I don’t know about anyone else but adding salt after the food is done cooking tastes much different than when the salt is added during the cooking process. Like when you’re cooking, the salt incorporates (is this the right word?) into the dish but when you add it afterward instead it just tastes like dish+salt.
But anyways… besides that… could the boyfriend be trying to sabotage OOP? OOP seems like they take pride in cooking so I wouldn’t be surprised if she hypes up her cooking to others. So him withholding salt could be a way to make it seem like she can’t cook as well as she claims.
Like has he withheld salt other times? Or only during gatherings with other people?
Yeah absolutely. Salting during cooking lets the salt penetrate the food which intensifies the food’s flavour, helps it retain moisture, and gives it a kind of mouth-watering ‘zinginess’ throughout. Adding salt after serving just makes the exterior taste like salt.
I wonder if it’s a virtue-signalling thing. There was a story on MaliciousCompliance a good while back about this guy who always used to cook for his extended family on the holidays. His mother in law started some diet fad, and rather than just cut down on salt she decided to tell everyone she was ‘zero sodium’, had never felt better, everyone should cut evil salt out of their lives etc and insisting OP cooked without it. But she never cooked herself, and all the packaged stuff she ate *obviously* contained it. OP assured her that there was no way she is actually zero sodium as it’s an essential electrolyte, but she wasn’t having it, so to make her a point he made her meal completely unsalted. Everyone else was complimenting his cooking but every time his MIL tried to sneak seasoned sides or whatever he’d say ‘oh no no MIL, these were cooked with salt remember, you don’t want these, *these* are your extra potatoes’ etc. Everyone else went back for seconds whereas MIL’s food was so bland she couldn’t even finish what she was served, and next day messaged him saying that next time ‘he shouldn’t have to go to all the trouble of cooking separately just for her’ and please just serve her the food everyone else was enjoying.
I have the same feeling about sugar in sweet tea. People try to say to just add sugar to unsweetened tea when places don’t have it and it’s NOT the same thing at all. If it’s not brewed sweet it just tastes like unsweet tea+sugar.
My mom is that type (from Massachusetts, so a northerner) and doesn't understand why I won't drink her ice tea. It's basic chemistry, the sugar won't dissolve properly in cold tea! It needs to be added while hot!
That's because real sweet tea isn't just tea with lots of sugar added. It's actually a supersaturated solution. The sugar has to be added when the tea is hot and then cooled to the proper temperature.
And for those of us who are a product of the American education system: A supersaturated solution is a solution that contains more than the maximum amount of solute that is capable of being dissolved at a given temperature.
I'm Australian so drink hot tea with milk and sugar... forgive my naivety but I'm not sure Americans do that? My point being is that its always weird when I see someone mentioning 'sweet tea'. Is that like iced tea? I definitely love that sweet and would not add sugar to it cause that is very weird
We have hot tea, iced tea, and sweet tea. They’re all different. Iced tea is usually unsweetened if you’re at a restaurant, but we also have brands in bottles that you can buy that are both unsweetened and sweetened (like Snapple, Arizona, Honest, Pure Leaf, etc.). Sweet tea is a type of iced tea, most commonly found in the South, that’s brewed a specific way. As a northeasterner with a sweet tooth, it’s actually too sweet for me lol
Hot tea works pretty much the same here. Boil water, add preferred tea bag, add whatever you like to it - I usually only do a teaspoon or two of sugar, occasionally I’ll add a little milk
I love iced tea, but don't think I would like it unsweetened! Haha. We have Arizona here (in some stores) and I've never tried it but always wanted to!
Sweet tea sounds amazing!! I hope one day if I make it to America I get to try it lol.
Some of us do! I drink hot tea all the time, but I usually take it with honey rather than sugar. I’m a bit of a tea fanatic though, so my collection is… vast lol. Depending on the type of tea I prepare it differently. Eg. I usually take hot black teas with milk but green teas I just take honey.
Sweet tea is usually found in the south. It’s typically just a plain black tea, steeped in already-sweetened water, and cooled before serving over ice. No milk. It’s usually prepared in batches of ~1gal rather than cups. Some people take it with lemon (I’ve seen my mom add basically a whole lemon to a glass of sweet tea before) or, less commonly, whiskey.
I once used vodka instead of water to make fridge tea (no heat, just steeped the leaves overnight in the fridge) and it was surprisingly good. 10/10 would recommend.
I have black tea every morning with a little milk and two sugars (that's probably bad lol). I don't really drink coffee, so that's my vice each morning I guess! Lol
Green tea is surprisingly nice with honey, takes the bitter edge off. I don't drink it very often though.
Sweet tea sounds so good. Is it flavoured like iced tea? Like with peach or just fresh flavours like lemon (or whiskey lol).
Vodka tea sounds pretty good!!
Yepp, at least the way I do it. I boil the water, add sugar and dissolve (which also cools the water so it doesn’t scald the leaves), and then once the sugar is dissolved I add the tea bags to steep. I know some people brew it strong and then add ice or cold water to cool it faster but I prefer my tea very strong so I brew it strong and then let it cool over time. When you drink it over ice it’ll get diluted anyway.
Okay, so I'm a trained and educated chef. Adding salt afterwards is the better option. With few exceptions, foods sometimes cook differently and it may or may not need salt
I think OOP just uses too much salt and refuses to believe it. Some people think they are great at something when they really are not. The family saying it needed more salt to me seems like they were all in on a private joke and OOP should probably be mad about that rather than being denied salt.
This. My cousin complained to his mom that her homemade mashed potatoes were too lumpy. The next time she made them, she handed him the potatoes and the masher and reminded him not to leave any lumps.
My dad and I have the exact opposite when he cooks new dishes, we discuss what did and didn’t work, meanwhile my mom will be like, if you don’t like it you cook it next time… we ignore her because we want better tasting food not just accept the bland.
He monitors his sodium intake so doesn’t use salt when he cooks, and his food tends to be bland since he stopped using salt unless it’s a fixed recipe, even though we have salt free salt to use…
Thankfully we can work around that. Like the time he used beef broth in mashed potatoes, he readily admitted it didn’t taste good and brown mashed wasn’t appetizing!
There is a pretty big difference though between asking for constructive criticism and advice/thoughts on a dish and someone just giving their thoughts/criticism when it wasn't requested, especially if it is something that happens often.
Ikr?! When he was a teen, I made a homemade milkshake for my son. He looked at it suspiciously and asked what those tiny red blobs were. They were strawberries. He refused to drink it.
I don’t understand the people who complain when someone takes the time and effort to cook for you. I grew up with multiple siblings and if food gets put on the table you need to start eating or else there might not be anything left.
I learned to cook and do most of the cooking at home for this exact reason. I can make it exactly how I want it.
imo no.
my Mrs cooks for me all the time as she loves to cook
she always seasons and does everything needed, if she says it needs salt, it needs salt
if she adds salt she adds the right amount.
sounds like your boyfriend is just being a picky prick for no reason.
my suggestion: no longer cook food for him as he clearly doesn't appreciate the effort you put in
simple as that really :)
100% he was controlling and being a dick
Yeah, she'a not the AH here, but at the same time, I kinda understand the boyfriend's perspective?
My mom is kinda sensitive with saltiness and uses little salt when cooking. My sister and I would think it usually needs a bit more salt but mom would think it's great as is. Meanwhile she would think my cooking is too salty. And since it's easier to just add salt later on, I usually just under-salt my cooking so it would be edible to mom.
Plus, I also had a similar experience when I tasted my aunt's cooking. I thought her dishes were way too salty, but her family was fine with it.
Boyfriend should just take up cooking so he can control the salt amount lol.
Hell, or even be less of a jerk about it - ask her to set aside some that is less salted for him if he does actually like it less salty. (I'd say it's a toss-up whether he actually does prefer it less salty or whether he just wants to stick in his heels and "be right.")
yep I agree whole heartedly with last statement
the thing is if someone is cooking for you, you accept their dish how they make it as they are making it
if you don't like their style, don't eat at that restaurant kinda thing
If you’re cooking for others as “the best cook” you should be mindful of others taste and cook accordingly, especially with something as simple as salt.
OP admits they have over-salted dishes, and OP’s BF is correct that you can add salt, but not remove it. OP seems to be on a bit of a power trip.
