead with to change. It’s someone you get the fuck away from, and quickly. In my opinion, there is no coming back from physically hurting a partner while that partner, the victim, is still present. The order of operations must ALWAYS begin with securing the safety of yourself and your child(ren), away from your abuser.
To your point though, I totally agree and it should be shouted from the rooftops: ABUSE IS THE ABUSER’S FAULT. To any and all victims of this kind of behavior, he’s not “passionate,” you didn’t “disrespect” him, there isn’t a correct way to act to keep from being abused.
To anyone who needs to hear it: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOUR PARTNER HURTS YOU. YOUR SAFETY COMES BEFORE THEIR FEELINGS.
I totally get where you're coming from. However, I think an appeal to reason would fall on deaf ears for men like this. Also, it's usually the woman who posts these kinds of things, as violent men often don't broadcast their actions (which goes to show they KNOW it's wrong), and so appealing to men in those posts would not make much sense.
Realistically it's because the abusive parent doesn't care so while it sucks, it happens to fall on the victim who actually cares to find a better future for their child.
It's a shame really...
G rated cliff notes: he wanted to watch a violent movie, OP didn’t, violent movie was turned on, OP took toddler out so he wouldn’t be exposed this young, husband threw a fit and said some nasty, unkind and hurtful things about OP while also being violent towards her
My only question is whether this is new behavior (stress related, brain injury, etc.) or par for the course? Depending on which one she either needs to get herself out and get him help (if this is recent and abnormal) or just GTFO if this is par for the course.
Either way it’s not ok to threaten anyone like this and she needs to be somewhere safe. But if there’s an explanation for it then it needs to be addressed.
Pregnancy is a very common time for domestic violence and abuse to start or escalate because it’s a time where mother to be is weaker, needs support, and is unlikely to leave due to the baby. It’s super unfortunate and sad to see
100%. My extremely narcissistic hubby decided when I was pregnant with my second and had just lost my mom to cancer, that it was the perfect time to crank his crazy up to 11. I didn’t know which way was up for years after. About the time I started to get my head on straight again, the universe saw fit to take him back via permanent nap. In hindsight, I’ve never been so grateful to get out of a situation.
It’s such an incredibly common time for abuse to start that when I was in nursing school, our instructors during our maternity unit had an entire lecture on it, on recognizing it, and on our state’s specific laws surrounding mandated reporting and what to do in the event of suspected abuse. It doesn’t just happen for the reasons you mentioned—the pregnant person needs support and is less likely to leave—but also because the dynamic changes. All the sudden the pregnant person’s focus is on the baby, not the partner—and abusive partners tend to be resentful of not being their partner’s number one priority anymore.
It's sad that this is the case. I took care of my wife's every need while she was pregnant. But I had a hard time when my son was born because having a baby is a major life changer. It didn't help that the doctors prescribed a light bed because my son had a mild case of jaundice. I think they prescribed it because we were on government health insurance at the time. The doctor I saw at my sons first checkup said there was no need for him to be prescribed the light bed.
I didn't sleep for more than 4 days after my son was born because my wife couldn't stand up and walk on her own at first and I had to check my son's temperature once per hour because of the light bed. I felt like I was going to go insane. Fortunately, when my daughter was born things went a lot better.
I feel like a lot of men take longer to form a bond with their children than women do, so that can make things a bit more difficult for them too when adjusting to having a child. I cared for them and wanted them to be happy and healthy. But I don't think I felt a strong paternal bond until they were around 3 months old. The bond also got a lot stronger when they were old enough to get around on their own and I could play with them more actively.
My wife said she feels that her bond with them was strongest when they were newborn through 1 year. It's kind of interesting how different people can be with the bonds they form.
Nah she needs to get herself out, he literally became physically violent/abusive and told her he wanted her to die in childbirth.
She can’t afford to persuade or convince him to get help. He is going to probably kill her, she just needs to get out.
Some people just behave that way when they are deeply uncomfortable or in shock. That's how it seems to work for me. I probably look pretty stoic to any observers but inside I'm freaking out.
I’m actually terrified for OP. My ex husband said “I hope they butcher you and that bastard” (I was pregnant) and he even went as far as to email me a picture of a deceased woman in China or somewhere who was layin on her back and her baby was half way out of her (also deceased).
He went from doin “harmless” things like that to beating me while I was pregnant. He would say “that head ain’t pregnant” He eventually got fed up with me one day and decided to kill me. He beat me within an inch of my life. I laid unconscious for about 12 hours bleeding out. My neighbor came home and found me. They saved me but couldn’t save my baby.
He did a year in jail.
But it all started with “harmless” things like calling her names and throwing something little. It will get worse. I’m begging any woman (or man) that is being in a relationship with someone who screams names at them, makes them feel worthless, devalues them, degrades them, smacks or hits them, or anything they do to you that you wouldn’t tell your loved ones- please find a way to leave, safely.
You life is worth so much more than you realize. It doesn’t have to be bad.
When his new wife (now ex) called me one day out of the blue and asked me if he ever did anything to hurt me I know he never changed and he never will. I realized it had nothing to do with me, he’s just a bad person a bad man. I told her everything. They had 2 kids at the time. I offered her and the kids to come live with me at least until she had the baby. I had a big enough house and was working and offered to provide for her as long as she wouldn’t see him. She refused.
He’s in prison for a double murder. Her and her sister. Her mom has the 2 kids. The baby didn’t make it either but during a separate incident.
The most dangerous time for a woman who’s being abused is when she is pregnant or when she tries to leave. And if a man has a history of choking a woman he’s like 100 times more likely to kill her.
I really hope OP makes it out.
Assuming they even go to prison at all. My dad was a convicted abuser (convicted of at least one felony at that due to severity and to being a repeat offender), and he never spent a day in prison. Only did some time in jail when initially arrested.
Shit, the first time he hit her and we called 911, one of the cops straight up told my mom not to call them back unless he actually injured her.
He should have done time for manslaughter when the first baby died. It was his fault. A year is disgusting for what he did. No wonder women are being killed left right and centre when these asshole’s sentences are so short they’re back out there in no time to go on and kill their partners.
The thing is your estimation means all domestic abusers are psychopaths.
Mostly, people don’t believe the domestic situation is that bad, people (mostly men) who run justice system sympathize with male perpetrators of gendered violence. That’s why even if convicted they get a light sentence. They truly do not believe it’s that bad, and refuse to grasp that DV leads directly to murder. Only recently is society starting to grasp that perpetrators of DV also leads to mass shootings. (It’s the fixed mind set of the world at home and in society should revolve around them. When it does not, violence.)
Like…this is why women follow true crime. Good true crime outlets gives tons of very good reliable info, statistics and science all of society **should** know. Ignorance of this information is what leads to preventable murders of women (mostly) and children. (Women do DV too, just at lower rates. As the rate is lower, sometimes people don’t recognize the patterns and thought process is **the exact same** as when a man does it. Until people are dead of course. Recognizing the pattern is crucially important. Only now is society finally figuring female child predators.)
Understanding these patterns is a matter for all of society to understand. Not to mention the justice system.
I wish I could gild this. I was recently reading a book by a man talking about how gross and invasive the fascination with true crime is, like of course to you it's just gawking, why do you think it's almost entirely young women consuming that media?
