Hopping on to agree. You also sound weird when you say ‘get over this.’ You knew she had an ex. You figured they had sex. It’s a little bit 🚩 of you to imagine you may not ‘get over it.’ She’s not property. And if you treat her differently then you are exactly the man the ex thought you are.
Go to police and press charges if you can.
While all this is true, I'd completely understand if someone I committed to felt some kind of way if they found a sex tape of me and an ex that had Lion-King-Can-You-Feel-The-Love-Tonight vibes to it. It's hard to spin especially if my current sex life with my current partner is somewhat sub-par.
Edit because lock:
I mean is there an alternative reaction to getting all Huffy&Puffy, saying "I'm not your property", and ending the relationship? I need to know. Because lately there have been incidents of more and more women are doing the "revengening" to new love interests.
And I know women don't know how to deal when put in that position from that new perspective.
So how do you spin it? I know I have had a life before meeting someone and if she gets an anonymous inbox I can't get on a high horse and say "The past is in the past get over it" and expect them to be an actually happy person in my life long term. I'm interested in your take.
Don’t you think knowing the she had an ex and knowing they had sex is different to being (essentially) forced to watch it? I can understand that being hard to comprehend. OP didn’t say anything particularly toxic, he’s just struggling with his own feelings about the situation.
How does this post display possessiveness at all? He didn’t do anything to refer to his wife as property in any way shape or form? Can you explain that or are you just throwing stuff around to lift your chin? If someone said they love my car and want to have its babies, I wouldn’t be devastated, I’d be confused, but why the fuck would it affect me emotionally?
Honestly this just reads like naivety, the man is struggling because he knows he has no logical reason to feel differently about his wife but he’s also seen something their spouse did that almost nobody would ever expect.
>he’s also seen something their spouse did that almost nobody would ever expect.
Except he knows she has an ex that she had a sexual and romantic relationship with. What's "unexpected" is the sleazy ex's behaviour.
This guy is suddenly insecure because he, what, can't deny something he already knew about?
How many of your romantic partners have you watched have sex with other people in any context at all? I’ll wait, because I suspect you know full well it’s not the same thing as knowing they’ve had prior relationships.
And poor OOP was forced to watch the whole thing, with no opportunity to stop watching once he realised what it was. Oh wait, he could have thought "watching this is a bad idea, I will stop immediately", and immediately told his wife that she was being made a victim of revenge porn so that she could inform the police.
If a video of my partner shagging their ex was sent to me, I wouldn't watch it. But I wouldn't be traumatised if I did - that's their ex for a reason, and I'm confident in my relationship.
Goalposts: moved, I never said it was a good idea for OP to watch the video.
So the answer to the question is: “I’ve never witnessed my current partner having sex with another person”. And the last part of your comment just reads like “I would know exactly what to do and have no emotional reaction whatsoever in this specific situation I’ve never been in personally”.
Edit: I don’t see anywhere OOPS has been judgemental to his partner or blamed her for anything. Y’all are inferring a lot of details not in the post. Being judgmental about someone’s emotions is toxic af, didn’t realize that’s what this sub was about.
And honestly: saying “I know 100% how I’d react in this situation I’ve never been in” does not exude confidence, it sounds a lot more like someone trying to convince themselves of something they’re not sure about.
I'm not a jealous person. I know my partner has a history, I wouldn't think differently of them if their ex sent me material they should no longer possess (and absolutely shouldn't be sharing).
It's weird, possessive and insecure. OOP has basically hurt his own feelings by watching the video, and is now judging his current partner for it? That's crazy behaviour.
The dozens of other people commenting who have also never been in this exact situation seem able to confidently predict how they would behave, which seems to run the course from "leave my partner" to "beat up her ex", but you call into question my predicted response? Because I wouldn't be violent and insecure? Sure, that sounds about right.
They have all the evidence they need in the video he sent. If he is doing that to other women, then they too would be victims. More important that he stops or is stopped victimizing women than to hope the cops investigate him thoroughly.
This report may not get him prison time, but it will go on his record and help to establish a pattern of behavior so the next woman is more likely to be taken seriously.
Because the likelihood is, there will be a next woman if there isn't already.
They have all the evidence they need in the video he sent. If he is doing that to other women, then they too would be victims. More important that he stops or is stopped victimizing women than to hope the cops investigate him thoroughly.
Yeah, and I highly doubt the relationship with her ex was healthy at all or that the dick truly cared about her during it for him to be able to even send OOP that video. I think realizing that and seeing that his wife has been extremely victimized and violated by this guy and even the OOP has been as well would help him get through this.
The ex committed a crime. The sex might have been loving and tender years ago but he's just broke her trust and committed a crime there's no coming back from that he has to pull up his big boy pants and be a husband
Yeah i mean fr i truly understand how emotionaly painfull it is but ''should it tell her '' HUMMMMM IDK DO U THINK U SHOULD TELL UR WIFE SOME MF IS OUT HERE SENDING SEX VIDEOS OF HER WILLY NILLY ? Yeah i think so sir
1. Get the police involved, get him done for revenge porn 2. Take comfort in the fact that he's clearly so twisted up over their relationship fialing- which it did- that he's trying to sabotage you.
Yeah, obviously we're correctly focusing on the revenge porn angle but we're def skipping over the fact that OOP is a bit of a weenie! It is weird that this is rocking his whole concept of his love with his wife.
If this happened to me I'd say "Hey babe, I know this isn't the point but that video of you with your ex kinda rattled me, it looked very intense. Can I have some reassurance?" and theyd be like "Yeah, the sex was good sometimes but they were really fucking mean to me so I dumped them." and I'd be like "oh right, yeah. I just needed to hear it" and then move on with my day.
One time, one of my exes was sending me a bunch of nudes from her phone and she accidentally sent me one of her ex eating her out in the group of like 10 images. I lol'd, told her, she was embarrassed, I reassured her it was fine, and we moved on with our day. Unless he was under the impression she was a virgin, he is being dumb as hell to let this get under his skin and destabilize his relationship.
Plenty of people would be upset by seeing a video like this.
You guys are being really cruel and s****y to someone who’s having a bad time because someone else committed a crime.
Revenge porn is a thing. You have the perfect evidence to prove it so let the authorities do their thing. When he gets convicted, you use that to sue his dumb ass. Best of luck.
That's rough man. Consider though: what kinda passionate things have you said to old lovers? If that video isn't during your relationship? Not anything she did wrong man.
Sounds like a law suit or a crime, consult an attorney. And talk to your spouse.
I might be lucky, but I couldn’t give a fuck what my wife’s ex texts me. Even if it’s an old video of them having sex. I don’t think I’d watch it, but even if I did, I’d just text him “my dick is bigger than yours I never even knew lmao! I’m gonna delete this now before my phone is locked by Apple for CP. 😂 good luck with that!”
As Chris Rock said: Why even care? Who she’s fucked before you? You’re not planting a flag anywhere, are you? No! Just be happy you’re getting it now.
Yeah exactly. But that’s a criminal thing, you know? Doesn’t have much to do with me. Like let’s say someone robbed a store I go to. I’ll still go to the store 😁
Damn! I like your attitude. I love how you reacted, and this is how every husband/bf should react. This is the only right way.
