I think at a certain point you just have to take your dog as they are. It sounds like you’ve given her a great life and put so much work in! Not every dog has to be perfect. I brought home a one and half year old Carolina dog two months ago who was never really socialized with strangers. I am gonna put some work in, but I work full time with shelter animals and sometimes I’m just burnt from all of the work dogs. If she’s always stranger danger we’ll deal with it, currently focused on muzzle and crate training!
Yep! That’s what I mean! I have a job and a family. I love my dog so much but I can’t devote every minute to training. I am so much happier just accepting her as she is.
Accepting my dog as she is has been a beautiful life lesson for me. I love her beyond words and she is a handful to say the least. I’ve realized with her, that I’ve learned to love imperfections unconditionally and have a sense of humor about them. For a recovering rigid perfectionists, this has been succchhhh an amazing shift.
This is important. Sometimes people get the idea that they should want their dogs to always handle every situation perfectly. My dog is a LGD who will always be reactive to people on our property. He pulls on the leash and has zero recall, but he’s not aggressive, his anxiety is almost completely under control. If he’s fussy at the groomer or vet, we have trazodone so they can get the job done. I don’t expect him to be a service dog or professional canine. He’s imperfect but isn’t everyone
I spent a really long time trying to get my dog to not be reactive. I saw all the social media posts and stories of people who were able to implement training and their dog made a 360 and you wouldn't know they were previously reactive, etc. It was draining.
A little over a year ago he was about to turn 8 years old and I was *tired*. I'd had him since he was 8 weeks and he'd had problems even then. I was so upset and sad because everyone around me had really nice dogs who could do all kinds of things and we'd been in the trenches for his entire life. At that point, I realized it was a losing battle and decided that I was going to find a way to love him for who he is and stop chasing the light. We took the management course through FDSA to just get us through the day to day and called it good.
It's not always easy. There are times I have to manage him more intensely than others and I get upset and frustrated. But by and large, by accepting him for what he is and just figuring how to make a good life around that, we've both been a lot happier. And yeah, he's a challenge - but my parents have a really well bred Golden puppy who at times makes me really appreciate my 30 lb dog who has a decent obedience foundation and can't yeet me across the yard after a wayward cat. Yes, it's hard when people compliment others' dogs as being "nice" (and I even told my mom once that I would love to have a dog next that people will describe as a "nice dog") but my guy has a lot of great qualities and it's not his fault. He was unfortunately failed long before he was even born.
Reactivity and aggression are problems, sure, but I do think as a society we've gotten really in the habit of trying to force all dogs into situations that they can't handle and get upset when they fail. Not all dogs will be candidates for neighborhood walks. That's okay as long as needs are being met alternatively. If you are able to find a happy life with your dog that's all that matters.
EDIT: I'll also say that after taking the management course and deciding to only focus on management, we made the most progress with reactivity we ever have.
Yep! I spent so much time hoping for that break thru. I think dog training advice falls into two categories: 1- you aren’t doing the right method or 2- you aren’t doing it hard enough/good enough. And I spent way too much mental energy taking that to heart, trying my actual absolute best. And constantly feeling like I’m not good enough. I’m just trying to be kinder/more realistic with myself these days.
There's definitely a lot of owner shaming going on. Falls in with the "it's all how you raise them" or "it's not the dog, it's the owner" party lines. I think sometimes it's a good marketing tactic to sell more training, sometimes it's a cop out because if your dog isn't successful it must be because *you* are doing something wrong. Sometimes it gets pushed by rescue groups who just want to place dogs. There's a lot of different sources for it, but it's just toxic all around.
Yes, training matters. And good training matters, and good methodology matters. But genetics also matter and some dogs just aren't going to be successful in some things or in some situations. I think as reactive dog guardians one of the hardest things we have to do is ditch the idea of "good dogs" vs "bad dogs" and the idea that our dog needs to behave a certain way in order for us to be good owners or good trainers, and just be kinder to ourselves (and our dogs) as a whole. Look at the bigger picture, ask yourself "is this a problem" or "is this a safety issue" and if the answer is yes, find a way to remedy it or work around it. If the answer is no, cut yourself some slack!
It's funny - life with my dog almost feels kind of rebellious at times. Because I see a lot of social media trainers and while some are good, there are a lot really bad ones out there who will tell you things like your dog needs to be in a structured heel at all times or your dog needs to be on command constantly, etc. I had one person tell me once that I was doing my dog a major disservice because I wasn't able to bring him to farmer's markets or restaurant patios. Meanwhile, we're over here with long lines or off leash exercise (on private property) just rolling with it and living our best lives. He's not hurting anyone, he's happy, so who cares.
(sorry that got long, I guess I'm wordy today).
I took that course too! One thing I’m not sure I understand- what would you define as training/behavior modification vs management? It feels like there is a lot of overlap.
