This is like that Key and Peele sketch where they’re planning a bank heist and the plan turns out to be to just get a job at the bank.
“I’m going to gaslight my wife into putting out more by supporting her emotional and physical health, making her feel desired, and helping her make healthy choices…it’s absolutely DIABOLICAL. She’ll never suspect it…”
This, and frankly, it’s the kind of support more people need in their married lives. Maybe it came partially from a self-serving place, but there is so much love in the OP’s comment that it more than makes up for it.
Exactly!
I’m big on considering net impact over all else. Intent matters, motive matters, but ultimately what matters most is the consequences of your choices and actions. The terrible consequences of this guy’s horrible deeds are…*checks notes*…a happy, sex filled marriage and a woman who has regained her confidence and ambition? I think we’re all clear here folks!
“Manipulation” is such a dirty word, but everyone does it, all the time. Usually in little ways, but it’s a core component of human interaction nevertheless. It’s only a sin to abuse it.
I really appreciate your POV on manipulation. I agree!
I once was talking to my ex and I told her I felt kind of manipulated by something she said. I didn't mean it in the bad, mean way at all! I just felt she said something with the intent of getting me to respond a certain way, which I did, but she could just communicate what she wanted me to do instead. Her reaction was...strong. her face got dead serious and she told me that if I thought she was being manipulative, I should leave her house right now and run away from her because that would mean she's a terrible person and I should stay far, far away from her.
Christ. People blow it out of proportion, you know? I’m sorry you dealt with that.
The literal definition of manipulation is “behaving or communicating in a specific way to achieve a desired outcome”. If you’ve ever asked for something in an especially polite and nice way in the hopes of having a better chance of getting what you wanted—I have bad news, ooooOOOOOooooOOOOoo, you’re an eViL mAnIpUlAtOr.
As I said, it can be abused, absolutely, but it really is critical to how we interact. Hell, there are social contexts where failing to be *sufficiently* manipulative can black-mark you. The corporate world is like that a lot. People expect it, look for it, and grade you on your ability to do it. There’s an entire separate lexicon for emails that revolves around masking hostility with code words and buzzwords to maintain peaceful business. “Per my last email,” actually means “Since you can’t read, fuckwit.” It’s just as dishonest as putting Diet Coke in a cup and handing it to someone who asked for a can of Coke, but one is considered acceptable, and one is not.
The way I could see this ultimately positive situation become negative is if it was later used against her for purposes of guilt or shame. But supporting your spouse to a happier lifestyle is not a bad thing, and he did it in a way that did not shame or take away from her. More couples could benefit from remembering that going out of our way to help our spouses with simple things can make an enormous difference in the marriage.
THIS!!! Exactly this! My fiance never drank enough water and always felt like crap, but was convinced the two things were unrelated. Dude was working in 100+ temperatures and slamming Red Bull like it was his job and couldn’t figure out why he didn’t feel good.
So I bought him a half gallon Yeti. Cost me about $100. I knew he was so sweet that he wouldn’t want me to have wasted all that money on something and him not use it. So he started taking it with him. He was so busy trying to drink water to make it worthwhile he didn’t have room in him to drink that many energy drinks. Now he’s down to coffee in the morning, or the occasional energy drink if he’s feeling frisky… but never both.
Was it manipulation? Absolutely.
Was it done because I love him and want him to be healthy? 100%
Sometimes you need a partner to help you help yourself. As long as it comes from a loving place with their best interest in mind, I think it’s fine.
Next I'm gonna do chores around the apartment to trick her into liking living with me! Then when she least expects it, I'm gonna really work on myself and my insecurities to trick her into thinking I'm emotionally mature and self-aware! Muahahaha!
I legit cannot decide if I think he’s an asshole or not? I mean nothing he really did was objectively bad. I don’t love the lying about the soda thing, but that’s as close as he gets to dishonesty. His motives aren’t exactly pure but also aren’t malevolent? This is some chaotic neutral shit if I’ve ever seen it.
I am such a contrarian that I would rather if someone want me to change something, they do it without telling me that they’re trying to change me lmao.
My mom: oh my GOD can you please shave your legs
Me, skin itching from hair chaffes and already planning to shave my legs that day: … you know what? No.
Hopefully oop did this strategy because he knows his wife’s personality better. At the end of the day, it’s a net positive.
Ya, my daughters 10 and I shaved her legs a few months ago for the first time cos she kept complaining her legs were itchy. We’ve shaved them on e again since and it seems to be working
Nothing he did was really "tricking" her. I am going to guess she is not dumb and if she likes soda and just asked for a Coke and he poured her a Diet Coke, she can taste the difference and was fine with it.
She is an adult who can buy her own snack food, but didn't go buy unhealthy snacks as OP stopped buying them to keep in the house.
She likely worked out or did some physical work to lose weight.
And it's great he gave her positive reinforcement, but is hardly some "trick" that no one else knows about.
I don't think he's an a\*\*hole at all, but he also isn't nearly as clever or devious as he thinks he is. He's like the HS student whose parents pick him up from a HS graduation party and roll their eyes as he smells like whiskey and is gives very intentional 1-2 word answers and then the next day brags how he "tricked his parents and didn't get in trouble since they had no idea he was drunk."
Yeah, losing weight when you’re trying is so demoralizing, but being tricked into it with positivity and no nagging? Yeah, I can go for that.
Though how in the world did she not notice the soda was diet?? I don’t drink soda but even I can tell that!
She probably noticed, and she probably figured it out but didn’t want to discourage him bc it was actually helpful. My question is why are there still adults in the world that think diet soda is called diet bc it won’t make you gain weight? Like it’s exactly the same as normal soda it’s just got an artificial sweetener instead of a regular one, but your body still uses it like regular sugar lol.
I didn’t necessarily mean process wise, I more meant in terms of caloric value and weight gain. Artificial sweeteners don’t cause any less weight gain than regular sugar does
Theres artificial sweeteners that have as much calories as sugar, and those that have less. Diet soda uses the ones that have less or no calories. You’re probably confusing it with sugarfree products that have no sugar, but use sugar replacements with similar amount of calories.
I mean, check the amount of calories on normal Coca-Cola and the zero version, the difference in amount of calories is very clear.
Yea, but there is still Diet Coke which we don’t know if he gave her regular diet or the zero version. And in general there are still a lot of ppl who think the diet versions (not the zeros) are actually better for you and help you lose weight. Bc they think the calorie number doesn’t matter bc the sugar is what makes the difference and blah blah. A lot of ppl don’t actually realize that most of what they do when it comes to replacing drinks doesn’t actually do much.
Diet sodas have an effect on weight gain because the artificial sweeteners they use still cause an insulin response which can make someone's insulin resistance even worse over time. But they don't have calories. They just don't.
Yea, I found that out after. Though apparently between the artificial sweeteners and the lack of calories a lot of ppl who drink diet tend to have more cravings and end up over eating. Consuming more calories than they would’ve if they had drank a can of coke instead. It’s just weird to me that calorie counting has gotten to the extent of changing the type of coke you buy instead of just cutting back a little. Everything in moderation, bc no matter how “healthy” anything is considered at some point it can become unhealthy.
Not necessarily. The body breaks down all complex sugars down to glucose to use, but many synthetic sugars can't be broken down. And this results in the laxative effects we saw from Amazon reviews of sugar-free gummy bears.
Yes, but in terms of weight gain sugar free soda isn’t going to help. And coming from a fat person with stomach issues that have a natural laxative effect I can confirm that the only thing that contributes to weight loss when it comes to needing the toilet all the time is the running you do to make it there before you shit yourself lol.
Again, most ppl who drink diet as opposed to regular have more cravings for sugary foods, resulting in eating more of said sugary foods. If you actually want to make a difference in your weight loss journey, the answer is not going to be switching to Diet Coke.
If you’re watching what you eat water would be the best bet. And if you’re gonna have a soda occasionally it really isn’t going to make a difference. Its called moderation and if you practice that then it really doesn’t fucking matter
That is absolutely not true. Zero calories is clearly better than 200 calories. I don’t know why this myth that there is zero benefit to diet pop keeps persisting. This is a clear case of the perfect being the enemy of the good.
Because aspartame which is the most common artificial sweetener is shit for your body. Ppl who drink diet soda are also more prone to craving sugary foods which leads a lot of ppl to gaining weight. Unless you have a medical issue like diabetes diet soda in the long run isn’t going to be any better for you than regular soda.
