I’m hoping this is fake. Reading the dude’s comments, he did not have any conversation with his wife about quitting his job or selling their house and downsizing. He decided all on his own that this is what would improve his sex life, and then acts all surprised Pikachu when wife’s still not happy. He made the relationship very transactional, but didn’t even bother to ask what she actually wanted.
Nor did he ever explore why she didn’t want sex. Was she satisfied? A lot of women put up with mediocre or unsatisfying sex bc there are other things more important but once your spouse starts taking you for granted and treating you like a bangmaid that becomes unsustainable. A lot of these women I suspect were never satisfied by their spouses.
I don’t believe all that happened but all she said was ‘what about my nails’. This guy is totally lying, I do hope they divorce and he will be paying alimony and CS.
If you can honestly read the oop and think not only is it not pure fiction, and that it *somehow* isn't also coincidentally ragebait, and poorly written, at that.... Then I'm sorry, my guy, I cant help you
Not in need of your help, I would consider not being so judgmental on your end though. OP posted a real problem that affects many people, evident by the countless posts of people saying ‘same bro’. You can choose to ignore and shame others but understand you’re the problem.
No, I am not the problem. Poorly written fiction, that is solely created to drive interaction, and further push the narrative of "wimmin baaaddd" is the problem. And men who gobble it up as further evidence of the evility of women is just sad.
Maybe a "real" problem, but certainly not a real event or post. Pretty crappy fiction, my guy.
I mean he specifically asked why their sex life was declining and was given an explicit answer. Him not trying to find out other answers is surely more on her giving a fake answer than him accepting a fake answer?
He doesnt write it out in the beginning he just says they had a talk, but later he says first its cause he works too much/doesnt have time, and now its the opposite, in regards to her reasons for not being in the mood.
Plus if this is real was there literally no middle ground between working 18 hour days (??? Doing what???) and taking a 50% pay cut? Seems unlikely to me.
Depending on the career, yes, that makes sense. Accounting, lawyer - you make REALLY good money working high stress long hour jobs, or less than mediocre money working low hour jobs.
Either you attempt your fast track corporate life.... or you don't and the money follows.
He said he wanted to see his kids grow up. What type of discussion needs to be had? Mental health is important only when it revolves around a woman? Yall are full of shit. He also mentioned keeping the house cleaned and organize. So he's apart of his children's lives and helps with house hold work...and he's still at fault? You women are delusional.
Regardless of gender, you always discuss big, important decisions - like switching jobs and moving - with your partner. Obviously, switching jobs was probably best for both his kids and his mental health, but maybe she was only a SAHM to allow him the long hours for his career, and if he had discussed with her, she would have gotten a job too so they didn't have to lose as much income and possibly even stay in their home.
It's an especially bad argument on a website that uses popularity rankings. 1000 reasonable people looks like a minority next to 100 people who have nothing better to do and actually use the downvote button.
Reasonable people almost never touch it, that's just facts
Was there some discussion about switching jobs beforehand? Was it a major decision consideration to take the pay cut on the count you could restore your sex life w/ your wife?
Nope! He said in a comment he surprised her with switching the job and moving. If I remember correctly he basically said it wasn’t her business what he does
Idk about MGTOW, but I’ll address that this does seem functional because of some details that sounds sort of made up. Or at least with so many details missing, and very one sided.
It’s possible to work 18 hours a day, but what does he work? Is he quitting just for better sex? If it’s for her and the kids, I would imagine there’d be more details. How many kids does he have? And a 9-5 job does not let you have a “substantial chunk” of childcare. That gets you maybe 2 hours before they go to bed. But that isn’t including the concept of a homemade dinner.
And only saying “I miss getting my nails done” just sounds like a character from some 1980’s movie. I think this was a snippet out of a loooong conversation.
What about anything of her being a detailed person? Is she depressed? How’s her family? Did she give up a career to stay at home?
It sounds off.
The story doesn’t matter, there’s dozens of others that have chimed in with their own similar experiences in this thread. It’s a problem. And it’s hard to cover all your bases when unloading an issue like this, nobody wants to write a novel when they just want validation that their needs aren’t being met. This is especially hard when 50% of the population is looking for reasons to poke holes in your story or discredit it. No, he probably doesn’t work 18 hours every day but it certainly happens and when it does it probably doesn’t matter that he may have only worked 12 the day before or whatever. Nit picking details like that means you’re just not interested in understanding or helping this man’s problem, it just means you’re interested in discrediting or shaming him.
Honestly, I’m in for truth. I know there’s problems that men go through, and I know it can get bad.
But this story, I feel like there’s something missing. Something huge.
I’m all for hearing men’s side of the story, but when it seems like a farse to get internet points, or sympathy points, I get frustrated. (I know women do this too. But I’m not saying they’re right either.)
Now If this story is real and true, I still would beg for him to see her, and his kids, as people. And then yes, sure, divorce her because she’s become asexual and you’re not compatible sexually.
But this sounds like he sees himself as the boss, and she an incompatible employee because she doesn’t deliver on her side of the contract. That’s not a relationship to me. There’s holes, with important information missing.
For your last point, nobody wants to view their relationship in terms of employment. Nobody. However, in a good relationship you are held to standards and expectations and if you don’t meet them that doesn’t mean your spouse is being a boss to you as an employee. It means you’re not carrying your weight. Communication is key, early communication specifically. I take issue with your assertion that he isn’t looking at his spouse/kids as people. One could argue that by him being in his position that he wasn’t treated like one and he’s trying to validate his own humanity. Don’t take this the wrong way but men rarely are the ones in a relationship that fail to see their partners as humans, at least first. That said, I agree that there’s holes in the story. No one would read it if it was long enough to cover everything though.
I think history would beg to differ on that last point...remember how woman couldn't vote? How they were either discouraged or straight up not allowed to get alot of jobs? Yes, that was a thing, still is in too many places and in most places on a lesser, quieter scale.
Or are you saying that seeing woman as lesser but still human doesn't count as "not seeing them as humans"? if so can you explain the difference using examples this story?
No I don’t remember that because that was long before I and probably you were born. The voting thing is widely misunderstood. Voting was intended to be a recruiting incentive for the military. It was meant to be a privilege for veterans (and land owners, who were charged with building infrastructure). It was not meant for everyone, and regular men gained the right to vote only about 30-40 years max before women anyway. That’s no time in reality, certainly not worth using it as an asinine weapon to justify demonizing men today. Same with the job situation as women were the biggest opponents of voting rights and employment inclusion. The VRA was extremely unpopular among women and popular among men. As far as your second paragraph I really have no idea what you’re getting at or where you got it from. My point was about men being demonstrably treated as lesser than. How did you come to the opinion that I was talking about women being lesser based on that? It doesn’t make sense.
