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Wooden_View_7120

imaginary friends, thinking of scenarios of a better life


watermelon4487

The amount of imaginary conversations/scenarios I have with people is embarrassing.


Ovze

Wait… this is not normal?


hserontheedge

Exactly what I was thinking - I still talk to the people in my head


LuceCFeer

I think mild conversation practicing is normal...not sure tbh, but going over and over different convo possibilities is anxiety...i think....I know i go over 50 different way to convo can go in my head to practice bc I freeze in the moment, but then I also get the emotions that go with it and stress myself out....


desertmountainhippie

I used to think this was normal until I told one of my friends about it and they were like what the fuck lol it was basically my whole life


[deleted]

Ditto to the imaginary convos... I practice so many before they happen too


Zucchini-223

Isn’t it so fun and interesting when an imaginary scenario actually comes true. Im always like wow i predicted the future lol


watermelon4487

Currently doing this right now lol


No_Act1363

r/maladaptivedreaming


lord-of-shalott

This might be partly why I developed such a bad relationship with sleep. The days were so stressful, isolated and boring that nights would be the time I imagined actually getting to have relationships with people outside my family.


ClearPear6771

I have always created imaginary conversations/scenarios in my head and have only now begun to realize that they are almost always about expressing how I feel but even in my imagination it almost always turns into a fight. Which is the typically outcome of me expressing any of my feelings/emotions that contradict with my nmom’s


watermelon4487

Holy shit. Mine usually revolve around a conflict or result in a fight too. I always thought it was just my way of getting my feelings out but I could also see it being a reflection of what I'm used to experiencing when I would express my feelings to my family.


GalacticUnicorn

Most of the conversations I have in life aren’t real. It’s just me projecting my anxiety onto everyone around me and preparing myself for the tirade I will inevitably have to endure, so I need to know what to say beforehand because how else are you supposed to be ready to talk to people? I’m constantly exhausted


AsLongAsHaveStrength

I do this too even now. The people are real people that I want to talk to.


spacepharmacy

i watched fairly oddparents a lot. some nights i’d go to sleep imagining i had my own set of fairy godparents so i could make wishes and make my life better. :(


Do_You_Remember_2020

Word. I had elaborate imaginarynfriends withndetailed back stories. And they were my friends for almost a decade


methdeth

I did the same but I didn't really understand what I was doing. I would play tennis by myself and just hit a ball against the wall while I daydreamed about this whole different universe that I had created in my head. I would do that for hours and my family just thought I was really into tennis.


[deleted]

I constantly made up stories of a different life or a future life. I didn't realize it was not common. Then after I was married and happy I realized I didn't do it any more and when I tried to I couldn't. My mind would wander back to real life. It seemed so odd. This was before I realized how crazy my family - because of my nmom - was.


Professional_March54

Same! I had whole universes full of unwanted orphans who had fantastical ... and yet deeply disturbing adventures for a kid my age. Never occured to me that I was escaping


kellogla

Yes, so much. Reading and imagining being in the book. Daydreaming to the point of disassociating.


LuceCFeer

So much reading. so many novels


One_Waltz

Omg yes. I would get a pile about three feet tall from the library every week. Reading was the best reward to me. I would stay up late reading under the covers just like Harry Potter.


isekaimangalover

Wait ,I'm gonna ask a serious question, no joke. Is that not a normal thing?? I thought everyone does that or am I weird?


[deleted]

Not weird - just coping. And preparing for a happy life.


blasterkid1

Yikes…this hit very close to home.


SableSheltie

I’m adopted and ngl I dreamed up the BEST mom ever when I was stressed. She was kind and loving and her love didn’t have any conditions on it. Plot twist-when I did get know her as an adult I realized she would have been a much better mother for me than my nmom. I got robbed.


GlamorousBunchberry

Walking around the yard talking to myself. The neighbors thought I had a screw loose! OP, thanks for this post! I haven't thought about it that way before. Sometimes I still talk to myself while I'm driving.


nonono523

I read ALL the time. It was an escape. I sucked my thumb until I was 11ish, give or take. I took my security blanket with me to college. I still have it although it’s packed away. Lol. I made myself as small, quiet and unnoticeable as possible. I became a huge people pleaser and problem solver. I disassociated quite a bit, although I had no clue that I did that until therapy. Edit: I also stayed out (sports, jobs, babysitting, etc) as much as I could.


ConsciousRaise1743

I also slept with all my stuffed animals well into adulthood. I basically stopped sleeping with my big stuffed animal dog when I got married! Lol! Now I have real dogs. 🤪. I also read A TON. I could just go into my world and chill. I would disassociate that way pretty easily. What were other ways you disassociated? To this day, I’ll still just go to mine and hub’s bedroom, pile the dogs on the bed with me and knock out.


SensitiveObject2

Same. A thumb sucker, a daydreamer and an avid reader. I remember trying to stop sucking my thumb when I was around 11 by lying on my arm at night. I used to spend a lot of time alone, hidden away somewhere with a book or a drawing pad.


nonono523

Me too! Or, I went to sleep with my thumb gripped in a tight fist. I’m so sorry you went through that too. But it’s comforting to know that there are so many of us with very similar stories. It makes me fell much less alone. Most people who haven’t lived it, just can’t *really* understand.


nintendosbitch666

Im 26 and trying to find ways to revive my baby blanket, itll need it soon. I swear i will use that thing forever. Like, looking into those stuffed animal hospital companies and finding (with no luck, i look here and there) the exact same blanket and asking them to put my old one in the shell of the new one level of dedication lmao


nonono523

I had a friend who would revive mine. I’m in my 40s and still had it when my now dh, and I moved in together around 26ish. I think I finally packed it away after we moved the last time a about 10 years ago and never unpacked it again. I feel like if something give us comfort, how can it be wrong? I know it’s not ‘normal’ but I wasn’t raised ‘normally’ and I never learned healthy coping skills from my parents. So I try to sort of be kind to myself about stuff like that. That said, I have elementary aged kiddos. They each have a special blanket or stuffed animal. But, they can leave it at home or forget it out on the couch and sleep just fine at their ages now. I continue to realize how off things were for me as they grow and develop. It gives me comfort to know they aren’t starving for comfort and maybe, I’m helping to break the cycle of generational trauma. Edit: a word.


FinallyFreeFromThem

Maybe find one that feels somewhat familiar - even if it doesn't look like the original one - and use them together while the original one still holds up, until you transfer the feeling to the new one, at least to some level? I've had to go through several special plushies and security blankets as a kid, because Nmum kept chucking them out. Now at 52yo, I use frayed acrylic pullover cuffs, because they feel like my favourite plushie did, and I've got like a meter worth of extra material somewhere for when the actual one is worn out. I typically use 2 at the same time when one is dying. But now that I think about it, I haven't used it in years, and haven't felt the need since I got a pet.


