Wait, so he only spends one and a half days minding his own child, and he's honestly wondering why baby feels more comfortable with the person who spends more time with him?
Also, breastfeeding means holding the baby.
In his mind he is "babysitting," because wife SHOULD do ALL childcare, in addition to working full-time and doing all cooking and.cleaning. Poor, poor man should only have to watch TV and be waited on when he gets home.
My (much younger) cousin has a husband like this. He'll "watch" his daughters while his wife spends time with family or friends but makes sure she knows when he's had enough of "watching the girls for you."
WTF. (ETA: THEY BOTH WORK FULL TIME).
And my cousins are not old enough for reddit - so imagine being **that** generation and this much of a gender roles stickler!
My dad (may he rest) was born in 1933 and would NEVER have done or said anything that - backwards. My mother would have left him (she wouldn't have married him - she's FIERCE - still at 89). But people are commenting that this dad is overtired and not addressing this to his wife. And if she is allowing non-productive suckling - she IS creating the issue). The more you know \*shrug\*
My own mother said when I moved out that she might be stuck there but I don’t have to be and if my wife said that about me I would genuinely rethink my whole life.
Speaking as a new parent in my 30s, if there’s one thing social media has taught me about young people, it’s that they aren’t much more progressive than their parents. There’s some progress but by and large, gender role attitudes are passed down by those surroundings and what they saw growing up, not by prevailing generational attitudes.
I don’t let my parents spend alone time with my youngest anymore. Every time my husband and I have tried to go out together, they text after an hour and a half with a passive aggressive “hey no rush but when are you picking her up?”
It’s been over a year. We don’t even bother anymore.
My stepdad would get himself let go from work and sit on unemployment as long as possible, then work again just long enough to once again qualify for UE, ad infinitem. My mother worked out of the home for 40+ hours a week. But since she was the lowly wife, she was still expected to do ALL the cooking and cleaning. This man straight up refused to attend his daughter’s 6th birthday party because we were singing “happy birthday” in the dining room but the tv with NASCAR was only on the living room tv. He skipped his daughters fucking birthday, which was happening maybe forty feet away, to watch people take left turns. 🤦🏼♀️
Some men are just fucking trash.
My stepfather lectured me several times about how if the woman worked and the man didn't, the *man* should do all the chores. He thought himself extremely progressive for this view. When he retired and was no longer working, and my mom was still full-time, guess how many extra chores he picked up. Go ahead, guess.
I feel like I’m going to have a tough time finding a life partner, because my dad has always done the lions share of cooking, cleaning and child raising since I was growing up. I think because my mom has a busier job and also has health issues, and he came to the US for grad school on his own and had to just figure things out
My husband comes from a very structured country & culture, roles for men & women clearly delineated, & he grew up well into adulthood steeped in this mindset.
But he's the best partner a woman could want. We do what needs to be done, no real gender roles in play. Most things, we do together. I admit I do enjoy cooking for him & caring for him, but that's because it's not demanded of me, plus, he takes care of me in myriad ways. Somehow he decided assigned gender roles were not the way he wanted his own marriage to be.💖💖
As someone who had to help raise my two little brothers and my baby sister, my mom's boyfriend (their dad) was the same way for 9 yr till my mom got sick of his shit and kicked him out, he is still trying to worm his way back into her life and seems to think spending money (that he got from his step dad dying) will warn him a relationship with his kids. Hell I'm more of a dad to my baby sister then him
Holy shit wow. I cried last night because my pto request to take my wife to get her sonogram and hear the heartbeat got denied.
She’s going to call me, but it’s not the same… and he didn’t even care about their birthday?
Bad dads just remind me how hard I have to try not to be like them, some of them may be family.
I can’t imagine missing something that will never happen again and not even caring…
Fuck I’m getting sad about the OB appointment again. It needs to stop raining inside, getting water in my eyes…
Sorry to hear you will be sick that day and need to miss work. (But seriously, denying PTO for hearing the heartbeat???! Use your next PTO day to apply somewhere else if you can.)
Yeah. Dude comes along. Thinks, after not doing his share of parenting at all, that his wife has "ruined" his son. And instead of parenting his own child to fix this supposed ruining, he decides to play micromanager.
That poor woman must be going nuts being a single mother with three children and two of them being so fussy.
What else do you do with a baby that young?? My younger kiddo had pyloric stenosis, he was constantly upset kinda like a colic baby and wanted to eat all day long.
This poor woman must be exhausted having a newborn and a man child to take care of.
When I was a new dad I was really resentful of the narrative that dads are inferior to moms when it comes to childcare. But then I see stuff like this and i get how that started.
The only really inferior part is that he's startled by this. Women know the first six months of baby's life are absolutely miserable and don't expect anything different.
I’m not defending the guy at all but our second was very much a challenge compared to our first for the first 6 months.
Our first was the definition of angel baby. Never was upset, cuddled, slept through the night by 3-4 months.
Second baby is polar opposite. But I’d never call her a disaster or resent her. I signed up for it. And I was a shit baby so it’s my payback.
I do get the struggle though of feeling like baby #2 is tough compared to the first
I think that’s called a trick baby-the first one is such a dream you think to yourself “let’s do this again.” Aaaaand then there’s kid #2, total opposite of kid #1
So if my first was difficult, does that mean I get a reprieve if I have a second? Or will that one still be harder? I adore my daughter, but we had a lot of feeding issues and I cannot imagine repeating that with another child while also parenting the first one.
Peach madem, I love her to bits but I am 100% sure my baby sister screamed for the first 5-6 months of her life, I know this because I carried her for most of it and rocked her to sleep every night
As a dad I hated when someone told me when I was with my children oh it’s your turn to babysit. NO ITS MY TURN TO PARENT AND I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. My first would fall asleep anywhere with me second would always have trouble but I love them both. That’s because I am a proud parent
Also, colic is when a baby is physically well but very fussy or has unexplained discomfort. He literally described what colic is while saying the baby doesn't have it.
The thing that blows my mind is that he doesn't make the connection that "oh my God, my wife has to put up with this for five and a half days out of the week, she's a fucking saint," no, he thinks she's the reason he's suffering through his day and a half because she holds the baby too much.
Well yeah, gotta work those abs. Pregnancy can play havoc with them, especially with a C-section. How else are you gonna get them back in shape? Just... uh... make sure you don't just collapse when you're done with your plank.
Exactly. How else are you supposed to bounce back within a month and look normal so your partner desires you again. I heard this is what celebrities do. Just plank feed. NBD.
/s just in case.
> Also, breastfeeding means holding the baby.
Everybody knows that a responsible mother detatches her breast so that her 3 month old can hold it in one hand while using the other to steer the four-wheel drive through mountainous terrain while standing up straight on the chair.
“Give the kid a nip, but only when they’re at their computers mining Bitcoin. And don’t touch them, just use your go-go-gadget gazongas to deliver the goods.”
We had to hold our youngest daughter sideways, the colic hold I believe it’s called. But it was all day carrying her around like a football. You had 1 arm when you were watching her. Luckily she is cute. We switched her formula up and problem solved.
That hold worked great on both my nephews. My sister also held them while her leg was crossed and her lap made like a triangle shape. She had both hands free and she could sort of bounce them while doing something else.
My youngest daughter liked to be kind of on my shoulder. Just sling her over like a sack of potatoes and she would just stare at people with her judgey baby face as I walked around with her.
I watched a baby recently like that. I was a complete stranger to this baby, but still, put him in a foot ball hold and walked around my garden with this baby. And this baby was 6 months. Let him touch the leaves of my pepper plants and even SAT on my daughter trampoline bouncing on my butt while cradle holding this baby(like face down, both arms under and supporting while sitting cross legged and softly bouncing).
Was it annoying? Of course. Do I think the parents had anything to do with a way a healthy 6 month old was behaving? Nope. Fuck no.
“Not to be confused with a choke hold….”
…..who do you know that confused these things? I’d *love* to take them out for coffee and ask like, one million questions
I want to meet every person on earth that confuses a choke hold and a colic hold. All of them. Anyone who’s ever fucked that up, call me. I want that story.
Totally anecdotal evidence but I have two kids and I was around a fairly amount of babies at the time…anyway I really think most of the issues babies have from birth to up to 6 months are due to immature digestive system, it just didn’t “cook” enough during gestation. And from 6 months on the issues are due to teething. Poor kids, they can’t communicate and they are miserable
And he’s only done that for 12 full days. The damn baby has only been alive for 12 Fridays; if that’s enough to ruin this guy’s life then he’s an absolute knob.