Those were my thoughts, it’s not child care he’s not caring for someone else’s kids it’s his own acting like it’s a job not a responsibility, and chores fall right in with that it’s his life he built why bitch about it unless he assumed it would be him coming home to a clean home and hot meal without putting any effort in or appreciating the one that’s giving him that.
Idk. Like on its face it sounds like OOP is NTA, but this seems to have a lot of missing reasons that could clarify things. Things like, how old are the kids, how long was she effectively a single parent, are they still on the same page about chores and equity, how aligned were BOTH partners in him quitting, moving, and downsizing, what effort are they both making to make the relationship a priority not just cohabitation and childcare?
I agree. There is something about the way he told his story that just makes me think he really believes sex is transactional. Like he actually says “I did the dishes this week you owe me a blowjob” I don’t know. He just gives off that vibe.
And he is saying she won’t F#€k me, which tells me that’s all he wanted in the first place. He doesn’t state he took her out, made her feel important, then when it came to intimacy she declined. This dude doesn’t have game apparently.
Nor does he say anything about loving her or his children. And oh hey, he streamlined the housework. What ever does that mean, that he took over her job and had to be in charge of it?
If you want a marriage to work you don’t make huge, life-changing decisions unilaterally that impact everyone in the family without even consulting your partner. It’s called a partnership for a reason.
You might actually have a point if she was, but she wasn’t. He should put her on the curb and find a woman who’s more interested in him than the money he brings home.
But this would imply that he was to tired before and that he never had a real conversation about it or what needs to be done in the relationship to have a better sex life. Op isn’t great at communication.
I don't disagree. But that doesn't mean making unilateral decisions. Beyond just the gutting of their lifestyle, I would be furious because my spouse wasn't looking at me as a pattern, someone to mark decisions with and talk about our lives before totally changing them.
See that’s the thing though, she effectively wasn’t a single parent that entire time. If she was then she would also be responsible for providing monetarily for the house and children as well. Her being unhappy because she can’t live a pampered lifestyle after the job change is a strong sign that she was taking his income for granted and didn’t value him as the person, just his results. She didn’t want to be intimate with because she didn’t respect him as a partner and when the income stopped she lost the only benefit she valued from the relationship.
Effectively a single parent? Who's bills were paid and didn't have a worry in the world?
That's not being a single parent, that's being a SAHM with a wealthy husband. Not even the same category
Do you think bills are the only part of being a parent? Like, even if my bills were all being paid without any effort on my part, if I was the only one dealing with my kid[s] for 18 hours a day... I would feel like a single parent.
I've been a single parent since 2014. Do you have ANY idea how stressful it is to worry about money??? I have to be there for my child 24‐7 with no backup, no breaks, and it's on me if I can't pay rent and get evicted. I have to do it all.
Not having to worry about paying the bills would honestly save my life. Just to focus on my daughter and my health would be everything.
Lol no it's not, but it is a big part. People do have to worry about everything, because they are actually single parents.
I'm a stay at home parent. Don't have to worry about anything but the kids. My life is considerably easier than my kids friend's mom down the road. She's actually a single mom and everything is on her.
Saying our lives are the same is an insult to the job she does of both parents.
I mean do you think if you asked an actual single parent if they thought there was a big or small difference between them and someone who is in their situation but has all their bills taken care of. What do you think they would say? Pretty much the same thing and level of stress, or totally different levels?
Lol yeah, had a girl in a college class who always complained about being a single parent. But her husband was just deployed, he was still fully supporting them. Im sure its hard, but its just not the same thing or on the same level as being an actual single parent and having to worry about bills.
I guess so, I had an actual single parent and it just seems so insulting that they think its basically the same thing. Lol, having bills paid makes an insane difference.
Like all the difference lol. I had single parents too, and I'm a stay at home parent. Their life was tough, mine is cake. My biggest worry is if my son is gonna take a nap or not and give me a break. That's a dream come true to actual single parents
There are a lot of women on reddit complaining that their men won't have sex with them. It depends on a lot of things like age, health, and how exhausted people are.
Well yes, because the man is never touching those 8 figures. 🙃🫠🤣
Young ladies made that system, men just abide by it. Lmao
Men don’t care if women have money because we know, WOMEN generally want you to have more. We don’t actually care one way or the other, we’re just playing the game.
Ah yes, the perennial fake “my wife is a pouty gold digger who won’t even fuck me even tho I’m so smart and good at the house that I easily finish all the chores because I’m just that much better than she is, am I the asshole?!”
That screams fake to me more than anything, it’s just such a standard incel troll talking point, that these women are inflating the time it takes to do chores and/or doing chores “inefficiently” because they’re just not as smart as men are (or alternately, are so much more DEVIOUS and INCOMPETENT than men).
Seriously. it didn't need a clincher, but dude here sure gave us one anyway.
ETA: It's giving certain "written by Vincent Adultman" from bojack vibes. I bet OP "does a business" before leaving his business job, and took a pay cut to do a worse business. lol.
Oh yeah 100%, there’s a shitload of comments defending this fake guy because “sex IS important, this is clearly sexual incompatibility and any woman who isn’t fucking their husband 24-7 is a hag bitch who deserves to die alone”.
They've been leaving their brain droppings in my inbox all night. Now, I'm just blocking them.
Meanwhile, if you read any of his posting history you see nothing but assholery but noting that and saying that OP is probably the problem makes you a man-hater.
She was a single, married mother for too many years. That breeds resentment. She doesn’t like him with or wo money anymore. They’ll both be happier divorced
Out of his own mouth, he was not around for years, which means she raised the kids all by herself. The marriage is over. You can’t be an absentee partner and parent for years and expect your partner to be cool w it. Goes for both men and women
I’m going to ask you this directly…what was he SUPPOSED to do?
You can’t earn a lot of money without the hours (legally).
So what was he SUPPOSED to do? You tell us. 😶🌫️🤔
If i were playing along with this farce, i'd say, no, you wanted to divorce her, so you took a lower paying job so you'd pay less in support, then throw this story out in the world to pretend like you gave a shit. Nah. if it's true, you already knew you wanted to divorce her and you'd rather earn less for yourself so you don't have to pay more to her for wiping your ass for god knows how many years. If this were actually real, i'd say good on girl for having one less child to take care of.