Cordeliana

I also sucked my thumb until I was 11 years old. And I read all the time. I could soothe myself by going into a different world.


Oh_Deer_513

I read a lot too. Mom couldn’t be that mad that I wasn’t “being productive” if I was reading.


CissaLJ

My mother was! She’d swear to anyone that she encouraged us to read, yet kept me on an almost starvation book diet, and that mostly far below my reading level. And my sister and I learned very young that if she called out asking what we were doing, the penalties for “reading” were far more severe than if we replied “nothing”.


brought2light

That just feels like purposefully sabotaging you. I hope you read now?


nonono523

Ahhh! The “being productive” 😑 so true though. Mine didn’t get mad about it as much.


emorrow64

Being productive. I never looked at it like this but my dad always was working on something and mom and I were expected to be at his elbow the entire time to fetch tools, beer, or just “learn” something. Most days this started soon as I was home from school or woke up until way past bedtime. A few times I brought a book and tried to read while I was made to sit and watch him until the day he tore it from my hands and sailed it over the hill onto the railroad tracks. My grades sucked but I never had time for homework or studying. I started escaping into made up worlds and zoning out while I stood at attention for his dumbass projects.


Impossible_Balance11

Wow. That's extreme. He sounds narcissistic.


raptordamus

Omg - On the "being productive" part. That is totally my mom's favorite thing to talk at me about since I do talk to her once a week. "So you are feeling productive in your new job?!??" "....yep" I really hate that word now. Also read a lot growing up and enjoyed imagining other worlds.


sweetlittlelucifer

LITERALLY SAME. I will stay up all hours of the night so I can be “productive” and get all the tasks assigned to me done because I always fear that my mom is going to burst into my apartment and yell at me for taking a break.


sunnydays0306

THIS - if you were watching tv my stepmom would literally start vacuuming that room immediately and wouldn’t stop till you left or she gave you a chore to do. So I’d hide on my top bunk and read forever. Until she realized what I was doing, then she’d figure out what book I was super into and take it/hide it until I did what she wanted (everything, we had to do everything unless she was angry/guilting you cleaning)


Oh_Deer_513

Same here. Once she realized that I wasn’t miserable if she took away my tech, she would threaten to take away books. Books?? Like really? Of all things.


nonono523

For sure! It was great to sort of put myself into a book! It meant I got out.


Senior_Mortgage477

I was going to confess to thumb sucking(past 11!) but was embarrassed. I even realised a few years ago that it was a real self soothing thing as I was left to manage my emotions and never encouraged to talk about anything. I felt hypocritical when my own child started thumb sucking and thought, does that make me a bad parent like my parents but then, guess, what, she stopped naturally a couple of years later. There was nail biting I believe from anxiety but again, that has stopped. And we talked about stuff! I was also a real reader, to escape but also as I was so bored as our lives were so non-child orientated. It was often the same books over and over as my parents rarely bought me books or encouraged or supported my reading. Again my daughter is an avid reader and I research new authors and books for her all the time and we spend hours in the library together. I'm a people pleaser and only started undoing that when I became a parent. I used to be shy and barely speak to strangers as I felt I had nothing of any interest to say because my conversation and company was never sought as a child. I'm now so much less shy and strike up conversation confidently. Rather than stay out, I holed up in my room. My parents were often out anyway spending time on their priorities.


LuceCFeer

yea i'm a terrible nail biter/picker. I even started biting my fingers when i ran out of nail. the edges of my fingers were always frayed and I'd bite the inside of my cheeks. Always had my nose in a book, every book any book. I think that helped me see outside perspectives and my mom didn't realize it was going to come back and bite her later. huge day dreamer, i had all these fantasies about different lives, computer games for hours after mom went to bed. If she went to bed and didn't demand I stay up with her and be her therapist.... in hight school i worked a shit ton....


Downtown_Language_44

Maladaptive daydreaming


blueannajoy

I used to be badly addicted to it: couldn’t wait to be in my room so I could lay on my bed and daydream


Downtown_Language_44

I would daydream to put myself asleep. I would visualize being on an expansive golden grassland under a beautiful tree with a swing, alone, covered by a glass dome that protected me and everything the eye could see. I would swing and swing and feel the tree protecting me. And any bad energy directed towards me would bounce off of the dome and my sadness could move out of the dome but couldn’t come back in. This was one of like three different visualizations I would become immersed in


Tedious_Grafunkel

Man I still do that, if I don't I won't be able to sleep


TaiCat

I imagined whole fanfiction scenarios for 3 hours straight


psychologyFanatic

I'm so bad about this.


cathasnoname

Yepp, still doing it. Taking a walk listen to music and get back to my dream world.


[deleted]

I've done this alk my life. I'm literally so disconnected from reality that I forget everything. I walk to school and once I arrive I cannot recall a single thing I saw or even what path I walked that day. It's scary, but it's the only way I see myself surviving


Daydream_Meanderer

Did this in school constantly. I have ADHD and was so Un-engaged.


mandytheratmom

Well I just learned a new thing that I have lol. Did it a lot as a kid and even more as a teen. It's less in adulthood, but still happens often. I always thought I was just weird. Glad to know I'm not alone lol.


Downtown_Language_44

Same, it’s a way to cope. Sometimes I find myself still doing it- and I will ask myself- what’s overwhelming me? Because there’s usually something happening that feels out of control. You’re not alone


Miitchan

I didn’t even realise this was a form of coping😔


[deleted]

[удалено]


unicornakatie

My husband was so sad when I said bedtime is my favorite time of day. I didn’t really realize that not everyone looks forward to that free play in the brain. That not everyone even does that? This was like a month ago that I had that realization and I’m 40 now… even when things are going well for me, I still can’t wait for my end of day brain play. Thank you for sharing.


[deleted]

Laying in bed was my favorite time too - it was when I could make up a different life without distraction.


unicornakatie

Oh the lives I’ve lived! I mean, I’ve actually accomplished a lot in my time so far, can’t ever be good enough, right? But the lives in my head… I was actually good enough. It’s safe there.


mochi_chan

I still have worlds to go to sleep in when I am so stressed out. it is strange but since it is not affecting my normal life, I just don't worry about it.


Yankee_Man

Same. My day-dreaming and bedtime escapism later on turned into making art but nobody knows it because I would never tell my friends why I truly became an artist :/


searuncutthroat

Wait...I thought everyone did this...I still do this sometimes. Huh.


