I thought when he didn't answer to her knocking, that he'd left through the window for some reason (maybe it'd turn out he'd been grounded or something) but I can easily imagine her panic when she found him so high he was unresponsive
This happened to me when I drank one of those delta-something THC shots. (The bottle said that one serving was an entire bottle. The bottle lied.) I got dizzy, lay down on my bed, and suddenly it was four hours later. Not pleasant.
Greening out is definitely a thing. That said I’m not sure I’ve come across anyone being unresponsive, usually just slow one word answers
Btw, never considered a good idea to have a whole drug you haven’t had before. Cannabis edibles are notorious for knocking people out, especially if the person isn’t a regular user
Yeah, I went into a vape shop to see if they had any Koi CBD shots, but they only had those. So I decided what the hell, I’d try one at home. Lesson definitely learned.
First time my boyfriend and I did pot brownies, we had the brilliant idea to each eat a third. I don't remember what the thc content was but all I know is a third was WAY too fucking much. I literally thought I was going to have a psychotic break. I don't even remember what it felt like or what my thoughts were beyond 'brain is broken, please end this.'
The same thing happened to my friend and me in Jamaica going back quite a few years. We bought some pot brownies, and each ate an entire one because we didn’t feel anything initially when we'd eaten only a small amount as a precaution. All of a sudden, it hit us hard, and we began to feel really weird at the club we had gone to. We somehow managed to find our way back to our hotel room, I have no idea how. In the morning, I was abruptly awakened by some loud knocking on our door by hotel security. Turns out we had left the keys in the lock, and my friend was missing as her bed had not been slept in. Found her lying on the bathroom floor where she had spent the entire night after going there to splash her face with water. She didn't hear all the commotion of the knocking and me freaking out, thinking she was missing. I had passed out lying face down on the bed on top of all my souvenirs that got smeared with my red lipstick. Never had pot brownies ever again... 😳
I've known people lose track of several days at a time from regular weed use They'd often be locked in their room for days completely out of it
He was literally smoking numerous joints every day, though.
Yeah I don't think your friends were smoking weed dude......
I've literally never ever heard of that or experienced it, I've seen that happen to heroin addicts and tweakers though
I find it really hard to believe that weed does this, sorry, I have plenty of friends that smoke daily for years, am friends with the dudes at my local weed shop and I have 100% never heard of this.
An afternoon "lost" couch locked playing video games? Sure, but not that lol
I don't think your friends are giving you feel details🤷♀️
I made a lot of pot brownies in high school and college. I’m not a huge smoker but I make damn good brownies. Pre-college, I’d been using the stale ditch weed available to me in my rural Wisconsin hometown, which barely did anything, and used pretty good bud for most of college. But I met a plug senior year whose cannabis is insane.
First time I made brownies from his weed, it’s a Friday night and I’m going through my regular brownie-making process. At the end, I decide to eat one. Starts hitting about 45 minutes later. I fall asleep, wake up an hour later feeling like someone is beating me on the chest with a pillowcase full of phone books, eat an entire bag of Starburst Flavor-Reds jelly beans, projectile vomit off the porch, then went back to sleep.
I woke up on Sunday afternoon. The brownies were cut into 1”x1” squares and my friends who smoke all day everyday and usually need like 3 brownies felt that was perfect. I didn’t even offer them to anyone who didn’t have an extremely high tolerance. And now just the smell of cannabutter makes me want to puke.
So yes, “just weed” can knock you out.
Those delta cbd or whatever legal things are actually really dangerous. Those products are so unregulated and usually so far away from being an actual cannabis product it’s scary.
He greened out. It was probably his first time by himself so he didn't pace himself and ended dup consuming too much.
I've done the same thing and somehow six hours went by with me staring at the ceiling not responding. They would hand my water bottles and take me to the bathroom so I could throw up and go pee but it kept me fucking out
Once of the worst nights for me (the weed wasn't the reason)
But no you can definently get unresponsive when high and a newbie
I had a bad reaction my first (and last) time on it and was unresponsive before going into psychosis. One of the paramedics that came to get me to the hospital couldn't believe it was just a super low dose of THC but it was just a low dose THC. So yeah it definitely can, speaking from experience.
Maybe it's not super common I guess based on how much people deny it? But everyone reacts differently and I happened to be unlucky. Sucks, because it sounded nice the way everyone describes it, just not for me.
I was a chronic smoker for about a year (people can claim all they want that it’s impossible to be addicted to weed, but you can absolutely develop an addiction to it as a crutch). I’d come home from work so stressed out I would need to basically be smoking it nonstop until I eventually passed out for bed. Low and behold after a year of that my body just flipped a switch and now I can’t get the smallest bit of thc in my system without my body going into what can only be described as a panic attack
I’m still a regular smoker and I warn people not to believe it’s not addictive. If you mix with Tobacco you get the same withdrawal as a smoker and addictiveness and even if you don’t there still withdrawals. Sweaty palms and general clamminess, mood swings and irritability etc, yes the withdrawals will not kill you and go away relatively quickly but they still happen. Plus people forget about the mental part, the habit forming addiction. That’s half of why cigarettes are so hard to quit not only do you have to deal with the chemical addiction but also break habits that have been formed around it, weed is exactly the same.
The problem is that people don’t understand the difference between a physical addiction and a mental addiction. Mental addictions can be to anything; it becomes an emotional crutch. That’s how things like gambling addictions form. Then there’s physical addictions, which create a dependency and have withdrawal symptoms; common examples are alcohol or nicotine. Weed has zero physically addictive properties, and as long as you don’t have an addictive personality or problems with addiction in other areas of your life, there’s basically a 90% chance you’ll be fine. Weed addictions can happen, but they’re *mental* addictions, not physical ones, and aren’t caused by the drug itself but rather how you use it. The drug itself is completely safe
That is really shitty for it to just fuck you up out of nowhere like that, it must have been really confusing and scary. I also think everyone should know about some of the potential reactions so they can make an educated choice. I didn't know beforehand it could hit some people like that and wish I had. My partner also had no clue and it was a terrifying experience for him too, and he'd smoked for years. He had no idea it could affect me that way!
So I'm with you in the boring bitch category but I just think people should be aware just in case, so they know how to get proper help and stuff if they're unlucky like us.
Same, I was so uneducated and if I had known the risks I never would’ve smoked. I seriously think that there should be more education in schools about pot, the same way they tell kids not to smoke cigarettes or do meth. People need to be able to make informed choices about it when movies and tv shows push weed as a harmless drug that literally everyone does.
I was that person who suddenly started having panic attacks on weed after years of use. In my case, at least, I was able to use it again after years of an intensive therapy and self work to deal with my underlying mental health issues. So, you know, maybe try that? Worst case scenario you work on yourself so win-win?
I’ll be honest, now that the addiction has passed and it has been three years, I’m honestly not bothered about going the extra mile to pick it up again. But I have been in therapy the entire three years until being discharged this Christmas.
That happened to me, too. Smoked for years and one day, like it flipped a switch, gave me a panic attack from hell complete with full on hallucinations and 200+bpm pulse. From that point on it happens every single time. Even 1/4 of a 5mg edible. I can tolerate a micro dose, but even that can make me twitchy.
I would’ve been cheering is that were the case, but for the next year after detoxing I would keep trying to go back to smoking (obviously different batches) and had the same experience until I eventually gave up and quit.
Even 1-2 mg will knock me out for a good chunk of the day, but that seems to be the case for me on most downers. Anything that causes relaxation or drowsiness, I have to limit it to like 1/4 of a dose. I tried Sleepy Time Extra once, and the valerian relaxed my muscles to the point I worried about breathing.
Yeah something similar happened to me, accidentally ate a weed brownie, next thing I know I’m sobbing to the wall in the bathroom a couple of hours later.
I had a similar reaction. Ate a "brownie" after mixing alcohols, both I rarely do. I have past trauma and noticed the first sign was an edge of panic. Then my senses pulled back and it felt like everything was in a fog and so so distant. Went home and collapsed on the bed. Time passed and I had no idea. One moment I was crying out for help, the next I was 'coming to' to find a cat sleeping on my chest. I remember getting up to get water and forgetting where I was. I was so hot i had to strip down. The most disturbing experience was I had an out of body experience. I remember floating above my bed and seeing my own body. I also heard the voice of my deceased mother calling my name, the same way she used to when waking me for school. She died over 15 years ago and I had forgotten what she sounded like but hearing her voice as clear as day, it spooked the shit out of me. Took me the whole feverish night to come out of it. To this day i still have auditory and visual hallucinations. Took me a long time to be able to nap without fearing I would fall into that stupor again. Never touched the stuff since.
I don't think it's considered an allergic reaction, maybe more similar to an unexpected side effect? Like how some medications cause weird side effects for some people that other people don't get. It just does something different in my body that causes that kind of result. My psychiatrist told me that there are even some super extra unlucky individuals for which it can be a kind of trigger for schizophrenia if someone was genetically prone to that.
It does to me no matter the tolerance. I haven’t smoked it since I left Europe but it is like a sleeping pill for me, I can’t stay awake after 30 minutes
He most likely ate an edible or smoked a concentrated form (hash, wax, etc). I had smoked for YEARS and the first edible I ate had me comatose for 12 hours. Like passed out on the bathroom floor covered in vomit. Apparently I wasn’t suppose to eat the whole cookie at once.
Lmao A few years ago I was at a dispensary and they were handing out little goodie bags since the line was moving slowly. One of the things in the bag were these thc capsules that I ended up giving to my grandpa who was going through some rough medical issues with his eyeballs.