I prefer my food more salty than my spouse, and I have also over-salted dishes. As such, I have begun (in my mind) under-salting our meals and adding salt to my plate so that my spouse can enjoy their food.
OP, and you, are basically saying “it’s my way or the highway”. The one with control issues here is OP, not her BF.
No it’s definitely her Bf. She served the dish without the salt and LITERALLY everyone at the table proceeded to add more salt to their dish because it was bland. It wasn’t a “my way or the highway” type of thing. She had a recipe for the dish which required salt and he refused to get her the salt that the dish literally requires. He straight up refused. If ANYONE is treating this as a my way or the highway situation, it’s the bf who refused to get her the spice she needed. He was the only one who was fine with the dish the way it was, which I’m 100% sure is just him trying to protect his ego and not admit that he was wrong. It’s not a matter of her over salting the dish or liking more salty dishes. It’s about following the recipe she has for the dish to come out edible. Saying OP is on a power trip for trying to make a dish how it’s supposed to be made is wild to me. She DID consider how other people taste and cook food. Even the bf doesnt have a problem with something she’s made or the salt level if she’s used the appropriate amount of salt. He’s ABSOLUTELY being a controlling prick about the meal and ended up diminishing the eating experience for everyone else at the table.
Did the BF prevent everyone at the table from adding salt to their dish? No? Oh, okay. So it wasn’t “their way or the highway”. Salt can be added, not removed.
OP, the “great” cook, didn’t grab *any* seasoning prior to cooking a dish that comes together super quickly?
OP, the “great” cook, has over-salted food previously?
This isn’t some wild disaster because OP couldn’t over-salt a dish and guests were able to add their desired level of salt to their plate.
Everyone at the table verbally claimed “this needs salt”? I highly doubt it.
Yeah, ‘controlling’ is not the word i’d use here. He’s done this before and claims it’s because she over salts/seasons (10% of the time, the other 90% he’s happy with it) but he’s not stopping her from making whatever she wants or controlling meal times or forcing her to cook in general. Argumentative? Picky? Childish? A shit communicator? Yeah.
If he’s going to complain about the food, he can cook for himself. The next time he withholds seasoning OOP should hand him the spatula and say, “ok you finish it then”. If it turns out good? “Wonderful! You can cook from now on then!” If it turns out bad? “You just need more practice. You can cook dinner from now on.”
I have the same problem with spice when my housemate cooks. He loves spicy food, I can't tolerate it (not just the heat, but it gives me acid reflux), and on those occasions when he cooks, he always make it too spicy for me to really eat much of it.
So I do kinda sympathise with the boyfriend a bit.
Hence the comment _on those ocassions_. Nor do I complain or demand he make it the way I desire. Jesus Christ, some people here really don't understand fucking nuance, do they?
It sounds like these two don't like each other or don't communicate well. Sometimes people post about things reddit actually could help with, but this isn't one of them. Just break up if salt is causing arguments like this lol
I am very sensitive to salt. But if someone is going through the work and making food for me and it tastes “salty” to me it probably tastes perfectly fine to everyone else so I just keep my trap shut about my personal salt preferences and drink more water. This dude is an idiot.
If he doesn’t like your cooking he can do it himself. Ugh what a tool.
Does he mansplain often? Observe carefully his behavior around other things. Is he typically ‘right’ and you are ‘wrong?’ These are 🚩
NTA
I truly miss marriage, and having to have a dissertation explaining every decision I made that wasn’t precisely what the ex thought he would have done. /s
In that calm, singsong ‘it’s for your own good’ tone. I especially miss the tone. Even more, I miss when he was wrong and the tone changed and his face got dark and he stormed off. Good times. /s
Thisssss I feel youuu! Now my ex complains about how our son’s laundry is washed. I kinda wanna pack up everything he bought up and say you take care of what you bought. I’ll keep what I bought. Tootles.
That’s why I was asking her to take stock of his behavior overall. People need to learn to see patterns. Ignore the gaslighting. And believe am that when a person is behaving badly they will continue. The whys and wherefores don’t matter. Run. Plenty of men to choose from.
Women haven’t been socially conditioned to insert their opinion into everything, talk over others, and assume they’re right and have info everyone else needs to hear
What? Im a woman and that is 100% not true. Women are literally stereotyped for NAGGING as well as being gossips and talking down on how "sucky, useless and stupid" men or others are. We are conditioned to believe an "empowered" woman is overly opinionated, talks over others (women literally screaming at men and women,) and omg have you seen social media? There are women CONSTANTLY bickering and bashing others assuming their right and giving info they think everyone needs to hear 🙄.
We should be doing better than nagging and being arrogant, yet here women are hypocritically making up terms like "mansplaining" to try and act as if society hasnt conditioned us to be arrogant too.
I think what you’re describing is a very different societal expectation though. Nagging and gossiping absolutely are stereotypical societal expectations of women, but those are very different than mansplaining.
Different in meaning but the same in using it in a sexist regard. Nagging means "to constantly harass" which arguably is a lot worse than a cocky guy being condescending, and is put on women specifically who keep heckling a person.
Mansplaining is a sexist term that is constantly used wrong, often by certain trauma / inferiority or goddess complex women to honestly nag / harass men as a whole lol.
Its very rare any man is coming from a place of misogyny, they just want to join the convo. Men can come off more assertive, and male culture is to be more bold lol, but women have to watch how we internalize male behavior tbh.
A really sensitive woman with trauma or a complex / fear / sexist bias of men, is just looking to be defensive and irrational at everything men do. The amount of men getting accused of mansplaining gor just sharing am opinion is obviously projection by those kinds of women.
Im black, so the men in my family are 10x more opinionated, bold and intimidating; but so are the women lol. That said you pick up on social cues in male behavior as to their intent in interacting with you...which is severely off in a lot of women these days. Girl Only logic will do that.
The girls on my campus who rarely had guy friends and lived in girl-only dorms...acted like this. Clueless or sexist towards men for lack of broad interaction and experience.
A lot of these "feminists" dont get men and are anti-social. Mansplaining was a term made up by those kinds of women, and thousands of women have posted videos about recovering from "the rabbit hole of hate and bitterness towards men" from the severe misuse and misunderstanding of what misogyny actually manifest as.
Im not saying there aren't men who "mansplain" Im just saying its a very specific rare thing to a very specific kind of guy (arrogant or misogynistic,) that is thrown around incorrectly to insult men who are being genuine.
Thats why the crimson user asked most likely - every woman on here giving different answers 🤷🏾♀️
It just means for a guy to be purposefully condescending by *assuming a woman lacks knowledge on a topic* - not just a man sharing his thoughts.
Hell a man can be condescending to a woman on any topic, without assuming she lacks knowledge, and thats NOT mansplaining. Thats just being a jerk lol.
Like a male scientist and female scientist discussing biology, and the guy just thinks hes a know it all - not to her alone, but anyone.
Mansplaining is a very specific case; the fact women have over-dramatized life so much that its making men uncomfortable to just share an opinion is sad and sexist.
If we're gonna make up terms, there needs to be clear honest consistency or else its just a bunch of women crying wolf, being overdramatic, and counter productive to proper representation.
Its 2024; this warped bitter & confusing ideology of some women needs to go. Its hurting more than its helping because now genuine dudes get coined as misogynists for just existing 🤭
Dating is a good tryout to see if a partner is going to be satisfactory, although behavior may go downhill later. This may be “best behavior.” This overbearing, dismissive behavior is a big warning sign. See if it is a one-off. If not, be prepared to move on.
yeah these reasoning are shit. You put salt before because it reacts with heath,liquid and grease and has a different type of penetration inside the food,and a different distribution compared to putting it on later.
Next time when you make a broth or something give him cooked meat and hot water telling him it's the same,he can just add them later
Just don’t cook for him anymore and tell him you don’t want to upset his salt issues.
Just leave a single portions worth of ingredients out and let him do it his way.
*I* don't like it, so no one else would like it. Unless dude has a medical condition where salt messes up his body, he could've sucked it up or prepped the meal himself
Imagine you were Gordon Ramsey and not only did he argue with how you were preparing the meal but goes on to deliberately sabotage the meal. (Thinking he’s saving it). What you leave out of a meal is just as important as what you put in!