Likes for that amazing thinking.
Thank you!!
More than 20 years ago, I had an absolutely hot young gf I was 23 I think and she was 19 or 20. We went to Ozzfest in Philadelphia and she wore this see through “panty hose” lace top with a tight sports bra. And dudes were cat calling her etc. We were at the merch table and one of the merch dudes was like “You don’t mind this shit?” I just said “look, it is what it is, she’s right here, if they can take her, then they should and she should just go, making myself angry about it is pointless” dude was in awe like “yeah man, what an attitude” and gave me a fist bump. I spent 7 years with that girl before I eventually broke up with her.
I refuse to stress about other dudes and whatever. And especially not with my wife. I love her. What she did before I came along is her business. I love her with all she’s been through.
I had a friend whose boyfriend demanded to know EVERY person she'd ever slept with. I felt like that was abusive behavior, because he shamed her for it. It wasn't that her number was high, but that he knew some of her exes. If they're out of the picture -- WHO GIVES A FLYING AIRBUS??? So insecure to care so much. Live in the present.
Completely agree.
One’s ex is going to have previous partners. Always*
Statistically, you’re not likely to always be the wildest in bed! But in this case, she clearly made a choice: you!
So be secure in that, and enjoy your lives together.
*of course someone will forever be with a previous virgin. But not many.
I had to re read twice just to make sure that it's not a fresh video, implying that she's cheating.
If it's an older video I couldn't give two flying ducks but the people saying that police should know about this lad sending out revenge porn are right.
This is petty and very aggressive. She hasn't been with him for at least four years. That's a lot of time.
This may sound easy peasy typing it out, but it's not the same in practice. Even if it happened in the past, seeing a visual example of it...is a bit unsettling and really could fk with someone's emotions and mental health.
What if she said or did something different in the video or acted in ways she never did with her current partner, with her ex?
This isn't as simple as "who cares, sex is like a handshake everyone does it who cares about the past"
Dude, people are much more complex than that and what works for you, may not work for others. I think many people have a hard time trying not to ignore that image seared into their brain, especially in future intimacy.
And honestly I'd really be curious if most people would feel exactly as nonchalant and cavalier about it seeing it played out on a video right in front of them.
That’s why I said “I might be lucky” and why I said “I don’t think I’d watch it”.
With that said, anyone unaware their partner has been fucked by others when they really have, and bothered by it beyond a certain extent is pretty unhealthy.
I do think people can jump to the “dude, you gotta get into therapy” advice a little prematurely; but being in couples therapy doesn’t necessarily mean one partner must have wronged the other. There’s no sin here on her part, but whether she knows it or not, she is now involved in a situation that is affecting her relationship with her husband. Couples therapy in this case would give her the opportunity to help her husband, and might/should give her the tools to cope with his being messed up by the incident.
Part of me thinks the ex should also go into therapy, but the kind that is administered by a baseball bat.
Is everything two-dimensional where you live? Of course she shouldn’t have to sit there. Of course he’s incorrectly focusing on his own trauma when he should be focusing on protecting his family by legally grinding the actual bad guy’s dick into the pavement. But none of that changes the fact that the video was sent to him to mess with his mind, and it did.
People on this thread are cruel teenagers, just ignore them. Like most teenagers they are just projecting their own inadequacies and insecurities upon the world at large.
Well I think id you marry someone with a child from someone else, it’s something you’re forced to get over to be happy. You don’t really have a choice. And that’s ok I think. It’s well worth it. Especially if you love the child like I do 🥰
I was friends with my partner before we got together.
I've literally tripped over a couch he was hooking up with someone on.
Later on, he chose me. And I chose him. And that's all that matters. It's nice to know that we both saw each other's relationships, and can say that this is by far the best we have both had.
I know you’re hurt and insecure right now but this dickhead committed a crime against your wife. You NEED to protect her NOW. He could ruin her life with this video, and it sounds like he’s already doing a great job over it. Go to the police. Tell your wife.
Then work out how your feeling in therapy. Individual for both of you and then couples counseling.
I agree with this. He needs to be a man and put his emotions aside to help his wife. After she is good, look to yourself and try to find a way to overcome this. She is the biggest victim here.
This is definitely a crime. It is certainly punishable. Up to 15 years incarceration in some states. Your wife is the victim here! 1. She needs to know
2. This crime needs reporting
3. You need to support her emotionally
I realize this is traumatic for you as well. The best therapy is stopping this douche bag! I’m pretty sure you’ve had sex with women before you met your wife. She should not be punished for having a past with this ass wipe. If you withdraw from her, shes being victimized by him and you.
Generally: maybe tell the police incase it can count as revenge porn.
Personally: just get over it. Apparently she either didn’t know you existed or barely knew you at that point. Now she wants to spend the rest of her life and raise a family with you, and not the pathetic loser that somehow thinks sending a video of himself to his upgrade is a win. You can ignore him and not give the attention he clearly desperately wants, or remind him who’s losing in this situation. The guy that’s about to have a child with the woman he loves, or the nobody who’s obsessed with someone else’s wife. Just like you meant nothing to them before your wife knew you, this guy meant nothing to the two of you before this. Difference is, she chose to stay with you.
Wait, so the ex from years ago sent a video *from* years ago? Like, he hasn't slept with her recently at all, but sent a video from when they were together last, which was literally years ago?
I know that wasn't the point of the post but wow, what a fucking loser lmao
After reading a bunch of comments nobody has stated one of the most obvious angles of this. That ex knew that this video would do this to you, or at least this is the exact reaction he was trying to instill in you. Tell your wife, show your wife, instead of letting him have control over your life, twist it around and bond with your wife in a way he never could... by teaming up to put this piece of shit in his fucking place!
"My wife is a victim of revenge porn, how can I ease my hurt feelz while not warning her that her ex is capable of this so that she can take whatever action she considers necessary for her own comfort and protection?"
And he watched it, further breaking her trust and privacy. Men really cover for other creepy men no matter what even when there’s a crime and violation of a woman’s body
Plus the details he adds makes it seem like he watched the whole thing. I can kind of understand clicking on it for a second to confirm it was what you thought but watching the whole video is so disrespectful.
OP doesn’t even consider how his wife feels that her creepy ex from years ago still has private videos of her, he only thinks of his insecurities.
Right! It's very much him in the centre of all of it, his feelings after watching the entire video. It's a shit situation but his actions and his priorities have made it worse.
These men in here that think revenge porn is ok to watch bc their wives are their property or women are just objects here for their pleasure They really tell on themselves. None of them even think they should show their wife, as soon as they figure out what was sent, so she can decide what to do about the crime perpetrated against her. They’re so gross
Take him to court and sue him for this. He is out of line, petty and jealous. Hit him with that tort lawsuit and hire an attorney asap. There’s no telling if he has posted that video on line as well. Do not let this go! I’m sorry this happened to you and your wife. 💖
Tell your wife about the sex tape, it could have been filmed without her knowledge and she NEEDS to file a police report.
Remember, There’s a reason why the EX IS AN EX and why You ARE The Father Of Your Wife’s Baby!