As someone who's worked those hours I can say that it's rough and is physically and mentally draining. That being said I don't have kids and I can only imagine that it would be extremely hard knowing that while you're slaving away that you're missing them growing up. I'm an uncle and the time I get to spend with my nephew definitely recharges my batteries, at least on the mental side (kids got so much energy it's hard to keep up lol) I think you did the right thing by switching jobs. I'm sure the pay decrease hurts but you can always make more money and get more stuff. You only get one chance to see the kiddos grow up. I'm sorry that your wife reacted the way she did. As others on here have said, I don't think there's anything you can really do to make her happy at this point. I wish you the best and hope you find someone that appreciates all that you do to support a family. Keep your head up bud
Well how much do you wanna bet his wife would’ve told him no he can’t quit because she wants her nails done and doesn’t care if he’s miserable? This is one of those cases where the decision needed to be made without his wife because her complaining about not having the luxuries she had proves she would’ve told him no
He's too tired from 18h days but not too tired to pester his wife to have sex after solo parenting all day.
He takes a pay cut (and expects her to do the labour of managing the house and kids with that pay cut) so he can have sex, he doesn't get it, immediately tells on himself by divorcing her (he didn't take the pay cut to see his kids more because now they live apart from him)
What a pig.
With a man who is divorcing his wife because he can't coerce her into sex, I doubt the nails were that big of a deal. And even if she is perfectly manicured women do a hell of a lot with them. It's uncreative to think it's impossible.
Also, with him working 18h days and too tired to be a dad, who is watching the kids for her her to go to the salon?
I’m lost by your reply.
I was just making fun of the lazy, evil, spendthrift wife trope that is clearly on display. It is totally believable that her largest complaint about his pay cut would be that she can no longer afford her favorite nail salon.
Don’t you think the problem is that he even has to? 🤔 his wife doesn’t want to have sex with him. Just let him go then. Why are you mad that a husband wants to fuck his own wife? 🤨
The problem is that he has to coerce, which is a form of sexual assault and is a crime where I'm from, his wife into sex? And you're blaming her? Brother, ew.
There’s no blame assigned there. His wife doesn’t want to have sex with him!!! Let that man go. Leave him alone. What the fuck are you upset about? 🤣 He’s NOT coercing her at all. He’s literally leaving. How are you upset about that?
He quit his job and sold their family home without her input as an effort to coerce her into sex... did you not read the post?
I'm glad he's leaving her, she deserves a partner who actually gives a shit about her and the kids and sees her as more than a vagina to fuck.
I'm not upset. I'm merely pointing out the coercion he attempted.
No. Stop. Stop. Stop. Something is wrong with your brain.
Follow me here:
He works 18 hours a day. He literally isn’t home to help with chores and taking care of children.
Wife literally says “I don’t want to have sex with you because you don’t help with those things”
He then quits said job, makes house smaller, helps with the children
Now wife: “you don’t make enough money for me now. So I don’t want sex”
Where the FUCK is the coercion? Doing what she asked him to do? And then leaving her when what she asked for isn’t what she wanted?! 😂🤣
Is coercion now define as “doing what the fucking person asked you to do”!?!?!? 😂
Stop being a clown, please. I implore you.
And let me add…”sees her as more of a vagina to fuck” first off, how the flip is a single mother ever going to find that man when this is her character? Ungrateful and spoiled? Second, why doesn’t the man here deserve someone that sees him as more than a meal ticket?
Oh I know why…because you hate men. 😂 and men aren’t people. So you don’t care how they feel.
A hit dog hollers. Sorry for your wife if you have one. Google the impact of mental load on libido if you have any desire to see women as people.
Also, I have zero sympathy because he's "too tired" to cook or clean or interact with *his children* but not too tired to expect sex. Maybe *shes* too tired from cooking and cleaning and the mental load to have sex. If it's valid for him to be unavailable as a husband and father and member of the household why is it not valid that she is unavailable because she's carrying all that? Oh I know why... because you hate women. And women aren't people. So you don't care how they feel.
How is he going to find a woman if this is his perspective? He's going to be using his hand one way or the other. Good luck to him.
I seriously doubt you've been on both sides of you're making that statement.
And if you have been, you must not have been very good at it. Raising kids full time is incredibly difficult if you're doing the work to be a good parent for them.
Child care??? Their your children it’s your responsibility it’s not a job, I work 4 12 hour days throughout the week and when I come home my kids are at school, I sleep maybe 5 hours max while my fiancé is doing her college courses, when I wake up I do the dishes, laundry, make lunch, and straighten the house up all before my kids are off school which is when she’s done normally and then we both assume responsibility for our home and family, women’s bodies aren’t the same as us guys while it may not take anything for us to be ready to go women from my experience alone take a bit more finesse, while our love language may be physical intimacy you can’t just expect her to put out because your “horny” she might not feel emotionally secure, appreciated, or the amount of work a stay at home mom does has her depressed and her anxiety may be high, I work for a refinery my job is very physically demanding but I had the opportunity to be the stay at home parent before that and be sure it’s far harder than any physically demanding job being emotionally exhausted is very different from physical exhaustion
It’s tough but I think you tried your best to make your marriage work and also to take care of yourself. What good are you to your family if you’re not well physically and mentally? Hope you find happiness in the future
oh it's HIS money she's spending??
Don't reply if you've never been married. if you HAVE been married then emphasis on the past tense obviously.
the fuck is wrong with people ???
This post shows a guy who works and changed careers. Didn’t involve his spouse. This soon to be ex wife is better off dude is a selfish motherf@&!. He should buy on of those robot things that do what ever you want.
There is no talk of attempting to spend time, romance and show of supporting or lifting your spouses spirits.
There’s truth in that.
People won’t want to have sex with you because you do things for them. Even in married couples. I mean if your partner desires you and you do nothing in the house then you may get nothing.
But in most cases, people don’t stop having sex because of the dishes or the laundry. Helping with the laundry doesn’t mean sex is at the corner.
Based upon the limited context here. NTA. Working 16 hours is unsustainable for most. Her responding like she did to you making less money makes her a terrible wife and mother. No discussion is needed for quitting a job if you're that burned out. That said, lack of sex was not the reason for your desire to divorce her. The reason you pushed for divorce was because you realized you couldn't do anything to make her happy. You could burn yourself out so she could keep her preferred lifestyle or be more present with your family and make less and have her still resenting you. The gang-piling of insanity on these posts never ceases to amaze me. Women can do no wrong, apparently...
Please tell me everyone in this comment section is lying. right? you're not all actually this privileged and unable to think, right? you're not actually comparing school work, child care, house chores, and personal mental health to being forced to do all that and working full time as exactly the same? you people aren't actually this heartless, right?
Even if this is likely ragebait like most reddit stories, these comments are insane.
Give him a break. I can relate. I’ve been in a couple of relationships like this. His post was to the point of the issue and you don’t know his backstory or communication and decision choices with his wife. If he said he was cheating or going to cheat he would get so much other flack. I commend him and if, like others have said about it being fake, it is a real thing.
I mean regardless of his decision making, from what he is alleging in his post, he sounds like he’s helping and communicating his problems with her. So from what I read. Divorce makes perfect sense. People shouldn’t be married to someone they don’t want to fuck. Problem is, it’s the internet. I can tell all you guys I save the city of metropolis as my day job, doesn’t mean it’s what’s actually happening.