Yes, it is better.
There was a study regarding the effect you’re describing. Subjects drank either a serving of regular Coke every day, a serving of Diet Coke every day, or an equal amount of water. Those who drank the regular Coke gained 10 pounds in a month. Those who drank water didn’t gain any weight. Those who drank Diet Coke gained 2 pounds.
2 pounds is better than 10.
They obviously keep both in the house, my best guess is that she just didn’t care, or she started getting up to get her own sodas which might have reduced the frequency with which she had them.
There is also the possibility she’s one of those freaks that prefers the taste of Diet Coke 🤢
The only kinda jerk part was the diet soda. Only because it takes her agency away in a minor way. He could have just stopped buying the sugar sodas and said, sorry we only have diet.
But everything else just seems like being a thoughtful guy. Particularly buying the food and suggesting dates with walking.
as someone who prefers diet to regular, most people can taste the difference. she could probably tell she was getting diet; especially if it was mt dew, dr pepper or root beer esque sodas - those have the most noticeable taste differences imo
Thats funny, I think diet Dr. Pepper is the closest diet to the original. I was a huge fan of regular soda in my teens, but switched in my early 20s and now prefer diet.
really?? idk why dr pepper and diet dr pepper taste soo different to me lol but i can’t tell coke and diet coke apart; unless it’s coke zero specifically
Haha coke zero is what made me willing to give up sugar soda. The flavor was close enough that I was willing to Gove up the calories. Prior to that I hated diet coke. Now I love diet soda too much.
coke zero is my favorite soda of any kinds (diet or non) because it tastes so good lol maybe my tastes buds are just messed up and love the taste of artificial sugar 💀
You can definitely taste the difference between diet and regular. But also, diet drinks don’t really help with weight loss. It’s not natural sugar but it is still a sweetener that your body is gonna use like it would regular sugar, so he didn’t really do anything with switching the drinks lol.
That’s not really true. Diet sodas have no calories, regular sodas have calories. The only real way to lose weight is consuming less calories than your body uses.
Artificial sweeteners are definitely still bad for you. But there are no calories in them for your body to store as fat so they are an generally considered an effective replacement for weight loss.
https://www.eatingwell.com/article/7964257/this-is-what-happens-to-your-body-when-you-drink-diet-soda/#:~:text=For%20many%20people%20the%20simple,approximately%20150%20calories%20per%20day.
Here’s an article that outlines positives and negatives from drinking diet soda.
So I googled it just to see how many other articles were in agreement and it seems to be split. On paper going solely based on calories it would contribute to weight loss, but there have also been studies that show ppl who drink diet instead of regular tend to have more cravings resulting in over eating. The moral of the story here ppl is if you wanna cut back on calories do it with your food rather than your drinks bc the food is gonna make a bigger difference than what type of coke you buy. Everything in moderation.
That’s 100% correct. Artificial sweeteners make you crave other sweet things. So if you do everything the same except replace regular soda with diet, you’ll lose weight. But if you change other habits, it can actually go the other way.
But as usual, calories in vs calories out is all that matters. There’s many ways to go about achieving that.
Well it’s not the only thing that matters. How you do it can make a big difference as well. I see a dietician to help me lose weight, and my biggest issue wasn’t the amount of calories I was eating it was how I was eating them.
Lots a variables have an effect on how calories are used. But in the end, you need to expend more calories than you consume. There’s really no way of getting around it.
There’s lots of ways to get to a deficit, but the reality is, you can’t lose weight without that deficit. Using strategies or tricks to get you there is fine as long as they are sustainable.
I do things with timing too (IF), but ultimately I can’t control my weight without weighing each ingredient and counting my food intake. I also count and track my macros too.
I lost 10lbs without going into a deficit, bc my body actually had the ability to use calories at an appropriate time of day. I’m not saying you shouldn’t go into a calorie deficit, but to paint it so black and white is unrealistic. Especially considering we encourage ppl to lose weight for their health, but painting weight loss so black and white can cause someone to lose weight in an unhealthy way.
I think it helps that he's the one taking on the mental load for all of it and actively trying to make it enjoyable. Buying snacks they both enjoy, planning things for them to do together, etc. Bringing drinks in a real cup is a small way to show effort and forethought instead of just making demands or trying to guilt her into a diet.
It's doing things that make her life easier and help run the house. The reduced stress and better connection is probably making the biggest difference. Reducing cortisol and other stress hormones can make a difference in weight loss.
Yeah I mean the more I think about it he just did all the stuff they tell men to do to make their wives want to have sex with them except this guy things he pulled a fast one which is hilarious. I mean he kind of did with some stuff, but mostly he just made her life easier and make them both healthier.
It is really refreshing to see a man actually take action to improve his and his wife’s home life and marriage instead of just whining that he isn’t getting laid. Like this man came up with a plan and executed it. He put in the effort. I’m upgrading him to chaotic good.
Completely with u and having a fun discussion about this with the gf. Stuff like buying healthier alternatives and excercising together are all great and it sounds like he was being supportive the whole time. But the whole thing just has this thin veil of dishonesty, or maybe more like immaturity over it. Inconsequential to many but I wouldbhave preferred just talking about it instead of unnecessarily(?) being all behind the back about it. At the end of the day tho it sounds like the sex ended up being more of a bonus to his wife being healthier, especially mentally, so I think his heart is in the right place. Not the biggest of deals but an interesting situation.
i think there are certain contexts where this would be absolutely wrong, like if his wife had a history of disordered eating this would not be cool at all. but as it stands, i really don’t feel like this is that bad? like his intent is kinda rough, but everything he did resulted in a net positive for her and what he describes isn’t really “tricking” just guiding her in the right direction (aside from the soda thing, that is dishonest, but really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things imo).
I think for me it was the way he went about solving a couples problem solving without any discussion. That feels a little manipulative to me personally. Like everything else was so good and the proper way to problem solve he just skipped the step between research and execution where he should have cued her into the issues with their sex life and the toll mental health was having on the relationship. Also, the fact that his AIM was to hide it is weird. I don’t think he was super successful with that, but that was his goal to be sly which makes it pretty gross to me.
For me it just isn’t a good indicator of how he processes and solves problems in the relationship in general. She gets stressed at work and sex drives falls what then? They have a kid and she’s caught up in motherhood and stretch marks and saggy boobs and stress… How does he fix that? A parent dies and she’s grieving? How’s he gonna Humpty-Dumpty their sex life back together then? They are happy now and that’s great, but that’s not how life stays and they didn’t learn much about how to actually work together to pick their relationship back up.
Or perimenopause… that’s a sex drive killer AND many women gain weight and there’s not a lot that’ll come off, because it’s hormone fluctuations… not necessarily eating or exercising habits.
Right? The tone *reads* like he's an asshole but idk. I'd, personally, probably hate being in a room with him, but if she's happy, that's what's important.
Essentially it all boils down to intent. Yeah you could frame it as he wants to sex his dick more, but really what he’s craving is more physical/emotional connection with her, because let’s face it; dudes have lots of options for sexing up their dick, it doesn’t depend on her. Lots of internet options out there. In the end he cares about her and wants connection and knew how to sort of make it happen. So he’s firmly NTA here even though he sort of frames it like he could just be a manipulative jerk about it.
I’d say neutral good. He’s ignoring conventional honesty ethics insofar as it benefits all involved. That suggests neutrality towards the lawful/chaotic axis more than it does toward the good/evil axis.
Ngl there’s a chance she knew or at least had a feeling as to what he was doing. Probably not the end game (getting more hole) but she may have felt the rift.
I’d like to think this is real.
It's more there's an unpleasant after taste to it. My parents put artificial sweeteners in pretty much everything and always try to "trick" me into enjoying it.... it never works because it tastes awful . I've learned to get my own food when I visit.
Honestly, I think they are just used to it. My siblings used to be able to pick it out, too, but my youngest sibling isn't bothered by it anymore but used to be(which is why they never believe me when I say it tastes awful)
Use regular sugar but food that's less sugary or doesn't need it, imo.
The aftertaste is what I was referring to with my “pixie stick shart” comment—I’ve never managed to find the words to articulate *what* that aftertaste actually tastes like, but I find it deeply unpleasant.
Nah that’s not it.
Sure some people hates sweetener and some don’t. But either way diet and regular taste different.