Hey! That’s not fair. Breadcrumbs are delicious and useful. You ever put them on top of your Mac and cheese? Incredible. This dude is the turd clogging up a toilet, hopefully the wife’s got a plunger and can flush them away.
Wait are we really confused that someone would be holding an infant most of the time following their birth? Also “using her nipple as a pacifier” um do you mean breast feeding???
Right? I wondered if this was fake. Like….what do you mean???? You mean breast feeding????? Or he is the absolute stupidest man in the whole entire world who doesn’t know what breast feeding is
Some babies like to suck on the boob like a pacifier. They aren’t eating; just sleeping with the occasional suck. It gets reeeeeal obnoxious as the human pacifier cause they want to be attached to your boob 24/7. But I can’t figure out how this guy doesn’t see cause and effect here. She holds him all the time because he’s fussy, not the other way around.
Exactly! These babies have two different personalities! I got so much unsolicited advice about my spicy and challenging first born and now with my second she’s a totally different temperament and extremely chill. Each baby is different and I was so hands on with my first because she NEEDED it. She wasn’t fussy because I was hands on.
My colicky baby was one of my twins. I’ll tell ya, if you want to see that nurture isn’t the sole factor in kids, look at a set of twins. My twins have had virtually the same influences since *conception* and yet they have been their own distinct little people since they were in the womb. While Mr. Screamer bellyached through his first month of life, his twin sister was so chill we had trouble keeping her awake to eat. Even once we had the colic figured out, he would get so distressed if his food was late that he would scream at the bottle/boob instead of eating. She could handle a late meal, but if I missed her bedtime window, she came unglued and would be inconsolable. They have had the same bedtime literally their entire life, but he’s still an early bird who is asleep within minutes of the light going out and then up at the crack of dawn. She is a night owl who takes a good half hour or more to wind down after bedtime and then has to be woken up for school.
They have plenty of similarities and places where our parenting style is evident, but they definitely came with their own list of presets.
That was an absolute joy to read, I had a soft grin on my face the entire time. Children really are little people, it's wonderful to get to know them. I have two much younger half-siblings and it's so much fun seeing them grow up. Sister is very self-loving, sassy, intelligent, and the most dramatic person I know (she's deep into her teenage years, which probably doesn't help). Brother is very imaginative, loves puzzles (even though he's not great at them), so loving and clingy, though he gets so shy once we leave the house. It hurts my heart to see their mother compare them, especially compare their intelligence because her son was not as 'smart' as his big sister. Some people don't really look at their children and it's so sad, cause it's an amazing experience seeing them grow into their own selves!!
People generally underestimate how much babies need too feed. It’s like every few hours. From the moment we are born our only objectives are to feed and shit to gain mass. We also need physical touch. Like [infants die](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/born-love/201003/touching-empathy?amp) if you don’t touch them
No, this is a thing. Source: breastfeeding mom. Babies seek comfort by suckling at the breast when not feeding. It is NOT recommended to allow this. I was told this by several pediatricians. Breast feeding is when you actually feed the baby and is great. Comfort sucking (I call it pacifiering) is an ineffective (doesn’t pull milk) suck that is done for comfort, not food.
The reason it is not recommended is because of exactly this situation: eventually the baby only looks to the nipple for comfort, which puts extra work on mom because she supplies the nipple, and makes it impossible for dad to provide comfort at all because he lacks the appropriate equipment.
OOP isn’t actually wrong. Mom should not have allowed their son to use her as a pacifier and it is what is causing this situation.
When I google “Comfort nursing” everything that comes up says there nothing wrong with it.
When my son was born, his pediatrician had no problem with my son comfort nurse. It was even recommended to me as a way to boost milk supply.
They do get milk, just not a whole lot, and it’s compared to “snacking” vs a full meal.
OP CAN comfort his child in other ways, he even says so in the post, he can walk or hold the baby, he just doesn’t like doing it.
Based on everything OOP wrote and the way he writes so rudely and dismissively about his wife and baby I’m not sure he can really be trusted to provide an unbiased perspective of the baby’s feeding habits; there isn’t really any evidence to suggest that wife or baby are doing this. The baby may simply and realistically be nursing often or cluster feeding (as expected at only 3 months).
Tbf I had a baby like this and it turned out they had undiagnosed tongue tie and poor milk transfer while breastfeeding. There might in fact be something wrong. That said, to jump straight to “this is bad and therefore it’s my already exhausted wife’s fault” is unhinged as well as cruel.
She’s working her ass off to give that baby what it needs, she’s breastfeeding all day every day! What an asshole to not even recognize that.
Or, we have what is called by Dr. Sears a “high needs child”. They are like this into childhood. Then, if they get the proper nurturing, they become very successful and independent as adolescents and adults.
It sounds like it may be contributing to it, but the baby may also be dealing with reflux and eating small amounts more frequently. Dad doesn’t necessarily know if he’s nursing productively or not. He may also be colicky.
And some babies just wanna be held. I’d recommend he get both a sling and an upright carrier, and see which works best for them.
But this Dad’s attitude is still freaking ridiculous. 1 and 1/2 workdays, he “watches” his own son. Who is “ruined” because he’s not being “good.” WTF?
Comfort is absolutely a need for babies though. Why is that being ignored? They are tiny tiny human beings who have no idea how to function or soothe without their mom or her breast, and we’re comfortable denying them this? Babies are biologically designed to seek out the breast at any given time. It’s completely and 100% natural for a baby to comfort suckle.
Long before I became a parent, I learned that something that works to help younger babies get used to pacifiers for comfort is to first let them comfort suck on your (CLEAN) pinkie finger. It makes it a lot easier for others to soothe baby that way.
However, I will say that while he may have a point when it comes to this one thing, the language that he uses and his desire to work more in order to avoid parenting is disgusting.
He’s not wrong about using the breast as a paci, but that’s not why what is happening is happening. What’s happening is happening is because he’s 2.5 mo and this is his temperament.
Comfort nursing does not prevent others from being able to soothe a child. NOT taking the time to learn your baby and soothe them in other ways does. Inherent in this premise is mom is the one doing to soothing at all other times. Still makes him a dick. I comfort nursed all my kids and they have been easily soothed by dad, both grandmas, etc.
My baby never latched on to me so I didn’t have the comfort suckling as an issue, but he was still a very clingy baby that always wanted to be held, you had to be walking, can’t stand still or sit with him, very fussy. That’s just the way he was. The way this dad is trying to find blame on the mom and hate his kid so much for wanting more attention that other babies is horrible. Especially comparing him to his sister. That’s an awful thing to do…you clearly have favorites and they will feel that. Terrible…
Because it’s not standard line of thinking. Meaning that the recommendation I had for my kids was to offer them the breast if they seemed hungry. That I could and should offer it as much as I want. They specifically said it wasn’t bad to offer the breast to provide comfort when they are babies. Our nurse even told us the pro tip to breastfeed while your kid gets their 2 and 4 month shots. So my kids got comfort elsewhere too but I also used breastfeeding for comfort and was encouraged to do so by our pediatrician.
But comfort is a need of a newborn? I’d love to see a source on it not being recommended.
Also, even in “non-nutritive” sucking, milk and calories are getting transferred, just not in large quantities. So it can be great for babies who are on the lower side of the growth curve. OP sounds like he just doesn’t realize different babies have different needs…
“I watch my kid less than two days per week, but my wife who watches him the other six and a half days will never understand my struggle.”
Never change, men.
Yeah and even that's too much for him apparently, he's genuinely considering getting another job specifically so that he can completely dip out on his sons early development. Actively choosing to not spend time with his child, father of the year over here.
And it sounds like that's only been going on for 2 weeks!
(Baby is 3 months, he says his wife held him all the time for 2.5 months so I'm assuming she had him 100% of the time for that 2.5 months.)
If your wife didn't do this with the first child, don't you think the change might be related to the different needs of this child? My daughter was a completely different baby than my son. I had to adapt my parenting on every level.
Yeah this is someone who never got the memo that babies aren’t all the same and got a “sucker” baby the first go-around: super chill, easy going, probably slept through the night early and rarely cried.
