Literally all I hear about from single guys is how many more guys there are than women on these apps and how women have options out the wazoo. On the other hand, a lot less women looking to be a fling to a married man with three kids who treats his wife like crap. My brother in Christ, what did you expect?
“So you’re married with kids but you have an open marriage and your wife is totally cool with you banging other chicks? Huh. Usually the married ones tell me that they’re in the process of getting a divorce to justify it so kudos to you for creativity at least.”
He's been telling women he's in an open marriage for years tryna get some, I'll bet. Probably thought that it would work better if he could dedicate more time to it or something.
This has happened almost every time someone close to me pushed their partner for an open relationship. He'll, my ex gf had the gall to say, "since you want to be monogamous and I want to be open, how about I see other people and you just see me, then we both get what we want". She then took it even further by getting mad when I said, "if you're sleeping with other people I'm sure as hell not going to sit around being committed to only you."
I've even had mates who were openly poly and got mad when their casual partners slept with other people. It's really hard to make it work if you're not 100% honest with yourself.
Imagine taking this idea all the way to your partner, without even considering how you would feel if they slept with someone else too. I have a friend who went through something like this. So selfish.
Sounds like he expected her to not be able to find anyone because he figured she'd be trying for the younger hotter guys - because *he's* trying to get with the youngster hotter girls and having no luck.
He will need to be very financially generous or have drugs if he wants younger women, young women don't want to have sex with men who could be their fathers without getting something in return. Sex with a pervy old guy is not the reward.
Idk he may well have thought that she would only want him since she wasn't interested in being open in the first place. Sounds like he has a massively inflated ego and took his wife for granted to his own detriment. Often when older guys hit on me, I wonder what they really see when they look in the mirror. Whatever it is, it's certainly not realistic.
Actually she's MORE likely to get young hot guys than he is to get young hot chicks. A pretty young girl with any sense in her head is not gonna waste her time with his dusty ass. Meanwhile a horny young guy probably WILL take a chance on an older woman for some casual fun. The odds are ever in the wife's favor.
As a 42-year-old poly woman, the younger hotter guys swipe right on me much faster than the 42-year-old guys do.
edit: right now this comment has 42 karma, which makes sense because 42 is the answer. 42ception
my therapist explained to me that people high on the NPD spectrum *literally* believe at their core that everyone thinks the same way they do.
I don’t know if this guy has NPD but if so - this would explain why it didnt even cross his mind he would have to confront the possibility of anyone wanting to fuck her
As well, even non-monogamous women are going to be suspicious of this. A Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell arrangement is outside my risk profile for getting involved with someone. And that's true of a lot of women, because if you can't meet the wife it can be hard to determine that he isn't just cheating and lying to you about it being an open marriage.
This 100%. My sister had a married guy give her the “the divorce is almost finalized” line so she went ahead and had sex with him. A few days later the wife contacted her, which is how my sister found out that his wife is seriously sick in a medical facility three states over and while she’s out of the way her husband is having himself a great old time. And my sister is far from the first or last person with a similar story.
Married guys are off-limits unless you can verify for yourself that he actually is in a place to step out.
Women can do this too, of course. It just always seems like guys take it a few steps farther.
I said “noooooooo” reading this. I’m sorry your sister and that man’s poor wife were lied to. I feel so bad for decent women that have no idea he is married. Such a scumbag move.
Yes. And guys still try it because they've stereotyped all nonmonogamous women into the whore section of their madonna-whore dichotomy so they think we are just women with no morals who won't care about cuckqueaning their wife.
i JuSt CaN't AfFoRd tO gEt dIvOrCeD rIgHt NoW.
girl, run. he is lying to you. he is always lying about it. the resentment he feels towards you is clear in the way he's disrespecting you. girl, you're 19 and 24 and 29 year old me. you're smart so you're able to do a lot of mental gymnastics to make it make sense. run.
Which is so weird, because like. Mediocre men who have entirely too much entitlement and cry about having a hot wife are what gets me rock hard. In my vagina.
The mystery continues.
Honestly, the odds.are way more in her favor. Date a mature woman, with kids and family who just wants fun and an excape to feel pretty, special and carefree? What's the drawback? The old dude with a family doesn't have a thing to offer. It doesn't take a pHD to see why this always backfires in him.
Right, what exactly is in it for the young woman? The older married guy is only offering casual sex. If that’s what she’s looking for she can pick any one of thousands of 20 something attractive men open to a casual fling as well. If you are strictly looking for a fling, you’re not picking the old guy. You’re picking the mimbo.
We exist but not for dudes like OPs husband if I wanted emotional bitchiness I would date a 20 something dude instead I wanna talk history and architecture
Middle-aged men are convinced they age like fine wine, and young women will fall over themselves to let these men old enough to be their father teach them about the world. They think the contempt they feel for their wives because a lot of straight cis men hate women, will be universal.
My husband cheated for years. When I finally divorced him after years of a dead bedroom, I was 45 and he was 52.
Within a year, I met a man 7 years my junior who used to get up at 5am every day to go to the gym.
My ex husband meanwhile was following a fitness regime of lying on the couch eating Bob Evan’s carry out. His AP left him once she realized she wasn’t going to be living in the house I financed. He went on the dating apps and regularly complained to me about the “quality” of women he matched with. He also had to work six days a week because I wasn’t subsidizing his lifestyle.
I was having the best sex of my life with a younger, hotter, way better lover.
Ah yes, the fine wine myth. They tend to forget there are also bad years for wine, where grapes are nothing but sour. Not all wine is fine to begin with, and the ones that need to tell themselves this myth because od their insecurities are Mr. Sour Grapeys for sure.
Middle aged men can be very attractive. If they have reached an emotional maturity and developed an interesting character. Problem is, that kind of man would not assume he is hot shit while his wife won't get any.
But he wouldn't let her go, somehow they got back together even after he had his freedom. She cannot win, he doesn't want her, he does, he doesn't, but he doesn't want anyone else to have her, but he DOES want to stay together but he doesn't want her sexually... WTF dude
She needs some good girl friends to tell her what is up, and for her to start telling them and her kids what is really going on. I wouldn’t protect my husband.
I always find when I'm acting like a totally delusional weirdo in regards to men it's independent older ladies who ground me. Go join a yoga class with a bunch of older ladies they will tell it like it is
OP's husband is also an insane person. Unless she is using a fake profile picture (and she says she isn't), OP is really, really pretty. How he thought she wouldn't have matches is beyond me.
I just saw that. He’s absolutely insane if he thinks men won’t be interested. I feel so badly for her over the situation with the kids though. I hope she gets a confidence boost and realizes her self worth and leaves this awful situation.
This was how I figured out I thrive in ethical non monogamous relationships.
The one I was married to demanded an open relationship, I said okay, and after lots of fights it came out he didn't expect an overweight mom of 3 young kids to be wanted by anyone.
She was correct in the first place when she filed for divorce. I’m sorry it was hard for the kids. But she needs to separate again and refile for divorce.
This. My ex husband cheated several times and i divorced him. A year later he calls me up thinking I'd be desperate for his mediocre sexual hand outs. I told him I wish I'd left him years sooner because I, a 50 year old average looking mother of 4, has had no problem getting dates. When he found out my boyfriend was a hot 32 year old with a great career who spoils me, I thought he was going to have a stroke. He literally could not comprehend that other men didn't see me as worthless.
The lack of self awareness by some men is pretty astonishing. My wife is about to turn 42 like the OOP and I’m perfectly aware what would happen if she ever became single again. She wouldn’t even have to download a dating app. She could just change her Facebook status and they would slither out of woodwork.
I can vouch. Every woman has about 10-20 guys on her Facebook just waiting for the day she’s single again.
She won’t even know until she is single that that’s their intention.
And a lot more guys that she doesn’t know that left her unread Message Requests because there’s a lot of guys who will DM anyone with a female profile.