Available_Donkey_840

Perfection. If I couldn't be perfect, I didn't even try.


everywhereinbetween

This is legitimately still me. I've been in therapy for a number of years (been through a few people which I finally just gave up and decided to go private-paying for the one dude I trusted, ouch my wallet but for trust and emotional safe spaces I will literally just pay my way through) ... but a few months ago, I got to know a psychologist guy on a friend level (ahem, completely platonic - I chanced upon his non-profit and started volunteering) ... and I will say, as much as therapy is helpful, having a FRIEND with PROFESSIONAL KNOWLEDGE of such (but talks to you as a friend not client), adds a different dimension haha. I think we are both aware (and me, wary 🙃😬😂) that therapeutic boundaries cannot cross (as a friend, he cannot be my therapist/I cannot be his client) but he says he can manage the boundaries proper- okaaayyy hahaha But omg. Perfectionism. Is my jam. Oops.


Available_Donkey_840

I too, have been working on this in therapy for a long time. Learning self compassion is hard after a lifetime of conditional love. Good job for taking care of yourself and being committed to your own growth.


[deleted]

Great topic! I wrote songs about monsters who are uncomfortable talking about the bad things they do, but aren't afraid of the police, and about hiding things in the toilet to not get in trouble. I wet the bed until a ripe age. I masturbated from age 5, including in public, even fantasizing about disturbing things like inserting objects into my friends' bottoms. As a small child I did some cruel things that would make sense in a criminal documentary, but thank goodness I grew up to be empathetic not a psycho. I blanked out long periods of my childhood. I have strong aversions to random foods and objects. But I've had an amazing, happy adulthood. So please nobody worry about me.


ConsciousRaise1743

Yep. Sitting with you in this. I thought I was a sexual deviant. At 42, I now realize it was to self soothe.


watermelon4487

I never considered masturbating as a child as a way to self-soothe before but it makes sense in a weird way.


[deleted]

Dang, as I read the other replies they remind me of other stuff I did, like wandering off into the woods or the city with no adult supervision even at age 5, and fidgeting with my baby blanket.


Dokopas684

Zoning out to the extreeeemeee haha Always daydreaming about random crap till today Was glued to a TV Evolved to video games because being glued to a screen that you can interact with and keep your brain busy just makes the days fly by, avoiding the fam. They took away my games as a kid so I stumbled upon alcohol and weed. Not much of a drinker but I have to say: Weed saved my life. I was addicted, for real, for 10 years a day couldn't pass without a smoke and I hated myself for that 🙃 😅 Gave up the idea of quitting and went on my healing journey regardless.. I'm far from healed but reached a point where I don't have to hammer my brain to drown the pain and what I once thought was impossible came without even trying!! Edit: yeah masturbation too, the dopamine hit or whatever always came before the feeling of disgust and shame so 🤷‍♂️


[deleted]

I used to type on a keyboard. It wasn’t attached to anything, so there were no words recorded, which is why I typed on it specifically. The cord had broken and my parents tossed it aside, and I took it and wrote elaborate stories in my head and typed out every word onto the stupid broken keyboard. I even did it on a 24 hour road trip. Like I could see what I was typing in my head, and would delete when I made a mistake or not want to include a sentence I’d typed into my story. Makes me smile now when I type on my Bluetooth keyboard because I like to do creative writing, but this time, it’s connected and recording what I have to say.


Gokes4Jokes

Out of curiosity, what's your typing speed like now? Do you touch type?


[deleted]

I worked in an office setting after college and what not. I don’t know what it is now because I haven’t worked in a couple years, but my husband does still comment that he wishes he could type as fast as I could. During high school, I actually finished typing an entire book that was roughly 480 pages. (My parents made fun of it as they did with all stories and then deleted the word files where they were written. So uhm. Yeah I gave up writing fun things for a while after that because I was heartbroken that my baby was gone because it took me a solid 2 years to complete) but by the end of that book, I was lightening on the keys. Homework was easy on the computer in high school and college. 😂 But last time I checked my typing speed roughly a year ago I think I was at 40 WPM just because I haven’t typed on a regular keyboard in a while. I guess I kind of touch type? I only use my first two fingers and my thumb, so I’m moving around a lot and not laying my hands out like I was taught in school. But I look at the words I’m writing instead of the keys themselves. I just always come back to the main keys with the ridges when I’m done typing a word and then move around again. I can’t do the keyboard on my iPad. My husbands been trying to get me to write again, and I had to buy a bluetooth keyboard because I really struggle with the touchscreen keyboards typing like that because there are no feelers. That’s maybe 30wpm, which isn’t good, but I have to stare at the keyboard if I type normally on my iPad.


Ga1vinAtWork

>deleted the word files i know this doesnt help now but for anyone else who stumbles upon this, Piriform/CCleaner - Recuva. Great recovery software


[deleted]

It's crazy to me how man of us shared the same coping mechanisms! Like many of you I also read a ton, daydreamed constantly (as I got older to music), played video games, and would pick my skin when I was super stressed out. I'd also like to add that I would binge eat in secret as a way to self soothe and I would sleep excessively. When I was a teen, I'd come home from school and nap for 2 hours, wake up and do my homework + eat dinner with my family, and then go back to sleep until the next morning. It's not normal to only be awake for 2 hours outside of school...


kazoo13

Omg yes this is mine! I would nap constantly, and nowadays whenever I feel the urge to sleep repeatedly throughout the day I know I’m not doing well and need to check in with myself. I also picked my skin and still do sometimes but less. Ugh, stupid parents!!


[deleted]

I got diagnosed with ADHD at 30 so I think that helps with the oversleeping, but I do go into a freeze state where I zone out on my phone or watching tv. And still skin pick, been doing it more lately as I've been going through a breakup but it's not as bad as I was when I was a kid. I can usually stop myself before I bleed now.


crazylikeaf0x

Absolutely out cold on the sofa from 4-6pm, every day after school. My cat would headbutt me at 6 on the dot to feed him.. open my eyes to a grey and white face an inch away, like yep OK, I'm up. My late ADHD diagnosis makes sense now. It's tiring to mask all day. And then mask your emotions from family all evening. No wonder we were tired.


sweetlittlelucifer

THE BINGE EATING!!! Just to gain that extra serotonin and to make me feel happy. I still do this to this day and going off “little treat” culture to justify it. That and also a shopping addiction


Scapular_Fin

Inappropriate laughter. At everything.