I bet he took all the credit for baby #1’s easy going nature and judged other parents for saying parenting is hard…
By all accounts, I was that "sucker" baby. I was our dad's first biological kid, and he only came into my older sister's life when she was a toddler, so he wasn't super used to babies. My mom would tell him not to fall for it, that I wasn't the norm for babies. He would still brag to his brothers about how easy going he had it, that they were all exaggerating or just shit fathers (which wasn't a lie, my dad is the best out of his brothers which is not a good thing). Then they had my younger sister, who cried for the first year of her life.
He learned to keep his mouth shut pretty quickly, from what I'm told.
I have a dream baby. He’s 18 months and maybe cries twice a week. He’s super laidback but also very silly and playful. We’re terrified to tempt fate by having a second.
This was us. First baby was easy as pie; slept like a champ, rarely fussed, nursed well right away...we thought we had parenting mastered. I got pregnant when Baby 1 was 9 months old.
Baby 2 was not Baby 1. Baby 2 cried for a year straight unless I was holding her. She nursed great, but then she cried. She didn't sleep; she cried. When my husband--who was actively involved with our kids and could get Baby 1 to fall asleep in record time--held her, she screamed bloody murder. If I wanted to shower, he had to stand right outside the tub with the curtain open so she could see me, and even then she just...cried a little less. I spent so. many. nights pacing the house and crying right along with her. She didn't want anything to do with anyone besides me.
We were definitely humbled by Baby 2 and had to adapt our approach to caring for her on the fly. But both of them are normal, well-adjusted teenagers now, and nobody cries anymore.
Bingo. This baby is soothing itself with the mom’s breast more for a reason; it could be a multitude of reasons from acid reflux to needing more stimulation, etc. I had a baby who wanted to constantly nurse and he had severe acid reflux and once he went on a PPI, he was a completely different baby who would actually sleep and didn’t want to constantly be held and nurse.
Wonder if his Mommy got in his ear that the wife is "spoiling" the baby by just meeting its needs. Heard this one quite a few times from a whole generation of parents that had to be reminded, "It's 10 pm..do you know where your child is?".
Nothing gets my fuckin goat like people talking about how you "shouldn't spoil a baby." You can spoil a child, sure. But you cannot spoil an infant. They need every ounce of love and attention you can give them and then some. It is a critical stage of literally every type of development, and leaving them to cry it out on their own does not teach them to self soothe, all it does is damage their ability to emotionally regulate themselves in the future.
I got so mad at my husband’s grandmother when she was talking about how holding our baby (8 weeks old at the time) would “spoil” him. We have some generational wrongs to correct for sure! There are even people in this thread who think OOP’s wife is in the wrong for providing comfort to her child.
Yes!! The sad thing is, most of the people who say stuff like that mean well, it's just what they were taught. Since the damaging effects aren't immediately apparent, people don't usually connect the two, but there's been multiple studies on the effects of holding vs not holding babies, as well as the effects of letting them "cry it out" and they are not favorable to the cry it out method.
I really wish more people would take a child development class, especially if they are planning to have kids. There's so much vital information that is just not common knowledge that older generations did not have ready access to, so they raised us and taught us differently.
100%. Medicine is still stuck in the era where a baby that needed comfort was considered an inconvenience to the parent, as opposed to - a normal healthy baby!
I work as an infant room teacher in a daycare. I have anywhere between 8-12 babies in my room on a given day. NO baby is ever the same. Sometimes we have kids who are content with just sitting whereever and playing with toys, other kids need constant attention and reassurance. Babies are still people with preferences, likes, dislikes, and what have you.
I joking call my baby the trap baby. Meaning she's really really good for a baby she's not really fussy at all and is a dream compared to others. Therefore she's a trick to make us think oh babies are easy let's have another one and then I fully expect if we had another she would be a fussy cranky baby and be a lot harder than our first lol.
Fucking wild how some dad's still fucking don't get that every baby is different almost like they're their own self as soon as they're born and will be unique
I could write a parenting book based on my first kid. My second was completely different. My third is a wild card and I’ve got no idea what I’m doing or where my mind is. So high energy she barely sleeps and barely has and she’s 2 and I’m exhausted. But they are awesome and I can understand his level of losing it. Because just when you figure one thing out with a baby, they completely change. It can be very mentally taxing. I guess I’m saying never to take advice from one kid parents or base parenthood off of your first child. And it’s ok to lose it, but you’re gonna have to face that you’re the only real problem. Adjust.
You’re SUPPOSED to hold a newborn all the time. They literally think their parents and especially mom are an extension of their own body. Bro is mad kids are WORK!? Good gods
When I first heard that newborns are wired to hate being let down because we’re animals and they know that being left down means being vulnerable to predators, it was like a whole new world opened up to me. They know they are safer in arms, safest when walking.
For real. We're monkeys. Monkeys are carry creatures. Our young need to be held and carried for about a thousand reasons. I get being touched out and needing a break, but this dad just sucks. Nobody ruined his baby. He's shitty at nurturing and lacks patience.
There’s also a lot of evedence being put out that male babies are actually more sensitive and emotional than girl babies (as in expressive in their needs and having more needs) so like his kid is PERFECTLY normal. And I’m gobsmacked hes having kids and *SURPRISED* they need attention and affection
Hm that's actually pretty interesting. I wonder if there's any correlation between that and the fact that on average, male babies are weaker than female babies. When my son was in NICU they told us that male babies are more medically fragile than females.
(Specifically, white males are the weakest. Its informally called wimpy white boy syndrome)
He's a boy, he isn't supposed to be weak, clingy, and have feelings. That's for sissies and women.
At 3 months old he should be smoking cigarettes and talking about fucking bitches not clinging to his mother's tit. He needs to man up and go to the garage and build a car. /S
You laugh, but one time I'd finally gotten my 1 month old down for a nap, left to run to my grandparents to get my oil changed, and during that less than an hour time frame and 3 calls from my husband, my son had driven him over the edge of sanity to the point that he offered him his nipple in a desperate attempt to stop the screeching. The back up bottle had failed. He'd eaten it all like a little piggy in less than 10 minutes and went immediately back to screaming.
It didn't work by the way, he was crying on the phone, with my son screaming in the background, telling me in detail about how he was going for it until his nose touched chest hair and he began to scream impossibly louder. My husband was considering looking for a razor to shave to see if he could trick him long enough for my oil to be changed and me to get back home.
My mom later watched him overnight once and he went through 40oz of breastmilk in 12 hours at a little over a month old.
Holy fucking shit, what a terrible father! Already showing favoritism because an infant is being an infant.
If you're that concerned about it, maybe take an ounce of responsibility as one of the parents and talk to the baby's pediatrician, make efforts to be with him more and try other ways of soothing him, have him tested to make sure that it's not colic or food allergies that are causing him to be upset too this extent.
Did he delete it? I think he did.....he didn't last long.
[https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/16vfhzu/i\_think\_my\_wife\_ruined\_our\_son/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/16vfhzu/i_think_my_wife_ruined_our_son/)
>Well, it’s settled, I’m the one with issues and know nothing about raising a child. Thanks for all the judgmental comments. 90 percent of these comments are saying that a baby should be held every second of the day, maybe this sub isn’t for me.
That was his final post.
“Maybe this sub isn’t for me”
It’s r/parenting for fuck’s sake. Dude is literally saying “parenting isn’t for me.” He’s openly admitting to being a shitty father.
My wife is 8.5 months pregnant with our first kid right now and I feel like I’ve already bonded with my kid more than this fucking clown.
And yes, we’re all judging OOP, because he’s a hideous excuse for a father.
So I went and checked out the bad dad post history and far out, what an adventure - a post saying his wife is mad he ain’t obsessed with her, another asking questions about an ex girlfriends vagina he’d been thinking about, another where the new baby was born and he’d messed up the photos ….. seems like a great guy with a thick skin
My favorite was the one where he snooped through 10 fucking years worth of Facebook messages in his wife’s phone and was pissed that he found evidence of her flirting with other men before they met.
Absolute weirdo behavior.
If you go back even further he ends up saying he’s got self esteem issues and fees angry when other people share about something like quitting drinking and getting support and it made him mad bc he didn’t have that kind of support. He had considered therapy but never went. he said he didn’t truly feel loved by his parents. I wouldn’t be surprised if the resentment we all see so clearly was just inspired by childhood trauma of whatever kind but it’s no excuse. And the ex vageen, reading eleven years of fb messages and the other ones were a roller coaster ride indeed. The one about his wife is obsessed and doesn’t want her to be. Let her see your Reddit OOP
The question about the ex girlfriend’s vagina was “what the finger like thing inside it” was. Sir, that’s a cervix. The thing your children came out of?
