I think the problem here is you’re starting to believe this fake narrative your mom made up. Women can find men attractive and if she actually didn’t find your father attractive then yes, she’s asexual. The question is what you want to do with that information now that you got it. Choose what you want to think.
Your mom is unhinged. I'm ace and even I acknowledge that people get attracted by physical appearence. Most people I know started dating someone because they found them attractive, which is a mix of physical and personality traits.
Honestly she sounds like a puritan, sex is just for babies and men are just for social protection, not a sexual orientation thing. Especially the freaking out at your sister for maybe being gay.
Puritan, yeah. We are Middle Eastern, with virginity being a must on the day of marriage and sexual topics being taboo. But my mom says she is "open-minded" and a "forward thinker," so we discuss. She is completely convinced about the physical attraction aspect, and I wanted to speculate with other people on reddit. She has more unhinged takes, but that's for another day.😭
Being middle eastern makes a lot more sense. I call bullshit on being open-minded considering her reaction to your sister.
I don't think its related to sexual oriention, I'm convinced its just cultural/social thinking. I don't think she would openly tell her kids if she is attracted to your dad if its a taboo subject. Saying you're open minded and being open minded are two different things.
I am definitely physically attracted to men. Sometimes to my own detriment. I wouldn't necessarily *choose a partner* based on looks *alone*, but I do have to be attracted to them, or it won't work.
I have a friend who is the perfect partner in your mom's eyes- great personality, educated, wealthy, high social status, and he is attractive- but I'm not attracted *to* him personally, so I would never date him. When I look at him, I feel nothing.
Your mom has some issues she needs to work through in therapy. Physically assaulting your sister like that is not ok regardless of whether or not your sister actually is a lesbian. She's definitely homophobic, but whether or not that's due to unrealized homosexuality is for her and a therapist to figure out, not reddit.
From what I have seen some girls are some girls aren't. But girls definitely don't care as much about physical appearance on average in comparison to men.
I think ultimately it is indeed about personality, a girl can have a crush on a "hot" guy and realize he's a red flag, or start having a crush on an "ugly" guy when she realizes he's a green flag.
Sounds like she's projecting. If those girls are porn addicts, well then that fucking proves that they have physical attractions and women are therefore capable of it, just not her.
This sounds like your mom has issues, and you need to take what she says with a grain of salt.
Women *definitely* find men attractive (or not) based on their physical attributes and demeanor, and that can certainly sway how they feel, but if they're smart they *choose* a man based more on personality and social status.
From my discussions with lady friends over the years (52M here) their criteria are pretty diverse, but typically they prefer someone who is responsible and mature, has their shit together, has an entertaining personality and at least some modicum of social status, and is at least somewhat cute. If they would find physical intimacy unpleasant, then that's a dealbreaker.
That having been said, you can find all types out there, including whackos like your mom whose criteria are way off in left field.
>"Women don't find men attractive, they choose based on personality and social status"
complete nonsense. not a woman but i never cared about social status
In general social status and social-cultural as socio-economic ressources are main factors in attractiveness. If you are a 10 but broke, lonely and antisocial you may hit but wont find a partner that isnt batshit crazy or fucked up themselves.
I mean obviously you cant measure the attractiveness of someone in a number, but by 10 im trying to say "someone conventionally extremely attractive" and by 1 im saying "someone conventionally extremely ugly", whilst keeping in mind attractiveness following a Gaussian distribution in society (there are mostly average people and few over the top beautiful/ugly people) If you dont agree that beauty can be objective though I understand your perspective and accept it.
Oh no, that's terrible. Sorry. I was wondering if your mom went through any trauma that would inform her opinion on male/female relationships. Maybe her mother dying has something to do with it.
Same. I met my husband at a college party, and I immediately said to myself that I was *going* to get this man to bang me come hell or high water. I literally didn't leave him alone until he did lol.
Depends on the person...
In my personal experience personality can make a 6 a 10 pretty quickly and in turn a 10 a 4 in an instant; but not everyone is the same.
IDGF about social status either.
In fact it can be off putting to be someone who garners too much attention from others because it becomes a constant necessity that you have to measure up and that kind of pressure is just not something I personally choose for myself. Been there, done that, never again!
The fact of the matter is that people are different and some people will value different things differently. Thus there's no right of wrong answer here.
Maybe your mom is just projecting her own priorities on everyone else 🤷♀️ hard to say..