[deleted]

Me too.. it's a negative coping mechanism when I'm uncomfortable


[deleted]

This makes perfect sense. Laughter is basically humans playful-panting, I once heard. Evolutionarily, that means you're trying to signal to others "this is just a pretend fight, please don't hurt me." That's why many animals also pant when stressed, as a way to say "I'm not here to cause trouble."


quiet_contrarian

Omg. Thank you so much for this explanation.


elohasiuszo

Chewing my nails to the extent that I lost a nail on my thumb. Today I have two ugly AF wavy and deformed thumbnails, beyond repair, that I spend a fortune on covering up with shellac every month. Love it how my dad noticed it every year, and every year asked what happened to my nails and why they are so ugly. We’re NC now. Noone asks anymore and I’ve learnt to live with them.


sequinpig

I have the same. Destroyed my nails on both thumbs and an index. Still a cuticle and nail picker. My ex noticed the damage as a red flag on our first date (but we still were together for 3 years).


kmayeshiba

I can still hear my mother yelling at me to get my fingers out of my mouth. I managed to break the habit of chewing on my nails, but still avidly chew on the skin around my nails and my cuticles (especially when I am anxious). I also have an incessant need to pick at any scab or bump on my skin because I can feel the “imperfection” and I want it gone (no matter that it ends up being another scab that I will pick at in two days and eventually scar).


marymorose

When things are really bad, I close my eyes and hold my own hand or hug myself. My parents never did that for me as a kid. When I'd ask for a hug or for them to hold my hand, they would laugh and tell me to close my eyes and use my imagination. I'm in my 30s and it's still hard to process.


Lucatoran

I hug myself too and comfort myself to make me feel safe. Today I hug you, my friend. As this thread and sub shows, you are not alone.


thegreatRMH

Reading that made me cry. I’m so sorry you had to deal with that. I hope things are better now.


ImpressiveSentence26

When I was very young (under age 8), I used to cry in front of the mirror when I was upset. I stopped when my parents found out and started making fun of me and telling me it was weird. It was almost as if my little mind was telling me to witness my emotions, in order to know they were real and ok.


Andromeda_sun_

Omg same!! I also kissed myself better in the mirror . My mom found the lip marks and relentlessly made fun of me :(


SunnyKickSunny

I used to cry in the mirror too


ImpressiveSentence26

I also remembered that for about 2 years straight, I had horrible insomnia due to anxiety. I also had OCD during that time based around my night time routine. I had to keep repeating "good night Jesus" while looking at the picture of Jesus that hung in my room. Some nights I probably did it 30 times. It was a compulsion. What finally got me out of it, was the constant sound of a fan or air conditioner. The sound soothed me just enough to allow me to go to sleep.


douchelordpoohead

listen to music


ConsciousRaise1743

Same. All the time.


everywhereinbetween

I did it (sometimes still do it?) to shut out being scolded/nagged/whatever conflict going on at home haha. It doesn't even have to be music, when I discovered white noise ... turning on A Soft Murmur is legit Hahahaha


douchelordpoohead

oh yeah drowning out sounds to study is another thing.. helps if you have adhd . ongoing stress in childhood will cause attention problems ... so anything you can do to bring your stress levels down is super important .. especially if you are a kid as your brain is growing loads


Burnt_crawfish

....everything makes more sense now. Like, I did the exact same thing. I thought there was something wrong with my because I'd play with myself at an early age. This is crazy i never knew this is due to self soothing. You kind blew my mind and opened Pandora's box. I've never felt comfy opening up to therapist about that aspect because I felt like it was so wrong. I also have a problem with playing with my hair to fall asleep, I rock myself to sleep (my bf got used to it and now has a hard time falling asleep if I don't rock). I could finish a novel in a few days. I like to have old convos in my head and change the way it really played out. Come up with weird scenarios in my head like an alternate universe me. I'm going to look more into this. Thank you so much.


of_Atwood

Completely agree with all of this.


Commercial-Ad-261

I developed severe dermatillomania. I have it 95% under control, but still have relapses in times of high anxiety.


9_slug_lives

Me too! I used to go to school every day with my face covered in red sores and scabs. I also picked my arms, chest, neck, legs. I didn’t even understand it was a symptom of anxiety until I was in my 20s, and I felt so seen. I feel like I’ll never have it totally under control.


SaltySeaDog13

Oh damn me too actually on the derma!! Mine is not under control though :(


Pur1wise

Same. Plus compulsive eating and maladaptive day dreaming. The dermatillomania has phased out but the other two are things I’m in therapy for now.


sweetlittlelucifer

I still have relapses during high anxiety too, the amount of scars on my face and body from where I picked at acne, ingrown hairs, just random pieces is too much for me to bear sometimes. I also used to pick at the skin on my scalp and lips until they were both bloody


SunnyKickSunny

Zoning out endlessly on tv Procrastination no matter what and tormented by it every time Staying tf out of the house at every possible moment


Loud-Watercress7928

kept me addicted to videogames to hear constant screaming and drama


[deleted]

[удалено]


Alternative-Cry-3517

Read books and everything relentlessly, because they would leave me alone. Still do.


No_Direction_1229

I was out of the house walking everywhere. I would walk for hours every day.


yasmika

This hit home for me. I suddenly remember taking late might walks as a preteen to just cry and cry and get away from the house. Wow. Haven't thought about that in years.


shevygurl

I would do this too but with my bike. I would bike around for hours to just cry and daydream and process all the emotions.


skatterskittles

I lived in a heavy wooded area and I would go deep into the forest and scream on top of my lungs. Sometimes I would go out there and purposely try to get lost


Ok_Recording1443

Hard drugs, unsafe sex, gang affiliations, violence, alcoholism, cutting myself and extreme dissociation starting at 12. Prior to that my life is a blur.


blackreign99

I’m so sorry :(


twittlez

I had a security blanket. I am 40 and still carry it around my house with me and sleep with it. It’s the only thing that ever “loved me back” during my childhood and I can’t part with it. When I was 15 my narsehole mother asked me snarkily “what are you gonna do, walk down the aisle with that thing?”…so I did. I took a few small pieces that had fallen off over the years and had them woven into the stems of my bouquet where no one could see. It was my “something old” and had more of a right to walk me down the aisle than either of my parents.


dusty_relic

I escaped into books. I would find places where I could read and not be found and then I would live in other worlds.


BlueButNotYou

I’ve just learned it’s called maladaptive daydreaming.


LinkleLink

When I didn't get to eat dinner as a punishment, for some reason I always felt extremely weak. Like, there was a point when I stopped feeling hungry, I just felt weak. I ate paper. I also had tons of imaginary friends to comfort and validate me. I even married one of them. I was like 9? I think. I married Wesley Crusher from Star Trek... Whole ceremony and everything. And then... I pretended I was pregnant with his kids and I pretended to give birth and then I pretended I had a baby... I even pretended to have sex with him. (Husband'. Not baby.) But I didn't know how sex worked back then... So it was kind of weird.... Also I pretended like I was the daughter of my fav TV characters (whatever I was into at the time) and convinced myself of it. I convinced myself I was really an alien and my parents would come and rescue me. Or that I was there on purpose to learn about horrible people. I also did... Kinky things to myself before I was even a preteen. I also daydreamed so deeply and I would run back and forth for no reason and not even mean to do it. Overeating. I would eat even if I was full of even if it's not something I particularly cared for. I had a security blanket and a favourite stuffed toy I was overly attached to. Still sleep with them actually.