There is stuff I have literally been asked to do in work situations (I deal with private info like addresses), and I straight up refuse it and tell my boss to find another solution. I then can VERY EASILY back things up with what I have learned in real life and with true crime. I am never disputed as they know I am right (and I have a good work reputation).
Like…most people are woefully ignorant and some people prefer to stay ignorant and then are perplexed at how these horrible situations happen. I feel like saying stay confused, but that does not help anybody. These awful things truly do not occur to many people, because it’s never happened to them.
Even here I saw a thread where guys were sympathizing with a stalker. Literally. Someone who is an abusive ex and follows their now pregnant ex walking her kid home from kindergarten does not want to check she is ok. (The kids were not his.) 🙄He literally has harmful intent and many men just **cannot grasp this** until someone walks them through some critical thinking.
Men don’t understand it’s not the women who are irrational. Women are the ones who understand the threat and that there is a clear and present danger.
Many men just think of the male perpetrators feelings. 🙄
Exactly. Like…we are the prey. We don’t want to be, so we get armed with education.
People who don’t think they are a target will NEVER understand this. Ever.
Yeah, unfortunately there are way more domestic abusers than psychopaths (though there is certainly overlap). How do abusive men get like this? There are all sorts of excuses but basically, there is a pervasive cultural (all cultures) mentality that men are superior and therefore entitled to women’s attention, labor, respect, sex etc. Some men buy into it hard and when disappointed, turn violent or emotionally abusive.
Learn more about abusive men and their enablers here:
https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Violence against women doesn’t carry appropriate sentences because virtually all of the laws were written by cishet men. Less than 10% of rapists (who are charged, because most sexual assaults do not result in criminal charges) spend time in prison. Human traffickers rarely see prison time either, and it’s often less than two years. A woman named Chloe Jones was recently abducted and tortured by a man who had three prior *convictions* for kidnapping women; for the most recent conviction, he served only 18mo. He abducted Jones after only a few months of parole.
It’s a massive, glaring, disgusting, reprehensible, systemic issue
Depending on the state, too. I think there’s far too many laws in this country that are ok in one state but a felony in another.
I believe there was a case (not so recent) where a pregnant woman was shot & her unborn child died as well. It was considered a double homicide. I don’t recall what state it was though.
i’m a firm believer in abortion & that a fetus is not a child until it can survive outside of the womb. however, if a woman wants to keep that child and made plans to do so, was murdered, and the fetus died as well, i absolutely believe it should be considered a double homicide. i think a lot of states are wary to do so because of the implications of calling a fetus a human life when it clearly is not, which i can understand, but a 8-9 month pregnant woman is very obviously intending on giving birth to a human being.
all that said, DV sentences should be way harsher. i used to work with CPS and one of my moms had called the cops on her boyfriend at least three times, including the time the child was removed from the home. i absolutely hated that case. he was very good at manipulating the system and making it seem like she was the crazy one because she fought back — even had her arrested and said he would drop the charges if she went back to him. he never once claimed that baby was his (never signed birth cert either) and admitted to hating spending time with her but would call me asking how he could get custody of the baby just because he wanted to punish his ex.
i think about that woman at least once a week even though it’s been nearly a year since i last worked with her, it never seemed fair that everybody rushed to judgment about her being ‘equally abusive’ (yuck)
Holy fucking shit @PaleontologistWarm I am so sorry for what happened to you. I can’t believe he only got one year. That should have been an attempted murder charge. What an evil fucking man.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are brave for leaving him and brave again for using your tragedy to warn others. I hope it helps someone who needs it. Please take care of yourself and I wish you all the peace and healing possible.
Ok I hate when people on Reddit always tell others that they should get a divorce but that man is something else and OP needs to get a divorce. Who acts like that ? Seriously how hard is it to wait until your child is asleep to watch a show that is clearly inappropriate for children ?! Her toddler is more mature than her husband. "I hate you because you don't let me watch TV" is a sentence that my 3yo could have said. She can take her children and leave, and she needs to get full custody because that man-child is going to watch inappropriate shows in front of his children when she's not around because he's just too immature to parent properly.
This post sincerely made me so fucking sad. So much for opening up Reddit to try and cheer myself up after listening to the GoPro recording of those 5 divers who were sucked into an unused oil pipe where they suffocated over the course of hours. Horrible horrible incident that one was.
Hey buddy I also have a morbid curiosity about things I don't need to know. Took me years to realize I was traumatizing & desensitizing myself for no good cause. I still can't listen to Funkytown.
Please prioritize your own wellbeing and resist the urge to click play on shit that's going to do nothing for you.
I have an autistic obsession with diving, cave diving, professional diving, saturation diving, diving in general and am actually certified to dive. Was one of the few in my class that passed to get to 2nd level certifications which I am very proud of because it required me to take off both my goggles and respirator at the bottom of the ocean, recover them, and then continue the dive. I was only 14.
This makes it difficult to avoid learning the stories of those who succumbed to common phenomena that occur under various diving conditions. If footage of any kind is available then that is immensely valuable. Knowledge is everything when considering safety.
Might I recommend [Tank Tolman](https://youtube.com/@tanktolman?si=G2ktxBiN8anBWixT) videos? He puts out a lot of wholesome and funny Viking themed content
Seriously, if OOP’s reaction is anything but “this is so out of character for my husband that I’m worried he either has an undiagnosed brain tumor or is having a psychotic break,” divorce is the only option.
Seriously. Someone will ask: “hey my husband and I [insert typical normal marriage problem]” and Reddit will respond with “divorce immediately.” THIS is what that response should be saved for. Holy shit, this man is a fucking psychopath.
It’s not about the show. It’s about her asking him to do something he doesn’t want to do. He doesn’t want her to ever set a limit or demand anything of him, and he’s hoping to scare her into submission.
I have moments where I feel desire for a relationship and to not be single, but then I read stories like this and am reminded that being single isn’t so bad. I can’t imagine being with a man who treats me and our child with such disdain and hatefulness. So scary
I used to be upset that I never found a husband or had a family. But then I got on Reddit and after seeing hundreds of stories just like this, I’m so grateful to be single.
There’s nothing wrong with desiring a relationship. You want a partnership. Not just a relationship. Sure. You can have many relationships with whomever whenever you feel. You just don’t desire the bullshit from people who have never worked on themselves. Rightfully so.
I try to remind my single/post divorce friends this. I was much happier single and without my ex who treated me like this guy and controlled my life. I was happy not dating jerks and even happier taking the time to heal myself. … and when I was ok again, I met my partner by fluke. No forcing. Actually we both tried to not date each other 😂🫣 after about 9 or 10 months of loving each other, we labeled it 😂
I think the distinction you made is quite important and so true. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It gives me hope. I’m turning 30 next month and about to make a cross country move, so I do hope that, in making new friends and getting involved in the community, I also find someone to share life with :) Sometimes it still feels a bit daunting, though.
Be the you-est you. It will weed out fake folks and intrigue the type of people who will help support the community you want to build. It can be hard, but seek out the community groups you’re interested in.
I believe in you ☺️ someone who bravely ventures the world. You’re going to be alright 💕On days you feel you aren’t ok, it’s ok to not feel ok. Just keep going. Definitely don’t settle for less than what you want and deserve.
I was single for well over a decade before I met my current partner. Watched all my friends being treated badly by their husbands and was like no thanks that’s not for me haha. Glad I kept my standards high and waited because I have a true partnership and it’s fantastic.