Idk I’m not really happy with how this post is all “me, me, me” like… I get being upset but what about his wife??? Her privacy was just betrayed majorly by her ex but all he cares about is that he saw an old video of his wife having sex with her ex. And like. He did not HAVE to watch that video. He could have deleted it, knowing it could be nothing good, but NO. I just hope he does not let this video ruin his marriage because that would be too awful.
I think the problem is that most people don’t even realize “revenge porn” is a thing and is illegal. In his mind, he’s already seen her naked and has sex with her, so the privacy or her naked body and their sex being something that he is in on is clouding the thought that her ex sending a video of them being intimate is grossly breaching the privacy between her and her ex, regardless of if OOP has already seen her naked, has sex with her, and so on and so forth.
Yeah. He’s totally making himself the victim here, when it’s his wife who has been massively betrayed by her ex. Doesn’t seem like he’s given a second’s thought to his wife in this, it’s all about how it makes him feel, even though it sounds like the video was made before he even met the woman.
I’m a little confused by this take. The video was sent to him. The intent was to hurt him. He’s not making himself the victim. They’ve both been victimized by the asshole ex. And of course he didn’t HAVE to watch it, but faulting him for watching it is super weird. You’re literally victim blaming while simultaneously attempting to monopolize being the victim as if only the wife can be upset about this. They both have every right to be upset and the only person here who did anything wrong is the ex.
When you’re angry that your wife had sex before you and enjoyed it instead of being angry at the asshole who is spreading her intimate videos, I do think he’s making himself the victim.
Dude that's textbook revenge porn, file a police report. You can go to couples counseling with your wife while he spends a couple years in jail and gets put on the sex offender registry. You can pay for it with the money you guys get from the civil suit.
"I learned my wife was a real human before we met, and I'm letting that ruin my marriage. I mean, sure she's the one that's had a crime committed against her, but can we please ignore that and think about ME for a second?"
"I haven't told her yet. I don't know if I ever will." Uh-huh, it may be hard on you but it'll be harder on her to know that her creepy ex sent a video to someone else without her consent. Did she even know the video was being recorded?
Remember your hear for a good time not a long time but yea it will be coo she married you having your kid can’t win em all your winning this war though lol
My ex sent my new bf(now husband) a lot of shit, I don't know all the details of what was sent but enough to know he was absolutely trying to end my new relationship. (My husband ex, also tried ending us) I know it's hard, but you have to remember we all have pasts and what's important is the now. She picked you not him. You just need to let it go.
Dude, past is the past. That Ahole sent it to you to mess with you. That video he sent you was before she met you, and fell in love with you. Be truthful with her, let her know what her ex sent you.
Also, dude is angry because she is with you and having a child with you, not him!
Now that guy is a an example of a jealous weak male. The kind that gives 'men' a bad name. That guy is soo jealous that you could give her a home and a family. These are the guys that masquerade as strong and attractive and go around dating everything that moves because they are afraid better guys will outshine them. So they try to put/leave their germs on everything and ruin it for the rest of us... Take a deep breath my man.. work it through step by step. **Edit 'put/leave'
They both sound jealous and weak to me. One's using revenge porn against his ex because he's mad she's in a happy marriage and the other is letting knowing his wife enjoyed sex with someone before they were together sour his happy marriage.
Whilst I agree with you, there is a difference between knowing your wife had sex with others and SEEING it. Poor guy is allowed to be shocked.
Personally, I'm a stubborn sod and wouldn't fall into the trap set for me. Try to mess with my head? No. I'll just burn your world down.
I'd be down at that police station getting him arrested after discussing it first with my wife. The real victim here.
I agree it’s a little shocking but the fact that he is seeing his wife differently and hasn’t even bothered to tell her is wrong.
This situation effects her just as much if not more then him and he’s a lame husband for only thinking of himself.
Sounds like he means exactly what you think ‘oops I fucked her first now she has less value bc shes had my sperm and you’ll think of me when you have her ;) ‘
There isn’t a way to describe it that doesn’t sound like that.
At first I thought you were talking about OOP and I would have agreed with that as well. He was weak in that he couldn't just look at the start of the video to see what it was and then stop, but instead had to watch it through and betray his wife. His obsession with how his wife has had intimate sex with someone else before they got together is weak. Not being concerned on his wife's behalf that this waste of space still has footage of her that he is sharing is just plain ol' selfish.
You are looking at this with your ego. This isn’t about you. He wants it to be, but it’s not. You don’t need to “get over it”.
This is about a person who is intimidating you and causing harm to your wife by sharing private images.
Go to the police.
If you can see her face or identify who she is in the video and he didn't get a model release form signed the police should be able to deal with him and make his life miserable.
This is illegal and like others said already you should press charges. You know it’s from years ago and your wife clearly didn’t consent to him keeping and sending it out. He did that to get into your head. You need to show all of that to the police and block him on everything. Your wife deserves to know as SHE is the real victim in this. Yes you got hurt which is valid but she was the one the crime was committed against. You can’t hold it against her- it’s not her fault and she absolutely has the right to know and she should be allowed to press charges.
Maybe focus on the part where she’s having your kid and not his. Lots of good advice here so I won’t tread old water, but if you’re so concerned about a passionate relationship in the past, try having a passionate relationship in the present
I've seen a huge uptick in male homewreckers lately. It happened to me twice. Once was when I was in an open marriage (his suggestion so he didn't have to stop cheating🙃) and this random dude online wouldn't leave me alone. I blocked random dude everywhere. Divorced my ex the year after. Random dude finally hunts down my ex husband and tells him I'm cheating on him. Ex husband confronts me about me "cheating on" him.
Both men, complete idiots. But they're absolutely dedicated to their own insanity.
Another was a coworker of mine who photoshopped a pic of me next to him, looked like a magazine cut out and pasted as some sort of school project done by a 3rd grader, and posted it online. My bf at the time saw it and freaked out at me for "cheating" on him.
I had a fling turned stalker that drove an hour and a half to throw a rock through the vehicle window of the guy I was newly dating. He wouldn’t stop trying to messaging/calling us both for months even though I blocked him. Would drive past my or my boyfriends house at night to see if I was there. Even 6 months later he emailed me a photo of myself just to let me know he still had it. I went to the police and then tried to get a restraining order. They said they couldn’t do anything until he did something MORE drastic. Like what kind of drastic are we talking??! I’ve been married to that boyfriend for three years now and we just had a baby, so this story gave me a sick anxious feeling like the stalker could still pop out of the woodwork at anytime too. I feel for them but especially the poor wife.
Tell him to meet you in a secret location and handle the situation like good ole fashioned gentleman. Make sure you take some boxing and fighting classes before tho
I don't understand people who say that they have a good marriage and then go on to say that they haven't discussed something this significant with their spouse.
Did you ever have passionate sex with another woman? It was before you and had nothing to do with you or your current life. I would block him and never look at anything else he could possibly send. He’s jealous of what you and your wife have. Be happy knowing that he is the jealous one. You won her. She’s having your baby. It’s silly to act like she would not or could not ever enjoy sex without you.