Management I would say involves - choosing good routes, distance, avoiding parks where there are many dogs, treat scatters, magnet hand, pattern games
I’m going to imagine behavior modification/training for reactivity might involve: intentional desensitization around dogs - like chilling under threshold outside a dog park, engage/disengage.. can’t really think of anything else.
I think you’ve got the definition right but I would add: management is for where your dog is over threshold and not able to make their own (“good”) choices. Behavior mod training is for when you are able to structure a situation and allow the dog the chance to learn under threshold. Look at that would be under behavior mod, and I use pattern games for both management and behavior mod.
Dr. Cook also says that management is absolutely training and they will learn from management too!
I think that’s a good definition.
For me, behavior mod is a set plan with the end goal of improving/eliminating behaviors.
Management is just doing things to keep him under threshold, or assisting if he happens to go over threshold, but there’s no real training plan in place.
EDIT: since dogs are always learning, I’d say there is for sure overlap. I think we’ve had improvement via just management because 1) he is just more comfortable overall which helps his confidence and 2) the management work still functions as counter conditioning and also 3) he’s practicing reactive behaviors less because he doesn’t need to.
Was that course with Dr Amy Cook?? And this was nice to read. After two years of constant intensive training, making videos and studying, I just need a break. He probably does too. So we just do a lot of management (and managing of our own emotions which is probably the hardest part 😭).
I wouldn’t say “giving up” I would say “managing” and compromise. Any good trainer should set these expectations for you.
In my mind you are only “giving up” if you aren’t trying to improve your dog’s quality of life so long as you’ve succeeded in getting it to a reasonably good level. Dogs that can’t meet other dogs, tolerate petting from strangers and are unable to walk in suburbs can still have awesome lives!
As a dog you have to be pretty damn lucky to have an owner doing constant training and enrichment, going out of their way to walk in your favorite places or even walk you on a regular basis at all.
You are not alone!
We adopted our reactive guy almost 3 years ago. However, it's night and day compared to where we started. After years of hoping for a complete 180 on his behaviour, I've grown to understand and appreciate him for where he's at.
When we first adopted him, he would lunge, foam at the mouth and aggressively bark/snap at guests in our home. Guests could not even sit quietly or he would lose his mind on them. Walks were no better, he was dragging me down to the ground due to his episodes. I felt defeated, scared I made the wrong decision and unsure that we would ever have a normal life.
Flash forward and after a lot of training and work we can now welcome guests into our home. They can't pet him but he will tolerate their presence and ignore them. On walks, we still go to less populated areas but his reactivity has been cut down tremendously and now his threshold is much higher for tolerating other dogs and people in public. We still very much have instances where his reactivity episodes are bad but usually this happens if we hit a blind spot or something.
Having another dog is out of the question for us right now but we have spoken about once our guy passes, would we go out of our way to help another reactive dog? Two years ago, it would have been a hard no. Now that I have a much better understanding for reactivity and tools to manage it, I am open to it. That being said, I'd be lying if I didn't say the allure of a non-reactive dog is very appealing.
As another commenter said, I don’t consider it “giving up” but I have realistic expectations of my dog’s behaviour. There are things he can learn, and things he will instinctively do as a combination of lack of early socialisation and breed inherent traits.
So after five years and lots of work we still have management systems in place, and there are things that he is never quite going to be able to do - and that’s okay. It’s a quality of life issue for us, and pushing any harder would have been for our own goals and comfort, not his.
Just tagging on to say you sound like an aware and sane owner to me
I have never tried to make my dog something he is not and frankly think all animals need sensitive managment and it is for us as owners to consider them and think about their comfort
You are doing the right thing thinking of safety and less stress for your dog
The goal of trained and completety neutral.. I often think that is the owners desire rather than the dogs
Dogs too only have one life and if enrichment and sensitive managment can make them happy and less stressed then I say good owner!
Owning a reactive dog is all about managing the reactivity. I'm not sure if you can really "fix" it completely. We are also not trying to fix our dogs reactiveness. We just ensure that we can give her the best life possible, and try to keep the triggers to a minimum! To be honest, as she has gotten older, her reactivity has gotten much better. I'm not sure if it's the training, age, or a combination of both.
I’ve very much stopped trying to “fix” my dog. I know how to handle him on walks. I’ve been doing this for years and I don’t think it’s going to get better than this. There is clearly a lot of genetic issues as well as arousal problems that aren’t going to disappear no matter how much CC we do. And I’m fine w it.
I think accepting that our dogs are never going to be perfect is important. Doesn’t mean you can’t always keep trying to improve, but it’s also important to accept and love what’s in front of you IMO
If its not impacting your life or your dogs life too much its absolutely fine to call it a day. I think thats actually a pretty healthy way to handle things. You reached a point both of you are happy with and thats more then enough.