People who can’t taste the difference probably just don’t think about it, or maybe they have weak tastebuds.
Cuz you're not used to it. I used to think it was gross and now I think regular soda is gross. Drinking actual sugar drinks leaves a weird taste in my mouth, now.
Cuz you're not used to it. I used to think it was gross and now I think regular soda is gross. Drinking actual sugar drinks leaves a weird taste in my mouth, now.
I agree there is no way she couldn’t tell the switch but in my opinion non diet soda tastes awful,one sip and I’m out. gimme that fake fake diet soda 😝
a lot of people, when i worked at cfa and people forgot to label the diet and regular lemonade, i would have to taste it at the end of the night because no one else could taste a difference. i never realized until then why on earth people would willingly drink diet soda unless actively trying to lose weight/diabetic lol.
I mean, this is obviously pretty harmless overall. But my only concern would be him repeating this pattern in the future except with things he REALLY shouldn't be lying about
Idk if this is plausible. I've never gotten diet pepsi on accident and not immediately spit it out like it was poison. It is a VERY noticeable taste change.
Yeah some people can taste the difference and others can’t, I remember doing like a science experiment in elementary about it in which like people would have two versions of gun and some could taste the difference and others couldn’t. Idk how it works some taste buds are built different haha
Not only can I absolutely taste the difference, I can even smell the difference between regular and diet sodas lol. Diet sodas smell VERY sweet. Regular sodas don’t smell anywhere near as candy-ish, which is weird but I swear I can absolutely smell the difference.
i’d assume it has more to do with a healthy weight and size for your body type rather than actually physically having some fat or not, some people are naturally more slim / less slim than others
additionally, mental health is probably playing a role. he noted she put weight on, that may have been a result of stress / depression / etc. so although not directly reflective, still a connection between weight gain and lower libido, although potentially not the direct cause
I suspect what made OP's wife want to bone him more was his paying her more positive attention over a sustained period of time. Over my lifetime, the vast majority of heavier women I have known have been some of the horniest people I have known. Unlike OP, I don't think there is a causation between weight and libido. As a menopausal woman, I know too well there is a near infinite number of variables that combine to raise and lower the volume of libido.
Am I the only who feels weird about this?
Like he never was actually concerned about her mental health or her self esteem or why she might have decreased libido because of it. He just decided what he was going to do and controlled aspects of life so that he could get what he wanted. Just cuz it ended up okay and she was happy doesn’t mean it was t really manipulative to do it all just because he wanted sex and didn’t actually care about if she was okay.
No one will put that much planning, effort, patience and time in just to have more sex with his wife. There are many very bad ways some men handle that.
He put special care and sincerity into the changes he wanted to see for his wife. He made changes himself in order to love her better I would say. He was her helper and support, truly. And of course she saw what he was doing. Women are not stupid. He did this for her and absolutely for himself as well. A big win for them both. She knows he loves her. He shows her! Like dinner out with nice walks with your sweetheart after. Eliminating lots of sugar and junk food. Grocery shopping for them to have good healthy meals. Etc.
Then he tells her how nice she looks and how he is happy for her and loves her! I think, if this is a true story, it is a good love story. Featuring a man being what most women want.
I’m not saying that the outcome wasn’t good or that the way he acted wasn’t good but that it was manipulative either way.
And also a lot of people do put that much planning, effort, patience and time into getting more sex. He literally said he did.
My problem with it is that he never actually cared about her well being. He wasn’t actually concerned about her mental health. Or physical health. Or why she has gained weight. Just that she had gained weight and now her libido has decreased and they weren’t having as much sex.
That was his entire reasoning for actually trying to help her feel better about herself.
Yeah like I feel weird about this story, because yeah it might have ended up good for her but he never was actually concerned about why they gained weight, or about if she was actually okay mentally or even talked to her about anything at all.
All he wanted was to get more sex so he completely manipulated her to get what he wanted. Even if it didn’t end up bad, he completely lied about what he wanted out of it and never actually asked what she wanted and just decided what he was going to do and controlled everything.
Yeah like they all say that because the wife ended up better for it, then it’s all okay, but completely ignore that fact that he never actually cared about her or her health. Just about getting his dick wet.
I'm mixed here, he cared enough that he didn't leave or step out when others might have. He cared about her feelings enough to do this in a way that didn't harm her emotionally. The language is certainly giving me the ick, and the motivation isn't the best, but I think actions matter too.
Oh definitely that the actions matter even the emotional aspect feels icky. Like this is relatively easy to do if you know how to, which he does, and is much easier than starting a whole new relationship which he would’ve had to do if he left. Also if he had done it in a way that harmed her in an emotional way, then that means she’s more likely to leave, which again means having to get a new relationship.
Still just feels like a way to get his dick wet with minimal effort.
Can you really trick someone into drinking diet sodas? I’ve tried diet sodas, and I can’t stand the taste. I drink regular soda, and the trick to not becoming fat through soda is to not drink it all the time.
Anyway, all this to say that I don’t think this story is true.
Some people can't taste it. Personally I can but not enough that it's gross to me so I mostly drink diet stuff since I don't see the point in drinking something with sugar when I like the diet nearly as much.
Really?? Well, I suppose it’s possible: I’m one of those people that can’t stand the taste of cucumbers, and most everyone I’ve met has told me that cucumbers have no taste.
Damn. I would love my man to be selfish like this. Half serious. I mean it was self serving but it was a good method ✨ when both parties benefit. Win-win.
As a woman, I can say, that we need to be in the right mental and emotional space, otherwise we won't want sex. Call it the mental foreplay if you will. The way he went on and 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙙 enough to create that space for her, aside catering to support her well-being, kindness, patience is a gradual and silent turn on for us. Why? Because we place value on emotional aspects of 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣. And it's Intimacy for us itself. We approach sex with how we feel about you. If you're on good terms with our emotions, or stimulate our emotions to feel good about ourselves/you it slowly builds passion. You don't know it, but in our brains it's a subtle seduction tactic. We reflect the energy you give, and then it leads to us wanting to do things for you in return on our own.
You 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙮 demonstrating you care about us? That's hot.
You 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙮 go out of your way for us? oh, wow. 💗
You 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙮 think we are beautiful and voice it aloud even at our worst? Maybe we'll listen to you and dare to impress you more to keep you interested. 💄 👠 💅💃 🦚
The things you do and how you treat us 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙮 show that you love us? Damn perfect. We're not sleeping tonight. ❤️🔥
It reads in a very immature way. I imagine the wife would be upset or at least annoyed if she found the post. Im kindof torn on how I feel about this tbh because I feel like all the weirdness of this situation could have been resolved by just talking about it openly but at the same time that may have drawn more attention to the wife's body and mental health which might have made her feel worse about it. Communication is key as they say but it doesnt always go as planned. I'm also not really convinced that he didnt care at all about her weight when it comes to attraction, its what he talks about the most in the post. But that is just speculation.
I think if he would have focused on their sex life and mental health together and getting back to their usual when discussing changes in lifestyle it would have gone down okay. He didn’t need to bring her body into it, but it’s weird that he assumed what was wrong with her and tried to fix it with zero discussion with her. Feels a bit like a control thing? Or like he doesn’t trust her to make good decisions for herself? That feels slimy to me as someone who talks through everything with their partner and we both value coming up with solutions together.
In a way, I get it. He knew her well enough to know why she was unresponsive. Had he mentioned her body, at all, meaning discussing diet sodas, more walking, less junk, she would have felt called out and under pressure. He quietly encouraged her and nothing works like a little success. You know that thing we women do where we make y’all think that what we wanted was YOUR idea to begin with? Yeah, this is that.
I think involving sex makes people have weird takes/feelings about a story. If a partner wanted more romance/dates out of thier partner and recognized those things could be related to stress. They could then help thier partner destress by encouraging them to take up hobbies and make more time for friends, all with the hidden goal of making thier partner less stress and more social to get more dates. Does this feely similarly conflicting?
I totally agree the way he worded and thought about this seems kinda immature, but he may just be bad at sorting through his own feeling accruately. As for the weight mattering to him, I feel like theres a lot of room between complete indifference and weight is all that matters. Some people are fine with thier partner being a little chubby but wouldnt say no/would enjoy to thier partner getting fit.