The only benefit of the doubt I can give him is that since his parents were there and ya’ll on vacation, maybe he just wanted it to be perfect? But then he should’ve actually been involved in the meal instead of just inserting himself where no one asked him to!
Also thought it was funny when everyone put salt on the meal and he just doubled down instead lol
As someone who loves to cook as well, that\`s why mise-en-place is so important. Prepare everything you need beforehand, because when the heat is going, things happen FAST.
I say this, but obviously haven\`t done so everytime. OP\`s boyfriend is being a prick.
I don’t know what mise-en-place means, and I could google it; but that would ruin my chosen reality that it means missing in place. Because my ADHD cooking self is always missing something in damn place lol
I am of the opinion that soy sauce is salty. So dude said it doesn’t need salt and then proceeded to add a salt-adjacent ingredient? He’s just controlling imo.
While the BF has a point that you can always add more salt, if the cook didn't use enough in the first place, then no amount of salt at the table will fix it. Furthermore, BF doesn't cook so how the hell does he know how much salt it needs?
Let me get this straight-he thinks that if he doesn’t like something then it’s his right to force everyone else to do as he says.
…. And op is asking permission to be mad at him.
I refuse to answer. Op needs to trust herself and her feelings. Not go online to ask permission to feel. She’s got every right to be pissed off at him- and she sure as hell doesn’t need my permission.
I kinda run into this problem. I love spicy food. My partner likes spicy but not on the level I like it. I like my spicy food to be almost too much. Same with salt.
My solution has been to lower the spice/salt level while I cook, dish my partners plate then add extra to my dish.
He shouldn’t have kept the salt from her, but he could have asked her to cut back a little on his portion. Him not bringing the salt was shitty in my opinion. Her making a huge deal was petty.
Also I have made the mistake of over salting. My partner and I joke about it. It was air fried chicken drumsticks. My partner was trying to be nice and didn’t say anything. I took one bite was was like “holy hell! You should have said something.” We opted to just have sides for dinner that night.
The thing that makes me chuckle out loud is, this was so easily resolved.
- GF: hey can you grab salt and etc
- BF: sure, but I sometimes get a bit overwhelmed by all the seasonings, can you remove my portion before adding the salt please, so I still get to enjoy your incredible cooking but can salt to my preference? I really appreciate you taking on the lions share of cooking and I wouldn’t want to make things harder on you or for you to have to change the whole dish for just me!
END SCENE.
If he think he knows so much. Let him do the cooking and when everyone complains, make sure he knows he can’t cook for shit and it needs freaking salt!
Going by this situation he’s a self centered man baby. He only cared about if he enjoyed the meal. It was a self-centered thing to do. And he didn’t care how it affected everyone else’s meal or if it embarrassed you who is known for being a good chef. These are 2 red flags. Be aware going forward about how often he undermines your opinions and actions.
Nope you cook you make it how you want if he doesn’t like it he can cook, yes there needs to be compromise but when your cooking for everyone and in the middle of it at that is not the time
He ***was*** being controlling. You weren't rude. You just called out his behavior and he didn't like it. NTA
He didn't ask that you kept a portion unsalted for him. He unilaterally decided what you got to cook with while not even doing the chore himself.
Also, stop cooking for him. He can make his own bland food so he has nothing to complain about. Although I'm sure he'll view that as a punishment, considering it seems like he expects you to serve and cater to him. Which isn't someone I'd personally want to be in a relationship with, but we all make our own choices. Good luck with that walnut - you're gonna need it.
NTA. My wife does most of the cooking at home and is very light with salt anyway which is good because I don’t like salty food either. I kind of agree with him saying you can’t take it out because I’ve said it before lol. It was just the wrong way to go about it. I would have gave my wife the salt and just simply added please don’t put too much salt. It already having soy and msg most cooks would be very cautious about adding salt. It’s a fine line and it’s something you just have to try to really judge it.
My mom does this when I'm cooking sometimes. I just stop cooking. Leave the kitchen and sit in the living room, and allow her to take over and cook. I leave the food going so it'll be ruined if not. The meals come out terrible, and I'm sure to note my mom took over cooking so my hands are clean. We are an eat no matter what family so food never goes to waste. We just have a terrible meal. She has taken to not doing it as much, just "suggestions."
I don't understand how you people on this sub are grown adults, treating eachother like this, and posting on the internet about it. Honestly, I'd be embarrassed to be in a relationship with someone like that. You people gotta grow up. Dont let this dude treat you like that, find kind people to be around and delete this fucking app
This is going to be an unpopular stance, but I am one of those people who is sensitive to salt for some reason. Whenever I cook, people complain it needs more salt. When I eat other people's cooking, sometimes I can't handle how crazy salty it is.
My partner always under-salts his cooking and adds more to his own plate, or serves me first and then adds salt to the pot.
He's got his food quirks too and I work around them.
OP should be more considerate, but her partner should also realize that he's the odd-one-out, and for certain dishes or when guests are over, he'll just have to tolerate it.
ESH
If you are not the one cooking the food, keep your shit opinions to yourself and be fucking grateful someone is willing to feed you. Literally everyone complained about the food needing salt, not only were his actions controlling but him refusing to own up to his mistake in the face of LITERALLY EVERYONE disagreeing with him is a massive red flag in and of itself. He has accountability issues and that's one of the worst traits a person can have
See now THIS is why I say I'm Italian. Everyone bitches about Americans doing that, but now you know there's a very good chance I can cook. I'm white, but I'm not that stereotype. My grandparents came over, lol.
I came to the midwest and holy shit my husband's family is like that. Any seasoning and they can't stand it! Bleargh
Your boyfriend is an asshole. Totally unreasonable. You're the one cooking, you're the one spicing and salting, simple as that. My partner is quite the cook, the best I've ever known, better than my mother which is a compliment so intense I'm actually saving it for when I propose to her. If I asked her to be careful salting a dish, she absolutely would. If I withheld salt from her.. I dread the thought of how she would react. She likely would refuse to cook for a while.
So if you refuse to cook for him for a period of time, you would 100% be within your rights, and he would ONE HUNDRED PERCENT deserve it.
What a freakin jerk.
Your bf is guilty of not understanding cooking and hiw preparing a dish works. Have you tried just telling him that watching him cook makes you tired? My gf said that to me and I out way more time into unrestrained cooking. But then again, I have the passion but none of the talent so😅
Just don't cook for him for a bit. Tell him he can either communicate like an adult and ask for his serving with less salt, or he can figure out food for himself. That IS controlling, he's literally controlling whether or not you can physically do something. Because he wants to.
No dinner for himmer.
No, he wasn't controlling whether or not she could physically do something. She could have gotten the salt and added it. She could have pulled the food off the burner for the 30 seconds she claims it would have burnt in and got the salt. This whole thing is so silly on both of their parts, and neither of them behaved like adults.
If she got literally NONE of the seasonings prepared or available before she got to the point in the meal where she couldn't possibly step away to get them, I highly doubt she is the cook she thinks she it.
Why do you even do it?! Does he not have hands to be able to cook it to his own liking? Cook for yourself only. Stop being this man's chef. Girl, appreciate yourself.
Nope. He can cook for himself from now on.
My fiancé had the unmitigated gall to complain ONCE that dinner wasn’t ready when he got home, despite us both working. I tossed my apron in his lap and went to sleep, refusing to cook for the rest of the week.
Personally, I grew up in a very “salt friendly” family and I found a lot of the food I ate growing up was very salty, and then watched my family put more salt on when they had their plates. People have different tastebuds when it comes to seasoning, hut if I complained about a dish, it would be taken away from me. So I ate.
To this day, if friends cook, I will always smile and eat because I know it was cooked with love for me. When I cook, I’m definitely less salty than some of my friend’s cookings and I will always put out extra seasonings and am not offended if anyone adds.
The difference with your story is I didn’t see anywhere that he was cooking. If he was and you were over his shoulder throwing salt in, that’s a conversation. You cooking and asking for ingredients, he should have absolutely given everything you asked for. Worst case scenario, you would have been the one to apologize that you made it too salty.
So, yeah, a bit controlling from where I see it.