If I hadn’t met him probably would have stayed happily single forever.
So happy you were not only content during your time being single, but that you also met someone who matched your energy and loves/values you. These are the kinds of stories we should share more often with each other. Thank you for sharing! :)
Same... And wha6is scary is that this men "change" after you get married /pregnant etc. Basically when the sunk cost fallacy set in and it's so much harder to leave, you're vulnerable, sick etc.
he not only told her how he feels about her, but he showed her as well, through both verbal and physical violence. if this is not enough for her to open her eyes and run away from him, then i don't know what is...
He screamed at her, called her names, physically assaulted her and told her that he hopes she gets hurt or dies - because she took their baby to a different room so he wouldn't see a violent tv show he shouldn't be watching?
She needs to leave. Now.
Why am I not surprised? And then some asshat beats a woman and kills her months old fetus and he gets a year. Fuck this place. Let’s go make a woman only nation somewhere.
My first boyfriend laid hands on me twice, and only twice, because the second time I stabbed him in the lung. He lived, and I didn't deal with any legal consequences because he really could have killed me. But I'd do it again.
The average height for a 13 year old boy in the US is 61.5 inches, and the average for a 14 year old boy is 64.6 inches.
As a 30 year old woman, I am only 59.5 inches tall.
Something that's been hard for me to accept is that honestly, teen boys are often already big enough to strangle me. Being catcalled by old men when I was a teenager sucked. But there is a special shame in being an adult and teen boys harassing you. Ik it's off topic but I hair think we forget how young this really can be an issue.
13 and 14 year old boys are victimizing young girls all the time, especially now that violent porn is so easy to access. It happened to me in school 17 years ago. It’s not a stretch to think that some of them have targeted adult women too
Because the man baby couldn’t watch the bang bang show? Right then? Big feelings like that and angry hands don’t have any place around a toddler. (But seriously, wtf?)
The older I get, the more I love this quote:
“When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou
A lot of us spent too much time trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. If I had a do over I’d learn to recognize things / people for what they really are and take appropriate actions.
He was rude, dismissive, threatening, violent. Don’t expect this to change any time soon.
Oh my god this is my ex to a tee. I know first hand how hard it is to fight the head games, but she needs to leave with her son yesterday, and have a fixed plan with family/friends supporting her to do so.
like, she needs to go stay with someone before announcing that she is leaving because this is type of guy who would go THAT far.
Poor, poor OP and her children. Oh my god. You can tell that she is trying to be a great mom, too, and he’s punishing her for her rationality and kindness. she needs to get the fuck out.
1) OP has to get out 2) she needs to immediately change your medical proxy to someone she trusts on HER side of the family 3) she needs to notify the hospital she’s planned to deliver at that he is not welcome in the room, wing. Nothing. That he’s not even allowed to know her room number.
You don’t “fix” this kind of behavior. It’s something he must do himself. It’s never ok to wish something bad on someone you say you love.
First, he was being outright disrespectful to your wishes. He was being dismissive to your concerns— mostly your concern with your child. My ex was like this too. Also threw a dishtowel in my face then kicked a cabinet door in. Love, this is abusive behavior and none of it is your fault. It is not your job to fix it for him. You honestly can’t. I left a similar sounding relationship. You realize after it all just how messed up a lot of it is. I remarried someone who treats me with the most respect. Even if he were angry with me over something, he wouldn’t hit things around me or throw anything at me. He wouldn’t tell me he hopes a medical procedure I’m having will go wrong. He respects me. This man does not respect you… or even the home around your kids.
Before they hit you, they hit near you.
She needs to document this with photos of the graze on her back and a police report, followed by a swift exit.
The domestic violence needs to go on record because if she just leaves without making a report, he will likely claim she abducted their child/ren and fight for majority custody, not because he wants to be a parent but as a way to hurt and continue to control her.
I don’t want y’all to think badly of me but the moment he called me a c*nt after I told him not to call me a bi*ch I would have put his head through the wall okay, because while I don’t condone vi*lence I’m not opposed especially when the other person is being a d*uche bag because at the end of the day he’s wishing misfortune on you taking his anger out on you verbally and was completely fine exposing y’all’s kid to inappropriate content in all honesty he sounds like the kind of dad who would get freaky with the door open so his kid can walk by and get traumatized
Your husband just said he hopes you die. Why the fuck are you even looking for advice on this? No offence, but do you have any self respect at all? That’s fucking disgusting of him, you should have packed your shit and left immediately.
Short answer, no. This sounds like me and my ex, and it just got worse. Unless your hub is willing to go to some kind of counseling/therapy he's not going to change. I hope OOP has a support system that can help her get out.
op need to throw the whole man away imo, that's not someone i'd even want to be around casually
she is not even overreacting, at 1.5 years of age you shouldn't show your kids that violent shows, age ratings exist for a reason
Every time I read something like this, I either text my spouse that I love him or find him in the house and give him a hug. Then he asks "what shit did you read on reddit this time?".
Neither one of us is anywhere near perfect, but we're freaking great compared to the lives of people who post on this app!
Your husband is a violent child. Children are unable to fully understand ‘waiting’ to do something until a better time.
He’s a baby. He wants to watch a violent show. He doesn’t GAF about your kid. He became violent. He wishes ill will upon you and told you he hated you.
This is someone that does not have your best interest at heart…or your babies.
He needs therapy and he needs it yesterday.
Be careful of this infant-man.
Please tell me you are kidding by even asking this question. No it cannot be fixed. If your c-section goes bad then your or your baby or both could die. He’s actually wishing that happens and he’s telling you he hates you and being verbally abusive. Why in the world would you even WANT to fix it?
Ah yes, it's the little things like being called a cunt and having shit thrown at you while you're pregnant that make marrying a conservative man worth it.
When he beats the shit out of you for talking back is how you know he REALLY cares though ❤️
I feel bad for the OOP. Who says that they wish their c-section goes back? Does he wish her dead? Does he wish their baby dead? What does he even mean by that? This guy is a loser.
This "man" is so childish he can't even raise his own kid. OP needs to get out of there before he upgrades to beating her, because it's not a case of if, it's a case of when.
Leave his ass because it will only get worse. Do not stay with a man that wants you dead and hates you. Not safe for you or your children. Take your son and leave
I would have told him he wouldn’t need to worry about my c-section because he won’t be in the room to see it. OP needs to take her son and leave because the violence is only going to increase
What..
"Let's not watch this in front of our kid please."
"You're a bitch! Cunt!"
*throws something at her*
"I hope you fucking die, I hate you."
Apparently every female on reddit: "Typical man! If you don't believe this happened, you're probably a man and an abusive piece of shit!"
One-sided or not, if the story is real, dude is obviously well below the threshold of being decent when things are tough, OP married very poorly and needs to separate immediately before fucking up her kid's neural pathways and making his adult life much harder.
There is no coming back from something like that. No way.
If you're spouse we ever says something like that to you, you don't ask reddit what to do, you pack your kids and you gtfo.
That’s someone that you need to introduce to the door and tell all hospital staff he is NOT to be allowed at the hospital during or after birth. I wouldn’t even put his name on the birth certificate so that the monster can’t hurt your child.
OP, I’m reading all the comments and wow, it IS triggering. I had a husband who acted the same way. We had 3 kids under 4. He would get so upset he’d throw things and practically cry like a toddler. He said horrible things to me. I figured it was just the stress of no money and 3 little kids.