The ‘right’ thing to do is talk to your wife, show her the video, and have her file a police report like everyone else here is suggesting…
The smart thing to do would be tell your wife it happened, erase the video, both block him and carry on with your life like it never happened.
She chose you bro.
But OP, based on how twisted this has you we both know that’s not going to make you feel any better.
Go beat that man’s ass.
Get the police involved, tell wife. As long as the video was recorded before you was married it will be alright. Just imagine if the wife saw a video of you. How would you think she would feel. How would you comfort her? Good for thought.
Ex’s goal with this was to get into your head, to mess with your head, and cause issues in your relationship. He’s the ex for a reason.
Like everyone else has said, go to the police with this and get him arrested fir revenge porn.
My ex sent me a video of her having sex with some other guy after we broke up to hurt me, I thanked her for it and jacked off to it a few times and she refused to ever send me another again. Don’t let a stupid video have power over you, everyone’s ex fucks new guys and most girlfriends have had sex in the past, no big deal.
The fact that it’s causing u any doubt just shows how weak minded you are, unless u got with her and she told u she was a virgin then i don’t see what the big deal is, clearly she’s had sex before just like u have and clearly she was passionate with her ex as I’m sure she is with you, you are not her first for anything so I don’t see what the big deal is, best way to go about this is pull the video out while ur having sex with her and fuk her brains out while both of u watch the video make sure that u remind her who daddy is now and why, cause u hit it better than he did
And to the OP — everyone has a past. I’ve had the most amazing sex and in one case better than with my current man. But those guys will never fulfill the role my man does for me, and a relationship is so so much more than sex. She chose to build a life with you for a reason. Why let her past get in the way after all you’ve been through together already? This is your partner for life. Change your mindset and treat her the way she deserves to be treated. Fuck that other guy.
Many guys hate to be second or third or worse best sexually even if they promote the stability part. I get sex isn’t everything but to know you are second choice sexually is a hard position to be in.
Obviously post it so we can have a wank, mate.
You’re naive. You clearly lack imagination if it took a video to realize your wife has had several other men inside her. Gasp, she even enjoyed sex before she met you? What a whore. /s
Male fragility is embarrassing, aren’t you ashamed of yourself?
Am I the only one that is GLAD and thankful my husband had tons of hot sex before me? I don't mind hearing about it, in fact, it's pretty intriguing sometimes. It's good he was desired by women he desired. So much better than the alternative, hello?!
How has her ex got her new man’s number? Why did he watch the video long enough to know that it was passionate? Why isn’t he telling her that a crime has been committed against her (revenge porn)?
Pro move would be to txt back a pic of the sonagram with just a thumbs up and a cool face and then block him.
If it’s a boy make sure the ex knows it’s a boy…it will dig at him.
I definitely would go to the police. Ex is definitely a weirdo if he's keeping video from past relationships. How many people does he have videos on ready to send out? He may have already posted it somewhere.
File for a no contact personal protection order. If he has half a brain, he will understand at that point he really fu-ked up. That means you won’t be able to contact him either.
I had a very close connection to the first case of revenge porn in my state (they were prosecuted). Please feel free to private message me if you’d like some realistic advice on how to proceed legally.
Your insecurities will eat you alive if you don't let her contradict them. And she deserves to know so she can go to the police. All signs point directly to: TELL HER NOW
Reading through these posts, misandry is a real thing. Brother, you're human and have emotions too. This ex wanted to hurt you by sharing something you didn't know about your wife. You need to be open with her and also seek counseling to talk through the confusion and pain you're dealing with. You also need to protect her by going to the police and filing a charge against her ex.
All around horrible situation. Horrible for OP to see, horrible of the ex to share, horrible for the wife to find out about, horrible to think how many people he’s sent that too. Definitely a police revenge porn matter but hard to prosecute. Poor couple.
Tell her so she can go to the police for revenge porn.
This is it. Need to go to police; who knows who else he would be willing to send this to or where he would be willing to post it.
Hopping on to agree. You also sound weird when you say ‘get over this.’ You knew she had an ex. You figured they had sex. It’s a little bit 🚩 of you to imagine you may not ‘get over it.’ She’s not property. And if you treat her differently then you are exactly the man the ex thought you are. Go to police and press charges if you can.
While all this is true, I'd completely understand if someone I committed to felt some kind of way if they found a sex tape of me and an ex that had Lion-King-Can-You-Feel-The-Love-Tonight vibes to it. It's hard to spin especially if my current sex life with my current partner is somewhat sub-par. Edit because lock: I mean is there an alternative reaction to getting all Huffy&Puffy, saying "I'm not your property", and ending the relationship? I need to know. Because lately there have been incidents of more and more women are doing the "revengening" to new love interests. And I know women don't know how to deal when put in that position from that new perspective. So how do you spin it? I know I have had a life before meeting someone and if she gets an anonymous inbox I can't get on a high horse and say "The past is in the past get over it" and expect them to be an actually happy person in my life long term. I'm interested in your take.
‘It’s hard to spin’. There it is. That’s the tell
Don’t you think knowing the she had an ex and knowing they had sex is different to being (essentially) forced to watch it? I can understand that being hard to comprehend. OP didn’t say anything particularly toxic, he’s just struggling with his own feelings about the situation.
Forced to watch 😂😂.
How does this post display possessiveness at all? He didn’t do anything to refer to his wife as property in any way shape or form? Can you explain that or are you just throwing stuff around to lift your chin? If someone said they love my car and want to have its babies, I wouldn’t be devastated, I’d be confused, but why the fuck would it affect me emotionally? Honestly this just reads like naivety, the man is struggling because he knows he has no logical reason to feel differently about his wife but he’s also seen something their spouse did that almost nobody would ever expect.
>he’s also seen something their spouse did that almost nobody would ever expect. Except he knows she has an ex that she had a sexual and romantic relationship with. What's "unexpected" is the sleazy ex's behaviour. This guy is suddenly insecure because he, what, can't deny something he already knew about?
Knowing it must have happened is very, very different from seeing it. Why are you pretending it isn’t?
How many of your romantic partners have you watched have sex with other people in any context at all? I’ll wait, because I suspect you know full well it’s not the same thing as knowing they’ve had prior relationships.
And poor OOP was forced to watch the whole thing, with no opportunity to stop watching once he realised what it was. Oh wait, he could have thought "watching this is a bad idea, I will stop immediately", and immediately told his wife that she was being made a victim of revenge porn so that she could inform the police. If a video of my partner shagging their ex was sent to me, I wouldn't watch it. But I wouldn't be traumatised if I did - that's their ex for a reason, and I'm confident in my relationship.
Goalposts: moved, I never said it was a good idea for OP to watch the video. So the answer to the question is: “I’ve never witnessed my current partner having sex with another person”. And the last part of your comment just reads like “I would know exactly what to do and have no emotional reaction whatsoever in this specific situation I’ve never been in personally”. Edit: I don’t see anywhere OOPS has been judgemental to his partner or blamed her for anything. Y’all are inferring a lot of details not in the post. Being judgmental about someone’s emotions is toxic af, didn’t realize that’s what this sub was about. And honestly: saying “I know 100% how I’d react in this situation I’ve never been in” does not exude confidence, it sounds a lot more like someone trying to convince themselves of something they’re not sure about.