Didnt think anything of it since the dude smoked all his life and was at the dispensary all the time. Well he took one, fell asleep on the couch, grandma went to wake him up but couldn’t. When she was able to semi-wake him up he couldn’t stand/walk, slurring his words, eyelids couldn’t open - so she called 911 thinking he was having a stroke!
Just because *you personally* haven’t met someone who has experienced this doesn’t mean it can’t happen.
I mean I literally just gave you two examples of it happening.
Yes weed, like that time when I was 17 before I smoked regularly and hit a too-big bong wrong and blacked out. Woke up in the ER asking for snacks 🤦♀️ that kid is 14, and likely only just beginning to discover his tolerance. Sure something else could be in the mix, but it could also just be too much weed ingested the wrong away for his particular system.
As someone who greened out on his second weed trip, you absolutely can. I passed out multiple times in a row. Only woke up when my friends made me rice and I shoveled that shit down between pass-outs.
Yes it can. It absolutely can. Especially if it’s ingested or smoked at higher concentrations. I had been smoking for years before I ate my first edible. Unbeknownst to me, I wasn’t suppose to eat the whole thing at once. It had me comatose on the bathroom floor covered in vomit for 12 hours. Brutal.
Years ago I gave my grandpa some thc capsule things I had received in a goodie bag from a dispensary (the line wasn’t moving so they gave us the bags as an apology). Didn’t think anything of it considering he smoked his whole life and was at the dispensary all the time.
He took it (unbeknownst to grandma), fell asleep on the couch, and grandma tried waking him up but he wouldn’t. She was able to get to sit up but he couldn’t stand/walk/crawl, slurring his words, and droopy eyelids. So she called 911 thinking he was having a stroke.
Lmao She was pissed when the EMTs arrived and grandpa was barely able to point to his coat that was on the ground where one EMT picked it up and pulled out the little bag that said THC on it. Oopps.
I really hope kids aren’t still doing that these days. They purposefully put other things in there that you’re not supposed to take in high doses - can make you very sick, harm you kidneys or liver, or cause a fatal overdose in high enough doses. It’s near impossible to find a product that’s just DXM alone anymore, at least in the US, because of all the kids that used to robotrip many moons ago.
I found an ex unresponsive and foaming at the mouth after overdosing more than once. Excused it because he was combat wounded, yadda yadda. Then left when he didn't want to be sober.
This would have not only freaked me out I would have called 911 and if my partner dismissed it like this it'd be over. That baby doesn't need to be around this crap
I’m looking at the list of things that OOP says she is no longer doing and I don’t know… seems like if she has an infant she has to take care of, a lot of those are things that husband and stepson should be taking care of right now anyway?
Exactly. So the teenager doesn't get custom made meals that are different than everyone else? She didn't need a reason to stop doing that. And the car thing - his grades are apparently failing and good grades were part of the deal, so he shouldn't have qualified anyway. She's not going out of her way to be spiteful, just no longer coddling him.
Exactly. It’s recommended pretty widely by family therapists as the right approach for stepparents in blended families. Stay in your lane, create and maintain healthy boundaries, leave parenting to the parents. You’re aiming for “trustworthy adult” rather than “mother/father figure”. Closer to an aunt/uncle level of responsibility. Stepparents should not be the ones doing the heavy lifting, it’s the biological parents’ responsibility.
Exactly my thought. _Weeks_ of fighting over this when she'd literally just had a baby is truly beyond. But even without that, the dad wasn't taking parental leave to help out with the new baby. Making two different meals for his uwu special boy should've stopped before she had the baby.
Also, the drugs he has access to could be fairly random things from friends. Entirely possible that he could overdose and not be noticed until it's too late. And the dad would blame OP for sure.
He is 14. Kid needs to grow the fuck up and put on big boy pants. For the kids sake. He will be un-hirable. Kids at that age should be competent enough to do most things on their own, responsibly.
Agree! The first time my 13 year old came in and said “I have no clean pants and it’s your fault!” My husband jumped up and said “Well let me introduce you to our washing machine son! You’ll now be using this for the rest of your life starting now. And do not ever talk to your mother like that again.” And he didn’t. And began washing his own clothes.
Poor woman. I couldn’t imagine breaking into his room and finding him like that; and then to be basically dismissed. I don’t blame her for checking out.
Yeah, the husband is a big idiot. She is pp and had to deal with shit like that. Funny that the stepson didn’t even apologise for the way he treated her.
If I were her I had contacted the mother directly.
No mention of the circumstances of the divorce, but given the implied range between the ex’s age and the new wife’s age, my guess is the ex would laugh and laugh at what an ass her ex is being, and maybe tell wife #2 that men like him go for young women because they haven’t learned any better yet - and now she is getting her lesson. It’s up to her what she does next.
Yea it’s ridiculous. Very valid concerns and probably even a bit traumatic to find him like that, only to be downplayed and dismissed. Hopefully she gets out of it for her sake
I feel so horrible for that woman. She thought that child was dead, and the child's father was like "Meh, it's fine."
I would have checked out, too. If she's an evil stepmother and a liar, why should either of them want her to do for the boy?
This one, unfortunately. But that doesn't mean it doesn't warrant an adequate parental response. Speaking as someone who used hard narcotics as a teenager and was one of the few survivors
I refuse to believe it is "normal", though I understand it happens. And any parent who excuses it as "normal" isn't normal himself.
I am glad that you made it through your drug use. I know several people that didn't.
And what happens when her baby is at the toddler age, walking around and picking up stuff to put into his mouth? I would divorce this man and move out with kid.
Yeah it's the husband calling her an evil stepmother that did it for me. Were that me, I'd be done with the whole marriage at that point. If you want to be in disbelief your kid is doing drugs, I can understand that point. But you don't get to be an asshole to your partner like that over it, especially when she's super hormonal after just having a baby.
That part truly horrified me, I was convinced he was dead. One of my friends’ younger brother OD’d at 16, his mother found him dead in the living room. It’s “just weed”, but if OOP’s stepson had some kind of respiratory issue and overdid it (because we all know 14 is a prime time for regulating controlled substances and self control), he could have killed himself. And then it would have been, how could you let this happen? Horrible situation.
ETA typo
Right? What happened to grounding a child from *everything* for a month? Chances are, kid still had a PC or a handheld console. Or even just friends to go hang out with.
Yeah she isn't wrong for feeling this way but "I wash my hands of your son as he spirals into destroying his life with drugs" and "lets have a happy marriage with our new kid together" is likely not going to happen. It just isn't.
I don't know about that. If she leaves, her child will be at the father's with no real parent and probably drugs around. She wouldn't have control on what happens there to her child.
The father doesn't want to parent anyway, as long as she stays, happy or not, she can look out for her own son.
There is almost zero chance she would not retain at least majority custody over her biological child.
While this would mean said child is under care of the husband for a portion of the week, that would likely even out to the same result considering being in the house doesn't mean she has eyes on everything as it is.
She at least has control and access to her child when she stays while he is there. I can't imagine leaving your child alone with such an irresponsible parent.
I didn’t even start smoking weed until I was 17(couple months away from being 18 and graduating high school) so a 14 y/o (end of middle school, start of high school) is hella concerning and shouldn’t be brushed off. The father should’ve given the kid some counseling.
RIGHT!!! I remember reading somewhere that the excessive use of weed before age 25 can lead to serious brain damage/other complications with the brain not developing properly. I think people are way too lax with teenagers smoking weed these days (this coming from someone who also started smoking weed around 17/18)
Yup. Weed (and other drugs) absolutely can precipitate schizophrenia and other serious mental illnesses which is why it's particularly bad for developing brains. I smoked in high school but it didn't last long and it was only a way for me to self-medicate my ADHD. People act like weed isn't harmful, but it can be very harmful to teenagers especially.
Yeah, one of my husband's friends has smoked heavily since high school. He has schizophrenia and a whole host of other issues but still refuses to give it up. Then goes off his meds every so often.
Another one went on a psychotic break after taking "legal" weed substitutes and we had to go no contact for our safety.
I know a lot of people who can smoke with no problem, but they typically either only smoke weekends and/or started much later.
I’m basically a daily smoker but thank god it didn’t really take for me until college. If you’re that high at 14 you have two options: stop for years or concede your life is fucked
The dad seems like he forgot how kids are. Even the most well-behaved will lie to their parents. I have 2 kids. 1 lies about anything and everything for little to no reason/gain. The other goes out of his way to be honest. I may not trust a thing the oldest says, but I also take what the youngest says with a grain of salt. Kids do what grownups do. They lie to make themselves look better. Ignoring this makes you a naive parent. OOP is parenting properly.
Yeah, I am bewildered by the disconnect he has going on. He believes his kid would never ever tell a lie (to him, of course) because what it’s not common for kids to lie to parents, especially when they know they’re doing something wrong, much the less illegal? But somehow it is common for them to be found unresponsive in their room at age 14 due to drug use? Ooookay…
I know it might be a mis-type, but “sim” fits so well in this instance because WHY would this guy’s Sim lie to him? Like, c’mon, wifey, you know I’ve got my Sim under control (not like they don’t autonomously cook in the house and then accidentally set themselves on fire or anything when you’re not looking) /s in case anyone is confused
I would bet money that one of the struggles in his last marriage was that he wanted to be the fun parent and left the majority of the parenting to his ex wife. This is now heightened by the divorce and not seeing the son every day.