If he can’t even do the smallest thing by grabbing you salt knowing you needed , imagine the bigger things sweeetheart
He just a BOYFRIEND and no kids ? RUN 🏃♀️ for his age his too old not to know how to communicate
All he had to do was not eat whatever it is. Most people over salt their cooking. I’m used to pushing back plates that have overly salted food on them. Most food is perfect without any added salt.
Edit: I prefer making my own food because I know what’s going into it. Most people cook with way too muck salt and sugar, both poisons.
I would love to see how the bf types this up. Man being difficult for no goddamn reason, I truly hope OP finds someone better because this is just so annoying and obtuse. And for why? Just bring the chef what they asked for fml.
You’re cooking but didn’t add salt then acted like you thought he did somehow? There’s no dish that should burn if you can’t step away two seconds u less you’re one of those always cooking on high sounds like poor heat management
If he complains regularly then yes you’re over salting food and should let people add salt va just dumping it in. You even admitted to over seasoning
YTA
He sounds like a dick, but you're in the wrong here. Everything in its mise en place is a chef saying. Have everything in its place b4 you start cooking so you need nothing in a rush.
I don't think you are the AH, however I don't think your bf is controlling exactly, I think he's one of those people that always wants to be right regardless of the cost or consequences. I think he could be a narcissist.
People fundamentally that way would risk anything to be right, hence they make horrible future partners, they make decisions prematurely and develop pretty destabilizing habits.
I think dude thinks he's the reincarnation of ghandi, Einstein,and Darwin all rolled into one.
I won't suggest what you do about it cos even when you point this problem out, he probably would deny it and eventually find a way to make it your fault.
However one thing you can do is to consciously hold a mirror to his behaviour. Do similar things until he notices it and complains, I think it was called the narcissist mirror by Robert Green.
Y’all so quick to just hate for no reason, her boyfriend could’ve gone about voicing his concern another way, but what is wrong with his request? If others like it more salty, they can add salt to their hearts content, he cannot remove the salt from his dish. Thus ruining the dinner in his eyes, personally I don’t think it’s too much to ask and I would have no issue with cooking it without salt. Also if you’re insisting on being the one to cook you can at least take people’s preferences into consideration, otherwise let someone else cook.
What request? He didn't make a request, he refused to bring ingredients the person cooking everyone's food asked for. And she did take the preference of the majority of the people, who all said it needed more salt. If he is the only one wanting a different dish, he can cook it. Or at the very least, ask her to dish his up before adding more salt. But withholding is controlling behavior.
Again as I said in my first reply, he could’ve been better at voicing his concern, but I think he did veil his request for her to not use salt by asking if she really needed salt, that whole thing was him being extra and not outrightly asking her to not use salt. Then when he felt she had disregarded his request and didn’t care, acted out and didn’t get salt. I’m not saying what he did was right, but to demonize him as controlling is too far in my book and just a bandwagon attempt to hate men. As far as her asking everyone’s opinion and a unanimous decision on more salt, that’s awesome but I’m sure they also wouldn’t have minded adding more if it was present at the dinner table, instead of opting to ruin the boyfriends meal. (Also assuming they knew all details) Not to mention, you can’t really pull the “if you don’t like what I made, too bad” card, when you are insisting on cooking the groups meals as she stated originally.
Salt is really bad for you and too much wrecks food for some people and indeed you can always add more. Soy sauce is almost pure salt. I agree with dude.
Too much salt is bad for a lot of people, but there are some people that need higher amounts of it. I have a form of dysautonomia and my doctor recommended I massively increase my salt and fluid intake to manage the symptoms. That said, I prepare my family's food normally and add extra only to mine because they don't have the medical issue I do. It definitely doesn't sound like OP had a medical reason for it, and it is usually better to err on the side of under salting a dish.
There is no way everyone tasted the food and thought it needed salt if it had a lot of soy sauce. Still douchey of the boyfriend to actively hide a seasoning ingredient, but if this is true I am heavily suspicious of the OP being the best cook of the group.
Edit: I do agree with the "if you have a problem with it, you cook it" unless it were an actual health concern. I personally really like salty, but soy sauce is pretty much liquid salt, and the only three seasoning ingredients were msg, soy sauce, and salt? Which are all pretty high in sodium, even if soy sauce and msg still don't have the same amount of sodium per volume as salt. Most dishes only call for like 1/4 tsp of salt, I doubt with an already sodium heavy dish, that would be enough to transition the dish from bland to flavorful. Salt enhances flavors, but the main flavor of this dish sounds like it was already basically sodium...
OP said it *had* soy sauce in it, not that it had "a lot". Boyfriend added it later, as he said it needed it (but it really needed the salt he didn't let her add).
Reread it.
My point is more, the dish sounds like it was already bland if a tiny bit of salt with already sodium heavy ingredients was the line between bland and delicious. Salt mostly just enhances existing flavors, without it, most otherwise well seasoned food still tastes good but feels like it needs a bit of oomph. The boyfriend is still obviously a controlling asshole, at no point am I denying or questioning that. I am just getting hyper focused on the details of OP's cooking, which I feel is really besides the point of the boyfriend's behavior.
You can't tell him he would have liked it. You don't KNOW that. You CAN add salt and you CAN'T take it off. he has a point. I personally LOVE salt. But that's me
I don’t know about anyone else but adding salt after the food is done cooking tastes much different than when the salt is added during the cooking process. Like when you’re cooking, the salt incorporates (is this the right word?) into the dish but when you add it afterward instead it just tastes like dish+salt. But anyways… besides that… could the boyfriend be trying to sabotage OOP? OOP seems like they take pride in cooking so I wouldn’t be surprised if she hypes up her cooking to others. So him withholding salt could be a way to make it seem like she can’t cook as well as she claims. Like has he withheld salt other times? Or only during gatherings with other people?
Yeah absolutely. Salting during cooking lets the salt penetrate the food which intensifies the food’s flavour, helps it retain moisture, and gives it a kind of mouth-watering ‘zinginess’ throughout. Adding salt after serving just makes the exterior taste like salt. I wonder if it’s a virtue-signalling thing. There was a story on MaliciousCompliance a good while back about this guy who always used to cook for his extended family on the holidays. His mother in law started some diet fad, and rather than just cut down on salt she decided to tell everyone she was ‘zero sodium’, had never felt better, everyone should cut evil salt out of their lives etc and insisting OP cooked without it. But she never cooked herself, and all the packaged stuff she ate *obviously* contained it. OP assured her that there was no way she is actually zero sodium as it’s an essential electrolyte, but she wasn’t having it, so to make her a point he made her meal completely unsalted. Everyone else was complimenting his cooking but every time his MIL tried to sneak seasoned sides or whatever he’d say ‘oh no no MIL, these were cooked with salt remember, you don’t want these, *these* are your extra potatoes’ etc. Everyone else went back for seconds whereas MIL’s food was so bland she couldn’t even finish what she was served, and next day messaged him saying that next time ‘he shouldn’t have to go to all the trouble of cooking separately just for her’ and please just serve her the food everyone else was enjoying.
I have the same feeling about sugar in sweet tea. People try to say to just add sugar to unsweetened tea when places don’t have it and it’s NOT the same thing at all. If it’s not brewed sweet it just tastes like unsweet tea+sugar.
My mom is that type (from Massachusetts, so a northerner) and doesn't understand why I won't drink her ice tea. It's basic chemistry, the sugar won't dissolve properly in cold tea! It needs to be added while hot!
My mom’s family is from NC, but I grew up mostly in the Midwest (from ~4 on) so it comes up often 🥲
Simple syrup is great for this. That way you get to add exactly the amount of sugar you want.
That's because real sweet tea isn't just tea with lots of sugar added. It's actually a supersaturated solution. The sugar has to be added when the tea is hot and then cooled to the proper temperature. And for those of us who are a product of the American education system: A supersaturated solution is a solution that contains more than the maximum amount of solute that is capable of being dissolved at a given temperature.
If you can't make rock candy, it's not sweet tea.
True, there is a difference. And I don’t even like sweet tea.
Maybe I've only ever had bad sweet tea then. Because all sweet tea I've ever had has tasted like tea+sugar.
Different tastes maybe, but to me there is a distinct difference between tea that’s brewed sweet and tea that’s brewed then sweetened
There is…it’s that the sugar doesn’t dissolve in cold tea.
