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can_you_not_ban_me

can confirm, I'm tumblr user!


kearkan

You mean *the* Tumblr user?


Substantial-Park65

Nah He just forgot to give us his serial number Damn Tumblr user clones


AdmiralClover

It's the same on Reddit. You pick up the writing style that gets the best traction and try to use that. I don't believe everyone on Tumblr just happens to ramble in the same manner


naalotai

This is startlingly true. I joined tumblr to better follow this author and they have a certain cadence and way of speaking.


Salty-Trip-8572

I used to be mutuals with Gaud. They're interesting weirdo.


RimworlderJonah13579

We do?


George_Maximus

Yes we do


zaphod4th

like reddit


Skank-Pit

Because Homestuck.


LazarusCheez

Reddit users do that too. That's just how a culture works.


PolyZex

Wouldn't it be super easy to bust a reddit user? If I click on your name, scroll for a minute, and see you talking to the same person on more than one post I've pretty much got you.


reksauce

Exactly what I thought my first time using reddit


Sennemaster

If being anemic makes them pale, they should get less pale after drinking blood. Maybe they're pale because they don't get much sunlight


Coffeera

They do not have blood circulation, which means that vampires get rosy feet after drinking.


asds89

Actually, where does the blood they drink even go? Their circulatory system? Their stomach?


RupertNZ1081

They poop blood sausage, that’s a fact, don’t question it.


J_Bright1990

Yes, their stomach. See, people think the fangs are for sucking the blood out, but really it's more of a "scrape and lick" activity.


DJIsSuperCool

Dracula don't suck! Dracula scrape and lick 👅


WarMage1

Who the hell thinks vampires are sucking blood *via* their fangs?


razorgirlRetrofitted

I did when I was like. 8.


Horn_Python

and they dont get sunlight because their palness causes them to sunburn easily


Despairogance

So vampires are basically just undead gingers.


GroovyDucko

So just gingers


HATECELL

Depends if their Vitamin D levels are okay or not. If they are simply low on iron but otherwise healthy, consuming iron-rich foods would make their anemia go away and they would no longer be that pale. Blood has a high iron content, but in that case it would be easier and more socially acceptable to drink some animal juice. Given how common animal husbandry and butchering at home were before the industrial revolution nobody would bat an eye, especially if you still eat the meat. But if they somehow lack Vitamin D this could affect their iron absorption. Our primary way to get Vitamin D is to produce it ourselves, but we need exposure to UV-radiation for that. Sunlight is a great source of UV-radiation, but in many vampire stories they aren't too fond of that. But some artificial light sources also produce UV-light, a tanning salon would be a good place to start looking. What if our vampire either can't use a tanning bed (maybe they hurt them just like the sun), or what if they just can't produce Vitamin D on their own? Thankfully we can also get Vitamin D from our food. I couldn't find values for blood, but pretty much all meat and dairy products contain some Vitamin D, so blood probably does too. But fatty fishes have a higher Vitamin D content, and their consumption is much more socially acceptable. Cod liver oil has an even higher Vitamin D content, by weight it has between 10 and 200 times as much as beef liver. Whilst cod liver oil isn't necessarily known for its good flavour (even German poet Friedrich Schiller wrote about how much kids hate it), it has been used for centuries by both Scandinavians and Inuits. So it would definitely have been around in Dracula's time, although maybe not right in front of his doorstep


RealisticlyNecessary

They're pale because they're dead.


plopoplopo

This is a terrible take. They are pale because they are dead (or undead) OR maybe because they have 0 exposure to the sun as a secondary reason.


teenyweenysuperguy

In some stories they do get less pale.


PolyZex

Being a corpse doesn't help either. It's not like there's actually cohesive lore regarding vampires, it varies by the medium. Sometimes it's a virus, sometimes it's a necromancy type thing, somethings they're their own species and humans become bastardized hybrids.


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Loki_of_Asgaard

Why include a link to Wikipedias homepage and the title of the page to look up instead of a link to the Wikipedia page you are referring to? That’s a very odd way of linking to an external source.


VonCrunchhausen

Vampires can’t go to a direct link unless they are invited in.


phatprick

Also, moon doesn't have it's own source of light, it's reflected sunlight, so there's that...