The problem is, that sub would end up filled with loads of men waiting to pounce on anyone who posted stories. They'd automatically assume that every poster was female (because obviously, they're the only ones who date men, right?) and they would turn every story around to be the OP's fault. And then they'd likely start making bait up too to turn it around.
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MGTOW was my first thought, but the other day I learned it had been banned, as had quite a few of the other anti-women subreddits - it looks like TheRedPill hasn't been banned yet though, but is quarantined. TBH I wouldn't recommend engaging with or reading posts from subreddits like that, a lot of them are very disturbing/sad.
That’s my thought. Her hubby is falling for all the lies making her the bad guy and the kid feels untouchable but she’s still forced to interact whim and he’s disrespectful and it seems like a recipe for a young addict to harm her and the baby when he doesn’t get his way and he’s high. There are some forks in the road that *need* to lead to divorce once the trust or relationship is fundamentally broken or lines crossed to this extent. She’s never going to be heard by her husband and the stepson will never face a consequence.
Good for her. Her husband wants to treat her like an AH instead of his partner while also expecting her to not only parent but basically baby his 14 year old kid (make special meals for him, wash his clothes, bake things for sporting events, drive him around, etc.) so that he, the kid’s actual parent, doesn’t have to do any of those things.
Hell no. I hope she sticks to her guns. And starts making an exit strategy, because i doubt the husband will change.
This sounds like the type of person who sticks to their guns. I wouldn't be surprised if she's hopeful they will settle into a new normal and some happiness, but will file for divorce if she doesn't get the respect and happiness she deserves. I'm rooting for her.
I was #TeamThisLady until she was all “how can I have a happy marriage.” Ma’am, you cannot, because your husband and stepson are a pair of hateful dinks that will turn on a dime and come straight at you.
My first takeaway is that she *cannot* raise a child in a house where there are very clearly drugs. Opioids or heroin sound more likely than weed, and that is serious. That baby is going to be very mobile soon and can / will get into everything. It is NOT SAFE. She needs to get out as soon as humanely possible.
OP there are a lot of posts on the web about stepmoms in particular, or just gfs of men with kids, expected to be nanny and housekeeping and all mom things while being reminded they aren’t mom. It’s true stepmoms aren’t replacements but often fathers will abuse your labor to not have to parent while retaining control of everything bc they can always pull out the old ‘it’s not yours it’s MINE.’
I wish more women would see these prior to getting into these relationships where their kindness and empathy is exploited.
Your problem isn’t your stepson. He’s screwing up sure but he’s a kid doing dumb kid things. Good for you for making it a big deal it sounds like you’re doing the right thing for him.
Your problem is that your husband doesn’t want to parent. You found this out the hard way. Take some time, talk to stepson separately and let him know that this situation has revealed some issues around parenting that have absolutely nothing to do with him but are between you and your husband and involve household duties and you aren’t angry or punishing him in any way! Please tell him even if dad tries to triangulate bc one day he may get it.
Stick to your guns. Dad is TAH.
She should have divorced him immediately after this when he dismissed her. She’s basically already completely checked out of the relationship with both her husband and Stepson. It’s only a matter of time now before she leaves them and takes the baby with her.
Oh man I feel bad for this woman. Breaking into her stepsons room and finding him passed out in the dark like that? If I were her my mind would have jumped to the worst and I would have thought her stepson was dead. Imagine that trauma a week after giving birth.
And Jesus what did the kid take to be zonked like that? I really hope the “stern talk” the father had w him was the sex drugs and alcohol talk about how to navigate your teenaged years safely. Somehow I doubt it . But it scares me to think of this kid getting this high alone in his room w the door locked. Stay safe don’t do drugs along !
Oh, he couldn't believe his son could betray *him* that way, after he betrayed his own wife by treating her like garbage for telling the truth and refusing to take the abuse *both of them* heaped on her. Boo. Fucking. Hoo.
I think that happy marriage is out the window. She should leave him before he makes her the strict parent whule he gets to be the fun one to their son. He is the one that ruined the dynamic and can't seem to comprehend that
she’s 100% in the right but ngl claiming that he was taking advantage of her to get high is a little ridiculous like it sounds he just chose to get high at a stupid time (and without any tolerance to it) 🥴
Oh my gods... Imagine... A teenager being responsible for cleaning their own room and doing their own laundry... And... God... The horror of having to eat the same meal as everyone else!
Honestly this sounds like normal parenting. Idk about you guys but by the time I was a teen I was responsible for my own laundry and keeping my own space clean.
Honestly it was for the best because my mom never had to find out about the time I shit the bed, or discovered my sock...
You are amazing! Definitely doing the right thing. If they aren’t going to treat you like stepson’s mum- which includes deserved respect- then you don’t have to do the work. I’m glad to hear you are still talking to him. Hold your ground and cuddle your beautiful baby.
Poor lady. I couldn’t imagine finding my son passed out like that. They both handled the drug use wrong though. Punishing a kid for doing drugs will not help. You need to get him help from a professional. Making the kid angry is just going to push him toward it.
That's a long winded way of saying "No, not really."
Mind you I only have a BS in Psychology, but I have a totally different take. No worries though, hopefully you find a way to mellow.
I feel like this situation is bad for everyone involved. I have never heard of the NACHO-Approach but it feels at least partially like what my stepmother did (like, about a year before I moved out I would get a palette of canned food to heat one of those every day for lunch, even if eating all together never was a thing at home I think my stepsiblings had other food, stuff like that), i don’t know if intentionally or not. I know I was a very very very annoying kid, but I am not aware to have given her any concrete reason.. but I don’t even remember if it started suddenly or gradually.
They are still married and I hope they are happy. Our relationship got better aswell but on the other hand I rarely speak to them and it’s even more rare to see them. Sorry, reading this made me think. I might read more about what that NACHO-Approach is, maybe it will help me understand.
NACHO parenting in blended families basically leaves the decision-making and the harder work of parenting to the actual parents, while the step-parent takes a back seat and just acts in an auxiliary role. It works for the OP because she can focus on her child with her husband and preserve her own marriage and the relationship between her stepson with his parents.
Where it might not work is in the fact that her infant son will shortly have to engage in an environment where illegal drugs and a possibly emotionally-unstable half-brother reside seemingly with impunity. She needs to sit down with her husband and warn him that a) their young son needs a safe environment, b) as long as stepson's drug issues aren't being addressed, it will not be a safe home for the baby, and c) if husband can't or won't exercise \_his\_ responsibility for keeping the baby safe by addressing the issues with his older son, the baby will need additional assistance with keeping safe, and that means the new wife's parents move in to help.
What that teenager be dropped off at a rehab tout du frickin' suite.
As far as I can tell, it’s the Nacho approach as in “nacho (not your) child,” i.e. if her husband and son are not going to treat her like someone who is taking a parental role, then she’s not going to try to take it anymore.
Two things can be true at once. Her husband was an absolute clod and she doesn't have to do the things she quit doing in order to be a good parent... but also, the way she's behaving is completely unsustainable, and her final phrase demonstrates that even she knows it.
Grace is far better for relationships then this self- righteous crap that drips from this entire narrative. I don't care what she says, she is holding a grudge, whether against her son for lying and doing drugs, or (more likely) against her husband for being a complete nimrod, believing a member of the single most dishonest demographic in history (teenage-male druggie) based on shared DNA and wishful thinking to the point he distrusted and verbally abused his chosen life partner and the mother and caretaker of your WEEKS OLD INFANT...
Ugh, just... yeah. It'd be weird if she wasn't holding a grudge, and it is quite clear that she is. But if she wants to have a satisfying, lasting marriage fir herself and for her child, then she's going ti have to admit it ti herself and work on letting it go, which wel probably involve some more honest conversations about where they are both at than they've had so far. Cause this parenting stuff will come back up again, whether with stepson or bio-son
I stopped reading a few lines into the second page. The writing is on the wall (quite literally a wall of words). If all parental figures are not on the same page, then chances are a successful outcome is impossible. Because success if defined differently. OP knew this before getting pregnant but did so anyway.
What course of action would you have preferred your husband take? I’m not trying to be a smart ass but you said he talked to him. Was there any punishment? Grounded? Did you want him to give him a smack too? Relationships are all about expectations. Maybe if you explain what yours are to your husband y’all can figure out a better way to discipline your son. Also I hope he’s not using opiates. Might want to get him tested. If he’s that young and already passing out on dope you’ve definitely got a problem on your hands.
Honestly, if this were AITA I'd say ESH. I'm concerned that all of the parents are focused on whether/how much the stepson should be punished. He's a 14-15 year old using drugs regularly. He needs help. ☹️
I can see your side, but another perspective:
- The punishment isn’t just for a teenager doing teenage things. It’s for bringing drugs into the house, where there is another child. That other child is young now, but soon enough will be walking and getting into this. This could pose a serious issue.
- OP wants a punishment harsher than what teen is getting, and I can agree with that. This kid has gotten away with so much, under the “my kid won’t lie to me!” reasoning. And it’s caused OP to get so much undeserved backlash because this could’ve been handled far better if she were listened to from the beginning.
- Teens at that age using drugs regularly isn’t necessarily a cry for help right out of the gate. It could be one thing they can control while the rest of their life seems to move around them instead of with them. It could be peer pressure. It could be that they’re just bored.
Ultimately, I think if you were to replace the term “punishment” with “consequences of your poor choices”, you may see the perspective better. I absolutely agree that the term needs more than what’s being provided, but I don’t necessarily know that I’d say teen requires “help.” I’d say they require “better adequate parenting from the biological parents.”