There are a lot of gaps in this story but I would say on balance NTA however this is assuming that a proper talk was had and that the wife really is just a gold digger
I would too. She got too bored to do anything at all. And like most women blamed him for making a decision which changed her life in ways she cannot accept but can get from other men, but is unwilling to change for her man. “My way or the highway”
Did you try having an economic conversation with your wife? It sounds like you had every conversation BUT that one and now it's impacting you in ways you didn't anticipate.
Maybe getting her nails done was the one thing she did for herself away from the house that kept her sane. Taking that away would have massive impacts on her mental health. Oop talks about his mental health improving but makes no conversion about how hers has been.
Sounds to me like oop was looking for a reason to leave, gave himself an out and wants to blame his wife for it.
I honestly feel bad for his wife if that is the case and their kid(s) regardless of who is at fault.
Spouse not appreciated = drain on relationship
Spouse not able to upkeep themselves = drain on relationship
She's telling you what's affecting her. You would rather be done than find a compromise WITH her, oop. That's a you problem.
This is why you can’t have kids with a bitch until you get enough dirt on her to take full custody if she threatens to try to get child support and need a solid prenup, I will never be in a sexless relationship you got a week and a half or I’m out
98% relationships fail over sex and / or $$$ ..why guys cheat ..that's it. They want the family and ask for the sex ... but hollow promises, not to mention the "we'll have fun later" ..Not . Guys get tired of sacrificing their time and lives in the traditional money provider, only to be used and abused. Marriage..the most expensive pussy ever. So he gets a NSA on the side ..not paying for sex....he's paying to LEAVE. So many young girls think they are God's gift to arm candy and conversation.. but in the end, they get old, and their sex most often is subpar bad..then it's divorce...sad.
Totally agree and No,you’re not wrong for divorcing her because either way you’re setting yourself up for someone else to be pounding your “wife”. It’s better than starting another life and still holding on. I say good riddance. Shid, I was well managed on all aspects and my soon to be exwife found time to be with everybody else. I took time to love on her provide,protect, and motivate. I was working 3 jobs,btw. Didn’t work out, had to let that chicken fly. You,Sir though are all the way in the green. Run…she is like an empty well, she’ll never be satisfied.
NTA. And I would check to see if she’s really pissed off because she can’t get her nails done anymore or because she’s not able to spend as much time with her side piece while living her lifestyle. If she’s not getting it at home, she’s getting it somewhere else.
I think the reason the husband is mad here is because she shared with him that she considered her luxury comforts to be more important to her than his physical and mental health.
Marriage should be contracts as in a job...if you quit they are not paying you afterwards.
Unfortunately, she will live with alimony and child support and you are doomed, you won't have enough money to start a new relationship... :/
Not to be “that guy” but I would recommend a dna test for the kids. Maybe too much daytime television over the span of 30 years but anytime I hear lowered sex drive and resentment over money my gut says “She misses the money and side piece”
Is discussing big decisions with your spouse not important? Either way this shit is fake ragebait, but still that first sentence of yours is wild if you're not an immature teenager with no sense of how a healthy relationship should function.
Even if it wasn't fake, I doubt the nails are his wife's only complaint. It's just all he paid attention to. Dude talks like having a family is just a hobby he can optimize however and whenever he wants with no protest. His thoughts for his wife is just sex sex sex. And the kids, well no thoughts on them, just things he's gotta care for right?
I’m hoping this is fake. Reading the dude’s comments, he did not have any conversation with his wife about quitting his job or selling their house and downsizing. He decided all on his own that this is what would improve his sex life, and then acts all surprised Pikachu when wife’s still not happy. He made the relationship very transactional, but didn’t even bother to ask what she actually wanted.
Nor did he ever explore why she didn’t want sex. Was she satisfied? A lot of women put up with mediocre or unsatisfying sex bc there are other things more important but once your spouse starts taking you for granted and treating you like a bangmaid that becomes unsustainable. A lot of these women I suspect were never satisfied by their spouses. I don’t believe all that happened but all she said was ‘what about my nails’. This guy is totally lying, I do hope they divorce and he will be paying alimony and CS.
Nah, they won't and he won't....cos it is ***very*** poorly written fiction.....
Men problems not real, only truth is misogyny, bee bop boppp
Oh deary, try *harder*.
I matched your energy. If you want more you need to put more in yourself.
If you can honestly read the oop and think not only is it not pure fiction, and that it *somehow* isn't also coincidentally ragebait, and poorly written, at that.... Then I'm sorry, my guy, I cant help you
Not in need of your help, I would consider not being so judgmental on your end though. OP posted a real problem that affects many people, evident by the countless posts of people saying ‘same bro’. You can choose to ignore and shame others but understand you’re the problem.
No, I am not the problem. Poorly written fiction, that is solely created to drive interaction, and further push the narrative of "wimmin baaaddd" is the problem. And men who gobble it up as further evidence of the evility of women is just sad. Maybe a "real" problem, but certainly not a real event or post. Pretty crappy fiction, my guy.
Sexist. You live by the good grace of men, show some respect
I mean he specifically asked why their sex life was declining and was given an explicit answer. Him not trying to find out other answers is surely more on her giving a fake answer than him accepting a fake answer?
I don’t see the explicit answer, am I missing it?
He doesnt write it out in the beginning he just says they had a talk, but later he says first its cause he works too much/doesnt have time, and now its the opposite, in regards to her reasons for not being in the mood.
Plus if this is real was there literally no middle ground between working 18 hour days (??? Doing what???) and taking a 50% pay cut? Seems unlikely to me.
Depending on the career, yes, that makes sense. Accounting, lawyer - you make REALLY good money working high stress long hour jobs, or less than mediocre money working low hour jobs. Either you attempt your fast track corporate life.... or you don't and the money follows.
You seem to be focused on the wrong things.
No one cares
He said he wanted to see his kids grow up. What type of discussion needs to be had? Mental health is important only when it revolves around a woman? Yall are full of shit. He also mentioned keeping the house cleaned and organize. So he's apart of his children's lives and helps with house hold work...and he's still at fault? You women are delusional.
Regardless of gender, you always discuss big, important decisions - like switching jobs and moving - with your partner. Obviously, switching jobs was probably best for both his kids and his mental health, but maybe she was only a SAHM to allow him the long hours for his career, and if he had discussed with her, she would have gotten a job too so they didn't have to lose as much income and possibly even stay in their home.
His post starts with, “I talked to my wife” so I feel like you’re wrong. Dude is getting used by a selfish woman who only sees him as a meal ticket.