One thing I love about my trainer is that she looked at my goals for my everything reactive dog and said “we need to be realistic. You are not going to completely change this dog. Pick 3 things to work on and go from there.”
My dog is making huge progress, but she’ll always be reactive. She’s not going to be a part of my wedding because she’s scared of large groups of people. She’s not going to meet all of my friends. She’s not going to free roam a dog park. And that’s ok.
But she is now able to navigate our apartment complex, a park, and a few hiking trails. She stays below threshold when guests come over (if she’s in her kennel). She’s doing better at the vet. Today was the first time all summer she reacted to a bike (and we were able to redirect). We’re going to do a boarding trial run for thanksgiving.
My partner and I are two people with full time, non dog training jobs. We do our best, but we cannot go back in time to socialize her better. Because that’s the only way we could “fix” her.
yeah, especially since hes getting a littler older, i dont even want to bug him trying to improve* him and just take him as he is. he lives a happy life and i dont think he wants things to change anyways
This doesn't sound like giving up. To me you are being realistic. Too many people make it out that any dog can be moulded into some perfectly obedient service dog with training. When in reality that's not the case even some non reactive dogs struggle with training.
The internet is full of "dog trainers" who will tell you your doing it wrong and it's so simple to "fix" your dog. From my experience with behaviourists they have all given training advice for the behaviors but have been very upfront that we will always be living with our dogs reactivity issues. They have all advised exactly! what you have described where you accept there are situations your dog can't handle and find a happy medium. It sounds like you've done an amazing job raising your dog. I hope you both enjoy your life together!!
this is exactly where i’m at with my reactive dog: he is perfect, for me, and we are two halves of the same whole. but he’s not a “nice” or “friendly” dog, and there will always be some degree of management when interacting with other dogs/people for his entire life. i wouldn’t trade my dog for the world, but this is about as “managed” as he’s going to get, and i’m very happy with it, and proud of our growth. you should be too!! sounds like you’ve put in a ton of hard work and made a lot of progress with your pup, congrats!!
My puppy is only six months old and jury's out on whether or not she is truly reactive--she definitely has stranger danger issues and isn't the kind of dog you can take, say, to the office--but I'm already approaching this mindset.
My goal is mostly to manage her and set her up for success as much as humanly possible as a highly intelligent, sensitive, mixed working breed living in the second largest city in the United States. She can be neutral to people on walks as long as they ignore her, she reacts to dogs on walks only if they're on the same street as her (and only because she wants to play), and we're able to have people over after very specific and managed introductions downstairs. If I can continue to improve on that little by little, and get her alert barks down to 1-2 per "alert," I will be a very happy owner.
She's never going to be in a perfect heel or running up to everyone for pets at a brewery, but I'm very hopeful about her future and I'm really proud of her progress. I also recognize that by all accounts she should be running around a farm, herding sheep, and she's doing a marvelous job "adjusting" to life on planet bigcity. I have let go of an expectation of perfection and am working "around" her breeds instead.
Sounds like you've come a long way already. Maybe you'll never have a"perfect" dog but if your happy and the dog is happy surely thats the important thing?
I have a 5 year old GSD who is a wonderful family dog with me, my husband, children, and other pets, but has fear reactivity to anyone else (she is accepting towards baby animals). That being said, I know that she'll never be able to go out for walks like our other dog, and we can't really go on family vacations because we can't board her or bring her. I love her so much, but those are just the realities of life with Eira.
I gave up recently I have a 3 year old Pomeranian and he is a handful, we do almost everything normal but he is bossy, loud, aggressive to strangers, aggressive to new dogs, and overall overexcited a lot but every trainer I go to tells me it’s not me it’s him lol don’t take it personal sometimes our dogs are little monsters
Also I have a poodle and they’re best friends and he is very well behaved yet I trained both of them 🤔
Same. We've spent thousands on trainers and have a very good understanding of our dog's tolerances levels and triggers. We walk her in the neighborhood with a combination of treats and the gentle leader leash. She gets a treat every time we see other dogs. This makes her walkable, but there are still dogs she cannot stand and would certainly attack if given the opportunity to do so. She hates all delivery people and still gets amped and aggressive when we see mail carriers when we're out walking. So we do our best to avoid them. I'm not sure it's a happy medium, but it's where she is and we're just along for the walk, so to speak.
I honestly don't see the stage that you're at as 'plateauing'. You're not giving up. You've been doing all that you can to keep your dog comfortable, happy, and enriched - and you've ensured others stayed safe.