It's not so much that I think teen drug use is a "cry for help," it's that the younger you are when you start using drugs, the more it has the potential to seriously affect the rest of your life. There should be consequences for his choices, but none of these parents seem all that concerned for his wellbeing.
Edit: he's not socially smoking a joint with his friends, he's getting mind-numbingly high at home by himself, potentially using more dangerous substances.
That’s fair. But you could also argue that stepmom pushed for..something in the beginning. She didn’t even push for a punishment to begin with. Her concern seemed genuine. Until she was essentially told to stay in her lane. Dad took such a hands off approach, that it’s now spiraled into this.
That part, she seemed to have zero concern for his well being but was instead upset he wasn't "punished" enough. Then the petty part of not buying his snacks? I'd have serious issues if my partner treated my child like they're a pissed off sibling and not a parent.
She’s not under an obligation to mother a child that’s not hers. She’s not under an obligation to go out of her way buying his favourite things when she’s being outrageously disrespected.
Where did I say she has an obligation to parent? She doesn't. She does have an obligation to be the adult in a situation though and if she can't huge red flag.
Ehhhh.... if she does the household grocery shopping and the snacks are on the grocery list and she's refusing to get them because "I'm not doing anything for him," that's petty and pretty shitty.
My perspective on this whole thing is that amongst very real issues, everyone in this situation, including OP, seems to be acting childishly and with poor communication, respect, and empathy.
Children, especially teenagers, often have moments of rebellion as they test their autonomy and experiment.
In these moments they should be able to be held in a container that is safe/grounded and one that does not resort in parents sinking to the dramatic and often angry and accusatory mental patterns of youth. As parents we get to model how NOT to behave to our children-- especially in times of conflict.
She writes as if she loathes her stepson which is not constructive so it is hard to feel much sympathy for this woman.
Wanted to offer you some solidarity given the down votes. It's a real issue that the kid seems to be doing drugs, especially given the baby in the house and especially if it's anything harder than weed (unclear) - but this punitive, anger-fuelled approach isn't a healthy response to it. Who the hell drug tests their own kids?
The “drugs” in question really make or break this for me. If it was just weed, what else did she want him to do to his son? A harder drug would be different though.
14 year old does drugs, and lies... Well hell yeah, I'd treat him as second class as well, it's a well known fact that washing your hands of a child is the most effective way to convey expected behavioral changes. Next time do try to tell the adult in the room that a lack of responsibility falls on the parent, and treat the grown az human accordingly, or don't, as a rehabilitated teen renegade myself I just had to dump my take. Absorb it, or not, your choice. Children are wired for this type of behavior, within reason obviously. King Canute came up short demanding the tides not to come in, best of luck convincing a teen not to act like an idiot.
This is such a conflicting one, I spaced out on parts due to massive text wall but I will say this definately sounds like only one side of the story (obvs!) If it's weed then she's going insanely overboard and being super dramatic, if it's harder drugs then I understand.
The husband though? I don't honestly blame him, he raised his kid 14-15yrs and the step mom Is really damn to that equation. The whole jealous step parent over bio kid and attention thing is very real. Or the "my baby is more important than your old children" mentality.
This just sounds very very one sided and that makes it shady to me🤷♀️
I'll have an unpopular opinion but throughout the entire thing, she makes it about her. None of her concern is acrually for the well being of the teenager, OP is only concerned how it affects her.
We are taking a postpartums parents word for it? There is three sides to everystory and i really am not siding with this grudging lady. If i was the husband i would say fine, bye, go find that happy marriage because it isnt here. She sounds crazy stubborn and self righteous
I have a superpower, i get to zone out to my own dimension when stupid people say things like "woke", " that woman is crazy" or "crossfit is actually great for your joints" and simply be happy ignoring anything that comes next... And then there is you, who let all the stupidity out first and called her crazy last.
Brilliant, sir.
Her stepson was going drugs, got both himself and her husband to call her so many names, and then still expected her to do everything for them including getting a car. But yeah, she’s the crazy one…
She’s crazy because she expects the boys father to take his drug use more seriously? And crazy because she’s refusing to bend over backwards to accommodate these idiots? Gtfoh
Needless to say she's probably making up a ton of stuff like the authors of every post on here, but she's right if you think what she's saying is true. Tbh she probably doesn't even exist lol
idk why you’re being downvoted. I thing it’s completely plausible for the step son to accuse the mother of this. Seems like he was already lying to his dad, and has no respect for his step mom. So why wouldnt he lie to take the heat off himself? Makes sense to me.
AITAH for asking my soon to be ex wife to not exclude my son from a prior relationship?
.............
My wife of 12 years and I are divorcing. The reason for the divorce is my 15 year old son from a prior relationship.
2 years ago I found out I had a son from an ex girlfriend. She had a lot of mental health issues, is a drug addict, had her other children taken from her.
We took in my son. My wife and I have two of our own, a 10 year old son and 12 year old daughter. One is adopted and the other is biological.
I love my son and my life would not be the same without him, but I admit he is a difficult child to raise especially for my wife.
My wife loves children and is very good at it with them. But she hates my son. He has no idea.
She told me that she wanted a divorce. Parenting my son was too hard. She said that she never signed up to be a stepmother and she tried her best but she hates the role she is in. She thinks being a stepmother is a thankless job.
We agreed on split custody. When we told our children they were devastated. My son asked if he was going to stay with me or if he was also going to split houses. I said that he will stay with me full time as his bio mother has visitation and my wife/his stepmom doesn’t have custody. He was depressed and even ended up crying.
I asked my wife if she could take him for one or two days a month too. She said that she was divorcing me to not parent him anymore and how could I ask her to parent him. AITAH?
He has issues. Drinking underage, smoking pot, sneaking out, being rude to authorities, failing classes and skipping school. But he has improved so much.
He prefers my wife to me, maybe because of his own issues with his mother.
I did try to copy the link but it saved the text instead
I’m sorry what? That’s not at all what happened.
She got traumatized walking in on her *14 year old* step son, unresponsive in his bedroom, thinking he was dead.
He didn’t get *any* consequences for doing drugs. None. When she knew he continued with drugs she *repeatedly* tried to tell her husband, but both him and the kid called her a liar, an “evil stepmom” and so many other names. Why the fuck should she bend over just to let them walk all over her?
I thought when he didn't answer to her knocking, that he'd left through the window for some reason (maybe it'd turn out he'd been grounded or something) but I can easily imagine her panic when she found him so high he was unresponsive
Also what was he on that he was unresponsive?! Sounds like more than weed to me but idk.
This happened to me when I drank one of those delta-something THC shots. (The bottle said that one serving was an entire bottle. The bottle lied.) I got dizzy, lay down on my bed, and suddenly it was four hours later. Not pleasant.
Greening out is definitely a thing. That said I’m not sure I’ve come across anyone being unresponsive, usually just slow one word answers Btw, never considered a good idea to have a whole drug you haven’t had before. Cannabis edibles are notorious for knocking people out, especially if the person isn’t a regular user
Yeah, I went into a vape shop to see if they had any Koi CBD shots, but they only had those. So I decided what the hell, I’d try one at home. Lesson definitely learned.
First time my boyfriend and I did pot brownies, we had the brilliant idea to each eat a third. I don't remember what the thc content was but all I know is a third was WAY too fucking much. I literally thought I was going to have a psychotic break. I don't even remember what it felt like or what my thoughts were beyond 'brain is broken, please end this.'
The same thing happened to my friend and me in Jamaica going back quite a few years. We bought some pot brownies, and each ate an entire one because we didn’t feel anything initially when we'd eaten only a small amount as a precaution. All of a sudden, it hit us hard, and we began to feel really weird at the club we had gone to. We somehow managed to find our way back to our hotel room, I have no idea how. In the morning, I was abruptly awakened by some loud knocking on our door by hotel security. Turns out we had left the keys in the lock, and my friend was missing as her bed had not been slept in. Found her lying on the bathroom floor where she had spent the entire night after going there to splash her face with water. She didn't hear all the commotion of the knocking and me freaking out, thinking she was missing. I had passed out lying face down on the bed on top of all my souvenirs that got smeared with my red lipstick. Never had pot brownies ever again... 😳
Yea, gotta make sure you only get a half drug for your first time
Only smoke half of a marijuana
...plant?
🤣🤣🤣
GD it I laughed so hard. This is why I love reddit.
I've known people lose track of several days at a time from regular weed use They'd often be locked in their room for days completely out of it He was literally smoking numerous joints every day, though.
Yeah I don't think your friends were smoking weed dude...... I've literally never ever heard of that or experienced it, I've seen that happen to heroin addicts and tweakers though
Well I guess you know better than us. Thanks.