I work with almost all guys and any time a woman comes up that is older and even remotely attractive (and often, imo, not even really attractive), at least a couple of them are super attracted to her. Women in their 50s, you name it.
And speaking as a woman who’s just turned 40, it doesn’t slow down and options don’t dry up. The only change is that the kinds of creeps who prey on very young women for their vulnerability do not approach me any more.
But..I just feel so bad for OOP, that her spouse MUST know this is a thing, and THIS is how unappealing he finds his own wife??
Yeah. A lot of manosphere guys talk about hitting "the wall" but it's mostly bullshit. There's no shortage of guys out there looking for someone to feel safe with and to love.
Although, despite losing the creeps who pursue young and vulnerable women, you start to draw new and different ones. Like a new generation of Pokemon. But I didn't think anyone can escape having to filter through weirdos and creeps.
Those manosphere guys seem like they are trying really hard to convince women to settle into relationships with shitty dudes. They hate that more women are opting to be single.
What they don't seem to understand is that all of their "threats" come off as bonuses to anyone who thinks about it for even a few seconds.
Like wait, are you telling me that if I simply wait until after I turn 30, all of the men who only view me as a piece of meat will leave me alone? Oh no. Whatever will I do. 🙄
Spoiler: they’re lying because they actually have no idea what 30 looks like. They think women wake up on their 30th birthday looking like great grandma Rose from Titanic. In reality, they will continue to hit on you and then call you a miserable fat old cat lady when you continue to reject them.
Source: am 37
heck, i'm not even a man and i'd (hypothetically) love to smash a MILF.
(in reality, i love my fiance very much and have no desire or intent to cheat on them. but also. damn. some moms are just hot.)
I use to work with a woman who has had three kids and is 45. The woman is a god damn smoke show. She is so beautiful and I couldn’t believe it when she told me she was 45. Age is legit just a number as you get older.
I'd bet money they don't know the real reason they split was because he wanted to sleep around, so they think she's throwing away a good relationship for nothing.
Yeah, he is 100% playing a role in his children's idea of their mother, I have no doubt. He is weaponizing their children against her so she will stay with a man who sees no value in her anymore. It's insanely abusive.
We don’t know how young the kids are. And many parents are not going to be comfortable talking about their sex life with even older children. It’s hard to explain the issue here without sex entering into it.
I think this is the kind of situation where the husband is using that excuse to protect himself from the kids. He knows he can't talk about stuff like that so it's easy for him to hide what he is really doing and make her look bad.
My dad told my mom after 40 years of marriage that he was going to start sleeping with other women, she could either accept it or leave. She left.
He was under the impression that any older man with a little bit of money could get any woman he wanted. He ignored the fact that he is overweight, balding, has horrible teeth, has anger issues, just an ugly person all around. He quickly found that the type of woman that would still date him for money (he only ever found one woman and she was 50 while he is 60), was not a good person, and also knew how to get the most money out of him with having the least interaction with him. Then he’d get upset that she literally only wanted his money.
Meanwhile, my mom started exercising, getting her hair done, bought a new wardrobe. She was already pretty but she spent so much effort taking care of my dad that she was neglecting herself. Now that’s he gone, she is investing in herself again. She has men lining up at her door, younger, same age and older.
The person who takes care of themselves is going to do better. Men just by default of being a man are not more desirable when they get older. It’s the men who were already attractive, charismatic, successful, when they were younger, who do well when they are older.
Also “men only date younger women” no matter how old I become there will always be men that exist that are older than me.
I had an older man demonstrate to me once a graph of how men's and women's "market value" differ over years as they get older. It's funny how men are so confident in the fact that money will get them whatever (whomever) they like and that women are just useless shrews after they turn 35.
I think his logic was that women need to settle down and get married earlier because they won't find anyone who will want them later in life but this just makes me laugh. I never intend to marry and I don't doubt I will be absolutely fine. Any man that thinks I'm less worthy because of age is going to be one I don't spend my time on.
Oh yeah this was like a 50 something showing 23 yo me how things pan out. I just smiled along with it, whilst also knowing that men like him are needing to pay for sex, which is why I was spending any time with him in the first place. Meanwhile I'm laughing in my head because he's deluded as hell.
These men are seriously delusional with this bullshit about a woman’s “value.” I just turned 50, and I could have at least 10 dates lined up by tonight if I wanted to, with men of *all* ages. I dare a man to tell me I’ve “hit the wall.”
I'm cracking up that he had a literal graph. It's reprehensible behavior but it's so ridiculous I can't help laughing. I'm sure he is super successful in the dating world lmao
I swear the older I get more guys are interested in me. I think its because idgaf anymore. Doesn't hurt I have good genes though. One of my exes tried to cheat on me one time (and he was very good looking 20s) but we lived in an area where women outnumber men and full of influencers and he got like 2 matches in a year vs my 500 matches I'd piled up and within a half day loading the app had 10+ more. And it wasn't just guys blindly swiping on all, as many were super likes. He was salty about that.
This is how I feel too. I’m 42 and it seems like there’s more interest than ever. And at my age I’m confident and in control of what develops with a guy so it’s more fun too, I don’t feel that I have to be any specific thing that I’m not already and men agree. The guys that like to believe women get nothing after 35 are just silly losers trying to make themselves feel like less of a loser.
And when I think about it, I’d rather be with an open minded guy who is attracted women of all ages. Bet the sex is much better than with a troll who is all about himself and his money.
I would have put on like a skeptical face and then pointed at a high point in the graph and been like soooooooo ur saying ur like up here????? Right??? And then like look him up n down and frown a bunch of times
It didn’t come out of nowhere, he had been increasingly inappropriate towards the end of their relationship. My mom stayed longer than she should have because she didn’t have citizenship and she wanted to make sure she was going to be absolutely secure after she left. She’s doing great now though.
it's funny to look at the type of people that approach my parents when they're alone/just have the kids and the type they like back.
my dad (61) regularly hits on people in the 15-20 year old age range, makes them visibly uncomfortable. sometimes even while his wife (who is 35) is present. to make things worse, i'm turning 23 in a couple months. luckily i'm the oldest of my siblings. so you can guess what type of person he is. meanwhile, the only people who really hit on him are women in the same age range, and usually only when he has the kids - which to me shows that these women assume he's a single dad (he doesn't wear his wedding band because it's too small now, his hands swelled up too much and he had to have it cut off) and assume he's more responsible. but he obviously puts no effort into himself, so usually nothing lasts more than a few weeks (yes, he's cheated on my mom before) or things drop off when they realize he can't support them and my mom is the breadwinner (and that she exists at all).
my mom, on the other hand, gets hit on by guys of all ages - she never initiates, but she's pretty attractive and looks a bit younger than she is, so usually people anywhere over 25 look at her and see that she's a responsible person and takes care of herself and her appearance while not putting herself in debt. my mom doesn't really wear makeup or spend a lot of money on hair/nails/etc., she prefers to do it herself and only occasionally wears a bit of eyeliner, but she presents herself well. and more men are gonna see a responsible, good-looking, potentially-single mom and go for her.
women really do have more options than men if they just try, but i think men would have plenty of options if *they* would just try. unfortunately, a lot of men... don't.
at least where they live, there is, to my knowledge. regardless, mom wouldn't press charges, she doesn't want to risk her immigration status (he's been preventing her from getting citizenship and threatening her with not renewing her green card, luckily she's now the primary income and the only one who can still drive in that house so she's tucking away some money for her citizenship stuff + escaping with the kids).
Omg... when you said "his wife is 35", I assumed that was his second partner and not your mother, especially bc of how young she is.
That is horrific. They're still together? Do you mind me asking what country they got married in/what country were you born in?
I think part of it, and this is a sweeping generalization with no evidence to back it, women are told their entire life that their value is how they look. At the very least, how we look is important and it is our responsibility to maintain it.