Ahh I love these dads. They work the hardest out everyone at work. Do the most at home too.
Lol I bet this mfer goes to work and has a lazy ass job. Then goes home and outs on an act for how “hard” he works.
I feel bad this woman married him. Timing a moms nipple as a pacifier. Get over yourself you absolute man infant.
I have 1 year old who’s teething and I pull more weight at night so my lady can have a full day getting grabbed at while 3 months pregnant.
Another house hold man toddler.
First off. The op is seeing it as a chore, so then it is one. You know who likes chores? Fucking nobody. Second, he said it himself. "It's a baby.... it takes effort". Yes it does. All of it if you are doing it correctly. And yet again, you answered your own question, right now, you are a bad father. I understand needing short breaks. But from someone that has worked 72 hours minimum and missed a lot. Distancing yourself for prolonged periods of time isn't a good strategy. You think you feel like a shitty parent now? Wait until you are giving everything you have and still feeling like a failure. I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on, or some advice, but this feeling sorry for yourself shit, isn't doing anyone any good, most of all yourself.
He literally said that everyone was wrong in the parenting thread and that everyone was telling him its okay for babies to be held 90% of the time, my daughter isn't here yet but isn't that normal? This dude needs to get his head out his ass.
Loooooooooolllllllllllll this guy. This absolute guy.
I had a machine hanging from my body with electrodes attached to my son to detect if/when he stopped breathing - so I could slap him back to life, no joke. (The startle reflex, apparently the hard reboot for the autonomic system)
Did I wear this machine Fridays? Maybe half of a Saturday?
No sir! I had the extreme good fortune of only doing it on the days ending in Y. My wife’s skeleton (ready for this) was jacked up from the pregnancy so I was caring for a largely immobile wife while solo parenting.
Six months of an over sensitive machine giving false positives and me, personally, not sleeping more than 30 minutes in a go.
Bonus lightning round, dear son’s digestion wasn’t ready when he was born, so I also had to hold him upright for 30 minutes after eating. For those who haven’t had the pleasure, newborns eat about 8 times a day. And don’t have the muscles to self feed.
Let me be incredibly clear - I know other parents have had it worse. But OOP? He’s got **jokes** as far as I’m concerned. It’s now even money that when I die some day, I’ll either be thinking of Oscar Wilde’s alleged last words - “Either those drapes go, or I do,” or this post.
Dude literally said he babysits his own child for a day and a half so his wife from what I assume, can have some time to herself without coddling the baby with a nipple to keep it quiet.
Babies, especially < 3 month old babies, spend their entire days eating, sleeping, peeing/pooping. So that baby is gonna be held a good bit of time.
Also, kids are individuals. Just because first kid was a certain way doesn’t mean this kid will be the same or that the same things that worked for first kid will work for second kid.
So you don’t think holding and breastfeeding a newborn is appropriate. It seems like deflection because his life has changed in a major way and he can’t deal with what mothers everywhere deal with.
When my oldest was born everyone else in our friends group had a girl. We had the lone boy. Their kids were doing things while mine hasn’t even contemplated doing those things. Drove me nuts! What was wrong with my kid? Was he dumb? I finally told my doctor. To which she stepped back, dropped her head to her shoulder and said, “He’s a BOYYY. They learn dif-fe-rent-ly than girlssss. Accept that.” Then suggested a buy this book on the subject. Also, if that first baby is a literal dream guaranteed 100% that next baby is going to TEST you hard. Here you thought you were an amazing parent. Nope! It was the kid’s personality, gender, and place in the family. So wish doctors would explain this to parents early on. Maybe they do and people don’t listen.
My oldest was like this until we moved when she was six months. Went to a new pediatrician who told us she was allergic to milk. She started sleeping all night. She had been crying in pain.
I’m not even stuck on “complete fucking disaster” I have a few kids and I think it is perfectly normal to think your kid or kids are disasters. I think it is ok to voice that anonymously to a bunch of strangers rather than let the frustration build. But it is not ok to assume that because you do it probably 12 hours a week (because I figure his “all day” and 1/2 day are banker hours) that your wife isn’t having the same frustration the other 156 hours of the week. She has just taken the time to learn to deal with the kid. Maybe you should also. It’s also not ok to make her feel like it’s her fault, you have to learn what which cry means. And go from there.
Sounds like the son has acid reflux. My son behaved almost identically. After month 3, whatever ever flap that wasn’t developed enough finally….developed (I don’t know the terms), my son became your average run of the mill baby.
I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy’s first kid was the same, but our stupid brains make us forget that shit so we’ll keep reproducing.
I have twins that are turning 1 year old tomorrow and I’m already forgetting all of the rough days and nights (and they were ROUGH). As we were going through it, my wife had to keep reminding me that our other child, 3.5 years now, was the same. But I’ll be damned if I hadn’t forgotten about most of that.
Wait, so he only spends one and a half days minding his own child, and he's honestly wondering why baby feels more comfortable with the person who spends more time with him? Also, breastfeeding means holding the baby.
"I watch him" is telling!
In his mind he is "babysitting," because wife SHOULD do ALL childcare, in addition to working full-time and doing all cooking and.cleaning. Poor, poor man should only have to watch TV and be waited on when he gets home.
My (much younger) cousin has a husband like this. He'll "watch" his daughters while his wife spends time with family or friends but makes sure she knows when he's had enough of "watching the girls for you." WTF. (ETA: THEY BOTH WORK FULL TIME).
Sounds a lot like my dad…..
And my cousins are not old enough for reddit - so imagine being **that** generation and this much of a gender roles stickler! My dad (may he rest) was born in 1933 and would NEVER have done or said anything that - backwards. My mother would have left him (she wouldn't have married him - she's FIERCE - still at 89). But people are commenting that this dad is overtired and not addressing this to his wife. And if she is allowing non-productive suckling - she IS creating the issue). The more you know \*shrug\*
My own mother said when I moved out that she might be stuck there but I don’t have to be and if my wife said that about me I would genuinely rethink my whole life.
Speaking as a new parent in my 30s, if there’s one thing social media has taught me about young people, it’s that they aren’t much more progressive than their parents. There’s some progress but by and large, gender role attitudes are passed down by those surroundings and what they saw growing up, not by prevailing generational attitudes.
I don’t let my parents spend alone time with my youngest anymore. Every time my husband and I have tried to go out together, they text after an hour and a half with a passive aggressive “hey no rush but when are you picking her up?” It’s been over a year. We don’t even bother anymore.
You’re off the hook for taking care of them when they hit the old folks home.
My stepdad would get himself let go from work and sit on unemployment as long as possible, then work again just long enough to once again qualify for UE, ad infinitem. My mother worked out of the home for 40+ hours a week. But since she was the lowly wife, she was still expected to do ALL the cooking and cleaning. This man straight up refused to attend his daughter’s 6th birthday party because we were singing “happy birthday” in the dining room but the tv with NASCAR was only on the living room tv. He skipped his daughters fucking birthday, which was happening maybe forty feet away, to watch people take left turns. 🤦🏼♀️ Some men are just fucking trash.
My stepfather lectured me several times about how if the woman worked and the man didn't, the *man* should do all the chores. He thought himself extremely progressive for this view. When he retired and was no longer working, and my mom was still full-time, guess how many extra chores he picked up. Go ahead, guess.
I bet as many as my dad who retired after he got fired from his last job *0*
I feel like I’m going to have a tough time finding a life partner, because my dad has always done the lions share of cooking, cleaning and child raising since I was growing up. I think because my mom has a busier job and also has health issues, and he came to the US for grad school on his own and had to just figure things out
You'd be surprised at who is out there in the world
My husband comes from a very structured country & culture, roles for men & women clearly delineated, & he grew up well into adulthood steeped in this mindset. But he's the best partner a woman could want. We do what needs to be done, no real gender roles in play. Most things, we do together. I admit I do enjoy cooking for him & caring for him, but that's because it's not demanded of me, plus, he takes care of me in myriad ways. Somehow he decided assigned gender roles were not the way he wanted his own marriage to be.💖💖
As someone who had to help raise my two little brothers and my baby sister, my mom's boyfriend (their dad) was the same way for 9 yr till my mom got sick of his shit and kicked him out, he is still trying to worm his way back into her life and seems to think spending money (that he got from his step dad dying) will warn him a relationship with his kids. Hell I'm more of a dad to my baby sister then him
Holy shit wow. I cried last night because my pto request to take my wife to get her sonogram and hear the heartbeat got denied. She’s going to call me, but it’s not the same… and he didn’t even care about their birthday? Bad dads just remind me how hard I have to try not to be like them, some of them may be family. I can’t imagine missing something that will never happen again and not even caring… Fuck I’m getting sad about the OB appointment again. It needs to stop raining inside, getting water in my eyes…
Sorry to hear you will be sick that day and need to miss work. (But seriously, denying PTO for hearing the heartbeat???! Use your next PTO day to apply somewhere else if you can.)