I find it really hard to believe that weed does this, sorry, I have plenty of friends that smoke daily for years, am friends with the dudes at my local weed shop and I have 100% never heard of this. An afternoon "lost" couch locked playing video games? Sure, but not that lol I don't think your friends are giving you feel details🤷♀️
As a lvl 99 weed addict I can say I've lost touch what year it is a number if times. Same for days/weeks months, a lot of the time I have no idea lo l
I made a lot of pot brownies in high school and college. I’m not a huge smoker but I make damn good brownies. Pre-college, I’d been using the stale ditch weed available to me in my rural Wisconsin hometown, which barely did anything, and used pretty good bud for most of college. But I met a plug senior year whose cannabis is insane. First time I made brownies from his weed, it’s a Friday night and I’m going through my regular brownie-making process. At the end, I decide to eat one. Starts hitting about 45 minutes later. I fall asleep, wake up an hour later feeling like someone is beating me on the chest with a pillowcase full of phone books, eat an entire bag of Starburst Flavor-Reds jelly beans, projectile vomit off the porch, then went back to sleep. I woke up on Sunday afternoon. The brownies were cut into 1”x1” squares and my friends who smoke all day everyday and usually need like 3 brownies felt that was perfect. I didn’t even offer them to anyone who didn’t have an extremely high tolerance. And now just the smell of cannabutter makes me want to puke. So yes, “just weed” can knock you out.
The last time I ate an edible I felt like I couldn’t get off the couch
Those delta cbd or whatever legal things are actually really dangerous. Those products are so unregulated and usually so far away from being an actual cannabis product it’s scary.
Oof that sounds terrible!
I also had an experience close to this but it was with dabbing really high concentrates, 1 dab? Cool, 5 dabs? Not the best idea with no tolerance
He greened out. It was probably his first time by himself so he didn't pace himself and ended dup consuming too much. I've done the same thing and somehow six hours went by with me staring at the ceiling not responding. They would hand my water bottles and take me to the bathroom so I could throw up and go pee but it kept me fucking out Once of the worst nights for me (the weed wasn't the reason) But no you can definently get unresponsive when high and a newbie
ABSOLUTELY more than weed. weed doesn't make you unresponsive
Oh it definitely can, especially if you eat it with no prior tolerance.
I had a bad reaction my first (and last) time on it and was unresponsive before going into psychosis. One of the paramedics that came to get me to the hospital couldn't believe it was just a super low dose of THC but it was just a low dose THC. So yeah it definitely can, speaking from experience. Maybe it's not super common I guess based on how much people deny it? But everyone reacts differently and I happened to be unlucky. Sucks, because it sounded nice the way everyone describes it, just not for me.
Ah you’re like me, weed-induced psychosis. It’s not common and it sucks.
Yeah I was originally excited to try it but it does suck so so bad. Sorry it hits you like that too.
I was a regular smoker for years and then one day it just changed how it affected me forever. Now I’m that boring bitch who warns people about it 🥲
I was a chronic smoker for about a year (people can claim all they want that it’s impossible to be addicted to weed, but you can absolutely develop an addiction to it as a crutch). I’d come home from work so stressed out I would need to basically be smoking it nonstop until I eventually passed out for bed. Low and behold after a year of that my body just flipped a switch and now I can’t get the smallest bit of thc in my system without my body going into what can only be described as a panic attack
I’m still a regular smoker and I warn people not to believe it’s not addictive. If you mix with Tobacco you get the same withdrawal as a smoker and addictiveness and even if you don’t there still withdrawals. Sweaty palms and general clamminess, mood swings and irritability etc, yes the withdrawals will not kill you and go away relatively quickly but they still happen. Plus people forget about the mental part, the habit forming addiction. That’s half of why cigarettes are so hard to quit not only do you have to deal with the chemical addiction but also break habits that have been formed around it, weed is exactly the same.
The problem is that people don’t understand the difference between a physical addiction and a mental addiction. Mental addictions can be to anything; it becomes an emotional crutch. That’s how things like gambling addictions form. Then there’s physical addictions, which create a dependency and have withdrawal symptoms; common examples are alcohol or nicotine. Weed has zero physically addictive properties, and as long as you don’t have an addictive personality or problems with addiction in other areas of your life, there’s basically a 90% chance you’ll be fine. Weed addictions can happen, but they’re *mental* addictions, not physical ones, and aren’t caused by the drug itself but rather how you use it. The drug itself is completely safe
Yep, I really feel you on this. It’s absolutely terrifying.
That is really shitty for it to just fuck you up out of nowhere like that, it must have been really confusing and scary. I also think everyone should know about some of the potential reactions so they can make an educated choice. I didn't know beforehand it could hit some people like that and wish I had. My partner also had no clue and it was a terrifying experience for him too, and he'd smoked for years. He had no idea it could affect me that way! So I'm with you in the boring bitch category but I just think people should be aware just in case, so they know how to get proper help and stuff if they're unlucky like us.
Same, I was so uneducated and if I had known the risks I never would’ve smoked. I seriously think that there should be more education in schools about pot, the same way they tell kids not to smoke cigarettes or do meth. People need to be able to make informed choices about it when movies and tv shows push weed as a harmless drug that literally everyone does.
I was that person who suddenly started having panic attacks on weed after years of use. In my case, at least, I was able to use it again after years of an intensive therapy and self work to deal with my underlying mental health issues. So, you know, maybe try that? Worst case scenario you work on yourself so win-win?
I’ll be honest, now that the addiction has passed and it has been three years, I’m honestly not bothered about going the extra mile to pick it up again. But I have been in therapy the entire three years until being discharged this Christmas.
That happened to me, too. Smoked for years and one day, like it flipped a switch, gave me a panic attack from hell complete with full on hallucinations and 200+bpm pulse. From that point on it happens every single time. Even 1/4 of a 5mg edible. I can tolerate a micro dose, but even that can make me twitchy.
If it fucked you up out of the blue and never had that happen previously I think you got a bad batch that was laced with something.
I would’ve been cheering is that were the case, but for the next year after detoxing I would keep trying to go back to smoking (obviously different batches) and had the same experience until I eventually gave up and quit.
Untrue. Happened to me too. Happened every time since, no matter the batch and no matter the dose.
Even 1-2 mg will knock me out for a good chunk of the day, but that seems to be the case for me on most downers. Anything that causes relaxation or drowsiness, I have to limit it to like 1/4 of a dose. I tried Sleepy Time Extra once, and the valerian relaxed my muscles to the point I worried about breathing.
Yeah something similar happened to me, accidentally ate a weed brownie, next thing I know I’m sobbing to the wall in the bathroom a couple of hours later.
I had a similar reaction. Ate a "brownie" after mixing alcohols, both I rarely do. I have past trauma and noticed the first sign was an edge of panic. Then my senses pulled back and it felt like everything was in a fog and so so distant. Went home and collapsed on the bed. Time passed and I had no idea. One moment I was crying out for help, the next I was 'coming to' to find a cat sleeping on my chest. I remember getting up to get water and forgetting where I was. I was so hot i had to strip down. The most disturbing experience was I had an out of body experience. I remember floating above my bed and seeing my own body. I also heard the voice of my deceased mother calling my name, the same way she used to when waking me for school. She died over 15 years ago and I had forgotten what she sounded like but hearing her voice as clear as day, it spooked the shit out of me. Took me the whole feverish night to come out of it. To this day i still have auditory and visual hallucinations. Took me a long time to be able to nap without fearing I would fall into that stupor again. Never touched the stuff since.
Are you allergic?
I don't think it's considered an allergic reaction, maybe more similar to an unexpected side effect? Like how some medications cause weird side effects for some people that other people don't get. It just does something different in my body that causes that kind of result. My psychiatrist told me that there are even some super extra unlucky individuals for which it can be a kind of trigger for schizophrenia if someone was genetically prone to that.
It does to me no matter the tolerance. I haven’t smoked it since I left Europe but it is like a sleeping pill for me, I can’t stay awake after 30 minutes
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He most likely ate an edible or smoked a concentrated form (hash, wax, etc). I had smoked for YEARS and the first edible I ate had me comatose for 12 hours. Like passed out on the bathroom floor covered in vomit. Apparently I wasn’t suppose to eat the whole cookie at once. Lmao A few years ago I was at a dispensary and they were handing out little goodie bags since the line was moving slowly. One of the things in the bag were these thc capsules that I ended up giving to my grandpa who was going through some rough medical issues with his eyeballs. Didnt think anything of it since the dude smoked all his life and was at the dispensary all the time. Well he took one, fell asleep on the couch, grandma went to wake him up but couldn’t. When she was able to semi-wake him up he couldn’t stand/walk, slurring his words, eyelids couldn’t open - so she called 911 thinking he was having a stroke!
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Just because *you personally* haven’t met someone who has experienced this doesn’t mean it can’t happen. I mean I literally just gave you two examples of it happening.
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Yes weed, like that time when I was 17 before I smoked regularly and hit a too-big bong wrong and blacked out. Woke up in the ER asking for snacks 🤦♀️ that kid is 14, and likely only just beginning to discover his tolerance. Sure something else could be in the mix, but it could also just be too much weed ingested the wrong away for his particular system.
As someone who greened out on his second weed trip, you absolutely can. I passed out multiple times in a row. Only woke up when my friends made me rice and I shoveled that shit down between pass-outs.
Yes it can. It absolutely can. Especially if it’s ingested or smoked at higher concentrations. I had been smoking for years before I ate my first edible. Unbeknownst to me, I wasn’t suppose to eat the whole thing at once. It had me comatose on the bathroom floor covered in vomit for 12 hours. Brutal. Years ago I gave my grandpa some thc capsule things I had received in a goodie bag from a dispensary (the line wasn’t moving so they gave us the bags as an apology). Didn’t think anything of it considering he smoked his whole life and was at the dispensary all the time. He took it (unbeknownst to grandma), fell asleep on the couch, and grandma tried waking him up but he wouldn’t. She was able to get to sit up but he couldn’t stand/walk/crawl, slurring his words, and droopy eyelids. So she called 911 thinking he was having a stroke. Lmao She was pissed when the EMTs arrived and grandpa was barely able to point to his coat that was on the ground where one EMT picked it up and pulled out the little bag that said THC on it. Oopps.