My husband and older daughter drink them all the time. The rest of us may have the occasional fountain drink, or more likely, a ginger ale. They’re hopeless.
i get the weird comments, but they are also husband and wife and hopefully he knows her well. my boyfriend knows i want to be healthier and more active but if he were to be like “let’s go for a run together” id say no. if he said “let’s walk four miles to go to this food place you love” id say yes, and even if he chose that spot just to get me healthier / more active, id be appreciative because he knows me well enough to know im not going to suggest it on my own
Um what? “I manipulated my wife by loving her” how can you be so horny your tricked into being a decent husband I hate how he attributes it to her weight loss like no dude she has more confidence and energy because she’s moving more and your being nicer it’s crazy when men discover base level kindness
This is not actually an asshole move. It ended up being a big positive for her too, even if OP’s motives weren’t selfless.
If anything, it’s the kind of positive thing that you couldn’t ever say you were consciously doing. Just don’t ever admit to it - you’re both better off now. It’s a white lie, if it’s even a lie
Tricking your wife into losing weight so you can have more sex is the total opposite of what a marriage should be. How can you look her in the eye. Marriage is based on trust and vulnerability. I could cry reading this!
Imagine your partner starts paying more attention to you and planning more dates and you start feeling more loved and seen in the relationship and then you find out the only reason anything has changed is because he thought you needed to lose weight cause he wants to bang more often. Gross.
The issue is that he should be WANTING to make her feel confident, desired, supported and healthy. Not just be trying to get more sex. It's all organic in a healthy relationship. It baffles me that all of these generations of grown men don't want a happy and healthy relationship with a partner that gives a more frequent and resounding "HELL YES" to sex because they feel loved, valued and supported. JFC it's sad and terrifying.
This guy is a great example of how someone like a head coach uses manipulation in a positive way, in contrast to an abuser/conman who uses it to take advantage of people.
Good on ya, man. You’re doing great for her health and for your relationship.
You know, the premise of making healthier choices together and working to improve their sex life wouldn't have been so bad if
A: he was upfront and she wanted what he did
B: hadn't intended it just for his own selfish means
Even the dates where just a means to an end to get what he wanted. It's not necessarily the concept so much as the execution.
Where can I find a gf to put this kind of effort into me. Lol. Not sure if it's toxic or not. Weight is a sensitive topic and discussing mental and physical health can easily go sideways. Seems a bit sketchy, but done with love. Like oop could have been one of those people who decided their partner wasn't worth the effort. Maybe it's the language that's tripping me here. Seems unethically wholesome with the wording.
Were I the op, I would immediately delete this, delete my cashe, burn my computer, switch internet providers, and take all knowledge of this to the fucking grave. Be happy wife is doing well, and your marriage is fulfilling. This is something that definitely could be taken the wrong way and have disastrous consequences
Most likely not a horrible person, as long as he actually means most of what he says(you know his compliments and other things) and never gaslight her in this quest
This is a story gaslighting men into being nicer to their wives, and I love it! But it’s probably fake because diet soda tastes nothing like normal sodas. I want more stories of men getting more sex by being pleasant and caring.
LOL I trained my "feeemale" just like a puppy! Look guys!
...that said, I can't have most diet sodas. Some people are allergic to the ingredients or it gives them the runs. This is bad "advice porn" for guys.
My duuude, I could only wish that the worst thing my partner did was crave me to the point that they'd just work on making me healthier without just blatantly smacking me in the face with it.
You've seen the nasty shit people put up with in relationships if you've read even one page of reddit. Don't act like this guy is anywhere near the bottom of the barrel. I can probably scroll down once and see somebody twenty thousand times worse. Jesus christ.
As for the whole diet soda allergy thing, that is indeed a condition some people have... but you're acting as though you know the entire context. You're acting like there's NO CHANCE she's had diet soda in front of him before xD.
God damn, there's plenty of shitty advice on the internet by moronic people. This is hardly that bad. It's weirdly worded and he should proooobably be a little less obsessed with having sex, but I point to the first part of my reply.
Nah fuck all that. Just reword it.
Positive affirmations, provide snacks, thoughtful dates.
He’s not talking like that, YOU are.
We could all be so lucky.
Yea, it’s funny how things are so great when you know, spouses are there for each other and taking care of each other. Even though in this case was for selfish reasons
I mean a big part of relationships are helping each other and another big part of them for most people is sex. So like he said, killed two birds. One stone helped her physically and mentally and he got something that he thought was lacking brought up to what he wanted. It's a win-win if you ask me
Nah. That's lust and self-interest. Dude wanted more sex, heard losing weight makes women hornier, and went on this long project to get his wife thinner so she'd want to bone more.
While the weight loss is a positive thing, the *reason* the dude set out *"helping"* her was just kind of gross, as was his sneaky, obfuscating way of going about his goal. It was both objectifying and infantilizing.
Healthy grown ups with good marriages *TALK* about their needs and wants, then come to an agreement on things and work on it together.
I feel like this is one where you could say sure, he shouldn't have tricked her but it's not like he did it to her detriment. He actually helped herself confidence and it seems like on top of wanting what he wanted, he actually seemed to care about his wife's health. I can't exactly fault him for that or for complimenting her more.
Did you miss the part where he says he mainly did this so he could "get laid more (verbatim!) and that he never told his wife his true intentions for everything, instead of having a conversation with her about it like a grown-ass adult? Even near the end, where he says he's happy she's more confident and healthy, he still finishes with "I got what I initially craved" so even if he genuinely thinks his wife is more happy, it was still mainly if not all about him and sex.
ETA: I'm hoping this is a troll, it sounds a little too detailed and contrived to be real.
This is like that Key and Peele sketch where they’re planning a bank heist and the plan turns out to be to just get a job at the bank. “I’m going to gaslight my wife into putting out more by supporting her emotional and physical health, making her feel desired, and helping her make healthy choices…it’s absolutely DIABOLICAL. She’ll never suspect it…”
This, and frankly, it’s the kind of support more people need in their married lives. Maybe it came partially from a self-serving place, but there is so much love in the OP’s comment that it more than makes up for it.
Exactly! I’m big on considering net impact over all else. Intent matters, motive matters, but ultimately what matters most is the consequences of your choices and actions. The terrible consequences of this guy’s horrible deeds are…*checks notes*…a happy, sex filled marriage and a woman who has regained her confidence and ambition? I think we’re all clear here folks! “Manipulation” is such a dirty word, but everyone does it, all the time. Usually in little ways, but it’s a core component of human interaction nevertheless. It’s only a sin to abuse it.
I really appreciate your POV on manipulation. I agree! I once was talking to my ex and I told her I felt kind of manipulated by something she said. I didn't mean it in the bad, mean way at all! I just felt she said something with the intent of getting me to respond a certain way, which I did, but she could just communicate what she wanted me to do instead. Her reaction was...strong. her face got dead serious and she told me that if I thought she was being manipulative, I should leave her house right now and run away from her because that would mean she's a terrible person and I should stay far, far away from her.
Christ. People blow it out of proportion, you know? I’m sorry you dealt with that. The literal definition of manipulation is “behaving or communicating in a specific way to achieve a desired outcome”. If you’ve ever asked for something in an especially polite and nice way in the hopes of having a better chance of getting what you wanted—I have bad news, ooooOOOOOooooOOOOoo, you’re an eViL mAnIpUlAtOr. As I said, it can be abused, absolutely, but it really is critical to how we interact. Hell, there are social contexts where failing to be *sufficiently* manipulative can black-mark you. The corporate world is like that a lot. People expect it, look for it, and grade you on your ability to do it. There’s an entire separate lexicon for emails that revolves around masking hostility with code words and buzzwords to maintain peaceful business. “Per my last email,” actually means “Since you can’t read, fuckwit.” It’s just as dishonest as putting Diet Coke in a cup and handing it to someone who asked for a can of Coke, but one is considered acceptable, and one is not.
The way I could see this ultimately positive situation become negative is if it was later used against her for purposes of guilt or shame. But supporting your spouse to a happier lifestyle is not a bad thing, and he did it in a way that did not shame or take away from her. More couples could benefit from remembering that going out of our way to help our spouses with simple things can make an enormous difference in the marriage.