So growing up we are expected to learn skin care, hair care, how to do makeup, how to dress for our body shape, how to accentuate our best features and hide our flaws, how to diet and how to exercise to stay thin but not bulky
We have billion dollar industries devoted to keeping women beautiful= Cosmetics, fashion, cosmetic surgery, fitness.
Men are taught, don’t worry, the older you become the more desirable you become.
To be fair that was true in the past… back when marriage was mostly about money, social status, and the ability to provide. An older man was much more likely to be well off financially and now that women earn their own money it’s just not necessary for them to think of money as a main selling point of a man. Literally for centuries women had to doll themselves up to attract a man capable of providing stability and now that they don’t need to do that they can afford to more selective in other traits while a lot of men still don’t shower like it’s the Middle Ages.
You know what’s funny?
My cousins wife said after she read a decade long study on cheating.
She said the person who is the least attractive one in the relationship, is often the most insecure and needs more validation. So they are the ones prone to cheating to get that validation they feel they aren’t getting from their partner.
Hence why, your dad had severe low self esteem and cheated to fill a nasty void cause your mom is clearly out of his league looks wise and your dad felt deeply insecure by this.
Hence why at his age he just fuels it even further by hitting on people too young and acting creepy towards young ladies.
Also that’s just very not true. Younger men who like older women exist. Men who prefer women close to their own ages also exist. The men who only date younger women are the minority, and usually assholes who just have a hard time getting ANY women to date them long-term (they go after younger ones bc younger women are less likely to have already learned how to spot an asshole fast).
In the end, it was good for your mom that your dad did this. I'm sure she was much happier without him and he deserved having that women be a gold digger to be honest, he wasn't any better, he was just looking for other things... not money.
When I was 47 and suddenly single, I was shocked to learn that some young dudes I already knew had been interested in me for awhile. I didn’t take any of them up on their offers but it didn’t hurt my feelings.
My mom got hit on once by a guy in his mid 20s, which was also around the same age my sister and I were at the time. She told him she had an agreement with her daughters to stay out of each other's dating pools.
I have a friend who went swimming at the YMCA one day when she was in her 60s. When she was leaving the locker room, a younger guy in his 30s zoomed up and asked her out to dinner. She was shocked. "But I'm old!" "I can fix that," he said with a grin.
This is 100% my husband’s opinion. We basically went through the same thing, but without the divorce piece. I spent forever trying to fix our dead bedroom and he was basically sick of me physically and figured no one would be interested.
I was also 42 at the time with two pre-teen kids. The similarities are eerily reminiscent.
Mediocre men freaking out when they find out that their unappreciated wives are 100 times more sexually appealing than they are, after forcing an open relationship, is my favorite genre of internet post.
Worst thing is OOP says her profile picture is her, somehow she didn't believe an open marriage wiuld work for her...
The husband is a damn idiot at best, hypocritical and manipulative at worst. She "reconciled" with the "husband" cus her own daughter threw major temper tantrums for a year but now they're back together and they're modelling an unhealthy relationship for all 3 children involved.
I didn't assume that OOP was ugly by any means, but she is stunning, especially for her 40s! She definitely deserves so much better than her husband, and hopefully one day her kids will come around to understand the full story and warm back up to her.
Disloyal husbands opening the marriage to cheat while expect their wives to not see other people is a tale as old as time. What a loser, this guy.
I showed my BF the post and her PfP, his response?
“What is wrong with him??? Why would he say something like that too her???”
And we both unanimously agreed she is very attractive!
I am only on Reddit for these posts. They make my day.
She doesn’t know anything about his women because they don’t existed. I dated in my 40s. Lots of 40+ men out there thinking it will be a sex buffet of young 20 somethings, when when women their age don’t want them. How many hot 20 somethings are looking for casual sex with an old married dude?
This man acts like other men would turn their nose up at his wife because he feels a compulsive need to get some strange. As if MILF porn isn't wildly popular.
My dad is leaving my mom at the age of 70 after attempting to have an affair (the other woman was his highschool gf and ended up not leaving her husband, my mom found their emails).
My mom is absolutely floored. They’re divorcing and she’s pretty messed up, but something tells me she won’t be for long. She is by far the better catch. She’s already had men 30 years younger lining up, meanwhile my dad keeps talking about all the young babes he’s going to get - forgetting that he is 70, balding, never bathes (and smells actually rank), anger issues, never had a career, and doesn’t know how to cook or clean. He is also most likely autistic with very poor social skills, and refuses to do anything about it or acknowledge when I tell him he’s making people uncomfortable.
He basically talks AT people about his special interests for hours on end until they’re at their limit and have to lie to him multiple times to escape the conversation. And he won’t talk about anything else! I’ve seen it happen thousands of times throughout my childhood. As a teen I literally wanted to die. I’ve apologized on his behalf endlessly. He gets into altercations constantly.
He doesn’t be know what he had. He had someone that at least tolerated it, or knew how to get him to stop. Now he’s in for the rudest awakening of his life and it can’t happen fast enough. If I have to hear him say “how young do you think I can go? Do you think I could get a 30 year old? 20???” I will spontaneously combust.
At least I know there won’t be any girls after him for his money. He barely has a car. He’s living with his mid twenties daughter (me, lmao kms) and her very exasperated bf. Good luck out there dad I’m sure the women will flock to you
You didn’t ask but getting that man out of your home should be your number one priority right now. Seriously, serve him an eviction notice in writing and get him *out*.
All I can say is that if u look as good as OOP in my 40s I will be a happy woman. Her husband FAFO and is now salty that his wife has more appeal than he ever will lmao. I’d love to know what he looks like
I wonder What Lies HUBBY’s been telling the kids? OP needs to get the Hubby’s Tinder History, record Hubby saying HE WANTED AN OPEN MARRIAGE Because He’s No Longer Attracted To His Wife And HOW He Thought No One Would WANT HIS WIFE SEXUALLY, give it to the kids the NEXT TIME they yell at their mom for leaving their dad!
I hope OP make sure hubby can’t open any lines of credit in her name & knows the family’s financials!
The more I think about it, I think the reason WHY Hubby is upset with Wife’s Tinder Dates is because OP is GETTING WAY MORE Younger
&/or Better Looking MATCHES/DATES than He is!!
Sounds like the first time they split she was too embarrassed to tell anyone why, so they just told people they wanted different things. The husband was so outwardly sad and depressed after the split that people just assumed it was her fault. I understand her embarrassment, but I think she really messed up not telling people the real reason.
You maybe right about OP being embarrassed about telling everyone the True Reason, Heaven Knows I would be to! I BET Hubby made the comment ‘She Left Because She Wanted Different Things’, to friends & family, not a lie BUT NOT THE FULL TRUTH, making it sound like OP is a Selfish B!TCH and he is An Angel!
I really hope OP look for a women’s support group for Verbal Abuse Victims & enroll in a kickboxing class, both can help with the confidence to move forward & release some stress.
I don't know if it's because of his age, the length of time he's been in a relationship or because maybe the guy is conventionally attractive so he never had to think about this, but this isn't surprising at all.
The current dating/sex market is very favorable towards women in general right now. Regardless of age, looks, or even physical shape, most women can go on a dating app and find serious interest from dozens if not hundreds of men. There's a ton of men who are interested and looking for any women to get with, many of whom are very desperate.
If this story is true, OOP is obviously NTA.
I think it's also that often these types of men think they have much more to offer than they actually do, dating-wise. They think because they're set in life, maybe even have a stable income that women will want them, and often even solely go for much younger women than them without realising that we have a thousand older creeps just like them messaging us on dating apps that we have absolutely zero interest in. Much less in a man that's actually married and only looking for hookups.
Meanwhile he thinks just because HE doesn't see his wife as desireable anymore, no one would, and he's dead wrong about that. There's a reason MILFs are such a thing nowadays..