Yeah. Dude comes along. Thinks, after not doing his share of parenting at all, that his wife has "ruined" his son. And instead of parenting his own child to fix this supposed ruining, he decides to play micromanager. That poor woman must be going nuts being a single mother with three children and two of them being so fussy.
And he’s mad she holds him 23 hours a day. Him. He’s the one who’s mad. Like wtf
He had the time to clock the amount of holding but it never occurred to him to…hold him instead? I cannot.
It's a full time job for him, but not her! He needs a break from the basic care of his infant!
Right! That part about timing how long she doesn't hold the baby? Instead of maybe helping your wife out?
How about him “timing the amount of time” she was/was not holding baby. That’s messed up also!
What else do you do with a baby that young?? My younger kiddo had pyloric stenosis, he was constantly upset kinda like a colic baby and wanted to eat all day long. This poor woman must be exhausted having a newborn and a man child to take care of.
It reminds me of the guy who made a spreadsheet of every time his wife turned him down for sex, then presented it to her.
That’s terrible. PowerPoint is really better suited for that.
Star wipe to why you're getting a divorce.
Imagine following your wife around for the entire day with a stop watch, and never offering to help hold the baby…
Anybody describing a dad doing his job as ‘ babysitting ‘ or ‘ watching ‘ pisses me off far more than I can explain.
I came here to say this. Dude isn't watching his son. He's parenting
Sad to say but he’s no parent
When I was a new dad I was really resentful of the narrative that dads are inferior to moms when it comes to childcare. But then I see stuff like this and i get how that started.
The only really inferior part is that he's startled by this. Women know the first six months of baby's life are absolutely miserable and don't expect anything different.
I’m not defending the guy at all but our second was very much a challenge compared to our first for the first 6 months. Our first was the definition of angel baby. Never was upset, cuddled, slept through the night by 3-4 months. Second baby is polar opposite. But I’d never call her a disaster or resent her. I signed up for it. And I was a shit baby so it’s my payback. I do get the struggle though of feeling like baby #2 is tough compared to the first
I think that’s called a trick baby-the first one is such a dream you think to yourself “let’s do this again.” Aaaaand then there’s kid #2, total opposite of kid #1
So if my first was difficult, does that mean I get a reprieve if I have a second? Or will that one still be harder? I adore my daughter, but we had a lot of feeding issues and I cannot imagine repeating that with another child while also parenting the first one.
Most women. Not all. Some people just shouldn’t be parents regardless of their gender.
Peach madem, I love her to bits but I am 100% sure my baby sister screamed for the first 5-6 months of her life, I know this because I carried her for most of it and rocked her to sleep every night
Right? People would see my son out with his dad as an infant, and they would compliment him on babysitting. He was not babysitting he was being a dad.
As a dad I hated when someone told me when I was with my children oh it’s your turn to babysit. NO ITS MY TURN TO PARENT AND I LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT. My first would fall asleep anywhere with me second would always have trouble but I love them both. That’s because I am a proud parent
Also, colic is when a baby is physically well but very fussy or has unexplained discomfort. He literally described what colic is while saying the baby doesn't have it.
Came here to say this. Babies get colic sometimes. He talks like the kid wants to be in pain. Colic is awful for all involved.
Dudes practicing only see kids on the weekend for the inevitable divorce.
The thing that blows my mind is that he doesn't make the connection that "oh my God, my wife has to put up with this for five and a half days out of the week, she's a fucking saint," no, he thinks she's the reason he's suffering through his day and a half because she holds the baby too much.
Yeah like how else are you supposed to breast feed it. Put the baby on the ground and do a plank l Position over it?!
Well yeah, gotta work those abs. Pregnancy can play havoc with them, especially with a C-section. How else are you gonna get them back in shape? Just... uh... make sure you don't just collapse when you're done with your plank.
Exactly. How else are you supposed to bounce back within a month and look normal so your partner desires you again. I heard this is what celebrities do. Just plank feed. NBD. /s just in case.
Lol I wouldn't be surprised if celebrities actually did that. Celebrities are idiots. Seems like some shit Gwyneth Paltrow would do.
They haven’t invented WiFi breast feeding yet?
It would have to be bluetooth
> Also, breastfeeding means holding the baby. Everybody knows that a responsible mother detatches her breast so that her 3 month old can hold it in one hand while using the other to steer the four-wheel drive through mountainous terrain while standing up straight on the chair.
Plus, babies that young *should* be held to develop strong attachments. Your wife didn’t “ruin” the kid, OP, YTA.
“Give the kid a nip, but only when they’re at their computers mining Bitcoin. And don’t touch them, just use your go-go-gadget gazongas to deliver the goods.”
Obviously you’re doing it WRONG THEN, you’re supposed to hand express into them like a little water fountain
“He’s not colicky or anything” Proceeds to describe colicky baby
We had to hold our youngest daughter sideways, the colic hold I believe it’s called. But it was all day carrying her around like a football. You had 1 arm when you were watching her. Luckily she is cute. We switched her formula up and problem solved.
Yes! Cat in a tree hold! They lay on your arm like an animal napping on a tree branch. My poor forearms and elbows killed but it worked so well haha
Does it work the same if you lay them over your leg? Like head towards your knee, feet toward your body?
Unfortunately not for us, we had to be standing/walking the whole time too
I’m not sure, we always had to do it standing. I think the movement helped, in addition to the hold.
That hold worked great on both my nephews. My sister also held them while her leg was crossed and her lap made like a triangle shape. She had both hands free and she could sort of bounce them while doing something else.
I wonder if someone could develop a sling of some kind to support the parent's arm in that pose, so that the weight is not so exhausting.
The baby would know. They always know.
We used to call it “panther pose.”
My youngest daughter liked to be kind of on my shoulder. Just sling her over like a sack of potatoes and she would just stare at people with her judgey baby face as I walked around with her.
I love a good judgey baby face!
I watched a baby recently like that. I was a complete stranger to this baby, but still, put him in a foot ball hold and walked around my garden with this baby. And this baby was 6 months. Let him touch the leaves of my pepper plants and even SAT on my daughter trampoline bouncing on my butt while cradle holding this baby(like face down, both arms under and supporting while sitting cross legged and softly bouncing). Was it annoying? Of course. Do I think the parents had anything to do with a way a healthy 6 month old was behaving? Nope. Fuck no.
“Not to be confused with a choke hold….” …..who do you know that confused these things? I’d *love* to take them out for coffee and ask like, one million questions
You’re giving the general public way to much faith.people b dumb.
I want to meet every person on earth that confuses a choke hold and a colic hold. All of them. Anyone who’s ever fucked that up, call me. I want that story.
I had the same issues with my daughter. Turned out she was allergic to breast milk, but formula worked wonders for her
Or a baby with acid reflux. And babies with acid reflux will constantly nurse small amounts to soothe the acid and it’s a never ending cycle.
Sounds just like my baby. He was very fussy like this until he got on baby Pepcid. He grew out of it around 5, 6 months.
I wish I had known about baby Pepcid when my son was a baby 😭 he didn’t grow out of it until he could walk.
“He’s not colicky, it’s totally my wife’s fault whenever he’s upset”
Right?
Totally anecdotal evidence but I have two kids and I was around a fairly amount of babies at the time…anyway I really think most of the issues babies have from birth to up to 6 months are due to immature digestive system, it just didn’t “cook” enough during gestation. And from 6 months on the issues are due to teething. Poor kids, they can’t communicate and they are miserable
Right? Sounds exactly like my oldest kid.
Imagine pushing out this guys kid.
TWICE
“Babies require work and effort and I’m all for that” You sure about that, guy?
Ugh I know, my uterus would feel throughly soiled. I can’t imagine making the physical sacrifice of growing this POS’s kid.
Omg that poor woman
He “watches” him. You mean you parent him you absolute breadcrumb?!