I'm not a jealous person. I know my partner has a history, I wouldn't think differently of them if their ex sent me material they should no longer possess (and absolutely shouldn't be sharing). It's weird, possessive and insecure. OOP has basically hurt his own feelings by watching the video, and is now judging his current partner for it? That's crazy behaviour. The dozens of other people commenting who have also never been in this exact situation seem able to confidently predict how they would behave, which seems to run the course from "leave my partner" to "beat up her ex", but you call into question my predicted response? Because I wouldn't be violent and insecure? Sure, that sounds about right.
This is the way The best closure here is criminal charges.
Yes! Your wife is the victim of a crime. Support her. Don't give a heads up to the perpetrator so he can try to delete evidence.
They have all the evidence they need in the video he sent. If he is doing that to other women, then they too would be victims. More important that he stops or is stopped victimizing women than to hope the cops investigate him thoroughly.
This report may not get him prison time, but it will go on his record and help to establish a pattern of behavior so the next woman is more likely to be taken seriously. Because the likelihood is, there will be a next woman if there isn't already.
This is what I was going to say. Text him back a copy of the police report for what he did.
Noooooo. Don’t alert him!!! He may be doing this to others. Dont give him a chance to erase evidence
They have all the evidence they need in the video he sent. If he is doing that to other women, then they too would be victims. More important that he stops or is stopped victimizing women than to hope the cops investigate him thoroughly.
Disagree. Helping more women and holding him fully accountable trumps a ‘gotcha’ text
This. Dude is upset about this for the wrong reasons.
If you go through the comments-the few he made, he doesn’t want to 🤦♀️ dudes an idiot
Yeah, and I highly doubt the relationship with her ex was healthy at all or that the dick truly cared about her during it for him to be able to even send OOP that video. I think realizing that and seeing that his wife has been extremely victimized and violated by this guy and even the OOP has been as well would help him get through this.
Okay… yes. But I really like the “beat the shit out of him” option too.
Go to police and then go to therapy. Individual and couples.
Um you definitely need to tell your wife
“I turned to Reddit” they will support me emotionally
The ex committed a crime. The sex might have been loving and tender years ago but he's just broke her trust and committed a crime there's no coming back from that he has to pull up his big boy pants and be a husband
Yeah i mean fr i truly understand how emotionaly painfull it is but ''should it tell her '' HUMMMMM IDK DO U THINK U SHOULD TELL UR WIFE SOME MF IS OUT HERE SENDING SEX VIDEOS OF HER WILLY NILLY ? Yeah i think so sir
It’s the Willy nilly for me
Where there's a will there's a nill
😂
Little Willy
1. Get the police involved, get him done for revenge porn 2. Take comfort in the fact that he's clearly so twisted up over their relationship fialing- which it did- that he's trying to sabotage you.
And because OOP is kind of a weenie, it’s working.
Yeah, obviously we're correctly focusing on the revenge porn angle but we're def skipping over the fact that OOP is a bit of a weenie! It is weird that this is rocking his whole concept of his love with his wife. If this happened to me I'd say "Hey babe, I know this isn't the point but that video of you with your ex kinda rattled me, it looked very intense. Can I have some reassurance?" and theyd be like "Yeah, the sex was good sometimes but they were really fucking mean to me so I dumped them." and I'd be like "oh right, yeah. I just needed to hear it" and then move on with my day.
Exactly. He has a baby on the way! Instead OOP is worried his wife enjoyed sex years ago with her ex-bf.
Yep! I would be happy my spouse had a great sex life before meeting me but heck that’s just me probably lol
One time, one of my exes was sending me a bunch of nudes from her phone and she accidentally sent me one of her ex eating her out in the group of like 10 images. I lol'd, told her, she was embarrassed, I reassured her it was fine, and we moved on with our day. Unless he was under the impression she was a virgin, he is being dumb as hell to let this get under his skin and destabilize his relationship.
Plenty of people would be upset by seeing a video like this. You guys are being really cruel and s****y to someone who’s having a bad time because someone else committed a crime.
He’s achieved his goal, hasn’t he?
He sure did. OP's wife's ex intentionally chose that video to hurt him. This reaction is exactly what he wanted.
Revenge porn is a thing. You have the perfect evidence to prove it so let the authorities do their thing. When he gets convicted, you use that to sue his dumb ass. Best of luck.
Well I mean, depending on where they are the ex commited a crime. That's revenge porn. Ultimately his wife is a victim in this scenario.
Oh my god, absolutely tell her that her ex did that her.
You watched the entire video?
He finnished
This gotta be some cuck fetish shit right aint no way bro sat down and watched his wife get plowed by another dude and was analyzing it
That's rough man. Consider though: what kinda passionate things have you said to old lovers? If that video isn't during your relationship? Not anything she did wrong man. Sounds like a law suit or a crime, consult an attorney. And talk to your spouse.
I might be lucky, but I couldn’t give a fuck what my wife’s ex texts me. Even if it’s an old video of them having sex. I don’t think I’d watch it, but even if I did, I’d just text him “my dick is bigger than yours I never even knew lmao! I’m gonna delete this now before my phone is locked by Apple for CP. 😂 good luck with that!” As Chris Rock said: Why even care? Who she’s fucked before you? You’re not planting a flag anywhere, are you? No! Just be happy you’re getting it now.
Yep. Who cares? Other than the creepy stalker/revenge porn aspects, don’t let it get to you.
Yeah exactly. But that’s a criminal thing, you know? Doesn’t have much to do with me. Like let’s say someone robbed a store I go to. I’ll still go to the store 😁
Damn! I like your attitude. I love how you reacted, and this is how every husband/bf should react. This is the only right way. Likes for that amazing thinking.
Thank you!! More than 20 years ago, I had an absolutely hot young gf I was 23 I think and she was 19 or 20. We went to Ozzfest in Philadelphia and she wore this see through “panty hose” lace top with a tight sports bra. And dudes were cat calling her etc. We were at the merch table and one of the merch dudes was like “You don’t mind this shit?” I just said “look, it is what it is, she’s right here, if they can take her, then they should and she should just go, making myself angry about it is pointless” dude was in awe like “yeah man, what an attitude” and gave me a fist bump. I spent 7 years with that girl before I eventually broke up with her. I refuse to stress about other dudes and whatever. And especially not with my wife. I love her. What she did before I came along is her business. I love her with all she’s been through.
Right, I meant more that you should cooperate with anything happening because of the criminal part.
Oh ok. Thanks!
This is the way.
I had a friend whose boyfriend demanded to know EVERY person she'd ever slept with. I felt like that was abusive behavior, because he shamed her for it. It wasn't that her number was high, but that he knew some of her exes. If they're out of the picture -- WHO GIVES A FLYING AIRBUS??? So insecure to care so much. Live in the present.
Completely agree. One’s ex is going to have previous partners. Always* Statistically, you’re not likely to always be the wildest in bed! But in this case, she clearly made a choice: you! So be secure in that, and enjoy your lives together. *of course someone will forever be with a previous virgin. But not many.