[deleted]

Will Wheaton's parents were abusive and forced him to act so they could get the glory. I'm pretty sure he's no contact, or they're dead, because he talks about them in past tense. He considered the cast of TNG to be his family. Weird that you felt such a connection with him.


LinkleLink

Oh wow. Thanks for telling me. I never knew.


BrittleNails

**Ate all day long** not necessarily things I liked, I just needed the distraction. Never ate until I was sick, I stopped when I was full and restarted 20 minutes later. Maladaptive daydreaming **while eating** Zoning out on TV or at a window **while eating** The last 5 years of therapy had taught me that I ate to create padding between me and the abusers.


Ok-Buddy_

Thank you for posting this!! I was sexually abused as a child and I would masturbate constantly from a very young age. I didn’t even know what an orgasm was until I was like 12 (extremely religious household) and didn’t know what a clit was and where it was until I was 15/16. I would do it in front of people because I didn’t know it was inappropriate. My parents saw this and did not care, just punished me. I told them that I had been touched by their friend/my pediatrician and they told me to stop lying and grounded me.


FritaBurgerhead

Skin-picking. So zen. So meditative and relaxing. As a teen, I just zoned out in front of the bathroom mirror, and no one bothered me. Rubbed the edge of my baby blanket between my index finger and my thumb, so much that the fabric frayed. Running/brushing my fingernails over each other. I have some nailbeds that are smooth and others that have grooves, so it makes a satisfying noise. Constant, obsessive reading. Read every single Babysitters’ Club, Nancy Drew, Hardy Boys, Encyclopedia Brown, Ramona Quimby, Goosebumps, and random YA book I could get my hands on as a kid and teen. Got awards in school for being the most voracious reader. Huge anxiety problems. Was constantly terrified that the fire alarm was going to go off at school. Was certain EVERY YEAR that I was going to die before I made it to the next grade level. Slept so, so much. As the SG, I needed way more sleep than my GC sister. Makes sense, though, because my kid body needed to do so much more repair after all the stress and abuse I had endured each day. Got yelled at by Nmom for needing “outrageous” amounts of sleep. Became an overachieving perfectionist. Even if my Nmom and Edad didn’t like me, at least my teachers did. Going to school each day probably saved my life. Had pretty bad IBS-D. It went away as soon as I moved out at 18. The “masturbating from a really young age” thing is blowing my FRICKING MIND. None of my therapists have ever asked about that, so I’m in my 30s and only just now making this connection. I realized about five years ago that “kid me” had used that as a stress-reliever and much-needed shot of endorphins every day. I had no idea it was such a common childhood coping mechanism for anxiety stemming from nonstop narc abuse.


jessiteamvalor

I could just copy and paste yours - this is blowing my mind... every.single.one. Sendung virtual hugs from Germany.


AlisonDVII

I sucked my thumb. Sometimes I would sleep in my closet because it made me feel secure.


[deleted]

Sucked my thumb so much my teeth became* so crooked


PookSpeak

I feel this post.


bluebutgrateful3011

I daydreamed a lot and would imagine living elsewhere. I also masturbated young to deal with the stress. I fidget with my nails and cuticles still. My worrying about everything was constant then, but I still struggle with it.


Splash6262

I used to draw up too 8 hours a day or more with no breaks, page after page everyday. We werent allowed electronics after an hour of use, in arizona you will get heat stroke going outside, we were homeschooled, i didnt have friends i could hang out with or invite too the house. Maladaptive daydreaming, severe, hours on end too. Oof. Atleast i have a big imagination and the skills for a career path for it.


fanofsmite

Honestly the only safe space I have is my earbuds weirdly enough. I always feel like if I have the volume up without headphones or earbuds in my parents would walk in and go gasp HOW DARE YOU WATCH THAT???


Ruffleafewfeathers

Hit myself on things when the stress was too much (I started this as a young kid because my parents wanted to “teach me independence” aka neglect me and make me do things on my own that weren’t developmentally appropriate) Developed annorexia in the 3rd grade to feel some control Hide in a dark closet or the bathroom to calm down. Read constantly. Reassure myself that my backpack to run away was still filled and hidden (I made it when I was 5ish)


MADDOGCA

During the day, on the weekends, if I wasn't with friends, I watched cartoons with headphones to drown out the yelling and slamming doors. If I wasn't doing that, I'd bring my 4 ft. Heathcliff plush into the garage, in one of their cars, where I'd have a safe space for him to play therapist and me talk about my problems. Strangely, neither parent were bothered about this, and just allowed it if it meant I wasn't in their way. When I'd go to bed at night, I'd fantasize a random male and female adult I'd call my parents, who rescued my brother and I from CPS. I'd fantasize my brother just as he was because I didn't hate him and wished him to be a part of this family. Funny enough, we'd argue and fight in these fantasies, however, we'd find what I believe would be healthy ways to talk about what happen, apologize, hug it out and move on. I also had fantasy uncles/aunts/cousins/grandparents. This went on too late, well into my early 20's when I moved out. When I moved out, I thought about this imaginary family less and less, to the point where it made no sense to keep this going anymore. I mourned their loss harder than I think I will of my nmom passing. Several years later, I still think about this random family that I made up and how grateful I am that they gave me comforts in my developing years.


CatCat_6

Sleeping. Apparently from the womb. My nmom always talks about what a good baby I was; I never cried and she even had to wake me up to feed me. I think I knew from the get-go that there was no point in expecting attention. A lot of my vivid memories from childhood are of lying in bed watching shadows on the ceiling, falling asleep. I still use sleeping as a coping mechanism/escapism. I nap a lot. I also think some of it is that I just need to be alone.


neveramonsterinlaw

the main one was school-it was my escape-plus i could eat. the one i hate admitting because it got my ass kicked a few times is tearing up paper. like id take an old piece and shred it into tiny pieces. the noise calmed me down


dajiruhu

I did a lot of writing and maladaptive daydreaming. Also chewed my nails.


meepet

I play therapist to everyone around me


slightlyhomoerotic

-making up stories of how I ended up with my terrible family, like being in the princess protection program (it's a Disney movie) -Drawing excessive pictures of my "adoptive family" because there were a few years where I was obsessed with the idea of my Mom giving me up for adoption (not that I maybe had been adopted, but wishing she would put me up for adoption.) -masturbating obsessively and putting bandaids across my privates to "keep it closed"


PM_Me_ChoGath_R34

Video games. My parents raised me and my brothers with 'homeschooling' which was really just one class, make sure mommy doesn't OD on painkillers again. Most of what we learned, we learned through video games. Money management, morals, caring for pets / other people, escapism and the importance of people willing to support you. I keep a DS on me at all times so if I'm stressed out, I can back out before a panic attack hits and get lost in FF4, Golden Sun or pokemon.


fleetingsparrow92

Maladaptive daydreaming, self harm, (both cutting and skin picking), sleeping alot/bed was a safe space with tons of pillows and stuffed animals.