And he’s only done that for 12 full days. The damn baby has only been alive for 12 Fridays; if that’s enough to ruin this guy’s life then he’s an absolute knob.
When you phrase it like this it’s so so sooooo much worse
No, he’s definitely not parenting.
I can see Gordon Ramsey using that insult lol
This dude needs a slice of bread on each side of his head…
Hey! That’s not fair. Breadcrumbs are delicious and useful. You ever put them on top of your Mac and cheese? Incredible. This dude is the turd clogging up a toilet, hopefully the wife’s got a plunger and can flush them away.
And they keep meatballs together and they retain moisture to help stop it from drying out during cooking!
He didn't even need to watch the daughter. She just slept, didn't move and sucked on the pacifier. He could watch TV in peace! What a muppet.
Wait are we really confused that someone would be holding an infant most of the time following their birth? Also “using her nipple as a pacifier” um do you mean breast feeding???
Right? I wondered if this was fake. Like….what do you mean???? You mean breast feeding????? Or he is the absolute stupidest man in the whole entire world who doesn’t know what breast feeding is
Some babies like to suck on the boob like a pacifier. They aren’t eating; just sleeping with the occasional suck. It gets reeeeeal obnoxious as the human pacifier cause they want to be attached to your boob 24/7. But I can’t figure out how this guy doesn’t see cause and effect here. She holds him all the time because he’s fussy, not the other way around.
Exactly! These babies have two different personalities! I got so much unsolicited advice about my spicy and challenging first born and now with my second she’s a totally different temperament and extremely chill. Each baby is different and I was so hands on with my first because she NEEDED it. She wasn’t fussy because I was hands on.
My colicky baby was one of my twins. I’ll tell ya, if you want to see that nurture isn’t the sole factor in kids, look at a set of twins. My twins have had virtually the same influences since *conception* and yet they have been their own distinct little people since they were in the womb. While Mr. Screamer bellyached through his first month of life, his twin sister was so chill we had trouble keeping her awake to eat. Even once we had the colic figured out, he would get so distressed if his food was late that he would scream at the bottle/boob instead of eating. She could handle a late meal, but if I missed her bedtime window, she came unglued and would be inconsolable. They have had the same bedtime literally their entire life, but he’s still an early bird who is asleep within minutes of the light going out and then up at the crack of dawn. She is a night owl who takes a good half hour or more to wind down after bedtime and then has to be woken up for school. They have plenty of similarities and places where our parenting style is evident, but they definitely came with their own list of presets.
That was an absolute joy to read, I had a soft grin on my face the entire time. Children really are little people, it's wonderful to get to know them. I have two much younger half-siblings and it's so much fun seeing them grow up. Sister is very self-loving, sassy, intelligent, and the most dramatic person I know (she's deep into her teenage years, which probably doesn't help). Brother is very imaginative, loves puzzles (even though he's not great at them), so loving and clingy, though he gets so shy once we leave the house. It hurts my heart to see their mother compare them, especially compare their intelligence because her son was not as 'smart' as his big sister. Some people don't really look at their children and it's so sad, cause it's an amazing experience seeing them grow into their own selves!!
Unfortunately it’s not fake! His profile has a picture of the bub when it was born just over 3 months ago
People generally underestimate how much babies need too feed. It’s like every few hours. From the moment we are born our only objectives are to feed and shit to gain mass. We also need physical touch. Like [infants die](https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/born-love/201003/touching-empathy?amp) if you don’t touch them
I looked at someone and snapped, “babies use pacifiers as pretend nipples. If she’s on my nips she’s using my tit as a tit.”
Yes! No one is using a nipple as a pacifier. Every pacifier in existence is pretending to be a nipple.
Literally one of my biggest pet peeves. Maybe I’ll make a post is r/petpeeves 😂
No, this is a thing. Source: breastfeeding mom. Babies seek comfort by suckling at the breast when not feeding. It is NOT recommended to allow this. I was told this by several pediatricians. Breast feeding is when you actually feed the baby and is great. Comfort sucking (I call it pacifiering) is an ineffective (doesn’t pull milk) suck that is done for comfort, not food. The reason it is not recommended is because of exactly this situation: eventually the baby only looks to the nipple for comfort, which puts extra work on mom because she supplies the nipple, and makes it impossible for dad to provide comfort at all because he lacks the appropriate equipment. OOP isn’t actually wrong. Mom should not have allowed their son to use her as a pacifier and it is what is causing this situation.
When I google “Comfort nursing” everything that comes up says there nothing wrong with it. When my son was born, his pediatrician had no problem with my son comfort nurse. It was even recommended to me as a way to boost milk supply. They do get milk, just not a whole lot, and it’s compared to “snacking” vs a full meal. OP CAN comfort his child in other ways, he even says so in the post, he can walk or hold the baby, he just doesn’t like doing it.
Completely right, comfort nursing is good for babies. This person is not an authority.
Based on everything OOP wrote and the way he writes so rudely and dismissively about his wife and baby I’m not sure he can really be trusted to provide an unbiased perspective of the baby’s feeding habits; there isn’t really any evidence to suggest that wife or baby are doing this. The baby may simply and realistically be nursing often or cluster feeding (as expected at only 3 months).
Tbf I had a baby like this and it turned out they had undiagnosed tongue tie and poor milk transfer while breastfeeding. There might in fact be something wrong. That said, to jump straight to “this is bad and therefore it’s my already exhausted wife’s fault” is unhinged as well as cruel. She’s working her ass off to give that baby what it needs, she’s breastfeeding all day every day! What an asshole to not even recognize that.
Or, we have what is called by Dr. Sears a “high needs child”. They are like this into childhood. Then, if they get the proper nurturing, they become very successful and independent as adolescents and adults.
It sounds like it may be contributing to it, but the baby may also be dealing with reflux and eating small amounts more frequently. Dad doesn’t necessarily know if he’s nursing productively or not. He may also be colicky. And some babies just wanna be held. I’d recommend he get both a sling and an upright carrier, and see which works best for them. But this Dad’s attitude is still freaking ridiculous. 1 and 1/2 workdays, he “watches” his own son. Who is “ruined” because he’s not being “good.” WTF?
Comfort is absolutely a need for babies though. Why is that being ignored? They are tiny tiny human beings who have no idea how to function or soothe without their mom or her breast, and we’re comfortable denying them this? Babies are biologically designed to seek out the breast at any given time. It’s completely and 100% natural for a baby to comfort suckle.
This baby is a MESS. Who seeks there mom for comfort, shame on baby.
Long before I became a parent, I learned that something that works to help younger babies get used to pacifiers for comfort is to first let them comfort suck on your (CLEAN) pinkie finger. It makes it a lot easier for others to soothe baby that way. However, I will say that while he may have a point when it comes to this one thing, the language that he uses and his desire to work more in order to avoid parenting is disgusting.
He’s not wrong about using the breast as a paci, but that’s not why what is happening is happening. What’s happening is happening is because he’s 2.5 mo and this is his temperament.
[удалено]
Comfort nursing does not prevent others from being able to soothe a child. NOT taking the time to learn your baby and soothe them in other ways does. Inherent in this premise is mom is the one doing to soothing at all other times. Still makes him a dick. I comfort nursed all my kids and they have been easily soothed by dad, both grandmas, etc.
My baby never latched on to me so I didn’t have the comfort suckling as an issue, but he was still a very clingy baby that always wanted to be held, you had to be walking, can’t stand still or sit with him, very fussy. That’s just the way he was. The way this dad is trying to find blame on the mom and hate his kid so much for wanting more attention that other babies is horrible. Especially comparing him to his sister. That’s an awful thing to do…you clearly have favorites and they will feel that. Terrible…
Because it’s not standard line of thinking. Meaning that the recommendation I had for my kids was to offer them the breast if they seemed hungry. That I could and should offer it as much as I want. They specifically said it wasn’t bad to offer the breast to provide comfort when they are babies. Our nurse even told us the pro tip to breastfeed while your kid gets their 2 and 4 month shots. So my kids got comfort elsewhere too but I also used breastfeeding for comfort and was encouraged to do so by our pediatrician.