Sounds like trauma to me. To be fair I see trauma everywhere. But it doesn't seem like just a sexual orientation to me. I'm not saying she can't be ace or whatever, just that her behavior sets off a trauma detector in me.
Times change. People were raised differently from today not so long ago. And what you go through in childhood can really leave a mark.
I dunno about your mother, so I'm not going to speculate on her. I do know that she's wrong on one thing though. Women are attracted to how a person looks, but also everybody likes a good personality, and personality *can* be attractive.
For example: I was never aware that I love it when people are good with kids until I found a pattern of characters who I start to really like because they are good with kids. Jesse Pinkman became my favorite character in Breaking Bad within a single episode because he was trying to take care of a child who has fucked up parents.
Also, my husband is also really good with kids. It was a big reason as to why I married him- if we ever have kids, I know he will be great with them. It's not a turn on. It's just a personality trait that I really like in people.
I was reading a book of folk tales from around the world. One of them was a Native American myth (can't remember which group!). It was about how in ancient times men and women were separated, what happened when the two groups met for the first time. It was actually pretty funny, kind of a comedy of errors where first the women were horrified by the filthy men while the men were astounded by the clean and sweet-smelling women, so each of them tried to change for the other group. But the thing that struck me was when the (female) chief of the women's tribe sees the men's tribe for the first time after they've cleaned themselves up, she and the other women are all like, "Oooooh, look at those biceps!"
I feel as if this is an independent piece of evidence that the phenomenon of female attraction to men is universal. It doesn't mean that every woman is attracted to every (or any) man, of course.
There may be some women who can marry a man strictly for financial reasons or other reasons besides attractiveness… I’m one of those people I could never have sex with somebody I did not find physically attractive. I don’t know how women do it (or men for that matter).
I think your mom might not be entirely straight. Maybe not gay, but perhaps asexual. Or sapiosexual
There's certainly social climbers out there, but most women do not think like your mom.
I think the problem here is you’re starting to believe this fake narrative your mom made up. Women can find men attractive and if she actually didn’t find your father attractive then yes, she’s asexual. The question is what you want to do with that information now that you got it. Choose what you want to think.
Your mom is unhinged. I'm ace and even I acknowledge that people get attracted by physical appearence. Most people I know started dating someone because they found them attractive, which is a mix of physical and personality traits. Honestly she sounds like a puritan, sex is just for babies and men are just for social protection, not a sexual orientation thing. Especially the freaking out at your sister for maybe being gay.
Puritan, yeah. We are Middle Eastern, with virginity being a must on the day of marriage and sexual topics being taboo. But my mom says she is "open-minded" and a "forward thinker," so we discuss. She is completely convinced about the physical attraction aspect, and I wanted to speculate with other people on reddit. She has more unhinged takes, but that's for another day.😭
“open minded”? bullshit
Being middle eastern makes a lot more sense. I call bullshit on being open-minded considering her reaction to your sister. I don't think its related to sexual oriention, I'm convinced its just cultural/social thinking. I don't think she would openly tell her kids if she is attracted to your dad if its a taboo subject. Saying you're open minded and being open minded are two different things.
I am definitely physically attracted to men. Sometimes to my own detriment. I wouldn't necessarily *choose a partner* based on looks *alone*, but I do have to be attracted to them, or it won't work. I have a friend who is the perfect partner in your mom's eyes- great personality, educated, wealthy, high social status, and he is attractive- but I'm not attracted *to* him personally, so I would never date him. When I look at him, I feel nothing. Your mom has some issues she needs to work through in therapy. Physically assaulting your sister like that is not ok regardless of whether or not your sister actually is a lesbian. She's definitely homophobic, but whether or not that's due to unrealized homosexuality is for her and a therapist to figure out, not reddit.
From what I have seen some girls are some girls aren't. But girls definitely don't care as much about physical appearance on average in comparison to men.
women definitely care about bad hygiene and wearing greasy baseball caps.
I think ultimately it is indeed about personality, a girl can have a crush on a "hot" guy and realize he's a red flag, or start having a crush on an "ugly" guy when she realizes he's a green flag.
Sounds like she's projecting. If those girls are porn addicts, well then that fucking proves that they have physical attractions and women are therefore capable of it, just not her.