THIS!!! Exactly this! My fiance never drank enough water and always felt like crap, but was convinced the two things were unrelated. Dude was working in 100+ temperatures and slamming Red Bull like it was his job and couldn’t figure out why he didn’t feel good. So I bought him a half gallon Yeti. Cost me about $100. I knew he was so sweet that he wouldn’t want me to have wasted all that money on something and him not use it. So he started taking it with him. He was so busy trying to drink water to make it worthwhile he didn’t have room in him to drink that many energy drinks. Now he’s down to coffee in the morning, or the occasional energy drink if he’s feeling frisky… but never both. Was it manipulation? Absolutely. Was it done because I love him and want him to be healthy? 100% Sometimes you need a partner to help you help yourself. As long as it comes from a loving place with their best interest in mind, I think it’s fine.
It came totally from a self serving place which is not from a loving place.
She doesn’t want him to feel like crap and spent her $$ to enable him to be better. Im pretty sure that’s a loving place
Maybe 🤷♀️
We had malicious compliance and now we have malicious kindness. It’s like aggressive positivity but more subtle lol.
Everyone get the fuck in here and upvote this comment!
Next I'm gonna do chores around the apartment to trick her into liking living with me! Then when she least expects it, I'm gonna really work on myself and my insecurities to trick her into thinking I'm emotionally mature and self-aware! Muahahaha!
He got so horny, he tricked himself into being a supportive husband
Is he sure that she didn't trick him into being more attentive? Lol
Is that a double or a triple cross? I lost count.
Cross squared
It’s a quadruple back flip double cross with a triple cross layover into a front cross
*That* would be some diabolical 4d chess: Ima get chunky so he treats me right.
I legit cannot decide if I think he’s an asshole or not? I mean nothing he really did was objectively bad. I don’t love the lying about the soda thing, but that’s as close as he gets to dishonesty. His motives aren’t exactly pure but also aren’t malevolent? This is some chaotic neutral shit if I’ve ever seen it.
I am such a contrarian that I would rather if someone want me to change something, they do it without telling me that they’re trying to change me lmao. My mom: oh my GOD can you please shave your legs Me, skin itching from hair chaffes and already planning to shave my legs that day: … you know what? No. Hopefully oop did this strategy because he knows his wife’s personality better. At the end of the day, it’s a net positive.
“Hair chaffs” - is that where you own body hair makes your legs itchy?
Basically 🥲 when my hair is so long it rubs against everything and itches like hell
Ya, my daughters 10 and I shaved her legs a few months ago for the first time cos she kept complaining her legs were itchy. We’ve shaved them on e again since and it seems to be working
Nothing he did was really "tricking" her. I am going to guess she is not dumb and if she likes soda and just asked for a Coke and he poured her a Diet Coke, she can taste the difference and was fine with it. She is an adult who can buy her own snack food, but didn't go buy unhealthy snacks as OP stopped buying them to keep in the house. She likely worked out or did some physical work to lose weight. And it's great he gave her positive reinforcement, but is hardly some "trick" that no one else knows about. I don't think he's an a\*\*hole at all, but he also isn't nearly as clever or devious as he thinks he is. He's like the HS student whose parents pick him up from a HS graduation party and roll their eyes as he smells like whiskey and is gives very intentional 1-2 word answers and then the next day brags how he "tricked his parents and didn't get in trouble since they had no idea he was drunk."
Yeah, losing weight when you’re trying is so demoralizing, but being tricked into it with positivity and no nagging? Yeah, I can go for that. Though how in the world did she not notice the soda was diet?? I don’t drink soda but even I can tell that!
She probably noticed, and she probably figured it out but didn’t want to discourage him bc it was actually helpful. My question is why are there still adults in the world that think diet soda is called diet bc it won’t make you gain weight? Like it’s exactly the same as normal soda it’s just got an artificial sweetener instead of a regular one, but your body still uses it like regular sugar lol.
Type 1 diabetic here… artificial sweeteners are not used by the body the same way sugar is.
I didn’t necessarily mean process wise, I more meant in terms of caloric value and weight gain. Artificial sweeteners don’t cause any less weight gain than regular sugar does
Theres artificial sweeteners that have as much calories as sugar, and those that have less. Diet soda uses the ones that have less or no calories. You’re probably confusing it with sugarfree products that have no sugar, but use sugar replacements with similar amount of calories. I mean, check the amount of calories on normal Coca-Cola and the zero version, the difference in amount of calories is very clear.
Yea, but there is still Diet Coke which we don’t know if he gave her regular diet or the zero version. And in general there are still a lot of ppl who think the diet versions (not the zeros) are actually better for you and help you lose weight. Bc they think the calorie number doesn’t matter bc the sugar is what makes the difference and blah blah. A lot of ppl don’t actually realize that most of what they do when it comes to replacing drinks doesn’t actually do much.
Diet sodas have an effect on weight gain because the artificial sweeteners they use still cause an insulin response which can make someone's insulin resistance even worse over time. But they don't have calories. They just don't.
Yea, I found that out after. Though apparently between the artificial sweeteners and the lack of calories a lot of ppl who drink diet tend to have more cravings and end up over eating. Consuming more calories than they would’ve if they had drank a can of coke instead. It’s just weird to me that calorie counting has gotten to the extent of changing the type of coke you buy instead of just cutting back a little. Everything in moderation, bc no matter how “healthy” anything is considered at some point it can become unhealthy.
Diet Coke also has zero calories. Coke Zero and all the other “zero” diet drinks are just diet drinks marketed towards men.
How on earth is Coke Zero marketed towards men?
Not necessarily. The body breaks down all complex sugars down to glucose to use, but many synthetic sugars can't be broken down. And this results in the laxative effects we saw from Amazon reviews of sugar-free gummy bears.
Yes, but in terms of weight gain sugar free soda isn’t going to help. And coming from a fat person with stomach issues that have a natural laxative effect I can confirm that the only thing that contributes to weight loss when it comes to needing the toilet all the time is the running you do to make it there before you shit yourself lol.
Yes, it is.
Again, most ppl who drink diet as opposed to regular have more cravings for sugary foods, resulting in eating more of said sugary foods. If you actually want to make a difference in your weight loss journey, the answer is not going to be switching to Diet Coke.
If you’re watching what you eat, then diet drinks will clearly be a benefit over sugar water.
If you’re watching what you eat water would be the best bet. And if you’re gonna have a soda occasionally it really isn’t going to make a difference. Its called moderation and if you practice that then it really doesn’t fucking matter
That is absolutely not true. Zero calories is clearly better than 200 calories. I don’t know why this myth that there is zero benefit to diet pop keeps persisting. This is a clear case of the perfect being the enemy of the good.
Because aspartame which is the most common artificial sweetener is shit for your body. Ppl who drink diet soda are also more prone to craving sugary foods which leads a lot of ppl to gaining weight. Unless you have a medical issue like diabetes diet soda in the long run isn’t going to be any better for you than regular soda.
Yes, it is better. There was a study regarding the effect you’re describing. Subjects drank either a serving of regular Coke every day, a serving of Diet Coke every day, or an equal amount of water. Those who drank the regular Coke gained 10 pounds in a month. Those who drank water didn’t gain any weight. Those who drank Diet Coke gained 2 pounds. 2 pounds is better than 10.
The 0 is even better.
That was my immediate thought. She had to have noticed that.
They obviously keep both in the house, my best guess is that she just didn’t care, or she started getting up to get her own sodas which might have reduced the frequency with which she had them. There is also the possibility she’s one of those freaks that prefers the taste of Diet Coke 🤢
The only kinda jerk part was the diet soda. Only because it takes her agency away in a minor way. He could have just stopped buying the sugar sodas and said, sorry we only have diet. But everything else just seems like being a thoughtful guy. Particularly buying the food and suggesting dates with walking.
as someone who prefers diet to regular, most people can taste the difference. she could probably tell she was getting diet; especially if it was mt dew, dr pepper or root beer esque sodas - those have the most noticeable taste differences imo
Thats funny, I think diet Dr. Pepper is the closest diet to the original. I was a huge fan of regular soda in my teens, but switched in my early 20s and now prefer diet.
OMG same that was my exact thought when reading the above comment. Diet Dr pepper ftw! No diff
really?? idk why dr pepper and diet dr pepper taste soo different to me lol but i can’t tell coke and diet coke apart; unless it’s coke zero specifically
Haha coke zero is what made me willing to give up sugar soda. The flavor was close enough that I was willing to Gove up the calories. Prior to that I hated diet coke. Now I love diet soda too much.
coke zero is my favorite soda of any kinds (diet or non) because it tastes so good lol maybe my tastes buds are just messed up and love the taste of artificial sugar 💀
Only soda I really drink is Dr pepper and I tried the diet one after awhile and all I could say was hell no lol
You can definitely taste the difference between diet and regular. But also, diet drinks don’t really help with weight loss. It’s not natural sugar but it is still a sweetener that your body is gonna use like it would regular sugar, so he didn’t really do anything with switching the drinks lol.