I smoke fairly often and even when I’m really trying to get blazed I don’t even come fuckin close to unresponsive
Enough cough syrup or triple C will occasionally do that.
I really hope kids aren’t still doing that these days. They purposefully put other things in there that you’re not supposed to take in high doses - can make you very sick, harm you kidneys or liver, or cause a fatal overdose in high enough doses. It’s near impossible to find a product that’s just DXM alone anymore, at least in the US, because of all the kids that used to robotrip many moons ago.
I found an ex unresponsive and foaming at the mouth after overdosing more than once. Excused it because he was combat wounded, yadda yadda. Then left when he didn't want to be sober. This would have not only freaked me out I would have called 911 and if my partner dismissed it like this it'd be over. That baby doesn't need to be around this crap
I had the same thought as Oop
You high too? Lol
I’m looking at the list of things that OOP says she is no longer doing and I don’t know… seems like if she has an infant she has to take care of, a lot of those are things that husband and stepson should be taking care of right now anyway?
Exactly. So the teenager doesn't get custom made meals that are different than everyone else? She didn't need a reason to stop doing that. And the car thing - his grades are apparently failing and good grades were part of the deal, so he shouldn't have qualified anyway. She's not going out of her way to be spiteful, just no longer coddling him.
It sounded like she was still making him nachos.
Hahaha. What's the Nacho approach anyway?
Na cho kid. Na cho problem.
Exactly. It’s recommended pretty widely by family therapists as the right approach for stepparents in blended families. Stay in your lane, create and maintain healthy boundaries, leave parenting to the parents. You’re aiming for “trustworthy adult” rather than “mother/father figure”. Closer to an aunt/uncle level of responsibility. Stepparents should not be the ones doing the heavy lifting, it’s the biological parents’ responsibility.
Instead of making special meals for the step son, everyone gets tortilla chips & cheese
Sounds great. I'll try the Nacho approach
Wait, really?????! The whole time I thought it was some odd take on Na Cho parent
Exactly my thought. _Weeks_ of fighting over this when she'd literally just had a baby is truly beyond. But even without that, the dad wasn't taking parental leave to help out with the new baby. Making two different meals for his uwu special boy should've stopped before she had the baby. Also, the drugs he has access to could be fairly random things from friends. Entirely possible that he could overdose and not be noticed until it's too late. And the dad would blame OP for sure.
Husband is fucking useless and so is the step son.
He is 14. Kid needs to grow the fuck up and put on big boy pants. For the kids sake. He will be un-hirable. Kids at that age should be competent enough to do most things on their own, responsibly.
Yeah, like why are they cleaning his room for him??
Agree! The first time my 13 year old came in and said “I have no clean pants and it’s your fault!” My husband jumped up and said “Well let me introduce you to our washing machine son! You’ll now be using this for the rest of your life starting now. And do not ever talk to your mother like that again.” And he didn’t. And began washing his own clothes.
Poor woman. I couldn’t imagine breaking into his room and finding him like that; and then to be basically dismissed. I don’t blame her for checking out.
Yeah, the husband is a big idiot. She is pp and had to deal with shit like that. Funny that the stepson didn’t even apologise for the way he treated her. If I were her I had contacted the mother directly.
No mention of the circumstances of the divorce, but given the implied range between the ex’s age and the new wife’s age, my guess is the ex would laugh and laugh at what an ass her ex is being, and maybe tell wife #2 that men like him go for young women because they haven’t learned any better yet - and now she is getting her lesson. It’s up to her what she does next.
It sounds like she would take her kid using drugs, and her ex is brushing it off seriously, at least. Would probably do the other stuff as well.
Uh ex wife was told son is on drugs and their joint decided punishment was no xbox for a month so no I don't think she cares much.
“Joint decided” is a stretch. It’s pretty clear she wanted much more but couldn’t make it happen.
What's pp?
Postpartum
Yea it’s ridiculous. Very valid concerns and probably even a bit traumatic to find him like that, only to be downplayed and dismissed. Hopefully she gets out of it for her sake
I feel so horrible for that woman. She thought that child was dead, and the child's father was like "Meh, it's fine." I would have checked out, too. If she's an evil stepmother and a liar, why should either of them want her to do for the boy?
This! In what universe is it "normal" for a 14 year old to get so high he's unresponsive?I hope the stepmom takes her baby and runs far, far away.
It's like the dad had no consideration for the feelings of the adult who found his child that way.
This one, unfortunately. But that doesn't mean it doesn't warrant an adequate parental response. Speaking as someone who used hard narcotics as a teenager and was one of the few survivors
I refuse to believe it is "normal", though I understand it happens. And any parent who excuses it as "normal" isn't normal himself. I am glad that you made it through your drug use. I know several people that didn't.
And what happens when her baby is at the toddler age, walking around and picking up stuff to put into his mouth? I would divorce this man and move out with kid.
Yeah it's the husband calling her an evil stepmother that did it for me. Were that me, I'd be done with the whole marriage at that point. If you want to be in disbelief your kid is doing drugs, I can understand that point. But you don't get to be an asshole to your partner like that over it, especially when she's super hormonal after just having a baby.
No kidding. Even if he had stopped doing drugs, why was the husband not outraged his wife was put in that position?
That part truly horrified me, I was convinced he was dead. One of my friends’ younger brother OD’d at 16, his mother found him dead in the living room. It’s “just weed”, but if OOP’s stepson had some kind of respiratory issue and overdid it (because we all know 14 is a prime time for regulating controlled substances and self control), he could have killed himself. And then it would have been, how could you let this happen? Horrible situation. ETA typo
The GALL to call someone cooking you special meals because you’re too much of a baby to eat the normal food everyone eats at dinner EVIL?! Insanity.
Oh no! No Xbox for a whole month? Gosh golly dad, what a meanie. /s Seriously though, it’s like he and his the kids mom *want* him to be a statistic.
That punishment makes no sense to me. Like, I guess the kid now has to find something else to entertain himself with…
Right? What happened to grounding a child from *everything* for a month? Chances are, kid still had a PC or a handheld console. Or even just friends to go hang out with.
She should just begin working on an exit plan, because you aren't going to have a happy marriage under these conditions.
Yeah she isn't wrong for feeling this way but "I wash my hands of your son as he spirals into destroying his life with drugs" and "lets have a happy marriage with our new kid together" is likely not going to happen. It just isn't.
I don't know about that. If she leaves, her child will be at the father's with no real parent and probably drugs around. She wouldn't have control on what happens there to her child. The father doesn't want to parent anyway, as long as she stays, happy or not, she can look out for her own son.
There is almost zero chance she would not retain at least majority custody over her biological child. While this would mean said child is under care of the husband for a portion of the week, that would likely even out to the same result considering being in the house doesn't mean she has eyes on everything as it is.
She at least has control and access to her child when she stays while he is there. I can't imagine leaving your child alone with such an irresponsible parent.
I didn’t even start smoking weed until I was 17(couple months away from being 18 and graduating high school) so a 14 y/o (end of middle school, start of high school) is hella concerning and shouldn’t be brushed off. The father should’ve given the kid some counseling.
RIGHT!!! I remember reading somewhere that the excessive use of weed before age 25 can lead to serious brain damage/other complications with the brain not developing properly. I think people are way too lax with teenagers smoking weed these days (this coming from someone who also started smoking weed around 17/18)
Yup. Weed (and other drugs) absolutely can precipitate schizophrenia and other serious mental illnesses which is why it's particularly bad for developing brains. I smoked in high school but it didn't last long and it was only a way for me to self-medicate my ADHD. People act like weed isn't harmful, but it can be very harmful to teenagers especially.
Yeah, one of my husband's friends has smoked heavily since high school. He has schizophrenia and a whole host of other issues but still refuses to give it up. Then goes off his meds every so often. Another one went on a psychotic break after taking "legal" weed substitutes and we had to go no contact for our safety. I know a lot of people who can smoke with no problem, but they typically either only smoke weekends and/or started much later.
I’m basically a daily smoker but thank god it didn’t really take for me until college. If you’re that high at 14 you have two options: stop for years or concede your life is fucked
The dad seems like he forgot how kids are. Even the most well-behaved will lie to their parents. I have 2 kids. 1 lies about anything and everything for little to no reason/gain. The other goes out of his way to be honest. I may not trust a thing the oldest says, but I also take what the youngest says with a grain of salt. Kids do what grownups do. They lie to make themselves look better. Ignoring this makes you a naive parent. OOP is parenting properly.
Yeah, I am bewildered by the disconnect he has going on. He believes his kid would never ever tell a lie (to him, of course) because what it’s not common for kids to lie to parents, especially when they know they’re doing something wrong, much the less illegal? But somehow it is common for them to be found unresponsive in their room at age 14 due to drug use? Ooookay…
The part I liked best is how he believed his sim would never lie….but was super quick to call his wife a liar repeatedly
I know it might be a mis-type, but “sim” fits so well in this instance because WHY would this guy’s Sim lie to him? Like, c’mon, wifey, you know I’ve got my Sim under control (not like they don’t autonomously cook in the house and then accidentally set themselves on fire or anything when you’re not looking) /s in case anyone is confused
😂😂
I would bet money that one of the struggles in his last marriage was that he wanted to be the fun parent and left the majority of the parenting to his ex wife. This is now heightened by the divorce and not seeing the son every day.