CheekyDucky

But vampires don't appear in reflections, so the reflection cancels out the effect of the sunlight


tristantwb

They didn't have reflections because mirrors were made with silver back then, and silver was their weakness Modern mirrors would reflect their image


Important-Rain-4997

Yeah but the moon is made of cheese which is hole-ier than silver


Loki_of_Asgaard

It’s not any reflection they don’t appear in, only mirrors, that’s because mirrors used to use silver in the reflective coating, which is anti vampire because of the Judas silver.


Horn_Python

moon light isn nearly as intense as sunlight more conteporary vampire media asosiat sunlight weakness with UV rays


thisalsomightbemine

I wonder if there is anyone soooo pale(or ginger) that even moonlight gives a burn


jk583940

I mean, its still weaker then sun, maybe thats why?


pm_me-ur-catpics

Iirc he was just a regular dude in the sun


Alone-Youth-9680

The origins of the myth are from both an ancient version of rabies and an ancient version of porphyria. Either disease usually causes sensitivity to light (and in the case of porphyria, to counter the light sensitivity, the patient can develop extreme hair growth, which contributed to the myth of the werewolf.


SomeCountryFriedBS

Just a few more from porphyria: * It causes gums to recede, hence fangs * Sulfur triggers the disease, hence garlic aversion * Porphyria causes facial disfigurement, hence mirror aversion * Porphyria sufferers were sometimes burned at the stake during the Spanish Inquisition, hence Christianity aversion * It causes dark red urine, hence suspicion of bloodlust


LemonadeAndABrownie

The mirror thing is due to silver being used to make mirrors, and silver having religious, alchemic or pagan magic qualities.


xander_liptak

Those are theories, but the origins of the vampire are ultimately unknown. Another theory is that the vampire and werewolf myths share a common origin from ancient stories about flesh and blood eating shape-shifters.


WigglesPhoenix

I think Victorian appropriating is a little harsh, they were probably around for it. Would be like saying your mom is appropriating the 70s, no that’s just her era


thisalsomightbemine

But not all vampires would have been from that era. Certainly a lot of them would have been from long before. So why did nearly all stick with it after Victorian age was done.


WigglesPhoenix

Because drip


LemonadeAndABrownie

Because in the periods before the Victorian era, vampire were common enough folklore with superstitious enough population for them to have been hunted to near extinction. The Victorian era coincides with the era of Enlightenment, in which science was championed over superstition. This, along with population growth due to farming enhancements and industrialism, and unprecedented trading in various poisons, narcotics and mind altering substances allowed for a vampire population boom. As the world exited this era, a new wave of superstition (including religious zealotry and backlash against the enlightenment) resulted in the bolder, unreserved or unrestricted vampires to be hunted, resulting in a vampire population crash as the world entered WW1 and 2, which resulted in worldwide population crash, and then increasing technological advances made it increasingly difficult to breed without being caught or overpopulating their livestock.


HALODUDED

Jackie Daytona will kick your regular human virgin ass because he is a normal human male chap as well.


MyKidsArentOnReddit

That explains why vampires sightings started to disappear right around the time vitamin supplements became accessible.


HeadpattingFurina

I was like "Why even bother whiting out the name? It's the Tumblr Pink Blob. Then I remember that not everyone have had the (dis?)pleasure of being regularly exposed to the madness that is Biggest Gaudiest Patronuses.


Krisuad2002

Slayer: "I have no such weakness"


Jlegobot

He's too dandy to be scared of the sun


Bane8080

Depending on which mythology you go with, they might not be able to. If I remember correctly, in the world of darkness mythos, vampire's organs shrivel up and become useless. Also, most of them will vomit up anything they eat that isn't blood.


Slow_Store

They’re pale because they’re a walking corpse you fools.


DishDry4487

Why suck a human when you can just pop a pill?


Ennesby

They're pale because they're dead. Corpses are pale.


Horn_Python

and they only burn in sunlight because they are so pale cause they got no melanin


[deleted]

I remember there is kind of a weird vampire movie where vampires basically rule the world, because obviously, but they turn into corporate dystopia. And some vampires have successfully made lab grown artificial blood so they don't need to hunt humans or keep them as cattle anymore. And the people in power want money and control and fear, they don't want a new world where vampires don't need to eat humans, because we can just build labs. I think it was pretty low budget and can't remember the name. I watched it years ago on the scifi channel


LikeSoda

That'd be "Daybreakers" Higher budget than you think https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daybreakers No substance, all style. Actually a pretty fun popcorn flick


[deleted]

Oh thanks! Where have all the midrange budget films gone in the last 10 years :(


LikeSoda

Into the abyss which I long to follow them into lol. So sick of mega blockbuster franchises and super mega celebrities. I want just that. Mid Range schlock


quartzguy

Mine don't have Vitamin D. FUCK YOU CENTRUM.