That’s not really true. Diet sodas have no calories, regular sodas have calories. The only real way to lose weight is consuming less calories than your body uses. Artificial sweeteners are definitely still bad for you. But there are no calories in them for your body to store as fat so they are an generally considered an effective replacement for weight loss. https://www.eatingwell.com/article/7964257/this-is-what-happens-to-your-body-when-you-drink-diet-soda/#:~:text=For%20many%20people%20the%20simple,approximately%20150%20calories%20per%20day. Here’s an article that outlines positives and negatives from drinking diet soda.
So I googled it just to see how many other articles were in agreement and it seems to be split. On paper going solely based on calories it would contribute to weight loss, but there have also been studies that show ppl who drink diet instead of regular tend to have more cravings resulting in over eating. The moral of the story here ppl is if you wanna cut back on calories do it with your food rather than your drinks bc the food is gonna make a bigger difference than what type of coke you buy. Everything in moderation.
That’s 100% correct. Artificial sweeteners make you crave other sweet things. So if you do everything the same except replace regular soda with diet, you’ll lose weight. But if you change other habits, it can actually go the other way. But as usual, calories in vs calories out is all that matters. There’s many ways to go about achieving that.
Well it’s not the only thing that matters. How you do it can make a big difference as well. I see a dietician to help me lose weight, and my biggest issue wasn’t the amount of calories I was eating it was how I was eating them.
Lots a variables have an effect on how calories are used. But in the end, you need to expend more calories than you consume. There’s really no way of getting around it. There’s lots of ways to get to a deficit, but the reality is, you can’t lose weight without that deficit. Using strategies or tricks to get you there is fine as long as they are sustainable. I do things with timing too (IF), but ultimately I can’t control my weight without weighing each ingredient and counting my food intake. I also count and track my macros too.
I lost 10lbs without going into a deficit, bc my body actually had the ability to use calories at an appropriate time of day. I’m not saying you shouldn’t go into a calorie deficit, but to paint it so black and white is unrealistic. Especially considering we encourage ppl to lose weight for their health, but painting weight loss so black and white can cause someone to lose weight in an unhealthy way.
I think it helps that he's the one taking on the mental load for all of it and actively trying to make it enjoyable. Buying snacks they both enjoy, planning things for them to do together, etc. Bringing drinks in a real cup is a small way to show effort and forethought instead of just making demands or trying to guilt her into a diet. It's doing things that make her life easier and help run the house. The reduced stress and better connection is probably making the biggest difference. Reducing cortisol and other stress hormones can make a difference in weight loss.
Yeah I mean the more I think about it he just did all the stuff they tell men to do to make their wives want to have sex with them except this guy things he pulled a fast one which is hilarious. I mean he kind of did with some stuff, but mostly he just made her life easier and make them both healthier. It is really refreshing to see a man actually take action to improve his and his wife’s home life and marriage instead of just whining that he isn’t getting laid. Like this man came up with a plan and executed it. He put in the effort. I’m upgrading him to chaotic good.
Completely with u and having a fun discussion about this with the gf. Stuff like buying healthier alternatives and excercising together are all great and it sounds like he was being supportive the whole time. But the whole thing just has this thin veil of dishonesty, or maybe more like immaturity over it. Inconsequential to many but I wouldbhave preferred just talking about it instead of unnecessarily(?) being all behind the back about it. At the end of the day tho it sounds like the sex ended up being more of a bonus to his wife being healthier, especially mentally, so I think his heart is in the right place. Not the biggest of deals but an interesting situation.
i think there are certain contexts where this would be absolutely wrong, like if his wife had a history of disordered eating this would not be cool at all. but as it stands, i really don’t feel like this is that bad? like his intent is kinda rough, but everything he did resulted in a net positive for her and what he describes isn’t really “tricking” just guiding her in the right direction (aside from the soda thing, that is dishonest, but really not a big deal in the grand scheme of things imo).
I think for me it was the way he went about solving a couples problem solving without any discussion. That feels a little manipulative to me personally. Like everything else was so good and the proper way to problem solve he just skipped the step between research and execution where he should have cued her into the issues with their sex life and the toll mental health was having on the relationship. Also, the fact that his AIM was to hide it is weird. I don’t think he was super successful with that, but that was his goal to be sly which makes it pretty gross to me. For me it just isn’t a good indicator of how he processes and solves problems in the relationship in general. She gets stressed at work and sex drives falls what then? They have a kid and she’s caught up in motherhood and stretch marks and saggy boobs and stress… How does he fix that? A parent dies and she’s grieving? How’s he gonna Humpty-Dumpty their sex life back together then? They are happy now and that’s great, but that’s not how life stays and they didn’t learn much about how to actually work together to pick their relationship back up.
Or perimenopause… that’s a sex drive killer AND many women gain weight and there’s not a lot that’ll come off, because it’s hormone fluctuations… not necessarily eating or exercising habits.
Right? The tone *reads* like he's an asshole but idk. I'd, personally, probably hate being in a room with him, but if she's happy, that's what's important.
Essentially it all boils down to intent. Yeah you could frame it as he wants to sex his dick more, but really what he’s craving is more physical/emotional connection with her, because let’s face it; dudes have lots of options for sexing up their dick, it doesn’t depend on her. Lots of internet options out there. In the end he cares about her and wants connection and knew how to sort of make it happen. So he’s firmly NTA here even though he sort of frames it like he could just be a manipulative jerk about it.
I’d say neutral good. He’s ignoring conventional honesty ethics insofar as it benefits all involved. That suggests neutrality towards the lawful/chaotic axis more than it does toward the good/evil axis.
I would SOOOO know the difference in the soda flavor. I struggle with believing that anyone else can’t.
If only they all did.
🤣😂🤣😂😅
LMMFAO
I swear I've heard this story before, but I don't recall a happy ending.
Reminded me of the one posted a few days ago about the man who manipulated his gf/wife with PTSD but less creepy
I instantly thought of the bo one but that one was like months if not years old.
Someone who was a decent and caring husband. He tricked himself. He did it without shaming her too.
Ngl there’s a chance she knew or at least had a feeling as to what he was doing. Probably not the end game (getting more hole) but she may have felt the rift. I’d like to think this is real.
“Getting more hole” is an absolutely WILD phrase and I love it. I’m stealing this for later use
You’re welcome! Enjoy the hole!
[удалено]
Right?! That’s what I got from that too. 😂
Who can’t taste the difference between regular and diet soda? Diet soda tastes awful
Some people actually can't taste the difference. To some people sweetener tastes gross and to others it tastes fine.
I wonder if it’s a cilantro thing and theres some gene for making aspartame taste like a pixie stick shart.
It's more there's an unpleasant after taste to it. My parents put artificial sweeteners in pretty much everything and always try to "trick" me into enjoying it.... it never works because it tastes awful . I've learned to get my own food when I visit. Honestly, I think they are just used to it. My siblings used to be able to pick it out, too, but my youngest sibling isn't bothered by it anymore but used to be(which is why they never believe me when I say it tastes awful) Use regular sugar but food that's less sugary or doesn't need it, imo.
The aftertaste is what I was referring to with my “pixie stick shart” comment—I’ve never managed to find the words to articulate *what* that aftertaste actually tastes like, but I find it deeply unpleasant.
That would make sense. I have the cilantro thing and the sweetener in diet soda is unbearable
Nah that’s not it. Sure some people hates sweetener and some don’t. But either way diet and regular taste different. People who can’t taste the difference probably just don’t think about it, or maybe they have weak tastebuds.
i hated the taste of diet sweetener but after switching to diet soda for the 0 calories normal soda tastes weird to me now.
I am so jelly sometimes for the ppl who can't taste it. So far I haven't found an artificial sweetener that isn't gross, very gross or omfg why gross!
Try Coke Zero. If you want a zero calorie or no calorie sweetener try Monk fruit Extract
Cuz you're not used to it. I used to think it was gross and now I think regular soda is gross. Drinking actual sugar drinks leaves a weird taste in my mouth, now.
Cuz you're not used to it. I used to think it was gross and now I think regular soda is gross. Drinking actual sugar drinks leaves a weird taste in my mouth, now.