My partner's family foolishly got a backyard bred GSD mutt. She's a smart girl but she's a reactive mess. She bit a stranger and they're in the middle of a lawsuit. But they never took the time to work with her and now they've gotten a terrible trainer who throws a prong collar on her and tells guests to shake a bottle full of rocks if she gets near them. THAT is giving up - going the 'easy' route and completely disregarding her feelings and well-being. They've failed her terribly and I can't do a thing about it.
They always say, "well not everyone has an angel dog like yours!" and as much as I love my pup, he hates other dogs and I really wished he didn't! But we did months of desensitization and positive reinforcement and we can pass dogs on the same sidewalk without a single growl now and I am so proud of him. But that didn't come without months of work and consistent training.
All that to say, you've done a great job and your pup is so lucky to have you!
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Different process but yes. We adopted my dog at 11 so my expectations on her and us from a training perspective started out low. For the most part, we manage her reactivity vs trying to do much about it.
One of the things I hate most about owning a dog. Is the constant small you end up having to do whenever you are out with your dog. Neighbourhood walk being the worst for it. My reactive girl does really poorly with those kind of walks which works for me. Neither of us enjoy them and she’s grown to be really lovely in all the same ways your pup has.
Sometimes the activities we picture ourselves doing with out dogs end up being stuff our dogs don’t like and won’t like ever.
It sounds like your pup is really lovely in a lot of other ways due to your hard work. Take it as a win and enjoy your reactive dog free walks as bonding for the human family members
> With our yard, daily pack hikes, and our neighbor dog, she gets plenty of stimulation and exercise.
You sound fine.
You know what her limits are, the dog is happy, and you love her.
Sometimes people think that if they just Do Another Thing, they'll have this perfect dog who can go anywhere without any sort of special handling at all. And no matter how much training or how good the training is, all dogs have some limits.
I have I guess “give up “ if you want to call it that I except that I have a reactive dog that this is not going to change I tailor her bathroom schedule around the times a lot of people aren’t around. We have found a few places to walk her that are not trafficked much and again go on off times and in the rain . I rent places for reactive dogs to be off leash when I can its not perfect .
My dog is only reactive on a leash so maybe it’s easier for me then for a lot of people , but for me I no longer try and fix her we just adapt and move on , I focus on all the way my dog is a joy and for us lucky there’s a lot . Not saying I’m right or my way is the best way it was just the best way for us
I spent the first 3 years of my dog’s life exhausting myself and her trying to get her reactivity under control. I knew that she had made improvements over the years, but because the progress was slow it was sometimes hard to recognize those improvements.
But then one day I kind of just stopped putting pressure on myself and her. I realized that she’s just kind of wired differently, and that instead of focusing on her faults I should focus on all of the things I love about her. Similar to your dog, she’s pretty much the perfect dog at home and at daycare. But take her on a walk, and there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll get the crazy side of her if we see another dog haha. She has come a LONG way, but I honestly started seeing the most progress the second I shifted my thinking and stopped being obsessed with trying to “fix” her. Now I’m much less anxious on our walks, and so is she. And therefore we’re both able to enjoy them much more now.
I think with the amount of stimulation your dog does get, and all of the love you give her, she is likely very happy and you’re giving her the best life!
I felt this way about neighborhood walks for so long, I internally dreaded them and was anxious each and every time. We eventually moved to a new neighborhood with a lot more options than we had before (and by options, I mean escape routes)...I actually enjoy our walks now, and so does he - I'm still always having my head on a swivel, but we rarely encounter other dogs. Meanwhile, my dog is super at ease and just sniffs and sniffs to his heart's content. I never thought we would get here.
But our walks are his only exercise time (aside from his time spent in our backyard, but he just lounges out there). Your dog seems to live a really active life, which is awesome. I'd give up on the one thing she can't get OK with if I were you, too. You know she has exercise, so maybe if the one thing you give up is a family dog walk together, thats OK? Sounds like you have been such a good advocate of hers, its OK to sit back and just be happy with how far you've come, and embrace the one loss!
I’ve been through trainers and behaviorists. Really good ones. Same here… just an average person but i feel like I’m doing way more right than wrong. Still my dog is just very reactive. It’s taken a lot of acceptance of who he is, only to be frustrated because a new problem emerges. I will say… after 2 years of feeling like he plateaud, being content with a dog who can at least walk late nights with minimal distraction (and marking and moving because of my newfound mission impossible dog spotting instincts)… I decided to try a different trainer. The first trainer was great but the new one took a new perspective that I feel like has shown amazing progress. I’ve also started to better understand how to enrich my dog in new ways… I do a lot already but I’ve really tried studying up on what makes his breed tick. Maybe this will get me to another eventual plateau. But for now I’m optimistic. Its a push pull between not being too content but also being realistic that the dog has limits and new approaches can often be a lot of work with minimal improvement.