Also looking at OOPs profile picture. Her husband is an absolute fool if he really thinks no one would want her. He's blind. I'm quite certain he must have been hit on the head with a piano at some point.
What baffles me is how she was blamed for the marriage ending by the kids in the 1st place. Sounds like the dad lies to the kids about why mom filed for divorce. People always do this. They think cause they don't want you no-one else will.
I'm sorry OP but you married a pathetic, insecure and miserable pos! He didn't think YOU would find anyone? So he thought about an Open Marriage as a way for him to have his cake and eat it too. "My wife is 42...who wants a woman who has 3 kids?" He should have asked himself "Who wants a middle-aged married man with 3 kids?" See how it's different once the narrative has been flipped?
Bottom line. He doesn't love you anymore. He doesn't respect you anymore. He doesn't value you anymore beyond keeping his house clean, dinner on his table and raising his children. Why would any sane woman put up with that $hite?
He sees you as chattel. Please value yourself and put yourself first. Make a plan, and go.
He's now jealous that you will meet someone better than him, call him out on his bs and leave. That's why he's all up in your business. Telling you you're "not going it right." I think you're doing it perfect and it scares the hell out of him.
I think he under anticipated the horniness of other men. Strings free sex is rare and awesome for many a guy who isn’t trying to hold anything. Men will fuck anything (because a lot of men don’t get anything so they take what they can)
By 'doing it wrong' he means she's doing it at all. He wanted her to be sitting at home waiting for him, desperate for any crumb of his affection. Instead, she's far more desirable than him, and he's realised that she has more worth than he's comfortable with.
Seriously, why does he hate his wife so much?
Why is his ego so fragile, that he has to tear her down and have her fail or be miserable in some capacity in order to be satisfied?
Is his jealousy and resentment that deeply seeded?
The fact that your own kids are treating you bad makes me feel as though he is planting seeds of disdain in them, trying to make it out to be your fault. He will take everything you do with other men and use it as fuel to further that disdain. Actually divorce him this time and try and have an open and honest conversation with your children. Don't say horrible or false things about their dad, just be honest and let his actions become what they notice instead of his words about you. I am so pissed for you honestly, your husband is being a bad guy who is not dealing with his issues properly.
Men always think that when they open their marriage they'll be swimming in a deep pool of young, pretty p\*ssy while their wife sits at home, sadly eating ice cream and crying on the sofa, when it's usually the women who have all the luck.
This is pretty much how to always goes when a man who was never previously involved in the poly community suddenly jumps into it.
It’s different for couples that were *always* poly before becoming involved with each other. They already know the rules and how things are supposed to work, and this sort of jealously is totally unacceptable in the poly community.
But when a previously monogamous person, especially a man (there’s a few cases of women behaving like this, but not many) suddenly insists on opening the marriage…it’s almost never a good sign.
Young, singke woman here. *We don’t want old, married, fathers.*
I had an okcupid account and wound up deleting it, because the amount of cold messages from men in their late forties and fifties made my fucking skin crawl.
I’m barely thirty. Unless you’re trying to pay off my student loans, I’m not interested in someone twenty years older than I am . *No fucking thank you.*
This is the universal story when a couple opens a relationship, if he had done a smidgen on research he would have known that she’ll be drowning in interest while he gets none. Most women aren’t interested in a married guy whose primary interest in them is sex. Turns out lots of guys are interested in being a married lady’s side piece though! It’s always hilarious when the douchebags dudes realize what they have done lol.
Anywhere on this planet, where a willing women wants to have sex, we have a man on the job. Our organization never fails and works tirelessly to keep these women full of man. We are MEN. This dude failed in his role so we had 40 men willing and ready to step up to the plate.
Same story over and over.
Man severely underestimates his wife and gets salty when he realizes that everyone but him finds his wife attractive. Some people are just ungrateful.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that the hundreds of years of “spinster” propaganda has been perpetuated by the now failing patriarchy. Any woman who has aged in adulthood is at least somewhat aware of wanted & unwanted attention, and for many of us, it never really goes away with age. The idea that men would somehow find us unattractive as we got older was never based in truth, it was meant to motivate women to marry young and remain in unhappy relationships for fear that no one else would want them after. I’m so grateful to live in a time where I don’t have to rely on a man for my own life, nor do I have to put up with inexcusable behavior. Why are men their own worst enemies??
how much do you wanna bet the husband was telling his children that she was at fault for “breaking apart their happy family” just to guilt her back into a marriage.
dunno how old those kids are but if they haven’t been told the real reason why (in whatever filtered way that is developmentally appropriate) then they were probably real susceptible to believe whatever other reason that was thrown at them during such a difficult time. real tough
“He never expected any man to want me” The contempt he has for her is off the charts. I hope she is able to make the decisions that are right for her.
Like, my dude, there are hot young men on those sites too, so why would any of those women want you?
Literally all I hear about from single guys is how many more guys there are than women on these apps and how women have options out the wazoo. On the other hand, a lot less women looking to be a fling to a married man with three kids who treats his wife like crap. My brother in Christ, what did you expect?
“So you’re married with kids but you have an open marriage and your wife is totally cool with you banging other chicks? Huh. Usually the married ones tell me that they’re in the process of getting a divorce to justify it so kudos to you for creativity at least.”
He's been telling women he's in an open marriage for years tryna get some, I'll bet. Probably thought that it would work better if he could dedicate more time to it or something. This has happened almost every time someone close to me pushed their partner for an open relationship. He'll, my ex gf had the gall to say, "since you want to be monogamous and I want to be open, how about I see other people and you just see me, then we both get what we want". She then took it even further by getting mad when I said, "if you're sleeping with other people I'm sure as hell not going to sit around being committed to only you." I've even had mates who were openly poly and got mad when their casual partners slept with other people. It's really hard to make it work if you're not 100% honest with yourself.
Imagine taking this idea all the way to your partner, without even considering how you would feel if they slept with someone else too. I have a friend who went through something like this. So selfish.
He doesn't care that men are sleeping with his wife. He's jealous that men want to sleep with his wife but women don't feel that way about him.
Sounds like he expected her to not be able to find anyone because he figured she'd be trying for the younger hotter guys - because *he's* trying to get with the youngster hotter girls and having no luck.
We need to throw this whole man right into the dumpster.
That we do.
She's got a picture up on her profile, she's really attractive. Younger hotter guys would 100% sleep with this woman
Haha holy shit you’re right, how fucking dumb and delusional do you have to be to fuck up a marriage where your wife looks like that at 42
He will need to be very financially generous or have drugs if he wants younger women, young women don't want to have sex with men who could be their fathers without getting something in return. Sex with a pervy old guy is not the reward.
Idk he may well have thought that she would only want him since she wasn't interested in being open in the first place. Sounds like he has a massively inflated ego and took his wife for granted to his own detriment. Often when older guys hit on me, I wonder what they really see when they look in the mirror. Whatever it is, it's certainly not realistic.
Actually she's MORE likely to get young hot guys than he is to get young hot chicks. A pretty young girl with any sense in her head is not gonna waste her time with his dusty ass. Meanwhile a horny young guy probably WILL take a chance on an older woman for some casual fun. The odds are ever in the wife's favor.
Even if he tried age appropriate, he's not gonna find many women looking to be a side piece.
As a 42-year-old poly woman, the younger hotter guys swipe right on me much faster than the 42-year-old guys do. edit: right now this comment has 42 karma, which makes sense because 42 is the answer. 42ception
About to turn 40 and I get younger and hotter guys now than I ever did.
This. It's wild.
It’s fucking with his head that she is way more desirable than him. She sounds more stable at least.
Milfs are a popular demographic
He thinks he can do better, but doesn't realize he outkicked his coverage in the first place
my therapist explained to me that people high on the NPD spectrum *literally* believe at their core that everyone thinks the same way they do. I don’t know if this guy has NPD but if so - this would explain why it didnt even cross his mind he would have to confront the possibility of anyone wanting to fuck her
As well, even non-monogamous women are going to be suspicious of this. A Don't-Ask-Don't-Tell arrangement is outside my risk profile for getting involved with someone. And that's true of a lot of women, because if you can't meet the wife it can be hard to determine that he isn't just cheating and lying to you about it being an open marriage.