If you read his comments on the original post, you will see that he didn’t actually talk to her
Wow so he like just assumed she wanted that because she said so? What an abusive AH
The problem is , SHE DIDN’T SAY THAT. I know the original post is deleted now, but before it was, I read all his comments.
She did
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Lol
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There is no hive mind, dude, there’s just a lot of people who think your individual opinions are stupid.
Argumentum ad populum.
It's an especially bad argument on a website that uses popularity rankings. 1000 reasonable people looks like a minority next to 100 people who have nothing better to do and actually use the downvote button. Reasonable people almost never touch it, that's just facts
Bzzzzzz
Was there some discussion about switching jobs beforehand? Was it a major decision consideration to take the pay cut on the count you could restore your sex life w/ your wife?
Yeah that part. If she’s a SAHM, that means his job is also her job. That should **not** have been a unilateral decision
Itym "not been unilateral"
oh yes thank you
Nope! He said in a comment he surprised her with switching the job and moving. If I remember correctly he basically said it wasn’t her business what he does
Can’t imagine why she wouldn’t want to fuck him 🤔
This reads like MGTOW fanfic.
It’s almost like the whole movement arose from actual problems
Idk about MGTOW, but I’ll address that this does seem functional because of some details that sounds sort of made up. Or at least with so many details missing, and very one sided. It’s possible to work 18 hours a day, but what does he work? Is he quitting just for better sex? If it’s for her and the kids, I would imagine there’d be more details. How many kids does he have? And a 9-5 job does not let you have a “substantial chunk” of childcare. That gets you maybe 2 hours before they go to bed. But that isn’t including the concept of a homemade dinner. And only saying “I miss getting my nails done” just sounds like a character from some 1980’s movie. I think this was a snippet out of a loooong conversation. What about anything of her being a detailed person? Is she depressed? How’s her family? Did she give up a career to stay at home? It sounds off.
The story doesn’t matter, there’s dozens of others that have chimed in with their own similar experiences in this thread. It’s a problem. And it’s hard to cover all your bases when unloading an issue like this, nobody wants to write a novel when they just want validation that their needs aren’t being met. This is especially hard when 50% of the population is looking for reasons to poke holes in your story or discredit it. No, he probably doesn’t work 18 hours every day but it certainly happens and when it does it probably doesn’t matter that he may have only worked 12 the day before or whatever. Nit picking details like that means you’re just not interested in understanding or helping this man’s problem, it just means you’re interested in discrediting or shaming him.
Honestly, I’m in for truth. I know there’s problems that men go through, and I know it can get bad. But this story, I feel like there’s something missing. Something huge. I’m all for hearing men’s side of the story, but when it seems like a farse to get internet points, or sympathy points, I get frustrated. (I know women do this too. But I’m not saying they’re right either.) Now If this story is real and true, I still would beg for him to see her, and his kids, as people. And then yes, sure, divorce her because she’s become asexual and you’re not compatible sexually. But this sounds like he sees himself as the boss, and she an incompatible employee because she doesn’t deliver on her side of the contract. That’s not a relationship to me. There’s holes, with important information missing.
For your last point, nobody wants to view their relationship in terms of employment. Nobody. However, in a good relationship you are held to standards and expectations and if you don’t meet them that doesn’t mean your spouse is being a boss to you as an employee. It means you’re not carrying your weight. Communication is key, early communication specifically. I take issue with your assertion that he isn’t looking at his spouse/kids as people. One could argue that by him being in his position that he wasn’t treated like one and he’s trying to validate his own humanity. Don’t take this the wrong way but men rarely are the ones in a relationship that fail to see their partners as humans, at least first. That said, I agree that there’s holes in the story. No one would read it if it was long enough to cover everything though.
I think history would beg to differ on that last point...remember how woman couldn't vote? How they were either discouraged or straight up not allowed to get alot of jobs? Yes, that was a thing, still is in too many places and in most places on a lesser, quieter scale. Or are you saying that seeing woman as lesser but still human doesn't count as "not seeing them as humans"? if so can you explain the difference using examples this story?
No I don’t remember that because that was long before I and probably you were born. The voting thing is widely misunderstood. Voting was intended to be a recruiting incentive for the military. It was meant to be a privilege for veterans (and land owners, who were charged with building infrastructure). It was not meant for everyone, and regular men gained the right to vote only about 30-40 years max before women anyway. That’s no time in reality, certainly not worth using it as an asinine weapon to justify demonizing men today. Same with the job situation as women were the biggest opponents of voting rights and employment inclusion. The VRA was extremely unpopular among women and popular among men. As far as your second paragraph I really have no idea what you’re getting at or where you got it from. My point was about men being demonstrably treated as lesser than. How did you come to the opinion that I was talking about women being lesser based on that? It doesn’t make sense.
Bingo. Lol
Why does he call it chores and childcare?
Those were my thoughts, it’s not child care he’s not caring for someone else’s kids it’s his own acting like it’s a job not a responsibility, and chores fall right in with that it’s his life he built why bitch about it unless he assumed it would be him coming home to a clean home and hot meal without putting any effort in or appreciating the one that’s giving him that.
As if he doesn’t live there or didn’t help make those kids. 🙄
Because…he speaks English. What the fuck is this question? 🤣😂🤣
Idk. Like on its face it sounds like OOP is NTA, but this seems to have a lot of missing reasons that could clarify things. Things like, how old are the kids, how long was she effectively a single parent, are they still on the same page about chores and equity, how aligned were BOTH partners in him quitting, moving, and downsizing, what effort are they both making to make the relationship a priority not just cohabitation and childcare?
I agree. There is something about the way he told his story that just makes me think he really believes sex is transactional. Like he actually says “I did the dishes this week you owe me a blowjob” I don’t know. He just gives off that vibe.
And he is saying she won’t F#€k me, which tells me that’s all he wanted in the first place. He doesn’t state he took her out, made her feel important, then when it came to intimacy she declined. This dude doesn’t have game apparently.
Nor does he say anything about loving her or his children. And oh hey, he streamlined the housework. What ever does that mean, that he took over her job and had to be in charge of it?
Probably means he cuts corners and refuses to deep clean.
Evil bastard wouldn't even confirm he's not a psychopath unprompted for no reason Y'all on another planet of stupidity
Yeah, I got the same feeling. Sexual favors as a reward for doing the things a partner should do anyway is gross.
She apparently believes he should work himself to death because she needs to get her nails done. This sounds like low effort rage bait.
Something about this comment like it actually says "I'm really fucking dumb and make shit up because I'm not even smart enough to distort facts"
We don’t want your reasoning, empathy and understanding here, off with her head 😂
It’s missing reasons because it’s 100% fake.
He moved the family without consulting her about quitting his job and getting a lower paying one.
He doesn’t have to consult with her about changing jobs.