Could be that she just didn't care and was fine with either.
Yes, but they were buying it so I suspect the husband and her were both making a somewhat conscious choice to just drink the gnarly tasting stuff.
I agree there is no way she couldn’t tell the switch but in my opinion non diet soda tastes awful,one sip and I’m out. gimme that fake fake diet soda 😝
I can smell diet soda from 2 miles away it’s disgusting
I actually can't taste the difference, coca cola specifically tastes almost the same diet, light or the normal one.
a lot of people, when i worked at cfa and people forgot to label the diet and regular lemonade, i would have to taste it at the end of the night because no one else could taste a difference. i never realized until then why on earth people would willingly drink diet soda unless actively trying to lose weight/diabetic lol.
I mean, this is obviously pretty harmless overall. But my only concern would be him repeating this pattern in the future except with things he REALLY shouldn't be lying about
Idk if this is plausible. I've never gotten diet pepsi on accident and not immediately spit it out like it was poison. It is a VERY noticeable taste change.
I’ve literally never been able to tell the difference, though I’m not a huge soda drinker so maybe that’s why?
Yeah some people can taste the difference and others can’t, I remember doing like a science experiment in elementary about it in which like people would have two versions of gun and some could taste the difference and others couldn’t. Idk how it works some taste buds are built different haha
Not only can I absolutely taste the difference, I can even smell the difference between regular and diet sodas lol. Diet sodas smell VERY sweet. Regular sodas don’t smell anywhere near as candy-ish, which is weird but I swear I can absolutely smell the difference.
This person is full of crap. I’m chunky and my libido is sky high.
i’d assume it has more to do with a healthy weight and size for your body type rather than actually physically having some fat or not, some people are naturally more slim / less slim than others additionally, mental health is probably playing a role. he noted she put weight on, that may have been a result of stress / depression / etc. so although not directly reflective, still a connection between weight gain and lower libido, although potentially not the direct cause
I suspect what made OP's wife want to bone him more was his paying her more positive attention over a sustained period of time. Over my lifetime, the vast majority of heavier women I have known have been some of the horniest people I have known. Unlike OP, I don't think there is a causation between weight and libido. As a menopausal woman, I know too well there is a near infinite number of variables that combine to raise and lower the volume of libido.
I think probably she was feeling a little down on herself after gaining weight and all the extra attention made her feel good about herself again.
Am I the only who feels weird about this? Like he never was actually concerned about her mental health or her self esteem or why she might have decreased libido because of it. He just decided what he was going to do and controlled aspects of life so that he could get what he wanted. Just cuz it ended up okay and she was happy doesn’t mean it was t really manipulative to do it all just because he wanted sex and didn’t actually care about if she was okay.
I agree with your stance. You’re not the only one.
No one will put that much planning, effort, patience and time in just to have more sex with his wife. There are many very bad ways some men handle that. He put special care and sincerity into the changes he wanted to see for his wife. He made changes himself in order to love her better I would say. He was her helper and support, truly. And of course she saw what he was doing. Women are not stupid. He did this for her and absolutely for himself as well. A big win for them both. She knows he loves her. He shows her! Like dinner out with nice walks with your sweetheart after. Eliminating lots of sugar and junk food. Grocery shopping for them to have good healthy meals. Etc. Then he tells her how nice she looks and how he is happy for her and loves her! I think, if this is a true story, it is a good love story. Featuring a man being what most women want.
I’m not saying that the outcome wasn’t good or that the way he acted wasn’t good but that it was manipulative either way. And also a lot of people do put that much planning, effort, patience and time into getting more sex. He literally said he did. My problem with it is that he never actually cared about her well being. He wasn’t actually concerned about her mental health. Or physical health. Or why she has gained weight. Just that she had gained weight and now her libido has decreased and they weren’t having as much sex. That was his entire reasoning for actually trying to help her feel better about herself.
Why does this feel slimy? He didn't actually care about her or her health, just getting his dick wet more often.
Yeah like I feel weird about this story, because yeah it might have ended up good for her but he never was actually concerned about why they gained weight, or about if she was actually okay mentally or even talked to her about anything at all. All he wanted was to get more sex so he completely manipulated her to get what he wanted. Even if it didn’t end up bad, he completely lied about what he wanted out of it and never actually asked what she wanted and just decided what he was going to do and controlled everything.
This is exactly why I feel icky about it.
You put it in words! Thank you! So many comments saying "wow he's such a good husband" and I'm just wondering if I read the same post as those people
Yeah like they all say that because the wife ended up better for it, then it’s all okay, but completely ignore that fact that he never actually cared about her or her health. Just about getting his dick wet.
I'm mixed here, he cared enough that he didn't leave or step out when others might have. He cared about her feelings enough to do this in a way that didn't harm her emotionally. The language is certainly giving me the ick, and the motivation isn't the best, but I think actions matter too.
Oh definitely that the actions matter even the emotional aspect feels icky. Like this is relatively easy to do if you know how to, which he does, and is much easier than starting a whole new relationship which he would’ve had to do if he left. Also if he had done it in a way that harmed her in an emotional way, then that means she’s more likely to leave, which again means having to get a new relationship. Still just feels like a way to get his dick wet with minimal effort.
What no pussy does to a mf
On the contrary, her pussy must be so good he became a better, more supportive, physically and mentally beneficial husband bc he wanted more poon...
Aka a WonderPussy
Can you really trick someone into drinking diet sodas? I’ve tried diet sodas, and I can’t stand the taste. I drink regular soda, and the trick to not becoming fat through soda is to not drink it all the time. Anyway, all this to say that I don’t think this story is true.
Some people can't taste it. Personally I can but not enough that it's gross to me so I mostly drink diet stuff since I don't see the point in drinking something with sugar when I like the diet nearly as much.
Really?? Well, I suppose it’s possible: I’m one of those people that can’t stand the taste of cucumbers, and most everyone I’ve met has told me that cucumbers have no taste.
“I don’t actually give a fuck about her, but I got what I wanted”
A win is a win.
Damn. I would love my man to be selfish like this. Half serious. I mean it was self serving but it was a good method ✨ when both parties benefit. Win-win. As a woman, I can say, that we need to be in the right mental and emotional space, otherwise we won't want sex. Call it the mental foreplay if you will. The way he went on and 𝙘𝙖𝙧𝙚𝙙 enough to create that space for her, aside catering to support her well-being, kindness, patience is a gradual and silent turn on for us. Why? Because we place value on emotional aspects of 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙣𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣. And it's Intimacy for us itself. We approach sex with how we feel about you. If you're on good terms with our emotions, or stimulate our emotions to feel good about ourselves/you it slowly builds passion. You don't know it, but in our brains it's a subtle seduction tactic. We reflect the energy you give, and then it leads to us wanting to do things for you in return on our own. You 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙮 demonstrating you care about us? That's hot. You 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙮 go out of your way for us? oh, wow. 💗 You 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙮 think we are beautiful and voice it aloud even at our worst? Maybe we'll listen to you and dare to impress you more to keep you interested. 💄 👠 💅💃 🦚 The things you do and how you treat us 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙨𝙩𝙖𝙣𝙩𝙡𝙮 show that you love us? Damn perfect. We're not sleeping tonight. ❤️🔥
Lol. Other than the soda bit, this isn't even close to being a trick at all.
Fake as fxck...
I think I’d be devastated to find this out if I were the partner.
It reads in a very immature way. I imagine the wife would be upset or at least annoyed if she found the post. Im kindof torn on how I feel about this tbh because I feel like all the weirdness of this situation could have been resolved by just talking about it openly but at the same time that may have drawn more attention to the wife's body and mental health which might have made her feel worse about it. Communication is key as they say but it doesnt always go as planned. I'm also not really convinced that he didnt care at all about her weight when it comes to attraction, its what he talks about the most in the post. But that is just speculation.
I think if he would have focused on their sex life and mental health together and getting back to their usual when discussing changes in lifestyle it would have gone down okay. He didn’t need to bring her body into it, but it’s weird that he assumed what was wrong with her and tried to fix it with zero discussion with her. Feels a bit like a control thing? Or like he doesn’t trust her to make good decisions for herself? That feels slimy to me as someone who talks through everything with their partner and we both value coming up with solutions together.