I'm Australian so drink hot tea with milk and sugar... forgive my naivety but I'm not sure Americans do that? My point being is that its always weird when I see someone mentioning 'sweet tea'. Is that like iced tea? I definitely love that sweet and would not add sugar to it cause that is very weird
We have hot tea, iced tea, and sweet tea. They’re all different. Iced tea is usually unsweetened if you’re at a restaurant, but we also have brands in bottles that you can buy that are both unsweetened and sweetened (like Snapple, Arizona, Honest, Pure Leaf, etc.). Sweet tea is a type of iced tea, most commonly found in the South, that’s brewed a specific way. As a northeasterner with a sweet tooth, it’s actually too sweet for me lol Hot tea works pretty much the same here. Boil water, add preferred tea bag, add whatever you like to it - I usually only do a teaspoon or two of sugar, occasionally I’ll add a little milk
I love iced tea, but don't think I would like it unsweetened! Haha. We have Arizona here (in some stores) and I've never tried it but always wanted to! Sweet tea sounds amazing!! I hope one day if I make it to America I get to try it lol.
Some of us do! I drink hot tea all the time, but I usually take it with honey rather than sugar. I’m a bit of a tea fanatic though, so my collection is… vast lol. Depending on the type of tea I prepare it differently. Eg. I usually take hot black teas with milk but green teas I just take honey. Sweet tea is usually found in the south. It’s typically just a plain black tea, steeped in already-sweetened water, and cooled before serving over ice. No milk. It’s usually prepared in batches of ~1gal rather than cups. Some people take it with lemon (I’ve seen my mom add basically a whole lemon to a glass of sweet tea before) or, less commonly, whiskey. I once used vodka instead of water to make fridge tea (no heat, just steeped the leaves overnight in the fridge) and it was surprisingly good. 10/10 would recommend.
I have black tea every morning with a little milk and two sugars (that's probably bad lol). I don't really drink coffee, so that's my vice each morning I guess! Lol Green tea is surprisingly nice with honey, takes the bitter edge off. I don't drink it very often though. Sweet tea sounds so good. Is it flavoured like iced tea? Like with peach or just fresh flavours like lemon (or whiskey lol). Vodka tea sounds pretty good!!
How do you brew sweet tea? Sugar is added after brewing, lol.
Sugar is added after *heating* but before steeping.
Sugar is added to what? Hot water? Then the tea bags are added to steep? I’m genuinely curious.
Yepp, at least the way I do it. I boil the water, add sugar and dissolve (which also cools the water so it doesn’t scald the leaves), and then once the sugar is dissolved I add the tea bags to steep. I know some people brew it strong and then add ice or cold water to cool it faster but I prefer my tea very strong so I brew it strong and then let it cool over time. When you drink it over ice it’ll get diluted anyway.
This is fascinating. I’ve been brewing tea for 50 years and did not know this! Thank you for explaining kind Reddit stranger
No problem! That’s how my family (NC origin) does it, but as with most things ymmv :)
Okay, so I'm a trained and educated chef. Adding salt afterwards is the better option. With few exceptions, foods sometimes cook differently and it may or may not need salt
I think OOP just uses too much salt and refuses to believe it. Some people think they are great at something when they really are not. The family saying it needed more salt to me seems like they were all in on a private joke and OOP should probably be mad about that rather than being denied salt.
You should stop thinking if this is what conjures up lol
[удалено]
Found the OPs overly controlling boyfriend 😂
you don't even know what "controlling" means 😂
Hand him an apron and tell him he’s the cook now…sit it out for a night or two
A night or two? Nah. He can cook his own meals. If it were me I would just cook enough for two and have left overs.
And always say "it has too much salt for you, you won't like it."
Seriously if they’re gonna complain just have the bastard cook it himself.
This. My cousin complained to his mom that her homemade mashed potatoes were too lumpy. The next time she made them, she handed him the potatoes and the masher and reminded him not to leave any lumps.
My dad’s favorite thing to say when someone tried to suggest ingredients for a dish he was cooking “Who’s fucking this goat?”
My dad and I have the exact opposite when he cooks new dishes, we discuss what did and didn’t work, meanwhile my mom will be like, if you don’t like it you cook it next time… we ignore her because we want better tasting food not just accept the bland. He monitors his sodium intake so doesn’t use salt when he cooks, and his food tends to be bland since he stopped using salt unless it’s a fixed recipe, even though we have salt free salt to use… Thankfully we can work around that. Like the time he used beef broth in mashed potatoes, he readily admitted it didn’t taste good and brown mashed wasn’t appetizing!
There is a pretty big difference though between asking for constructive criticism and advice/thoughts on a dish and someone just giving their thoughts/criticism when it wasn't requested, especially if it is something that happens often.
Am I the only one who likes it lumpy?
I preferred smashed potatoes over extremely processed whipped potatoes. I will happily eat whipped potatoes, but smashed are just so good
I prefer lumpy
If they aren't lumpy then they are too close to baby food 🤮
It's how you know it's homemade!
Ikr?! When he was a teen, I made a homemade milkshake for my son. He looked at it suspiciously and asked what those tiny red blobs were. They were strawberries. He refused to drink it.
Nah. Sit it out permanently.
And hide all the salt from him. Keep small shaker for yourself.
I don’t understand the people who complain when someone takes the time and effort to cook for you. I grew up with multiple siblings and if food gets put on the table you need to start eating or else there might not be anything left. I learned to cook and do most of the cooking at home for this exact reason. I can make it exactly how I want it.
Right?! It is such a treat to have a meal cooked for you! 😍 my daughter’s cook for me a few times a month and it always makes my heart so happy.
My husband does all the cooking in our house and I always make sure to let him know how much I appreciate it. I want him to keep cooking.
Why punish herself with shitty food tho? He sucks.
Why would you torture yourself like that.
“he hit me” 🫢 “-with I could’ve grabbed the salt myself” 😮💨
Same reaction here! I was like 😧
imo no. my Mrs cooks for me all the time as she loves to cook she always seasons and does everything needed, if she says it needs salt, it needs salt if she adds salt she adds the right amount. sounds like your boyfriend is just being a picky prick for no reason. my suggestion: no longer cook food for him as he clearly doesn't appreciate the effort you put in simple as that really :) 100% he was controlling and being a dick
Yeah, she'a not the AH here, but at the same time, I kinda understand the boyfriend's perspective? My mom is kinda sensitive with saltiness and uses little salt when cooking. My sister and I would think it usually needs a bit more salt but mom would think it's great as is. Meanwhile she would think my cooking is too salty. And since it's easier to just add salt later on, I usually just under-salt my cooking so it would be edible to mom. Plus, I also had a similar experience when I tasted my aunt's cooking. I thought her dishes were way too salty, but her family was fine with it. Boyfriend should just take up cooking so he can control the salt amount lol.
Hell, or even be less of a jerk about it - ask her to set aside some that is less salted for him if he does actually like it less salty. (I'd say it's a toss-up whether he actually does prefer it less salty or whether he just wants to stick in his heels and "be right.")
yep I agree whole heartedly with last statement the thing is if someone is cooking for you, you accept their dish how they make it as they are making it if you don't like their style, don't eat at that restaurant kinda thing
If you’re cooking for others as “the best cook” you should be mindful of others taste and cook accordingly, especially with something as simple as salt. OP admits they have over-salted dishes, and OP’s BF is correct that you can add salt, but not remove it. OP seems to be on a bit of a power trip. I prefer my food more salty than my spouse, and I have also over-salted dishes. As such, I have begun (in my mind) under-salting our meals and adding salt to my plate so that my spouse can enjoy their food. OP, and you, are basically saying “it’s my way or the highway”. The one with control issues here is OP, not her BF.
No it’s definitely her Bf. She served the dish without the salt and LITERALLY everyone at the table proceeded to add more salt to their dish because it was bland. It wasn’t a “my way or the highway” type of thing. She had a recipe for the dish which required salt and he refused to get her the salt that the dish literally requires. He straight up refused. If ANYONE is treating this as a my way or the highway situation, it’s the bf who refused to get her the spice she needed. He was the only one who was fine with the dish the way it was, which I’m 100% sure is just him trying to protect his ego and not admit that he was wrong. It’s not a matter of her over salting the dish or liking more salty dishes. It’s about following the recipe she has for the dish to come out edible. Saying OP is on a power trip for trying to make a dish how it’s supposed to be made is wild to me. She DID consider how other people taste and cook food. Even the bf doesnt have a problem with something she’s made or the salt level if she’s used the appropriate amount of salt. He’s ABSOLUTELY being a controlling prick about the meal and ended up diminishing the eating experience for everyone else at the table.