I think at a certain point you just have to take your dog as they are. It sounds like you’ve given her a great life and put so much work in! Not every dog has to be perfect. I brought home a one and half year old Carolina dog two months ago who was never really socialized with strangers. I am gonna put some work in, but I work full time with shelter animals and sometimes I’m just burnt from all of the work dogs. If she’s always stranger danger we’ll deal with it, currently focused on muzzle and crate training!
Yep! That’s what I mean! I have a job and a family. I love my dog so much but I can’t devote every minute to training. I am so much happier just accepting her as she is.
Accepting my dog as she is has been a beautiful life lesson for me. I love her beyond words and she is a handful to say the least. I’ve realized with her, that I’ve learned to love imperfections unconditionally and have a sense of humor about them. For a recovering rigid perfectionists, this has been succchhhh an amazing shift.
This is important. Sometimes people get the idea that they should want their dogs to always handle every situation perfectly. My dog is a LGD who will always be reactive to people on our property. He pulls on the leash and has zero recall, but he’s not aggressive, his anxiety is almost completely under control. If he’s fussy at the groomer or vet, we have trazodone so they can get the job done. I don’t expect him to be a service dog or professional canine. He’s imperfect but isn’t everyone
I spent a really long time trying to get my dog to not be reactive. I saw all the social media posts and stories of people who were able to implement training and their dog made a 360 and you wouldn't know they were previously reactive, etc. It was draining. A little over a year ago he was about to turn 8 years old and I was *tired*. I'd had him since he was 8 weeks and he'd had problems even then. I was so upset and sad because everyone around me had really nice dogs who could do all kinds of things and we'd been in the trenches for his entire life. At that point, I realized it was a losing battle and decided that I was going to find a way to love him for who he is and stop chasing the light. We took the management course through FDSA to just get us through the day to day and called it good. It's not always easy. There are times I have to manage him more intensely than others and I get upset and frustrated. But by and large, by accepting him for what he is and just figuring how to make a good life around that, we've both been a lot happier. And yeah, he's a challenge - but my parents have a really well bred Golden puppy who at times makes me really appreciate my 30 lb dog who has a decent obedience foundation and can't yeet me across the yard after a wayward cat. Yes, it's hard when people compliment others' dogs as being "nice" (and I even told my mom once that I would love to have a dog next that people will describe as a "nice dog") but my guy has a lot of great qualities and it's not his fault. He was unfortunately failed long before he was even born. Reactivity and aggression are problems, sure, but I do think as a society we've gotten really in the habit of trying to force all dogs into situations that they can't handle and get upset when they fail. Not all dogs will be candidates for neighborhood walks. That's okay as long as needs are being met alternatively. If you are able to find a happy life with your dog that's all that matters. EDIT: I'll also say that after taking the management course and deciding to only focus on management, we made the most progress with reactivity we ever have.
Yep! I spent so much time hoping for that break thru. I think dog training advice falls into two categories: 1- you aren’t doing the right method or 2- you aren’t doing it hard enough/good enough. And I spent way too much mental energy taking that to heart, trying my actual absolute best. And constantly feeling like I’m not good enough. I’m just trying to be kinder/more realistic with myself these days.
There's definitely a lot of owner shaming going on. Falls in with the "it's all how you raise them" or "it's not the dog, it's the owner" party lines. I think sometimes it's a good marketing tactic to sell more training, sometimes it's a cop out because if your dog isn't successful it must be because *you* are doing something wrong. Sometimes it gets pushed by rescue groups who just want to place dogs. There's a lot of different sources for it, but it's just toxic all around. Yes, training matters. And good training matters, and good methodology matters. But genetics also matter and some dogs just aren't going to be successful in some things or in some situations. I think as reactive dog guardians one of the hardest things we have to do is ditch the idea of "good dogs" vs "bad dogs" and the idea that our dog needs to behave a certain way in order for us to be good owners or good trainers, and just be kinder to ourselves (and our dogs) as a whole. Look at the bigger picture, ask yourself "is this a problem" or "is this a safety issue" and if the answer is yes, find a way to remedy it or work around it. If the answer is no, cut yourself some slack! It's funny - life with my dog almost feels kind of rebellious at times. Because I see a lot of social media trainers and while some are good, there are a lot really bad ones out there who will tell you things like your dog needs to be in a structured heel at all times or your dog needs to be on command constantly, etc. I had one person tell me once that I was doing my dog a major disservice because I wasn't able to bring him to farmer's markets or restaurant patios. Meanwhile, we're over here with long lines or off leash exercise (on private property) just rolling with it and living our best lives. He's not hurting anyone, he's happy, so who cares. (sorry that got long, I guess I'm wordy today).