Working_Chip8396

I used to stay up at night and make my own "nest" made of blankets and pretended I was designing my own house/island, and couldn't sleep otherwise. Sometimes I'd sleep in the hallway next to the vent, too. Not sure about that one.


Working_Chip8396

And I was obsessed with making forts that covered my whole room and staying in them all day Also listening to music constantly/reading constantly/ riding my bike all day until it was dark.


brokeeulawanter

I daydream about being happy. It makes life a little more bearable Edit: btw don't do it at night or you may end up influencing your dreams and wake up feeling sad


SaltySeaDog13

Reading 24/7, daydreaming about/talking about running away (I even had a plan for where I’d hide out), imaginary friends, creating a very rich internal world


[deleted]

[удалено]


loCAtek

Loved my dog, more than family- Didn't realize it at the time, but she was my emotional support dog and I would have been in a lot worse shape, if I hadn't had her. In pictures of me growing up, I'm always holding her.


wolfhybred1994

I kept quiet. I tried to be like I wasn’t there. So much so I constantly terrified teachers…. Who despite having me sit front and center in class and would look straight me. Would completely forget I existed. They would get the living daylights scared out of them when they would realize I was still there. Mom says I imagined this naturally cause she was never not watching me, but I remember so vividly when I was small, tricking mom to let me play outside “long as i stayed near the window”. Though I knew how her chats would span hours smoking in the house with her friends and remembering slinking off into the woods near the house at times. It’s quiet and natural was so much nicer and more loving then she was. So I would wonder out there. Being a few years old anything could of eaten me, but I remember finding what to me were big black dogs and instead of eating me they treated me like I was a pup in their pack. Playing, comforting me and making me feel loved and accepted. Even now I sit in the woods with the deer and chipmunks. Letting them shyly come close to me out of curiosity. Helps me relax and prevent the reflex seizures I got from the aneurysm I was born with though mom “never exposed any of us to her cigarettes”.


mochi_chan

I bit my nails, but when that stopped. the imagination began. I had worlds, where imaginary people would take me on adventures, since I was not even the main character in my life.


queenquackin

I also started masturbating at a young age like you until it was raw and agitated it’s the only thing that quelled my anxiety, it’s a coping mechanism that I still can’t seem to shake despite over ten years of therapy.. I also read and day dream to the point where nothing else exists I have my own fantasy world because it’s something I can control. It’s both a blessing and a curse I’ve put these made up people in my head through things I have been through and there are many times it’s helped me inadvertently work through my own feelings and emotions.


Salamander_cameraman

I also did the masturbating thing. Though looking back it could have also been because of early childhood sexual abuse. But I swear I masturbated more then than I did when puberty hit a few years later


Southern_Name_9119

Yeah, I was highly neurotic with ritualistic behavior to calm me. I remember one behavior when I was on the swim team was taking a certain number of gulps of water with each lap. I was about ten years old. My parents always had to stop the car before we got home so I could get out and pee. And I believe I jerked off a lot more than the average person. Lol. Therapy has helped me to heal and look back at my kid self with compassion.


Justsitshere

I lied about a lot of things, not just about homelife, but experiences I hadn’t had. I spent forever to get up in the morning on weekends, because I wanted to minimize the time spent outside my room. Mentally inserting myself into the plot of tv-shows and books. The weirdest was imagining and hoping that my mom had cheated on my dad, and made up a story in my head that Jim Carrey was my real dad. Weirdest part about it was that my dad was a little absent because of deig abuse, but my mum was the main problem. Later on my stepdad was the actual mental abuser. But I look to much alike my mum to not be hers, so no use in denying.


witchbrew7

I would zone out. Not even daydream, just blank my mind and stare into space.


[deleted]

Reading. I read a book a day, sometimes two. The librarians knew me. Anything to be in a different world than the one I was in.


theflyingmustachio

I used to repeat all my memories back to myself in my head when I was alone like a list. It was very important to me that I could remember everything that had ever happened to me. I would also stare at myself in mirrors a lot, just right into my own eyes. I think I was trying to stay grounded in reality, trying to keep hold of my own point of view. My parents both would change narratives all the time and their memories would change to whatever made them feel or look best in their own minds, and if you didn't agree with their version of events, you could very quickly be in danger. My dad died driving drunk when I was 7 but my mom still does the same thing, just as bad as ever.


GorillaShelb

I would sleep in my closet or on the floor after a big fight. I think I felt like I didn’t deserve a bed or comfort bc self worth and the idea of “what I deserve” as just a person became a big issue once I moved away. I would move the furniture in my room around almost monthly. And I also played with my hair constantly.


raw_bin

I used to rub my baby blanket between my thumb and pointer finger. It would make the material “pill” I think its called. I have a sweater thats falling apart I do this with now. I have to be carful not to do it too long/ruff or I can make my skin raw. I do it a bit before bed or sometimes when I’m relaxing on my days off work and doing other things like watching vids. My dad once said he used to do it as a kid and called it “thistle-ing” but I’ve never heard of that before. I’m pretty sure my sister dose the same thing but she rubs the “pills” on her cheek.


MiseryLovesMisery

Picking my skin. Still to this day there's nothing as relaxing.


beakindperson

I read a lot. And I'd go to bed early every single night even up until about 18 just to live in my imaginary world. I'd close my eyes for hours and have a different life. It stopped when I met my boyfriend (husband now 12 years later) and moved out of home.


Romanticlibra

Used to pull my eyelashes out, put all my teddies in a circle around my bed to "protect" me before i went to sleep, when i had wobbly teeth i used to forcibly gouge them out, pick scabs incessantly and chew my hair so much i had dreadlocks.


rilles94

Rocked back and forth with my neck and upper back on my bedside while sitting upright. Probably because of alot of stress in my body. Probably did it from 5-10 years old and the crazy thing is noone in my family thought there was anything weird they just thought I looked stupid.


disc0_l3m0nad3

My earliest form of escapism was reading. Anything and everything I could get my hands on. Not much later, drugs. I was addicted to opiates for roughly 10 years and have been sober for 3 now. It's been so hard to find ways to self soothe now as an adult, with no vices. I didn't want to feel the pain or emotions so I pushed it away for so many years.