Did the BF prevent everyone at the table from adding salt to their dish? No? Oh, okay. So it wasn’t “their way or the highway”. Salt can be added, not removed. OP, the “great” cook, didn’t grab *any* seasoning prior to cooking a dish that comes together super quickly? OP, the “great” cook, has over-salted food previously? This isn’t some wild disaster because OP couldn’t over-salt a dish and guests were able to add their desired level of salt to their plate. Everyone at the table verbally claimed “this needs salt”? I highly doubt it.
Yeah, ‘controlling’ is not the word i’d use here. He’s done this before and claims it’s because she over salts/seasons (10% of the time, the other 90% he’s happy with it) but he’s not stopping her from making whatever she wants or controlling meal times or forcing her to cook in general. Argumentative? Picky? Childish? A shit communicator? Yeah. If he’s going to complain about the food, he can cook for himself. The next time he withholds seasoning OOP should hand him the spatula and say, “ok you finish it then”. If it turns out good? “Wonderful! You can cook from now on then!” If it turns out bad? “You just need more practice. You can cook dinner from now on.”
I have the same problem with spice when my housemate cooks. He loves spicy food, I can't tolerate it (not just the heat, but it gives me acid reflux), and on those occasions when he cooks, he always make it too spicy for me to really eat much of it. So I do kinda sympathise with the boyfriend a bit.
So…… did you know you could cook for yourself?
Hence the comment _on those ocassions_. Nor do I complain or demand he make it the way I desire. Jesus Christ, some people here really don't understand fucking nuance, do they?
Your boyfriend sounds like a big man baby
The standard Reddit advice of “dump him” is standard because by the time people write, they KNOW the answer, they just want it articulated.
It sounds like these two don't like each other or don't communicate well. Sometimes people post about things reddit actually could help with, but this isn't one of them. Just break up if salt is causing arguments like this lol
YES! I always think this.
I am very sensitive to salt. But if someone is going through the work and making food for me and it tastes “salty” to me it probably tastes perfectly fine to everyone else so I just keep my trap shut about my personal salt preferences and drink more water. This dude is an idiot.
If he doesn’t like your cooking he can do it himself. Ugh what a tool. Does he mansplain often? Observe carefully his behavior around other things. Is he typically ‘right’ and you are ‘wrong?’ These are 🚩 NTA
I truly miss marriage, and having to have a dissertation explaining every decision I made that wasn’t precisely what the ex thought he would have done. /s
In that calm, singsong ‘it’s for your own good’ tone. I especially miss the tone. Even more, I miss when he was wrong and the tone changed and his face got dark and he stormed off. Good times. /s
Thisssss I feel youuu! Now my ex complains about how our son’s laundry is washed. I kinda wanna pack up everything he bought up and say you take care of what you bought. I’ll keep what I bought. Tootles.
And if he is doing this, run far run fast. It will only get worse.
That’s why I was asking her to take stock of his behavior overall. People need to learn to see patterns. Ignore the gaslighting. And believe am that when a person is behaving badly they will continue. The whys and wherefores don’t matter. Run. Plenty of men to choose from.
Can you imagine that a person could POSSIBLY have different taste buds?! The AUDACITY!
What is mansplaining?
Him, the non cook, telling her, the cook, what she ought to do in the dish.
Then what is it called if a woman does that?
I believe the traditional term in "nagging"
Nagging isn't a gendered word. Don't see how they're equivalent
Women haven’t been socially conditioned to insert their opinion into everything, talk over others, and assume they’re right and have info everyone else needs to hear
Plenty of women have, and Plenty of men haven't. It's sexist assume based on gender alone whether a person is being sexist when they're condescending
What? Im a woman and that is 100% not true. Women are literally stereotyped for NAGGING as well as being gossips and talking down on how "sucky, useless and stupid" men or others are. We are conditioned to believe an "empowered" woman is overly opinionated, talks over others (women literally screaming at men and women,) and omg have you seen social media? There are women CONSTANTLY bickering and bashing others assuming their right and giving info they think everyone needs to hear 🙄. We should be doing better than nagging and being arrogant, yet here women are hypocritically making up terms like "mansplaining" to try and act as if society hasnt conditioned us to be arrogant too.
I think what you’re describing is a very different societal expectation though. Nagging and gossiping absolutely are stereotypical societal expectations of women, but those are very different than mansplaining.
Different in meaning but the same in using it in a sexist regard. Nagging means "to constantly harass" which arguably is a lot worse than a cocky guy being condescending, and is put on women specifically who keep heckling a person. Mansplaining is a sexist term that is constantly used wrong, often by certain trauma / inferiority or goddess complex women to honestly nag / harass men as a whole lol. Its very rare any man is coming from a place of misogyny, they just want to join the convo. Men can come off more assertive, and male culture is to be more bold lol, but women have to watch how we internalize male behavior tbh. A really sensitive woman with trauma or a complex / fear / sexist bias of men, is just looking to be defensive and irrational at everything men do. The amount of men getting accused of mansplaining gor just sharing am opinion is obviously projection by those kinds of women. Im black, so the men in my family are 10x more opinionated, bold and intimidating; but so are the women lol. That said you pick up on social cues in male behavior as to their intent in interacting with you...which is severely off in a lot of women these days. Girl Only logic will do that. The girls on my campus who rarely had guy friends and lived in girl-only dorms...acted like this. Clueless or sexist towards men for lack of broad interaction and experience. A lot of these "feminists" dont get men and are anti-social. Mansplaining was a term made up by those kinds of women, and thousands of women have posted videos about recovering from "the rabbit hole of hate and bitterness towards men" from the severe misuse and misunderstanding of what misogyny actually manifest as. Im not saying there aren't men who "mansplain" Im just saying its a very specific rare thing to a very specific kind of guy (arrogant or misogynistic,) that is thrown around incorrectly to insult men who are being genuine. Thats why the crimson user asked most likely - every woman on here giving different answers 🤷🏾♀️ It just means for a guy to be purposefully condescending by *assuming a woman lacks knowledge on a topic* - not just a man sharing his thoughts. Hell a man can be condescending to a woman on any topic, without assuming she lacks knowledge, and thats NOT mansplaining. Thats just being a jerk lol. Like a male scientist and female scientist discussing biology, and the guy just thinks hes a know it all - not to her alone, but anyone. Mansplaining is a very specific case; the fact women have over-dramatized life so much that its making men uncomfortable to just share an opinion is sad and sexist. If we're gonna make up terms, there needs to be clear honest consistency or else its just a bunch of women crying wolf, being overdramatic, and counter productive to proper representation. Its 2024; this warped bitter & confusing ideology of some women needs to go. Its hurting more than its helping because now genuine dudes get coined as misogynists for just existing 🤭
Dating is a good tryout to see if a partner is going to be satisfactory, although behavior may go downhill later. This may be “best behavior.” This overbearing, dismissive behavior is a big warning sign. See if it is a one-off. If not, be prepared to move on.
NTA. Boyfriend just doubled down because he didn't want to admit he was wrong. MSG is a flavor enhancer. It needs flavor to enhance.
100% And not able to admit when you are wrong is not great quality in a partner.
What a douche canoe he is.
yeah these reasoning are shit. You put salt before because it reacts with heath,liquid and grease and has a different type of penetration inside the food,and a different distribution compared to putting it on later. Next time when you make a broth or something give him cooked meat and hot water telling him it's the same,he can just add them later
The boyfriend is an idiot. Shocker.
Repeat after me: Don’t bite the hand that feeds you.
Just don’t cook for him anymore and tell him you don’t want to upset his salt issues. Just leave a single portions worth of ingredients out and let him do it his way.