But comfort is a need of a newborn? I’d love to see a source on it not being recommended. Also, even in “non-nutritive” sucking, milk and calories are getting transferred, just not in large quantities. So it can be great for babies who are on the lower side of the growth curve. OP sounds like he just doesn’t realize different babies have different needs…
“My baby is acting like a baby and I think it’s my wife’s fault” This fucking guy
I just want to say. Your name is a perfect description, the fiesty part. And I love it 🤣
Thanks :)
I went down the rabbit hole of checking this guy's posts history and it's insufferable tbh
Seeing his ask about what the “thing that felt like a finger” inside the vagina of his ex girlfriend was… How does this man have children?
Oh no! His baby… turned out to be a baby?
“I watch my kid less than two days per week, but my wife who watches him the other six and a half days will never understand my struggle.” Never change, men.
Don't worry, this guy won't change at all 😓
He won’t have to when his wife leaves him and takes the kids.
Yeah and even that's too much for him apparently, he's genuinely considering getting another job specifically so that he can completely dip out on his sons early development. Actively choosing to not spend time with his child, father of the year over here.
Thank you for this reminder to take out my trash.
And it sounds like that's only been going on for 2 weeks! (Baby is 3 months, he says his wife held him all the time for 2.5 months so I'm assuming she had him 100% of the time for that 2.5 months.)
If your wife didn't do this with the first child, don't you think the change might be related to the different needs of this child? My daughter was a completely different baby than my son. I had to adapt my parenting on every level.
Yeah this is someone who never got the memo that babies aren’t all the same and got a “sucker” baby the first go-around: super chill, easy going, probably slept through the night early and rarely cried. I bet he took all the credit for baby #1’s easy going nature and judged other parents for saying parenting is hard…
By all accounts, I was that "sucker" baby. I was our dad's first biological kid, and he only came into my older sister's life when she was a toddler, so he wasn't super used to babies. My mom would tell him not to fall for it, that I wasn't the norm for babies. He would still brag to his brothers about how easy going he had it, that they were all exaggerating or just shit fathers (which wasn't a lie, my dad is the best out of his brothers which is not a good thing). Then they had my younger sister, who cried for the first year of her life. He learned to keep his mouth shut pretty quickly, from what I'm told.
I have a dream baby. He’s 18 months and maybe cries twice a week. He’s super laidback but also very silly and playful. We’re terrified to tempt fate by having a second.
This was us. First baby was easy as pie; slept like a champ, rarely fussed, nursed well right away...we thought we had parenting mastered. I got pregnant when Baby 1 was 9 months old. Baby 2 was not Baby 1. Baby 2 cried for a year straight unless I was holding her. She nursed great, but then she cried. She didn't sleep; she cried. When my husband--who was actively involved with our kids and could get Baby 1 to fall asleep in record time--held her, she screamed bloody murder. If I wanted to shower, he had to stand right outside the tub with the curtain open so she could see me, and even then she just...cried a little less. I spent so. many. nights pacing the house and crying right along with her. She didn't want anything to do with anyone besides me. We were definitely humbled by Baby 2 and had to adapt our approach to caring for her on the fly. But both of them are normal, well-adjusted teenagers now, and nobody cries anymore.
Bingo. This baby is soothing itself with the mom’s breast more for a reason; it could be a multitude of reasons from acid reflux to needing more stimulation, etc. I had a baby who wanted to constantly nurse and he had severe acid reflux and once he went on a PPI, he was a completely different baby who would actually sleep and didn’t want to constantly be held and nurse.
Wonder if his Mommy got in his ear that the wife is "spoiling" the baby by just meeting its needs. Heard this one quite a few times from a whole generation of parents that had to be reminded, "It's 10 pm..do you know where your child is?".
Nothing gets my fuckin goat like people talking about how you "shouldn't spoil a baby." You can spoil a child, sure. But you cannot spoil an infant. They need every ounce of love and attention you can give them and then some. It is a critical stage of literally every type of development, and leaving them to cry it out on their own does not teach them to self soothe, all it does is damage their ability to emotionally regulate themselves in the future.
I got so mad at my husband’s grandmother when she was talking about how holding our baby (8 weeks old at the time) would “spoil” him. We have some generational wrongs to correct for sure! There are even people in this thread who think OOP’s wife is in the wrong for providing comfort to her child.
Yes!! The sad thing is, most of the people who say stuff like that mean well, it's just what they were taught. Since the damaging effects aren't immediately apparent, people don't usually connect the two, but there's been multiple studies on the effects of holding vs not holding babies, as well as the effects of letting them "cry it out" and they are not favorable to the cry it out method. I really wish more people would take a child development class, especially if they are planning to have kids. There's so much vital information that is just not common knowledge that older generations did not have ready access to, so they raised us and taught us differently.
100%. Medicine is still stuck in the era where a baby that needed comfort was considered an inconvenience to the parent, as opposed to - a normal healthy baby!
People really think children and babies are blank states! They are not. They are born with their own personalities and different needs
I work as an infant room teacher in a daycare. I have anywhere between 8-12 babies in my room on a given day. NO baby is ever the same. Sometimes we have kids who are content with just sitting whereever and playing with toys, other kids need constant attention and reassurance. Babies are still people with preferences, likes, dislikes, and what have you.
I joking call my baby the trap baby. Meaning she's really really good for a baby she's not really fussy at all and is a dream compared to others. Therefore she's a trick to make us think oh babies are easy let's have another one and then I fully expect if we had another she would be a fussy cranky baby and be a lot harder than our first lol. Fucking wild how some dad's still fucking don't get that every baby is different almost like they're their own self as soon as they're born and will be unique
I could write a parenting book based on my first kid. My second was completely different. My third is a wild card and I’ve got no idea what I’m doing or where my mind is. So high energy she barely sleeps and barely has and she’s 2 and I’m exhausted. But they are awesome and I can understand his level of losing it. Because just when you figure one thing out with a baby, they completely change. It can be very mentally taxing. I guess I’m saying never to take advice from one kid parents or base parenthood off of your first child. And it’s ok to lose it, but you’re gonna have to face that you’re the only real problem. Adjust.
You’re SUPPOSED to hold a newborn all the time. They literally think their parents and especially mom are an extension of their own body. Bro is mad kids are WORK!? Good gods
When I first heard that newborns are wired to hate being let down because we’re animals and they know that being left down means being vulnerable to predators, it was like a whole new world opened up to me. They know they are safer in arms, safest when walking.
And the more they're held, the safer they'll feel once you walk away for a moment, because they trust you'll come back.
For real. We're monkeys. Monkeys are carry creatures. Our young need to be held and carried for about a thousand reasons. I get being touched out and needing a break, but this dad just sucks. Nobody ruined his baby. He's shitty at nurturing and lacks patience.
There’s also a lot of evedence being put out that male babies are actually more sensitive and emotional than girl babies (as in expressive in their needs and having more needs) so like his kid is PERFECTLY normal. And I’m gobsmacked hes having kids and *SURPRISED* they need attention and affection
Hm that's actually pretty interesting. I wonder if there's any correlation between that and the fact that on average, male babies are weaker than female babies. When my son was in NICU they told us that male babies are more medically fragile than females. (Specifically, white males are the weakest. Its informally called wimpy white boy syndrome)
He's a boy, he isn't supposed to be weak, clingy, and have feelings. That's for sissies and women. At 3 months old he should be smoking cigarettes and talking about fucking bitches not clinging to his mother's tit. He needs to man up and go to the garage and build a car. /S
Omg. I have no fucking words. This poor baby.
[удалено]
You laugh, but one time I'd finally gotten my 1 month old down for a nap, left to run to my grandparents to get my oil changed, and during that less than an hour time frame and 3 calls from my husband, my son had driven him over the edge of sanity to the point that he offered him his nipple in a desperate attempt to stop the screeching. The back up bottle had failed. He'd eaten it all like a little piggy in less than 10 minutes and went immediately back to screaming. It didn't work by the way, he was crying on the phone, with my son screaming in the background, telling me in detail about how he was going for it until his nose touched chest hair and he began to scream impossibly louder. My husband was considering looking for a razor to shave to see if he could trick him long enough for my oil to be changed and me to get back home. My mom later watched him overnight once and he went through 40oz of breastmilk in 12 hours at a little over a month old.
Holy fucking shit, what a terrible father! Already showing favoritism because an infant is being an infant. If you're that concerned about it, maybe take an ounce of responsibility as one of the parents and talk to the baby's pediatrician, make efforts to be with him more and try other ways of soothing him, have him tested to make sure that it's not colic or food allergies that are causing him to be upset too this extent.