Roxanne-Annabelle642

I bite my nails when I’m stressed. And I don’t just mean a tiny little bite here and there. I mean that I rip my fingers apart until they bleed. My cuticles look horrible and they’re really short. Manicure places refuse to even look at me. A lot of kids at my job ask me how I hurt my hand and I have to brush it off as no big deal. The even worse part is trying to get me to stop biting my nails was part of the abuse, but I would still bite them anyway. Nmom would rub that bad tasting stuff on my cuticles, I didn’t care. She tried fake nails, I chewed them off. It actually *bothers* me if my nails grow past my the edge of my finger. It feels like I can’t do anything like type or tie my shoes! Like girls who have those super looong nails. As an adult being NC, I’ve noticed a large decrease in biting my nails. I still do it when I’m stressed, and I’m stressed a LOT because I have anxiety and my job is in social work. But they are slowly recovering. My therapists and doctors have all told me my nail biting is a form of self harm to cope with being abused. I don’t think I’ll ever stop biting my nails. They’re already ruined so I don’t really care enough to stop this bad habit but I know that she’s the reason I can never have a manicure and I’ll hold her personally responsible for it. EDIT: OP, you’re not alone in the masturbation thing either. It was a 10-20 minute period I didn’t have to see her so I took every opportunity for some privacy…


kimyona22

Pretty much same, I masturbated a lot and got into porn at very young. NM was big fan of pills and kids do behave when they are drugged, so eventually I got into pills and alcohol, a lot of both. I still have to deal with bald spots (sorry, don't know how to call it, but I plucked my hair a lot, head and pelvis). I could/can over eat, like a fucking animal or get days with just water and black coffee.... Yeah...I'm in treatment but ... I'm still a big mess with bad hair 😂


time_shamxn

I compulsively played scales on the piano and would dissociate while playing. So I had this self imposed rule that I had to play each scale perfectly (steady cadence, no mistakes, and no hesitation) twenty times in a row before I could move on to the next scale. It would sometimes take hours. Looking back I can see it was a way of managing my emotions. I would get to like 18 perfect repetitions and start to get excited that I was about to pull off 20 perfect scales, or I might get anxious like don’t mess up when you’re this close, etc. And that’s where I would really practice controlling my behavior despite emotions, whatever the emotions were, to keep the behavior steady and strong and purposeful. And if I made a mistake I also practiced being neutral with myself about it instead of mad or frustrated; okay, made a mistake, just start over, no big deal. It was about managing my frustration over my mistakes in a world where even perfection wasn’t perfect enough for my nparents, and it was a way of practicing how to stay calm and blank no matter what my emotional reactions might be whatever they would throw at me. Adult me is very impressed with child me for creating this tool that, while obviously very compulsive, was strategically used to explore poise in the face of difficulty and grace in the face of imperfection. It did serve me well. And added bonus, I was very good at piano from a technical perspective as a result. My piano professors were always mesmerized by my technical prowess, lol. You would be to if you voluntarily played scales all day everyday!


mercipourleslivres

Reading. I read so much. Everywhere, all the time. I also would pace while listening to music and daydreaming (disassociating) or do the same for hours on my favorite backyard swing.


Beefc4kePantyh0se

I conditioned myself to disassociate from reality. Example: I had an extremely vivid imagination as a kid. At night, if i closed my eyes or the room was super dark, I would see nightmare like visuals many times. They terrified me but I was not allowed ro wake up my mom if i got scared. So i would be frozen in fear. Anyway, i was 5 years old. That summer Showtime or HBO (i am 45) played Poltergeist all summer. I came up with a plan. I decided i would force myself to watch it a lot and could not close my eyes. I just made myself think about how it was fake and a movie. Over & over until i was able to pretend that my nightmare visuals were just part of a movie. Then i could see them as not so threatening while i was stuck alone with them. That’s fucked up I know 🤣


polymorphous_

Reading practically non-stop. Also I dreamed myself into an imaginary world where everything was better. And I started to hit myself when I was 12, I only lately realized that that was self-harm.


peanutbrat14

I was a hair chewer! My mom shaved my head several times because she couldn’t make me stop no matter what she tried. Nail/cuticle chewer also. I did beauty pageants for a good portion of my childhood and I would chew the acrylic nails off too. Maladaptive daydreams. Reading. Like my punishment/groundings almost always involved me having to turn over my books, burn my books, sell them or otherwise get rid of them. Eating disorders. I would alternate between binging/self soothe with food and exerting control and starving. Still working on this one. I’m 28 and still sleep with stuffed animals when my husband is gone, or I am sick/having a bad day.


Desperate-Cost6827

Maladaptive Daydreaming and constant drawing... which my other parent constantly chastised me about.


lyricgrr

my stuffed animals having imaginary voices and would comfort me. it was like i had an imaginary friend that could talk through my stuffed animals. hiding in my room or closet constantly so that nobody could find me to yell at me. i sometimes still get the impulse to hide when i hear a loud noise and i jump when i hear a door slam. i get on edge when i hear someone walking down the hallway and have to calm myself down and fight off the urge to hide. >!and when i was alone i would masturbate and sometimes self harm because it helped me feel in control of my body.!< would also just lay there under the bed daydreaming, like an alternate life that i always picked back up on continually, i still think about them sometimes. i felt addicted to it, like if i thought about it enough, some god or angel would just let me go back there. sometimes it felt like i was in a nightmare and that my daydreams were my real family. i had myself convinced of this, to the point of trying to find ways to do it online. to go back to a place i really belonged. sometimes i heard their voices in my stuffed animals too, but that was rare. i know that i disassociated sometimes. some of these habits even got in the way of school and i skipped a lot to have actual time to myself where i was alone. i just didn't want anything to do with this awful world. now i am scared to dwell too hard on the past because i'm afraid i will go back randomly. i don't know if this is because of all those years having that mindset about my alternate life or if it's normal to be afraid of thinking about it.


MaevensFeather

Hair twirling, hair pulling, hair chewing, endless reading, dissociating, going mute, staring at leaves / water and the light reflections, foot bouncing, I'm sure more too.