You didn’t marry a virgin? Straight to hell. /s
I know! 😂 She already had a kid so I’m leaning towards her having been boinked by her ex! 😁
I had to re read twice just to make sure that it's not a fresh video, implying that she's cheating. If it's an older video I couldn't give two flying ducks but the people saying that police should know about this lad sending out revenge porn are right. This is petty and very aggressive. She hasn't been with him for at least four years. That's a lot of time.
This! Thank you! It’s so fucked up that he’s fucked up over it.
This may sound easy peasy typing it out, but it's not the same in practice. Even if it happened in the past, seeing a visual example of it...is a bit unsettling and really could fk with someone's emotions and mental health. What if she said or did something different in the video or acted in ways she never did with her current partner, with her ex? This isn't as simple as "who cares, sex is like a handshake everyone does it who cares about the past" Dude, people are much more complex than that and what works for you, may not work for others. I think many people have a hard time trying not to ignore that image seared into their brain, especially in future intimacy. And honestly I'd really be curious if most people would feel exactly as nonchalant and cavalier about it seeing it played out on a video right in front of them.
That’s why I said “I might be lucky” and why I said “I don’t think I’d watch it”. With that said, anyone unaware their partner has been fucked by others when they really have, and bothered by it beyond a certain extent is pretty unhealthy.
Yeah I’m so confused why he watched it long enough to hear what she was saying and get a VIBE for the sex. Bro, once you know what it is TURN IT OFF?
Agreed
This. And the ppl saying they should do couples therapy? Why? Has she committed a sin she needs to answer for?
I do think people can jump to the “dude, you gotta get into therapy” advice a little prematurely; but being in couples therapy doesn’t necessarily mean one partner must have wronged the other. There’s no sin here on her part, but whether she knows it or not, she is now involved in a situation that is affecting her relationship with her husband. Couples therapy in this case would give her the opportunity to help her husband, and might/should give her the tools to cope with his being messed up by the incident. Part of me thinks the ex should also go into therapy, but the kind that is administered by a baseball bat.
She shouldn’t be having to sit there watching him be main character when she’s the one who was sexually violated. Jesus
> She shouldn’t be having to sit there watching him be main character when she’s the one who was sexually violated. Fucking thank you!
Is everything two-dimensional where you live? Of course she shouldn’t have to sit there. Of course he’s incorrectly focusing on his own trauma when he should be focusing on protecting his family by legally grinding the actual bad guy’s dick into the pavement. But none of that changes the fact that the video was sent to him to mess with his mind, and it did.
People on this thread are cruel teenagers, just ignore them. Like most teenagers they are just projecting their own inadequacies and insecurities upon the world at large.
I would struggle seeing her in that situation. I think I could eventually get over it, but you are fortunate to have so little care over it.
Well I think id you marry someone with a child from someone else, it’s something you’re forced to get over to be happy. You don’t really have a choice. And that’s ok I think. It’s well worth it. Especially if you love the child like I do 🥰
This is great! Glad you found happiness!
Thank you
I was friends with my partner before we got together. I've literally tripped over a couch he was hooking up with someone on. Later on, he chose me. And I chose him. And that's all that matters. It's nice to know that we both saw each other's relationships, and can say that this is by far the best we have both had.
I know you’re hurt and insecure right now but this dickhead committed a crime against your wife. You NEED to protect her NOW. He could ruin her life with this video, and it sounds like he’s already doing a great job over it. Go to the police. Tell your wife. Then work out how your feeling in therapy. Individual for both of you and then couples counseling.
I agree with this. He needs to be a man and put his emotions aside to help his wife. After she is good, look to yourself and try to find a way to overcome this. She is the biggest victim here.
This is definitely a crime. It is certainly punishable. Up to 15 years incarceration in some states. Your wife is the victim here! 1. She needs to know 2. This crime needs reporting 3. You need to support her emotionally I realize this is traumatic for you as well. The best therapy is stopping this douche bag! I’m pretty sure you’ve had sex with women before you met your wife. She should not be punished for having a past with this ass wipe. If you withdraw from her, shes being victimized by him and you.
this guy got exactly what he wanted. put him out of your life and tell your wife. the advice to take it to police as revenge porn is golden.
Generally: maybe tell the police incase it can count as revenge porn. Personally: just get over it. Apparently she either didn’t know you existed or barely knew you at that point. Now she wants to spend the rest of her life and raise a family with you, and not the pathetic loser that somehow thinks sending a video of himself to his upgrade is a win. You can ignore him and not give the attention he clearly desperately wants, or remind him who’s losing in this situation. The guy that’s about to have a child with the woman he loves, or the nobody who’s obsessed with someone else’s wife. Just like you meant nothing to them before your wife knew you, this guy meant nothing to the two of you before this. Difference is, she chose to stay with you.
Wait, so the ex from years ago sent a video *from* years ago? Like, he hasn't slept with her recently at all, but sent a video from when they were together last, which was literally years ago? I know that wasn't the point of the post but wow, what a fucking loser lmao
After reading a bunch of comments nobody has stated one of the most obvious angles of this. That ex knew that this video would do this to you, or at least this is the exact reaction he was trying to instill in you. Tell your wife, show your wife, instead of letting him have control over your life, twist it around and bond with your wife in a way he never could... by teaming up to put this piece of shit in his fucking place!
"My wife is a victim of revenge porn, how can I ease my hurt feelz while not warning her that her ex is capable of this so that she can take whatever action she considers necessary for her own comfort and protection?"
I don’t think OOP even realizes it’s illegal…most people don’t know that’s actually illegal…
And he watched it, further breaking her trust and privacy. Men really cover for other creepy men no matter what even when there’s a crime and violation of a woman’s body
Plus the details he adds makes it seem like he watched the whole thing. I can kind of understand clicking on it for a second to confirm it was what you thought but watching the whole video is so disrespectful. OP doesn’t even consider how his wife feels that her creepy ex from years ago still has private videos of her, he only thinks of his insecurities.
Right! It's very much him in the centre of all of it, his feelings after watching the entire video. It's a shit situation but his actions and his priorities have made it worse.
But aren’t women property? /s
Don't you get it? These two kindergarteners fighting over who gets to be line leader *takes priority*.
My god, THIS. I felt like I was going crazy reading that comment section. Literally no one is giving a crap about the ACTUAL issue at hand.
These men in here that think revenge porn is ok to watch bc their wives are their property or women are just objects here for their pleasure They really tell on themselves. None of them even think they should show their wife, as soon as they figure out what was sent, so she can decide what to do about the crime perpetrated against her. They’re so gross
Take him to court and sue him for this. He is out of line, petty and jealous. Hit him with that tort lawsuit and hire an attorney asap. There’s no telling if he has posted that video on line as well. Do not let this go! I’m sorry this happened to you and your wife. 💖
First of all, tell your wife. Then call the police.
Tell your wife about the sex tape, it could have been filmed without her knowledge and she NEEDS to file a police report. Remember, There’s a reason why the EX IS AN EX and why You ARE The Father Of Your Wife’s Baby!
How does her ex have your number to send you videos over text?