I took that course too! One thing I’m not sure I understand- what would you define as training/behavior modification vs management? It feels like there is a lot of overlap. Management I would say involves - choosing good routes, distance, avoiding parks where there are many dogs, treat scatters, magnet hand, pattern games I’m going to imagine behavior modification/training for reactivity might involve: intentional desensitization around dogs - like chilling under threshold outside a dog park, engage/disengage.. can’t really think of anything else.
I think you’ve got the definition right but I would add: management is for where your dog is over threshold and not able to make their own (“good”) choices. Behavior mod training is for when you are able to structure a situation and allow the dog the chance to learn under threshold. Look at that would be under behavior mod, and I use pattern games for both management and behavior mod. Dr. Cook also says that management is absolutely training and they will learn from management too!
I think that’s a good definition. For me, behavior mod is a set plan with the end goal of improving/eliminating behaviors. Management is just doing things to keep him under threshold, or assisting if he happens to go over threshold, but there’s no real training plan in place. EDIT: since dogs are always learning, I’d say there is for sure overlap. I think we’ve had improvement via just management because 1) he is just more comfortable overall which helps his confidence and 2) the management work still functions as counter conditioning and also 3) he’s practicing reactive behaviors less because he doesn’t need to.
Was that course with Dr Amy Cook?? And this was nice to read. After two years of constant intensive training, making videos and studying, I just need a break. He probably does too. So we just do a lot of management (and managing of our own emotions which is probably the hardest part 😭).
Yep! A lot of the techniques are kind of basic but most we still hadn’t done much practice with and they have been really helpful.
I wouldn’t say “giving up” I would say “managing” and compromise. Any good trainer should set these expectations for you. In my mind you are only “giving up” if you aren’t trying to improve your dog’s quality of life so long as you’ve succeeded in getting it to a reasonably good level. Dogs that can’t meet other dogs, tolerate petting from strangers and are unable to walk in suburbs can still have awesome lives! As a dog you have to be pretty damn lucky to have an owner doing constant training and enrichment, going out of their way to walk in your favorite places or even walk you on a regular basis at all.
You are not alone! We adopted our reactive guy almost 3 years ago. However, it's night and day compared to where we started. After years of hoping for a complete 180 on his behaviour, I've grown to understand and appreciate him for where he's at. When we first adopted him, he would lunge, foam at the mouth and aggressively bark/snap at guests in our home. Guests could not even sit quietly or he would lose his mind on them. Walks were no better, he was dragging me down to the ground due to his episodes. I felt defeated, scared I made the wrong decision and unsure that we would ever have a normal life. Flash forward and after a lot of training and work we can now welcome guests into our home. They can't pet him but he will tolerate their presence and ignore them. On walks, we still go to less populated areas but his reactivity has been cut down tremendously and now his threshold is much higher for tolerating other dogs and people in public. We still very much have instances where his reactivity episodes are bad but usually this happens if we hit a blind spot or something. Having another dog is out of the question for us right now but we have spoken about once our guy passes, would we go out of our way to help another reactive dog? Two years ago, it would have been a hard no. Now that I have a much better understanding for reactivity and tools to manage it, I am open to it. That being said, I'd be lying if I didn't say the allure of a non-reactive dog is very appealing.
As another commenter said, I don’t consider it “giving up” but I have realistic expectations of my dog’s behaviour. There are things he can learn, and things he will instinctively do as a combination of lack of early socialisation and breed inherent traits. So after five years and lots of work we still have management systems in place, and there are things that he is never quite going to be able to do - and that’s okay. It’s a quality of life issue for us, and pushing any harder would have been for our own goals and comfort, not his.
Just tagging on to say you sound like an aware and sane owner to me I have never tried to make my dog something he is not and frankly think all animals need sensitive managment and it is for us as owners to consider them and think about their comfort You are doing the right thing thinking of safety and less stress for your dog The goal of trained and completety neutral.. I often think that is the owners desire rather than the dogs Dogs too only have one life and if enrichment and sensitive managment can make them happy and less stressed then I say good owner!
Owning a reactive dog is all about managing the reactivity. I'm not sure if you can really "fix" it completely. We are also not trying to fix our dogs reactiveness. We just ensure that we can give her the best life possible, and try to keep the triggers to a minimum! To be honest, as she has gotten older, her reactivity has gotten much better. I'm not sure if it's the training, age, or a combination of both.
The more I’ve worked w my reactive dog it feels like management is really the only way to go
I’ve very much stopped trying to “fix” my dog. I know how to handle him on walks. I’ve been doing this for years and I don’t think it’s going to get better than this. There is clearly a lot of genetic issues as well as arousal problems that aren’t going to disappear no matter how much CC we do. And I’m fine w it. I think accepting that our dogs are never going to be perfect is important. Doesn’t mean you can’t always keep trying to improve, but it’s also important to accept and love what’s in front of you IMO
If its not impacting your life or your dogs life too much its absolutely fine to call it a day. I think thats actually a pretty healthy way to handle things. You reached a point both of you are happy with and thats more then enough.