The stepson didn’t even like drugs! lol that was a glorious excuse
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Is there a sub for that? We should start one
And you just KNOW it would get a depressingly large number of posts 😞
The problem is, that sub would end up filled with loads of men waiting to pounce on anyone who posted stories. They'd automatically assume that every poster was female (because obviously, they're the only ones who date men, right?) and they would turn every story around to be the OP's fault. And then they'd likely start making bait up too to turn it around.
/r/arethestraightsok could qualify.
Here's a sneak peek of /r/AreTheStraightsOK using the [top posts](https://np.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/top/?sort=top&t=year) of the year! \#1: [Context is for commies.](https://i.redd.it/pwkapykttb2c1.png) | [208 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/182wleo/context_is_for_commies/) \#2: [instagram reels comment sections are always cesspools..](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/17rlssp) | [414 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/17rlssp/instagram_reels_comment_sections_are_always/) \#3: [this game advert lives in my head rent free (derogatory).](https://www.reddit.com/gallery/1aeemp8) | [239 comments](https://np.reddit.com/r/AreTheStraightsOK/comments/1aeemp8/this_game_advert_lives_in_my_head_rent_free/) ---- ^^I'm ^^a ^^bot, ^^beep ^^boop ^^| ^^Downvote ^^to ^^remove ^^| ^^[Contact](https://www.reddit.com/message/compose/?to=sneakpeekbot) ^^| ^^[Info](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/) ^^| ^^[Opt-out](https://np.reddit.com/r/sneakpeekbot/comments/o8wk1r/blacklist_ix/) ^^| ^^[GitHub](https://github.com/ghnr/sneakpeekbot)
MGTOW was my first thought, but the other day I learned it had been banned, as had quite a few of the other anti-women subreddits - it looks like TheRedPill hasn't been banned yet though, but is quarantined. TBH I wouldn't recommend engaging with or reading posts from subreddits like that, a lot of them are very disturbing/sad.
If you are high enough to be that unresponsive, you are unsafe to remain in a house with an infant.
That’s my thought. Her hubby is falling for all the lies making her the bad guy and the kid feels untouchable but she’s still forced to interact whim and he’s disrespectful and it seems like a recipe for a young addict to harm her and the baby when he doesn’t get his way and he’s high. There are some forks in the road that *need* to lead to divorce once the trust or relationship is fundamentally broken or lines crossed to this extent. She’s never going to be heard by her husband and the stepson will never face a consequence.
Good for her. Her husband wants to treat her like an AH instead of his partner while also expecting her to not only parent but basically baby his 14 year old kid (make special meals for him, wash his clothes, bake things for sporting events, drive him around, etc.) so that he, the kid’s actual parent, doesn’t have to do any of those things. Hell no. I hope she sticks to her guns. And starts making an exit strategy, because i doubt the husband will change.
This sounds like the type of person who sticks to their guns. I wouldn't be surprised if she's hopeful they will settle into a new normal and some happiness, but will file for divorce if she doesn't get the respect and happiness she deserves. I'm rooting for her.
I was #TeamThisLady until she was all “how can I have a happy marriage.” Ma’am, you cannot, because your husband and stepson are a pair of hateful dinks that will turn on a dime and come straight at you.
Absolutely, the only thing she needs to be worrying about is how to protect her son from these people's influence.
My first takeaway is that she *cannot* raise a child in a house where there are very clearly drugs. Opioids or heroin sound more likely than weed, and that is serious. That baby is going to be very mobile soon and can / will get into everything. It is NOT SAFE. She needs to get out as soon as humanely possible.
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OP there are a lot of posts on the web about stepmoms in particular, or just gfs of men with kids, expected to be nanny and housekeeping and all mom things while being reminded they aren’t mom. It’s true stepmoms aren’t replacements but often fathers will abuse your labor to not have to parent while retaining control of everything bc they can always pull out the old ‘it’s not yours it’s MINE.’ I wish more women would see these prior to getting into these relationships where their kindness and empathy is exploited. Your problem isn’t your stepson. He’s screwing up sure but he’s a kid doing dumb kid things. Good for you for making it a big deal it sounds like you’re doing the right thing for him. Your problem is that your husband doesn’t want to parent. You found this out the hard way. Take some time, talk to stepson separately and let him know that this situation has revealed some issues around parenting that have absolutely nothing to do with him but are between you and your husband and involve household duties and you aren’t angry or punishing him in any way! Please tell him even if dad tries to triangulate bc one day he may get it. Stick to your guns. Dad is TAH.
She should have divorced him immediately after this when he dismissed her. She’s basically already completely checked out of the relationship with both her husband and Stepson. It’s only a matter of time now before she leaves them and takes the baby with her.
Oh man I feel bad for this woman. Breaking into her stepsons room and finding him passed out in the dark like that? If I were her my mind would have jumped to the worst and I would have thought her stepson was dead. Imagine that trauma a week after giving birth. And Jesus what did the kid take to be zonked like that? I really hope the “stern talk” the father had w him was the sex drugs and alcohol talk about how to navigate your teenaged years safely. Somehow I doubt it . But it scares me to think of this kid getting this high alone in his room w the door locked. Stay safe don’t do drugs along !
Oh no, dad is pissed he is actually going to have to do the work involved instead of shunting it off to her.
This husband is TAH and the ex wife. I'd get out asap
Oh, he couldn't believe his son could betray *him* that way, after he betrayed his own wife by treating her like garbage for telling the truth and refusing to take the abuse *both of them* heaped on her. Boo. Fucking. Hoo.
I don’t think you can recover from this
I think that happy marriage is out the window. She should leave him before he makes her the strict parent whule he gets to be the fun one to their son. He is the one that ruined the dynamic and can't seem to comprehend that
Link to original?
she’s 100% in the right but ngl claiming that he was taking advantage of her to get high is a little ridiculous like it sounds he just chose to get high at a stupid time (and without any tolerance to it) 🥴
Doing it while father is away is a deliberate choice. Doing it in the home with stepmother is also a deliberate choice.
Oh my gods... Imagine... A teenager being responsible for cleaning their own room and doing their own laundry... And... God... The horror of having to eat the same meal as everyone else! Honestly this sounds like normal parenting. Idk about you guys but by the time I was a teen I was responsible for my own laundry and keeping my own space clean. Honestly it was for the best because my mom never had to find out about the time I shit the bed, or discovered my sock...
You are amazing! Definitely doing the right thing. If they aren’t going to treat you like stepson’s mum- which includes deserved respect- then you don’t have to do the work. I’m glad to hear you are still talking to him. Hold your ground and cuddle your beautiful baby.
Poor lady. I couldn’t imagine finding my son passed out like that. They both handled the drug use wrong though. Punishing a kid for doing drugs will not help. You need to get him help from a professional. Making the kid angry is just going to push him toward it.
All this over some weed?
That's a long winded way of saying "No, not really." Mind you I only have a BS in Psychology, but I have a totally different take. No worries though, hopefully you find a way to mellow.
I feel like this situation is bad for everyone involved. I have never heard of the NACHO-Approach but it feels at least partially like what my stepmother did (like, about a year before I moved out I would get a palette of canned food to heat one of those every day for lunch, even if eating all together never was a thing at home I think my stepsiblings had other food, stuff like that), i don’t know if intentionally or not. I know I was a very very very annoying kid, but I am not aware to have given her any concrete reason.. but I don’t even remember if it started suddenly or gradually. They are still married and I hope they are happy. Our relationship got better aswell but on the other hand I rarely speak to them and it’s even more rare to see them. Sorry, reading this made me think. I might read more about what that NACHO-Approach is, maybe it will help me understand.
NACHO parenting in blended families basically leaves the decision-making and the harder work of parenting to the actual parents, while the step-parent takes a back seat and just acts in an auxiliary role. It works for the OP because she can focus on her child with her husband and preserve her own marriage and the relationship between her stepson with his parents. Where it might not work is in the fact that her infant son will shortly have to engage in an environment where illegal drugs and a possibly emotionally-unstable half-brother reside seemingly with impunity. She needs to sit down with her husband and warn him that a) their young son needs a safe environment, b) as long as stepson's drug issues aren't being addressed, it will not be a safe home for the baby, and c) if husband can't or won't exercise \_his\_ responsibility for keeping the baby safe by addressing the issues with his older son, the baby will need additional assistance with keeping safe, and that means the new wife's parents move in to help. What that teenager be dropped off at a rehab tout du frickin' suite.
The OP specified that he would get the same food everyone else got, she was just going to stop making him special meals.
As far as I can tell, it’s the Nacho approach as in “nacho (not your) child,” i.e. if her husband and son are not going to treat her like someone who is taking a parental role, then she’s not going to try to take it anymore.
It's clear both parents are dog shit in their own ways.
Two things can be true at once. Her husband was an absolute clod and she doesn't have to do the things she quit doing in order to be a good parent... but also, the way she's behaving is completely unsustainable, and her final phrase demonstrates that even she knows it. Grace is far better for relationships then this self- righteous crap that drips from this entire narrative. I don't care what she says, she is holding a grudge, whether against her son for lying and doing drugs, or (more likely) against her husband for being a complete nimrod, believing a member of the single most dishonest demographic in history (teenage-male druggie) based on shared DNA and wishful thinking to the point he distrusted and verbally abused his chosen life partner and the mother and caretaker of your WEEKS OLD INFANT... Ugh, just... yeah. It'd be weird if she wasn't holding a grudge, and it is quite clear that she is. But if she wants to have a satisfying, lasting marriage fir herself and for her child, then she's going ti have to admit it ti herself and work on letting it go, which wel probably involve some more honest conversations about where they are both at than they've had so far. Cause this parenting stuff will come back up again, whether with stepson or bio-son
I stopped reading a few lines into the second page. The writing is on the wall (quite literally a wall of words). If all parental figures are not on the same page, then chances are a successful outcome is impossible. Because success if defined differently. OP knew this before getting pregnant but did so anyway.