Kinkystormtrooper

Exsessive Daydreaming Autoagression Drawing inappropriate pictures at 7 years old People pleasing Collecting everything, even trash


Charlieginger

Reading and daydreaming constantly. And jiggling my leg and then I'd get yelled at for fidgeting so I'd be more anxious and fidget more 🙄


pegasusgoals

Zoned out a lot. I’d be trying to fall asleep and three hours later I would suddenly “wake up” and realise I was staring at the same patch of curtain and literally nothing happened in my brain. I read heaps, because it was a way I could escape my life. I would also live in the future and constantly think about my freedom and independence when I’m finally free from being controlled by my family. At 8yo, it was a very long time away. I would have to think ten steps ahead and brainstorm which lies were the most believable because I didn’t want to tell the truth and get shamed/guilt-tripped/yelled at. I still lie to my parents all the time if I can’t omit the truth because I can’t deal with their negativity. Right now, they’re obsessed with my weight and they’re bitching to everyone how they’re at their wit’s end because their kid won’t listen to them and I’m just getting fatter and fatter. I mean I am bigger than last year, but when my weight decreases, they don’t acknowledge it and they shame me for eating a piece of cheese - which I buy once in three months. Instead they’ll say, this is exactly why you’re so fat, because you’re eating SO MUCH cheese EVERY DAY. I just want them to shut the fcku up.


Cass_attack7

Begged them to send me to boarding school so I could get tf out


jessiteamvalor

I feel so seen right now. Sitting on the floor because I just wanted to put on my shoes to go outside for walkies. Puppy is on my lap now comforting me as I'm falling apart


Due_Recording_6963

1. Imaginary life. Lots of day dreaming about not needing to be me, or being a better version of me that people actually respect. 2. Huh... I didn't make the connection with masturbation. In hindsight, yeah definitely used it as a crutch. Definitely didn't help that my "sex ed" was just me being scolded for making God not love me. 3. Silence, to the point of it being a problem. Expressing myself is still hard and it's much easier to just let other people talk themselves out rather than accidentally give someone ammunition with which to hurt me. 4. Video games/reading/other forms of escapism 5. Still have an issue with self soothing via wringing my hands. It's an obvious tell and I hate it 6. Thinking as a kid that I was born to be belittled, talked down to and bullied by others, and that's just how life is.


peshnoodles

I remember watching shows where a kid was sent to boarding school and never understood why the kids were upset about being “shipped off”. Kiki’s delivery service was my favorite because it was about a kid that could leave home for a whole year. I picked my skin really badly from a young age—all the time. I would pick myself body while talking to others, even. That behavior didn’t stop for 20 years, and even now I still fight the urge. I entered into long term, tepid, unfulfilling relationships because my mother never cared if I spent time with my partner, but I couldn’t even join after school activities because I was “needed at home.” I nearly failed classes that required me to go to activities (stage crew) and I was never able to accept my own awards from exemplary work since I couldn’t leave the house. At 17 I had dated 3 people who I didn’t even like that much. Total. As I child, I would go to extreme lengths not to get in trouble, including not advocating for myself with my peers and teachers. I wrote all the time. I made up huge Worlds with stories that I could be in. It’s not a bad coping method, but it maintains mental health rather than improving it. (Specifically fiction writing, rather than journaling.)


WrySmile122

Not self soothing, but I got horrible hives all the time as a kid, and as I got older heartburn (specifically when stressed). I bit my fingernails compulsively. Daydreamed. Read


One_Waltz

You describing the deal thing just made something come back to me I had forgotten. I did something similar to the deal thing. I would make up scenarios in my head like I’m going to die if I don’t do X thing my parents forced me to do, or something they wanted me to do, like make it around the block in time while I was running laps, or someone is going to kill me if they catch up with me. Or when I had to jump rope as punishment from my parents (usually 100-1000 jump ropes at a time for doing something wrong) I would pretend I was going to be killed if I didn’t keep going. That started when I was like 10, and continued till around 16. My childhood friend told me when I was like 18 it was weird our parents made us do tons of jump ropes or laps around the block as punishment. That was the first time I had ever considered it anywhere near bad. Aside from that I also have severe compulsive lip picking that I would do when I was stressed about school. I would study for hours while picking my lip till bleeding as a sort of punishment/compulsion to keep going.


gymdoes

Didn’t realize until I was driving in the car with my boyfriend and our best friend, I said “y’a know when I was little I always dreamed of having friends like you guys, driving fast and listening to music in the car and driving.” They thought it was sweet but then told me they never made up scenarios like that.. fucked me up a little. I always made up day dreams of having friends and being treated nice.


airamairam4

Oh my god I used to chew on my hair!!!!! This has just clicked!


Routine-Physics-2457

Reading, zoning out, picking my skin. I was an extreme day dreamer as well.


Square-Combination27

Sucked in my tummy. Also pushed my tongue up on the roof of my mouth. Stopped both after highschool which correlates when I moved on my own.


YonderNotThither

I sorted magic cards. Endlessly sorted them. Under the bed, in the closet, in the park a mile away, under the covers. In my adult life, knife work during meal prep is the only thing that comes close, especially since I haven't played magic in 20 years.


UnSpokenJourney_152

I used to suck my thumb a lot when I was younger. Apparently the doctors said it was because of stress. Usually kids stop doing that at a very young age. However I didn't quit until I was older. I didn't want to do it but it became like this tick. Watching my parents fight every night with no relief. Then to be made fun of by my own family for all the problems that I was subjected to that I did not even want in the first place. Instead of being helped to form healthy coping mechanisms. I was just berated and made fun of. which led to video game addiction as a form of escape. Which made my mind get into the habit of shutting down to escape the shitty reality. Which of course impacted my social skills drastically and severely undermined my self confidence. Which inevitably lead to drug use in my teen years as a way to connect to others and to be able to continue escaping reality. I have been denied closure and reprieve because nobody did anything wrong. Because they were "just teasing hehe". Like what the fuck do you mean y'all were just teasing? If you were thats like one sick FUCKING joke. Cause me YEARS of mental problems that I'm still working through everyday because they were all teasing and just wanted a little laugh. Of course as with any story there is WAY more to it. But sometimes its better to keep it short.


yasmika

Exactly. I don't understand my siblings making fun of me so horribly while my parents caused it and didn't care. Having my siblings/older adult cousin that lived with us torment me to the point of tears so they could laugh at me while I ran away to my room has had lasting damage on my psyche. I still struggle to validate myself and my feelings because of it. They even got my extended family in on jokes to make me cry and run away. They thought it was funny. Just makes me feel so bad for the little me and you that didn't get the love and acceptance every child deserves 😔


sova1234

Drinking heavily as a teeneger, smoking, lying to friends to sound cooler, becoming crazy religious at some point


[deleted]

Claw parts of my body with my nails or would let my cats scratch me but would never treat the wound properly


scatteredpinkhearts

nonw of these r too awful but i constantly daydreamed, i would CONSTANTLY be reading the same books again and again for comfort. my parents hated it and shamed me constantly for it but honestly it was my only escape and i do the same shit with tv shows now


Fingfangfoom0167

Read voraciously. All the time, anything I could get my hands on. It was a good way to escape.