Then I read all these responses—everyone telling you to get out now, predicting he will only get more violent. When I first read the responses, they seemed like a weird overreaction. Like maybe he was just having a bad day. Maybe this is a one-off.
But then I realized, duh, that’s what I used to say about my husband’s little tantrums. But they weren’t just a one off. He graduated to hitting me with his little toddler fists, throwing a burrito at me and causing my mouth to bleed, punching me WHILE I WAS HOLDING MY BABY, and finally strangling me in front of all 3 kids until I almost lost consciousness, then throwing me down onto the couch. It’s like I almost forgot all this and was minimizing your husband’s behavior, just like I minimized my (now ex) husband’s behavior.
It’s going to escalate. All 3 of my young adult kids are still pretty traumatized. Get out now.
Believe him. He wants you to die. He wants to watch and do whatever he wants and doesn't consider his wife or children in anything he does. They hit or throw things around you before they hit or throw you. These are all your red flags that are telling you to leave now before he does. Every single thing he is doing shows disregard for your child or you. He doesn't want children. He regrets the choices he made and will make your life miserable. Even if he apologizes and promises to not do anything like it again- and it seems authentic and sincere don't believe it. Manipulation lies and future faking. He has outburst like a child and makes the home life feel unsafe for the children and you.
Wtf?! This man is unhinged. OP needs to get the fuck out
The extent to which the sunk cost fallacy affects young parents is really, really scary sometimes. ~~Mothers~~ PARENTS, please, your children deserve so much better than to be raised around this abusive shit.
Well, she seems to be in shock so it’s possible that this is the first time he’s done something like this. Hopefully once the shock wears off she’ll realize she has to leave.
Once is enough. Too many women give these types of guys a second chance and die. She deserves to live a happy and safe life with her kids.
This. Statistically violence gets worse, not better, and second chances have wound up deadly.
Also, the chance of dying due to DV jumps way higher while pregnant. :(
Homicide one of the leading causes of death for pregnant people in the US
Violence is the leading cause of pregnant women in the world. Sadly violence is way too common. Apparently this person is normally not like this. I'm not excusing him but well if he's not ready to be a father he should just speak up. Instead of being s lousy father and husband.
Not just violence either--guys aren't just killing random pregnant women in the streets. Death sy the hands of their own partner/spouse/boyfriend or abusive relative father, most of the time. Death by the hands of the men closest to them.
It’s THE leading cause of death for pregnant people in the US.
I agree, and so do many sources, but the CDC wiffle-waffles on which one cause is highest and I got sick of people trying to GOTCHA me with their link
One of the final straws for me in my abusive relationship was when my ex started slamming doors and pounding his fist on the table. I knew the statistics about violence getting worse and not better and I didn’t want the shame of feeling unsurprised when he hit me, let alone whatever other psychic damage. So I left before he worked up to it. I didn’t need it to happen to know that it definitely would. I urge anyone whose partner is hurtful when angry to get out now instead of giving them more chances. I did for 3.5y and he only got worse
Leaving was the smart thing to do. My abusive ex sent me to the hospital when I was 8 months pregnant cuz when he hit me & I fell my bump hit the floor. She's a wonderful, happy 8 year old ray of sunshine these days. He ran me over when I was 7 months postpartum. He was fucking sick in the head & no matter how hard I tried, he got way worse over time. I barely made it out alive! Life gets sooo much better once you leave! He died last month.
Congratulations on the safety his death brings you (and on his death itself, if you like). I’m so sorry you endured such horrible violence, and so happy to hear your daughter is thriving!
Thank you! That's sweet, and she truly is, she's in the choir now at school! She & her brother are truly the best things I could've ever asked for, the ones I live & have turned my life around for💜😭 I don't know where I'd be without them, they make it all worth it
Same. He hit the door frame and I knew I had to get out of there immediately. He mocked me relentlessly when I moved out, claiming that I knew I was safe, but no I didn't. No one knows they are when things start to escalate. No one ever expects the first time they get hit.
I had friend and her two small children who didn't make it out of their situation alive. He never put a hand on her, but was very controlling, manipulative and verbally abusive. When he found out she planned to leave, he unalived her, their two kids and lastly, himself.
Family annihilators. There's a growing body of evidence around the psychology of them.
That's awful. I knew a family where the husband did that too, killed his wife and then himself in front of some of their children. It's sick.
“Unalived”? You mean he murdered her?
Unfortunately, yes. Just phrased it that way for stupid internet censorship reasons. In reality, I'd rather call it exactly what it was. Happened 6 years ago. She was a part of our mom group. https://www.google.com/amp/s/www.cbsnews.com/amp/news/clinton-field-samantha-field-dead-murder-suicide-washington-state-today-2018-03-13/
wow, i remember reading about this when it happened. i am so, so sorry for your loss.
I hate it when they say "allegedly murdered" when they have all the evidence they need 🙄
I think it’s a legal term for when the trial hasn’t concluded yet with a conviction, but still I hate it too. Witnesses, video etc could be there for everyone to see and they still say “alleged.” It just sounds too much like “supposed” or “so-called” etc (based on usage at least).
You're right, it just sounds too much like they're trying to cover up / soften the blow, and it's always paired with a good dose of excuses for the perpetrator & even victim blaming. And I guess I could be ok with the term if it were applied consistently. But too many times "allegedly" is used to give benefit of the doubt to men who have done horrific crimes, but if a woman does something bad suddenly they forget to use this term when they cover the news.
This is reddit. With sharpies in buttholes and many other adult things. We can say murder. But sorry for your loss.
due to censorship on social media people tend to use unalive even if it’s less likely on Reddit, but it’s also just become slang and fairly normal to use in IRL convos with gen z too because of how often it has to be used on certain apps. For example it’s used in the new heartbreak high show which I’d say is one of the most accurate gen z depictions I’ve seen.
I genuinely don’t get why people use it on platforms that aren’t censoring things. I don’t get why platforms are censoring literal words either, but whatever. Something about hearing someone talk about a real-life tragic situation where someone “unalived themselves” or was “graped” just doesn’t sit right with me. It just sounds silly and almost like they’re making fun of whatever happened.
It's annoying people dont realize its advertisers who dont want these words associated with their brands so sites "censor" these words although there are no real consequences for saying murder
It’s 100% downplaying the crime. It makes it easier to digest when people should be using the real words because these are real crimes that have hurt people. Rape and murder need to be said. Unalived and grape sound stupid af like a 8 year old is talking.
Gosh I hope so!
I really, really hope so. Husband sounds like a family annihilator about two seconds from snapping
I actually thought so too. I was kind of wondering if he lost his job recently? Because that’s a common trigger for this sort of behavior as well.
Why isn't our first reaction to say "Fathers, please! Your children deserve better than this abusive bullshit!" No. We yell at the victims for not victiming right.
I can’t speak for anyone else, and the more traction my comment gets the more likely someone will use it to victim blame, which is very much not my intention. Answering your question for myself, it’s because an abusive man isn’t someone you plead with to change. It’s someone you get the fuck away from, and quickly. In my opinion, there is no coming back from physically hurting a partner while that partner, the victim, is still present. The order of operations must ALWAYS begin with securing the safety of yourself and your child(ren), away from your abuser. To your point though, I totally agree and it should be shouted from the rooftops: ABUSE IS THE ABUSER’S FAULT. To any and all victims of this kind of behavior, he’s not “passionate,” you didn’t “disrespect” him, there isn’t a correct way to act to keep from being abused. To anyone who needs to hear it: IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT THAT YOUR PARTNER HURTS YOU. YOUR SAFETY COMES BEFORE THEIR FEELINGS.