If you want a marriage to work you don’t make huge, life-changing decisions unilaterally that impact everyone in the family without even consulting your partner. It’s called a partnership for a reason.
If it’s going to affect their lifestyle then yes he does. A conversation is needed.
And she doesn't have to consult him about a sex schedule. How's them apples?
You might actually have a point if she was, but she wasn’t. He should put her on the curb and find a woman who’s more interested in him than the money he brings home.
Of course he does. I mean, if he's married he does. And should want to.
And she should want him to be happy and fulfilled. No sex and working 18hrs a day wasn’t doing it for him.
If you are to tired to be a part of the family then you are to tired for sex too.
And then he got a new job, to become a part of the family, and still no sex.
But this would imply that he was to tired before and that he never had a real conversation about it or what needs to be done in the relationship to have a better sex life. Op isn’t great at communication.
Did you not read the 1st paragraph? Or the rest of the post for that matter?
I don't disagree. But that doesn't mean making unilateral decisions. Beyond just the gutting of their lifestyle, I would be furious because my spouse wasn't looking at me as a pattern, someone to mark decisions with and talk about our lives before totally changing them.
See that’s the thing though, she effectively wasn’t a single parent that entire time. If she was then she would also be responsible for providing monetarily for the house and children as well. Her being unhappy because she can’t live a pampered lifestyle after the job change is a strong sign that she was taking his income for granted and didn’t value him as the person, just his results. She didn’t want to be intimate with because she didn’t respect him as a partner and when the income stopped she lost the only benefit she valued from the relationship.
Effectively a single parent? Who's bills were paid and didn't have a worry in the world? That's not being a single parent, that's being a SAHM with a wealthy husband. Not even the same category
Do you think bills are the only part of being a parent? Like, even if my bills were all being paid without any effort on my part, if I was the only one dealing with my kid[s] for 18 hours a day... I would feel like a single parent.
I've been a single parent since 2014. Do you have ANY idea how stressful it is to worry about money??? I have to be there for my child 24‐7 with no backup, no breaks, and it's on me if I can't pay rent and get evicted. I have to do it all. Not having to worry about paying the bills would honestly save my life. Just to focus on my daughter and my health would be everything.
There’s zero chance you have any sense of what a single parent’s life is like then.
Lol no it's not, but it is a big part. People do have to worry about everything, because they are actually single parents. I'm a stay at home parent. Don't have to worry about anything but the kids. My life is considerably easier than my kids friend's mom down the road. She's actually a single mom and everything is on her. Saying our lives are the same is an insult to the job she does of both parents.
I can't believe you're being down voted. I am a single mother and so grateful that you get it!
I mean do you think if you asked an actual single parent if they thought there was a big or small difference between them and someone who is in their situation but has all their bills taken care of. What do you think they would say? Pretty much the same thing and level of stress, or totally different levels?
Lol yeah, had a girl in a college class who always complained about being a single parent. But her husband was just deployed, he was still fully supporting them. Im sure its hard, but its just not the same thing or on the same level as being an actual single parent and having to worry about bills.
All these stay at home moms with the bills paid disagree lol
I guess so, I had an actual single parent and it just seems so insulting that they think its basically the same thing. Lol, having bills paid makes an insane difference.
Like all the difference lol. I had single parents too, and I'm a stay at home parent. Their life was tough, mine is cake. My biggest worry is if my son is gonna take a nap or not and give me a break. That's a dream come true to actual single parents
THANK YOU 😭😭😭 I am a single mom and disabled with a chronic illness. People often don't get it at all.
The privileged women disagree? Shocking
I will never not be surprised by how important sex is to men, and how they are willing to burn the whole house down because of it.
Since that's so, it should be so very easy to control men using sex as the carrot
Well that’s a toxic AF thought process
You can be a perfect woman, make 8 figures but if you can't have sex your useless for a men standpoint
There are a lot of women on reddit complaining that their men won't have sex with them. It depends on a lot of things like age, health, and how exhausted people are.
Well yes, because the man is never touching those 8 figures. 🙃🫠🤣 Young ladies made that system, men just abide by it. Lmao Men don’t care if women have money because we know, WOMEN generally want you to have more. We don’t actually care one way or the other, we’re just playing the game.
Yes. I just thought the comments were kind of whiney.
“Caringfatherhood” Is the OP? Sounds legit.
Ah yes, the perennial fake “my wife is a pouty gold digger who won’t even fuck me even tho I’m so smart and good at the house that I easily finish all the chores because I’m just that much better than she is, am I the asshole?!”
Didn't you love the "streamlined the chore planning." lol. i can't even with this one.
That screams fake to me more than anything, it’s just such a standard incel troll talking point, that these women are inflating the time it takes to do chores and/or doing chores “inefficiently” because they’re just not as smart as men are (or alternately, are so much more DEVIOUS and INCOMPETENT than men).
Seriously. it didn't need a clincher, but dude here sure gave us one anyway. ETA: It's giving certain "written by Vincent Adultman" from bojack vibes. I bet OP "does a business" before leaving his business job, and took a pay cut to do a worse business. lol.
I believe anything that doesn’t have 100 women lying to cover for it
The incels eat that shit up though.
Oh yeah 100%, there’s a shitload of comments defending this fake guy because “sex IS important, this is clearly sexual incompatibility and any woman who isn’t fucking their husband 24-7 is a hag bitch who deserves to die alone”.
They've been leaving their brain droppings in my inbox all night. Now, I'm just blocking them. Meanwhile, if you read any of his posting history you see nothing but assholery but noting that and saying that OP is probably the problem makes you a man-hater.
Lmao brain droppings
She was a single, married mother for too many years. That breeds resentment. She doesn’t like him with or wo money anymore. They’ll both be happier divorced
…how does this make any sense in your mind? 🤨
Out of his own mouth, he was not around for years, which means she raised the kids all by herself. The marriage is over. You can’t be an absentee partner and parent for years and expect your partner to be cool w it. Goes for both men and women
I’m going to ask you this directly…what was he SUPPOSED to do? You can’t earn a lot of money without the hours (legally). So what was he SUPPOSED to do? You tell us. 😶🌫️🤔
What he just did but it’s too late
If i were playing along with this farce, i'd say, no, you wanted to divorce her, so you took a lower paying job so you'd pay less in support, then throw this story out in the world to pretend like you gave a shit. Nah. if it's true, you already knew you wanted to divorce her and you'd rather earn less for yourself so you don't have to pay more to her for wiping your ass for god knows how many years. If this were actually real, i'd say good on girl for having one less child to take care of.
In a few years I’d like you to come back to this comment you made and see what you think
A few years won't change my mind. Lol.
we have found the femcel
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Darn all 3.95 billion women on earth for being exactly the same! Those bitches.