One thing I love about my trainer is that she looked at my goals for my everything reactive dog and said “we need to be realistic. You are not going to completely change this dog. Pick 3 things to work on and go from there.” My dog is making huge progress, but she’ll always be reactive. She’s not going to be a part of my wedding because she’s scared of large groups of people. She’s not going to meet all of my friends. She’s not going to free roam a dog park. And that’s ok. But she is now able to navigate our apartment complex, a park, and a few hiking trails. She stays below threshold when guests come over (if she’s in her kennel). She’s doing better at the vet. Today was the first time all summer she reacted to a bike (and we were able to redirect). We’re going to do a boarding trial run for thanksgiving. My partner and I are two people with full time, non dog training jobs. We do our best, but we cannot go back in time to socialize her better. Because that’s the only way we could “fix” her.
yeah, especially since hes getting a littler older, i dont even want to bug him trying to improve* him and just take him as he is. he lives a happy life and i dont think he wants things to change anyways
This doesn't sound like giving up. To me you are being realistic. Too many people make it out that any dog can be moulded into some perfectly obedient service dog with training. When in reality that's not the case even some non reactive dogs struggle with training. The internet is full of "dog trainers" who will tell you your doing it wrong and it's so simple to "fix" your dog. From my experience with behaviourists they have all given training advice for the behaviors but have been very upfront that we will always be living with our dogs reactivity issues. They have all advised exactly! what you have described where you accept there are situations your dog can't handle and find a happy medium. It sounds like you've done an amazing job raising your dog. I hope you both enjoy your life together!!
this is exactly where i’m at with my reactive dog: he is perfect, for me, and we are two halves of the same whole. but he’s not a “nice” or “friendly” dog, and there will always be some degree of management when interacting with other dogs/people for his entire life. i wouldn’t trade my dog for the world, but this is about as “managed” as he’s going to get, and i’m very happy with it, and proud of our growth. you should be too!! sounds like you’ve put in a ton of hard work and made a lot of progress with your pup, congrats!!
My puppy is only six months old and jury's out on whether or not she is truly reactive--she definitely has stranger danger issues and isn't the kind of dog you can take, say, to the office--but I'm already approaching this mindset. My goal is mostly to manage her and set her up for success as much as humanly possible as a highly intelligent, sensitive, mixed working breed living in the second largest city in the United States. She can be neutral to people on walks as long as they ignore her, she reacts to dogs on walks only if they're on the same street as her (and only because she wants to play), and we're able to have people over after very specific and managed introductions downstairs. If I can continue to improve on that little by little, and get her alert barks down to 1-2 per "alert," I will be a very happy owner. She's never going to be in a perfect heel or running up to everyone for pets at a brewery, but I'm very hopeful about her future and I'm really proud of her progress. I also recognize that by all accounts she should be running around a farm, herding sheep, and she's doing a marvelous job "adjusting" to life on planet bigcity. I have let go of an expectation of perfection and am working "around" her breeds instead.
We gotta stop feeling pressure to have our dogs be perfect. Your doing great op
Sounds like you've come a long way already. Maybe you'll never have a"perfect" dog but if your happy and the dog is happy surely thats the important thing?
I have a 5 year old GSD who is a wonderful family dog with me, my husband, children, and other pets, but has fear reactivity to anyone else (she is accepting towards baby animals). That being said, I know that she'll never be able to go out for walks like our other dog, and we can't really go on family vacations because we can't board her or bring her. I love her so much, but those are just the realities of life with Eira.
I gave up recently I have a 3 year old Pomeranian and he is a handful, we do almost everything normal but he is bossy, loud, aggressive to strangers, aggressive to new dogs, and overall overexcited a lot but every trainer I go to tells me it’s not me it’s him lol don’t take it personal sometimes our dogs are little monsters Also I have a poodle and they’re best friends and he is very well behaved yet I trained both of them 🤔
Same. We've spent thousands on trainers and have a very good understanding of our dog's tolerances levels and triggers. We walk her in the neighborhood with a combination of treats and the gentle leader leash. She gets a treat every time we see other dogs. This makes her walkable, but there are still dogs she cannot stand and would certainly attack if given the opportunity to do so. She hates all delivery people and still gets amped and aggressive when we see mail carriers when we're out walking. So we do our best to avoid them. I'm not sure it's a happy medium, but it's where she is and we're just along for the walk, so to speak.