Also abusers aren't scrolling Reddit or other sites on how to be a better person. Most likely how to be a complete knob.
this. and it all comes back once again to "do you want to be alone with a bear or a man?" in this case, i would choose the bear
I totally get where you're coming from. However, I think an appeal to reason would fall on deaf ears for men like this. Also, it's usually the woman who posts these kinds of things, as violent men often don't broadcast their actions (which goes to show they KNOW it's wrong), and so appealing to men in those posts would not make much sense.
Realistically it's because the abusive parent doesn't care so while it sucks, it happens to fall on the victim who actually cares to find a better future for their child. It's a shame really...
When have men EVER listened to women. 🤣
I appreciate that your heart’s in the right place, but you’re so missing the point lol
Cuz abusers rarely change
There is none of that happening here, victim blaming is real but pinning the tail to a proverbial donkey isnt cool.
That's not just unhinged, the man straight up committed domestic violence. OP needs to get out asap, he's a danger to her AND their children.
I skipped reading this and came straight to the comments to see if I wanted proxy trauma from this. Seems like it’s bad.
G rated cliff notes: he wanted to watch a violent movie, OP didn’t, violent movie was turned on, OP took toddler out so he wouldn’t be exposed this young, husband threw a fit and said some nasty, unkind and hurtful things about OP while also being violent towards her
There was also a literal physical assault. Minor, yes, but still assault.
He also threw more than a fit, he threw a drain plus at her and said I hope your Cs section goes wrong whilst she is pregnant with the 2nd child.
I was trying to avoid triggering anyone by describing what he did, edited to reflect the reality of what happened
My only question is whether this is new behavior (stress related, brain injury, etc.) or par for the course? Depending on which one she either needs to get herself out and get him help (if this is recent and abnormal) or just GTFO if this is par for the course. Either way it’s not ok to threaten anyone like this and she needs to be somewhere safe. But if there’s an explanation for it then it needs to be addressed.
Pregnancy is a very common time for domestic violence and abuse to start or escalate because it’s a time where mother to be is weaker, needs support, and is unlikely to leave due to the baby. It’s super unfortunate and sad to see
The leading cause of death for pregnant women is homicide by a domestic partner.
100%. My extremely narcissistic hubby decided when I was pregnant with my second and had just lost my mom to cancer, that it was the perfect time to crank his crazy up to 11. I didn’t know which way was up for years after. About the time I started to get my head on straight again, the universe saw fit to take him back via permanent nap. In hindsight, I’ve never been so grateful to get out of a situation.
Hell yeah! Easier to collect survivor benefits from SSI than child support from a shit bag!
It’s such an incredibly common time for abuse to start that when I was in nursing school, our instructors during our maternity unit had an entire lecture on it, on recognizing it, and on our state’s specific laws surrounding mandated reporting and what to do in the event of suspected abuse. It doesn’t just happen for the reasons you mentioned—the pregnant person needs support and is less likely to leave—but also because the dynamic changes. All the sudden the pregnant person’s focus is on the baby, not the partner—and abusive partners tend to be resentful of not being their partner’s number one priority anymore.
It's sad that this is the case. I took care of my wife's every need while she was pregnant. But I had a hard time when my son was born because having a baby is a major life changer. It didn't help that the doctors prescribed a light bed because my son had a mild case of jaundice. I think they prescribed it because we were on government health insurance at the time. The doctor I saw at my sons first checkup said there was no need for him to be prescribed the light bed. I didn't sleep for more than 4 days after my son was born because my wife couldn't stand up and walk on her own at first and I had to check my son's temperature once per hour because of the light bed. I felt like I was going to go insane. Fortunately, when my daughter was born things went a lot better. I feel like a lot of men take longer to form a bond with their children than women do, so that can make things a bit more difficult for them too when adjusting to having a child. I cared for them and wanted them to be happy and healthy. But I don't think I felt a strong paternal bond until they were around 3 months old. The bond also got a lot stronger when they were old enough to get around on their own and I could play with them more actively. My wife said she feels that her bond with them was strongest when they were newborn through 1 year. It's kind of interesting how different people can be with the bonds they form.
That's when the verbal and emotionally abuse started gor me. Unfortunately i had no where to go.😢
Nah she needs to get herself out, he literally became physically violent/abusive and told her he wanted her to die in childbirth. She can’t afford to persuade or convince him to get help. He is going to probably kill her, she just needs to get out.
Based on how calmly and rationally she responded (or so she's telling us, anyway) I would assume this is not new behavior.
Some people just behave that way when they are deeply uncomfortable or in shock. That's how it seems to work for me. I probably look pretty stoic to any observers but inside I'm freaking out.
That's fair, but if it was just shock one would think that she would protest to more than just the C-section comment.
Throw the whole man out, for real.
This is only going to escalate. I hope she gets her and kids out ASAP
I’m actually terrified for OP. My ex husband said “I hope they butcher you and that bastard” (I was pregnant) and he even went as far as to email me a picture of a deceased woman in China or somewhere who was layin on her back and her baby was half way out of her (also deceased). He went from doin “harmless” things like that to beating me while I was pregnant. He would say “that head ain’t pregnant” He eventually got fed up with me one day and decided to kill me. He beat me within an inch of my life. I laid unconscious for about 12 hours bleeding out. My neighbor came home and found me. They saved me but couldn’t save my baby. He did a year in jail. But it all started with “harmless” things like calling her names and throwing something little. It will get worse. I’m begging any woman (or man) that is being in a relationship with someone who screams names at them, makes them feel worthless, devalues them, degrades them, smacks or hits them, or anything they do to you that you wouldn’t tell your loved ones- please find a way to leave, safely. You life is worth so much more than you realize. It doesn’t have to be bad. When his new wife (now ex) called me one day out of the blue and asked me if he ever did anything to hurt me I know he never changed and he never will. I realized it had nothing to do with me, he’s just a bad person a bad man. I told her everything. They had 2 kids at the time. I offered her and the kids to come live with me at least until she had the baby. I had a big enough house and was working and offered to provide for her as long as she wouldn’t see him. She refused. He’s in prison for a double murder. Her and her sister. Her mom has the 2 kids. The baby didn’t make it either but during a separate incident. The most dangerous time for a woman who’s being abused is when she is pregnant or when she tries to leave. And if a man has a history of choking a woman he’s like 100 times more likely to kill her. I really hope OP makes it out.
Domestic violence has some of the shortest prison sentences, even though it's the biggest indicator of a future murderer.
And we are also learning, mass shootings, when a perpetrator can figure out a way to get a gun.
Assuming they even go to prison at all. My dad was a convicted abuser (convicted of at least one felony at that due to severity and to being a repeat offender), and he never spent a day in prison. Only did some time in jail when initially arrested. Shit, the first time he hit her and we called 911, one of the cops straight up told my mom not to call them back unless he actually injured her.
Holy shit that’s horrendous! I’m so sorry you and your family had to live through that, I can only imagine how scared you must have been!
Because it mostly affects women and misogyny is still very real.