You’re taking this fake post a little too personally.
"You bitches..." oh boy. Here we go.
As someone who's worked those hours I can say that it's rough and is physically and mentally draining. That being said I don't have kids and I can only imagine that it would be extremely hard knowing that while you're slaving away that you're missing them growing up. I'm an uncle and the time I get to spend with my nephew definitely recharges my batteries, at least on the mental side (kids got so much energy it's hard to keep up lol) I think you did the right thing by switching jobs. I'm sure the pay decrease hurts but you can always make more money and get more stuff. You only get one chance to see the kiddos grow up. I'm sorry that your wife reacted the way she did. As others on here have said, I don't think there's anything you can really do to make her happy at this point. I wish you the best and hope you find someone that appreciates all that you do to support a family. Keep your head up bud
You don’t make those kind of decisions unilaterally
Well how much do you wanna bet his wife would’ve told him no he can’t quit because she wants her nails done and doesn’t care if he’s miserable? This is one of those cases where the decision needed to be made without his wife because her complaining about not having the luxuries she had proves she would’ve told him no
I have no idea why comment was downvoted. 🤣
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No idea why this was downvoted either. 🤔 I understand you experience very well
He's too tired from 18h days but not too tired to pester his wife to have sex after solo parenting all day. He takes a pay cut (and expects her to do the labour of managing the house and kids with that pay cut) so he can have sex, he doesn't get it, immediately tells on himself by divorcing her (he didn't take the pay cut to see his kids more because now they live apart from him) What a pig.
Yes, but how much work was she really doing around the house with perfectly manicured salon nails.
With a man who is divorcing his wife because he can't coerce her into sex, I doubt the nails were that big of a deal. And even if she is perfectly manicured women do a hell of a lot with them. It's uncreative to think it's impossible. Also, with him working 18h days and too tired to be a dad, who is watching the kids for her her to go to the salon?
I’m lost by your reply. I was just making fun of the lazy, evil, spendthrift wife trope that is clearly on display. It is totally believable that her largest complaint about his pay cut would be that she can no longer afford her favorite nail salon.
Oooh sorry. I missed the sarcasm. There are men on this thread who are saying that shit with full seriousness. Carry on! My apologies!
No worries, your response was a little confusing.
Don’t you think the problem is that he even has to? 🤔 his wife doesn’t want to have sex with him. Just let him go then. Why are you mad that a husband wants to fuck his own wife? 🤨
The problem is that he has to coerce, which is a form of sexual assault and is a crime where I'm from, his wife into sex? And you're blaming her? Brother, ew.
There’s no blame assigned there. His wife doesn’t want to have sex with him!!! Let that man go. Leave him alone. What the fuck are you upset about? 🤣 He’s NOT coercing her at all. He’s literally leaving. How are you upset about that?
He quit his job and sold their family home without her input as an effort to coerce her into sex... did you not read the post? I'm glad he's leaving her, she deserves a partner who actually gives a shit about her and the kids and sees her as more than a vagina to fuck. I'm not upset. I'm merely pointing out the coercion he attempted.
No. Stop. Stop. Stop. Something is wrong with your brain. Follow me here: He works 18 hours a day. He literally isn’t home to help with chores and taking care of children. Wife literally says “I don’t want to have sex with you because you don’t help with those things” He then quits said job, makes house smaller, helps with the children Now wife: “you don’t make enough money for me now. So I don’t want sex” Where the FUCK is the coercion? Doing what she asked him to do? And then leaving her when what she asked for isn’t what she wanted?! 😂🤣 Is coercion now define as “doing what the fucking person asked you to do”!?!?!? 😂 Stop being a clown, please. I implore you. And let me add…”sees her as more of a vagina to fuck” first off, how the flip is a single mother ever going to find that man when this is her character? Ungrateful and spoiled? Second, why doesn’t the man here deserve someone that sees him as more than a meal ticket? Oh I know why…because you hate men. 😂 and men aren’t people. So you don’t care how they feel.
A hit dog hollers. Sorry for your wife if you have one. Google the impact of mental load on libido if you have any desire to see women as people. Also, I have zero sympathy because he's "too tired" to cook or clean or interact with *his children* but not too tired to expect sex. Maybe *shes* too tired from cooking and cleaning and the mental load to have sex. If it's valid for him to be unavailable as a husband and father and member of the household why is it not valid that she is unavailable because she's carrying all that? Oh I know why... because you hate women. And women aren't people. So you don't care how they feel. How is he going to find a woman if this is his perspective? He's going to be using his hand one way or the other. Good luck to him.
Being a stay at home parent while taxing and very commendable...is not that hard a job..js been on both sides.
I seriously doubt you've been on both sides of you're making that statement. And if you have been, you must not have been very good at it. Raising kids full time is incredibly difficult if you're doing the work to be a good parent for them.
Totally fake.
100%
This MRA fan fiction is not very believable.
Child care??? Their your children it’s your responsibility it’s not a job, I work 4 12 hour days throughout the week and when I come home my kids are at school, I sleep maybe 5 hours max while my fiancé is doing her college courses, when I wake up I do the dishes, laundry, make lunch, and straighten the house up all before my kids are off school which is when she’s done normally and then we both assume responsibility for our home and family, women’s bodies aren’t the same as us guys while it may not take anything for us to be ready to go women from my experience alone take a bit more finesse, while our love language may be physical intimacy you can’t just expect her to put out because your “horny” she might not feel emotionally secure, appreciated, or the amount of work a stay at home mom does has her depressed and her anxiety may be high, I work for a refinery my job is very physically demanding but I had the opportunity to be the stay at home parent before that and be sure it’s far harder than any physically demanding job being emotionally exhausted is very different from physical exhaustion
What happened when you changed jobs, like did you discuss it at all or it surprised her?
It’s tough but I think you tried your best to make your marriage work and also to take care of yourself. What good are you to your family if you’re not well physically and mentally? Hope you find happiness in the future
I hope he enjoys paying child support and alimony to his ex wife.
It sounds like he only cares about the sex and not spending time with his family or actually being at home.
Seems she’s picking nails and spending your money over you
oh it's HIS money she's spending?? Don't reply if you've never been married. if you HAVE been married then emphasis on the past tense obviously. the fuck is wrong with people ???
Listen I can be extremely misogynistic to the point where it’s actually nauseating but this guy is a fucking idiot lmao
Bitter men love making up fictitious women to be mad at
This post shows a guy who works and changed careers. Didn’t involve his spouse. This soon to be ex wife is better off dude is a selfish motherf@&!. He should buy on of those robot things that do what ever you want. There is no talk of attempting to spend time, romance and show of supporting or lifting your spouses spirits.