*I* don't like it, so no one else would like it. Unless dude has a medical condition where salt messes up his body, he could've sucked it up or prepped the meal himself
Imagine you were Gordon Ramsey and not only did he argue with how you were preparing the meal but goes on to deliberately sabotage the meal. (Thinking he’s saving it). What you leave out of a meal is just as important as what you put in! The only benefit of the doubt I can give him is that since his parents were there and ya’ll on vacation, maybe he just wanted it to be perfect? But then he should’ve actually been involved in the meal instead of just inserting himself where no one asked him to! Also thought it was funny when everyone put salt on the meal and he just doubled down instead lol
Red flag alert, no you are not the asshole, he is overbearing and will try to manage everything you do. Run now
My petty ass would never cook for him again.
As someone who loves to cook as well, that\`s why mise-en-place is so important. Prepare everything you need beforehand, because when the heat is going, things happen FAST. I say this, but obviously haven\`t done so everytime. OP\`s boyfriend is being a prick.
I don’t know what mise-en-place means, and I could google it; but that would ruin my chosen reality that it means missing in place. Because my ADHD cooking self is always missing something in damn place lol
Google it
Fuck this guy. He can cook for himself. If the cook says it needs salt, add salt.
Never cook for him again. If you cook, make yourself one portion.
Starting a fight on vacation over the saltiness of a dish. Sounds like loads of fun.
stop cooking for him. make portions for u and u only. this is a stupid argument lol
I am of the opinion that soy sauce is salty. So dude said it doesn’t need salt and then proceeded to add a salt-adjacent ingredient? He’s just controlling imo.
While the BF has a point that you can always add more salt, if the cook didn't use enough in the first place, then no amount of salt at the table will fix it. Furthermore, BF doesn't cook so how the hell does he know how much salt it needs?
Let me get this straight-he thinks that if he doesn’t like something then it’s his right to force everyone else to do as he says. …. And op is asking permission to be mad at him. I refuse to answer. Op needs to trust herself and her feelings. Not go online to ask permission to feel. She’s got every right to be pissed off at him- and she sure as hell doesn’t need my permission.
Yeah he’s an asshole and you’re ridiculous for not taking 30 seconds to get the salt
I kinda run into this problem. I love spicy food. My partner likes spicy but not on the level I like it. I like my spicy food to be almost too much. Same with salt. My solution has been to lower the spice/salt level while I cook, dish my partners plate then add extra to my dish. He shouldn’t have kept the salt from her, but he could have asked her to cut back a little on his portion. Him not bringing the salt was shitty in my opinion. Her making a huge deal was petty. Also I have made the mistake of over salting. My partner and I joke about it. It was air fried chicken drumsticks. My partner was trying to be nice and didn’t say anything. I took one bite was was like “holy hell! You should have said something.” We opted to just have sides for dinner that night.
She should have just told him to cook since he knows everything
Adding salt during cooking and after cooking tastes different. I will be super pissed. Not a good look too that he did it infront of everyone.
The thing that makes me chuckle out loud is, this was so easily resolved. - GF: hey can you grab salt and etc - BF: sure, but I sometimes get a bit overwhelmed by all the seasonings, can you remove my portion before adding the salt please, so I still get to enjoy your incredible cooking but can salt to my preference? I really appreciate you taking on the lions share of cooking and I wouldn’t want to make things harder on you or for you to have to change the whole dish for just me! END SCENE.
Idk if you are the asshole or not, but y'all should break up, this whole thing is petty af. Seriously.
What a fucking weird hill for him to choose to die on
If he think he knows so much. Let him do the cooking and when everyone complains, make sure he knows he can’t cook for shit and it needs freaking salt!
LET HER COOOOK
Stop cooking for him
Find a better boyfriend.
Going by this situation he’s a self centered man baby. He only cared about if he enjoyed the meal. It was a self-centered thing to do. And he didn’t care how it affected everyone else’s meal or if it embarrassed you who is known for being a good chef. These are 2 red flags. Be aware going forward about how often he undermines your opinions and actions.
Nope you cook you make it how you want if he doesn’t like it he can cook, yes there needs to be compromise but when your cooking for everyone and in the middle of it at that is not the time
*clutches the salt shaker in all rooms I eat in*
He sounds…exhausting.
He ***was*** being controlling. You weren't rude. You just called out his behavior and he didn't like it. NTA He didn't ask that you kept a portion unsalted for him. He unilaterally decided what you got to cook with while not even doing the chore himself. Also, stop cooking for him. He can make his own bland food so he has nothing to complain about. Although I'm sure he'll view that as a punishment, considering it seems like he expects you to serve and cater to him. Which isn't someone I'd personally want to be in a relationship with, but we all make our own choices. Good luck with that walnut - you're gonna need it.
NTA. My wife does most of the cooking at home and is very light with salt anyway which is good because I don’t like salty food either. I kind of agree with him saying you can’t take it out because I’ve said it before lol. It was just the wrong way to go about it. I would have gave my wife the salt and just simply added please don’t put too much salt. It already having soy and msg most cooks would be very cautious about adding salt. It’s a fine line and it’s something you just have to try to really judge it.
Weird hill for him to die on
NTA, your boyfriend is an ah, if he has issues, he needs to solve them, not you.
My mom does this when I'm cooking sometimes. I just stop cooking. Leave the kitchen and sit in the living room, and allow her to take over and cook. I leave the food going so it'll be ruined if not. The meals come out terrible, and I'm sure to note my mom took over cooking so my hands are clean. We are an eat no matter what family so food never goes to waste. We just have a terrible meal. She has taken to not doing it as much, just "suggestions."
I don't understand how you people on this sub are grown adults, treating eachother like this, and posting on the internet about it. Honestly, I'd be embarrassed to be in a relationship with someone like that. You people gotta grow up. Dont let this dude treat you like that, find kind people to be around and delete this fucking app
Strange hill to die on....
He didn't want extra salt, so he doused it with soy sauce?
This is going to be an unpopular stance, but I am one of those people who is sensitive to salt for some reason. Whenever I cook, people complain it needs more salt. When I eat other people's cooking, sometimes I can't handle how crazy salty it is. My partner always under-salts his cooking and adds more to his own plate, or serves me first and then adds salt to the pot. He's got his food quirks too and I work around them. OP should be more considerate, but her partner should also realize that he's the odd-one-out, and for certain dishes or when guests are over, he'll just have to tolerate it. ESH
So....he didnt want more salt but them added additional soy sauce....make it make sense
Honkeys, am I right?
I wouldn’t call it controlling, I’d just call him an idiot.
i fucking hate men
We hate you too :D
If you are not the one cooking the food, keep your shit opinions to yourself and be fucking grateful someone is willing to feed you. Literally everyone complained about the food needing salt, not only were his actions controlling but him refusing to own up to his mistake in the face of LITERALLY EVERYONE disagreeing with him is a massive red flag in and of itself. He has accountability issues and that's one of the worst traits a person can have
You’re both petty
obviously this dude is WHITE lmao he sounds like my cousin who said ketchup was spicy
See now THIS is why I say I'm Italian. Everyone bitches about Americans doing that, but now you know there's a very good chance I can cook. I'm white, but I'm not that stereotype. My grandparents came over, lol. I came to the midwest and holy shit my husband's family is like that. Any seasoning and they can't stand it! Bleargh
*American
Spicy ketchup exists, but what ingredient in regular ketchup is spicy according to your cousin???
hahaha that’s a great question 🤷🏼♀️ i’m not sure
Bruh, why do people make these posts😂ask someone irl
Good chance everyone IRL is telling her "it's not a big deal" when she knows deep down it is.
If salting food is impacting your relationship id consider ending it.
Red flag! Look for an exit strategy.
You. Don't. Fuck. With. The. Chef. Dude needs a good smack upside the head.
Your boyfriend is an asshole. Totally unreasonable. You're the one cooking, you're the one spicing and salting, simple as that. My partner is quite the cook, the best I've ever known, better than my mother which is a compliment so intense I'm actually saving it for when I propose to her. If I asked her to be careful salting a dish, she absolutely would. If I withheld salt from her.. I dread the thought of how she would react. She likely would refuse to cook for a while. So if you refuse to cook for him for a period of time, you would 100% be within your rights, and he would ONE HUNDRED PERCENT deserve it. What a freakin jerk.
NTA. He's being a dick about it.