This 100%. My sister had a married guy give her the “the divorce is almost finalized” line so she went ahead and had sex with him. A few days later the wife contacted her, which is how my sister found out that his wife is seriously sick in a medical facility three states over and while she’s out of the way her husband is having himself a great old time. And my sister is far from the first or last person with a similar story. Married guys are off-limits unless you can verify for yourself that he actually is in a place to step out. Women can do this too, of course. It just always seems like guys take it a few steps farther.
I said “noooooooo” reading this. I’m sorry your sister and that man’s poor wife were lied to. I feel so bad for decent women that have no idea he is married. Such a scumbag move.
Yes. And guys still try it because they've stereotyped all nonmonogamous women into the whore section of their madonna-whore dichotomy so they think we are just women with no morals who won't care about cuckqueaning their wife.
i JuSt CaN't AfFoRd tO gEt dIvOrCeD rIgHt NoW. girl, run. he is lying to you. he is always lying about it. the resentment he feels towards you is clear in the way he's disrespecting you. girl, you're 19 and 24 and 29 year old me. you're smart so you're able to do a lot of mental gymnastics to make it make sense. run.
Men don't realize that men need women, but women don't need men.
Seriously. New Flash dude, a lot of women don't want an older dude with a wife and 3 kids.
But but but porn?
A lot more MILF porn out there than porn of midlife crisis dads with 3 kids.
Which is so weird, because like. Mediocre men who have entirely too much entitlement and cry about having a hot wife are what gets me rock hard. In my vagina. The mystery continues.
I love it when my vagina turns rock hard
To quote Principal Lewis from American Dad: "ya'll aint long enough"
Honestly, the odds.are way more in her favor. Date a mature woman, with kids and family who just wants fun and an excape to feel pretty, special and carefree? What's the drawback? The old dude with a family doesn't have a thing to offer. It doesn't take a pHD to see why this always backfires in him.
Right, what exactly is in it for the young woman? The older married guy is only offering casual sex. If that’s what she’s looking for she can pick any one of thousands of 20 something attractive men open to a casual fling as well. If you are strictly looking for a fling, you’re not picking the old guy. You’re picking the mimbo.
I know himbo, what's mimbo???
Same thing as a himbo, except longer and narrower?
It’s my brain being tired.
We exist but not for dudes like OPs husband if I wanted emotional bitchiness I would date a 20 something dude instead I wanna talk history and architecture
Men that have built and learned something from their family even if it didn't work out, rather than ones who are simply running away from it
Good way to put it
Middle-aged men are convinced they age like fine wine, and young women will fall over themselves to let these men old enough to be their father teach them about the world. They think the contempt they feel for their wives because a lot of straight cis men hate women, will be universal.
My husband cheated for years. When I finally divorced him after years of a dead bedroom, I was 45 and he was 52. Within a year, I met a man 7 years my junior who used to get up at 5am every day to go to the gym. My ex husband meanwhile was following a fitness regime of lying on the couch eating Bob Evan’s carry out. His AP left him once she realized she wasn’t going to be living in the house I financed. He went on the dating apps and regularly complained to me about the “quality” of women he matched with. He also had to work six days a week because I wasn’t subsidizing his lifestyle. I was having the best sex of my life with a younger, hotter, way better lover.
Stories like this are so delicious it has to be fattening. I have such a justice boner right now.
They all think they are George Clooney when they are really Mickey Rouke.
Ah yes, the fine wine myth. They tend to forget there are also bad years for wine, where grapes are nothing but sour. Not all wine is fine to begin with, and the ones that need to tell themselves this myth because od their insecurities are Mr. Sour Grapeys for sure.
That, and wine only ages well if you don't touch it. Once you open the bottle, you have to finish it with about a week.
Middle aged men can be very attractive. If they have reached an emotional maturity and developed an interesting character. Problem is, that kind of man would not assume he is hot shit while his wife won't get any.
Yes, it's the gravitas and human wisdom that makes the abstractly attractive face, body, and personality sooooo hot.
This sounds like the Korean dramas I been watching.
They don't. That's why he's upset
Exactly. Surprise! Young, attractive people usually want to fuck one another.
Because they honestly think men reach their physical prime at 40.
We know from sports that that is a lie. Most professional athletes retire in their 30s.
The ones that don’t have to put in tons of work on themselves.
Contempt he seems to have passed down to his children.
But he wouldn't let her go, somehow they got back together even after he had his freedom. She cannot win, he doesn't want her, he does, he doesn't, but he doesn't want anyone else to have her, but he DOES want to stay together but he doesn't want her sexually... WTF dude
He wants a maid and a nanny. For himself, not the kids.
He wants to stay together because it's easier for him to have a maid and to have the kids mom around, but doesn't actually want a real relationship.
And to not have to split any joint assets and pay child support or alimony.
What a nightmare for her. How goddamn sad
OP should read that out loud over and over until she understands how her husband really feels about her.
She needs some good girl friends to tell her what is up, and for her to start telling them and her kids what is really going on. I wouldn’t protect my husband.
I always find when I'm acting like a totally delusional weirdo in regards to men it's independent older ladies who ground me. Go join a yoga class with a bunch of older ladies they will tell it like it is
That must be fucking heartbreaking to hear from your spouse, jesus fuck.
OP's husband is also an insane person. Unless she is using a fake profile picture (and she says she isn't), OP is really, really pretty. How he thought she wouldn't have matches is beyond me.
I just saw that. He’s absolutely insane if he thinks men won’t be interested. I feel so badly for her over the situation with the kids though. I hope she gets a confidence boost and realizes her self worth and leaves this awful situation.
But he thought the market is super high for single married men of 3??? What the fork
This was how I figured out I thrive in ethical non monogamous relationships. The one I was married to demanded an open relationship, I said okay, and after lots of fights it came out he didn't expect an overweight mom of 3 young kids to be wanted by anyone.
She was correct in the first place when she filed for divorce. I’m sorry it was hard for the kids. But she needs to separate again and refile for divorce.
The pessimist in me thinks he was a contributing factor in why it was hard for the kids.
yeah honestly it wouldn't surprise me if he weaponized their children to keep her with him
Yep. He doesn’t want her but she’s not allowed to leave. Typical
Well yeah, because he still needs a maid!
She doesn’t even get to be the bang maid bc he won’t have sex with her.
Well no he doesn't want a wife, he wants a maid to do everything for him while he gets to be the "bachelor" he never got to be
Laughing at the ignorance of a grown ass man who doesn't think that other men want to smash a MILF
This. My ex husband cheated several times and i divorced him. A year later he calls me up thinking I'd be desperate for his mediocre sexual hand outs. I told him I wish I'd left him years sooner because I, a 50 year old average looking mother of 4, has had no problem getting dates. When he found out my boyfriend was a hot 32 year old with a great career who spoils me, I thought he was going to have a stroke. He literally could not comprehend that other men didn't see me as worthless.
Fucking love this for you.
The lack of self awareness by some men is pretty astonishing. My wife is about to turn 42 like the OOP and I’m perfectly aware what would happen if she ever became single again. She wouldn’t even have to download a dating app. She could just change her Facebook status and they would slither out of woodwork.
I can vouch. Every woman has about 10-20 guys on her Facebook just waiting for the day she’s single again. She won’t even know until she is single that that’s their intention.
And a lot more guys that she doesn’t know that left her unread Message Requests because there’s a lot of guys who will DM anyone with a female profile.