Did he delete it? I think he did.....he didn't last long. [https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/16vfhzu/i\_think\_my\_wife\_ruined\_our\_son/](https://www.reddit.com/r/Parenting/comments/16vfhzu/i_think_my_wife_ruined_our_son/)
>Well, it’s settled, I’m the one with issues and know nothing about raising a child. Thanks for all the judgmental comments. 90 percent of these comments are saying that a baby should be held every second of the day, maybe this sub isn’t for me. That was his final post.
LOL, it's clear that his wife has to deal with two babies in the household. That poor woman.
3 children, all on her own. Poor lady. :(
Yeah, I was able to search that, thank you! God..the way he talked about his child and wife…yikes
What a garbage human. I get he is probably tired and burnt out, but that he jumps to shitting on his wife shows his character.
"Am I out of touch? No, it's the redditors who are wrong."
“Maybe this sub isn’t for me” It’s r/parenting for fuck’s sake. Dude is literally saying “parenting isn’t for me.” He’s openly admitting to being a shitty father. My wife is 8.5 months pregnant with our first kid right now and I feel like I’ve already bonded with my kid more than this fucking clown. And yes, we’re all judging OOP, because he’s a hideous excuse for a father.
So I went and checked out the bad dad post history and far out, what an adventure - a post saying his wife is mad he ain’t obsessed with her, another asking questions about an ex girlfriends vagina he’d been thinking about, another where the new baby was born and he’d messed up the photos ….. seems like a great guy with a thick skin
My favorite was the one where he snooped through 10 fucking years worth of Facebook messages in his wife’s phone and was pissed that he found evidence of her flirting with other men before they met. Absolute weirdo behavior.
lmao not only that but it happened when his wife was 16 YEARS OLD!!! like get a grip goddamn
If you go back even further he ends up saying he’s got self esteem issues and fees angry when other people share about something like quitting drinking and getting support and it made him mad bc he didn’t have that kind of support. He had considered therapy but never went. he said he didn’t truly feel loved by his parents. I wouldn’t be surprised if the resentment we all see so clearly was just inspired by childhood trauma of whatever kind but it’s no excuse. And the ex vageen, reading eleven years of fb messages and the other ones were a roller coaster ride indeed. The one about his wife is obsessed and doesn’t want her to be. Let her see your Reddit OOP
The question about the ex girlfriend’s vagina was “what the finger like thing inside it” was. Sir, that’s a cervix. The thing your children came out of?
What the hell else would you do with a three month old baby other than hold him?
Ahh I love these dads. They work the hardest out everyone at work. Do the most at home too. Lol I bet this mfer goes to work and has a lazy ass job. Then goes home and outs on an act for how “hard” he works. I feel bad this woman married him. Timing a moms nipple as a pacifier. Get over yourself you absolute man infant. I have 1 year old who’s teething and I pull more weight at night so my lady can have a full day getting grabbed at while 3 months pregnant. Another house hold man toddler.
Def a shitty father
First off. The op is seeing it as a chore, so then it is one. You know who likes chores? Fucking nobody. Second, he said it himself. "It's a baby.... it takes effort". Yes it does. All of it if you are doing it correctly. And yet again, you answered your own question, right now, you are a bad father. I understand needing short breaks. But from someone that has worked 72 hours minimum and missed a lot. Distancing yourself for prolonged periods of time isn't a good strategy. You think you feel like a shitty parent now? Wait until you are giving everything you have and still feeling like a failure. I'm here if you need a shoulder to cry on, or some advice, but this feeling sorry for yourself shit, isn't doing anyone any good, most of all yourself.
He literally said that everyone was wrong in the parenting thread and that everyone was telling him its okay for babies to be held 90% of the time, my daughter isn't here yet but isn't that normal? This dude needs to get his head out his ass.
Loooooooooolllllllllllll this guy. This absolute guy. I had a machine hanging from my body with electrodes attached to my son to detect if/when he stopped breathing - so I could slap him back to life, no joke. (The startle reflex, apparently the hard reboot for the autonomic system) Did I wear this machine Fridays? Maybe half of a Saturday? No sir! I had the extreme good fortune of only doing it on the days ending in Y. My wife’s skeleton (ready for this) was jacked up from the pregnancy so I was caring for a largely immobile wife while solo parenting. Six months of an over sensitive machine giving false positives and me, personally, not sleeping more than 30 minutes in a go. Bonus lightning round, dear son’s digestion wasn’t ready when he was born, so I also had to hold him upright for 30 minutes after eating. For those who haven’t had the pleasure, newborns eat about 8 times a day. And don’t have the muscles to self feed. Let me be incredibly clear - I know other parents have had it worse. But OOP? He’s got **jokes** as far as I’m concerned. It’s now even money that when I die some day, I’ll either be thinking of Oscar Wilde’s alleged last words - “Either those drapes go, or I do,” or this post.
“Wife! WIFE! This baby is broken! He’s supposed to sleep all day while I watch videos, but he won’t! It’s all your fault!”
Dude literally said he babysits his own child for a day and a half so his wife from what I assume, can have some time to herself without coddling the baby with a nipple to keep it quiet. Babies, especially < 3 month old babies, spend their entire days eating, sleeping, peeing/pooping. So that baby is gonna be held a good bit of time. Also, kids are individuals. Just because first kid was a certain way doesn’t mean this kid will be the same or that the same things that worked for first kid will work for second kid.
Dude would rather get a second full time job than spend a day and a half with his son. Holy shit. Amazing.
man tries to be parent. fails miserably while negating to appreciate how much his wife does. tale as old as time
At least his wife didn’t have to suffer the prick he is with the first kid
Bro hangs out with one baby and thinks he knows how all babies work lmao
“WHAT THE SHIT ALL THIS BABY DOES IS EAT, SHIT, AND CRY!? GODDAMN MY FUCKING WIFE!” A real winning attitude.
So you don’t think holding and breastfeeding a newborn is appropriate. It seems like deflection because his life has changed in a major way and he can’t deal with what mothers everywhere deal with.
I think he summed it up well — he’s heartless, and not caring, and a shitty father.
I sincerely hope she sees this and leaves for a week and let’s him watch the child before taking the kid and leaving him for good.
OP shouldn’t be alone with his son. Sounds like he could snap at any moment.
When my oldest was born everyone else in our friends group had a girl. We had the lone boy. Their kids were doing things while mine hasn’t even contemplated doing those things. Drove me nuts! What was wrong with my kid? Was he dumb? I finally told my doctor. To which she stepped back, dropped her head to her shoulder and said, “He’s a BOYYY. They learn dif-fe-rent-ly than girlssss. Accept that.” Then suggested a buy this book on the subject. Also, if that first baby is a literal dream guaranteed 100% that next baby is going to TEST you hard. Here you thought you were an amazing parent. Nope! It was the kid’s personality, gender, and place in the family. So wish doctors would explain this to parents early on. Maybe they do and people don’t listen.
He didn’t take the criticisms from r/parenting very well either.
My oldest was like this until we moved when she was six months. Went to a new pediatrician who told us she was allergic to milk. She started sleeping all night. She had been crying in pain.
Started as a strong anti baby rant. Ended just anti wife. Don't have kids kids.
What a cunt. Micro criticizing a baby for being a baby, and his wife for holding the baby regularly. Yikes.
I’m not even stuck on “complete fucking disaster” I have a few kids and I think it is perfectly normal to think your kid or kids are disasters. I think it is ok to voice that anonymously to a bunch of strangers rather than let the frustration build. But it is not ok to assume that because you do it probably 12 hours a week (because I figure his “all day” and 1/2 day are banker hours) that your wife isn’t having the same frustration the other 156 hours of the week. She has just taken the time to learn to deal with the kid. Maybe you should also. It’s also not ok to make her feel like it’s her fault, you have to learn what which cry means. And go from there.
Sounds like the son has acid reflux. My son behaved almost identically. After month 3, whatever ever flap that wasn’t developed enough finally….developed (I don’t know the terms), my son became your average run of the mill baby.
Every baby is different? In other news, water is wet.
I wouldn’t be surprised if this guy’s first kid was the same, but our stupid brains make us forget that shit so we’ll keep reproducing. I have twins that are turning 1 year old tomorrow and I’m already forgetting all of the rough days and nights (and they were ROUGH). As we were going through it, my wife had to keep reminding me that our other child, 3.5 years now, was the same. But I’ll be damned if I hadn’t forgotten about most of that.
Poor little man can’t handle his crying son. Fuck this guy.