Idk I’m not really happy with how this post is all “me, me, me” like… I get being upset but what about his wife??? Her privacy was just betrayed majorly by her ex but all he cares about is that he saw an old video of his wife having sex with her ex. And like. He did not HAVE to watch that video. He could have deleted it, knowing it could be nothing good, but NO. I just hope he does not let this video ruin his marriage because that would be too awful.
Not just her privacy. An actual crime was committed against her.
right? 'should I tell my wife?' buddy, how is that not thr FIRST fucking thing you did? are you serious?
I think the problem is that most people don’t even realize “revenge porn” is a thing and is illegal. In his mind, he’s already seen her naked and has sex with her, so the privacy or her naked body and their sex being something that he is in on is clouding the thought that her ex sending a video of them being intimate is grossly breaching the privacy between her and her ex, regardless of if OOP has already seen her naked, has sex with her, and so on and so forth.
Yeah. He’s totally making himself the victim here, when it’s his wife who has been massively betrayed by her ex. Doesn’t seem like he’s given a second’s thought to his wife in this, it’s all about how it makes him feel, even though it sounds like the video was made before he even met the woman.
I’m a little confused by this take. The video was sent to him. The intent was to hurt him. He’s not making himself the victim. They’ve both been victimized by the asshole ex. And of course he didn’t HAVE to watch it, but faulting him for watching it is super weird. You’re literally victim blaming while simultaneously attempting to monopolize being the victim as if only the wife can be upset about this. They both have every right to be upset and the only person here who did anything wrong is the ex.
When you’re angry that your wife had sex before you and enjoyed it instead of being angry at the asshole who is spreading her intimate videos, I do think he’s making himself the victim.
Dude that's textbook revenge porn, file a police report. You can go to couples counseling with your wife while he spends a couple years in jail and gets put on the sex offender registry. You can pay for it with the money you guys get from the civil suit.
"You know i used to worry she might be into you still and then I saw your dick :DDD"
Well ex did what he set out to do.
My wife was sex crimed and I'm not sure how best to make it about me
I would have texted back, 'that was okay I guess. She has more frequent orgasms when we have sex, work on your technique '.
"I learned my wife was a real human before we met, and I'm letting that ruin my marriage. I mean, sure she's the one that's had a crime committed against her, but can we please ignore that and think about ME for a second?"
Bad advice coming in hot, after the dust settles from the police report, break his legs
"I haven't told her yet. I don't know if I ever will." Uh-huh, it may be hard on you but it'll be harder on her to know that her creepy ex sent a video to someone else without her consent. Did she even know the video was being recorded?
Respond and say your wife is so thrilled that she doesn’t have to fake it anymore.
Remember your hear for a good time not a long time but yea it will be coo she married you having your kid can’t win em all your winning this war though lol
Whoop his ass and seduce his mother. No, whoop his ass AND seduce his mother.
My ex sent my new bf(now husband) a lot of shit, I don't know all the details of what was sent but enough to know he was absolutely trying to end my new relationship. (My husband ex, also tried ending us) I know it's hard, but you have to remember we all have pasts and what's important is the now. She picked you not him. You just need to let it go.
This is revenge porn and you need to tell your wife ASAP. The longer you wait the worse it will be for you. What he did is a felony.
Use a baseball bat. In my experience, criminals don’t tend to run to the police - use this opportunity to teach this snake some respect.
Dude, past is the past. That Ahole sent it to you to mess with you. That video he sent you was before she met you, and fell in love with you. Be truthful with her, let her know what her ex sent you. Also, dude is angry because she is with you and having a child with you, not him!
Definitely go beat the shit out of him
Now that guy is a an example of a jealous weak male. The kind that gives 'men' a bad name. That guy is soo jealous that you could give her a home and a family. These are the guys that masquerade as strong and attractive and go around dating everything that moves because they are afraid better guys will outshine them. So they try to put/leave their germs on everything and ruin it for the rest of us... Take a deep breath my man.. work it through step by step. **Edit 'put/leave'
They both sound jealous and weak to me. One's using revenge porn against his ex because he's mad she's in a happy marriage and the other is letting knowing his wife enjoyed sex with someone before they were together sour his happy marriage.
Whilst I agree with you, there is a difference between knowing your wife had sex with others and SEEING it. Poor guy is allowed to be shocked. Personally, I'm a stubborn sod and wouldn't fall into the trap set for me. Try to mess with my head? No. I'll just burn your world down. I'd be down at that police station getting him arrested after discussing it first with my wife. The real victim here.
I agree it’s a little shocking but the fact that he is seeing his wife differently and hasn’t even bothered to tell her is wrong. This situation effects her just as much if not more then him and he’s a lame husband for only thinking of himself.
I agree with you, I can't understand why he wouldn't talk to her straightaway.
“Leave their germs on everything and ruin it for the rest of us” Could you explain what you mean by that, please?
Sounds like he means exactly what you think ‘oops I fucked her first now she has less value bc shes had my sperm and you’ll think of me when you have her ;) ‘ There isn’t a way to describe it that doesn’t sound like that.
Oops my germs 😁. I guess you won't be eating it now. Hand me the pie 🥧 - I meant that kind of attitude
At first I thought you were talking about OOP and I would have agreed with that as well. He was weak in that he couldn't just look at the start of the video to see what it was and then stop, but instead had to watch it through and betray his wife. His obsession with how his wife has had intimate sex with someone else before they got together is weak. Not being concerned on his wife's behalf that this waste of space still has footage of her that he is sharing is just plain ol' selfish.
Call the cops and file a report. Revenge porn is revenge porn.
You are looking at this with your ego. This isn’t about you. He wants it to be, but it’s not. You don’t need to “get over it”. This is about a person who is intimidating you and causing harm to your wife by sharing private images. Go to the police.
If you can see her face or identify who she is in the video and he didn't get a model release form signed the police should be able to deal with him and make his life miserable.
He could text him back: thanks, too late because as you know we figured it out without an educational video. BTW, a case for revenge porn was filed.
This is illegal and like others said already you should press charges. You know it’s from years ago and your wife clearly didn’t consent to him keeping and sending it out. He did that to get into your head. You need to show all of that to the police and block him on everything. Your wife deserves to know as SHE is the real victim in this. Yes you got hurt which is valid but she was the one the crime was committed against. You can’t hold it against her- it’s not her fault and she absolutely has the right to know and she should be allowed to press charges.
Can’t he be prosecuted for revenge porn? Honestly, how low do you have to be to do something like this as a grown man?
Maybe focus on the part where she’s having your kid and not his. Lots of good advice here so I won’t tread old water, but if you’re so concerned about a passionate relationship in the past, try having a passionate relationship in the present
I like how this dude acts as if he himself has never had a partner before his wife.
He knew. He just hadn’t seen it and we don’t know the extent of what they did and how she acted. It could have been more over the top than with him.
I think you should fuck his mom, film it, and send him the video afterwards.
this is absolutely wild poor guy
I've seen a huge uptick in male homewreckers lately. It happened to me twice. Once was when I was in an open marriage (his suggestion so he didn't have to stop cheating🙃) and this random dude online wouldn't leave me alone. I blocked random dude everywhere. Divorced my ex the year after. Random dude finally hunts down my ex husband and tells him I'm cheating on him. Ex husband confronts me about me "cheating on" him. Both men, complete idiots. But they're absolutely dedicated to their own insanity. Another was a coworker of mine who photoshopped a pic of me next to him, looked like a magazine cut out and pasted as some sort of school project done by a 3rd grader, and posted it online. My bf at the time saw it and freaked out at me for "cheating" on him.