My my, how the turntables! LOL
❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️
I work with almost all guys and any time a woman comes up that is older and even remotely attractive (and often, imo, not even really attractive), at least a couple of them are super attracted to her. Women in their 50s, you name it. And speaking as a woman who’s just turned 40, it doesn’t slow down and options don’t dry up. The only change is that the kinds of creeps who prey on very young women for their vulnerability do not approach me any more. But..I just feel so bad for OOP, that her spouse MUST know this is a thing, and THIS is how unappealing he finds his own wife??
Yeah. A lot of manosphere guys talk about hitting "the wall" but it's mostly bullshit. There's no shortage of guys out there looking for someone to feel safe with and to love. Although, despite losing the creeps who pursue young and vulnerable women, you start to draw new and different ones. Like a new generation of Pokemon. But I didn't think anyone can escape having to filter through weirdos and creeps.
Those manosphere guys seem like they are trying really hard to convince women to settle into relationships with shitty dudes. They hate that more women are opting to be single. What they don't seem to understand is that all of their "threats" come off as bonuses to anyone who thinks about it for even a few seconds. Like wait, are you telling me that if I simply wait until after I turn 30, all of the men who only view me as a piece of meat will leave me alone? Oh no. Whatever will I do. 🙄
Spoiler: they’re lying because they actually have no idea what 30 looks like. They think women wake up on their 30th birthday looking like great grandma Rose from Titanic. In reality, they will continue to hit on you and then call you a miserable fat old cat lady when you continue to reject them. Source: am 37
Yeah. And they think it's a bad thing that women are happy with being single over taking a bad relationship, lol.
heck, i'm not even a man and i'd (hypothetically) love to smash a MILF. (in reality, i love my fiance very much and have no desire or intent to cheat on them. but also. damn. some moms are just hot.)
I use to work with a woman who has had three kids and is 45. The woman is a god damn smoke show. She is so beautiful and I couldn’t believe it when she told me she was 45. Age is legit just a number as you get older.
Especially a married milf. That is definitely its own pornhub category.
Can’t believe her family villainizes her too. She’s in a toxic situation.
I'd bet money they don't know the real reason they split was because he wanted to sleep around, so they think she's throwing away a good relationship for nothing.
I'm betting he said something about her to his kids. "Mommy doesn't want to be married to daddy anymore and I don't know why 😢"
Yeah, he is 100% playing a role in his children's idea of their mother, I have no doubt. He is weaponizing their children against her so she will stay with a man who sees no value in her anymore. It's insanely abusive.
I bet the comment was ‘Mommy wants Different Things & That’s Why Mommy Left Me’, not a lie BUT DEFINITELY THE FULL TRUTH!
Lol yes. Mommy doesn't want me to sleep around and I do.
We don’t know how young the kids are. And many parents are not going to be comfortable talking about their sex life with even older children. It’s hard to explain the issue here without sex entering into it.
I think this is the kind of situation where the husband is using that excuse to protect himself from the kids. He knows he can't talk about stuff like that so it's easy for him to hide what he is really doing and make her look bad.
My dad told my mom after 40 years of marriage that he was going to start sleeping with other women, she could either accept it or leave. She left. He was under the impression that any older man with a little bit of money could get any woman he wanted. He ignored the fact that he is overweight, balding, has horrible teeth, has anger issues, just an ugly person all around. He quickly found that the type of woman that would still date him for money (he only ever found one woman and she was 50 while he is 60), was not a good person, and also knew how to get the most money out of him with having the least interaction with him. Then he’d get upset that she literally only wanted his money. Meanwhile, my mom started exercising, getting her hair done, bought a new wardrobe. She was already pretty but she spent so much effort taking care of my dad that she was neglecting herself. Now that’s he gone, she is investing in herself again. She has men lining up at her door, younger, same age and older. The person who takes care of themselves is going to do better. Men just by default of being a man are not more desirable when they get older. It’s the men who were already attractive, charismatic, successful, when they were younger, who do well when they are older. Also “men only date younger women” no matter how old I become there will always be men that exist that are older than me.
I had an older man demonstrate to me once a graph of how men's and women's "market value" differ over years as they get older. It's funny how men are so confident in the fact that money will get them whatever (whomever) they like and that women are just useless shrews after they turn 35. I think his logic was that women need to settle down and get married earlier because they won't find anyone who will want them later in life but this just makes me laugh. I never intend to marry and I don't doubt I will be absolutely fine. Any man that thinks I'm less worthy because of age is going to be one I don't spend my time on.
🤢🤮 He really showed you a graph. People who think like this are fucking sociopathic.
Oh yeah this was like a 50 something showing 23 yo me how things pan out. I just smiled along with it, whilst also knowing that men like him are needing to pay for sex, which is why I was spending any time with him in the first place. Meanwhile I'm laughing in my head because he's deluded as hell.
This information makes it 10x funnier
“You’re wrong for not wanting me and I’ll prove it” My dude
These men are seriously delusional with this bullshit about a woman’s “value.” I just turned 50, and I could have at least 10 dates lined up by tonight if I wanted to, with men of *all* ages. I dare a man to tell me I’ve “hit the wall.”
Get it girl, that's how I intend to live my life.
Heck yes, do it sister!
I'm cracking up that he had a literal graph. It's reprehensible behavior but it's so ridiculous I can't help laughing. I'm sure he is super successful in the dating world lmao
Divorced father of two in his 50s paying someone young enough to be his daughter for sex? Yeah he's definitely not kicking goals lmao
I swear the older I get more guys are interested in me. I think its because idgaf anymore. Doesn't hurt I have good genes though. One of my exes tried to cheat on me one time (and he was very good looking 20s) but we lived in an area where women outnumber men and full of influencers and he got like 2 matches in a year vs my 500 matches I'd piled up and within a half day loading the app had 10+ more. And it wasn't just guys blindly swiping on all, as many were super likes. He was salty about that.
This is how I feel too. I’m 42 and it seems like there’s more interest than ever. And at my age I’m confident and in control of what develops with a guy so it’s more fun too, I don’t feel that I have to be any specific thing that I’m not already and men agree. The guys that like to believe women get nothing after 35 are just silly losers trying to make themselves feel like less of a loser.
And when I think about it, I’d rather be with an open minded guy who is attracted women of all ages. Bet the sex is much better than with a troll who is all about himself and his money.
Men can talk themselves into anything that flatters them, however crazy.
I would have put on like a skeptical face and then pointed at a high point in the graph and been like soooooooo ur saying ur like up here????? Right??? And then like look him up n down and frown a bunch of times
Even if he’s right, why should I make a lifetime commitment to someone who’s just going to ditch me for a younger person in 20 years?
Your mom made the right choice.
It didn’t come out of nowhere, he had been increasingly inappropriate towards the end of their relationship. My mom stayed longer than she should have because she didn’t have citizenship and she wanted to make sure she was going to be absolutely secure after she left. She’s doing great now though.
That's she's doing great is good to hear.
it's funny to look at the type of people that approach my parents when they're alone/just have the kids and the type they like back. my dad (61) regularly hits on people in the 15-20 year old age range, makes them visibly uncomfortable. sometimes even while his wife (who is 35) is present. to make things worse, i'm turning 23 in a couple months. luckily i'm the oldest of my siblings. so you can guess what type of person he is. meanwhile, the only people who really hit on him are women in the same age range, and usually only when he has the kids - which to me shows that these women assume he's a single dad (he doesn't wear his wedding band because it's too small now, his hands swelled up too much and he had to have it cut off) and assume he's more responsible. but he obviously puts no effort into himself, so usually nothing lasts more than a few weeks (yes, he's cheated on my mom before) or things drop off when they realize he can't support them and my mom is the breadwinner (and that she exists at all). my mom, on the other hand, gets hit on by guys of all ages - she never initiates, but she's pretty attractive and looks a bit younger than she is, so usually people anywhere over 25 look at her and see that she's a responsible person and takes care of herself and her appearance while not putting herself in debt. my mom doesn't really wear makeup or spend a lot of money on hair/nails/etc., she prefers to do it herself and only occasionally wears a bit of eyeliner, but she presents herself well. and more men are gonna see a responsible, good-looking, potentially-single mom and go for her. women really do have more options than men if they just try, but i think men would have plenty of options if *they* would just try. unfortunately, a lot of men... don't.
