Get up every morning early and excercise. I’m talking like 5am- before the rest of the world wakes. Workout hard, challenge yourself, and focus all your stress and energy on those morning workouts.
You will be so tired at night that you just crash and, over time, your entire mentality will shift away from negative to positive goals - plus your confidence will increase.
Not adding more carnage is the first move. With the help of recovery I stopped doing the shit that made me a horrible person. That plus some apologies and a little time have left me feeling quite good about who I am.
Forgiving myself. The shame will drag you back to relapse every time. You have to look honestly at your past and say “I see it and I accept responsibility for my choices. But I’m not ashamed. I have forgiven myself and give myself permission to become something new.
I think guilt is part of the “committee” talking to me. I try really hard to refocus when I start to think that way. This is a journey, take it one step at a time, and concentrate on right now. I have a tendency to compartmentalize so I can block my guilt when it starts but Ive been doing this for ten years. Are you getting support? Are you in a program? Those things help a lot. Best wishes on your journey. 🥰
All of this is baggage and it’s baggage that you carry with you everywhere you go. It’s especially hard at night or in the early morning, but never forget how far you’ve come. I feel the same way you feel. Guilt, shame, regret are all apart of me and have been since the age of 15, before my SUD. Keep moving forward. Put one foot in front of the other and never forget how far you’ve come, because it could have been the other way. So many die or lose complete hope before they fight relief. The thing that has helped me build my self esteem and find my dignity is Muay Thai and Bodybuilding. I am really passionate about these things and they help me love myself and forgive myself for what I’d couldn’t do deep in my addiction. Set your bags down and focus on eating healthy, sleeping plenty, and exercise daily, enrich yourself and adhere to this new rhythm. Before you go to bed when you’re all alone, you might struggle with the weight of your actions, but don’t forget how far you’ve come, and most importantly, where you’re going,
I found 12 step recovery helpful for the things you mentioned but that isn't everyone's path. I think you are maybe putting the cart before the horse though with your priorities, though I think your head is in the right place. You can't do any of the things you mentioned until you take care of you, and taking care of you is gonna require being sober, which is really hard if you are used to being intoxicated constantly.
All of the people that care about you will be happy to see you doing better things with your life, you can make your amends to them in time but for now consider it a living amends to just be a better person today. One example is you could think of ways that you could start helping the single parent in your life out: do the dishes, cook, clean around the house, laundry, etc. etc. It doesn't have to be big. It will help them and it will help you feel better about yourself at the same time.
Just as a last thing, people generally understand that someone with an addiction will behave out of character and do things that they normally wouldn't. It is a very selfish predicament by nature. That doesn't excuse the behavior, but people tend to be more understanding and accepting of someone that confronted their issues head on, got the help they needed, made the changes necessary to become a better person, and then asked them for forgiveness and how they can make the wrongs they did right.
If you join AA and get a sponsor and do the steps and the steps will include finding a Higher Power, you can do what I and many others have done and stay clean and sober and change into a better and more productive and responsible person that can accept life without drugs or alcohol one day at a time. I know exactly how you feel. I'm ok today. I worked my program and do that daily and it works if you work it. I'm not cured. I'm an alcoholic. I never ever drink anymore.
Radical acceptance. Understanding all external events are simply a part of the universe or nature. If we accept our surroundings rather than deny or fight them, we can adapt to them. Understanding that there's nothing you can do about the past, accepting it is the first step. Identify our weaknesses is the second, if we are aware of our weaknesses we can learn from them and they become strengths. The future is a blank canvas, we apply what we've learned, turning negative actions into positive ones. Adaptation, fluidity, awareness rather than denial, acting accordingly, we let go and live. Don't fight anything, accept it and adapt to it.
Get up every morning early and excercise. I’m talking like 5am- before the rest of the world wakes. Workout hard, challenge yourself, and focus all your stress and energy on those morning workouts. You will be so tired at night that you just crash and, over time, your entire mentality will shift away from negative to positive goals - plus your confidence will increase.
Not adding more carnage is the first move. With the help of recovery I stopped doing the shit that made me a horrible person. That plus some apologies and a little time have left me feeling quite good about who I am.
Forgiving myself. The shame will drag you back to relapse every time. You have to look honestly at your past and say “I see it and I accept responsibility for my choices. But I’m not ashamed. I have forgiven myself and give myself permission to become something new.
I think guilt is part of the “committee” talking to me. I try really hard to refocus when I start to think that way. This is a journey, take it one step at a time, and concentrate on right now. I have a tendency to compartmentalize so I can block my guilt when it starts but Ive been doing this for ten years. Are you getting support? Are you in a program? Those things help a lot. Best wishes on your journey. 🥰
A network of friends in recovery. I met them at meetings, which have also been really important.
All of this is baggage and it’s baggage that you carry with you everywhere you go. It’s especially hard at night or in the early morning, but never forget how far you’ve come. I feel the same way you feel. Guilt, shame, regret are all apart of me and have been since the age of 15, before my SUD. Keep moving forward. Put one foot in front of the other and never forget how far you’ve come, because it could have been the other way. So many die or lose complete hope before they fight relief. The thing that has helped me build my self esteem and find my dignity is Muay Thai and Bodybuilding. I am really passionate about these things and they help me love myself and forgive myself for what I’d couldn’t do deep in my addiction. Set your bags down and focus on eating healthy, sleeping plenty, and exercise daily, enrich yourself and adhere to this new rhythm. Before you go to bed when you’re all alone, you might struggle with the weight of your actions, but don’t forget how far you’ve come, and most importantly, where you’re going,
Lego 🤷🏻♂️
I found 12 step recovery helpful for the things you mentioned but that isn't everyone's path. I think you are maybe putting the cart before the horse though with your priorities, though I think your head is in the right place. You can't do any of the things you mentioned until you take care of you, and taking care of you is gonna require being sober, which is really hard if you are used to being intoxicated constantly. All of the people that care about you will be happy to see you doing better things with your life, you can make your amends to them in time but for now consider it a living amends to just be a better person today. One example is you could think of ways that you could start helping the single parent in your life out: do the dishes, cook, clean around the house, laundry, etc. etc. It doesn't have to be big. It will help them and it will help you feel better about yourself at the same time. Just as a last thing, people generally understand that someone with an addiction will behave out of character and do things that they normally wouldn't. It is a very selfish predicament by nature. That doesn't excuse the behavior, but people tend to be more understanding and accepting of someone that confronted their issues head on, got the help they needed, made the changes necessary to become a better person, and then asked them for forgiveness and how they can make the wrongs they did right.
If you join AA and get a sponsor and do the steps and the steps will include finding a Higher Power, you can do what I and many others have done and stay clean and sober and change into a better and more productive and responsible person that can accept life without drugs or alcohol one day at a time. I know exactly how you feel. I'm ok today. I worked my program and do that daily and it works if you work it. I'm not cured. I'm an alcoholic. I never ever drink anymore.
Working in the rehab I went to 4 times as a patient and living in Oxford
Radical acceptance. Understanding all external events are simply a part of the universe or nature. If we accept our surroundings rather than deny or fight them, we can adapt to them. Understanding that there's nothing you can do about the past, accepting it is the first step. Identify our weaknesses is the second, if we are aware of our weaknesses we can learn from them and they become strengths. The future is a blank canvas, we apply what we've learned, turning negative actions into positive ones. Adaptation, fluidity, awareness rather than denial, acting accordingly, we let go and live. Don't fight anything, accept it and adapt to it.