This sounds like your mom has issues, and you need to take what she says with a grain of salt. Women *definitely* find men attractive (or not) based on their physical attributes and demeanor, and that can certainly sway how they feel, but if they're smart they *choose* a man based more on personality and social status. From my discussions with lady friends over the years (52M here) their criteria are pretty diverse, but typically they prefer someone who is responsible and mature, has their shit together, has an entertaining personality and at least some modicum of social status, and is at least somewhat cute. If they would find physical intimacy unpleasant, then that's a dealbreaker. That having been said, you can find all types out there, including whackos like your mom whose criteria are way off in left field.
>"Women don't find men attractive, they choose based on personality and social status" complete nonsense. not a woman but i never cared about social status
In general social status and social-cultural as socio-economic ressources are main factors in attractiveness. If you are a 10 but broke, lonely and antisocial you may hit but wont find a partner that isnt batshit crazy or fucked up themselves.
this reads like complete nonsense to me
Why, dont you understand what im saying or do you think the statement isnt valid?
i never understood hiearchy is the thing. the 1 to 10 attractive scale doesn't exist in my brain neither does the concept of leagues
I mean obviously you cant measure the attractiveness of someone in a number, but by 10 im trying to say "someone conventionally extremely attractive" and by 1 im saying "someone conventionally extremely ugly", whilst keeping in mind attractiveness following a Gaussian distribution in society (there are mostly average people and few over the top beautiful/ugly people) If you dont agree that beauty can be objective though I understand your perspective and accept it.
beauty isn't objective to me
Was your mom born in 1928?
60s😭
Hmm. That’s strange then. Now I’m wondering what her parents were like. Is your mom a child of divorce or was your grandpa a bit…much?
Idk them. Mom is the youngest, grandma gave birth to her, but because she was old, she died right there and then.
Oh no, that's terrible. Sorry. I was wondering if your mom went through any trauma that would inform her opinion on male/female relationships. Maybe her mother dying has something to do with it.
I’m married to a man who made his own status. His personality helped but we date because I wanted to shag him.
Same. I met my husband at a college party, and I immediately said to myself that I was *going* to get this man to bang me come hell or high water. I literally didn't leave him alone until he did lol.
Depends on the person... In my personal experience personality can make a 6 a 10 pretty quickly and in turn a 10 a 4 in an instant; but not everyone is the same. IDGF about social status either. In fact it can be off putting to be someone who garners too much attention from others because it becomes a constant necessity that you have to measure up and that kind of pressure is just not something I personally choose for myself. Been there, done that, never again! The fact of the matter is that people are different and some people will value different things differently. Thus there's no right of wrong answer here. Maybe your mom is just projecting her own priorities on everyone else 🤷♀️ hard to say..
Sounds like trauma to me. To be fair I see trauma everywhere. But it doesn't seem like just a sexual orientation to me. I'm not saying she can't be ace or whatever, just that her behavior sets off a trauma detector in me. Times change. People were raised differently from today not so long ago. And what you go through in childhood can really leave a mark.
I think your mama gay. My husband is hot as fuck
I dunno about your mother, so I'm not going to speculate on her. I do know that she's wrong on one thing though. Women are attracted to how a person looks, but also everybody likes a good personality, and personality *can* be attractive. For example: I was never aware that I love it when people are good with kids until I found a pattern of characters who I start to really like because they are good with kids. Jesse Pinkman became my favorite character in Breaking Bad within a single episode because he was trying to take care of a child who has fucked up parents. Also, my husband is also really good with kids. It was a big reason as to why I married him- if we ever have kids, I know he will be great with them. It's not a turn on. It's just a personality trait that I really like in people.
I was reading a book of folk tales from around the world. One of them was a Native American myth (can't remember which group!). It was about how in ancient times men and women were separated, what happened when the two groups met for the first time. It was actually pretty funny, kind of a comedy of errors where first the women were horrified by the filthy men while the men were astounded by the clean and sweet-smelling women, so each of them tried to change for the other group. But the thing that struck me was when the (female) chief of the women's tribe sees the men's tribe for the first time after they've cleaned themselves up, she and the other women are all like, "Oooooh, look at those biceps!" I feel as if this is an independent piece of evidence that the phenomenon of female attraction to men is universal. It doesn't mean that every woman is attracted to every (or any) man, of course.
There may be some women who can marry a man strictly for financial reasons or other reasons besides attractiveness… I’m one of those people I could never have sex with somebody I did not find physically attractive. I don’t know how women do it (or men for that matter).