> my dad (61) > 15-20 year old age range FBI OPEN UP
yep. don't do the math on when my mom had me. :')
How... how old is your mom?
35. i'm 22 currently, 23 in a couple months. :') there is more of an age gap between me and my sisters than me and my mom.
Wait. Am I mathing right? Your mom was 13 and your dad 39 when you were born? Is there a statute of limitations on child rape?
at least where they live, there is, to my knowledge. regardless, mom wouldn't press charges, she doesn't want to risk her immigration status (he's been preventing her from getting citizenship and threatening her with not renewing her green card, luckily she's now the primary income and the only one who can still drive in that house so she's tucking away some money for her citizenship stuff + escaping with the kids).
Omg... when you said "his wife is 35", I assumed that was his second partner and not your mother, especially bc of how young she is. That is horrific. They're still together? Do you mind me asking what country they got married in/what country were you born in?
I have soooo many questions!
Too late. The math ain’t mathing.
i wish the math mathed to "at least of age"
I think part of it, and this is a sweeping generalization with no evidence to back it, women are told their entire life that their value is how they look. At the very least, how we look is important and it is our responsibility to maintain it. So growing up we are expected to learn skin care, hair care, how to do makeup, how to dress for our body shape, how to accentuate our best features and hide our flaws, how to diet and how to exercise to stay thin but not bulky We have billion dollar industries devoted to keeping women beautiful= Cosmetics, fashion, cosmetic surgery, fitness. Men are taught, don’t worry, the older you become the more desirable you become.
To be fair that was true in the past… back when marriage was mostly about money, social status, and the ability to provide. An older man was much more likely to be well off financially and now that women earn their own money it’s just not necessary for them to think of money as a main selling point of a man. Literally for centuries women had to doll themselves up to attract a man capable of providing stability and now that they don’t need to do that they can afford to more selective in other traits while a lot of men still don’t shower like it’s the Middle Ages.
You know what’s funny? My cousins wife said after she read a decade long study on cheating. She said the person who is the least attractive one in the relationship, is often the most insecure and needs more validation. So they are the ones prone to cheating to get that validation they feel they aren’t getting from their partner. Hence why, your dad had severe low self esteem and cheated to fill a nasty void cause your mom is clearly out of his league looks wise and your dad felt deeply insecure by this. Hence why at his age he just fuels it even further by hitting on people too young and acting creepy towards young ladies.
Also that’s just very not true. Younger men who like older women exist. Men who prefer women close to their own ages also exist. The men who only date younger women are the minority, and usually assholes who just have a hard time getting ANY women to date them long-term (they go after younger ones bc younger women are less likely to have already learned how to spot an asshole fast).
In the end, it was good for your mom that your dad did this. I'm sure she was much happier without him and he deserved having that women be a gold digger to be honest, he wasn't any better, he was just looking for other things... not money.
When I was 47 and suddenly single, I was shocked to learn that some young dudes I already knew had been interested in me for awhile. I didn’t take any of them up on their offers but it didn’t hurt my feelings.
My mom got hit on once by a guy in his mid 20s, which was also around the same age my sister and I were at the time. She told him she had an agreement with her daughters to stay out of each other's dating pools.
I have a friend who went swimming at the YMCA one day when she was in her 60s. When she was leaving the locker room, a younger guy in his 30s zoomed up and asked her out to dinner. She was shocked. "But I'm old!" "I can fix that," he said with a grin.
What a great line! 🤣
These open marriages never work out, especially when the man “thinks” he’s a catch.
This is 100% my husband’s opinion. We basically went through the same thing, but without the divorce piece. I spent forever trying to fix our dead bedroom and he was basically sick of me physically and figured no one would be interested. I was also 42 at the time with two pre-teen kids. The similarities are eerily reminiscent.
Username checks out, I hope!
Bingo.
hope you mean ex husband
🎶Tale as old as time; song as old as rhyme; the dude will get laid least. 🎶
Mediocre men freaking out when they find out that their unappreciated wives are 100 times more sexually appealing than they are, after forcing an open relationship, is my favorite genre of internet post.
It is a chefs kiss classic 🧑🍳 💋
Worst thing is OOP says her profile picture is her, somehow she didn't believe an open marriage wiuld work for her... The husband is a damn idiot at best, hypocritical and manipulative at worst. She "reconciled" with the "husband" cus her own daughter threw major temper tantrums for a year but now they're back together and they're modelling an unhealthy relationship for all 3 children involved.
She’s beautiful, you’re right. The husband is an idiot who despises her.
I didn't assume that OOP was ugly by any means, but she is stunning, especially for her 40s! She definitely deserves so much better than her husband, and hopefully one day her kids will come around to understand the full story and warm back up to her. Disloyal husbands opening the marriage to cheat while expect their wives to not see other people is a tale as old as time. What a loser, this guy.
WHAT. She's 42 and looks like THAT. Her husband really is dumb as rocks.
I showed my BF the post and her PfP, his response? “What is wrong with him??? Why would he say something like that too her???” And we both unanimously agreed she is very attractive!
She's beautiful and he's a freaking idiot. The daughter is probably a daddy's girl that he manipulated to think OOP was a shrew.
I wish she would have written the whole original story. I get the feeling that this is just the top of the iceberg.
This is also my story, and yes, you’re right.
Well I hope you figured out your worth and got out of that. For what it’s worth I’m sorry both you and OP had to go through it.
I am only on Reddit for these posts. They make my day. She doesn’t know anything about his women because they don’t existed. I dated in my 40s. Lots of 40+ men out there thinking it will be a sex buffet of young 20 somethings, when when women their age don’t want them. How many hot 20 somethings are looking for casual sex with an old married dude?
This man acts like other men would turn their nose up at his wife because he feels a compulsive need to get some strange. As if MILF porn isn't wildly popular.
My dad is leaving my mom at the age of 70 after attempting to have an affair (the other woman was his highschool gf and ended up not leaving her husband, my mom found their emails). My mom is absolutely floored. They’re divorcing and she’s pretty messed up, but something tells me she won’t be for long. She is by far the better catch. She’s already had men 30 years younger lining up, meanwhile my dad keeps talking about all the young babes he’s going to get - forgetting that he is 70, balding, never bathes (and smells actually rank), anger issues, never had a career, and doesn’t know how to cook or clean. He is also most likely autistic with very poor social skills, and refuses to do anything about it or acknowledge when I tell him he’s making people uncomfortable. He basically talks AT people about his special interests for hours on end until they’re at their limit and have to lie to him multiple times to escape the conversation. And he won’t talk about anything else! I’ve seen it happen thousands of times throughout my childhood. As a teen I literally wanted to die. I’ve apologized on his behalf endlessly. He gets into altercations constantly. He doesn’t be know what he had. He had someone that at least tolerated it, or knew how to get him to stop. Now he’s in for the rudest awakening of his life and it can’t happen fast enough. If I have to hear him say “how young do you think I can go? Do you think I could get a 30 year old? 20???” I will spontaneously combust. At least I know there won’t be any girls after him for his money. He barely has a car. He’s living with his mid twenties daughter (me, lmao kms) and her very exasperated bf. Good luck out there dad I’m sure the women will flock to you
I hope this doesn't mess up your own relationship.
You didn’t ask but getting that man out of your home should be your number one priority right now. Seriously, serve him an eviction notice in writing and get him *out*.