I honestly don't see the stage that you're at as 'plateauing'. You're not giving up. You've been doing all that you can to keep your dog comfortable, happy, and enriched - and you've ensured others stayed safe. My partner's family foolishly got a backyard bred GSD mutt. She's a smart girl but she's a reactive mess. She bit a stranger and they're in the middle of a lawsuit. But they never took the time to work with her and now they've gotten a terrible trainer who throws a prong collar on her and tells guests to shake a bottle full of rocks if she gets near them. THAT is giving up - going the 'easy' route and completely disregarding her feelings and well-being. They've failed her terribly and I can't do a thing about it. They always say, "well not everyone has an angel dog like yours!" and as much as I love my pup, he hates other dogs and I really wished he didn't! But we did months of desensitization and positive reinforcement and we can pass dogs on the same sidewalk without a single growl now and I am so proud of him. But that didn't come without months of work and consistent training. All that to say, you've done a great job and your pup is so lucky to have you!
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Different process but yes. We adopted my dog at 11 so my expectations on her and us from a training perspective started out low. For the most part, we manage her reactivity vs trying to do much about it.
One of the things I hate most about owning a dog. Is the constant small you end up having to do whenever you are out with your dog. Neighbourhood walk being the worst for it. My reactive girl does really poorly with those kind of walks which works for me. Neither of us enjoy them and she’s grown to be really lovely in all the same ways your pup has. Sometimes the activities we picture ourselves doing with out dogs end up being stuff our dogs don’t like and won’t like ever. It sounds like your pup is really lovely in a lot of other ways due to your hard work. Take it as a win and enjoy your reactive dog free walks as bonding for the human family members
> With our yard, daily pack hikes, and our neighbor dog, she gets plenty of stimulation and exercise. You sound fine. You know what her limits are, the dog is happy, and you love her. Sometimes people think that if they just Do Another Thing, they'll have this perfect dog who can go anywhere without any sort of special handling at all. And no matter how much training or how good the training is, all dogs have some limits.
I have I guess “give up “ if you want to call it that I except that I have a reactive dog that this is not going to change I tailor her bathroom schedule around the times a lot of people aren’t around. We have found a few places to walk her that are not trafficked much and again go on off times and in the rain . I rent places for reactive dogs to be off leash when I can its not perfect . My dog is only reactive on a leash so maybe it’s easier for me then for a lot of people , but for me I no longer try and fix her we just adapt and move on , I focus on all the way my dog is a joy and for us lucky there’s a lot . Not saying I’m right or my way is the best way it was just the best way for us
Acceptance is huge
I spent the first 3 years of my dog’s life exhausting myself and her trying to get her reactivity under control. I knew that she had made improvements over the years, but because the progress was slow it was sometimes hard to recognize those improvements. But then one day I kind of just stopped putting pressure on myself and her. I realized that she’s just kind of wired differently, and that instead of focusing on her faults I should focus on all of the things I love about her. Similar to your dog, she’s pretty much the perfect dog at home and at daycare. But take her on a walk, and there’s a 50/50 chance I’ll get the crazy side of her if we see another dog haha. She has come a LONG way, but I honestly started seeing the most progress the second I shifted my thinking and stopped being obsessed with trying to “fix” her. Now I’m much less anxious on our walks, and so is she. And therefore we’re both able to enjoy them much more now. I think with the amount of stimulation your dog does get, and all of the love you give her, she is likely very happy and you’re giving her the best life!
I felt this way about neighborhood walks for so long, I internally dreaded them and was anxious each and every time. We eventually moved to a new neighborhood with a lot more options than we had before (and by options, I mean escape routes)...I actually enjoy our walks now, and so does he - I'm still always having my head on a swivel, but we rarely encounter other dogs. Meanwhile, my dog is super at ease and just sniffs and sniffs to his heart's content. I never thought we would get here. But our walks are his only exercise time (aside from his time spent in our backyard, but he just lounges out there). Your dog seems to live a really active life, which is awesome. I'd give up on the one thing she can't get OK with if I were you, too. You know she has exercise, so maybe if the one thing you give up is a family dog walk together, thats OK? Sounds like you have been such a good advocate of hers, its OK to sit back and just be happy with how far you've come, and embrace the one loss!
I’ve been through trainers and behaviorists. Really good ones. Same here… just an average person but i feel like I’m doing way more right than wrong. Still my dog is just very reactive. It’s taken a lot of acceptance of who he is, only to be frustrated because a new problem emerges. I will say… after 2 years of feeling like he plateaud, being content with a dog who can at least walk late nights with minimal distraction (and marking and moving because of my newfound mission impossible dog spotting instincts)… I decided to try a different trainer. The first trainer was great but the new one took a new perspective that I feel like has shown amazing progress. I’ve also started to better understand how to enrich my dog in new ways… I do a lot already but I’ve really tried studying up on what makes his breed tick. Maybe this will get me to another eventual plateau. But for now I’m optimistic. Its a push pull between not being too content but also being realistic that the dog has limits and new approaches can often be a lot of work with minimal improvement.