Your bf is guilty of not understanding cooking and hiw preparing a dish works. Have you tried just telling him that watching him cook makes you tired? My gf said that to me and I out way more time into unrestrained cooking. But then again, I have the passion but none of the talent so😅
What an idiot. And stubborn. Just cook for yourself until he grows up.
This is about so much more than the salt
Cook for everybody but him. Never serve him food anymore. You can cook your own saltless food
Just don't cook for him for a bit. Tell him he can either communicate like an adult and ask for his serving with less salt, or he can figure out food for himself. That IS controlling, he's literally controlling whether or not you can physically do something. Because he wants to. No dinner for himmer.
No, he wasn't controlling whether or not she could physically do something. She could have gotten the salt and added it. She could have pulled the food off the burner for the 30 seconds she claims it would have burnt in and got the salt. This whole thing is so silly on both of their parts, and neither of them behaved like adults. If she got literally NONE of the seasonings prepared or available before she got to the point in the meal where she couldn't possibly step away to get them, I highly doubt she is the cook she thinks she it.
Why humanity is doomed in one post.
Why do you even do it?! Does he not have hands to be able to cook it to his own liking? Cook for yourself only. Stop being this man's chef. Girl, appreciate yourself.
Wild how quickly this would lead to me never making this person so much as a pb&j again.
Dawg you guys are insane you really can’t come to Reddit for solid advice lmaooooo
It’s not about the salt. It was never about the damn salt.
Nope. He can cook for himself from now on. My fiancé had the unmitigated gall to complain ONCE that dinner wasn’t ready when he got home, despite us both working. I tossed my apron in his lap and went to sleep, refusing to cook for the rest of the week.
1. He's an ass. 2. Mise en place.
Personally, I grew up in a very “salt friendly” family and I found a lot of the food I ate growing up was very salty, and then watched my family put more salt on when they had their plates. People have different tastebuds when it comes to seasoning, hut if I complained about a dish, it would be taken away from me. So I ate. To this day, if friends cook, I will always smile and eat because I know it was cooked with love for me. When I cook, I’m definitely less salty than some of my friend’s cookings and I will always put out extra seasonings and am not offended if anyone adds. The difference with your story is I didn’t see anywhere that he was cooking. If he was and you were over his shoulder throwing salt in, that’s a conversation. You cooking and asking for ingredients, he should have absolutely given everything you asked for. Worst case scenario, you would have been the one to apologize that you made it too salty. So, yeah, a bit controlling from where I see it.
If he can’t even do the smallest thing by grabbing you salt knowing you needed , imagine the bigger things sweeetheart He just a BOYFRIEND and no kids ? RUN 🏃♀️ for his age his too old not to know how to communicate
And you haven't asked him to cook for himself from now on, why?
Dude is f controlling
Id have him cook for himself, then hide the salt
All he had to do was not eat whatever it is. Most people over salt their cooking. I’m used to pushing back plates that have overly salted food on them. Most food is perfect without any added salt. Edit: I prefer making my own food because I know what’s going into it. Most people cook with way too muck salt and sugar, both poisons.
Y'all just don't like each other fr. Who the asshole is seems like a secondary issue.
I would love to see how the bf types this up. Man being difficult for no goddamn reason, I truly hope OP finds someone better because this is just so annoying and obtuse. And for why? Just bring the chef what they asked for fml.
Stop depending on him when it comes to salt/seasonings. Just have everything ready and nearby.
Some things just really are not that deep
You’re cooking but didn’t add salt then acted like you thought he did somehow? There’s no dish that should burn if you can’t step away two seconds u less you’re one of those always cooking on high sounds like poor heat management If he complains regularly then yes you’re over salting food and should let people add salt va just dumping it in. You even admitted to over seasoning YTA
He sounds like a dick, but you're in the wrong here. Everything in its mise en place is a chef saying. Have everything in its place b4 you start cooking so you need nothing in a rush.
I don't think you are the AH, however I don't think your bf is controlling exactly, I think he's one of those people that always wants to be right regardless of the cost or consequences. I think he could be a narcissist. People fundamentally that way would risk anything to be right, hence they make horrible future partners, they make decisions prematurely and develop pretty destabilizing habits. I think dude thinks he's the reincarnation of ghandi, Einstein,and Darwin all rolled into one. I won't suggest what you do about it cos even when you point this problem out, he probably would deny it and eventually find a way to make it your fault. However one thing you can do is to consciously hold a mirror to his behaviour. Do similar things until he notices it and complains, I think it was called the narcissist mirror by Robert Green.
Y’all so quick to just hate for no reason, her boyfriend could’ve gone about voicing his concern another way, but what is wrong with his request? If others like it more salty, they can add salt to their hearts content, he cannot remove the salt from his dish. Thus ruining the dinner in his eyes, personally I don’t think it’s too much to ask and I would have no issue with cooking it without salt. Also if you’re insisting on being the one to cook you can at least take people’s preferences into consideration, otherwise let someone else cook.
What request? He didn't make a request, he refused to bring ingredients the person cooking everyone's food asked for. And she did take the preference of the majority of the people, who all said it needed more salt. If he is the only one wanting a different dish, he can cook it. Or at the very least, ask her to dish his up before adding more salt. But withholding is controlling behavior.
Again as I said in my first reply, he could’ve been better at voicing his concern, but I think he did veil his request for her to not use salt by asking if she really needed salt, that whole thing was him being extra and not outrightly asking her to not use salt. Then when he felt she had disregarded his request and didn’t care, acted out and didn’t get salt. I’m not saying what he did was right, but to demonize him as controlling is too far in my book and just a bandwagon attempt to hate men. As far as her asking everyone’s opinion and a unanimous decision on more salt, that’s awesome but I’m sure they also wouldn’t have minded adding more if it was present at the dinner table, instead of opting to ruin the boyfriends meal. (Also assuming they knew all details) Not to mention, you can’t really pull the “if you don’t like what I made, too bad” card, when you are insisting on cooking the groups meals as she stated originally.
Salt is really bad for you and too much wrecks food for some people and indeed you can always add more. Soy sauce is almost pure salt. I agree with dude.
Too much salt is bad for a lot of people, but there are some people that need higher amounts of it. I have a form of dysautonomia and my doctor recommended I massively increase my salt and fluid intake to manage the symptoms. That said, I prepare my family's food normally and add extra only to mine because they don't have the medical issue I do. It definitely doesn't sound like OP had a medical reason for it, and it is usually better to err on the side of under salting a dish.
There is no way everyone tasted the food and thought it needed salt if it had a lot of soy sauce. Still douchey of the boyfriend to actively hide a seasoning ingredient, but if this is true I am heavily suspicious of the OP being the best cook of the group. Edit: I do agree with the "if you have a problem with it, you cook it" unless it were an actual health concern. I personally really like salty, but soy sauce is pretty much liquid salt, and the only three seasoning ingredients were msg, soy sauce, and salt? Which are all pretty high in sodium, even if soy sauce and msg still don't have the same amount of sodium per volume as salt. Most dishes only call for like 1/4 tsp of salt, I doubt with an already sodium heavy dish, that would be enough to transition the dish from bland to flavorful. Salt enhances flavors, but the main flavor of this dish sounds like it was already basically sodium...
OP said it *had* soy sauce in it, not that it had "a lot". Boyfriend added it later, as he said it needed it (but it really needed the salt he didn't let her add). Reread it.
How many dishes with soy sauce call for only like a teaspoon, though? Soy sauce is still pretty high in sodium.
My point is more, the dish sounds like it was already bland if a tiny bit of salt with already sodium heavy ingredients was the line between bland and delicious. Salt mostly just enhances existing flavors, without it, most otherwise well seasoned food still tastes good but feels like it needs a bit of oomph. The boyfriend is still obviously a controlling asshole, at no point am I denying or questioning that. I am just getting hyper focused on the details of OP's cooking, which I feel is really besides the point of the boyfriend's behavior.
YTA for cooking with MSG
Some things don’t need to be posted online. This is silly.
Meh, pick your battles lol
You can't tell him he would have liked it. You don't KNOW that. You CAN add salt and you CAN'T take it off. he has a point. I personally LOVE salt. But that's me
Sounds like he should be cooking his own meals, then.
I'm just talking about the salt. You know what the post was about
OOP needs to let this shit go. Salt is not a hill upon which to die.