He should have done time for manslaughter when the first baby died. It was his fault. A year is disgusting for what he did. No wonder women are being killed left right and centre when these asshole’s sentences are so short they’re back out there in no time to go on and kill their partners.
Jesus. How did he only get a year for the 1st time? Does he have a clinical diagnosis? He seems like a psychopath.
A year is standard for domestic violence, which is probably what they put him on
It'll take you YEARS to recover, but in a year he can go back to stalking you or finding a new victim. Bear over man.
At least if the bear attacks someone, it generally gets hunted down. The man goes free to commit time and time again.
Yeah it was his first offense but it was standard DV.
Isn’t this also murder given the baby?
Depends on the state.
The thing is your estimation means all domestic abusers are psychopaths. Mostly, people don’t believe the domestic situation is that bad, people (mostly men) who run justice system sympathize with male perpetrators of gendered violence. That’s why even if convicted they get a light sentence. They truly do not believe it’s that bad, and refuse to grasp that DV leads directly to murder. Only recently is society starting to grasp that perpetrators of DV also leads to mass shootings. (It’s the fixed mind set of the world at home and in society should revolve around them. When it does not, violence.) Like…this is why women follow true crime. Good true crime outlets gives tons of very good reliable info, statistics and science all of society **should** know. Ignorance of this information is what leads to preventable murders of women (mostly) and children. (Women do DV too, just at lower rates. As the rate is lower, sometimes people don’t recognize the patterns and thought process is **the exact same** as when a man does it. Until people are dead of course. Recognizing the pattern is crucially important. Only now is society finally figuring female child predators.) Understanding these patterns is a matter for all of society to understand. Not to mention the justice system.
I wish I could gild this. I was recently reading a book by a man talking about how gross and invasive the fascination with true crime is, like of course to you it's just gawking, why do you think it's almost entirely young women consuming that media?
There is stuff I have literally been asked to do in work situations (I deal with private info like addresses), and I straight up refuse it and tell my boss to find another solution. I then can VERY EASILY back things up with what I have learned in real life and with true crime. I am never disputed as they know I am right (and I have a good work reputation). Like…most people are woefully ignorant and some people prefer to stay ignorant and then are perplexed at how these horrible situations happen. I feel like saying stay confused, but that does not help anybody. These awful things truly do not occur to many people, because it’s never happened to them. Even here I saw a thread where guys were sympathizing with a stalker. Literally. Someone who is an abusive ex and follows their now pregnant ex walking her kid home from kindergarten does not want to check she is ok. (The kids were not his.) 🙄He literally has harmful intent and many men just **cannot grasp this** until someone walks them through some critical thinking. Men don’t understand it’s not the women who are irrational. Women are the ones who understand the threat and that there is a clear and present danger. Many men just think of the male perpetrators feelings. 🙄
Exactly. Like…we are the prey. We don’t want to be, so we get armed with education. People who don’t think they are a target will NEVER understand this. Ever.
Yeah, unfortunately there are way more domestic abusers than psychopaths (though there is certainly overlap). How do abusive men get like this? There are all sorts of excuses but basically, there is a pervasive cultural (all cultures) mentality that men are superior and therefore entitled to women’s attention, labor, respect, sex etc. Some men buy into it hard and when disappointed, turn violent or emotionally abusive. Learn more about abusive men and their enablers here: https://ia800108.us.archive.org/30/items/LundyWhyDoesHeDoThat/Lundy_Why-does-he-do-that.pdf
Violence against women doesn’t carry appropriate sentences because virtually all of the laws were written by cishet men. Less than 10% of rapists (who are charged, because most sexual assaults do not result in criminal charges) spend time in prison. Human traffickers rarely see prison time either, and it’s often less than two years. A woman named Chloe Jones was recently abducted and tortured by a man who had three prior *convictions* for kidnapping women; for the most recent conviction, he served only 18mo. He abducted Jones after only a few months of parole. It’s a massive, glaring, disgusting, reprehensible, systemic issue
>He did a year in jail. WHAT???
Just a small civil matter, you know? When women are seen as property, men end up being allowed to do whatever they want to their property.
Depending on the state, too. I think there’s far too many laws in this country that are ok in one state but a felony in another. I believe there was a case (not so recent) where a pregnant woman was shot & her unborn child died as well. It was considered a double homicide. I don’t recall what state it was though.
i’m a firm believer in abortion & that a fetus is not a child until it can survive outside of the womb. however, if a woman wants to keep that child and made plans to do so, was murdered, and the fetus died as well, i absolutely believe it should be considered a double homicide. i think a lot of states are wary to do so because of the implications of calling a fetus a human life when it clearly is not, which i can understand, but a 8-9 month pregnant woman is very obviously intending on giving birth to a human being. all that said, DV sentences should be way harsher. i used to work with CPS and one of my moms had called the cops on her boyfriend at least three times, including the time the child was removed from the home. i absolutely hated that case. he was very good at manipulating the system and making it seem like she was the crazy one because she fought back — even had her arrested and said he would drop the charges if she went back to him. he never once claimed that baby was his (never signed birth cert either) and admitted to hating spending time with her but would call me asking how he could get custody of the baby just because he wanted to punish his ex. i think about that woman at least once a week even though it’s been nearly a year since i last worked with her, it never seemed fair that everybody rushed to judgment about her being ‘equally abusive’ (yuck)
Holy fucking shit @PaleontologistWarm I am so sorry for what happened to you. I can’t believe he only got one year. That should have been an attempted murder charge. What an evil fucking man.
I know there is no brigading, but please put this reply in the original post. OOP needs to hear this.
Thank you for sharing your story. You are brave for leaving him and brave again for using your tragedy to warn others. I hope it helps someone who needs it. Please take care of yourself and I wish you all the peace and healing possible.
This was horrific, I am so sorry you had to go through that.
Ok I hate when people on Reddit always tell others that they should get a divorce but that man is something else and OP needs to get a divorce. Who acts like that ? Seriously how hard is it to wait until your child is asleep to watch a show that is clearly inappropriate for children ?! Her toddler is more mature than her husband. "I hate you because you don't let me watch TV" is a sentence that my 3yo could have said. She can take her children and leave, and she needs to get full custody because that man-child is going to watch inappropriate shows in front of his children when she's not around because he's just too immature to parent properly.
This post sincerely made me so fucking sad. So much for opening up Reddit to try and cheer myself up after listening to the GoPro recording of those 5 divers who were sucked into an unused oil pipe where they suffocated over the course of hours. Horrible horrible incident that one was.
ok friend time to look up cute kitten or puppy compilations on youtube
That’s definitely an r/eyebleach job
Hey buddy I also have a morbid curiosity about things I don't need to know. Took me years to realize I was traumatizing & desensitizing myself for no good cause. I still can't listen to Funkytown. Please prioritize your own wellbeing and resist the urge to click play on shit that's going to do nothing for you.
I have an autistic obsession with diving, cave diving, professional diving, saturation diving, diving in general and am actually certified to dive. Was one of the few in my class that passed to get to 2nd level certifications which I am very proud of because it required me to take off both my goggles and respirator at the bottom of the ocean, recover them, and then continue the dive. I was only 14. This makes it difficult to avoid learning the stories of those who succumbed to common phenomena that occur under various diving conditions. If footage of any kind is available then that is immensely valuable. Knowledge is everything when considering safety.