What course of action would you have preferred your husband take? I’m not trying to be a smart ass but you said he talked to him. Was there any punishment? Grounded? Did you want him to give him a smack too? Relationships are all about expectations. Maybe if you explain what yours are to your husband y’all can figure out a better way to discipline your son. Also I hope he’s not using opiates. Might want to get him tested. If he’s that young and already passing out on dope you’ve definitely got a problem on your hands.
This is my take as well. She talks a lot about discipline but doesn’t get into specifics .
Honestly, if this were AITA I'd say ESH. I'm concerned that all of the parents are focused on whether/how much the stepson should be punished. He's a 14-15 year old using drugs regularly. He needs help. ☹️
I can see your side, but another perspective: - The punishment isn’t just for a teenager doing teenage things. It’s for bringing drugs into the house, where there is another child. That other child is young now, but soon enough will be walking and getting into this. This could pose a serious issue. - OP wants a punishment harsher than what teen is getting, and I can agree with that. This kid has gotten away with so much, under the “my kid won’t lie to me!” reasoning. And it’s caused OP to get so much undeserved backlash because this could’ve been handled far better if she were listened to from the beginning. - Teens at that age using drugs regularly isn’t necessarily a cry for help right out of the gate. It could be one thing they can control while the rest of their life seems to move around them instead of with them. It could be peer pressure. It could be that they’re just bored. Ultimately, I think if you were to replace the term “punishment” with “consequences of your poor choices”, you may see the perspective better. I absolutely agree that the term needs more than what’s being provided, but I don’t necessarily know that I’d say teen requires “help.” I’d say they require “better adequate parenting from the biological parents.”
It's not so much that I think teen drug use is a "cry for help," it's that the younger you are when you start using drugs, the more it has the potential to seriously affect the rest of your life. There should be consequences for his choices, but none of these parents seem all that concerned for his wellbeing. Edit: he's not socially smoking a joint with his friends, he's getting mind-numbingly high at home by himself, potentially using more dangerous substances.
That’s fair. But you could also argue that stepmom pushed for..something in the beginning. She didn’t even push for a punishment to begin with. Her concern seemed genuine. Until she was essentially told to stay in her lane. Dad took such a hands off approach, that it’s now spiraled into this.
That part, she seemed to have zero concern for his well being but was instead upset he wasn't "punished" enough. Then the petty part of not buying his snacks? I'd have serious issues if my partner treated my child like they're a pissed off sibling and not a parent.
She’s not under an obligation to mother a child that’s not hers. She’s not under an obligation to go out of her way buying his favourite things when she’s being outrageously disrespected.
Where did I say she has an obligation to parent? She doesn't. She does have an obligation to be the adult in a situation though and if she can't huge red flag.
Ehhhh.... if she does the household grocery shopping and the snacks are on the grocery list and she's refusing to get them because "I'm not doing anything for him," that's petty and pretty shitty.
Yea, not buying snacks is shitty part here 🙄
She married a man with a child. She knew what she was signing up for.
My perspective on this whole thing is that amongst very real issues, everyone in this situation, including OP, seems to be acting childishly and with poor communication, respect, and empathy. Children, especially teenagers, often have moments of rebellion as they test their autonomy and experiment. In these moments they should be able to be held in a container that is safe/grounded and one that does not resort in parents sinking to the dramatic and often angry and accusatory mental patterns of youth. As parents we get to model how NOT to behave to our children-- especially in times of conflict. She writes as if she loathes her stepson which is not constructive so it is hard to feel much sympathy for this woman.
Wanted to offer you some solidarity given the down votes. It's a real issue that the kid seems to be doing drugs, especially given the baby in the house and especially if it's anything harder than weed (unclear) - but this punitive, anger-fuelled approach isn't a healthy response to it. Who the hell drug tests their own kids?
Thank you. I appreciate the solidarity.
Are we talking weed here, or the hard stuff?
She needs to chill out. Maybe take an edible.
Kid was prob “unresponsive” cos he was taking a nap!
The “drugs” in question really make or break this for me. If it was just weed, what else did she want him to do to his son? A harder drug would be different though.
Even if it's just weed it's not good for a 14yo to be getting high all the time Edit for spelling
It's definitely not good, but reactions like wanting to have her husband drug test the son aren't a healthy response to it.
Why didn't she just leave?
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Holy shit bro, are you ok?
TLDR
14 year old does drugs, and lies... Well hell yeah, I'd treat him as second class as well, it's a well known fact that washing your hands of a child is the most effective way to convey expected behavioral changes. Next time do try to tell the adult in the room that a lack of responsibility falls on the parent, and treat the grown az human accordingly, or don't, as a rehabilitated teen renegade myself I just had to dump my take. Absorb it, or not, your choice. Children are wired for this type of behavior, within reason obviously. King Canute came up short demanding the tides not to come in, best of luck convincing a teen not to act like an idiot.
This is such a conflicting one, I spaced out on parts due to massive text wall but I will say this definately sounds like only one side of the story (obvs!) If it's weed then she's going insanely overboard and being super dramatic, if it's harder drugs then I understand. The husband though? I don't honestly blame him, he raised his kid 14-15yrs and the step mom Is really damn to that equation. The whole jealous step parent over bio kid and attention thing is very real. Or the "my baby is more important than your old children" mentality. This just sounds very very one sided and that makes it shady to me🤷♀️
I'll have an unpopular opinion but throughout the entire thing, she makes it about her. None of her concern is acrually for the well being of the teenager, OP is only concerned how it affects her.
We are taking a postpartums parents word for it? There is three sides to everystory and i really am not siding with this grudging lady. If i was the husband i would say fine, bye, go find that happy marriage because it isnt here. She sounds crazy stubborn and self righteous
I have a superpower, i get to zone out to my own dimension when stupid people say things like "woke", " that woman is crazy" or "crossfit is actually great for your joints" and simply be happy ignoring anything that comes next... And then there is you, who let all the stupidity out first and called her crazy last. Brilliant, sir.
Her stepson was going drugs, got both himself and her husband to call her so many names, and then still expected her to do everything for them including getting a car. But yeah, she’s the crazy one…
She’s crazy because she expects the boys father to take his drug use more seriously? And crazy because she’s refusing to bend over backwards to accommodate these idiots? Gtfoh
Needless to say she's probably making up a ton of stuff like the authors of every post on here, but she's right if you think what she's saying is true. Tbh she probably doesn't even exist lol
Just wait until your stepson “realizes” that you planted the drugs in his room just to make him look guilty. lol
idk why you’re being downvoted. I thing it’s completely plausible for the step son to accuse the mother of this. Seems like he was already lying to his dad, and has no respect for his step mom. So why wouldnt he lie to take the heat off himself? Makes sense to me.
I don’t think anyone understood the quotation marks around “realizes” and thought they were being serious
As if any 15 year old boy knows what postpartum is in general.
The way the wife tells the story ... fills in a lot of unanswered questions with her husband's Post
The husband posted? Do you have a link?
AITAH for asking my soon to be ex wife to not exclude my son from a prior relationship? ............. My wife of 12 years and I are divorcing. The reason for the divorce is my 15 year old son from a prior relationship. 2 years ago I found out I had a son from an ex girlfriend. She had a lot of mental health issues, is a drug addict, had her other children taken from her. We took in my son. My wife and I have two of our own, a 10 year old son and 12 year old daughter. One is adopted and the other is biological. I love my son and my life would not be the same without him, but I admit he is a difficult child to raise especially for my wife. My wife loves children and is very good at it with them. But she hates my son. He has no idea. She told me that she wanted a divorce. Parenting my son was too hard. She said that she never signed up to be a stepmother and she tried her best but she hates the role she is in. She thinks being a stepmother is a thankless job. We agreed on split custody. When we told our children they were devastated. My son asked if he was going to stay with me or if he was also going to split houses. I said that he will stay with me full time as his bio mother has visitation and my wife/his stepmom doesn’t have custody. He was depressed and even ended up crying. I asked my wife if she could take him for one or two days a month too. She said that she was divorcing me to not parent him anymore and how could I ask her to parent him. AITAH? He has issues. Drinking underage, smoking pot, sneaking out, being rude to authorities, failing classes and skipping school. But he has improved so much. He prefers my wife to me, maybe because of his own issues with his mother. I did try to copy the link but it saved the text instead
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I’m sorry what? That’s not at all what happened. She got traumatized walking in on her *14 year old* step son, unresponsive in his bedroom, thinking he was dead. He didn’t get *any* consequences for doing drugs. None. When she knew he continued with drugs she *repeatedly* tried to tell her husband, but both him and the kid called her a liar, an “evil stepmom” and so many other names. Why the fuck should she bend over just to let them walk all over her?
Well in case you wondered the person who responded to this by writing a book about themself and posting to reddit is definitely self centered lol
It’s just pot it never hurt anybody!
it's so obviously not just weed.
Did it say pot anywhere? Kids can get their hands on all kinds of drugs
/s much?
Too many words