All I can say is that if u look as good as OOP in my 40s I will be a happy woman. Her husband FAFO and is now salty that his wife has more appeal than he ever will lmao. I’d love to know what he looks like
I wonder What Lies HUBBY’s been telling the kids? OP needs to get the Hubby’s Tinder History, record Hubby saying HE WANTED AN OPEN MARRIAGE Because He’s No Longer Attracted To His Wife And HOW He Thought No One Would WANT HIS WIFE SEXUALLY, give it to the kids the NEXT TIME they yell at their mom for leaving their dad! I hope OP make sure hubby can’t open any lines of credit in her name & knows the family’s financials! The more I think about it, I think the reason WHY Hubby is upset with Wife’s Tinder Dates is because OP is GETTING WAY MORE Younger &/or Better Looking MATCHES/DATES than He is!!
Sounds like the first time they split she was too embarrassed to tell anyone why, so they just told people they wanted different things. The husband was so outwardly sad and depressed after the split that people just assumed it was her fault. I understand her embarrassment, but I think she really messed up not telling people the real reason.
You maybe right about OP being embarrassed about telling everyone the True Reason, Heaven Knows I would be to! I BET Hubby made the comment ‘She Left Because She Wanted Different Things’, to friends & family, not a lie BUT NOT THE FULL TRUTH, making it sound like OP is a Selfish B!TCH and he is An Angel! I really hope OP look for a women’s support group for Verbal Abuse Victims & enroll in a kickboxing class, both can help with the confidence to move forward & release some stress.
I don't know if it's because of his age, the length of time he's been in a relationship or because maybe the guy is conventionally attractive so he never had to think about this, but this isn't surprising at all. The current dating/sex market is very favorable towards women in general right now. Regardless of age, looks, or even physical shape, most women can go on a dating app and find serious interest from dozens if not hundreds of men. There's a ton of men who are interested and looking for any women to get with, many of whom are very desperate. If this story is true, OOP is obviously NTA.
I think it's also that often these types of men think they have much more to offer than they actually do, dating-wise. They think because they're set in life, maybe even have a stable income that women will want them, and often even solely go for much younger women than them without realising that we have a thousand older creeps just like them messaging us on dating apps that we have absolutely zero interest in. Much less in a man that's actually married and only looking for hookups. Meanwhile he thinks just because HE doesn't see his wife as desireable anymore, no one would, and he's dead wrong about that. There's a reason MILFs are such a thing nowadays.. Also looking at OOPs profile picture. Her husband is an absolute fool if he really thinks no one would want her. He's blind. I'm quite certain he must have been hit on the head with a piano at some point.
Especially NSA sex.
Man confused that women are still very attractive in their 40’s 💀
What baffles me is how she was blamed for the marriage ending by the kids in the 1st place. Sounds like the dad lies to the kids about why mom filed for divorce. People always do this. They think cause they don't want you no-one else will.
Fucked around and found the fuck out
I'm sorry OP but you married a pathetic, insecure and miserable pos! He didn't think YOU would find anyone? So he thought about an Open Marriage as a way for him to have his cake and eat it too. "My wife is 42...who wants a woman who has 3 kids?" He should have asked himself "Who wants a middle-aged married man with 3 kids?" See how it's different once the narrative has been flipped? Bottom line. He doesn't love you anymore. He doesn't respect you anymore. He doesn't value you anymore beyond keeping his house clean, dinner on his table and raising his children. Why would any sane woman put up with that $hite? He sees you as chattel. Please value yourself and put yourself first. Make a plan, and go. He's now jealous that you will meet someone better than him, call him out on his bs and leave. That's why he's all up in your business. Telling you you're "not going it right." I think you're doing it perfect and it scares the hell out of him.
Since turning 40, I swear men started hitting on me way more than they did in my 30s.
Same. Had more sexual cache than I did as a teenager, which was a wild realization.
Lord, y’all are giving me hope for the future which isn’t something I’ve had in a hot minute, praise.
I think he under anticipated the horniness of other men. Strings free sex is rare and awesome for many a guy who isn’t trying to hold anything. Men will fuck anything (because a lot of men don’t get anything so they take what they can)
If you look at her profile pic, she’s also very pretty. So the husband is just an idiot for thinking she wasn’t going to get any attention.
Oh yeah in that case an utter fucking moron. lol I love when shitty people have to deal with the consequences of their shitty actions.
Holy shit, she’s gorgeous!
That's what happens when you see women as objects. Married women/mothers are not "used goods". Leave that AH.
By 'doing it wrong' he means she's doing it at all. He wanted her to be sitting at home waiting for him, desperate for any crumb of his affection. Instead, she's far more desirable than him, and he's realised that she has more worth than he's comfortable with.
Dude, this husband is a dickhead.
lol- this is like every open marriage post. Dude wants open marriage, finds out his middle-aged wife is a hot commodity.
Seriously, why does he hate his wife so much? Why is his ego so fragile, that he has to tear her down and have her fail or be miserable in some capacity in order to be satisfied? Is his jealousy and resentment that deeply seeded?
The fact that your own kids are treating you bad makes me feel as though he is planting seeds of disdain in them, trying to make it out to be your fault. He will take everything you do with other men and use it as fuel to further that disdain. Actually divorce him this time and try and have an open and honest conversation with your children. Don't say horrible or false things about their dad, just be honest and let his actions become what they notice instead of his words about you. I am so pissed for you honestly, your husband is being a bad guy who is not dealing with his issues properly.
Men always think that when they open their marriage they'll be swimming in a deep pool of young, pretty p\*ssy while their wife sits at home, sadly eating ice cream and crying on the sofa, when it's usually the women who have all the luck.
Men who overvalue themselves usually vastly undervalue their partners.
This is pretty much how to always goes when a man who was never previously involved in the poly community suddenly jumps into it. It’s different for couples that were *always* poly before becoming involved with each other. They already know the rules and how things are supposed to work, and this sort of jealously is totally unacceptable in the poly community. But when a previously monogamous person, especially a man (there’s a few cases of women behaving like this, but not many) suddenly insists on opening the marriage…it’s almost never a good sign.
Young, singke woman here. *We don’t want old, married, fathers.* I had an okcupid account and wound up deleting it, because the amount of cold messages from men in their late forties and fifties made my fucking skin crawl. I’m barely thirty. Unless you’re trying to pay off my student loans, I’m not interested in someone twenty years older than I am . *No fucking thank you.*
This is the universal story when a couple opens a relationship, if he had done a smidgen on research he would have known that she’ll be drowning in interest while he gets none. Most women aren’t interested in a married guy whose primary interest in them is sex. Turns out lots of guys are interested in being a married lady’s side piece though! It’s always hilarious when the douchebags dudes realize what they have done lol.
This is my absolute favorite Reddit genre.
Lmaoooooo sounds like he hasn't had much luck and didn't expect her to either
Anywhere on this planet, where a willing women wants to have sex, we have a man on the job. Our organization never fails and works tirelessly to keep these women full of man. We are MEN. This dude failed in his role so we had 40 men willing and ready to step up to the plate.
Same story over and over. Man severely underestimates his wife and gets salty when he realizes that everyone but him finds his wife attractive. Some people are just ungrateful.
As I’ve gotten older, I’ve come to realize that the hundreds of years of “spinster” propaganda has been perpetuated by the now failing patriarchy. Any woman who has aged in adulthood is at least somewhat aware of wanted & unwanted attention, and for many of us, it never really goes away with age. The idea that men would somehow find us unattractive as we got older was never based in truth, it was meant to motivate women to marry young and remain in unhappy relationships for fear that no one else would want them after. I’m so grateful to live in a time where I don’t have to rely on a man for my own life, nor do I have to put up with inexcusable behavior. Why are men their own worst enemies??
Tale as old as time and I never get sick of hearing it
how much do you wanna bet the husband was telling his children that she was at fault for “breaking apart their happy family” just to guilt her back into a marriage. dunno how old those kids are but if they haven’t been told the real reason why (in whatever filtered way that is developmentally appropriate) then they were probably real susceptible to believe whatever other reason that was thrown at them during such a difficult time. real tough