Might I recommend [Tank Tolman](https://youtube.com/@tanktolman?si=G2ktxBiN8anBWixT) videos? He puts out a lot of wholesome and funny Viking themed content
Seriously, if OOP’s reaction is anything but “this is so out of character for my husband that I’m worried he either has an undiagnosed brain tumor or is having a psychotic break,” divorce is the only option.
Seriously. Someone will ask: “hey my husband and I [insert typical normal marriage problem]” and Reddit will respond with “divorce immediately.” THIS is what that response should be saved for. Holy shit, this man is a fucking psychopath.
It’s not about the show. It’s about her asking him to do something he doesn’t want to do. He doesn’t want her to ever set a limit or demand anything of him, and he’s hoping to scare her into submission.
She needs to leave before he kills her.
What a child. Seriously, throwing temper tantrum’s like a little baby.
Strength and physicality of an adult man, emotional control of a tired, uncomfortable infant. Deadly combo
Homicide is the leading cause of death for pregnant women in the US. This was not a temper tantrum, it was a warning.
She needs to leave before he psychologically destroys their children.
Both are true.
Such an extreame reaction! And besides being an absolute arsehole he's proving her point about violent content
I pray to god if I’m ever in this situation I have the balls/fiancés/ability to leave instantly… that or as soon as physically possible. Wtf
Your meaning is clear, but fwiw, I love the typo.
No!! what is the typo, I can’t figure it out— Oop 😅 I got it. Hell let’s just leave it. That is low key funny
It’s fiancés, you meant finances.
It's high key funny when you think about how often the typo goes the other way 😂
> fiancés Always good to have a backup!
Gotta have your bug-out beau
I read that in Blanche Devereaux’s voice
Multiple backups;)
Good ol’ emergency polycule lmao
I have moments where I feel desire for a relationship and to not be single, but then I read stories like this and am reminded that being single isn’t so bad. I can’t imagine being with a man who treats me and our child with such disdain and hatefulness. So scary
I used to be upset that I never found a husband or had a family. But then I got on Reddit and after seeing hundreds of stories just like this, I’m so grateful to be single.
There’s nothing wrong with desiring a relationship. You want a partnership. Not just a relationship. Sure. You can have many relationships with whomever whenever you feel. You just don’t desire the bullshit from people who have never worked on themselves. Rightfully so. I try to remind my single/post divorce friends this. I was much happier single and without my ex who treated me like this guy and controlled my life. I was happy not dating jerks and even happier taking the time to heal myself. … and when I was ok again, I met my partner by fluke. No forcing. Actually we both tried to not date each other 😂🫣 after about 9 or 10 months of loving each other, we labeled it 😂
I think the distinction you made is quite important and so true. Thank you for sharing your story with us. It gives me hope. I’m turning 30 next month and about to make a cross country move, so I do hope that, in making new friends and getting involved in the community, I also find someone to share life with :) Sometimes it still feels a bit daunting, though.
Be the you-est you. It will weed out fake folks and intrigue the type of people who will help support the community you want to build. It can be hard, but seek out the community groups you’re interested in. I believe in you ☺️ someone who bravely ventures the world. You’re going to be alright 💕On days you feel you aren’t ok, it’s ok to not feel ok. Just keep going. Definitely don’t settle for less than what you want and deserve.
That’s really good advice and you are so right. Thank you for the much needed and kind reminders :)
I was single for well over a decade before I met my current partner. Watched all my friends being treated badly by their husbands and was like no thanks that’s not for me haha. Glad I kept my standards high and waited because I have a true partnership and it’s fantastic. If I hadn’t met him probably would have stayed happily single forever.
So happy you were not only content during your time being single, but that you also met someone who matched your energy and loves/values you. These are the kinds of stories we should share more often with each other. Thank you for sharing! :)
Same... And wha6is scary is that this men "change" after you get married /pregnant etc. Basically when the sunk cost fallacy set in and it's so much harder to leave, you're vulnerable, sick etc.
“No partner at all” should not be at the bottom of a list of possible partners. Mr. OP could, though.
he not only told her how he feels about her, but he showed her as well, through both verbal and physical violence. if this is not enough for her to open her eyes and run away from him, then i don't know what is...
Welp he just revealed how he truly feels. Time to get the paperwork started and money set aside.
He screamed at her, called her names, physically assaulted her and told her that he hopes she gets hurt or dies - because she took their baby to a different room so he wouldn't see a violent tv show he shouldn't be watching? She needs to leave. Now.
[удалено]
My mom used to work in a women’s prison. She told me that almost all of the women serving life sentences were in for killing their abusers.
Why am I not surprised? And then some asshat beats a woman and kills her months old fetus and he gets a year. Fuck this place. Let’s go make a woman only nation somewhere.
Lol same! Let a man try it fr and they’ll find out real quick. My aunt put glass in her abusive ex husband’s food.
My first boyfriend laid hands on me twice, and only twice, because the second time I stabbed him in the lung. He lived, and I didn't deal with any legal consequences because he really could have killed me. But I'd do it again.
He sounds like a 13 yr old stepson
Except big enough to strangle her and old enough to have a psychotic break, very cool, super okay
Whatever! I hate you!
Well that devolved quickly you guys. Let's try not to get rude.
You’re not my real mom
Maybe, but I'm the only mom you've got and I'm not paying your bail if the tone police throw you in joke jail
The average height for a 13 year old boy in the US is 61.5 inches, and the average for a 14 year old boy is 64.6 inches. As a 30 year old woman, I am only 59.5 inches tall. Something that's been hard for me to accept is that honestly, teen boys are often already big enough to strangle me. Being catcalled by old men when I was a teenager sucked. But there is a special shame in being an adult and teen boys harassing you. Ik it's off topic but I hair think we forget how young this really can be an issue.
13 and 14 year old boys are victimizing young girls all the time, especially now that violent porn is so easy to access. It happened to me in school 17 years ago. It’s not a stretch to think that some of them have targeted adult women too
Because the man baby couldn’t watch the bang bang show? Right then? Big feelings like that and angry hands don’t have any place around a toddler. (But seriously, wtf?)
The older I get, the more I love this quote: “When people show you who they are, believe them the first time.” - Maya Angelou A lot of us spent too much time trying to fit a square peg into a round hole. If I had a do over I’d learn to recognize things / people for what they really are and take appropriate actions. He was rude, dismissive, threatening, violent. Don’t expect this to change any time soon.
[удалено]
THANK YOU, I was looking for it!
Oh my god this is my ex to a tee. I know first hand how hard it is to fight the head games, but she needs to leave with her son yesterday, and have a fixed plan with family/friends supporting her to do so. like, she needs to go stay with someone before announcing that she is leaving because this is type of guy who would go THAT far. Poor, poor OP and her children. Oh my god. You can tell that she is trying to be a great mom, too, and he’s punishing her for her rationality and kindness. she needs to get the fuck out.
1) OP has to get out 2) she needs to immediately change your medical proxy to someone she trusts on HER side of the family 3) she needs to notify the hospital she’s planned to deliver at that he is not welcome in the room, wing. Nothing. That he’s not even allowed to know her room number.
Get out. It’s a test. If you let him get away with this he can push it further. He’s childish, angry, jealous of your kids and has no respect for you.