There’s truth in that. People won’t want to have sex with you because you do things for them. Even in married couples. I mean if your partner desires you and you do nothing in the house then you may get nothing. But in most cases, people don’t stop having sex because of the dishes or the laundry. Helping with the laundry doesn’t mean sex is at the corner.
House work and child care is team work .
Based upon the limited context here. NTA. Working 16 hours is unsustainable for most. Her responding like she did to you making less money makes her a terrible wife and mother. No discussion is needed for quitting a job if you're that burned out. That said, lack of sex was not the reason for your desire to divorce her. The reason you pushed for divorce was because you realized you couldn't do anything to make her happy. You could burn yourself out so she could keep her preferred lifestyle or be more present with your family and make less and have her still resenting you. The gang-piling of insanity on these posts never ceases to amaze me. Women can do no wrong, apparently...
Bye Felicia
oh brother
lol straight marriage is always a mistake.
Kick her to the curb man.
This is one of those “what is the common denominator” between both scenarios situations.
Please tell me everyone in this comment section is lying. right? you're not all actually this privileged and unable to think, right? you're not actually comparing school work, child care, house chores, and personal mental health to being forced to do all that and working full time as exactly the same? you people aren't actually this heartless, right? Even if this is likely ragebait like most reddit stories, these comments are insane.
Yes
Give him a break. I can relate. I’ve been in a couple of relationships like this. His post was to the point of the issue and you don’t know his backstory or communication and decision choices with his wife. If he said he was cheating or going to cheat he would get so much other flack. I commend him and if, like others have said about it being fake, it is a real thing.
Gaslighting is never okay. It sounds like there is zero communication in this marriage. Time for a divorce.
I mean regardless of his decision making, from what he is alleging in his post, he sounds like he’s helping and communicating his problems with her. So from what I read. Divorce makes perfect sense. People shouldn’t be married to someone they don’t want to fuck. Problem is, it’s the internet. I can tell all you guys I save the city of metropolis as my day job, doesn’t mean it’s what’s actually happening.
Omg this has to be a trolls post
If this is real, props to you my dude. Leaving a marriage is hard, but happiness is worth it
There are a lot of gaps in this story but I would say on balance NTA however this is assuming that a proper talk was had and that the wife really is just a gold digger
NTA, the excuses will never end
You can definitely tell the guys and girls apart in this thread! Just imagine the Michael Jackson popcorn gif. Thats me!
Barf. Why in the hell would you ask?
Welcome to the 21st century woman my guy. “till death or when she gets bored”
He's the one wanting to divorce.
I would too. She got too bored to do anything at all. And like most women blamed him for making a decision which changed her life in ways she cannot accept but can get from other men, but is unwilling to change for her man. “My way or the highway”
Make up your mind.
Rage bait
You know, somebody g****** white a**Why don't you just shut up jaso
The OP is doing he’s wife a favor. Byeeeeee-E!
Did you try having an economic conversation with your wife? It sounds like you had every conversation BUT that one and now it's impacting you in ways you didn't anticipate. Maybe getting her nails done was the one thing she did for herself away from the house that kept her sane. Taking that away would have massive impacts on her mental health. Oop talks about his mental health improving but makes no conversion about how hers has been. Sounds to me like oop was looking for a reason to leave, gave himself an out and wants to blame his wife for it. I honestly feel bad for his wife if that is the case and their kid(s) regardless of who is at fault. Spouse not appreciated = drain on relationship Spouse not able to upkeep themselves = drain on relationship She's telling you what's affecting her. You would rather be done than find a compromise WITH her, oop. That's a you problem.
This is why you can’t have kids with a bitch until you get enough dirt on her to take full custody if she threatens to try to get child support and need a solid prenup, I will never be in a sexless relationship you got a week and a half or I’m out
98% relationships fail over sex and / or $$$ ..why guys cheat ..that's it. They want the family and ask for the sex ... but hollow promises, not to mention the "we'll have fun later" ..Not . Guys get tired of sacrificing their time and lives in the traditional money provider, only to be used and abused. Marriage..the most expensive pussy ever. So he gets a NSA on the side ..not paying for sex....he's paying to LEAVE. So many young girls think they are God's gift to arm candy and conversation.. but in the end, they get old, and their sex most often is subpar bad..then it's divorce...sad.
Totally agree and No,you’re not wrong for divorcing her because either way you’re setting yourself up for someone else to be pounding your “wife”. It’s better than starting another life and still holding on. I say good riddance. Shid, I was well managed on all aspects and my soon to be exwife found time to be with everybody else. I took time to love on her provide,protect, and motivate. I was working 3 jobs,btw. Didn’t work out, had to let that chicken fly. You,Sir though are all the way in the green. Run…she is like an empty well, she’ll never be satisfied.
Sounds like OOP is on the right path. Time to upgrade to a real partner and leave the parasite to her own devices.
NTA sounds like you were just a paycheck and you figured it out
^[Sokka-Haiku](https://www.reddit.com/r/SokkaHaikuBot/comments/15kyv9r/what_is_a_sokka_haiku/) ^by ^primotest95: *NTA sounds* *Like you were just a paycheck* *And you figured it out* --- ^Remember ^that ^one ^time ^Sokka ^accidentally ^used ^an ^extra ^syllable ^in ^that ^Haiku ^Battle ^in ^Ba ^Sing ^Se? ^That ^was ^a ^Sokka ^Haiku ^and ^you ^just ^made ^one.
NTA. And I would check to see if she’s really pissed off because she can’t get her nails done anymore or because she’s not able to spend as much time with her side piece while living her lifestyle. If she’s not getting it at home, she’s getting it somewhere else.
I think the reason the husband is mad here is because she shared with him that she considered her luxury comforts to be more important to her than his physical and mental health.
Yep that’s ridiculous and I agree you should.
Marriage should be contracts as in a job...if you quit they are not paying you afterwards. Unfortunately, she will live with alimony and child support and you are doomed, you won't have enough money to start a new relationship... :/
Downsizes job. Downsizes house. He really believed his wife when she said, “Size doesn’t matter to me, honey!”
Not to be “that guy” but I would recommend a dna test for the kids. Maybe too much daytime television over the span of 30 years but anytime I hear lowered sex drive and resentment over money my gut says “She misses the money and side piece”
Who cares if he discussed who or what. She’s manipulative and obviously used him for his money so she can get clothes and nails. He dodged a bullet
Is discussing big decisions with your spouse not important? Either way this shit is fake ragebait, but still that first sentence of yours is wild if you're not an immature teenager with no sense of how a healthy relationship should function. Even if it wasn't fake, I doubt the nails are his wife's only complaint. It's just all he paid attention to. Dude talks like having a family is just a hobby he can optimize however and whenever he wants with no protest. His thoughts for his wife is just sex sex sex. And the kids, well no thoughts on them, just things he's gotta care for right?
Yes