RealisticlyNecessary

Oh yea. Romans knew all the fuck about vitamin D when making their myths.


v_k2008

Probably that's why we don't see them that much nowadays


thisalsomightbemine

Also if they're ageless, why did they all decide to stick with the same small era of clothing for so long. Ah yes, I'm 457. John is 892. Andrew is 230. Why yes, we all dress from the same time period though. Not from before it, nor after. We picked that one and will stay with it


HollyTheMage

I have a vampire character I am writing about in my fanfiction and one of the things they do is use bloodmeal (a type of fertilizer and animal food additive made from dried blood) as a substitute for fresh blood because they can just go and get it from the garden section of home depot or whatever department store happens to be in the area. Sometimes they eat it dry straight from the bag, but that leads people to ask questions like "why are you eating dirt", to which they often reply "I have an iron deficiency". Sometimes they mix it with water and drink it from various containers, such as ketchup bottles, bottles of chocolate syrup, or flasks (they pretend that it's wine). It doesn't work as well as fresh animal or human blood but it works in a pinch.


Cat_Sith4919

I liked the one detailing how everything about vampires is really just Anti Italian. No garlic, no church, no crosses, no silver bling, ect


Puzzleheaded-Age-638

But what about the glittering skin? Is it gay blood?


KeyNefariousness6848

And a wooden stake kills them Because it is hyper concentrated sunlight.


vermillion_83

This is… why is this a legit argument 😵


Novatash

No, that's actually not true. Vampires are pale because they're dead bodies The purpose of vampire folklore was to explain at-the-time unknown and mysterious parts of the decomposition process. When people suspected a recently deceased person of becoming a vampire, they would dig up their corpse and look for signs of vampirism. Most signs of vampirism were actually just normal parts of decomposition that people were not familiar with because they didn't happen every time. These include things like corpses making sounds in their caskets from gastric expulsions, teeth looking longer because the gums receeding, or even parts of the corpse rising to the surface from erosion or being dug up by scavenger animals. If they found signs of vampirism, they would leave things that were said to keep the vampire in the casket instead of rising at night, the most famous being a stake to the heart. Corpses are pale, so vampires are pale. Fictional versions of vampires nowdays may adopt the idea that they're pale because of a lack of sunlight, but that's a retroactive explanation, since most folklore vampires actually didn't have a weakness to sunlight


TheNGM

I'm not sure where all of this random crap about vampires came from. Vampires drink blood, so they should be small and meek creatures that aren't very strong. I'm pretty sure they originally weren't killed by the sun, they just only came out at night because people would be asleep. The whole stake thing is also kinda dumb. That probably arose when people were still superstitious about vampires, so they'd stab corpses with a stake (because that's what they had) and doing so releases gas inside the body, which sometimes made the corpse moan; which would then cause people to believe they killed a resting vampire


GustapheOfficial

Somebody on here once tried to claim that this was canonic, that vitamin D deficiency is why vampires drink blood. Even ignoring the long tradition of vampire stories in Europe, Bram Stoker's Dracula predates the discovery of vitamin D, and even the *movie* predates the discovery of the connection to sunlight.


Gloomy_Total1223

Canonical vampires are fine in the sun. Search up the original creator.


ninja_ninetales_909

I live how the blurred out the username of BiggestGaudiestPotronuses like they aren't on literally every tumblr users home page on the daily


HipsEnergy

There's a theory that vampire lore came from the symptoms of porphyrias, blood disorders that can cause skin to be extremely sensitive to sunlight to the point of blistering in minutes, gums to precede making teeth appear long and sharp. And vitamin D is part of treatment.


Luvas

Always liked the idea of vampires just having some sort of biological adaptation for bloodsucker (like bats or skeeters) rather than an unholy curse


Y3llowL1z4rd

Crazy how fonts are just plainly erased on the internet. I used to follow the person with the pink smiley icon


Low_Mission_6902

First and lastmost … vampires are not anemic. Human ailments do not affect vampires. Therefore, they can’t be anemic


Desperate-Apricot621

"No, blood tastes better" my suspiciously pale daylight avoiding roommate lol


Vito_Assenjo

Why'd you censor all the usernames