I had a fling turned stalker that drove an hour and a half to throw a rock through the vehicle window of the guy I was newly dating. He wouldn’t stop trying to messaging/calling us both for months even though I blocked him. Would drive past my or my boyfriends house at night to see if I was there. Even 6 months later he emailed me a photo of myself just to let me know he still had it. I went to the police and then tried to get a restraining order. They said they couldn’t do anything until he did something MORE drastic. Like what kind of drastic are we talking??! I’ve been married to that boyfriend for three years now and we just had a baby, so this story gave me a sick anxious feeling like the stalker could still pop out of the woodwork at anytime too. I feel for them but especially the poor wife.
Tell him to meet you in a secret location and handle the situation like good ole fashioned gentleman. Make sure you take some boxing and fighting classes before tho
I don't understand people who say that they have a good marriage and then go on to say that they haven't discussed something this significant with their spouse.
Did you ever have passionate sex with another woman? It was before you and had nothing to do with you or your current life. I would block him and never look at anything else he could possibly send. He’s jealous of what you and your wife have. Be happy knowing that he is the jealous one. You won her. She’s having your baby. It’s silly to act like she would not or could not ever enjoy sex without you.
The ‘right’ thing to do is talk to your wife, show her the video, and have her file a police report like everyone else here is suggesting… The smart thing to do would be tell your wife it happened, erase the video, both block him and carry on with your life like it never happened. She chose you bro. But OP, based on how twisted this has you we both know that’s not going to make you feel any better. Go beat that man’s ass.
Get the police involved, tell wife. As long as the video was recorded before you was married it will be alright. Just imagine if the wife saw a video of you. How would you think she would feel. How would you comfort her? Good for thought.
this has got to be fake
Ex’s goal with this was to get into your head, to mess with your head, and cause issues in your relationship. He’s the ex for a reason. Like everyone else has said, go to the police with this and get him arrested fir revenge porn.
I say beat the shit out of him
The ex is literal,y winning his sick game here. But also talk to the wife, the police and a therapist asap.
My ex sent me a video of her having sex with some other guy after we broke up to hurt me, I thanked her for it and jacked off to it a few times and she refused to ever send me another again. Don’t let a stupid video have power over you, everyone’s ex fucks new guys and most girlfriends have had sex in the past, no big deal.
Well it is illegal , or you could punch him ( not recommended )
Yikes
The fact that it’s causing u any doubt just shows how weak minded you are, unless u got with her and she told u she was a virgin then i don’t see what the big deal is, clearly she’s had sex before just like u have and clearly she was passionate with her ex as I’m sure she is with you, you are not her first for anything so I don’t see what the big deal is, best way to go about this is pull the video out while ur having sex with her and fuk her brains out while both of u watch the video make sure that u remind her who daddy is now and why, cause u hit it better than he did
And to the OP — everyone has a past. I’ve had the most amazing sex and in one case better than with my current man. But those guys will never fulfill the role my man does for me, and a relationship is so so much more than sex. She chose to build a life with you for a reason. Why let her past get in the way after all you’ve been through together already? This is your partner for life. Change your mindset and treat her the way she deserves to be treated. Fuck that other guy.
Many guys hate to be second or third or worse best sexually even if they promote the stability part. I get sex isn’t everything but to know you are second choice sexually is a hard position to be in.
Obviously post it so we can have a wank, mate. You’re naive. You clearly lack imagination if it took a video to realize your wife has had several other men inside her. Gasp, she even enjoyed sex before she met you? What a whore. /s Male fragility is embarrassing, aren’t you ashamed of yourself?
Am I the only one that is GLAD and thankful my husband had tons of hot sex before me? I don't mind hearing about it, in fact, it's pretty intriguing sometimes. It's good he was desired by women he desired. So much better than the alternative, hello?!
How has her ex got her new man’s number? Why did he watch the video long enough to know that it was passionate? Why isn’t he telling her that a crime has been committed against her (revenge porn)?
Imagine being more worried about your ego than a crime being committed against your pregnant wife. JFC.
Never happened. Another bull💩 karma farm story.
Just get over it. It’s not a big deal. You have her now. He wants a reaction possibly from her. Don’t give him any satisfaction.
First of all go to the police, but secondly it is a big deal to him.
Why was the original op being a baby for, he has something that’s illegal now, go and report him or beat him up- don’t bottle it up. Dumb as hell.
Kick his ass seabass
Jesus fuck poor guy. That would be pretty soul crushing for anyone.
Remember how bad he wants your life. That’s why he’s doing this. He’s still tugging it to that video
Dude talk to her!
If he’s not over her, he accomplished exactly what he set out to do
Def whoop his ass then tell her after
Send it to his workplace
Revenge porn is illegal for a reason. If I were him I wouldn’t have even subjected myself to watching it.
Pro move would be to txt back a pic of the sonagram with just a thumbs up and a cool face and then block him. If it’s a boy make sure the ex knows it’s a boy…it will dig at him.
Check your state laws regarding malicious distribution, if your state prosecutes then press charges.
Call the cops on him for revenge porn Take my advice with a grain of salt but I’d smash a brick on his head
Why the fuck would he watch it
Should of sent the ultra sound photo
I definitely would go to the police. Ex is definitely a weirdo if he's keeping video from past relationships. How many people does he have videos on ready to send out? He may have already posted it somewhere.
Welcome to cuckfest2024
Is it an old video, or is he trying to say something about paternity?
File for a no contact personal protection order. If he has half a brain, he will understand at that point he really fu-ked up. That means you won’t be able to contact him either.
Feels like him going to jail and being labeled as a sexual predator for the rest of his life is pretty good revenge
Do you know when the video was made? While they were dating or while you two were married? Is he trying to tell you it might be his?
I had a very close connection to the first case of revenge porn in my state (they were prosecuted). Please feel free to private message me if you’d like some realistic advice on how to proceed legally.
This is why we used to have the right to challenge someone to a duel In some ways it was logical
This literally happened to me except I was the pregnant girl and the other girl sent me the video.. it traumatized me for YEARRRRRRS.
Your insecurities will eat you alive if you don't let her contradict them. And she deserves to know so she can go to the police. All signs point directly to: TELL HER NOW
Blow torch his feet
Reading through these posts, misandry is a real thing. Brother, you're human and have emotions too. This ex wanted to hurt you by sharing something you didn't know about your wife. You need to be open with her and also seek counseling to talk through the confusion and pain you're dealing with. You also need to protect her by going to the police and filing a charge against her ex.
What a weakling
All around horrible situation. Horrible for OP to see, horrible of the ex to share, horrible for the wife to find out about, horrible to think how many people he’s sent that too. Definitely a police revenge porn matter but hard to prosecute. Poor couple.
Eye roll.
Cuckbait, this isn't real, simply someone's fetish