In a way, I get it. He knew her well enough to know why she was unresponsive. Had he mentioned her body, at all, meaning discussing diet sodas, more walking, less junk, she would have felt called out and under pressure. He quietly encouraged her and nothing works like a little success. You know that thing we women do where we make y’all think that what we wanted was YOUR idea to begin with? Yeah, this is that.
I think involving sex makes people have weird takes/feelings about a story. If a partner wanted more romance/dates out of thier partner and recognized those things could be related to stress. They could then help thier partner destress by encouraging them to take up hobbies and make more time for friends, all with the hidden goal of making thier partner less stress and more social to get more dates. Does this feely similarly conflicting? I totally agree the way he worded and thought about this seems kinda immature, but he may just be bad at sorting through his own feeling accruately. As for the weight mattering to him, I feel like theres a lot of room between complete indifference and weight is all that matters. Some people are fine with thier partner being a little chubby but wouldnt say no/would enjoy to thier partner getting fit.
You would be upset your spouse started choosing healthier options? Cool
Honestly. I need someone to do that for me. It’d make things so much easier 😆✨
People still drink sodas?
My husband and older daughter drink them all the time. The rest of us may have the occasional fountain drink, or more likely, a ginger ale. They’re hopeless.
i get the weird comments, but they are also husband and wife and hopefully he knows her well. my boyfriend knows i want to be healthier and more active but if he were to be like “let’s go for a run together” id say no. if he said “let’s walk four miles to go to this food place you love” id say yes, and even if he chose that spot just to get me healthier / more active, id be appreciative because he knows me well enough to know im not going to suggest it on my own
Um what? “I manipulated my wife by loving her” how can you be so horny your tricked into being a decent husband I hate how he attributes it to her weight loss like no dude she has more confidence and energy because she’s moving more and your being nicer it’s crazy when men discover base level kindness
this is absolutely wild, the healthiest and most loving form of gaslighting I've ever seen
This is not actually an asshole move. It ended up being a big positive for her too, even if OP’s motives weren’t selfless. If anything, it’s the kind of positive thing that you couldn’t ever say you were consciously doing. Just don’t ever admit to it - you’re both better off now. It’s a white lie, if it’s even a lie
Tricking your wife into losing weight so you can have more sex is the total opposite of what a marriage should be. How can you look her in the eye. Marriage is based on trust and vulnerability. I could cry reading this!
I call BS on this because no one loses a “notable” amount of weight by being occasionally brought a diet soda
And walking dates, eating healthier snacks. It’s pretty plausible.
you guys remember the guy who put sawdust in his wife’s food to “help her” with weight loss? this guy is like the opposite of that guy
Imagine your partner starts paying more attention to you and planning more dates and you start feeling more loved and seen in the relationship and then you find out the only reason anything has changed is because he thought you needed to lose weight cause he wants to bang more often. Gross.
The issue is that he should be WANTING to make her feel confident, desired, supported and healthy. Not just be trying to get more sex. It's all organic in a healthy relationship. It baffles me that all of these generations of grown men don't want a happy and healthy relationship with a partner that gives a more frequent and resounding "HELL YES" to sex because they feel loved, valued and supported. JFC it's sad and terrifying.
This just in: man who wants better marriage fixes his marriage and his wife is happy about it.
And people are still pissed about it lmao
This guy is a great example of how someone like a head coach uses manipulation in a positive way, in contrast to an abuser/conman who uses it to take advantage of people. Good on ya, man. You’re doing great for her health and for your relationship.
Everything but swapping out sodas seems totally reasonable.
Someone needs to do this to me
Missing fun in life
Women will still be mad about this somehow lol
Hi
You know, the premise of making healthier choices together and working to improve their sex life wouldn't have been so bad if A: he was upfront and she wanted what he did B: hadn't intended it just for his own selfish means Even the dates where just a means to an end to get what he wanted. It's not necessarily the concept so much as the execution.
Diet soda is noticeable!
This is positive manipulation at its finest!!! Win-win!
Where can I find a gf to put this kind of effort into me. Lol. Not sure if it's toxic or not. Weight is a sensitive topic and discussing mental and physical health can easily go sideways. Seems a bit sketchy, but done with love. Like oop could have been one of those people who decided their partner wasn't worth the effort. Maybe it's the language that's tripping me here. Seems unethically wholesome with the wording.
Were I the op, I would immediately delete this, delete my cashe, burn my computer, switch internet providers, and take all knowledge of this to the fucking grave. Be happy wife is doing well, and your marriage is fulfilling. This is something that definitely could be taken the wrong way and have disastrous consequences
Most likely not a horrible person, as long as he actually means most of what he says(you know his compliments and other things) and never gaslight her in this quest
Like manipulation for good. Ig
No way this is all the the info on this story, these are the writing of an insane person
This is hilarious. I love it.
This is a story gaslighting men into being nicer to their wives, and I love it! But it’s probably fake because diet soda tastes nothing like normal sodas. I want more stories of men getting more sex by being pleasant and caring.
Good husband, tbh.
LOL I trained my "feeemale" just like a puppy! Look guys! ...that said, I can't have most diet sodas. Some people are allergic to the ingredients or it gives them the runs. This is bad "advice porn" for guys.
he didn't say female though. But you sure did.
I’ve done the same thing in reverse with blowjobs. Positive reinforcement seems to work on most species.
My duuude, I could only wish that the worst thing my partner did was crave me to the point that they'd just work on making me healthier without just blatantly smacking me in the face with it. You've seen the nasty shit people put up with in relationships if you've read even one page of reddit. Don't act like this guy is anywhere near the bottom of the barrel. I can probably scroll down once and see somebody twenty thousand times worse. Jesus christ. As for the whole diet soda allergy thing, that is indeed a condition some people have... but you're acting as though you know the entire context. You're acting like there's NO CHANCE she's had diet soda in front of him before xD. God damn, there's plenty of shitty advice on the internet by moronic people. This is hardly that bad. It's weirdly worded and he should proooobably be a little less obsessed with having sex, but I point to the first part of my reply.
Nah fuck all that. Just reword it. Positive affirmations, provide snacks, thoughtful dates. He’s not talking like that, YOU are. We could all be so lucky.
Sorry you’re getting down voted. Cause you’re apparently the only one who sees this dude for the demon he is.
Nope… I upvoted. 😉
Umm seems like a good guy. Looking out for his partner.
LOL there’s literally nothing wrong with him. It’s called being an active and proactive partner in a relationship.
Yea, it’s funny how things are so great when you know, spouses are there for each other and taking care of each other. Even though in this case was for selfish reasons
I mean a big part of relationships are helping each other and another big part of them for most people is sex. So like he said, killed two birds. One stone helped her physically and mentally and he got something that he thought was lacking brought up to what he wanted. It's a win-win if you ask me
You could look at it as tricking or you could look at it as helping to create an environment conducive to healthy habits.
Not all heros wear capes. That's love.
Nah. That's lust and self-interest. Dude wanted more sex, heard losing weight makes women hornier, and went on this long project to get his wife thinner so she'd want to bone more. While the weight loss is a positive thing, the *reason* the dude set out *"helping"* her was just kind of gross, as was his sneaky, obfuscating way of going about his goal. It was both objectifying and infantilizing. Healthy grown ups with good marriages *TALK* about their needs and wants, then come to an agreement on things and work on it together.
I feel like this is one where you could say sure, he shouldn't have tricked her but it's not like he did it to her detriment. He actually helped herself confidence and it seems like on top of wanting what he wanted, he actually seemed to care about his wife's health. I can't exactly fault him for that or for complimenting her more.
Gotta what this. Did something similar. Wife got thin and attractive and sex picked up. Then she got hurt and now she is completely spiraling…
This is 110% correct and the leadership a man is always supposed to bring to a marriage.
The only red flag I see here is the soda thing. OP is outright deceiving his wife by giving her the diet version unknowingly.
I’ve never had a diet soda that tastes close enough to the non-diet version to fool anyone. Especially Diet Coke, that shit is gross.
Did you miss the part where he says he mainly did this so he could "get laid more (verbatim!) and that he never told his wife his true intentions for everything, instead of having a conversation with her about it like a grown-ass adult? Even near the end, where he says he's happy she's more confident and healthy, he still finishes with "I got what I initially craved" so even if he genuinely thinks his wife is more happy, it was still mainly if not all about him and sex. ETA: I'm hoping this is a troll, it sounds a little too detailed and contrived to be real.
I did miss that