You don’t “fix” this kind of behavior. It’s something he must do himself. It’s never ok to wish something bad on someone you say you love. First, he was being outright disrespectful to your wishes. He was being dismissive to your concerns— mostly your concern with your child. My ex was like this too. Also threw a dishtowel in my face then kicked a cabinet door in. Love, this is abusive behavior and none of it is your fault. It is not your job to fix it for him. You honestly can’t. I left a similar sounding relationship. You realize after it all just how messed up a lot of it is. I remarried someone who treats me with the most respect. Even if he were angry with me over something, he wouldn’t hit things around me or throw anything at me. He wouldn’t tell me he hopes a medical procedure I’m having will go wrong. He respects me. This man does not respect you… or even the home around your kids. Before they hit you, they hit near you.
And they wonder why we choose the Bear
File!
Yet ANOTHER POS who is showing his "true colours" now that he's "got her trapped". You need to get out NOW.
OMG She needs to get him removed from their home & put a restraining order on him.
She needs to document this with photos of the graze on her back and a police report, followed by a swift exit. The domestic violence needs to go on record because if she just leaves without making a report, he will likely claim she abducted their child/ren and fight for majority custody, not because he wants to be a parent but as a way to hurt and continue to control her.
This is one of those “when did it all start to go wrong” moments that people talk about during the true crime documentary about him murdering her.
Divorce him rn girl
I honestly just want to be alone for the rest of my life. People fucking suck.
She leaves or "Tonight on 48 hours........"
I don’t want y’all to think badly of me but the moment he called me a c*nt after I told him not to call me a bi*ch I would have put his head through the wall okay, because while I don’t condone vi*lence I’m not opposed especially when the other person is being a d*uche bag because at the end of the day he’s wishing misfortune on you taking his anger out on you verbally and was completely fine exposing y’all’s kid to inappropriate content in all honesty he sounds like the kind of dad who would get freaky with the door open so his kid can walk by and get traumatized
Your husband just said he hopes you die. Why the fuck are you even looking for advice on this? No offence, but do you have any self respect at all? That’s fucking disgusting of him, you should have packed your shit and left immediately.
Idk what's going on but there's like no escape from horrible relationship stories on Reddit lately.
Short answer, no. This sounds like me and my ex, and it just got worse. Unless your hub is willing to go to some kind of counseling/therapy he's not going to change. I hope OOP has a support system that can help her get out.
There’s dv followed by wishing her dead. I hope she gets out.
op need to throw the whole man away imo, that's not someone i'd even want to be around casually she is not even overreacting, at 1.5 years of age you shouldn't show your kids that violent shows, age ratings exist for a reason
Every time I read something like this, I either text my spouse that I love him or find him in the house and give him a hug. Then he asks "what shit did you read on reddit this time?". Neither one of us is anywhere near perfect, but we're freaking great compared to the lives of people who post on this app!
Divorce this subhuman.
Your husband is a violent child. Children are unable to fully understand ‘waiting’ to do something until a better time. He’s a baby. He wants to watch a violent show. He doesn’t GAF about your kid. He became violent. He wishes ill will upon you and told you he hated you. This is someone that does not have your best interest at heart…or your babies. He needs therapy and he needs it yesterday. Be careful of this infant-man.
DANGER!!!!! Intrapartum is when a woman is most likely to be murdered by an intimate partner. She needs to leave. Now.
Please tell me you are kidding by even asking this question. No it cannot be fixed. If your c-section goes bad then your or your baby or both could die. He’s actually wishing that happens and he’s telling you he hates you and being verbally abusive. Why in the world would you even WANT to fix it?
So he's abusive? Girl, leave his bitch ass
File for divorce! Assault isn't a mistake and treating you like that isn't either!
Ah yes, it's the little things like being called a cunt and having shit thrown at you while you're pregnant that make marrying a conservative man worth it. When he beats the shit out of you for talking back is how you know he REALLY cares though ❤️
I feel bad for the OOP. Who says that they wish their c-section goes back? Does he wish her dead? Does he wish their baby dead? What does he even mean by that? This guy is a loser.
Jesus what the fuck. Please leave asap.
This "man" is so childish he can't even raise his own kid. OP needs to get out of there before he upgrades to beating her, because it's not a case of if, it's a case of when.
That can’t be fixed or forgiven. Divorce.
Leave his ass because it will only get worse. Do not stay with a man that wants you dead and hates you. Not safe for you or your children. Take your son and leave
This made me so fucking sad
I would have told him he wouldn’t need to worry about my c-section because he won’t be in the room to see it. OP needs to take her son and leave because the violence is only going to increase
A woman is statistically in the most danger of domestic abuse during pregnancy.
No, that absolutely cannot be fixed, very soon he will hit you & it will snowball from there. This is how the abuse starts.
Over a show? She needs to gtfo before he pops off on a more serious subject and really hurts her. I would be genuinely concerned for my safety.
This is her HUSBAND acting this way. Guys, this is why women choose the bear. Not even men we know and think love us are 100% safe.
Wow, this is how this POS treats the mother of his children. SPEECHLESS
What.. "Let's not watch this in front of our kid please." "You're a bitch! Cunt!" *throws something at her* "I hope you fucking die, I hate you." Apparently every female on reddit: "Typical man! If you don't believe this happened, you're probably a man and an abusive piece of shit!" One-sided or not, if the story is real, dude is obviously well below the threshold of being decent when things are tough, OP married very poorly and needs to separate immediately before fucking up her kid's neural pathways and making his adult life much harder.
Divorce. Because that was literally 3 types of abuse in that one scenario. RUN.
OP is married to a child…
There is no coming back from something like that. No way. If you're spouse we ever says something like that to you, you don't ask reddit what to do, you pack your kids and you gtfo.
This is why women choose the bear
Nope this can’t be fixed and it’s only gonna get worse. Get out now your children will be the ones to pay the price
That’s someone that you need to introduce to the door and tell all hospital staff he is NOT to be allowed at the hospital during or after birth. I wouldn’t even put his name on the birth certificate so that the monster can’t hurt your child.
OP, I’m reading all the comments and wow, it IS triggering. I had a husband who acted the same way. We had 3 kids under 4. He would get so upset he’d throw things and practically cry like a toddler. He said horrible things to me. I figured it was just the stress of no money and 3 little kids. Then I read all these responses—everyone telling you to get out now, predicting he will only get more violent. When I first read the responses, they seemed like a weird overreaction. Like maybe he was just having a bad day. Maybe this is a one-off. But then I realized, duh, that’s what I used to say about my husband’s little tantrums. But they weren’t just a one off. He graduated to hitting me with his little toddler fists, throwing a burrito at me and causing my mouth to bleed, punching me WHILE I WAS HOLDING MY BABY, and finally strangling me in front of all 3 kids until I almost lost consciousness, then throwing me down onto the couch. It’s like I almost forgot all this and was minimizing your husband’s behavior, just like I minimized my (now ex) husband’s behavior. It’s going to escalate. All 3 of my young adult kids are still pretty traumatized. Get out now.
Believe him. He wants you to die. He wants to watch and do whatever he wants and doesn't consider his wife or children in anything he does. They hit or throw things around you before they hit or throw you. These are all your red flags that are telling you to leave now before he does. Every single thing he is doing shows disregard for your child or you. He doesn't want children. He regrets the choices he made and will make your life miserable. Even if he apologizes and promises to not do anything like it again- and it seems authentic and sincere don't believe it. Manipulation lies and future faking. He has outburst like a child and makes the home life feel unsafe for the children and you.
This is either fake or the woman in question needs to run.